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--==圣城家园SCG字幕组 http://hd.cnscg.com/==-- 协调：心仪Sally 翻译：smilesherry 千欲 13711 Denns 校对：潇妹纸 岸
The world's fate is decided by legends, 世界的命运由伟人决定
men who are larger than life, 这些伟人比生活本身更加强大
whose tales of bravery and courage 他们那充满勇敢和勇气的故事
don't just echo through their time, 不仅仅回荡在他们的时代
but through all time. 而且还流芳百世
And so it was with Awesomest Maximus. 最牛逼的Maximus的故事正是这样
Oops. Sorry, buddy. 哎哟 对不起 兄弟
Even if he was one stupid motherfucker. 即使他是个愚蠢的混蛋
Hey, Quantus, my main man. 嘿 Quantus 得力助手
How's all this stuff looKing? 这些人看上去怎么样?
Good, General. 很好 将军
As you can see, the odds are heavily in our favor. 正如你所见 这些古怪的家伙有点重口味了
Hm. Super. 嗯 超级重口味
Ready to finish this, General. 准备好结束战斗了 将军
Something is amiss. 有点不对劲
Super. Thanks, Larry. 超级不对劲 谢了 Larry
Just go ahead and top her off there. 来吧 给我满上
Oo-oo, when! Okay. 喔 喔 够了! 好的
To strength and honor. 为力量和荣誉而战
Yeah, and beer and blowjobs. 是呀 为了啤酒和口活
Wow, meow. 哇哦 喵
You know, why don't we just go with the archers. 你看看 我们为何不跟弓箭手一起过去呢
The cavalry is too close, General. 骑兵太近了 将军
The cavalry's fine. Sheesh. 骑兵还不错 嘘
- Fire. - Fire! - 开火 - 开火!
Probably just move the cavalry back 下一次只要把骑兵稍微撤回来
a little bit next time, because this... 可能会好一点 因为这个...
The gods foretold that Awesomest Maximus 神明预言最牛逼的Maximus
would one day become the greatest general who ever lived. 终有一日会成为有史以来最伟大的将军
And when your destiny has been prophecied by the gods, 当你的命运被神明预言之后
shit, you might as well go to the titty bar 他妈的 你最好还是去脱衣舞娘俱乐部
and get fucked up. 好好爽爽吧
General. 将军
Hey, Quantas. What's up, dude? 嘿 Quantas 怎么了 伙计?
Check this out. 来看看这个
That's awesome, Awesomest. 真不错 牛逼死了
I call it a motor boat. 我把它叫作摩托艇
- What is a motor boat? - A boat with a motor. Duh. - 摩托艇是什么? - 是有马达的船 切
- And what is a motor? - Beats the shit out of me. - 马达又是什么? - 别拿这个烦我
Shots? 再来些?
King Looney would like to see you, sir. Looney国王想见您 长官
King Looney, your father-in-law. Looney国王呀 您的岳父
Your wife, the princess. 您的妻子 就是公主
Her father, King Looney, sir? 她的父亲 就是Looney国王 长官?
Oh, no. She's fine with it! 喔 不要 她不管这个的!
You're barbarian strippers! 一群混蛋脱衣舞娘!
You blow yaks for a shiny pebble. What the... 你们为了个蛋蛋就去给牦牛口活 真他妈...
Thanks a lot, Captain Cockblock. 谢谢死你了 Cockblock上尉
What is your deal, anyway, dude? 到底咋回事 你有毛病啊 兄弟?
Don't you like tits? 难道你不喜欢奶子吗?
I like tits. 喜欢啊
You hate tits. 你讨厌奶子
- I love tits. - No， you don't. - 我喜欢奶子 - 不 你不喜欢
Yes, I do. 不 我喜欢
Touché. 有道理
Awesomest. 牛逼死了啊
Girls, leave us. 姑娘吧 出去吧
But not for too long. These pills only last for four hours. 不要太久哦 这些药只能持续4个小时
King Looney, ruler over all which he surveyed. Looney国王是他所巡视的所有地盘的统治者
and crazier than a shit house rat 比硕鼠还疯狂
with syphilis in his brain. 梅毒都长到脑子里了
It's good to be King, isn't it, Sire? 做国王真不错 是吧 殿下?
Oh, yes. Yes, indeed. 噢 是啊 是啊 确实如此
Awesomest, you're the son I never had. 牛逼死了啊 你填补了我没有儿子的空白
What about Orlando? 那Orlando算什么?
Orlando's a pussy and I think he likes boys. Orlando是个娘娘腔 我觉得他喜欢男的
Good point. 说的好
So how's married life? 婚后生活怎么样?
You know Hottessa. 你知道Hottessa的为人
Once a princess, always a princess. 一日是公主 终生是公主
Yeah, just like her mother. 是呀 就跟她妈一个样
I think she's worried you might name 我觉得她担心你可能会让
Orlando next in line Orlando成为下一个
to be King, Your Highness. 国王吧 殿下
Wouldn't he technically be queen? 他不是该成为王后之类的嘛?
That's good. 这主意不错
Okay, let's get with it. 好了 言归正传
I want you to join Orlando in Greece. 我想让你去希腊加入Orlando的队伍
What's he doing in Greece? 他在希腊做什么?
I want you to help him kiss their hairy Greek asses. 我想让你帮他 去拍希腊那个长毛国王的马屁
And make sure he doesn't piss them off, 看着他 别让他把他们惹火了
so they don't send millions of guys 不然他们就会派成百上千的人马
over here to enslave us and get weird with our women. 到这来奴役我们 和我们的女人鬼混
If I may. 容我说句话
I can handle this, sir. 我能处理这件事的 殿下
We don't need to bother our great general. 不用麻烦我们伟大的将军
I am a great general. 我是个伟大的将军
- Yes you are. - Yes I am. - 是的 您是 - 是的 我本来就是
- I was being sarcastic. - You were not. - 我这是在讽刺 - 你不是在讽刺
The fate of Troy is in your hands, Awesomest. 特洛伊的命运在你的手里了 Awesomest
Okay, Looney. I'm on it. 好的 Looney国王 我去搞定
Forgive me, Sire, but Awesomest can barely handle himself. 请原谅我无理 殿下 但是Awesomest连他自己都搞不定
Are you sure he's ready for such a mission? 您确定他能胜任这样的行动吗?
I mean, he's always had the army and myself to cover his ass. 我是说 他总是让军队和我来为他善后
You forget. When Awesomest was born 你忘了 当Awesomest出生的时候
the gods said he was destined to be a legend. 神明说过 他注定要成为一个传奇
But Sire, I'm not really sure that... 但是殿下 我实在不确定...
We have the greatest army in the world. 我们有世界上最厉害的军队
How bad can he fuck things up? 他又能把事情搞得多糟呢?
Bad. 很糟糕
It was the first time 这可是第一次
Awesomest had been sent on an important mission alone. Awesomest被指派去独自完成这么重要的任务
So he decided to talk it over with his gold digging, 所以他决定和他爱财如命的内人
bitch ass wife, Hottessa. 风骚的老婆 Hottessa 聊聊这事
Like she knew what the fuck. 就好像她还真懂些什么一样
Awesomest. Awesomest啊
Get your head out of your ass and listen to me. 把你那破脑袋抬起来 听我说话
This is a good thing. 这可是件好事
Daddy has never given you this much personal responsibility. 父亲从来没让你一个人承担起这么大的责任
He must finally be realizing 他肯定是终于意识到
that Orlando is a total homo. Orlando完全就是个同性恋
And Troy can't have a gay King. 特洛伊可不能有个搞基的国王
You know what this means, Awesomest? 你知道这意味着什么吗 Awesomest?
If this works out, he'll make you King of Troy. 如果事情办成了 他就会任命你为特洛伊的国王
And that means I will get to be the queen. 那就意味着 我要成为皇后了
And we'll move into the castle 我们就会搬进城堡里
and have tons of servants, 有成堆成堆的仆人
and I get invited to all the best parties. 我也会被邀请去所有最棒的聚会
Don't fuck this up! 千万别搞砸了!
No, I won't. 不 我不会的
Sounds great! 听上去不错!
Ooo, maybe you and l should have a little... 唔 也许你跟我应该来一点小小的...
celebration. 庆祝
We're married, Awesomest. 我们结婚了 Awesomest
You have to earn it first. 你得先赢了才行
Fat ass bitch. 死胖妞
What was that? 你说啥?
N-nothing. I was talKing about me. 没啥 我在讲我自己呢
I'm... I'm fat. I'm a fat man. 我... 我太胖了 我是个死胖子
I wanna work out for you. 我要为你出去奋斗
I wanna lose... do yoga with you. 我想减... 跟你一起做瑜伽
Hot yoga with... I love you. 和你做激情瑜伽... 我爱你
Meanwhile, the self-proclaimed Greek god 于此同时 这个自封的希腊神主
King Erotic, the most ruthless King in the land. Erotic国王 这片大陆上最残暴的国王
I mean, this guy was a real prick, 我是说 这个家伙真是变态
and weird in a "Don't leave him alone with kids" 而且还是"不要把他和孩子单独留在一起"的那种怪异
kind of way, if you know what I'm talKing about. 你明白我说的什么意思
Anyway, he was about to conquer the savages from Thessaly. 不管怎么说 他正要征服这些从塞萨利来的野蛮人
And after bringing Thessaly under Greek rule, 而在把塞萨利归为希腊统治之后
he would be the man. 他就成为最伟大的人
It is a good day for the crows. 这可是乌鸦啼叫的好日子
And I hear they love the taste of THESS-alians. 我听说他们喜欢THESS-alians的味道
Yes. 是啊
Thes-SA-lians. 是Thes-SA-lians
That's what I said. 我就是那么说的啊
No, you were accentuating the wrong syllable. 不 你重读了错误的音节
Whatever! 随便啦!
I'm supposed to be at an orgy in half-an-hour. 我本来打算半个小时后去狂欢呢
I've pushed it back four times already. 现在已经往后推了四次了
So I'm going to be a very generous god-King here, okay? 所以我将成为一个宽宏大量的神王 明白?
Rather than me killing all of your men 我不想杀光你们所有人
Let's save some lives and some time and whatnot 咱们别费事了 省省时间之类的玩意
and do it old school. 按老方法来吧
Your best fighter versus mine. 咱们派出最好的战士决斗
If my guy wins, you submit to my rule, 如果我的人赢了 你就服从我的统治
plain and simple. 简单明了
And if my guy wins? 要是我的人赢了呢?
Then I'll leave. 那我就走人
Really? 真的吗?
You have my word. 君子一言 驷马难追
Deal. 成交
Ginormous! Ginormous出来吧!
Jesus. 天呐
How big was his mama's vag? 他老娘的肚皮得有多大呀?
Not big enough. 还不够大
Testiclees. Testiclees出来
Testiclees? Testiclees呢?
Ginormous has this effect on many men. Ginormous对很多人都是这效果
Where the fuck is he? This is embarrassing. 他究竟死哪去了? 真尴尬啊
I mean, come on! 我说 快出来吧!
I'm standing here calling him, 我就站这喊他出来
we're all here, and he's not answering me? 我们都在这 他为啥不回应我?
I'm so tired of this. 我烦够了
I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I know your time is important. 抱歉 抱歉 我知道你时间宝贵
My time is important. 我的时间也很宝贵
Testiclees. Testiclees呢
He was King Erotic's greatest warrior 他是Erotic国王最厉害的战士
and immortal among men 是男人中的不朽人物
and kind of a pussy-lipped bitch at the same time. 同时也是个娘里娘气的家伙
Me? 我?
Carbs? 还是Carbs?
Shit. 该死的
Testiclees. Testiclees大人
King Erotic wants to see you. Erotic国王要见您
Tell your King I'm not going anywhere 告诉国王 做完推油之前
until I'm finished with my man-scaping. 我哪都不去
As legend had it, when Testiclees was born 正如传闻所言 Testiclees出生的时候
a goddess dipped him in a magical river 一位女神把他浸在魔法河中
that would make him indestructible. 使他变得坚不可摧
But since she was holding him by his little baby balls, 不过由于她提着他的小婴儿蛋蛋
Testiclees' testicles remained vulnerable to the sword. 所以Testiclees的蛋蛋还是不能免于刀剑之伤
Testiclees. Testiclees呀
Your swords. 你的剑
Are those stories about you true? 关于你的那些传言是真的吗?
That I wax my ass? 说我用蜡涂屁股?
No. 不是
That I banged my mom once by accident 说我偶然跟我妈 在我们都无聊的时候
when we were both wasted? 发生关系吗?
What's the big deal? We were both single. 那又怎样? 我们都是单身嘛
No, not that. 不 不是那个
This Ginormous guy. Biggest guy I've ever seen. 这个叫Ginormous的家伙 是我见过块头最大的
I wouldn't want to fight him. 我可不想跟他打架
That's why no one's gonna remember your name. 这就是为什么没人会记得你的名字
I don't want to fight him because I'm only ten years old. 我不想跟他打架 是因为我才10岁而已
Yeah. Whatever, pussy. 是呀 不用狡辩了 娘娘腔
Yeah, well， the only reason you'll be remembered 是呀 你能被别人铭记的唯一原因
is because you're named after what's inside my ball sack, jerk off. 就是你和我裤子里的玩意叫一个名字 混球
Look who decided to join us. 看看谁终于来了
Eat me. 有种吃了我
Why you gotta be such a prima donna? 你干嘛非要这么大排场?
You know what? I don't need this shit. 你知道个啥 我才不需要这种东西
Testiclees, wait! Testiclees 等等!
Look at the men's faces. 看看这些人的脸吧
Good lord. 上帝呀
You, and only you 你 也只有你
can send them back to their pathetic families 能送他们回可怜的家人身边去了
with one swing of your sword. 用你的剑来挥击吧
He's such an asshole. 他可真是个混蛋
You motherfucker! 你个贱人!
Is there no one else? 没人了吗?
Stop it, you dick. 闭嘴吧 混蛋
I didn't think so. 靠 不是吧
Who are you, soldier? 你是谁呀 士兵?
Testiclees. 我是Testiclees
The greatest warrior that ever lived. 有史以来最伟大的战士
And the humblest, too. 也是最谦虚的
Pussy. 娘娘腔
After conquering the Thessalians 征服了塞萨利人之后
King Erotic was now an even bigger threat to Troy. Erotic国王现在对特洛伊来说威胁更大了
And so Awesomest met up with his brother-in-law Orlando 而在Awesomest在国王的庆功宴上
at Erotic's post victory party 和他的小舅子Orlando接头
to kiss Erotic's ass, 一起去拍Erotic的马屁
but with no tongue, because this silly fruitcup 但是没用舌头 因为这个愚蠢的家伙
would probably like that shit. 有可能还就吃这套
On the behalf of myself and my beautiful young wife, Ellen, 这一杯代表我自己和我年轻貌美的妻子Ellen
we welcome you to Greece. 欢迎你们来到希腊
Let us drink as friends! 朋友们 干杯!
As friends! 好朋友们!
At least until one of us fucks the other over. 咱们一直喝到两个人搞在一起
Oh, no. No, no, no. I'm kidding. 噢 不 不 不是 不会的 我开玩笑呢
It's a joke. 就是开玩笑
She gets it. 她懂了
You fucker! 你个混蛋!
You fucker. 你才是混蛋
Orlando. That's Erotic's wife. Orlando 那可是Erotic的老婆
I know that. 我知道呀
Could you be any less subtle? 你就不能低调点吗?
I could try. 我会试试的
Excuse me. Pardon me. 请原谅 我失陪一会
I'm trying to rendzevous with Ellen. 我这是去跟Ellen碰头呢
FucKing douche bag. 真是个笨蛋
You shouldn't be here. 你不该来这的
That's what you said last night. 你昨晚也这么说
Last night, I was rolling on E. 昨天晚上是因为我吃了摇头丸
And the night before? 那前晚呢?
I think I was pretty drunk. 我觉得当时可能喝得太多了
Yeah, you were pretty wasted. 是呀 你确实喝得挺多 (wasted也有搞到虚脱的意思)
I've been messed up all week. 这一周以来 我都很纠结
I know. 我知道
This is the best spring break ever! 这是有史以来最棒的春假了!
Oh, Orlando. 噢 Orlando
Oh, oh! 噢 噢!
Oh, oh! 喔 天呐!
Oh! Oh! Oh! This boar is fantastic! 喔! 噢! 噢! 这个猪腿真好吃!
Orlando! You're amazing! Orlando! 你太棒了!
I would have never thought of putting this with this. 我从来没想过把这些搭配着穿戴
You have a real eye for fashion. 你对时尚可真有眼光
Oh, my God, seriously? You think? Really? 噢 天呐 真的吗? 你真是这么想的? 真的?
Well, better than any man I've ever met. 当然是真的 比我遇到的任何人都厉害
Oh, I am so messed up right now, 噢 我被你夸得有点晕头转向了
but I love hanging out with you! 但我喜欢和你在一起的感觉!
Me too! 我也是!
I have the best idea. I have the best idea. 我有个好主意 好主意哦
You should come back to Troy with me. 你应该和我一起回特洛伊
Okay-dokey. Let's not get crazy. 好吧 咱还是冷静点吧
I'm serious. It would be so much fun. 我是认真的 肯定会妙趣横生呢
I have... I have a huge trust fund. 我... 我有一大笔私房钱
How huge? 有多大?
It's pretty big. 相当大
If you come back, it will break the peace 你若和我私奔 大不了特洛伊和希腊
between Troy and Greece, millions of men will die, 两边开战 数百万人战死
the gods'll curse us, we'll get burned alive. 上帝诅咒我们 我们被活活烧死
But, you know what? It's been a great week! 但你知道吗? 至少一个星期都可以逍遥自在!
It has. 确实
Plus, it'll keep my dad from thinKing that 而且 带个女人回去 会让我父亲不再觉得我
I like guys. 是个基佬
What about the other day when I caught you 那天我发现你偷看守卫
watching the guard pee? 小便 你又如何解释呢?
I mean, listen. I'm definitely 我那是 听着 我只是
like, going through some sort of 在搞基方面呢 正处于
experimental phase right now? 某种实验阶段 知道吗?
But I like chicks. 但我也喜欢女人
No, I do. I like chicks. 不对 我喜欢 我确实喜欢女人
I... I like chicks. 我... 喜欢女人
Especially chicks with a keen sense of style like you! 尤其是你这种对风格超级敏感的女人!
Look at that! 瞧瞧你那打扮!
You're sweet. 你嘴真甜
So will you come back with me? Please. 那你想和我私奔吗? 求你了
Please? Pretty please. 行不行嘛? 拜托啦
Well, it could be kind of hot to have a 呃 两国为我这么个美女发动战争
war fought over me, so... count me in. 还真让我感觉兴奋 那么... 我跟你了
Yes! Yes! 太棒了! 太棒了!
Hello, Mr. Awesomest. 你好 Awesomest先生
Hey, Orlando. 嘿 Orlando
Greeks sure know how to party, huh? 希腊人聚会可真会闹啊 是吧?
Yeah. 是啊
I love you. 我爱你
Thanks. 谢了
Do you love me, too? 你也爱我吗?
Where's this going? 你想干嘛?
Ok, I have something to tell you, 好吧 有些事我得和你说
and you need to promise me 而且你得向我保证
that you won't be mad, okay? 说了之后别发怒 行不?
So put up your pinky 那 举起你的小指
and let's do a pinky swear. 我们来勾指头发誓吧
Hi. 嗨
Oh, shit. Back to Greece! 该死 回希腊去!
No, Awesomest! Please wait. 不 Awesomest! 请等下
Hold on! 等等!
I am in love with her. 我爱上了她
Orlando, you've been rolling on Ecstasy for a week. Orlando 你都吃了一个星期的摇头丸了
You love everybody. 见了谁你都说爱
That's totally true. 你说得一点没错
But this one is for real. 但这一次我动真情了
Orlando, when the Greeks find out Orlando 希腊人发现
that Ellen has gone missing, Ellen不见了的时候
they're going to shit. Orlando. 他们就会发狂的 Orlando
This is how wars get started, man. 你这是要挑起战争啊 哥们
If you take her back, well, then guess what, buddy? 若你带她回去 你猜怎么着 老兄?
I'm going back, too, 我也跟着回去
because this is the girl that I love. 因为我爱这女人
I love her and I love you. 我爱她 我也爱你
Okay, you're still rolling, aren't you? 好吧 你还在犯晕着呢 是吧?
No. Yes! 不 哦对!
Look, man. I promised your dad and Hottessa 听着 哥们 我向你老爸和Hottessa保证过
that I would be responsible on this trip 我会对这次旅行负责
and keep the peace with Greece. Okay? 并保证不会和希腊开战 明白吗?
And I'm pretty sure your dad knows that I was the one 我肯定你老爸知道
who got drunk and took a shit in his sink, 我曾经喝醉酒 在他池子里拉大便
so I can't fuck this up. 所以这次我可不能搞砸了
Awesomest, please. Awesomest 求你了
Orlando, are you going to let Troy get all fucked up Orlando 你想让特洛伊为了个荡妇
over some skank? 而毁灭吗?
No, fuck it. To Troy! 好吧 不管了 驶向特洛伊!
We're going, we're not going. 一会儿走 一会儿不走
You wanna make up your freaKing mind, here? 就不能想好了再说吗 啊?
Daddy? This is Ellen. 老爸? 这是Ellen
Ellen of Greece? 希腊的Ellen殿下?
No, not any more. Ellen of Troy. 不 不再是了 现在是特洛伊的Ellen
Oh. 哦
I had no idea, King Looney, I swear. Looney陛下 我对此毫不知情 我发誓
Sound the horns! My son's banging a chick! 吹响号角! 我儿子带了个小妞回来了!
It's party time! 开派对咯!
Great news! Welcome to Troy, my dear. 真是好消息! 欢迎到特洛伊来 我亲爱的
Thank you, my King. 谢谢陛下
Forgive me, Sire, but this could mean war. 恕我冒昧 陛下 可这么做会导致战争啊
Oh, fuck that. Focus on what's important. 呃 管他呢 咱们只管最要紧的就是
My son's no pole smoker. He don't gobble no goop. 我儿子不再是个撸管男 他再也不是基佬了
No, no sirree! I love vagina. 不 绝对不是! 我爱阴道
Vagina, vagina, vagina. 阴道 阴道 阴道
My vagina. 我的阴道
Her vagina. The bearded clam. 她的阴道 可爱的小阴门
- The axe wound. - Hey, the ole honey pot. - 就像斧子砍的伤疤 - 就像神秘的小蜜罐
- Hey, the love box. - The ham wallet. - 就像甜蜜的小爱盒 - 就像鼓鼓的小钱包
- The beef curtain. - The old fish taco. - 就像鲜嫩的小牛肉 - 就像陈旧墨西哥肉卷
The bear trap. The growler. 就像危险的捕熊器 啤酒桶
The pair of flaps. 就像蝴蝶的翅膀
The tuna tunnel. 就像金枪鱼隧道
The penis place. 那就是老二的地盘
Come on. Let's get you settled in, my dear. 够了 我们给你安排住处吧 亲爱的
Son, this is a triple A piece of ass. Woo! 儿子 这翘臀可是3A产品 哇!
Meanwhile, King Erotic prepared for war. 于此同时 Erotic国王正筹备一场战争
But he needed the help of his top earner, Testiclees, 但他需要他顶尖勇士Testiclees的支持
who was training with his cousin. 而他正和堂弟进行训练
Testiclees' cousin emulated Testiclees in every way, 他堂弟都喜欢模仿Testiclees的各个方面
except one way. 就是比较傻
Ow! Fucker. 啊! 尼玛
Come on, Testiclees' cousin. 加油 老弟
Take it like a man. 像个爷们一样战斗
Yeah. Come on. 就这样 来吧
Testiclees. 嘿 Testiclees
Testiclees's Cousin. 还有你的堂弟
What do you want? 你想干嘛?
I want you to fight the Trojans with us. 我想让你和特洛伊人打一场
What are we fighting for this time? 这次又是为了什么而战?
Their prince stole my wife and dishonored Greece. 他们的王子偷走了我的妻子 亵渎了希腊
Why should I care about your whore wife? 你那浪荡妻子关我什么事?
Because you will get a lot of glory 因为此战将使你获得荣耀
and people will remember your name. 你的名字将流传千古
And not just because it's named after the scrotum. 而不是因为你的名字和睾丸很像(Testicle为睾丸)
Glory, huh? 荣誉 是吧?
Mm-hmm. 没错
How much glory we talKing about? 有多大荣誉?
Big. A lot. 大着呢 很大
Like echoing throughout eternity type shit. 比如你名字万古流传之类的
Yeah. You could have a deli sandwich named after you. 没错 你可以拿自己的名字命名三明治
Shut up, Testiclees' cousin. 给我闭嘴 堂弟
All right. All right, I'm in. 好吧 好吧 我参加
As soon as I get my mother's permission. 但得经过我妈同意
Milfia, your son is here. Milfia 你儿子来了
Hi, Mom. 嘿 妈
Son. 儿子
You look really hot. 你真的很性感
Thanks. 谢了
Even if she was my ma, I'd fuck her. 尽管她是我母亲 我还是想上她
So you want my opinion on 你是来问我
whether you should go to fight the Trojans. 该不该去和特洛伊人打仗
How do you know that? 你怎么知道?
A mother knows. 母亲无所不知
If you go to Troy and fight, 若你参加特洛伊战争
you will have glory. 你将得到荣誉
But you'll die. 但你也会死掉
Yeah, I figured as much. 是啊 我也这么想
But if you stay here, we could pretend to be just friends. 若你留下来 我们可以假装成朋友
Mother and son, whatever. 或者母子 随便什么都行
And it can get really hot, 那样就更刺激了
like the time we both got tanked on New Year's. 就像新年那晚 我们都喝醉了
Yeah, I'm not really okay with that. 是 可我觉得这么做不太好
I think I'm gonna go. 我想我该走了
But we're only five years apart. 但我们只相差五岁啊
Alexander the Great's mother was 亚历山大大帝的母亲
six months younger than him. 还比他年轻6个月呢
Mom, two wrongs don't make a right. 母亲 错错累积也不能变对啊
That depends on how wrong you're willing to be. 这得看你想错得多深了
I want you inside me. 我想让你进入我
I was inside you, 我以前在你里面
for nine months. 呆过九个月呢
So you just fuck me and chuck me? 所以你干完就甩了我?
You son of a bitch. 你个混蛋
I can't believe you screwed this up. 你居然把这事搞砸了
Me? Oh, come on. 我? 呃 别这样
Orlando's the one that brought the skank home. Orlando才是罪魁祸首
Besides, your dad's happy. 而且你父亲很高兴啊
You're the only one who's pissed. 就你一个人不高兴
My dad is out of his fucKing mind, Awesomest. 我爸那是老年痴呆了 Awesomest
Now he's going to think Orlando isn't a fudgepacker 他现在以为Orlando不喜欢肛交
and he's gonna make him King. 那Orlando就变成下任国王了
And you know what? I just spent a fortune on this crown. 你知道吗? 我还特地花钱打造了这个皇冠
Oh, Hottessa. 天呐 Hottessa
Look at the bright side. 想开一点
Once King Erotic finds out that Orlando stole his wife, 一旦Erotic发现Rolando和他老婆私奔
there won't be a Kingdom for anyone 到时战乱四起 反正谁都
to be King or queen of anyways. 当不上国王或皇后了
Oh, come on! 噢 别这样!
You know, I bet Erotic gets so much trim, 我敢打赌 Erotic有那么多妃嫔
he won't even miss her. 他才不会想她呢
You had better make this right. 你最好给我把这事弄好了
What do you want me to do about it? 你想让我怎么做?
Go ask the ephors how to fix your mistake, 去向先知们请教如何弥补这个错误
and prove yourself in my father's eyes. 然后向我父亲证明你的价值
And if everything goes according to plan, 若一切顺利的话
I will finally let you... 我就让你...
Bye. 再见
And so Awesomest went to see the ephors. 于是Awesomest就去找先知们
They were some gross, diseased, low life sons of bitches 他们是一群恶心 身患疾病 地位低下的恶棍
who claimed to consult directly with the gods. 他们自称能直接与神明交流
Either that, or they were just high as shit. 他们要么真的能和神明交流 要么就是都喝成傻逼了
Hi, ephors. 嗨 先知们
Hello, general Awesomest Maximus. 你好 Awesomest Maximus将军
You guys look really good. 你们看上去面色不错
Looks like this is clearing up since I saw you, 这块疤比上次见你干净了一些
especially that one right there. 特别是那个孢
Ow. Okay. Not cool. 好吧 别这样 不好玩
Won't you come in? 你不进来吗?
The thing about the ephors was 到了先知这里
you may not get the answers you came for, 你或许得不到想要的答案
but if you played your cards right 但如果你说到点子上了
you might get your balls drained. 或许老二能爽上几下
I mean, damn! 我说 该死的!
So what's the deal here? 预言是怎么操作的呢?
These girls can only channel the gods 只有当你们趴在这些女孩身上
while you guys are perving on 'em? 散播猪流感时 才能沟通神明吗?
Yep, basically. 对 基本上没错
It's a pretty good line of shit. 说得真他妈好极了
Yes, that was on me. 是啊 都是我的功劳
Okay, good. So let's get down to brass tacks. 那好 咱们言归正传
I fucked over King Erotic pretty bad. 我把Erotic王惹得暴怒无比
And now there's probably gonna be a big war 现在两国或许将有一场恶战
and my wife's gonna be super pissed. 那样我妻子将会超级暴怒
Yeah, so I need your help. 所以 所以我需要你们的帮助
Let us consult the Oracle. 那让我们联络神使吧
Ellen? Ellen吗?
What the fuck are you doing here? 你他妈的在这里干嘛啊?
Please don't tell Orlando. 请别告诉Orlando
Wait a minute. How'd you even get this job? 等一下 你怎么会找到这种工作呢?
You've only been in Troy an hour-and-a-half. 你来特洛伊还没屁大会儿功夫呢
Friend of a friend. 朋友的朋友介绍的
Ellen, report to pole 3. Ellen 快来三号杆
Gotta go. My turn on the pole. 得走了 到我跳舞了
All right. Well, I guess I'll just... 好吧 我想 我...
I'll see you at the castle. 我们城堡见吧
Anyway, I know her. It's weird. 好吧 我认识她 奇怪
She's kind a family. I'll explain it. Long story. 她算是我家人 过会再解释 说来话长
Anyway, now what? 管他呢 现在咋办?
Now what what? 什么咋办?
I need the gods' guidance. 我需要神的指点
Let us consult the Oracle. 我们沟通一下神使吧
The Oracle just left. 那神使刚离开啊
- There are others. - Many others. - 还有别人 - 很多很多
How many? 有多少?
Like seven. 大概七个
Wow. 哇
I really should have stayed in school. 我真该呆在学校里
Poor thing. 可怜的娃
You know what I like. 你知道我的爱好
Do you really want me to? 你真要我这么做?
Yes. 是
Oh, yeah. 喔 爽啊
Oh, my God. 噢 天呐
That's fucKing sad and gross at the same time. 真是又悲惨又恶心
So what's the verdict? 神的意见是什么?
The verdict about what? 关于什么的意见?
About what I'm supposed to do 我该怎么做
to save Troy from the Greeks. 才能防止特洛伊被希腊毁灭
Right. 对
That. 就这样
Really mature. Great. 真好笑 好吧
No, I don't want any. 不 我不想抽
Pussy. 娘们
The gods say you must team up with a horse with wings, 众神说你必须组建飞马部队
and a owl made of gold 找到黄金猫头鹰
and you have to cut the head off Medusa. 然后去取下美杜莎(希腊神话中的蛇发妖星)的首级
Who the fuck is Medusa? 美杜莎是谁啊?
No, no, no. 不不不
He's just fucKing with you. 他和你开玩笑呢
Oh, ha. That's hilarious. That's great. 哈 真好笑啊 好极了
I have an idea. 我有个主意
Pick a number between 1 and 10,000. 在一到一万之间选个数字
What? 什么?
He said, "pick a number... 他说 "在一到...
- I heard him. - ...between 1 and 10,000." - 我听到了 - 一万之间选个数字
Thank you very much. 谢谢重复一遍
Um, 300. 呃 300吧
300? 300吗?
Boom. 好极了
That's it. 就这样
What's it? 什么就这样?
Bro. Fuckin' nailed it. 兄弟 就这么定了
Nailed... What are you guys talKing about? 定了... 你们在说什么?
The gods say that Awesomest Maximus 众神说Awesomest Maximus必须
must fight the Greeks with 300 soldiers. 只带着300勇士去和希腊人开战
Wait, 300 soldiers? 等等 就300士兵?
Versus King Erotic's million man army? 跟Erotic王的百万大军对战?
The gods say that anybody can beat the Greeks 众神说 就是一头猪领导全特洛伊军
with the whole Trojan army. 也能打败希腊
But only a real general, fit to be King, 但只有真正的 能够成为下任国王的将军
can win with only 300 guys. 领导300人就能获胜
That makes no sense. 你们胡扯八道
You make no sense. 你才胡扯八道
Are you challenging the gods? 你敢怀疑众神?
Look, I just got one question. 听着 我只有一个问题
Is it 300 including me or 300 plus me, like 301 or 299? 那300勇士算不算上我 到底是301人还是299个人?
Dude, it's the gods. Don't over think it. 兄弟 这是神的意见 别想太多了
This is fucKing ridiculous. 太他妈扯淡了
Oh, the gods also say that their costumes 哦 众神还说 得让300勇士
have to be super faggy. 打扮成超级基佬
So? Don't they look wonderful? 如何? "基"情澎湃吧?
Well, you don't get enough gay shit going on here? 呃 你这儿基佬还不够啊?
That's a good point. We don't. 说得对 还不够
I'll get on that. 我来处理
Gotcha! 抓到你了!
You wanna take those long ass arms off me? 能把你的臭手拿开吗?
Excuse me? 你说什么?
Fuck with me. 别来烦我
You're coming with me. 你给我过来
Well, what do we have here? 嗯嗯 这是谁?
I found him hiding in a tree. 我发现他躲在树林里
I wasn't hiding. I'm three foot tall, you asshole. 我没有躲 我有三英尺高 你个混蛋
General, my name is Minoritees. At your service. 将军 我叫Minoritees 听候你的命令
Minoritees. His mom actually called him that. Minoritees 他的母亲这样称呼他
Your mom actually called you that? 你妈妈真的那样叫你吗?
What a bitch. 真是个婊子
Yes, she is. 是啊 她就是个婊子
I'm a son of Troy 我也是特洛伊的一份子
and I wanna help kick some Greek ass. 而且我也想去征讨希腊人
Hooya! 冲啊!
That was cute. 听起来真幼稚
That's not cute. Come on. Show him some respect. Okay? 那不是幼稚 别这样 要尊重他 明白吗?
He's pretty tough for a little guy. 他活在那么小的身体里很不容易了
Thank you, General. 谢谢你的理解 将军
My mother hid me as a baby 我妈妈把我当婴儿藏了起来
but I spent my entire life maKing myself one with spear. 但是我花了毕生的时间把自己变成战士
Hoa! Hoa! Hoa! 插! 插! 插!
My God, that was a nice thrust. 天呐 插得还真像样呢
And watch this. 看这招
- You like that? - I like it a lot. - 你喜欢吗? - 我很喜欢
Nice moves. 跳得不错
- Pretty good rhythm. - Very good rhythm, yeah. - 节奏感很好 - 节奏不错 真的
Here, take this. 给你 拿着这个
What's this? 这是什么?
I call it fried chicken. 我们把它叫做炸鸡
Try it. It's fucKing delicious. 尝尝看 真是太好吃了
You know what? It is fucking delicious. 你知道吗? 真的是太好吃了
General Awesomest. Awesomest将军
We spotted the Greeks, attacKing by sea. 我们看到希腊人了 他们准备从海上进攻
Let's go get 'em. 走去会会他们
Hold on. You're not coming with us. 等一下 你不能跟我们一起去
Why? Is it because I'm black? 为什么? 就因为我是黑人?
What? No. 什么? 不是
What kind of asshole do you think I am? 你以为我是什么混蛋吗?
No, of course not. 不 当然不是
It's because I'm a little person, right? 因为我是个侏儒 是吧?
No, no. 不 不是
Well, what is it then? 好吧 那为什么不让我一起去?
All right. It's because you're black. 好吧 因为你是黑人
You know what? Fuck y'all. 你知道吗? 你们一群混蛋
- And especially you, Awesomest. - What? - 尤其是你 Awesomest - 怎么?
You watch your back. And give me my fried chicken back, motherfucker. 你给我当心点 还有把我的炸鸡还给我 你个混蛋
Hey! 嘿!
Shit. 我靠
Fuck that! Big honkey ass motherfucker! 混蛋! 没脸没皮的混蛋!
I think we should prepare for battle, General. 我想我们应该为战争做准备了 将军
We're prepared. 我们已经准备好了
You don't have a helmet or sword. 你连剑和头盔都没带
My helmet is over there in the weeds 我的头盔在那边的草丛里
- and we got swords. - You need that for battle. - 而且我们有剑 - 你需要它去战斗
Why don't you prepare for battle? 你为什么不去准备战斗?
Should I prepare for battle? 我也要准备去战斗吗?
You don't prepare for battle. You prepare for battle. 你没有做好战斗准备 你做好了战斗准备
- I'll prepare for battle. - You will never prepare for battle. - 我会做好准备的 - 你永远都准备不好
Prepare for battle! 准备战斗!
Oo... ah! 哦... 哈!
My first fight. 我第一次打仗
This is really exciting. 太让人兴奋了
Thanks for bringing me, cousin. 谢谢你能带上我 兄弟
I'll make you proud. 我会让你骄傲的
I'll be worKing on some sick sword combo moves. 我一直在练习剑法连击
There'll be dead Trojans everywhere! 特洛伊人一定会横尸遍野!
Actually, you're gonna be staying on the ship. 事实上 你只能呆在船上
Are you serious? 你说真的吗?
I can't fight and watch your ass at the same time. 我不能看着你的屁股跟你并肩作战
That is such bullshit. 这真是太扯淡了
Testiclees? Testicless啊?
Are you sure you don't want to wait for everyone else? 你确定不需要等大家到齐吗?
I mean, we're only ten dudes on a boat, here. 我是说 我们这条船上只有十个人
Look, yeah. 你看 是的
There might be thousands of them, with bows and arrows, 也许岸上有成千上万拿着剑和矛的士兵
and they'll have a huge strategic advantage over us 而且和咱们相比 他们占据极大的战略优势
because they'll be attacKing us from an elevated plain. 因为他们是从高地上对我们发起进攻
And yeah. Our goal of taKing the beach 是的 我们的目标是夺下那片海滩
might be easier to achieve if we had waited 如果等待我们后面的舰船
for the thousand ships behind us, 也许进攻会容易些
but we're not just ten dudes. 但是我们不只是十个人
We're ten tough dudes! 我们是十壮士!
Am I right? 我说的对吗?
Yeah! 对!
Do you know what's beyond that beach? 你知道海滩后面是什么吗?
An open bar! 露天酒吧!
No, but I like the way you think. 不是 但是我觉得你这样想很好
Hot Trojan ass? 特洛伊美女?
No. 不
More gay shit? 更多的同性恋?
Who said that? 谁说的这个?
Definitely him, not me. 肯定是他说的 不是我
So what then? 那然后呢?
Immortality! 我们将成为传奇!
Take it! It's yours! 带上这份荣誉! 这是你们的荣誉!
Yeah! 耶!
All right, Testiclees. 好吧 Testiclees
I really hate to be that guy... 我不想变成那样的人...
Well, you're being that guy. 不 你正在变成那样的人
I'm trying to think of things rationally. 我想应该理性地考虑一下
Whenever someone says, "I don't want to be that guy" 当有人说"我不想变成那种人"的时候
then they're being that guy. 那是他们已经成了那种人
We are most likely gonna be really outnumbered. 我们很可能寡不敌众
Don't you think it'd be a good idea if we waited 你不觉得我们等到大家都到了
to attack with everyone else, 让我们也有点优势
just to give us an advantage? 然后再进攻他们更好点吗?
So we don't suffer heavy casualties to our greatest fighters? 所以不会牺牲太多我们最优秀的战士?
Well, just remember. 好吧 那记住
They'll remember your name when you're gone. 如果你们死了他们会记住你们的名字
Who? 谁会?
They! 他们!
Who's they? 他们是谁?
Other people. 别人
Why do I care if people I've never met 我从没见过的人是否在我死后记住我的名字
remember my name after I'm gone? 关我屁事?
Dude, talk to your boy. 兄弟 跟他好好说说
- Bill? - Jeff? - Bill啊? - Jeff啊?
- Bill? - Jeff? - Bill? - Jeff?
- Bill啊? - Jeff啊?
He is Testiclees. 他是Testicless啊
He knows what he's doing. 他很清楚自己在干什么
What could possibly go wrong at this point? 这一点怎么可能错呢?
Oh, shit! 哦 糟糕!
Nice strategy, asshole. 战术真不错 混蛋
Aw, shit. 啊 我靠
Shit, shit, shit. 完了 完了 完了
Dude, you were totally right. 兄弟 你说得太对了
I know. 我就知道
You don't have to be a dick about it. 也没必要这么沾沾自喜吧
I'm not being a dick. 我没沾沾自喜
Just stay still. 不要动
Walla! 好啦!
You are a work of art, you are good to go. 你现在就是一件艺术品 可以出发了
It's stylish, it's sexy, but it's scary and intimidating. 这涂装很时髦 很性感 但是很吓人 令人畏惧
It's really good. 真的很棒
Yeah, all you need is a dress. 是的 你需要的是一条裙子
What was that? 你说什么?
I said you should address the men, General. 我说你该给士兵们讲话了 将军
Most great generals... 大多数优秀的将军...
I'm a great general. 我就是个优秀的将军
Two seconds? I'll be right back. 两秒钟? 我马上回来
Yeah, take your time. 没事的 不急
Yeah, cuz this is going to take awhile. 是的 这讲话会要好一会
It's gonna be that good. 肯定会效果不错
LooKing forward to it. 我很期待
Okay, boys? 现在 士兵们?
I'm not much of a speech maKing guy, 我不是一个能说会道的人
but here we go. 但我还是要说点什么
I guess the big question is why are we here? 我猜你们现在最大的困惑 是我们为什么在这里?
The truth is we could probably just give up 说实话 我们或许可以就此放弃
and run away and live to see another day. 逃跑 并残存苟且终生
Oh, that rhymed. 哦 这还押韵呢
And yes, run and you'll live. 是的 逃跑了你们就能活下来
and you might actually realize a lot of your hopes and dreams 而且你可能会实现很多梦想和愿望
and do some of the pretty cool shit that you've wanted to do. 做些你们想做的很酷的事情
I mean, Hank, I know you've been talKing now for a long time 我的意思是 Hank 你总是念叨着
about going on that fishing trip with your daughter. 要和你的女儿一起去钓鱼
Right? 是吗?
But if you die today, that's never going to happen. 但是如果你今天死了 你就再也做不到了
And then your daughter will grow up without a father 你女儿就会在没有爸爸的看护下长大成人
and she will probably become a pailer at some crappy strip club. 她可能会变成脱衣舞俱乐部的舞女
You know, like some dude twice your age dragging his stinky, hairy junk 你知道 会有些比她年纪大两倍的老伙计 把他们那发臭的毛茸茸的垃圾
across her titties for two drachmas and a compliment. 穿过她的咪咪 还就给几个钱和一句赞美
She will probably feel very alone. 她会感到很孤独
What the fuck are you doing, Orlando? 你个混蛋在干嘛呢 Orlando?
What does it look like I'm doing? 我看起来像是去干嘛呢?
I'm going to fight. 我要去打仗
Is the Trojan army taKing girls now? 特洛伊的军队现在也开始带女兵了吗?
No, I'm a man and this is what men do. 不 我是个男人 而且我在做男人做的事
I'm tired of my father thinKing I'm a pansy. 我已经厌倦了父亲把我当做同性恋
Orlando, my boy. Orlando 我的孩子
Yes, Daddy. 在呢 爸爸
My son, this is the Trojan sword. 我的儿子 这是特洛伊之剑
As long as a Trojan keeps it safe, 只要特洛伊人能好好地保护它
the Trojans have a homeland. 特洛伊人就能有家了
But if you lose it in battle, 但是如果你在战争里弄丢了它
then we become a homeless, dirty, wandering tribe of savages. 那么我们就变成了无家可归 肮脏的行尸走肉
No pressure intended, my boy. 没有给施压的意思 我的孩子
But can you handle it? 但是你能带着它吗?
Yes. Thank you, Dad. 是的 谢谢您 爸爸
Now go and kill some hairy ass Greeks! 现在去奋勇杀敌 干掉那些长毛的希腊人吧!
Guard? When he gets his pansy ass killed, 守卫? 如果他被杀了
bring me that sword. 把那把剑带回来
Yes, Your Highness. 遵命 陛下
Hey, Giuseppe! 嘿 Giuseppe!
You always wanted to take that pottery class. 你一直想去学习做陶器
And... and learn to cook? 而且... 而且想去学烹饪?
Italian food! I cook for everyone. 意大利菜! 我会做给每个人吃
Yeah! But now, instead of spaghetti and meatballs 好的! 但是现在 不是意大利面和肉丸
it's gonna be spaghetti and you're fucking dead! 而是意大利面和你的腐肉!
Erotic! We gotta talk. Erotic! 我们得谈谈
So talk. 那就说吧
What's with that piece of shit tent you gave me? 你给我的那个狗屁帐篷是怎么回事?
It's all we had in the budget. 我们的预算只有这些了
You don't get it, do you? 你不明白 是吗?
When this is all said and done, 当人们提及此事时
all they're going to remember is Testiclees. 他们都会记得的是Testiclees
Oh, please! You're just a soldier. 哦 算了! 你只是个士兵
I'm a god-King. That's like two things. 我是国王 这是两码事
Is that right? 是这样吗?
Yes, that's right. It's two things. 是的 就是这样 是两码事
Well, then I'm out. 好吧 那我走了
Until you groan to have Testiclees back? You're on your own. 直到你哀求着要Testiclees回来? 你现在只能靠自己了
Only King Erotic can refer to himself in the third person. 只有Erotic国王可以用第三人称称呼自己
Testiclees can too! Testiclees也可以!
Stop getting in my face! 别对着我大吼大叫!
What's the matter? You got a problem 怎么了? 你觉得Testiclees
with Testiclees in your face? 对你大喊大叫有问题吗?
Well, not usually. Just in this instance. 好吧 不经常 只是现在而已
Now you can watch Testiclees walk away. 现在你可以眼睁睁看着Testiclees离开了
Come on, Testiclees' Cousin. 一起走吧 表弟
Let's go! 咱们走!
King Erotic, you're a douche bag. Erotic国王 你就是个饭桶
Take me to meet the Trojan general! 带我去见特洛伊的将军!
Hi. 嗨
Is that the Trojan sword? 这是特洛伊之剑吗?
It is. My Daddy gave it to me. 是啊 我爸把它给我了
It's the reason Troy has never lost a war. 这就是特洛伊战无不胜的法宝
I'm gonna be a hero. Oh. 我要变成英雄了 嗷嗷
Aw, this will be fun. 啊哈 这肯定很有趣
Why did you draw a dick on your face? 你为什么在脸上画个生殖器?
It's not a dick. It's a sword. 这才不是生殖器呢 这是一把剑
Why does it have balls? 那为什么有蛋蛋?
That's the handle. 那是把手
Whatever. 随便吧
Well, let's go see how pissed this guy really is, huh? 好吧 我们去看看这个人是多么的愤怒?
We're so fucked. 我们完蛋了
Look, whatever you do. 听着 无论你做什么
Don't let this guy know how scared shitless we are, okay? 别让他感觉到我们有多害怕 行吗?
Oh, my God. That chariot is gorgeous. 哦 天呐 他的战车真是太漂亮了
Yeah, it's pretty nice. 是啊 的确很漂亮
Hi, Erotic. 嗨 Erotic
We meet again, Assomest. 我们又见面了 Assomest
Actually, it's Awesomest is my name, but... 实际上 Assomest是我的名字 但是...
I came to reclaim my property. 我来是想要回属于我的东西
Hey, bro? Not gonna lie to you. 嘿 兄弟? 我不想骗你
Kinda creeping me out right now. 刚才有点雷到我了
Ah, how about now? 啊哈 那现在呢?
That feels kinda good, thank you. 感觉不错 谢谢
This whole thing has made me very tense. 整件事都让我很紧张
I can feel the tension. 我能感到你的紧张
You hold it in your shoulders. 你的紧张都表现在肩膀上
That's what my massage therapist told me. 这是我的理疗师告诉我的
Can you do one of those little circular things? 你能做一些肩部按摩吗?
Oh, wow wow! 哦 喔 喔!
You sir, have the hands of a god-king. 先生 你那手跟神手一样
I am a god-king. 我就是神
Well, that's why, I guess. 好吧 我猜到了
Doesn't Awesomest look like a born leader? Awesomest看起来像不像一个天生的领导者?
With me at his side, he could become a great King. 有我在他身边 他会成为伟大的国王
We could produce lots of healthy, strong... 我们会生好多健康的 强壮的...
Ellen? Ellen呀?
Yes, King Looney? 在 有事吗 Looney国王?
Come sit on my lap so I can fondle you 坐我腿上来 这样我能爱抚着你
while we watch Orlando getting his ass kicked. 一边看着Orlando被打得头破血流
Okay. 好的
Ooo, dear God have mercy. 哦 仁慈的上帝呀
That sure is a lot of guys you brought. 你肯定带了很多人来
My archers will block out the sun 我的弓箭手射出的箭
with their arrows. 多到可以遮蔽太阳
That's actually preferable for me 这招我喜欢
because I freckle very easily. 因为我很容易生雀斑
Oh. 哦
Look, I was thinKing. 听着 我在想
Instead of all of this war, 除了完全靠打仗之外
maybe you and l could just work it out, you know. 或许我和你就能解决这个问题 你懂的
Dude to dude. 一对一的方式
If you get down on your knees 如果你肯跪下来
and kneel before Erotic, and give Ellen back to me, 跪在我Erotic的面前 然后把Ellen归还给我
then I will only enslave your men 那么我只会奴役你们的男人
and rape your women twice. 强奸你们的女人两次
Once. 一次
We'll rape the women once. 我们只会强奸一次的
You don't want to wear them out. 你们可不想把她们累坏了
Never kneel. 决不跪
Sorry. 抱歉
A Trojan never kneels. 特洛伊人决不跪
Orlando, what the fuck, man? Orlando 干嘛啊 伙计?
Oh, my God. I'm so sorry. 噢 天呐 抱歉
What are you trying to do? Suck his cock? 你这是要干什么? 求饶吗?
I thought that was what he wanted. 我以为这样就如他所愿了
How the hell could you leave me for this? 你怎么会为了这货离开我?
For this guy? 为这混蛋?
I was banging half your guys before I left, you asshole. 我离开前 就跟你一半的手下都搞过了 你个蠢货
You, come here. 你 过来
You fuck my wife? 你上过我老婆?
If you tell me the truth, no harm will come to you. 说实话 没人会把你怎样
You fucked... 你上过...
Holy shit! 天啊!
Dude, you gotta chill. 兄弟 你太残忍了
Please, can we just talk this out? 拜托了 我们好好商量吧?
No more talking, Assomest. 没什么好商量的 Assomest
Now it's time for the killing and the maiming. 直接开杀吧
Although I love this makeup job. 尽管我挺喜欢你这妆
Oh, I did that earlier this morning. 那是我今早刚化的
Oh, well. Cool. 噢 这不错
You are going down. 你死定了
Let's do this! 开始吧!
I think that went well. 我觉得 进展还不错
Attack! 进攻!
The stage was set 这场战役
forthe biggest battle of all time. 是有史以来最大的一场战役
The Trojans had the high ground. 特洛伊人占领有利地形
The Greeks had way more guys. 而希腊人人数众多
All that stood between Troy and oblivion 夹在特洛伊和古城之间的
was Awesomest and his 300. 就是Awesomest和他的300勇士
Hold. 坚持住
Hold. 不要动
Hold. 淡定
They know to hold. 他们不会动手的
They're still hundreds of yards away. 还有好几百码远呢
Constantly repeating yourself is just fucking annoying. 就你在这里一直说同一句话 真他妈烦人
Look, dude. I'm a general, so if I want to say hold a dozen times 听着 伙计 我是将军 所以如果我想要多说几次不要动
I guess it just sucks to you because that's the way it goes. 我猜只是对你来说很烦躁 因为事情一向如此
I'm just saying, the more you repeat yourself the less importance it has. 我只是想说 你重复越多次 这话就变得越不重要
The less importance it has. 越不重要
I don't think that's necessary. 我觉得那没必要
This isn't a good example. 这可不是个好例子
- I'm a jackass. - You're a jackass. - 我是个蠢蛋 - 你是个蠢蛋
No I said, "I'm a jackass." 不对 我说 "我是个蠢蛋"
I said, "You're a jackass." 我说 "你是个蠢蛋"
That's really mature. 你可真有主见
You're really mature. Oh, shit! 你可真有主见 喔 该死!
Now! 冲啊!
Oops, sorry buddy. 喔 对不起 伙计
Oh, my God. 噢 天呐
Oh, my God. Oh, my God. 噢 天呐 天呐
What are we gonna do? 我们要怎么办?
We'll push them off the cliffs. 我们要把他们推下悬崖
That gives me an idea. 好主意
Let's push them off the cliffs. 把他们推下悬崖
We're pushing you off the cliff. 我们把你们推下悬崖
We're pushing them off the cliff! Yeah! 我们把他们推下悬崖了! 耶!
Prob... probably dead. Probably dead? 会... 会死人的吧 会死人的吧?
Yeah? 是吗?
Yeah. 是的
The Trojans took the loss of their general hard. 特洛伊人为其将军的离去 深深默哀
# Awesomest was the best Trojan ever born # # Awesomest是最棒的特洛伊人 #
# Awesomest, now he's dead. Now it's time to mourn. # # Awesomest已经离去 大家哀悼 #
# Awesomest, what a guy. Why did you have to die? # # Awesomest这样的好人 为何会离去? #
Even Quantas lost his shit. 连Quantas都烦闷不已
# Awesomest Maximus, good-bye. # # Awesomest Maximus 永别了 #
It's all there was. It isn't fair. 结果居然是这样了 真不公平
Hottessa took it even harder. Hottessa更加伤心
I was too hard on him. 我对他太严厉了
Now I'll never become queen. 现在我再也没机会成为皇后了
Here. 这个
This will take your mind off it. 这会转移下你的注意力
Thank you. 多谢了
Oh, why? 这是为什么呀?
King Looney was loonier than ever. Looney国王比以前更加疯了
Wait, who was it that got killed? 等等 谁死了?
As was customary when an army lost its leader, 按照惯例 当一方军队损失其大将
both sides agreed to a 12-day truce. 双方都会同意休战12天
But being the trifling asshole that he was, 但是Erotic国王本就是无聊的混蛋
that didn't stop King Erotic from looking high and low for an advantage. 那条惯例并不能阻止他到处寻找有利条件
You like? 你喜欢不?
I like. 喜欢
Oh, I like. 噢 太喜欢了
Awesomest was cruel Awesomest很伤人
and denied you. 竟然拒绝了你
And was a little bit racist, you know? 还有点种族歧视 你知道吧?
Whereas I am generous. 然而我很慷慨
True that, man. True that. 确实如此 殿下 确实是的
If you tell me how to penetrate the Trojan walls 如果你告诉我 要如何攻破特洛伊城墙
anything you want you will have. 你想要什么 我都给你
A threesome. 三人行
Yes. 好啊
A foursome, with like, all girls. 四人一起 比如 所有姑娘都一起上
Oh, yeah. 喔 太棒了
You will be given both daily. 每天 你都可以两种都要
You will be given jewels and drink. 赐你珠宝和美酒
Look, you got me. I'm in. 听着 我同意了 我来帮你
The key to getting in the... 进入的关键...
Beautiful morally casual men will give you daily ass play. 还有美男子每天都跟你乐一乐
Wait! What the fuck? 等等! 你说啥?
Homey don't play that! 我才不搞那个!
I know. I know what you are thinking. 我懂 我知道你在想什么
How can Erotic be this kind? Erotic国王怎么会如此善良?
Listen, man. I don't really go that way. 听着 我真不喜欢玩那个
You'll be given golden showers, 你可以随意去黄金雨
Dirty Sanchezes, Roman helmets. 肮脏之举 罗马头盔
Look, you had me at jewels and drinks. 听着 你给我珠宝和美金
You ain't had to keep on going. 剩下的就不用了
But you can have it all! 但是这一切你都能拥有!
Space docking, snow balling, bestiality, 空间对接 报之以琼浆 人兽杂交
all the man juice you can drink. 你可以尝遍所有男人的美味汁液
Six feet of Venetian blind cord shoved right up the pee-pee hole. 在你菊花上挂起6英尺的软绳
Wait! What the fuck? Ain't nothin' going up my pee hole! 等等! 什么鬼东西? 我的菊花才不需要那玩意!
Are you crazy, motherfucker? 你疯了吧 不要脸的家伙?
And let's not forget the shocker! 可不能忘了三指禅!
The shocker? You can't give no man the shocker. 三指禅? 对男人上不了三指禅的
Oh, yeah you can. 噢 你可以的
Oh, shit. 噢 混蛋
But little did the Trojans know 特洛伊人都不知道
their general wasn't dead. 他们的将军并没有死
Just a little lost. 只是迷了点路
For a big man, he was a real good swimmer. 作为一个大男人 他游泳确实不错
It had something to do with mass and displacement. 跟他的块头和肺活量也有关系
Anyway, Awesomest was still alive. 不管怎么说 Awesomest仍然活着
Sort of. 大概是
Damn, dog. I thought you was dead for sure. 该死的 蠢狗 我以为你肯定是死了呢
Where am l? 这是哪儿?
Slave market. 奴隶市场
This prick is about to sell our asses. 这混蛋正要卖了我们
Come on, buddy. I give you good deal. 来吧 伙计 给你个好货色
You must be Jewish. 你肯定是犹太人
Here, take this. 给你 拿去吧
It'll take the pain away. 能消除疼痛
Trust me. It's some good shit. 相信我 这可是好东西
Easy, easy. 放松点 放轻松
Hey, buddy. 嘿 伙计
Have a look at my stock, huh? 看看我的库存 哈?
We have good deal today. 今天有好货色
Two for the one on the slaves. 今天奴隶买一送一
But only today. 仅限今天哦
Hey! Motherfuckers! Shit. 嘿! 混蛋! 该死的
Take me to dinner before you just grabbing asses. 碰我菊花前 得先带我吃顿饭吧
Hey. 嘿
Mark of the Legion of Troy. 特洛伊军队的标志
He's a Spaniard. 他是个西班牙人
No，I'm not. 不 我不是的
I don't even speak Spanish. 西班牙语我都不会说
Trust me, buddy. I once banged girl who said she was Lebanese, 相信我 兄弟 有次我上了个姑娘她 硬说自己是黎巴嫩人
it was complete bullshit. 完全就是胡扯
She was a Spaniard. 其实是个西班牙人
Hola. 你好(西班牙语)
Como ay yama? 你找死吗?(西班牙语)
- I'll take 'em both. - Deal. - 我两个都要了 - 成交
Two for one, right? 买一赠一 对吧?
Not for these. 不是这些人
I am Approximo. 我是Approximo
And I bought you so I could profit from your death. 我买下了你们 所以我可以从你们的死亡中获利
You're gonna live, fight and die for me. 你们要活着 战斗 然后为我而死
And that's not even the good news. 这还不是好消息
The good news is I got you guys two for one, 好消息是我花了一个人的钱 买了你们两个人
so you were really cheap. 你们还真便宜
And I'm gonna make a lot of money. 我也能赚很多钱
What an asshole. 真是个混蛋
He certainly is. 的确啊
Anyway, it's a lose-lose for you. 不管怎样 对你们来说都是双输
Well, hey man. I forgot to introduce myself. 好吧 嘿 兄弟 忘了介绍我自己
The name's Awesomest Maximus. 我叫Awesomest Maximus
Right. 好吧
And I forgot to introduce myself. 我忘了介绍我自己
I'm Julius motherfuckin' Caesar. 我是尤利乌斯·他妈的·恺撒
You think I'm lying? 你觉得我在撒谎?
No, bro. I'm for real. 不 兄弟 我是认真的
Check this out. 看看这个
You see? 看见没?
I did that myself. 我自己弄的
I was fucking wasted. 我太无聊了
If you're really Awesomest Maximus 如果你真的是Awesomest Maximus
then what the hell are you doing here? 那你跑这鬼地方干嘛?
You know what? I'm not exactly sure. 知道吗? 我也不太确定
The last thing I remember 我只记得 最后是
my troops pushed me off the edge of a cliff. 我的军队把我从悬崖边上推了下来
See? That's that bullshit. 听听? 真是胡扯
No, it was totally an accident. 不 那完全是意外
It was racism, man. All right? 是种族歧视吧 兄弟 好吧?
Pushing motherfuckers over cliffs? 把那些混球推下悬崖?
You're trying to hold a brother back. 你还想拽个兄弟回来
Come on, man. 算了吧 兄弟
Anyway man, look. 不管怎样 听着
Even if you're him, you ain't him. 即使你是他 你也不是那个他
I'm sorry. Him? 抱歉 什么那个他?
Awesomest Maximus. Awesomest Maximus呀
Okay, I... I don't follow. 好吧 我... 我没明白
Oh, my God. 喔 天呐
All right. Check it out, man. 好吧 听着吧 兄弟
Word on the street is 传言是这样的
the real baby Awesomest got dropped off a cliff by accident 真正的Awesomest 婴儿时 就意外被扔下了悬崖
the priest found your fat ass to pawn you off as Awesomest 神父就让你这个胖家伙 来代替Awesomest
so he could cover for himself. 这样他就可以掩饰自己的罪行
Bring out the future baby general! 快把未来的小将军带出来吧!
Yeah, we want to see him! 是啊 我们想见他!
Shit! 该死的!
Awesomest! Awesomest呀!
Could I have this for a second? 我能不能借用它一会儿?
- No. - Yes. - 不行 - 行的
No, that's my baby! 不行 那是我的孩子!
Awesomest! Awesomest! Awesomest! Awesomest呀!
I present to you, our future general, 展现在你们面前的 我们未来的将军
Awesomest Maximus. 就是Awesomest Maximus
Come on! Show us his junk! 来吧! 给我们看看他的风采!
You mean to tell me that when I was a baby 你是想告诉我 当我还是个婴儿的时候
I was dropped off a cliff? 我就被扔下过悬崖?
Cliffs are ruining my fucking life. 悬崖毁了我的一生
You're not listening, are you? 你没听我说话吧?
All right. Check it out. Look. 好了 再听一遍 听着
Everyone knows all of Awesomest Maximus' ancestors was hung 所有人都知道 Awesomest Maximus所有的祖先
like Trojan horses, right? 像特洛伊木马一样被敬仰 对吧?
What you packin'? 你在胡扯什么呢?
Hey. Okay. 嘿 好吧
No, no, no, dude. Trust me, man. I'm packin' it. 不 不 不 兄弟 相信我 兄弟 我在胡扯
I mean, you know, it's... 我是说 你懂的 额...
If I'm excited. If the girl is pretty enough... 如果我太兴奋了 如果妞太漂亮了...
it's usually... I don't know how to... 通常... 我不知道如何去...
Oh, my God. 噢 天呐
Hey, do I have to separate you two? 嘿 我要把你们两个分开吗?
Oh, my God. 噢 天呐
No, no, no. It wasn't nothin' like that. 不 不 不 不是那样的
I'm explaining something. 我在跟他解释些东西
Do you mind if I touch it? 我碰一碰你介意不?
Just to see if it's real. 只是看看是不是真的
I'm Awesomest Maximus. 我是Awesomest Maximus
And I'm Alexander the Great. 那我就是亚历山大大帝了
Man, there's always a few in every bunch. 老天 每次都有几个不正常的
So you see, dog? You just ain't the real Awesomest. 看见没 蠢狗? 你不是真的Awesomest
I'm sorry I had to be the one to tell you. 真抱歉 告诉了你真相
By the way, my name's Jamal. 顺便说一下 我叫Jamal
I think your dick is on my foot, Jamal. 我觉得你他妈踩到我了 Jamal
Oh, my bad. 噢 我的错
That evening, Awesomest thought about all the shit 那晚 Awesomest认真考虑了他一生发生的
that happened to him in his life. 所有混账事情
And it was a very dramatic moment for him. 这对他来说是一个戏剧性的时刻
Yo, Awesomest. Watcha doin'? 哟 Awesomest 你在干嘛?
Praying to the gods. 向上帝祈祷
And what are you praying for? 那你祈祷什么呢?
I need their help. 我需要他们的一臂之力
I have to prove myself, 我得证明一下我自己
change my life, 去改变我的生活
become a true warrior. 然后成为一个真正的勇士
Yeah, well. I want a blowjob and a ham sandwich, 确实 啊 我想要爽一把 还想要个三明治
but some shit don't work out the way you want. 但有些混蛋根本不会如你所愿
You know what I'm saying? 你知道我什么意思么?
Attencione. 听我说
Hombres, por favor. 兄弟 拜托了
King Erotic has organized some gladiator games Erotic国王要在这和平时期举办
during the time of peace in honor of the dead general whatshisname. 角斗士竞技 以祭奠那位死去的将军 我忘了他叫啥了
And guess who got the contract? 猜猜谁接下了这单?
I got the fucking contract 我接下了这该死的单啊
because I'm the fucking man! 因为咱就是个操蛋的人儿!
It's time to prove yourself, change your life, 是时候去证明自己 改变生活
and become a true warrior. 成为一个真正的勇士了
But anyway, that means you're going to Troy to compete. 不过总之 我就是想说 你们要去特洛伊大战一场了
Nice. 赞
Yeah, well don't get so excited, 哈 别太激动了
because you gotta go to gladiator camp first 你们得先去竞技营
to sharpen your skills, so you don't embarrass my ass 好好学学本事 这样就不会
in front of thousands of people. 在众人面前 给我丢人现眼了
So pack your shit, gentlemen. 拿好自己的家当 年轻人
Gracias, Se?or! 谢谢 先生!
Yo, gods. Can I get a blowjob and a ham sandwich? 哟 上帝 能让我爽一把 再给我个三明治吗?
Please? 拜托?
Jamal didn't get his blowjob or his ham sandwich, Jamal既没爽成 也没吃到三明治
but he and Awesomest did go to the gladiator camp, 但是他跟着Awesomest一起去了训练营
where for the first time, Awesomest would quit fucking around 在那里 Awesomest开始不再闲得蛋疼了
and take his training seriously. 而是认真进行着他的集训
Fuck! 靠!
That's a tie! 平局!
That's a tie. 是平局
That's improvement! You're improving. 有进步! 你在进步!
Your cardiovascular endurance is improving, too. 你的心肺耐力也提高了
Run, you idiots! 快跑 你们这些二货
Good, good! Now you gotta kill him! 很好 很好! 现在就灭了他吧!
Huh? 哈?
Kill him! 灭了他!
Yeah! 耶!
That's it. 就是这样
Now you're gonna have to bury him. 现在你得把他埋了
We have no one else to do it. 没有别人会做这个
But good for you. 这是为你好
Ladies and gentlemen! 女士们 先生们!
Welcome 欢迎大家
to an afternoon of killing and maiming. 来观赏下午的大杀戮
Why don't you cut that gay shit off? 你能把那个变态同志宰了么?
This is sponsored by King Erotic 这个比赛由Erotic国王
and Approximo Productions. 和Approximo集团联合赞助
Come on, Dad. We're going to miss the decapitation. 快点 爸爸 我们要错过砍头的部分了
These gladiators have been trained 这些勇士都是经过训练
to die horrible, disgusting deaths 要在此互相肉搏致死
for your entertainment. 来博取诸位一笑
I like it when they eat the people. 我喜欢看他们吃人
If any body parts fly into the crowd, 如果身体的任何部分飞崩到你那去了
you can keep them, except the liver. 那就归你了 肝脏除外
Hottessa. 喔 Hottessa
If you can hear me, I'm either dying today 希望你能听到我的心声 今天我不是死
or coming home fit to be your king. 就是回家 成为你的王
So keep me in your thoughts. 所以请你牢牢记住我吧
Awesomest, you smoke without me? Awesomest 你不跟我去抽烟了?
Not today, Jamal. 今天不去了 Jamal
I have to stay focused. 我必须得集中注意力
And they're drug testing, so you might want to watch that shit. 还有他们会做药物检测 所以你要小心点
- Shit. Word? - Word. - 靠 这是命令? - 是
Hey, what the... Hey! 喂 我去... 喂!
What kind of gladiator are you, Man? 你算是哪门子的勇士啊 伙计?
I'm an accountant. 咱就只是个会计
First up is a little something I like to call 首先出场是一个小喽喽
the annihilation of abacus, the accountant. 是一个算盘毁灭者 一个会计
This guy screwed up my books 这个家伙把我的账目都毁了
and he is gonna pay. 他得付出代价
Oh, fuck! 噢 见鬼!
Ha! 哈!
You won't see that motherfucker no mo 你不会再看到那个二逼了
Tickets. 卖票了
I got two in front. 有两张前排的
You can see blood and guts, everything. 你能清楚看见血液 内脏 所有的一切
Can we, Dad? 行吗 爸爸?
We'll take two. 要两张
Get your beer here. 要点酒不
Can I have a beer, Dad? 我能来一杯吗 爸爸?
Are you nuts? What kind of a parent do you think I am? 你疯了吧? 你以为你爸是白当的么?
Next we have the chubby Spaniard 下面出场的是西班牙肥仔
versus the Spumoni Brothers of Pompeii. 对庞贝的Spumoni兄弟组合
Yes! 爽!
That nigga got skills! 这货还有点本事!
Are you ready for some football? 橄榄球赛要开始了 准备好没?
Go, go! 上 上!
Yeah! 耶!
That's what we're here for. The killing. 大家来这里 就是为了看这些厮杀
And the Spaniard looks like he's gonna be the next superstar, 那个西班牙仔感觉自己要成为下一站巨星了
so get your trading cards now. 拿好你们的交易卡
This kid is gonna kill right to the top. 这个家伙准备要从上面攻击
Testiclees. 是Testiclees
It's Testiclees. 那是Testiclees
Testiclees. 是Testiclees
Oh, don't worry. I got this. 噢 别担心 我有这个
I think. 我觉得
He's my guy. 他是我手下哦
Fuck him up you big motherfucker. 去他妈的大屌
What the fuck? 我次奥?
I thought this asshole was immortal. 我还以为这个屌丝不会死呢
Wow, gladiator camp is the shit. 哇 这里的人真不怎样
Are you not entertained? 你们不觉得好玩么?
Are you not entertained? 不觉得好玩?
Is this not why you're here? 这不是你们来这的目的吗?
Actually, I'm here for the tiger mauling at 4. 其实我是来看4点的老虎吃人的
Me too. 我也是
Okay, then let's just let this be a lesson to you all 行吧 那这算是我给你们所有人的一教训
about the dangers of jumping onto the field of play during sporting events. 不要在体育运动项目进行的时候跳进运动场里去
Who is this masked man? 这个带面具的男人是谁?
Especially you kids, all right? 特别是你们小孩 明白不?
Tell Approximo I want to meet him. 跟Approximo说 我要见他
Drop your weapon. King Erotic wants to meet you. 放下武器 Erotic国王要见你
Now look chubby Spaniard. 挺好了 肥西班牙佬
Just Spaniard actually is fine. 说我肥就算了
I'm not even crazy about that, but... 我也没有特别讨厌这个词 不过...
Okay, well look. You were terrific today 好了 听着 你今天干得不错
I mean, the way you smash a head, 我是说 你砍人脑袋的方式不错
I mean, just really nice stuff, 我的意思是 那真挺不错的
and I would like to represent you. 我很乐意全权代表你
I want to be your representation. 我可以作你的代理人
That's a wonderful offer, but can l think about it? 这个提议不错 不过我能考虑考虑吗?
Look, I could give you any kind of grape you want. 听着 你想要什么女人我都可以给你
Globe grapes, Concord grapes. 经验丰富的 还是清纯无知的
Globes are nice. 经验丰富的不错
You like good blowjobs? 你喜欢口活儿?
Who doesn't love a good blowjob? 谁不喜欢啊?
Ever have one in the back of a chariot? 从没在战车后座上搞过么?
You know what? I have not. 我竟然没有
I'm not that adventurous. I'm a vanilla guy. 我可没这么胆大 我喜欢正常的
It's a little bumpy, but still, it's... 在后座会有点颠簸 但是还是 啊...
Spaniard! 西班牙佬!
Take off your mask. 把你面具摘了
And anything else if it makes you more comfortable. 要是把别的摘了 你会舒服些 那也都摘了吧
It's Awesomest. 是Awesomest
My name is Awesomest Maximus, 我叫Awesomest Maximus
Commander of the world's greatest super power, 世界上最强势力的领导者
husband to a hot, pushy but sexually enlightened wife, 有个性感 火辣 又性开放的老婆
and slayer to the invincible Testiclees, 还杀掉了那个牛逼的Testiclees
so yeah, I'm kinda the shit. 啊对 我就跟个屎一样
It's not Testiclees. 这家伙不是Testiclees
Huh? 哈?
He didn't kill Testiclees. 他杀的不是Testiclees
He killed his cousin. 而是把他表兄杀了
You killed me, you fucker. 你居然杀了我 你这个二逼
Jackass! 傻逼!
No, no, no. That... it was a different... 不 不 不 那... 那不对啊...
He jumped in and he was blond with... 他自己跳进来的 而且还是一头金发...
Fuck. I'm sorry! 靠 我很抱歉!
Should we kill him, my king? 要杀掉他吗 国王陛下?
No, I have another idea for Assomest. 不 我有另外一个对付Assomest的主意
Awesomest. 是Awesomest
What's the idea? 是什么主意?
I'll tell you later. 过会儿告诉你们
You can't just tell us now? 你能现在就说么?
I tell you later. 说了过会儿
Cry mercy and it will all end. 你如果哭着求饶 我就放过你
Blow me. 杀了我吧
You know I would, 你知道我会的
but this is the time where bad stuff happens to you. 但现在我得先让你受点活罪
What? 怎么了?
Sir, we have some news from the arena. 先生 我们从竞技场得到了些消息
I told you I didn't want to be disturbed 我告诉过你吧 我讨厌有人来打扰
unless Erotic groaned to have Testiclees back. 除非Erotic央求要Testiclees回去
As far as I know, there hasn't been any groaning. 不过据我所知 他还没来求我
Well, it's your cousin, sir. He... 是你表兄 先生 他...
He went dressed up as you to the gladiator games 他打扮成你的样子去角斗士竞技场了
then he... 然后他...
Spit it out! 快说!
We were really tanked, and... 我们那时候醉了 然后...
your cousin, he jumps into the gladiator pit on a dare 您的表兄 他在一次决斗中冲进了角斗场
and this gladiator who actually turned out to be Awesomest... 然后 这个角斗士竟然是Awesomest...
You know the general from Troy? 你知道那位特洛伊将军吗?
What happened to my cousin? 我表兄到底什么着了?
Awesomest mistaked him for you and cut his head off. Awesomest把您表弟错认成你了 于是把他脑袋削掉了
How could anyone confuse me for my cousin? 怎么会有人把我和我表兄弄混呢?
I'm five inches taller than he is. 我比他高足足5英寸
I've got better bone structure. 我身材更健美
I've got 16% less body fat 我脂肪含量还比丫少16%
and our muscle densities aren't even close. 我们肌肉硬度相差这么远
Confused my cousin for me? 居然能弄混?
Awesomest, you're a dead man. Awesomest 你丫死定了
What do you want to see next? 大家接下来想看点什么?
Fat lady! 要看胖妞儿!
Fat lady! Fat lady! 胖妞儿! 胖妞儿!
That be some big bitches. 好多肥婆子
Damn. 我了个去
Sit on his face! 坐丫熊脸上!
Sit on his face! Sit on his face! 糊丫熊脸! 糊丫熊脸!
Erotic, you sick son of a bitch. Erotic 你这个狗娘养的
Please, just kill me! 拜托 杀了我吧!
Freedom! 自由啊!
This motherfucker's mine. 这个傻逼是我的
Oh, no, you don't, you little glory hog. 喔 不 才不 你这个小鸡逼
You! Take him! 你! 抓住他!
Let's go bitches. 来啊 二逼屌丝
Look. Here comes Awesomest. 看 Awesomest来了
Open the gates. 把门打开
Somebody looking for a general? 有人在寻找一位将军吗?
Awesomest! 啊 是Awesomest!
This will not be over quickly. 不会太快就结束的
That would be a first 那是个刚开始
and you will not enjoy this. 这次 你不会很享受的
That wouldn't. 确实不会
That night Awesomest received a true hero's welcome. 那天晚上 Awesomest受到了英雄式的款待
His newfound strength and staying power 他新生的力量和持久力
drove Hottessa wild with desire. 唤醒了Hottessa野性的欲望
They were man and woman, 他们是男人和女人
conqueror and conquered, 征服者和被征服者
master and gimp 主人和奴仆
In the end, he moved her soul, melted her heart, 终于 他打动了她的灵魂 融化了她的心
and made her cum a lot of times. 让她兴奋了很多次
And vice-versa. 当然 反过来也一样
Hey, don't knock it until you try it. 喂 除非亲自试试 不然别太挑剔了
How could you idiots let him escape? 你们这群吃货怎么能让他跑了?
Us? I'd say you were a little culpable there. 我们? 我觉得你也有责任
Kinda forgot my place there, didn't l? 有点忘了自己是哪根葱了 对不?
We have to attack them before they attack us. 我们得在他们攻击我们之前 击溃他们
But we still cannot breach their walls. 但我们还是没法攻下他们的城墙
Okay, look. I'll help you out here. 好吧 听着 我会帮你搞定这个
And after thinking about it, I'd even try a golden shower 等你考虑过后 我想要试下黄金雨
one time, okay? But I get to pick the showerer. 就一次 好吧? 但是要我自己选人才行
Otherwise, it's twosome, threesome, booze and jewels. 不然的话 就得给我3P 4P 美酒和珠宝
None of that other bullshit. 其他都不要了
Are you sure? 你确定?
No man juice? 不要男人了?
I'm sure. 我确定
Suit yourself. 随你便
Now here's the big tip. 这就是我的计划
We gotta get a big wooden dick and drag it all the way up here. 我们得用一个木制的大号弟弟 然后把它一路拖到这里
Look at that. Big ass fucker. 看看 大傻逼
Some people send flowers, some send wooden penises. 有些人送花 有些则送木头鸡鸡
Shh, shh. 嘘 嘘
But it's real nice. 但是还挺不错的
Artistically speaking, not in any gay way. 只是从艺术角度说 没有任何搞基成分
Don't Hercules that joint. 别抽过头了
It reminds me of a Macedonian I used to date. 这让我想起了我以前约会过的一个马其顿人
Was his name Achmed? 是叫Achmed的那个吗?
Yes. 是的
We gotta bring it into the city. 我们要把这个拖到城里去
We should bring it into the city and deal with it. 我们应该把它拖进城里再处理
This could be a trap, My King. 这可能是个陷阱 国王
There could be Greeks hiding in there, ready to jump out 里面可能藏着希腊人 我们一把它拖进城之后
and kill us after we bring it into the city. 他们就会跳出来 杀了我们
We should bring it into the city and deal with it. 我们应该把它拖进城里再处理
My King, I urge you. 国王 我劝您再考虑
We should take it and burn it. 我们应该烧了它
You might be right, Quantas. 你可能是对的 Quantas
But who am I to look a gift cock in the mouth? 但这么好的礼物就在眼前 我怎么能放手?
To the city. 拉进城
Back it up! 倒回去!
And now push it in. 现在再推一次
Back it up agian. 再倒回去一次
And please push it in agian. 再推进去
Do it a little slower. 慢点来呀
Just ram it in for fuck's sake. 赶紧拖进来吧
Yo, bro. I'm sorry about your cousin, man. 哟 兄弟 有关你表兄的事 真抱歉
We're cool, right? 我们没事的 对吧?
No, no, it's um... huh? 不 不 这个嘛... 额?
Oh, my God. 噢 天呐
That was awesome. 真不错
I think you mean Awesomest. 我觉得你是在叫Awesomest
Yes. 是的
I never knew you had it in you. 我从来不知道你这么厉害
Actually, I had it in you. 说实话 是和你一起才厉害
I liked it when you punched me in the face. 你喜欢你打我脸的那种样子
- Did you like that? - I did. It was passionate. - 你喜欢那样 - 是的 很热情
How about a little slap and tickle. 打情骂俏那样也好
Awesomest! Awesomest啊!
The Greeks have breached our walls. 希腊人攻破我们的城墙了
What? How? 什么? 怎么搞的?
A giant penis. 一个巨大的鸡鸡
Thank you. But how? 谢谢夸奖 但是他们怎么攻破的?
They're sacking the city. 他们正在城内厮杀
- Shit! - Fuck! - 他妈的! - 该死!
You have done well, 你做得不错
my little friend. 我的小伙伴
Is your hand up my ass? 你把手放在我屁股上?
No. 没有
Maybe. 可能吧
Man, get the fuck off of me. 兄弟 离我远点
Erotic. 喂 Erotic
Kiss my black ass, motherfucker. 亲亲我黑色的屁股吧 混蛋
Let's spare the soldiers' lives and settle this the old fashioned way. 放了士兵们 按老规矩来吧
Your best fighter versus mine. 你我最强的战士对打
We win? You leave Troy forever. 我们赢了 你们永不踏入特洛伊
And if we win? 那如果我们赢了呢?
Then we submit to your rule. 那么我们就臣服于你们
Deal. 成交
Testic... 我的Testic...
I'm right here. 我就在这
You're either too late or you're too early. 你总是要么来晚 要么来得太早
Your timing is horrible. 你时间观念真糟糕
Get over it. 习惯就好
And who is your best fighter? 你们最强的战士是谁?
Orlando! 是Orlando!
Just kidding! 开玩笑而已!
Oh, my God. 喔 天呐
I just shit my pants. 我都吓尿了
You should have seen your face. 你真该看看你那张脸
I'm kidding. It's me. 开玩笑的 其实是我
I'm gonna fight him. 我来和他博斗
Great. Let's do this. 很好 开始吧
I got a loincloth wax at three. 我三岁时 就得到了缠腰蜡
Woo-hoo-hoo! 唔 唔 唔!
Come on! 来吧!
I know, right? This shit is sick! 我就知道 对吧? 这东西真垃圾!
You can't kill the indestructible Testiclees. 你可杀不掉坚不可摧的Testiclees
That's my boy. 那是我的人
I saw this going differently in my mind. 这和我预想的可不一样
Leave him alone, Mr. Testiclees. 放开他 Testiclees先生
If you wanna deal with someone, 如果你非要跟人决斗的话
then you deal with me. 跟我来吧
Oh, my God. 喔 上帝呀
His name is Testiclees 他叫Testiclees
because his testicles are his weakness. 是因为他那玩意就是他的弱点
Ain't that motherfucker a genius? 那个混蛋真是个天才啊?
Time for Testiclees to end this shit. 到了Testiclees了结这一切的时候了
The end is near. 就要结束了
Oh. Oh, yeah. 噢 噢 耶
Yeah, yeah. That's it. Let's take it. 耶 耶 就是这样 来吧
Oh, my balls. 喔 我的蛋蛋
Oh, my balls! 喔 我的蛋蛋!
No! 不!
Who's this chick? 这小妞是谁?
Please. He's my only son. 拜托了 他是我唯一的儿子
Dude, that's your mom? 伙计 那是你老妈?
Mommy. 妈妈
Shh. Let me kiss it to make it better. 嘘 我来亲亲它 让它好受些吧
Oh, my God. That is so sweet. 噢 天呐 真甜蜜
There's nothing like a mother's love. 没有什么能比得上妈妈的爱
Awesomest! Awesomest! Awesomest! Awesomest! 伟大的Awesomest! Awesomest! Awesomest! Awesomest!
No! 不!
This was supposed to be my moment. 这该是属于我的时刻
Greeks! 希腊军!
Trojans! 特洛伊战士!
No, no! Wait! 不 不! 等等!
Wait for what? 等什么?
Awesomest, listen. I know that he's a bit of a meany pants. Awesomest 听着 我知道他是有一点卑鄙下流
Uh, a bit? 额 只是一点?
But he's just... he's misunderstood. 但是他只是... 他只是误解了
No, I'm not. 不 我没有
Yes, you are. Don't you see? 你有 你难道没看出来吗?
All of this murdering and enslaving, 所有的杀戮和征服
it's you overcompensating. 都是你在过度代偿
Overcompensating? 过度代偿?
Yes. 是的
For what? 偿什么?
For who you really are. 偿给真正的那个你
Right here. 就在这里
It's true. He sees right through me. 这是真的 他看透了我的心
I know I see right through you. 我知道我看穿了你
It's because I... I love you. 是因为... 我爱你
I'm gay! 我是个同性恋!
Shit, I knew it. 该死的 我就知道
Wow. 哇
Don't you understand? 你难道还不理解?
Why do you think that I took Ellen in the first place? 你觉得我为什么要那么重视Ellen?
I was trying to make you jealous. 我就是想让你嫉妒
I mean, people died. Things got a little crazy 可是 死了这么多人 事情发展不太对劲了
and I feel bad about it, 我对此觉得很不好
but I was trying to get a rise out of you. 但是我只是想引起你的注意
Oh, my God. Why didn't you just say something? 喔 天呐 你怎么不说呢?
Because I didn't know what to say. 因为我不知道说什么
Oh, me too. I was so jealous when you came to visit 喔 我也是 当你来参观 所有时间都和她
and all the time you were spending with her. 待在一起时 我快嫉妒死了
I knew it! 我就知道!
Who cares about being King of Troy? 我会在乎做什么特洛伊的国王?
Oh, girl. You can still be the queen of Greece. 喔 姑娘 你还是可以做希腊的王后哟
You know what? Fuck Greece and fuck you! 你知道我想说啥不? 去你妈的希腊还有你这个混蛋!
I mean, come on! 我是说 来吧!
This whole war started because you two... 整个战争都是因为你们两个...
faggots 搞基
wouldn't come out of the closet? 还不愿意出柜?
I had to climb a mountain and fell off a cliff. 我就得爬上山 然后从悬崖上摔下去
I lived in a cage. 住在一个笼子里
I got smothered by greasy cellulite. 差点被油腻的脂肪憋死
I even killed a special needs kid, for what? 甚至还杀了不太健全的孩子 都是为了啥?
All right, look. 好了 听着
Erotic, if I let you live, do you promise to return home Erotic 如果我不杀你 你能不能答应退兵
and leave Troy the fuck alone? 然后放特洛伊一条生路?
And Orlando. Do you promise not to steal anyone else's wife 还有Orlando 你能不能保证不再抢别人家的老婆
or cost the lives of thousands and thousands of men. 也别在让成千上百的人丧命
Yes, I do. 是的 我保证
Okay, that's just great. 好了 这就最好了
Then by the power vested in me 以我作为特洛伊军队将军的
as the general of the Trojan army 权力
I declare this war over. 我宣布战争结束
We win. You lose. 我们赢了 你输了
Awesomest! Awesomest! Awesomest! Awesomest! 伟大的Awesomest! Awesomest! Awesomest! Awesomest!
I am so proud of you. 我真以你为傲
Thanks, babe. 谢了 宝贝
I have some good news and some bad news. 我有个好消息和坏消息
Okay, good news first. 好吧 先说好消息
Troy is safe. 特洛伊安全了
You have become the man I always knew you could be. 你终于成了我梦寐以求的男人 我就知道你可以的
and I will get to be the queen. 我马上就能成为王后了
Fantastic. What's the bad news? 真不错 那坏消息呢
I'm in love with Ellen and she's moving in with us. 我爱上Ellen了 她要搬过来和我们一起住
Fantastic. What's the bad news? 太棒了 那坏消息呢?
I always knew you'd be into it. 我一直知道你喜欢这样
What's the bad news? Okay, bye. 坏消息是什么? 好了 拜拜
So what'd he say? 他怎么说?
You're in. 你可以搬进来了
Yes! 太棒了!
Awesome! Awesome! 了不起! 了不起!
And so it was that the wrong baby 好了 这就是一个抱错的假婴儿
became the right man. 成为命中注定的真英雄的故事
A man who became a general, 一个成为了将军的男人
a general who became a legend, 一个成为了传奇的将军
a legend whose name will echo not just through his time, 这个传奇的名字不仅在他的时代回荡
but through all time. 甚至流芳百世了
The legend of Awesomest Maximus. Awesomest Maximus的传奇
And that's a true story. 那是个真实的故事
But what's with the stupid voice? 但是那个愚蠢的声音是怎么回事?
I just do that to make it sound more important. 我那么做是为了让它听上去更重要
Please, are you actually telling me 拜托 你不要告诉我
that you're buying this guy's goat shit? 你真买这家伙的帐吧?
I mean, he's just trying to get into our togas. 我是说 他只不过是想跟我们乱来而已
Listen, you bitch. All this really happened. 听着 你这个贱人 这些真实的发生过
It's a true story. I'm gonna be the king. 这是个真实的故事 我就要成为国王了
And where is your wife, the queen? 那么你的老婆 也就是王后呢?
Hottessa? Probably back at the castle. Hottessa? 可能回了城堡了
We got a, you know, an understanding. 我们有个 你懂得 一种协议
Kind of an open thing. 大家几乎都知道
Get a new line, douche bag. 换个说法吧 讨厌鬼
Come on. 走吧
I thought he was kind of cute. 我觉得他挺可爱的
She's been drinking on my tab... 她喝的酒还记在我帐上的...
The world's fate is decided by legends, 这个世界的命运是由各种传奇决定的
men who are larger than life, 是由比生命更强大的男人决定的
whose tales of bravery... 由他们勇敢的传奇经历...
Oh, suck my awesome balls. 我可怜的蛋蛋
General, sir. I have underestimated you. 将军 长官 我低估了你
Today, you have shown strength. 今天 你展现出了你的力量
You have shown honor. 展现了你的荣誉
Today, sir, you have come a long way... 今天 长官 你取得了很大的进展...
You said "come." 你说"取得了"
I'm trying to give you the respect that I believe... 我努力想尊重你 我相信...
I'm trying to give you the respect... 我努力想尊重你...
- Are you repeating me? - Are you repeating me? - 你在重复我的话吗? - 你在重复我的话吗？
We're going to play that game? 我们又要玩那个游戏吗?
You are by far... 你是迄今为止...
You are by far the worst general... 你是迄今为止最糟糕的将军...
You're not even a general. 你根本就不是将军
- Unbelievable. - What's unbelievable? - 难以置信 - 难以置信什么?
- I thought you'd changed. - I have changed. - 我以为你已经改变了 - 我是改变了
You haven't changed a bit. 你一点都没有变
I changed the fucking world. 我改变了这个该死的世界
剧终
My name's Edward Barbanell 我叫Edward Barbanell
and I approve this Shakespeare monologue. 我很喜欢这种莎士比亚式的独白
Oh, from you the fire. 噢 火啊 从你那而来
Do you remember when I cut Darren in half 你记不记得 那个时候我把Darren劈成两半
all the way down to his balls, right? 一下劈到底 对吧?
I visualized the whole thing. 我做的这一切 大家都看到了
Really? I wouldn't have known that. 真的吗? 我完全不知道
Give me back my fried chicken, motherfucker. 把我的炸鸡还来 混蛋
Hey, hey. 嘿 嘿
We're good at musical chairs. 我们擅长抢椅游戏
That's true. Most people who win musical chairs 没错 在这个游戏中胜出的大部分人
go on to kill and kill. 有机会继续杀啊杀
Is the... Jeff, I can't do this. Come here. 那个... Jeff 我做不了这个 过来
I mean, this guy's an amateur. 我是说 这个家伙是个业余的
I've never even heard of fucking The Revenge of the Nerd. 我从来没听说过什么傻子的复仇
A kingdom for a stage, princes to act, 这个舞台上的一个王国 我要扮演王子
and monarchs to behold the swelling scene. 和注视这令人骄傲的场景的君主
Yeah! See? 耶! 看见没?
You need some fucking therapy. 你还需要一些治疗
Freak. 怪物
Let's go Trojans! 让我们去特洛伊吧!
Between you and me, Your Highness, Hottessa's been on the rag. 殿下 这话就咱俩知道 Hottessa大姨妈来了
Well, don't be an idiot. That's natural. 好了 别傻了 那很正常
Um, um. Just try doggy fashion. 额 去试试狗狗的姿势吧
Some women prefer it. 有些女人更喜欢那样
Check it out. 试试吧
It's a burden. 太有负担了
This whole war was started because you two 这整个战争是因你们两个
Watch it. 注意
Shit. 该死的
Is there no one else? 没人了吗?
This is pushing my face. 这个压到我的脸了
Turning the accomplishment of many years 把许多年的成就
into an hour glass. 变成了一个滴漏
and admit me, Chorus, to this history. 歌颂我 把我载入史册
Who, prologue-like, may your humble patience pray, 如同开场白那样 希望你有谦卑的耐心
kindly to judge, our play. 对其公正评判 这就是我们的剧作
Great! 太棒了!
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