改变生活是如此困难
不如先摆脱安逸平淡
或许这是命运的玩笑
会不会有人将我唤醒
然后告诉我
不必在意
人生如戏
季第九集
还有明天
第三
如果
还有明天
如果
人人影视倾情奉献
翻译 一不二
翻译 板栗
翻译 宁馨儿 CYY鬼
翻译 swears
凌魂
翻译
菜六水
时间轴
直面人生萨拉丁
校对
偶像薇
粉丝安
校对
鸣谢
特效/后期 飞飞/孤帆
安然若水
总监
《如果还有明天》前情提要 Previously on the big C...
-你认识她吗 -就是艾利克西斯啊 - Do you know her? - That's my girl Alexis.
真为她丈夫感到遗憾 是吧 Shame about her husband, huh?
-发生了什么 -他几个月前死了 - What happened there? - He died a few months back.
心脏病发作 Heart attack.
有什么变化都不告诉我 去教堂 You haven't kept me in the loop about your church,
还交了新女友 your new girlfriend?
这些日子里正是跟他们在一起时 They're the only people who make me feel like
我才能放心做我自己 it's okay to be myself these days.
我在跟一对夫妇约会 I'm dating a couple.
我们是三人行 Which makes us a "Thruple."
我觉得我们最好就此打住 I think it's best we stop.
你们要跟我分手吗 You're breaking up with me?
这是你的遥控钥匙 This is your key fob.
我可爱的助理阿霸波 将现场确认 My lovely assistant, Ababuo, will now determine
我的心脏是否需要电击 whether my heart needs to be jolted.
做好准备去热爱你的生活了吗 Are you ready to love your life?
打开开关 Flip that switch!
跟我去波多黎各联袂演说怎么样 What would you say to headlining with me in Puerto Rico.
听起来特给力 That sounds like a gas.
不管你打算跟保罗在波多黎各做什么 Whatever you think is gonna happen with Paul
都死了这条心吧 in Puerto Rico won't.
因为我们全家都会去 Because my entire family's gonna be there.
所有这些负面的能量 你这样下去 All of that negative energy, you keep it up,
你的癌症很快就会卷土重来 小妞 your cancer's gonna pop right back, missy.
你真是个贱人 You are a bitch!
德纳达 De nada.
-德纳达 -说什么呢 - De nada. - What?
意思是"不客气" It means "You're welcome."
我也就会这一句西班牙语 It's practically the only Spanish I know,
就当我是在说"哈利路亚 阳光"吧 so just pretend I said, "Hallelujah, sunshine."
如果美国有这种好地方 If this is America,
我们住在明尼苏达真是太傻了 then we are idiots for living in Minnesota.
不对 这要是在美国 No, if this is America,
他们为什么不说英语 why don't they speak English?
波多黎各其实是美国的属地 Puerto Rico is actually a territory of America.
它曾是西班牙的殖民地 It was colonized by Spain,
1898年美西战争后成了我们光荣的战利品 and given to us as a glorified door prize in 1898.
我们得到打入拉丁美洲的门户 So, we got the keys to the joint,
作为回报 他们得到了麦当劳 and in return, they got McDonald's.
我特想去潜水 I'm dying to go scuba diving.
我可不想这辈子 I want to see tropical fish
就见过牙医诊所里那几条热带鱼 somewhere other than my dentist's office.
老天 我的演讲包呢 My god, my presentation bag.
我的演讲包死哪儿去了 找不到了 Where the hell's my presentation bag? I've lost it.
-在我这儿 贾米森先生 -天啊 - Got it, Mr. J. - Oh, Jesus...
不客气 De nada.
保罗 你要放松点 Paul, you need to relax.
不用你教我该怎么做 Yeah, you need to not tell me how to feel.
你该好好谢谢我 我把全家人都带来了 Show me some appreciation for bringing everyone down here.
你们好 欢迎来到征服者酒店 Hola, welcome to el conquistador.
我是保罗·贾米森 特邀演讲嘉宾 Paul Jamison, I'm the featured speaker.
久仰大名 Oh, I know who you are.
这是我妻子 这是我助理阿霸波 This is my wife, and this is my assistant Ababuo.
节哀顺变 So sorry for your loss.
谢谢 这星期真的是太难熬了 Yeah, well, it's been a-- it's been a rough week.
这个真好喝 是什么啊 This is delightful. What is this?
这是朗姆加百香果 It's rum and passion fruit.
波多黎各是朗姆酒之乡 Puerto Rico's the rum capital of the world.
入酒乡必饮醇酒 Well, when in rum.
"现身现场" "Appearing live."
哎呦 我看未必 Well, not so much.
说得好 Nice.
我的老天爷 Oh, for Christ's sake.
这些人对我不会有兴趣的 These people don't want to see me.
我就是他们缅怀之余的消遣 I'm like their very sloppy seconds.
别这么说 爸爸 你能行的 Oh, come on, dad, you'll be great.
孩子 我的听众群可不包括女人 Buddy, women aren't even my audience.
-想听我的建议吗 -不太想 - You want my advice? - Not really.
好极了 别想女人了 Great. Forget the women.
我这次度假要远离那些小妞 I'm treating this vacation as a well-deserved break
好好散散心 from the fairer sex.
自从我的"三人行"解体之后 Since my little thruple break-up,
那些女人我是看都懒得看 I'm on hiatus from even looking at women.
常过"佳门"而不入 Passing on the pussy.
您的鸡尾酒 先生 Cocktail, senor?
我手机上有个软件 Oh, hey, there's an app on my phone
可以把英语翻译成西班牙语 that translates English into Spanish,
我会给乔伊所有的西语粉丝发微博 so I'll tweet all of Joy's spanish-speaking fans.
管我叫帕布鲁 Oh, remember I'm Pablo!
在这儿叫帕布鲁 记住了吗 Pablo down here, remember?
-帕布鲁 -帕布鲁 真的假的 - Pablo. - Pablo? Seriously?
是啊 肯定很有趣 Oh, yeah, come on, it'll be fun.
你就没想过要改名换姓吗 Haven't you ever wanted to go by another name?
有那么段时间可以做个不一样的人 You know, be somebody else for a while?
你怎么还没睡 Why are you up?
睡不着 Can't sleep.
我一直在做噩梦 I keep on having these nightmares
都是乔伊临死的场景 about Joy's last moments.
你觉得她当时疼吗 Do you think she was in pain?
被公车迎头撞上 She was hit by a bus.
你觉得呢 当然疼 So, guessing? Yup.
你也不用这么不假思索吧 You don't have to be glib about it.
我懂的 这种死法很痛苦 保罗 I know, it was-- it's an awful way to go, Paul.
相信我 我懂 Trust me, I know.
我当时就在场 目睹了全过程 I was there. I saw the whole thing.
可你要知道 她可是个讨厌鬼 Just so you know, she was a horror.
尸骨未寒就恶语相加 Way to speak ill of the dead.
什么意思 是说她罪有应得吗 What, so-- like she deserved it?
苍天在上 她可是帮助了成千上万人 Jesus Christ, that woman helped thousands of people.
她帮了我 She helped me.
你又不了解她 You didn't really know her.
是啊 No--
这段时间 比起你来 I feel like I knew Joy
我倒觉得我了解乔伊更多一点 a lot better than I know you these days.
你这话什么意思 What does that mean?
你平时都上哪儿了 Well, where do you go all the time?
总是不在家 You're never home.
就算你在家 And when you are,
我也觉得你是不得已而为之 I-I feel like it's the last place you want to be.
保罗 Paul...
我们这周就开开心心过吧 Let's just have a great time this week.
美酒在手 We have rum.
皓月当空 And a-- and that moon.
难道就我一人想睡吗 Is everyone up but me?
阿霸波 你干嘛 Ababuo, what're you doing?
问他 Ask him.
我觉得换个新枕头应该能帮我入睡 I thought maybe a new pillow would help me sleep.
他简直就是"公猪和豌豆" He's friggin' Pablo and the pea.
你竟然凌晨两点喊她给你拿一个枕头 You had her get you a pillow at 2:00 in the morning?
保罗 Paul.
她是我的助手 我花钱雇的 She's my assistant. I pay her.
不止一个枕头 三个呢 Not "a" pillow, three.
酒店有个枕头吧 They have a pillow bar.
顺便告诉你们 枕头吧不供应酒水 Oh, and by the way, the pillow bar does not serve drinks.
只卖枕头 我问过了 Only pillows. I asked.
我喜欢这个 Think I like this one.
结实又柔软 It's firm, yet pliable.
斗牛士 El matador.
吾将力擒失眠之蛮牛 I will slay the bull that is sleep.
赶紧还回去 要不我肯定用它们闷死他 I'll return these before I smother him with them.
-你们好 -你好 - Hola. - Hola.
-做好潜水的准备了吗 -没错 - Ready to scuba dive? - Yes.
很好 有哪些人以前在度假村潜过水 Bueno. Who has taken a resort scuba dive before?
初学者 不过我相当兴奋 Novice, but very excited.
我们这儿的潜水项目绝对一流 Well, we've got quite a treat for you guys.
-在泳池里训练几小时后 -别闹 - After a few hours of training here...- Stop.
我们将带领大家 We're gonna get all of you
前往开阔水域 怎么样 out into the open water. Si?
请大家带上头套 So, let's get our masks on our heads.
你怎么戴起塑胶饰品了 What's with the plastic jewelry?
这是鱼类卡片 They're my fish cards,
这样就能辨别我们看到的鱼了 so we can identify what we see.
啥 What?
我特别想看鹦鹉鱼 I am dying to see a parrot fish.
它们就像小型彩虹一样 They're like little rainbows.
这玩意儿里的化学物质会害死你的 Oh, the chemicals in this shit will kill you.
不 日照才会害死你 No, that'll kill you.
看呐 石鲈 这不就是你嘛 Hey, look, a white grunt. That's what you are.
这会儿我们只需下潜二十英尺左右 Now, we may only be going about 20 feet down,
但仍然存在风险 but there's still risks.
也许你们会迷糊 失去方向感 You can get disoriented, get lost.
最重要的是 一定要记住保持呼吸 Most important, you've got to remember to keep breathing.
否则将会有过多的氮气进入体内 Otherwise, we take too much nitrogen into our system,
这会让你们感觉像是喝醉了一般 and it can make you feel like you're drunk.
这种感觉不错 Oh! Like the sound of that.
因此在潜水时总是需要一个同伴 Which is why we always dive with a buddy.
正是这个同伴制度保证了我们的安全 The buddy system is what keeps us safe.
大伙 同伴找起来 So, everyone, buddy up.
石鲈 White grunt..
你能当我的同伴吗 愿意吗 石鲈 Will you be my buddy? Will you, white grunt?
该死 我来晚了吗 Hi. Shoot, am I too late?
没呢 坐吧 Eh, no. Have a seat.
我们才开始组队 We were just picking buddies.
还有没同伴的人吗 Anyone still free?
我 我 我没同伴 Oh, I-I am. I am. I am.
肖恩 你刚刚才邀请了我 Sean, you just asked me.
谁叫你愣了半天不回答 Well, you took too long to answer.
你不是要远离性事嘛 I thought you were off pussy.
不可亵玩我可以远观嘛 Well, I can look but not touch.
真是可笑 You are ridiculous.
戴着菜单大小鱼手链的人才可笑 I'm not the one wearing the menu-sized fish bracelet.
别扯了 你会弄坏它的 别扯 Stop, you'll break it. Stop it.
够了吧 That's enough.
-对不起 -不泼了 - Sorry. - No more splashing.
欢迎 Hey, welcome.
帕布鲁·贾米森 So, Pablo Jamison,
是什么让你成为下一代乔伊·克莱曼 what makes you the next Joy Kleinman?
我 我 我觉得没人能与她相提并论 Oh, I-I-I honestly don't think there ever could be another her.
你们是这么想的吗 觉得她能做的 Is that what you guys think, is that I can do
我也能做到 what she can do?
因为她太不可思议了 Because she was-- she was magic.
浑身上下散发着魔力 I mean, she was totally magic. You know.
我就是我而已 And I'm just me.
我才刚出道 I mean, I'm ju-- you know, starting out,
做得还不错 and I'm doing pretty good,
但终究 but you know,
我不是她 I'm-- I'm not her.
我 And, uh, I, um...
但是 But, uh...
打扰一下 打扰一下 Okay, stepping-- stepping in!
-马上就好 -稍等 - One second. - Momento.
你又开始妄自菲薄了 Look, you're going into your shame spiral.
没人想看刚才那段 No one needs to see that.
你能别流汗了吗 And you have got to stop sweating.
我的椰子汁到底在哪呢 Where the fuck is my coconut water?
我还没拿到 I don't have it yet.
他准备好了吗 Is he ready?
-还没 -好吧 - No. - Okay.
那椰子汁我他妈的要好久了 I mean, I did ask for that a long fuckin' time ago.
知道 但是我忙着找你的防晒霜 I know, but I've been too busy finding your spf 70,
现在可好 这防晒霜都被汗冲掉了 which, p.s., you have successfully sweated off.
呼吸 呼吸 Just breathe, just breathe...
-妈的呼吸啊 -很好 继续 - Fuckin' breathe. - Yeah, keep breathing.
好了 准备就绪 Okay, he's ready.
天呐 God.
我要进城 你想一起吗 Hey. I'm going into town. Do you wanna come?
想 但我去不了 Yes, but I can't.
现在哪怕我去上趟厕所 Just now, when I went to the bathroom,
你老爸都会吼 说我私人事务太多 your father yelled at me for taking personal time.
你老爸现在就是我的"野猪地" Dude, your dad has become a huge grano en el culo.
"野猪"啥 "Grain of" what?
"眼中钉" 多亏有翻译程序 "Pain in the ass." Thank you, translation app.
你干嘛不辞职算了 So, why don't you just quit?
因为我那个"眼中钉"出手大方 Because that grano en el culo pays well.
我在攒钱上设计学校呢 I'm saving up for design school.
安德莉亚 安德莉亚 Andrea! Andrea!
就来贾先生 看准时机就溜 快走 Yes, yes, coming, Mr. J! Run while you can! Go!
我来了 Hi.
汗流不止 "Sweat-amente" a lot.
米拉 这是你的调节器 Mira. This is your regulator.
它能把空气输送到肺里 It keeps air flowing into the lungs.
我们潜入水底的时候 Now, the tendency when we go under
会不自觉屏住呼吸 is to stop breathing.
这是错的 Bad idea.
我们来试着把头沉入水下 So, let's try just putting our heads under the water.
慢慢地深呼吸 Deep, slow breaths.
你还好吧 You okay?
-我做不到 -怎么了 怎么回事 - I can't. - What? What-- what happened?
-我做不来 -好吧 - I can't do this. - Well...
凯西 Cath...
怎么了 What's wrong?
等等 要我陪你吗 Wait, you want me to come with you?
老天 到底怎么回事 Jesus, what happened?
-舞台音响检查了吗 -检查了 - Did you sound check the stage? - Yes.
你会带着遥控钥匙在舞台边陪我的对吧 You'll be in the wings with my fob, right?
必须的 Of course.
你带了我的痔疮膏吧 以防我眼袋太肿 And you got my hemorrhoid cream in case my eyes get puffy?
那东西不抹屁股上直接往你脸上送 Putting that on your face instead of your backside
真是恶心死我了 is just plain nasty.
-到底带了没 -带了 - Is that a yes? - Yes.
停 停 快停车 Whoa, whoa, whoa, stop!
老天啊 Oh, my god.
看到这个没有 Will you look at this?
你们这群人真没素质 You people have no respect!
你不是要带上这个吧 You're not taking that thing.
你他妈的还真说对了 You're damn right I am.
怎么会有人这么缺德 Who would do a thing like this?
走 出发 Go, let's go.
不用谢 Uh, de nada.
还有朗姆酒吗 Got any more of that rum?
我刚刚在水下三尺焦虑发作了 I just had an anxiety attack in three feet of water.
我算是正式跟大海举白旗了 I am officially chicken of the sea.
保罗 Paul.
为什么有个破损的乔伊展板在房里 Why is there a broken Joy in our room?
这就是我现在的感受 了无生趣 That's how I feel. Like my joy is broken.
我知道你喜欢她 保罗 I know-- I know you liked her, Paul,
但是 得了吧 but come on.
你认识她才两个月 You knew her for two months.
你这么悼念她也太夸张了吧 I think this mourning is excessive.
你过去几年里的各种荒诞行径 I've let you have every irrational reaction
我都睁一只眼闭一只眼放任你 you've needed to have over the past year.
纹身 出轨 应有尽有 Tattoos, affairs, you name it.
我怎么不能为一个我在乎的女人洒两滴泪 God forbid I shed a tear for a woman I cared deeply for.
你跟她上床了吗 Did you sleep with her?
没有 我没有 No. No, I didn't.
之前是想过 或许还真该上 Thought about it. Maybe I would've.
凯西 乔伊她理解我 她赞美我 Joy understood me, Cathy. She celebrated me, you know.
她让我感到自己很重要 She made me feel like I mattered.
凭这个你就能腆着脸再搞外遇吗 Ah. And that's enough for you to have an affair again?
你真的在乎吗 What do you care?
反正你心里我早就死了 I'm dead to you anyway.
对吧 艾利克西斯 Right, Alexis?
你的双面生活 我全都知道了 I know all about your other life.
你那酒吧我都去溜了一圈 I even checked out your bar.
如果你喜欢破旧小酒馆 其实还不赖 It was cute, if you like ye oldie, fakey taverns.
不说别的 飞行员执照你是怎么搞来的 How's the pilot's license coming, anyway?
那不是双面生活 It wasn't another life.
我去那 不过是因为它和你住了几周的 No, I just--I went in there because it was down the street
那家医院在一条街上而已 from the hospital that you were in for weeks.
那的人都很和善 而我那时压力很大 Everyone was nice, I was stressed.
那...那只是个 It was -- it was just a place
我缓解压力的地方 where I could blow off some steam.
在那个地方你都把我说死了 It was a place where I was dead.
死了 凯西 被你说死了 Dead, Cathy. You killed me.
这是你希望的吗 This is your fantasy?
希望我当时心脏病突发时一命呜呼吗 That I should never wake up from that heart attack?
你怎么不告诉我你去过那儿 Why didn't you tell me you went there?
你怎么不先告诉我 Why didn't you tell me?
给过你不少机会的 I gave you every chance.
我不断地等待 暗示 I kept waiting, hinting.
而你一直在撒谎 我可是你丈夫啊 And you just kept lying to me. I'm your husband.
什么都没发生 保罗 Nothing happened, Paul.
我喝了点酒 I had a few drinks.
也许还抽了根烟 Maybe a cigarette.
我生活中有那么多的不如意 With all the crap that's been going on in my life,
我需要个能释放自我的地方 I-I needed a place where I-I could be free.
不如意 哪里不如意了 Crap? What crap?
你的身体状况是越来越好 I mean, you're healthier than you've been all year.
你儿子也振作起来 Your--your son is getting his act together,
而我也终获成功 I'm finally a success.
难道因为这个 这才是问题所在吗 I mean, or is that it? Is that the problem?
你是在嫉妒吗 Are you jealous?
就像是 我终于可以活得更精彩 I mean, it's like, I finally get a bigger life,
所以你要在脑中把我扼杀吗 and so you need to kill me off?
这不关你的事 保罗 Okay, it's not about you, Paul.
你哪次不这么说 亲爱的 It's never about me, honey.
我还没死呢 不好意思 Uh, not dead yet. Sorry.
别犯浑 Don't be an asshole.
以后还怎么让我信任你 How can I trust you again? Ever?
坦白说 I gotta be honest,
我都不知道自己能否再忍受40年 I don't know if I can do this for another 40 years.
我们分房睡吧 I'm getting my own room.
你来这干什么 What're you doing here?
你是在跟踪我吗 Did you follow me?
没 散步的时候看到你进来了 No, I was out walking, I saw you come in.
你不必和我说话 没关系 You don't have to talk to me. It's okay.
这里可真美 你说呢 It's pretty in here, isn't it?
只是这些流血的耶稣有点扫兴 Except all the bleeding "Jesi" are a bit of a downer.
是啊 现在是复活节周 Yeah, well, it's easter week.
教堂里都是耶稣受难的东西 It's all about the crucifixion.
你觉得耶稣被钉在十字架上 What do you think he was thinking about
痛苦万分时在想些什么 up there in all that pain?
想着快结束了 可以去见上帝了 That it'd be over soon, and he'd get to see god.
关于天堂的这些说辞 So, the whole heaven thing,
你相信吗 you're down with that?
相信 Yeah.
老爸死的那三分钟 他看到了 Yeah, for the three minutes dad died, he saw it.
白光 爱 死去的朋友 The white light, the love, his friend who died.
我倒是想再见见我母亲 I'd like to see my mom again.
真可惜你没见过她 她很有趣 It's a shame you never met her. She was a riot.
有时她会戴上那些搞笑的假发 Sh--she used to put this crazy wig on sometimes
只为了叫醒我 快把我吓死了 to wake me up; it scared the crap outta me.
你会见到她的 我也会跟你重逢的 Well, you will see her. And I'll see you again.
所以你得了病也没关系 It's what makes you being sick okay.
就算你哪天真撒手了 那也不是终点 Because even if you do go, it's not the end.
我们会在天堂相见的 I'll meet up with you there.
我可能会在通宵吃派的地方 I'll probably be at the all-night pie-eating place.
先去那找我 Check there first.
我拿到诊断书的时候 When I got my diagnosis,
第一个想到的就是你 the first thing I thought of was you.
你会如何应对这一切 How you were gonna handle all this.
你肯定不会有问题的 But you're gonna be okay.
是的 Yeah.
亚当 你父亲和我 Adam, your dad and I--
可能需要分开一段时间 I think we might need to take some time apart.
又一次吗 Again?
我知道 I know.
我也不想这样 I wish things were different.
这样会让你感觉好点吗 Do you think it'll make you happy?
不一定 I doubt it.
那就不妙了 妈妈 因为你太可悲了 It's too bad, mom, 'cause you're miserable.
如果你们分开 我要和老爸一起住 If you guys split up, I'm living with dad.
贾米森先生 Mr. Jamison,
征服者酒店希望您能入住总统套房 The conquistador wanted you to have the presidential suite.
老天 Jesus.
我倒是找到点暴君的气焰 I do feel a little despotic.
抱歉 马上会有人来把这些花拿走 Sorry. Someone should be up soon to remove the flowers.
原本是要给乔伊小姐的 They were for Miss Joy.
这本应是她的房间 This was going to be her room.
这些花你就放这儿吧 C-could you just leave 'em?
好吧 All right.
-多谢 -谢谢 - Thank you. - Oh, thanks.
-祝您愉快 先生 -你也是 - Have a nice day, sir. - You too.
亚当 听我说 我很抱... Adam. Adam, listen. I'm sor--
是你啊 谢尔曼医生 不好意思 Oh. Oh, Dr. Sherman, I'm sorry.
我以为是我儿子呢 I thought you were my son
他现在可是宁愿跟我"在天堂相见" who would apparently rather spend time with me in heaven
也不愿意跟我呆在明尼苏达 than in Minnesota.
好的 Okay.
好吧 可以 Oh. Sure. Okay.
不必 我会... No, I will...
我下周会到你那儿去 I will come in next week.
当然不 No, of course.
没问题 No. No, it's okay.
你也是 You too.
我竟然在墓地收到了这么沉重的消息 I just got some grave news in a graveyard.
埃内斯托 如果以后天堂相会 Ernesto, if I see you up there,
这个人情我一定还 I will return the favor.
我明天想跟你一起潜水 I want to do that dive tomorrow.
没问题 Okay.
你好 Hi.
我还是你的潜水同伴 I'll still be your buddy.
现在 扪心自问 Now, ask yourself,
你是想活得浑浑噩噩半死不活 would you rather be alive and half dead,
还是死时不枉轰轰烈烈活过 or dead, knowing you really lived?
这话说得通吗 That even make sense?
别盯着我看 Stop looking at me!
-早啊 贾先生 -你迟到了 - Morning, Mr. J. - You're late.
不客气 You're welcome.
我在大厅里看到五个这玩意 I've got five of these in the lobby,
但是一直都没近看 but don't look too closely.
你的毛孔可真够大的 You have some big-ass pores.
我刚才说的都算好消息 And that's the good news.
老天 那什么是坏消息 Jesus, what's the bad news?
好吧 我可能在西班牙语版的 Well, I may have made a small mistake
小册子上出了点小纰漏 on the Spanish version of the programs.
什么 怎么了 What? What happened?
我应用程序忽略了字母"ň"上的波浪线 Well, my app forgot the little squiggly line above the "ň,"
也就是说 and so instead of saying
"你有45岁"这句话 that you're 45 years young,
可能被错误的印成"你有45个肛门" it may have said that you have 45 anuses.
你他妈跟我开什么玩笑 Are you fuckin' kidding me?
还有一个钟头我就要上台了 I go onstage in an hour!
朝我发火有什么用呢 Well, what do you want me to do?
需要我上台发个公告吗 Make an announcement?
"嘿 大家好 听我说 "Hey, everybody, listen up!
这家伙只有一个屁股 This guy only has one butt,
千万别理解错了 but don't be confused,
他还把屁屁霜往脸上涂呢" 'cause he also uses butt cream on his face!"
你觉得这很搞笑吗 You think this is funny?
这可是我人生中为数不多的大日子啊 This is one of the most important days of my life.
有一千名乔伊的粉丝来捧场 I got 1,000 joy fans coming to see me.
他们现在绝对会把我当成跳梁小丑 Now they're definitely gonna think I'm a clown!
准备个该死的小册子能有多难 How hard is it to do a goddamn program?
听着 我知道你现在 Listen, I know that you're having
和贾老师在闹矛盾 some troubles with Mrs. J. right now,
而且你还在为登台而紧张 and that you're nervous,
但是你别把气撒在我身上 but please don't take it out on me.
这跟我老婆和你都没关系 安德莉亚 This has got nothing to do with Mrs. J or you, Andrea.
叫我阿霸波 Ababuo.
这只和我自己有关系 This has got to do with me
我就交给你这么简单的一个任务 好吗 and a very simple job I asked you to do. Okay?
难道每件事都要我亲力亲为吗 Do I have to do everything myself?
没用的饭桶 You're useless!
没听错吧 你刚是骂我"饭桶"吗 Oh, no, you did not just call me "useless!"
没错 我就骂了 Oh, yes, I did!
你真是不可理喻 You are impossible!
我给你弄来了防晒霜 I have given you your SPF,
愚蠢至极的枕头 your stupid pillows,
屁屁霜 还有你那傻逼椰子汁 your ass cream, and your stupid coconut water!
但老娘不会出卖自己的灵魂 But I will not give you my soul.
我不干了 I quit.
好吧 Fine.
记住这些手势 上去 下去 救命 And remember, this is up, down, help,
还有一切顺利 and okay.
此外还要格外留心你们的同伴 And remember to keep one eye on your buddy
一刻都不能松懈 at all times.
听清了吗 Okay?
现在背上氧气瓶吧 Let's get our tanks on.
你...你怎么不去给 So, you, uh-- you don't want to see
你老公今早的盛大演讲捧捧场 hubby's big speech this morning?
我们吵了一架 We had a fight.
吵得很凶 A big fight.
真是同病相怜 Total deja vu.
我昨晚也跟我老公大吵了一架 I had a huge blowup with my husband last night too.
真的吗 Really?
肖恩 咱们去右舷那聊聊去 Sean, can I see you on the starboard side, please?
研究下到底同的什么"病" Learn what "Deja vu" means.
她结婚了 She's married?
是啊 嫁给了一个爱打麻将的老头子 Yeah, to a geriatric who plays mah-jongg.
那她也是结婚了啊 肖恩 She's still married, Sean.
天啊 那个在我有外遇时 I mean, jesus, what happened to the guy
对我指手画脚的人哪去了 who judged me for having an affair?
我早就把我的道德观和泳裤抛在身后了 I have loosened up my morals and my swim trunks.
可能是朗姆酒的作用 It might be the rum
也可能是因为"三人行"的缘故 or the thruple experience,
但是乱搞让我感觉自由自在 but feel free to fuck around.
我不想乱搞 I don't want to fuck around.
我想要更好的生活 I want to be better than that.
很好 圣洁的小凯西出了海 Oh, yeah, holier-than-thou Cathy on the high seas.
哟嗬嗬 那叫一个真有趣 Yo ho ho, and a bottle of fun.
改编自海盗歌 原句为a bottle of rum
去你的 肖恩 Fuck you, Sean.
好了 我们下水吧 Okay, let's get in the water.
大家早上好 我是保罗·贾米森 Good morning, everybody. My name is Paul Jamison.
抱歉我不是乔伊 对不起[西班牙语] I'm sorry I'm not Joy. Lo siento.
我只是她之前在明尼苏达遇见的一个蠢材 I'm just a schlub that she met back in Minnesota.
我知道你们今天是冲着她来的 I know she's the reason you're here today,
冲着她 而不是我 for her, not for me.
其实 Well...
我今天也是冲着她来的 She's the reason I'm here today too.
我是说 You know, I mean...
通常 通常我会讲述我因心脏病去世 Usually-- usually I tell my story now about how I died
然后死而复生的故事 of a heart attack and came back to life.
但今早我意识到 But I was thinking this morning,
让我死而复生的不是医生 doctors did not bring me back to life.
而是乔伊 Joy did.
她向我展示了我能拥有和能企及的一切 She showed me everything that I could have and be,
让我去追求 and I went for it,
是她让我能够在今日站在你们面前 and that's why I'm standing here today in front of you,
我想让你们问自己同样的问题 and I want you to ask yourselves the same question.
你们究竟是为何来这里 Why are you really here?
你们今天能够勇于尝试是事出有因的 Something made you want to try something different today.
也许因为身陷困境或是担惊受怕 Maybe you're stuck or afraid,
你受够了这一切 and you're sick of it.
你突然意识到 或许自己可以换个活法 You got a hunch that maybe your life could be different.
你可以做出改变 You can be different.
在这世上谁不是孤单一人 We're all alone out here, people.
要为自己多想一想 You got put yourself first.
乔伊向我展示了这个宏伟巨大 波澜壮阔 Joy showed me this big, bright, amazingly beautiful,
美妙至极的世界 这里一切皆有可能 muy bonita new world, full of possibility.
她不断督促着我追寻梦想 And she demanded that I pursue my dreams,
而我则勇往直前 and I do it without fear.
我最近跟我的助手... I recently parted ways
分道扬镳了 with my assistant.
她要帮我打理许多事情 包括这个 And she was in charge, among many other things, of this.
这玩意让我的心脏正常工作 This--it keeps my heart ticking.
事实上正是它让我能活到现在 It actually keeps me from going six feet under.
而现在 我在反思 Now, I was thinking to myself,
我为什么要把我的生命交付给别人 "Why would I put my life in somebody else's hands?"
谁会蠢到这么做 What kind of idiot does that?
乔伊·克莱曼是不会同意的 Joy Kleinman would not have approved.
对吧 她希望我们能掌控自己的命运 Right? She wanted us to take control of our own destinies.
我今日站在这里 So, I'm standing here
在大家面前 before you today
我对未来已经有了一个全新的认识 with a renewed sense of my own future.
是时候要扼住命运的咽喉自己做主了 You know, and it's time that we own our own destinies.
谁敢妨碍我们追寻快乐的道路 Anybody that's gonna get in the way of our joy,
让他滚得远远的吧 we tell 'em to go fuck themselves.
这道理应该是放之四海皆准的吧 I guess that's the same in any language.
每一次呼吸都弥足珍贵 不是吗 We only have a limited amount of breaths, right?
我们要怎样度过 How are we gonna use 'em?
为那个优秀的女人终日悲泣吗 Crying over that terrific woman,
亦或继承她的遗志去生活 or living the life that she wanted us to lead?
各位女士 You ladies--
我知道你们 I know that you ladies--
包里都带着特制的"乔伊唇膏" You have your special Joy lipsticks in your purses.
我想让你们现在就涂上 Okay, I want you to pull 'em out right now.
涂上它 Put it on.
你将会与众不同 You're gonna stand out.
抓住机会 Take chances.
我们要用这张嘴去亲吻人生 We're gonna kiss life on the fuckin' mouth,
我们就是要... that's what we're gonna--
就像这样 Just like that.
快乐不灭 乔伊永生 Joy is not gone!
此时此刻她与我们同在 She's right here with us,
她就站在我死时看到的那束光里 She's standing in that light that I experienced when I died,
总有一天我们也会走进那束光里 and we're gonna step into that light,
彼时彼刻我们会说 and we're gonna say,
-你好 乔伊 -你好 乔伊[快乐] - Hello, Joy. - Hello, Joy.
-你好 乔伊 -你好 乔伊[快乐] - Hola, Joy! - Hola, Joy!