片名：神奇遥控器
想干嘛？ What was going on there, huh?
爸爸 我们以为你睡着了呢 We thought you were sleeping, Daddy.
两个小坏蛋晃来晃去的 我怎么睡得着 How can I sleep with two Twinkie burglars roaming around?
我们能看巨龙传说吗？ Can we watch Dragon Tales, please?
当然可以 为什么不呢 Yeah. Why not, why not?
哪个是电视机的遥控器？ Which one of these turns on the TV?
亲爱的 我想你把车库的门打开了 Honey, I think you just opened the garage.
我这是提前打开做准备 I'm just planning ahead. I know.
哦 嘿 臭屁虫！ 真能干 P-yew! Was that a stinky-dink bug? Good job.
以前的日子多简单呀 Whatever happened to the good old days...
老电视机只要拉一下开关就开了 ...when you pulled the knob and on came the boob tube?
欧多雷家有个万能遥控器 The O'Doyles got a universal remote control.
点一下就能控制所有东西 One clicker controls everything.
尤其适合你这样的老人 真方便 Makes life a lot easier for old people like you.
哦 都在说欧多雷家 Well, whoop-de-do for the O'Doyles.
树上小屋？ Tree house?
我也不知道 问你爸爸吧 I don't know. Ask your father.
问我什么？ Ask me what?
你会有时间帮我们完成那个树屋吗 Do you think you'll have time to finish building the tree house ever?
对呀 老爸 那半成品挂在树上都两个月啦 Yeah, Dad. It's kind of been halfway done for two months now.
嗯 我也想尽快 只是我现在手头事情太多 All right. I want to, it's just I got a lot of things going on at work right now.
但我保证 只要一有空 我就去盖屋 等着吧 But as soon as I'm done, I'm on it. I promise. Hang in there.
快瞧 阳阳在和鸭子摔交呢 Hey, look at Sundance wrestle his duck.
哦 不 那不是摔交 那是 Oh, no, that's not wrestling.
再过10到30年后你们就会懂了 That's something you shouldn't know about for another 10 to 30 years.
你再10年 你再30年 Ten for you. Thirty for you.
迈可 今晚游泳赛你来吗 Hey, Michael? I'll see you tonight at the swim meet?
游泳赛？ Swim meet.
我得去？ 对呀 I gotta go to that? Yes.
开玩笑的 我会去的 好吗 嗯 我爱你 迈可 I'm kidding you. I'll be there. Okay? All right. I love you, Michael.
一生一世 宝贝 Forever and ever, babe.
纽曼先生 Mr. Newman.
凯文·欧多雷 很高兴见到你 Kevin O'Doyle. Yeah. Always a pleasure.
你那破车里的音响是什么牌的？ What kind of stereo you got in that blue piece of shit?
这个嘛 我倒没注意过 You know what? I never checked, Kevin.
哦 恩 我爸的音响是博斯(Bose) Yeah, well, my father's stereo is a Bose.
你爸的音响“破死”了？ 真可怜 Your father's stereo blows? That's too bad.
不！ 我是说 我没那样说！ No! I said... That's not what I said!
他爸的音响“破死”了！ His father's stereo blows!
得了 给那老兄点钱吧！ Come on! Pay the man, let's go!
早安 纽曼先生 早安 Good morning, Mr. Newman. Good morning.
早安 纽曼先生 你好 Good morning, Mr. Newman. Hello.
早安 纽曼先生 你好 Good morning, Mr. Newman. Hi.
早安 纽曼先生 Good morning, Mr. Newman.
早安 纽曼先生 爱丽丝 你好 Good morning, Mr. Newman. Man, Alice...
塞车塞了一个半小时 会议是几点 ...I was stuck in traffic for an hour and a half. When's the meeting?
呃 已经开始了 什么？ It started already. What?
我能去上厕所吗？ Can I go to the bathroom?
去吧 我告诉过你 不用请示我 Go to the bathroom. I told you, you don't have to ask me.
哈比布王子 有趣的是 Well, the interesting thing, Prince Habeeboo...
曼哈顿的建筑法规只准我们 ...is that the building codes in Manhattan will allow us...
迈可 对不起 我迟到了 Michael. Sorry I'm late, sir.
不知哪个猪头的红色兰博基尼 停在了我的车位 所以 Some moron in a red Lamborghini parked in my spot so...
哈比布王子开的是红色兰博基尼 Prince Habeeboo drive red Lamborghini.
红色兰博基尼？ 我是说蓝色法拉利 Red Lamborghini? I meant blue Ferrari.
他是 你的合伙人之一吗 Is this one of your partners?
实际上 迈可只是公司的同仁 Actually, Michael is just an associate.
但他是我最年轻有为的建筑师之一 But he is one of our brightest young architects.
谢谢 Thank you.
给殿下解释一下你的设计理念 Walk His Majesty through our design concept.
我的荣幸 With pleasure.
哈布比王子 哈比布！ Prince Haboobee... Habeeboo!
王子哈比布 Prince Habeeboo.
哈比布 我没说错呀 Habeeboo. I thought I said that.
当安莫先生告诉我 您是一位 When Mr. Ammer explained to me the type of man you are...
为自己原创理念而骄傲的人 ...a visionary who prides himself on originality...
所以我想 让我们抛弃老套 为典雅重新定义 ...I said to myself, "Let's smash the mold and redefine elegance."
容我为您展示 您的餐厅 So I present to you your restaurant.
酒吧在在哪里？ Where is... Where's bar?
酒吧在这儿 然后这个是瀑布 Bar is... Here's the bar. Now, the waterfall...
把酒吧加长点儿 Make bar longer.
好吧 我们可以朝中亭切进一点 Okay. We could cut into the atrium a little bit.
不要中庭 只要为哈比布王子 把酒吧加长就行了 No atrium. Just make bar longer for Prince Habeeboo.
真的吗？ Really?
还痒吗？ 行了 Still itchy? You got it.
为了湿T恤比赛 地板上要设置大排水孔 And put big drain in floor for wet T-shirt contest.
您不是开玩笑吧 Now, you're kidding me, right?
废水总得要有处排吧 迈可 Boob water's gotta go someplace, Michael.
就把中庭拿掉 然后这样 这就是排水孔啦 Let's just take out the atrium and run with that and there's your drain.
天啊 我喜欢 酷毙了 God. I love it. It is simply awesome.
是的 基本上您要我设计 一个阿拉伯肚皮舞厅？ Yeah. Basically you want me to design you an Arabian hoochie house?
你怎么能把哈比布王子 的比基尼小屋 How dare you compare Prince Habeeboo's Bikini Hut...
比做妓院？ 这想法 ...to this hoochie house? This idea's...
跟妓院没关系 迈克 ...got nothing to do with hoochies, Michael.
与妓院正相反 It's like opposite of hoochie.
我没有冒犯您的意思 哈比达哈比达王子 No disrespect, Prince Hubbida Hubbida.
哈巴巴巴 哈比布！ Hubba Bubba. Habeeboo!
哈比布！ 哈巴巴巴是口香糖 Habeeboo! Hubba Bubba is chewing gum.
哈比布王子可不是口香糖 Prince Habeeboo's not chewing gum.
哈比布王子 我们会 我会完全照办 Prince Habeeboo, we will... I will make this happen.
约翰·安莫办公室 John Ammer's office.
希望你别在中庭的事上 浪费太长时间 迈可 I hope that atrium idea didn't take too long to configure, Michael.
很快就搞定了 没事的 Oh, there'll be other Junes in my life, sir.
看到那个56街上的停车场吗？ See that parking garage over there on 56?
和津 想要拆了它 用那块地来盖高级旅馆 Watsuhita wants to knock it down and build a luxury hotel.
你拿到手了吗？ 还没 You got the commission? Not yet.
我需要有人设计一个设计企划书 有兴趣吗 I just need someone to come up with a design proposal. Intrigued?
呵 当然有 Hell, yes.
国庆日我带孩子出门回来后 马上就开始 I'm Fourth of July-ing with the kids. When I get back, I'm all over it.
好极了 祝你和孩子们玩得愉快 我让斯沃森来做 Great. Have a great Fourth of July with the kids. I'll put Swardson on it.
不 不 别这样 难道就不能等三天 No, no. Absolutely not. I... I... Can't it just wait three days?
那些家伙可是日本人 他们连等鱼煮熟的时间都没有 These guys are Japanese. They can't wait for their fish to cook.
我要先和老婆谈谈 I guess I could talk to my wife.
很好 我们和王子一起去快活时见 Great. See you later at happy hour with Prince Habadabee.
晚上我儿子有游泳比赛 我得去 My son has a swim meet tonight that I have to get to s...
我只是开个玩笑 没问题的 I'm just messing with you. We're good.
好的 本！ Yeah, Ben!
我的好孩子 好孩子 孩子 你真棒！ That's my boy! That's my boy! Kid, you were great!
你不是我爸 You're not my dad.
你知道什么 什么！？？ As far as you know. What?
开玩笑的 I was just joking.
他真的是我爸吗？ Is he really my dad?
加油 加油 你成功了！ Come on, come on! Yes, Ben. Yes, you did it!
宝贝 你真行 Honey, you were so great.
哇 你快成海豚了 不可思议！ Whoa, what are you, half a dolphin or something? That was incredible.
爸 你才到 我看见了 You just got here, Dad. I saw you.
哪有 你怎么这么说啊 What do you mean I just got here? Why are you saying that?
我看见你从那儿跳下去 游到这儿 I saw you. You jumped in there, you swam here.
爸 那你说他游什么式呀？ 他游的是 你闭嘴式 Then what stroke was he doing, Dad? He was doing the shut-up.
起码爸爸赶来看你游回终点了 Hey. Good thing is, Daddy was here to see you finish.
他没看到 He didn't see me finish.
不知道他刚在怎么在胡平那边 He was hanging out with Ping Woo for some reason.
对呀 你刚在干嘛？ 那孩子快淹死了 Yeah, what was that about, huh? The kid was drowning.
难道我能袖手旁观吗？ I'm gonna let him drown?
决不会有人淹死在我的池子里 Nobody goes drowning in my pool.
你好 我是比尔·赫利 游泳教练 你是他父亲吧 How you doing? Bill Herlihy. Ben's coach. You must be Dad.
我是迈可·斯比杜 对不起 是迈可·纽曼才对 Michael Speedo... Michael Newman. Sorry.
好样的 本 进步神速啊 Big Ben, that was great progress out there, huh?
记住 右手出水 头就转左 左手出水 Just remember, right arm out, head turns left. Left arm out...
头就转右 我知道 只是到最后忘了 Head turns right. I know. I just forgot at the end.
没关系 Well, that's all right.
掌握好了 你就成了半只海豚啦 You master that, people are gonna think you're a half a dolphin out there.
真的？ 真的 Really? Yeah.
真可爱 Cute.
你好？ 安莫先生 Hello? Mr. Ammer.
本 亲爱的 吃慢点儿 这不是比赛 Ben, honey, slow down. It's not a race.
这是他五分钟内吃的第二个了 That's his second one in five minutes.
还不停的再吃 Keeps eating more and more.
像台机器 他怎么还会饿呢 He's like a machine. He can't still be hungry.
他不是饿 他像迈可一样 老做些让我抓狂的事 He's not. He's just doing whatever Michael's doing. It's driving me crazy.
迈可最近做的事都很不利于健康 Everything Michael's been doing lately is very unhealthy for him.
他会杀了自己的 He's gonna kill himself.
就像我们讨论过的主体建筑 Like a signature building we're talking about.
哦 天啊 Oh, my God.
吓了我一大跳 Scared the crap out of me.
爸爸 你还能活多久？ Dad, how much longer are you gonna live?
等我一分钟 一分钟？ One minute. One minute?
爹地一分钟后要死了！ 不 不 宝贝 Daddy's gonna die in one minute! Oh, no, honey.
别担心 我不会死的 Don't worry. I'm not dying.
我会活两百年 对咱们俩来说够长了吧？ I'm gonna live for 200 years. Is that long enough for you and me?
保证？ 我发誓 甜心 过来抱抱 Promise? I promise. Swear. Come here.
你们这些婊子养的！ You son of a bitch!
喂 这儿有小孩啊！ Hey! There are families here!
放尊重点儿 狗屎！ Show some respect, you pieces of shit!
老头儿 回家看VH1吧 Go home and watch VH1, old man.
不准再放他妈的一炮！ Don't light another damn one!
本杰明 本杰明 我手上拿的什么？ Benjamin. Benjamin. What am I holding?
两角五分的硬币 姥姥不准我吃冰激淋 A quarter. Now, Grandma does not let me eat ice cream...
因为我有糖尿病 没错 ...because of my diabetes. True.
但她可没说不准吃个美味的硬币 But she says nothing, however, about a tasty quarter.
好吧 Okay.
好啦 好啦 All right. All right.
快数三 因为硬币好难吃 Very quickly, please, count to three because it tastes terrible.
一、二、三 One, two, three.
真他妈得唬人 Are you shitting me?
他先是吃相像他爸 现在连说话口气都像啦？ First he's eating like his father, now you're talking like him?
本 以后不准再说脏话 Ben. Don't you ever say that again.
对不起 奶奶 你是怎么变的 爷爷？ Sorry, Grandma. How do you do that, Grandpa?
好魔术师决不泄漏秘密 A good magician never reveals his secrets.
你爸从你这年纪起 Your daddy has wanted to know how I've done that trick...
就想知道我这把戏的秘密 ...since he was your age.
对吧 儿子？ Isn't that true, son?
喂 迈可 和谁说话呢？ Hey, Michael. Michael, who are you talking to?
天啊 老妈 在跟老板说话 别紧张 Jesus. I'm talking to my boss, Ma. Take it easy.
哦 是吗？ 好吧 告诉他自个儿找乐子去 Oh, yeah? Well, tell him to get a life.
全家都到了 而你忙得很 来吧 You got family here. You're busy. Come on.
我妈向你问好 My mother says hello.
他已经是个大人了 对吗？ Oh, he's such a big boy, isn't he?
打手机的样子 很人模人样 On his big cell phone. Big boy.
就这样 晚安 谢谢 安莫先生 好的 晚安 That's it. Get some sleep. Thank you, Mr. Ammer. All right. Good night.
你忙完了 我们可以轻松一下了吧？ 对不起 Are you done? Can we relax now? Sorry.
来呀 老爷爷！ Eat me, grandpa!
你死定了 You're dead.
糟啦！ 没错 你们最好赶快跑 Oh, shit! Yeah, you better run!
高中时 我就踹过你老子的屁股！ I kicked your father's ass in high school!
现在该你们了！ Now I'm gonna kick yours!
我讨厌那个人 I hate that man.
晚安 小牛仔们 Okay, good night, you two cowboys.
摸摸天空 波卡洪塔斯 不 回去睡觉 Reach for the sky, Pocahontas. No, back to bed.
快去睡 波卡洪塔斯下班了 我也要走了 Come on. Pocahontas is off duty. I'm out of here.
你病啦 治安官 You getting sick, sheriff?
不 我没时间生病 I don't got time to be sick, so no.
我还得看亚洲建筑纪录片 I need to watch this documentary on Asian architecture.
甜心 你总得休息吧 Well, you gotta get some rest sometime, sweetheart.
如果你病恹恹的 周末去露营 Besides, the woodland creatures will laugh at you...
森林里的动物会笑你 ...if you collapse trying to put up the tent this weekend.
啊 忘了跟你说 Yeah. I forgot to tell you.
我们得把露营的时间延后 We gotta postpone the camping trip.
安莫给了我个计划 Ammer put me on a project.
下星期二前得完成 否则就的让人了 It's due Tuesday. If I don't finish, I'm off it, so...
但孩子们一整年都在盼着和你露营 The kids have been talking about camping all year.
你觉得我不知道吗？ Think I don't know that?
不管我怎么决定 不管我做了什么事 It's just every choice I make, everything I do...
都会让某些人失望 ...I disappoint somebody.
所以你别让不该失望的人失望 Make sure you don't keep disappointing the wrong people.
我又不是吃喝嫖赌 I'm not out drinking or gambling or hitting on chicks.
而是拼命工作让我家人 I'm working my ass off so my family can have a better life...
过上我儿时梦想的生活 ...than I dreamed of when I was a kid.
要实现梦想 我就得看这无聊的录相！ The only way for that to happen is for me to watch this stinking show!
饶了我吧 亲爱的 So relax, hon.
你开玩笑吗？ Are you kidding me?
什么时候能才放过我？ Will you give me a break one time?
妈的 欧多雷有万能遥控器 Damn it! The O'Doyles got a stinking universal remote control.
我们也要一个 We're gonna have one too.
我受够了 I'm sick of this.
要我替你开车库门吗？ You want me to open the garage for you?
打烊了 Closed.
开着 Open.
卧浴与超越 Bed Bath & Beyond it is.
你好 Hey, man?
你们有万能遥控器吗？ You guys got any universal remote controls in there?
浴室窗帘还是地垫用的？ 电视用的 For a shower curtain or a bathmat? For a television.
没有了 毯子用的怎么样？ I don't think so. Maybe for a blanket?
毯子还有遥控器？ You got a remote for a blanket?
对不起 我不是这的员工 我在等我朋友 Sorry, I don't work here. I'm waiting for my friends.
你开玩笑吧？ You're kidding me.
是的 我根本没朋友 你能做我的朋友吗？ Actually, yes. I don't have any friends. Will you be my friend?
哇 老兄！ Wow, man.
床 床 Bed. Bed.
浴室 浴室 Bath. Bath.
床 Bed.
活的真累 So tired of my life.
超越？ Beyond?
对不起 我不请自来 Sorry to sneak up on you. I just...
你们这儿有万能遥控器吗？ You guys got a universal remote control back here?
有过期薯条的臭味 Something stinks like stale french fries.
呵 那多半是我 All right, that's probably me.
你知道快餐会让你短命的吧 You know, fast food shortens your life.
是的 我听说了 Yeah, that's what I heard.
不过以我目前的处境来说 还不错 But the way my life's been going lately, that ain't such a bad thing.
你要找万能遥控器？ You're looking for a universal remote control?
对 一个遥控器 能控制所有电器 Yeah. Just one device to do it all for me...
让我能活得舒服些 别那么复杂 ...make my life a little easier, quicker, not so damn complicated.
我本不该帮你 不过你像是个好人 I'm not supposed to do this, but you seem like a good guy.
嘿 还有人会注意到 谢谢 Hey. Somebody noticed. Thank you.
我带你去看刚进的遥控器 I'm gonna show you a remote we just got in...
是这儿最先进的 ...that's probably the most advanced piece of technology...
科技产品 ...we have in this place.
听起来不错 确实不错 Sounds sweet. It is sweet.
当然了 最新最先进 还没上市呢 The latest, greatest universal remote not even on the market yet.
我猜欧多雷的遥控器是小巫见大巫了 I guess the O'Doyles' remote can bite my advanced-technological ass then.
我不认识欧多雷 但 I don't know the O'Doyles...
它那遥控器差远了 ...but they can bite it hard.
好极了 Yeah.
跟我到后面来 Come in the back with me.
好的 Okay.
你可真是好人 This is... This is very nice of you.
对了 你叫什么名字？ 就叫我莫蒂吧 What's your name, anyways? Call me Morty.
你好莫蒂 我是迈可·纽曼 Morty, I'm Michael Newman.
迈可·纽曼 Michael Newman.
我马上要颠覆你原来的世界了 I'm about to rock your world.
好的 Okay.
老实说 这地方从外面看还比较大 I gotta be honest with you. This place looks bigger from the outside.
玩笑啦 Just kidding.
嘿 嘿 Hey, hey.
大概在中间？ I think maybe there in the middle?
够狡猾的 Sneaky.
有盒子吗？ 有说明书么？ Where's the box? Does it come with directions?
没必要 Not necessary.
只要对着 按一下 Just point, click.
其实它会自动设定 Eventually, it will program itself.
这要多少钱？ How much is this thing?
我不是瑟斯顿·豪维尔 Because I ain't exactly Thurston Howell, you know?
你运气好 它还没有进条码库 Lucky for you, it's not in the bar-code system yet.
所以我把它送给你啦 So I'm gonna have to just give it to you.
呜 等等 该不会有诈吧？ Whoa, whoa, whoa. What's the catch here, man?
你要我把外套留下？ 我可不吃你的把戏 Want me to take my shirt off for you? Because I don't play for that team.
喂 快走了 Hey. Man, get out of here.
你为什么要这样做？ Why are you doing this, then?
因为好人时不时也该受老天眷顾吧 Because good guys need a break every once in a while.
拿上吧 Take it.
好好享受 Enjoy.
好吧 All right.
你只要记住一件事 迈克 Only one thing you need to know, Michael.
不能退货 This item is nonreturnable.
我干嘛要退不要钱的东西 Why would I wanna return something I got for free?
你不需要 不需要 Twinkie. You don't need it. You don't need it, man.
你需要甜点 You do need a Yodel, though. Okay. Good job.
来试试怎么样 Let's see what you got, mate.
看看 我居然能开我家的电视了 我真是个天才 Look at me, turning my own TV on. I'm a freaking whiz kid.
住宅建筑… Residential architecture...
我跟孩子们说了 哦 是吗？ So I talked to the kids. Oh, yeah?
他们能理解周末不能去露营 They're very understanding about not going camping this weekend.
那好 我同意他们可以请朋友来过夜 Great. They could have a sleepover instead.
好主意 谢谢 谢谢 That's a great idea. Thank you, thank you.
谢谢你这样冷静的处理这件事 Thanks for being so cool about this too.
我能问你个问题吗？ 可以 Can I ask you something? Yes.
你辛勤工作在公司成了大人物之后 After you do all this work and become a big player at your company...
你觉得会有更多时间陪我们 ...do you think you're gonna have more time for us...
还是以后情况会失去控制？ ...or are things just gonna get even more out of control?
等等 等我成了老板 Wait. When I get to that place and become a boss...
百万富翁 大人物后第一件事就是 ...a millionaire, a big shot, the first thing I'm gonna do...
去雇一群像我这样的傻子替我工作 ...is hire a bunch of idiots just like me to do all my work.
然后 你 我 孩子们想干嘛就干嘛 So then you, me and the kids can do whatever the hell we want.
你只是得我一点儿时间 You just gotta give me some time.
别摆出那样得表情 Don't give me that look.
我只是说 我需要你支持我 I'm just saying, give me some support. All right?
我爱你 去睡吧 I love you. Go to sleep.
想想我的问题吧 迈可 当然 Just think about it, Michael. Absolutely.
别再吃甜点了 And stop with the Yodels.
哪天睡醒 你会变400磅 好 You're gonna wake up 400 pounds. Okay.
喂 小声点儿 伙计 大家都在睡觉 Hey, hey, hey. Keep it down, dude. Everybody's sleeping.
你又要拉屎了？ You gotta poop again?
你去和鸭子摔角 好吗？ Why don't you do the humpy-pumpy on the duck, okay?
再忍五分钟 给我小声点儿 Will you just hold it in for five minutes and keep the freaking volume down?
我猜当我把 I guess when you combine...
咳嗽糖浆加甜点 ...mass quantities of cough syrup with Yodels...
就会产生幻觉 ...you get acid.
去 Go.
你要大便 那就快去呀 Hey, you said you gotta go. Go already, man.
要拉就快拉 Sniffy Longdroppings, today.
天杀的…！ Holy motherfu!
你说得对 短期来说… Yeah, I mean, you're right. In the short run...
整容很不舒服 ...plastic surgery is a hassle.
但六个月后… But six months later...
我就能拥有 ...I'm gonna have a face and a body...
让我想去哪就去哪的脸蛋和身材 ...that's gonna get me to places where I wanna be.
我妈还是很老套 她说 Oh, my mother, typical, you know, she says:
“这种手术很危险” "Oh, this procedure is too risky."
如果萨曼莎要把颧骨削彽的话 也会吓死我的 If Samantha wanted her cheekbones shaved down, I think I'd freak out too.
我觉得他们太像斯拉夫人 I know, but I just think, you know, they're too Slavic.
你也该去整个容 You should get some work done.
这样也许迈可就会多陪陪你了 Then maybe Michael will wanna hang out with you too.
早安 迈可 你今天真没精神 Morning, Michael. You're looking very crappy today.
早安 洁宁 你看起来很斯拉夫 Morning, Janine, you're looking very Slavic.
你是忌妒我吧 我和唐娜要去健身 You're just jealous because Donna and I are going to the gym...
所有的男人都会过来搭讪 ...and all the guys are gonna be hitting on us.
哦 迈可知道他是我唯一的男人 Michael knows he's my one and only.
永远永远 宝贝 Forever and ever, babe.
昨晚对不起 我爱你 Sorry about last night. And I love you. I'm s...
噢 我也要一个 Oh, my God. I want that so bad.
一个我能吻能爱的丈夫 还能把我的“果汁”给他的 A husband that I can kiss and love and give juice to.
你和你前三任丈夫的兄弟都有一腿 You've already cheated on three different husbands with their brothers.
我想你给他们的汁可不少啊 I think you've given enough juice to everybody.
爱汁 Love juice.
你知道太多我的私事了 You know way too much about me.
我就知道不该上蒙托·威廉斯秀的 I should never have done that Montel Williams show.
连蒙托都说你太疯狂 Even Montel Williams thinks you're crazy...
他看到一大堆狗屎 ...and he's seen a lot of shit.
我在交友上真是伤透心了！ I was desperate for companionship!
我所有的丈夫 All of my husbands...
我的前夫们在精神上都抛弃了我 All of them have emotionally abandoned me.
他们都得去上班 然后你就 和他们下岗的兄弟上床 They went to work. You had sex with their unemployed brothers.
你也太淫荡了吧 迈可 You're a horndog. Michael.
别放心上 不要 不要！ Okay, sweetie. Calm it down. No, no!
我从小就有自尊心问题 I have had self-esteem issues since I was a kid.
我以前养只兔子叫胡椒 连它都抛弃了我 I had a rabbit named Pepper. And that rabbit abandoned me too!
连兔子都… Even the rabbit did! Even the rabb...
别看着我 Don't look at me!
我咋了？ 小兔子 小兔子… What's wrong with me? Bunny rabbit, bunny...
球向松井投出 球飞得好远 Here's the pitch to Matsui. A deep drive.
哦 天 出去了！ Oh, my, it's out of here!
打到右侧看台 松井打出全垒打 A two-run shot into the right-field seats for Hideki Matsui.
你刚说啥？ I'm sorry. What was that?
她有一堆问题 你干嘛还对她这么刻薄 She has so many problems. Why do you have to be so mean?
我也不知道怎么会那么说 I don't know, I... Hello.
我得走了 I gotta go.
好 机器狗 Yeah, good RoboDog.
它还能用六种语言叫 And he can bark in over six different languages.
真酷 It's so cool.
对呀 比你那条真的笨狗酷多了 Yeah, it's much cooler than your stupid, human dog.
爸 看到凯文的机器狗了吗？ Hey, Dad, see Kevin's new robot dog?
嗯 还不错 Yeah, yeah. Very nice.
还不错！？ 它比你的车还贵 "Very nice"? This thing is worth more than your car.
它不再是了 机器狗！ Not anymore it ain't. RoboDog!
嘿 嘿 Hey, hey, hey.
这是不是真人秀啊？ 你是主持人？ Okay. Is this some sort of reality show? Are you the host?
莫蒂？ 摄影机呢？ Morty? Where are the cameras?
所有的人都上节目了吧 我的狗演得还不错 Got everybody in on it, huh? Sundance did very well also.
哇！ 各位美国观众 笑吧 我是呆瓜 All right, America! Have your laugh! I'm an idiot!
唐娜 我回头再找你 Donna, I'm gonna get you!
快进 Fast-forward.
没人在笑你 迈可 Nobody's laughing at you, Michael.
你要万能遥控器 遥控万物的遥控器 You wanted a universal remote control that remote-controls your universe.
是的 哪个钮控制我的舞技？ Yeah, but what controls my dance skills?
莫蒂也喜欢跳 Oh, Morty likes it too.
迈可 按“菜单”键 Michael, just hit menu.
遥控器上的？ On the remote?
难道是红龙虾餐厅的菜单吗 当然是遥控上的 No, the menu at the Red Lobster. Yes, on the remote.
我们在哪儿？ Where are we?
去吧 迈克 去吧！ 一条密西西比河 两条密西西比河 Go, Michael, go! One Mississippi. Two Mississippi.
这是啥？ 二 三 What have I got here? Two, three.
咳嗽药又起作用了 Cough syrup's kicking in again.
是个男孩！ 能起作用吗？ We have a boy! Is it gonna work?
这是啥？ What is this?
好的 我爱你 迈克 你的人生菜单 All right, I love you, Michael. Your life menu.
我的人生还有评述？ My life has a commentary?
多着呢 It's chock-full of goodies.
点一下 点一下 Click it. Click it.
这是上星期二 This is last Tuesday.
迈克急着等午餐 Michael was eagerly awaiting the arrival of his lunch order.
评述人是詹姆斯·琼斯？ Who's that, James Earl Jones?
詹姆斯做过很多讲评工作 James Earl does a lot of voice-over work.
但他的期待很快变成了失望 But his anticipation quickly turned to dismay...
他点的是汉堡 ...as he realized Alice had brought him a cheeseburger...
但爱丽丝买的是芝士汉堡 ...instead of a hamburger as he requested.
我要的是汉堡 不是芝士汉堡 A cheeseburger? I said a hamburger.
她老是这样 She always does this to me.
迈可本想让爱丽丝把芝士抹掉 Michael considered demanding that Alice scrape the cheese off...
但决定还是不要 ...but decided not to...
因为他怕她会往里面吐痰 ...fearing that Alice may spit in...
或是别的脏东西进去 ...or otherwise defile the burger in some manner.
明智的抉择 A wise decision...
因为爱丽丝正打算那么做 ...for that was exactly what Alice was planning to do.
真的还假的？ 真狡猾 Are you kidding me? Sneaky.
我的上帝 My God.
还有什么？ What else we got here?
制作人？ 按吧 "Making of"? Just click.
哇 迷幻药啊 我们在哪儿？ Hey, hey, psychedelic. Where are we?
嘿 这是色情片吗？ Is this a porno or something?
哦 泰德 哦 泰德 Oh, Ted. Oh, Teddy!
这是我爸妈？ Is that my parents?
他们在制作你 像兔宝宝一样 They're making you. Like bunny rabbits.
就是那里 打我屁股！ That's the spot. Smack my heinie!
快换台 怎么换呀？ Change the channel! How do you do this?
我看不见 I can't see.
怎么啦？ 啥？ What happened? What?
这地又湿又滑 我脚还挺舒服的 The floor is so mushy and slippery. Feels good on my feet.
你按到了快进键 Check it out. You hit the fast-forward button.
我们在经历你出生的过程 I believe we're sometime after your conception.
很好 纽曼太太 Okay, very good, Mrs. Newman.
哦不 我们在我妈的阴道里！？ No! We're in my mother's vagina?
用力 Again. And push.
是女孩儿 是女孩儿！ It's a girl. It's a girl!
哦 女孩儿 谢谢你 谢谢你 Oh, It's a girl. Thank you so much. Thank you for that.
等等 对不起 可能是男孩 Wait a minute. I'm sorry, it might be a boy.
可能是什么意思？ What do you mean, "might be"? What is that?
那个可能是小鸡鸡 Maybe that's a penis.
可能是！？ 那就是阴茎 我的小兄弟 Maybe that's a pe? That's a penis. That's my penis.
我能看看吗？ 再靠近点儿？ Can I see that? Can you bring that a little closer?
看到么？ See?
一根小小的黄瓜 是吗？ That's a tiny schmeckel. Yeah?
是男孩儿 是男孩儿 We have a boy! We have a boy!
你妈一定有超凡的视力 Your mother must have some superpower eyesight...
因为我什么也看不见 ...because I didn't see anything.
咱们快走吧 Let's get out of here.
如果你想想 So if you think about it...
我可以重新体验我一生的任何时刻 ...I can reexperience any part of my life I want to.
真神奇 It's amazing.
你怎么啦？ 噢 天啊 我做了什么？ What happened? Oh, God, what did I do?
嘿 朋友 我怎么把你弄回来？ Hello? How do I get you back here, pal?
哇！ 骗到你了吧 Gotcha.
我还没被吓够呀？ I'm not freaked out enough?
很简单 想好时间地点 It's simple. Think of a time and a place...
按倒退键 你就在那儿啦 ...hit rewind, and you're there.
时间地点 时间地点 Time and a place. Time and a place.
天啊 温尼波沙克湖 Oh, my God. Lake Winnipesaukee.
那是我 穿球衣的 That's me in the Jets shirt.
加油啊 小小我 冲啊！ Go, little me, go!
好手 漂亮！ Good hands! Nice hands.
迈可！ Michael!
迈可 晚餐快好了 你可以请朋友一块儿来吃 Michael, dinner's almost ready. Invite your friends if you want to.
你们想来我的帐棚吃晚餐吗？ So any of you wanna come by my tent for some supper?
你们也可以来到我家的旅居车 看《三人公司》 Or we could eat at my Winnebago and watch Three's Company.
三人公司 Three's Company.
真丢脸 That's humiliating.
妈 我们为什么不能像别人家 一样开房车来露营呢？ Mom, why can't we camp in an RV like every other family?
得了 那也叫露营？ Oh, come on. You call that camping?
住在那种铁罐里怎么接近大自然？ How can you get close to nature in a tin can like that?
再说 晚上挤在一起保暖更有趣呀 Plus, it's more fun to have to keep each other warm at night.
你不知道吗 Don't you know it.
还没到吃甜点的时候 但是我饿死了 No cupcakes yet. But I'm starving.
我同意 迈可 你知道我多饿吗？ I agree with you, Michael. You know how hungry I am?
我饿得连硬币都能吃 I am so hungry, I could eat this.
原来硬币魔术是从这儿开始 Oh, this is where the quarter trick started.
他是怎么变的？ How the heck did he do that?
那是魔术用品店买来的特制硬币 Oh, it's a trick coin you buy at a magic shop.
但不能让他知道我已经知道了 I just couldn't let him know I knew that.
真幸福 That's sweet.
我得回去工作了 按播放键 Now, I gotta get back to work, so hit play.
这是功能强大的设备 小心使用 It's a very powerful device. Use it with caution.
好的 Okay.
你是谁？ Who are you?
你知道的呀 You know who I am.
莫蒂？ Morty?
如果你有问题… If you have any questions...
给我打电话 ...call me.
不 琳达 我认为丝黛西的脚 该得到美腿奖 No, Linda, I think Stacy gets the most-beautiful-feet award.
你要见我？ You wanted to see me?
迈可 我马上就要去汉普敦了 Michael. Look, I'm heading out to the Hamptons in a couple of minutes.
一切都靠你了 I'm counting on you.
这次的旅馆计划 是条大鱼 This hotel project? It's a big fish.
你把它给我钓上来 那咱们就是 您好 伙伴儿 You reel it in for me and it's "Howdy, partner."
好的 谢谢 Okay. Thank you.
搞砸了 你就去中亭发邮件吧 Screw it up, though, and it's "Back to the mailroom, atrium boy."
安莫先生 丹尼斯打电话 Mr. Ammer, Denise just called.
她又得去修复不能跟你去汉普敦 She's gotta go to rehab again, so she can't make it to the Hamptons.
国庆假日 我一个人过？ I'm gonna be alone on the Fourth of July?
安莫先生 如果周末你需要女伴 Mr. Ammer, if you need female companionship this weekend...
我太太的朋友洁宁… ...my wife's friend Janine, wow.
真的？ 她长得怎样？ Really? What's she like?
我只能说 她能生吞了你 Let's just say she will eat you up, sir.
对不起 打扰 Excuse me. I'm sorry to interrupt...
这很重要 ...but this is kind of important. Okay.
自己去厕所 好的 Go to the bathroom. Okay.
你真笨！ Dude! You suck so bad.
我才不是 嗨 老爸 Do not. Hey, Dad.
嗨 儿子 玩接球吗？ How you doing, buddy? Playing some catch?
其实是玩掉球 本到现在一个球都没接住 Actually, we're playing some drop, because Ben hasn't caught one yet.
该死 Darn it.
小子 我看你也不怎样嘛 You're a regular Derek Jeter yourself, O'Doyle.
我爱你 儿子 我也爱你 老爸 Love you, kid. Love you too, Dad.
妈咪 Mommy!
不 我知道 我觉得她不该投票 No, I know. Well, I thought she should've gotten voted off.
但你看到了她的凯特 手袋了吗？ 漂亮极了 But did you see her Kate Spade handbag? It was gorgeous.
等等 别挂 楚蒂 我得跟你儿子问声好 Wait, hold on a second, Trudy. I gotta say hi to your son.
我邀请你爸妈过来吃晚饭 真的？ 好主意 I told your parents to come for dinner. Really? That sounds good.
他们来陪孩子们过夜一定很好玩 It'd be fun for them to be here for the sleepover.
好 再见 拜拜 Okay, so great. Yeah.
到时候见，拜拜 We'll see you guys later. Okay, bye-bye.
和你家人吃个饭不会要你的命 It's not gonna kill you to eat dinner with your family, sweetie.
我知道 但我今晚得把模型弄好 I know, I just gotta build an entire model tonight.
我是头 不 我是头！ I'm the leader! No, I'm the leader!
去跟爸爸问好 快去 Go say hi to Daddy. Go on.
要是整晚都这样 我可受不了 I can't take a whole night of this.
我也不想受 Q R S T U… And I'm not going to. Q, R, S, T, U...
酷 Cool.
我能跳过这段 I can skip chapters.
真是个好家庭 What a family.
好啦 快把晚餐吃完 下一段 All right, let's get dinner over with. Next.
下一段 Next.
只剩你一个还没吃完 老兄 Everyone's done but you, buddy. Let's go.
你完了？ Will you stop already?
要命 老爸的硬币魔术 我等不及了看了 Oh, boy, Dad's quarter trick. I can't wait not to see it.
独自在地下室 Alone in my basement at last.
该努力工作成为老板的合伙人了 Should I do my work and become partner now? I think so.
开工 Let's get to it.
迈可？ 恩 Michael? Yo.
我们不想再打扰你 We don't wanna interrupt.
我们走了 谢谢盛情款待 We're taking off. Thanks for a great night.
你们和我玩很开心？ You had a fun time hanging out with me?
恩 我们玩的很高兴 That was... We did good, right?
再见 亲爱的 爱你们 Good night, honey. Love you.
我的小黄瓜随着年龄也长大了 My schmeckel got bigger now that I'm older, just so you guys know that.
反正不可能长的比以前更小 It couldn't have gotten any smaller.
哦 是 Yeah, yeah.
以前像个小不点口香糖 It looked like a little Tic Tac.
嗯 过来 让我替你除口臭 Yeah, come here, I'll freshen your breath.
再见 再见 宝贝 Bye, you guys. Bye, sweetie.
晚安 甜心 Good night, sweetie.
晚餐真棒 老婆 Great dinner, honey.
真的 很糟糕吗？ See? Was that so bad?
你说笑吧 我高兴得很 Kidding me? I had fun.
那就好 帮我看孩子十分钟 我得洗东西 Good for you. Can you watch the gang for 10 minutes while I clean up?
自己看吧 我很忙 Can't you? I just... I got so much stuff to do here.
哦 你忙！？ Oh, you got stuff to do?
我又讲鬼故事 猜字谜 还要洗碗 I got ghost stories, charades, the dishes...
现在还得替狗把鸭子的头缝上 ...and then I gotta sew the duck's head back on for Sundance...
还要把屁眼儿给补起来 ...and fix his butthole.
干得好 冠军 Way to go, champ.
我希望我有时间能做那么多事呢 I wish I had time to do all that stuff.
饶了我吧 迈可 Give me a break, Michael.
你是大人了 做事得有先后 You're a big boy. You set your own priorities.
我只要你十分钟 又不是一整天 I'm asking for 10 minutes, not for, like, a whole day.
你也没有那么多 You don't have to do that much.
有什么大不了得？ 我烦透了吵架 How big a deal is that? I am so tired of having this argument.
我跳过了整场吵架 I skipped the whole fight.
宝贝？ Babe?
我睡不着 怎么啦？ I can't sleep. You can't?
咱们老是吵架 我很难过 I feel bad that we keep arguing.
我知道 别难过 好吗？ I know. Don't be upset, okay?
是我不好 嗯 你坏蛋 I was a jerk. You are a jerk.
我爱你 我也爱你 I love you. I love you too.
你好香 什么？ Yes. That smells good. What?
喂 迈可 别 他们会听到 Michael. Stop it. The sleepover will catch us.
他们听不到 来吧 They ain't gonna hear us. Come on.
好吧 轻点声 慢慢让我进入状态 Okay. Quietly try and coax me into it.
不 难道我们不能只是做吗？ I gotta get back to work. Can't we just do it?
不 我们不能这么快 亲爱的 来吧 No, we can't just do it. Honey, come on.
我没有新招了 都是那一套 I mean, I don't have any new moves for you. It's the same stuff.
你就把上次的拿来算这次的 Just think of last time and use that.
我喜欢老套得 来吧 I like the old moves. Come on.
好吧 All right.
这次你当狗狗 我当鸭鸭 This time you be Sundance, I'll be the duck.
好啊 你得先爱抚我才成 Yeah? But you gotta massage me first.
好啊 我最喜欢爱抚你 Great, I love giving massages.
别摸这里 Massaging away here.
嗯 好舒服 哦也 Oh, that feels good. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
我们做了吗？ 是只有你做了吧 We did it? Well, you did.
我可不想要整个过程都这么快 I didn't want the whole thing to go that fast.
谁都不会想 I don't think anybody did.
哦 下次补偿你 Yeah. I'll get you next time.
好吧 Thanks.
明天没问题吧？ So we good for tomorrow?
明天什么？ What are you talking about?
吃饭的时候 At dinner.
你说明天去我们去吃午餐 给你爸买生日礼物 You said we'd go to lunch tomorrow and pick out your dad's birthday gift.
爸的礼物… Dad's gift is...
既然说了 我会去的 好的 Of course. I said so, so I'll be there. Okay.
还要按摩或什么吗？ 不要 你走吧 Need another massage or anything? Oh, go away.
好啦 我去做事了 I gotta go work.
喂 莫蒂 我是迈可·纽曼 Hey, Morty. It's Michael Newman.
我能和你谈谈吗？ Yeah, can I talk to you for a minute?
等一下 有人敲我的门 Hang on for a second, someone's at my door.
迈可 你从哪儿蹦出来的？ Hello, Michael. Where'd you come from?
你最好不要知道 You don't wanna know.
出去走走吗？ 当然 Can we take a walk? Sure.
原因很简单 你一定设成自动导航了 It's simple. You must have been on autopilot.
自动导航？ Autopilot?
你按了快进 就会这样 That's what happens to you when you fast-forward.
好的 我示范给你看 Okay. Yeah. I'll show you.
这里 Here.
瞧 那是你在自动导航模式 See? That's you on autopilot.
灯开着 却没人在家 The lights are on but nobody's home.
摇控器让你的思想跳过了… The remote lets your mind skip around...
但身体还得过那些无聊的时间 ...but your body actually stays put for the boring stuff.
老公 明天我们吃午餐去给你爸买礼物 We should go to lunch tomorrow and pick out your dad's birthday gift.
好主意 Sounds good.
她果然跟我说过 So she did tell me.
我在自动导航模式下和人说话 I'm having conversations on autopilot, then.
你说是自动导航 也没错 You're not gonna be the life of the party, but yes.
所有人都时不时会自动导航 Everyone goes on autopilot now and then.
最大的差别是 你有了万能遥控器 The big difference is now you've got a nifty remote...
帮你觉得是什么时候 ...to help you decide when.
这玩意儿太棒了 This thing is the best.
顺便说一句 你太太真美 By the way, your wife? Absolutely gorgeous.
她的确很美 对吧？ 完美的容貌 身上没赘肉 She is, isn't she? Perfect face. Tight, rocking body.
你没事吧？ You okay?
真令人惊讶 什么事？ Amazing. What is?
鲜花插在牛粪上 She fell for a schlub like you.
我是牛粪？ I'm a schlub?
难说吧 那家伙很英俊呀 I don't know about that, pal. I see a good-Iooking man right there.
你想看他以前的样子吗？ You wanna see what a stud I used to be? Yeah?
那好 让你瞧瞧他以前的女朋友 All right, let's take a look at some of the girls...
我认识唐娜前 和什么样的女孩子们约会 ...I used to fool around with before I met Donna.
男的女的啊？ Is that a man or a woman?
女人 It's a woman.
这！？ 《动物星球》吗？ What is this, Animal Planet?
算了吧 嗯 Stop. Yes.
有些事还是留在记忆深处较好 Sometimes it's better to keep certain memories just in your head.
我又学到了 莫蒂 So I've learned, Morty.
晚安 谢谢你 Good night. Thank you.
晚安 迈可 Good night, Michael.
我好像病了 快进到我好点的时候 I'm getting sick, man. Fast-forward me till I'm better.
迈可 起床 上班要迟到了 Michael, honey, wake up. You'll be late for work.
怎么？ 已经星期一了？ What? It's Monday already?
真的么？ 没有痰了？ Are you kidding me? No more phlegm?
整个感冒都跳过了？ I skipped an entire cold?
感谢你 宝贝 我爱你 Thanks to you, baby! I love you!
再也不用感冒药了 No more Tylenol!
我不记得这周做了什么了 I don't remember doing any work this weekend.
显然我已经做好了 But apparently I did.
坏消息 没热水了 什么？ 我得洗个澡 Bad news. There's no hot water. What? I gotta take a shower.
你的屁股得挨冻了 Well, you're gonna freeze your bun-buns off.
没关系 It's all good.
瞧瞧我 Yes! Look at me.
洗好澡 穿好衣服 性感极了 All showered and dressed and looking sexy.
我喜欢这样 我… I like that. I...
爹地 你抽大麻了吗？ Did you smoke crack, Daddy?
看你的卡通 和妈妈乖乖在家 好吗？ Just watch your toons and have a great day with Mommy today, okay?
你吃甜点就像你老爸 再见宝贝 Eating cupcakes like your old man. Right here, baby.
爸 什么事？ Dad? Yes, sir?
你今天又要加班吗？ Are you gonna have to work late again tonight?
很不幸 是的 我们帮什么忙吗？ Unfortunately, yes. Is there anything we can do to help?
我快成了公司合伙人了 我需要很多新的建筑设计点子 Well, I'm gonna be partner soon, and I'm gonna need new building designs.
如果你们有什么好点子 画给我吧 So if you guys have any cool ideas, draw them up for me.
好 摇滚 Okay. Rock 'n' roll.
我有纸 我有蜡笔 I get the paper. I got the crayons.
别聊了 快把下水道修修 Would you stop talking and fix the sewer?
大家都在 是的 是的 You're on it now, yeah. Yeah.
堵车 堵车 没有堵车 Traffic, traffic, no more traffic.
等等！ Wait a sec!
冲啊 妈妈！ Here we go! Mama!
这才像话 我的宝贝 Yeah! That's what I'm talking about, baby!
老兄 你怎么脸色苍白 我替你补救一下 You look a little pale there, pal. Let me fix that.
瞧你脸色泛黄 一定是坏血病 Oh, look at you now. You're all yellow from the scurvy.
船长 Captain.
别惹绿巨人 他生气你就完蛋了 Don't get the Hulk angry. You won't like him when he's angry.
紫恐龙巴尼来了 Oh, there's Barney.
我爱你们 你们爱我 I love you, you love me
慢跑女郎有对大胸部 That jogger had giant boobies
来点你想要的日晒肤色 Okay. Let's get you that tan you been searching for.
对了 对了 That's it. That's it.
胡利欧·伊格西斯… 棒极了 Check out Julio Iglesias... Pretty.
真精神 纽曼先生 真的？ 谢谢你茱蒂 Looking good, Mr. Newman. Really? Thank you very much, Judy.
完成了吗？ 我完成了吗？ 我想我完成了 Finish? Did I finish? I believe I finished.
我们来看看 印象深刻 迈可 Let's see here. Look at that. Very impressive, Michael.
是的 大厅的河流 真不错 Yeah, the river in the lobby. This is actually pretty good, man.
你还有时间去日光浴？ Where did you find the time to get a tan?
我想我是全能 你是全能的 I guess I can do it all, sir. You can do it all.
好啦 大家注意 今天是性骚扰讲座 All right, all right, everybody. It's sexual-harassment-speech day.
每个人都可能成为性骚扰的受害者 Now, anyone can be a victim of sexual harassment:
蓝领 白领 女人 男人 Blue collar, white collar, a woman, a man.
即使是办公室的荡妇也不例外 Even the office slut.
我还是别说出名字来 Not that I'm mentioning any names...
史黛西 ...Stacy.
性骚扰有很多种形式 Here we go. Sexual harassment can come in many forms.
有些行为某人喜欢 却冒犯了其他人 You see, what is hilarious to some, could be offensive to others.
让我给个实际的例子 我以前也做过 Let me try to give you a real-life example because I'm sure I've done it.
有次我对某人说 想要升职 就拿润滑液来吧 Like the day I said, "You want a promotion, break out the lotion."
我技术上犯了语言性骚扰 I was technically engaged in sexual harassment.
如果你问我 这玩意儿好笑极了 Hilarious sexual harassment, if you ask me.
同时还有同性之间的性骚扰 Now, there is also homosexual harassment.
比方男人向男人说些 Now, this is like when one dude comes up to another...
暧昧的话 ...and says something cheeky. This will be good.
继续 Proceed.
我不懂你们美国人 I don't know about you Americans...
但对我来说 毫无疑问 ...but to me there is no doubt...
一郎一直都是最伟大的 ...Ichiro is the greatest of all time.
是的 他棒极了 Yeah, he's incredible.
你得承认 松井最值得信赖 You gotta admit, you can always count on Matsui.
哦 松井 Oh, Matsui.
如果大家都喜欢一郎和松井 那就两道菜都点吧 Well, if you guys love Ichiro and Matsui so much, let's order them both.
我什么都能吃 I'll eat anything.
失陪一下 没问题 和津先生 Excuse us for a moment. Absolutely, Mr. Watsuhita.
待会儿见 See you guys in a bit.
一郎和松井是棒球明星 你刚才污辱了他们的民族英雄 Ichiro and Matsui are baseball players. You just insulted their national heroes.
我去厕所了 I'm going to the bathroom to slit my wrists.
我在这儿 I'll be here.
这种蠢蛋太无聊了 These morons are so boring.
他们让我想割下我的弟弟 They make me wanna chop my own dick off.
那旅馆设计图？ 我真想撕了 That hotel design? I'd like to rip it up.
那自以为聪明的家伙看了部 糟糕的亚洲建筑记录片 Egghead watched a bad documentary on Asian architecture.
谁会在大厅修人工小溪？ Who needs a stupid river in the lobby?
应该多修房间 最大化利润 Let's build more rooms and maximize profits.
大家尽快吃完 Eat as fast as you can.
然后离开这里 Then we can get out of here...
再赶去美国最大的文化成就 ...and do Jell-O shots at America's greatest cultural achievement:
TGI星期五餐厅 T.G.I. Friday's.
TGI星期五！ T.G.I. Friday's!
好了 迈可 全靠你了 我会的 All right, Michael, save us. I'm all over it, baby.
点菜之前 我重新看了一遍设计图 Before we order, I was looking at our proposal. You know what?
在对大家有所了解之后 我意识到这设计并不适合你们 After getting to know you a little bit, I realize this is not what you're about.
实际上 这东西还是扔了算了 In fact, let's just throw it out, all right? Start from scratch.
大厅里的小溪 多愚蠢的主意啊 The river in the lobby idea, what an egghead move.
我们简单点 去掉无用的景观 利润最大化更重要 Let's just keep the plans simple, forget all the niceties, maximize our revenue.
不管怎样 利润才是关键 That's what it's all about anyways, the profits.
但是你们得给我们投资和信任 But do me a favor. Just give us your account and your trust.
大家都可以快点离开这里 去TGI星期五 That way we can get the hell out of this dump, go to T.G.I. Friday's...
去玩玩吉露果子冻射击 直到那家伙呕吐为止 ...do some Jell-O shots till this guy pukes up a lung.
真他妈的棒 Fuck, yeah.
这才是我说的！ That's what I'm talking about.
好极了 Yes, yes!
皇帝回宫了！你们好 The king is home! Hello, hello!
我有礼物给你们 你们还睡得着？ How can you goons sleep when you know I got you presents?
真的么？ 是什么？ You did? What is it?
是什么 下来看看就知道了 What is it? Well, if you bring your tushies downstairs, we'll find out.
我来了 我来了 I'm coming. I'm coming.
甜心 带着你的小屁股 快下楼来看看 快 快！ Honey, get your sweet little buns downstairs too. Come on, come on!
来拿礼物 Come and get them.
不是吧 太棒了！ 是啊 是啊 Awesome! No way! Yeah, yeah.
肯定要一百万元吧？ 小意思啦 It must have cost a million dollars! That's chump change now.
你们应得最好的 You guys deserve the best...
从现在起 你们要享受最好的 好吗？ ...and that's what you're gonna get from now on, okay?
都怎么了？ What's all this?
看看谁在这 你们想骑骑吗？ Look who's here. You guys wanna ride these bikes?
想！ 骑出去吧！ Yeah! Let's take them outside!
弄醒欧多雷 给那小子瞧瞧 Wake the O'Doyles, let them see what you got.
这是全镇最酷的自行车 These are the coolest bikes in the whole town.
凯文·欧多雷定会无地自容 Kevin O'Doyle's gonna shit himself.
别以为我忘了我美丽的老婆 哦 我的天那 Don't think I forgot my beautiful wife. Oh, my gosh.
不是单车或牛仔帽 但我希望你会喜欢的 It's not a bike or a cowboy hat, but you're gonna like this, I hope.
哇 迈可 真漂亮 我偷听到你跟我妈说话了 Oh, Michael, it's beautiful. I heard you talking to my mother.
我好喜欢 配你真好看 宝贝 I love it! You look good, baby.
我也为自己买了庆祝雪茄 为什么不呢？ I got myself a celebratory cigar too. Why not?
我们要庆祝什么？ What are we celebrating?
庆祝什么？ 我们都很健康 我们是个美好的家庭 "What are we celebrating?" We're healthy, we got a great family...
我是老板新入股的合伙人 ...I'm Ammer's newest partner...
哦 天哪 不是开玩笑吧？ 宝贝 祝贺你！ Oh, my God, you're kidding! Honey, congratulations!
我就知道你会很兴奋 我喜欢 我爱你 I knew it! I knew you'd be psyched! I love it! I love you!
我单枪匹马搞定了日本人的生意 I single-handedly landed the Watsuhita account.
那真太棒了 我知道今天会是个好日子 That's incredible. I knew it was gonna be a great day.
我在广播里听到我们的歌了 我们有歌吗？ I heard our song on the radio. We have a song?
甜心 我们初吻时的歌 Honey. The song that was playing during our first kiss.
拜托 你是不是又在逗我 是吗？ Come on. You're kidding me, right?
我知道那首歌 我们的歌 当然知道 是… I know our song. Our song. Of course I know our song. Our song is...
是他妈的什么歌？ What the hell was that song?
我记得这地方 还有 I remember this place.
天哪 And... Oh, my God.
金刚狼的痴呆表亲 Wolverine's goofy cousin.
看看你 你不在他的联盟 对吗？ But look at you. Wow. You are out of his league, aren't you?
对了 纸条 Oh, yeah, the notes.
真有你的 老兄 Smooth, buddy.
哦 看看她 Oh, look at her.
你应该如何回应才好呢 What's gonna happen? You got an answer to that?
搞定它 老兄 Okay. Seal the deal, pal.
她一定在想 不要亲那大胡子 All she's thinking about is, "I am not kissing that beard.
绝对不要 肯定很疼 Absolutely not, that's gonna hurt me."
等一下 Wait a minute.
是的 纽曼 Yeah, Newman. Get it.
对了 Yeah.
唐娜！ Donna!
唐娜 哦 我的天啊 Donna. Oh, my God.
哦 我的上帝 我要发骚了 I'm so horny now.
够了 该回去了 Oh, God, I'm not. Get me out of here.
“酸莓合唱团”的“逗留” 就是我们初吻时的歌 "Linger" by The Cranberries was playing during our first juicy kiss.
天哪 你穿那件粉色的衣服太美了 And, my God, you looked beautiful in that pink sweater you were wearing.
哦 亲爱的你还记得我穿什么 Honey, you remember what I was wearing?
当然 我还记得洁宁的打扮 Of course. I remember what Janine was wearing.
她把我吓惨了 She scared the shit out of me then.
我爱你 I love you.
我也爱你 宝贝 I love you too, honey.
你好 纽曼先生 Hi, Mr. Newman.
这边走 迈可 Right this way, Michael.
嘿 我的新星 祝贺你 坐吧 伙计 Hey, my new star. Congratulations. Sit down, big guy.
好的 All right.
我有点儿累 I am a little tired.
我家昨天庆祝到很晚 The family was up late last night celebrating.
你昨天的表现好的出乎意料 You really knocked one out of the park last night, didn't you?
嘿 你也很好 Hey, you were great too.
现在你只要完成结构设计图 All you gotta do is draw up the construction plans.
如果他们交了钱… If Watsuhita commits to the bulk of the funds...
我在找我的新合伙人 ...I'm looking at my new partner.
我以为我已经是你的合伙人了 I thought I was already your partner.
喔 牛仔 Whoa, cowboy.
我说做成日本人交易 你就会升职 I said, "Land the Watsuhita account, you'll get promoted."
我没有说立即 但是我已经告诉我的妻子了 I didn't mean right this second. But I already told my wife, sir.
我花了我没赚到的钱 I spent money I don't have.
交那些贷款要用我几个月的工资 To do these documents is gonna take me months.
那么你最好开始工作了 Then you better get started.
哦 我的头怎么这么疼 Wow, I just got a big headache!
我被火车还是什么撞了吗 我什么都没看见 Was I hit by a train or something? I didn't see anything.
忘了告诉你 我这个周末约了你的朋友洁宁 I forgot to tell you. I hung out with your friend Janine this weekend.
我希望她正和搞你哥哥 你这个自大的小丑 I hope she's doing your brother right now, you big-headed buffoon.
不不不 再多给你点 No, no, no. You got more.
好耶 Yeah.
不管怎样 你越快回来工作 Anyway, the sooner you get back to work...
就越快升到合伙人 ...the sooner you'll be partnerized.
我感觉到大便的味道 是吗 I taste shit. You do?
史黛西 你在我的午饭里放了大便吗 Stacy! Did you put shit in my lunch?
我要走了 先生 I'm gonna get going now, sir.
史黛西 Stacy!
你考虑过你现在想做的事情 Have you considered the consequences...
和他的结果吗 ...of the thing you're thinking about doing?
嗯 你在说什么 我应该这样做 Yeah. What are you saying, I shouldn't do it?
那是你的人生 你拿那个遥控器 做什么是你的决定 迈可 It's your life. What you do with the remote is your decision, Michael.
我知道 所以 我的意思是 我们在这里说了几个月的话 I know, so, I mean, we're talking a couple of months here.
我用遥控器快进 我错过了什么？ I fast-forward through it, what am I gonna miss?
吵架30次 理发一次 Thirty arguments and a haircut?
记得那个妖精吗？ Remember the leprechaun?
那个谷类食品广告里的 The one from the cereal ad.
“它们好吃的神奇” 那个人？ "They're magically delicious." That guy?
他总是在彩虹的尽头雕刻金罐子 He's always chasing the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.
但是当他在一天结束到那里的时候 But when he gets there at the end of the day...
只是玉米片罢了 ...it's just corn flakes.
迈可 嗯 Michael. Yes.
你不明白里面的隐喻的？ 我明白不了 好吧 You don't understand the metaphor? I won't do it, all right.
爸爸 什么事 Dad? Yeah.
我们有一些设计给你看 现在可不是好时间 We have some designs for you. It's not a good time, man.
它们可能可以帮你快点完成 Maybe they'll help you finish quicker.
好的 你想让我看这个？ 那让我看看吧 All right. You want me to look at it? Let me see.
天花板太高 走廊太窄 The ceiling's too high, the hallway's too narrow...
楼梯放在这根本没有用 ...stairway placement makes no sense at all.
这该死的房子要用什么材料建呢 匹萨 What the hell's this room made of? Pizza.
好的 这个想法真是白痴 你的要用什么材料 Well, it's stupid. Next. What is yours made of?
泡菜 哦 不要那么幼稚 Pickles. Oh, don't be a baby.
迈可 你失去理智了吗？ 他只有7岁 Michael, have you lost your mind? He's 7 years old.
如果他认为游戏房是匹萨做的 为什么不行呢？ If he wants a playroom made of pizza, then why not?
也许什么时候他长大了 会到什么该死的梦幻岛 Maybe he's gotta grow up sometime and get the hell off Fantasy Island.
嘿 匹萨男孩 生活不是凭空创造出来的 Hey, pizza boy. Life ain't about being creative.
是拍马匹 小心操作 给你老板赚很多钱 It's about kissing ass, playing it safe, making your boss a lot of money...
希望他有一天可以 丢给你一根烂骨头 知道吗？ ...in hopes one day he might throw you a stinking bone. All right?
是的 先生 Yes, sir.
安莫没把你选为合伙人 对不对 Ammer didn't make you partner, did he?
哦 宝贝 我很抱歉 Oh, honey, I'm so sorry.
但是你可以熬过去的 对吗？ 我保证 But we'll get through this, okay? I promise.
嘿 伙计 现在我们所能做的一切 只是“熬过去” Jeez! Man, that's all we ever do is get through it.
什么时候才是个头？ When is it gonna end?
很可爱 嗯？ Pretty sweet, eh?
两张大床 整体厨房 蒸气浴室 Two queen beds, full kitchen, steam shower...
还有带环绕立体声的卫星电视 ...and satellite TV with surround sound.
你为什么老是想伤害我？ 有一天我会报仇的 Why are you always trying to hurt me? One day I'm gonna hurt you back.
迈可·纽曼 我不知道你还抽雪茄 Michael Newman, I didn't know you smoked cigars.
现在是时候了 And now's the time.
不 凯西 这不是我的 No, Kathy, this isn't mine.
我从凯文手里拿来的 他像个烟囱一样抽雪茄 I took it out of Kevin's hands. Yeah, he was smoking like a chimney.
不 我没有 No, I wasn't!
我觉得我在里面闻到大麻的味道 I think I smell marijuana in it.
凯文·欧多雷 快点给我进来 马上 Kevin O'Doyle, you get your ass in this house right now!
我恨你 I hate you.
你聋了吗？ 还不快跑 我不想再叫你第二次 Are you deaf? Move it! I don't wanna have to ask you again!
毒品是给笨蛋玩的 Dope is for dopes, buddy!
快点给我进屋 Get your ass in this house!
我没有其他选择了 伙计们 We don't have any other choice, guys.
这不公平 我不想退掉我的自行车 我们不得不这样 宝贝 No fair! I don't wanna return my bike! We have to, honey.
但是这是爸爸送给我们的 因为他爱你们 But Daddy gave them to us! Because he loves you.
很不幸的是 爸爸的工作有点问题 Unfortunately, there was a mix-up at Daddy's work.
我们需要现在就退了自行车 We need to bring the bikes back for now.
但是我已经告诉凯文·欧多雷 我有自行车了 But I already told Kevin O'Doyle I got a new bike.
那么 我们可以把以前的车重刷漆 让它看起来和新的一样 Well, we can paint my old bike and make it look new.
那是女孩的车 所有的孩子都会嘲笑我的 That's a girl's bike. All the kids will make fun of me.
不 No!
我想把我的自行车留下 I wanna keep my bike!
我不能再这样下去了 I can't take this anymore.
让我快进到我升职的时候 Fast-forward me to my promotion.
迈可·纽曼 So here's to Michael Newman...
我梦寐以求的合伙人 ...the greatest partner I could ever dream of.
听 听 Hear, hear!
谢谢 谢谢 伙计们 我的家人谢谢你们 Thank you. Thank you, guys. My family thanks you.
我会做到最好不会然让你失望的 我保证 I'm gonna do the best I can and I won't let you down, I promise.
耶 Yeah!
祝贺你 纽曼先生 这太好了 谢谢你 Congratulations, Mr. Newman. This is great. Thank you.
感觉怎么样？ How's it feel, killer?
我觉得难以置信 先生 你做到了 我现在告诉你 Feels incredible, sir. Well, you earned it. I'm telling you.
不仅仅是因为 和津的那个企划案 Not just because of that Watsuhita project either.
帮我抽出空闲 现在我有更多时间 陪我的女士了 For helping me pick up the slack now I'm spending time with my lady.
嘿 小家伙 Hey, Dinkie.
你在开玩笑吗？ 你们已经约会几个月了？ Are you kidding me? You guys have been dating a couple months now?
这真是很难啊 That's pretty huge for this one.
不 前几个月挺好的 No, the first few months were easy.
一年的时候挺难熬的 It was the one-year hump that was the tough part.
她 在一个不幸的周末和我弟弟卡伯 Her inappropriate weekend with my brother in Cabo...
对我们打击很大 ...well, that was a potential speed bump.
但是 博格曼医生帮我们度过难关 对不对啊 宝贝？ But, well, Dr. Bergman helped us work through it, didn't he, honey?
他是怎么处理你和唐娜的事情的？ How's he doing for you and Donna?
博格曼医生 你是什么意思？ Dr. Bergman. What do you mean?
哦 你知道什么 宝贝 那不关我们的事 Oh, you know what, sweetie? It's none of our business.
我们让迈可为自己高兴吧 干杯 Let's let Michael bask in his glory. Cheers.
高兴吧 合伙人 Bask away, partner.
和那个人在一起一年才让我升职？ Took that bastard a year to promote me?
我还错过了什么？ What else did I miss?
天啊 需要什么吗 纽曼先生 Shit. Need something, Mr. Newman?
你是谁？ 柯尔斯顿 你的助理 Who are you? Kirsten, your assistant.
爱丽丝怎么了？ What happened to Alice?
她去了会计部 做你助手太累了 She moved to Accounting. Couldn't handle your hours.
还有她现在喜欢别人叫她艾伦 记住了吗？ And she prefers to be called Alan now. Remember?
不 No.
不 那谁是该死的博格曼医生？ No! And who the hell's Dr. Bergman?
我觉得我和迈可交流他没有反应 And I feel like Michael's making no effort to connect with me at all.
不 不 我想 那是因为我在自动模式下 No, no. I want to. I want to. It's... I'm on autopilot.
“我在自动模式下” 行尸走肉还差不多 "I'm on autopilot." More like auto-zombie.
说的好 唐娜 Good one, Donna.
“说的好 唐娜”？ 迈可 放轻松 "Good one, Donna"? Michael, relax.
这个长舌妇是谁？ 为什么我们不能单独谈谈？ Who is this bigmouth? Why can't you and I just talk?
为什么不？ 因为你不和我说话 你在家里根本就不说话 Why? Because there is no talking to you. You're never home to talk to.
当你在家里的时候 你只是坐着盯着一个地方发呆 And when you are, you're just sitting there staring off into space.
你想要我怎么样 What do you want from me?
就是这样 他就去接电话了 This is what happens. He's gonna answer his phone.
怎么回事？ 我甚至没有碰遥控器 What the heck happened? I didn't even touch the remote.
好的 你们要在晚饭的时候看电视吗？ Great, you gonna start watching TV at dinner?
哦 可以吗？ Oh, can we?
萨曼塔 我的小天使 看看你 Samantha. My little angel. Look at you.
看看你头发都长这么长了 Look how long your hair's getting.
你什么时候长大的？ 本 过来这里 When did you grow up? Ben, get over here.
别担心 我今晚不工作了 Don't worry. I'm not gonna work tonight.
一起看龙的传说 你说什么？ Watch Dragon Tales together. What do you say?
龙的传说是给小孩看的 我要看CSI Dragon Tales is for babies, Dad. I wanna watch CSI.
对 CSI(犯罪现场调查) Yeah, CSI.
这是找到女人胳膊的那一集 It's the episode when they find the lady's arm.
怎么回事？ 我错过了整个龙的传说的时期？ What happened? I missed the whole Dragon Tales era?
哦 嘿 你好 Whoa, hey, hello.
你在做什么？ 过来 把我的夹心饼干还给我！ What are you doing? Come here! Give me my Twinkie!
过来 你这个反常的小鬼！ Get back here, you freaking gremlin!
不要因为花生咬着你的夹心饼干 就对它大叫 Don't yell at Peanut because he found your Twinkie stash.
谁是花生？ 阳阳去哪儿了？ Who's Peanut? Where's Sundance?
别提阳阳 孩子们才刚不为这个哭 Don't mention Sundance. The kids just stopped crying.
为了什么？ 为什么？ 发生了什么？ About what? Why? What happened?
他死了？ He died?
哦 不 不 不 不 不 Oh, no, no, no. Oh, no.
那个傻孩子还有柔软的毛啊 The stupid idiot and soft fur.
爸爸在意太久了 他是最好的狗！ Daddy held it in so long. He was the best dog!
他自己最后才意识到 He's finally letting himself feel it.
那天晚上鸭子的头掉了 One night when the duck's head was off...
他想爬在我腿上 我没允许 ...he tried to hump my leg and I didn't let him...
我应该让他爬的 我对不起他啊 ...and I should've and I'm sorry.
多傻啊 好了 没事了 What an idiot. It's okay, it's okay.
我都做了什么啊？ What the heck did I do?
我爱你 你还爱我吗？ I love you. Do you still love me?
哦 迈可 Oh, Michael.
这 It's been...
我真的很困扰 I'm really confused.
不 不 我会改的 好吗？ 我会变成更好的人 我保证 No, no, no. I'll change, okay? I'll be a better man, I promise.
不要走 不要走 我不再工作那么多了？ Don't go, don't go. I'll stop working so much, okay?
我要和你在一起 只和我在一起好吗？ I'll be with you. Just stay with me.
天啊 鸭子这么快就忘记阳阳了 Oh, my God, it didn't take the duck long to get over Sundance.
也许有点太不正常 但这让我觉得很性奋 It's a little deviant, but it's kind of turning me on.
是吗 那我们也来一下 Yeah, well, let's kiss and make up.
不 不 No. No!
这不是我的错 It's not my fault.
它自己跳的 我甚至没有按按钮 It jumped on its own. I didn't even hit the button.
一点感觉都没有 Not even close.
什么？ Yes?
你害怕 宝贝 楼下怎么回事？ You scared... Honey, what's going on down there?
没什么 有一只老鼠 我把它杀了 It's all right! I... There was a mouse! I killed it!
它死了 不过桌子被弄坏了 It's dead! But it broke the table first!
你怎么来的 我的直觉告诉我你想见我 How did you get in here? I had a feeling you wanted to see me.
很反常 这个东西 坏了 I'm freaking out. This thing, it's broken.
那只是 它自己会自动快进 It's just... It's fast-forwarding on its own now.
那不是故障 而是特色 It's not a malfunction, it's a feature.
它会用记忆来执行你的偏好 It's using its memory to execute your preferences.
它会记东西？ 什么意思？ It remembers stuff? What do you mean?
这是这个东西的高级部分 就像TiVo(智能电视) It's an advanced piece of equipment, like TiVo.
你可以叫它MeVo You could call it MeVo.
我一次快进了做爱 我不想永远都这样 I fast-forwarded through sex one time, I don't wanna skip it forever.
我喜欢做爱 那感觉很好 I like sex. It feels good.
如果我错了可以纠正我 但是你快进了一整年 Correct me if I'm wrong, but you fast-forwarded through an entire year.
那要做很多次爱 That's a lot of sex.
把它们都放在一起 对你来说才不过30分钟 Put it all together, that's like 30 minutes' worth for you.
哦 不 不 那么 所有我快进的东西 Oh, no, no. So what, everything I fast-forwarded...
它们都会自动进行？ 没错 ...it's gonna do it on its own now? Pretty much.
再也不用洗澡 再没有交通 No more showering, no more traffic.
再没有争吵 再没有病痛 No more arguing. No more sickness.
这太糟了 这太糟了 This is bad, this is bad.
你把这个拿回去吧 我不要这个了 You take it back, I'm deactivating my service.
我放弃 我放弃 谢谢你 但是我 I quit, I quit. Thanks for everything, all right, but I...
好的 Yeah.
你 这个不 You... This is not...
不要这样 Don't be mean.
帽子挺好看的 Nice hat.
不 不 不 No, no, no.
离开我 离开我 滚 不要理我 Get away from me. Just get away. Get away. Leave me alone.
那里是不是突起？ 或者你太高兴了？ Is this a stickup? Or are you just happy?
啊？ 我把衣服都脱了 然后 Yeah? I'm gonna take my clothes off, then...
如果我是你就不会那么做 I wouldn't do that if I were you.
你会突然出现的地方只有一个了 There's only one place left for it to pop up.
哦 不不 我不想这样 来吧 伙计 Oh. No, no, I don't want that. Come on, man.
我告诉过你 这个是不退换的 I told you, this item is nonreturnable.
来吧 你就拿着吧 直到我们再遇到 Come on, just take it. Until we meet again.
不要这样 莫蒂 我怎么才能停止快进？ Don't do that. Come on, Morty. How do I get it to stop fast-forwarding?
早上好 甜心 Morning, sweetie.
你要先冲凉吗？ You wanna shower first?
好 不！ 我不能冲凉 否则我就要快进了 Yeah. No! I can't shower because then I'll fast-forward.
如果我快进了 谁知道我会快进到什么时候 And if I fast-forward, who knows how long I'll fast-forward for.
这个怎么样？ 今天会很顺利 就像穿着这个旧西式的衣服 对吧？ How's this? I'm gonna rough it today, like in the Old West. Okay?
唐娜 我先告诉你刚才发生什么事情 Donna, I wanna tell you what's going on right now so bad...
但是这样我们就会吵架 我们不能 吵架 因为一吵架我就不见了 ...but it might lead to an argument. We can't argue because off I'll go.
所以你知道这有点问题就行了 So just know there is a problem.
为这个我想了一整夜 I tried to get rid of the problem, it almost ended up in my ass.
我想就穿着这个去上班了 I'm gonna go to work and try to figure this out.
你准备穿着睡袍去上班？ You're going to work in your bathrobe?
宝贝 我们不能再吵架了 好吗？ 再也不能吵架 Honey. We can't argue, okay? No more arguing.
都是我的错 好吗 要亲一下吗 You're right. I'm wrong. All the time. You want a kiss?
那就亲一下 不 我不能亲你因为我一亲你 I'll take a kiss. I can't. If I give you a kiss...
那样会导致… 然后又是三分钟没了 ...it might lead to something else, then... three minutes goes by.
之后你就又会失望地躺在那儿 而我在笑 You're laying there disappointed, I'm smiling.
我想跟你好好度过每一分钟 所以我得走了 I wanna be with you every minute of my life, that's why I gotta leave now.
过得开心！ Have a great day!
又一次 唐娜迷茫地且失望地 坐在床上没有得到满足 Once again, Michael left Donna in bed confused and unsatisfied.
闭嘴 詹姆斯·琼斯 Shut up, James Earl Jones!
不 你闭嘴 大嘴巴！ No, you shut up, big mouth!
迈可！ Michael!
安莫先生在这儿 Mr. Ammer is here
作为合伙人第一天 你竟然穿着一身浴袍上班？ Your first day as a partner, you come to work in a fricking bathrobe?
是的是的 I did. I did.
约翰 我只是觉得我们不该 把能量浪费在穿着 John, I just feel we should stop wasting our energy...
讨论谁的西装好看 ...on corporate brown-nosing and worrying who's got the better suit.
阿玛尼 CK 谁在乎？ Armani, Calvin Klein, who cares?
还是把精力集中在工作上 Let's concentrate on what really matters, the work.
这是我听过的最疯狂的了 That's the craziest thing I've ever heard.
但他妈的你说得对极了 But goddamn it, you're right.
改变生活 我感觉更自由了 Life-changing. I feel freer.
裤子就别脱了 Yeah... Keep the pants on.
哦 性骚扰 对吗？ Sexual harassment, eh?
说到改变生活 Speaking of life-changing...
有一件事 实际上是一个人 我要跟你谈谈 ...there's something, or actually someone, I'd like to talk to you about.
洁宁 你们还好吗？ Janine. Everything okay?
迈可 洁宁和我决定不再猫鼠赛跑 Michael, Janine and I decided to drop out of the rat race...
放慢节奏 移居摩洛哥 ...slow down, move to Morocco.
摩洛哥？ 摩洛哥 Morocco? Morocco.
好 Okay.
埃里克·兰邵夫将负责 我的日常事务 Eric Lamensoff will assume my day-to-day responsibilities...
你就做他现在的工作 ...and I'd like you to take his job.
但是埃里克·兰邵夫是 整个国际部的头啊 But Eric Lamensoff is the head of the whole international division.
我做你合伙人才一天 那有怎么样？ I've been your partner one day. So?
你的每个客户都成了金蛋 Every account you worked on turned into gold.
如果有一天你成了CEO You know, I wouldn't be surprised...
我不会吃惊的 ...if one day you ended up being our CEO.
嘿 我希望如此 但是 Hey, I would love for that to happen, but...
不！不 不 不！ 我不想升职 No! No, no, no! I don't want a promotion!
不！ No!
迈可 你的电话 Michael, you have a phone call.
迈可·纽曼 Michael Newman.
怎么样 好家伙 Word up, big guy.
10年前你告诉我你想成为CEO Ten years ago you told me you wanted to be CEO.
好消息 埃里克·兰邵夫自杀了 Great news. Eric Lamensoff killed himself.
所以别再吃垃圾食品了 主席先生 So you better stop with the junk food, Mr. Chairman...
要不你也会归西的 ...or you'll end up killing yourself too.
打开虚拟窗帘 Opening virtual blinds.
10年？ 那会变得有多遭？ Ten years? How much worse can things get?
哦 我的上帝 我是只肥猪！ Oh, my God, I'm a fat guy!
看看我 Look at me.
这是什么？ 这是乳头 What is this? This is titties.
我有个奶头！ I got juicy titties!
这是什么？ What... What is that?
哦 上帝 哦 Oh, God, no.
我要回家 Just take me home.
这里是1010新闻 2017年2月5日 This is 1010 WINS news. February 5th, 2017.
小甜甜今天生下了她的第23个孩子 Britney Spears had her 23rd baby today.
她自豪的丈夫凯文·菲德兰说 他开始考虑找份工作 Proud father Kevin Federline says he's now considering getting a job.
迈可尔·杰克逊作为 第一个克隆自己的人 Also, Michael Jackson, the first man to clone himself...
正在控告他自己的克隆体 对他进行性骚扰 ...is now suing himself for molesting himself.
唐娜！ Donna!
你是谁？ Can I help you?
嘿 爸爸 “嘿 爸爸”？ Hey, Dad. "Hey, Dad"?
本？ 是你吗？ Ben? That's you?
看看你 长得这么肥 Look how big you got. You're enormous.
看看你自己 大屁股双胞胎舰长！ Look who's talking, Captain Twinkie of the S.S. Fat-Ass!
这对我树立自信心很有帮助 Really good for my self-esteem.
也许你会带我去做普拉提 Maybe if you would take me to Pilates like you said...
那样人们就不会把我当作 玫瑰·奥当劳 ...people wouldn't think I was Rosie O'Donnell!
过来 我爱你！ Come on, I love you!
带我回去！ 你太残人了！ Bring me back the Twinkies! You're so cruel!
别嚷了行吗？ 太丢人了 Will you please stop yelling? It is so embarrassing.
你是我女儿？ 妈 我去德里克家了！ Is that my daughter? Mom, I'm going to Derek's!
萨曼塔？你什么时候长出胸部了？ That's you, Samantha? When did you get boobs?
和你一起长的 我能走了吗？ The same time you did, Dad. Now can I go?
哇 哇 哇 谁是德里克？ Whoa, whoa, whoa. Who the hell's this Derek guy?
我的男朋友 学校最热门的男孩 你不知道？ My boyfriend, the hottest boy in school, hello?
我烧了他家他会更热门 He's gonna be hot when I burn his house down.
到楼上去 穿的正常点 Get your ass upstairs, put normal clothes on.
你怎么对我这么刻薄？ 给我去换了！ Why are you so mean to me? Get them on now!
把化妆都卸了！ 好吧！ And wipe off all that makeup! Right!
花生也死了？ Is Peanut dead too?
这只可真是把鸭子物尽其用了 This one's got the duck doing all the work.
唐娜 唐娜 Donna. Donna.
该死 Goddamn it.
你真漂亮 我很害怕 Look how gorgeous you look. I'm so scared.
我过来了 嘿 亲爱的 Knock, knock, gang. Hey, sweetie.
发生什么了？ What's going on?
唐娜和我准备去吃热巧克力 Donna and I were gonna get hot chocolate.
你要吗？ 你背叛了我？ You want us to bring you one? You cheating on me?
和这个丁字裤家伙在一起？ With Johnny G-String over here?
好了 暂停 我以为我们已经解决这个问题了 Come on. Time-out. I thought we were past that.
不 不 不 你是对的 没什么大不了 No, no, no, we're past this argument. No, you're right, no big deal.
你只不过是在搞别人的老婆！ Hey, it's just that you don't mess with another man's wife!
迈可！ 住手！ 住手迈可！ Michael! Stop it! Stop it, Michael!
是你自己的决定！ 别闹了！ It was your decision to move out! So stay out!
放开我！ 你竟然帮他说话？ Get off me! You sticking up for him?
滚出去 滚出去 我恨你！ Go away! Go away, I hate you!
我们不能吵架！ 唐娜 求你了！ 我恨你！我恨你！ We can't argue! Donna, please! I hate you! I hate you!
哦 不！ Oh, man!
你恨我？ You hate me?
不 不 No. No.
10年了 你还没弄完？ Ten years, you're not finished yet?
莫蒂！ 为什么要这样对我？ Morty! Why did you do this to me?
你自己干得 迈可 You did this to yourself, Michael.
不不 我不想浪费那些时光 No. No, I didn't wanna waste all that time.
我不想失去唐娜！ I didn't wanna lose Donna!
那个遥控器是跟你的行为一致的 The remote goes by your behavior.
每次你的工作和家庭产生冲突的时候 总是工作占先 Every time you had a conflict between work and home, work won.
不 不是这样的 对你的老婆撒谎 No, not true. Lie to your wife.
对你自己撒谎 但你不能对遥控器撒谎 Lie to yourself. But you cannot lie to the remote.
这个遥控器可以识别谎言 所以你不能改变已经发生的事 The remote is lie-proof, so you can't change what already happened.
但是你还是个年轻人 But you're still a young man.
一个年轻的胖子 你可以把唐娜赢回来 A young, fat man. You could win Donna back.
我这就去 So that's what I'll do.
去吧 胖子 Go for it, tubs.
你和鸭子干得不错 我看见了 I saw what you did to the duck. Very good. Nice work.
你马上就会感觉到的 You'll feel that in a second.
求你了 看我的条子 All right, please, please just read my note.
我恨你 我恨你 我恨你！ Hate you! I hate you! I hate you!
迈可 你醒了吗？ Michael, are you awake?
迈可亲爱的 你醒了吗？ Michael, honey. Are you awake?
唐娜 Donna.
我得脂肪哪儿去了？ Where'd all my fat go?
只是一个梦吗？一个糟透了的梦 It was just a dream? A terrible, terrible dream.
怎么了 迈可？ 做恶梦了？ What's that, Michael? You had a bad dream?
有只狗把我扑倒了是吗？ Did a fuzzy dog push me over?
哦 沙棘 那只神奇的狗？ Oh, Shaggy the miracle dog?
是的 如果不是他把你扑倒了 Yeah, if he hadn't knocked you on your noggin...
你就不会去做CT 就不会发现 你有癌症 还好没扩散 ...you wouldn't have had the CAT scan that found the cancer before it spread.
我得癌症了？ I have cancer?
不 你曾经得了癌症 No, you had cancer.
你是世界上唯一因化疗而增肥的人 You're the only person to gain weight during chemo.
结果导致心脏病发作 That's probably what caused your heart attack.
心脏病？ Heart attack?
我记得他们已经停止使用吗啡了啊 I thought they weaned you off the morphine.
好了 快餐先生 Okay, Mr. Junk Food...
自从那次受伤以后 你就从没有一天健康 ...since the injury, you haven't been healthy a full day.
我什么时候脑震荡的？ When exactly did I hurt my head?
什么时候？ 大概是6年前 When was it? Like, six years ago?
又是6年！ 不！ 不！ 它跳过了我所有的病痛 Six more years! No! No! It skipped all my sickness.
我叫医生把止痛药停了 I'm gonna ask them to cut back on painkillers.
唐娜 别走 Donna, don't go.
这是什么？ What's this?
3次抽脂手术之后 这还算不错 That's not bad for your third liposuction.
再来一次就行了 One more tummy tuck should take care of it.
像个大舌头 Oh, it looks like a tongue...
舔啊舔的 ...licking.
我得走了 比尔还在楼下等我 Look, I should go. Bill's waiting for me downstairs.
我得… 比尔？ So I'll probably... Bill?
你还和那个斯比度·土批度在一起？ You're still with Speedo Torpedo?
我们的“一生一世”呢 ？ Whatever happened to "forever and ever," honey?
“一生一世”？ "Forever and ever"?
听着 迈可 为了孩子 Look, Michael, I'm trying to have a civilized relationship with you...
我已经尽力维持我们的关系了 ...for the kids' sake.
我很想做朋友 但是… I really wanna be friends, but I can't do that if you...
别再弄那玩意儿了行吗？ Would you stop flapping that thing?
这是我的 我喜欢怎么弄就怎么弄！ It's my flap, I'll do whatever the hell I want with it!
完了吗？ You done?
比尔是我的丈夫 Look, Bill's my husband.
接受现实吧 我得走了 Please learn to accept that. I really have to go.
丈夫？ 唐娜？ Husband? Donna?
不 唐娜 唐娜 唐娜！ No. Donna. Donna. Donna!
欢迎来到纽曼建筑中心 Welcome to Newman Architecture.
为大家创造更美好的世界 Building a better world for all of us.
2018 最佳建筑师 Architect of the year, 2018.
笨蛋 你所有的梦想都实现了 All your dreams came true, huh, moron?
爸爸 感觉怎么样？ Dad. Hey, how you feeling?
本杰明 看看 看什么？ Benjamin. Look at that. Look... What?
你漂亮的脸蛋 开始刮胡子了？ Your face. Your skinny face. You're shaving now, huh, kid?
你的肥屁股不见了发生什么了？ 这样很好 Your entire ass is gone. What happened? Good for you.
哦 我的屁股 去我的办公室谈谈 Right, my ass. Why don't we talk about it in my office.
我的老办公室 My old office.
嘿 建筑师 你怎么做到的？ The architect. How did this happen?
妈妈说你还有一点晕晕的 不 不 不 我感觉好极了 Mom said you were still a little loopy. No, no, no. I'm feeling terrific.
你是怎么减肥的？ 和你老爸一样抽脂吗？ The weight. How did you do it? Staple treatment like your old man?
想不想打肚皮仗？ 看看我的 Wanna have a flap fight? You gotta see this...
不是 我和比尔每周坚持5次健身 No. Just working out with Bill five times a week. Same as always.
真漂亮 金发 性感嘴唇 大胸部 That's a looker. Blondie, big lips. Chesty.
你女朋友？ Is that your girl?
不 那是你女儿萨曼塔 No, that's your daughter Samantha.
哦 是的 Of course it is.
你得好好照顾她 And you better always take care of her...
确保除了你之外没人敢碰她 ...and make sure nobody touches her except you.
爸爸 我得开会了 Pop, I'm just getting ready for this meeting.
当然 我走了 Okay. Absolutely. I'll take off for you.
我想我们在一起多花些时间聚聚 I'd like to spend more time together. All of us.
一起出去吃冰激凌 怎么样？ Take you out for ice cream. How's that?
我知道你妈妈不会来 I know your mother won't come...
但是你 萨曼塔 爷爷 奶奶 ...but you, Samantha, Grandpa, Grandma.
会很温馨的 对吗？ That'd be nice, huh?
你今天有点怪怪的 I knew something was funny with you today.
爸爸 坐着我给你倒杯水 Papa, take a seat. Let me get you a water, okay?
坐着干什么？ What are we sitting for?
来吧 喝点水 好吧 喝点 Here you go, Pop, drink this. All right. Drink some water.
好了 发生什么了？ There, I had my water. What's going on?
爷爷死了 爸爸 Grandpa died, Dad.
有段时间了 He died a while back now.
不 不 No, no, no.
别这么说 Don't say that.
我在哪儿？ Where was I?
你哭了？ You're crying?
发生什么了？ What happened?
没什么 只是老了去世了 Nothing. You know, he just got old. That's life.
该死 你出生 你生活 你死去 Shit. You're born and you live and you die.
我得走了 Man, I gotta go.
嘿 等等 苏希 推迟我的会议 Hey, hang on. Susie, push my next meeting.
不不 开会去 我只是有点晕 No, no, do your meeting. It's fine. I'm just dizzy.
为什么要哭？ 我只还有点头晕 Why are you crying? I'm dizzy from the operation.
你弄得我也要哭了 爸爸 你用不着走 You're gonna make me cry, Dad. You don't... You don't have to go.
你看起来很好 You look... You look good.
没关系 再见 It's all right. Goodbye.
来吧 Come on.
来啊 Come on.
它不会带你去的 It won't take you there.
带我去哪儿？ Take me where?
你爸爸死的时候你不在那 To the moment he died. You weren't there.
我当然不在 Of course I wasn't.
带我去看看我最后和他见面的时候 Can you take me to the last time I saw him, please?
嘿 很抱歉打搅你 Hey, Dad. Sorry to bug you.
再看看我的购物中心设计行吗？ Would you mind looking at my shopping mall design again?
这个成本更低 This one is cheaper.
但是你看这个 But if you check this out...
你会看到它更加的自然 ...you'll see it has a much better natural flow...
我说过更便宜的那个 我要弄邮件了 Cheaper one, like I said. Now, just let me do my e-mail.
是的 是的 你是对的 Yeah. Yeah, you're right, Dad.
你这个笨蛋 这样不对 看啊！ He ain't right. You're a schmuck! Look at it!
惊喜 Surprise.
嘿 爷爷 Hey, Grandpa.
哦 我的上帝 Oh, my God.
怎么变得这么帅了？ When did you get so handsome?
迈可 我有个很好的主意 So, Michael, I had a wonderful idea.
你妈和她朋友今晚打牌 Your mother's playing canasta with her friends tonight.
我认为这是个好机会… I thought, "What a great opportunity."
你 我 本 我们可以去夜店 You, me and Ben should go and have a boys' night out.
不行 不行是什么意思？ Can't. What do you mean you can't?
你总得吃饭吧 You have to eat sometime.
我们可以去对着美女吹口哨 We could go, we could whistle at pretty girls.
我想去 看到吗？ 他要去 I'm down for that. See? He's down.
我不知道那是什么意思 但是他说他要去 I don't know what it means, but he's down.
嘿 别用那根手指 Hey. Please. Don't give me that finger.
这样吧 I'll make you a deal.
如果你来 我会给你表演硬币把戏 If you come, I'll show you the quarter trick.
你难道就不能看他一眼？ 我会告诉你把戏得秘密 Will you look at the man? I'll tell you the secret.
不 老爹 No, Dad.
你不想知道吗？ Don't you wanna know how I?
我不要你的什么秘密 我早就知道了 I know how you do the stupid trick. I've always known.
你能让我专心工作嘛 Can you let me do my work?
你一直都知道 You've always known.
你真可悲 You're pathetic.
好吧 Okay.
我很抱歉如此唐突 I'm so sorry I barged in.
我爱你 儿子 I love you, son.
待会见 爷爷 我爱你 See you later, Grandpa, I love you.
爸爸 Dad.
爸爸 Pop.
我爱你 儿子 I love you, son.
我也爱你 爸爸 I love you too, Dad.
我会想你的 I'll miss you.
你知道得 You know that.
再见 Goodbye.
你父亲的死 我很遗憾 I'm sorry about your father.
我并不想带走他 Taking him wasn't something I wanted to do.
带走他？ 你是什么意思 What do you mean "taking him"?
我是个天使 迈可 I'm an angel, Michael.
天使？ An angel?
我以为天使是要保护人的 I thought an angel was supposed to protect people.
我是死亡天使 I'm the angel of death.
你父亲 他的时辰到了 Your dad, it was his time.
你这个狗娘养的 You bastard.
别过来 别过来 All right, leave me alone. Leave me alone.
你玩够了 带我去个好点的地方 You had your fun. Just take me to a good place.
好了 各位现在让纽曼先生来说几句 And now, everybody, it's time for Mr. Newman to say a few words.
耶 迈可！ Yay, Michael!
上吧 迈可！ 演讲！ Go get them, Michael! Speech!
婚礼蛋糕 婚礼蛋糕 Wedding cake. Wedding cake.
好 新郎在哪儿？ 让我看看 Okay, where's the groom? Show your face.
嗨 爸爸 Hi, Dad.
本 我没有错过我儿子的婚礼 Ben. I didn't miss my son's wedding.
哇 太棒了 谁是幸运的女孩 Wow, this is terrific, buddy. Who's the lucky lady?
很有趣 纽曼先生 Very funny, Mr. Newman.
佩蒂阿姨，是你吗？ Aunt Peggy, is that you?
上帝 你老了 God, you got old.
不不 她知道我是开玩笑的 No, no. I... She... I'm just playing. She knows that.
妈妈 Ma.
本的太太 Ben's wife...
欢迎来到这个大家庭 ...welcome to the family.
谢谢 Thank you.
恭喜！大家好好玩！ Congratulations. Let's have the best night, okay?
妈妈 你太美了 Look at you, Ma. You look amazing.
迈可 长大以后你就没亲过我 Michael, you haven't kissed me like that since you were a little boy.
妈妈 你是最棒的 你知道嘛？ You are the best, Ma. You know I know that, right?
哦 亲爱的 真好听 Oh, darling, that's so sweet.
迈可 你父亲多么想见到这一天啊 You know, Michael, your father would've loved to be here.
我知道 妈妈 I know, Ma.
我很高兴你能来 Okay? I'm just glad you're here.
我也是 太美了一切都太美了 Me too, bubbala. Me too. Me too. It's beautiful. Beautiful.
看看她 Beautiful. Look at her.
唐娜 我最喜欢她 Donna, my favorite.
你居然放她走了 真笨蛋 You're such a schmuck for letting her go.
别让我毁了你的夜晚 晚点见 But don't let me ruin your evening. I'll talk to you later.
克里斯蒂娜 Christina.
迈可 你真慷慨 Michael, you've been so generous taking care of all this...
包揽了他们的蜜月费 ...and the kids' honeymoon.
应该的 谢谢你 Absolutely. Thank you so much.
她是个好孩子 Of course. Ben's wife seems like a nice kid, huh?
我觉得她棒极了 好极了 I think she's wonderful. Definite keeper.
接下来是“酸莓合唱团” Here's one you might remember from The Cranberries.
最棒的歌 不是嘛？ Out of all the songs, huh?
比尔 这是我们的孩子的婚礼 Bill, since it's our son's wedding...
你介意我和我的前夫跳只舞吗？ ...do you mind if I dance with my ex-husband for a minute?
不客气 谢谢 Not at all. Thank you.
午夜之前让她回来 行吗 冠军？ Just have her back by midnight, all right, champ?
你会的 比尔 You got it, Bill.
他怎么不穿裤子？ Why does he have a bathing suit on?
棒极了 史比杜 Nice Speedo, buddy.
还是这么香？ Still smelling good, huh?
这么多年后 After all these years.
高兴吗？ Are you happy?
我当然高兴 我们的孩子结婚了 Of course I'm happy, our son just got married.
不是这个 是关于我们走到这地步？ Not about that. Are you happy about where our lives ended up?
还没有结束呢 "Ended." It's not over yet.
这才是我的唐娜 真的 That's my Donna. It's true.
那是萨曼塔？ That Samantha?
嘿 你干什么？把胸部盖上 Hey. What are you doing? Put a sweater on. Cover them up.
你怎么了？ What is with you?
我开玩笑的 Just kidding, I...
我还不习惯见你们都长这么大 Just not used to seeing you all grown-up like this.
如果这是你的恭维 谢谢 Okay, well, if that's your way of telling me that I look pretty, then thank you.
我们去吃点心 Let's go get some cake.
爸爸 我们比赛谁先到 好啊 I'll race you there, Dad. Come on. Okay.
“爸爸”？ "Dad"?
迈可 你还好吗？ Michael, are you okay?
有医生吗？ 医生！ Is there a doctor? We need a doctor here!
迈可！ Michael!
爸爸！ 爸爸！ Dad! Dad!
只是麦片而已 It's just corn flakes.
跳一支舞 你的大动脉就破了 One dance, you pop an artery.
为什么让我浪费了一生？ Why'd you make me waste my entire life?
你在遇到我之前 You were fast-forwarding through your life...
已经快进了你的人生 ...Iong before you ever met me.
你自己决定的你的人生 You lived the life you chose, big shot.
这不是我想要的 This is not the life I wanted.
它是 It is.
看起来是 Looks like it is.
怎么样了？ Hey. You're up. How you feeling?
你们来了我感觉好多了 I feel better now that you guys are here.
萨曼塔守了36个小时了 Samantha's been here like 36 hours straight.
她说你不醒她就不走 She said she wouldn't leave the hospital until you woke up.
你为什么要这样做？ 因为你是我爸爸 Why'd you do that? Because. You're my father.
我以为比尔是你爸爸 I thought Bill was your father.
我有两个爸爸 I have two fathers.
有个告诉我他能活200岁 记得吗？ One of them told me he was gonna live till he was 200. Remember?
你们俩都需要休息一下 You both really need to get some sleep.
我还要赶飞机 And I got a plane to catch.
大本要去度蜜月了 Big Ben's gotta go on his honeymoon.
我可以取消 Actually, I just canceled the honeymoon.
金士顿的合同可能要黄 我要去善后 Kensington deal might fall through, so I gotta go do damage control.
朱丽和我随时能去意大利 不 Julie and I can go to Italy anytime. No.
没什么大不了的 It's not that big a deal.
这对你太太不公平 爸爸 That's not fair to your wife. Dad...
她知道男人要以事业为重 ...she gets it. Keeping the business going is more important.
你们得走了 他需要休息 Guys, I'm sorry. You're gonna have to leave. He needs his rest.
再见 爸爸 All right. Bye, Dad.
再见 爹的 Bye, Daddy.
把这些拿开 Get this off of me.
哇 哇哦！ Whoa, whoa!
你还不能下地呢 Hey, fella, you're a long way from walking out of here.
我要见我的孩子 I gotta see my son.
你哪儿不能去 回床上去 You're not going anywhere. Now, get back into the bed.
那是克林·法瑞尔吗？ 哪儿？ Isn't that Colin Farrell? Where?
迈可 Michael.
这个机器让你活着 Those machines are keeping you alive.
我的告诉我的孩子 I gotta talk to my boy.
迈可 停下 不 Michael, stop. No.
迈可 没必要这么快结束 Michael, it doesn't have to end now.
本！ Ben!
爸爸？ 爸爸？ Dad? Dad?
爸爸 你这是干嘛？ Dad, what are you doing?
你还好吗？ Are you okay?
哦 我的上帝 来人啊！来人啊！ Oh, my God. Help! Help!
爸爸！ 爸爸！ 来人啊！ Dad! Dad! Help!
本 本 Ben, Ben.
家庭 家庭 家庭 Family. Family. Family.
什么？ What?
家庭 家庭 家庭第一 Family. Family. Family comes first.
家庭第一 Family comes first.
蜜月 蜜月 Honeymoon. Honeymoon.
蜜月 蜜月 我爱你 Honeymoon. I love you.
萨曼塔 萨曼塔 Samantha. Samantha.
我没活到200岁 但是我爱你 I didn't make 200, but I love you.
我爱你 I love you.
比尔 比尔 比尔 Bill, Bill, Bill.
我很抱歉 I'm sorry.
迈可 Michael.
你的条子在口袋里 The note you wrote her, it's in your pocket.
一生一世 宝贝 Forever and ever, babe.
该走了 It's time to go.
我在哪儿？ 你在超越商店 Where am I? You're in Bed Bath & Beyond, sir.
我一直在看你睡觉 I was just watching you sleep.
你好像做了一个疯狂的梦 You looked like you were having a crazy dream.
什么？ What?
你不该躺在床上的 不过我有时候也这么做 You're not supposed to lay in the beds, but I do sometimes.
我回到商店了？ I'm back in the store?
我又年轻了 我又年轻了 I'm young again. I'm young again.
我意思是你不是那么年轻 Well, I mean, you're not "young" young.
不 我才年轻 你有点老了 I'm young. You're kind of on the back nine.
不不不 我只是… No, no. No. I'm just teeing off, baby.
看看你 Look at you.
你想要给朋友是吗？ 我会成你的朋友 宝贝 You want a friend? You want a friend? I'll be your friend, baby.
我会成你的朋友 I'll be your friend. I'll be your...
哦 我的上帝！ Oh, my God!
我的破车！ Yes, my crappy car!
你这普普通通的中产阶级破车！ You mediocre, middle-class piece of shit!
我爱你！ I love you!
爸爸 爸爸 你还在 Pop, Pop. Pop. There he is. There he is.
怎么了 出什么事了？ 没事 What's wrong? What happened? Nothing's wrong.
妈妈我只想告诉你我很爱你们 Everything's incredible, Ma. I just wanted to tell you I love you.
我爱你 我很爱你 I love you. I love you so much.
你的硬币把戏把我搞疯了 告诉我 You gotta tell me how you do the quarter trick, it's driving me crazy.
魔法师不会透露秘密 A magician never reveals his secrets.
如果你邀请我的话… However, if you invite us over for dinner more...
明天晚上就来 以后什么时候都可以 You come over tomorrow night, and the night after that. Any time you want.
住手 心脏病要犯了 不 我才有心脏病 Stop, I'm gonna have a heart attack. No, I have the heart attacks.
谢谢你生下我 我知道那很痛 Thank you so much for giving birth to me, I know it hurt. Okay?
你不会知道的 宝贝 别吃那甜点 You have no idea. But, honey, please, stay off the bong pipe.
我可不保证 I can't promise you that.
好了 我醒了 Okay. I'm up.
你觉得怎么样？ What do you think?
如果你先给我按摩 If you massage me first.
好吧 继续睡觉 Okay, let's go to sleep.
妈妈 起来 楼下有声音 Mom, wake up! There's a crazy noise downstairs.
搞什么飞机啊？ What the heck is going on?
嘿 小声点行吗？ 我需要集中精力 Hey, do you mind? I am trying to concentrate.
我的熬夜 Here I am, staying up all night...
为我们的国庆露营做准备 ...trying to come up with activities for our Fourth of July camping trip...
你都不给我机会想！ ...but you won't let me think!
你需要时间想？ 你为什么不多… You want time to think? Why don't you think about the fact that you just wo...
你刚才说什么？ What did you just say?
你听到了 如果你继续这样的态度… Yes, you heard me. If you keep up this weird attitude...
我没法在1年里设计10次假期 ...I won't be able to work for a year and have to plan 10 more vacations.
高兴吗？ 你是不是吃错药了？ That make you happy? Did you eat a bad Yodel?
我亲亲你性感的嘴 Give me those big lips.
怎么了？ 本 本！ What's going on down here? Ben. Ben!
过来 我的上帝 Come here. Oh, my God.
我想你 我想你 看看你 大男孩 I missed you, I missed you. Look at you, boy.
我马上弄完树屋 咱们下周就上去睡觉 I'm gonna finish the tree house. We're gonna sleep in it next weekend.
从今天开始我们一起健身 From now on, we're gonna exercise and I'm not gonna wear a Speedo.
好啊！ 好啊 All right! All right.
跳得漂亮！ 我爱你 And you. Nice jump! I love you.
有一天 你会成为最火辣的女孩 One day, you are gonna be the hottest chick alive.
但你还得有头脑 But you still gotta have brains.
明天我要教你微积分 So tomorrow I'm gonna teach you calculus.
你懂微积分？ You know calculus?
好吧被你看穿了 让你妈教你吧 I knew you'd call me on that. Your mom will teach you.
快去睡觉 我们明天要去露营！ Now, get your rest, because tomorrow we're going camping!
我知道！ 那会是最棒的！ I know! It's gonna be the best!
衣服穿好 不准脱！ 好 爸爸 Put a sweater on! Don't take it off! Okay, Daddy.
哦 阳阳！ Oh, and Sundance!
你该享受一下真家伙了 Doggie years go by very quick, so it's time to enjoy the real thing.
去吧 宝贝 Yeah, go get some, baby.
你在干什么？ 你在干什么？ What are you doing? What are you doing?
不 是阳阳 不是鸭子 No. Go to Sundance, not the duck.
宠物店说她是母狗 They told me at the pet store it was a female.
看来我上当了 They lied to me, I guess.
你今晚在楼下过？ 你想怎么？ You staying downstairs tonight? Why? That's getting you going?
国庆日 我应该和老婆好好庆祝 It's Fourth of July, I'm gonna celebrate with my wife.
慢慢来 先按摩 让她充分得到满足 Take my time, massage her, make sure she is fully satisfied.
今天不是国庆 国庆是昨天 But you know, it isn't the Fourth of July, it's only the second.
那就庆祝国庆第二天吧 That's even better. Happy second of July, honey.
我喜欢这节日 恩？ Think I like this holiday. Yeah?
我会换上我的“风中奇缘”装扮 I'm gonna go change into my Pocahontas costume.
楼上见 我会带鸭子上来 I'll see you upstairs. I'll bring the duck.
我叫老爸把帐篷准备好 Okay, I gotta call my dad and tell him to get the old tent ready.
“象我说的 好人该有好运” "Like I said, 'Good guys need a break.'
你这次会做正确的选择 I know you'll do the right thing this time.
爱你的 莫蒂 Love, Morty.
附注： P. S:
你老婆真火辣 我快疯了 Your wife's rocking body still drives me crazy."
好的 莫蒂 Okay, Morty.
嘿 谁想打枕头仗？ Hey, who wants to have a pillow fight?