我知道你们不愿意这么做 Look, I know you guys don't want to do this,
但我们别无选择 but we have no choice.
所以 你们可以选择犯贱和发牢骚 So, you can either bitch and whine
或者我们将这事儿速战速决 or we can just get it over with.
我选择“发牢骚” I got "whine."
我选择“犯那啥” I got the "b word."
好吧 我们的合同里可是有 Yeah, well, it's in our contract
为大学委员会服务这一条款的 to serve on a university committee.
坦白说 And frankly,
这条是我还是同意的 this is one I believe in.
听着啊 Okay, here we go.
激励更多的女性追求科学事业 Encouraging more women to pursue a career in the sciences.
得了吧 如果我有那么一点擅长 Come on, if I was any good
说服女人去做事情 at convincing women to do stuff,
我大把青春年华就不会浪费在淋浴间了 I wouldn't have spent so much of my 20s in the shower.
要我说的话 If you ask me,
这件事简直是在浪费我们的时间 this whole thing is a waste of our time.
你是指帮助女人？ Helping women?
是帮助任何人 Yeah, helping anyone.
人应该懂得自己照顾自己 People should take care of themselves.
是哦 就像昨天 Oh, like yesterday,
你逼我载你去干洗店 when you made me drive you to the dry cleaners,
去药店去邮局那样自己照顾自己吗？ the pharmacy and the post office?
我又没说人不能使用工具 I'm not saying people can't use tools.
哪怕是水獭想吃到蛤蜊的时候也得先把石头搬起来吧 Even an otter picks up a rock when he wants a clam.
你觉得努力让更多的女性 You don't think it's worthwhile
投身科学事业没有意义吗？ to try to get more women working in science.
我觉得那是你极端性别歧视的表现 I think that's incredibly sexist of you.
我认为在一个性别盲的社会里 I believe in a gender-blind society
比如星际迷航 各个种族各种信仰的女人和男人 like in Star Trek, where women and men
都平等地并肩辛勤工作着 of all races and creeds work side by side as equals.
你所谓的平等并肩 是说当他们已经先进到 You mean where they were advanced enough
可以发明星级曲速引擎 to invent an interstellar warp drive,
而接太空电话的还是黑人女性吗？ but a black lady still answered the space phone?
噢 我的确和Uhura少尉一起 Oh, I did spend a lot of my
度过了很多销魂的淋浴时间 shower time with Lieutenant Uhura.
先无视Howard那恼人的追忆 Howard's disturbing recollections aside,
我可不甘愿被逼去做这些 I don't appreciate being forced to do
陈腐的委员会工作 banal committee work.
是啊 我懂 您太聪明了做不了这小事 Yes, I know, you're too smart for this.
正是 Exactly.
这就像是让霹雳火 It's like asking the Human Torch
（神奇四侠之一）
去加热你冷掉的墨西哥玉米饼一样大材小用 to heat up your frozen burrito.
了解了 Got it.
好吧 我想到一个 All right, I'm thinking one way
同行审议中反歧视的方法 to counter bias in the peer-review process,
就是用难以分出性别的名字来提交论文 is for papers to be submitted under gender-neutral names.
比如用S Smith Like S. Smith
来代替Samantha Smith instead of Samantha Smith.
我想史上有很多职业女性 I suppose there is a history of professional women
都使用她们的首字母 以免因性别而被预先判断 using their initials, so as not to be pre-judged.
哈利波特的作者J.K. Rowling Harry Potter's J.K. Rowling,
嗯 星际迷航的作者D.C. Fontana uh, Star Trek's D.C. Fontana.
还有 洛城钢管舞者D.D. Melons Van Nuys pole-dancer D.D. Melons.
好啦 我想我们今天真的帮女人了 All right, I think we've really helped women today.
咱们游戏开战吧 Let's fire up the old Xbox.
同志们 拜托别让这个变成 Guys, please don't make this a school project
我这个聪明小孩做完所有事 where I'm the smart kid doing all the work
其他懒鬼们袖手旁观的学校项目好吧 while the slackers sit back and watch.
不 我们怎么会呢 No, we're not.
现在的情况是 你这个聪明小孩做完所有事 This time you're the smart kid doing all the work
而其他更聪明的小孩们袖手旁观 while the even smarter kids sit back and watch.
这么说 你认为我也是更聪明的小孩之一了？ So, you think I'm one of the smarter kids?
非也 你只是我用来证明我这一说法的工具而已 No, you're a tool I was using to make my point.
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翻译：spencerjeremy 小番薯被吃掉了 南京小黑 jaycee
审校：璞玉浑金 冰之冷 压制：胡尐睿丶
先生们 我们的话题是“激励女性从事科学” Guys, our topic is "Encouraging Women in Science."
能拜托你们至少玩一个不那么性别歧视的游戏吗？ Can you at least play a less sexist game
这游戏哪里性别歧视了？ How is it sexist?
我的角色可以像任何男人一样挥舞战斧 My character wields a battle axe as well as any man.
更别提她发达的乳房腺体了 Not to mention she has mammary glands
内容量足够喂饱一个30口之家 that could nurse a family of 30.
剩下的奶还能开一家Baskin Robbins冰淇淋店 And have enough milk left over to open a Baskin Robbins.
集母亲 武士公主 连锁店所有者于一身 Mother, warrior-princess, franchise owner--
我简直听到了全城的玻璃天花板被震碎的声音 I hear glass ceilings shattering all over town.
Sheldon 你总是不停地说 Sheldon, you're always saying
你如何比我聪明 how much smarter you are than me.
何不花五秒钟的时间来想一个 Spend five seconds and come up with one idea
如何令女人对科学感兴趣的点子啊 on how to get more women into science.
你所有的点子都只有针对大学教育水平的女性 All your ideas address the issue at a university level.
到那时已经太晚了 By then it's too late.
你得设计一个扩展项目 You need to design an outreach program
以初中女生为目标 that targets girls at the middle school level
帮助她们走向 and sets them on an academic track
学习高深科学的轨道 towards the hard sciences.
说实话这点子还真不错 That's actually good.
我怎么就没想到呢？ Why didn't I think of that?
有些人能做水獭 有些人就只能做石头 Some people are otters, some people are rocks.
我很好奇能不能 I wonder if there's a way
试行一下这个点子 we could give the idea a trial run.
或许我打电话问问我的初中母校 Maybe I could call my old middle school,
看能不能和一些女学生谈谈 see if we can talk to some of the female students.
太棒了 想办法让他们 That's great-- try to set up something
准许我们三个人去那里 for the three of us to go over there.
哦 且慢 Oh, hold on.
虽然我很乐意谈论科学 While I'm comfortable speaking about science,
但我不知道如何才能激发小孩子们的兴趣 I'm not sure I know how to spark the interest of schoolchildren.
还是谷歌一下好了 Better Google it.
你打算怎么搜索？ What exactly are you looking up?
“如何让12岁的女孩兴奋起来” "How do I get 12-year-old girls excited."
别介 别介 No! No!
再次感谢你们让我参加"女生之夜" Thanks again for letting me crash "girls' night."
你开玩笑呢吗? Are you kidding?
你带来了上好的红酒又做了起司火锅 You brought fancy wine and made fondue.
（源自瑞士，用起司煮融 蘸面包的欧式火锅）
我为更少的东西献过身呢 I've slept with guys for less.
我开玩笑的 It's a joke.
以事实为基础而已 Based on real events.
不管怎么说 我希望 Anyway, I was hoping I could, uh,
向你们来取点经 pick your brains a little.
我周五要带Lucy去约会 I'm supposed to take Lucy out Friday
我想第一次约会大获全胜 and I need a killer first date.
进化生物学表明 女生 Well, evolutionary biology says that women are attracted
会被临危不乱的男人所吸引 to a man who is steady in the face of danger,
所以我建议去个比较危险的地方 so I recommend an unsafe environment.
比如在废弃公路旁边的破酒吧里 Seedy bar on the wrong side of the tracks...
在疯人院附近野餐 picnic near a lunatic asylum...
听着Skid Row的音乐边品酒 a wine tasting on Skid Row.
（Skid Row是一支86年成立的美国重金属乐队）
呃 Lucy有点社交焦虑的问题 Eh, Lucy has some, uh, social anxiety issues.
也许我们最好从简单的开始 Maybe we could start with something simpler.
为何不带她去迪士尼? Why don't you take her to Disneyland?
你们去坐飞跃太空山 (迪士尼乐园中以太空为主题的过山车) You go on Space Mountain,
你俩周围一片漆黑 她抓着你不放 you're in the dark, she's holding onto you.
嗯 但是你得记着 Yeah, but you just have to remember,
过山车比你想象的时间短 that ride is shorter than you think
而且他们会在最后给你拍照 and they take a picture of you at the end,
所以记得"完事"后穿上衣服 so make sure you got your clothes back on.
开玩笑的啦 It's a joke.
以事实为基础而已 Based on real events.
唔 迪士尼? Mm, Disneyland?
我不知道 I don't know.
挤在人群中而且还有很多怪异的人物晃来晃去 With all the crowds and the weird characters walking around,
这环境让我想起了印度 just reminds me too much of India.
长大以后我就再没去过迪士尼了 I haven't been to Disneyland since I was a kid.
周末我们一定要去 We should definitely go one weekend.
周末人太多啦 Weekends are too crowded.
那么别管工作了 我们就平时去吧 So, blow off work, go on a weekday.
翘班? Hooky?
我这辈子还从没"翘"过什么呢 I've never played hooky in my life.
妈告诉我那样女孩就会开始堕落 My mom said that's how girls end up
然后吸大麻和听爵士乐成瘾 addicted to reefer and jazz music.
更可能是一个女孩去Best Western酒店 (Best Western hotel美国的连锁酒店) It's more like how girls end up at a Best Western hotel
和一个名叫Luther的34岁男人开房的故事 with a 34-year-old guy named Luther.
玩笑？ Joke?
现在我可以笑一下 I can laugh about it now.
那么 怎么说? So, what do you say?
这周五我们翘班去迪士尼? This Friday we ditch work and go to Disneyland?
我去 I'm in.
我也去 Me, too.
KOOTHRAPPALI: 不好意思 KOOTHRAPPALI: Excuse me,
我想我们是在讨论解决我的问题吧? I thought we were trying to solve my problem?
哦 对了 Oh, yeah, right.
等等 你的麻烦是啥来着 Wait, what was your problem again?
我 一个无法和女士交流的人 I am a man who can't talk to women,
想办法营造一个浪漫的约会 trying to figure out how to go on a romantic date
对象是一位有着严重社交焦虑症的女性 with a girl who suffers from such crippling
无法和别人相处 social anxiety she can't be around other people.
嗯 还真棘手捏 Yeah, that's a toughie.
让我们想想 Let's think.
唔…… Hmm.
我们只去迪士尼还是加州探险乐园也一起去? We doing just Disney or California Adventure, too?
你的母校能让我们 It's nice of your old school
给女学生做我们的科技演讲真是太好了 to let us try out our science talk on some female students.
嗯 她们实际上挺兴奋的 Well, they're actually pretty excited.
我是他们的最出名的校友了 I'm their most famous alum.
如果你不把那个吃了他所有妓女的 If you don't count the serial killer
连环杀手也算进去的话 who ate all those prostitutes.
你一定感觉很棒 This must feel pretty good for you,
作为一个宇航员回到母校 coming back to your alma mater as an astronaut.
是哇 上次在这里我还是个骨瘦如柴的小呆瓜 Yeah, last time I was here, I was just a scrawny little nerd.
但是现如今你更是个宇航员啦 And now you're also an astronaut.
如此多的回忆 So many memories.
在这些走廊里有多少次 I mean, how many times in these hallways
我被放倒 拳打 吐口水 was I tripped, punched and spit on?
哦 看 这是我的旧储物箱 Oh, look, here's my old locker.
我有工程硕士学位 I have a masters in engineering
但我仍然无法理解Scott Kapinski and I still can't figure out how Scott Kapinski
如何把我和我的书包塞到里面的 got me and my briefcase to fit in there.
嗨 Hey.
咋啦? What?
没啥 Nothing. (chuckling)
聪明 我们不想惹麻烦 Smart. We don't want any problems.
我真不敢相信我翘班去迪士尼玩了 I can't believe I ditched work for Disneyland.
你跟你老板怎么说的? What did you tell your boss?
我很聪明 我步步为营 Oh, I was very clever, I did it in stages.
在昨晚7:00 At 7:00 last night,
我带电话说了实验室的一个问题 I called about a problem at the lab
然后假装随便的提起我要去吃海鲜 and casually mentioned I was going out for seafood.
在9:30 At 9:30,
我打电话说我的扇贝尝起来怪怪的 I called and told him that one of my scallops tasted weird.
在11:30 我打电话然后说 At 11:30, I called and said
我吐得像个消防栓 I was throwing up like a fire hose.
在12:45 我打过去只干呕给他听 At 12:45, I called and made nothing but dry heaving sounds,
然后现在我要去迪士尼了 and now I'm going to Disneyland.
Penny 你怎么说的 Penny, what did you say?
我在芝士工厂干活 I work at the Cheesecake Factory,
所以我说"再见" I said "bye."
所以 我们先干啥 So, what are we gonna do first?
我不知道你们 I don't know about you guys,
不过我要直接奔到 but I'm gonna make a beeline for the place
给你画上公主装的地方去 that gives you a princess makeover.
哦 那听起来很有趣 Ooh, that sounds like fun.
你开玩笑的 是吧? You're kidding, right?
我们难道不是去喝点酒然后坐过山车吗? We're not just gonna get drunk and go on rides?
来嘛 跟我们一起玩 Come on, do it with us.
无所谓啦 All right, whatever.
怎么玩的? How does it work?
好的 你要选择你的公主 Okay, so, you pick your princess--
睡美人 白雪公主 灰姑娘 Sleeping Beauty, Snow White Cinderella--
他们给你假发 化装 道具 they give you hair, makeup, the works.
我觉得当灰姑娘会比较有趣 Guess it would be fun to be Cinderella.
哦 我也想当灰姑娘 Oh, I want to be Cinderella, too. Yeah.
我们不能都当灰姑娘啊 We can't all be Cinderella.
那怎么决定? Then how do we decide?
喔 那简单 Well, it's simple.
主意是我想的 This was my idea.
我开车 I'm driving.
我是灰姑娘 I'm Cinderella.
你们这些小妞有异议的话 You bitches got a problem with that,
我们可以立马停车 we could stop the car right now.
不好意思 我要和一个女孩在这约会 Excuse me, I'm meeting a girl here.
是我们的第一次约会 It's kind of our first date.
在图书馆里? In a library?
我俩都有些社交障碍 She and I are both a little awkward
这个方式看起来不错 in social situations, so this seemed like a good idea.
人们说我也不擅长交际 People say I'm a little awkward, too.
带我一起玩吧? May I join you?
No, you can't join us. 不行
快走 从哪个豌豆茎爬到人间的 Just go-go climb back up
就原路走人 whatever beanstalk you came down from.
他配不上你啊 You can do better.
啊 我们在这吃东西? Oh, we're eating here?
今天用短信交流? We're having a texting date?
人家好喜欢的 I love that.
阅读以下内容时 As you're reading, it will help to remember
请勿忘我可爱的印度口音 I have an adorable accent.
好嘞 大家等不及要开启科学之旅了吧? Okay, who's ready for some science?
我也是呢 Me, too.
在下Leonard Hofstadter博士 Okay, I am Dr. Leonard Hofstadter.
随行的是我的死党Cooper博士 I am here with my friends Dr. Cooper
宇航员Howard Wolowitz and real-life astronaut Howard Wolowitz,
我们将与大家分享 and we are going to show you girls
科学工作的乐趣 how cool a job in science can be.
到底多有趣? 问得好 How cool, you ask?
（英文原文也可理解为“有多冷？”）
几乎是零下273度这么有趣 Well, how about negative 273 degrees,
相当于熵最低值 'cause that's the temperature
的所在温度 at which entropy reaches its minimum value.
这可不就是学并快乐着? Did I just learn something new and have fun doing it?
咋地? What?
行! All right!
现在我们来认识一下 So now let's bring out
理论物理学家 theoretical physicist
Sheldon Cooper博士 Dr. Sheldon Cooper.
嗨 女性孩纸们 Hello, female children.
请允许我用一位伟大的女性科学家事迹 Allow me to inspire you
来启发各位 with a story about a great female scientist.
居里夫人生于波兰 在法国接受的教育 Polish-born, French-educated Madame Curie.
她发现了放射性物质 Codiscoverer of radioactivity,
是一位科学英雄 she was a hero
最后 她的秀发脱落 of science... until her hair fell out;
咳血以及便血 her vomit and stool became filled with blood...
她为自己的研究工作 and she was poisoned
付出了生命 to death by her own discovery.
我坚信只要努力 With a little hard work,
你们也能像居里夫人一样 I see no reason why that can't happen to any of you.
差不多了吧? Are we done?
能撤了不? Can we go?
请铭记 The thing to remember is
你们也能登上太空 you can go to outer space, too.
真的 我也曾 I mean, look at me.
从这所学校毕业 I went to this very school.
你们坐着的这些椅子 Those desks you're sitting in,
我当年曾被人用强力胶水粘上去过 I was once superglued to one of them.
你去过月球了吗? Did you go to the moon?
没 可我 No, but I did go
去过国际空间站 to the International Space Station.
是你开的火箭吗? Did you fly the rocket?
不是 No,
但我乘坐过火箭 but I was in the rocket.
不算... I didn't actually...
所以就是到处飞呗? 和我叔叔乃同道中人啊 So you just flew around? That's kind of like my uncle.
他是空乘 He's a flight attendant.
不是的... No...
我是美国的英雄 I'm an American hero.
你叔叔就上上菜而已 晓得伐? Your uncle brings people nuts, okay?
呦西 我们受益匪浅呢 哈? Boy, we are learning a lot here, huh?
谢谢 宇航员Howard Thank you, astronaut Howard.
我能是俗称的实验物理学家 Um, I am what's called an experimental physicist,
这一行其乐无穷 我主要负责验证物理理论 which is super-fun, because I get to test theories
工作时可以耍激光 and work with lasers.
请问 Yes?
你怎么决定要做一位科学家的？ How did you decide to become a scientist?
额，好问题 Uh, excellent question.
我一直都很喜欢科学 你懂的 Um, I suppose I've always been into science, you know...
我父母都是科学家 My mother and father are scientists,
所以我也就自然而然往这个方向发展了 so I was kind of led in that direction.
更确切的说是被逼的 Eh, pushed might be a better way to describe it.
实话对你们说 To be honest with you guys,
我还像你们那么年轻时 when I was your age,
愿望是当一名饶舌歌手 I wanted to be a rap star.
像Snoop Dogg(某著名饶舌歌手，多次从事不法行为)那样的 Like Snoop Dogg,
但是是遵纪守法的那种 but with a healthy respect for the police.
你们笑吧 Yeah, no, sure, you laugh.
就像我妈那样 Just like my mother did.
每当我对她说点心事 就会被嘲笑 After I confided, I was derided
或者被骂 甚至会打起来 and chided, my moms and I collided.
她说我的梦想是旁门左道 She said my dreams were misguided.
刚才是我的自由发挥 That's just a little freestyle.
我父亲在印度是位妇产科医生 KOOTHRAPALI: My dad's a gynecologist in India,
如果你在印度 需要做个检查的话 so if you're over there and need a check up,
他就会说 愿意为您的子宫颈服务 as he likes to say, he's "at your cervix."
这太恐怖了 LUCY: That's terrible.
你爸应该因为说双关语被关监狱(pun-itentiary)里 Your dad should be sent to the pun-itentiary.
这算是个恰当的 KOOTHRAPALI: That's a fitting
双关语惩罚(pun-ishment)方式 pun-ishment.
我还不知道你是干哪行的呢 I still don't know what you do for a living.
网页设计 LUCY: Web design.
我有看过你的设计吗？ KOOTHRAPALI: Anything I might have seen?
不知道呐 LUCY: I don't know.
你上过成人网站吗？ You ever look at porn Web sites?
没，肯定没 KOOTHRAPALI: No, never.
啥是成人网站? What is porn?
不好意思，是自动更正 LUCY: Sorry. Autocorrect.
我是说 That was supposed to say
毕业舞会网站 "prom Web sites."
哇，我爱死毕业舞会了 KOOTHRAPALI: Ooh, fun. I love prom.
那浪漫，那礼服 The romance, the gowns,
那叫一个现实中的童话 it's like a fairy tale come to life.
不好意思，自动更正 Sorry. Autocorrect.
我是想说 That was supposed to say,
我喜欢运动 "I like sports."
我从来不喜欢拉大提琴 I never wanted to play the cello.
拉大提琴的怎么钓的到女生啊 How do you meet girls playing the cello?
嘿 想到我家来 "Hey, you want to come over to my house
听我玩乐器吗 "and listen to me play an instrument
听起来像个自杀的大黄蜂 that sounds like a suicidal bumblebee?"
快拉响火警 Quick, pull the fire alarm.
我们好开溜 Let's get out of here.
嗨 大家好 Uh, hello again.
嗯 说实话我不太清楚 女性是否 Um, yeah, I don't know if women in general
大多数都在追求科学的路上被打击过 have been actively discouraged from pursuing the sciences,
但可以肯定的是 今天在座的各位已经被打击到了 but it's clear you young women here, today, have been.
我听着我的同事在这 浪费你们的时间 While I was listening to my colleagues waste your time,
突然想到一个更有意义的办法 it occurred to me that it might be much more meaningful
就是让你们听听研究科学的女性是怎么说的 to hear about women in science
现实中搞科学的女人 from actual women in science,
我身边恰好有两个活生生的例子 and, uh, I happen to know two brilliant examples
已经同意和你们通过这个手机聊聊 who have agreed to speak to you on the phone right now.
额，Rostenkowski博士，Fowler博士，你们在听么 Uh, Dr. Rostenkowski, Dr. Fowler, are you there?
是的 We're here.
感谢你们在百忙之中抽出时间 Thank you for taking time out of your very busy schedule
来感化这些年轻的小女生们 to enlighten these young women.
荣幸之至 It's our pleasure.
我是Fowler博士，神经学家 I'm Dr. Fowler, and I'm a neuroscientist.
我是Rostenkowski Wolowitz博士 And I'm Dr. Rostenkowski Wolowitz,
微生物学家 and I'm a microbiologist.
科学世界需要更多女性 The world of science needs more women,
但我们从很小的时候开始就发现 but from a young age, we girls are encouraged to care
比起关心我们的智商 more about the way we look
外界更关心我们的长相 than about the power of our minds.
对极了 That's true.
你们每个人都有实现 Every one of you has the capacity
任何梦想的能力 to be anything you want to be.
除非你们想做灰姑娘 Unless you want to be Cinderella.
不服是吗 Come at me.
要单挑不 See what happens.
这真是太好玩了 This was really fun.
我没电了 我就用嘴说了 My battery's dying, so I'm just gonna talk.
谢谢今天你的招待 Thanks for today.
我一直在尝试做更多让我恐惧的事情 I've been trying to do more things that scare me,
来这里显然是其中之一 and coming here was definitely one of them.
不过感觉真的很棒 But it was also really nice.
所以 谢谢 嗯 So thanks, and, um,
我要走了 I'm gonna go.
也许我能做一件让我更恐惧的事情 Maybe I could do one more scary thing
给你个吻别 before I go and give you a kiss good-bye?
你懂的 You know,
如果可以的话 if that's okay.
好啊 Okay.
啊 太恐怖了 下次吧 Panic attack! Maybe next time.
我就当作是前戏吧 I'm counting that as foreplay.
小妮妮 Bernie,
我回来了 I'm home.
今天玩的还好吧 You have fun today?
嗯 我有一个惊喜给你 Yes, and I have a surprise for you.
一定要是灰姑娘 一定要是灰姑娘 Please be Cinderella. Please be Cinderella.
您好 白马王子 Well, hello, Prince Charming.
我的公主 Milady.
额，今天那个... 哇啊? Hey, how was your... what?
让我解释一下 I can explain.
我和闺蜜们今天翘班 I played hooky with the girls,
去了迪斯尼乐园 于是... then we all went to Disneyland and got...
你在干啥 What are you doing?
哦 迪斯尼乐园啊 继续哈 我听着 Disneyland. Go on, I'm listening.
Sheldon 白雪公主只要一个吻就能醒来咯 Sheldon, all Snow White needs is one little kiss to wake up.
你说第一遍的时候我就听见咯 Heard you the first time.
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