我很强壮！ I'm strong!
我是个大块头！ I'm big!
我很性感！ I'm hot!
我是个大块头！ I'm big!
靠！ Fuck!
见鬼！ Shit!
嗨 你要去哪儿？ Hey, where you going?
我叫丹尼尔．卢戈 My name is Daniel Lugo.
我热爱健身 And I believe in fitness.
接下来你们将看到的一系列事件 ED". The events you are about to see took place
1994年10月至1995年6月间 发生在加利福尼亚州 迈阿密的 in Miami, Florida, between October 1994 and June '95.
不幸的是 这是个真实的故事 Unfortunately, this is a true story.
刚出生时我们都一样 We all start out equal,
贫弱的血液 瘦弱的肌肉 little blobs of blood and muscle.
但却蕴含着无限的潜能 It's a setup of awesome potential.
可大多数人却从不会开发这种潜能 Most people never develop that potential.
但一开始我就知道我和他们不同 - I knew early on I was not most people.
就是那样 就是那样！ 很棒！ There you go. There you go! Yes!
大块头 加油！ 宝贝 加油锻炼！ Come on, big man. Work it, baby. Come on!
动起来！ Let's go!
因为如果你愿意努力 Because if you're willing to do the work,
你终将得到收获 you can have anything.
这就是为什么美国可以这么强大的原因 That's what makes the US of A great.
一开始时 When it started,
美国只是 几个贫弱的殖民地的联邦 America was just a handful of scrawny colonies.
而现在 成了这个星球上最霸气外露的帝国 Now, it's the most buff, pumped-up country on the planet.
这很励志 - That's pretty rad.
怎么样？ That's it?
- 得再加把劲 - 我靠 - Work harder. - Shit!
- 噢！ 艾德里安又在打药了！ - 没错 DL ! - Oh! Adrian's on the juice! - Word up, DL!
很多人说 他们希望看上去能更帅或更靓些 Most people say they want to look better.
但不是每个人都愿意付出一切来实现这个目标 Not everyone is willing to do whatever it takes to achieve it.
我心中的英雄 全都是自食其力的 All of my heroes are self-made.
比如教父电影中的洛基 煞面疤星 Rocky, Scarf ace, all the guys from The Godfather.
他们都是白手起家 最终取得成功 They all started out with nothing and built their way to perfection.
证明你自己的方式 就是让你自己变得更强 The way to prove yourself is to better yourself.
这就是美国梦 That's the American dream.
我毫不同情那些挥霍自己天赋的人 I have no sympathy for people who squander their gifts.
这可真令人厌恶 It's sickening.
更令人厌恶的 是没有爱国心 It's worse than sickening. It's unpatriotic.
今天玩得真开心 Greatest day of my life.
该死的阿诺德·施瓦辛格 这个姿势差不多吧？ Arnold-fucking-Schwarzenegger, am I right?
我从不做太多健身 虽然我知道这很重要 I was never a big fitness guy. I know it's important,
但你知道么？ 我不喜欢这些重物的真正原因 but you know what I really don't like about weights?
什么原因？ What's that?
他们实在是太沉了！ They're so heavy!
对吧？ Am I right?
你能举起这个么？ Can you lift this?
你可能意识到 我以指导别人为生 I spot people for a living, when you get right down to it.
在客户锻炼时 提供保护 Gives the client security and a little extra help
并帮助他们更努力地锻炼 to push themselves harder.
你知道么 对我来说 一艘运烟船是毒贩必备的 To me, a cigarette boat was a thing drug dealers had, you know?
虽然花了很大一笔钱 但最后我们还是搞到了一艘 But we got it anyway. Cost a fortune.
起了个小狗Luv的名字 L-U-V Named her Puppy Luv. L-U-V. But when I'm out on it,
但直到我登上船的那天 我都没有意识到 depending on the day, I either fantasize
我就是个躲避DEA（禁药取缔机构）的毒品走私贩 I'm a drug smuggler eluding the DEA,
或者说 我是个被DEA追捕的毒品走私贩 or I'm the DEA chasing after a drug smuggler.
现在 我在这儿努力锻炼成头种马 I'm turning into a stud here.
你有做过什么锻炼么？ You get any exercise currently?
额..做爱算么？ Eh... Besides shtupping?
我有个价值300万的豪宅 旁边就有个私人的慢跑道 I got a three mil McMansion next to a private jogging path,
但那儿全是同性恋和家庭主妇 but it's all homos and housewives.
那你就成天宅家里？ You spend most of your day at a desk?
你知道机场那儿有家斯乐斯基餐厅么？ You know that Schlotzsky's Deli near the airport'?
就是我经营的 That's mine.
开玩笑的吧？ 我可喜欢那家了 NO kidding? Oh, I like that place.
我从不开玩笑的 尤杜 I never kid, Yudo.
- 我叫卢戈 - 恩 - Lugo. - Yeah.
卢戈 我们经营很好吃的三明治 We make a nice sandwich, Lugy.
你有试过我们的烘烤牛排和奶酪么？ You ever try our oven-toasted roast beef and cheese?
- 它们甚至能勾引起一个厌食者的食欲 - 你还有什么生意？ - Give an anorexic an appetite. - What else do you do?
炒炒股票 做做房地产 Do some stock trading, real estate.
养了几只赛犬 Own a few greyhounds for racing.
但出于一些疯狂的原因 我最引以为豪的还是三明治 But for some crazy reason, I'm proudest of the sandwiches.
我在家雇了一个性格火辣的古巴管家 I hang at the house. Got a hot Cuban housekeeper
她做华夫饼时甚至都不需要加枫糖浆 makes a waffle don't even need maple syrup.
丹尼斯 我是靠自己双手取得成功的 I'm a self-made man, Dennis.
我的成功可以说 就是赚了很大一笔钱 And my self is not ashamed to say it's made a lot of money.
或许你的成功也来自于那份沙拉 Maybe your self ought to spend some of it on a salad.
你知道谁发明了沙拉么？ You know who invented salad?
是穷人 Poor people.
事情的起源 是因为我觉得是时候要更加努力 This all began because it was time to push myself harder.
来取得最大的成功 To maximize results.
我受够了客户这样摸我的头 And I was tired of clients petting me.
该死 不然我就得穿着这运动服 Shit, otherwise I was looking at another 40 years
再工作40年 of wearing sweatpants to work.
就是这样 他在电话里就把我甩了 And that was it! He just dumped me by phone.
这还真是冷漠 That's cold!
这会让你质疑整段感情 It makes you question the whole relationship.
你给自己设置了远大的目标 想要超过大家 You set high goals for yourself and nail every one.
但是在自我改变中最难的事情 But the hardest thing about changing yourself
就是改变其他人看待你的方式 is changing how other people see you.
当一个私人教练就是这样 私人教练 Being a personal trainer is just that. Personal.
坦白的说 I'm not going to lie.
当客户和你想的不一样时 When a client doesn't feel the same way,
会觉得很伤心 it hurts.
接下来干嘛？ What next?
额 如果你想的话 Well, I mean, if you wanted,
我觉得 我们去喝一杯 you know, if it seems like it would be fun to you,
或许会挺有意思的 maybe we could go for a drink
或者一起去吃晚饭 喝点咖啡饮料什么的 or a dinner or a coffee or water.
我其实是问 接下来该做什么锻炼了 I meant what exercise is next.
这可真TMD操蛋 ll' really fucking hurts.
哈哈 我知道的 我不过是在开玩笑 来吧！ I know that! I was joking. Come on!
丹尼尔！ 我看到你又有新客户了 Daniel! I see you got some new meat.
约翰 我之前怎么说的？ What have I always said, John?
想带来回头客的关键.. The key to repeat business...
就是新生意 如果没有肌肉男 你没法建立起一个健身圣地 ls new business. You cannot build a muscle mecca without muscle.
恩 我想把这儿改造成 Well, I want to turn this place
一个国际性的知名圣地 into an internationally renowned mecca.
- 你能负重多少？ - 400磅 - What do you bench? -400.
- 几次深蹲？ - 大概五次 - Squat? - More like five.
为什么我需要雇佣你呢？ Why should I hire you?
老板 你有很多年老一些的会员 You have a lot of elderly members, sir.
我想给这儿带来新鲜血液 I want to pump some new blood into this place.
水池太平静了 That pool's a very slippery surface
那些老女人带着浴帽 and that elderly woman with the shower cap,
看起来就好像随时会在泳池里死去（健身俱乐部死气沉沉） she looks like she's going to croak right there in the pool, sir.
而新鲜会员 可以给你带来大量的收入 And Gold's is going to crush you.
如果三个月内 我不能让这儿的会员数翻三倍 那我主动辞职 If I don't triple your membership in three months, I will quit.
三个月内翻三番 你还真是有野心 Triple it in three months. That's pretty ambitious.
老板 我读过很多传记 I read a lot of biographies, sir.
那些伟人的共同点 And the one thing that unites great men
就是总能超越自己 is their reach always exceeds their grasp.
还有件事..我最近在法律上遇到点麻烦事儿 One thing... I recently had some trouble with the law.
他们称佛罗里达州为 上帝的休息室 They call Florida "God's waiting room,"
所有那些半死不活的退休市民 all the half-dead senior citizens
都在这沙滩上晒太阳 turning brown on the beach.
该死的 要是你问我 这话什么意思 Shit, you ask me, that's kind of mean.
我可是很喜欢老人 他们都很慷慨大方 I like older people. They're very generous.
那么 你真的能确保 So, you really guarantee
我的投资能在三个月内翻三番？ I can triple my investment in three months?
要是我不能的话 我会在合约的公司方 签下我名字么？ Well, if I didn't, would I have put my name on the company?
容许我和我的合伙人商量下 他们可以么？ Let me confer with my partner. Are they good?
你们获得批准了 - 哇哦！ - You're approved. - Wow!
你们知道么 我从为别人赚钱中收获成就感 You know, I get so much joy from making people money.
我会帮你们挣大钱的 I'm going to make you guys a lot of money.
你的头发真漂亮 You have such beautiful hair.
哇呢 看看你们美丽的眼睛！ Look at those eyes. Wow!
我 丹尼尔·卢戈 以这种方式来坦白我的罪行 I, Daniel Lugo, hereby acknowledge my guilt.
我知道我做的都是错事 I know what I did was wrong
没有什么可以取代努力工作 and there is no substitute for hard work.
我是个愿意努力工作的人！ 我再也不会犯错了 And I am a hard worker! And it will never happen again.
我再也不会为了谋取私利 For I used my superior intelligence
用我的聪明才智去做坏事儿了 for wrong actions to justify a good end.
那是错误的行为 And that was wrong.
如果你能释放我 我相信我能从这些错误中汲取教训 And, if you let me, I believe I can learn from my mistakes
我相信我能警示其他人 and I believe I can help others
让他们明白 通往美国梦的路上没有捷径 to realize that there is no shortcut to the American dream.
这里是美国 勇气之地 This is America, land of the brave
并且愿意给人们重新来过的机会 and home of the second chances.
我唯一的请求 That's my one ask,
就是请您今天给我第二次机会 that you give me a second chance
将我释放 and allow me to go free today.
有罪 Guilty.
我知道我有罪 我在我发言的一开始就承认了 I know I'm guilty. That's what I said in the beginning of my statement.
我说过 我有罪 不过我希望有个重新改造的机会？ - 有罪 I said, "I'm guilty." But what about my second chance?
多大点儿事 欢迎加入 That's nothing. Welcome aboard.
老板 谢谢 我不会让你失望的 Thank you, sir. I will not disappoint you.
我入职三周后 Three weeks after I signed on,
阳光健身房的会员就翻了三番 Sun Gym did triple its membership.
宝贝 我给你做了神户牛排 I'ma make you Kobe beef, baby.
再来一次！ One more!
会员注册时 我给每个人清洁身体 并上了蜡 I gave free body waxing for everybody at sign-up.
这可真是个恶心的活儿 It was kind of disgusting.
你得毫无畏惧的去做任何事儿 You have to do whatever it takes and have no fear.
哇呢 还真是浓密啊 Ooh. Wow. Bushy.
你想把它修剪一下么？ You want to trim that thing down a little bit?
我甚至天才般地提出 I even came up with genius.
对脱衣舞女郎免费开放会员资格 这主意太棒了 Free membership for strippers. Delicious.
两个月内 会员量增长了75% Boosted membership 75% within two months.
看起来就像个大份菲力牛排 宝贝 我太喜欢了！ Look like a big sirloin steak, baby! I like that!
我把这儿变成了健身圣地 I did make it a muscle mecca.
我实现了目标 I made it a destination.
约翰现在可以在钱海了打滚 John was rolling in the cash.
他开始阅读财富杂志 He started reading Fortune magazine.
他意识到我的价值 And he recognized my value.
圣诞节前 我被任命为高级健身协调总管 I made Senior Fitness Coordinator by Christmas.
拥有一些特权 事情就是这么简单 Perks included. 'Cause that's how it works.
你付出了就会有回报 You give and you get back.
噢 该死的账单 Oh, bills suck.
铺开磁铁 吸引财富 Rolled out into a money magnet.
我正在实现我的美国梦 I'm living the American dream.
赶紧记好笔记 因为我马上要告诉你们 Take notes and HI tell you the secrets
实现梦想的秘密！ of living the dream!
你的生活是不是很操蛋？ Does your life suck balls?
是不是一团糟？ Are you a hot mess?
你是否曾在家对着镜子 扣心自问 Do you ever look in your mirror at home and ask,
为什么我会这么穷？ 那么 就赶紧 "Why me?" Well, go to Jonny Wu's
来丘比特舞厅 参加乔尼·吴的黄金梦想研讨班 Golden Dream seminar at the Jupiter Ballroom
你就会找到成功的方法！ and you'll find out how to be a do-er!
我必须成功 做出一番事业的感觉确实很棒 l got to say, it felt great to be doing so awesome.
- 什么臭味啊？ - 臭味？ - What is that stink? - What stink?
你闻起来就像个古巴脱衣舞女 You smell like a Cuban stripper.
这香水是我侄女给我的圣诞礼物 My niece gave it to me for Christmas.
香水名叫做 香草帅小伙 It's called "Vanilla Fella."
好吧 这可真让我心神不宁 Oh, well, it's unsettling while I sweat here.
那么 你们就在这儿挣些小钱？ So, you make decent coin in this place?
我们经营的还不错 We do fine.
可还是得挨税务局宰一刀 不是么？ Shoots out your ass in taxes though, right'?
嗨 要是你足够聪明的话 就照我这样做 Hey, if you're smart, you do what I do.
将公司离岸注册 Incorporate offshore.
巴哈马政府不会真正关注你的文书报表 The Bahamas don't exactly sweat your paperwork
而国税局又没法接触到它们 and the IRS can't touch it.
那你在美国还有钱么？ You have any money here in the States?
当然了！ Of course!
我的离岸公司 表面上是个 My offshore stuff is just
贫困的小基金公司 掩人耳目用的 a rainy day fund, margarita money.
你应该见见我的会计师 You should meet my accountant,
他可真是要命的天才啊 he's a friggin' miracle man.
也许我会和他见见 Maybe I will.
哦 你就是个“有可能”伙计！ Oh, you're a Maybe Guy!
我看走眼了 I misjudged.
我还以为你是个“肯定的”伙计呢 达米安 I had you figured for a Definitely Guy, Damien.
不好意思 你是卢戈 卢戈 Sorry. Lugo. Lugo.
维克多的观点是对的 Victor had a point.
虽然他是个混球 可他的观点是对的 I mean, he was an asshole, but he had a point.
迈克尔柯里昂之所以能成为教父 不是靠厕所里的折叠式毛巾 Michael Corleone didn't become the Godfather by folding towels.
而是因为他在厕所里一直备着枪 并且他知道他想要什么 He did it by keeping a gun behind the toilet and knowing what he wants.
我知道这听起来可能有点奇怪 And I know it might sound strange,
我只想要有一大块肥沃的牧场 我可以在那儿悠然地割草 一直割到太阳下山 I just want a big fat lawn that I can mow until the sun goes down.
那款现在打八折！ That baby's 20% off!
额 其相应你应得之 Well, if I believe I deserve it,
天必予之 不是么？ the universe will serve it, right?
啥 你之前没听过这个说法么？ What, you never heard that before?
没，你个蠢货 No, jackass.
额 这就是为啥 你只能在这西尔斯百货店工作的原因了 老兄！ Yeah, that's why you're working at Sears, bro!
消停会 伙计 不然我就踢你屁股了 Easy, fella, or I'll kick your ass.
那是啥 是臭虫么？ What is that? Is that a bug?
那儿有个臭虫！ 你能读懂英语吧？ 能读懂 Puta Bitch这些词吧？ There's a bug! Do you read English? Yeah? Puta? Bitch? Right?
就在B和I之间 Between the "B" and the "I."
你们这帮该死的临时工！ You migrant workers suck!
我小的时候 When I was young,
有个家境富裕的小孩就住在我家两个街区外 there was a rich kid lived two blocks over.
那个熊孩子每个圣诞节都能收到一辆新自行车 Little prick had a new bike every Christmas.
屁股看起来真性感！ Your asses are looking great!
他的父母还带他去 And his parents took him on vacations
法国巴黎这样的地方度假 to places like Paris and France.
我意思是 我并不憎恶他 I mean, I didn't hate him.
我只是觉得能去瞧瞧巴黎的话 会很爽 I just thought it'd be cool to see France.
但我知道 除非我为此努力 But I knew that wasn't ever going to happen
不然这是不可能实现的 unless I did something about it.
来 预备.. - Let's go, set...
艹！ Fuck!
哟 DL 你怎么了？ Yo, what's going on, DL?
你一整天都有点精神不集中啊 You've been unfocused all day, man.
艾德里安 你有没有对你现在的处境不满过？ You ever just get tired of being where you are, Adrian?
没 我很喜欢这儿 我意思 这是器材都是全新的.. No. I kind of like it here. I mean, the weights are new...
我是指人生！ 你人生的处境！ I mean in life, man! Where you are in life.
兄弟 看看我们 我们就像是超人 I mean, look at us, man. We're like Superman.
我是指 I mean, come on!
你不觉得我们应该拥有更好的人生么？ 我就是这样想的 Don't you think we deserve better? 'Cause I do.
嗨 Hey. Yo.
兄弟 我也这样想 Man, I do, too.
快TM像个男人点！ Then fucking act like it, man! Come on!
这就是为什么看到那帮死胖子 That's why when these 'roids kick into
往玉米饼里加许多巧克力时 我就不想做玉米饼了！ this chocolate mass, baby,
我才是势不可挡的！ I'ma be unstoppable!
我再也不想做炸玉米饼了！ I ain't making no more tacos!
我再也不想清理那些不知道谁留下的玉米饼渣渣了！ I ain't cleaning up after nobody tacos!
我要把牛肉加进他们的玉米饼中！ I'm putting my beef in their tacos, baby!
所有人都TM得吃下去！ Everybody gonna eat some of this!
这就是我想和你说的 That's what I'm talking about.
我曾和你们一样 I was like you.
你们认真工作 You work hard.
你们按照要求行事 You do what you're told.
可你们的生活又是什么样子？ And what does life serve you?
就像是掺进狗屎的三明治一样 A shame sandwich with a side order of shit!
你们应该拥有更美好的生活！ You deserve better!
在美国 所有人 Every person in America
要么是个实干家 要么是个空想家 is either a do-er, or a don't-er.
实干家或是空想家 A do-er or a don't-er.
要是今天我只让你们学习一样事情 And if I can get you to learn one thing today,
唯一的要点 one take-home point,
那就是 it would be this.
不要当个空想家 Don't be a don't-er.
去做个实干家 Do be a do-er.
我曾有1个妻子和2个美丽的女儿 I had a wife, two beautiful daughters.
她是个完美的伴侣 A perfect partner.
谢天谢地 我离开了她！ Thank God I left her!
而现在有七个美人可以供我随时选择 Now I'm with seven honeys of which I can choose from.
天呐 这哥们懂我 Oh, my God. This guy understands me.
很简单 Well, it's simple.
我不知道上帝为什么要赐予我们10根手指 I don't know why God gave us 1O fingers,
实际上我们只需要3个 because we's only gonna need three.
设定目的 制定计划 Get a goal. Get a plan.
然后抬起你屁股 去实现它！ And get up off your ass!
这位花花公子 你是哪种类型的？ Which one are you, playboy?
我么？ Me?
不是你的话 难道你位置上还坐了一个人？ No, someone else sitting in your seat.
快点 你是哪种类型的？ Come on, which one are you?
我是个..实干家？ I'm a do-er?
这有什么迟疑的么？ Is that a question?
我是个实干家 I'm a do-er.
声音这么小是什么情况？ 刚过完情人节？ What is this, Valentine's Day?
大声喊出来 就像你要抓住猎物 扒它皮一样！ Say it like you want to hunt it, skin it
就像要把猎物悬挂在墙上一样！ and mount its head on your wall!
- 我是个实干家！ - 什么？ - I'm a do-er! - What?
- 我是个实干家！ - 这才像话！ - I'm a do-er! - Yeah!
- 我是个实干家！ - 我们一起来喊！ - I'm a do-er! - Let's do it!
- 我是个实干家！我是个实干家！ - I'm a do-er! I'm a do-er!
- 实干家 - 我是个实干家！ - Do-er! - I'm a do-er!
实干家 实干家 实干家！ - 我是个实干家！ Do-er! Do-er! Do-er! - I'm a do-er!
- 我是个实干家！ I'm a do-er!
他单独留下了我 He singled me out
给我上了一堂私人训练课 and gave me my own private training session.
我会让他引以为豪的 I will make him proud.
- 我真希望我有个相机能合影 - 好的 - I wish I had a camera. - All right.
让那些婊子们上船好么？ 我们得走了 Get the bitches on the boat. Okay? We got to go.
让那些婊子们赶紧上船 Get the bitches on the boat.
我们必须得走了！ We got to 9°!
我成了一个制定了三步计划的实干家 I'm a do-er with a three-finger plan.
第一步 找个有钱的家伙 Finger one, find a guy with money.
第二步 让他把一切财富都交给我 Finger two, make him give you everything he owns.
第三步 Finger three,
就是把美国变得更美好 make America a better place.
接着不留痕迹地 Leave the guy broke and clueless
丢下那个破产的富人 as to who made him that way.
- 你是认真的么？ - 是啊 - Are you serious? - Yeah.
这听起来有点像黑社会的行径啊 'Cause that's some straight-up gangsta shit.
你为啥想这么做？ - Why do you want to do this?
老兄 想泡她的话 你就是自不量力了 She's out of your league, bro.
哇 Wow.
艾德里安 你还真TM高尚 Adrian, you're fucking magnificent.
你刚来时 脂肪含量到达28% You walked in that door, you were 28% body fat,
你想降到6% you wanted to be six.
我帮你做到了 你想降到2% 我也可以帮你做到 I gave you that. You want to be two, I will give you that.
你可以做到 You deserve that.
你想成为完美身材的标杆？ You want to be a monument to physical perfection?
你想成为一代传奇？ You want to be a shrine?
你是可以做到！ You should be!
你不也是要做出些改变么？ You wanted change, right?
可你现在所有的改变就是你的腰包瘪下去了 这就是你想要的？ All you got is change in that fanny pack. Is that what you want?
你上一次为你到期的房子付房租是什么时候？ When's the last time you paid your rent when it was due?
你上一次带个丰满的姥子出去吃晚餐 When's the last time you took one of those plump bitches out to dinner
给他们点甜点是什么时候？ and didn't sweat them ordering dessert?
你喜欢这些这些妹子们 You love those big bitches.
而她们都是吃货 这就是关键点！ And they love to eat. It's okay. That's important!
这狗屎般的生活不能继续下去了 But this being broke shit's got to stop, man.
老兄 想泡妹子的话你得有钱 You need some money to go with that body, man.
艾德里安赞同这个主意 Adrian loved the idea.
嗨 这家伙想要份工作 你会面试他么？ Hey, that guy wants a job. Will you interview him?
但为了落实这项计划 But to implement a plan of this intensity,
我们还得另找个帮手 we needed to secure another operative.
朋友 你空余时间都去哪儿消磨？ Where'd you do your time, pal?
北边那儿 Up north.
联邦矫正俱乐部 是白领的聚集地啊 Club Fed Correctional. White collar.
我在那儿学到了很多 那儿全都是商人 I learned a lot. It's all businessmen.
嗨 你吃了多少蛋白粉啊？ Hey, how many grams of protein do you eat?
你现在工作怎么样？ How you fixed for a job now?
唉，不咋滴 Well, it's not good.
当你档案有些污点记录时 日子总会变得有些艰难 It's kind of hard when you got a record.
我明白 I know.
就好比麦当劳对你说 It doesn't feel real good when Mickey D's tells you
你连炸薯片都做不好时 那感觉确实不怎么样 you're not even good enough to make the French fries.
我们都犯过错 We all make mistakes.
这并不意外着 我们会为此少丢掉一些权力 Doesn't mean we have less right to a piece of the pie.
你健身的时候或是锻炼前会补充氨基酸么？ Amino acids after you work out or before?
难道你们健身时吃炒冰么？ 水果炒冰之类的 So you do it with smoothies, like, fruit smoothies,
- 或者 喝豆奶？ - 什么？ -or just, like, soy milk? - What?
别理他了 你犯过什么事儿？ Don't mind him. What were you in for?
你知道为什么习惯habit和兔子rabbit的发音相似么？ PAUL". Know why habit rhymes with rabbit?
因为你的整个人生都好像陷进一个兔子洞一样 'Cause your whole life disappears down a bunny hole,
你会有灵敏的大耳朵 while you grow long sensitive ears
来更好地辨别警报声 to better hear the sound of sirens coming for you.
幸运的是 我被拯救出来 Lucky for me, I got saved.
拯救神的所有子民 是我的特殊使命 Saving all of God's creatures was my special mission.
你知道 只有神之子才知道如何说不 You know, the Son of God knew how to just say no.
我猜你会说 他是我的榜样 I guess you could say He's my role model.
为什么选择迈阿密？ Why Miami?
因为这儿又温暖又有沙滩 It was warm. It had beaches.
我在佛罗里达州没有任何权限 And I didn't have any warrants in Florida.
阿提卡的兰迪牧师 Chaplain at Attica said Pastor Randy
也曾在习惯的路上跌倒过 had been down the habit road himself,
所以他愿意帮助我 so he'd help me.
工作日9点 周末10点时这儿才会关门 Curfew is 9:00 on weekdays, 10:00 on weekends.
老兄 我之前一直会在这儿 I've been there, dude.
要是你想来谈谈 我的大门随时为你而开 If you want to rap, my door is always open.
我也喜欢交流 你会发现我是个很友善的人 I like to rap. You'll find me very friendly.
随时都会恭候你的到来的 Just come in any time. Any time at all.
我是兰迪 I'm just Randy, man.
对于我的自我提升 Daniel was really encouraging
丹尼尔一直在鼓励我 about my self-improvement.
- 而且我真的想有个朋友 - 噢！ - And I needed a friend. - Oh!
自从妈妈死后 我就没什么朋友 Hadn't really had a friend since Ma died.
你觉得怎么样 喝杯啤酒？ What do you think, you want to go get a beer?
我不喝酒的 I'm sober.
不错 That's a good thing.
啤酒只是个表述方式 我们去喝点什么吧 "A beer" is only an expression. Let's go get something to drink,
- 出去逛逛吧 - 好的 -hang out. - Okay.
为伟大的索丽娜·吕妮塔欢呼吧！ Make some noise for the great Sorina Luminita!
这里是迈阿密 纯金酒吧 This is Solid Gold, Miami.
嗨 这是母乳么？ Hey, is that breast milk?
- 啥？ - 这是人奶么？ - What? - Is that breast milk?
- 为啥这得是母乳？ - 因为它就是 - Why would that be breast milk? -'Cause this is.
听好 拿着这个 Listen. You take this,
加进去的话 你就能得到真正的生长激素 you put it in there and you got the real HGH.
就像一种类固醇奶昔一样！ I'm talking about a steroid shake!
我从一个孕妇那儿买的 I got this pregnant chick I buy it from.
她很干净的 She real clean, too.
- 不 - 不不不 千真万确 - No. - No, no, no, for real.
她可是有全套的检查证明 She just got her tests and everything.
真是二你有喝过孕妇的乳汁么？ Oh, my.“ You ever suck a pregnant woman tittie?
真是棒极了 你也来点吧！ Oh, my God! This is so good! Come on, try some.
哥们 会让你看起来更健壮的！ It'll make you great, man!
你知道么 虽然你肌肉已经很发达了 但你可以更发达些？ You already big, but you could be bigger, you know?
我也很发达 我都快浮肿了！ I'm big! I'ma be swolled, though.
穿过门时都得侧着走 Walk sideways through doors.
来点么？ 我们可是好兄弟 You want some? We could be tittie brothers.
耶！ Yeah!
我准备说 不 I'm going to go with "no."
- 失陪一下 - 你.. - Excuse me. - What you...
现在就留我一个在酒吧？ Now I'm the guy at the bar?
好吧 还是我自己享用这些母乳吧 Fine, keep my breast milk to myself.
酶 保罗 你觉得索丽娜怎么样？ Hey, Paul? What do you think of Sorina?
哇哦 她.. - 对 她就是个女神！ Wow, she's... Exactly. She's perfect!
我还以为我们只能在伦敦找演员的 And we thought we were gonna have to cast in London.
给我介绍下你们在拍的电影叹 Please, tell me again about this movie you're making.
宝贝 不是个电影 是个音乐片 No, it's not a movie, baby, it's a music video.
大笔预算 夕阳 豪车 埃菲尔铁塔 But big budget. Sets, cars, Eiffel Tower.
场面会很震撼的 It's going to be amazing.
保罗 给索丽娜介绍下 Tell Sorina about the song, Paul.
她很激动的 She's very excited.
恩里克是..是我们的主唱 Enrique is our... ls our lead singer.
他和一个美女相爱了 And he falls in love with a beautiful woman.
- 我么？ - 你就是女主演！ - Me? - You're the leading lady!
当然啦！ Yes, of course!
他一路追寻着那个美女 也就是 And he follows this beautiful woman, you,
直至伦敦 all the way to London.
所有一切都是从特兰西瓦尼亚（罗马尼亚一座城市）开始的 It all started in Transylvania.
我曾当选罗马尼亚小姐 I was Miss Bucharest.
吕妮塔·德勒格内什蒂就是个娼妓！ Ludimila Draganesti is a whore!
她性贿赂那帮愚蠢的评委 She show her vageena to the stupid judge.
我知道像我这样的女性 I knew the only place a woman like me could be appreciated
只有在美国才能得到赏识 was in United States.
毕竟 那是个机会之地 After all, it was the land of opportunity.
美国 USA.
- 再见！ - 我看过＜风月俏佳人＞ - Good bye! - I saw Pretty Woman.
朱莉亚·罗伯茨所做的 All Julia Roberts had to do
就是给李察·基尔展现了她的阴道 was show Richard Gere her pvsda
然后她就可以贝弗利山那儿购物了（意思指出名了） and she got a shopping trip to Beverly Hills.
我的阴道可比她的漂亮多了 My msda was so much nicer than hers.
我现在遇到了丹尼尔 Then I met Daniel.
他有种乐观进取的精神 He had that can-do spirit.
哦 再用力点！ Yes! Bang me harder!
车子.. The car...
我的美国梦终于可以实现了 My American dream was finally coming true.
真爽！ That was great!
你不能把别人绑架了来夺取他的财产！ You can't just kidnap a guy and take his things!
你不能这样 这是违法的 You can't do that. That's so illegal.
我们可以 我们可是实干家 Yes, we can. We're do-ers. Do-ers do.
我才不做 我刚出狱 I can't do right now. I just got out of prison.
保罗 你畏惧了 That's fear, Paul.
- 好吧 宝贝 晚安了！ - 再见 - All right. Good night, babe! - Bye.
你知道什么是畏惧么？ Do you know what fear is?
似乎为真的假证据？ False Evidence Appearing Real?
那是乔尼吴说的教义！ That's a Jonny Wu line!
似乎为真的假证据 False Evidence Appearing Real.
你也知道乔尼吴？ You know Jonny Wu, too?
我压根不认识那个亚洲小子 I don't know anything about an Asian guy.
那是AA协会的教义 That's an AA line.
AA是1935年起源于俄亥俄州阿克伦市 AA started in 1935, Akron, Ohio.
我不想参与进来 你们自己干吧 And I want no part of this. You're on your own.
- 我们一起干 耶 - 才不一起.. - We're gonna do this. Yeah. - We're not gonna...
- 你会和我们一起干的 - 我才不 - You're gonna do this with us. - I'm not.
会很有趣的 It's gonna be fun.
DL 你肯定知道怎么办吧 You sure know how to pick 'em, DL.
这哥们真TM是个怪胎 Dude's a freak of fucking nature.
应该永远把他关起来 Ought to put a fence around him.
我会为丹尼 卢戈做任何事的 I'd do anything for Danny Lugo.
他是我的伙伴 He was my boy.
最亲密的伙伴 As good to me as anyone ever was.
他就是个慷慨的混蛋 He was a big-hearted motherfucker
我知道他一直为我考虑 who I knew only had my best in mind.
但是这个混蛋 But the shit he was poppin'?
在逐渐影响我的想法 This daffy plot he had percolating?
我从没犯过罪 I'd never been a crimer.
也没有理由去犯罪 Ain't never had a reason to be.
快！ Come on!
该死的 我老二不行了 Goddamn! My shit stopped working.
突然间 我有了犯罪的理由 Then all of a sudden, I had a reason.
道波先生 你还在服用类固醇么？ Mr. Doorbal, are you currently using steroids?
没有 女士 No, ma'am.
是么 你上次注射是什么时候？ Really? When's the last time you injected?
额，周一？ Uh, Monday?
昨天嘛 好的 Yesterday. Okay. Um...
我得记录下 “使用中…” I'm just going to put down "using."
我会把他们全扔出去了 I threw them all out.
我觉得他们把我搞垮了 I think they messed me up.
没事的 Hmm. It's okay.
你可能只能患上了勃起障碍综合症 You probably just have Defeated Phallus Syndrome.
我们一直收治这样的病例 We, like, treat it here all the time.
但是别担心 我们会治好的 But don't worry, we can change all that.
我们这儿专门研究这个 It's what we specialize in here.
阳具魔法 Penis magic.
奥 Aw.
每天都有很多蛋蛋来这儿的 It took a lot of balls to come in here.
或者葡萄干这个比喻更恰当吧 More like Raisinets.
至少你的也是裹着巧克力的葡萄干 At least yours are chocolate-covered Raisinets.
额..哦 Eh? Uh... Oh.
对不起 我只是觉得 Sorry. It's just I find nothing sexier
没什么比带泪的强壮黑人更性感的了 than a big black man in tears.
我喜欢享受非洲大陆上的雨（意思享受与黑人做爱） I love me some rain on the African plain.
我希望你女朋友知道他有多幸运 I hope your girlfriend knows just how lucky she is.
如果有个女朋友的话 她会知道的 She would know if she existed,
可是我并没有女朋友 but she doesn't exist, so...
我猜她并不知道 I guess she don't know.
哎 Whoa.
我刚突然想象到了我们在滑水道里玩的场景 I just got a flash of us together on a water slide.
这是类固醇引发的阳痪 It's a steroid-induced impotence.
但只要给你的老二 But with a shot of an engorgital
打上一针 right into your penis,
你就会和你高中时期一样 you will return to those
生龙活虎 金枪不倒 beautiful, robust erections of your high school days.
你还记得你的高中时期吧？ You do remember your high school days, don't you?
太放纵了！ Hell, yeah!
我曾给我老二起了绰号 I used to have a nickname for my di... I mean, penis.
叫他 欧内斯托 I used to call him Ernesto.
我曾叫我私处 米歇尔 之类的 I used to call my vag Michelle. What?
就交给我吧 Just leave it up to me and
我会里面让欧内斯托挂上最高档 I'll have Ernesto up in high gear in no time.
这些注射费贵么 医生？ Those injections expensive, Doctor?
他们都被明码标价 They come with a price.
我一直努力当个好人 PAUL". I was trying so hard to be good.
可迈阿密有太多诱惑了 But there was so much temptation in Miami.
你该休息休息了 You should take a break.
谢谢你 神父 Oh, thanks, Father.
迈阿密还真是热 This Miami heat is really crazy.
哇 你的汗滴在你的肌肉上闪闪发光.. Wow, the way your sweat's glistening off your muscles...
你知道么 耶稣曾说过 You know, Jesus said,
“劳累一生的人 来我这儿” "Come to me, all who are weary,
“我将让你们安息” "and I will give you rest."
保罗 我可以给你安息 I can give you rest, Paul.
你身体真棒 You're so buff.
为啥他要告诉我我身体真棒？ Why was he telling me I was buff?
伙计！ Hey, buddy!
谢谢你能来 Thanks for coming.
你之前说的 我想了很久 I've been thinking a lot about what you said.
我在教堂里的工作出了点状况 Things aren't working out too good at the church.
我狂揍了他一顿 PAUL". {just snapped.
- 我几乎杀了他 - 别为此流泪 保罗 - I almost killed him. - Don't sweat that, Paul.
我们会平稳完成计划 没谁会受伤 对吧？ We go through with this, nobody gets hurt, right?
身体上的伤害？ 当然不会 Physically hurt? No, man!
就是个单纯的绑架！ This is a straight-up kidnapping, that's all!
就像次抢劫 It's like a snatch-and-grab.
很简单的 我们绑架他 威胁他 Very simple. We snatch him, we grab him,
他签署几份文件 he signs a few signatures,
我们再给他点蛋白质奶昔 就让他回家 we give him a protein shake and we show him the door.
他甚至都不会知道发生了些什么！ He doesn't even know what happened!
他会觉得他刚只是做了笔生意！ He thinks he made a deal!
- 对吧？ - 恩 - Right? - Huh.
保罗 你听好 我看过许多电影 Listen. I watch a lot of movies, Paul.
我清楚我在干嘛 I know what I'm doing.
这可真高级！ This is the shit, man!
艾德里安 放下那些 行么？ Adrian, put those down, will you?
先生们不好意思 这是警方专用的 Sorry, gentlemen. Police use only.
老兄 我们是坦帕市警局的 没关系 Tampa PD, brother. It's okay.
那样的话 我得核实下徽章 In that case, I need to see badges.
我们退休了..额.. We're, uh, retired. Off the, uh...
刚刚离职 Off the job.
现在我们从事安保工作 额.. And now we're doing security for a, um...
为一个叫做银河的摇滚乐队做安保 For a rock group called, uh, Stryper,
- 我不知道你听过么 - 哦 我听过.. - I don't know if you've heard... - Oh, I've heard...
Never again will an oppressor
BOTH". Overrun my people!
For now I'm keeping watch!
就是这个调调 耶！ - That's the gospel, yeah!
人们经常过 爱摇滚的基督教徒都是傻X And people say Christian rock sucks.
谁说的？ Who says that?
是啊 谁？ Yeah, who?
没人 额 我意思混蛋才那么说 Nobody. I mean, well, fucking assholes do.
额 Huh. Oh...
你知道么 我记得银河乐队已经解散了 You know, I, uh, I actually thought that Stryper broke up.
实际上 他们正准备在 They're actually having a reunion tour
在耶路撒冷举办重逢演出 in Jerusalem.
哇！ Ooh!
因此他们需要加强安保 And they need extra security.
我们也不希望去那种鬼地方 Look, we wish we didn't have to go there, but, uh,
但是如你所见 but as you know,
老兄 世道没那么太平了 it's not the world we live in now, brother.
说的对 So true. Hmm.
那么 我能为你们做点啥么？ So, what can I do you for?
我们想买一些武器 We're looking for merchandise to shock, incapacitate
能够把我们的同事威慑 制服甚至羁押起来 and imprison our fellow man.
好吧 说实话 你会爱上这个的 Okay, seriously, you're gonna love this, all right?
我之前这么干过 所有 快冲我开枪 I've done it before, so come on. Just hit me.
快点啊 冲我开枪！ 快点 射我！ Come on, just hit me, hit me! Come on, do it!
射我！射我！ Hit me! Hit me!
那一刻 That moment,
我知道我组建了完美团队 I knew I assembled the right crew.
道尔和道波 Doyle and Doorbal,
如同老式学院里冰冷的橄榄球员一样 stone-cold ballers from the old school.
接下来 是测试阶段 Now, test phase.
这种情况下 将人质绑架出来的最佳方法 The best way to do a human extraction like this,
像在这种位置的话 最佳方式是水运 in a location like this, would be through the water,
可惜我们没有船 我们要从陆地上行动 but we don't have a boat, so we're going in by land.
我们从灌木丛中开始突袭 We're gonna hit the bushes
接着 在五秒内集合到蓝点 and get to blue point two within five seconds.
这儿能清楚观察到入口 Here we get a clear view of our entry point.
丹尼是个天才策划者！ PAUL". Danny was a mastermind!
在这屋子里我们尽快打倒他 We hit him in the house as soon as possible,
把他从前门带出来 bring him out right through the front door,
穿过灌木丛 然后带上货车 through the bushes and back to the van.
三角洲部队完成这样的任务大概需要53秒 Delta Force could do a mission like this in probably 53 seconds.
但凭借我们的运动员体质 But with our athletic superiority,
我们应该能在40秒内完成 好么？ we should be able to do it in about 40. All right?
有个问题就是 他家里有一个女仆 One problem. He's got a live-in maid,
如果她在场的话 我们就把她打晕 清理出去 so if she's there, we knock her out on the way out.
我知道丹尼为了这狗屎计划花了很多开销 I knew Danny was making most of this shit up.
但没关系 我们马上就TM的有钱了 But it didn't matter. We were going to be fucking rich.
后退！ Back!
他在组织安息日活动！ He's having Shabbat!
哦 该死 走走走！ Oh, shit. Go, go, go, go, go!
中止任务 中止任务！ Mission abort! Mission abort!
我们会被抓起来 被抓起来的！ We're gonna get caught! We're gonna get caught!
中止任务 中止任务 中止任务！ Mission abort! Mission abort! Mission abort!
我不想再回监狱！ I don't want to go back to prison!
把他困住 Block him in.
我们从后面跳出来 然后抓住他 Gotta jump off the back, we snatch him.
我真不知道他怎么想出备用方案的 I honestly don't know how he figures this stuff out.
忍者 这是你的忍服 Here. Ninja. That's your suit right there.
- 绿色臭虫 - 不是的 - Green bug. - No, man.
你认真的么？ Are you serious?
- 是啊 - 他哪儿像忍者了？ - Yeah. - How does he get to be a ninja?
鹰（目标）正在移动 Eagle is on the move.
他正搬着一大袋木炭 穿着白色短裤 He's carrying a big bag of charcoal. White shorts.
他向我们走来了 He's coming to us.
准备制伏目标 Prepare to neutralize the target.
快快快 Come on, come on, come on.
见鬼 他来了 来了！ Shit, he's coming, he's coming!
快快快 抓紧行动！ Come on, come on, come on! Hurry up! Hurry up!
快快快 抓住他！ Go, go, go, go, go! Get him! Get him! Get him!
什么情况？ What the hell?
混球！ Ass wipe!
- 你们抓到他了么？ - 毛 - Did you get him? - Prick.
- 他在哪儿？ - 真是帮疯子 - Where is he? - Fucking maniac.
这TM什么情况？ 他明明刚就在这儿的！ What the fuck? He was right here!
他去哪儿了？ 你找到他了么？ Where'd he go? You see him?
他TM到底在哪儿？ 你TM在耍我吧？ Where the hell is he? You've got to be fucking kidding me!
- 他在那儿！ - 卧槽！ - There he is! - Fuck!
你找错了他的宝马车了？ You got the wrong BMW?
这儿有两辆一模一样的宝马！ It's two exact BMW's!
我让你好好检查拍照的！ I told you to check the license plate!
这是个无心之过！ It was an honest mistake!
哟 我们觉得就是这辆车 看起来一模一样啊 Yo, we thought it was the same car. It looks exactly the same.
我和你说过 车牌号M98305 上面还印着“Miami Bitch”！ I told you, M98305 "Miami Bitch"!
这很难么？ Is that too hard?
- 这是个无心之过 - 去死吧！ - It was an honest... - Fuck that!
去你大爷的！ Fuck you!
我能治好他的阳痪 I can deal with his impotence,
可我却TM治不好你的脑残！ I cannot deal with your incompetence! What the fuck?
你今天让我有点失望 You were a bit of a disappointment today.
你负责呆在鹰巢 You're reassigned to Eagle's Nest.
明天我们一定得成功 Tomorrow we get our prize.
就在斯乐斯基饭店 Schlotzskys.
该死的！ God damn m
有个新名词就做“卫生学” There's this crazy new thing called "hygiene."
瞧瞧你们自己 你们可是在卖吃的！ Look at yourselves! You handle food.
你脸上那是啥 疤疹么？ What are we talking here, herpes?
死胖子 他们在家不停喂你吃东西么？ Don't they feed you at home, chunky trunks, huh?
是的 Yeah.
我们坚持在三明治中加入熏牛肉片 就为了让产品新颖么？ And can we stick a smidge of pastrami in the sandwiches, just for the novelty?
去你妹的青春痘和邀逞鬼 给我注意卫生！ Fucking Pimple and Blimpie here.
你TM想干嘛？ What the fuck do you want?
什么情况？ 你们TM是谁？ What is this about? Who the fuck are you?
这电击枪还真是带感！ Do these tasers rock or what?
嗨 Hey.
- 你们想干嘛？ - 你给家打电话 - What do you want? - You gonna call home.
打电话给你的小辣妹 You gonna tell your baby mamacita
让她立马带着孩子回哥伦比亚 现在就打！ she gonna take the kid and go home to Colombia, immediately!
让她别告诉任何人 特别是警方 And she tells no one. Especially la policia.
要是她报案的话 Because if she does,
那你可就有大麻烦了 that's a big fucking problem for you, man.
- 你好 这里是克肖家 - 别别 - Hello? Kershaw residence. - No, no,
我找克肖夫人 just get Mrs. Kershaw.
她在上网球课呢 She's at her tennis lesson.
她不在 她不在家！ She's not there! She's not home!
让她赶紧找到她！你个杂种！ Tell her to get her, you piece of shit!
你把他电晕了！ You knocked him out, man!
你TM为啥要这么做？ What the fuck did you do that for?
- 放下那该死的电击枪 - 好的好的 - Put the fucking thing away! - Okay, okay.
我得先看下使用手册 I need to read the manual.
你TM再也用不到了 You don't fucking need it anymore.
来 你拿好 Here. You take it.
鹰巢 我们正在过来 Eagle's Nest, it's coming in hot.
老鼠已被关进笼子 报告结束 爱国者二号？ Rat's in the cage. Over. Patriot Two?
爱国者二号？ Patriot Two?
收到 爱国者一号 额.. Roger that, Patriot One. Uh...
你不是说你朋友 在仓库里 Didn't you say that your friend kept athletic supplies
收藏了很多运动器材么？ here in his warehouse?
现在是谈这个问题的时候么？ Do we have to have this conversation now?
报告结束 有什么问题么？ Over. What's the issue?
爱国者一号 我现在看到很多同性恋用的道具 I'm looking at a lot of homo stuff right now, Patriot One.
很多 A lot.
哦 真TM是个脑残！ Oh, such a fucking moron!
爱国者二号 我们现在有点忙 Patriot Two, we're a little busy here.
别闹了 Come on, man.
就如同我想的一样 PAUL". It was what I thought it was.
五秒倒计时 Target time in five seconds,
4 3 2 1 four, three, two, one.
打开那该死的门 伙计！ Open the frickin' gate, man!
这些道具很怪异 但很令人吃惊 These things were weird, but amazing.
开门啊 傻逼爱国者二号 Open the F-ing gate, Patriot Moron Two.
现在给我出来！ Out, now!
罩住他 Cover him up.
快！ Répido!
- 求求你们！ - 闭嘴！ - Please! - Shut up!
我祖父在1943年从德国逃亡出去 My grandfather ﬂed Germany in 1943.
不.. No...
我出生在波哥大 在纽约长大 I was born in Bogota', grew up in New York City.
那时我为了完成大学学业 Put myself through college
我每周得在必胜客工作6个晚上 working six nights a week at Pizza Hut.
表面上我完全破产了 Busted my ass,
实际上我在第三世界国家 but ended up comptroller of a billion dollar pipeline
隐藏了大约10亿美元的财富 in the rectum of the Third World.
为了这些财富 我忍受了许多普通人闻所未闻的困苦 I put up with shit they don't have names for in civilization.
有意思的是 我之所以离开南美洲 就是因为那儿绑架案件太多了 Funny, I left South America because there was too much kidnapping.
这就是所谓的讽刺吧 That's what you cal! irony.
但要是他们觉得一点拳打脚踢就能让我屈服 But if they think a little slapping around's gonna break me,
他们就小瞧我 维克多．佩 佩．克肖了 they don't know Victor Pepe Kershaw.
有人能告诉这到底怎么一回事么？ Somebody want to tell me what the hell is going on here?
维克 我努力过 每天我醒来时 I struggle, Vic. I wake up each day
我都尽全力提高我自己 and I try to live a life dedicated to self-improvement.
为了能获得让我散步的私人小径 To finding a personal path that allows me
为了找到赏识我特殊才能的人 to employ my special gifts.
就像这样把人绑在椅子上 Like tying guys to chairs
还有老虎钳钳他们的鼻子？ and sticking pliers up their nose?
那人说话时你给我闭嘴！ You shut your mouth while the man's talking!
维克多 你应该像老鼠一样保持安静 You got to be quiet, Victor. Like a mouse.
我这一生中见过很多像你这样的人 I see guys like you my whole life.
你们移民来这个国家 美国则向你们展示出她迷人的一面 You roll into this country, and America, she just spreads her pretty cheeks.
而同时 出生在美国三色旗下的本地人 Meantime, native sons born of the red, white and blue
却被抛弃了 为了混口饭吃 只能对你们假装虔诚！ are left broken, snuffling for your crumbs!
你们这帮愚蠢的贱民 之所以会一贫如洗 You're broke, you dumb shit,
是因为你们没上大学 because you never went to college.
因此 Thereby guaranteeing
你们的余生 you were going to spend the rest of your life
就只为你们的胸肌困扰 纠结着健身 obsessing over pectoral muscles.
你为啥这么说？ Why'd you say that?
混蛋 你为啥这么说？ Why'd you say that, you piece of shit,
为啥谈到胸肌？ about pectoral muscles?
快TM告诉我！ Fucking tell me now!
- 怎么了？ - 怎么了？！ - What's going on? - What's going on?
这混蛋不知道为什么 What's going on is this dude seems to think
他知道我是谁！ he knows who the fuck I am!
不 我不知道 No, I don't, I don't.
告诉我 为啥你会那么说！ Tell me why the fuck you said that!
你快TM告诉我！ Well, you're going to fucking tell me!
你快TM告诉我！ You're going to fucking tell me now!
不..我不知道你是谁 No, I don't... I don't know.
- 冷静点 - 见鬼 - Come on, man. - Fuck that.
- 告诉我 不！ - Tell me. - No!
维克多 我不知道你有没有意识到 I don't know if you realize this, Victor,
但你现在哪儿都跑不了 but you're not going anywhere anytime soon.
你只能告诉我 快把他扶起来！ You're going to tell me. Get him up! Now!
扶起来！ - Get him up!
丹尼 是你的古龙香水 Your cologne, Danny.
你那散发恶臭的 可怕的 香草味的 令人厌恶的古龙香水 Your stinky, awful, vanilla, disgusting cologne.
当我说出来时我就知道 我亲手关上了我命运的大门 As soon as I said it, I knew I'd sealed my fate.
都怪我那半哥伦比亚人半犹太人的脾气 My goddamn half-Colombian, half-Jew temper.
丹尼 杀了我可帮不了你找工作 Killing me is not going to give you job skills, Danny.
我不仅仅是想霸占你的一样 I don't just want everything you have.
我更想让你 I want you
一无所有 not to have it.
现在该怎么办？ What are we gonna do now?
现在该怎么办？ 你什么意思 What do you mean, "What are we gonna do?"
我们正处于行动中 We're doing it.
一切尽在掌握之中 你TM能爷们儿点么 Everything's under control. You better fucking man up.
我们接下来得打几个电话 We're gonna make some phone calls.
维克多 你在听我说话么？ You hear me, Victor?
原本行动应该很顺利的 PAUL". This was supposed to be easy.
恩 你已经打通了 Yes, you've reached the office
维克多．佩佩．克肖的办公室 of Victor Pepe Kershaw.
我现在暂时没法接你电话 I'm not in to take your call right now,
因为现在我被一群恶棍给绑架了 because I'm being held hostage by a bunch of fucking body...
..克肖 我现在暂时没法接你电话 ...Kershaw. I'm not in to take your call right now.
请留下语音留言.. Please leave a message at the tone...
并且看着上帝的份儿上 救救我吧！ And for God's sake, help me!
我那该死的教练 丹尼尔.. My asshole trainer, Daniel...
我保证 我再也不那么做了 Okay. it won't happen again. I understand.
请留下语音 -- Please leave a message
我会指派专员 and a designated representative
给您回复 - will get back to you.
先生们 是我 听好了 Gentlemen, it's me. Listen closely.
拉比．梅尔曼 盖特．尤妮福 Rabbi Melman, Gut Yontiff.
我没事 我刚摔倒我胫骨了 I'm fine. I just banged my shin.
带孩子会你父母那儿 Take the kid to your parents
直到我解决这儿的事再回来 until I can get this worked out.
千万别和警察报告 好么 宝贝？ And not a word to the police, baby, okay?
一个字都别说 Not one word.
我再也不需要什么秘书 I don't need a secretary anymore.
你已经被辞退了！ Okay, you're fired!
这些玩意儿的工程设计还真是复杂 There's some complex engineering in these things.
[英语掺杂些西班牙语…] No necesita... You know, to clean Ia casa.
杰克 事情很简单 Jack... It's very simple.
我爱上了一个少妇 I've fallen in love with a younger woman
我们准备搬到圣胡安（波多黎各首都） and we're relocating to San Juan.
我知道.. I know. ..
好吧 多多保重 Okay, take care.
好的 一切顺利 All right, we're good here.
爱国者二号 你负责第一班监视 Patriot Two, you got first watch.
第一班？ -- First watch?
恩 Uh-huh.
- 我得监视他？ - 是的 - I got to watch him? - Yeah.
- 我们得分开行动？ - 我们三班倒 - We're gonna be alone? - We're gonna rotate.
我得去工作了！ 我们得装好门面 I got to go to work! We got to keep up appearances.
那你要我干什么？ What do you want me to do?
密切注意他 Keep an eye on him.
- 他在哭啊！ - 没事 他会停下的 - He's crying! - That's okay, he'll stop.
连续迟到三天了 Late three times in a row.
蒂芙妮 克肖先生11点给我来电话了么？ Tiffany, did my 11:00 call? Mr. Kershaw?
没有 卢戈先生 He didn't call, Mr. Lugo.
请叫我疯狂先生 You know, call me crazy.
我也不清楚 我身体感觉棒极了 I don't know... My body's top priority.
每件事都逐渐被安排好了 Everything was falling into place.
有人么？ Anybody here?
我想喝水！ I need a drink!
有人么？ Somebody?
我想喝水！ I need a drink!
额.. - 来人啊！ Urn... Somebody!
额.. Uh...
我们这儿没有酒 We don't keep spirits here.
而且我戒酒的 And I'm sober.
别废话！ No shit!
- 我也是 是么？ - Me, too. - You are?
真酷啊 赞美耶稣！ So cool. Praise Jesus!
给我来点小吃什么的 那才是光荣的一刻 Got my chip and everything. That was a proud moment.
你会觉得光荣的 给你 You should be proud. There you go.
你知道么 我在服刑时 You know, when I was in prison,
接近一年的时间里我都没喝过酒 I was clean for nearly a year.
- 是么？ - 恩 - Yeah? - Yeah.
但我出狱一周前 我喝了点Pruno But a week before I got sprung, I had a little pruno slip.
- 恩？ - Pruno是一种监狱里的酒 - Huh? - Pruno is prison wine.
监狱里 我做的Pruno最棒了 I made the best pruno in the yard.
你知道么？ You know what?
可能我在这儿的真正原因 Maybe the real reason I'm here
是为了帮助你 is to help you
保持每一天都清醒着 get through another day sober.
- 那很重的 - 我知道 确实很重 - That's heavy. - It really is. I know.
真的很重 It truly is.
对这发生的一切 我深表遗憾 I'm sorry about all this. Everything.
别 没事 既来之则安之 Oh, no, no. It's okay. Shit happens. Forget it.
但真的 But really,
我可能是被作为提醒者 被派到这儿来的 maybe I was sent as a reminder.
你明白吃饱 甚至是吃撑的感受么？ Do you believe in that stuff? Higher power stuff?
我会帮你实现的 I live it.
好的.. Okay...
你觉得我能再吃块墨西哥卷饼么？ You think I could get another one of those Taco Supremes?
恩.. Yeah...
当然了 给你 我们交换下 Sure. There you go. We'll switch.
恩 Mmm.
哦耶 哦 Oh, yeah. Oh, baby.
他们冷着吃更棒 - They're even better cold.
- 你肯定是饿坏了 - 恩 - You must be so hungry. - Mmm.
你比其他两个人好多了 You are so much nicer than the other two.
哈 他们也是好人 Ah, they're sweet guys.
你只不过还不了解他们 You just don't know them yet.
但还是谢谢你的称赞 But thank you for the compliment.
看 你在维护他们 See, the simple fact that you are defending them
就说明你比他们更好 suggests that you are nicer than they are.
就像我刚才说的 I'm just saying.
你是个犹太人 是么？ You're a Jew, right?
恩 我是 Yes, I am.
有一半犹太的基因 Half-Jew.
有什么问题么？ You have a problem with that?
我觉得我可以帮你 I think I can help you.
那就太好了！ That would be great!
那就太好了！ That would be great.
怎么 我意思是 你怎么帮我？ How? I mean, how so?
维克多 你愿意接受耶稣基督为你的救世主么？ Victor, do you accept Jesus Christ as your personal savior?
维克多？ Victor?
我愿意 I do.
感觉真不赖 -- That felt great.
你怎么做到的？ How did you do that?
我有这种天赋 I have a gift.
这是种天赋 It's a gift.
你真是个好人 You're good.
你们很忙啊！ Busy day!
- 把他喊醒 - 起来了！ - Wake him up. - Get up!
哦耶..看看这.. Oh, yeah... Look at that...
快拿点纸巾来 该死！ Get some paper towels, damn it!
- 耶 - 见鬼！ - Yeah. - Shit!
要是保险单上有尿迹 If there's pee on the policy,
他们会认为他是生活不能自理 取消保险资格的！ they'll think he's incontinental and flag it!
见鬼！ Shit!
你个蠢货 刚拼错词了 失禁是incontinent 而不是incontinental It's not "incontinental," you moron. It's "incontinent."
卢戈 你犯罪心理学还真是好啊 You really are a brilliant criminal mind, Lugo.
至少 我足够聪明到不会被捆着躺在这儿 Well, I'm smart enough not to be the one cuffed to a couch,
还TM的小便失禁 about to get cleaned the fuck out.
在这儿签名 - 哼！ This one's gonna require your signature. Bing!
没门 No fucking way.
我知道你看不见我 维克多 I know you can't see me, Victor,
但我看上去是有点可疑 but I have a look of suspicion on my face.
为啥会可疑呢？ What's there to be suspicious about?
我想称呼你为伊利达 I would like to call you Eldad.
希伯来语中 伊利达意指 为神所爱 In Hebrew, it means "Beloved of God."
朋友 这样可以么？ Would that be okay, my friend?
维克多 我深感荣幸 I would be honored, Victor.
佩佩是我第二个朋友 PAUL". Pepe was my second friend.
薄弱环节
老兄 轮到我了 你回家吧 It's my shift, bro. Go home.
去做礼拜或者随你高兴干嘛 Go to church or whatever you do.
现在轮到我的拷打时间了 It's my torture chamber now.
道尔总是愿意多监视几次 Doyle was taking extra shifts with Kershaw.
这引起了我的注意 And, yes, it was getting my attention.
索丽娜 你在家么？ Sorina, you home?
你在搞什么鬼？ What the hell are you doing?
想看清你到底是谁 Trying to see who you really are.
新成员
一个大型音乐剧导演 A big music video director
可不需要这些夜视仪！ does not need these glasses that see in the dark!
我希望你别动我的设备 I don't want you going through my stuff.
好么？ 这些可不是玩具 Okay? These are not toys.
大导演竟然会在史努比的椅子上 Big director driving your pussy-ass Fiero
和你做爱！ with the Scooby-Doo seats!
我希望你坐下来 好好听我说 I need you to sit down right now and listen very carefully.
我知道我最近去哪儿了么？ You know where I've been all day?
我在维吉尼亚州的兰里总部（CIA总部） I've been at headquarters in Langley, Virginia.
相信我 我之所以没对你坦白 是怕你受伤 I haven't been truthful with you, and, believe me, it hurts.
你要理解我的工作 You have got to understand my work.
我为CIA效力 I'm in the CIA.
现在 因为我告诉你这个秘密 甚至会有好人为此死去 Now, good men have died to keep what I just told you a secret.
CIA？ 警方那种CIA？ CIA? Like the CIA-police CIA?
这些护目镜 都是政府发行的 Those goggles, they're government issue,
我想某种程度上 我也是受政府控制的 and, I guess in a way, so am I.
丹尼尔 你在CIA？ CIA, Daniel?
- 听起来真酷！ - 不不不 - That is so hot! - No, no, no, no, no.
你最好能听完全部 It's better you hear it all.
我.. L...
我是指 我经常会疑神疑鬼的 因为过去的事情 I mean, I've seen things, okay? Done things.
有次在香港执行任务 我被迫在树上生活了一星期 One time in Hong Kong, I had to live for a week in a tree.
没有食物 不能洗澡 什么都没有 No food, no bathroom, no nothing.
宝贝你真可怜！ 我很抱歉！ You poor, poor baby! I am so sorry!
你知道么 我接近你的真实原因 Do you know, this is the real reason I approached you.
- 我？ - 是的 - Me? - Yes.
你觉得你能胜任做一名侦探么？ You think you can handle being an operative?
天呐 丹尼尔 好的！我愿意做任何事情 Oh, my God, Daniel, yes! I'll do anything!
你认识我的副官 保罗么？ You know my associate, Paul?
- 那个大块头？ - 是的 那个怪异的家伙 - The big guy? - Yeah, the weird guy?
恩 你要和你一起协作 Yeah. You're gonna have to work close with him.
这是收养我的国家 我愿意为美国献身 This is my adopted country. I'll die for it.
丹尼尔 你有抓过女间谍么？ Daniel, did you ever catch a spy girl?
或许你捆打过她的屁股 And then maybe you have to be spanking her.
还用脏话羞辱她 Yeah, and calling her dirty,
那些臭妹子（美帝亡我之心不死啊..有兴趣的可以查下第一个单词） Commie-sucking whore.
不计一切代价 Whatever it takes.
从1972年后 该品种开始在NYSE上交易？ "...which has been trading on the NYSE since 1972."
NYSE？ NYSE?
纽约证券交易所 New York Stock Exchange.
我是纽约人 Oh. I'm from New York.
好的 那接下来 All right, next...
我给你读读 智能炸弹客 I can read to you about the Unabomber.
挺吓人的 Scary.
嗷！ Oh!
该死 维克多 你为什么要逼我这么做？ Damn it! Why'd you make me do that to you, Victor?
我有职责在身！ I have responsibilities!
耶稣基督赋予了我很多才能！ Jesus Christ Himself has blessed me with many gifts!
其中一项就像是这样 把人打倒！ One of them is knocking someone the fuck out!
佩佩 你还好么？ Pepe, you okay?
佩佩？ Pepe?
我是伊利达 It's Eldad.
你好啊 詹姆斯邦德 -- 蜜罐行动 Hello, James Bond.
怎么这么沮丧呢？ Why so sad?
我今天不得不伤害了一个人 I had to hurt a man today.
- 哇哦 - 我本不想那么做 - Wow. - I didn't want to,
我喜欢他 'cause I like him.
但是他逼我那么做 But he forced me to.
听好 在你的工作中 人们免不了受伤 Look, in your line of work, people do get hurt.
- 好的 - 丹尼让我 现在和你一起行动 - Okay. - Danny tells me I'm with you now.
我们一起工作 一起玩耍 We work together, we play together.
为了国家 For king and country.
一起玩听起来不错 Playing together sounds good.
很不错 Very good.
我还没搞清楚你在说啥 I still have no idea what you're talking about right now.
没关系 我知道你是谁就行 Oh, it's okay. I know who you are.
那么 既然我们相遇了 你应该 Well, you should, 'cause we've met.
再和我说下 一起玩的事儿 Tell me about the playing again?
我一大早醒来 就很亢奋 I woke up this morning in a state of excitement,
来跳段艳舞吧 lap dancing the day away.
圣经上记载说 PAUL". It's like the Bible says...
付出了你就会有百倍的回报 You give and you get back a hundredfold.
可有个浑身油光的矮胖子 And then some greasy pudge-bunny
过来夺走了这一切 comes and takes it all away.
我刚和这位小姐正在交谈 Me and the lady were having a conversation.
老兄 你不该穿黄色衣服 You should never wear yellow, pal.
小孩子会觉得你是校车司机 想来搭车的 Little kids might think you're a school bus and climb on for a ride.
他叫 弗兰克·格里加 PAUL". His name was Frank Griga
他是金海滩上第三富有的人 and he was the third richest man in Golden Beach.
我当时并不知道 I didn't know any of that then.
我只知道他是个花花公子 All I knew was that he was a douche.
已经三周了 维克多还没投降 We were three weeks in and Victor wasn't breaking.
- 你养着一条赛犬 是么？ - 恩 - You got a racing dog, huh? - Mmm-hmm.
嗨 克肖先生把美味的鲁宾（赛犬名）卖给你了么？ Hey! So, Mr. Kershaw sold you Tasty Reuben?
恩 美味的鲁宾现在开始就是我的了 Yep. Tasty Reuben's all mine now.
我们来玩个新把戏 Let's try something new.
应该会有人喜欢这个的 This one, I think, is gonna be a fan favorite.
- 现在你准备签字了么？ - 不！ - You ready to sign now? - No!
这家伙真是条汉子 The guy was fierce.
哈 快过来 嗨！ 宝贝！ Ha! Come on, come on! Hey, baby!
你从哪儿搞到那条狗？ Where did you get that dog?
我想见你想疯了！ I got somebody here that wants to meet you!
天呐 我爱死他了 Oh, my God, I love him!
卢戈 你可以取代我的生活 Lugo, you can get my life,
但你却取代不了我！ but you can't have my shit!
宝贝 我只不过想有点成就罢了 All I wanted was a little effort, baby.
吃我翔吧 Eat me, Doogie.
在健身房里 他可从来没这么坚强过 He never worked this hard in the gym.
但我会 我以磨练他们为生 But I did. I break guys for a living.
- 现在你准备签字么？ - 吃翔去吧！ - Are you ready to sign now? - Fuck you!
再让他绕一圈 Take him around again.
我恨你 I hate you.
多谢了 老兄 Thanks, buddy.
嗯哼 Mmm-hmm.
好的 好的 恩 Good. Good. Hmm.
啊哦 Uh-oh.
有..什么问题么？ Is... Is there a problem?
不 没有任何问题 No, there shouldn't be a problem.
只不过既然是转账凭单的话 It's just that all of these transfer documents,
需要有公证人见证的 they need to be witnessed by a notary public.
额 你们不能代办么？ Well, can't you do that?
乐意之至 We'd be delighted.
只不过需要你和克肖先生 We just need you and Mr. Kershaw
当着我们公证人的面 签署文件 to sign the documents in the presence of our notary.
但是克肖先生现在在欧洲忙着拯救大象呢 But Mr. Kershaw is overseas in Europe saving elephants.
你们可以直接转账 没事的 So, you can just... It's okay.
额 那样的话 就有问题了 Well, around here, we call that a problem.
草草草草！ Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!
把它扔进垃圾堆 和我的梦想一起 Put it in the trash, with the rest of my dreams.
不反抗么 约翰？ No contest, John?
失去了赞助商 关于联邦破产法第11条 我们得破产了 Lost the sponsor. Chapter 11.
我和你说过Alnino Tropical Blast公司的收益 I told you Amino Tropical Blast's benefits
是毫无根据的 were totally undocumented.
约翰 我能再看你办公室一眼么？ Can I see you in the office for a minute, John?
你现在还是个公证人吧？ You're still a notary, aren't you?
我猜这没什么问题 怎么了？ Yeah. Technically, I guess. Why?
额 我希望你能帮忙转移些财产 Well, I was hoping you could transfer some property.
我和我的一个朋友做了笔生意 I made a deal with a friend of mine.
明天和他一起过来就行 Just bring him by tomorrow.
额 我朋友他回不来 Look, my friend, he cannot come back, okay?
这是个很特殊的情况 This is a very unique situation.
他正出国 想给这个世界做些公益事业 He's out there trying to impact the world in a positive way.
不行 公证人之所以成为公证人 No, that's the only reason for a notary,
就是因为我必须亲眼见证文件的签署 is that I have to witness the signing of the document.
不然的话 可能随便从大街上拉个人 Otherwise, somebody could just come in off the street,
来伪造签名 然后转移走财产 forge somebody's signature and take all their shit.
你知道 我有个印章 You know, I got a stamp.
能借给我么？ Can I borrow it?
不 你不能借我的印章 那可是很严肃的事儿 No, you can't borrow my stamp. That's sacred.
公证人有啥了不起的？ What the fuck are notaries, man?
我们可是司法官员 We're officers of the law.
记得这小妞么？ 雪莉？ 曾在这儿工作过 Remember this chick? Shelley? Used to work here?
这黑人小妞？ 我上过她 Black chick? I fucked her.
就是个荡妇 Big slut.
- 哦 约翰？ - 恩 - Oh, John? - Yeah.
你知道么 我 额 You know, I, um,
翻译：电影天堂 字幕制作：非知名人士
说不定可以帮你找个赞助商 I might have found a sponsor for your competition.
你听说过斯乐斯基饭店么？ You ever heard of Schlotzsky's?
签名有点潦草 但是没关系 The signature's a little off here, but no big deal.
好的 往下放 往下！ 好的 停！ All right, down, down, down! Just... There, there, there!
太棒了！ Love it!
第一步 找个有钱人 完成 Finger one, find somebody with money. Check.
第二步 让他把所有财产交给你 Finger two, make him give you everything he owns.
300万美元的豪宅 Three million dollar house,
50万美元现金 完成 500,000 cash. Check.
第三步 把美国变得更美好 Finger three, make America a better place.
你说过不使用暴力 You said no violence.
不使用该死的暴力的！ No bad violence!
我知道！ I know! Okay?
我向上帝发誓 我当时真的那么想的 And I meant it when I said it, I swear to God.
好么？ 这是这家伙知道我是谁 All right? But this guy, he knows who I am.
他可以举证我 He could ID me.
好么？ 这会引来警方调查你的 All right? That's gonna lead them to you.
我不杀生 I cannot kill.
好吧 我正式指出 Duly noted. All right?
要是你不得不这么做的话 你得做出调整 But if you had to do it, you would adapt.
你得扣心自问 好么？ You would reach down deep, right?
扣心自问是什么意思？ What do you mean, "reach down deep"?
要是我扣心了 可那儿什么都没有呢？ What if I reach down and there's nothing there?
那我们就给你一车钱 然后一刀两断吧 Then we give you bus money and you're off the team.
这太刺耳了 我想留在团队里 That's harsh. I want to be on the team.
我也想你留下来 好么？ I want you to be on the team. Okay?
主神想让你变富有！ And the Good Lord wants you to be rich!
好么？ 但是维克多会毁了这一切 All right? But he could put us all away.
他见过我们 大块头 他也见过你 He saw us, big guy. He saw you.
你想回到原点么？ Do you want to go back?
我不会让他这么对你的 I'm not gonna let him do that to you.
我不会让这一切发生的 I'm not gonna let that happen to you.
你不会回到原点的！ You're not going back!
听好 当这一切结束时 我们就去野营 Look, when this is over, we'll all go camping.
- 好么？ - 好的 - All right? - Okay.
还有 And, meanwhile,
让他过得舒服点 好么？ 把他灌醉 make him comfy, all right? Just get him drunk.
我不能那么做 I can't do that.
为什么？ Why?
佩佩他戒酒 Pepe is sober.
求你件事 好么？ Do me a favor, okay?
别喊他佩佩行么 听起来就像是你们从6年级就开始在一起了 Don't call him Pepe like you were in the sixth grade together.
嗨 Hey.
就我们两个人么？ Are we alone?
恩 - Yeah.
你能.. Would you...
你能帮我..帮我逃走么？ Would you help me... Help me escape?
你需要钱 You need money.
我有钱 你可以全部拿走 I've got money. You can have it all.
- 全部拿走 - 维克多 维克多 - Everything. - Victor, Victor.
我不想死啊 伊利达 现在还不想死啊 I don't want to die, Eldad. Not now.
我的儿子.. My son...
听好 维克多 Look, Victor. Victor.
马上这一切就会结束 This will all be over very soon.
我们今晚就送你上飞机 We're gonna get you on a plane tonight.
我们在机场认识人 We know someone at the airport
他今晚会把你送出国 who's gonna get you out of the country tonight,
但他这么做的条件 but the only way he's gonna do it
就是你必须酩配大醉 is if you're knee-walking drunk.
这样你就不会记住他的脸 你必须这么做 You won't remember his face. You have to.
如果我死了 你们就会喝酒庆祝的 You're going to need a drink if I die,
你个混蛋！ you half-a-retard!
等我去天堂时 And when I get to heaven,
我会向耶稣揭发你都做了些什么 I'm going to tell Jesus what you did.
你不会去见耶稣的 You're not going to tell Jesus anything.
我来帮你！ I'm doing you a favor!
我会给你个私人飞机！ I'm giving you a private jet!
把你送出国的！ Whisking you out of the country!
嗨 这儿看上去可不像个机场 Hey, this don't look like an airport.
我的飞机呢？ Where's my jet?
别担心 你就在回家的路上 Don't worry, you're still going home.
我赌1000块 撞上那个挖沟机 A thousand bucks if I smash him
- 他就会粉身碎骨！ - 快点 - into that fucking backhoe! - Do it.
- 1000块么？ - 1000块！ - A thousand? - A thousand!
- 再喝点 再喝点！ - 嗨 你个贱人... - Drink some! Drink some! - Hey... Son of a...
天呐 Oh, my God.
- 嗨 我有个.. - 给我TM安静下来 Hey, I have a... Calm the fuck down.
耶！ Yes!
我TM地告诉过你！ I fucking told you!
真幸运我这车配置了气囊 Lucky I had an airbag.
你给他系上了安全带？ You put on his fucking seat belt?
恩 Yeah.
法律这么规定的 It is the law.
要是你不系上安全带 你会被安全气囊打伤脸的 You don't put on a seat belt, you'll hurt your face
他们是这么说的 with the airbag. That's what they tell you.
法律规定 系上安全带 "Buckle up. It's the law."
他体内的酒精含量都快到耳朵了！ His blood alcohol's up to his ears!
没人会希望他能系上安全带！ Nobody would expect him to buckle up!
恩 我同意 这也太愚蠢了 Yeah, I concur. That was real stupid.
你刚就是在让一个好人遭罪 You just made a good man suffer.
这可真TM完美！ This is going fucking perfect!
- 完美 - 把汽油桶拿来！ - Perfect. - Get the gas can now!
你站在他那一边？ You're siding with him?
我就像送冰人（美国一著名杀手）一样好么？一击致命！ I was like the Iceman, okay? Bull's-eye! Strike!
混蛋 Suckers.
我自己去搬汽油桶 I'll get the gas can. I'll be alone.
嗨 佩佩 你还好么？ 我是伊利达 Hey, Pepe, it's Eldad. You okay?
别这样 拜托 别这样 Don't do that right now, please. Don't.
伊利达 一切顺利 All good, Eldad.
我们撤 Let's go. Let's go, let's go.
快点 -- Hurry up.
槽糕 Uh-oh.
哦 见鬼 Oh, shit.
保罗 从他身上压过去 Paul, just run him over.
压过去？ Just run him over?
是 发动汽车 辗压过去 Yeah, just start the car and just run him over.
我做不到 我们.. I can't start the car and run him over. We...
保罗 你的朋友佩佩身上正在着火 Paul, your friend Pepe is on fire.
他会死的 He's going to die anyway.
你忍心他这样受罪么 Do you want him to suffer,
或者你来帮他从痛苦中解脱？ or you want to take him out of his misery?
你能做到的对吧？ 发动汽车 You can do this, okay? Start the car,
挂上档 把他撞倒 put it in gear and run him over.
我不明白 DL 这太赤裸裸了 I don't know, DL. That's hardcore, man.
发动这该死的汽车 撞过去！ Start the fucking car and go!
倒过去辗压他 Back over him.
赶紧的 就和扯掉创口贴一样简单 Get it over quick. It's like ripping off a Band-Aid.
快点！ Just do it!
别再让佩佩遭罪了 Don't make Pepe suffer.
不 No!
我就知道你能做到的 保罗 I knew you could do it, Paul.
你刚杀了个人 You just killed a man.
我们做到了 We did.
不 是你杀的 No, you did it.
我只是给你提供选项 I just provided options.
为什么你要说是我杀的？ Why are you saying I did it?
我们一起杀的 We did it.
不 你开的车 No, you drove.
告诉他 这是个..是个好事儿 It's... It's a good thing. Tell him.
你做了件好事 You did a good thing.
不 这儿不是天堂 No, this wasn't heaven.
我没被送到什么外太空 I wasn't transported to some celestial space
去见那鬼扯的耶稣 given my newfound bullshit Christianity.
事情不是那种结局 This isn't that kind of story.
我只知道这帮蠢货 But you know how I knew these monkeys
还真是一帮菜鸟 were rank fucking amateurs?
他们没杀死我 Because I was still alive.
你们可以打我 抢劫我 像衣服一样把我吊起来 You can beat me, rob me, hang me like dry cleaning,
烧掉我的头发 burn my fucking hair off,
但别在你们准备杀我时 but don't tell me you're taking me to the airport
鬼扯什么准备带我去机场 when really you're going to kill me.
而且要是你们准备杀了我 And if you are going to kill me,
你们TM得做的更好些 you damn well better do it.
恩 -- Mmm!
嗨 小宝宝 Hey, baby doll.
有一会儿我们都快觉得抢救不回来你了 Thought we almost lost you there for a while.
好 我和你解释下你脸怎么样了 Okay, let me explain to you about your face.
天啊！! ! ! ! ! Holy shit!
我被忍者用电击枪电了 I was tasered by ninjas.
你前额上那是轮胎印么？ Is that tire tread on your forehead?
是的 碾压了15次 Yes, for the fifteenth time, it is.
他们竟然这么对我！ 在我脸上开车！ They did this to me! Drove right over my face.
那么 你是从哥伦比亚过来的 So, you're from Colombia originally.
那又怎样？ So what?
我是在这 在美国被压脸的 I got run over here. In America.
而不是在哥伦比亚！ Not in Colombia!
先生 我不大喜欢你的态度 - I'm not sure I like your attitude, sir.
鸭宝宝你TM给我闭嘴！ Shut the hell up, Baby Huey!
蠢蛋 Asshole.
我要杀了他 I'm going to kill him.
护士！ Nurse!
听我说 Listen to me.
我失去了我的家庭 我的事业 I just lost my family, my business,
还失去了半个鼻子 我几乎快把舌头都咬掉 and half of my nose. I almost bit my tongue off.
我的银行账户被清空了 Got my bank accounts cleaned out.
你觉得我还会关心你喜不喜欢我态度么？ You think I give a rat's ass if you don't like my attitude?
我们有权利逮捕你 We could still arrest you.
你血液中酒精含量超过了上限的四倍 Your blood alcohol was four times the limit.
她是第一天上岗么？ Is this her first day?
如果是的话 Just tell me if this is
就让她回家带孩子去吧 Bring Your Daughter to Work Day.
你没听到么？ Don't you listen?
他们强行给我灌酒的！ They forced chocolate liqueur down me!
那帮邪恶的忍者举重运动员？ 到底是谁？ The evil ninja weightlifters? Those are the guys?
你真该剪剪那盖住你耳朵的毛！ You should cut some of that fuzz out of your ears!
记下来 是丹尼尔 卢戈 Daniel Lugo. Write it down.
据说所知 维克 佩佩 克肖先生 From what I hear, Mr. Vic "Pepe" Kershaw,
他们在哥伦比亚卖过大量毒品 they sell quite a bit of drugs in Colombia.
神啊 我简直不敢相信！ God, I can't believe this!
我也有些混乱了 I'm having some trouble with it myself.
你说你被一帮健美爱好者 You say you were bound, abused
羁押 虐待 殴打 and roughed up by a group of bodybuilders.
这是你的性癖好么？ Was this a sex thing?
什么？ What?
这儿有个很大的被烧过的假老二（真的好大..) One very large burnt dildo,
你车后座还找到了棒球大小的肛门拉珠（不懂的请自行度娘） baseball-sized anal beads found in the back of your car.
这些可不常见 Not normal stuff.
更让我们难以置信的是 We're finding it hard to believe
没人报告过你的失踪情况 that no one reported you missing.
没有一个人 Not one single person.
伙计 这次对你来讲也算是个警告 This could be a wake-up call, buddy.
等等 这就是我全部应得的？ Wait a second. Is that all I get?
给我回来！ Get back here!
- 他说的话我一个字都不相信 - 恩 - I don't believe a word he said. - Mmm-mmm.
我们摄入了3000份的蛋白质和卡路里 We stack-loaded 3,000 protein calories.
看起来很硬派 Looking tough, feeling tough.
我们本想好好high一下 可是 我们没发现克肖的讣告 We were going to rock it. We didn't find Kershaw's obit.
我们发现他还活着 就住在医院里 We found him alive, at the hospital.
我们还有些未完事项 So we had some unfinished business.
哦！ 我不行了 我不行了… Oh! I'm not going to make it. I'm not going to make it...
你能让他安静会儿么？ Can you keep him quiet?
神啊 - on, Christ.
当了这么久警察 ED". Being a cop for so long,
我认识到人们的生命都是直线型的 I've learned that people's lives are usually linear.
除非他们死了 Until they're not.
每天每个人的行动 无非就是 Comes a day for just about everyone when A
A错过了B 偶遇了怪异的W之类的 suddenly skips B and careens to polka-dot weird W.
而我最出色的行动 就是娶了茜茜 Best move I ever made was marrying Cissy.
甜心 你不会聋了吧？ Sweetie pie, are you deaf?
电话已经响了19次 - The phone has rung, like, 19 times.
这是第20次 Twenty.
宝贝 不好意思 我没听到 Sorry, babe, I didn't hear it.
我退休后 After I retired,
我重开了我父亲的侦探事务所 I reopened the detective agency my old man used to own.
但是过了几年 But after a few years,
茜茜求我 从侦探事务所里也退休出来 Cissy begged me to retire from that, too.
她说我应该好好休息几年 She said Pd earned my relaxing years
每天打打高尔夫 钓钓鱼之类的 with long, lazy days full of golf and fishing.
当然了 这两样都是我最厌恶的事儿 Except the only thing I hate more than golf is fishing.
这里是杜波依斯调查公司 Du Bois Investigators, Inc.
是杜波依斯二世么？ Is this Ed Du Bois the Second?
实际上 我是杜波依斯三世 Actually, it's Ed the Third.
我想找二世 I want Ed the Second.
他已经去世了 而且我也已经退休了 He's dead. And I'm retired.
伙计 我猜你可能 I'm guessing you're looking at
是在一个见鬼的老黄页上找的电话 a hell of an old yellow pages, buddy.
这该死的医院里什么都是旧的 Everything's old in this frickin' hospital.
它从我屁股里喷射出来了！ --It just shot out of my ass!
- 我实在忍不住了 哦！ - I couldn't help it. - Oh!
神啊 他应该被赶出医院！ Oh, God. He should be ejected from this facility!
天呐 我不是说你 我需要你的帮助 Oh, my God... Not you. I need your help.
我是个深陷绝望的人 I'm a desperate man.
你刚才说你叫啥？ What did you say your name was?
我们团队探讨了许多潜入的方式 The team explored a number of infiltration procedures.
艾德里安甚至提议 Adrian even offered to stage
在大厅里互殴来吸引注意 a diversionary fistfight in the hall.
我们决定不这么做 We decided against that.
我不得不承认 警方和你说的内容 But I can't say that what the police told you
与我自己的推理没太大区别 is far from my own analysis.
我必须考虑 I have to entertain
你说谎的可能性 the possibility that you might be lying.
有个大问题 There was one major problem.
就是这个医院的 This fucking archaic line-directory system
的咨询系统实在是太TM远古了 throughout the whole entire hospital.
我们花了整整一个小时才找到ICU病房 It took us an hour just to find the ICU.
请相信我 Please believe me,
我说的都是真的 it happened just the way I say it did.
好吧，对不起，克肖先生 Yeah, well, I'm sorry, Mr. Kershaw,
但是我不能接手这案子 but I can't take the case.
我快死了 I'm a dead man.
医院是个公共场合 A hospital is a very public place.
任何人都能设法进入你的病房 And anybody could gain access to your room.
假如是我，要是有比我块头更大的家伙 And if it were me, and some large men
想把我杀掉 were trying to re-kill me,
并且我还想活命的话 and I wanted to stay un-dead,
我就会离开这个鬼地方，越快越好 I'd get the hell out of there. Fast.
最后 In the end,
回头来看我们过去的表现 after reviewing our past performance,
只能说 we could come to only one conclusion.
我们随机应变，往往收效甚佳 We're so much better when we wing it.
你在做什么呢？ Can I help you with something?
我是洛温斯坦医生 I'm Dr. Lowenstein,
克肖先生的主治医师 uh, Mr. Kershaw's primary care physician.
他没提过 He didn't mention anything.
嗯... 我一直是在迈阿密工作的 Oh, well, I'm, uh... I'm over at Miami General.
维克托在哪？ Where is Victor?
他不听我的建议，已经出院了 He checked himself out, against my advice.
我想警察的拜访 把他给吓到了 I think the visit from the police scared him.
警察？ 他们来做么？ Police? What did they want?
额，调查事故 Oh, accident investigation.
他们似乎对 克肖先生陈述的事件 They didn't seem too thrilled
不大相信 by Mr. Kershaw's account of events.
他声称他被健美运动员 He claimed he'd been tortured.
给殴打了 By bodybuilders.
- 健美运动员？ - 是的 - Bodybuilders? - Yes.
这应该是酒后的妄想，一点也不奇怪 This is a case of delusional alcoholism. It's not uncommon.
你知道，我已经警告过他了 You know, I warned him about that.
你为什么在我们医院穿得像要做手术一样？ Why are you dressed for surgery in our hospital?
哦，我希望对一切都有所准备 Well, I like to be prepared for anything.
完美应对
先生们？ Gentlemen?
哦，靠... Oh, shit...
他如果报警怎么办？ So, what if he goes to the cops?
他已经报了 He already did.
然后怎么样了？ 什么事都没有！ You know what happened? Nothing!
因为他们发现的和我们知道的一样 Because they figured out what we already know,
就是维克托．克肖就是一个常惹事的刺头 that Victor Kershaw is a half-criminal prick
在他身上发生倒霉的事情 纯属活该 who deserved bad shit to happen to him.
没错 Yeah.
我想他肯定快死了 I thought he had to be dead.
那又怎样？ So what?
这可能有点疼 You might feel a little prick.
哦，棒极了！ Oh, yeah!
比以前小了点 It's a little less than what I'm used to,
怎么回事？ but what the heck?
我要让你爽翻天 I'm going to rock your world.
忍者style！ Ninja style.
我告诉过你，给你老二打上神奇的一针，就会大不一样 I told you we'd fix it with the magic penis shots.
嗯...噢，耶！ Mmm... Oh, yeah!
- 不会吧！ - 不，这是你的家 - No way! - No, this is your house.
上帝虽强大 - Jesus may exalt.
可卡因才是王道 - But cocaine is king.
他们看来很高兴 They seem very happy.
嗯... 滚草坪中... Mmm-hmm. Dry humping.
这个太棒了，柔软的真皮质感 This is such nice, supple leather.
混蛋 Asshole.
我知道你在看什么，看这儿 I know what you're looking at. Now look at this.
我无家可归了 你个笨蛋！ I don't have a home, you putz!
噢，上帝 Oh, jeez!
嘿，克肖！ 是我，埃杜波依斯！ Hey, Kershaw! It's Ed Du Bois!
天啊 Jesus.
你觉得我在撒谎 You thought I was lying.
有时下定决心需要花点时间 Sometimes it takes me a while to make up my mind.
地方不错啊 Nice place.
你是怎么找到我的？ How'd you find me?
医院那儿的出租车司机 Cab driver at the hospital.
我给他20块钱叫他什么也别说的.. I paid him 20 not to talk.
呵呵，我给了他40块 Well, I paid him 40.
现在 这些玩意是我最好的朋友 This shit's my new best friend.
维克托，我会帮你忙的 I'm gonna look into your case, Victor,
但如果你不和我说实话 but if you're not telling me the truth,
你的处境则会越来越糟 you're gonna be in a lot more trouble than when you started.
那么，你为什么帮我？ So, why are you helping me?
嗯，他们办的事太不美国范了 Well, what they did to you is un-American.
说实话 Real reason.
好吧，逮住鱼的感觉很爽 Well, catching fish is fine.
逮住坏蛋的感觉则更爽 Catching bad guys is finer.
现在，你把你的事情再说一遍，好么？ Now, won't you tell me your story again, hmm?
从头开始 From the beginning.
再给我一粒蓝色的 Just give me one more of those blue ones.
你吃的够量了 You've had enough.
- 嘿 - 嘿 - Hey, there. - Hey.
嘿，没看到你什么时候搬进来的 Hey, we didn't see you move in.
哦，是这样，我的很多东西还在运过来 Oh, you know, most of my things are being shipped.
克肖怎么了？ What happened to the Kershaws?
哦，具体的事情我不清楚 You know, I don't know the specifics,
但肯定另有隐情 but they must have really been underwater,
因为就那样直接把房间给我了 because they practically gave me the house.
我问了银行的那个人 I mean, I had asked the guy from the bank
他认为这个家伙和他在哈瓦那遇到的女孩 and he thinks that the guy ran off with some girl
- 起跑了，貌似去过什么性爱假期去了 that he met in Havana, like one of those sex vacations.
天啊，哥们，真是人不可貌相 Jeez! Man, you think you know people.
是的 Yeah.
尽管维克托总是把性挂在嘴边 Although Victor liked to talk about sex a lot.
我叫 布拉德．麦卡利斯特 Brad MacCalister.
汤姆... Torn...
劳恩 Lawn.
- 好的 - 好 - Gotcha. - Yeah.
你新安的那个篮筐 That's a pretty professional looking hoop
- 很专业啊 - 是么 -you got there. - Yeah.
你行啊，已经开始着手打理这儿了 Look at you, already improving the place.
是啊，没错 Well, that's what I do.
我看到你的夫人带着一帮孩子 You know, I saw your wife drop off a gang of kids,
我想什么时候可以让他们来这一起打几局 figured they could come by anytime and shoot a round.
我以前做过一阵教练，所以… I've done a bit of coaching, so...
哦，那好极了 Hey, that sounds terrific.
要用你的肘部，小家伙！ Use your elbows, you little pussy!
哦，回家找妈妈吧！ Oh, tell your mama!
耶！ Damn!
傻瓜！ 哦！ - Sucker! Oh!
你躺地上干什么呢？ What the hell are you doing on the ground?
- 疼死了 - 本来就会很疼 - That hurts. - Well, it's supposed to hurt!
但是这个点疼会救你一命 That pain's what's gonna save your life.
那儿的细胞会对这个疼痛产生记忆 Your cells remember where it hurts
这里就会变得更加强壮 and that's where they get strong.
熊孩子 这就叫有付出才有收获 It's called pain and gain, Rusty.
别像个娘们，能像个男子汉一样站起来么？ Don't be a little bitch. You gonna man up?
最好快点起来，你的小姐妹们 You better, 'cause right now your sister's
都比你强壮． 把手给我，起来！ stronger than you. Give me your hand. Get up!
看什么呢，小肥仔？ What are you looking at, you little chubby broad'?
不要这么盯着我看，小子． 我发现你的妈妈... Don't eyeball me, boy. I see your mother
在街上来回找我 driving up and down the street looking at me.
一周里，我就会做你的继父 I'll be your stepfather in about a week.
我爱死新家了 I love my new home,
这个社区，还有我的小跟班们 my new neighborhood and my little brat-pack crew.
我跟他们坦诚相待 I kept it real with them little motherfuckers
他们也真诚待我 and they kept it real with me.
这是第315下，并臂握紧 That's 315, close grip.
好的，利用长凳可以锻炼你的胸大肌 All right, benching builds your pecs.
这帮人里没有同性恋，是吧？ We got no homos in this gang, right?
好的，如果你们喜欢女孩的话 All right, good. And if you bachelors like girls,
得听我劳恩的 listen to the Lawn Dawg.
酷毙的胸肌，泡妞的利器 No hottie can resist dope pecs.
你们想跟我一起 坐上我的小狗Luv号游艇 You want to chase tail with me in South Beach
去南海岸玩么？ on my Puppy Luv? Huh?
还是想在家照镜子看自己的蛋上 Or do you want to look at your little nuts in the mirror
长没长毛？ and see if you got any peach fuzz?
好的，好极了 All right, good.
喔！ Wow!
嘿，兄弟，喜欢么？ Hey, guys. You like it?
是的 Yeah.
哦，我爱死个房子了！ Oh, I love the sexy casa!
你们喜欢那样的么？ You guys like that?
你们喜欢那个俄罗斯小妞么？ You like that fine Russian pussy?
其实是我的妞 That was mine.
我送给他了，无所谓！ I gave it to him. Like nothing.
生活，就要奔放点 Now if we're gonna roll, we're gonna chase tail,
像我一样，好么？ we got to do it my way, okay?
这儿可没泡菜给你们舔 赶紧动起来． No pickle-licking around here. Let's go.
这儿的会议结束了． 别忘了 Break it off. Remind your folks
社区联防的事儿 好么？ about Neighborhood Watch, okay?
你，你，你还有你，都慢跑回家 You, you, you and you, jog it home.
- 嘿，大个子 - 嘿，哥们 - All right, big man. - All right, brother.
买个保时捷吧，宝贝 Let's race the Porsche, baby.
- 好的 - 来吧，钱有的是 - Let's do it. - Come on. It's money.
还有涡轮增压！ You get the Turbo.
这个叫艾德里安．道波的，他用现金支付的？ And this Adrian Doorbal, he paid in cash?
是的，十万 Yes. 100,000.
- 现金？ - 现金 - Cash? - Cash.
- 你倒是不觉得奇怪 - 是的 - This didn't surprise you. - No.
我觉得他可能是搞体育的，或是饶舌歌手什么的 I thought maybe he was in sports, rap.
你看，他是个黑人 You know, he is black.
是的 Yeah.
你难道不觉得奇怪么？ Well, you don't think it was strange
克肖先生都没来和大家道个别？ that Mr. Kershaw never said goodbye?
他个流氓，总拿别人的身材开玩笑 He was a dick. Always making fat jokes.
有一个他跟我说，要是我能少吃点零食 One time he told me if I can cut out snacking,
就能解决世界的饥荒问题了 that they can cure world hunger.
是的，他就是个这样的家伙 Yeah, he can be kind of rude that way.
这位新来的老板 你觉得怎么样？ What do you think of the new guy?
棒极了． 他说我是个实干家 Awesome. He says I'm a do-er.
社区联防就要启动了 Our Neighborhood Watch is about to start.
能允许我说两句么？ Can I get everybody's attention?
要一个么？ 看起来多可爱 Would you like one? Those are so cute.
长得像可以吃的小阴茎 They're like little edible penises.
我真希望脱衣舞俱乐部也提供这个． 都是由上好玉米做的 I wish they had them in the strip club. They're great niblets.
真好吃 This is delicious.
而且制作简单，从冰箱里拿出来，微波一下就可以吃了 And so easy, from freezer to microwave to mouth.
斯坦 Stan.
好的，邻居们，请往前看 Okay. Eyes front, neighbors.
我们都愿意相信 Now, we'd all like to believe
我们的老卡特勒湾社区 是安全的 we're safe here in Old Cutler Cove Estates.
我相信，我从未感觉到这么安全和舒适过 I know I feel more snug and secure than I've ever.
大家也热烈欢迎我 And I feel very welcomed,
对此我深表感谢！ 好么？ and I want to thank you all for that. Okay?
但是，情况并不乐观 But this is a very serious situation.
对吧？ 街面上有很多坏蛋 Okay? There are bad guys out there
等着像我们这样的好人们放松警惕 that are waiting for good people like us to drop our guard.
坏蛋无处不在 Bad guys are everywhere.
我知道这些，我现在为政府工作 I should know, okay. I work for the government.
我进过监狱 And I've been to prison.
糟透了！ And it sucks!
今天，社区联防的首次会议 At this first meeting of the Neighborhood Watch,
我，彼得，迪克会展示一些 Peter, Dick and I will demonstrate
我们可以保护自己的方法 a few ways we can keep ourselves safe.
- 我的朋友，迪克 - 在 - My pal, Dick... - Yeah.
他也和我一起给政府干活 ...who works with me at the government,
下面他们给大家发应急包 will now hand out your preparedness packs.
对 Right.
我们要给大家发应急包 That means we have to hand out the preparedness packs,
- 谢谢 - 好，马上 - thank you. - Yeah. Right away.
在我们心底的美国梦里 In our own corner of the American dream,
我们要居安思危 safety requires vigilance.
好的，看这里的图表 Okay, look at our chart here.
第一项，警觉意味着安全 Number one thing, vigilance equals safety.
第二，发现… -- Number two, recognizing...
哦，宝贝． 那才是第一项． Oh, baby. That's the one. Yeah.
好吧，第一，即使发现潜在的威胁 Okay. First thing, recognizing a potential attacker.
抱歉，东西在这儿呢 Sorry about that. There it is.
皮特？ Peter?
应急包 - Safety pack.
每家一包 Each family gets a pack.
每包里面有一个防狼喷雾和一把电击枪 Each pack has pepper spray and a taser.
女士们，这些很管用 Ladies, these things work.
一下就可以把坏蛋制服 You can zap a guy's balls off with one hit, all right.
好的． 可爱的索丽娜... Okay! The lovely Sorina here...
- 嗒哒！ - 将扮演受害者 - Ta-da! -...Is going to be the victim.
谁愿意扮演那个强奸犯？ Who wants to volunteer to be a rapist?
哦，我来 Oh, sure.
这！ Right here!
我． 选我 Me. Pick me.
能选我么？ 能选我么？ Can you pick me? Can you pick me?
哥们，一个人就够了． 这又不是轮奸，好么？ We're only picking one, guys. This is not a gang rape, okay.
你请坐． 有请 布拉德 You sit down. We'll take Brad.
耶 Yes!
我最喜欢的邻居 My favorite neighbor.
他选了我，他选了我 He picked me, he picked me.
嗨，我叫布拉德 Hi, I'm Brad.
你敢碰她一下，我就把你给做了！ You touch her, I'll fuck you up!
- 嘿！ - 认识你很高兴 - Hey! - It was nice meeting you.
迪克 Dick.
这就是个模拟，好么？ 别太在意 This is only a simulation, okay? Cairn it down.
在这种情况下我就这么做 Well, that's what I'd do in this situation.
我要揍他！ I'll fuck him up!
保罗，现在 Paul, now.
亲爱的，我必须得抓她的屁股一下． 我演“强奸犯”啊！ Honey, I had to grab her ass. Look, I was the rapist!
- 你就是个色鬼 - 这只是表演 - You're a perv. - It was role playing.
你小子在干嘛？ What the hell are you doing?
什么？ What?
什么？ 你看起来一团糟啊 "What?" You look like shit.
我觉得我很好啊 I feel like I look great.
现在正是关键时刻，保罗，好么？ This is a critical time, Paul. Okay?
我们可不能搞砸了 We cannot afford to mess this up.
我同意． 根本不需要搞这些假架式 I agree. You don't need all this Kumbaya shit.
什么？ 我正在融入这里，好么？ Excuse me? I blended in, okay?
现在我是这个社区里的重要人物 I'm an influential member of this community now.
赢得地位，有所作为 Have some respect and act accordingly.
保罗？ Paul?
宾馆说你得付47000美金的账单 The hotel wants you to pay your $47,000 bill
要不他们就把我们赶出去 or they're kicking us out.
啊，亲爱的？ Yeah, honey?
你在做什么？ What are you doing?
我在祈祷 I'm praying.
好吧 Well,
你最好祈祷出500块钱 you should pray for $500
好给我的鞋柜添一双 to relocate a pair of Jimmy Choos
内曼精品店里卖的“周仰杰”牌高跟鞋 from Neiman's to my shoe closet.
好的 Okay.
索丽娜特工需要与间谍工作相配的鞋子 Secret Agent Sorina needs pimpy shoes for proper spying.
特工“周仰杰”没问题 Secret agent, Jimmy Choo shoes, I got it.
恩 Mmm.
“周仰杰” 钱 Jimmy Choo shoes. Cash.
有时，当你发现你陷入低谷 Sometimes, when you hit rock bottom,
你正好是在20层的高楼上 you happen to be on the 20th floor.
我必须做出抉择，要么快速的坠到最深的谷底 I had a choice. Take the fast way down,
要么继续往上爬 or find a way to keep climbing.
老天爷，这儿太让人沮丧了 Lord God, this place is depressing.
这个也是 And so is this.
不管怎么看，你的亲笔签名 表明你 No matter how it gets there, your John Hancock shows
认可这份文件 notarized, even at a 90-degree angle.
这些都是有合法的，有约束力 It's all legal and binding.
哦，有意思的是，当你被蒙上眼睛 Oh, funny thing, when a man's blindfolded,
被电击，被抽打 electro-shocked, beaten with sex toys,
还被挂起来的时候 and hung like dry cleaning,
给你什么都得签字啊 he tends to sign just about anything.
阳光健身房那帮人已经把你的所有东西 The Sun Gym Gang has successfully acquired
都占为己有了 every asset you had.
并且乐在其中 And they're enjoying it.
然后，我什么都做不了？ So I don't have a move?
如果是那样的话，我可一分钱都不给你 Because if that's true, I'm not paying you a fucking dime!
你现在就是一分钱也没有 You don't have a fucking dime.
现在怎么办？ What happens now?
现在，我去做我的工作 Now I go to work.
和我们一起练几个月，你会变得连你自己都认不出来的 After a couple months with us, you won't even recognize yourself,
相信我 trust me.
我相信你 I trust you.
你看，在这我们有一套赛百斯的新设备 As you can see here, we've got all brand new Cybex equipment.
都是最新的． 不练练屈臂弯曲什么的？ All the latest stuff. Want to start out with some curls?
你的骨架太适合健身了 You have the perfect frame for bodybuilding.
我要把你练的壮壮的 I'm going to get you so jacked.
我喜欢壮壮的 I'd love to get jacked.
艾德，你做什么工作？ What kind of work do you do, Ed?
草坪花园的供应商 Lawn and garden supplies.
长椅啊，水盆啊，这类的器材 Benches, birdbaths, stuff like that.
哦，是么？ 我有个挺大的院子 Oh, yeah? I got a pretty big yard myself.
哦，是么？ 在哪？ Oh, yeah? Where?
老卡特勒湾 Old Cutler Cove.
噢，从没见过你这么成功的健身教练 Wow. I didn't know trainers did so well.
你知道，你相信 你应得之，天必... You know, you believe you deserve it and the universe...
天必予之． 没错，我也听过这句话 ...will serve it. Yeah, I've heard that before.
- 乔尼吴说的 - 是的，电视广告放过 - Jonny Wu says that. -Yeah. I v commercial.
我喜欢那个家伙． 好吧，试试胸部推举 I love that guy. All right, let's hit the chest press.
草坪设备，是吧？ Lawn supplies, huh?
我买了个乘式割草机，Snapper 342型，知道吧？ I got me a riding mower. Snapper 342, you know it?
是的，看起来很酷． 零转式的，对吧？ Yeah, it's a beauty. It's a zero-turn model, right?
是的 Yep.
抓地力一流 It's got one of the best decks around.
在佛罗里达的砂土上也不会有问题 It even stands up to Florida's sandy soil.
你将成为我最喜欢的新学员 You might be my new favorite client.
来，到这儿来，越来越好了 Now, come on, you're growing.
走，去伸展一下肌肉 Let's go. Let's go stretch those pecs.
你为什么选择这个健身房？ How'd you happen to choose this gym?
我的一个朋友推荐的 A friend of mine recommended it.
他说你带他 练的很好 He said you worked him over pretty good.
我就想听到这个． 那个人是谁？ That's what I like to hear. Who's that?
维克多．克肖 Victor Kershaw.
他最近怎么样？ How is Vic?
我真不知道． 我电话联系不到他 I don't really know. I can't get him on the phone.
哦，可能他在度假吧 Well, maybe he's on vacation.
- 谁？ - 克肖 - Who's that? - Kershaw.
是啊，我想也是的 Oh, yeah. I'm sure that's what it is.
我以前也干过，不觉得有多么光彩 I've been here before. And I'm not proud of this.
致我最亲爱的 艾德里安 To my dearest Adrian.
你是我的太阳，我的月亮 You are my sun, my moon,
我的 贝莱尔的新鲜王子 （美国华纳公司1990年出品的系列电视喜剧） my Fresh Prince of Bel-Air.
我喜欢那个节目 -- I love that show.
他抢我的包！ 他抢我的包！ He got the bag! He got the bag!
把包放下！ 放下！ Drop the bag! Drop it!
我的祖父 My grandfather,
曾告诉我，‘绝对别和一个黑人结婚’ he said to me, "Never marry a black man."
我不知道为什么． 他觉得他们都是骗子 I don't know why. He thought they were all dodgy.
但是 他现在不在了 But he's dead now.
死于种族歧视，开玩笑，其实是辆水泥卡车 From racism. No, it was a cement truck.
喂，有理发师么？ Hello. ls the haircut line here?
我需要修剪修剪 I just need a little trim.
哦，妈的 Oh, shit.
哦，妈的 Oh, shit!
他在那！ He's over here!
到这儿来 Come on down here.
这，上 In here, go.
不许动！ - Freeze!
好吧，这个计划不大成功 PAUL". Well, this plan didn't work.
守住后门！ Cover the back!
她让我成为这个世界上最快乐的男人！ She makes me the happiest man in the world!
这只是一次演习 PAUL". This plan was just practice.
但我还有别的计划 But I had another plan.
弗兰克．格里加，夜总会里搞电话性爱的那个家伙 Frank Griga, the phone-sex douche from the club.
抢劫他不比抢银行容易 He wouldn't be as easy as a bank.
但是，却...他在水里！ But as it turns out... In the water!
开火！ Fire!
可银行不是那么容易得手的 ...a bank wasn't all that easy.
混账！ Motherfucker!
靠 Fuck!
我就这么多钱了 That's all I got.
这个混蛋 What a dick.
卢戈？ Luge'?
酶，卢戈！ 天啊 Hey, Lugo! Goddang it.
哦 Oh.
哦，丹尼． 丹尼？ Oh, Danny. Danny?
你能消停一会儿么？ - Will you shut the fuck up?
别急，保罗 Slow down, Paul.
你干了什么坏事了？ Did you do something bad?
一点点儿 Maybe a little.
你全身都 TMD 绿了 You're all fucking green.
我搞砸了！ 哦，我得坐下 I fucked up! Oh, I've got to sit down.
哦，丹二... 哦！ om Dan... Oh!
哦！ Oh!
他们把我的脚趾打下来了，丹尼！ They got my toe, Danny!
- 我的脚趾． - 天啊 - They got my toe. - Jesus!
- 是啊，天啊． 都看到骨头啊 - I know, Jesus! - You can see the bone.
把那玩意给我拿一边去！ Put that fucking thing away now!
还能再接上么？ Can they reattach it?
不能了，保罗，不能，知道么？ No, Paul, they can't, okay?
因为那会带来麻烦 Because that's gonna bring questions
会引起高烧 and the fucking heat.
上帝给了你10个，现在剩下9个了 God gave you 10, now you got nine.
现在只能这样了，好么？ You've got to deal with that, okay?
弗兰克，格里加 Frank Griga.
他是个百万富翁 He's got millions.
我们能搞到他的钱，你知道为什么吗？ And we can take it. You know why?
因为我们是实干家 'Cause we're do-ers.
我给过你机会了 你都干了些什么？ I gave you a second chance, and what did you do?
把那玩意直接塞到你鼻子里吧！ You put it right up your fucking nose.
哦，不，不，那可不行 Oh, no, no, it's not just that!
（把钱）塞进去也不是不行 It's a little bit of that.
你脑子坏掉了，知道么？ You're broke, all right?
你过来找我帮你解决问题 And now you want me to solve your problems
还让我去搞定什么色情小王子？ by going fucking cowboy on some porn king?
嘿，发生什么了？ 怎么回事… Hey, what's going on? What...
- 你脑袋怎么绿了？ - 绿了 - Why's your head green? - Yeah.
我搞砸了 I made a mistake.
他挥霍一空了． 现在他想再干一票 He blew his whole cut, now he wants to do another job.
真的么？ Is that right?
为什么这么讲？ Why did you say it like that?
因为我的钱都用来买房子了 Because I put all my money in the house,
现在我需要治个病 and now I need a procedure.
治病？ A procedure?
我是个刚结婚的爷们 I'm a man who just got married
但是老二不给力，知道么？ and his penis don't work, okay?
你知道么？ You know what?
为啥不把他的脚趾直接插到你的两个蛋中间？ Why don't you glue his toe onto your balls?
问题解决！ Everyone wins.
你还记得要给我些鱼饵吧？ Did you remember to get me some bait?
我下次不买蠕虫当鱼饵了 I will not buy worms.
你真逗 You're pretty funny.
腰闪了？ Your back?
是因为你去健身了吧？ This is from your trip to the gym, isn't it?
没，我只是想躺在这儿想点事情 No, I just want to lie here and think about the case.
为什么迈阿密的警察不理这个人？ Why did Miami PD ignore this man's story?
他陈述的事情实在是不可思议 His account of what happened is rather unbelievable,
更重要的是，那家伙不招人喜欢 and other than that, he's a hard guy to like.
梅塞 -- Mese.
嘿，你个笨蛋，记得我么？ Hey, you schmuck, you remember me?
不记得，我应该认识你么？ No, should I?
好吧，我想你应该认识 Well, I should think so,
亲眼看着我 seeing as you apparently watched me
把我毕生的积蓄 sign my whole life away
送给一帮练健美的家伙！ to some fucking weightlifter!
- 约翰！ - 克肖先生 - John! - Mr. Kershaw.
哦，你记得我． 但有趣的是 Oh, so you do remember me. That's funny
我不记得你是谁． 这就表明，你一定是个骗子 because I don't remember you. Which must mean you're a liar.
滚出去！ Get the fuck out!
啊... Ah...
我只是以为 当时你不在镇子里了 I was under the impression that you were out of town.
哦，是么，我从没离开过镇子，因为 Oh, yeah, I never left town, because I didn't have
我没路费来离开这儿 any money to leave town with,
因为你个混蛋把我的钱给偷走了！ because you fucking stole it!
现在，把我的钱还给我！ Now give me my money back!
操 Fuck!
要是那个狗在池子里撒尿，我就炒你鱿鱼！ If that dog pees in the pool, you're fired!
嘿，维克托．克肖刚才给我办公室打电话了！ Hey! Victor Kershaw just called my office!
他说什么了？ What'd he say?
你脑子进水了吧？ 你个混蛋！ You fucking out of your mind? You fuck!
约翰，他说什么了？ What'd he say, John?
他想要回他的钱 He wants his stuff back!
- 全都要 - 闭嘴 - He wants all of it! - Shut up!
难道他忘了是他自己给我的么？ Did he forget he gave it to me?
他想全要回来 He wants the whole nut.
电话费是43块钱 This phone's going to cost you $43.
…今天很好． 加油 ...good tonight. Come on, let's go.
跟我一起啊 woo-woo！ woo-woo！ - Give me a whoop-whoop! Whoop-whoop!
你TMD在听我讲话吧，混蛋？ You talk to your mommy, you bitch?
维克多，最近怎么样了？ Victor, how's it going?
约翰，我现在就像一堆狗屎 I feel kind of just like shit, John.
伙计，说话最好文明点 Watch your language, dude.
给我闭嘴！ Shut the fuck up!
不，不，不． 不是你，没说你，对不起， No, no, no. No, not you. Not you. I'm so sorry.
妈的，去你妹的！ Fuck you, you fucking piece of shit!
你要下十八层地狱！! You got the worst karma ever!
维克多，我很害怕，好么？ Victor, I feel horrible about this, okay?
让我去找你 当面把事情解决，告诉我你的地址？ Let me swing by there and make it right. What's your address?
手边有笔么？ You got a pencil?
我在干你妹城 I'm at 143 Fuck You Avenue
你去死街 143号 on the corner of Blow Me and Die.
听着，告诉我你在哪 Listen, tell me where you are
我会把表格给你带过去 and I'll bring by the forms for you to sign.
我们把这个事情解决，合法地解决 It'll be all legit. It'll make this right.
这帮家伙当初怎么整你的，现在就在怎么整我！ These fucking guys hustled me like they hustled you!
我受够了！ I am furious!
你现在在哪？ Now where are you?
我就在你家呢，约翰，和你老婆XXOO呢！ I'm at your house, John, fucking your wife.
约翰，我不会告诉你我在哪 I'm not telling you where I am, John!
我会给你打电话 告诉你在哪见面 I'll call you later to set a meet.
这个不好办了 That went like shit.
- 我们怎么办？ - 拨打 星 69 - What do we do now? - Star 69 him.
你让我和他OOXX（玩69式）？ You want me to have sex with him?
按星号键，然后按6，然后按9！ Press the star key, press the six and press the nine!
这儿是七大洋旅馆 Seven Seas Motel.
怎么办到的？ How did you do that?
靠 Fuck!
你们这帮小丑干什么呢？ What's with you clowns?
真他妈...嘿！ 抓住那个矮楼瓜！ What the... Hey, snatch that Cabbage Patch!
好，情况是这样的，小家伙 All right, here's the deal, little fella,
我要拿你撞墙，把脑浆撞出来，知道么？ I'm gonna head-butt you and knock you out, okay?
哦，他要是不在这，我也不知道他会去哪 Well, if he's not there, then I don't know where he is.
他只和帮他付房钱的那个人讲话 The only guy he talks to is the guy who pays for his room.
什么人？ What guy?
对不起． 无可奉告． Sorry. Classified information.
别往里面看！ No peeking through the hole!
我刚结婚 I recently got married
正想找个地方渡蜜月 and I was looking for a place to have a honeymoon.
我希望你能给我介绍一下 I was hoping maybe you could show me around.
你为什么想在这儿度蜜月呢？ Why would you want to have your honeymoon here?
哦，这里承载了我各种美好回忆 Oh, this place has a lot of fond memories for me.
记得在这儿，我第一次把一个人的脑壳打碎 The very first time I bashed a man's skull in was here
那场面！ and it was a mess!
但那次是个铝制的． 现在我用木头做的 But that bat was aluminum. I've switched to wood.
你最好抬起屁股滚出来 So you should get your ass out here right now
否则我一下就把你的脑浆 or I'll bash your brains all over that wall
打得满墙都是！ with one fucking swing!
好吧，好吧 Okay, sure.
我带你看看泳池 Let me show you the pool.
我勒个去． 是我的一个学员 Holy shit. It's my client.
我还告诉他 我要让他练成和我一样！ I told him I was gonna give him a fucking body like mine!
- 不敢相信 - 这个人渣！ - Unreal. - What a fucking cocksuck.
我现在就想找到他家 I can't wait to go in his house.
把他打个稀巴烂． 妥妥的 I'm gonna shit in his bathroom. That's what I'ma do.
费了很多口舌才让警察局长 It takes a little finesse to tell the Chief of Police
相信他们漏了个大案子 that his guys missed something big.
他说的是真的，你的人疏忽了 His story's true. Your guys went to sleep on it.
好吧，埃杜，你真是耳根子软 Yeah, you're a soft touch, Ed.
我会试试看 I'll take a look at what you got,
但我觉得没什么希望 but it sounds like a nonstarter to me.
乔治，我手里有一整箱的证据 George, I got a trunk full of evidence.
相信我，绝对有料 Believe me, it's a starter.
举起手来，举起手来！ Hands up! Hands up!
一个哥伦比亚人加上酷刑 就绝对是个坏消息 埃杜 A Colombian plus torture equals bad news, Ed,
五点半，六点，十一点 at 5230, 6200 and 11100,
每晚打开 频道四 for however many nights it takes Channel 4
我都觉得我像是个 to make me look like I'm kind of Uncle Juan
维护毒品贩子权益的 傻X大叔 defending the rights of drug dealers.
毒品贩子？ 那家伙只不过是个卖三明治的 Drug dealer? The guy sold submarine sandwiches.
那巴勃罗，埃斯科瓦尔（一个臭名昭著的毒贩） 就是个种花的良民了，拜托 And Pablo Escobar was a florist. Come on.
埃杜，你明白的 Ed, you know this.
这些事就像是我屁股长了痔疮一样 让我寝食难安 Anything below the Keys is like a boil on my ass.
他们还在逍遥法外 These guys are still out there
他们一定会再犯事的 and they're gonna get hungry again.
你应该把他们逮住 You should get on it.
教授与学员间的信任是神圣的 Trust between a trainer and his client
就像二牧师或是律师那样的感觉 is sacred, like with priests and lawyers.
背叛了它，就如同背叛了我所有的信仰 To betray that is to betray everything I believe in
好比背叛了健身，好比背叛了美国 regarding fitness and America.
嘿 Hey!
那儿有个白人妇女 There's a white lady in there
正在做樱桃馅饼，看起来不错 making a really nice cherry pie.
我喜欢樱桃馅饼 I love cherry pies.
警察 Cops.
什么？ 为什么这儿会有警察？ What? Why are the police here?
有人报警说在他们的院子里有黑鬼 Somebody called them on a black guy in their yard!
你觉得他们干什么呢？ What do you think they're doing here?
- 现在怎么办？ - 我们 - Now what? - Well, we can either
要么从前面走出，要么跳进这该死的水里 walk out front or we can jump in the fucking water.
我不会游泳！ I can't swim!
谢谢，伙计们，非常感谢 Thanks, guys! Appreciate it.
好了，快点，快点！ All right. Come on, come on!
任务中止，任务中止，任务中止！ Mission abort, mission abort, mission abort!
你的背部怎么样了？ How's your back?
我一把老骨头还好 The old back's fine.
不过，车发动不了了 Car wouldn't start, though.
你得修一修了，那是个老爷车了 You've got to get rid of that, it's an old-man car.
哦，克肖先生打来电话了 So Mr. Kershaw called.
他说：“你就是这么保护我的？” He said, "This is how you protect me,
“你个狗娘养的” "you pussy son of a bitch?
“该死的暴徒来杀我” "Fucking thugs come to murder me
“而你TMD在哪呢？” "and where the fuck are you?"
他还留了一个地址 And then he left an address.
维克多！ Victor!
永远别给那些家伙打电话！ Never call bad guys!
尤其是那帮想杀你的人！ Especially the ones who are trying to kill you!
你事到如今就说这些？ You're gonna give me shit about that right now?
我要把你带回家，好好打理一下你 I'm gonna take you home. Clean you up.
能递给我一个面包么，谢谢？ Would you pass me a roll, please?
当然 Sure.
这儿有好多小树啊 You have some tiny trees.
这算是我的一个爱好吧 That's sort of my hobby.
哦 Oh.
哦，靠！ Oh! Shit!
来，我帮你 Here, let me help you.
没事，我能行，我能行 No, I can do it. I can do it.
行了，我来吧 Come on, let me help.
- 我… 我… - 埃杜！ I... Ed;
- 额！ - 搞定了 - Mmm! - There you go.
人要为尊严而战！ Every man needs to fight for his dignity.
我有条船 I have a boat.
当然 Sure you do.
别空想 去实干 行动起来就会和吴一样成功 Don't don't, do do, nut up and be like Wu.
我受够乔尼.吴 了 I was so sick of Jonny Wu.
如果说，我这几个月懂得了什么 If! had learned anything these past few months
除了公证人是干什么的 besides what a fucking notary does,
就是如果你不重视细节 it's that if you don't pay attention to details,
那么别人就会找上你，盯着你 they can come up and bite you in the ass.
或者，更过分的，雇侦探调查你 Or worse, they hire detectives.
去你妹的 这是我的房子 Fuck this Beaver Cleaver shit. And this nice house.
我绝不回头 But I'm not going backwards.
三步计划现在只不过需要再增加一步而已 So the three-finger plan just needs another finger.
然后，怎么办呢？ So, what?
嘿，保罗，是我． 我希望你去接艾德里安 Hey, Paul, it's me. I want you to pick up Adrian.
我们准备对你那个色情小王子下手了 We're gonna move on your porn king.
上钩了 Dibs.
先生，最近怎么样？ How are you, sir?
- 挺好的，你呢？ - 不错 - Good. How you doing? - Excellent.
好的，请把门关上． Yeah. Shut the door, please.
来吧，谈谈我们的计划． 来，伙计们 Now, come on, let's do the show-and-tell. Come on, boy.
下一张 Next.
依照最近的普查，印度就有10亿的人口 India alone has a billion people as of the last census.
10亿人口，20亿只耳朵 One billion people, two billion ears.
现在，AT&T（美国电话公司）垄断了这些耳朵 And until now, AT&T has had a lock on all of them.
下面是我们要做的 Take a look at our flow chart.
这个人，是原始的印第安人 See this guy, this is a woo-woo Indian.
他们不是我们的目标 We're not going after them.
我们的目标是那些脸上点红点的，甘地那个种族的 We want the red dots, the Gandhi kind.
这些是日本人 Those are Japanese.
那是第二阶段 That's phase two.
我们要做成全球化的，知道么？ We're going multi-continental on this thing, okay.
将建立一个巨型的产业 This is a huge organization.
对不起，老板 Sorry, boss.
- 婚礼照片，抱歉 - 额...你玩我呢？ - Wedding pictures, sorry. - Ugh, you're killing me.
好了 Here we go.
印度通讯市场的份额 Percentage of Indian telecommunication market.
我保证． 你一旦进入的话 我们就可以占领市场 We own it, we guarantee it. You're in ground-floor entry.
砰！业绩直线飙升！下一张 Boom, skyrocket. Next.
费兰克 Frankie!
肖邦，停下来！ Chopin, stop!
噢！ Ow!
来，见见我的朋友，显示显示你的傲人双峰 Come here. Meet my friends. Show them your tits.
看，喜欢么？ Look, you like them?
哦？ Huh?
我让大夫又多打了500cc进去 Mad the doctor put 'm an extra 500 eds.
- 像果冻似的 - 刚做的 - Like Jell-O. - They're new.
真厉害了． 你同意么？ Impressive. Are you in?
印度也玩电话性爱么？ Do they have phone sex in India?
她是我的公司里最棒的 Because she's the best dirty talker in the business.
来，呻吟几句 Come on, give us a few moans.
继续，就是这样 -- Come on, that's it.
不错 Nice.
好，那么，最低投资多少？ All right, so what's the minimum investment?
50万 500,000.
- 他是你的司机？ - 也是合伙人 -Isn't he your limo driver? - And partner.
就是合伙人 He is a full-fledged partner.
- 我是不是见过你… - 是的 - Did I meet you at the... - You did.
- 你是那个信耶稣的 - 对，是我 - You're the Jesus guy. - I am.
最多能投多少？ What's the maximum investment?
有些人一次就放弃了 Some people wouldn't try it again.
有些人中途便退出了 Some people would say quit while you're ahead.
嗯，有些人就是二货 Well, some people are pussies.
像弗兰克．格里加这样的人不会放弃的 Guys like Frank Griga don't quit.
他们会忍气吞声 They take it on the chin,
吸取教训，双倍下注，投入其中 learn from their mistakes, double down and do it.
我们计划周密，我们手段高超 Our plan was solid. Our skills were cutting edge.
我们只需要抓住成功的机会 We just needed to put ourselves in a position to succeed.
机会就在艾德里安家中 And that position was Adrian's house.
看起来好甜蜜啊 You guys look so sweet.
没错 Yeah.
你夫人现在在哪？ Where's your wife now?
今晚她在急诊室加班呢 She's pulling a double in the ER tonight.
你看起来不错 You look nice.
谢谢，哥们． 她体格不小，你可应付不来 Thanks, man. She's a big girl, you can't handle it.
- 嘿，你知道我们需要什么么？ - 嗯？ - Hey, you know what we need? - Mmm?
音乐！ 对吧？ Some music! Right?
你怎么看，我们去别的房间 So what do you think, we go in the other room
- 谈我们的生意？ - 好，好的． 就这么办 -and talk a little business? - Yeah, yeah. Let's do it.
开始派对吧！ Let's get this party started!
最 棒 的 歌 ！ Best song ever!
给他们看看你是怎么晃的，宝贝 Show them how you can shake it up, baby.
- 哦，哦 - 老兄，别碰那新隆好的胸 - Oh-oh! - Keep your hands off the new tits, pal.
好的，我会把手放在屁股上的！ Okay. The hands will be on the ass!
- 我来了 - 来吧，宝贝 - I'm coming for you. - Come on, baby.
给我做这个动作 Give me that thing.
哦…哦…哦！ Oh... Oh... Oh!
嗯，我已经把你给我的数据传给了我的会计师 So, I ran your numbers past my accountant
看起来一片大好，前途光明 and it looks like blue skies and clear sailing.
好极了，合同就在这儿 Fantastic. I've got the contracts right here.
哦，我的天，脏死了 Oh, God, that is nasty.
对于要做投资的人而言 For who's ever gonna do the investing.
- 你想想尝尝蛋卷么？ 宝贝 - 耶，来吧！ - I got an eggroll for you, baby. - Yeah, you do!
弗兰克，我不太明白你的意思 Frank, I don't think I'm following you right now.
我想直接和董事会见面 I want to meet directly with the board.
我是说，无意冒犯，丹尼尔 I mean, no offense, Daniel,
但是你的做事风格还是让我有所担心 but your skill set doesn't put my mind at ease.
- 让我看看你的舞姿！ - 来吧，保罗！ - I want to see you dance! - Come on, Paul!
我不跳舞 I don't dance,
但是我有比跳舞更给力的 but I got something much better than dancing.
耶 Yeah!
喔！ 加把劲，宝贝！ Whoo! Come on, baby!
好吧． 弗兰克，我的行事风格，到底是什么意思？ Okay. So what exactly is my skill set then, Frank?
请你告诉我 Please, tell me.
说客气点，是这样的，丹尼尔 I was being polite. Look, Daniel,
你看起不坏，好么？ you seem like a really good guy, okay?
我们可以一起出去玩，嗯？ We could totally hang out, okay?
我们可以一起挣点钱，对吧？ We can go chase some gash, you know?
但是，额，说实话 But, uh, frankly,
但由你来控制我的钱的话，我有点不舒服 I'm not comfortable with you having a say in my money.
你的意思是说，你现在呆在我朋友的房子里 So you stand here in my friend's house
然后说，你根本不信任我？ and you tell me you don't trust me?
你知道么？ 你说得对 You know what? You're right.
在这儿确实不太适合谈这个事情 Maybe this isn't the place to discuss this.
什么意思？ 你是想越过我的头顶直接找董事会？ What? You want to go over my head to the board?
嘿，是这样，丹尼尔 Hey, look, Daniel,
你确实懂得一点商业规则 you know a little something about the business world,
但是也不完全是你想像的那样 but not nearly as much as you think.
我是说，你刚才说的有些事 实在可笑 I mean, some of the things you say are just comical.
我觉得你做的功课还不够 I don't think you're a hard worker.
我并不在暗指你很愚蠢 I'm not saying you're a fucking moron,
但这是一项很复杂的投资，好么？ but this is a complicated venture, okay?
这需要专业人才，你和你的人 It takes professionals. You guys,
根本就是废物啊！ you're a bunch of fucking amateurs.
混蛋！ Motherfucker!
没人敢骂我是个废物！ Nobody calls me a fucking amateur!
你TM以为你是谁？ Do you know who you're fucking with?
- 加油！ 61个！ - 弗兰克？ - Come on! Sixty-one! - Frank?
62！63！ 加油，加油，哥们！ Sixty-two! Sixty-three! Come on, push it, baby!
- 弗兰克在哪？ - 64！ - Where's Frank? - Sixty-four!
- 弗兰克TM在哪？ - 看啊！ - Where the fuck is Frank? - Look at this!
弗兰克！ KRISZTINAI Frank!
65！ 瞧，66！ Sixty-five! Look, 66!
没人敢骂我是个废物！ No one calls me an amateur!
没人TMD敢骂我是个废物！ No one calls me a fucking amateur!
天啊，你想杀我么？ Jesus Christ. You could have fucking killed me!
你TMD想杀我么？ 你这个贱人！ You fucking could have killed me, you cunt!
你个混蛋！ You fucking motherfucker!
没人TMD敢骂我是个废物！ 谁敢？ No one calls me a fucking amateur! No one!
因为我努力工作！ 我很努力的工作！ Because I work hard! I do work fucking hard!
我很努力的！ I fucking work!
不！ 哦，上帝． 求你了，别死！ No! Oh, God. Please, no!
嘿，一边去． 一边去，滚！ Hey, get out of there. Go, get, get, get!
- 就要80个了！ - 再来5个，宝贝！ - I'm going for 80! - Give me five more, baby!
耶 Yeah!
新纪录诞生！ That's a new house record!
弗兰克！ KRISZTINAI Frank!
瞧啊！ 加油，加油！ 加油啊！ Look at this! Go, push it! Fucking push it!
- 弗兰克？ - 耶，宝贝！ - Frank? - Yeah, baby!
- 你做了什么？ - 这是个意外 - What did you do? - It was an accident.
我的老天爷啊！ Jesus fucking Christ!
他摔倒了！ 这些东西正好在他倒下的时候 He fell! The thing just hit him in the head
砸在他头上了 when he fell down.
- 你这个大混蛋！ - 不，不，求你，别开枪！ - You fucking cocksucker! - No, no, please, don't!
不 No!
按住这个发疯的姥子！ Grab that fucking crazy bitch!
- 哦，这是...这是怎么回事？ - 意外！ - Oh, what the fuck... What happened? - It was an accident!
你只是需要跟他扯扯嘴皮子就行了！（没必要杀了他！） You were supposed to talk to him!
- 抓住她，保罗！ 抓住她！ - 我就是在和他谈！ - Take her, Paul! Take her! - I was talking to him!
他死了么？ PAULI Is he dead?
你没发现地板上不平么？ 杠铃就这样砸下去了！ You see how those weights are flush flat on the fucking floor?
好吧，这太不正常了！ 这里竟然压着个脑袋！ Well, they shouldn't be, because there's a fucking head in between them.
哦，天啊． 哦，天啊 Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
- 喔！她咬我！ - 让她安静点！ - Ow! She's biting me! - Keep her fucking quiet!
把她翻过来！ 把屁股露出来！ Roll her over! Show me her ass!
我当时很生气… -- I got upset and...
他竟然骂我是废物！ He called me a fucking amateur!
然后你TMD就用杠铃打他了？ And you fucking hit him with a weight?
他本来要签字的 He said he was going to sign the papers,
然后他又不签了，他觉得有点不放心 then he wouldn't sign, then he got upset
然后他说他要见董事会 and he said he wanted to see the board,
我说不行，他不能见董事会 then I said no, he couldn't see the board,
“我不想让你见董事会” "I don't want you to see the board.
“你为什么骂我废物？” "Why'd you call me an amateur?"
然后他也发火了，说了很多有的没有的事儿 Then he got upset, then he fucking said something else
我也冲他发火，然后他就摔倒了 and I got upset and he fucking fell.
应该是他摔掉了，或者是我推倒的，不太清楚 I think he fell or I pushed him or something.
然后你就杀了他！ Then you killed him!
你对她做了什么？ What did you do to her?
我给了她打了针镇定剂 I gave her a horse tranquilizer.
哦，靠 Oh, shit.
她没事 She'll be fine.
33,19,22. 密码是这个，对吧？ 33, 19, 22. That's the safe combination, right?
你说的是南斯拉夫语？ Is that Yugoslavian?
好吧，我要听英语，好么？ 好么？ Okay, I need it in English, okay, baby?
- 17 - 好吧，不，不 - Seventeen. - All right, no, no.
33，19，22 33, 19, 22.
好吧，我们得做些补救措施，开始吧！ Okay, this is now a salvage op! Let's go!
什么意思？ What does that even mean?
我们得把车藏好，收拾残局 It means I'm getting that car and stuff in the safe.
哦，靠 Oh, shit.
哦 Oh!
糟透了 This is so bad.
这样，嘿，让她别出声，好么？ All right, hey. Keep her quiet, okay?
守着电话 And stay by the phone.
在我回来之前，让这个满脑袋精虫的家伙呆在冰里 Make sure the sperm mogul's on ice until I get back.
- “在冰里”，什么意思？ - 浴缸里装满冰块，明白么？ - What do you mean "on ice"? - In ice cubes in the bathtub, okay!
嘿，罗宾什么时候回来？ Hey, when does Robin get home?
她得值班到第二天中午 Her shift's over at noon.
好的，不错 - Okay, great.
给我冷静点． 我也得冷静点 Calm the fuck down. I got to get a pump.
嗯，多花点时间 Yeah, take a moment.
就是这样，不错 That's it. That's good.
听着，丹尼 Listen, Danny,
我知道杀了人是什么滋味 I know what it's like to think you killed somebody.
确实很难受 And it hurts.
我是说，你脑子里… I mean, you got Jesus and the devil...
对，就是这样 That's it, get it.
你脑子里，上帝和魔鬼的想法乱成一团 Jesus, devil, swirling all up in your head.
我很幸运 我以为我杀死的人还活着 I was lucky, 'cause my guy lived.
你现在一定觉得很糟 So you must really feel like shit.
你说的对，保罗 You're right, Paul.
就像他们说的，但愿上帝能够原谅我，对吧？ Let's just hope Jesus is as forgiving as they say, right?
哦，他会原谅的 Oh, He is.
艾德里安，处理一下地毯 Adrian, do something about this rug.
这样，就说是狗弄的，好么？ Look, just say the dog did it, okay?
在罗宾回来之前，这些都会二... Everything else will be gone before Robin...
看起来好像是他把狗给杀了 Looks like he killed the dog.
嘿，把空调打开，他开始发臭了 Hey, crank the AC. He's starting to reek.
走，保罗，快点 Let's go, Paul, come on.
慢点，哥们 Hang in there, buddy.
哥们，你最好快点，嘿 Bro, you better hurry up, man!
我们这就回来！ We'll be back!
哥们，我的狗呢？ Where is my dog, bro?
我明白，我明白你的心情 I see it. I see the emotion,
我明白你脑子里那些邪恶的念头 and I see all that Satan shit swirling.
我现在不想听，好么？ 谢谢 I don't need your shit right now, okay? Please.
我关心你我才说的，作为朋友我才会这么讲 I say it because I care. I'm just trying to be a friend.
冷静 Be calm.
天啊 Holy shit.
老天爷 Holy Moses.
你真TMD是天才，你办到了！ - You're a fucking genius. You did it!
我爱耶稣！ 你懂的，对吧？ I love Jesus, too! You know that, right?
你看这个东西有多大！ Look at the size of this thing!
这简直就是一个宝箱啊！ It's like a fucking treasure chest!
来吧，宝贝，来吧 Come on, baby. Come on.
33... 19... 22... 33... 19... 22...
靠 Shit!
加油！ Come on!
33... 33...
19... 19...
22... 22...
- 你搞砸了！ - 不是我的错！ - You fucked this up! - This is not my fault!
哦，我的天 Oh, man.
- 密码是多少？ - 32，19，22 - What's the combo? -32, 19, 22!
喂，丹尼尔，你在哪呢？ Yo, DL, where you at, man?
让那个南斯拉夫娘们接电话． 我需要密码 Put the Yugoslav on the phone. I need the right safe combo.
不，你们最好快点回来 No, you got to get back here, man.
罗宾一会就要回家了 Robin's going to be home in a few hours.
她中午就下班 She gets off at noon.
不，我觉得了他们给的数字根本就不对！ No, I think they gave me the wrong fucking number!
- 弗兰克 - 不，她...靠 - Frank? - No, she... Shit.
喂？ Hello?
是你写错了吧 You wrote it down wrong.
你想跑？ 嗯？ You gonna try to get away? Huh?
再来一针！ - There's some more!
快，起来． 我老婆要回家了 Now, come on, get up. My wife's coming home.
客厅见 See you in the living room.
别喝了！ 你现在得把号码记下来． Stop drinking! You've got to write the code down now.
- 我准备好了． - 好的，是多少？ - I'm ready. - All right, what's the safe combo?
让她能听到 Put the phone where she can hear.
她什么也听不到了，哥们 She can't hear nothing, man.
怎么回事？ What's the problem?
这个姥子失去知觉了，哥们 The bitch is cold, bro.
什么？ 不 What? No.
她已经灵魂出窍了 Her soul has left her body.
告诉我这TMD不是真的，快点！ Tell me it's not fucking true, now!
我说，你让我给她再打点镇定剂 I mean, you told me to give her some more tranquilizer,
我打了，又打了两针 and I did, and I gave her two shots,
我想我打多了 and I think I gave her too much,
因为她TMD不能呼吸了 'cause now she's not fucking breathing.
我们之前还在跳舞享受 We were dancing and having such a good time
刚才我还和她调情，现在她却TMD死了！ and I was smacking her ass and now she's fucking dead!
你也不在这儿，哥们！ And you're not here, bro!
不，不，这不是... No. No! Not...
拿到号码了么？ Did you get the code?
不！ 不！ 不！ No! No! No!
这没发生 This isn't happening.
这一切都没发生 This is not happening.
乔尼．吴说过，要在混乱中 Jonny Wu says it's all about seeing the humor
找到曙光，对吧？ 对吧？ 来，干活了！ in the chaos, right? Right? Come on! Let's bolt!
没拿到密码？ You didn't get the code?
来，我们有事要做 Let's go, we got shit to do.
告诉我密码，我准备好了 Tell me the code. I'm ready.
算了，我们没有密码，把鞋穿上 Come on. We don't have the code. Put this on.
好吧，我要这辆兰博了． 嘿，你想要那条狗么 Yeah, I got the Lambo. Hey, you want that dog?
要是纯种的话，那条约克夏可值1250美元呢 That Yorkshire's about $1,250 if it's a purebred.
你好啊 Hey.
靠，尸体还是要处理一下 Shit, we've got to get something for the bodies.
喂，小伙计 Hey, little buddy.
你饿么？ You hungry'?
快点，快点！ Come on, come on!
好小伙子 What a little boy.
我喜欢紫色 I love purple.
开死人的车可不明智啊 It's not smart taking a dead man's car.
一点也不 Not smart at all.
哦，靠． 哦，不！ Oh, shit! Oh, no!
靠！ 哦，她饶不了我！ Shit! Oh, she's going to kill me!
哦，靠． Oh, shit.
我的狗丢了 Lost my dog.
你得慢点！ You've got to slow down!
你把她颠出来了！ You're tipping her over!
我开得不快，我都没超速 I'm not driving too fast. I'm following the fucking speed limit.
我的地毯上现在有48个洞！ I got 48 holes in my carpet!
后面臭死了 It smells awful back here.
你看，我想把事办得漂亮点 See, I'm dealing with shit on a whole other level.
你们别说做了，理解都不理解不了 Y'all can't even fathom the level that I'm on.
你能不让我紧张了么？ 这有警察 You're making me nervous, okay! There are cops ahead.
哥几个，饶了我吧！ 我开车呢！ Come on, guys! I'm concentrating!
我觉得我要吐了 I think I'm going to be sick.
你个大蠢蛋！ 哪儿那么多抱怨！ For a big fucker, you complain a lot!
我怎么跟我老婆说？ What am I going to tell my wife?
随便撒个谎 Just fucking lie.
恶心… Sick.
我终于沾地了 I booted.
保罗，你真TMD恶心 Paul, you're fucking disgusting.
鲁宾？ 过来，是你么？ Reuben'? Come here. Is that you?
你干什么呢？ 你怎么了？ What are you doing? What happened to you?
保罗，我们有事要做，你躲在这儿千什么呢？ Paul, we got a job to do, are you up here hiding?
我需要下楼去，好么？ I need you downstairs, okay?
我需要你看好这里 I need you to secure and maintain a profile.
我和艾德里安要去 家得宝（家居建材用品零售商） Me and Adrian are going to Home Depot
买点东西，走吧，快点 to get what we need. Let's go, come on.
我可不要在这儿和两具尸体呆在一块 I am not staying here alone with those two dead bodies.
我害怕 I will freak out.
你“不要”是什么意思？ 这原本就是你的主意 What do you mean "no"? This was your idea.
你要是想把事情解决 You want to get out of this,
最好学会负起责任 you better learn to take responsibility.
别像个废物似的． 你早晚会后悔的 Don't be a don't-er. You'll regret it.
我已经后悔了 I already regret it.
我找警察 Get me the police.
劫后总有余生 There is life after death.
我确定 Of that, I am sure.
不过，我还知道，死人不需要什么财物了 But I'm also pretty sure dead people no longer need their stuff.
但我需要 And I did.
哦 Oh!
- 我想想，清洁用品 - 搞定 - All right, cleaning supplies. - Check.
格里加先生，格里加太太，你好？ 肖邦？ Mr. and Mrs. Griga, how are you? Chopin?
嗨，小宝贝，我在这儿呢！ Hello, little baby, I'm here.
肖邦？ - Chopin?
我们得把他们洗干净，剁碎了 We're gonna clean them, chop them,
放进桶里． 就在这 put them in buckets. Right here.
用碱液分解掉 Dissolve them with lye.
不留痕迹 No evidence.
搞定 Check.
艾德里安？ -- Adrian?
这里是德县警察局，威尔逊办公室 This is Officer Wilson, Miami-Dade Police.
动物服务部门找回了一只 Animal Services has recovered a greyhound
被偷走的灰狗 that is registered to your address
这条狗是注册在您那里的 but we believe the dog may be stolen.
请您在方便的时候，随时联系我们 You need to contact us please, at your earliest convenience.
305... 305...
这是人的残肢，一个脚趾 We got a body part, a human toe.
马上派个调查小组过来 Get a forensic unit here right away.
他视狗如子 He loves dog like his own child.
耶稣啊！ Team Jesus!
棒极了． 道尔我感觉棒极了 Feel great. Doyle feels great.
（可卡因的副作用）可能会导致紧张，有攻击性， 疾病发作，萌生自杀想法，痴呆… May cause anxiety, aggression, seizure, suicidal thoughts, dementia...
啊！ 我感觉糟透了 Ah! I feel like shit now.
上帝，饶恕我吧，饶恕我的罪行 Jesus, forgive me. Forgive my sins.
我们回来了，快，动作快点 We're back! Come on, let's go.
我们要是不处理这些尸体 You can do that shit all day in prison
你就可以在监狱里成天祈祷了！ if we don't get these bodies out of here!
我就快飞入天堂了 I am in the middle of a superset.
嘿！ 你把结婚戒指拿走了？ Hey! Did you take the wedding ring?
不，没有，不 No, I did not. No.
该死的瘾君子 Fucking crackhead.
这些填充物还留着么？ Hey, should we save her implants?
好啊！ 你留着当镇纸吧！ Well, not unless you want them for paperweights.
医院用品的转售很火爆的，哥们 No, resale of medical devices is a big business, man.
我老婆在医疗领域，我了解这个 I'm married to someone in the medical field. I know this.
能别玩她的胸了么？ 嗯？ Then stop playing with her tits, okay?
现在把我们的指纹清除掉 And Windex our fingerprints off now.
那他们的指纹怎么办？ Well, what about their fingerprints?
他们的什么？ What about them?
他们自己的手指自带的那些指纹，我们怎么处理？ What are we gonna do with their fingerprints on their fingers?
我想办法，行了吧？ I'll think of something, all right?
你真的要这么做么？ - Are you really going to do that?
- 丹尼，太恶心了 - 见鬼！ - Danny, that's disgusting! - Shit!
- 怎么了？ - 我TMD怎么知道？ - What's wrong with it? - How the hell am I supposed to know?
- 怎么了？ 通电了么？ - 是的，通电了！ - What, is it plugged in? - Yeah, it's plugged in!
那，按按钮啊！ Well, press the button!
给我，我来 Give me that, let me do it, man!
我们哪有那么多时间了 - Fuck if we got time for this.
看到了么？ 哥能玩转电器，哈哈！ See? Daddy worked power tools, baby!
来了！ 上，上，上！ 锯啊，锯啊，锯啊！ Get it! Go, go, go! Get it, get it, get it!
碰到了么？ - Am I hitting it?
怎么回事？ 快点！ What happened? Come on!
- 哦，靠！ - 什么？ - Oh, shit! - What?
被她的头发卡住了 It's stuck in her hair!
给我 Give me this thing.
卧槽！ 天朝制造？ Figures! Made in China?
天朝制造的垃圾！ It's a piece of China fucking crap!
我TMD告诉你买个烧汽油的 I fucking told you to get a gas-powered one,
不是买个天朝制造的垃圾货！ 靠！ not some fucking piece of electric China crap! Shit!
是你跟我说我们没时间加油的！ Well, you're the one who said we didn't have time to stop for gas!
- 抓住她的胳膊 - 你干什么？ - Grab her arm. - What are you doing?
我要学原始人了 I'm going old school.
来吧 Go.
我要直接剁了 I'm going to chop that fucker right off.
等，等，等一下． 好了． 上吧，开始，开始 Wait, wait, wait. All right, go. Go, go.
你“啊”个P啊！？ 你小子给我扶稳了． Fuck you "Ah!"ing about? Hold it, man.
- 我差点把你的指头给砍下来 - 上啊！ 啊！ - I almost chopped your finger! - Go! Ah!
上啊！ Come on!
走了，保罗 Let's go, Paul.
你把这些指纹烤掉，明白么？ I need you to grill these fingerprints off, all right?
烤掉指纹？ 你疯了么？ Grill these fingerprints off? Are you nuts?
不，我没疯，保罗 No, I'm not nuts, Paul.
但我实在是受够了你那消极不堪的态度了，知道么？ But I am about fed up with your defeatist attitude, okay?
快点给我烤，快点！ Now grill those fucking hands. Now.
你需要更积极点，保罗 You need to be more positive, Paul.
积极主动点 Just make a positive effort.
- 什么事？ - 嘿，埃杜 - What's up? - Hey, Ed.
我们发现这些人 和我们之前提过的几个练健美的有些关联 We've connected these people to the bodybuilders you were talking about.
他们现在失踪了 They've gone missing.
乔治，可不只是失踪那么简单 These people aren't just missing, George.
他们可能死了 They're probably dead.
埃杜，部门规模太大了 我们不可能面面俱到 It's a big department, Ed. We can't do everything right.
乔治，我可没想让你们不犯错，我只想让你们做对一件事就行 I didn't ask for everything, George. I asked for one thing.
我早就说过这帮家伙会再出来犯事的 I told you these guys were gonna get hungry again.
出什么问题了？ What seems to be the problem?
这根本就是个天朝制造的垃圾 It's a piece of China crap.
就工作了两秒钟，就挂掉了 It worked for two seconds, then it cut off.
好吧，再付20块钱 Well, for 20 more,
你们就可以换新的 you can get free parts and replacements.
对于电器我们基本都采取这个解决办法 We strongly recommend it on all our customer power tool investments.
哦，这种漫天要价，我们可接受不了 Oh, we don't want to hear about that rip-off.
先生，这里面好像卡了类似于毛发的东西 Sir, there appears to be fur in the works.
那个坏掉的链锯里我可没看到什么毛发 I don't see no fur in that nonworking chainsaw.
那个人渣快被你的警犬咬掉蛋蛋时 How funny was that when that scumbag shit himself
他都吓出翔了 那太搞笑了 when your dog almost bit his balls off?
什么？ 再描述一遍？ What do we got? Description again?
白人，男性，30岁左右 White male, 30s.
好的，待命，我们这就过去 All right, standby, we're en route.
不买了，我们得走了 Leave that stuff, we got to go.
好吧，你是傻子还是瞎子，那就是毛发 Well, either you're dumb or blind, but that's fur.
去吧，再去挑一个 Go on, pick out another one.
回家给你老妈演戏去吧 Save the drama for your mama.
这仍然是个真是事件
我的天啊！ 这是在干什么？ Holy shit! What the fuck?
- 哦！ - 你干什么呢？ - Oh! - What are you doing?
这玩意就得在外面烤 You got to cook this shit outside.
小心点，很烫的，小心烫伤 Be careful, that's hot. You'll burn yourself.
你知道么，你跟个三岁小孩儿一模一样！ You know, you're like a three-year-old!
你把指甲弄掉了 You're dropping the fingernails.
三岁小孩… 那玩意臭死了 A three-year old... It Stunk like shit.
然后你就拿到大街上弄？ You put it in the fucking street?
我没想到你发这么大火 I didn't think you'd be pissed.
丹尼，烟太多了 It got really smoky in there, Danny.
你吃错药了么？ Are you out of your fucking mind?
AA协会教会了我们要对自己诚实 in AA, they teach you to sit with your feelings.
正视自己 Look under the bed and see for yourself
要问心无愧 that there's no monster under there.
但问题是，有时，人是心有愧疚的 But the problem is, sometimes the monster is there.
所以，有时，人只能逃避 And sometimes, you've just got to fucking run.
嘿，保罗？ Hey, Paul?
他TMD在哪呢？ Where the fuck is he?
他太不负责了！ He's got no fucking accountability!
请勿乱扔垃圾
好的，先生们，听好了 Okay, gentlemen, listen up.
这些地方，是你们的目标 These are your locales. These are your targets.
我们要逮住这些人渣，要同时行动 We are taking down these scumbags simultaneously.
我们得做些伪装 We have some making up to do.
给你 Here you go.
有问题么？ Any questions?
好 Good.
我觉得不错 I feel good.
不过需要运动运动了 Got to get a pump, though.
得把那辆车也扔进去，哥们 Need to push that Lambo into the swamp, bro.
靠 Fuck!
让开！ Get out of the way!
看这些家伙，就像石头做的雕塑，对吧？ Look at these guys, huh? Carved from stone!
艾德里安？ 亲爱的，这有人要见你 Adrian? Honey, there's some people here to see you.
不！ 不！ No! No!
跪下！ - Get down!
- 别乱动 - 把手举起来 - Do not move. - Let me see your hands.
不再有罪恶感 PASTOR RANDY". No hard feelings.
把手放后面 Hands behind your back.
找丹尼尔！ Call Daniel!
找丹尼尔！ - Call Daniel!
靠！ Fuck!
嘿，警察，站住！ Hey. police, Stgp!
这边走，遵照工作人员指示 This way. Follow the officer.
嘿，哥们 Hey, buddy.
怎么样了？ How you been?
呢！ 真没想到 Wow. Didn't see that coming.
他看起来挺好的 He seemed like such a nice guy.
人不可貌相 You think you know people...
我的船不见了 puppy's gone.
他很喜欢你的船 Yeah, he loved your boat.
我们一起出去过五六次 We went out on it five or six times.
坐船看夕阳，带着邻居家的孩子们 We had a great sunset cruise. We took the neighborhood kids.
嘿，哥们，差不多行了 Hey, pal. That'll do it.
我们己经发布了卢戈的照片 GEORGE". We circulated Lugo's picture.
海岸警卫队有卢戈的船的型号 Coast Guard's got the specs on Lugo's boat.
应该是我的船吧？ You mean my boat?
对，你的 Your boat.
开始搜寻！ Start looking!
根据其他两人的证词，卢戈杀了格里加 According to the other two, Lugo killed Griga
但什么也没得到，所以 before he could get anything, which means
他的钱快应该快花光了 he's gonna run out of his money.
我的钱！ 我的钱！ My money! My money.
维克多，看在上帝的份上 Victor, for God's sake.
埃杜，他说的对． 是我们搞砸的 He's right, Ed. We fucked up.
克肖先生，我跟你讲，现在 The fact is, Mr. Kershaw, right now,
他手里的钱都是你的 you're the only source of funding this guy has got.
他只有你的那份财产，维克多 He put all his eggs in your basket, Victor.
我们正24小时监视着呢 We've got that basket under 24-hour watch.
卢戈早晚会没钱可花 Lugo's gonna come up starving soon.
那个时候，我们就能逮到他 When he does, we'll get him.
要是我告诉你 他还能在你还不知道的地方 What if I told you there's another basket
找到钱呢？ 在我的离岸公司 you didn't know about? Offshore.
- 哪儿？ - 巴哈马，你以为是哪？ - Where? - The Bahamas, where do you think?
好吧，你认为他会去哪？ So, where do you think he's going?
你本可以帮我们节省20分钟 You could have saved us 20 minutes.
你究竟是怎么回事？ What the hell is wrong with you?
倒像是我有罪了？ 那是个隐藏秘密的地方 Now I'm the criminal here? It's a secret stash.
你敢说你没什么不可见人的秘密？ You're telling me you don't have a secret stash?
维克托，你真是个麻烦的家伙 You're a very difficult victim, Victor.
这是理财的基本常识 It's Money Management 101.
要辆直升机，越快越好 Get a chopper, ASAP.
我叫维克多．克肖 My name is Victor Kershaw.
我想销户 I'm looking to close my account.
那么，对保险箱 And what would you like to do
您打算怎么处理？ about the safety deposit box?
哦，我现在真的很忙 Well, I'm really in a rush,
但既然来了，还是打开吧，对吧？ but I may as well open it while I'm here, right?
他的破烂的婴儿鞋？ His fucking baby booties?
真是个...混蛋！ What the... Asshole!
哦，靠！ 一毛钱都没有！ Oh, shit! No cash!
你们的经理呢？ Where's your bank manager?
依照美国法院令 This is a United States court order
我们奉命冻结维克多的账户… authorizing us to freeze the accounts of a Victor...
卢戈！ Lugo!
- 把门打开！ - 卢戈！ - Open the door! - Lugo!
- 开门 - 快开门 - Open it! - Open it up!
把门打开！ 把门打开！ Open the gate! Open the gate!
把门打开！ Get the gate!
卢戈！ Lugo!
他在那！ He's over here!
嘿！ 警官！ Hey! Officer!
人都哪儿去了？ Where are they all?
抓小偷！ He's a thief!
TMD！ Son of a bitch.
老天常不随人心 Sometimes God just fucks up your order
有时只能选择承受 and you got to chow down on that shitty shame sandwich.
你看 Look at you.
玩砸了吧 All fucked up.
被一辆车把你的美梦都撞碎了吧 It's kind of undignified being all fucked up by a car,
你这个傻X isn't it, you silly turd?
- 你没事吧？ - 我还好 - You all right? - I'm getting there.
你知道么，我本来可以教你练肌肉的，哥们 You know, I could have got you ripped, man.
你知道你的问题在哪么？ You know what your problem is?
四头肌太纤细了． 哥们，你四头肌不行 Skinnyass quads. You got no quads, man.
我也有同样的问题 That was my problem.
我花了好久才练好 I spent a lot of time building these bad boys.
这帮人都为抓我来的？ Is this all for me?
没错． 属于你的小派对 Yep. Your own little party.
喔 Wow.
他们想知道你为什么干了这些事 They're going to want to know why you did it.
好吧，因为我是个实干家 Well, 'cause I'm a do-er.
这是戴德县历史上最长也是最奇特的一次追捕行动 This was the longest and most bizarre trial in Dade County history.
哦？ 中央情报局 So, the Central Intelligence Agency.
也就是说，你既是一个脱衣舞女，又是一个特工 So you were a stripper and an agent.
或者，像你自己说的，独立侦探 Or, as you call yourself, a field operative.
我本来和卢戈一起 Lugo and I used to bang a lot.
但后来他把我让给了道尔特工 But then he passed me to Agent Doyle.
亲爱的，想你哦 Miss you, sweetie.
但是我不想在CIA干了 But I'm going to quit the whole CIA thing
想当个电影明星 to become a movie star.
人们常说，现实比小说还奇幻 ED". They say truth is stranger than fiction.
除了气坏了的妻子，谁都不说实话 And no one tells the truth like a pissed-off wife.
法官，我昨天晚上和他正式离婚了 Sir, I officially divorced him last night.
所以我今天才能来证明他的罪行 That's why I can testify against him today.
嗯，我在治疗阳疹的领域里工作了19个月 Well, I've been working in the penis industry for 19 months.
我想他练就健美身材是为了 I think he lifted weights to try to compensate
掩盖他那东西特别小的事实 for the fact that he had a very tiny penis.
那的东西呈25度弯曲，就像个飞去来器 It was bent on a 25 degree angle, like a boomerang.
其实，勃起障碍本没什么 You see, erectile dysfunction is nothing to be ashamed about
但是这个满嘴谎话的家伙 but being an unfaithful lying shit
竟然在接见室 who I know for a fact tried to finger bang
就和他的律师搞在一起 his paralegal in the interview room,
真叫人恶心 that's a little shamey.
从医学专业的角度，我无意评判 But being in the medical profession, I prefer not to judge.
但是，那个女人真是个臭姥子 But that lady's a whore.
- 对，就是你，你个贱人 - 没有问题了 - Yeah, you, you fucking bitch. - No further questions.
审判很彻底 ED". The state was very thorough.
坦白的说 就像是一场牌局 Frankly, it had a lotto make up for.
我们能保送上垒． 他们手里没有证据 We're going to walk on this. They ain't got no proof.
最初，只有些不大重要的证据 At first, the evidence was mostly circumstantial,
很难得到直接证明谋杀的物证 physical proof of the murders being hard to come by.
最后，他们找到了油桶和尸体 Eventually, they found the barrels and bodies,
但是没有指纹． 随后，在美国历史上 but no fingerprints. And then, for the first time
第一次地… in the history of the United States...
两个750cc的胸部填充物 Two 750 cc breast implants.
...利用制造商 ED". ...they used the manufacturer's
印下的唯一的序列号 来做鉴定 unique serial numbers for identification.
保罗，道尔后来似乎真正忏悔了 Paul Doyle seemed to embrace the concept of confession.
他们绑架了克肖，他们想要杀他 They kidnapped Kershaw, they tried to kill him.
我只是想回监狱 I just want to go back to prison.
他们用链锯把他们切碎了！ They used chainsaws to cut them up!
他说谁都不会受伤害，但是他们伤害了佩佩 He said no one would get hurt. They hurt Pepe.
他们深深伤害了他，他们伤害了我的朋友 They hurt him bad. They hurt my friend.
全是他一手操纵的 Manipulator of manipulators.
呢，感觉真好 PAUL". Wow. That felt good.
他们手里只有一份瘾君子的证词 All they got is testimony from some fucking cokehead.
然而，在最后 ED". In the end, though,
法官们需要做的就是 all justice really needed to do was listen to
倾听在 恰当时间内 恰当证人给出的证词 the right guy at the right time.
鉴于他的合作 In light of his cooperation,
道尔先生只判了巧年徒刑 Mr. Doyle was given only 15 years.
他对此也深表感恩 A sentence for which he seemed legitimately grateful.
我曾迷失 I once was lost
但现在我已找回了自己 But now I'm found...
丹尼尔．卢戈 和 艾德里安，道波 ED". Daniel Lugo and Adrian Doorba!
被判罪涉： 两起谋杀，敲诈 were found guilty of double murder, racketeering,
勒索，盗窃 attempted extortion, theft,
蓄意谋杀，持械抢劫 attempted murder, armed robbery,
非法入室，洗钱以及造假等罪名 burglary, money laundering and forgery.
事实上，唯一一件没被追究的 In fact, the only thing they weren't found guilty of
反倒是他们最大的罪过---- was the one thing they were most guilty of,
愚蠢至极 being dumb stupid fucks.
陪审团只花了14分钟 It took the jury only 14 minutes
就认定他们两位应判死刑 to sentence them both to death.
真是浪费 This seems like such a waste.
浪费生命 People's lives.
明白么 You know?
很多人真的是对眼前的 Some people just don't know a good thing
美好事物视而小见 when it's staring them in the face.
这其实是生命中最简单的道理 ED". It really is the simple things in life.
丹尼尔其实只是想和所有人一样 Daniel just wanted to be like everyone.
和每个拥有美国梦的人一样 Everyone that wants the American dream.
我毕生想要追求的 All I ever wanted out of life
其实就是其他人拥有的 was what everyone else had.
仅此而已． 只是不要像以前那样一无所有． Not more. Just not the less I was used to.
但是，我曾努力尝试过，你知道么？ Well, I took a real swing for it, you know?
有时，似乎现实已经如我想像那般 And for a while, it was like I always thought it would be.
我变得与你一样 I was one of you.
那样的感觉真好 And it felt good.
我得到了我应有的尊重 People finally saw me like I saw myself
此时，本应别无所求 and you can't ask for more than that.
但是，也许我想要的太多 Maybe I did, though.
也许，正是因为我不想和其它人“一样” Maybe it got so I didn't want to be "equal to" anymore.
我要的是比其他人“更好” I wanted to be "better than.“
那是抚平伤口的良方 And that's a recipe for injury.
意味着，你不应该放弃 That doesn't mean you give up, though.
你休息，疗伤，最终重新回到生命的舞台 You rest, you heal and you get back on that bench.
生命总会给我打开另一扇门 Life is going to give me another set.
而我也将欣然地接受未来 And I am going to rock it.
因为 我是 丹尼尔．卢戈 Because my name is Daniel Lugo,
我热爱健身 and I believe in fitness.
丹尼尔卢弋 被判死刑 艾德里安道波 被判死刑 保罗道尔 被判15年徒刑 现已出狱 努力悔改中
约翰梅瑟 被判15年徒刑 服刑间去世 维克多克肖 为保护当事人 采用化名 索丽娜 为保护当事人 采用化名 她现在仍未成为电影明星
这，就是美国梦 That's the American dream.