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你好 这里是斯图亚特·普瑞斯医生诊所 Hi, you've reached the office, Dr. Stuart Price.
请注意 诊所在二十四号前歇业 Please note the office will be closed until the 24th.
如果有紧急情况 请试着... If this is an emergency, please try...
你好 我是斯图亚特·普瑞斯医生 Hi, It's Dr. Stuart Price,
我要结婚了 I'm getting married.
所以我会出国两周 So I'll be out of the country for 2 weeks.
我不确定那里是不是有信号 I'm not sure if I'll have cell service.
如果是牙科急诊... If this is a dental emergency...
没接通 Nothing.
爸爸 拜托 你这是在帮倒忙 Daddy, please! You're not helping!
我看着他的眼睛 他不是个男子汉 I looked into his eyes. Not the eyes of a man.
而是个懦夫 The eyes of a coward.
抱歉 Excuse me!
-比尔 -崔西 - Bill! - Tracy!
-对不起 -你们死哪去了 - I'm sorry! - Where the hell are you?
历史又重演了 It happened again!
别开玩笑 拜托了 Don't say that, please!
不 这次我们是真的玩完了 No, this time we really fucked up.
说真的 你们仨是怎么回事 Seriously! What is wrong with you three?
说来话长 崔西 我都不知道该从何说起 So much, Trace, I don't even know where to begin.
天哪 有多糟 Oh god! How bad?
-不会要取消婚礼吧 -好吧 - Like, no wedding bad? - Yeah...
比那还要糟 A little worse than that.
宿醉
2
一周前
你真该多用着点牙线 You really need to floss more.
呸 那我还来这干嘛 Fuck that! That's why I come here.
那你就常来 别两年只来一次 Then you should come more than once every two years!
怎么 想把我的钱都榨干吗 Why? So you can bleed me of all my money?
我没收过你半毛钱 菲尔 I never charge you a dime, Phil!
-你给我麻醉吧 -你用不着 - Hey, how do I work the nitrous? - Ah, you don't actually.
得了 就用一下 Come on! Just one hit!
牙齿补得很好 还有其他问题吗 Fillings look pretty good. Any other problems?
有 事实上 你准备在泰国结婚 Yeah, actually. You're getting married in Thailand.
首先 我得为自己和史黛芬买机票 For starters, that's flights for me and Steph.
那要两千块 That's two grand right there.
其次我岳母要照料小孩 Then my mother in laws watching the kids.
现在她老和我絮叨这事 头都大了 So now she's got this whole new thing over my head.
另外 还得花五天时间才能到那边 Plus, takes five days to get there.
只要十六个小时 It's a 16 hour flight.
你到了后会发现那里非常美 And it's beautiful when you get there.
-不管怎样 这是自找麻烦 -是有点远 - Whatever, it's a hassle! - It is kinda far.
罗伦已经去了一周了 还没调好时差 Lauren's been there a week and she's still jet lagged.
但她父母都在那边 But it's where her parents are from
这对他们来讲意义重大 and it means a lot to them.
谁管她父母 她爸爸讨厌你 Who gives a shit about her parents! Her dad hates you!
他不讨厌我 他只是从来不和我讲话 He doesn't hate me! He's just never spoken to me...
我想这是因为文化差异 ...I think it's a cultural thing.
你为什么不能像上次那样 Why can't you just get married in Vegas
在赌城结婚 那要简单多了 like you did the last time. It's so much easier.
你为什么就不能替我高兴 Why can't you just be excited for me?
这是我的婚礼 This is my wedding!
-你真的很开心吗 -我真的很开心 - You're really happy, huh? - I really am.
好吧 Alright...
那我也很开心 ...I'm happy too.
-谢谢 -会很有趣的 - Thank you! - Gonna be fun.
菲尔 把处方放回来 Phil. Put the prescription pad back.
谢谢 你知道那是犯罪吧 Thank you. You know that's a felony right?
去死吧你 Fuck you, man!
-塞你蛋蛋那里了 -没错 - Was this right up against your scrotum? - Yep.
-天哪 我刚想起来 -怎么了 - Oh my god, I just realized. - What?
-我忘记把护照延期了 -不是吧 - I forgot to renew my passport! - Oh, no...
好消息是我上周已经弄好了 在厨房抽屉里 Good thing I did it last week. It's in the kitchen drawer.
-你真棒 -我们是一家人 - You're the best! - Hey! We're a team!
你是个好男人 真正的好男人 You're a good guy. Like a really good guy!
谢谢夸奖 Thank you!
所以我知道你不会生气了 So I know you're not gonna get mad.
生气 为什么 生什么气 Mad? What, mad at what?
艾伦发现我们要去泰国参加斯图的婚礼 Alan found out that we're going to Thailand for Stu's wedding.
怎么 So?
他心碎了 道格 你们就像他的家人 So he's heart broken, Doug. You guys are like his family!
不 你的家人才是他的家人 No. Your family is like his family.
艾伦成天都在谈论你们仨 All Alan talks about is the three of you.
-还有那周末 -等等 - And that weekend. - Wait a second...
就是他在不停地打电话挂电话吗 Is he the one who keeps calling and hanging up?
他不高兴时就会这么做 He does that when he's upset.
他不明白为什么不邀请他 He doesn't understand why he's not invited.
你能说服斯图吗 去跟他说说 Could you just run it by Stu? Just run it by him.
为了我 For me...
他妈的不可能 绝对不可能 No fucking way! Absolutely not!
斯图 他难受死了 Come on Stu, it's killing him.
坦白讲 我本来都不打算邀请你们俩 Honestly, the two of you were barely invited.
我明白 我真理解 只是 你知道吗 I get it. I really do. It's just, you know what...
艾伦把你当成最好的朋友 Alan considers you to be one of his best friends.
我觉得艾伦就是个神经病 I consider Alan to be insane.
斯图 就算帮他个小忙吧 Stu, throw him a bone!
我们已经说过了 We've already said
他自已承担饭费和所有打碎的东西 he's got to pay for everything he eats and everything he breaks.
而且 我们还可以看看 You know what. We should see
是否能从老头子那里敲点单身派对的费用 if we can squeeze the old man to cover the bachelor party.
-很好 -我很高兴你提起这个话题 - That's good. - I'm glad you brought that up.
-因为 这就是单身派对 -什么 - Because... this is the bachelor party! - What?
你说什么呢 What are you talking about?
是的 这就是我的单身派对 Yeah, it's my bachelor brunch!
敞开点吧 吃些巧克力薄煎饼 Go crazy. Get some chocolate chip pancakes...
让服务员跳个大腿舞 A lap dance from the waitress...
扯淡 That's bullshit!
你不能就这么跳过单身派对 斯图 You can't just skip out of a bachelor party, Stu.
你们看到那个了吗 You see that?
那是橘子汁 上面盖着餐巾纸 That's orange juice with a napkin on top.
知道为什么吗 这样就不会有人拒绝我 Do you know why? So nobody will refuse me.
我干嘛要在单身派对上不肯吃哈密瓜啊 Why I refuse to eat fucking cantaloupe at a bachelor party?
斯图 你不觉得你有点过分吗 C'mon Stu. Don't you think you're over reacting?
不 我没觉得 No, I don't.
我还在把我破碎的心一片片粘合起来 I'm still putting the pieces of my broken psyche back together.
你知道谁是粘合剂吗 And you know what the glue is?
是罗伦 我不会冒险搞砸这次婚礼 Lauren! I'm not doing anything to screw that up.
拜托 要不是因为我们 Oh, please. You wouldn't even be
你都不会和她在一起 with her if it wasn't for us.
那可真是好极了 Oh, this'll be good.
斯图 好好想想 Stu, think about it!
你和梅丽莎分手 You ended up ditching Melissa,
两年后你遇见了情投意合的爱人 and two years later you met your true soul mate.
你要是在堵城迷失了自我 You take Vegas out of that equation,
你就会娶一个淫妇 you would have married a cunt.
没关系 我可以说这种话 这是单身聚会 Oh that's ok. I'm allowed to say it. It's a bachelor party.
大家喝起来吧 Drink up everybody.
等等 这里没酒 Oh wait, there's no alcohol!
我忘了 我们他妈的在煎饼店里 I forgot we're at a fuckin IHOP!
我已经决定了 庆祝一下怎么样 Well, it's my decision and it's final, so... how bout a toast?
真没劲 我到车里等你们 This sucks. I'm gonna wait in the car.
得了 菲尔 你去哪 C'mon Phil, where you going?
道格 我真是不明白 Doug, Doug, I just don't get it!
他就要在泰国结婚了 He's getting married in Thailand!
对他来说再好不过 但我们呢 That's great for him, but what about us?
你真自私 来吧 亲爱的 You're selfish! Come on, sweetheart...
你真讨厌 Shame on you!
别担心 斯图 Don't worry Stu.
不论发生什么事我都支持你 I will stand up for you no matter what.
谢谢 Thank you.
但你得帮我解决艾伦这件事 But you gotta help me out with this Alan thing.
伙计们 我打心眼里感激 Guys, I can't tell you how much this means...
自从艾从听说了婚礼的消息 Alan's been waiting for the invite
就一直等着大家的邀请 ever since he got word of the wedding.
-我相信 -是的 - I'm sure he has. - Yeah.
每天都出去站在邮箱前 Been standing outside by the mailbox every day.
-那可真不容易 -是啊 - Well that's tough. - Yeah.
我想他的魂还没从赌城回来呢 I uh, I'm not sure he ever left Vegas.
他真的很需要你们 He really needs this.
干嘛 What?
亲爱的 是爸爸 有人找你 慢点 Sweetie, papa! You have visitors! Go in slowly.
给他一个适应的机会 Give him a chance to acclimate.
艾伦 Hey, Alan!
伙计们 菲尔 Hey, guys! Hey, Phil!
伙计 Hey, bud!
危险 天才在工作
-你们想进来吗 -当然 - You guys wanna come in? - Sure. Absolutely.
-斯图 -好 回头在球场上... - Hey, Stu! - Ok. See you on the court in half...
真是很酷的房间 艾伦 Pretty cool room, Alan!
谢谢 菲尔 我爸付的房租 Thanks, Phil! My dad pays my rent.
艾伦 搞毛 你应该删掉这些照片 Alan, what the fuck! You were supposed to delete these!
你说好的 You made a promise!
搞什么 What the hell?
我不喜欢这些玩意 你不能留着 I'm not cool with this at all. You can't have these.
别激动 斯图 没人会来这里 Relax, Stu! Nobody ever comes in here.
你完全辜负了我们的信任 A total violation of trust!
妈妈 我吃完午餐了 东西还放着 Mother, I'm done with my lunch. It's just sitting here!
很抱歉 亲爱的 我这就上来 I'm sorry, honey. I'll be right up.
真不敢相信你们会来 I can't believe you guys stopped by.
-你们真好 -等等 - This is really cool. - Wait a second!
艾 那是周吗 Al, is that Mr. Chow?
是啊 我们一直保持联系 Yeah. We still keep in touch.
斯图 Stu!
周 就是那个绑架我们的人吗 Chow, the guy that kidnapped us?
他没有绑架我们 他绑架了黑道格 He didn't kidnap us. He kidnapped Black Doug.
记得吗 这是个天大的误会 Remember? It was a whole big misunderstanding.
他其实非常有魅力 He's actually quite charming.
艾伦 他是个罪犯 Alan, he's a criminal.
打扰了 孩子们 Excuse me, boys!
-你好 琳达 -你好 小道 - Hi, Linda! - Hi, Dougie!
我还以为我们不会再有点心吃了 I guess we don't do desert anymore. I didn't get that memo.
抱歉 亲爱的 我马上就回来 I'm sorry, darling. I'll be right back.
一块蛋糕会累死你吗 Would a cupcake kill you?
我觉得这不是个好主意 You know, I don't think this was a good idea.
艾伦 我们有个小惊喜给你 Alan, we have a little surprise for you.
斯图要邀请你参加他的婚礼 Stu would like to invite you to his wedding.
-如果你不忙的话 -斯图 - Well, only if you're not busy. - Stu!
也许乔纳斯兄弟在城里有演唱会 Well, maybe the Jonas Brothers are in town.
不 他们那周在罗利·达勒姆 Nope. They're in Raleigh-Durham that weekend.
你们不是在开玩笑吧 斯图 Are you really being serious, Stu?
你真要邀请我吗 You're inviting me?
是啊 当然了 会很有意思的吧 Yeah, why not? It's gonna be fun, right?
-菲尔 你去吗 -当然去 - Phil, are you going? - Of course!
那肯定会很有意思了 Then it will be fun.
你他妈的干什么呢 伙计 What the fuck are you doing, man?
这是我的免疫注射 这是我最后一天用了 It's my immunizations. It's the last day I can do it.
只有注册的护士才能打 That's supposed to be done by a registered nurse.
我就是名护士 只是没注册而已 I'm a nurse. Just not registered.
斯图 看这个 我买了这个 因为我很想你 Stu, look at this! I bought this cause I thought of you!
-他来了 -斯图 - Hey, there he is! - Hey, Stu!
-泰迪 你好吗 -斯图 - Teddy! What's up? How are ya? - Hey Stu.
-很好 -他是谁 斯图 - Alright. - Who's this guy, Stu?
这是泰迪 罗伦的弟弟 This is Teddy. Lauren's little brother.
斯坦福大学 医学预科 Goes to Stanford. Pre-med.
这是菲尔 艾伦 道格 This is Phil, Alan and Doug.
见到你们很高兴 伙计 Hey, nice to meet you, man!
斯坦福大学 你多大了 Wow, Stanford? How old are you?
他十七岁 是个天才 He's 17. Kind of a genius.
实际上 我十六岁 Actually, I'm 16.
并不是天才 I'm not a genius.
我爸爸让我提前参加了入学考试 My dad just had me take the entrance exams early.
因为你是个天才 Because you're a genius.
那你是医生吗 So what are you, a doctor?
不 还不是 在读医学院预科 No, not yet. I'm premed.
听说过天才小医生吗 Ever heard of that guy Doogie Howser?
听说过 Yeah.
-他是个基佬 -艾伦 - Well, he turned out to be a gay. - Alan.
真的 我在《青年人物》杂志上看到 It's true, i read it in Teen People.
好吧 我要去买本书 Right, ok... well, I'm gonna grab a book
或飞机上用的东西 你们需要什么吗 or something for the plane. You guys want anything?
不 谢谢 我不用 No, thanks. I'm good.
我想要一小瓶水 I would actually love a small water.
好 Cool.
你怎么回事 What's the matter with you.
-他才十六岁 -是啊 艾伦 放轻松 - He's 16 years old. - Yeah, Alan. Take it easy!
我真是不明白 I'm a little confused.
他来这只是送我们还是怎么着 Is he here just to see us off or what.
这是怎么回事 How does this work?
-什么怎么回事 -他也要来参加婚礼吗 - How does what work? - Is that person coming to the wedding?
是的 艾伦 我新娘的弟弟 Yes, Alan. My brides little brother
要来参加婚礼 你觉得有问题吗 is coming to the wedding. Is that ok with you?
这是我头一次听说 Well, it's the first time I've heard of it.
你应该提前告诉我 You could have paged me.
别激动 没事的 Don't over react. It's gonna be fine.
介意我坐下吗 Hey. Mind if I sit?
只给狼友坐 再找别的座位吧 Wolf pack only. Find another chair.
别提什么狼友 艾伦 There's no wolfpack, Alan.
-坐吧 -没关系 我可以找 - C'mon. - It's no problem. I'll find...
泰迪 别犯傻了 Teddy, don't be ridiculous!
-你就坐在这 -当心 那是L - You're sitting here! - Careful, that's a Louis...
那可是LV That is a Louis Vuitton!
-颈枕不错 -谢谢 你可以随便用 - That's a nice neck roll! - Thanks! You can use it if you want.
好吧 Ok.
宝贝 Baby!
这里真是太美了 非常感谢 This is so absolutely beautiful! Thank you much!
不客气 Of course.
就我和泰迪来讲 你一定非常激动 Between Teddy and me, you must be pretty excited.
很快家里就有两位医生了 Pretty soon you'll have 2 doctors in the family.
你要明白在我们国家 You have to realize that in my country
牙齿可不是真正的医生 we don't consider dentists to be real doctors.
爸爸 Dad...
好吧 Ok.
不管怎样 我得去 Anyway I have to go
和泰迪谈谈关于他今晚的大提琴演奏 and talk to Teddy about his cello performance tonight.
说话真伤人 Ouch!
很抱歉 I'm so sorry...
你爸爸有点溺爱你弟弟吧 Your dad's kind of obsessed with your brother, isn't he?
泰迪是我爸爸珍贵的财富 一直都是这样 Teddy is my dad's prize possession. It's always been that way.
他会和善起来的 我保证 好吗 He'll warm up, I promise! Okay?
你可以发传真给我 我去服务台收 You can just fax it over to me. I'll pick it up at the concierge.
谢谢 爸爸 再见 Thanks, papa! Bye bye!
是我爸 我是个宅家的儿子 That was my dad. I'm a stay at home son.
我们刚在说你们的结婚礼物 他不惜下老本 We were discussing your wedding gift. He's sparing no expense.
没那个必要 Oh... That's so unnecessary.
我一直想找人问问 I've been meaning to ask someone.
我发现这是个渔庄 I notice this is a fishing village.
岛上真的有龙津威威士忌吗 Is there a Long John Silver's on the island?
那个 好像没有 很抱歉 You know. No, I don't think so. I'm so sorry.
但是 我们有美味新鲜的海鲜 But, we are actually serving some great fresh seafood.
-比龙津威威士忌还好 -是的 - Better than Long John's? - Yes.
好不好我说了算 今晚玩得开心 I'll be the judge of that. Enjoy your evening.
你也是 You too. Ok.
谢谢你 泰迪 Thank you, Teddy!
一双杰出音乐家的手 The hands of a brilliant musician!
也未来的 伟大的外科医生 And one day, a great surgeon.
我承认 I admit it...
当我第一次遇见斯图 When I first met Stu,
我并不是很买账 I was not quite sold.
他没有吸引力 缺少智慧和想象力 He seemed unattractive. He lacked intelligence and imagination.
他缺少一种男人身上的闪光点 He was missing the spark you look for in a man.
但我看着斯图的眼睛 But then I looked into Stu's eyes.
让我想起了我亲爱的兄弟 蔡友 It reminded me of my sweet brother, Chai Yo.
你们也许不认识他 For those who do not know,
蔡友正在学习驾驶帆船 Chai Yo is learning the sailboat
他住在痴呆养老院里 and lives in a group home.
但是蔡友很喜欢粥 But Chai Yo loves "Khao" .
我意识到 斯图就是粥 And that's when I realized, Stu is "Khao".
什么是粥 What is "Khao"?
粥是种在温水中泡得很软的白色大米 "Khao" is soft white rice in luke warm water.
没有味道 It has no taste.
我们用它来喂小婴儿和年长的老人 We feed it to small baby and uh, very old people.
它非常有营养 每个人都可以消化 It is nourishment that everyone can digest.
这个世界需要粥 就像世界需要斯图这样的人 The world needs "Khao", just as the world needs people like Stu.
敬我的宝贝女儿和斯图 恭喜你们 To my sweet daughter and Stu! Congratulations!
干杯 Cheers!
我想泰迪有话要说 And now I believe that Teddy has something to say.
坐下 我来 坐下 小子 Sit down! I got this. Sit down, boy!
你的致辞很棒 先生 That was a.. A great speech, sir!
我喜欢斯图和大米的比较 I like the comparison between Stu and rice.
我也准备了几句话 I've also prepared a few words.
大家好 这有些有趣的事例 Hey everybody. Here's some fun facts.
泰国的人口有六千三百万 The population in Thailand is 63 million people.
这个数字是美国怀俄明州的两倍 It is twice the size of Wyoming.
主要出口纺织品 鞋类和大米 It's chief exports are textiles, footwear and rice.
在泰国每年都约有一万三千人 Each year approximately 13,000 people
死于车祸 are killed in car accidents in Thailand.
-泰国的气候... -艾伦 - The climate in Thailand... - Alan!
能不能直接跳到 Why don't you skip to
-最后一张卡片 伙计 -好吧 抱歉 - the last card there, buddy. - Okay. Sorry!
你们谁也没有我了解斯图 None of you know Stu like I do.
不是你 不是你 不是你 Not you... not you... not you...
没人像我这么了解斯图 Not nobody knows Stu like I do.
没有一个人 No one!
我不能告诉你们 I can't even tell you
我们都经历了些什么 因为我们有个协议 what we've been through cause we made a pact.
那比血缘更重要 More important than blood.
我能告诉你们的是这件事 What I can tell you is this.
这不是斯图的第一次结婚 This is not Stu's first marriage.
几年前在拉斯维加斯有个妓女 There was a whore in Las Vegas a couple of years ago.
坐下 Sit down...
够了 他会没事的 Enough! He'll get over it!
好吧 谢谢 菲尔 Okay. Thanks, Phil!
哭吧你 In your face!
就和我想的一样痛苦 Well, that was exactly as painful as I expected it to be.
对不起 Sorry...
八宝饭 你在干嘛 Oh, rice pudding! What are you doing?
哈哈 真好笑 HaHa. Very funny!
对他好点 菲尔 他今天格外敏感 Be nice, Phil! He's extra sensitive tonight.
算了 他是你岳父 他理应讨厌你 Get over it! He's your father in law. He's supposed to hate you.
来和我们喝一杯 Come have a drink with me and the guys.
我很累了 You know... I'm really exhausted.
我们要去楼上睡觉了 We're just gonna go upstairs and crash.
得了 我刚和经理说过了 C'mon, I just spoke with the manager.
他同意让我们在海边生篝火 He's gonna let us have a bonfire on the beach.
听起来很有趣 That sounds fun!
-不用了 -他累了 - Nyah... I'm good. - He's tired!
斯图 你的朋友不远万里跑来 Stu, one drink with your friends
去和他们喝一杯 who came all this way.
我只想和你在一起 I just wanna hang out with you!
得了 去吧 帮我个忙 Oh c'mon. Just go! And do me a favor.
带上泰迪 他从来都不会找乐子 Take Teddy with you. He never gets to have any fun.
好主意 带上那孩子 That is a great idea. Bring the kid.
-好吧 就喝一杯 -太好了 - Alright. One drink! - Perfect.
-回头见 -玩得开心 - See you later. - Have fun!
-你有钥匙吗 -有 在这里 - You have the key? - Yep, got it right here!
二十分钟后见 I'll see you in 20 minutes!
我叔叔罗杰说见过一头白化北极熊 My uncle Roger said that he once saw an albino polar bear.
真的吗 北极熊本来就是白色 Really? Polar bears are white.
他怎么会知道它得了白化病 How would he know if it's an albino?
这头是黑色的 This one was black.
会不会它本来就是头黑熊 Did you ever think maybe it was just a black bear?
不然还能是什么 Whatelse...
好吧 开喝 美国啤酒 Ok. Here we go. American beer.
-密封的瓶子 -谢谢 好吧 - Sealed bottle! - Thank you. Alright!
我还没到喝酒的年龄 I'm not really old enough to drink.
是的 这是违法的 Yeah, it's illegal.
要是你被举报了有你受的 Would be a shame if somebody reported you.
没人举报你 没关系 泰迪 开心点 Nobody's reporting anybody. It's fine Teddy. Have a little fun.
当心 Careful!
这是什么 速溶棉花糖 不错啊 What is this? Instant marshmallows? Nice touch!
-是艾伦的主意 -很周到 艾 - That was Alan's idea. - Good thinking, Al!
我得承认 斯图 这地方就是天堂 You know... I gotta hand it to you, Stu! This place is paradise.
还不错吧 Not bad, right?
不敢相信我会这么说 And I can't believe I'm saying this,
但我真的很嫉妒你 but I'm actually jealous of you.
我是说 罗伦真是个天使 I mean, Lauren is an angel.
是啊 她真的很棒 Yeah, she really is amazing.
你们嘴真甜 Wow, you guys are sweet.
她没有大咪咪 但对个亚洲人来说还算结实 Not big breasts on her. But still, solid rack for an Asian.
-抱歉 泰迪 但这是真话 -没关系 - Sorry, Teddy, but it's true. - That's ok.
这么说真是不像话 That is just wildly inappropriate.
但你们能来我还是很高兴 And yet... I'm really glad you're here.
你们所有人 也包括你 艾伦 All you guys. Even you Alan.
这对我来说意义重大 谢谢 It means a lot that you made the trip. Thank you.
-怎么能错过呢 伙计 -太棒了 - Wouldn't have missed it buddy. - Great!
现在 我们能干上一杯了吗 啰嗦鬼 Now. Can we have our one fucking beer, dad?
好吧 干杯 起来 伙计们 Alright. Toast! C'mon, stand up guys.
到这边来 艾伦 Come over here, Alan!
敬罗伦和斯图 To Lauren and Stu!
-你做到了 伙计 -当然了 - You did it, buddy. - Sure did.
干杯 Cheers!
我了个大槽... What the hell...
啥 What?
菲尔 Phil...
我想历史又重演了 I think it happened again.
艾伦 你他妈的又干了什么 Alan, what the fuck did you do?
我什么都没干 我对天发誓 I didn't do anything. I swear to god.
你的毛没了 Your hair is gone.
不 头顶上的 No, no... up.
天杀的我们到底在哪 Where the fuck are we?
菲尔 我好怕 Phil, I'm scared.
斯图 快起来 出乱子了 Stu, c'mon get up! We got a situation.
-卧槽 -这是哪 - Oh, holy shit! - Where are we?
-我的天 艾伦 你的头 -你才是 - Oh my god, Alan. Your head. - No your head!
-是不是秃了 -斯图 - Is it bald? - Stu,
你估计会疯掉 但这没什么大不了 you're gonna freak out, but it's gonna be ok.
-咋了 我牙齿是不是又缺了 -不 不是牙齿 - Why? Was it my teeth? - Nope, it's not your teeth.
-你确定吗 -嗯 - Are you sure? - Yep.
看得到底下吗 Can you see the bottom?
天哪 我擦咧 Oh my god! What the fuck!
那很好 试试看能不能洗下来 That's good. Why don't you try to wash it off.
洗不下来 这是真的纹身 It's not coming off. This is a real tattoo!
艾伦 你都干了什么 Alan, what did you do!
-你是不是给我下药了 -我啥都没做 - Did you Roofie me? - I didn't do anything!
斯图 他对天发过誓 Stu, he swore to god!
到底怎么了 What happened?
把它弄走 Get it off of me!
-什么鬼玩意 -一只猴子 - What the hell? - It's a monkey.
小脸蛋真可爱 你好小猴子 What a cute little mask. Hi little monkey.
艾伦 Alan...
手机 艾伦 去找手机 Phone! Alan, go find the phone!
找到了 I got it!
-道格 你死哪去了 -在游泳池边吃早饭 - Doug, where the hell are you? - I'm at breakfast. By the pool.
你们来不来 You guys coming down or what?
谢天谢地 道格没事 Oh Jesus. Thank god. Doug's fine.
斯图 道格没事 他在度假村 Stu, Doug's fine. He's at the resort.
那我们咋不在度假村 Why aren't we at the resort.
出什么事了 你们在哪 What's going on? Where are you guys?
我不知道啊 兄弟 I do not know, man!
我们醒来发现自己在某个烂得发霉的地方 We woke up in some shithole room in some city.
-天哪 什么地方 -不知道 道格 - Oh god. What city? - I don't know, Doug!
反正是个狗屁亚洲城市 Fuckin Asia-town.
-我不知道 都跟你说了 -我们在哪 - I do not know, I told you. - Where are we?
-斯图 -干嘛 - Hey Stu. - What?
看看这个 Check this out.
你见过这种东西吗 Ever seen anything like this?
-那是什么 -小心 可能是个蜘蛛巢 - What is that? - Careful. Might be a spider's nest.
我以前跟这些东西纠缠过 I've tangled with those before.
我就不明白了 I don't get it man.
昨晚我们每人都抽了一瓶啤 你不也是吗 We each had one beer last night, right? I mean you too!
-是啊 但我先回去了 记得吗 -我屁都不记得了 - Yeah. But I left early, remember? - I don't remember shit!
崔西不太舒服 所以她下来找我 Tracy wasn't feeling well. She came down to get me.
等等 泰迪是不是跟你们在一起 Wait a second. Is Teddy with you guys?
什么 泰迪 你说什么 Teddy? What? What are you talking about?
他不在房间里 大家找了他一早上了 He wasn't in his room. They've been looking for him all morning.
-泰迪在斯坦福念书吧 -没错 怎么 - Teddy went to Stanford, right? - Yeah. Why?
肏 Fuck!
-我发现了他的断指 -什么 - I just found his finger! - What?
我他妈的刚发现了他的断指 道格 I just found his fucking finger, Doug!
菲尔 出什么事了 Phil, what is going on?
好吧 我们就这样说 Alright. Alright, alright... this is what we're gonna do.
你去告诉姑娘们 我们早上起来 You tell the girls that we woke up early
然后就去钓鱼了 听懂了吗 and went on a fishing trip, ok. And that's where we are.
-行 -好 保持联络 - Right. - Right, stay by the phone!
肏 Shit!
出了点小问题 Uh, we got a little bit of a problem.
咋了 What is that?
不知道 We don't know.
-是条虫吗 -是蘑菇吧 - Is it a worm? - It's a mushroom.
没错 是香菇 Yeah, shiitake.
猴子 尝尝看 是不是香菇 Monkey, taste it! Is it shiitake?
-它哪懂得了人话 -它懂了 - He can't understand you. - He just did.
-它拉着那玩意干嘛 -可能是饿了吧 - Why is he pulling on it? - He's probably hungry.
等等 那个不是... Wait a second. Is that...
搞什么啊 让那只基佬猴子离我远点 What the fuck, man! Tell that gay monkey to leave my shit alone!
周 Chow?
你们真尼玛疯了 You're fucking crazy.
这儿太亮啦 艾伦 把我的墨镜拿来 It's so fucking light in here! Alan, grab me my sunglasses!
真高兴见到你 莱雷 It's great to see you, Leslie!
你也是 小可爱 Nice to see you too my little popo.
周 你在这搞什么飞机 Chow, what the fuck are you doing here?
艾伦几天前给我打电话 叫我来参加婚礼 Alan called me a few days ago and invited me to the wedding.
-啥 -咋了 他是我的伴 - Excuse me? - What, he's my plus one.
你没有伴 酒席上一个人可要两百美刀 You don't have plus one. It's $200 a plate.
伙计们 听他说 周 发生了什么 Guys, guys. Just focus, okay? Chow, what happened?
你们给我发短信 说你们玩嗨了 还想跑趴 You guys texted me, said you're fucked up and looking to party.
我就开了船来接你们 把你们带到曼谷来了 I picked you up on my boat and I brought you here to Bangkok.
我们昨晚玩得超嗨 贱人们 But we had a sick night, bitches!
慢着 周 我们在曼谷 Wait a second Chow, we're in Bangkok?
是啦 淫乱之都 Holler, city of squalor.
你知道我这纹身是怎么来的吗 Do you know how I got this tattoo?
知道 一个纹身的家伙纹的呗 Uh, yeah from a fucking tattoo guy!
醒醒吧 斯图 动动你的犹太脑袋瓜 Come on Stu, use that big Jewish brain.
猴子手上拿的什么 What's the monkey holding?
-一截手指 -斯图 我有个坏消息 - That's a finger! - Stu, I got some bad news.
泰迪昨晚跟我们在一起 那是他的手指 Teddy was with us last night. That's his finger.
-泰迪死了吗 -没 他整晚都跟我们一起玩 - Teddy's dead? - Teddy's not dead! He partied with us all night!
-那他现在哪 -你什么都不记得了吗 - Well then where is he? - Don't you remember anything?
-是啊 -啥都想不起来了 周 - No! - No, nothing, Chow.
行 且听我一一道来 Okay, I explain it all, okay?
先让我来上一口 理清思绪 来吧 Just let me do one bump, get my head straight. Come to papa.
是不是有点多... That's a big...
准备好听屎上最疯狂的... You ready for craziest fucking story ever...
周 Chow!
周 你还好吗 Hey Chow, you okay?
卧槽真的假的 You gotta be kidding me.
日 他挂了 Fuck, he's dead!
-救命 -斯图 - Help! - Stu!
-救命 -斯图 闭嘴 - Help! - Stu, shut up!
-赶快叫急救 -闭嘴 他已经死了 - Call an ambulance! - Shut up! He's dead!
听着 要是有人进来 Look, if someone comes and
发现一具尸体和成堆的可卡因 finds a dead body and a pile of cocaine...
我们就得在狗日的泰国监狱里烂掉了 We're gonna spend the rest of our fucking lives in a Thai prison.
艾伦 求你别哭了 Alan! Please don't cry!
好了 给我点时间理下思路 Alright. Alright. I just need a second to figure this out.
制冰机在十五楼 Ice machine located on 15th floor.
听着 这是有史以来最烂的点子 Look, this is the worst idea, ever.
他奶奶的这是哪 What the fuck is this place?
曼谷是泰国首都 Bangkok is the capital of Thailand.
拥有一千二百万人口 Its population is 12 million people...
艾伦 过来搭把手 Alan, will you help!
-电梯 -我去按开关 - The elevator! - I'll get the button!
这猴子是怎么回事 What the fuck is the deal with this monkey?
它懂我的意思了 That monkey gets it!
-快点 -我日 - Come on! - Fuck no!
没电了 我们得走楼梯 The powers out. We gotta take the stairs.
-肏 -快来 - Oh fuck! - Come on!
到了 Here it is!
先放脚 我以前干过这事 Feet first. I've done this before.
小心 Careful!
-斯图 -怎么了 - Stu! - What?
-我们还得去找泰迪 -天啊 - We still have to find Teddy! - Oh god.
楼顶 The roof!
泰迪 Teddy!
-你们看到他了吗 -没 - You guys see him? - No!
他不在这 He's not here.
我真不敢相信噩梦重演了 I can't believe this is happening again.
听着 我们会处理好 你先回去 Okay, look. We'll handle this. You get back there.
去跟他们说我和艾伦 You tell them that Alan and
还有泰迪都喝高了 现在还在派对上 I got drunk with him, we're still partying.
-你得先把婚结了 -不 没泰迪我就不回去 - You gotta go get married! - No! Not going back without Teddy!
他是罗伦的弟弟 他迷路了 受伤了 He's Lauren's little brother. He's lost, he's injured.
我这次要是搞砸了 就什么都没了 If I fuck this up, I lose everything.
行 Okay.
好吧 Alright.
-艾伦 检查下你的口袋 -什么 - Alan, check your pockets! - What?
你知道规矩 可能会有线索 You know the drill. C'mon there might be clues.
-看看手机 号码 短信 -好主意 - Check your phones! Numbers, texts. - That's a good idea!
-我这什么都没有 肏 -我这有条周的短信 - I got nothing. Fuck! - I got an text from Chow.
-什么时候的 -昨晚十点 - What time? - Uh, 10 o'clock last night.
-什么内容 -"就来 渣渣们" - What's it say? - "On my way, Niggahs"
渣渣们 够嘻哈 Oh, niggahs... hip hop.
我们真心...完了 We are so... fucked!
菲尔 看看谁回来了 Hey Phil! Look who's back!
你就别晒太阳了 你都热昏头了 We gotta get you out of the sun. You're too hot.
菲尔 我真觉得我们该去美国领事馆 Phil, I really think we should go to the American Consulate.
干什么 去报告我们把一具尸体扔到制冰机里吗 For what? To report a dead body we shoved into an ice machine?
那我们还能怎么办 继续兜圈子吗 What are we gonna do? Keep walking around in circles?
那还真是有效率 Cause that's real productive.
我一直试图理清整件事 You know I'm trying to figure this thing out here
你这算是什么态度 and your attitude is not helping.
抱歉 都他妈十万火急了 我们却什么计划都没有 I'm sorry. It's a 100 degrees and we don't have a plan.
混到现在光给他买帽子和汽水去了 And all we've done is buy him hats and sodas.
说啥呢 明明是一袋芬达 What, it's a bag of Fanta!
行 你想怎么办 斯图 Alright, what do you want to do, Stu?
我不知道 I don't know!
那就别吼我 弄得好像是我的错一样 Well then stop yelling at me like it's my fuckin fault.
就是你的错 It is your fault!
我本来只想办个单身早午餐派对 All I wanted was a bachelor brunch.
肏 闭嘴 是道格 快说 Shit! Shut up! It's Doug! Talk to me!
我刚跟曼谷警方联络过 I just got off the phone with Bangkok PD.
他们找到泰迪了 他没事 They've got him. He's ok.
谢天谢地 道格找到泰迪了 Oh thank god! Doug found him.
-出什么事了 -他被捕了 - What happened? - He got arrested.
-被捕 为什么 -行为不检 - Arrested? For what? - Disorderly conduct.
-真的假的 -是啊 不过他没事 - Seriously? - Yeah! He's ok though.
曼谷警方会向你们放人 They'll release him to you.
不会问问题 没有人知道 No questions asked. No one has to know.
他在王赖查派出所 He's at the Ratra Wang police station.
行 我到了给你打电话 Ok. I'll call you when we get there.
泰迪在号子里 不过他没事 我们得拦辆的士 Teddy's in jail, but he's fine. We gotta get a cab.
行 太好了 Okay! Alright!
-这里是要填的文件 -好的 - Yes, I have his paperwork here. - Okay.
-他已经得到治疗了 -听起来不错 - He has been treated. - Sounds good.
现在没事了 他们在为泰迪办释放手续 We're good. They've processed him for release.
他们把他放在醒酒室里 他没事 They put him in the drunk tank. He's fine.
十六岁就在号子里蹲了一宿 你能想象吗 Sixteen years old and spent a night in jail. Can you imagine?
我们爱派对 Haha! We love to party.
他来了 Here we go!
-等等 这丫的是谁 -泰迪·西塞 - Wait, who's this fuckin guy? - Teddy Sisay.
不 不 不是这个人 警官 No, no, no, no. That's the wrong guy! Sir!
不好意思 长官 Excuse me, I'm sorry, officer.
你带错人了 他不是泰迪 You brought the wrong guy. That's not Teddy!
怎么会不是 我们有他的身份证 Of course it is! We have his ID's and everything!
我们逮捕他时 这些都在他的口袋里 These were in his pocket when we made the arrest.
这些都在他的口袋里 They were in his pocket?
对不起 先生 你怎么拿到的这东西 Excuse me, sir! How did you get this stuff?
你好 Hello?
泰迪不说话 我们试过英语 泰语 中文 都不行 Teddy doesn't speak. We tried English, Thai, Chinese... Nothing.
我来问你 Let me ask you something.
这人像是在加州帕洛阿尔托的 Does he look like he works out
百丽完全健身房运动的人吗 at Bally Total Fitness in Palo Alto, California?
听着 我们捉了很多人 没工夫一个个分析过来 Look. We arrest a lot of people. We cannot analyze everything.
-那你要我怎么处理这个人 -不关我事 - What do you expect us to do with this guy? - Not my problem!
伙计们 我想他认识我们 Hey guys, I think he knows us.
你知道我们的朋友泰迪在哪吗 他失踪了 You know where our friend is, Teddy? He's missing!
-斯图 算了 那家伙根本没用 -他知道什么 - Stu, forget it. The guy's worthless. - He knows something!
他穿着泰迪的汗衫 He's wearing Teddy's sweatshirt.
他有可能只是不理解 Maybe he just doesn't understand.
我来演出来 就像哑谜一样 看好 I'll act it out. Yeah, like charades. Watch.
-两个词 -是电影吗 - Two words. - Is it a movie?
不是让你猜 艾伦 This is not for you, Alan!
-美国少年 在亚洲 -"功夫梦" 贾登·史密斯主演 - American teenager... in Asia. - Karate Kid, with Jaden Smith.
这很容易 因为你在对他说话 It's easy 'cause you're talking to him.
斯图 别浪费时间了 就把这家伙留在这 Stu, it's a waste of time! Just leave this fucking guy here.
听听这个 Here's something.
泰国有五十万僧侣 There are 500 thousand monks living in Thailand.
有些人八岁的时候就立下缄誓 It is not uncommon for some monks
这很常见 to take a vow of silence, at the age of eight.
这下好了 There you go.
-信封里还有什么吗 -没 空了 - Anything else in that envelope? - Nah, it's empty.
等等 一张曼谷的白狮酒吧免费券 Hang on, a drink card from White Lion bar in Bangkok?
值得一试 Worth a shot.
我的天 是这地方吗 Jesus christ! Is this the right street?
上面是这么写 That's what it says.
看 这就是白狮酒吧 Whoa! This is the White Lion!
卧槽到底发生了什么 What the fuck happened here?
我勒个擦 Holy shit!
-我们还是 -我们应该 - Let's... - We should probably...
不要紧 That's ok.
这里到底搞毛 What the fuck is going on here?
各位 看看这个 Whoa, guys. Check it out!
我肏 斯图 看 Holy shit! Stu, look!
那是我的脸 That's my face.
干得好 艾伦 Nice work, Alan!
-有人吗 -马上就来 - Hello? - Be with you in a minute!
-不好意思 -看看谁来了 - Excuse me. - Oh, look who it is!
-你觉得怎么样 -对不起 你说什么 - So what do ya think? - What, I'm sorry?
-纹身 喜欢吗 -不 实际上 我很讨厌 - The tattoo. You love it? - Uh, no. Actually, I hate it.
-不退款 快滚 -等等 - No refunds. Get the fuck out! - Wait a second!
看看标牌 Read the sign!
不退款 快滚
我们不是来要退钱 我们只是有些问题 We don't want any refunds. We just have a couple of questions.
我们想知道昨晚都发生了什么 We're trying to figure out what went down last night.
发生了什么 看看你们在外面干了啥 What went down? Take a look at what you did outside.
半个小区都被你们弄垮了 Half the neighborhood went down.
-我们干的 -你不记得自己 - We did that? - You don't
在白狮酒吧跟别人打起来了吗 remember getting into a bar fight at the White Lion?
发起了一场大暴动 Starting a full-on fucking riot?
先生 我们什么都不记得了 Sir, we don't remember anything.
天哪 Oh boy...
看看这个 Check this out!
我肏 Oh shit!
条子玩蛋去 Fuck the Police!
那是泰迪 他跟我们在一起 There's Teddy! He was with us!
我的神哪 Jesus christ!
这是警察来了之后 开始打人的画面 That's when the cops arrived and started cracking skulls.
我把你们藏在店里 I took you guys and hid you in the shop here.
后来你决定纹个身 叫得像个小娘们 Then you decided to get a tattoo. You cried like a little bitch.
这小子才他妈的九岁 This kid is fucking nine years old.
他的蛋儿[胆]却有你的两倍大 He's got balls twice your size.
-给他看看 老 -不 不 不 没关系 - Show him your balls, Nao! - No, no, no. That's ok.
听着 我们在找我们的朋友泰迪 你见过他吗 Listen, we're looking for our friend Teddy. Have you seen him?
昨晚后就没有了 咋了 出什么事了 Not since last night. Why? What happened?
我明天本来准备要迎娶 Yeah, I'm supposed to marry
他姐姐 结果却把他弄丢了 his sister tomorrow and we kinda lost him.
-行 那就算了吧 -你什么意思 "算了吧" - Oh well. Then fuck it! - What do you mean, fuck it?
曼谷把他淹没了 这下别想找到他了 Bangkok has him now and she'll never let him go.
你听到了吧 这就是你想要的吗 你高兴了吗 You hear that, huh? Is this what you wanted? You happy now?
你在浪费时间 You're wasting your time.
这些僧侣对誓言可是很当真 These monks take their vow shit seriously.
看看这个 这是 Look at this. That's the sign
张迈寺的符号 就在城市外面 of the Chang Mai Monastery, just outside of town.
也许那边有人能让他开口说话 Maybe somebody over there can get him to talk.
行 我们再把事情过一遍 Ok, can we just go over this one more time?
你从宾馆吧台 You got the beer from...
-拿来啤酒 他们给了我一箱没拆的 -对 - The hotel bar. They gave me a sealed case. - Right.
-可是 酒是谁给你的 -酒保 - But, who gave it to you? - The bartender.
后来你把它们带了过来 我打开了 And then you brought them out and I opened them.
没错 道格抽了一瓶却没事 所以不是啤酒的问题 Yeah, and Doug had one and he was fine, so it's not the beer.
-那到底出了什么事 -我不知道 - So what the hell happened? - I have no idea!
伙计们 看看这 他长了根中国大屌 Hey guys. Check it out. He's got a Chinese boner.
艾伦 得了 别闹了 Alan, come on! Cut it out!
-这太不尊敬人了 -别停啊猴子 继续咬 - That is so wrong! - Don't stop monkey, keep doing it.
要是猴子咬上老二 什么人都会笑 When a monkey nibbles on a penis, it's funny in any language!
继续啊 Keep doing it!
好了 谢谢 Alright, thank you!
再见莎伦 再见小维恩 Bye Shannon! Bye Little Wayne!
真漂亮 Wow! So beautiful!
这是啥 中菜馆吗 What is this, a PF Chang's?
他们在冥想 Ah, they're meditating.
-真是一群平和的人 -是啊 - Such a peaceful people! - Yeah.
-敲敲门 你们好 -艾伦 放尊重点 - Knock, knock! Hello! - Alan! Show some respect!
-不用起来 各位 -我们把你们中的一员带回来了 - Don't get up guys. - We brought one of your guys back.
他真的很搞笑 人好又酷 He's really funny. He's really nice and cool.
你好 你是管事的人吗 Hi, how you doing. You the one in charge?
-不好意思 等等 -别打了 淡定 - Excuse me... ow... Wait! - Stop it! Calm down!
等会 因为我们在说话 Hold on. It's because we're talking.
该死的 别打了 God damn it! Oh! Stop!
等等 是我 Wait, it's me!
我懂了 Oh I get it.
安静 安静 No talk! No talk! Shh.. Ok...
好了 Ok.
昨天深夜 你们越过寺院高墙 Late last night, you climbed the walls of our monastery.
大声喧嚣 嚷着关于爱 Shouting out questions about love,
婚姻 以及生命意义的问题 marriage and the meaning of life.
可怜的韩师兄当时正独自一人在花园里打坐 Poor brother Han was meditating alone in the garden.
-你们却把他掳走了 -我的天 - And you took him. - Oh my god!
-我们绑架了一位僧侣 -我们活着另一种人生 - We kidnapped a monk. - We live an alternative life style.
我们对此很抱歉 但是昨晚我们都喝高了 We are so sorry about that, but we weren't ourselves last night.
是的 事情有点失控 Yep, things kinda spun outta control a little bit.
但有个男孩失踪并受伤了 But there's a boy who's missing and hurt.
您能不能帮我们问问韩长老 看他知不知道我们的朋友在哪 Can you find out if he knows where our friend is?
韩师兄多年前便立下缄誓 Brother Han took a vow of silence many years ago.
试图让他开口是不可能的 It would be useless to try.
那让他在纸上写下来 可以吗 Well maybe he can write down what happened, on a piece of paper?
实际上 菲尔 这是作弊 Actually Phil, that would be cheating.
是不是 大法师 Isn't that right, Grand Wizard.
-艾伦 -肥仔说的没错 - Alan! - I'm afraid fatty is right.
看到没 你说我啥 See?... What?
我们永远不会知道韩兄弟知道的事 None of us will ever know what brother Han knows.
行 真好 太谢谢你们这些圣人了 Oh, alright. Well, so much for holy people.
一帮混账秃驴 来 我们走 Bunch of bald assholes. C'mon, let's go.
知道吗 仅供参考 Hey you know what! FYI,
建议你们开始胡乱打人之前 You may want to put some signs up that say no talking...
安个不准说话的牌子 before you unleash your dragon.
有点过了吧 Yeah, that was a little rough.
还有 不用谢我们把他平安带回来 And "You are welcome" for bringing him back safe.
你知道 我们在醒酒室发现他 You know we found him in the drunk tank.
是啊 但一开始也是我们把他掳走的 Yeah well, we did take him in the first place.
-伙计们 走了 -等等 - C'mon guys, let's go. - Wait!
佛家有云 每段记忆都根植在内心深处 The Buddha teach, every memory lives somewhere deep within.
也许你们应该将问题 Perhaps you should bring your question
带到冥想花园中解决 to the Garden of Meditation.
你听懂他刚才的话了吗 Did you understand a word he just said?
大概三分之二吧 Yeah, yeah. About two thirds.
他提到了什么"冥想花园" He said something about the Garden of Meditation?
不 他说自己因为冥想放了个屁 No, he said he's farting because of his medication.
我懂了 I get that.
这真是浪费时间 我什么都记不起来 你呢 It's a waste of time. I don't remember anything. Do you?
我也一样 艾伦你呢 No. I got nothing. Alan?
艾伦 Alan!
"每段记忆都根植在内心深处" "Every memory lives somewhere deep within"
-亲爱的 -干嘛 - Sweetie. - What?
有人找你 You have visitors.
-你好 艾伦 -你们好 - Hey, Alan! - Hey, guys!
-你好 菲尔 -你好 老兄 - Hey, Phil. - Hey buddy!
斯图要邀请你参加他的婚礼 Stu would like to invite you to his wedding.
-是真的吗 斯图 -是啊 当然了 会很有意思的吧 - Is this true, Stuart? - Yeah, why not. It'll be fun.
肏 Fuck!
-敬罗伦和斯图 -干杯 - For Lauren and Stu! - Cheers!
-周 -我们昨晚玩得可嗨了 贱人们 - Chow! - We had a sick night, bitches!
艾伦 我肏 Alan, what the fuck!
这货也是来参加婚礼的吗 Is that person coming to the wedding?
-别提什么狼友 -艾伦 艾伦 别那样 - There is no wolfpack. - Alan, Alan, don't do that!
最后 三个全世界最好最好的哥们儿 And finally... The three best friends anyone could have.
条子玩蛋去 Fuck the Police!
我知道该去哪儿了 I know where to go.
-你觉得呢 艾伦 -就是这儿 - What do you think, Alan? - This is the place.
来吧 咱们进去 C'mon. Let's go.
我可不记得这些玩意 I don't remember any of this!
-是啊 艾伦 你确定就是这吗 -对 没错 - Yeah Alan, you sure this is the place? - Yeah, pretty sure.
小玫 小和 Rose! Harmony!
他还来不 我都等他一整天了 Is he coming or what? I've been waiting all day for him.
-不好意思 等谁 -周那傻屄 - I'm sorry. Waiting for who? - Chow, that dick ass fuck!
-怎么 出什么事了 -没出什么事 - Why? What's wrong? - Nothings wrong.
好吧 看这个 Ok, good. Look at this.
看我给他弄了个什么 看看 Look what I bring for him. Check it out, huh.
-不是吧 -六千美刀 - No, no! - $ 6,000 American.
看着跟真的一样 Wow looks so real!
对不起 Sorry!
没事 这枪 很好用 It's ok. The gun, it's very sensitive.
大家都没事吧 Everybody ok?
好 那就他娘的该干嘛干嘛去 放音乐 Ok, then get the fuck back to work! Come on. Music, please!
我那六千块呢 Where is my 6,000 dollars?
六千 不 不 这是周的生意 6,000? No, no, no. This is Chow's deal.
跟我们没关系 We got nothing to do with that.
真他妈不敢相信 Un-fucking believable.
这家伙 要是他又怂了 This guy, if he backs out again,
他可得吃不了兜着走 the shits gonna catch up with him.
他在这城里树敌众多 He's made a lot of enemies in this town,
从现在开始你们也好不到哪去了 and now they're gonna be your enemies.
这不公平 That's not fair!
听着 我们就想找个孩子 Ok listen. We're just looking for a little kid.
-两千块 -什么 - 2,000 dollars. - What!
不清楚 可能还要贵点 你要多大的小孩 I don't know, maybe more. How young you want this kid to be?
不 不好意思 你误会了 No, no! Sorry, you misunderstood.
我们是想找个朋友 十六岁 We're looking for our friend... 16 years old.
-泰迪 -泰迪 - Teddy. - Teddy?
-对 他昨晚和你们一起来的 -是吗 - Yeah he was here with you guys last night. - He was?
他有和我们一起走吗 Do you know if he left with us?
不知道 你们一晚上都在拐角和吉米一块 I don't know. You were in the corner all night with Kimmy.
-我没注意你们走了 -吉米 - I didn't see you leave. - Kimmy?
-她现在在吗 -在 她在后台 - Is she here? - Yes, she's in the back.
她来拿她的东西 She just came for her shit.
去找她谈谈吧 Go and talk to her.
好吧 听着 我很抱歉这些事情 Alright, listen. I'm sorry about everything that happened.
听我说 行吗 Listen to me, ok?
仔细听好老子说的话 Pay attention to what I'm going to talk to you know.
你们见到周之后 告诉他 萨米尔说"你好啊" When you see Chow, you tell him Samir says "Hello".
行 Okay!
照这样说 明白吗 威胁的那种 "你好啊" 说反话那种 But do it like that, ok! "Hello" Like threatening. Like, ironic.
-"你好啊~" -行 - "Hellooo" - Okay!
滚吧你 Go away! Go away!
我当然记得他 他给所有人买酒喝 Of course I remember him. He was buying shots for everyone.
好孩子 他爸妈肯定可骄傲了 Nice kid! His parents must be so proud.
那还用说 You have no idea.
你记得他最后和我们一起走了吗 Ok, so do you remember if he left with us?
对 你们都是一块儿走的 Yeah, you were all leaving together,
不过你们差点落下了这哥们 but you almost forgot this one right here.
对吧 大帅哥 Right, super star?
这哥们一直围着我转 This one was following me
像只小狗一样 一整晚 around like a little puppy dog. All night.
说他爱上我了 还让我嫁给他 Saying he'd fallen in love with me. Asked me to marry him.
这就是斯图 Classic Stu!
-我们没真结婚吧 -当然没 - We didn't get married, did we? - Course not!
我们只是在贵宾房里爽了一把 We just had some fun in the Chardonnay room.
-我们在那干什么了 -咱们还是回到正题上吧 - What happens in the Chardonnay room? - Let's just stay on task.
我跳舞给他看 他挑逗我 我们做爱了 I danced for him. He tickled me. We had sex.
-肏 -没关系 你还没结婚呢 - Fuck! - It's ok. You're not married yet.
-没关系的 -这是劈腿 - No big deal. - It's cheating!
不是有意冒犯 你是个美女 No offense to you. You're a lovely woman.
这简直是在强奸我的道德法则 It's a violation of my moral code.
别难过了 斯图 你还挺享受的 Don't be sad. Stu you loved it.
你哭着喊着说那有多特别 You were crying, saying how special it was.
-等等 不好意思 他哭了 -真是个爱哭鬼 他哭了 - Wait! I'm sorry. He was crying? - What a baby. He was crying.
你们没见着真可惜 You should have seen him.
他太性感了 扭成那样 He was so sexy. The way he moved around.
我不得不让他慢点儿 免得我射得太早 I had to ask him to slow down so I didn't drop my load too quick.
-射 射什么 -你懂的 射精啊 - Load? What load? - Oh, you know... My sperms.
我觉得你英语不太地道 你是想说我射精吧 I think your English is off. You're talking about my sperm!
-你哪来的精 -我蛋里长的 - Where would your sperm come from? - From my balls!
-等等 不是吧 -等等 难道你是 - Hold on! Back up! - Wait... Are you...
这就是曼谷 宝贝儿 Hey. You're in Bangkok, sweetie.
-这就是为什么曼谷不叫漫股 -肏 - There's a reason they don't call it "Bang-cunt". - Oh!
-哇靠 -日 - Oh god! - Wow.
我没懂 这是什么魔术吗 I don't get it. Is this a magic show?
拜托 斯图 可美了 我们同时高潮了 Come on, Stu, it was beautiful. We climaxed at the same time.
这怎么可能 How's that work?
我射进你身体 你射到地上 Shoot my load into you. Shoot your load on the floor.
-好了 -你完爆了我...的菊 - Ok! - You ruined me. Ruined bottom.
噢天哪 Oh god!
斯图 又不是世界末日 Stu! It's not the end of the world.
对不起 可我太纠结了 Sorry, but I'm so confused.
我被一个 有胸的男人干了 I made love to a man... with boobies.
听着 我保证没人会知道这事 Listen. I promise you no ones ever gonna find out about this.
可我们自己知道 But we found out about it.
那我们就忘了他 我们会的 And then we forget. That's what we do!
我干过的肏蛋事多了 我全都忘了 I do so much fucked up shit. And I just forget about it.
-啊 -对啊 忘了就行 会淡忘的 - Yeah? - Yeah! Just forget! It goes away!
这事可能是有点难忘 但总会忘记的 That might be harder to go away, but in time it'll happen.
我肯定会的 忘了它就行 I certainly do. Just gonna forget about it.
-就当没发生过 -好的 - Never happened. - Great!
电话 电话 是谁 快接 Phone! Phone! Who is it? Answer!
罗伦老爸 他又让我想起了 Lauren's dad. He just reminded me...
-快接 -不行 - Answer it! - I can't.
什么 他可能有泰迪的消息 What! He might know something about Teddy.
拜托 这可是个好机会 C'mon we still have a shot here.
快他妈干你该干的事 斯图 Get your head back into the fucking game, Stu!
喂 Hello?
怎么会有人在婚礼前一天跑去钓一整天鱼 Who takes an all day fishing trip the day before a wedding?
-嗯 我也觉得有点傻 -让泰迪接电话 - Yeah, I guess that is kinda stupid. - Put Teddy on the phone.
-泰迪晕船晕得厉害 -晕船 - Teddy's seasick actually. - Seasick?
泰迪从九岁开始就是见习海员了 Teddy's been a Maritime cadet since he was nine.
那可怪了 他吐的到处都是 That's weird, cause he's puking everywhere.
我要跟你说点你不知道的事情 I'm gonna tell you something that you do not know.
-我不喜欢你 -嗯 这我早知道了 - I don't like you. - Yeah, I knew that already.
我女儿选了你 那是她的问题 If my daughter chooses you, that's her problem.
我是菲尔·维尼克 Hey it's Phil Winnick!
对不起 我们被 Listen, I apologize. We've been
好些枪鱼弄得头晕目眩 我想说 reelin in some crazy Marlin and I just wanna say...
菲尔 Phil!
-天啊 -菲尔 - Jesus! - Phil!
我肏 Fuck me!
-把我们的猴子还来 -什么猴子 自己找去 - Give us back our monkey! - What monkey? Get your own monkey!
拜托 你这傻屄 就那猴子 Come on, you asshole, the fucking monkey!
拜托 Come on!
赶紧的 艾伦 他用枪指着咱们 Anytime, Alan. He's pointing a gun at us!
这是咱们的猴子 This is our monkey!
别为了个破猴子害咱们吃枪子儿 No one's getting shot over a fucking monkey!
快给他 快 Hand him over, now!
天啊 我真不想给他猴子 God, I've never given him no monkeys.
不 不 No, no ...
菲尔 快看 Hey Phil, check it out.
他那头盔上有个香蕉 这小子真行 He's got a banana on his helmet. He's the real deal.
这他妈怎么回事 What the fuck's happening?
等等 怎么回事 知道我们的朋友在哪吗 Hold on! How did this happen? Do you know where our friend is?
-对 十六岁那个 亚洲小孩 -[俄语] - Yeah. Sixteen years old. Asian kid. -[Russian]
不 我听不懂你们说什么 我听不懂 No, I don't understand what you said! No, I didn't understand!
他说什么了 What'd he say?
他说 去你妈的傻屄问题 He said fuck you and your questions!
-我的手 -菲利普 你没事吧 - Oh, my arm! - Philip, are you okay?
我中枪了 肏 我肏 Oh I got shot! Fuck! Fuck this!
没事的 菲尔 没事的 It's alright, Phil! It's alright!
我们会查清楚 还会找回猴子的 我保证 We'll figure this out and get the monkey back, I promise.
谁他妈要那猴子了 Who gives a fuck about the monkey!
这他妈的怎么回事 What the fuck is going on?
斯图 我会没事吗 你可是医生 Stu, am I gonna be ok? You're a doctor.
不知道 让我看看 I don't know, let me look!
什么 What?
别看 Don't look at it!
斯图亚特·普瑞斯 快他妈滚过来 Stuart Price! Get your ass back over here!
-你中枪了 -我知道 - You got shot! - I know!
-你没事吧 -我没事 - Whoa, you all right? - Yeah, I'm ok.
其实 也就是擦伤了点 缝了八针 Actually, bullet just grazed my arm. Eight stitches.
才六块钱 真不可思议 Only cost six dollars. How is that even possible?
这一切都不可思议好吗 How's any of this even possible?
我要是当时往左站那么一步 斯图 我就死翘了 If I was a foot to my left, Stu, I'd be dead.
我们怎么办 What are we gonna do?
不好意思 哥几个 这可不是原计划 I'm sorry guys. This wasn't part of the plan.
-什么原计划 艾伦 -我说得太多了 - What plan, Alan? - I've said too much already.
艾伦 什么计划 Alan! What plan?
-都怪泰迪 -你说什么呢 艾伦 - It's all Teddy's fault. - What are you talking about, Alan?
他为什么要来 他根本就不是我们狼友啊 Why is he even here? He's not part of the wolf pack!
-艾伦 你到底做了什么 -不是我的错 - Alan, what did you do? - It's not my fault!
泰迪真不该跟我们分那包 Teddy shouldn't have been sharing from his bag.
-那包什么 -棉花糖 - What bag? - The marshmallows.
我专门给泰迪准备了一包 I had a separate bag just for Teddy.
但是天黑了 分不太清 But it was dark and it was hard to keep track.
然后 你差点坐了上去 我分不清哪包是哪包 And then, you almost sat on em. I couldn't tell which was which.
-乱七八糟 -你把那包棉花糖怎么了 - It was mayhem! - What did you do to the marshmallows, Alan?
艾伦 你做了什么 Alan, what did you do?
这还不明显 Isn't it obvious?
我加了点我的肌肉松弛剂 和多动症抑制剂 I spiked them with muscle relaxers. And plus my ADHD medication.
-什么 -你又给我们下药了 - What? - You drugged us again?!
不是你们 我只是想让泰迪 Not you! I just wanted to knock out Teddy
晕乎一小会儿 咱们就可以好好过个周末了 for a little while so we could finally enjoy the weekend.
好好过周末你个熊 艾伦 你还说你什么都没干 Enjoy the weekend? Alan, you told me that you didn't do anything!
艾伦 你还信誓旦旦的 Alan, you swore to god!
我就想咱们能像以前那样 I just wanted things to stay the same.
看我的脸 你毁了我的下半生 Look at my face! You ruined my life!
我没你这种朋友 You're not my friend!
别那么说 菲尔 你说真的 在美国也一样吗 Don't say that, Phil! You're serious? Even in America?
-一样 -天啊 别那样 菲尔 - Yes! - Oh God! Don't say that, Phil!
-别哭 艾伦 -你这大胡子恶魔 - Don't start crying, Alan! - You're the bearded devil!
你还挺喜欢 我给你那包棉花糖的时候 You liked it! You smiled at me
你还冲我笑来着 when I handed you the bag with marshmallows.
因为我他妈喜欢吃棉花糖 你这脑残 Because I like marshmallows, you fucking psycho!
Hold住 Hey! Whoa! Hold on!
够了 Enough!
-为什么 艾伦 为什么要这样 -斯图 - Why, Alan? Why? - Stu!
因为我们仨是最好的朋友 还记得吗 Because we're the three best friends, remember?
记得吗 Remember?
斯图 到此为止吧 Stu, that's enough...
哥几个 咱们不能散 得团结起来 Guys, we can't fall apart now. We gotta stick together.
-艾伦 你肚子上写着什么 -什么啊 - Alan, what's that written on your belly? - What? Huh?
周六晚六点 莲花大酒店 Lebua Hotel, Saturday six pm.
-这是你写的吗 -不是 - You write that? - No!
日 只剩二十分钟了 Shit, that's in 20 minutes.
那英国呢 菲尔 在英国能和我做朋友吗 What about England, Phil? Will we still be friends there?
艾伦 我跟你说过了 那是气话 Alan, I already told you. It was in the heat of the moment.
咱们还是哥们 全世界哪儿都一样 We're still friends. All over the world.
-英国也一样吗 -对 - Even Great Britain? - Yeah.
你呢 斯图 What about you, Stu?
再说吧 We'll see.
先生们 跟我来 Gentlemen, follow me.
就这儿 Here you go.
正是时候 坐吧 Well. About time! Sit down.
来吧 坐好 Come on, sit.
你们看起来真傻屄 Wow, you guys look like shit.
你认识我们吗 Uh, do we know you?
把你那傻屄帽子摘了 Take off your fuckin hat.
你他妈可是在餐厅里呢 拜托 You're in a restaurant for christs sake. C'mon.
听着 我们不知道究竟发生了什么 Ok, listen. We have no clue what's going on here.
他们这儿居然有李子威士忌 太他妈假了 You know, they sell a Plum whiskey here, it's fuckin unreal.
说真的 来一点儿就能让你们完蛋 Seriously, it will absolutely fuck you up!
不好意思 你们已经完蛋了 对吧 Oh, I'm sorry. You guys already got fucked up, didn't you.
我有点儿乱 你怎么 Uh, listen, I'm a little confused. How did you...
是嘛 我奶奶地也有点儿乱 You know what? I am a little fuckin confused!
周呢 还有 Where's Chow?
那狗日的账号密码呢 With the fuckin account code and the fuckin password!
我们不知道什么账号的事儿 We don't know anything about any codes.
我们只是想找一个朋友 We're just trying to find our friend.
-泰迪 -对 泰迪 你见过吗 - Teddy? - Yes! Teddy! Have you seen?
咱们看看 Hmm, let's see...
那是泰迪 There's Teddy!
我肏 那是昨晚 Holy shit! It's from last night.
-你是谁 -我是个生意人 - Who are you? - I'm a businessman.
我在你们哥们周身上投了一大笔钱 And I've invested a large chunk of capital in your friend Chow.
相应的 他得 And in return, he was
把我的利润电子转账过来 supposed to transfer my profits electronically.
妈屄的五分钟以前就该转了 About five fuckin minutes ago.
所以昨晚 我们带走了泰迪作为保证 So last night, we took Teddy as insurance.
-我擦 他没事吧 -擦你妹 我还没说完 - Oh my god! Is he okay? - Oh my god, I wasn't done talking.
你们告诉周 You tell Chow, that we are
明早八点 在这间酒店顶层 having breakfast on the roof of this hotel...
我们一起吃顿早饭 ...tomorrow morning at eight am.
要是他转好了 我就放了泰迪 Or if he makes the transfer, you will get Teddy.
要是还没转好 你们懂的 这就是曼谷 If not well then hey, you know... it's Bangkok.
这话的意思就是 你们可以滚了 That's your cue to get the fuck out of here.
你猜怎么着 帽子留下 Hey, you know what? Leave the hat.
艾伦 留下那帽子 Alan leave the hat.
乖孩子 Atta boy.
我们完蛋了 周死了 现在怎么办 We're fucked! Chow's dead. What do we do now?
那家伙根本不鸟什么周 The guy doesn't give a shit about Chow,
斯图 而是那个天煞的银行账号 Stu. This whole things about a fucking bank account.
咱们回旅馆吧 找找周的尸体 Let's just go back to the hotel. We'll search Chow's body.
但愿密码会在他钱包里之类的 Hopefully the password's in his wallet or something.
-要是不在呢 -那他就会杀了泰迪 - And what if it isn't? - He's gonna kill Teddy.
别紧张 八点之前 我们还有时间来解决 Just relax. We have until 8am tomorrow to figure it out.
先是猴子没了 然后是我的帽子 今天真是背透了 First the monkey and now my hat. How much worse can this day get.
耶稣啊 Jesus christ!
我们住在 艾伦镇上 Well we're livin here in Alan town.
他带着我们 一路驶向绝望 And he's drivin our lives into the ground.
我们一觉醒来 发现醉成那样 When we woke up we were wasted and drunk.
菲尔中枪 我们被和尚打伤 Phil got shot. We got beaten by a monk.
我特幸福 人生风调雨顺 I was happy, and my life was good.
像个正常的牙医一样 准备结婚 Getting married like a dentist should.
烤着棉花糖 举着小木棍 Roasting marshmallows on a stick.
突然就被个长鸡巴的女孩 走了后门 I got fucked in the ass... by a girl with a dick.
这鸟事儿可忘不了 Oh yeah, remember that.
我们住在 艾伦镇上 And we're livin in Alan town.
到处都是水 There's water everywhere.
因为冰化了 斯图 尼玛停电了 Yeah it's cause it melted, Stu. The fuckin powers out.
由于为数百万人供电的电网功率不足 With an inadequate electrical grid, serving millions of people
曼谷每年会经历1500次停电 Bangkok experiences 1500 power outages per year.
说真的 艾伦 别念叨了 Seriously, Alan. That's enough!
让开 Out of the way!
搞定了 We got it.
我的天啊 Oh my god!
周 冷静点 Chow, calm down!
-是你们把我冻上的吗 -不是 - You put the chill on me? - No, no!
没事的 It's okay.
放松 Relax!
就我们几个 深呼吸 It's just us. Breathe!
太冷了 It was so cold.
-我们会让你暖和起来 -那么冷 - We're gonna warm you up. - I was so cold!
-你没事的 兄弟 没事的 -我没事 - You did good, buddy. You did good. - I did good.
感觉好点儿了吗 Feelin better?
-好了吗 暖起来了吗 -不知道 - Alright, you warm enough? - I don't know.
不如你来摸摸我的蛋 告诉我吧 Come feel my balls and tell me.
我他妈在冰柜里呆了一整天 I've been locked in a fuckin ice box all day!
艾伦 你要是想要咱的墨镜 Hey Alan, if you want my sunglasses...
就直接跟咱说 用不着宰了我 ...just ask Chow. You don't have to kill me.
周 没人要宰你 Chow, nobody killed you.
你已经死透了 连脉搏都没有 You were already dead. You didn't have a pulse.
你没吸过粉吧 Oh, you never do blow before?
有时候你的心跳会暂时停止 然后又开始跳 Sometimes your heart stop... start up again.
-多读点书 -对不起 我们今天很不顺 - Read a book! - Look I'm sorry. We're having a bad day.
去你妈屄的不顺 你们死了吗 Oh, you're having a bad day! Did you die?
-我中枪了 -你死了吗 - I got shot! - But did you die?
周 有个家伙说你有个银行账号什么的 Chow, some guy told us that you got a bank code or something...
要是我们明天一大早不给他的话 ...and if we don't bring it to him first think in the morning...
他就要杀了泰迪 ...he's gonna kill Teddy.
谁 金斯利 他可怂了 别怕 我有账号 Who, Kingsley? He harmless. Don't worry. I got the bank codes.
太好了 首先 我们明早八点得去找他 Great! Alright, we gotta meet him at 8am.
那傻屄到底是谁啊 Who is that fuckin guy, anyway?
-他投资了我的业务 -什么业务 - An investor in my business. - Yeah, what business is that?
"跟你没关系的业务" It's called "Not your business" Ok!
-那猴子哪儿去了 -那猴子 - Oh, where's the monkey? - The monkey...
对 我把账号密码 Yeah I put the account number
放到它背心里了 它在哪儿 and password in his vest. Where is he?
-你为什么放那儿 -为了保密 靓仔 - Why would you do that? - Safe keeping, pretty boy.
我屁股后面跟着一帮子人 I got a lotta heat on my ass.
FBI 曼谷警方 国际刑警 MSNBC电视台 I got FBI, Bangkok PD, Interpol, MSNBC...
那小猴子跟我吸了一整晚的粉 That little monkey snorting coke with me all night...
我看着斯图肏那人妖的时候 它还帮我打手枪 Jerkin me off while I watched Stu make fuckin lady boy.
-它不会离开我 -猴子不在我们手上 周 - He not going anywhere. - We don't have the monkey, Chow.
几个俄罗斯混混把它抢走了 Oh, some Russian thugs took him from us.
你们几个傻屄 Oh you fucking guys!
好吧 没问题 我们把它找回来就行 Okay. No problem. We just have to get him back.
-去哪儿找 -就去我们抓到它的地方 - From where? - From the same place we took him from.
这可不是一般的猴子 This monkey isn't just normal monkey.
每天晚上 它都出来贩毒 Every night, monkey drug mule.
它把可卡因带给买主 He take coke to buyer...
然后把现金交给卖主 它是中间人 And deliver cash to dealer. He middle man.
卖主从不亲自送货 Dealer never handle drug directly.
干净得很 He clean.
-太离谱了 -不离谱 - That's terrible. - Not terrible.
他说什么呢 这点子老灵了 What he talking about. Fucking genius.
你见过猴子蹲监狱吗 You ever see monkey go to jail?
我们只要假装交易 We just take the monkey for deal,
等它过来了 我们就抢走它的背心 就这么着 he come close, we take his vest. That's that.
要不还能来点儿货 We get some blow too, you know...
-吸上一口 -不 不许吸了 周 - bump. - No, no more bumps, Chow.
莫名其妙 This is ridiculous.
斯图 周爷不会吹口哨 把猴子叫来 Stu, Mr. Chow can't whistle. Shake your monkey.
好了 来吧 Alright, here we go.
拜托 Come on!
我们昨晚到底怎么跟这猴子扯上的关系 How did we wind up with the monkey last night anyway?
我想来点儿货 艾伦又觉得它很可爱 I needed some blow and Alan thought he was cute...
我们就偷了它 ...so we stole him!
真够蠢 So stupid!
斯图 准备扒它背心 Stu, ready to grab vest?
-好 我就这么扒了 -对 快扒 - Okay. I just grab it? - Yeah, just do it. Just do it.
-小猴子 -艾伦 别出声 - Hey, little monkey. - Alan, be quiet.
-肏 -快走 赶紧的 - Fuck! - We gotta go, right now!
-把那傻屄猴子拽进来 -我拽着呢 - Pull that fuckin monkey in! - I'm trying!
-把那猴子弄进来 斯图 -它不松手 - Get that monkey in here, Stu! - He won't let go!
斯图 把它抓进来 快 Stu, get back in the car! Right now!
我这不拉着么 慢点 I'm trying! Slow down!
它力气真大 He's so strong!
放手 该死的猴子 Let go you fuckin monkey!
-小心 -妈呀 抓紧了 - Look out! - Oh shit! Tight squeeze!
我成功了 I got him!
-密码在哪儿 周 -它的背心里 - Where's the code, Chow? - Check his little vest.
-找到没 艾伦 -找到了 - Got it, Alan? - Yes, I got a code.
-慢点开 周 -坐稳了 逃犯们 - Slow down Chow! - Hold on, J-Birds.
卧了个槽 Holy Shit!
别吵 好戏在后头 Don't worry. I got this shit!
猪肉 Pig!
我的七舅老爷 Oh, my word.
抱歉 斯图 是我不好 Sorry, Stu! My bad!
卧槽 Oh, shit!
低头 Get down!
奶奶个熊 What the fuck!
不 他打中了猴子 Oh no! He shot the monkey!
他们打中了猴子 They shot the monkey.
我整个人都傻屄了 I'm at my wits end.
他又过来了 He's coming back around.
当心 Look out!
-妈了个屄 -肏 - Holy fuck! - Oh no...
-大家没事吧 -没事 - Everybody alright? - Yeah.
老子整个人都硬了 I have such an erection right now!
你太夸张了吧 Are you for real?
他们会照顾好你 好吗 They're gonna take good care of you here, ok.
说什么 What's that?
对 香烟 这儿有 给你 Oh, yeah. Cigarettes. Got em right here. Here you go.
点上 Right here.
好好享受吧 乖 Deep breathe. Good.
吸进去 Soak it in.
你那小小的肺好好享受吧 就是那样 Breathe the smoke into your tiny little lungs. There you go.
有意思 虽然我不怎么抽烟 It's funny. I've never been much of a smoker, but...
可是伙计 你抽烟的样子很酷 Boy does it look cool on you.
艾伦 别磨蹭了 该走了 Alan, c'mon! Let's go!
我会想你的 猴子 I'll miss you, monkey.
我希望猴子会用Skype I wish monkeys could Skype.
也许以后会 Maybe one day...
快点 上车 Come on! Get in!
如果能把时光存进瓶子 If I could save time in the bottle
我要做的第一件事 The first thing that I'd like to do
就是收藏每一天 Is to save every day
直到你我再相见 Till eternity passes away
只为了与你一起度过 just to spend them with you
你们怎么这么淡定 Are you guys seriously this calm?
别紧张 斯图尔特 简单交易而已 Relax, Stuart. It's classic switcheroo.
我给钱 他放人 I give him money, he gives us Teddy.
你不会每次生意 You ever do anything that doesn't
都落到这种下场吧 周 end up in a standoff, Chow?
我是江洋大盗 这种事我干得多了 I'm an international criminal. It always ends like this.
在这期间还碰到了我老婆 I met my wife at one of these things.
-你有老婆 -对 我们结婚有15年了 - You got a wife? - Yeah, we married 15 years.
怎么 我这么帅还找不到女人吗 What, I not good looking enough for woman?
不是 这没什么 No, that's cool.
干活儿吧 Let's do this!
-欢迎光临塔楼会馆 -废话 谁理你们 - Welcome to the Tower Club. - Blah blah blah, who cares.
停 周大爷驾到 Stop! Chow crossing.
-矮油 金斯利 -你好呀 - Hey, Kingsley! - Well, well.
保康丝很有效啊 Propecia looking nice!
保康丝: 一种治疗男性秃顶的药物
你最近在甩肉啊 You been hitting the gym?
对 没错 谢谢你提醒我 周 Yes I am actually. Thank you for noticing, Chow.
你们好 请坐吧 Hey, guys. Have a seat.
-泰迪在哪儿 -他在楼下我的车里 - Where's Teddy? - He's waiting downstairs in my car.
交易完成就送他上来 Send him up when the transfer is complete.
告诉你吧 你给我五万块 泰迪就是你的了 Tell you what. Give me extra 50 grand, you keep Teddy.
而且那个肥猪白送 And I throw in this other fat fuck for free.
-周 -不开玩笑行吗 - Chow.. Chow... - Could we move this along!
艾伦 帐号 快点 Alan, account number. Come on, come on.
八一四 8-1-4,
刀子的刀 K as in knife,
二三九八 2398.
-密码呢 -疯子一号 - Password? - "Baloney1"
你的密码是 疯子一号 Your password is "Baloney1" ?
以前密码是 疯子 Well it used to be just "Baloney"
但现在他们逼我加了个数字 But now they make you add number.
烦死爹了 Fuckin annoying.
-易如反掌 -好啦 - And it's that easy. - Ta dah!
看 你把我的战舰击沉了 Oh look. You sunk my battleship.
好了 现在可以放人了吗 Great, now can we please have Teddy?
好啊 带他上来 Yeah. Bring him up.
我们去你的婚礼上玩个痛快 难题解决了 See. We go to your wedding. We have fun. I bust a nut.
我们成功了 斯图 都结束了 We did it, Stu. It's over!
我们是曼谷警察 都趴下 This is Bangkok police! Everybody down!
卧槽 Oh, nuts!
金斯利 你个该死的特警 Kingsley, you're fucking Five-O?
逮住你了 莱雷 Gotcha, Leslie!
把他带走 Get him outta here.
走吧 Go! Just do it! Go!
我肏你妈的... How the fuck...
萨米尔 你为六千块钱就出卖我 Samir, you fucked me over six grand?
你这头阿拉伯猪 You camel jockey!
你竟敢啐我 You spit on me?
这次是六千块 上次是八千块 Six grand this time, eight grand last time.
这跟钱无关 我有自己的原则 It's not the money, man, it's the principle!
原则你妹妹 黑鬼 Principle? Nigga, please!
我们是一路货色 We both dead inside.
叫我黑鬼 别叫我黑鬼 Call me nigga... don't call me "Nigga"!
-逮他们进去 狗娘养的 -真是个混蛋 - Put em in, motherfucker! - He's an asshole, man.
你们没事吧 You guys ok?
这他妈的怎么回事 What the fucks going on?
我是彼得斯督察 国际刑警 Detective Inspector Peters, Interpol.
-你是警察 -对 - You're a cop? - Yes.
这次卧底行动已经展开几个星期了 This sting operation has been in place for weeks.
萨米尔告诉我们你的朋友失踪了 When Samir told us that your friend was lost...
我们就利用了这个消息 很抱歉 We took advantage of that information. I'm sorry.
那泰迪可以从车里出来了吧 So can Teddy come out of the car now?
不 艾伦 泰迪不在那该死的车里 No, Alan, Teddy's not in the fuckin car!
泰迪不在他们手上 从来就不在 They don't have him. They never had him.
他们只是利用我们引周上钩 They just needed us to bring them Chow.
把泰迪当作诱饵 They used Teddy as bait.
你有线索吗 Do you have any leads at all?
没有 各个地方我们查了个遍 No. We've checked everywhere.
没人见过他 抱歉 No one has seen him. I'm sorry.
如果你们现在还没找到他 If you haven't found him by now,
我恐怕他被曼谷吞没了 I'm afraid Bangkok has him.
为什么人们总是那样说 Why do people keep saying that?
斯图 是时候了 Stu... It's time.
艾伦 Alan...
-对不起 -别这么说 - I'm sorry. - Don't say that. Please.
-这次是真的搞砸了 -天啊 有多糟 - No this time we really fucked up. - Oh god! How bad?
不会要取消婚礼吧 Like, no wedding bad?
比那还要更糟一点 Yeah... A little worse than that!
这么说怎么样 Ok, how about this?
他掉下渔船后淹死了 He fell off the fishing boat and drowned.
不 No.
有了 泰迪被卡车撞死了 Ok, I got it. Teddy was hit by a truck.
-艾伦 -别吵我 菲尔 我忙着呢 - Alan! - Not a good time, Phil. Kinda busy!
这里有多少人被车撞死 How many people get run over here?
-每年超过1200人 -好极了 - Over 1200 a year, Phil. - Perfect!
他的尸体被撞得难以辨认 没法查了 His body was too mangled to recover. Case closed.
请再给我加点冰块 Can I get more ice, please?
我不会对罗伦撒谎 I'm not gonna lie to Lauren.
斯图 你到底想不想解决问题 Stu, do you want this or not?
看看我的所作所为 菲尔 我闯的祸 Look at what I've done, Phil. What I do.
妓女是我的弱点 而且显然各种妓女都是 I have a weakness for prostitutes. All kinds, apparently.
-我心里有个恶魔 -那又怎样 - I have a demon in me! - So what?
泰迪没了 但我还能救罗伦 Teddy's gone, but I can still save Lauren.
让她离开我 幸福地生活 Just let her live her life without me.
斯图 Stu!
你打电话给道格说我不回去了 I want you to call Doug and tell him I'm never coming back.
我想改变一下人生轨迹 Gettin off the hamster wheel.
我要留在曼谷 我想我属于这里 Gonna stay here in Bangkok. I think I belong here.
开一间牙科小诊所 Open up a little dentists office.
改过自新 快乐了此一生 Deep cleanings, with a happy ending.
下定决心了吗 You sure about this?
槽 搞什么 Hey, what the crud!
停电了 艾伦 Powers out, Alan.
-菲尔 -道格 - Phil! - Doug.
-我要答复 伙计 -我知道 - I need answers, man. - I know...
道格 你在和谁打电话 Doug, who are you talking to?
-什么 -把电话给我 - What? - Give me the phone!
罗伦 不 这是私人 Lauren, no! That's a private...
是谁 Who is this?
-罗伦 -菲尔吗 快告诉我是怎么回事 - Lauren? - Phil? Tell me what's going on, right now!
我们弄丢了你弟弟 We lost your little brother.
-什么 -他在曼谷失踪了 - What? - Bangkok has him now.
只能走楼梯了 You gotta take the stairs.
你们现在曼谷 You're in Bangkok?
一根手指头 Ooh, that's a finger!
叫斯图接电话 Put Stu on the phone!
曼谷一年要停电1500次 Bangkok experiences 1500 power outages per year.
斯图不想和别人讲话 Stu really doesn't want to talk to anybody.
到处是水 停电了 Water everywhere. Powers out.
得了 斯图 用你的犹太脑瓜子想想 Come on, Stu, use that big Jewish brain
菲尔 给我电话 Phil! Give me the phone!
-是罗伦 我能应付 -我知道 - It's Lauren! I got it! I'm handling it! - I know!
-快把电话给我 -我来说 斯图 - Give me the fuckin... - I can handle it, Stu!
她会伤了你的心 She's gonna break your heart!
亲爱的 甜心 是我 很抱歉 Honey, sweetheart, it's me! I'm so sorry!
斯图吗 到底是怎么回事 Stu? What the hell is going on?
他说你们弄丢了泰迪是什么意思 What does he mean you lost Teddy?
什么 菲尔这么说的吗 What? Is that what Phil said?
不不不 我们暂时走散了 和泰迪 No no no. We misplaced, Teddy.
不过现在一切都好 But we're all good now. We
我们要回旅馆 到时再见 heading back to the hotel. We're gonna see you soon!
我太爱你了 我要挂了 I love you so much! And I gotta go,
但我很快会回去 拜 but I'll see you soon. Bye.
斯图 Stu!
-斯图 -老天 - Stu! - God!
出租车 Taxi!
快点 艾伦 Come on, Alan!
快跟说说是怎么回事 Hey, you mind filling us in!
好 我们醒过来时 已经停电了 Ok, now when we woke up, the power was out.
然后你发现泰迪的手指在哪来着 And you found Teddy's finger in what?
-在一盆水里 -但开始不是水 - In a pool of water. - But it didn't start out as water.
对 是冰块 No, it was ice.
没错 泰迪从制冰机里拿了冰块 Exactly! Teddy got ice from the machine...
走回房间 ...came back to the room.
把手指放在冰块里然后回去睡觉了 Put his finger on ice and fell asleep.
如果你醒了发现 Now what do you do if you wake up...
你的手指浮在一碗冰水上 ...and you find your finger floating
你会怎么做 in a bowl of melted ice?
我会再去那该死的15楼拿冰 斯图 I'd get more ice, Stu... on the 15th fuckin floor!
对头 泰迪一上去 电就停了 Yes! Teddy goes up, the power goes out...
-卧槽 当然了 -他在制冰机里 - Holy shit! Of course! - He's at the ice machine.
艾伦 不是 Alan, no!
在第十层 It's on ten!
先生 电梯挂了吗 Sir, is the elevator stuck?
-快 -冲冲冲 - C'mon! - Go, go, go!
泰迪 Hey, Teddy!
小心 小心 Look out, look out!
-泰迪 -你没事 - Teddy! - You're ok!
泰迪 还好吧 没事吧 伙计 Teddy, you okay? You ok, man?
-我在哪 -你在曼谷市中心 - Where am I? - You're in an elevator,
的电梯里 in the middle of Bangkok.
我们马上救你出去 你会没事的 But we're gonna get you outta here. It's gonna be fine.
斯图 纹身不错 Hey Stu, nice tattoo.
谢谢 伙计 Thanks, man.
好吧 抬他出来 快点 Alright, let's do this! C'mon, c'mon!
告诉他们我们找到他了 好 Tell 'em we found him. Yeah,
知道了 我们马上就到 再见 I know. But we're on our way. Ok, bye!
宾客已经陆续到了 而且 Alright, guests are arriving, people
开始怀疑了 不过我们还可以挽回 starting to ask questions, but we can still pull this off!
-怎么做 -不知道 坐计程车吗 - How? - I don't know, with a taxi?
-可以用周的快艇 -什么 - Chow's speed boat. - What?
我还记得从周的快艇上下来 Last thing I remember, was getting off Chow's speed boat.
-周有艘快艇 -完美人生号 - Chow has a speed boat? - "The Perfect Life".
来吧 C'mon!
斯图 解开缆绳 Stu, get that back line.
跳得好 菲尔 Good jump, Phil!
-还好吗 -很好 - You alright? - Yeah.
你确定会开这玩意吗 You sure you know how to drive this thing?
拜托 我在游艇俱乐部长大 我知道怎么开 Please, I was raised in a yacht club. I know what I'm doing.
你知道该怎么走吗 You know where we're going?
交给船长好了 Leave it to the Captain!
去你的 艾伦 Oh fuck you, Alan!
你知道我们去哪里吗 船长 Do you know where we're going, Captain?
当然 菜鸟 我们往南开 Affirmative cadet! We're going south.
-我们在泰国海湾 -不错 - We're in the Gulf of Thailand. - Good.
喂 你没事吧 Hey! You okay?
-好多了 -那就好 - Feeling a little better. - Alright!
听着 泰迪 对不起 Listen Teddy. I'm really sorry!
我们也不想发生这些事 We didn't mean for any of this to happen.
很有意思 我什么都记不起 It's funny. I can't remember anything But...
但当我醒过来 我感觉不错 when I woke up, I was kinda happy.
好耶 Yeah!
还有 你知道我的手指在哪吗 By the way... Do you have any idea where my finger is?
知道 我们送给了一只贩毒猴子 Yeah, we gave it to a drug dealing monkey.
曼谷 Bangkok...
没错 该死的曼谷 Yeah, right... fuckin Bangkok!
抱歉 婚礼将取消 I apologize. There will be no wedding!
他在路上 马上就到... He is on his way. He will be here...
请各位移驾去吧台 Please, if you will all move to the bar.
我们要清场了 We are going to clear this area.
请吧 Please!
我告诉你 我和他谈过了 他会来的 I'm telling you, I spoke to him. He's coming.
看 他们来了 Look! There they are!
斯图 Stu!
-艾伦 那里没有地方泊船 -抓稳了 - Alan, there's no dock. - Just hang on!
-艾伦 别开玩笑 转弯 -抓稳 - Alan, it's not funny! Turn the boat! - Hang on!
-那是艾伦在开船吗 -什么 - Is that Alan driving the boat? - What?
我们看来要靠后一点了 Uh, we should probably move back a little bit.
老天爷啊 Oh my god!
快转弯 Turn the boat!
大家往后退 Everyone back up a little bit here.
先生 好事多磨嘛 Sir, it's gonna get worse before it gets better.
大家好啊 Hi! Hi everybody!
这次到访比我们想的要帅气些 Came in a little hotter than we planned.
很抱歉把草坪划了一道沟 I'm sorry we trenched the lawn here.
放心 会复原的 填点土就好 Totally fixable. A little bit of sod, it'll be fine.
-宝贝儿 -天啊 - Baby! - Oh my god!
见到你太高兴了 I'm so happy to see you!
-泰迪 泰迪 -爸爸 - Teddy! Teddy here. - Hi, Dad!
-没事吧 -没事 - You alright? - Yeah, ok.
-你的手 -我知道 - Your hand! - I know.
出了点意外 我没事 We had an accident. I'm ok.
都怪你 This is your fault!
-爸 -他说得对 但从罗伦的角度来看 - Dad. - He's right. But swich side with Lauren...
我并没有完全跟你讲实话 I have not been completely honest.
-斯图 别说 -是吗 - Stu? Don't do this. - Yeah?
谢谢 菲尔 但是我要说 Thanks, Phil, but gonna do it.
你说我是个笑话 但我不是 You said I'm a joke.Well I'm not.
我不是什么怪里怪气 奶味十足 I'm not some weird, milky,
毫无品味 水性杨花 ricy, watery that you
那种只能讨好屁孩和老朽的人 feed to infants and old people, ok!
也许你加一点番椒我就有味道了 Maybe I would be if you added some cayenne pepper!
我希望自己是个无聊的牙医 I wish I was a boring dentist...
和一帮无聊的朋友过着无聊的生活 ...who had a boring life and boring friends...
但我没有 也不是那种人 ... but I don't and I'm not.
我其实是奇怪的狼友之一 I'm actually part of this weird wolf pack.
才不怪 很酷的好吧 还不收会员费 It's not weird. It's pretty cool actually. No membership fees.
我听够了 过来 I've had enough of this. Come here.
慢 我还有话要说 伙计 Whoa! Here's the deal man.
我有阴暗面 I got a dark side!
我心里有个恶魔 There's a demon in me!
没错 他有精子 It's true, he has semen in him.
英语中魔鬼与精子发音相似
我是说恶魔 I said demon.
但你也有精子记得吗 But you also have semen in you, remember?
毫不相干 但谢谢你 艾伦 - - Not relevant, but thank you, Alan.
重点是 这个恶魔 The point is, this demon takes
把我带到奇奇怪怪的地方 me to some pretty weird places.
泰迪在曼谷失踪了两天 We lost Teddy for two days in Bangkok.
但也是这个恶魔 让我们历经艰辛找到了他 But that same demon took us to hell and back to find him.
我们成功在曼谷找到了他 We took on Bangkok and we won.
如果你问我的感受 我觉得这很酷 Now that's pretty fuckin cool if you ask me!
我爱你的女儿 我要娶她 I love your daughter, and I'm gonna marry her.
-除非你有意见 -我没意见 - Unless you have any problem with that? - I'm good.
但我说的那些话 But all that said, it would
这对我们来说意义重大 actually mean a great deal to both of us...
如果能得到你那该死的祝福 ...if we could just get your mother fucking blessing!
艾伦 Hey, Alan...
-头剃得不错 -谢谢 菲尔 - That looks pretty cool shaved. - Thanks, Phil.
你也应该剃一个 You should shave your head too.
我干嘛要剃 Why would I do that?
那我们看起来就一模一样了 Well than we would look exactly alike.
-好好照顾我女儿 -我会的 - Take good care of my daughter, Stu. - I will.
抱歉那艘船差点杀死所有人 I'm sorry we almost killed everyone with the boat.
你能来太好了 Just happy you're here.
别担心我的纹身 And don't worry about the tattoo.
一回到洛杉矶我就用激光消灭它 I'm gonna have it lasered as soon as we're home in LA.
-没事 我能习惯 -真的吗 - That's ok. I can get used to it. - Really?
但现在 我们要换位吗 But for now, let's switch sides?
-好 -谢谢 - Yeah, ok. - Thank you.
这下好多了 Much better.
亲爱的亲朋好友们 我代表斯图和罗伦 Dear family and friends. On behalf of Stu and Lauren...
欢迎你们来参加他们的新婚庆典 ...I welcome all of you, to this marriage celebration.
我们今天集聚一堂 We are here today to...
我走在小巷 I walked along the avenue
意外遇见你这样的女孩 I never thought I'd meet girl like you
你这样的女孩 Meet girl like you
我远远跑去 And I ran so far away
再也逃不掉 I couldn't get away
兄弟 能停一下吗 Hey buddy. Can you hold on for a second.
谢谢 Thank you.
喂喂 大家好 Hello? Hi everyone!
我叫艾伦·盖尼 My name's Alan Garner.
我要感谢亚洲朋友们 I want to thank the Asiatic people
对我们的盛情款待 for allowing us in your land.
我想说的是 我在这里很开心 I wanted to say that, um, I'm really happy to be here...
我要送给罗伦和斯图一个结婚礼物 ...and I have a wedding gift to present to Lauren and Stu.
我想了很多 And um, a lot of thought has gone into this...
我希望你们 ...and I hope that you
和我一样开心 永远开心 appreciate it as much as I did, or going to.
好 该你们了 Okay, guys!
艾伦 Alan!
搞什么啊 What the fuck?
觉得如何 So what do ya think?
疯了 你是怎么办到的啊 That's insane! How did you do that?
我爸打了无数个电话 My dad had to make a lot of calls.
我对迈克说你必须来 I told Mike that you gotta do it.
说为了我的三个铁哥们 It's for my third best friend.
艾伦 太棒了 我超喜欢 太谢谢了 Alan, it's amazing! I love it! Thank you so much!
我们只能请他一晚 We only have him for tonight.
没法请他一辈子 We don't have him permanently.
明白 Understood!
-你在台上很能说嘛 艾伦 -过奖 - You do a lot of public speaking, Alan? - I barely?
迈克 你很棒 真的很棒 Mike, you were great. It's true, that was incredible.
谢谢 伙计们 我真的很受用 Thanks, guys. That means a lot, really!
还有 你必须 By the way, you really need
把你那该死的纹身去掉 to remove that fuckin tattoo from your face!
明白 肯定 Yeah! On it!
最后一分钟叫你改唱 Sorry about the last minute change
很不好意思 迈克 up to the performance, Mike.
-没什么 艾伦 -怎么回事 - Don't worry, Alan. - What are you talking about?
他本来是要唱 Well he was originally supposed
乔纳斯兄弟的《燃烧》 to sing "Burning Up" By the Jonas Brothers...
但我想起你不喜欢新派摇滚 ...but then I remembered you don't like indie rock.
伙计们 你们肯定不会相信 Hey guys. You're not gonna believe this.
-那是你的手机吗 -对 - Is that your phone? - Yeah.
那你怎么不联系我们 How come you never tried calling us?
已经没电两天了 It's been dead for two days.
但我充了电后发现了这些照片 But I recharged it and found all these photos.
什么 What?
-我日 -没错 真的比艳照还要劲爆 - Shit! - Yeah, some of it's pretty messed up.
-超棒 看看 -等等 - Awesome, let's check em out. - Whoa, whoa, whoa!
谁也不准看这些东西 No one needs to see this stuff!
得了 我可是泰森 什么没见过 C'mon man! I'm Mike Tyson. I've seen everything!
没事的啦 It'll be fine.
好吧 就看一眼 Alright, we look at it once.
看了就删 无所谓 And then we delete them. It's gonna be ok.
我勒个去 Mother fucker!