2005年
& May I have your attention please?
& Will the real Slim Shady please stand up?
& Feminist women love Eminem
& Chigga chigga chigga "Slim Shady, I'm sick of him"
& "Look at him, walkin' around grabbin' his you-know-what"
& "Flippin' the you-know-who" "Yeah, but he's so cute though!"
& Yeah, so will the real Shady please stand up?
& And put one of those fingers on each hand up
& And be proud to be out of your mind
& And out of control and one more time
& Loud as you can, how does it go?
& I'm Slim Shady, yes, I'm the real Shady
& All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating
& So won't the real Slim Shady
& Please stand up Please stand up Please stand up
周末毕业舞会！ 购票从速！
& Please stand up &
嗨，美乐迪
- 嗨 - 嗯，我知道 Hey. Um, look, I know
我们相识很久了 we've known each other for a really long time.
住的也不远，还有… And we live across the street from each other and stuff.
还有… And...
我知道，四天之后 I know, like, in four days,
肯定，如果… I'm sure, if...
- 你知道四天后，毕业舞会… - 哦，天啊 You know, prom's, like, in four days... Oh, my God.
你不是邀请我当你舞伴吧？ You're not asking me to prom, are you?
妈的，不是 Fuck, no.
不是，不是…，我只是… No, I... No, I just...
- 你可能已经有舞伴了 - 对不起 You're probably going with someone. I'm sorry.
我不知道该怎么说好 I don't know how to put this nicely.
怎么说都不好 There's not a nice way to put it.
你就是个书呆子 You're a fucking nerd.
你呢，我怎么说呢，她可是热门货 And, you know... I don't know. She's hot.
看着她，看着她 Look at her. Look at her.
- 看着她啊，看着，看着 - 待会见 Look at her. Look at her. Look at her. I'll see you later.
- 再见 - 好啊，哥们，谈得不错 Bye. JENKO: All right, buddy, good talk.
傻小子，经典 Dude, classic.
格雷格·延科，请到校长办公室 Greg Jenko to the principal's office. Greg Jenko to the principal's office.
- 该死 - 兄弟好运 Shit. Good luck, bro.
我说得很清楚 I said loud and clear,
如果你成绩上不去 就不能参加毕业舞会 if you didn't get your grades up, you weren't going to the prom.
我的朋友，后果你得自负 You, my friend, are about to pay the piper.
付给谁？ I should pay who?
毕业舞会没你的份 You're not going to the prom.
孩子，你能毕业已经不错了 Boy, you lucky you even graduating.
可我是舞会之王啊 But I'm going to be prom king.
不错，你在学校过得很开心 I'm glad you had a great time in school.
因为你什么都不学 'Cause you ain't learned nothing.
靠！靠！ Fuck! Fuck!
七年之后
都市警察学院
警察学院欢迎你 Welcome to the Police Academy.
先把表格填好 再说别的 Make sure your form is completely filled out, then move along.
是个不太苗条的娘们哈？我靠！ Not-so-slim Shady, what's up? Holy shit!
延科、施密特，你俩上 Jenko, Schmidt, you're up.
啊，靠！ Oh, fuck!
Oh!
- 你摔跤很厉害哈？ - 没错 You're good at this, huh? Yeah, I am.
谢谢 Thank you.
城市警察入学考试 37分- 不及格
真他妈的 Such bullshit.
100分 A
你考试很厉害哈？ You're really good at this.
没错 Yeah, I am.
嗨，交个朋友？ Hey, you want to be friends?
加油，加油，快跑 Come on. Come on, let's go.
加油，膝盖上抬 抬膝 Come on, pick your knees up. Pick your knees up.
我现在告诉你，这不是重罪 I'm telling you right now, it's not a felony.
冷静点，好不好？ 注意，如果是有意的，就是重罪 Chill, all right? Look, if it has intent, it's a felony.
我早说过吧？ 起床，走了，走了！ What did I tell you? Come on, let's go, let's go, let's go!
加油，加油，加油，快跑 Let's go, let's go, let's go, let's go, let's go.
再快点，跑 Faster. Let's go.
解除警戒！ Clear!
加油，加油，快！停 - Come on, come on, come on! - Stop.
好！好！ Yes! Yes!
让我看看，让我看看 Let me see. Let me see.
71分 C-
不错 Nice.
立正！女士们先生们 Ten-hut! Ladies and gentlemen,
我向大家介绍第137届毕业生 I present to you the graduates of Class 137.
准备当一辈子混帐王八蛋吧 Get ready for a lifetime of being badass motherfuckers.
准备好了 Oh, lam.
我还以为当警察 会有很多爆炸，或飞车追逐之类的 I really thought this job would have more car chases and explosions,
可不是到处查看流浪汉 是否随地大小便 and less homeless people doo-dooing everywhere.
你们觉得打捞飞盘 Do you guys really think this is a police matter?
是警察该干的吗？ To get your Frisbee back?
你们他妈的自己捞去 Get your own fucking Frisbee.
混蛋 Shit.
混蛋！混蛋！ Shit! Shit!
你枪里没装子弹吧？ Yours isn't loaded, right? Huh?
我们应该先卸掉子弹，对吧？ We're supposed to unload them first, right?
什么，你…不 What, you... No.
不是闹着玩的，真的 That's no fun. Come on.
牌子上写着"严禁喂鸭" Sign says, "Do not feed the ducks."
就在那 It's right there.
- 你不许…不许 - 不可以，别这样 Don't you... Don't... Don't. Stop it.
不可以，你还是干了 Don't. You did it. You fed the ducks.
觉得自己很牛？ You feel like a big shot?
别想 No fucking way.
摩托帮？ One Percenters?
这些家伙可是大毒贩子 These guys are, like, big-time drug dealers.
如果我们第一次逮捕的是他们 肯定不用再做公园巡逻了 If we could take them down as our first bust, we'd be off park duty for sure.
你也看见了吧？ You see what I see?
大麻 Cannabis sativa.
准备登场 Chaka Khan.
登场？ Chaka Khan?
先生们，在聚会吗？ Gentlemen. We having a little party?
忘了抽大麻是违法的吗？ Have we forgotten that the use of marijuana is illegal?
我有青光眼 I have glaucoma.
人多我紧张 I get nervous in crowds.
出疱疹 Herpes.
查一下你的自行车 不介意吧？ Then you won't mind if I search your bike, now, would you?
查吧，你屁也找不着 Go ahead. You won't find shit.
- 起来 - 冷静，美国佬 Clmate, gringo. Get up.
天，你们也算是警察？ 简直是万圣节孩子们装着玩的 Man, you guys even real cops? You look like the kids on Halloween.
这些娃娃要是警察 我就是缉毒局的了 If those boys is cops, I'm DEA.
我知道，是吧？我知道 I know, right? I know.
太可笑了 It's hilarious.
放尊重点好吗？ So why don't you show us a little respect?
- 操你妈，条子 - 嗨 Fuck you, pig- Hey.
想让我废了你？ You want me to beat your dick off?
废了我？ You want to beat my dick off?
两只手就能废了你 怎么样？试试 I'll beat your dick off with both hands. What's up? Let's go.
- 不太可能吧 - 我想他的意思是 That's weird, man. SCHMIDT: I think what he was trying to say was,
用拳头照你的生殖器部位连续猛击 he's going to punch you so many times around the genital area
你那玩意就会掉下来 that your dick's just going to fall off.
怎么还带着盐… Why do you have salt in your...
- 那就是毒品 - 哦，天啊 That's actual drugs. Oh, my God.
趴地上！嗨！ Get on the ground! Hey!
- 过来！ - 我怎么办？ - Come here now! - What do I do?
- 追一个！ - 追一个？ - Chase someone! - Chase someone?
你不要车了？ Are you leaving your bike here?
好吧 Okay. All right.
别跑！ 逃跑对你更不利！ Don't run from me! You're making it worse for yourself!
嗨，闪开！ No! Get out of the way!
站住！ Stop!
你不站住，我要开枪了！ 听见了吗？ I'm going to shoot you if you don't slow down, man! Come on!
嗨！站住！ Hey! Come here!
不陪你玩了！说正经的！ I'm not playing any more! I'm so not kidding!
这回看你往哪跑 I got him. I got him.
站住！不许动！ Freeze! Freeze!
举起手来 不然开枪了！站住！ Hands up or I shoot you! Freeze!
对！站住！ That's it! Come here!
不许动！站住！ Freeze! Stop it!
真是个娘们！ You're a pussy!
你有权利…手过来！ 你有权利… You got the right to... Give me that! You got the right to...
…给我吹箫，你他妈的！ ...to suck my dick, motherfucker!
我的胳膊肘 Oh, my elbow.
- 你没证据 - 你那脏很爽吧？ You got nothing. How's my dick feel in your ass, huh?
- 嗨！嗨！ - 不错吧？感觉咋样？ Hey! Hey! How's it feel? How's it feel now?
好了，施密特！我们抓住一个！ That's right. Schmidt! Schmidt, we got one!
抓住一个！逮住他了！ We got one! I got him!
太好了！ Yes! Yes!
- 好啊！ - 逮住一个！ Yeah! We got an arrest!
- 好啊！逮住他了！ - 太棒了！ Yeah! We got him! Yes!
- 好啊！你他妈的！靠！ - 你他妈的！好啊！ Yeah! Fuck you! Yeah! Fuck you! Yeah!
怎么着？ What's up?
把我的蛋蛋放在你他娘的脑门上！ Drop my nuts on your motherfucking forehead!
- 对 - 公园，我靠你！ That's right. Fuck you, park!
我们逮人了！ 公园怎么着？ We arrest people now! What up, park?
- 咋样？咋样？ - 你们看什么？谁想来试试？ What's up? What's up? What up, park? Who wants one?
祝贺你们擒获歹徒，小伙子 真的很棒 Congratulations on the bust, boys. It sounds great.
谢谢，肉桂 新抓来的？ - Thank you, Cinnamon. - Are those new?
局里不得不取消控告 The department was forced to drop the charges
因为你们忘了宣读米兰达警告 because you forgot to read him his Miranda rights.
你们有什么正当理由 逮捕的时候 What possible reason is there for not doing the only thing
忘了做唯一应该做的事？ you have to do when arresting someone?
我宣读了… 我读的是改版的 I did read him his right... I did a version of that.
- 你究竟知道不知道米兰达警告？ - 知道 Do you even know the Miranda rights? Yes.
说来让我听听 Let's hear them, then.
你还有很多事要做呢 You got a lot of stuff to do.
不不，说说 要去哪儿吗，施密特？ No, go ahead. You going anywhere, Schmidt?
不急 We got time.
本来有事的，但可以推迟 I had a thing, but I can probably push it back.
说吧，只有四句话 外加一个问题 Go ahead. It's four declamatory sentences, followed by a question,
一共57个字 for a total of 57 words.
好吧，开始是 "你有权利保持沉默" Okay. Look, it obviously starts with, "You have the right to remain silent."
我知道你都听过的，然后是 I know you've heard this before. And then,
我想，大概是… I think it sounds something like...
- "你有权请律师" - 嗯，这…啊，对 "You have the right to an attorney." Well, the thing... Yeah, right.
"你有权留下律师" "You have the right to remain an attorney."
你是说 你有权利当律师？ Did you say that you have the right to be an attorney?
如果愿意的话 你是有权利当律师的 You do have the right to be an attorney, if you want to.
当时你在哪？ Where were you?
我在追赶罪犯，长官 I was chasing my perp, sir.
结果呢？ And how did that go for you?
诚实地讲，他逃了 Honestly, he did get away,
还把我摔得很惨 and he threw me down pretty hard.
把我胳膊肘弄伤了 Actually fucked up my elbow pretty bad.
我看看 Can I see that?
嗯，很疼 因为进去土了 Yeah, actually, it hurts 'cause the dirt gets mushed into it.
哇 Wow.
你俩还算幸运 Fortunately for you two,
警察卧底计划80年代取消了 我们正在修改 we're reviving a canceled undercover police program from the '80s
好适应现时的需要 and revamping it for modern times.
负责这件事的人 You see, the guys in charge of this stuff
缺乏魄力 一点创意都没有 lack creativity and are completely out of ideas,
他们只是 把以前的东西翻出来重新用 so all they do now is recycle shit from the past
还以为我们看不出来 and expect us all not to notice.
计划中有一项要用到 One of these programs involves the use of young,
年轻的新警察 immature-seeming officers.
长官，你是说 要把我们送进 Sir, are you saying that you're going to send us into, like,
儿童色情奴隶圈之类的地方？ a child sex slavery ring or something?
长官，如果需要我去吹箫 我会的 Sir, if I have to suck somebody's dick, I will.
只是，我不喜欢 It's just... I'd prefer not to.
我觉得你们这些蠢货正合适 I think you idiots are perfect.
你们已正式转调了 You're officially transferred.
- 好吧 - 好 All right. Yeah. That's great.
我们的上司是谁？ Where should we report to?
到跳跳街去 Down on Jump Street.
跳跳街37号 37 Jump Street.
好像号码不对 No, that doesn't sound right.
是… Is it...
这玩笑开大了 This has got to be a joke.
就是这 This is it.
芬芳基督堂？ Aroma of Christ Church?
跳跳街21号
你们好 How's it going?
这地方怪怪的 This place is weird.
大家都还好吧？ Everybody comfortable?
好 Yeah.
我说话时 都他妈的给我站起来听！ Get your motherfucking ass up when I'm talking!
你们都要当高中生去卧底 You will be going undercover as high school students.
选你们来是因为你们长得年轻 You are here simply because you look young.
跟超级小天王贾斯汀比伯 You some Justin Beaver,
和小天后麦莉赛勒斯一样嫩 Miley Cyrus-looking motherfuckers.
粗暴队长 Captain Sassy.
我知道你们会说我 I know what you're thinking,
是"暴躁的黑队长" "Angry Black Captain."
这是愚蠢的无稽之谈 It ain't nothing but a stupid stereotype.
知道吗，混帐 Well, guess what, motherfuckers.
我是黑人 I'm black.
我拼了老命才当上队长！ And I worked my ass off to be the captain!
有时我真的生气 And sometimes I get angry.
去他妈的！ So suck a dick!
我想让你们明白的是 What I'm trying to show you is,
拥抱你们的无稽之谈 embrace your stereotypes.
就像这个家伙，帅呆了 Like this guy right here. Handsome.
但可能是个傀儡 And he's probably a dummy.
再看这位 And then this guy.
个子矮，没主心骨 He's short and insecure.
不过可能会理财 And he's probably good with money.
- 你会理财 - 哪对哪啊？ You are good with money. What the fuck?
没人告诉过你们 这里是卧底部？ Didn't somebody tell you guys this was an undercover unit?
我没…其实我没… I don't... I actually didn't...
没收到调动函 I didn't get a letter or anything.
- 对，没说从什么时候开始 - 穿什么之类的事 Yeah, like, a start time... With a dress code or anything like that.
你是他妈的青少年！ Teenage the fuck up!
跳跳街规则第一条 付嘉曦 Rule number one at Jump Street. Fugazy.
不要被学校开除 Do not get expelled.
整个系统没人知道你们在这 知道吗？谁都不知道 Nobody in the system knows you're here. All right? Nobody.
如果你被学校开除了 You get kicked out of school,
也等于被跳跳街踢出去了 your monkey ass is getting kicked out of Jump Street.
第二条，彭司 Rule number two Burns.
严禁与学生或教师发生性关系，长官 Do not have sexual relations with students or teachers, sir.
听见了？说你呢 You hear that? That's you.
- 不允许 - 为什么… Don't do it, man. Why...
- 把你那脏兮兮的玩意放裤档里 - 脏兮兮？ Keep that dirty dick in your pants. Dirty?
不许跟学生上床 Don't fuck no students.
也不许跟老师 Don't fuck no teachers.
长官，我知道虽然我们俩 帅得出了名 Sir, I know we come off as a couple of lady-killers,
但我保证，工作起来 绝对有职业操守 but I promise you we will be super professional on the job.
我没跟你说话，大波波 Clearly, I wasn't talking to you, Big Titties.
你这娃娃脸蛋的混蛋 You cherub-looking motherfucker.
我跟你搭档说话呢 I was talking to your partner over here.
装了假屁股的帅哥麦吉 Fake-ass Handsome McGee.
我跟他说话就是跟他说 When I'm talking to him, I'm talking to him.
我说"闭上鸟嘴" When I say, "Shut the fuck up,"
- 才是跟你说话 - 酷 I'm talking to you. Cool.
你俩个妹子养的 立刻到我办公室去 Now, you two sons of bitches, in my office now.
马上！ Right now!
你好，我是彼廉威灵翰 Hi. I am Billiam Willingham.
我买了这个 So I bought these,
现在好像人人在都谈论这东西 which is all anybody seems to be talking about right now.
来一口 Cheers.
这是一种合成毒品 It's a new synthetic drug.
大街上流行的名字是H.F.S. Goes by the street name H.F.S.
真他妈爽 Holy fucking shit.
真他妈… Holy...
他们把这东西放到网上 让大家看？ They put this on the Internet for everybody to see?
他们是青少年 一帮蠢货 They're teenagers, man. They're really stupid.
所以你们得赶快混进去 So you should blend right in.
第一阶段：傻笑
第二阶段：极度亢奋
第三阶段：过分自信
杰西卡，毕业舞会给我当舞伴行吗？ 不过我知道你已经答应了 Jessica, will you go to prom with me? But I already know the answer. It's yes.
第四阶段：超级疯狂
Whoo!
这孩子，我能看一天 I could watch this kid all day.
天，这孩子真行 Man, this kid rules.
曾经行 Ruled.
几天前父母 在他房间发现他吸毒过量 His parents found him OD'd in his room a few days ago.
死了 He's dead.
他用的这种毒品 实验室从没见过 Whatever he took, the lab has never seen it before.
而且，你也看得出来，他是白人 And as you can see, this kid is white.
我的意思是，他有家庭的关怀 That means people actually give a shit.
长官，我只想说 即使他是黑孩子，我也会关怀他 Sir, I just want to throw out to you that I would give a shit if he was black.
现在H.F.S.已经在萨根高中范围内得到遏制 Right now, H.F.S. is contained right there at Sagan High.
一旦这种毒品突破遏制 几天之内就会泛滥开来 Now, once this drug breaks containment, it goes viral in a few days.
延科，我看了你以前的成绩单 Jenko, I looked at your old transcript.
我给你随便选了几门课 I enrolled you in a bunch of bullshit courses
摄影、戏剧之类的 like photography and drama.
跟那些辍学的、吸毒的混熟 Get in with the burnouts and the cool kids.
看看谁在贩卖这种毒品 Find out who's slinging this shit.
施密特，据说你高中时 Schmidt, says you were a virgin
- 一直是处男 - 真的？ through high school. It says that?
不是，我只是假设 No. I just assumed it,
因为好多年你都是优等生 而且还是杂耍队的 due to your many years on the honor roll and your membership to the juggling squad.
是杂耍学会，没什么，无所谓 It's the Juggling Society, but it's fine. It's fine.
他们偷化学实验室的仪器 They're stealing equipment from the chemistry lab.
我们认为是去弄熟毒品 That's what we think they're cooking the dope with.
我给你在化学高班报了名 I enrolled you into honors chemistry.
这是你们的新身份，明白吗？ Here's your new identities, all right?
布莱德和道格·麦奎德 Brad and Doug McQuaid.
任务是 The mission is this.
打入毒品贩内部，找出供货商 Infiltrate the dealers, find the supplier.
我们是哥俩？ We get to be brothers?
打入毒品贩内部，找出供货商 Infiltrate the dealers, find the supplier.
先找到供货商 就不必再去费劲找毒贩子了 But if we find the supplier first, we don't have to worry about the dealers.
该死的 打入毒品贩内部，找出供货商 God damn. Infiltrate the dealers, find the supplier.
上帝是爱
嗨，韩人耶稣 Hey, Korean Jesus.
不知道你是不是只照顾韩人基督徒 I don't know if you only cater to Korean Christians
也许你根本不存在，别见怪啊 or if you even exist. No offense.
只是… I just...
要回到高中上学 我好害怕 I'm really freaked out about going back to high school.
因为上次就他妈的不好过 It was just so fucking hard the first time.
我知道至今我们还一个人都没逮捕过 也许我不是最棒的警察 I know we haven't made our first arrest, or maybe I'm not the best cop.
韩人耶稣 这次我他妈真不想把事情搞砸 Korean Jesus, I just really don't want to fuck this up.
我满嘴脏话，很抱歉 I'm sorry for swearing so much.
最后？ The end?
我真不知道该怎么结束祷告 最后？ I don't really know how to end a prayer. The end?
对 Yeah.
嗨！嗨！ Hey! Hey!
别他妈亵渎韩人耶稣！ Stop fucking with Korean Jesus!
他没时间给你解决问题，他忙着呢！ He ain't got time for your problems. He busy!
忙韩国的事 With Korean shit.
- 你们俩赶快回家找妈妈去 - 什么？ You two get to your mama house ASAP. What?
你们现在是青少年，明白吗？ You're teenagers now, all right?
执行这个任务期间 你们俩 You two are staying at Schmidt's parents' house
住在施密特父母家 for the duration of this assignment.
妈的，惨了 Oh, fuck me.
这房子挺可爱 This house is adorable.
我的宝贝回家了，来来 My baby's home! Come here.
你永远都是我的天使宝贝 You will always be my infant angel baby child.
好孩子 There's my guy.
很高兴见到你们 It's great to see you guys.
- 嗨 - 施密特家！手举起来，施密特爸爸 Hey. Schmidt family! Up top, Papa Schmidt.
啊，天啊 施密特妈妈，都是你自己做的？ Oh, my God. Mama Schmidt, did you do all this yourself?
- 简直不可思议 - 是啊 This is unbelievable. Well, yeah.
- 是我做的 - 太棒了！ I guess I did. It's gorgeous!
你也很棒 So are you.
宝贝，我跟你说 我们在你房间放了气垫 Honey, listen, I want to tell you, we did blow up the air mattress in your room
那里成了健身房 'cause we're kind of using that as a workout area,
有个椭圆机，你别介意 so I hope you don't mind the elliptical.
别，别！延科，天，可别 No, no! Jenko, Jenko, oh, my God, please. No, no.
别碰那东西 我们刚从赛多纳买来的 Don't touch that. We just brought it back from Sedona.
我说，我们能不能扔掉这些？ Guys, can we get rid of this stuff?
感觉像我出车祸死了 I mean, it looks like I died in a car crash
- 你们从此沉浸在回忆中 - 拿掉？ and you guys haven't moved on. Rid of it?
拿下来的话 我们就没法吹你了 If we take it down, we have to stop bragging about you.
我就像The Wonder Years里的弗莱德萨维奇 I look like Fred Savage from The Wonder Years,
只不过赤身裸体 还戴着印第安人的友谊手链 but completely naked, wearing Indian friendship bracelets.
莫顿，这张照片很棒的 That is a great picture, Morton. Mmm-hmm.
很像杰雷诺年轻时候 You look like a young Jay Leno.
照这张相的时候，我穿内裤了吗？ Am I even wearing underwear in this picture?
Umm...
没穿 No.
我记得，知道为啥吗？ I remember. You know why?
因为我曾经跟一位理疗师 讲过8000遍 Because I've told it to a therapist about 8,000 times.
我是说，这个奖章是四年级 因为参加足球比赛得的 I mean, this is a fourth grade
努力奖 participation medal for soccer.
意思是踢得太差了 It's literally a medal for sucking.
- 不，这是奖励你努力尝试 - 对 No, that is a medal for trying. Yes.
我跟你说 这孩子总是很努力的 Let me tell you something. This guy was always a great tryer.
一定是菲利斯 她很想见你 That must be Phyllis. She is just dying to see you.
什么？妈，我回家你告诉菲利斯了？ 她会让街坊邻居都知道的 What? Mom, you told Phyllis I was here? She's going to tell the whole neighborhood.
告诉过你，这是卧底任务 绝密的 I told you, it's an undercover assignment. It's super secretive.
"卧底"，真可爱 "Undercover." That's so cute.
- 我要上楼了 - 好吧，宝贝，你要知道 I'm going upstairs. Okay, honey. I want you to know
- 你回来我们好高兴 - 好 we are so glad you're here. Okay.
很好，谢谢 That's great. Thank you.
- 好吧，他在哪？ - 在楼上 All right. Where is he? He's upstairs.
他需要休息一会 他也很想见你 He just needs to take a little rest, and then he's dying to see you, too.
- 再见 - 我烤了小松糕！ Bye-bye. I baked muffins!
你要是不知道自己的身份 明天非乱套不可 If you don't know your identity, we're screwed tomorrow.
好好看看这个 You got to study this stuff.
别理它，身份都是胡扯 他们说我留级一年 Forget those identities. They're bullshit. They said I was held back a year.
本来就是，留过两年呢 You were. You were held back two years.
虽然背景故事是编的 也照样让我伤心 Just 'cause it's a fake backstory doesn't mean it doesn't hurt my feelings.
妈的！两只袜子不一样 Fuck! Socks don't match.
还得从头开始 I got to start all over.
第一天去学校 我要很精神 It's the first day of school, dude. I got to look awesome.
橄榄球代表队 洲际冠军
那个时候，你红得发紫 You know, back in the day, you were super popular,
我比你差远了 and I wasn't as much.
杂耍学会 一人三球
其实，高中时我们合不来 We didn't really get along in high school.
这次不会再这样了吧？ You don't think that's going to happen again, do you?
不会，嗨，哥们，我们都是成年人了 是最要好的朋友 No. Come on, man. We're adults now. We're best buds.
绝不会再像以前了 It's definitely not going to happen again.
- 我们挺好的 - 酷 We're good. Cool.
外面天气很好啊，孩子们 Beautiful day out there, boys.
闭嘴吧 Just shut up.
"你所说的一切 都可能用作法庭控告你的证据 "Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law."
"你有权利请律师 "You have the right to an attorney."
"如果你付不起律师费 法庭会为你…" "If you cannot afford an attorney, one will be appointed..."
小子，你还记不住米兰达警告？ 你可是个警察啊 Dude, do you still not know the Miranda rights? You're a cop.
得了，电视上从来没说过完整的 Come on, man. They always cutaway on TV before they finish them.
好吧，咱们开工吧 All right, let's do it.
- 咳，咳，咳 - 怎么了？ Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. What?
这是干嘛？ What are you doing?
- 怎么了？啥意思？ - 你双肩背包？ What? What are you talking about? Are you two-strapping?
- 书包？是啊 - 好，我们俩得一致 My backpack? Yeah. Yeah, I got to be seen with you.
你得单肩背 You got to one-strap it.
真的，如果可能的话 我连包都不背 Seriously, I would no-strap it if that would even be possible.
好吧，你怎么这么懂行？ Okay, what makes you the expert?
我在高中很酷，不像你 I was cool in high school, and you weren't.
好吧，你有理，走吧 Okay, that makes sense. Continue.
延科高中扮酷三秘诀 The Three Keys of Coolness in High School, by Jenko.
一，不要事事都努力 One, don't try hard at anything.
明白吗？二，嘲笑那些努力的人 Okay? Two, make fun of people who do try.
三，要帅 Three, be handsome.
四，如果上学第一天有人威胁你 Four, if anyone steps to you on the first day of school,
就迎面给他一拳 you punch them directly in the face.
五，开一辆奇车 Five, drive a kick-ass car.
妈的 Shit.
好，但别像小年轻的那样开 All right, but just don't be driving it like teenagers,
使劲轰轰引擎，好吗？ revving up the engine and shit, okay?
不会的 We would never.
哎呀，朱迪，你要相信我们 Come on, Hoffs. Give us a little credit.
- 嗨，准备好了吗？ - 开始！ Hey, you ready? Go!
太棒了！绝了 That was awesome! That was amazing.
- 我飞起来了？ - 太棒了 Was I flying? That was amazing.
好，该我了，该我了 All right, do mine, do mine.
- 好，准备好了？开始 - 好 Okay, ready? Here I go. Yeah, yeah.
你没事吧 You Okay?
我也许吓尿裤了 I think I shit my pants.
停在残疾人车位 Hey, park in that handicapped spot.
- 我们这样显得很酷 - 太棒了 It'll make us look cool. That's awesome.
小子 Dude?
- 大伙都双肩背呢 - 你别改 Everybody's two-strapping it. Just stay with the one-strap.
不行，我得改过来 I can't. I can't. I can't right now.
那干嘛？干什么？ 别让群体压力影响你 What are you doing? What are you doing? Don't succumb to the peer pressure.
- 干嘛？ - 我们应该双肩背 What are you doing? You're supposed to use two straps.
- 单肩背才是压力 - 不不，你简直是乱来 One strap is peer pressure. No. No. You're fucking up right now.
看，那帮人是黑白哥特派 Okay, those are Goths.
那些是书呆子 Those are nerds.
不知道这些人是什么 I don't know what they are.
这些人是他妈什么呢？ What the fuck are those things?
我现在发懵 I'm so confused right now.
哇 Whoa.
- 嗨 - 嗨 Hi. Hey.
- 嗨 - 早上好 Hey. Good morning.
嗨，嗨 Hey, yo. Hey.
- 你的车？ - 没错 Is that your car? Yeah.
一升油只跑16公里吧 What's that thing get, 10 miles to the gallon?
不，也就10公里吧 No, try, like, seven.
- 你的呢？ - 生物柴油的，哥们 What about you? Biodiesel, dawg.
味道像蛋卷 Smells like egg rolls.
没错 燃料是湖南餐厅炸东西剩下的油 Yeah, it does. Runs on leftover fry oil from Hunan Palace.
但我们还是尽量骑自行车 全球性危机什么的 But we try to ride bikes when we can. Global crisis and whatnot.
管他什么，我反正无所谓 Whatever, man. I don't care about anything.
对环境无所谓？ 你真他妈够呛 You don't care about the environment? That's kind of fucked up, man.
嗨嗨，都闭嘴行不行？ Hey, hey, will y'all shut the hell up?
我想看书，谢谢 I'm trying to study. Thanks.
瞧啊，他想 Look at him. He's trying.
他真的想，呆子 He's actually trying. What a nerd.
瞧这个呆子，瞧啊 Look at the nerd. Look at the nerd.
- 瞧啊，瞧这个呆子 - 你说谁是呆子？ Look at him. Look at the nerd. Who you calling a nerd, man?
对不起，来个… I'm sorry. What...
- 妈的 - 妈的，小子 Shit! Shit, dude.
你没事吧？太过分了吧？ 真打啊？ Are you okay, man? Hey, what the hell? Are you serious?
把你那同志音乐关了 Well, turn that gay-ass music off.
- 你揍我因为我是同志？ - 什么？ You punched me because I'm gay? What?
不是，好家伙 No. Oh, Come on.
这可不酷 That's not cool, man.
你真迟钝 That is really insensitive.
不是因为他是同志揍他 I didn't punch him because he's gay.
我揍了他之后才发现原来他是同志 I punched him, and then he happened to turn out to be gay afterwards.
- 你揍我时我已经是同志了 - 奇怪 I was gay when you punched me! In a weird way,
如果因为你是同志 他就不敢揍你的话 it might have been homophobic not to punch you
- 那就是同性恋恐惧症 - 对 just because you were gay. Right.
才上了一节课 就用拳头 You punched a little gay black kid in the face,
揍了一个黑人小同志的脸 你怎么解释？ and it's not even second period. How do you explain that?
迭喋先生，我很抱歉，我只是… Mr. Dadier, I'm so sorry about that. I just...
听着，说点跟你们有关的 Look, guys, I'm going to relate to you, okay?
那天有个孩子吸毒过量，死了 A kid died the other day from drugs,
没人，包括我在内 敢有任何作为 and nobody, including me, is doing anything about it.
很奇怪吧 That's weird, guys.
还剩30天 你们俩来了 And then you two show up, with 30 days left,
就在学校里闹事 causing trouble in my school.
再有一个黑人同性恋被揍 I am one more black gay kid getting punched in the face
我就精神崩溃了 明白了吗？ away from a nervous breakdown. Do I make myself clear?
如果你们再犯 You guys cross my line again,
再走进这间办公室 我就开除你们，明白了吗？ and you walk into this office, I'm going to expel you. You got me?
来吧，你们俩谁是道格？ All right, let's do this. Which one of you is Doug?
把你们俩当正常人 我再问一次 Let's do that again and pretend you guys aren't weird.
谁是道格？ Which one of you is named Doug?
- 傻瓜，我是布莱德 - 好啊 No, dude, I'm Brad. Okay, good.
这么说你是道格了，孩子 So that means your name is Doug, son.
- 对，我是道格 - 好 Yeah, I'm Doug. Great.
这是你们的课程表 Here are your class schedules.
奇怪，我也不想测你们的智力类型了 Funny, I wouldn't have taken you for the brainy type.
我不测了 但你爱好戏剧，也没什么奇怪的 I wouldn't. But you as a drama geek, far less surprising.
谢谢 Thank you.
我们把身份搞混了 你个笨蛋 Now we have the wrong identities, you dumb-ass.
戏剧课，我最不行了 都是女孩子的玩意，太让人为难了 I'm in drama. I suck at drama. It's girly and embarrassing.
上帝啊，放轻松些，谁在乎啊？ Oh, my God. Relax, dude. Who cares?
乐队练习和大学先求化学课 我还能装装，对付几周 I can fake my way through band practice and app chemistry for a few weeks.
先修化学，先修 天，你装不了 AP Chemistry. AP Chemistry. And, no, you can't,
连课程名称你他妈都不知道 because you don't even know what it's actually fucking called!
没事的 你上我的课，我上你的 It's going to be fine. You go to my classes, and I'm going to go to yours.
对了，化学说的是 形状什么的，对吧？ Okay, now, chemistry's the one with the shapes and shit, right?
妈的 Fuck.
今天，我们为《彼得潘》做试听选拔 So, we are going to hold auditions for the Peter Pan part today.
彼廉一定希望《彼得潘》能演下去 Billiam would've wanted the show to go on.
我年轻时 刚在纽约州当演员那会 When I was a young actor just starting out in New York state,
确切地说，是奥尔巴尼 Albany, to be exact,
- 我签了当地电视广告的约 - 嗨 I booked a local television commercial... Hey.
…扮演一个年轻人… ...In which I had to play a young man...
那孩子真倒霉，他满有天赋的 It's really sad about that kid. He was talented.
你是说，如果他没什么天赋 就不那么倒霉了？ So are you saying if he wasn't talented, it would be less sad?
不不不，我不是那意思 No. No, no, no, that's not what I meant.
我逗你蛋蛋呢 I was just busting your balls.
哦，好 Okay. Good.
我记得有一次 我跟威利尼尔森的马玩可卡因 I remember, one time, doing cocaine with Willie Nelson's horse,
我们玩得很高兴 and we were having so much fun.
后来发现，它死了 And then I realized that she was dead.
记得一年夏天 I remember one summer...
那个彼廉死了以后 Do kids still do this stuff?
孩子们还这么干？ Even after what happened to him?
大伙都说 彼廉心脏本来就有杂音 Everyone's saying that Billiam had a heart murmur.
我认识的人差不多都吸 但不关我的事 Pretty much everyone I know does it, but it's not my thing.
我也一样 It's not really my thing, either,
可我的一个哥们特想要 but a buddy of mine really wants it.
他想要的话，给谁打电话？ Who would he call if he wanted it?
也许你可以告诉你朋友 Well, you can tell your friend
如果他真的想要 that if he really wanted it,
其实找到并不难 it's not so hard to find.
什么时候吸最好 你根本就不应该吸 When to take it. He shouldn't have been taking it at all.
毒品有害 Drugs are bad.
但是他们在职业演员的 演艺生涯中占有一席之位 But they can have their place in the life of a professional actor.
- 谢谢你 - 不客气 Thank you. Oh, you're welcome.
注意区别 我说的是"职业演员" Notice the distinction. I said "professional actor."
能否碰面
新来的，短信先生 New person. Mr. Texty Texty.
既然你跟莫莉有那么多话要说 Since you have so much to say to Molly,
我们看看你能不能扮演彼得 和剧中的温迪配戏 let's see if you can be Peter to our Wendy.
你看着也许有点彼得的性格 You look like you might have a little Peter inside of you.
我不行 我当颗树之类的，也许还行 Uh, I can't. I'm fine just being a tree or something.
道格，你还没做 Doug, you never won't know
怎么能知道你不能做到 what you can't achieve before you don't achieve it.
我的意思是 My point is,
你必须做，每个人都要试试 you have to. Everyone auditions for Peter.
好吧 Yeah, sure.
水分子啊我最爱 My favorite molecule is water.
作我女友娶回来 I'd marry it, unless it was my daughter.
固体浮于液体上 它有多么不寻常 Its solid form floats on its liquid form, which makes it far outside the norm.
古时火星造生命 用它把车洗干净 It allowed life to form on ancient Mars, and we use it to wash our cars.
一氧化二氢 H2O.
一氧化二氢 H2O. H2O.
- 一氧化二氢 - 好了，谢谢 H2O It's okay. Thank you.
谢谢你扎克，真棒 Thank you, Zack. Whoo! So good.
还有谁来展示一下"分子星期一"？ All right, anybody else for Molecule Mondays? Anyone?
好，我们做抽查小测验 Okay. Time for a pop Quiznos.
小什么？ A What?
对不起 Oh, I'm sorry.
你叫什么？布莱德？ What is your name? Brad?
- 布莱德，老师 - 哇，这名字 Brad. Yes, ma'am. Wow. Look at you,
布，广布的布 Brad. Big.
Uh...
抽查小测验是什么呢 What is a pop Quiznos?
是一个小测验，最先做完的 获得奎滋餐厅的10块钱礼券 It's a quiz, and the first person who finishes gets a $10 gift certificate to Quiznos.
- 今天的题目是… - 你看着很大 Today's quiz is on... You look really old.
- 你留级了还是… - 没有，你看着很小 Were you held back or something or... No. You look super young.
跳级了？ Were you held forward?
我在法国上的学，所以… I went to school in France, so...
他们中学比这里多两年 多无聊 And they do, like, two extra years of middle school there. It's so lame.
法语，爱的语言 French, the language of love.
真酷，哥们，很高兴认识你 That's cool, man. It's nice to meet you also.
嗨 Hey.
好运 Good luck.
我有只乌鸦
& I've gotta crow
我是聪明绝顶的…
& I'm just the cleverest... &
停 Okay.
Um...
要不，找一首更酷的试试？ Maybe try one cooler.
快一点的 And faster.
大点声，唱好点 And louder. And better.
更有信心，更酷 And less insecure and more just cool.
5分钟后年鉴室见
这样，这歌挺好 Okay, yeah, those are great notes.
我得出去一下 I'm going to run outside,
我要好好唱这首歌 我会回来的 and I'm going to utilize those, and I'm going to come back.
共价键不同于离子键，在于？
a：你是白痴 b：不，我不是
c：你是，笨蛋 d：他妈的，测验
纯粹胡扯 It's such bullshit.
Oh.
哇，你好快 Wow. You're fast.
交卷快不算数 我得看一下 Not like that. Just, let me check you out.
看看你大腿 Let me check out your chest.
哦，看你答对…多少 Check out your test... Let me...
等我来评分 Let me grade your quiz.
施密特：大厅，立刻
我去大便行吗？ Um, can I go take a dump?
可以，真酷 Yeah, okay. That's cool.
我们有"速回"规定 Oh. We have this "hurry back" rule,
6分钟回不来 我就得让你去见校长 so if you're not back in six minutes, I have to send you to the principal.
规定不能违反 Rules are rules, so,
你得快点办大事 I guess this will have to be a quickie.
- 年鉴室在哪？ - 不知道 Which way is yearbook? I don't know.
- 这边？ - 不知道！ Is it this way? I don't know!
- 嗨 - 嗨 Yo. Hey.
你们啊？ You guys, huh?
Um...
今天早晨的事 纯粹是误会 That was a total mix-up, what happened earlier.
- 是啊 - 他很内疚，很… Yeah. He feels awful. He feels...
绝对，特不安 Totally, very nervous.
你是贩子？ You're the dealer?
- 你？ - 是你？ You're the dealer guy? Is that you?
是 Yep.
自己做的还是… So do you make the stuff or...
我看着像他妈的科学家吗？ 不，我只管卖 Do I look like a fucking scientist? No, I just sell it.
- 哦，他只管卖 - 哦，抱歉 Yeah, he just sells it Come on. Yeah, no, I'm sorry.
- 我是说… - 你们想要多少？ I meant I just... How many you guys want?
20块一份 20 bucks a pop.
一份？就一份？ One each? One pop each of drugs.
不是缉毒的吧？ You guys aren't narcs, are you?
咳！ Whoa!
- 小子，说啥呢 - 没准你是 Dude, come on. No! Maybe you're a narc.
知道什么人把缉毒的叫特警吗？ You know who calls people narcs?
缉毒探子 Narcs, narc.
你的说法首先就不成立 First of all, your argument kind of just collapsed on itself,
你要是把我们叫探子 because if you call us narcs,
而探子也说别人是探子 你说我们是探子，这有点… if narcs call people narcs, and you call us narcs, then that's kind of...
- 因为你刚才说的 - 他们说… 'Cause you just said that. They call people...
听着，没时间听你们废话 你们到底要不要？ Look, I don't have time for this shit. You guys want to do this or not?
- 天 - 要 Jesus. Yes.
- 要，要 - 没问题 Yes, yes. No problem.
好吧，在这吃，证明你们真的酷 All right, take it here so I know you're cool.
啊？什么？ I'm sorry. What?
- 我们想带回家的 - 我还得回教室呢 We were going to take it home. I gotta go back to class,
- 很麻烦的 - 我是想回家吃的时候 is the only thing. I was thinking that I was going to go home,
把灯光调暗 maybe turn down the lights,
舒舒服服地爽一下 getting snuggy, get a little weird.
我是想吃了以后 噜噜管 I was going to take it, and then masturbate later.
我没让你干 现在吃，要不就滚蛋 Okay, I'm not asking. Take it now or get the fuck out.
午饭前我得把女子排球队页面弄完 I got to finish the girls' volleyball page by lunch.
行吗？ Yeah?
行，没问题 Yeah, no, it's all good.
- 我喜欢在学校吃 - 我从这里打开 I love doing drugs at school. I'll just take the drugs right here,
放嘴里 in our mouths.
对，就这样 There you go. That's it.
Mmm. Mmm.
这是什么口味？烧烤型还是清凉型？ What is that? Barbecue? Cool Ranch?
爽去吧 Have fun.
- 得用手指勾 - 好 You got to pull the trigger! Okay.
用手指勾出来 You got to pull the trigger!
- 你得吐出来 - 吐不出来 We got to throw up, man. I can't.
一定要吐，彼廉就死了 必须吐出来 We gotta throw up. That kid, Billiam, died. We got to throw up.
想想恶心的事 让你想吐的 Just think of something gross. Think of something gross.
- 你他妈快想点恶心的 - 好吧，好吧 You fucking think of something. Okay, all right, all right.
你奶奶的穴里有个屌 Your grandma's vagina, and there's a dick going into it.
你他妈说啥呢？ 不知道，帮你嘛 What the fuck are you saying? I don't know! I'm just trying!
- 我想帮你嘛！ - 靠！快！ I'm trying my best! I'm just trying! Fuck! Come on, man!
咱们互相用手指勾 Dude, let's just finger each other's mouths.
不！ 来吧 No! Yeah.
你手指不能进我嘴 No, you're not fingering my mouth.
- 你想死吗？想死吗？ - 好吧！ Do you wanna die? Do you wanna die? Okay, fine!
来吧，来！ Let's go. Come on. Come on! Come on!
你干嘛呢？ 找我的G点啊？ What are you doing? Are you trying to find my G-spot?
- 伸进去！ - 不知道，没干过！ Just stick it in! I don't know. I've never done this before!
捅进去！捅！ Just stick it in! Go!
你他妈指甲太长了！ Cut your fucking fingernails!
天！ Oh, God!
是我吗？ Is it me?
对不起 I'm sorry.
我吐不出来 I just can't sometimes.
我想我们没事 我一点感觉都没有 Think we're going to be fine. I don't feel anything.
我也是 Me, neither.
咳，咳，咳！ Hey! Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
你们俩在楼道里 疯子似的乱跑，有许可证吗？ You got a pass for running around the hallways like a couple of ding-a-lings?
在你手里呢 Pass, in your hand.
哈 Hello.
该死，你们俩迟到了 Oh, damn. You guys are late.
我得把你们交给校长办公室 Now I'm going to have to take you to the principal's office.
- 别别别，求你了，对不起 - 求你了 No, no, no, man. Come on, please. Sorry. Come on, please.
你肌肉真棒啊 年轻人 You have exceptional muscle tone there, young man.
你什么时候开始发育的？ 7、8岁？ When'd you go through puberty? Like, at seven or something?
你看着像20几岁的 搞什么名堂 You look like you're in your mid-20s, for crying out loud.
麦奎德？道格·麦奎德 McQuaid, huh? Doug McQuaid.
我看了你档案 I read your file.
你确实很特别哈，小伙子 You got a lot of something special going on there, young man.
那是干什么？见鬼，小崽子！ What the hell was that? God damn it, son!
别再那样举手，行不行？ Don't ever raise your hand to me like that again, all right?
我以为是威胁 I consider that a threat.
我是说我才是道格 I was just saying that I'm Doug.
我是道格·麦奎德，他是布莱德 I'm Doug McQuaid. See, that's Brad.
他是布莱德 That's Brad.
你是新来的那个 全郡最棒的田径选手？ You're the new kid who's All County in track?
是，道格·麦奎德 Yes, I'm Doug McQuaid,
田径明星，这位是布莱德 理科天才 the track star, and this is Brad, the science prodigy.
他真的很快 He's really fast.
第一阶段： 傻笑
可笑吗？ Is this funny to you guys?
第二阶段： 极度亢奋
那，你是道格，你是道格，你是道格 So you're Doug.
你是道格，你是道格 You're Doug. You're Doug.
这样吧 Here's the deal.
我们田径队 尽是些体能残废 My track team is full of physically incapable rejects.
我是说，如果我是教练 看到他们那笨样子 I mean, if I wasn't the coach, I'd be laughing my ass off
会笑掉大牙 可我还就是教练 at how spastic they are, but I am the coach,
所以我需要你 so I need you.
我叫道格·麦奎德 I need me some Doug McQuaid.
明白吗？ Understand?
我需要你在今天运动会上 跑接力的最后一棒 I need you to run anchor on the 4 X 400 at today's track meet.
你答应的话，我就给你在许可证上签字 You do that, and I'll sign this pass.
别让我丢脸 Don't blow on me, son.
我没训练过 I haven't trained.
你们不愿意去校长办公室吧 Guys, don't make me take you to the principal's office.
说好的，对吧？ Do we have a deal?
对 Yes.
好 Nice.
我不喜欢那样子 把舌头放回嘴里 I don't like that. Put your tongue back in your mouth.
放回嘴里，闭上 Put your tongue in your mouth, and close it.
你干嘛？别这样 What are you doing? Stop it.
倒也不难看 Actually, that's not bad.
好吧，给你 All right, here you go.
你们吸毒了？ Are you guys on drugs?
好 Okay.
稀有矿物的一个微粒 与通量电容器发生核反应 One particle of Unobtainium has a nuclear reaction with a flux capacitor.
这里进位，把原子的 等中子异位素改变为放射性蜘蛛人 Carry the two, changing its atomic isotoner into a radioactive spider.
物理，去你妈的！ Fuck you, science!
第三阶段： 过分自信
好了，好了，我们好了 All right, all right, we're good. Whoo!
我们好了，好了，我们好了 We're good. We're good, man. We're good.
我们好了，宝贝 We're good, baby. Whoo!
干得好，弹前奏 Good work. Hit that shit.
我有只乌鸦
& I've gotta crow
& I'm just the cleverest fellow
我是聪明绝顶的娃
这等幸运我无法表达
& 'Twas ever my fortune to know
& I taught a trick to my shadow
我教会影子变戏法
& To stick to the tip of my toe
让它不离我的脚丫
& I've gotta crow
我有只乌鸦
我有只
& I've gotta
乌鸦
& Crow! &
克里斯托弗，有感觉吗？ Christoph, did you feel that?
你是谁？ Who are you?
欢迎加入，彼得 Welcome aboard, Peter.
第四阶段： 超级疯狂
别停，继续！ Whoo! No, keep it going!
继续，刚才很紧凑 Keep it going. That was so tight!
不不，继续，继续 No, no, no, keep it going. Keep it going.
好啦，开始，麦奎德！ All right, let's go, McQuaid!
好！没问题！ All right! Yeah!
我喜欢，喜欢你这种自信！ I like it! I like the confidence, son!
我知道你们都看过这个 I know y'all seen this shit before. I know you've seen this shit before.
远远领先！远远领先！我们能赢，好的 Huge lead! Huge lead! We got this. All right.
你好兴奋 You're looking amped!
他来了 Here we go.
他来了！来了！ Here we go! Here we go!
嗨，加速！ Hey, pick it up!
嗨，麦奎德，加速啊 你在干嘛？ Hey, no, McQuaid, pick it up. What are you doing?
干嘛呢？加… What are you doing? Pick it...
啊？麦奎德！ What? McQuaid!
别扔接力棒啊，你个蠢货！ Don't throw the baton, you jackass!
天啊！ Come on!
麦奎德！ McQuaid!
往那边跑！ Run that way!
去你妈的迈尔斯·戴维斯！ Spike that! Fuck you, Miles Davis!
来啊，奶奶的，咱们继续练！ Let's go, God damn it! Let's do this!
练啊，练起来！ Let's go! Come on!
噢，天啊 Oh, my God.
不不 No, no.
别这样 No, stop.
过来，过来 Come here. Come here.
别拿它当… Don't make a...
接力棒阳物 That is a baton penis.
第五阶段：精疲力尽
说曹操，曹操到！ Oh, speak of the devil!
哥们，你就这么把运动会给毁了 太了不起了 Dude, that was awesome how you sabotaged that track meet, man.
体育就是法西斯 让我恶心 Organized sports are so fascist. It makes me sick.
所以我毁了它 That's just what I do.
靠，回头见哈？ Okay. Shit, man. See you around, all right?
我不明白这学校 I don't get this school.
你干得很漂亮 That was awesome.
为了做这个，我们一宿没睡 Okay, so we stayed up all night making this.
非常棒，你会喜欢的 It's awesome. You're really going to like it.
所有故事线索都是延科做的 All yarn work was done by Jenko.
队长，是这样 毒贩都是学生名人 Okay, Captain, look, the dealers are the popular kids,
不是一般地受欢迎 but they're not normal popular.
他们的生活方式都很健康 让人们相信 They're these crunchy granola dudes that have convinced everyone
他们很酷，但真的不酷 that they're cool, and they're not cool.
这是倒退，违反自然 必须禁止 It's backwards and unnatural, and it's got to be stopped.
毒贩头是艾里克·默尔森 别名是领头大哥 Lead dealer, Eric Moison. Alpha dog.
惊艳女郎、轻松时尚 (今年) Sick chicks, killer steeze.
组织了艾滋病募捐 Did the AIDS run this year.
还被伯克利提前录取 He's getting into Berkeley, early admish,
而且他完全理解我 and he totally gets me.
这都是谁编的？你抑郁症啊？ Who put this together? Are you autistic?
是有点艺术，长官，因为 It is artistic, sir, because the thing is,
- 这故事暗示… - 我们正在列一个学校里 the yarn actually indicates... We're compiling a list
怀疑对象清单 吸毒者的名单在这 of suspicious types at school. The users are here.
这孩子今天早晨冲着一棵树说话 This kid was actually talking to a tree this morning.
少说废话！ Cut the bullshit!
我想知道供货的是谁 I want to know who's the supplier.
我们不知道 所以这张脸有个问号 We don't know. That's why there's a question mark on his face.
他的脸并不是这样 这只是个问号 That's not the way his face looks. That's just a question mark.
打入毒品贩内部，找出供货商 Infiltrate the dealers, find the supplier.
简单 Simple.
听着好像你们已经成功破案了 Sounds like you guys really cracked the whole case.
干得棒，激情满怀的 Great job. You guys are on fire.
- 为你们骄傲 - 好像你比我们强？ So proud. Like you could do any better?
我们刚拿下一帮恶棍 We just brought down a group of wannabe thugs
他们在加菲尔德高中 铁匠实习间里拆汽车 stripping down cars in the Garfield High metal shop.
- 什么？ - 这段时间你们俩闲坐一边 What? Meanwhile, you two were standing around
互相"蹼蹼地"抠屁眼 finger-popping each other's assholes.
我们没互相"蹼蹼地"抠屁眼 We're not finger-popping each other's assholes.
我们是完成任务 What we're doing is getting shit done.
对，其实 Yeah, as a matter of fact,
我正准备潜入一个 I'm about to infiltrate a super high-tech
在化学教室里的超级高科技毒品生产圈 drug manufacturing ring in the chemistry classroom.
理科 辅导
- 口令！ - 开门！ Password! Open the door!
- 你得用口令 - 抱歉，什么？ You have to say the password. I'm sorry. What?
你干什… What are you...
好家伙 Geez.
你们在干什么？ 你们哪来的钥匙？ What are y'all doing? How'd you get a key in here?
格里格丝先生给了一把 以便我们能干活、辅导、处理爆丸 Ms. Griggs gave us one so we could work, tutor, deal Bakugan.
爆丸？你做毒品生意？ Bakugan? You dealing drugs?
- 我看看，弄毒品？ - 不 Let me see. You dealing drugs? No.
只是个卡片游戏 一种混合卡片游戏 It's just a card game. It's, like, a hybrid card game.
- 看？打开了 - 爆丸 See? They open up. Battle Brawlers.
- 没做违法的事？ - 没有 You're not doing anything illegal? No.
- 你干什么来了？ - 我来看书 What are you doing in here? I'm here to study.
好，你能用这个教室 你落后很多，所以 Good. You could use it. You're pretty far behind, so...
你才落后，我超前呢 You're behind. I'm ahead.
- 我什么都知道 - 真的？ I know everything. Really?
什么是共价键？ What's a covalent bond?
你他妈的，我没必要告诉你 Fuck you, man. I don't need to tell you.
我不是有意冒犯，对不起 I wasn't trying to be rude. Sorry.
只是，我觉得你不可能什么都知道 I just... I don't think you know everything.
我无所不知 I know everything.
好吧 Okay.
这所学校里的人 对共价键有什么狗屁说法？ What kind of bullshit do they say about a covalent bond in this school?
他们说共价键 是两个原子共享它们的电子 They say it's when two atoms share both their electrons.
这样能帮助它们粘合在一起 It helps them to stick together.
如果你愿意，我可以帮你 做考前辅导 I could help you out if you want, tutor you for the test.
你那些电话干什么用的？ What are you doing with all those phones anyway?
我破解孩子们的电话 为上大学攒点钱 I crack and jailbreak kids' phones to try and save for college.
我可以换掉无线服务 让他们用受限制的软件 You know, I switch their wireless carriers, get them restricted apps.
你能偷听电话？ Can you listen in on phone calls and stuff?
不不，遥控电话我无法装间谍软件 No, no, I can't install a spyware to remotely monitor calls
不能偷听麦克拾音 or anything that the mic picks up.
- 我做不到 - 等等，你做不到？ I can't do that at all. Wait, you can't do it?
做不到 No, I can't.
- 他讽刺人呢吧？ - 不知道 Is he being sarcastic? I don't know.
这么说你做得到 So you can.
喜欢漫画的人很受欢迎 Liking comic books is popular.
我有环保意识，很宽容 Environmental awareness, being tolerant.
如果晚出生10年 我会是历史上最酷的人 If I was just born 10 years later, I would have been the coolest person ever.
我知道，都是胡扯 I know. It's bullshit.
知道吗 You know what?
我完全知道起因 I totally know the cause.
他妈的Glee Glee. Fuck you, Glee.
伙计，我倒是觉得挺不错 Man, I got to say, this is kind of awesome.
我可能会小有名气 也许能混进名人学生堆里 I might become popular. I might get in with the popular kids.
我们需要做点很不负责任的事 好赢得他们的信任 We just have to do something wildly irresponsible to earn their trust.
我们来次聚会？ You saying we should throw a party?
我会邀请莫莉 然后她就会邀请艾里克 I'll invite Molly, and then Molly will invite Eric,
要跟艾里克混熟 这个法子最快 and that'll be the quickest way for me to bro down with him.
如果我们俩都混进名人圈 不是更好？ Wouldn't it be better if we both infiltrated the cool kids' group?
我想如果你混进书呆子圈 I think it would be better if you get in
会更好 看看他们在干什么 with the nerdy kids and see what's going on over there.
这样对破案最为有利 That'd be the best thing for the case.
嗯，也许有道理 Yeah. I mean, I guess that makes sense.
- 喂？ - 嗨，是莫莉吗？ Hello? Hey. Is this Molly?
是我 Speaking.
我是施密特 Hey. It's Schmidt.
道格施密戈麦奎德 It's Doug Schmug McQuaid.
嗨，你好 Oh. Hey, man.
你给我打电话真是奇了 It's so weird that you're calling me.
除了偶尔给年长的亲戚打电话 我一般都用短信 I pretty much text except for when a random old relative calls.
我打电话是因为 我们又要做这个戏剧的搭档了 Uh I was just calling 'cause we're costarring in this play together,
- 而且… - 喂？ - and... - Hello?
妈，放下电话！ Mom, get off the phone!
对不起，道格 Oh. Sorry, Doug,
- 我的高中生 - 妈！ my teen son. Mom!
我爱你，宝贝，道基 道格，道格拉斯·麦奎德 I love you, honey, Dougie Doug, Douglas McQuaid.
妈，我在谈正经事！别说了！ Mom, so serious right now! Stop!
对不起，我妈真讨厌 I'm sorry. My mom's such a dick.
她太爱我了 让我觉得自己是5岁的小孩 Ugh! She just, like, smothers me with affection and makes me feel like I'm five years old.
哇，你还谈个人私事，我喜欢 Wow. You're a sharer. I dig that.
我都18岁了 我妈还每天给我准备午饭呢 Well, I'm 18 years old, and my mom still packs a lunch for me every day.
有一次，她一个月之内给我买了43个绒毛动物玩具 There was this one month where she bought me 43 stuffed animals.
医生都怀疑 我会长出阴道来 The doctor thought I was gonna spontaneously grow a vagina.
我声明，我没长哈 I didn't, though, just to be clear.
因为你早就有 Yeah, because you already had one.
没错，早就有 Exactly. I already had one.
你不需要有两个 没必要 And you don't need two vaginas. You just don't.
不过你可以把一个当硬币钱包用 Although you could use one as a coin purse.
我这些年就没有绒毛动物 I never got any stuffed animals growing up.
等等，不对，我有过 Oh, wait, actually, that's not true. I did.
我爸离开我们那天 送我一只绒毛狗 My dad gave me a stuffed puppy the day he bailed on us.
我瞎说呢 I'm just fucking with you.
这玩笑开的 That is a weird joke.
我还以为你爸弃家而逃了呢 I thought your dad abandoned your family.
没有，不过他出走过 No, he did walk out on us, though. Oh.
那次连只绒毛狗都没给我 But he didn't even leave me a stuffed puppy.
只留下破碎的梦 Just broken dreams.
天，我想，我是说 Oh, man. Well, I guess, to that, I would say,
嗯 well, uh,
还是有好人的 that there are some good guys out there,
我不会让，你知道，记忆中 and I wouldn't let, you know, one experience
一旦有阴影 taint your memory.
啊，天啊 Oh, my God.
你硬咽了？ 对不起，我让你难过了 Are you getting choked up? I'm sorry if I made you upset.
没有，只是 我不喜欢男人欺负女人 No, it's just, you know, I don't like when guys are mean to girls.
是啊，谢谢你 Yeah. Well, thanks.
换个话题 Normal transition here.
下周末我这有个聚会 你应该过来 Actually, I'm having a party next weekend. You should come!
你、艾里克、尤瑞尔，等等 You and Eric and Juario, whatever.
我把消息放脸谱网上 你不介意吧？ Do you mind if I just put, like, a posting on Facebook?
好吧，好！ Okay. Yeah, yeah!
我回头再打给你 I should call you back.
好吧，学校见 你真棒 Well, all right, I'll see you at school. You're a great person.
- 再见 - 再见 Bye-bye. Bye, Bye.
你他妈的干什… What the fuck are you...
你们要聚会？ Are y'all throwing a party?
- 什么？ - 微博上早有风声了 What? There's rumors in the Twittersphere.
如果我的部下 And if any of my officers
给未成年人喝酒 让我抓着 are caught giving alcohol to minors,
咱就监狱见 they'll find theyself in prison
用胶布把潜水通气管缠他嘴上 with a snorkel duct-taped to they mouth
我会在管子口上拉屎 and me shitting down that snorkel.
形象生动，谢谢 That's extremely vivid. Thank you.
你们是最棒的，最棒的 You're the best. You are the best.
- 天啊 - 我们爱你们 Oh, my God. We love you.
- 祝愉快 - 你们乖 Enjoy the vineyard. You boys be good, now.
会的，简直不相信 你们俩对我们这么好 Yeah, I can't believe you guys did this for us.
再见！ Bye!
"我们爱你们"？你说啥？ 跟我妈说"我爱你"？ "We love you"? What are you doing? Why you saying "I love you" to my mom?
- 角色扮演，闭嘴 - 怪 I'm in character. Shut up. It's weird.
看呐，哥们，我们真的像兄弟了 Look, dude, it's kind of like we're brothers.
等等，你怎么买酒？ Wait, how are we going to buy alcohol?
小子，我可没有假身份 Dude, I don't have a fake ID.
酒
怎么弄到毒品？ How are we going to get drugs for the party?
天 Oh, no.
证据扣留处
一磅可卡因 We got a pound of coke.
我们只是让他们快活一下 可没想要他们的命 We're trying to show them a good time, not ruin their fucking lives.
一磅大麻？ Pound of marijuana?
- 这聚会真绝了 - 呜啦！ Best party ever. Boo-yah!
混合物
布莱德延科 聚会集锦
为我们的绝妙主意 To a brilliant idea
为我衷心热爱的 from my brilliant brother
非凡的兄弟 that I love so very much.
这次一定会很棒 And this is going to fucking rock.
- 干杯 - 干杯 Cheers, man. Cheers.
- 谁邀请你们的？ - 我！ Who invited you guys? I did!
来对地方了！ The party's here!
- 还好吧，扎克？ - 嗨，哥们 What's up, Zack? Hey, buddy.
你好吗，罗曼？ What's up, Roman?
这太疯狂了 这是我参加过的最疯狂的聚会 This is crazy. This is, like, the craziest thing I've ever been a part of.
艾里克呢？他说会来的 Where is Eric, man? He said he'd be here.
土豆片还够吗？ Do we have enough chips?
这串音乐是不是太像舞曲了？ Is this playlist too dance-y?
- 感觉是 - 舞曲？ Feels too dance-y. Too dance-y?
- 你说什么呢？ - 不知道，觉得节奏太强 What are you talking about? I don't know, it just feels dance-y.
你们在干什么？ Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. What are you doing?
- 那是我妈的高高飘丽花瓶 - 给我，给我 That's my mom's Kokopelli vase. I got it, I got it.
道格，道格，嗨！ Doug, Doug, hey!
嗨，莫莉小影星 Hey, Paul Blart: Molly Cop.
这玩笑太臭了 Such a bad joke.
臭，臭 Terrible, terrible.
- 都认识吧？ - 认识 You guys know each other, right? Yeah.
准备好，准备好，艾里克来了 等候暗号 Get ready, get ready, there's Eric. Wait for the signal.
你这一出场 就像十足的大明星 And then you come in here looking like a rock-solid 10.
什么？ What?
嗨，哥们，还好吧？ What's up, man, how you doing?
酷毙了 Eco Suave.
哇 Whoa.
哇，我好喜欢这布置 Wow, so I'm really digging this decor.
特有土著印第安的味道 Very Native American.
是啊，我父母 Yeah, our parents are actually
- 特喜欢土著印… - 来舞舞吧 really into Native American... Let's rock and roll.
- 抱歉 - 你们都在干什么？ - Sorry. - What are y'all doing?
- 得了 - 你们看见艾里克了吗？ Come on. Did you guys even see Eric?
你真的没看见？ Seriously, did you not see Eric?
无意冒犯哈，你弟太差劲 No offense, man, but your brother sucks.
这聚会太没劲 一个名人都没有 Yo, this is butt. There's, like, no hot dudes here.
- 咱们撤吧 - 我们走了哈 Man, let's bounce. We're out of here, man.
别别，你们才刚到 没多久 No, no, no, come on, you guys just got here, you just got here.
别走，至少让我带你们转转 Come on, let me at least give you a tour.
大家快点，我们以前干过 没问题，快弄 Okay, boys, come on, we did it, we can do this, just go,
越快越好 just go as fast as you possibly can.
把SIM卡取出 Taking out the SIM card. Taking out the SIM card.
用SIM卡上的信息 拿下艾里克
& Taking down Eric with the SIM card information &
快，拿出犯罪证据 Come on, CSI the shit out of this thing.
- 喝多了？ - 没 Are you drunk? No.
以前喝醉过吗？ Have you even been drunk before?
- 没有，但… - 给我 No, but?Give me this.
- 干嘛？ - 来几个妹子，行吗？ What? Can we get some bitches up in here?
现在都是秃小子 'Cause it's just boys right now.
不行，不能招妹子来 No, you can't get any bitches up here.
这是我父母的房间 This is my parents' bedroom.
- 靠，哥们，给点隐私！ - 他妈的！他妈的！ What the fuck, bro? Some privacy! Shit, shit, shit!
这个一对二，可不咋地 And that is a really gross three-way.
后面那女孩在干什么？ But what was the girl in the back doing?
大型少年聚会 Warehouse rave in Ellsworth.
酷吧 Cool, yeah.
嗨，哥们，谢谢你的热情款待 Hey, man, thank you for the hospitality,
但我们真的得走了 你知道的，对吧？ but we got to get going. You know how it is, yeah?
我还蒙在鼓里呢 Dude, tell me about it.
好了吗？他马上撤了 Is it ready? He's gonna leave right now.
正在提取 It's extracting right now.
呆子，勿失良机，好没好啊？ Dude, it's now or never! Is it ready or not?
你看 "请稍候，正在提取信息" Read this. "Please wait. Extracting data from SIM card."
靠！吹了 Shit! It's a bust.
- 随便点 - 好 - Keep it casual. - Yeah.
- 顺其自然 - 酷 Go with the flow, dude. Cool, man.
- 我不喜欢计划 - 没错 I don't like to make plans or whatever. You got it.
- 谢谢你 - 行了 Thank you again, though, man. All right.
艾里克，艾里克，嗨，还好吗？ Eric, Eric, Eric. Hey, man, what's up?
斯格特，你来这干什么？ Hey, why you here, Scott?
肯尼迪中学今晚没有聚会？ What, Kennedy High isn't having any parties tonight?
没有，我听说你们跟新来的聚会 No, I heard you guys were partying with some new stuff.
想认识一下你的朋友 我和我的兄弟们也好掺合 Wanted to know your hookup so me and my boys can get in on it.
在这方面我另有承诺 所以，你知道… Got other commitments on that front, so, you know...
我没求你 I wasn't asking.
咳，咳，咳，行了 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
歇会，歇会，让我来，我能处理好 Take five, take five, man, let me get this. I got this.
- 是吗？有把握？ - 没问题 Yeah? You sure? I got this one.
嗨，大腕，我还不知道你是谁呢 Hey, big player, I don't know who you are.
- 我是谁无所谓 - 我担心啊 Don't worry about who I am. I'm worried about it.
- 为什么？ - 因为你来我这聚会 Why? 'Cause you're at my party right now, dude.
这是我的神庙 我在这找到平静，猪 This is my temple, this is where I come to find peace, dawg,
你上这来 就像瓷器店里情绪激动的蛮牛 and you're coming in here like an emotional bull in a china shop,
就好象到处碰碎花瓶 把我的朋友圈搅得一团糟 metaphorically knocking over vases, messing with my crew,
我就得说："什么啊，斯格特 什么啊，斯格特？" and I'm like, "What, Scott, what, Scott, what, what, what, what, Scott?"
- 这是聚会？ - 是啊 It's that kind of party? Yeah, dude.
说实在的，还真是有点热呢 Matter of fact, it's getting hot in here, huh?
- 别，还较真了 - 真较真了 No, it's getting real. It's getting very real.
对，就像真实故事中 七个陌生人同住一个屋檐下 Yeah. It's like seven strangers living in one house. True story.
- 你要Real World？ - 没错，来吧 You want Real World? Yeah, let's do it, man.
- 来吧，你的Real - 这呢 Come on. What's your Real... Here's Real World.
怎么了？听见了吗？ What was that? Did you hear that?
够真实的吧？ Real enough for you?
施密特，道格 Schmidt. Doug.
- 我该怎么办？ - 揍他！ What do I do? Hit him!
妈的！比他揍我还疼！ Shit! That hurt worse than when he hit me!
正规点 Fight normal.
你，我说真的 Yo, I'm serious.
对不起 Sorry.
- 我他妈宰了你！ - 对不起！真对不起！ I'll fucking kill you! I'm sorry! I'm very sorry!
真的，动口别动手，动口别动手！ Seriously, use your words, use your words!
我踢了他蛋蛋 I kicked him in the nuts.
不打了，混蛋！不打了！不打了！ Fight's over, dude! Fight's over! Fight's over!
呀，小心我妈的东西 No, watch my mom's shit, man!
- 我他妈宰了你 - 你把我妈的花瓶砸碎了！ I'm gonna fucking kill you! You'll knock over my mom's vase!
- 去你妈的花瓶 - 去他妈的！ Fuck your mom's vase! Fuck this!
该死！ Oh, shit!
好啊！ Yeah!
瞧我哥！ That's my brother!
- 简直太疯了！ - 你真酷毙了！ That was insane! You're so cool!
你们看见了吗？太疯狂了 Did you see that shit? That was crazy.
哦，该死 Oh, shit,
我什么时候被刺的？ when did I get stabbed?
太了不起了 That's awesome.
好！ Yeah!
那是警察吗？ Is that a cop?
在哪儿？ Where?
不，不是，给你 No, it's not. Here.
我真高兴我们回去拿手机 Oh, I'm so glad we're going back to get my phone.
就怕吵醒施密特 I just hope we don't wake up Schmidty.
天，他都是警察了 Oh, my God, he's a policeman now.
好像我们跟缉毒特警住一起似的 It's like we're living with a narc.
这孩子是天使 The boy is an angel.
拔出来！ Pull it out!
拔出来！拔出来！拔出来！ Pull it out! Pull it out! Pull it out!
对不起啦！ Sorry!
Aw...
好，喝几口厉害的 Okay, let's take some shots.
喝几口！ Shots, shots!
那就像不带套 跟大地做爱 That's like us fucking Mother Earth without a condom.
& In the club, party rock
& Lookin' for your girl? She on my jock
& Huh, nonstop when we in the spot
& Booty move away like she on the block
& Tight jeans, tattoo 'cause I'm rock and roll
& Hey & Party rock is in the house tonight
& Whoo! & Everybody just have a good time
& Yeah
& And we gonna make you lose your mind
& Everybody just have a good time
& Let's go
& Party rock is in the house tonight
& Everybody just have a good time... &
他妈的怎么回事？ What the fuck is going on?
安妮，等等 Annie, hang on.
你们他妈的耍我吗？ Are you fucking kidding me?
滚出去，我说了滚！ 聚会结束了！ Get out of my house. I said get out! The party's over!
对不起，妈，对不起！ I'm sorry, Mom, I'm sorry!
妈妈来了！ The mom is coming!
- 听我说！ - 冷静！冷静！ Listen to me! Chill out! Chill out!
- 放开我！ - 朋友面前 Let go of me! SCHMIDT: You're embarrassing me
- 你让我好难堪 - 回来，混蛋！ in front of my friends! Get back here, you shit!
哥们，太疯狂了 Dude, that was so crazy, man.
我发誓，多年来这是最棒的聚会 I swear, best party I've been to in years.
哥们，我就是这么疯的 Dude, I'm doing crazy stuff like that,
- 一直都这样 - 绝对的 like, all the time, man. I bet you are.
哥们，我太兴奋了，天啊！ Dude, I'm so amped right now, God!
哥们，我喜欢你 You, dude, I like you, man.
想挣点外快吗？ How do you feel about making a little extra money?
不管是啥，算我一个 Whatever it is, I'm in.
好，这样 All right, here's the deal.
我一个人卖不完那么多 但我只拉我喜欢的人进来 Okay, I can't sell all this shit on my own, but I only bring in people I like.
你做得好 或许我也把你拉进来 Okay, you do good, maybe we bring you in on what we're doing,
我介绍你加入我的圈子 怎么样？ I introduce you to my hookup. How's that sound?
- 我没问题 - 老弟 Cool with me. My man.
这才是我的老弟 That is my man...
真见鬼，找不到你们了 That was nuts. I lost you guys.
嗨，再次谢谢你的聚会，哥们 Um... Hey, thank you again for the party, man.
唷，唷 Yo, yo.
开始了！ Come on!
"我爱屌"？ I love dick"?
你觉得好玩吗？ You think that's funny?
"Wonder Years傻蛋"？ "Wonder Years douche"?
给一个8岁的孩子嘴上 What kind of a sick animal draws
画个射精的阳物 这是什么样的病态动物啊？ an ejaculating penis into an 8-year-old's mouth?
也可能是飞机吐白线 It's arguably, like, an airplane throwing up.
你以为我不认识阳物和蛋蛋啊？ You think I don't know that's a dick and balls?
我清楚得很！ I know all about dick and balls!
我参加过小罗伯特唐尼的晚会 后来他才清醒 I partied with Robert Downey Jr. before he got sober,
那时他喝得一塌糊涂 还胡来！ when he was really fucked up and a lot of fun!
知道吗？ 从现在起，你们得做家务 You know what? From now on, you're gonna do some chores.
要洗衣服、叠衣服 You're gonna wash the laundry, you're gonna fold it,
要刷碗、剪草坪 you're gonna do the dishes, you're gonna mow the lawn...
哥们，我给你个惊喜 Dude, I have a surprise for you.
聚会时，我拿了艾里克的手机 Last night at the party, I took Eric's phone
我让扎克放了一个监视器 and I had Zack put this monitoring device in it,
那杂种的什么事 我们都能听清楚了 so we're gonna get to hear every single thing that little prick is up to.
哥们，我不知道这主意好不好 Dude, I don't know if that was a good idea.
什么？ What?
- 你被发现了怎么办？ - 但有效 What if you had gotten found out? But it worked.
这是我们最聪明的一步棋 This is, like, the smartest move I've ever pulled,
对不起 你为什么这么生我的气？ so, I'm sorry, what are you getting mad at me for?
我没生你的气 你有些事做，我高兴 I'm not getting mad at you. I'm glad you have something to do.
很好 Good.
& Straight outta Compton, Crazy motherfucker named Ice Cube
怎么样啊？ What's up?
& From the gang called Niggaz with Attitudes
& When I'm called off, I got a sawed-off
& Squeeze the trigger and bodies are hauled off
干得好，施密特 Great job, Schmidt.
& Straight outta Compton
& Another crazy-ass nigga
& More punks I smoke, yo, my rep gets bigger
& I'm a bad motherfucker and you know this
& But the pussy-ass niggas won't show this &
- 口令！ - 跪拜萨德！ Password! Kneel before Zod!
你可以进来了 You may enter.
谢谢萨德 Thank you, Zod.
我们来窃听一下？ Let's tap that wire, huh?
我们正要带化学药品出去 We were just about to go outside with a bunch of chemicals.
试验一下那种能爆炸 We were going to test what blows up.
你窃听的事没那么紧急吧？ There's no reason the wiretap is super urgent, right?
想不出紧急的理由 Not that I can think of that would make sense.
加点，加点 Go for it, go for it.
- 小心 - 快跑！快！ Look out. Go, go, go!
对了！ Yes!
对了，这就是我说的！ Yes, that's what I'm talking about!
这就是我说的！ That's what I'm talking about!
我喜欢他娘的理科！ I love this science shit!
你们整天就干这个？ 再来一次 This is what you guys do all day? Let's do it again.
去你妈的 警察
道格 我的彼得潘服装…太露了吧？
试试雄壮的：
城市购物中心
给莫莉发短信？ Are you texting Molly?
什么？ Uh, what?
我没…莫莉… I don't... Molly, uh...
也许，怎… Maybe. Is that...
哇，酷，哥们，别不好意思 Whoa, it's cool, man, come on.
我不是那种50年代运动员，盯住女孩不放 I'm not some, like, '50s letterman who pins a girl.
我是说，虽然有时互相吹箫 但那也没什么 I mean, yeah, we blow each other sometimes, but it's not a thing.
只是，怎么说呢 我不相信占有，你觉得呢？ I just, like... I don't know, I don't believe in possessions, ja feel?
你觉得，你绝对觉得 Ja feel, ja definitely feel.
- 绝对 - 施密特？ Yeah. Schmidty?
施密特 Schmidty.
菲利斯 Phyllis.
- 我马上回来 - 好吧 I'll be right back, dude. Okay.
嗨，你好啊！ Hey. How are you?
- 我的警察宝贝怎么样啊？ - 好了 How is my favorite police officer? Okay.
你妈妈告诉我你卧底呢 Your mother told me that you are undercover.
听着，现在不是时候 Listen, now is not a really good time.
你现在正在卧底？ Are you undercover right now?
是，现在正在卧底 Yes, it means I'm undercover right now.
那边的都是坏蛋？ Are those the bad guys over there?
他们有枪吗？天啊 天啊，太刺激了 Do they have guns? Oh, my God. Oh, God, this is so exciting.
我得打电话给安妮，她会昏过去 I have got to call Annie. She is gonna die.
我听说延科那孩子是你搭档 I heard that that Jenko boy is your partner.
- 我的手机呢？ - 好了好了 Where is my phone? Okay, okay.
闭上你的臭嘴 Shut your fucking mouth.
闭上你的臭嘴 明白吗？ Shut your fucking mouth, you understand me? Shh...
我去看看怎么回事 Let's go check this out.
你再不闭嘴 我就一拳打到你脸上 I will straight-up punch you in the face if you do not shut up.
- 没有… - 直打到脸上 There is no... A straight-up face punch.
我发誓，你会让我丧命的 I swear to God, you're gonna get me killed.
- 嗨，唷 - 那… Hey, yo. That is...
妈的，她上来要抓我小弟弟 Shit! She just tried to grab my dick, dude!
- 什么？你想抓他的… - 她要抓我的家伙 What? You tried to grab his... She tried to grab my junk.
她说："天，我有关节炎 She was like, "Oh, my God, I have arthritis,"
"手很疼，得抓住那鸡鸡" "it hurts my hand, I need to grab a handful of that dick."
我说："你妈一边去！" I was like, "Get the fuck off me!"
她说"得抓住鸡鸡"？ She said, "I need to grab a handful of that dick"?
感觉还不错 可马上就不对劲了 And it felt good, but then it felt weird for a second,
所以我推了她一把，我们得赶快离开这 so I pushed her. We got to get out of here.
酷，咱们… All right, cool, let's get the...
施密特：别等我一与艾里克外出
那么是说你父母很酷 常常允许你带人到家里去？ Ah, so your parents are just cool with having people over whenever?
是，他们晚上大多不在家 Yeah, you know, they're out most nights.
属于完全不干涉那种 Pretty laissez-faire about the whole thing.
父母不管你，你太幸运了 You're so lucky your parents don't give a shit about you.
是吧？ Right?
- 这地方真棒 - 是啊 This place is awesome. Yeah.
嗨 Hey.
嗨，咋样？ Hey, what's up?
还好吗？ How's it going?
这拥抱比我期望的带劲多了 Wow, that's a bigger hug than I was expecting.
抱歉，见到你我真高兴 Sorry. I'm happy to see you.
是啊，我也是 Yeah. Yeah, me, too.
- 嗨 - 嗨 Hey. Oh, hey.
好啊 Good? Mmm-hmm.
- 走吧 - 走，我… All right, come on. Yeah, let's...
我带了玉米片，好吧 I brought tacos, so that's cool.
& Try to turn it, try to turn it, spoiler alert
转过来，转过来，别太过火
& Spoiler alert, spoiler alert! &
别太过火，别太过火
嗨，几位，这个环保家伙 今天走下坡路了 Hey, boys, this eco-pussy is going down today.
& Take down eco-pussy
拿下环保佬
& Take down eco-pussy!
& Mother Earth, Mother Earth is dying
大地，大地命在旦夕
& And when it rains
下雨的时候
& It means that beautiful bitch is crying &
那是贱人在哭泣
- 真不是行星 - 肯定是行星 It's really not a planet. It's for sure a planet.
冥王星是行星 Pluto is a planet.
- 好了！ - 以前是行星 It's ready! It used to be a planet.
- 好了 - 不再是了 It's ready. Not any more.
减量，再利用
& Reduce, reuse
& Recycle &
回收
我不好意思了 I'm embarrassed.
- 弹完总感觉我暴露了 - 别这么感觉 I always feel exposed after playing. Do not feel exposed.
我得用厕所 I got to use the bathroom.
- 是在那吗？ - 对对，上面，哥们 Is it in there? ERIC: Yeah, yeah, right up there, dude.
好了，好了 该死的 All right, all right, all right, all right. God damn that.
麦克风开着 我们能听见他们那边 The mic is live and we can hear how the other half lives.
你在干嘛？ What are you doing?
我听到什么 I heard something.
嗨，我能问你点事吗？坐下 Hey, can I ask you something? Sit down.
好 Okay.
我只想提醒 你和艾里克都务必要小心 I just want to make sure that you and Eric are going to be careful
不管我们参与的事情是什么 with whatever it is that you're getting involved in.
好，我保证 Yeah, I promise we will.
如果有什么不测 就太恶心了 It would just suck if something bad happened,
因为，你是个好男人 because you're a good guy.
是啊，我觉得你也是 Yeah, no, I feel the same way about you,
当然是好女人 except girl version.
你是女的 You're a girl.
- 我是 - 是啊 I am. Yeah.
所以我才穿了裙子 That's why I put this dress on,
- 好提醒你 - 就是 to remind you. Exactly.
- 演戏的事，你是不是很兴奋？ - 是 Are you excited about the play? Yes.
是啊，你站那 Yeah, you were just
- 就兴奋 - 没错 right in there with excitement. Yes.
- 毫不犹豫 - 我特兴奋 No hesitash. I'm very excited.
是 Yeah.
我那样是不是特傻？ Does that make me a super nerd?
一点也不 No, not at all.
我们演戏是绝配 We get to act together.
真是娘们，他跟她根本没戏 What a vagina. He has no chance with her.
那么… So...
- 妈的 - 对不起 Shit. Sorry.
你在毕业舞会委员会里 You're on the prom committee. Mmm-hmm.
你觉得舞会会很好玩吗？ Do you think it's going to be fun?
她主动提舞会的事？ Did she just bring up prom on her own?
- 是，她自己提的 - 她在干嘛？ She did, she just brought up prom. What is she doing?
我想会很棒 I think it's going to be awesome.
- 舞会没劲 - 太没劲 Prom eats a dong. Multiple dongs.
好了，那些 All right, anyone who says
说舞会没劲的 其实暗地里最感兴趣 they don't care about prom actually secretly does.
我们带谁去啊？ 没人跟我们跳舞 Who we gonna take to the prom? No one's going to prom with us.
想象一下 你们乘坐白色豪华礼宾车来到舞场 Come on, picture it. You pull up in a white stallion of a limo.
胳膊挎着漂亮美眉 You got fine-ass honeys with you.
穿着笔挺的礼服 还有女郎陪伴 You're dressed to the nines with your best buds.
鸽子在你身后飞翔，慢动作 Doves fly out behind you, slow motion.
鸽子，为什么是鸽子？ Doves. Why doves?
因为鸽子让你看上去 像个坏蛋，这就是为什么 'Cause doves make you look like a badass, that's why.
我说不准 I am pretty skeptical,
但，如果邀请我的是个有趣的人 也许我会去 but maybe, if someone fun asked me, I would go.
你…不是…你和艾里克不是… Aren't... Isn't... Aren't you and Eric...
你不跟艾里克一起去？ Wouldn't you and Eric go together?
我怎么不知道 Not that I know of.
Uh...
你会… Would you...
该呛着了 He's going to choke.
他总呛着 他会的，等着瞧 He always chokes. He's going to choke, wait for it.
那，你… So would...
你会… Would you...
也许… Mayb...
- 天啊，你没事吧？ - 没事 Oh, my God. Are you okay? Yeah.
那是真正呛着的声音 That is the actual sound of choking.
我在想，你会不会… I was wondering if you...
你会不会 Would you
也许，你会不会 maybe want to go
跟我去？ with me to prom?
你想跟我去… 跟我去毕业舞会吗？ Would you want to go to me... Maybe with me to prom?
木目 Yes.
我愿意跟你去舞会 I would love to go to prom with you.
什么？她居然答应了！ What? She just said yes!
哇哇 Whoa. Wow.
不错啊，道格 Good for you, Doug.
谢谢你的邀请 Thank you for asking.
握手为证 Put her there, man.
就握手吧 Just put... Put it right there.
我把它放在这了 I'm putting it right there.
啊，你们在这啊 Yeah. There you guys are.
怎么样啊，我的兄弟？ What's up, my man?
- 嗨 - 你好吗？ Hi. How you doing?
- 有新闻？ - 嗯 Whazzup? Yeah.
道格…来解决我们的纷争 Doug... Okay, settle an argument.
你和你哥没血缘关系，对不？ You and your brother aren't related, right?
因为你们长得不像 'Cause you look totally different.
他是被收养的 He's adopted.
我们都怀疑是否出于什么破家庭 We all suspect from a very lame family.
这会他在哪？ Where is he tonight?
也许在家，鼓弄破工具 跟工具瞎混，我不知道 Probably at home with those lame tools he hangs outwith. I don't know.
知道为什么汤姆·克鲁斯 对《雨人》那么嗤之以鼻吗？ You know how Tom Cruise is always pissed off at Rain Man?
那就像我的生活 还不算布莱德的数学糟糕透顶 That's like my life, except Brad is really shitty at math.
你弟弟真操蛋 Your brother's kind of a dick.
是啊 Well, yeah
有点儿，是吧？ he kind of is, isn't he?
别听了 Don't listen to that.
我才不在乎呢 I don't give a fuck.
哥们，艾里克是发短信的人中最好玩的 Dude, Eric is the funniest IM-er.
他妈的 Oh, fuck.
嗨，两位，在这看见你们真可笑 Oh, hey, guys. It's so funny seeing you here.
你们好，猜怎么着 我是无所谓 How are you? Guess what, I don't care.
我们刚刚结了第三个高中案 We just closed our third high school operation.
看我们在肯尼迪高中找到了什么 And check what we found at Kennedy.
看起来 好像你们的活得我们替你们干 Looks like we're going to have to do your job for you.
你们的毒品已经扩散到其他学校了，笨蛋 Your drugs is spreading to different schools now, sucker.
你们不但没阻止扩散 而且也没找到头头 You failed to stop the outbreak, and you have no leads!
我们时间紧迫 We are running out of time!
找不到供货商 You either find the supplier,
我就把你们的屁股踢出跳跳街！ or I'm gonna jump your asses off Jump Street!
我完全明白你的意思，长官 I totally understand where you're coming from, sir,
但是，昨天我听见艾里克 在电话里 but, look, I heard Eric talking on the phone yesterday
跟什么人说话，我很怀疑 with somebody that sounded very suspect
他要和彩饰陶罐碰面 with a stuffed piata. about meeting up
那是性的代号吗？ Is that a code for sex?
- 彩饰陶罐？真的？ - 真的 Piata? Really? Yep.
记得艾里克手机里的监听器吗？ Remember that wiretap I put on Eric's phone?
昨晚你风花雪月的时候 我在监听 While you were having the time of your life last night, I was listening.
听到艾里克和另一个人说起彩饰陶罐 I overheard a phone call between Eric and some dude about a piata.
这就些？ That's all you heard?
对 Yep.
我太紧张了 I am so nervous.
我们将要在全校师生面前 首次亮相 We are about to premiere in front of the whole school.
如果我在台上时吐到你身上 我提前说对不起哈 I apologize in advance if I throw up on you onstage.
严肃的问题 Serious question, though.
我的装束如何 How do I look?
夺魂摄魄 Ravishing.
这套服装太性感了？ Is it too sexy of an outfit?
弯下膝盖 Bend the knee a little bit.
是啊 Yep, it is.
台上有你陪着 我轻松多了 Oh, it's going to be so much easier having you onstage with me.
遇到你我真高兴 I am so happy that I met you.
你是唯一我能信任的人 You're, like, the only guy that I can really trust.
是，是我 Yep. That's me.
道格 Doug.
硝酸钾 Potassium nitrate.
不要恨它，它很伟大 Don't hate. It's great.
它可充当氧化剂 It can act as an oxidizer.
至今我才得明悉 I didn't know that, but now I'm wiser.
晶体结构组成它 It has a crystalline structure.
忽视这点是傻瓜 If you can't respect that, you're a butt muncher.
制作炸药离不了 It's a key ingredient in gunpowder.
硝酸钾，伤心吧 K-NO-three, don't give no grief.
牛肉罐头也用它 It can be used to make corned beef.
它的别名是硝石 It's also known as saltpeter.
- 布莱德？ - 该死 Brad? Shit.
你去哪？ Where are you going?
我不想让人们看出来我化了妆 I don't want to look like it's like I'm wearing makeup.
- 对 - 道格！嗨 Right. Doug! HL
布莱德 Brad!
哇，你穿的什么？ Whoa. What are you wearing?
硝酸钾，谢谢你注意到了 Potassium nitrate. Thanks for noticing.
我要借你一用 I need to borrow you.
时候不对，布莱德 Now's not a good time, Brad.
时候正对 Mmm-hmm. It's a really good time.
因为彩饰陶罐要杀了我 'Cause my pi帽ata is killing me.
是性事的代号吗？ Is that code for a sex thing?
它就要离开停车场 It's leaving the parking lot.
彩饰陶罐？ Pi帽ata? Mmm-hmm.
莫莉 Molly, uh,
我马上回来 我得帮他做点事，好吗？ I will be right back. I need to help Brad with something, okay?
帮布莱德会很快的 I just need to help Brad with something real quick.
- 什么？不！ - 我保证… What? No. What? I promise you...
你不明白演出马上就要开始吗？ Do you understand how soon the show is starting?
我对你发誓 启幕前就回来 I swear to you I will be back in time for curtain.
- 我发誓，发誓 - 告诉我你明白… I swear. I swear to you. Tell me you understand how soon...
啊？你这不是耍我吗？ What? Are you kidding me?
我说什么来着？ What did I say? What did I say?
看看，谁的监听管用？ See? Whose wiretap is working for him now, huh?
该死 Shit.
靠！ Fuck!
你跟我说过不用担心吃罚单 You told me not to worry about the tickets!
我想这会让我们看着酷 I thought they made us look cool.
- 路锥，路锥… - 教练车 Cones, cones... Driver's ed car.
- 我来开 - 不不 I'm driving. No, you're not.
- 我没开过，这次我开 - 好！你开！ I never get to drive. I'm driving this time. Fine! Drive!
- 嗨，小伙子们 - 就借- 会 Hey, guys. Just borrowing this for one sec.
- 好吧 - 快快快 Sure. Go. Go, go, go, go.
嗨，等等，你们不在名单上 Guys, hey, wait. Guys, you're not on the list.
嗨，等等！算了 Hey, guys, wait! Ah, who cares?
- 真他妈的 - 不可能 Holy fucking shit. No fucking way.
这些人就是公园那帮 Those are the guys from the park.
太不可思议了 That's just too crazy.
你觉得那里面是啥？ What do you think's in that thing?
不知道，钱，毒品 I don't know, money, drugs.
他们可能是新主顾 或者是供货商 They could be a new buyer, or they could be the supplier.
如果好使，我会告诉你消息的 If it's good, you'll hear from me.
如果不好，我也会告诉你为什么 If it's not good, you'll hear from me about telling you how it's not good.
可以理解 Makes sense.
你他妈快离开这里 好，别担心 Get the fuck out of here. Yeah, no worries, man.
再见 I'll see you guys.
我们得跟踪他们好查明事实 We definitely got to follow them and find out, though.
- 低头 低头 - 低头 低头 Get down! Get down! Get down! Get down!
- 干嘛？ - 如果被看见了 What are you doing? If they see us,
就假装你在给我吹箫 just pretend like you're sucking my dick.
- 什么？不！ - 别吵了 What? No! Yes. Stop.
你假装吹我的 You pretend like you're sucking my dick.
不，快，假装给我吹箫 No, just pretend like you're sucking my dick.
为什么我自动吹你？ Why am I automatically blowing you?
因为你他妈的穿着《彼得潘》的服装！ 'Cause you're in a fucking Peter Pan costume!
好吧 Okay.
好了，快走，快 Okay, let's go. Let's go, let's go.
- 快快快 - 好了，跟踪他们 Go, go, go. Okay, fine, we'll follow them.
但30分钟之内 必须在启幕前赶回去 But we need to be back in 30 minutes for curtain.
你踩了教练脚刹？ Dude, did you just hit the teacher brake?
对，你太近了 Yeah, you're following too close, dude.
- 他们会发现的 - 要是太远了 They're going to make us. Well, if I go too far back,
就更容易受怀疑，别踩了 it's going to look even more suspicious, so just stop.
天，让我做我的事 God, just let me do my thing.
我知道自己在干什么 I know what I'm doing.
我严肃警告，你再踩闸 我就揍扁你的蛋蛋 Seriously, if you do that again, I'm going to Whac-A-Mole you in the balls.
离远点 Just stay back.
- 我再严肃不过了 - 把脚从闸上挪开 I could not be more serious. Take your foot off the brake.
- 不，不挪 - 把脚挪开！ No. I'm not... No. Take your foot off the brake!
哦，该死！该死！ Oh, shit! Oh, shit!
- 看你干的好事！ - 看你干的好事！ Look what you did! Look what you did!
你他妈的会开车吗？混蛋！ What the fuck? You non-driving motherfuckers!
给我出来！ Get the fuck out of the car!
- 哦，靠 - 锁上门！锁上门！ Oh, fuck. Lock the door! Lock the door!
我怎么办？走开！ What do I do? Go away!
你是"奇宝精灵"？ What are you, a fucking Keebler Elf?
给我出来！ Get him out of that car!
- 不不！ - 是他妈的ZZ托普乐队！ No, no! It's fucking ZZ Top!
- 不不不！ - 是ZZ托普！ No, no! No, no, no! It's fucking ZZ Top!
像暴怒的海象！ Like an angry walrus!
- 我把车跺扁！ - 哦，天啊！ I stomp the car now! Oh, my God!
- 跺！跺！ - 啊，该死 Stomp! Stomp! Oh, shit.
- 好，好 - 天啊！行了，哥们！ 开车！ Okay. Okay. Oh, my God! Stop, dude! Go!
天啊！天啊！ Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
- 让我开！ - 别打我！ Just let me drive! Stop hitting me!
哥们，小心！ Dude, watch out!
别指手画脚 把手拿开！ Will you stop front-seat driving? Get your hands off the wheel!
嗨，你刚撞了两个人 Man, you just hit two people back there!
- 你停手，我不… - 把手拿开，该死！ You stop. I'm not... Take your hands off. Shit!
- 我们卡在这 - 哦，该死！ We're stuck in traffic! Oh, shit.
- 妈的，他们过来了， - 什么？ 过来了！ Shit, they're coming! They're coming! What?
哦，天 Oh, my God, dude.
我们怎么办？ What do we do?
见鬼…见鬼… What the... What the...
娘的，娘的 Oh, shit. Oh, shit.
哦，他娘的 Oh, shit.
- 哦，娘的 - 怎么了？跑啊！ Oh, shit. What's wrong with you? Run!
跑不动，穿着紧身袜呢！ I can't! I'm wearing tights!
我穿的是紧身牛仔裤 一样的！ I got skinny jeans on! It's the same fucking thing!
他们会追到我们，杀了我们的 They're going to make us, or kill us.
- 保时捷！ - 警察！下车，阔佬！ Porsche! Porsche! Police! Get out of the car, douche!
我在听电话，混帐 I'm on a call here, jackass.
对了，睡觉去吧 你头撞地了，混蛋！ That's right. Go to sleep, bitch. You just got head-butted, motherfucker!
- 快快快！ - 娘的 Go, go, go, go, go, go! Shit.
找找有没有枪之类的 Check around for a gun or something, all right?
哪？哪？没储物箱 Where? Where? There's no glove compartment
这破车！有高尔夫球和这个 in this shitty-ass car! There's golf balls and this.
- 这个怎么用？ - 不知道！ What am I supposed to do with this? I don't know, man!
从来没在高速上追过车 I've never been in a freeway chase before!
丙烷 严禁吸烟
易燃物 汽油
小心，要爆炸了！ 会爆炸！ Watch out! It's going to explode! It's going to go!
- 怎么了？ - 不知道 What happened? I don't know.
- 没爆炸 - 奇怪 It just didn't explode. That's weird.
谁知道我的彼得在哪里？ Can anybody tell me where my Peter is?
法兰奇！你不是我的第一选择 但我需要你替补彼得的角色 French! You're not my first choice, but I need you to go on as Peter.
哦，天，几个月来我一直活在角色中 Oh, gosh. And I've been in character for months now.
太棒了，没人在意的 Great. Nobody cares.
快！又堵车了？ Come on! Another traffic jam?
对不起，追车开始前 I'm sorry I didn't check the traffic report
- 没听交通报道 - 快跑！快！ before we got in a car chase! Let's go! Come on!
- 快，快跑，快跑！ - 妈的！ Come on. Let's go, let's go, let's go!
莫莉 你到底在哪？？ ？ Shit!
- 你在写短信？ - 没，没写！ Are you texting? No, I'm not texting!
- 写了！你在按键呢！ - 没有！ Yes, you are! You're texting! No, I'm not!
好，马上就好 Okay, almost done.
我会"神速"返回！
"大笑" "LOL."
我开！ I'm driving!
你为什么总是那样跃过汽车？ Why do you always jump over the car like that?
嗨，你好！ Hi. Hi. How are you?
- 嗨 - 你他娘的真美 Hi. God damn, you are beautiful.
- 哦，嗨 - 你好得像大粪 Oh. Hi. You are fine as shit.
别担心，会有人接你的 Don't worry. Someone will pick you up.
- 哇 - 快，开你的车 Wow. Hurry. Just drive.
等等，接我？ Wait. Pick me up?
- 他们来了，来了！ - 我有主意 They're coming! They're coming! I got an idea.
为什么不发短信给他们 告诉他们别追了？ Why don't you text them and ask them to stop chasing us?
哦，该死的！ Oh, shit!
他有枪！ He's got a gun!
我用这个扔他！ I'm going to throw this thing at him!
好，不用通报！ Okay, you don't have to narrate everything!
- 扔啊！ - 好好！ Just throw it! Okay! Okay, okay!
易燃物
原油及燃料
- 会爆炸的！ - 天，摇起车窗！ It's going to explode! Oh, my God! Roll up the windows!
- 爆炸会怎样？ - 摇起来！ What the fuck is that going to do? Roll it up!
- 我他妈不管！做就是了！ - 天 I don't fucking care! Just do it! Oh, God!
Huh?
我真的以为会爆炸的 I really thought that one was going to explode.
哦，该死！ Oh, shit!
储物箱里有枪吗？ Look in the glove compartment for a gun.
你说什么呢？ 在粉甲壳虫里？ What are you talking about? We're in a pink Bug!
不管，看看该死的储物箱 I don't care. Look in the goddamn glove compartment!
怎么会？ What the hell?
- 开枪 - 天，好！好！ Shoot Oh, my God. Okay! Okay!
开枪啊！开枪！ Shoot the gun! Shoot the gun!
打不准啊！ 没法瞄准！ Can't get a good shot, man! I can't get a good shot!
- 奶奶的，奶奶的 - 开枪！ Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit. Take the shot!
开枪！打他！开啊！ Take the shot! Just shoot him! Let's go!
奶奶的，奶奶的 Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit.
- 开枪！ - 奶奶的… Shoot! Shoot! Shit, shit...
爆炸了？天啊 疯狂啊 That's what exploded? Holy shit. That was crazy.
为什么替我开枪？ Why did you shoot for me?
你不开，就在那咽着 You weren't shooting, you were choking,
- 我得救我们俩 - 我要开的 so I had to save us. I was going to shoot.
- 你总是这样，每次都是 - 什么？ You always do this, every single time. What?
说真的，把我送回学校 Seriously, just take me back to school, man.
我误了场，莫莉会崩溃的 她就不会当我的舞伴了 If I miss this play, Molly's going to freak out and she's not going to go to prom with me.
- 你现在认真了？ - 妈的，对，认真了 Are you fucking serious right now? Fuck, yes, I'm serious!
简直不能相信你让我迟到 真自私 Can't believe you made me late. You're so selfish.
- 我自私？ - 对，你自私！ I'm selfish? Yes, you're selfish!
你他妈耍我？ Are you fucking kidding me?
看看你自己 Look at yourself!
你陷进去了，哥们 You're in too deep, man.
昨天我在你桌子上 找到大学入学申请 Yesterday, I found a college application on your desk!
我不知道这个案子会持续多久 I don't know how long this case is going to last.
艾里克要去伯克利 说实在的，我也能去 And Eric's going to get into Berkeley, and, honestly, I can get in, too.
谁知道，也许我能继续升学 也许当博士什么的 Who knows? I could ride this thing out. I could be a doctor or something.
你疯了？ Have you lost your fucking mind?
你把这个调查搅得一团糟 You screwed this investigation all up.
至少我知道米兰达警告，笨蛋 At least I know my Miranda rights, you idiot.
你真是个愚蠢的人 You are a very silly man indeed.
小伙子、大姑娘，快来啊 Boys, squaws, come quickly.
嗨！对不起！没事了，我来了 Hey! Sorry! It's okay. I'm here.
我知道我错过了前面几个场景 I know I missed the first few scenes.
我想对… 法兰奇萨缪尔斯表示感谢 I want to thank... Give it up to French Samuels
- 感谢他及时做我的替补 - 去你妈的道格！什么？ for ably backing me up. Fuck you, Doug! What?
我们正好继续，对吧？ I say we just roll right into this thing, huh?
这是我的孪生兄弟，我们一起… This is my twin. We're together in...
你他妈快下台 Get the fuck out of here.
你在干什么？ 你疯了吗？ What are you doing? Have you completely lost your mind?
这是怎么回事？ What is this?
我不知道，但事情已经越来越刺激了 I don't know, but it's already more exciting.
你让我好难堪 You're embarrassing me.
没事，我会补偿你的 It's okay. I'll make it up to you.
好…飞起来！ And... Let's fly!
- 什么鬼东西！ - 下去！ - Such bullshit! - Get off of me!
我不傻！我很聪明！ I'm not dumb! I'm smart!
你以为我蠢？你才蠢！ You think I'm stupid? You're stupid!
- 加油，道格！ - 我想我得做点什么了 Go, Doug! I guess I should do something.
我也许不该袖手旁观 I should probably not just stand here watching.
我应该行动 I should take action.
最差的好朋友！ Worst best friend ever!
莫莉，对不起！ Molly, I'm sorry!
我再也不想理你了！ I don't want to talk to you ever again.
对不起 I'm sorry.
你个蠢货！ You stupid idiot!
- 过来！ - 来啊！ Come here! Come on!
你在我背后笑话我 还让大家都笑话我，是吧？ Make fun of me behind my back and everybody laughs at me?
我当了四年怂包 你呢，连五分钟都顶不住！ I was a loser for four years! You couldn't handle it for five minutes!
来点魔粉擦擦吧，混蛋！ Have some fairy dust, motherfucker!
嗨，你们住手！ Hey, guys, no!
我听见你们叫我雨人了，王八蛋！ I heard you call me Rain Man, you asshole!
迭喋校长舔鸡巴！ Principal Dadier sucks dick!
你本该是我朋友的！ You're supposed to be my friend!
住手！住手，你们被开除了 你们俩都被开除了 Stop! Stop it. You're expelled. Both of you are expelled.
第二幕结束 And that's the end of Act Two.
就这些？你不对我们大叫一番？ Is that it? You're not going to scream at us?
不 Nope.
我只要解雇你们就行了 I'm gonna just fire you.
道格
搬出去？ Moving out?
是 Yep.
你知道我哪里犯傻吗？ You know what's crazy to me
我真以为我们是兄弟呢 is that I think that I actually thought that we were brothers.
我会为你挡子弹 I would've tooken a bullet for you.
上来，马上，你们俩一起 Get in now. Both of you.
为什么有我？ Why should I?
上去吧 Just get in the car, man.
他妈给我上车 Get in the fucking car.
不，不好好说就不上 Nope, not until you ask nicely.
请你上车 Please get in the car.
快点啊，你们，拜托，上帝 Come on, you guys. Come on. Please. Jesus.
昨天我们交换完东西 Some messed up shit went down yesterday.
发生了混乱 Yeah, after we made the exchange,
我们的未来合作伙伴 被他妈警察跟踪 our potential business partners got followed by some fucking cops.
疯了啊，哥们 That's insane, man.
真的吗？ Are you serious?
好吧，我只是不想进监狱！ Okay, it's just I don't want to go to jail!
你们知道像我这样的帅哥 进了监狱会怎样吗？ You know what happens to a handsome guy like me in jail?
和"房间"押韵的词！ It rhymes with "grape"!
和"房间"押韵 It rhymes with "grape."
我不能让这样的事发生 I can't let that happen.
我爸枪柜里的 So I got these from my dad's gun cabinet.
- 艾里克，艾里克 - 咳，别这样 Eric, Eric, Eric, Eric. Whoa. Come on. Whoa.
春田兵工，45口径，警察用的 非常厉害的枪 Springfield .45s, police issue. Very powerful guns.
你们用过吗？ You ever use one?
- 我们不是玩枪的人，哥们 - 不是？ We're not really gun people, man. No. No?
很多事情让我怀疑你们 A lot of things have made me wonder about you.
别这样 Come on.
你对音乐的品味 Your taste in music.
还有你看着像他妈40岁的人 The fact that you look like a fucking 40-year-old man.
直到你们大闹剧场，我才意识到 Then after that shit at the play, I realized
你们俩不可能是警察 there's no way you guys could be cops.
Oh.
对，我还有笔生意 供货商会去的 Yeah, I got this deal going down. The supplier's going to be there.
我需要能信任的人 I need people I can trust.
好了，好了，来吧 All right. All right, come on.
来，在那边有些瓶子 Okay, right over here, we're going to shoot these bottles.
- 练下射击，好吗？ - 好 We're going to practice, okay? Okay.
打得真他妈棒啊！ That was... That was actually really fuckin' awesome.
初学者的好运气 Beginner's luck.
好吧 All right.
供货商想在毕业舞会上成交 The supplier wants the deal to go down at prom.
重量级的大人物都在 All right, there's going to be all these heavies there,
但只要你们支持我… but as long as you guys have my back...
好吗？好吗？ Yeah? Yeah? Shit.
永远支持你 I always got your back.
该是我们要回工作的时候了 Time to get our jobs back.
我们准备去舞会吧 Let's get ready for prom.
施密特！家务活时间！ Schmidty! Chore time!
妈，我们现在没时间做家务！ Mom, we don't have time for chores right now!
你呆在这房子里 就有时间做家务！ If you stay in this house, you have time for chores!
妈！ Mom! Ugh!
他妈的 Fuck this thing.
过来 Here. Huh?
我帮你会快点 It'll be quicker if I help.
好了 There you go.
谢谢 Thanks.
你的氰弹枪位置太低了 Your shotgun's hanging too low.
会被看到的 They're gonna see it.
谢谢 Thanks.
延科 Jenko, uh...
可以陪我去舞会吗？ Will you go to prom with me?
我想可以 I guess.
凭我们两个就能把整个团伙拿下？ Are we really going to take down a whole drug operation by ourselves?
我有人，到时候会帮我们 I got some contacts that'll help us.
& Fly like a condor, fly like a eagle
& Flyer than the '85 candy-painted Regal
& Fly like a dove, I come from up above
鸽子
& I'm rappin' on the mic and you can call me Murs Love
& I run this house, I'm dumbin' out
& I can make your girl come, keep my tongue in my mouth
& Whoa, I'm that cold with it, 23 below with it
& Snowball effect, I suggest that y'all roll with it
& Fly, ooh, I'm 'bout to spread my wings
& I'm lookin' fly, ooh, I'm 'bout to spread my wings
蒂华纳之夜
& I'm lookin' fly
& Watch a nigga spread his wings
& I'm lookin' fly
& Lookin', lookin', lookin'
& I'm lookin' fly &
布莱德，你在这干什么？ 你不能在这里 Brad, what are you doing here? You can't be here.
校长看见怎么办？ What if the principal sees you?
- 这是错误，又那么正确 - 什么？ This is wrong, yet so right. What?
你们俩为我不怕惹麻烦，我很高兴 I am so happy you're willing to get in trouble for me.
但你一定要离开，求你了 但永远别离开我 You have to go. Please, don't leave me ever.
格里格丝女士，别说了 Ms. Griggs, stop. Stop.
- 留下！留下 - 别说了 Stay! Stay. Stop.
- 什么？ - 留下 What? Stay.
- 走！ - 好 Go! Okay.
- 留下 - 别说了 Stay. Stop. Stop.
- 没有你我会迷失 - 什么？ I'm lost without you. What?
躲远点，我要吐了 Get out of me. I'm going to throw up.
你太迷人了！ You are so hot!
好吧 All right.
嗨，南瓜脑袋 Hey, pumpkin head.
我非常生你的气，陪我跳舞 I'm very mad at you. Dance with me.
- 你吸那东西了？ - 那又怎样？ Are you on that shit? So what if I am?
听着，莫莉 这里要发生大事 Look, Molly, some serious stuff is about to go down,
我不想让你受伤害 and I don't want you to get hurt.
我已经受到伤害了，我不在乎了 I've already been hurt, Doug. I don't care.
你要离开，离开这里 马上离开 You need to leave. You need to leave. You need to get out of here right now.
做很多手势！ Making a lot of hand gestures!
好，我不叫道格 Okay, my name's not Doug.
- 叫施密特 - 什么？ It's Schmidt. What?
- 我是警察 - 什么？ And I'm a cop. What?
好了吧？我很在乎你 我不想让你受伤害 Okay, and I care about you, and I don't want you to get busted,
所以，你现在就离开 so you have to leave right now.
莫莉，马上离开 Leave the prom right now, Molly.
- 我说真的 - 嗨，嗨 I'm serious. Hey. Hey.
顶楼，供货商等着呢 Penthouse now. Supplier's waiting.
- 你是什么？ - 快点，嗨，快点 What are you? Come on. Hey, come on.
- 供货商等着呢 - 艾里克？ Supplier's waiting. Is that Eric?
- 莫莉，马上离开 - 你说什么… Molly, leave right now. What are you...
- 马上离开！ - 怎么回事？ Just leave right now! What is this?
沃尔特斯先生？ Mr. Walters?
嗨！ Hey!
帅哥布莱德，和他的弟弟 Beautiful Brad, and his brother.
哇，这身打扮真帅 Wow. You look great.
你是供货商？你是老师啊 You're the supplier? You're a teacher.
我让老师的工资卡住了，兄弟 And I was stuck on a teacher's salary, bro.
几乎不够生活费 换了你，你会怎么办？ Could barely pay my alimony. What are you gonna do? Ha!
啊，是啊 Oh, yeah.
你们男孩子这方面太强了 You boys are so good at this.
哦，好啊，肉桂！ Oh, yeah, Cinnamon!
天，我们收集了这么好的证据 Oh, my God, we're getting such good evidence.
我从化学实验室偷了点 I stole some of that Bunsen burner crap
破煤气喷灯 扔点我自己的清凉型立体脆进去 from the chem lab, threw in some of my Cool Deets,
就特别可口了！ and it was muy delicioso!
有一天，我在这看见环保宝贝 艾里克 Then one day I catch Eco Butt-munch over here
在更衣室里吸大麻香烟 smoking a J.J. behind the field house,
我说 "嗨，你想赚点钱吗？" and I'm like, "Hey, you want to make some coin?"
他真环保啊，连小弟弟都是绿色的 What a green penis that guy is, huh?
我的玉米薄饼来了 There's my quesadilla.
我伤了手！ I hurt my hands!
妹子 Bitch.
该死 Oh, shit.
你们真胆小 You guys look crazy scary.
你们有多少人？ How many of you are there?
很多 A lot.
卡尔 Karl.
眼罩挺合适啊 Patch looks pimp, man.
谢谢 Thank you.
他会认出我们的 He's gonna recognize us, man.
我吓死了 I'm freaking out.
这是沃尔特斯，东西是他做的 This is Walters, he made the stuff.
- 见到你很高兴 - 妈的，不管他是谁 Real pleasure to meet you. Fuck what his name is.
你的货不错 Your shit's good.
谢谢 你说出这话，分量就不轻了 Thank you.
你们正开舞会？ That means a lot coming from you. What, you having a party now?
这两个混蛋是谁？ Who are these two motherfuckers?
靠！ Fuck!
- 嗨 - 嗨，你好啊 Hey. Hey. How's it going?
不不，挺酷，哥们 他们是我的人… Nah, nah, it's cool, man, they're my boys, so...
- 是吗？ - 是 Are they? Yeah.
我不喜欢陌生人 I don't like strangers.
这种态度怎么交新朋友？ How do you ever expect to make any new friends with that attitude?
你不给机会 人人都是陌生的 It's, like, everyone's a stranger till you give them a chance, man.
你他妈在说什么？ What the fuck are you talking about?
我甚至连… I don't even...
乱说而已啦 Just fuckin' around.
做事吧，继续做你的事 Do your thing, man. Proceed.
嗨，孩子，过来 Hey, kid, come here.
你，你看上去眼熟 You, you look familiar.
- 我？ - 是 Me? Yeah.
我小时候上过炸土豆条的广告 I was in a French fry commercial when I was a kid,
所以人们总是说"我想我认识你" so people are like, you know, often say, "Oh, I think I know you,"
但我想我们以前没见过 but I don't think we've ever met before.
我看着像喜欢吃土豆条的吗？ Do I look like I eat French fries?
你不像，你身材保持得很棒 I don't know, you look like you're in great shape,
也许，你有某一天给自己放松一下 大吃一顿，我不知道 but maybe you have, like, one cheat day, like a carb blowout, you know? I don't know.
不会 Nah.
对，主题歌是这样的… Yeah, the theme song was, like...
& Come to Andrew's French Fry Emporium
快来安德鲁的炸薯条中心
& Where friendship and French fries
这里友谊和薯条
& Go hand in hand &
手拉手，肩并肩
那是我的玉米片 That's my quesadilla!
谁想来一片，啊？ Who wants a piece? Huh?
我知道你在，道格 不管你叫什么 I know you're in there, Doug, or whatever your name is!
你跟我撒谎！ You lied to me!
第四阶段： 超级疯狂
我要杀了你 你他妈的笨蛋警察！ I'm gonna kill you, you stupid fucking cop!
嗨，大伙听明白 她骂我是他妈的笨蛋公鸡 Hey, you guys, she just called me a stupid fucking cock. That's rude.
你个猪头探警混蛋！ Dickhead narc motherfucker!
她刚说 "黑尼克头谈情混蛋"？ Did she just say "nickhead dark motherfucker"?
种族歧视 That's just racist.
我认识他们俩 I know these two.
你的人是警察！他们是警察！ Your boys are cops! They're cops!
警察！趴地上！ Police! Get on the ground!
你俩给我趴地上！ You get on the fuckin' ground!
- 我们先说的！ - 我不管！ We asked you first! I don't give a damn!
你们他妈的是条子？ You're fucking cops?
可我们一起聚会来着 But we partied together, man.
你给我们买的塔克贝尔快餐 You bought us Taco Bell.
艾里克，那是很真诚的举动 Eric, honestly, that was a sincere gesture.
你给我做的这个友谊手链 You made me this friendship bracelet.
他不是真朋友 他一直都在伪装 Well, he's not really your friend. He was pretending the whole time.
我回头一定把手链剪断，好吧？ I'm gonna cut this the fuck off later, all right?
这是他妈的干什么？ What the fuck is going on?
这孩子闭嘴！ Shut this kid up!
- 还有他 - 不不，嗨，等等 Him, too. No, no! Hey, wait!
不不，我是你们的人 No, no, no. Listen, I'm with you guys!
不知道他们是警察 I didn't know these guys were cops!
我离开这 I'm getting out of here.
我他妈恨死你了！ I fucking hate you!
把手拿开！ Get that out of my face!
- 莫莉！ - 啊，你在那！ Molly! Oh, there you are!
怎么回事！ What the fuck!
放下枪，不然我蹦了她！ Drop your guns, or I'll spray her brains all over the room!
学会挟持人质了 都他妈电视里看来的 Trying to take a hostage, some goddamn TV show shit?
我不知道，我是想帮忙 以前从没干过 I don't know! I'm trying to help, all right? I've never done this shit before.
都让你搅了 Well, you're fucking up.
- 放下枪，否则杀了她 - 她好像已经死了 Drop the guns or she's dead! She looks dead already.
什么？不 What? No.
天 Oh, Jesus.
我能听见她呼吸 Yeah, I can hear her breathing.
药物作用昏过去了 我们没事 She just passed out from the drugs. We're good.
放下枪，否则… Drop the guns or...
好吧，好吧，冷静点 All right, all right, just chill out.
我们放下枪 We're gonna drop our guns.
你放了两个孩子 不要有人送命，好吧？ You got to let the kids go, and no one's gonna die, okay?
放下枪，踢过来 Just drop the guns, and kick them over here.
D.B. 把这两混蛋给我杀了 D.B., shoot these motherfuckers.
怎么这样啊，这不公平 我们讲诚信，放下了枪 Oh, come on, that's unfair! We put our guns down in good faith.
你是个骗子，小人！ You're a liar, and you're mean!
- 不公平 - 我们都是朋友 That's unfair. We're all friends here.
- 我们大家都放松点 - 大家离开，不伤和气 Let's just relax, and we can all leave here as friends.
- 好，干吧 - 你们都是蠢货 Yeah, let's do that. Y'all boys are stupid.
哦，天，我们死定了 死定了 Oh, my God, we're gonna die. We're gonna die.
该死的！ God damn it!
汤姆汉森，缉毒局，都跪下！ Tom Hanson, DEA! On your knees!
娘的，怎么？ What the fuck?
- 立刻！ - 靠！ Now! Fuck!
道格潘浩，缉毒局的！你们被逮捕了！ Doug Penhall, DEA! You're under arrest!
放下武器，你们全体！多明戈，告诉他们 Guns down, all of you! Domingo, tell them!
放下吧 Put them down.
放下
好！太棒了！ Nice! Yes!
他妈的闭嘴！ Shut the fuck up!
你们两个小白痴 刚刚毁了五年的调查 You little dweebs just ruined a five-year investigation.
我们一无所知 We had no idea.
你就像超级演员 You're, like, an amazing actor, man.
我妹妹婚礼上 你还吹过萨克斯呢！ You played saxophone at my sister's wedding, man!
真糟糕，我还睡了她 Tough titty. I fucked her, too.
什么？ What?
你们两个讨厌鬼 You little turds.
你们知道 打入这样的黑帮有多困难吗？ Do you have any idea how difficult it is to infiltrate a gang like this?
看见这个鼻子吗？ Do you see this nose?
这是假的 That is a fake nose.
你愿意在脸上戴个假鼻子吗？ Do you want to wear a fake nose on your fuckin' head
成年累月地，还得用胶粘 for, like, months on end? Glue and shit?
世上最难过的事 Worse things in the world.
我们还得他妈的在阳物上刺青 We had to get fuckin' tattoos on our dicks, man.
嗨，其实，我刚才 Hey, actually, I just said that
- 跟你搅和的 - 什么？ to mess with you. What?
看着像硬汉 Looks tough.
我们知道卧底的滋味 Look, we know what it's like being undercover.
城市警察，跳跳街分部 Metro Police, Jump Street Division.
你们是跳跳街的？ Come on, you guys are Jump Street?
- 对 - 对 Yeah, yeah. Yeah.
有意思哈，我们实际上也是跳跳街的 That's funny, because we were actually Jump Street.
- 什么？ - 对 What? Yeah. Oh, yeah.
哦，该死 Oh, shit!
- 啊，天啊！ - 该死 Oh, my God! Oh, shit.
哦，天啊！ Oh, my God, dude!
拿下他们！ Get them!
混蛋！ Motherfucker!
开枪！ Shoot them!
他妈的 Fuck that.
是枪声 That was a gun.
肯定有人被打死了 Somebody definitely got shot.
好了 All right.
这，拿着钱，好吗？ 我们离开这 Here, take the money, all right? We're getting out of here.
我打中了吗？ Did I hit anything?
你他妈冲着房顶开枪 You were shooting at the fuckin' ceiling.
道格 Doug.
我知道一起卧底的时候 I know sometimes I was a jerk to you
有时你觉得我是个怪人 when we were undercover.
只是…我的自我感觉不好 It's just... I didn't feel good about myself.
我所有的穿戴 手链、戒指、紧身裤 All that stuff I wore, like the bracelets, the rings, the tight pants,
只是为了 was just so
让人们觉得我酷 that people would think I'm cool.
我需要的 The only approval
唯一赞许 that I ever needed
是我最好的朋友 was my best friend.
谢谢，兄弟 Thanks, man.
钱已经转移了！ The money's gone!
大伙，撤！ Come on, let's roll.
我们得赶快离开这 We gotta get out of here, man.
你是说我们开始？ Are you telling me it's on?
- 咱们干吧 - 我们造个孩子 Let's do this. Let's make a baby.
- 你说什么？ - 不知道 What? What are you talking about? I don't know.
我只是想扮酷，对不起 I was trying to sound cool. Sorry.
你疯了！你杀了一个人！ That was crazy! You killed a guy!
哦，他妈的！ Oh, fuckin' shit!
嗨，到舞会上把他们甩开！快！ Hey, hey, we'll lose them in the prom! Go!
& We remember
& All the times we
& Had together
& And as our lives changed
& Come whatever
& We Will still be
& Friends forever &
快快快！ Go, go, go, go!
他们去哪了？ Where'd they go?
莫莉！ Molly!
妈的！ Shit!
- 你想开车吗？ - 我想 You want to drive? Yeah, I do, actually.
好，酷 Okay, cool.
- 漂亮！ - 我刚才酷吗？ Nice! Did it look cool when I did it?
- 我说的就是这个！ - 酷！ That's what I'm talking about! Yeah!
你们在后面怎么样啊？ How you guys doing back there, huh?
上帝，我爱高中！ God, I love high school!
最棒的舞会之夜！ Best prom night ever!
- 开枪！ - 跟紧了！ Shoot them! Stay on them!
我跟得很紧！很紧！ I'm on them! I'm on them!
啊，好啊 你们到后面来跟我玩啊 Oh, good, you guys, come hang out with me back here.
- 哦该死，丽萨，在干嘛？ - 她在后面晕过去了？ Oh, fuck, dude. Lisa, what are you doing? Did she pass out back there?
嗨，你也有枪 为什么不在后面打他们？ Hey, you got a gun. Why don't you shoot back there?
开枪啊，开枪！ Shoot that gun, shoot that gun!
好的，等一下 All right, one second!
打啊，你个妹子 Just shoot someone, you bitch!
露个头！ Peek-a-boo!
把钱给我！ Give me my money!
去他妈的！这样不行！不行！ Fuck that! Fuck that! No! No!
我做不到！ 我本来该去伯克利的！ I can't do this! I'm supposed to go to Berkeley!
我要启动聚会 I'm gonna get the party started!
- 我要启动聚会 - 不！丽萨，不！ I'm gonna get the party started! No! No! Lisa, no!
我站在豪华轿车上的梦想 实现了！ Hey, I'm living my dream of standing in a limo!
什么？ What?
- 你扼杀了我的梦！ - 进来 You're killing my dream! Come in.
- 什么？我想参加聚会 - 下来！ What? I'm trying to party. Down!
妹子！ Bitch!
什么？靠！ What? Fuck!
我要杀了你！ I'll kill you!
杀了你！ Kill you!
- 不不！ - 呆在那别动 No! No! Stay where you are.
快！快走！ Go! Go, go!
不！停住！ No! Stop!
我他妈没开玩笑 听着，我要开枪射击 I'm not fucking kidding! Look, I'm trying to shoot people!
你别说了！就两秒钟！ Will you stop! Just for two seconds!
你很性感，很浪 真的很好 You're really hot and you're really slutty and it's awesome,
但我现在得开枪 but I got to shoot people right now!
你觉得我性感？ You think I'm hot?
我要…啊，天啊！ I wanna... Oh, my God!
等等！打电话给我！ Wait, guys! Call me!
告诉我你们最后在哪里 Let me know where you're ending up later.
我快没子弹了 I'm almost out of ammo.
我们完蛋了 We're fucked.
把钱给我！ Give me my money!
我有个主意 I got an idea.
- 你还有子弹壳吧？ - 有 You still got those shotgun shells? Yeah.
抽查小测验 Pop Quiznos.
锉电池和硝酸钾反应 产生什么？ What do you get when lithium batteries react to potassium nitrate?
共价键，兄弟 That would be a covalent bond, brother.
那是两个原子，共享电子 That's when two atoms, they share electrons.
你看，他们彼此都需要对方的电子 You see, they both need what the other one has.
这样他们能紧密团结 That makes them stick together.
你是说我们是共价键？ Are you saying we're covalent bonds?
什么？不 What? No.
我们不是原子，伙计 We're not atoms, dude.
- 这是什么？ - 龙舌兰酒 What's this? Tequila?
我不知道，应该能爆炸 I don't know, it was supposed to explode.
哦，妈的！ Oh, shit!
你从哪学来的？ Where'd you learn how to do that, man?
大学先求化学 App chemistry, bitch.
过来，金发妞 Come on, blondie.
莫莉！ Molly!
放下武器！ Drop your weapon!
你他妈敢举胳膊？！ Don't you fuckin' pull that arm up.
别动 Don't.
好像你没子弹了，混蛋！ Oh-ho! Looks like you're out of ammo, asshole!
过来！下车！ Come on! Get out here!
- 怎么回事？ - 好了 What? What's going on? All right.
好吧，这样 谁都不许动，不然她倒霉 All right, here's the deal. Nobody moves, or she's gonna get hurt.
明白吗？谁都不许动！ Do you understand? Nobody move!
- 好 - 艾里克，救救我 All right. Eric, help me.
你没枪？ Don't you have a gun?
好的，别动！ All right, don't move!
- 来，咱们走，咱走 - 不！ Come on, let's go. Let's go. No!
- 嗨嗨嗨！ - 嗨，不，我说的不许动！ Hey! Hey, hey! Hey, no, no, I said don't move!
- 哦，妈的，你打中他了！ - 哦，天啊！ Oh, fuck, you shot him! Oh, God!
你没事吧？ Are you okay?
你打中我搭档了，混蛋！ You shot my partner, you motherfucker!
我没打算打你！ 我是想打他的！ I didn't mean to shoot you! I meant to shoot him!
你还活着吗，哥们？没事吧？ 你为我挡了子弹 Are you alive, buddy? You okay? You took a bullet for me, man.
嗯，对此我现在感觉很矛盾 Yeah, I'm feeling a little ambivalent about that right now.
没听见我说不许动吗？ 我说了，你也听见了，对吗？ Didn't you hear me? I said don't move! I said that! You heard, right?
艾里克，你听见了 Eric, you heard me!
- 我说不许动！ - 艾里克，救救我！ - I said don't move! - Eric, help me!
- 你能行 - 嗨，别动 - You got this. - Hey, hold still.
站住！ Freeze!
开枪！ Shoot!
开啊 Come on.
你的好日子该结束了，混蛋 You peaked in high school, motherfucker.
啊，妈的 Oh, shit.
我打中了他的屌 I shot him in the dick.
你打中了我的屌！ You shot me in the dick!
啊，天啊！ Oh, my God!
太棒了！ Yes!
太棒了！ Yes! Yes!
太棒了！ Yes!
你被逮捕了！ You are under arrest!
- 子弹肯定从屁眼出去了 - 你有权利保持沉默 It definitely came out my asshole! You have the right to remain silent!
你所说的一切 都可能用作法庭控告你的 Anything you say can and will be used against you
证据！ in a court of law!
你有权利请律师 You have the right to an attorney!
如果你付不起律师费 法庭会为你指派一名！ If you cannot afford an attorney, one will be appointed for you!
你是否完全了解你的上述权利呢？ Do you understand these rights as they have been read to you?
去你妈的！妹子！ Fuck you! Bitch!
好啊！好啊！ Yes! Yes!
我们成功了！ We did it, man!
我们成功了 We did it.
天，我感觉太好了 God, I feel so good.
我们成功了！ We did it, man!
你是他妈的大摇滚明星了 You're a goddamn rock star.
感觉到了吗？ Do you feel that?
妈的，你太酷了 God damn, you're so cool.
正好打中他的屌 You just shot him in the dick.
我从来没见过，谁打中过？ I've never seen that. Who does that?
叫你雨人，我很抱歉 Look, I'm sorry I called you Rain Man.
我知道，我是说你就是 但你很聪明 I know I didn't say you were, but you're smart.
你是个聪明的人，考虑周全 You're a smart guy, and you're thoughtful,
真诚、和蔼、忠实… and you're sincere and you're sweet and you're loyal...
我他妈太稀罕你了 And I fuckin' cherish you.
能击掌吗？ Should we high-five?
我的手！ Ow! My hand!
你没事吗？ 我把你送医院吧？ Are you all right? Should we get you to the hospital, man?
- 好，得找人来帮忙 - 嗨，叫人！ Yeah, I think we need to call somebody. Hey, call somebody!
我得把屌缝回去 I got to get my dick sewn back on.
- 你他妈闭嘴 - 嗨，你闭嘴 You shut the fuck up. Hey, you shut up.
- 这可不好玩 - 这个是吗？ That's not funny. Is that it?
什么？ What?
那是我的屌！ That's my dick!
捡起来！求你！ Pick up my dick! Please!
没门，我们不会捡的 No, we're not picking up your dick.
他妈的我来捡 Fuckin' pick my dick up!
啊，他妈的 Oh, fuck!
他是我朋友 He's my friend.
监狱里没有素食，妹子 They don't serve vegan in jail, bitch.
嗨 Hey.
莫莉… Molly...
我真的很抱歉 I'm really sorry.
我知道你需要一个值得信赖的人 我也非常想做这个人 I know you wanted a guy to trust, and I wanted to be that person so badly.
但，我很多地方都让你失望 And I let you down in a lot of ways.
而且… And...
你对我恼火，这很好 It's good that you're mad at me.
我想这很好 你应该跟更多的人发火 I think it's good. I think you should be mad at more guys,
因为，你应该得到一个对你好 而且不撒谎的人 because you deserve a guy who's good and who doesn't lie to you.
找不到这样的人 就坚决不嫁 And you should never settle for less than that.
世界上还是有很多好人的 There are good guys out there
不像我，是个混蛋 who aren't assholes like me.
谢谢你救了我的命 Thanks for saving my life,
混蛋 asshole.
握手为证，搭档 Put her there, partner.
我一会再来 I'll come back later.
我们有点像Die Hard的结尾 但我们是真实生活 We're, like, in the end of Die Hard right now, but it's our actual life.
疯狂的 It's crazy.
- 第一集还是第二集？ - 第三集 Number one or two? Three.
- 塞米尔杰克逊的，对！ - 他的风格 Sam Jackson one. Yeah! Sam Jackson style.
轰！混蛋们！ 一切都好吗？来啊！ Boom, motherfuckers! What's going on? Come on!
他在哪？他在这！ Where is he? There's my guy!
在这！就是他，就是他 There he is! That's him. That's him.
- 行了 - 抱得太长了 Enough. Too long on the hug.
祝贺你们，两个疯狂的 有病的、义务混蛋警员 Congratulations, you crazy, sick, vigilante motherfuckers.
你终于完成了第一次逮捕哈？ You got your first arrest, huh?
- 看，做了个东西给你 - 不会吧！ - Look. Got something made for you. - You didn't!
- 来，好吧，好吧 - 够了，够了 Come on. All right, all right. Enough. Enough.
新任务 New assignment.
你们两个牛仔既然喜欢豪饮 Since you two cowboys love to drink booze,
跟年轻人一起抽点大麻 还喜欢泡妞 smoke weed with kids, and fuck anything with a big ass in jeans
尤其是没多少自尊的 with low self-esteem,
我将把你们两派往 这一切都被允许的地方 I'm gonna send you to a place where all that shit is allowed.
我喜欢迪士尼乐园！ Oh, I love Disneyland!
你们两个妹子养的 去给我上大学！ You two sons of bitches are going to college!
- 太好了！ - 不好！ No! Yes!
剧终
嘘！ Boo-yah!
啊，天啊！ 你像两个猛男合二为一！ Oh, my God! You're like two Hardy Boys in one!
啊，靠！ Oh, fuck!
斯格特，你来这干什么？ Hey, why are you here, Scott?
肯尼迪中学今晚没有聚会？ What, Kennedy High isn't having any parties tonight?