你个笨蛋根本没听 That's not what I'm saying, you imbecile.
天啊 完全曲解我的意思 God, you completely misrepresent my ideas!
真是对牛弹琴 Why am I even bothering talking to such idiots?
-博里斯 冷静 -我很冷静! - Boris, calm down. - no, don't tell me to... I am calm.
别因为我们不理解 你就乱指责 Don't jump on us just because we don't understand what you're saying.
我没指责你们 I didn't jump on you.
我指责的不是基督教 犹太教 It's not the idea behind Christianity I'm faulting, or Judaism,
或任何宗教的教义 Or any religion.
而是所谓专业人员的商业化 It's the professionals who've made it into a corporate business.
借上帝之名大捞一笔 There's big money in the god racket. big money.
-又来了 -我们知道 博里斯 - Here we go. - We know, Boris.
基督教的基本教义是很好的 Hey, the basic teachings of Jesus are quite wonderful.
和马克思主张的原理一样 So, by the way, is the original intention of Karl Marx. okay?
人人平等 有什么不好的 Hey, what could be bad? everybody should share equally.
对他人 民主 政府都秉持公平原则 Do unto others. Democracy. Government by the people.
这些观点都很好 很好 All great ideas. these are all great ideas,
但有一个致命缺点 But they all suffer from one fatal flaw.
-什么缺点 -对啊 什么缺点 - Which is? - yeah, what's that?
它们植根于一个错误的观念 Which is they're all based on the fallacious notion...
认为人性本善 That people are fundamentally decent.
只要有机会改过自新 人们就乐意接受 Give them a chance to do right and they'll take it.
他们又不是愚昧自私 目光短浅的鼠辈 They're not stupid, selfish, greedy, cowardly, short-sighted worms.
当然会尽力从善 They do the best they can.
你就自说自话吧 Speak for yourself, man. Speak for yourself.
人们把生活弄得一团糟 All I'm saying is that people make life so much worse than it has to be...
缺少他们的帮助就是一场噩梦 And, believe me, it's a nightmare without their help.
整体来说 人类是失败的物种 But on the whole, I'm sorry to say, we're a failed species.
-扯太远了吧 -我还没说完 - I wouldn't go that far. - Not ed.
乔 所以你才会喜欢那个女人 That's why this woman you like, Joe,
她从事尸体防腐 满身都是甲醛臭味 So what if she's an embalmer's assistant, so she stinks from formaldehyde?
我的天哪 你非得用这种 For christ's sake, you got to take what little pleasure
毛骨悚然的方式取乐吗 you can find In this chamber of horrors.
甲醛味还好 但她浑身恶臭 A little formaldehyde, okay, but she reeks of it.
博里斯 他们不了解你 讲讲你的故事吧 You know, they don't know your story. Boris, tell them your story.
我的故事就是 只要不伤害别人 怎样都行 My story is, whatever works. you know, as long as you don't hurt anybody.
尽力在这个竞争残酷 Any way you can filch a little joy
不可理喻又混乱无序的世间找点乐子 In this cruel, dog-eat-dog, pointless, black chaos. that's my story.
不 把你的故事告诉他们吧 No. that's not... tell them the story.
-告诉他们 -对 告诉他们 - Tell them. - Yeah. tell them.
你要我复述一遍 好让他们能听见 You just want me to say it again, so they can hear.
-谁 -他们 - Who? - Them.
-谁 -他们是谁 - Who? - Who's them?
-有人吗 -在哪里 - You see something out there? - Where?
你个低能儿 What are you? an imbecile?
满影院的观众盯着我们呢 There's an audience full of people looking at us.
-影院? -他说什么 - An audience? - What's he talking about?
你觉得有人在看你 You feel you're being watched.
他们花血汗钱买票看的 They paid good money for tickets, hard-earned money,
好莱坞那帮蠢材的私家泳池就这么来的 So some moron in hollywood can buy a bigger swimming pool.
好吧 你说有人 You're saying there are human beings
花钱买票看我们 Out there who bought tickets to watch us.
我不否认 大多数是冲我来的 Well, mostly they're interested in me, I have to say.
他们就坐在那 你没看见吗 they're just sitting there. don't you see them?
有人吃爆米花 有人伸长脖子盯着屏幕 Some are eating popcorn, some are just staring straight ahead
像尼德兰人一样用嘴喘气 Breathing through their mouths like neanderthals.
你说他们在听你讲故事? So they're there to listen to your story?
-异想天开 -绝对的 - Total delusions of grandeur. - Completely.
为什么想听我的事呢 Why would you want to hear my story?
我们认识吗 气味相投吗 Do we know each other? do we like each other?
我马上告诉你 好吧 Let me tell you right off, okay?
我不讨人喜欢 也无魅力可言 I'm not a likeable guy. Charm has never been a priority with me.
如你所知 这也不是热门电影 And just so you know, this is not the feel-good movie of the year.
若你傻乎乎地来寻求安慰 So if you're one of those idiots who needs to feel good,
那不如去做脚底按摩 Go get yourself a foot massage.
-妈妈 那人在自言自语 -走 贾斯汀 - Mom, that man's talking to himself! - Come away, Justin.
有意义吗 没有 一切都是零 虚无 What the hell does it all mean anyhow? nothing. zero. zilch.
但无中又生有 Nothing comes to anything,
喋喋不休的傻子到处都有 And yet there's no shortage of idiots to babble.
但我还是挺有远见的 我说的是你 Not me. I have a vision. I'm discussing you.
你的朋友 合作伙伴 报纸 电视台 Your friends, your co-workers, your newspapers, the TV.
人人都喜欢夸夸其谈 满口胡言 Everybody's happy to talk, full of misinformation.
道德 科学 宗教 政治 体育 爱情 Morality, science, religion, politics, sports, love.
投资 儿女 健康 天啊 Your portfolio, your children, health. Christ.
如果每天要吃9顿蔬果才能活 If I have to eat nine servings of fruits and vegetables a day to live,
那我情愿不活 我最恨他妈的蔬菜水果了 I don't want to live. I hate goddamn fruits and vegetables.
还要吃深海鱼肝油 健身 测心电图 And your OMEGA-3's and the treadmill and the cardiogram
照乳房X光和盆腔B超 And the mammogram and the pelvic sonogram
还有! 结肠镜检! And, oh, my god, the colonoscopy!
就算这样 终有一天还是要一命呜呼 And with it all, the day still comes when they put you in a box
下一代傻子接着循环 And it's on to the next generation of idiots
谁会告诉你生活该怎样过呢 Who'll also tell you all about life and define for you what's appropriate.
我爸自杀了 因为早报新闻太压抑 My father committed suicide because the morning newspapers depressed him.
你能全怪他吗 And could you blame him?
新闻充斥着恐惧 贪污 愚昧 贫穷... With the horror and corruption and ignorance and poverty
种族灭绝 艾滋病 全球变暖和恐怖威胁... And genocide and AIDS and global warming and terrorism
还有纲伦尽丧与暴力泛滥! And the family-value morons and the gun morons!
《黑暗之心》的角色库尔茨在结尾说:"太恐怖了" "the horror", Kurtz said at the end of "heart of darkness". "the horror".
幸亏库尔茨没体验过热带雨林逃生记 Lucky Kurtz didn't have the times delivered in the jungle,
不然他就知道什么叫恐怖了 Then he'd see some horror.
你又怎样呢 But what do you do?
新闻报道苏丹大屠杀或校车爆炸 You read about some massacre in Darfur...
你说:"天哪 太恐怖了" 然后翻页 Or some school bus gets blown up, and you go, "oh, my god, the horror!"
继续看报纸 吃绿色农场的鸡蛋 And then you turn the page and finish your eggs from free-range chickens.
你能做什么呢 你也无能为力 Because what can you do? it's overwhelming.
我曾尝试自杀 I tried to commit suicide myself.
当然 没死成 Obviously, it didn't work out.
你爱听这些吗 But why'd you even wanna hear about all this?
家家有本难念的经 Christ, you got your own problems.
你肯定曾为渺茫的希望 I'm sure you're all obsessed with any
美好的梦想而满心期待 Number of sad little hopes and dreams.
然而沮丧的婚姻继续 Your predictably unsatistying love lives.
失败的事业犹在 Your failed business ventures.
"当初买了那支股票就好了" "oh, if only I'd bought that stock!"
"早几年买那栋房子就好了" "if only I had purchased that house years ago!"
"当初能和她谈恋爱就好了" "if only I had made a move on that woman".
惋惜这 懊悔那 得了吧 If this, if that. you know what?
机会一去不再来! Give me a break with your "could haves" and "should haves".
正如我妈说的 Like my mother used to say,
"如果你外婆长轮子 我就能当电车了!" "if my grandmother had wheels, she'd be a trolley car".
我妈没有轮子 只有静脉曲张 My mother didn't have wheels. she had varicose veins.
但她生了个天才 Still, the woman gave birth to a brilliant mind.
我得过诺贝尔物理学奖提名 I was considered for a nobel prize in physics.
但没获奖 I didn't get it.
一切都是政治游戏 虚荣假誉而已 it's all politics, just like every other phony honor.
别以为我钉子碰多了就尖酸刻薄 Incidentally, don't think I'm bitter because of some personal setback.
照这个荒诞粗野的文明标准来看 By the standards of a mindless, barbaric civilization,
我还算幸运 I've been pretty lucky.
我娶了个漂亮富婆 I was married to a beautiful woman, who had family money.
多年来一直住在比克曼 For years we lived on Beekman place.
我在哥伦比亚大学教弦理论 I taught at Columbia. string theory.
博里斯 怎么了 What's the matter, Boris?
我要死了 I'm dying!
怎么了 What is it?
我要死了 I'm dying!
要不要叫救护车 Should I call an ambulance?
现在不用 至少今晚不用 当然迟早要 No! no, not now! no, not tonight! I mean, eventually!
-博里斯 每个人都会死 -真是难以接受 - Boris, everybody dies. - It's unacceptable!
恐惧症越来越严重了 Your panic attacks are getting more frequent and more intense.
你得继续服药 You have to go back on your medicine.
我才不吃那该死的药呢 I'm not going back on my goddamn medicine.
药物会扰乱心智 I won't have my mind befuddled by chemicals
现在是众人皆醉我独醒 When I'm the only one who sees the whole picture for exactly what it is.
伏特加呢 Where's the goddamn vodka?
博里斯 我明天还要见客户 Boris, I have clients to see tomorrow morning.
-现在是凌晨4点 -客户 银行家 有钱人 - It is 4:00 A. M.! - Clients. right. Wealthy bankers.
住着设计独特的别墅 To design their chic apartment,
摆上一屋艺术品和奢侈品 To fill it full of art and expensive possessions,
好炫耀是吧 So they can flaunt their money
在这个到处是耻辱 暴力 偏见 文盲 And be in the top 1% of this shameful, violent, prejudiced,
性压抑与夜郎自大的世界当人中龙凤! Illiterate, sexually repressed, self-righteous nation!
现在是凌晨4点 能不能别高谈阔论了 Christ, it is 4:00 A. M. can you spare me this sophomoric tirade!
我世界观很开阔 周围到处都是细菌 I'm a man with a huge worldview. I'm surrounded by microbes!
那我呢 我是细菌吗 我们读耶鲁的儿子是吗 And what about me? Am I a microbe? Is our son at Yale a microbe?
面对事实吧 杰西卡 Let's face it, Jessica, okay?
我们的婚姻根本不是春色满园 Our marriage hasn't been a garden of roses.
从植物学上来讲 你顶多是棵捕蝇草 Botanically speaking, you're more of a venus flytrap.
你这个人真难相处 You are a very difficult man to live with.
-所以你搞婚外情 -我哪有婚外情 - Is that why you had an affair? - I didn't have an affair.
几年前有过一段露水情缘罢了 It was a brief interlude of infidelity,
你现在还记恨! and it happened years ago. You still can't forget it!
我现在是明察秋毫! I see everything so clearly now. everything!
-娶你就是个错误 -你什么意思 - I married you for all the wrong reasons. - What's that supposed to mean?
你才华横溢 而我只想找个人聊天 You're brilliant. I wanted someone to talk to.
你喜欢古典音乐 喜欢艺术 喜欢文学 You loved classical music, you loved art, you loved literature.
喜欢性爱 喜欢我! You loved sex! you loved me!
我觉得这不错啊 Those sound like pretty good reasons to me!
是 绝对不赖 但这就是问题所在! Yes! exactly! that's the problem! that's the problem!
一切都太理性了 太有逻辑了 It was rational, it made sense!
我都不知道哪错了 I don't know what went wrong.
每一条审查下来都合情合理 When you examine it, there is so much right about us.
表面上我们很般配啊 On paper we're ideal.
但生活不能仅看表面 But life isn't on paper.
博里斯 你要干什么 Boris? Boris, what are you doing?
关上窗户 Close the window!
博里斯 Boris!
我掉到天蓬上了 你信吗 该死的天蓬! Can you believe I hit the canopy? I hit the goddamn canopy.
在医院几个月 那帮蠢蛋医生 Months in the hospital! Moron doctors!
瞧瞧我这条腿 我以前不瘸! Look. look at this limp.I never had a limp before.
我和杰西卡离婚了 搬到市区 辞了职 Meanwhile, I divorced Jessica, moved downtown and gave up.
教一帮小屁孩下棋维持生计 I eke out a meager living teaching chess to incompetent zombies.
将军 你个笨蛋 Checkmate, you little patzer.
叶先生 他才8岁 Hey! he's only 8 years old, Mr. Yellnikoff.
你是来教他的... You're supposed to be teaching him...
他就算学到58岁也是智障 He'll be an incompetent idiot at 58.
重要的不是我怎样活 而是我为何苟延残喘 More important than how I make my living, is why I bother to live at all.
晚上 我睡不着就到莫特大街上闲晃 Nights, I have trouble sleeping and hang out on mott street,
试着给那些笨蛋们解释 Trying to explain to cretins that
为什么黑人能入住白宫... While a black man got into the white house...
但在纽约却打不上车 He still can't get a cab in New York.
尽管黑奴解放100年了 Almost 100 years after the abolition of slavery,
黑人仍然不能 A man couldn't play a game of baseball in the Big leagues.
打大联盟棒球 If his skin color was black.
你喋喋不休地说同一个观点 You're harping on one point.
那不讲黑人了 讲犹太人吧 Oh, good. okay, forget blacks. Take jews.
-什么 -又来了 - What? - Here we go.
学校里的犹太人数量一直受到限制 For years they restricted the number of jews in schools, medical schools.
美国人恨犹太人 In America, as much as they hated blacks,
比恨黑人更甚 They hate jews even more.
痛恨黑人因为他们鸡巴太大 Blacks they were scared had too big a penis.
犹太人的太小 他们也痛恨 Jews they hated, even with little penises.
天呢 我还在吃饭呢 For god's sake, I'm eating here.
你 我可找到你了 You! I've been looking for you.
-我要找你呢 -你是谁 - I wanna talk to you. - Who are you?
你...你有没有拾起满盘棋子... Did you... did you pick up a chessboard full of pieces...
在今天的课上打他? And hit my son with it at his lesson today?
那个白痴是你儿子? That idiot's your son?
拜托 别让我教那个白痴了 Do me a favor, don't send that cretin to me anymore.
没脑袋的笨蛋再教也白搭 I can't teach an empty-headed zombie chess.
他是非常聪明的孩子 I'll have you know that he is a very bright child.
那是你的看法 你的看法... In your opinion. In your opinion.
是有偏见的 因为他是你的产物 Which is skewed, because he's your unfortunate issue.
所以你就拿棋盘打他? So you threw a chessboard at him?
我没有啊 I didn't throw it at him.
我只是拿起棋盘 把棋子倒他头上 I picked up the board and dumped the pieces on his head...
砸醒他的麻木不仁罢了 As an object lesson to shake him outta his vegetable torpor.
等我老公从佛罗里达回来再收拾你 You wait until my husband gets back from florida.
-他在佛罗里达干什么 -他肯定会揍你 - What's he doing in florida without you? - He will punch you in the nose.
他老公在佛罗里达 Her husband's in Fort lauderdale.
说不定正和放春假的大学裸女鬼混呢 He's probably hanging out with naked coeds on spring break.
还骗她说出差 He tells her it's a business trip.
你儿子低能 教他挑圆片吧 别学下棋 Your son's an imbecile. teach him tiddlywinks, not chess.
博里斯 你太牛了 You handled that beautifully, Boris.
你应该开一所叶博里斯魅力学校 You know, you should open the Boris Yellnikoff charm school.
我们走吧 太晚了 我太累了 Let's get outta here. it's late. I'm tired.
博里斯 晚安 Good night, Boris.
什么 你们干什么 What? what're you doing?
你们去哪 这就完了? Hey, where're you going? that's it?
-先生 -干嘛 - Sir? - Hey! what?
你在这干啥 天啊 你想吓死我 What... what the hell're you doing? my God, you scared me. for god's sake!
你这算伏击吗 小流浪汉 你想干嘛 You creep up on me like that, you little vagrant. What'd you want?
您给我点吃的吗 Can you help me get something to eat?
天哪 我现在没带钱 Oh, god, no, I don't carry any money, now, come on,
告诉你的同伙 不管他藏在哪 You can tell that to your partner, wherever he's hiding.
-求求你了 我实在是太饿了 -退后 退后 - Please, I'm so hungry! - Back up! Back up!
我一整天都没吃东西了 我快饿晕了 I haven't had anything to eat all day, I think I'm gonna faint.
听着 小丫头 这种诡计我见多了 Yeah, listen, I'm wise to that scam, little girl, okay?
我知道有专业乞讨为生的 I know about professional beggar school.
拜托 求求你了 Please, I'm desperate.
天呢 你看起来脸色不对 你怎么了 God, stop that! you look terrible! What's wrong with you?
没事 Just... all right.
上来待2分钟吧 然后... Come up for two minutes. that's it. and then...
-然后就走 -谢谢你 - And then go. - Thank you!
2分钟 不许久留 Two minutes, okay? that's it.
祝你生日快乐 祝你生日快乐 Happy birthday to you happy birthday to you
亲爱的博里斯 祝你生日快乐 Happy birthday, dear Boris happy birthday to you
祝你生日快乐 祝你生日快乐 Happy birthday to you happy birthday to you
亲爱的博里斯 祝你生日快乐 Happy birthday, dear Boris happy birthday to you
今天是你生日 Is this your birthday?
只是唱两遍生日快乐以洗净细菌 You don't know you have to sing happy birthday twice to get the germs off?
你说饿了 想吃点什么 You said you were starving. What do you like?
牡蛎 熏鲑 秋葵 螃蟹腿 黑眼... I like oysters, blackened redfish, gumbo, crab legs, black-eyed...
你以为我谁啊 开克里奥耳饭店的吗? Are you nuts? what do you think I'm running? a creole restaurant?
-一罐沙丁鱼怎么样 -好的 谢谢 - How about a can of sardines? - Oh, yes, please.
芥末酱 你叫什么名 Gumbo. So what's your name?
梅迪 萧梅迪 Melody. Melody Celestine.
萧梅迪 Melody Celestine.
萧梅迪·圣安妮 Melody Saintanne Celestine.
法语名字 我妈是新奥尔良人 It's french. My mama's family was from New Orleans.
我密西西比人 您贵姓 I'm from Mississippi, Mr...
里奥 马里奥 Muggeridge. Lionel Muggeridge.
马里奥先生 Mr. Muggeridge.
密西西比伊甸 您听过吗 Eden, Mississippi. You ever hear of it?
不 没有 就算本地人也不知道吧 No, I haven't. not even the people who live there have heard of it.
那... So...
你流浪是为什么 So what are you running away from?
家 Home.
你能更具体点吗 梅勒妮 Could you be more specific, Melanie?
梅迪 梅勒妮是《飘》里面的人 Melody. Melanie was from gone with the wind.
对 不过我更喜欢演斯佳丽的那个 Oh, yeah. I preferred the one who played Scarlett.
为什么 梅勒妮很好啊 她嫁给了艾什力 Why? Melanie was the nice one. She marries Ashley.
艾什力 那个笨蛋 Ashley. what an imbecile!
我受不了他 也受不了他老婆 I couldn't stand him, I couldn't stand his wife,
那个老妇还脚踏两只船 That goody two-shoes, sexual nothing.
斯佳丽 就是个绿眼睛的贱货 Scarlett, bitch that she was, with those green eyes...
你知道 You know,
我首次比赛穿的像斯佳丽·奥哈拉 I came in first dressed as Scarlett O'Hara in one of the pageants.
比赛 Pageant?
我妈妈总让我参加选美比赛 My Mom always used to keep me busy in all these beauty contests.
所以我没怎么上学 That's why I didn't get to schooling much.
好吧 我建议你:回家 All right, my advice to you, go back home.
不 我才不回家呢 Oh, no, I'm never going back home.
这场愚蠢的抵抗不到3天就会失败的 You're a brainless little twit who won't last 3 days in New York.
如果不是我心怀仁慈 You'd be dead now of starvation if I
你就要饿死街头了 Hadn't a heart as big as all outdoors.
马里奥先生 反正我不回家 I can't go back home, Mr. Muggeridge.
-别再叫我马里奥 -这不是你的名字吗 - alright, stop calling me Muggeridge. - but that's your name.
我不叫这名字 我叫叶博里斯 No, it's not my name. my name is Boris Yellnikoff.
我用的是别名 谁知道你的底细 I was using an alias. I thought, who knows,
可能是个塔利班也说不定 You might be from the taliban or something.
我能留下吗 Can I stay here?
留下? 你疯了吗 你几岁啊 Stay here? what're you? nuts? how old are you?
-我21岁 -21岁? - I'm twenty-one. - twenty-one? yeah.
21岁 我还在扬基队打球呢 You're twenty-one like I play for the yankees. twenty-one!
你是瘸子 怎么能当运动员 You're a professional athlete with that limp?
-天哪 -反正我不回去 - oh, christ! - alright, look, I don't wanna go back.
我要在纽约开展新生活 Okay? I wanna make a new life here in New York.
你会像那些亚洲人一样沦为妓女... You'll wind up a prostitute, like those Asian girls...
来时满怀希望 Who come here full of high hopes.
后来为了生活开始变戏法 And then they wind up turning tricks to keep alive.
有些长的还蛮好看的 And many of them are actually good-looking.
真有意思 你说到变戏法 我会变魔术 That's so funny you just mentioned tricks, you know, I do magic.
真的 我可以表演給你看 我要...你有丝巾吗 I do, I can show you, I just need... do you have any silk handkerchiefs?
有些时候 你... Yeah, you know, some other time, you're...
你是个可爱的孩子 理解力能力差 Look, you're a sweet kid. stupid beyond all comprehension,
你没法谋生的 But you'll never survive here.
你什么特长都没有 一切都是零 虚无 You got nothing going for you. zero. zilch.
也许在南部你是选美冠军 You know, you may be beauty contest material in the deep south,
但这次比赛规模很大 我给你评3分 But this is the big time. here, you're a three.
梳洗一番之后 可能給你5分 A five maybe after you bathe.
你拖着瘸腿在扬基队打球? Did you get that limp playing for the yankees?
傻孩子 没脑子的笨蛋 Imbecile child. brainless inchworm.
我没进过扬基队 那是讽刺你 I didn't play for the yankees! I was being sarcastic before.
-我以为你说真的 -是啊 - oh, you... I took it seriously. - yes.
我经常搞笑 在教会活动中 我演过两次小丑 I usually get jokes, at the church's social, I was the comedian twice.
-我就是个笑料 -是吗? - I've a way with jokes. yes. - really?
-别烦我了 滚出去 -不 马里奥先生 - spare me and just get out. - no, mr. Muggeridge...
别叫我马里奥 都跟你解释过了 Stop calling me muggeridge, okay? I already explained that!
我知道...对不起 我只是... I know, I know. I'm sorry. I just...
找到落脚的地方前 我要找个地方暂住 I just need a place to stay for a few nights, till I get on my feet.
我没地方能去 I don't have anywhere to go.
你把我赶出去 我就只能跟着亚洲人卖淫了 And if you throw me out and I wind up an asian prostitute,
你会良心不安的 That's gonna be on your conscience.
我投降 睡沙发吧 笨蛋 I give up. sleep on the couch, imbecile.
诺贝尔奖准得主和邋遢细菌的对话 I'm too tired to prolong this brutal exchange...
真是驴头不对马嘴 Between a bedraggled microbe and a nobel-level thinker.
-别打扰我 -好的 我保证 - keep out of my way. - I will, I promise.
我梳洗一下 I'm just gonna use the little girl's to freshen up,
然后就睡觉 And then I'm gonna go right to sleep.
好 好 梳洗一下 Yes, yes, use the little girl's. freshen up.
别忘了给服务员小费 Don't forget to tip the attendant.
-不会的 谢谢 马...-什么 - I won't. thank you so much, mr. m... - oh, what?
-又要叫我马里奥了? -不是 - you were gonna say Muggeridge again? - no!
我叫叶博里斯 你再叫我一次马里奥 It's Boris Bellnikoff! you call me muggeridge one more time,
我就把你从窗户扔出去 I'm gonna throw you out the goddamn window.
-你介意我看电视吗 -我介意 笨蛋 - do you mind if I watch a little tv? - yes, I do, simpleton.
我只想看看电视放松一下 I just like to turn some on at night to unwind.
你敢碰遥控器我就空拳赤手 Yeah. you touch that dial, I'll unwind your head...
扭断你的脖子 怎样 With my bare hands. how about that?
-听说博里斯的事了吗 -什么 - did you hear about Boris? - what?
我昨天给他打电话 是个女人接的 I tried to call him yesterday and a woman answered the phone.
不会吧 她是谁 No! who is she?
一个离家少女 暂住他家 He got conned into letting some little runaway
想在纽约工作安居 Bed down in his apartment while she looks for a job and gets settled.
明显是首次来纽约 Apparently she's never been to new york before
想让他带路四处转转 And she's asked him if he would show her around.
-博里斯要当向导? -对 - Boris is going to be sightseeing? - yeah.
-不可能 -没门 - not a chance. - no way.
没门 No way.
我这辈子就生活在纽约 My whole life I've lived in new york,
但从没来过格兰特将军墓 I never wanted to go to grant's tomb.
-现在我懂原因了 -为什么 - now I know why. - why?
任何坟墓我都不该去 I should never go to a tomb, ever.
我妈从小教育我相信 My mom brought me up to believe that
上帝对每个人的生活都有所规划 The good lord has a plan that we're all a part of.
-他用麻雀的眼看世界 -我同情那只麻雀 - he has his eye on the sparrow. - yeah, I pity the sparrow.
但我进不了天堂 我违背过宗教道德 I'm not getting into heaven, though. I sinned.
你? 开玩笑吧 你违背过宗教道德? You? you're kidding. you sinned?
我有婚前性行为 I made love before I was married.
天哪 Oh, my god.
很多朋友都这样 但在我们家是不可原谅的 Plenty of my friends have, but in my house, that's just unforgivable.
我抵不住波比·克拉西的诱惑 I just couldn't resist Bobby Klaxon.
好吧 不用告诉我细节 All right, okay, spare me the details, all right.
不 那真是很美妙 No, it was really beautiful! I mean, he was just
他是惊人乐队的帅哥吉他手 This pretty boy guitar player in this Amazing Rock Band.
虽然你是个天才 但是他会敲双鼓 I mean, if you think you're a genius, he can double on the drums.
-不会吧 敲双鼓? -对 - no! doubles on drums? - yeah.
很多女孩子喜欢他 但他就喜欢我 All the girls had a crush on him, but he liked me.
他温柔而又敏感 He was so sweet and sensitive,
还抓到了镇上最大的鲶鱼 And he caught the biggest catfish in plaquemines county.
除了他可没人能抓住呢 I wondered who caught that catfish.
我妈妈总说初夜会很疼 My mom always told me that it was gonna hurt the first time,
她说 事情是这样 You know, she said it was, you know,
女人要做的就是躺下 忍受... It's a woman's duty to just lie down, bear it and...
她还说有很多的性变态 You know, she said there were a lot of perversions involved,
还有... And that, you know,
按上帝的旨意 你不该做这些事 It's god's will, you shouldn't do it
婚后打算生孩子了才可以做... Unless you were married and you planned to have kids and...
她说那很危险 但我觉得... She said it could be dangerous, but I just felt like it was
这是天下最自然的事 感觉很好 The most natural thing in the world. you know, it just felt right.
那些花招也很有趣 一点都不复杂 And all the little extras were just fun. it wasn't complicated at all.
我觉得波比喜欢和我在一起 And I think bobby really liked it,
因为他抛弃了乔贝蒂 Because he was gonna dump his, uh... Betty Jo cleary,
那女孩是他的未婚妻 我之前不知道 This girl he was going steady with. but I wouldn't, I wouldn't hear of it.
一切就是这样 It was just what it was, you know,
在野餐帐篷后面的美妙时刻 It was a nice moment behind the tent at the fish fry.
这是我听过最恶心的事 That is the most disgusting story I've ever heard.
你跟这个大脖子病吉他手在某个 You and this adenoidal guitar player slaking your lust...
原始的社交活动中做爱 At some barbaric social function.
你不喜欢做爱? You don't like to make love?
我不喜欢 No, I do not. no.
天哪 That's crazy!
博里斯 你死后想土葬还是火化呢 Boris, do you want to be buried or cremated?
我不想谈论那个 All right, I really don't wanna talk about that. okay?
-我想要火化 -你能不能闭嘴 白痴 - I think I want to be cremated. - alright, will you shut up, cretin?
这样不会长蠕虫 There's no worms.
-这是什么 -水果馅饼 - what is this? - a knish.
用什么做的 And what's it made of?
我吃这个好几年了 味道很好 I've been eating these things for years, they're delicious.
我不知道是什么馅 I don't know what's in them.
我也不想知道 更不想谈论它 I don't want to know what's in them. don't even talk about it!
-天哪 恐怖 恐怖 -博里斯 - oh, my god! the horror! the horror! - Boris!
-你没事吧 怎么了 -不 我有事 - are you all right? what happened? - no, I'm not all right.
-你病了吗 -没有 - are you sick? - no.
做噩梦了吗 Did you have a bad dream?
是啊 这太可怕了 Yeah, it was terrible.
-过来 没事的 -我不能 - come here. it's okay. - oh, I can't...
宝贝 你在冒汗 过来坐下 Oh, baby, you're sweating. come sit down.
我有盗汗症 Night sweats. I get them.
我以为是艾滋 I used to think it was aids,
但只是幽闭症... But it's just that I have a morbid fear of the dark and...
-你把我的灯关了 -对不起 - you turned my night-light off! - oh, I'm sorry.
你吃了馅饼胃痛吗 Does your stomach hurt? could it be the kwish?
馅饼 不关馅饼的事 Knish! not kwish.
我去开电视 Well, here, I'll... I'll put something on tv.
我看到了深渊 I saw the abyss.
别担心 我们看些别的 Don't worry, we'll watch something else.
-这个是... -对 - oh, this is, um... - yeah.
弗莱德·亚斯坦 是的 Fred astaire. yeah.
就看这个 Leave that.
很好看 就看这个 That's good. leave that.
看够了吧 可以走了吗 There, that's it, okay? can we get the hell outta here?
天哪 这个是真的 Oh, my god, that's it! it's the actual one!
我以前只看过照片 I've only seen it in pictures!
"带给我你疲惫 穷困的人民" "bring me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses"...
你居然还学过这首诗 I'm surprised you know that, terrible as it is.
我凭它获得选美大赛绿林小姐奖 I closed with it for the miss greenwood, mississippi pageant.
这句诗很感人 I think it's so moving.
但美国不曾欢迎过那些疲惫贫困的人民 But the huddled masses were never welcomed with open arms.
这些民族跨过国境线后 Soon as they came over,
迎接他们的是敌意和兵戎相见 Each ethnic group was met with violence and hostility.
每个民族都要为生存奋斗 Each one had to claw and fight its way in.
人们恨外来者 美国人就这么排外 People always hated foreigners. it's the american way.
选美着重表现美国积极的一面 Our pageants like to focus on the positive things about america.
对 绑架非洲黑人 拴上奴隶船 Yeah. the blacks were kidnapped from africa! chained in ships!
我爸说美国人都在拼命帮助黑人 My daddy says that america bends over backwards
因为对他们有负罪感 这真疯狂 For the blacks because we feel guilty, and it's crazy.
你爸是吹牛大王 盲目的宗教卫道士 Oh, yeah, your daddy. your daddy's a cracker, he's a bigot moron.
你爸爸 Your daddy!
也许你说的对 因为你是天才 Well, you're probably right, 'cause you're a genius,
但我只是个密西西比小女孩 兴奋很自然 But for a little mississippi girl like me, this is really exciting!
你是哪种天才呢 So what kinda genius are you, anyway?
-哪种? -哪方面的天才 - what kind? - yeah, what are you genius at?
量子力学 Quantum mechanics.
是什么领域的 音乐? Yeah, but what field? like, music?
你看小孩玩球 When you see kids tossing a ball,
不会想起春训吗 Does it ever make you miss spring training?
我从来没在扬基队打过球 Alright... I've never played for the yankees,
你懂吗 Do you understand that?
我这辈子都没玩过体育 懂吗 从没玩过 I have never played any sports whatsoever in my life! okay? ever!
乔 李欧 帮帮我 我受不了了 Joe, leo, you gotta help me out. I can't take it anymore.
那就把她赶出去 Just kick her out.
已经一个月了 你们能相信吗 Can you believe it's been a month already?
-一个月了 天哪 光阴似箭 -悔不当初啊 - a whole month? god, time flies. - well put.
起码她很漂亮 Well, at least is she pretty?
-她赢过选美比赛 -不会吧 - she's won some beauty contests. - no.
高还是矮? 金发? 描述一下 Tall? short? blonde? describe her.
金发 身材适中 眼睛漂亮 Well, she's blonde. nice height. nice eyes.
刚开始没注意到她眼睛很蓝 Didn't quite realize how blue they were that first night.
脸型也比我想的更端正 Her face is a little more symmetrical than I had originally conceived.
她不能得10分 但也有6分 She's not a ten. in a pinch, six.
-床上功夫怎样 -我怎么知道 我只想让她滚蛋 - good in bed? - how would I know? I just want her out.
-能请你跳支舞吗 -现在太挤了 - can I ask you to dance with me? - it's too crowded.
不是说现在 几分钟后 I don't mean now. in a few minutes,
舞会结束 大家也回家了 The dance will be over and everyone will go home.
但乐队也会离开 Well, the band will go home, too.
那就只剩我们了 我们可以想象音乐 Why, there'll just be the two of us left, and we can imagine the music.
想象一个庞大的管弦乐队 We can pretend there's a big orchestra ofviolins
只为我们舞蹈而演奏 And they're playing just for us as we dance.
电视看多了会变笨 You know, it's been proven television eats away the brain.
糟糕 我想给你惊喜的 Oh, hi! shit, I was gonna surprise you!
什么 这些都是什么啊 What? what's all this?
我准备了一顿特别的晚餐 I'm making you a special dinner.
-给我准备的? -是的 - really? for me? - yeah.
还有我 我们要庆祝 And me, 'cause we're celebrating.
庆祝? 那是什么 We are? what is it?
-小龙虾 我从市场上买的 -上帝啊 - crawfish! I found some at the market. - jesus.
整间房都臭了 It's stinking up the whole house!
不 它们很美味 你会喜欢的 No, they're so good. you'll love them.
听着梅迪 我们得好好谈谈 Listen, Melody, seriously, we have to talk.
行 边吃边说 快做好了 Oh, yeah. I know. we'll talk over dinner. it's almost done.
你是个好女孩 Melody, you're a very nice young woman. really, very nice.
性格和善 人品优秀 You have a lot of nice attributes,
但你不能在这里无限期停留 But, you know, you just can't continue to stay here ad infinitum.
我有好消息告诉你 Yeah, yeah, but that's my news. guess what?
我找到工作了 可以付房租了 I got a job! I can start paying you rent.
房租 我不要你的房租 Rent? I don't want you to pay me rent!
我只要回原来的生活 什么工作 I want my life back. what kinda job?
明天开始 帮人遛狗 I start tomorrow as a dog walker.
遛狗? 天哪 说真的... A dog walker? oh, my god. seriously...
梅迪 你不想回家继续上学吗 Melody, don't you think you should go back home and finish high school,
也许你能考上大学 Maybe even go to college?
你那天不是说美国 I thought the other night you were talking about how america has...
的教育体制很差劲吗 One of the worst education systems in the old west.
-是 是 在西方世界里很糟 -那就对了 - no, no, the western world. - yeah, right, exactly,
大学里教出来的都是愚昧麻木的低能儿 And how most colleges just turn out mindless zombie morons.
上学对你有好处 You could benefit from classes.
我想小龙虾好了 I think the crawfish are ready.
那首是什么歌 What is that song?
我首次跟杰西卡约会的时候 放的就是这歌 They played that song the first time I went out with Jessica.
-你们去哪约会 -我们去参加舞会 - where did you go? - we went to a dance.
我们都是芝加哥大学的学生 We were both students at the university of chicago.
她有高智商 穿着低胸晚礼服 She had a high iq and a low-cut dress.
现在的作曲家比以前差多了 Boy, they really don't write them like they used to.
都是陈词滥调 Oooh! that's a clichy.
梅迪 你说对了 Good, melody. you caught it.
每次我一说你就气得发疯 Well, you always get so mad when I do them.
我真不该生气 有的时候 陈词滥调... Yeah, I shouldn't really. you know, sometimes a clichy...
是表达个人观点的最佳方式 Is finally the best way to make one's point.
博里斯 Boris,
如果说...我有点喜欢你 What would you say... if I was to say...
你觉得怎样呢 That I was developing a little crush on you?
-别喜欢上我 -为什么 - I'd say don't. - why?
感情越深分歧越大 Because anything deeper, more significant between us,
-我们不可能 -原因呢? - is outta the question. - because why?
这问题本身就很可笑 Because it's too preposterous to even dignity with an answer.
是吗 It is?
我们不合适 Every single thing is against it.
我们的年纪 背景 思维和兴趣都不相配 Our ages, our backgrounds, our brains, our interests.
而且我无意恋爱 Not to mention, I have no desire to have a relationship with a woman,
不想要任何女人 Any woman,
我不想做爱 什么爱欲都没有 Nor any urge to make love, nor any desire to be anything...
只想与世隔绝 But isolated from the world.
像你这么漂亮的女孩 And, you know, you're a beautiful girl...
应该跟身心健全的普通男人恋爱 Who should be meeting normal healthy men and going out.
我不喜欢身心健全的普通男人 Yeah, but I don't like normal healthy men.
我就喜欢你 I like you.
我...你这是幻觉 你跟哪个男人约会都会很幸福的 I... you're hallucinating! I'm sure you'll make some man very happy
去钓鱼 看斗狗等等什么都行 At a fish fry or a dog fight or however you people spend time.
你真的觉得我漂亮吗 You really think I'm beautiful?
我承认 刚开始没恰当评价你的外貌 I admit I didn't give you your full due at first, physically.
然而 作为一个聪明人 However, as only a great mind can do,
我重新观察...修改了评价 I've reassessed my position, and changed my mind.
你没想过娶我 So you could never think of marrying me?
你疯了吗 Have you lost your mind?
你脑子里就只想这些事吗 Why on earth would you even fantasize about such a thing?
我有什么好的 我脾气坏 疑心重 What could I offer you, but a bad temper, hypochondriasis,
老顽固 愤世嫉俗 还厌世 Morbid fixations, reclusive rages and misanthropy?
你又能给我什么呢 And what could you offer me?
一个跟福克纳笔下的班吉没两样的人物 A character out of faulkner, not unlike Benjy.
我的回答是:不行 The answer to your question is no.
你就暂住这里 攒点钱 I think you should stay here for a while, accumulate some money,
然后找个安居之所 继续你的生活 And then find a place of your own, and move on with your life.
你的生活呢 Well, what about your life?
让我教你些爱的道理吧 Let me teach you something about love. okay?
当然 是有一些特例 Naturally, there are exceptions to what I'm going to say,
但只是特例 不是一般情况 But they're the exception, not the rule.
尽管人们都说:爱代表一切 Love, despite what they tell you,
事实并非如此 天长地久只是童话 Does not conquer all. nor does it even usually last.
你那浪漫而充满激情的青春 In the end, the romantic aspirations of our youth
终将变成... Are reduced to
什么都好 Whatever works. okay?
为什么我觉得你在虚张声势 Why do I think your bark is worse than your bite?
陈词滥调 梅迪 Clich, Melody.
我不在乎 感觉对了就来 这也是陈词滥调 Oh, I don't care! if the shoe fits, wear it, and that's another one.
我们得谈谈 We need to talk for a minute.
你相信吗 这个小笨蛋看上我了? Can you believe this little inchworm setting her sights on me?
没错 我们有过一段欢乐时光 Yes, yes, we had some pleasant moments.
共进晚餐 携手到公园散步 Some dinners, some walks in the park.
我用渊博的学识 丰富的阅历感染她 I gave her the benefit of my vast knowledge and experience.
传授她认知能力 价值观 Tried to impart to her the perceptions and values
启发她的悟性 Of a truly original mentality.
希望用智慧感化这个无知的卖花女 I only wish I could do a pygmalion on her.
但就算是亨利·希金斯来训练她 But if Henry Higgins ever tried to transform Melody Saintanne Celestine,
估计也会想跳楼["窈窕淑女"中把卖花女调教成淑女的博士] He, too, would have jumped out the window.
走吧 Come on.
-新朋友来了 -不好意思 - oh, boy! new friends. - I'm sorry.
它们很友善 Oh, yeah. they like each other.
没事 我也更喜欢狗 It's okay. I rather like dogs.
我比较喜欢猫 遛狗只是工作 Well, I'm more of a cat person, myself. I just do this professionally.
不好意思 Sorry.
我第一次见到专业遛狗员 I never met a professional dog walker.
真的吗 其实我不想做这行 不过... Really? it's not really the career that I want, but...
你想做什么 What do you want to do?
我想当幼儿园老师 I'd like to work with children.
你很漂亮 你知道吗 You're very pretty, you know that?
-别说了 谢谢 -敢问芳名? - shut up! thank you. - can I ask your name?
梅迪 萧梅迪·圣安妮 It's Melody. Melody Saint Anne Celestine.
多美的名字 我叫辛佩里 What a beautiful name! mine's Perry Singleton.
-幸会 -幸会 - it's nice to meet you. - yes, nice to meet you.
可以一起走吗 May I walk along with you?
当然可以 人终有一死 I don't see why not, you know, since we're all doomed anyway.
-你说什么 -万物终有尽头 - pardon me? - well, you know, everything ends.
我没听明白 I don't think I follow.
就像宇宙 或者永生 it's like the cosmos, or eternity.
不管哪个更大 我们都会飘零四方 Whichever's bigger. I just know that we're all flying apart.
这是哪一出 怎么走的 这算下棋? What is that? what is that? is that a move?
我以为你的象 Well, I thought your bishop was...
我的象怎么了 你个臭棋子 小蚯蚓 My bishop what? what? you patzer, you earthworm!
说过几次了 不能吃这个棋 How many times do I have to tell you? you don't take that pawn.
这是诱饵 看着 继续走 That's called the poisoned pawn, because look!
-博里斯 -就会这样 - Boris! - look what happens!
-对不起 叶先生 -就会道歉 不动脑子 - sorry, mr. Yellnikoff. - yeah, you're sorry,
动动脑子 就不用道歉! You're sorry. use your head next time, you won't be sorry!
-博里斯 -下周回家做作业 别来了 - Boris! - yeah. do your homework next week.
浪费时间 Don't waste my time.
-喂! -诱饵! - hey! - poisoned!
今天早点下班 我们可以一起回家 I got offwork early today and I thought maybe we could walk home together.
晚饭做黑眼豌豆和蟹饼 Maybe I can make black-eyed peas and crab cakes for dinner.
-我不饿 -怎么啦 - no, I'm not hungry. - what's the matter?
我胃溃疡疼了整天 my ulcer's been killing me all day.
你没有胃溃疡啊 I thought you didn't have an ulcer.
医生找不到溃疡 不代表我没有 No, I said they can't find an ulcer, not that I don't have one.
玩忽职守的医疗败类 Those malpractice medical mental midgets.
把胃镜杵到喉咙里 像矿工一样到处挖 They drop that endoscope down my throat and probe me like coal miners,
还什么都查不出来 And they always come up with nothing!
知道今天发生什么事吗 Well, guess what happened today?
我遛狗时和一个男孩聊了几句 I got to talking to this boy on the job...
他想跟我约会 And, uh... he asked me out on a date.
真的 really?
我知道他对我有好感 I could tell he liked me right off and... uh,
我们一起喝咖啡 说说笑笑 We went had coffee and just had, you know, funny banter.
就像调情 You know what banter is, it's like flirty talk.
我懂 我懂 Yeah, yeah, I'm familiar with banter.
后来 他问我有没有男朋友 so, anyway, he asked if I had a boyfriend.
我说目前没有 他说:周五八点我来接你 I said, "not really". he said, "i'll pick you up friday at eight".
你觉得怎样 What'd you think?
挺好的 希望他不是 泰德·邦迪[连环杀人犯] Great. I just hope he's, uh... not a ted bundy, you know.
谁 A who?
你得当心连环杀手 You have to keep an eye out for serial killers.
他不是连环杀手 至少他没承认 He's not a serial killer. at least he didn't mention it.
你一定要当心 Yeah, well, you have to be careful.
他把你往车尾箱一塞 你就没法呼吸了 Sometimes they put you in a trunk of a car and you can't breathe.
不是开玩笑 说真的 I'm not... I'm serious.
我把你的死刑的理论告诉他 I told him your theory about capital punishment.
你怎么说的 What'd you say?
不拴好狗的 在人行道上骑车的 That it should include people that don't pick up after their dogs, uh,
把妈妈叫成妈咪的 还有... People who ride their bikes on the sidewalk,
那些什么都该判死刑 People who call mothers "moms" and, uh...
天 我记不全 你说了好多 God, I can't remember 'em all, you have so many.
-我漂亮吗 -低级下流 - how do I look? - subnormal.
为什么 怎么啦 Why? what's wrong?
简直糟糕透顶 That's an awfully aggressive ensemble.
活像刚从堕胎诊所走出来 You looking to wind up in an abortion clinic?
我只想打扮漂亮点 I wanna look nice.
让他知道 如果举止得宜 Just kinda give him an idea of what he might be in for...
他能得到什么 If he plays his cards right.
是吗 他会得到什么 Oh, yeah? what's he in for?
你拒绝的那些女人 All the stuff with a woman that you reject,
因为你是个天才 比谁都聪明 Because you're a genius and you're above it all.
不过我就注定貌若天仙 But I happen to be pretty sharp, too,
有傻乎乎过日子的特殊天赋 And I have a natural talent in the field of fooling around.
好吧 既然你有工作了 Yeah, well, I just hope you're saving your money...
就攒钱赶紧搬出去 So you can move out quickly, you know, now that you're working.
-佩里 -你好 - hi, Perry! - hey.
抱歉来晚了 路上塞车 Sorry I'm late. I got stuck on the train.
没关系 请进 No, it's fine. come on in.
这位是佩里 This is Perry.
您好 您有一位可爱的女儿 萧先生 Hi. your daughter is very lovely, mr. Celestine.
我不是她父亲 I'm not her father.
祖父? Grandfather?
佩里 我说了和朋友一起住嘛 Perry, I told you I was staying with a friend.
你做什么工作 佩里 So what'd you do, Perry?
他研究...投资之类的东西 He's studying... investments and investing things.
你有没有 You got any, uh...
-身份证 -您说什么 - identification? - pardon me?
驾驶证或者出生证 You know, driver's license, birth certificate.
没有 先生 我不带出生证出门 No, sir. I never carry around my birth certificate... why would i?
小心 杀手有时会扮成银行家 Be careful, bundy sometimes posed as a banker.
我快打扮好了 一会就来 I'm just gonna go finish getting ready. I'll be right back.
梅迪说您非常睿智 Melody tells me you're a very brilliant man.
要是智商200能叫睿智的话 If an iq of 200 is brilliant.
她转述了你的生活无义论 She explained to me your theory about life being meaningless.
别让这理论毁掉约会 Don't let it spoil your evening.
-好了 佩里走吧 -好 - okay, let's go, Perry. - okay.
等等 过来 Oh, hey! come here.
别把我的隐私告诉他 Don't give him any information about me.
比如 Like what?
生日 信用卡号 血型之类 You know, dates, credit card numbers, blood type, things like that.
再见 博里斯 Goodbye, Boris.
如果你回来时我不在 别担心 Oh, and hey, if I'm not here when you get back, don't worry.
你要去哪 Oh? where are you going?
-出去晃晃 -好的 - out. - okay, fine.
-我也是有朋友的 -知道了 - yeah, I have friends, too. - okay. yeah.
听说开场音乐很不错 I even heard the opening's supposed to be good.
是的 你以前听过他们的歌吗 Yeah, they are. have you seen them before?
没有 这是我到纽约第一次听音乐会 No, no. this is my first concert in new york.
你没跟我说过 You didn't tell me that.
得了吧你 Get the hell outta here.
在美国 用什么理由开夏令营都行 In america, they have summer camps for everything.
贵族营 篮球营 魔术营 Rich kids, basketball camp, magic camp.
-网球营 -对 还有导演营 - tennis camp. - tennis camp. movie director camp!
还该搞一个集中营 They should have a concentration camp.
两周强化训练成长 Two weeks mandatory for all kids growing up,
了解如何发挥人类的潜力 So they would finally understand what the human race is capable of.
太妙了 不过谁会送孩子去集中营 Brilliant! except who'd send their kid to a concentration camp?
有责任心的父母 希望孩子把握现实的 A responsible parent who wants their child to grasp reality.
好吧好吧 换个话题 Alright, alright, alright, let's change the subject.
对了 哈里·劳森死了 Meanwhile, Harry Lawson died.
-哈里·劳森 -没错 我听说了 - Harry Lawson? - yeah, I heard.
刚过完51岁生日 Yeah. just celebrated his fifty-first birthday.
-他是个好药剂师 -不过他抽烟 - what a great chemist. - but he was a smoker.
抽烟啊 现代人死因不是吸烟就是超重 A smoker. the minute a person dies, he's a smoker or overweight.
告诉你 不吸烟的瘦子也会死 好吧 Hey, I got news for you, thin non-smokers die, too. okay?
节制禁欲不是万能 Abstinence isn't gonna save you.
你今晚挺高兴啊 You're pleasant tonight.
-什么意思 -梅迪在哪 - what are you talking about? - where's Melody tonight?
她去听那些震耳欲聋的垃圾噪音了 She's out listening to some eardrum-busting bilge posing as music.
我以为你把她赶出去了 I thought you were gonna kick her out.
希望今晚那家伙能带她离开我 Well, hopefully this guy tonight will take her off my hands.
没啥不好的 她挺漂亮 You know, why not? I mean, she's pretty.
你说她漂亮了 Now she's pretty?
她也不是丑八怪就是 What? I'm just saying she's not atrocious-looking. that's all.
能打个7、8分吧 I'd say a seven or eight.
有人吗 Anybody here?
-你起来了 -我也刚回来 - oh, you're up! - yeah, I just got in.
你干什么去了 And what did you do?
我去了拉丁俱乐部 今晚跳林波舞 I went dancing at a latin club. it was limbo night.
胡说 Shut up!
你肯定在聊人 聊政治 You were talking about people...
什么东西都批评一通 And politics and all that stuff you guys like to hate.
约会怎么样 Oh... how was your date?
-太失败了 -是吗 - it was a big washout! yeah. - really?
专业摇滚乐队也不怎么样 This particular rock band wasn't any good?
你还知道辨别啊 I don't know how you can differentiate?
不是 音乐本身不错 只是... No! no, the music was fine. just...
那人和他的朋友 我... That guy and his friends! I just...
怎么 What?
他的品味有问题 什么都喜欢 Well, his taste! he just... he likes everything.
生活 爱情 人类 Life, love, human beings!
还有同去的那对 他们都是质子 And the couple that we double-dated with, they were just protons!
-质子 -我说了质子吗 - protons? - do I mean protons?
是笨蛋 Cretins!
我想说笨蛋 他们根本就不懂 Cretins, that's what I mean. yeah, they didn't know...
对弦理论一窍不通 The first thing about string theory.
你喝高了 I think you're a little drunk.
就喝了一点点 I did have a few drinks.
能怪我吗 跟那些笨蛋出去玩 But can you blame me? hanging out with those inchworms?
他们真的以为爱情能解决一切 I mean, they actually think that love is the answer to everything.
回家路上我说了杰思·罗佩奇的事[一头奶牛] I told them about Jethro Paige from back home.
它跟绵羊...跟绵羊做爱被抓了现行 He got caught doing it with a sheep. making love with a sheep.
而且他们见什么都要笑 And they were all laughing and everything,
我就看着他们说: 伙计们 But I just looked at them and said, "folks,
正如博里斯所说 怎样都行 "as Boris would say, whatever works".
-你看什么 -难以置信 - what're you looking at? - unbelievable.
人生中的机遇真是不可预料 The chance factor in life is mind-boggling.
你诞生在 You entered the world...
密西西比某地 By a random event...
是出于偶然 Somewhere along the mississippi.
我呢 则是随着珊敏和叶言他 I, having emerged through the conjoining...
在纽约布洛克斯区的结合产生的 Of Sam and Yetta Yellnikoff in the bronx,
比你早几十年 Decades earlier.
随着无数 And through an astronomical...
随机事件的发生 Concatenation of circumstances,
我们相会了 Our paths cross.
两条轨道 Two runaways...
在广袤的 In the vast,
黑暗的 Black,
无法意会的暴力中... Unspeakably violent...
不同的宇宙中...相会 And indifferent universe.
你相信吗 我娶了她 我这是怎么了 Can you believe I married her? what possessed me?
在生活中找寻赋予幻觉含义的事物 This search in life for something to give the illusion of meaning.
借此消除恐惧感 To quell the panic.
结婚一年了 Alright, so it's been a year.
365天婚姻生活 3 hundred and 65 days of married life.
知道吗 这一年过得还不错 And you know what? not the worst year of my life, either.
这是什么 What are these?
-粗燕麦粉 -真的? - they're grits. - seriously?
口感真恶心 They're actually disgusting.
她乐观知足 She's cheerful, not demanding.
虽然没杰西卡聪明 Okay, not as brilliant as Jessica,
但也没有她那么大的野心 But not as ambitious and predatoct, either.
杰西卡的缺点是过分自我 不够超我 Jessica's problem was she made up in ego what she lacked in superego.
但Melody不是 But not Melody.
她乐于照顾人 喜欢和别人的小孩相处 She likes being a nanny. she's happy with other people's kids,
希望她不会烦我要一个自己的 So mercifully she doesn't bother me about having our own.
我们每周看一次电影 Once a week we see a movie.
也许她不明白我教的每件事 Maybe she doesn't understand everything I take her to,
但她很努力 是个贤内助 But she tries and she's a good sport.
恐惧症发作的时候 她就陪我坐着 She sits up nights with me when I have my panic attacks.
如果我觉得蚊子叮的包是黑素瘤 She keeps me company at the emergency room
她陪我上急诊室 When I'm convinced my mosquito bite is a melanoma.
没错 我的生活圈子有限 但压力也少了 Yes, my life is circumscribed, but I manage to avoid stress.
达到了微妙的平衡 I've achieved a delicate balance.
如果能够保持 这么过下去也不错 And as long as I can maintain it, I feel less inclined to ending it.
不不 不行 Oh, no, no, no.
-不能接受 关掉 不好听 -什么 - unacceptable. come on, this is not good. - what?
我喜欢能跳舞的音乐 I like music I can dance to.
我知道 但这个太粗鲁了 我给你听点别的 I know, I know, but this is brutal. here, you know what I want you to do?
听听这个 等我出来我们讨论一下 Put this on. okay? and then when I come out, we'll discuss it.
好吧 我试试 All right, I'll try.
贝多芬第五交响曲 It's beethoven's fifth!
想象一下 命运在敲击你的大门 Think of the music as fate knocking on the door.
想象一个故事有助你理解 Maybe a little story will help you appreciate it.
命运在敲击大门 Fate knocking on the door.
-妈妈 -梅迪 - mother? - Melody!
是你 Oh, it's you!
-天啊 -我的宝贝 - oh, my god. - it's my baby!
感谢耶稣 我终于找到你了 I finally found you, praise jesus!
你怎么找到我的 How did you find me?
祈祷总会给我答案 Oh, my prayers were finally answered!
我不 你是我最不想见的人 I can't... you're just the last person I expected to see.
当你不想见我时 命运总会敲你的门 Well, when you least expect it, fate has a way of knocking on your door.
是啊 你带了一个行李箱 Yeah, it does. okay. oh, you have a bag.
你来干嘛 What are you doing here?
-我来找你 亲爱的 -为什么 - well, I was trying to find you, honey. - why?
-我来找你了 亲爱的 -是吗 - I came to find you, honey! - you did?
我们找啊找 Oh, we searched and searched.
警察寻找线索 不过都没有结果 The police looked for clues. everything led to a dead end.
我们很担心 担心得我鱼尾纹都重了 How we worried. I developed crow's feet from the worrying.
现在看来 我总算完成任务了 Now look here. I had a little work done.
妈妈 我给你写信了 告诉你我一切都好 Mother, I left you a letter. I told you I'd be all right.
梅迪·圣安妮 这样子怎么能叫一切都好 Melody Saintanne, I'd hardly call this all right!
这里怎么了 Well, what's wrong with it?
怎么了 你脑子有问题吗 What's wrong? what's happened to your senses?
没一样好的 你住的像个佃农 Everything's wrong. you're living like a sharecropper.
但这里干净利落 我每天都打扫 But it's clean as a whistle. I clean it myself every day.
你打扫 没有女佣吗 You clean? you don't have a woman?
博里斯付不起这个 Boris can't really afford help.
-谁 -博里斯 - who? - Boris.
-博里斯是谁 -我丈夫 - who's Boris? - my husband.
-什么 -妈妈 我结婚了 - what? - that's right, mama, I got married.
-他让你在这过日子 -不不 是我搬进来的 - and he's taken you to live here? - no, no, I moved in with him.
我得灌点酒 I have to have a drink.
我要坐下 我要麻醉剂 I need to sit. I need an anesthetic.
好的 坐下 我们没有波旁酒 Okay, okay, have a seat. we don't have any bourbon or nothing.
给我度数最高的 Just bring me the drink with the highest volume of alcohol you have.
妈妈 我挺快乐的 You know, mama, I'm kind of happy.
挺快乐的 Kind of happy?
你抛弃了伊甸园般可爱的家 You leave a loving home in eden,
跟疯孩子跑了 估计是个摇滚乐手 Run offwith some crazy kid, I'm guessing he's a rock musician
连最起码的生活都负担不起 Who can't earn a respectable living, and you wind up
蜗居在堕落的城市的破房子里 In this decadent city, living in a rattrap.
这就是为什么我要走 This is exactly why I ran away.
为什么 为什么小可爱 要抛弃可爱的家 Why, why, miss sweet pea? why did you forsake your loving home?
因为 妈妈 你... Because, mama, you're...
你太专制 你太专制了 You're overbearing. that's it. you're overbearing
而且不识大体 And you fail to see the big picture.
你说什么大体 What big picture are you talking about?
不知道 I don't know.
我就知道光速比什么都快 All I know is that nothing moves faster than the speed of light,
所以你只要放松就好 So you may as well relax.
我得花点时间祈祷 I'm just gonna have a little moment of prayer.
妈妈 你还信基督教那套迷信 Mama, you're still caught up in that christian superstition?
祝你生日快乐 Happy birthday to you
那是谁 What's that?
是Boris That's Boris.
今天是他生日吗 It's his birthday?
不 他只是在洗手 No, he's just washing his hands.
祝你生日快乐 祝亲爱的Boris生日快乐 Happy birthday, dear Boris happy birthday to you
这谁啊 Who's this?
博里斯 这是我妈妈 Boris, this is my mother.
妈妈 这是我丈夫 Mother, my husband.
妈妈 妈妈 Mama! mama!
带她走走 她就是个酒鬼 Walk her around, she's obviously a boozehound.
妈妈 你还好么 Mama, are you all right?
-他给你下药了? -什么 - Did he drug you? - What?
-你服麻药了? -没有 - Are you on sodium pentothal? - No.
那些无神论者都这么干 That's what they do, the secular humanists.
不可思议 她还真是你说的那种笨蛋 It's uncanny. She's exactly the kind of moron you described.
你也不是我期待的绅士 You are not the gentleman I was expecting.
当然不是 她要嫁给那种 I'm sure not. I'm sure you'd be happy
抓到县内最大的鲶鱼的人 If she married the guy who caught the
你就高兴了 Biggest catfish in plaquemines county.
她嫁给鲶鱼我都高兴 I'd be happier if she married the catfish.
不 妈妈 博里斯是个天才 No, you see, mama, Boris is a genius. okay?
对咱们这些白痴没耐性 He doesn't have a lot of patience for us inchworms.
-我们 我们这些白痴 -我们 - We, we inchworms. - We.
什么天才 Some genius.
我差点就得诺贝尔奖了 I was almost nominated for a nobel prize.
没错博里斯 最佳电影奖还是啥 That's right, Boris. and what was it for again? best picture?
再来点酒 I need more booze.
你还没说怎么找到我的? You know, you never said how you found me.
梅迪 告诉你个不幸的消息 Oh, Melody. I have a sad tale to tell you.
什么事 妈妈 What happened, mama?
你爸爸离开我了 Your father left me.
-你很吃惊吧 -不 - Aren't you shocked? - No.
你猜猜是跟谁跑的 And with who, of all people?
-我最好的朋友曼蒂 -你最好的朋友曼蒂 - My best friend, Mandy. - Your best friend, Mandy.
-你怎么知道 -噢 妈妈 - How did you know? - Oh, mama.
显而易见嘛 对不起 陈词滥调 It was as plain as the nose on your face. Cliche, sorry.
开始我只觉得他有点奇怪 At first I thought he was acting peculiar,
因为最近诸事不顺 Because things was going so bad for us, darling.
你们多长时间做一次爱 How often did you have intercourse?
把你的臭嘴闭上 Are you going to close that insulting mouth?
你走之后 你爸的股票赔了不少 By bad, I mean he lost a lot of money in the stock market after you left
房子也卖了 And we were forced to sell the house.
-你们卖了房子 -对不起 我们投资失败了 - You sold the house? - I'm sorry, yes. we took a beating,
都绝望了 Because we were so desperate.
后来你爸爸失业 公司倒闭了 And then he lost his job, the company went out of business.
我得了带状疱疹 And then we spent all our savings on medical bills,
所有的积蓄都花药费上了 Because I came down with a case of the shingles!
-天哪 -真是祸不单行 - Oh, my god. - Christ, this is like job. no locusts?
亲爱的 Darling,
我以前所未有的虔诚祈祷 I turned to jesus in a deeper way than I had ever done in my life.
我不断祈祷 没日没夜的祈祷 I prayed and I prayed, every day and every night,
祈求上帝帮助我 Asking god to help me.
我猜 你的疱疹更严重了 Let me guess what happened, your shingles got worse.
我说 主啊 I said, "Lord,
给我预示吧 一切痛苦都是有目的的" Just give me one sign that all my suffering is for a purpose".
我说:"上帝 求你给我预示吧" I said, "Please, god, just say something".
"别再沉默了 我无法再承受不幸了" "Break your silence. I can't take any more misery!"
什么都没发生 对吧 Nothing, right?
每周日捐的香油钱一去不返了 and all that money you put in the tin box every sunday.
概括来说 堕胎无异于谋杀 Abortion is murder, that's the long and short of it.
-这是我的感想 -强奸怀上的也算? - That's how I feel. well... - Even if the woman is raped?
省点口水吧 Brockman Why are you wasting your breath, Brockman?
你在跟土著对话呢 You're dealing with an aborigine.
你不介意谋杀胎儿 You don't mind killing the unborn,
但却反对杀人犯和强奸犯 But when some fiend has raped and murdered,
处以死刑? You're against giving him that big old injection?
反正我不同 天才先生 Well, not me, Mr. Genius,
我才不在乎你拿几个奥斯卡奖呢 and I don't care how many academy awards you've won.
我没拿过奥斯卡 也没进过扬基队! I've never won an academy award and I've never played for the yankees!
-女厕在哪 -就在后面 -谢谢 - Where's the little giri's? - It's back there. - Ihank you.
坐下前别忘记唱国歌 Don't forget to sing the star-spangled banner before you sit.
不好意思 Excuse me. Excuse me.
恕我唐突 I realize this is forward,
请问坐您旁边的年轻美女是? But who's that beautiful young girl you're with?
你为什么想知道呢 May I ask why you want to know?
因为她很美 她应该是你女儿吧 Because she's very beautiful. and I'm assuming she's your daughter?
亲爱的 你的名字是? What did you say your name was, darling?
-蓝理 詹蓝理 -詹蓝理 - Randy. Randy Lee James. - Randy Lee James.
幸会 Nice to meet you.
真好吃 他们放了蛋黄酱 It's too good. I think they're putting mayonnaise in here.
不 鹰嘴豆泥和蛋黄酱不搭 No, they can't put mayonnaise in hummus.
谢谢 thank you.
-你刚才和谁说话 -没和谁说话 - Who were you talking to? - I wasn't talking to anybody. Nobody.
我想去好玩的地方 Listen, listen, I wanna go someplace fun.
带我去好玩的地方 这可是纽约 走吧 Take me someplace fun! It's new york! let's go.
博里斯 哪里比较好玩 Boris, where can I take her that's fun?
大屠杀纪念馆怎么样 How about the Holocaust museum?
-我的上帝啊 -不 - Oh, for god's sake, Boris. - No.
-蜡像 蜡像馆 -对 - Oh, the wax! The wax figures. - Oh, yes.
-对对 我们走 -就去蜡像馆 - Yes, yes, let's go. Come on. - Let's do that.
-幸会 李欧 -幸会 祝你愉快 - It was so nice to meet you, Leo. - You, too. Have a nice day.
-再见 -再见 - Bye. Bye, Bye. - Bye.
玩得开心点 Have fun!
虽然你岳母思想上是右翼顽固派 You know, I have to say, even with a textbook right-wing mentality,
但我得说 那胸型可真漂亮 Your mother-in-law has beautifully shaped breasts.
你是个有学问 有修养 You know, you're a man of learning,
有审美观的人 Of cultivation of aesthetic sensibility.
听完那堆学校礼拜和爱国论之后 This is what you take away from the school-prayer hokum
你就这个结论? 她的胸部? And "my country right or wrong"? her bosom?
不止胸部 臀部也够翘 It's not just her bosom. her behind is also beautifully contoured.
要把她弄上床轻而易举 I'm sure you'll have no problem getting her into bed.
她很脆弱 又笨 还刚被抛弃 She's vulnerable, she's stupid and she's been abandoned.
说实话 我对加入国家枪械协会 Personally, I lose all erotic inclination
的女人不感性趣 When the woman's a member of the national rifle association.
身材是梨形 It's pear-shaped.
德加[印象派画家]区分过苹果形和梨形 Degas used to distinguish between an apple-shaped behind and pear-shaped.
我最爱吃水果了 And I'm a big fruit eater.
-梅迪 -这个真诡异 - Melody. - That's so weird.
天哪 你好 Oh, my god. oh, hello.
-这些都是蜡做的 -葛培理 葛培理 - They're made out of real wax, too. - oh, It's Billy. Billy...
葛培理[美国基督教布道大师] Billy Graham!
亲爱的 小甜心 Oh, sweet pea, sweet pea,
这才是我想你嫁的类型 This is the kind of man you should be married to,
而不是那个一洗手 Not that communist who sings happy birthday
就唱生日歌的共产党 Every time he washes his hands.
妈妈 你什么时候走啊 How long are you staying, mom?
宝贝 我没地方去了 Honey, I don't know where else to go.
我现在一无所有 我要找个依靠 I have nothing to hold onto. nothing! I have to have something.
我没法再找男人了 但你还可以 I'm never going to attract a man again, but you can. yes.
我不想跟你吵架 I don't want to get in an argument.
宝贝 我今天遇到个跟你门当户对的青年 Honey, I met a young man today who is perfect for you.
-妈妈 -听我说 - Mom! - Yes. Listen to me.
他才华横溢 长得帅 还贴心 He is talented, handsome, sweet,
热爱生活 胸怀大志 And he has the proper reverence for life and its higher purpose.
你在说什么 What are you talking about?
梅迪 面对事实 博里斯没个丈夫的样子 Face it, Melody, Boris is not like a real husband.
他像门诊病人 你就像他的看护 He's more of an outpatient and you're his keeper.
你要是没来就好了 妈妈 I really wish you hadn't showed up, Mom.
-他叫詹蓝理 -谁 - His name is Randy Lee James. - Who?
那个讨人喜欢的演员 他对你一见钟情 This delightful young actor. He fell in love with you at first sight.
-他真的很喜欢你 -妈妈 我已结婚了 - He did. He did. - Mom, I'm married!
我不承认这段婚姻 I refuse to recognize it.
你和一个教人下棋 睡觉也要开灯的 What are you doing with a gimpy chess bum
瘸老头在一起有什么前途 他怎么瘸的 Who has to sleep with the light on? How'd he get that limp?
跳窗自杀未遂 He jumped out the window and his suicide didn't work.
聪明反被聪明误 听着 you can't win them all. now, listen,
我认识个不错的律师 能让这段婚姻无效 I have a good lawyer who can get all of this annulled.
- -不 妈妈 你疯了 - All of it. Yes. Yes. - No, no, mom, no, you're crazy!
你好 Oh, hello.
祝你生日快乐 亲爱的博里斯生日快乐 Happy birthday, dear Boris happy birthday to you
祝你生日快乐 Happy birthday to you
祝你生日快乐 亲爱的博里斯 Happy birthday, dear boris
祝你生日快乐 Happy birthday to you
-谁这么晚打电话 -可能是闯空门的小偷踩点 - Who could be calling at midnight? - Could be burglars, casing the place.
-有什么好偷的 你的药吗 -喂 - To steal what? your flomax? - Hello?
你好 Oh, hi.
请稍等 Yeah, just a second.
-找我的? -是的 - It's for me? - Yes.
别透露我的私人信息 Don't give away any information about me!
喂 你好 李欧·博曼 Hello? oh, hello, Leo.
-是李欧·博曼 -博曼 - It's Leo Brockman. - Brockman?
真的? Really?
听上去不错 Well, that sounds wonderful.
好的 周日没问题 Well, yeah, sunday's fine. yeah.
三点 三点没问题 3:00? Well, 3:00's perfect.
好的 再见亲爱的 Okay. yeah. see you, darling.
"亲爱的再见" "亲爱的再见" 天啊 可怜的博曼 "See you, darling"? "See you, darling"? Oh, god, poor Brockman!
-晚安 -晚安 - Good night - Y'all.
我也要祈祷 我祈祷博曼患疱疹 I'm going to say my prayers. I'm praying Brockman has herpes.
太棒了 我第一次看日语片 That was so wonderful! I never in my life saw a movie in japanese before.
-你喜欢吗 -喜欢! - Did you like it? - Oh, yes!
我没看过外国人拍的电影 I've never seen a movie made by a foreigner.
我丈夫总带我看白痴电影 要多傻有多傻 John, my husband, took me to see stupid movies, which was all there was.
你说这是...什么城堡 How do you say this? "chateau" what?
美娜 Meyney.
-什么 -美娜 - The what? - Meyney.
-美娜 -对 - Meyney? - Yeah.
-太好喝了 -你喜欢就好 - It is so delicious. - I'm glad you like it.
你是做什么的 做哪行 Leo What do you do? what do you do, Leo?
我在街角大学教哲学 I teach philosophy at the university around the corner.
告诉我 博里斯真的是天才吗 Tell me something. Is Boris really a genius?
他是个非常杰出的物理学家 There was a time when he was a very fine physicist.
令嫒和博里斯很般配 Yeah, your daughter's very good for Boris.
她给了他继续生活的勇气 It's my theory that she keeps him going.
想看梅迪的选美照片吗 Would you like to see some pretty pictures of Melody?
-好的 -好的 - Well, all right. - Okay.
来 看这个 Look, here they are. look at these.
这是她当选纳齐兹小姐 Right there, that's where she is Miss... Miss Natchez.
看看她 Look at her. and...
这是图珀洛小姐 She was Miss Tupelo.
天哪 她多漂亮啊 Oh, god! look how gorgeous she is!
她真美 我爱她 我爱她 She's so beautiful. I love her! I love her!
-真可爱 -我以她为荣 - Very lovely. - I was so proud of her.
这些照片很有意思 These pictures are kind of interesting.
我知道 她很漂亮 I know! she's just gorgeous!
而且她...她就是我的小棉袄 And she has this... she's just my little sweet pea.
我说这些照片 是你照的吗 I mean the photos. did you take them?
-是的 是的 -这张也是 - Yes.Yes. - And this?
那是我们家 曾经是 还有酒吗? Oh, that's our house. it was. is there more wine?
是的 都是你照的? Yeah. You took all these?
是的 用我那个小的旧柯达相机 Yes, with my little old kodak.
很优秀 有一种... These are outstanding. I mean,
有质地感 构图也有美感 There's such a sense of... texture and composition.
这些吗 不会吧 In these? no.
不 我说真的 No, I mean it. I know what I'm talking about.
我不时写些关于摄影美学的文章 I occasionally write about the aesthetics of photography.
天啊 我跟你说 my god. I have to tell you something.
除了梅迪 全世界没有任何事 Aside from Melody's career, there is nothing, nothing in the whole world..
比摄影更令我愉快 That gave me more pleasure than taking those snapshots.
约翰 干杯 约翰不喜欢我摄影 Of course, John... cheers. John hated them and didn't want me to do it.
为什么 Why?
他人其实挺好 但我建了间暗室 He actually was fine, and then I set up this darkroom...
他就觉得我 浪费时间在蠢事上 And he thought I was, like, squandering all this time on silliness
我猜他是想 And I guess he had a point, but...
这年头 谁还用柯达相机啊 I mean, nowadays, who uses a kodak anymore?
很小的柯达 我跟你说 很奇特 It's a little kodak, and I have to tell you something, it is fantas...
用起来很简单 就是 很小的 It is so simple to use. it's, it's tiny!
我好像是 在宅前出售会上买的 I picked it up at, like, a garage sale...
比那些大炮筒好多了 And it just is so much better than those big foreign ones.
不 你的技术好 有一种... No, they're pretty good. they've got a real...
令人难忘的力量 风格淳朴 Haunting quality. they're very primitive.
你该见见我朋友埃摩根斯 I really think you should talk to my friend Al Morgenstern.
他经营摄影艺廊 He runs a photography gallery.
-为什么 -还有别的照片吗 - Why? - Have you got more of these?
整个比赛旅程的花絮 yes. you know, all my travels with the pageants.
孩子们 小镇 赢家 输家 I have the kids and the towns and the winners. and the losers!
输家照得特别好 还有表演者 The losers are the best. and then I have all these show folk,
指挥 魔术师 The twirlers, the magicians,
喷火者 The fire eaters, you know, things like that.
太棒了 你有那种独创性才能 They're amazing. they've got such an original quality.
我明早就跟埃联系 I'll talk to Al first thing in the morning.
不 你过分看重上帝 Oh, no. you know, I think you're making too much...
赐给我的这点天赋了 Over a little gift the good lord jesus gave me.
这不是他给你的唯一天赋 That's not the only gift he gave you.
你知道那些表明光鲜 You know those clean-cut,
常上教堂的模范青年 Churchgoing young men, who are model kids,
和睦友邻 善于引经据典 And good to their neighbors and quote the bible,
人生一帆风顺 突然某天 And never do a wrong thing, and then one day,
性情大变 For whatever reason,
抓起步枪射杀途人 They grab a rifle, go to a tower and pick off everyone in town?
她也一样 不过表现在性爱上 Okay, this is her, but sexually.
她和李欧·博曼上床 She slept with Leo Brockman,
除丈夫外 不曾与人发生关系的她 Never having been to bed with anyone before but her husband,
仿佛打开了潘多拉的魔盒 And suddenly, the genie was outta the bottle!
她喜欢和博曼上床 She liked sleeping with Brockman,
喜欢和博曼的朋友们上床 And she liked sleeping with Brockman's friends,
博曼的熟人 博曼熟人的熟人 Brockman's acquaintances, Brockman's acquaintances' acquaintances.
博曼把她的摄影集带给摩根斯 Brockman took her photos to Morgenstern. he loved them.
摩根斯很喜欢 决定展出 He decided to show them in his gallery.
展出后 人们都觉得才华横溢 淳朴自然 When he did, everyone thought they were great. a brilliant primitive.
摩根斯就成了她的裙下之臣 Soon Morgenstern would become smitten with her.
她先和博曼同居 后与摩根斯同居 First she moved in with Brockman. then she moved in with Morgenstern.
最后和两男玩起了三人行 Then she moved in with Brockman and Morgenstern.
她开始涉足拼贴画 She started dabbling with collages.
从小件作品开始 逐步大胆起来 Small ones at first, but they would become bolder.
她的穿着也开始变化 She started dressing differently.
不久 那根深蒂固信仰就随风而去了 Soon all her deep-rooted beliefs went right down the toilet, Where they belonged.
她体验着异国风情 一个新的玛丽塔诞生了 She experimented with exotic pleasures, a new Marietta was born.
始终如一的是 她讨厌她的女婿 The one thing that remained constant, she hated her son-in-law.
那边有照片 there's some pictures over there.
也许就是我要的 Oh, yes, maybe that. okay.
你觉得这个怎么样 What'd you think, mom?
我不确定 这是要做拼贴画的 I'm not sure, you know, it's for this collage,
我想象着裸体的黑白肤色男女 And I've had this vision in black and white of nude men, women,
身体的部分和方形 Body parts, squares.
我都听糊涂了 That sounds confusing.
-表现对情欲的崇拜 -情欲崇拜 - It's an homage to lust. yeah. - To lust.
打扰一下 Excuse me.
我需要女性的意见 Hi, I need a female opinion.
我不知道年轻女孩喜欢哪个 Which of these two would a young woman prefer? I can't decide.
我不知道 都很漂亮 I don't know. they're both so beautiful.
要看她是那种女孩 It depends. what type is she?
她年轻貌美 非常可爱 Well, she's quite young and very lovely-looking.
金发 碧眼 Blonde hair. blue eyes.
她爱好什么 Yeah, but what's she like?
她是南部人 Well, okay... um. she's from the south,
现定居纽约 Although she lives here in new york now.
-真的 -是的 - Really? - Yeah.
她是个保姆 说实话吧 And she's a nanny. I mean, well, to tell you the truth,
她和一个男人同居 She's actually living with some man.
他们已婚 虽然不大般配 I mean, they're married, although he's not the best she can do.
她觉得她爱他 只因她以为 And she thinks she loves him, but it's only because...
悲观失望是他智慧的体现 She mistakes his pessimistic despair for wisdom,
并相信他是天才 Believing he's a genius.
她更像个保姆 I'd say she's more of a nurse to him than a wife,
因为他的年龄太大了 Because he's much older than she is.
这话听着耳熟 That sounds so familiar.
我只是...我不能确定 I just can't... I can't put my finger on it.
-但情况跟我很像 -是吗 - it's sorta like mine, actually. yeah. - it is?
很像 共同点非常多 I mean, not exactly, but I can't help but seeing some similarities.
-选这个吧 -好的 - I'd say that one. - okay.
送你 Here.
-什么 给我的? -是的 - here what? for me? - it's for you.
我想送你点小礼物 Yes, I thought I'd buy you something lovely.
不 我不能接受陌生人的礼物 Oh, no, I can't accept a gift from a stranger.
-为什么 -我结婚了 - well, why not? - I'm married.
但你未必不离婚啊 Yes, but it may not last forever.
没有什么是永远的 Well, you know, nothing lasts forever. not even...
就算莎士比亚或米开朗基罗 Shakespeare or Michelangelo
或者希腊人也一样 Or Greek people.
就算我们站在这里聊天 I mean, even as we're standing here talking right now,
也不过是时间洪流中的一缕微尘 We're just flying apart at an unimaginable speed.
-我从来没这么想过 -是呀 - gee, I never thought of it that way. - yeah.
我们是否该抱紧对方 以免被时间洪流冲走 Should we be holding each other so we don't fall?
在这个残酷的现实中 我们该珍惜所爱 Well, you have to hold onto whatever love you can in this cruel existence.
说到爱情 Speaking of love,
见到你的那刻起 我就爱上了你 I've been in love with you ever since that first moment I saw you,
几个月前 在莫多咖啡馆结识你母亲 And met your mother at the Mogador Coffee many months ago.
哦 你是 你是 Oh, you're... you're...
-我母亲没有... -詹蓝理 - did my mother... - Randy James.
对 你是演员 我听出你的口音了 Oh, the actor! of course. I can hear your accent now.
我妈常提起你 Oh, my mother talks about you all the time,
总要我见你一面 And she's always telling me I have to meet you...
我就问"为什么要见他" And I'm saying, "why? why do I have to meet him?"
她说你非常帅 果不其然 "but he's so good-looking!" and, yeah, you are.
谢谢夸奖 我已在纽约定居 Thank you. I've moved to New York permanently now...
和朋友一同住船屋 And I live in a houseboat with a friend of mine.
-你住在船上? -是的 - you live on a boat? - yes, I do.
我天性浪漫 所以要住在船上 I'm very romantic by nature, so I live on a boat...
我可以读书 思考 吹吹长笛 And I read and think and play my flute...
-妈妈 -没事的 Melody - mom? - oh, be still, Melody.
拓展眼界有好处 我拓展过了 There's nothing wrong with expanding your horizons.
该你了 I certainly expanded mine.
你知道吗 我很抱歉 You know what? I'm really sorry, but i...
我妈大概误导你了 I think that my mother badly gave you the wrong impression,
我的婚姻生活很快乐 Because I'm happily married.
不不不 才不快乐 蓝理 No, no, no, no, no, no, she's not, Randy.
她像个女佣 She's nursemaid to a roach. he is.
再见妈妈 再见詹先生 Goodbye, mother. goodbye, mr. James.
我说了 你得找窍门 I told you you'd get the hang of it.
好吧 我要停下来 我们得停下来 Okay, you know what? let's just stop. let's stop.
-停车吗 -对对对 停车 - stop? - yeah, yeah, yeah, stop, stop.
-是的 -好吧 - yeah. - all right.
找个地方 坐一会儿 I need to sit, for... for a minute.
我只想做有氧运动 You know, I'm just doing it for the aerobics, anyway.
不然这个可真低能 Otherwise, it's moronic.
这叫放松 I think it's relaxing.
放松? 开什么玩笑 这叫人头痛! Relaxing? what? are you kidding? it's too nerve-wracking.
加入那些骑车的准疯子 像开车一样 To mingle with all those sub-mentals on bicycles? it's like driving a car.
凡是好斗善战的笨蛋都有驾照 Those hostile, belligerent morons all get driver's licenses.
当然 生孩子不要执照 Of course, to have children, you don't need a license.
但干什么都要执照 No proof of anything.
钓鱼执照 理发师执照 You need a license to fish. you need a license to be a barber.
卖热狗都要有执照 You need a license to sell hot dogs.
但那些忍饥挨饿的穷苦孩子 You know, you read about these poor kids, beaten and starved,
根本就不该诞生在世上 You wonder, why... why are these parents allowed to even have them?
好了 博里斯 博里斯 Okay, Boris, Boris.
你好像...有时是下定决心 You know, sometimes I think you're so determined...
拒绝生活中所有的乐趣 Not to enjoy anything in life,
无关恶意 Just outta spite.
只像个无法如愿 You know, like a child who's throwing a tantrum,
而乱发脾气的孩子 Because he can't have his own way.
看你说的 Wow! listen to you!
对你这样头脑简单的人而言 That's a reasonably wise insight
这是个合理睿智的判断 for a simple-minded type like yourself.
老实说 你有时真让我惊喜 Honestly. yeah, you surprise and delight me sometimes, you know that?
没有你我该怎么办 I really don't know what I'd do without you, seriously.
你抓着手绢干啥 What're you doing with that?
这个? 没什么 我从跳骚市场淘来的 This? nothing. I just got it at the flea market.
-古董手绢有什么用 -我觉得很漂亮 - who needs an antique handkerchief? - I thought it was pretty.
天晓得以前谁用来擦鼻涕的 Yeah, but god knows throughout history who blew his nose in it.
-玛丽塔 亲爱的 -什么事 亲爱的 - Marietta? honey? - yes, darling?
下周的开幕式可以用这些照片 I think you should include these photos at your opening next week.
我喜欢这些照片 埃 你觉得呢 I love those photos. Al, what'd you think?
那都是我选的 I chose those.
-真的吗 -绝对是 - oh, you did? - absolutely.
-甜心 你在表现... -谢谢 - sweetheart, you've managed to make... - thank you.
性变态和人类自由的 An existential statement about...
-存在声明 -谁 是的 - sexual perversity and human freedom. - who? yes.
-充满了情色幻想 -好了 等下 - it's so full of erotic imagination. - okay, hold on a sec.
-谢谢 太感谢了 -玛丽塔 - oh, thank you so much! thank you! - Marietta?
-谁 -一个叫詹蓝理的家伙 - who is it? - somebody named Randy Jones?
蓝理 詹蓝理 Oh, Randy, Randy Jones.
你好 你好 喂 Hello? hello? hey!
年轻人 你好 Young man, hello, hello!
她3点左右去优衣库 Listen, she's going to be at Uniqlo at around three.
你可以假装偶遇 碰碰运气 You can run into her and try your luck.
她还留着你给的手绢 You know, she saved the handkerchief you gave her,
看来还有机会 So it's not a hopeless cause.
告诉你 我看得出她眼中的热情 And I'm telling you, I saw fire behind her eyes.
热情 呵呵 祝你好运 Fire. yeah. good luck, darling.
-谁打来的 -没什么 大杂烩好了 - who was that? - oh, nothing. come on, Gumbo! let's go.
谁料到大杂烩变成了我最爱的菜 Who'd have ever thought that gumbo would become my favorite dinner?
只要她做饭我都爱吃 All this and she cooks, too.
哦 上帝 你好 Oh, my god! hello.
你不是碰巧来购物的吧 So I guess you just happened to be shopping here. right?
我是来买衣服的 Well, I was buying this shirt, if you must know.
你觉得怎样 You like it?
-还可以 -还可以吗 - it's okay. - just okay?
我想买有活力印象的衣服 I thought it'd make me look dashing.
这你不必担心 Looks aren't your problem.
怎么说 Oh, no? what is?
你已经太前卫了 You're too forward.
-我一直在想你 -我可没有 - I think about you a lot. - well, I don't think about you.
那么 嫁给天才感觉如何 So what's it like being married to a genius?
你想知道吗 Who wants to know?
很抱歉 我无意冒犯 只是.... I'm sorry. I don't mean to be a boor, I just...
就是 你知道的 Just that, well, you know.
有好有坏 有利有弊 It has its pluses and minuses.
是吗 有什么弊端 Yes? and what are the drawbacks?
不好说 I don't know. I mean...
头脑太好 自然觉得 Well, naturally, with a very advanced mind,
你做什么都有错 You find a lotta things wrong with everything...
主要是 他不喜欢人类 And, mainly, he just doesn't like people.
物以类聚 人以群分 You know, he says at the rate they're going,
他这种人会自我灭绝的 They're going to make themselves extinct.
没错 Right.
活在天才身边很累的 It can just be exhausting being around a genius all the time.
作为天才之妻有什么好处呢 So what are the pluses of being the wife of such a dazzling mind?
-他很精明 -你说过了 - well, he's smart. - you said that.
他很聪明 He's clever.
他心地善良 只是有点疯狂 He really means well, you know? he's just a little crazy.
我想 好处就是当天才的老婆 I guess the good part is that I'm the wife of a genius,
这一点我从来没有动摇过 Which I never really thought I could swing.
为什么 Why not?
我想变聪明一点 I guess I thought I'd have to be smarter.
你想看看我的船屋吗 我朋友的船屋 You want to see my boat? I mean, my friend's boat, where I live?
-敬谢不敏 -我昨晚梦见你了 - I don't think that's a good idea. - I dreamt about you last night. i...
别用这种话题 Don't use that line.
博里斯说他昨晚梦见我了 Because Boris said that he dreamt about me last night.
同时出现在两个人梦中 And I really doubt it's mathematically possible
可能性微乎其微 For me to be in two dreams at one time.
就在那边 右手边就是 It's down there, on the right-hand side.
到了 不大 但是我的家 而且还免费 this is it. it's not much, but it's home and I don't pay rent, so...
住在水上 真不错 This is kind of sweet, living on the water.
微微摇晃 像摇篮一样让我熟睡 It rocks just the tiniest bit, so I sleep like a baby on it.
蓝理 我不知道来干嘛 我已婚了 Randy, I don't know what I'm doing here! I'm married!
但我依然可以喜欢你 That doesn't mean I can't have feelings for you.
你不了解我 You don't really know me.
但我生性浪漫 相信一见钟情 Yes, but I'm a romantic and I believe in love at first sight.
那倒没错 Boris说爱情毫无逻辑可言 Well, that's true. you know, Boris says that love isn't logical.
我喜欢你的说话方式和内容 And I adore the way you talk and the funny things you say.
那又怎么样呢 Where can it lead?
为一见钟情干一杯吧 Let's drink to love at first sight.
不行 酒精会让我变笨变暴躁 I can't. when I drink, I get very silly and touchy and...
你妈也这么说 所以我买了这瓶酒 That's what your mum said. that's why I bought the bottle.
她可真是个好妈妈 She's quite a mum.
别用这种口气谈论我妈 愚蠢十足 Don't use that locution. it's for inchworms.
抱歉 Sorry.
照片里的人是你吗 Is that you in the picture?
我演"朱诺和孔雀"的剧照 Yeah. that's me in Juno and the Paycock...
我打赌你是个好演员 I bet you're a really good actor.
尽管不是天才 但我一直努力 I try. although I'll never be a genius.
以你的相貌 当明星不出奇 You certainly are handsome enough to be a star.
多谢 承蒙夸奖 Thank you. I'll cherish that compliment.
-天哪 -怎么了 - oh, my god. - what are you thinking?
-熵 -熵 - Entropy. - Entropy?
对 熵 博里斯解释过 Yeah, Entropy. Boris explained it.
不能把牙膏再装回管里 It's why you can't get the toothpaste back in the tube.
你是说 You mean,
事情一旦发生 就覆水难收了? Once something happens, it's difficult to put it back the way it was?
博里斯说爱情就是碰运气 I mean, Boris says love is all about luck.
我同意 但不只因我们年轻 I think so, too, but isn't that just because...
自信会天长地久 We're young and we think we're gonna live forever...
其实 我们会变老 会得糖尿病... And then we grow old and get diabetes, and...
也许 Maybe.
我知道世事难料 但... Look, I do agree there's not much you can be sure of in this world, but...
你听过海森堡的不定性原理吗[物理学家] Have you ever heard of Heisenberg's uncertainty principle?
我听过 I've heard of it, yeah.
观察者影响结果 You know, the observer influences the experiment?
就好像 It's just like...
我母亲和她的同居人 When my mother makes love to one of the guys she's living with...
以固定模式做爱 A certain way when they're alone,
但多加一个人后 花样就不同了 But when she's in front of the other guy, she does it differently.
海森堡是这么说的吗 Is that Heisenberg?
我还不知道他如此感性 I had no idea he was so sexual.
等等 我身上带着伟哥 Wait. I always carry some Viagra with me.
不用了 我精力充沛 That's all right. I eat a lot of red meat.
合身的裤子真好 I really like the way these pants fit.
你没事吧 你最近很沉默 Hey, are you okay? you seem awfully quiet lately.
没事 Yeah.
我们要赶不上妈妈的开幕式了 We're going to be late for mom's gallery opening.
你可别空着手去 I hope you're not coming down with anything.
伯斯家的孩子得了麻疹 You know, Brodsky's kid's got the measles.
你会得麻疹吗 我小时候种过疫苗 Can you still get the measles? I had a shot when I was younger,
天晓得药效能持续多久 But how long does it last?
是谁 Who's that?
不知道 我没约人 I don't know. I'm not expecting anyone.
-梅迪 -爸爸 - Melody! - Daddy!
乖女儿 我可找到你了 Oh, my little girl, I found you!
主啊 我和你妈到处找你 Oh, lord, your mother and I searched and searched,
但一点线索都没有 But then we ran out of leads.
我动用了警局的所有关系 I used every connection I had at the police force.
还致电FBI 幸亏你没没事 We even called the FBI! but you're okay.
现在好了 你以后不用受苦了 Things are going to be fine now. your ordeal is over.
受什么苦啊 What ordeal?
你被诱拐了 难道不对吗 You were abducted! tell me if my theory is correct.
你被摩门教徒下迷魂药 You were chloroformed by polygamous mormons.
逼你做别人的新娘 They took you off to be someone's bride!
我没被诱拐 你们没看我的信吗 I was not abducted. didn't anybody read my letters?
我们认为你是被迫写的 Yeah, but I assumed you were forced to... to write them at gunpoint.
-他是谁 -你是谁 - who's this? - who are you?
-这是博里斯 我丈夫 -博里斯是你什么人 - this is Boris, my husband. - boris, your who?
他是我丈夫 我现在是叶博里斯夫人 He's my husband. I'm mrs. Boris Yellnikoff.
-你是谁 -我是他丈夫 - who are you? - I'm her husband.
你要当场晕倒 还是进房再晕 You want to pass out here or go in the living room?
你母亲在哪 Where's your mother?
你还有脸问 你跟巴曼蒂偷情 What do you care? you cheated on her and then...
连家都不要了 Dumped her for Mandy Blackburn, of all people!
都是纵欲惹的祸 是我错了 I made a terrible mistake, I committed the sin of self-indulgence.
我是来求你妈原谅的 I've come to beg your mother's forgiveness.
-那你可要想清楚了 爸爸 -我想见她 - you might wanna rethink that, daddy. - I want to see her.
我在见证文化冲击带来的死亡 I see death by culture shock.
告诉我吧 梅迪 她有权恨我 You can tell me, Melody, she has every right to hate me.
她恨你 相信我吧 And she does, believe me.
我知道真相 她恨我吗 I can handle the truth. does she hate me?
你和她闺蜜鬼魂 真是太伤人了 Well, it was a pretty awful thing you did with her best friend.
她恨我? Then she hates me?
是的 是的 她恨你 我受不了了 Yes, yes, she hates you! I can't stand this.
我刚认识你就恨你了 I hate you and I just met you!
主啊 就这生物每天拽你上床吗 Lord, you tell me this creature took you to bed?
不不 是她拽我上床 no, no, no, no. actually, she took me.
没错 博里斯以前讨厌性生活 yeah, when I met Boris, he hated sex.
萧先生 你不觉得那很可笑吗 Yeah, think of it, Mr. Celestine. the absurd choreography,
像个缝纫机 上下上下上下 Like a sewing machine, up and down, up and down, up and down,
是为什么呢 生孩子吗 Toward what end? making more children?
你到底在说什么 What the hell you're talking about?
不停繁衍 究竟为了什么 Reproducing the species over and over. toward what goal?
纯粹是种低能计划 Carrying out what moronic design?
-你和曼蒂怎么了 -一团糟 噩梦一场 - what happened to Mandy? - it was a mess, a nightmare.
主啊 我罪大恶极 请宽恕我 Lord, I've sinned! please forgive me.
为何所有宗教分子都这德行 Why do all the religious psychotics wind up...
干嘛在我家门口祈祷 你来告诉我 Praying at my doorstep? can you tell me?
主啊 以你的仁慈之名 我做了错事 Lord, in your infinite mercy, I've done wrong.
-你来说还是我来说 -说什么 - you wanna tell him, or should I? - tell me what?
爸爸 这世界根本没有主 Daddy, there's nobody out there!
真的 你对着空气祈祷呢 Honest. you're praying to no one.
别白费力气了 对妈妈也死心吧 You're wasting your breath, just like you're gonna be wasting it on mom.
怎么 她爱上别人了 What? you're telling me she met another man?
-还不只1个 -什么 - not just a man. - what?
爸爸 妈不可能永远等你 Daddy, you couldn't expect her to not, you know,
她有自己的人生 Move on with her life and, you know...
哦 主啊 他长什么样 Oh, lord. what's he like?
四条胳膊 两个鼻子 He's got four arms and two noses.
你少多嘴 陌生人 You better butt out, stranger!
梅迪知道 我要收拾你 Melody will tell you I don't need my shotgun...
就是小菜一碟 To be a whole passel of trouble.
我要马上见玛丽塔 Now, I wanna see Marietta!
爸爸 我得提醒你 你1年没见她了 Now, dad, try and remember, you haven't seen mom in a year.
1年算什么 能有多大变化 A year is not forever. how much can a person change?
就这样 他们走进了美术馆 And with that, they entered the gallery.
做过的人多得数不清 I had more people than I knew what to do with.
所有人都说"我们来一起裸吧 玛丽塔" Everybody said, "I'll be naked with you, Marietta!"
而我说"好啊" and I was like, "okay".
哦 上帝 Oh, my god.
玛丽塔 Marietta?
萧约翰! 什么风把你吹来了 John Celestine! look what the cat dragged in.
-玛丽塔 你是怎么回事 -哦 上帝啊 - Marietta, what happened to you? - oh, my god!
亲爱的 玩失踪的人是你 Well, darling, it's you that absconded.
-他今天突然来我家 -什么玩失踪 - he showed up at the door today. - whoa, whoa".absconded"?
对 和一个婊子 Yes, yes, with the promiscuous whore...
-自称是我最好的朋友 -亲爱的 我可是 - who called herself my best friend. - darling, I'll be...
我一会找你 不好意思 请见谅 I'll find you. excuse me. pardon me.
都过去了 玛丽塔 我和曼蒂就是个错误 It's over, Marietta. Mandy and I were a terrible mistake.
我现在回来找你了 I've come back for you.
亲爱的 我的开幕式刚进行了一半 Well, honey, I'm in the middle of my opening.
对爸爸 这是妈妈的画展 很棒吧 Yeah, dad, this is mom's exhibition. isn't it great?
-什么展 -拼贴画 - Exhibition of what? - Well, the collages.
什么 她要买这些春画? What? she's thinking of buying this pornography?
呃...她就是春画作者 I got news for you, she's the pornographer.
玛丽塔 你是谁 Marietta, who are you?
约翰 你从不了解我 John, you never understood me, honey.
你短视肤浅 Your vision never extended beyond the backyard.
就知道射击 钓鱼 玩橄榄球 You always had your gun clubs and your fishing trips and football.
不曾花时间了解我 You never took a little minkte to find out about me.
你就知道带她去参加选美 And you were always too busy putting her in pageants...
教她演讲 还教她当乐队指挥 And coaching her speeches and teaching her baton twirling!
对 那是事实 我升华自我的创作需求 Yes, yes, that's true. I was sublimating my own creative needs...
才强加到我们的女儿身上 And forcing them on our daughter.
-你什么了 -对 她升华自我 - You were what? - Yes, she was sublimating.
升华自我 Sublimating.
亲爱的 你回去找巴曼蒂吧 Honey, why don't you go on back to Mandy Blackburn?
她的低智商跟你更相配 Her pygmy mentality is much closer to you now.
-更相近 -我无法跟她一起 - Much closer. - Yeah. well, I can't go back to her.
-为什么不行 -她中伤我的男性尊严 - Oh, why not? - She cast aspersions on my manhood.
什么意思 尺寸 延长度 阳痿? What are we talking? size? duration? erectile dysfunction?
别管闲事 行吗 Would you mind your own business?
玛丽塔 你怎能抛弃家庭 Marietta, how could you forsake your own family?
我希望能回家从头开始 I want us all back home to start over.
约翰 我和以前不同了 I'm a different woman, John.
我无法相信眼前一切 我是说... I can't believe what I'm seeing. I mean...
你的穿着变了 你的言谈更做作 Your clothes are different, your speech is a little more affected,
但事实上 我知道你还是一样... But deep down, I know you're the same...
可爱 质朴 虔诚 去教堂 烤馅饼... Pretty, small-town, god-fearing, churchgoing, pie-baking...
我现在跟两个男人同居 I'm living with two guys.
女童军妈妈 你正干什么 Girl scout mom. you're what?
我是个艺术家 我不烤馅饼 不去教堂 I'm an artist. I don't bake pies. I don't go to church.
我创造拼贴画 雕塑 摄影 I do collages, sculpture, photography.
我跟两个我爱的男人住在曼哈顿 I live in Manhattan with two men who I love
非常幸福的三人行 And a very happy...
-什么 -我们三个人一起睡 - A what? - We all sleep together.
我就知道不该相信他妈的法国人 I knew we should never trust the goddamn French.
太神奇了 梅迪 It's amazing, Melody.
几千年前 古代人 埃及人 古罗马人 玛雅人... Thousands of years ago, ancient peoples, Egyptians, Romans, Mayans,
就像我们一样 走路回家 Were walking home, just like us,
讨论他们该去哪儿吃饭或是闲聊 Discussing where should they eat or making small talk.
"我刚在尼罗河畔买了花园楼房" "Hey, we just bought a great house on the Niles with a yard,
"能俯瞰法老的新金字塔" "Overlooking the pharaoh's new Pyramid".
-博里斯...-或是 "我的 我的医生说... - Boris... - Or, "my, my physician says...
"吃孔雀舌对心脏不好" "Peacock tongues are bad for your heart".
博里斯... Boris...
或是 "我担心孩子无法入读阿兹特克幼儿园" Or, "I'm worried I can't get my kid into a really good Aztec preschool".
到现在什么意义啊 虚无 What the hell does it all mean now? zilch.
但当时他们认为很重要 But they thought it was important.
博里斯 我可以跟你谈谈吗 Boris, can I talk to you for a minute?
我生长在一个宗教家庭 And I was raised in a religious home.
约伯之妻是我最爱的人物 因她宁愿选择死亡... Job's wife was my favorite character in the bible, because she chose death
也不愿像她丈夫一样当受虐狂 Rather than obsequious acceptance, like that masochist she married.
博里斯 我们能坐一会吗 Boris, Boris, can we sit down for a second?
但我们得回家了啊 Well, but we have to go home.
我知道 来这坐会吧 我有事要说 I know, but come here. I have to say something.
但我们一直都是现在回家的 But we always go home now.
我知道...我知道我们有惯例 I know. I know. I know we have a standard routine.
我得回去喝酒 然后洗澡 I need to have my drink, and a shower.
你将它看作惯例 And, you know, you see it as routine,
但对我来说 连贯性使我镇静 But for me the consistency helps keep me from becoming unnerved.
我知道你需要固定程式 I know you require a certain ritual.
洗澡后吃晚饭 但不要又是小龙虾派 And then after the shower, our dinner, but not crawfish pie again.
上次吃完我就消化不良了 还以为得了甲状腺癌 I got indigestion from it last time. I thought I had thyroid cancer.
博里斯 我有别人了 我坠入爱河了 Boris, I met someone else. I've fallen in love.
然后贝多芬或舒伯特 但... And then some Beethoven, maybe some Schubert for a change, but, you know..
你有别人了 You met someone else?
不是说我对你没有深厚的感情 我有 I'm not saying I don't have very deep feelings for you. I do.
你有别人了 You met someone else?
是的 Yes.
你想跟你妈妈一样 三人行 And you want us to live in a threesome, like your mother?
博里斯 当你遇到我时 我还很年轻 Boris, when you found me, I was very young.
你还是很年轻啊 You're still very young.
是 但我长大了 Yes, but I've grown.
因为你 我成熟了很多 I've grown so much. and mainly because of you.
这倒是实话 我对你惊人的愚昧很有耐心 Yes, it's true. I have been very patient with your phenomenal ignorance.
你不能永远依靠我 You can always count on me for anything.
我只是... I just...
正处于易受影响的年纪 还有... I guess I'm at a very impressionable age, and I...
我不知道如何表达 I can't think of a way to say this well.
-你不用费心表达 -我想表达 - You don't have to say it well. - I want to.
我完全理解 真的 I completely understand. I do.
这并不违背我的信仰 This does not run counter to my convictions that
爱情转瞬即逝 Love relationships are almost invariably transient.
我认为事实并非如此 I don't really think that's true if they're right.
真的 你有自己的想法 Really? you have your own ideas?
就像一对夫妻感情并不深厚 但... Just a couple. you know, they're not very deep, but...
即使生活很残酷 我还是想参与其中 As cruel as life is, I miss participating in the world.
我甚至怀念那些人 那些笨蛋白痴 And I even miss people, even the inchworms and the cretins,
他们不是坏人 只是害怕罢了 Because I don't really think they're bad, I think they're just scared.
你的决定是正确的 I think you're making the correct decision.
-博里斯...-我说真的 - Boris... - I mean it.
我是个知识渊博而敏感的人 I'm a profound and sensitive soul with an enormous grasp
对人类现状有深刻体会 Of the human condition.
不可避免 最终你会... It was inevitable you would
厌烦被全面压倒 和伟人生活并非易事 Eventually grow tired of being so grossly overmatched.
对普通人来说尤其如此 Greatness isn't easy to live with, even by someone of normal intelligence.
你很沮丧 我不期望你会理解 你怎么理解呢 You're upset. I don't expect you to understand. how could you?
相信我 Believe me,
如果我能理解量子力学 If I can understand quantum mechanics,
我当然能理解 I can certainly comprehend the thought process
一个智力低下的乐队指挥的思维过程 Of a sub-mental baton twirler.
-博里斯...-没关系 - Boris... - It's okay.
我知道这一天迟早会来 I knew this day would come. I really did.
宇宙都在趋向毁灭 我们为何就不会呢 The universe is winding down. why shouldn't we?
再来一杯 Again!
我也再来一杯 I'll have another, too.
她离开我 你相信吗 She left me. can you believe it?
我说什么啊 是我离开她 她孤身一人 What am I talking about? I left her. she's alone.
现在 不管她往哪边睡都有个丈夫 Now, no matter which way she turns in bed, she's got a husband.
我太太也离开我了 My wife left me, too.
她肯定很漂亮 就像我太太一样 I'm sure she was beautiful, just like my wife.
诺曼吗 Norman?
诺曼非常帅 Norman was gorgeous.
他是范思哲有史以来最棒的模特 He was the greatest runway model Versace ever had.
我以为是说你太太 I thought you said your wife.
我们在荷兰结婚[荷兰法律认可同性婚姻] We were married in Holland.
你跟一个男人结婚 You married a guy?
不然呢 What else?
但你会变成... But that would make you...
什么 一个鳏夫 诺曼没有死 What? a widow? Norman didn't die.
不是鳏夫 一个... Not a widow, a...
-同志 -成为一个... - Gay? - A member of the...
一个什么 Of what?
一个同性恋 The homosexual persuasion.
天哪 My god.
你说话像个信徒 You make it sound like a religion.
如果那是一种信仰 你可以说我虔诚狂热 Yes. If it's a religion, you could call me devout. a fanatic.
但那是违背神的旨意的一种罪 But that's a sin against god's law.
神就是同志 God is gay.
不可能 他使整个宇宙如此和谐 He can't be. he made the whole universe perfect.
海洋 天空 美丽的花朵 到处可见的树木 The oceans, the skies, the beautiful flowers, the trees everywhere.
没错 他是个装潢师 That's right. he's a decorator.
我还是不懂 他有什么好的 But what do you miss about him? I still don't get it.
什么都好 Everything.
他的脸庞 His face.
他的善良 他的幽默 His kindness, his sense of humor.
我们共有的激情时刻 Our mutual passion.
跳舞的方式 他让我后仰然后吻我 The way we'd dance and he'd dip me back and kiss me.
上帝啊 Jesus.
他干吗离开你 她离开你 诺曼离开你 Why did he leave you? she leave you. Norman.
他想定居巴黎 但我无法撇下生病的母亲 He wants to live in Paris, and I can't leave my sick mother.
你妈是个女人吗 Is your mother a woman?
她年轻时像玛琳·黛德丽(好莱坞电影明星) She used to look like Marlene Dietrich.
有何不同 她们最终都伤害了你 每个女人都一样 What's the difference? they all hurt you in the end, every woman,
不管他们是男是女 Whether they're male or female.
你太太为什么离开你 Why did yours leave you?
我为她闺蜜离开她 但最终失败 I left her for her best friend, but it didn't work out.
为何失败 Why not?
我该说实话吗 Can I be perfectly frank with you?
我心理承受能力不错 I don't shock easily.
我无法跟她做爱 I couldn't make love to her.
为什么 Why not?
起初还好 但之后我失去性趣 想要玛丽塔 It was fine at first, but then I lost interest, I wanted Marietta back.
真可笑 过去几年 Which is funny, because in the last years,
我对玛丽塔都没有性趣 I really didn't have a lotta sexual interest in Marietta.
在异性恋身上很常见 我们一直都有性趣 That happens with you heteros. we always have interest.
上帝啊 如果要我坦白... Christ, if I'm going to be honest,
我从未曾对玛丽塔燃起过欲火 You know, I never, ever really had a burning sexual desire for Marietta.
那你干吗娶她 Why'd you marry her?
大家都这样啊 我住的地方 It was the thing to do. everybody where I lived,
他们有妻子 有孩子 还有... You had a wife and children and...
我真的可以跟你说实话吗 Can I really level with you?
当然 Of course.
我叫约翰 萧约翰 John. John Celestine.
约翰 我叫霍卡明尼卡明 Of course, John. I'm Howard Cummings, Nee Kaminsky.
我娶玛丽塔 是因为我害怕 I married Marietta, because I was afraid.
害怕什么 Of what?
怕在橄榄球队里按捺不住冲动 The way I felt towards the tight end on the football team.
每次他俯身冲刺我就受不了 Every time he got in the line of scrimmage and bent over.
服务员 请再来一杯 Bartender, another round for my friend and me, please.
你相信我两次自杀失败吗 Can you believe I blew it twice?
我跳窗 砸到一个遛狗的女人 I jumped out the window and landed on a woman walking her dog.
她受伤了 而我毫发无损 She got hurt. I got off scot-free.
你不知道自己的行为对他人的影响吗 Don't you realize the consequences of your actions impact on other people?
-得了吧 别说了 -不 你自杀成功又怎样 - Oh, come on. seriously. - No. what if you had committed suicide?
想想 如果你死了 你不知道... Think, think if you didn't exist, how the world...
世界会怎样瞬间改变 Would suddenly change in ways you can't imagine.
天哪 你知道吗 Oh, my god. you know what?
你说话活像圣诞必看电影 You sound like that movie they ram down your throat every christmas.
-什么 -要是守护天使... - What? - What if the guardian angel...
救了吉米·史都华会怎么样(美国著名影星) Had saved Jimmy Stewart,
吉米·史都华在床上抽烟 And Jimmy Stewart was the guy who smoked in bed,
他活下来了 引发的火灾却烧死了60人 And he lived and caused a fire that killed 60 people? so?
怎么样 人的生命都值得拯救吗 How about that? everybody's life is still worth saving?
即使是圣诞节 说说看 说真的 Even if it's christmas? come on, seriously.
你的人生观真消极 You must have a very dim view of the human race.
人类 Oh, the human race.
他们得在公厕安装自动马桶 They've had to install automatic toilets in public restrooms,
因为人们不会自觉冲厕 Because people can't be entrusted to flush a toilet.
拜托 冲马桶啊 连马桶都不冲 Come on, flushing a toilet! they can't even flush a toilet!
探视时间结束了 Visiting time is over.
-什么 你要撵我走吗 -对的 - What? you're kicking me out? - Yeah.
-说真的吗 -当然是说真的 - Seriously? - Yeah. absolutely.
好吧 听着 老实说 我真的很抱歉 All right, listen. honestly, I'm really sorry about all this
我该怎么补偿你呢 And is there anything I can do to make this up to you?
有什么能为你效劳的 Can I get you something? what can I do?
等我能走了 你请我吃晚餐 If I can ever walk again, you can buy me dinner.
你做什么的 海伦娜 What do you do, Helena?
我吗 我是个灵媒 Me? I'm a psychic.
不好意思 真的吗 I'm sorry. really?
我有罕见的天赋 可以预见未来 I was born with a very rare gift. I can see into the future.
如果可以预见未来 你怎么不知道... If you can see into the future, how come you didn't know
我会跳楼自杀砸到你身上 I was gonna jump out a building and land on top of you?
也许我知道 Maybe I did.
祝你新年快乐 Happy new year to you.
太兴奋了 霍卡明要卖掉健身房 We're so excited. Howard is selling the gym,
我们合伙在切尔西开古董店 But we're going to open up an antique shop in Chelsea.
是的 卖装饰艺术品 Yeah. Art deco.
拥有一系列绝妙的电影海报收藏 We're going to have a wonderful collection of movie posters.
你相信这个吹牛皮的家伙吗 支持共和党的守旧派 Can you believe this cracker? this red state Neanderthal?
这位无知的国家枪械协会怪人 This mindless zombie of the National Rifle Association?
心理医生说 玩枪械表明 My shrink says that the guns were all
我性机能不全 A manifestation of my sexual inadequacy.
是 要不是性机能不全 Yeah, if it weren't for sexual inadequacy,
国家枪械协会就要倒闭了 The National Rifle Association would go broke.
他跟霍卡明尼卡明同居 He's moved in with Howard Cummings, Nee Kaminsky.
不只是跟一个男人睡觉 很快他要庆祝普林节(犹太教节日)了 And not only is he sleeping with a man, soon he'll be celebrating purim.
更重要的是 他首次感受成年生活中的幸福 More important, for the first time in his adult life, he's happy.
我早该知道你为何不满我 玛丽塔 I should have known why I was failing you, Marietta,
没能满足你作为女人的需要 Not fulfilling your womanly needs.
原因很明显 Which turned out to be quite considerable.
我也欲求不满 但和相互吸引的性别一起就不会 Mine, too, but not with the sex I'd been raised to be attracted to.
约翰 你变了 性格更加开朗 You're like a changed man, John. your whole personality is sunnier.
维持如此就好 If only it had been that way.
跟你做爱真是 I couldn't when I was making love to you.
方椎对圆孔 I was a square peg in a round hole,
原谅我说话隐晦 You should pardon the metaphor.
只希望你们都能找到真命天子 I just hope you 2 lucked out and found the right person in each other.
我走狗屎运 I know I lucked out.
你呢 博里斯 What about you, Boris?
用你们的时髦粗话讲 As you would say in the crude fashion of your generation,
我就是走了狗屎运 I totally lucked out.
正好表明了宇宙的或然性 It just shows what meaningless blind chance the universe is.
每个人都梦寐以求的真命天子 Everybody schemes and dreams to meet the right person,
我跳个窗就砸到了 还是灵媒 And I jump out a window and land on her. and a psychic yet!
来吧 说说荒谬的爱情 I mean, come on, talk about the irrational heart,
更别提我爱上了个南方姑娘 Not to mention I've developed a fondness for grits.
我有个问题 我属于我这一代人的吗 I have a question, am I a member of my generation?
是的 别担心 我会解释給你听的 Yes. don't worry. I'll explain it to you.
打住 打住 马上要倒数了 Hey, hey, hold on! hold on! the ball's about to drop!
快 Come on!
8 7 Eight, seven,
6 5 Six, five,
4 3 Four, three,
2 1 Two, one!
新年快乐 Happy new year!
我恰巧讨厌新年庆祝仪式 I happen to hate new year's celebrations.
大家都渴望玩得开心 Everybody desperate to have fun.
设法以某些乏味的方式来庆祝 Trying to celebrate in some pathetic little way.
庆祝什么呢 庆祝又向坟墓迈近一步 Celebrate what? a step closer to the grave?
所以我总说 无论你得到和给予怎样的爱 That's why I can't say enough times, whatever love you can get and give,
无论你能窃取或是提供怎样的幸福 Whatever happiness you can filch or provide,
所有暂时的善意 管用就行 Every temporary measure of grace, whatever works.
别自欺欺人 And don't kid yourself,
这不仅取决于你做人的智慧 It's by no means all up to your own human ingenuity.
你的存在取决于你不愿承认的幸运 A bigger part of your existence is luck than you'd like to admit.
上帝啊 你知道你老爸几亿精子中的一个 Christ, you know the odds of your father's one sperm
找到仅有的一颗卵子 从而创造了你的机率吗 From the billions, finding the single egg that made you?
别想了 你会得恐慌症的 Don't think about it, you'll have a panic attack.
博里斯 你在干吗 跟谁讲话呢 Boris, what're you doing? who you talking to?
什么 外面有人看着我们呢 What? there's people out there watching us.
-有人在外面吗 -有 有啊 他们在看着 什么 - They're out there? - Yeah, yeah, they're watching. what?
-拜托 博里斯... -你知道... - Please, Boris... - You know...
他们一开始就在场 不知道有几个已经走了 Well, there was when we started. I don't know how many are left.
大家看到外面有人吗 Does anybody see anybody out there?
-外面 没啊 -没有 - Out there? no! - No!
-博里斯 -没有 - Boris! - No!
瞧 只有我能纵观全局 See? I'm the only one who sees the whole picture.
这就是所谓天才 That's what they mean by genius.
快来 新年快乐 博里斯 Come on. Happy new year, Boris.