Max 你有口香糖吗 Max. Do you have any gum?
我的口气闻起来不像我的 My breath tastes like someone else's breath.
你在问我有没有口香糖 You're asking me if I have any gum?
那简直就像是在问 新泽西有没有浪荡女 That's like asking New Jersey if it has any sluts.
好吧 我刚吃的路边摊里有洋葱 Great. There were onions in my street meat.
瞧我说的 我刚吃的路边摊里的洋葱 Listen to me. "Onions in my street meat."
去年 我在华尔(同字 墙)街参加会议(谐音 肉) Last year, I was taking meetings on wall street.
今年 我在路边靠墙吃摊档 This year, I'm eating meat from the street by a wall.
我看看 手机 唇膏 Let's see. Phone, chapstick.
一片药 要么是避孕的 要么是来嗨的 A pill! Could be birth control, could be ecstasy.
等个休息日验证一下 Waiting for a day off to find out.
为啥等 Why wait?
如果一个钟头之内我开始摸你的头发 If I start touching your hair in an hour,
拦着我点 别让我跟任何人乱搞 don't let me have sex with anyone.
Max Max!
Max 这是什么 Max, what's this?
这是寄给Max自制纸杯蛋糕的 It's addressed to Max's homemade cupcakes.
真的 我还以为是 Really? I thought that was just a thing
我随手记新披萨店地址的破纸呢 I wrote the new pizza place info on.
200美金的支票 是那次办公室派对的 It's a $200 check from that office party we did.
Max自制纸杯蛋糕 打印出来的 Max's homemade cupcakes in type!
怎么会 我的名字还从来没有被打印出来过 No way, I've never been typed out before!
我拿过现金 还有汗黏黏的20块扔到我的手里 I've been cash, I've sweaty 20s pushed into my palm,
但我的名字从来没有被打印出来过 but I've never been typed!
咱终于成人了 我们合法了 We's all grown up! We's legit!
听好了 吃货们 我刚经历了一个大事件 Listen up, diner! I just hit the big time.
姐再也不给你们这些玩意伺候便宜饭菜了 No more serving up slop to you lowlifes.
去你妹的 姐再不干服务员儿了 So everybody can suck it! My waitress days are over.
加点咖啡 Can I get some more coffee?
来了 Sure.
== 破产姐妹 第一季第21集 == 【H-SGDK】字幕组倾情奉献
== 翻译：瑶小瑶这货很苦逼 丁丁探鹰中毒 ==
== 翻译：泠泠 东风解冻 王大可 统筹：尧之雪 ==
== 校对：顾顾 Imo发奋求offer 后期&压制： ==
Earl 你在干嘛呢 Earl, what are you doing?
员工不能喝餐厅的酒 Employees are not allowed to drink diner liquor.
打住吧 Han 今天是4月16号 Now, hold up, Han. It's April 16th.
你知道明天是啥日子不 Do you know what day tomorrow is?
当然 马丁 路德 金日快乐(1月的第三个星期一) Oh, of course. Happy Martin Luther King day.
酒算我的 Enjoy a drink on me.
才不是马丁 路德 金纪念日 It's not Martin Luther King day.
你要知道 Black people are allowed
黑人还是有其它日子能开心一把的 to be excited about other days too, you know.
Tyler Perry又有新电影上映了吗(近年很火的黑人导演) Is there a new Tyler Perry movie coming out?
不是 金正日童鞋 No, Kim Jong Il.
是税收日 It's tax day.
每逢要缴税的日子 我就犒赏自己一杯白兰地 And I always treat myself to a Brandy when I do my taxes
因为 我要喝醉了才敢去看退税数 because I need to be drunk when I see that refund amount.
鸡胸肉 拌辣酱 Chicken breast, side of hot sauce.
胸脯肉 (热)辣酱 黄暴词儿就在口边你咋不说呢 Breast? Hot sauce? Come on, it's right there.
Max 鉴于我对Sophie无边的爱 Max, now that I have big love for Sophie,
我再也不会无耻调戏别的女人了 I no longer say inappropriate sexual things to other women.
将我所有的热情的酱汁都留给她的胸脯了(请自行理解) I save all my hot sauce for her breasts.
爱情把你变成了个老大妈啊 Love has made you a real old lady.
给你 白兰地男 好好吃吧 Here you go, Brandy man. Enjoy.
Max 你有邮票吗 Max, you got a stamp?
我打算回家路上去寄 I wanna drop this off in the mail on my way home.
我包里有一张 等我去拿 I have one in my purse. I'll just get it.
Max 他今年就要寄走 Max, he wants to file this year.
他没时间等搜救组 He doesn't have time for the search party
去你包里把邮票找出来 to go into your purse and return.
嘿 那是包包 里面就该是乱的 Hey, it's a purse. It's supposed to be messy.
才不 那应该是个包包 No, it's supposed to be a purse,
而不是卡在内裤里的老救生员的 not a retirement home for a pair of panties
破养老院 stuck to old lifesavers.
我在吃东西呢嘿 I'm kinda off my meal now.
我这儿有邮票 Earl I have a stamp right here, Earl.
看到没有 井然有序 对 杂乱无章 There, see? Order versus chaos.
也被称作OCD(强迫症) 对 Also known as OCD versus
"噢 这有张CD诶 我都忘了我有"(随性派) "Oh, here's a CD I forgot I had."
你喜欢什么图案的 花花 旗旗 还是爱心心 Would you prefer a flower, flag, or a love stamp?
女士们 我不在乎用哪个 Ladies, I don't care which, I just wanna get these taxes
我只想在截止前寄出去 in the mail before the deadline.
- Earl 你自己报税吗 - 当然 - Earl, you do your own taxes? - I surely do.
我拍胸脯说 自从我第一份工 Proud to say I haven't missed a year since 1950
1950年为Frank Sinatra(歌手)当球童来就没漏过税 when I had my first job as Frank Sinatra's ball boy.
球童 他是个网球高手吗 Ball boy? Was he a good tennis player?
不 亲爱的 他不打网球 No, darling, he didn't play tennis.
我的任务是给他洗球(洗蛋蛋) The job was washing his balls.
那时候这可是一份美差啊 And that was good work for those times.
你介不介意我看一下你的1040表(个人退税表) Do you mind if I look over your 1040
是不是能提高你的退税 to see if I can increase your return?
快看 快看 Wharton(商学院) Do you, Wharton, do you.
初一看 你就漏掉了你的 Well, at first glance, I see you short-changed yourself
部分减免额 on some deductions.
这儿有500可以拿 There's 500 right there.
为什么你不先签了名 然后我尽可能帮你少交点税 Why don't you sign this now, and I'll save you what I can
明天再帮你寄出去 and then drop it in the mail tomorrow?
Max 看看 看看 Max, look at this.
这位野心美眉刚刚帮我省了500耶 Blonde ambition here just saved me $500.
真的吗 赞哦 Really? That's pretty cool.
这里还有100呢 Oh! There's another 100.
- 要死 碉堡了 - 顶 顶 顶(老虎机赢钱的声音) - No way, that's awesome. - Ding, ding, ding.
就像在老虎机赢了钱 却没被那些肺气肿火爆老太发现 It's like I won the slots without being surrounded
一样爽(专等玩家放弃而投机的老人) by those pissed off ladies with emphysema.
你怎么可能不知道 How could you not know
你包包里面有张支票 there was a cupcake check in your purse?
它被混在里面了 It just got mixed in.
再说了 这年头 谁还邮寄 And anyway, who still sends important stuff
重要的东西啊 through the mail these days?
我们是神马 少先队吗 What are we, pioneers?
不 我们是商业女性了 No, we're businesswomen,
我们必须知道每分钱花在哪 and we need to keep track of every penny.
嘿 我们要不要把它裱起来挂墙上啊 Hey, should we frame it and hang it on the wall?
当咱俩成了互相 That way when we're two billionaire bitches
讨厌对方的富婆之后 who hate each other's guts,
咱们就能看着这账单回忆从前了 we can look at the check and remember.
Max 我绝不会讨厌你的 Max, I'll never hate your guts.
那可说不准 You don't know.
生意繁忙 Business pressure,
你抓到我跟你老公上床 you caught me sleeping with your husband,
因为你整容失败而愤怒 anger about your bad facelift.
哦 亲爱的 我绝不会整容失败的 Oh, honey, I will never have a bad facelift.
我从11岁时就能说出一堆好医生的名字了 I've been collecting names of good doctors since I was 11,
而且我被我钢琴老师吓坏了 and I was terrified by my piano teacher
他的鼻子突然跑到了这 whose nose was suddenly here.
你能帮Earl报税真是太好了 That's pretty cool of you to do Earl's taxes for him.
我乐意 I'm happy to.
毕竟财务是我的专业领域 After all, finance is my field of expertise.
是啊 挺好的 这些东西 Yeah, pretty cool. You know, all that stuff.
实用小技巧什么的 Helpful hints and whatnot.
天呐 我都说到这份上了 难道要我在 Cripes! What more do I have to do,
阿姆斯特丹的商店橱窗展示大胸器吗(站街) Rouge my boobs and stand in a storefront window in Amsterdam?
你到底要不要帮我报税 Are you gonna help me with my taxes or not?
Max 我不知道这样好不好 Max, I don't know if it's a good idea.
我看过你的包了 我能想象你的税务是什么样 I've seen your purse. I can only imagine your taxes.
你能别提包了吗 那只是个破包 Can you let go of the purse? It's just a messy bag.
又不是我在原始大陆把你孩子弄丢了 It's not like I lost your child in the outback.
这是一种征兆 看看我的包 It's symptomatic. Here, look at my purse.
好吧 算了 You know what, never mind.
现在进行斗包大赛已经太晚了 It's too late for a purse smackdown.
但声明一下 即使你现在赢了 But for the record, even if you win now,
我的包也秒杀你的包 my purse will kick your purse's ass.
再说 它还得花两周才能搞明白你包包的日程安排 Later, after it spent two weeks learning your purse's schedule.
整齐 干净 完美 看呐 Organized, clean, perfect. Look.
就看一下嘛 Just look at it.
看一眼 Max 它不咬人 Look at it, Max. It won't bite.
你是谁啊 我妈的第三个男友吗(猥亵了) Who are you, my mother's third boyfriend?
说实话 在看到支票前 And truthfully, before I saw that check,
我甚至没打算报税 I wasn't even going to file.
但现在我们开始真正的事业了 But now that our business is getting real,
也许我得开始对我的财务认真起来了 maybe I should start getting real about my finances.
当我俩成了富婆之后 I mean, when we are two billionaire bitches,
我可不想政府突袭检查 I don't want the government to swoop in
我俩的旧账 and Wesley snipe us for back taxes.
好啊 我们明天开始 Okay, great. We'll do it tomorrow.
而且我保证 从现在起再也不抨击你的包 And I promise, no more purse slams starting now.
谁啊 Who is that?
CNN(新闻台) 听说在你包里找到第34个智利矿工(相关新闻) CNN. They found a 34th Chilean miner in your purse.
好吧 好吧 从现在开始 Okay, okay! Starting now.
- 谁啊 - Kim Kardashian - Who is it? - Kim Kardashian.
不 我不是Kim Kardashian No. I'm not Kim Kardashian.
不 我还是需要勤劳致富滴(人家是富婆) No, I work for a living.
嘿 Sophie 来个睡前纸杯蛋糕吗 Hey, Sophie, you come down for your cupcake nightcap?
是啊 谢谢你 Max Yeah, thank you, Max.
但今天我想拿两个 But tonight I'm going to take two.
因为我准备去约会 'Cause I'm getting ready to date
我想回归我的战斗重量 and I wanna get back to my fighting weight.
Sophie 你是什么意思 Sophie, what do you mean
你又开始准备约会了吗 you're getting ready to date again?
哦 在波兰俱乐部里 Oh, well, there's some really cute new guys
来了些可爱的新人 down at the Polish club.
而且 哦 天呐 其中一个 And--oh, my gosh, one in particular
长得像Vin Diesel(速度与激情男主) is like a cross between
和Viggo Mortensen(魔戒男主)的混合体 Vin Diesel and Viggo Mortensen.
嗯 又帅又富 Yeah, so rich and handsome
你根本看不到他的轮椅 you almost don't notice the wheelchair.
在纽约真是难以拒绝有座驾的男人啊 Hard to resist a man in New York who's got his own ride.
抱歉 我不是想打听 I'm sorry, I don't mean to pry.
哦 那就别问了 Oh, then don't.
只是 你跟Oleg怎么样了 It's just what about you and Oleg?
他觉得你们俩是一对 He thinks you two are a couple.
一对 A couple?
不 这简直是疯话 No, this is crazy talk.
我是说 我们确实在厨房和厕所里 I mean, yes, we have had some hot, dirty sex
热火朝天地激情过几次 in a few kitchens and toilets, and...
还在地铁里三明治店的地板上做过 On the floor of a sandwich shop in the subway.
再加上走廊楼梯上开了两次后门 Plus twice we did it like dogs on the hallway stairs
还有我公寓里能做的地方都做了 and on every smooth surface in my apartment.
但是 拜托 仅此而已 But I mean, come on. I mean, that's it.
我可是淑女 I'm a lady.
Sophie 难以置信我会说这个 Sophie, I can't believe I'm about to say this,
但对于Oleg 这不仅仅是性爱 but for Oleg, it's not just about sex.
他对你有感觉 He feels things for you.
实际上我知道他还要给你买一份特别礼物 I know for a fact he's buying you a special gift.
告诉他 Max Tell her, Max.
他提到了关于皮草之类的东西 Well, he mentioned something about a fur,
今晚他提起你的时候 and tonight when he was talking about you
用了"爱"这个词 he did use the word "Love."
爱 Love?
拜托 别毁了我的纸杯蛋糕时间 Come on, don't ruin my cupcake buzz.
这个男人没有前途 I mean, this man has no future.
当然 他的确有个大兄弟 Of course, he does have a giant penis.
但是他没前途 But no future.
我可是努力工作才得来了我的地位 I mean, I've worked hard to get where I am.
我需要一个有梦想有座驾的男人 I need a man who has a dream and a drive.
而大玩意儿我在网上只花47刀就能买 And I can buy a big giant penis online for $47.
真的吗 加入购物车 Really? Add to cart.
那你得告诉他 Well, then you have to tell him
你没有兴趣和他继续发展 you're not interested in going any further.
哦 好吧 别担心 我会的 Oh, all right, don't worry. I will.
是的 我需要这个男人 Yeah, I mean, I need this man in my life
就跟我需要隆胸一样 like I need breast implants.
就好像 没啥必要 是吧 Which is like... Not at all, right?
这儿还有一张工资报表 人力资源妞 Here's another W-2, H&R blonde.
谢谢 Thank you.
Max 你在长岛的墨西哥餐厅工作过吗 Max, you worked at a Mexican restaurant in long island city?
噢 天啊 别较真儿啦 Oh, my God, don't be so judgmental.
瞧瞧 (西语) Mira, look!
我刚发现了一张鞋垫和双面胶带的收据 I just found a receipt for shoe insoles and double-stick tape.
工作费用 Work expense.
又来了 大小姐 不能抵消 Again, senorita, not a write-off.
就像是你买大麻的费用 Like when you asked if you could claim your pot dealer
也不能作为娱乐支出一样 as an entertainment expense.
我错了 我们都有特长 So I was wrong. We've all got our talents.
你很擅长文书工作 You're great at doing paperwork,
而我很擅长烤蛋糕 and I'm great at baking
以及在狂欢节的时候找个地方滚床单 and finding places to have sex at carnivals.
把那项加到我称之为 Just add that to the pile I'm calling
"以后的审计证明的分类"中吧 "Evidence for your future audit."
不是那儿 那些是Earl的退税单据 Not there, that's Earl's tax return.
我能看看你去年的报税文件吗 Can I see a copy of what you filed last year?
呃 我去年没有申报 Ugh...I didn't file last year.
包括之前所有年份 Or the year before or any year ever.
等一下 你从来没有缴过税吗 Wait, you've never paid your taxes?
不是 是从来没报过税 No, I've never filed my taxes.
我纳税的 我在支票上看到过 I've paid taxes. I see it on my check.
8美元给了州里 15元进了联邦收入 $8 to the state, 15 in federal income,
6.23块是给了FICA(社保局) 谁知道是个啥 6.23 to FICA, whoever that lucky bitch is.
Max 昨晚你为什么不把这么严重的情况告诉我 Max, why didn't you tell me the severity of this last night?
呃 你又不是不知道 钱方面我一直有问题 Um, maybe you haven't noticed, but I have issues around money.
每年我都说我会去申报的 Every year, I say I'm going to file,
然后就一直拖一直拖 and then I put it off and put it off
终于拖到最后期限 就跟今天一样 until the day it's due, like today,
然后我就盯着这退税表和工资报表 and then I sit down with a 1040 and my W-2s,
到第四个问题就做不下去了 (计算收入总和) and right around the fourth question,
就感觉 去他的 I'm like, screw it!
看完视频网站上的灵魂列车(70年代黑人音乐舞蹈节目)再说 I'm gonna watch old soul train clips on YouTube before work.
感觉我就是个废材 直到报税日过去 And then I feel like a loser until tax day is over.
然后还是我行我素 谁在意这些 我酷毙了 And then I'm like, who cares? I'm awesome.
明年再报 I'll do them next year.
这就是说你的财务状况 So what you're telling me
跟你的钱包一样混乱 is your finances are as messy as your purse.
小心点 Careful now!
不要哪壶不开提哪壶吧 Starting to get a little hot up in here.
好吧 我不管 Fine, I don't care.
我只是想把你的报税敲定下来 I just want you to get your taxes done.
现在 把所有没用的垃圾文件 Now throw away all of your useless garbage
都丢进垃圾桶 into this trash can.
你知道不 我打算去餐厅附近的报税代理 You know what, I'm just gonna go to that pop-up tax place near the diner.
顺路把这些没用的垃圾文件都丢到垃圾点 And I'll throw my "Useless garbage" In the dumpster on the way out.
等等 你要花100块 Wait, you're gonna spend like $100
去找个人来帮你报税 to have someone do your taxes
我还坐在这儿啊 when I'm sitting right here.
要你帮我报税 我得抽掉N多大麻烟才能挺下来 The amount of money I'll spend down there
买大麻的钱 is nothing compared to the amount of money
够我找别人报税几百次了 I'd have to spend on weed to survive doing taxes with you.
- 下午好 姐妹们 - 好啊 - Good afternoon, girls. - Hello.
希望Sophie跟我的狂野爱爱 I hope Sophie and I's wild lovemaking
没有让你们彻夜难眠 didn't keep you up all night.
我们想下来给你们 We wanted to come down
展示下我给Sophie的礼物 and show you the gift I just gave Sophie.
是的 瞧瞧 姐妹们 瞧瞧我的礼物 Yeah, look, girls. Look at my gift.
这儿还有条腿 It's got a leg.
哇哦 我没想到你们俩的配对亮相 Wow, I didn't think you two were the couple type.
我们要去曼哈顿 We are going into Manhattan
喝点水果鸡尾酒和香槟 for fruit cocktail and champagne.
- 一起吗 - 那是当然 - Want to join? - Hell, yeah!
不行 Max 你要报税 No, Max, you're doing your taxes.
噢 妈妈说我不能出去(出柜) Oh. My mother says I can't come out.
玩开心 Have fun.
这不代表什么 This means nothing!
我不敢相信 你居然把你的财政未来 I can't believe you're putting your financial future
交给个叫"生命之税"神叨叨的代理公司 into the hands of a hipster tax place called "The Tax of Life."
你知道 俗话说得好 You know how the old proverb goes.
除去好的 除去坏的 "You take the good, you take the bad.
这剩下的 就是你的生命之税啦(恶搞美剧"fact of life"主题歌) You take what's left, and there you have the tax of life."
43 43号 43! Number 43.
记住 如果你需要帮助 And remember, if you need any help,
我很了解你的财务状况 I'm acquainted with your finances.
我很了解你的报税态度 And I'm acquainted with your attitude.
啥也别说了 Don't say a word.
- 我是43号 - 有什么事儿 43号 - I'm 43. - 'Sup, 43?
我叫Kyle 你的税哥 I'm Kyle. I'm your tax bro.
嗨 我是Max 这是我静音的朋友Caroline Hi, I'm Max and this is my mute friend Caroline.
我已经开始填写了1040报表 I already started to fill out the 1040
我有今年全部的工资报表 and I have my W-2s from this year.
以及一些收据 Also some receipts.
好的 我们开始 Well, let's get started!
你有正常的储蓄账户吗 Do you have a health savings account?
- 显然木有 - 哦 好的 我们可以编一个 - Definitely not. - Oh, well, we can fudge that.
- 我帮你的账户填个500块的吧 - 听起来不错 - I'll put you down for 500. - Sounds good.
编一个 作假 Fudge that? Fudge?
我还不知道财务帐还能作假呢 I wasn't aware there was fudging in finance.
家庭生产活动 Domestic production activities.
- 就跟避孕套之类的吗 - 我猜 - Like condoms and stuff? - I guess.
实际是说调整后的收入 对吧 Talk about adjusted gross income, am I right?
对吧 Am I right?
Kyle 给我记250好了 Kyle, put me down for 250.
250 250.
现在我该给国税局送个奶酪拼盘嘛 Should I just put the cheese plate out for the IRS now?
那居住能源记录呢 What about residential energy credits?
我买过几个卷管灯泡(节能灯) I bought some of those curly light bulbs once.
轻轻松松又赚150啊 Oh, that's another 150 easily.
抱歉 Max 我实在忍不住 Sorry, Max, I can't stop myself.
钱 财政 这些都是姐的强项啊 Money, finances-- this is my thing.
如果我们是在镀铜珠宝(假货)大卖场 If we were at a copper-plated jewelry sale,
我肯定让你做主 I'd let you take the wheel.
我不能袖手旁观看你拿我们的未来财政冒险 I can't sit back and watch you risk our financial future.
你和你的税哥哥会拖死姐的后腿的 You'll be dragging me into this with you and your tax bro.
让一让 税哥 Excuse me, tax bro.
天哪 你还想报住宅能源税收抵免 Oh, my God, you wanna claim a residential energy credit?
你连5695表格(居住能源记录表)都木有啊 You don't even have a 5695 up here.
嘿 你这哑妹妹真牛叉啊 Hey, your mute friend's all over this.
你该让她来帮你算税 You should let her do your taxes.
她懂的更多诶 She's way better.
算了 没事 Kyle 我不做了 No, that's cool, Kyle. I'm not gonna do this.
少报一年又不会死 One more year won't kill me.
我拿这钱来买大烟好了 I'll just spend this money on pot.
顺便说 这能算成娱乐消费哦 That's an entertainment expense, bee-tee-Dubbs.
Max 别轻易放弃 我来帮你 Max, don't give up yet. Let me help.
你看 都九点了 没时间了 Look, it's already 9:00. We ran out of time.
至少拿张表格提交个延期申请嘛 At least take a form and file an extension.
邮局开到午夜的 The post office is open till midnight.
Max 你也知道你想改变财政状况 Max, you know you wanna change your finances.
一步一步来嘛 It's a step.
你说的对 好主意 You're right. Good idea.
邮局有延期申请表 They have extension forms at the post office.
去交Earl的退税申请表时可以拿一张 We can pick one up when I drop off Earl's return.
- 咋了 - 不见了 - What? - It's not here.
不在包里了 It's not in my purse.
上次看到它是在咖啡桌上 Last time I saw it, it was on the coffee table
你带着税收材料进来的时候 before you came in with all your tax stuff.
肯定还在那 It must still be there.
不 你逼我把所有东西都给扔了 Uh, no, you made me throw all that stuff out.
你扔了一个75岁老人家的退税表 You threw out a 75-year-old man's tax return?
你也扔了几张纸好吗 You threw some papers out too.
这一点也不像我啊 This is so not like me.
我只丢过我的处女膜好吗 The only thing I've ever lost is my virginity.
现在怎么办 What are we gonna do?
没事 淡定 没什么大不了的 No, it's okay. Relax. No big deal.
我们只要回趟家 翻翻垃圾堆什么的 We just have to go home and climb through the dumpster.
不 说真的 现在怎么办 No, seriously, what are we gonna do?
准备好了没 Ready?
不 说真的 现在怎么办 No, seriously, what are we gonna do?
好了 开始吧 Well, let's get to it.
我的垃圾又不会自己跑出来 My garbage ain't gonna find itself.
不行 Max Max, I can't.
如果我进去了 我就真的变成白色垃圾了(穷苦白人) If I go in there, I will literally be white trash.
谁叫你爱管闲事 拿"Wharton"招牌 Look, you're the one who had to butt in
非要把Earl的活都揽下来 and get all "Wharton" With Earl.
你要让他自己做 If you had left him alone,
早就送到邮局去了 it would be at the post office safe and sound.
好吧 Fine.
但先说清楚 要是我们在里面找到个婴儿 But to be clear, if we find a baby in there,
你就自个儿养去 you're raising it on your own.
让我养还不如让他自个儿垃圾堆里呆着 Hey, it's already off to a better start than I had.
里面全是吃的 There's food everywhere.
哦该死 今天星期二 垃圾车会来 Oh, hell, no! It's Tuesday--trash pick up!
快进快出 赶紧的 Better get in and out
不然咱就要被送到垃圾王国乐园了(那游乐场外号) or we'll be on a garbage barge to coney island.
快 我帮你一把 Come on, I'll give you ten fingers.
我的鞋 我的尊严 My shoes. My dignity.
我的鞋 My shoes.
我的手碰到垃圾堆了 My hands are touching a dumpster.
好 数到三 All right, on the count of three,
我一推 你就把你自己撑起来 I'll push, you hoist yourself up.
一定要撑起来 不然跳不进去 But really pull yourself up, or you won't make it.
去你妹的 姐简直要死了 It's hell. I'm looking into hell.
一 二 三 1...2...3!
我想尖叫 可叫不出来 I wanted to scream, but it wouldn't come out.
好了 祝你好运 白白 Okay, well, good luck. See ya.
- Max - 开玩笑啊 - Max! - I'm kidding!
我从后面上 找个地方能踩上去 I'm coming around the back. I found a place to get a leg up.
啥 你现在才看见那地方 Now? You just saw that now?
叫个毛线啊 这次是我跳进来啊 Why'd you scream? You knew it was me.
这是我前面没叫出来的那声 That's the one I couldn't get out before.
我的天 看看这垃圾堆 Oh, God, look at this mess.
简直大海捞脏针啊 It's like looking for a dirty needle in a haystack,
对了 我已经捞过了 which I've done.
好了 开始找吧 看看有没熟悉的垃圾 Okay, start poking around. Look for familiar garbage.
"熟悉的垃圾" "Familiar garbage"?
我不要待在这里 我要死了 I hate it in here. I wanna die.
没那么糟啦 It's not that bad.
我和我妈曾经在垃圾堆里掏了五个小时 My mom and I once spent five hours in a dumpster
就为了找证据证明她男盆友骗了她 looking for proof that her boyfriend was cheating on her,
结果只找到了张中了1块5的刮刮乐和一条沙滩毛巾 and all we found was a scratch-off worth a $1.50 and a beach towel.
然后我们用那1块5去自助洗衣店里把毛巾洗了 And then, we used that $1.50 to take the towel to the laundromat.
12年后 我俩洗完澡还在用这条毛巾擦身哦 12 years later, you and I use that very towel to dry ourselves off after a shower.
我正站在不知是谁家的冷芝麻面上 Well, I'm standing on a stranger's cold sesame noodles
还有蛋壳刺得姐脚踝疼 with egg shells stuck to my ankles.
你赢了 Max You win, Max.
这和我有啥关系 What does that have to do with me?
因为我正站在你的钱包上啊 It means I'm officially standing in your purse.
赶紧的找有用的垃圾成不 别再神神叨叨啰哩吧嗦了 How about more real garbage, less Caroline garbage?
神神叨叨啰哩吧嗦 Caroline garbage?
你一整天都在对我发牢骚讲废话 You have been dumping on me all day.
我 我做什么了 Me? What have I done?
Max 你从来不报税吗 "Max, you didn't file...ever?"
我才没用那种声调呢 I didn't say it like that.
你本来就从来不退税 难不成是我的错吗 And you didn't file ever. Is that my fault?
就是你错 你全家都错 Yes! This is all your fault.
我认识你之前 从来没想过将来的事 Before I met you, I didn't even think about a future.
现在我有将来了 我还站在垃圾箱里 Now I have a future, and I'm standing in a dumpster!
又不是只有你站在垃圾箱里 You are not the only one standing in a dumpster.
还有 去买个新包 And...get a new purse.
如果你在那破包里面 If you had been able to find a stupid stamp
找到张破邮票 in that horrid thing,
我根本都不会看到Earl的报税表 I would've never even seen Earl's taxes
也不会站在一个垃圾箱里 and I wouldn't be standing in a dumpster.
Max 别 别 别 Max, no, no, no!
我的心灵会永久性损伤的 I will never, ever recover from that!
红牛 红牛 是我们扔的红牛罐吗 Red bulls? Red bulls? Are those our red bulls?
哪儿 Where?
就是它 就是它 我的垃圾 Yes! Yes! That's my garbage!
找到我的垃圾了 赶紧到这儿来 That's my garbage! Get over here!
如果我们找到了 时间就够我们 If we find it, we'll have enough time
冲个澡再去邮局了 to shower and get to the post office.
Earl的税单 Earl的税单 Earl's taxes! Earl's taxes!
下一个 Next!
这太坑爹了 This is unbelievable.
大家都想在大半夜的来退税 Everyone trying to get their taxes filed by midnight.
哇 自从上次条子突袭了泰式按摩店(情色服务) Wow, I haven't seen this much last-minute licking
我还没见过这么大规模的最后冲刺 since the cops raided that Thai massage parlor.
我去拿延期表格 你去排队 I'll grab an extension form.You get in line.
人比我预计的还要多 The line's longer than I expected.
不行 我们一定要办退税 她在喝奶 No, we have to file. She's nursing.
别担心 我们没问题的 Don't worry. We're fine.
我太挫了 I'm a bum.
她胸上挂着个宝宝还把税给弄好了 She's got a baby hanging off her nipple and her taxes are done.
Max 你不用拿自己和别人比较嘛 Max, you can't compare yourself to other people.
你用你的方式来做 You'll do it your way.
还有个瞎子 And there's a blind guy.
没眼睛 税办好了 No eyes, taxes done.
我猜他不会被视频网站的分心 I guess he wasn't distracted by YouTube clips.
别对自己那么严格啦 Don't be so hard on yourself.
你填个延期表格 然后就能搞定了 You're filing an extension, and then you'll get them done.
你叫我去办退税 姐办了吗 You say I'm going to file, but will I?
你叫我去整理包包 姐理了吗 I say I'm going to clean out my purse, but do I?
Sophie说她会跟Oleg讲清楚 她讲了吗 Sophie says she's gonna tell Oleg, but did she?
延期只是个借口 An extension is just another excuse
我还是会拖到最后惹出更大的麻烦 for me to put it off and create a bigger mess.
嘿 Max 好巧啊 Hey, Max. What's up?
Bob 你在这儿干嘛 Bob. Wow, what are you doing here?
和别人一样 我来报税啊 Oh, I just filed my taxes like everyone else.
Bob去年行大运了 哈 Bob had a good year. Ha.
他是谁 Who was that?
毒贩子 别管延期表格了 My dealer. Forget the extension.
我的毒贩都能报税的话 我也能 If my pot dealer can file, I can file.
我们还有半个小时 We still have half an hour.
跑回去把我的工资报表拿来 Run home and get my W-2s
我在这儿排队把1040表填好 while I stay in line and fill out the 1040.
要不我留下填表 Maybe I should stay and fill it out,
你飞奔回去 and you can run home.
不行 我要自己来做 No, I have to do this.
别担心 要是我搞不定 Don't worry, if I get stumped,
周围都是拖延症病友 I'm surrounded by procrastinators.
到最后总归有一个会帮忙的 One of them will help... Eventually.
好吧 拿着笔 Okay, here's a pen.
我先去把Earl的税表交了 I'm gonna go drop off Earl's return in the slot,
然后尽快赶回来 and I'll be back as soon as I can.
没问题 Okay.
呃 嗨 能不能麻烦帮我看一下位置 Uh, hi, can you hold my place
我去拿今年税表 while I get a tax form for this year?
零秒出手啊你 比我还牛 Oh, cutting it close. You're worse than me.
- 去吧 我帮你看着(把你放在后面) - 她挂在你前面 - Go, I got your back. - And she's got your front.
然后我把这些都加起来总数写在这儿 So I add up all these lines and put the total here?
- 没错 - 学生贷款呢 - Right. - What about student loans?
对了 学生贷款我今年付清了 Yes, and I paid mine off this year.
那就写清楚 Then claim it.
那笔利息冲销好大一部分钱的 That interest is a huge write off.
在33行上写436美元 Put down $436 on line 33.
- 邮局要关门了 - 别介啊 - Post office is closing! - No!
我朋友刚刚给我发消息说快到了 My friend just texted me. She's almost here.
求你了 我今年必须办好退税 Please, I have to file this year.
说了午夜就是午夜 Midnight is midnight!
嘘 Boo!
别来这套 我家有六个小孩呢 Oh, please, I have six children at home.
老娘对这招免疫 This is nothing.
来了 我来了 我来了 几点了 Here! I'm here, I'm here! What time is it?
还有30秒 30 seconds.
让让 让让 Make room, make room.
订书机 订书机 Stapler, stapler.
- 10 - 签名 1040表上签名 - 10... - Sign it! Sign your 1040!
- 9 - 哪儿 - 9... - Where?
8 7 8...7...
6 折起来 折起来混蛋 6... Fold! Fold, you bastard!
5 4 5...4...
3 3...
2 2...
没邮票 No stamp.
- 神马 - 嗷 - What? - Aw!
没关系 姐帮你一把 It's cool. I got ya, boo.
我做到了 我办好退税了 I did it! I filed my taxes!
果然谁都做得到 Everybody can suck it!
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