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翻译：苏小黛 Bazinga YY 独醉
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时间轴：菜六水 校对：YY
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后期：孤帆 总监：YY
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《好汉两个半》 第十季第二集
早啊 Good morning.
早上好 先生 Top of the morning to you, sir.
天啊 你中风了吗 Oh, God. Did you have a stroke?
不 不是中风 Oh, no, no stroke.
我是在漂牙 I'm bleaching my teeth.
什么 What?
不好意思 我说我在漂白牙齿 Sorry. I'm bleaching my teeth.
你干嘛呢 And what are you up to?
没啥 就看看新闻 Nothing. Just reading the news.
我也是耶 我的方式老派点 Mmm. Me, too, old-school.
有什么有意思的新闻吗 Anything interesting over there?
正好在看一篇文章 Just reading an article about how
的是家用漂牙组可能引发癌症 home teeth-whitening systems might cause mouth cancer.
-真的假的 -当然是假的 - Really? - No, of course not.
你何苦折腾这玩意呢 Why are you even bothering with that thing?
沃顿 假设女人拒绝我的方式有100种 Walden, I get rejected by women for 100 different reasons.
美白牙齿后 可能就只剩99种了 Whiter teeth would make it 99.
佐伊 Zoey?
嗨 艾娃 Oh. Hi, Ava.
早上好啊 沃顿 Good morning, Walden.
真是个大惊喜 你干什么呢 What a great surprise. What are you doing?
我想邀请你来参加我的生日派对 I wanted to invite you to my birthday party.
这可太贴心了 That is so sweet.
可我不知道能不能去 Uh, but I don't know if I can.
为什么不行 Why not?
哎呀 Oh, boy.
你妈妈在吗 Uh, is your mom there?
她在洗澡 She's taking a shower.
不如等她出来 Maybe, when she gets out,
你问问她我能不能去吧 you could ask her if I can come.
为什么 又不是她的生日 Why? It's not her birthday.
太伤心了 人家快听不下去了 Oh, this is breaking my heart.
是这样的 艾娃 Here's the thing, Ava.
我现在不是你妈妈的男朋友了 I'm not your mom's boyfriend anymore.
我知道 I know that.
她正跟皮特一起洗澡呢 She's in the shower with Peter.
真是童言无忌啊 Kids say the darnedest things.
这样吧 艾娃 Okay, I'll tell you what, Ava.
不如让我跟你妈妈聊聊吧 Uh, why don't you let me talk to your mom
我会跟她商量一下 and we'll figure something out.
好吧 我爱你哦 沃顿 Okay. I love you, Walden.
我也爱你 I love you, too.
-拜拜 -拜 - Good-bye. - Bye.
我靠 Damn it.
真不敢相信她这么快就跟这男的睡上了 I can't believe she's sleeping with this guy already.
其实也不一定啊 Well, we don't know that.
只知道他们一起洗澡了而已 All we know is they're in the shower together.
-你还是别说了 -抱歉 - You're not helping. - Sorry.
我知道怎么能让你高兴起来了 Hey, I know what will cheer you up.
更洁白的笑容 A whiter smile.
我还有个漂牙器 I've got another bleaching tray.
不如你也试试 How about it?
不要 No.
你确定吗 俗话说得好 You sure?You know what they say.
笑容倾城 异性难逃 A million-dollar smile gathers a lot of interest.
谁说的 Who says that?
包装盒上的广告语啊 It's the slogan on the box.
至少我觉得这个意思 At least I think it is.
我的西班牙语不太靠谱 My Spanish is a little shaky.
-还是算了 -真的吗 - I'll pass. - You sure?
可能会帮你把注意力从佐伊身上转走哦 Might get your mind off of Zoey.
我的注意力没在佐伊身上 My mind is not on Zoey.
好吧好吧 Okay, fine.
你不准再把车停在车库里了 You need to stop parking your car in the garage.
真的假的 为什么 Really? How come?
它漏油 It's leaking oil.
不可能 Oh, I don't think so.
我都两年没加过油了 I haven't put oil in it in two years.
反正是在漏东西 Well, it's leaking something.
那我在下面铺几张硬纸板不就行了 Well, why don't I just put down some cardboard?
你直接停去路边不就行了 Why don't you just put it on the street?
不行 海边空气腐蚀性太大了 Oh, no, the salty sea air is very corrosive.
会让影响它在凯乐蓝皮书上的价格 It'll hurt the blue book value.
凯利蓝皮书机构 美国权威车型评估媒体 以其发布的二手车残值率榜单最为著名
艾伦 你的车是一辆13年的沃尔沃休旅车 Alan, you drive a 13-year-old Volvo station wagon
都开了有二十五万英里了 with a quarter of a million miles on it.
那本蓝皮书都比你的车值钱 The blue book has more value than your car.
好吧 可是我... Well, okay, but I-I...
没有可是 No buts.
要么你把车开去路边 You put your car on the street
要么我就把你踢去路边 or I'll put your ass on the street.
脾气还真大呢 What a colossal douche.
你说什么 What?
我挪车去了 老板 Just moving my car, boss.
今早拿你撒气 我很抱歉 I want to apologize for going off on you this morning.
没事 No need.
真的吗 Really?
话犹如桥下的流水 不可挽回 Water under the bridge.
说来真巧 我的车也正好停在桥下 Which, coincidentally, is where I had to park my car.
谢谢你的配合 Well, I appreciate that.
顺便啰嗦一句 桥下有个鸽子窝 And, uh, just FYI, pigeons nest under there.
我的车现在就像涂了层土豆泥一样 My car already looks like it's covered in mashed potatoes.
我会出钱帮你洗车 I'll get it washed for you.
要加汽车美容哦 It'll need detailing.
没问题 No problem.
还要加上油 And oil.
好 Sure.
我们和好了吗 We good?
好吧 算是吧 Yeah, I suppose.
来个你那价值百万披索的倾城笑容吧 Now, show me that million-peso smile.
披索是菲律宾的法定货币 百万披索是二万四千美元
不了 你其实看不出来 Oh, no, I... you can't really tell.
给我笑一个嘛 Ah, come on.
哇 不错嘛 Wow. Nice.
-影视明星般的笑容啊 -你真的这么觉得吗 - It's like a movie star's smile. - You think? You think?
-是啊 看着像一排纯白小糖果 -谢谢 - Yeah, they look like little Chiclets. - Oh, thank you.
多谢夸奖 Thank you. Yeah.
那个车子的事 我真的很抱歉 Hey, I'm really sorry about the whole car thing.
这次分手让我有点抓狂 This breakup's got me a little crazy.
我理解 Oh, I understand.
我老婆不要我的时候 我也一肚子火 When my wife left me, I had a lot of anger.
当然 我都憋回去了 Of course, I internalized it,
结果导致脱发严重 which led to a lot of hair in the sink
上厕所便血 and blood in the toilet.
想必你也知道深爱一个人的感觉 So you know what it's like to love someone so much
幸福得就像心脏快要从 that your heart feels like it's going to explode
胸膛爆裂出来那样 from your chest with pure happiness.
天啊 才不是 我气愤的是房子没了 Oh, God, no. I was just pissed off about losing the house.
我要说的是 My point is that...
家家有本难念的经 that everybody has problems,
但重要的是你如何去应对这些问题 but what's important is how you deal with them.
-来 我帮你倒 -谢谢 - Here, let me get that for you. - Thanks.
看 诀窍在于 See, the key is,
你得找准点拍打才行 you got to tap it in the right spot.
还没... It's not...
-没事 我来 -不要 - It's okay. I-I got it. - No, no.
我能行 I can get it.
搞什么鬼 What the hell?
狗娘养的 Son of a bitch!
没事啦 不用麻烦了 It's fine. Don't worry about it.
不 不行 No, it's not.
我要番茄酱 却得不到番茄酱 I want ketchup, and I can't have it.
消消气儿 不过是个调味料嘛 Calm down. It's just a condiment.
选我啊 妈的 Choose me, damn it!
选我啊 Choose me!
好吧 我们不是在说番茄酱了 是吧 Okay, we're-we're not talking about ketchup anymore, are we?
要不然我们 What else would we...
还能说什么 be talking about?
好吧 Okay.
来 我帮你擦擦干净 Uh, here, let me help you clean that up.
不用 不用 没事的 Oh, no, no, don't worry about it.
要不这样 来 You know what? Here.
把你的T恤和裤子脱给我 Give me your... your shirt and pants,
我放洗衣机里洗 and I'll throw them in the washer.
真没这必要啦 Oh, that's not necessary, actually.
把T恤和裤子脱下来给我 Give me your shirt and pants!
好的 好的 Okay. Okay.
别把T恤和裤子放一块洗 Oh, uh, don't wash the shirt with the pants,
因为是地摊货 会褪色的 'cause it's off brand and the colors tend to run.
裤子要放在冷水里洗 Oh, and, uh... and wash the pants in cold water.
-好的 -不然放温水里会缩水 - Okay. - They shrink in warm water.
不过 有意思的是 Of course, that's funny because, uh,
我"那里"放在冷水才会缩 I shrink in cold water.
赶紧把你破衣烂衫给我 Just give me your stupid clothes!
给 给 Hey, here, here.
谢了 Thank you.
我一定要把车放回车库 I am so back in the garage.
时机真好呀 Perfect. Um...
来了 Coming!
走运的话 最好是上门推销番茄酱的 With any luck, it'll be a door-to-door ketchup salesman.
罗宾啊 Oh, Robin.
你好 艾伦 Hello, Alan.
抱歉 进来吧 Sorry. Uh, come on in.
沃顿 你妈来了 Walden, your mom's here!
马上来 Be right there!
真高兴见到你 So, nice to see you.
很高兴见到...这么光的你 Well, it's nice to see... so much of you.
你儿子把我衣服弄脏了 Your son insisted I take off my clothes
一定要我脱掉 after he soiled them.
听着很别扭 是吧 That sounded weird, didn't it?
你来这有什么事吗 So, uh... so, what brings you by?
沃顿要带我去吃午饭 Walden's taking me to lunch.
真有爱 Oh, lovely.
我也很享受偶尔和妈妈共进午餐 I enjoy the occasional lunch with my mom.
-是吗 -就跟人们做结肠镜检查一样"享受" - Really? - As one enjoys the occasional colonoscopy.
沃顿 Walden!
抱歉 Sorry.
走吧 Let's go.
-我来开车 -好 - I'll drive. - Okay.
用餐愉快 Oh, bon apptit.
-回见 -再见 - Bye. - Bye.
那男人真让我浑身不舒服 Everything about that man is disturbing.
很高兴再次见到你 Nice to see you again.
瞧啊 Oh, look.
新版黄页 New yellow pages.
不是吧 Oh, man.
真倒霉 Oh, boy.
-波塔 -什么事 - Uh, Berta! - Yeah?
我被锁在门外了 I'm locked out.
等着啊 Hang on.
赶紧的 我没穿衣服 Hurry up! I don't have any clothes on!
还在吗 Hello?
波塔 Berta?
拜托 Oh, come on!
真不错 This is nice.
我俩好久没有 You and I haven't gone out
一起出去吃饭了 for a bite to eat in a long time.
是啊 Yeah.
真可惜 佐伊不能来 It's a shame Zoey couldn't join us.
她最近怎样 How's she doing?
很好 Fine.
那就好 我放心了 Good. I'm glad.
她是个好女人 She's a great gal.
你可要牢牢把握住啊 You don't want to let that one get away.
对 Right.
她女儿多大 八岁吗 How old is her daughter? Eight?
差不多九岁了 She's almost nine.
她的生日是什么时候 When's her birthday?
就这几天吧 Few days.
好耶 会有生日派对吗 Oh, fun. Is there going to be a party?
有吧 Yeah.
你有一年生日 You know, for one of your birthdays,
我送了你一个充气城堡 I got you a bouncy castle.
你还记得吗 Do you remember?
记得 I do.
你可以送一个给佐伊的女儿 You should get one of those for Zoey's daughter.
这个主意真不错 That's a good idea.
记得多拍些照片 Oh, and take lots of pictures.
这些会成为你永久的回忆 Those are the moments you remember forever.
发生什么事了 What... what's happening?
我们没油了 We're out of gas.
我们刚开过一个加油站 我很快就回来 We just passed a station. I'll be right back.
这可是一部电动车啊 This is an electric car.
慢着 Hey, wait...
你不是跟你妈妈吃午饭吗 Aren't you having lunch with your mom?
本来是 但她坚持对我的生活问东问西 I was, but then she insisted on taking an interest in my life.
那个贱人 That bitch.
你在干嘛 What are you working on?
弄纳斯达克的报告 Oh, the, uh... the NASDAQ presentation.
正好需要人帮忙 I could use a hand.
好 发过来 Sure. Send it over.
好的 发过去啦 Okay, here. Here it comes.
-对了 你求婚顺利吗 -很顺利 - Oh, how'd the marriage proposal go? - Went fine.
-你送她的那个钻戒大吗 -很大 - How big of a rock did you give her? - Pretty big.
她有到桌子底下 好好"谢谢你"吗 She go under the table to thank you?
没有 不过你想你来啊 No, but you can.
沃尔顿 Wow, Walden!
伙计 Dude.
日子定了吗 When's the big day?
不知道 Don't know.
什么叫"不知道"啊 What do you mean, you don't know?
我是说我们没定确切日期呢 I mean we haven't set a date yet!
不要那么生气行吗 伙计 Don't bite my head off, man, okay?
真是... Just... wow.
-天啊 -怎么了 - Oh, my God. - What?
她拒绝你了 对不对 She shot you down, didn't she?
-我们能不能专心弄报告 -当然不能 - Can we just focus on the presentation? - No, we can't!
听着 Listen, look,
她有告诉你原因吗 did she give you a reason?
比利 说真的 别说了 Billy, seriously, let it go.
是不是...是不是 Was it, was it, was it that you were,
你太帅了 或是你太有钱了 you were too pretty or too rich?
沃顿 沃顿 这证明上帝真的存在 Walden, Walden, this proves that God exists,
而他只是一个又肥又矮 and he's a short fat guy
高中搞不到妹子的废柴 that didn't get laid in high school.
别说了 求你了 Stop, please.
听着 你给我好好听着 Listen, listen, listen, okay,
首先是布里奇特跟你离婚 跟我约会 first Bridget divorces you, and starts dating me.
而你看我这身材样貌 是不是很像[上帝]呀 And I mean, like, right?
然后你又被仙女玛莉抛弃 Then, then you get dumped by Mary Poppins.
沃顿 你一定得好好想想 I mean, Walden, you've gotta wonder,
到底是什么让女人不断地离你而去 what is it about you that drives women away?
比利 我再给你最后一次机会 Billy, this is your last chance, dude.
好的 我换个话题 Okay, I'm changing the subject.
换话题 可以了吗 Changing the subject, okay?
我今早跟你的前妻在浴室里来了一炮 I banged your ex-wife in the shower this morning.
滚开 Go away!
你是说进来吗 Did you say come in?
你要干嘛 艾伦 What do you want, Alan?
我是来看下你 Oh, I'm just checking in.
你躲在楼上已经有好几天了 You know, you've been hiding out up here for quite a few days now.
没错 因为我很忙 Yeah, I'm busy.
我看得出来 I can, I can see that.
这是什么 So, what do you got here?
是凡尔赛宫还是印度赌场 Is this Versailles or an Indian casino?
都不是 这是个梦想之家 No, it's a dream house.
我要送佐伊这个 让她知道当初选择我的话 I'm gonna send it to Zoey so she can see where she could've lived
她本来可以住这里 if we would have gotten married.
那是 这种行为一点也不病态 Sure, that's not weird.
-你有吸大麻吗 -没有 - You been smoking some pot? - No.
真可惜 不然这一切都可以解释 What a shame. Would've explained a lot.
伙计 或许你该休息下了 listen, buddy, maybe it's time to take a break.
不 我要赶在雨季来临之前把屋顶盖好 No, I gotta finish the roof before the rainy season.
哇 积木城堡还有天气可言呀 Oh, there's weather in Legoland?
对了 我拿了一套美白牙齿组来 Oh, by the way, I brought you your own tooth-whitening kit.
以防你想再次露齿笑 You know, in case you ever feel like smiling again.
来自经典电视购物语句"As Seen on TV"[如电视所见]
"如波多黎各电视所见"哦 "As seen on Telemundo."
-把它放进佐伊的房间 -什么 - Put it in the Zoey room. - What?
佐伊的房间 The Zoey room.
好吧 All rightie.
上帝啊 Oh, boy.
几乎都能看见警察封锁现场的黄色胶带了 You can almost see the yellow police tape.
从好的方面看 我的牙齿看起来美极了 On the plus side, my teeth look fantastic.
谢谢你们的到来 Thank you all for coming.
我知道你们跟我一样关心沃顿 I know you're all as concerned about Walden as I am.
你知道我关心的是什么吗 You know what I'm concerned about?
我关心的是他打掉我的这颗牙齿 知道吗 I'm concerned with the tooth he knocked out of my head, all right?
我嗑药磕了三年半 I smoked crack for three and a half years--
一颗大牙也没掉 I didn't lose tooth one.
然后高富帅被甩了 Then golden boy gets dumped,
就把我打成《徒手抓鱼记》里的临时演员了 I look like an extra on Hillbilly Handfishin', huh?
《徒手抓鱼记》是动物星球频道的真人秀 主角都是两个身材肥胖魁梧的中年人
我想说的是 I'd just like to point out,
沃顿不是第一个在那房间里 that Walden is not the first rich and handsome guy
落寞地自己打手枪的高富帅 to snap his bean up in that room.
谢谢你 波塔 Thank you, Berta.
我只是说也许这房子被鬼缠上了 I'm just saying maybe the house is haunted.
也许就是有个麻烦东西 Maybe it's plagued by a negative entity
赖在这里不肯走 who just won't leave.
别想把话题扯到我头上 Hey, you're not gonna hang this on me.
我只是希望 如果我们能统一战线 It's my hope that if we share our concerns with Walden
表达出对沃顿的关心 with a unified voice,
也许可以说通他 we might be able to get through to him.
比如说劝诫大会 Like an intervention?
这个最烂了 Oh, those suck.
这个就好比审判惊喜大会 They're like, they're like judgmental surprise parties.
就好像是 "惊喜吧 你是个废柴" They're, like, "Surprise, you're a loser."
我不需要劝诫会 I don't need an intervention.
我没事 I'm fine.
亲爱的 我们很担心你 Sweetie, we're worried about you.
你们不用再担心了 佐伊已经彻底成为历史了 You don't have to worry anymore. I'm done with Zoey.
拜托告诉我袋子里装的不是她 Please tell me that's not her in the bag.
不是 里面是乐高积木还有照片 No, it's the Legos and the pictures.
那就好 Oh, good.
这次分手对我的打击 比我想象的要大得多 This breakup hit me a lot harder than I thought.
总之 我为我过去 Well, anyway, I-I want to apologize
这段时间的表现给大家道歉 for the way that I've been acting.
我想我有点失控了 Um, I think I went a little off the rails.
有点 我以前的牙齿是完整的 A little? I had perfect teeth.
我刚刚漂白了牙齿 I just whitened mine.
是啊 牙白了你就帅啊 Yeah, now you're good-looking.
总之 我很感激大家这么关心我 Anyway, I appreciate you all being worried about me.
但我真的觉得自己已经挺过来了 But I-I really think I've turned the corner.
这狗是什么毛病啊 What is with that dog?!
亲爱的 别管什么狗了 Honey, don't worry about the dog.
你说到哪里了 You were saying?
我 我说最近我很难过 I... Yes, I was saying that lately I've been really sad,
我不知道该怎么办 所以我就发脾气 and I didn't know how to deal with it, so I got angry.
但我现在知道怎么处理情绪了 所以我... But I think now I know how to process those feelings, so I...
他妈的 Damn it!
沃顿 Walden!
老天 他做了什么 Oh, God, what has he done?
听起来他把那只狗给宰了 Sounds like he killed a dog?
好了 问题解决了 Okay, problem solved.
你把狗偷来了 You stole a dog?
不 我买下来了 它非常聪明 看着 No, I bought him. He's real smart. Watch this.
坐 坐 Sit. Sit.
坐 Sit.
好吧 站起来 Okay, stand up.
真是只好狗 What a good dog.
哇 好大一袋狗粮 Whoa, that is a big bag of dog food.
它是好大一只狗 Well, he's a big bag of dog.
你确定移情宠物是好主意吗 You sure taking on a pet is a good idea?
我觉得这样可以帮我走出来 Yeah, I think it'll help me a lot, you know?
动物的爱都是无条件的 Just unconditional love from an animal
而且永远不会弃我而去 that'll never leave me.
我原以为我就是这样啊 不过好吧 I thought that's what I was for, but okay.
看这个 Check it out.
我给它买了个咬咬玩具 大白牙跟你的一样 I got him a chew toy with big, white teeth just like yours.
好可爱 Yeah, that is cute.
过来 给你看看其它可爱的东西 Come here. Let me show you something else that's cute.
我还是请个训狗师吧 I might want to get a trainer.
早想到了 Way ahead of you.
电话号码都给你找好了 I got a number for you to call.
我的手机哪里去了 What did I do with my phone?
这样吧 我打你的电话你就能找到了 Oh, here. Why don't I call you so you can find it?
顺便说下 我的快速拨号1键就是你 You're number one on my speed dial, by the way.
很想知道那里面信号会有几格 Wonder how many bars he gets in there.
沃顿 你来参加我的派对啦 Ooh, Walden, you came to my party!
我来了 I did.
而且还给你带了礼物 And I brought you a present.
老天 这是送我的吗 Oh, boy! Is he mine?!
当然 He sure is.
谢谢 Oh, thank you.
它叫什么名字 What's his name?
它还没名字 你来决定 He doesn't have one. It's up to you.
你给它取任何名字都行 You can name him whatever you want.
我想叫它沃顿 I'm gonna call him Walden.
太完美了 It's perfect.
什么事 沃顿 What's going on? Walden?
你看 妈咪 沃顿送我的生日礼物是只狗 Look, Mummy! Walden got me a dog for my birthday!
什么 What?!
我爱你 沃顿 I love you, Walden!
这话以后你会经常听到 You're gonna be hearing that a lot.
生日快乐 艾娃 Happy birthday, Ava.
等等 沃顿 给我过来 Wait, wait, Walden, come back here!
不行 我没被邀请 I can't. I wasn't invited.
哎呀 沃顿拉了好大一坨屎 Uh-oh. Walden took a big poop.
你还好吗 Oh, hey. How you doing?
现在是我这辈子最爽的时刻 I've never felt better in my whole life.
好样的 Good for you.
你已经把佐伊的事抛在脑后了吗 You think you got the whole Zoey thing in your rearview mirror?
是的 I do.
好孩子 Attaboy.
哥斯拉狗兄哪里去了 Hey, where's Dogzilla?
怎么了 你漂白了牙齿吗 What? Did you whiten your teeth?
没有 我干了件非常坏的事 Nope. I did a bad, bad thing.
不要啊 Oh, no, no!
我的名牌鞋 My Louboutins!
沃顿得把这该死的蠢狗领回去 Walden is taking this stupid, bloody dog back.