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嘿 嘿 如果你即将进入晨间交通高峰 Hey, hey. If you're coming in for the morning grind...
斯基普·雷诺兹
值得您信赖的路况播报
这可又是一个交通拥堵的残酷星期一 ...it's another brutal Monday out there traffic-wise.
2号到5号公路车行缓慢 The 2 is slow-and-go to the 5.
道路封闭警示使一到十号公路近乎瘫痪 A Sig Alert is bogging down the l-10.
如果你在405号高速公路上 And if you're on the 405 freeway,
你可能已经迟到了 you're probably already late for work.
如果你的老板因此找你麻烦 If your boss gives you a hard time about it,
让他来这里和 have him come down here and talk to...
瑞秋谈谈 -噢 不 ...Rachel. MIKE: Oh, no.
叮 哈哈 谢谢你 斯基普 Zing! Ha, ha. Thanks, Skip.
但是 嘿 说到老板 广告之后 But, hey, speaking of bosses, after the break...
我们将会见到三个 ...we get to meet three guys who
追求梦想自己当老板的人 are chasing their dream of becoming their own bosses.
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不要走开 Stay with us.
播报结束 很好 伙计们 休息九十秒 And we're out. Very good, guys. We're back in 90 seconds.
恶老板2
翻译 Crystal 惊蛰 娄小胖 Shooky 考拉 Cici Joy 小A
天啊 戴尔 你可别再出汗了 伙计 Jesus Christ. Dale, you gotta stop sweating, pal.
-噢 哇 你全身都湿透了 -别再出汗 - Oh, wow, you are wet. - "Stop sweating."
校对 娄小胖 Bezero 冬可可 Bunny
我要怎么才能不出汗 How do I stop sweating?
这可是件大事 我们的未来就靠这个了 This is a big deal. We got everything riding on this.
我们都辞了工作 We've quit our jobs, I have
压制 Darren 时间轴 阿黎 总监 Bunny
我还有三个孩子嗷嗷待哺 你说得真轻松 three children to think about now. How about that?
你得这样想 你现在有份好工作 Think about this. You do a good job now,
你的儿子们将会为你感到骄傲 you're gonna make your boys very proud.
是女儿 我有三个女儿 老兄 Girls. I have three girls, dude.
噢 好吧 这么小看不出来是男还是女 Hmm? Right. You can't even tell at that age.
他们就像长着手臂的土豆 They basically look like potatoes with arms.
不准叫我的孩子土豆 Don't call my kids potatoes.
-请尊重我的孩子 -别把他惹毛了 Respect the kids. - Don't piss him off.
-她们穿的是粉色的衣服 -让他冷静下来 - They wear pink! - Calm him down.
很多男孩也穿粉色的衣服 A lot of guys wear pink.
-我就有一件超爱的粉色马球衫 -得了吧 - I have a pink polo shirt that I love. - Come on.
-可以给我们一卷手纸吗 -能给我手纸吗 - Can we get a roll of paper towels? - Can I get paper towels?!
你干嘛对人家大吼大叫 Why are you barking at people?
他说了请 而你是在大叫 He's saying please, you're just barking.
-真没礼貌 -老兄 把脸擦干 - Bad manners. - Buddy, dry your face.
-他抓狂了 -真是难以置信 - He's freaking out. - It's unbelievable.
-你们没我能上吗 -为什么你不在车里等着 Can you go on without me? - Why don't you wait in the car?
够了 这很简单 你得冷静下来 Stop, this is gonna be easy. You have to calm down.
听着 尼克将会用事实和数字说服他们 Look, Nick's gonna hit them with facts and figures,
因为他很有头脑 不是吗 because he's the brains, right?
你就讲讲你和你老婆 You talk about how you and your
干了一炮然后生了三个长着手臂的土豆 wife fucked and made three potatoes with arms.
你负责走心 我会做我擅长的事 找到适合自己的位置 You're the heart. Me, I'll do my thing, get in where I fit in.
-这么说你是灵魂人物吗 -我是鸡鸡和蛋蛋 - You're the soul? - No, I'm the dick and balls.
-知道了 -为什么我会想当灵魂人物 - Got it. - Why would I wanna be the soul?
千万别晕过去了 深呼吸 Just don't pass out. Just keep breathing.
看到了吗 这件事很简单的 See? This will be easy.
我们要做的就是表现真实的自己 All we have to do is be ourselves.
拉倒吧 我们几个就是垃圾箱里起的火 Let's not. Ourselves is a Dumpster fire.
让我们表现点更好的东西吧 让我们提升一点逼格 Let's be better. Let's try to elevate a little.
这是个好主意 没人傻到做自己 That's a good note. Nobody be themselves.
好了 我们二十秒后开始 All right, we're back in 20 seconds.
嘿 伙计们 感谢你们的到来 Hey, fellas, thanks for coming.
-很高兴见到你们 -早上好 你们好吗 - Nice to meet you. - Good morning. How are you?
嘿 我的兄弟 你有麻烦了 Hey, my man. There's trouble.
-过了 -好吧 他很配合我 - Too much. - Well, he went with it.
-戴尔·艾柏斯 -很高兴见到你 老兄 - Dale Arbus. - Pleasure to meet you, man.
-感谢你们的到来 这一定会很有趣的 -是啊 - Thanks for coming on. This will be fun. - Yeah.
那拉链可以一直拉到底吗 Does that zip all the way down?
倒计时 五 四 And we're back in five, four...
#起来 起来 起来 然后滚开# Get up, get up, get up, and get out
早安洛杉矶
哈 哈 我们回来了 你知道的 Ha, ha! And we're back. You know,
每周我们都喜欢在《创意焦点》栏目中 every week we like to highlight...
聚焦于本地的发明家和企业家 ...local inventors and entrepreneurs in our Big Idea Spotlight.
创意 焦点
没错 麦克 That's right, Mike.
今天我们邀请到了三个当代的爱迪生 And today we have three modern-day...
他们发明了一个新的淋浴设备 ...Edisons who've created a new
据说他们真的很希望用这个洗澡 shower gadget they hope to really clean up with.
有请尼克 科特和戴尔 Please, welcome Nick, Kurt and Dale.
戴尔·艾柏斯
科特·伯克曼
尼克·亨德里克斯
本地发明家/企业家
很高兴来到这里 Pleasure to be here.
在我们谈论产品之前 你们可以告诉我们 Before we get to the product, can you tell us...
是什么激发了三位 ...what is it that inspired three
工薪阶层自己创业呢 regular Joes to go into business for yourselves?
我们都曾为 We were all working at
恶老板们干着糟糕的工作 pretty terrible jobs for some awful bosses.
想着如果我们有机会 And thought if we got a chance
自己当老板 我们绝不会像他们这样做 to be our own bosses, we'd do things differently.
这是我们的机会 This might be our shot.
我们没想到能得到这次机会 We didn't think we'd get the chance,
但是戴尔有一个很棒的主意 but Dale had an amazing idea.
别让戴尔说话 Don't go to Dale.
然后 呃 我们开始 And, uh, we started meeting
把聚在一起抱怨我们的工作 together to talk about the invention...
变成讨论发明的事情 ...instead of complaining about our jobs.
嘿 我觉得这很令人激动 Hey, I think that's exciting.
戴尔 我想知道 Dale, you know, I just wanna know,
发明一个新型花洒的灵感 where did the idea come from...
-是从哪里来的 -我有三个孩子 - ...for a new showerhead? - I have three kids.
所以这就是核心所在 So that's the heart.
-你真有福气啊 -是啊 他生了三胞胎 That's a blessing. - Yeah, well, he has triplets.
老实说 有点太多了 我快累垮了 In all honesty, it's too many. I'm pretty overwhelmed.
看来 他很显然一直挂记着她们 Well, he's got them on his mind, clearly.
呃 让我来回答这个问题吧 Uh, let me answer the question.
戴尔 呃 Dale, uh, had just gotten
刚刚自助洗车回来 back from one of those self-service car washes...
拿着长杆毛巾和肥皂 ...with the wand with the soap.
就从这里面得到了所有灵感 It's got everything in one thing.
他想 为什么没有人为你的身体做一个自助清洗工具呢 He thought, "Why don't they make one of these for your body?"
酒过三巡后 我们想出了这个 呃 淋浴兄弟 After we had a few beers, we came up with the, uh, Shower Buddy.
-淋浴兄弟 -抱歉 这个名字还不是正式名字 - The Shower Buddy? - I'm sorry, that name's not official yet.
-不 他弄错了 这是正式名字 -我希望它叫 淋浴老爹 - No, he's wrong. It is official. - I wanted the "Shower Daddy."
淋浴老爹 在每个层面都很衰 "Shower Daddy" Is worse on every level.
我同意尼克的看法 I have to agree with Nick.
比起和某些奇怪的家伙在一起洗澡要好很多 Better than having some strange dude with you.
才不是什么奇怪的家伙 It's not some strange dude,
正如我说了很多遍的 那是你的兄弟 as I've said many times. It's your buddy.
-为什么你的兄弟要跟你一起洗澡 -那为什么你的爸爸就可以呢 - Why would your buddy be in the shower? - Why would your dad?
-啊哦 -别在电视上吵架 - Uh-oh. - Don't scream on television.
要不这样吧 不如你们给我们展示下这产品怎么用吧 You know what? How about you fellas show us how this gizmo works?
好吗 让我们开动吧 哈 Right? Let's get it going. Ha,
哈 -来吧 让它淋下来吧 来吧 快点试试看 ha. - Yes. Make it rain. Yes. Work it, work it.
噢 这真是碉堡了 Oh, this is awesome.
“淋雨伙伴”
减半沐浴时间
科特将打开花洒 Kurt's gonna turn on the shower.
你们将看到水流出来 You're gonna see the water come out.
过一会儿 洗发水会 After a bit, the shampoo's gonna
自动从花洒挤出来 automatically be triggered out of the showerhead...
-没有水压 -扳那个蓝色的把手 - No water pressure. - The blue handle.
-还是没有水压 -后面有一个水泵 - No water pressure. - There's a pump on the back.
我可以手动把水抽上来 I could pump it manually.
戴尔将会帮助我们 谢谢你 伙计 Dale's gonna help out. Thank you, buddy.
-水泵 -你行吗 - Pump. - You got it?
-没问题 -是吗 - I got it. - Yeah?
水流出来 洗发液和水混在一起 Water comes out, the shampoo mixes with the water...
再过一会儿呢 护发素就会挤出来 ...then shortly after that, conditioner.
你用淋浴兄弟洗澡节省了一半的时间 You shower in half the time with the Shower Buddy.
美国人平均 我不知道你们知不知道这个 The average American... I don't know if you know this....
他们每星期工作五十个小时 spends 50 hours a week working.
-我的手抽筋了 -来 让我来帮你 - Hand's cramping up. - Here, let me help.
上下班通勤 如果我们可以给你节约哪怕仅仅只有五分钟 - - Commuting. If we can save you just five minutes...
-这杆儿太干了 不是吗 -是啊 吐点口水在上面 - The whole rod's too dry, right? KURT: Yeah, spit on it.
-好点了吗 -看吧 是的 如果你润滑一下 就好多了 - Better? - See, yeah. If you lube it up, it's better.
噢 不 当然不 Oh, no, absolutely.
抱歉 这后面有一个洞 I'm sorry. There's a hole in the back.
我要把我的手指伸进去 I'm gonna stick my finger in it.
我们真的不在乎你怎么弄 We don't really care how you get it done.
把它弄好就行了 搞定它 Just get it done. Get it finished.
-无论如何搞定它 -现场直播 对吗 - Whatever it takes. - Live TV, right?
现场直播 你要做什么 Live TV. What are you gonna do?
-好了 水来了 -噢 水来了 - Yeah. Here we go. - Oh, here it comes.
嘿 Hey!
-我告诉过你 -说到做到 不是吗 I told you. DALE: Works just as promised, okay?
-现在 去把它关掉吧 -太炫酷了 我想要一个 - Now, go ahead and shut it off. - It's so cool. I want one.
你不能要这个 这是原型 You can't have this one. It's the prototype.
但是我们正在寻找合作伙伴 But we're looking for partners.
我现在就可以告诉你 我要了 我要投资 I'll tell you right now. I'm sold. I wanna invest.
我们有一位投资者了 好啊 麦克 We got one. All right, Mike.
现在 我要怎么和你们联系呢 Now, how would I get in touch with you guys?
-你直接去访问尼克科特戴尔就好 -抱歉我没听清 什么 - You go straight to Nickkurtdale. - I'm sorry, what?
是我们的网站 Nickkurtdale.com It's our website. Nickkurtdale. Com.
我很确信我没有听明白 I'm positive I'm not hearing that right.
是我们的名字 尼克 科特 戴尔 It's our names: Nick, Kurt, Dale.
发音与“黑鬼”相似 具有侮辱性意味
尼克科特戴尔 Nickkurtdale.
你们得改改那名字 Y'all gotta change that name.
不敢相信我们以前从没大声说出过那个名字 Cannot believe we never said it out loud before.
在纸上看起来那么好 It looked so good on paper.
梦想还存在的时候确实很美好 It was a nice dream while it lasted,
但是我觉得我们现在可以回去乞求我们的工作了 but I think it's time we all go beg for our jobs back.
也许只能接受这个现实 Maybe just accept the fact
我们永远只会是机器中的齿轮 that we'll always be cogs in the machine.
慢着 机器里的老二 那是啥 Wait. Cocks in the machine. What is that?
齿轮 字母G "Cogs." Guh.
你们知道吗 你是对的 我们就不是当老板的料 You know what? You're right. We're not boss material.
我们就是工蜂 我们就是打杂的 We're worker bees. We're grunts.
Katy Perry《Roar》，一首自我激励的歌曲
噢 天哪 那首歌 我现在不能听见那个 Oh, boy. That song. I can't hear that now.
把它调成震动吧 Just put it on vibrate.
-你能别这么自暴自弃吗 -求你了 - Will you stop? - Please?
-我专门选了这首歌来鼓舞我们 -它可没有鼓舞到我 - I picked this song to inspire us. - It's not inspiring me.
快看 未知来电 Look at this. Unknown caller.
-快接吧 -你好 - Just answer it. KURT: Hello?
是的 我是淋浴兄弟合伙人之一 Yup, this is one of the Shower Buddy guys. Mm-hm.
真的吗 是的 不 当然 我知道你是谁 Really? Yes. No, of course. I know exactly who you are.
快度娘一下 博尔德溪流 博尔德溪流 Look up "Boulder Stream." Boulder Stream.
嗯哼 谢谢你 我们对这个产品感到很骄傲 Uh-huh. Thank you. We're very proud of the product.
-发电邮告诉我们细节 没问题 -那是真的吗 - E-mail us the details, that'll be fine. - Is that a real thing?
-是的 我的电子邮箱 -不是你的 - Yeah, my e-mail? - Not yours.
是的 是phatballllz@hotmail.com Yeah, it's phatballllz@hotmail.Com.
是P-H-A-T-B-A-L-L It's P-H-A-T-B-A-L-L...
l-l-z ...l-l-z...
@hotmail.com ...@hotmail.Com.
是的 没问题 谢谢你 Yeah. All right. Thank you. Yeah.
-明天见 -哇 - See you tomorrow. - Wow.
我勒个去 博尔德溪流公司喜欢淋浴兄弟 Holy shit. Boulder Stream loves the Shower Buddy.
博尔德溪流是那颗葱啊 Who the fuck is Boulder Stream?
只是北美最大的产品目录零售商之一罢了 Only one of the largest catalog retailers in North America.
#你将听见我怒吼# You're gonna hear me roar
不错 Nice.
当你心情好的时候 它是首好歌 当你心情不好的时候 它就是首烂歌 When you're in a good mood, it's a good song. Bad mood, bad song.
那是艺术 那就是与众不同的艺术 That's art. That's good art.
博尔德溪流有限公司
-老兄 这地方太霸气了 -是啊 很不错 Man, this place is legit. KURT: Yeah, it's nice.
你看到免费饼干了吗 Did you see the free cookies?
是啊 你都吃上了 而且已经吃了四块了 Yeah, you clearly have. That's four of those.
你脸上会沾满巧克力的 You're gonna have chocolate on your face.
当我们看到这个人 KURT: When we meet this guy...
和他握手的时候 ...when you shake his hand,
用你的另一只手拖住他的手肘 use your other hand and touch his elbow.
-这是一个经典的动作 -我不知道这个动作 让我看看 - It's a classy move. - I don't know this move. Let me see.
-就像那样 -你们能不能都坐下 - Like that. - Please, both sit down.
-不错哦 -怎么样 不错吧 - That's nice. - How about that? Not bad.
-感觉真的不错呢 -你手上有巧克力 - That's really good. - You got chocolate on your fingers.
现在我的外套上也有了 Now it's on my jacket.
-在上面洒点水 -我不需要水 水会让它黏在我的衣服上 - Put water on it. - I don't need water. That will set it.
把饼干拿开些 Get the cookie away from me.
不 要以毒攻毒 DALE: No, it's like a fire-on-fire thing.
不要 水会让它黏在我的衣服上 No, the water will set it.
哈 总算来了 我的淋浴兄弟们 Ha! There they are. There are my shower buddies.
你们好吗 见到真人了 How are you? In the flesh.
跟那个早间节目里一样 It's just like on that morning show.
你们总是在争论不休 我喜欢 You're always fighting. I love it.
-是啊 很荣幸见到你 -雷克斯·汉森 - Yeah, it's a... - Rex Hanson.
-噢 嘿 科特·伯克曼 -很高兴见到你 - Oh, hey. Kurt Buckman. - Good to see you.
-很高兴见到你 -经典的握手方式 Nice to see you. - Classy handshake.
-尼克·亨德里克斯 -尼克 幸会 - Nick Hendricks. - Nick, pleasure.
嘿 呃 戴尔·艾 呃 Hey, uh, Dale Arb... Uh...
该死 我刚刚才学会 Shoot. I just learned it.
你想怎么握我们就怎么握 We can do it whichever way you want.
-不是吗 -先声明一下 我们不是种族主义者 Right? - To be clear, we're not racist.
噢 那很好 我很欣赏这一点 Well, that's good. We can use that.
我们为什么不拿些点心 咖啡 拿些饼干 Why don't we grab the refreshments, coffee? Grab some cookies.
我们上楼吧 Let's head upstairs.
让我们谈谈这个产品 那是灯芯绒的吗 Let's talk about this product. Is that corduroy?
进来吧 梦想的确会实现 Step inside. Dreams do come true.
你们想喝一杯吗 You guys want something to drink?
-我要一杯 -当然 I'll take one. DALE: Sure.
-不 还很早 -我们不喝了 不好意思 - No. It's very early. - No for us. Sorry.
那我就开门见山了 I'm gonna cut right to it,
先生们 淋浴兄弟 将会是一个全垒打 gentlemen. The Shower Buddy: a home run.
哎呀 汉森先生 我们简直高兴 Well, Mr. Hanson, we couldn't be happier...
我爸才叫汉森先生 我叫雷克斯 Mr. Hanson is my father. It's "Rex."
请坐吧 随意些 请坐 Please, sit down. Get comfortable. Take a seat.
我们希望你们知道我们公司是一个 We want you to know that we are a
你们可以引以为傲的合作伙伴 company you can be very proud to be in business with.
我们的员工都会有医疗保险 Our workers are all gonna have health care...
我不在乎那些 I don't really give a shit about that.
你们看到这个了吗 这是吉米·亨德里克斯用的吉他 Do you see this? This is Jimi Hendrix's actual guitar.
吉米·亨德里克斯：著名的美国吉他演奏家，被公认为是摇滚音乐史中最伟大的电吉他演奏者
嘿 被你发现了 就是那把他用手指 Heh, yeah. The one he did the fire
弹出枪声的吉他 你们喜欢这种炫酷的玩意吗 and fingers thing with. You like cool shit like this?
-我们爱炫酷的东西 -我爱死炫酷的东西了 - We love cool shit. - I'm into cool shit.
-你们喜欢该死的日本武士吗 -日本武士吗 当然 - You like fucking samurais? - Samurais? Sure.
我就知道你们会喜欢 和我做生意 I knew you did. Get into business with me,
你们想要多少就有多少 you're gonna have fucking loads of it.
所以你打算为我们的产品提供生产 So you are offering to carry our product...?
等一下 让你们感受一下 Wait a minute. Check this out.
朗小姐 你能进来一下吗 Miss Lang, will you come in here a moment?
这次又是干嘛 Now what?
我的天哪 Jesus fucking Christ.
甜心 我们在进行头脑风暴 Sweetheart, we were racking our brains.
啤酒是什么做的 What's a beer can made out of?
你是说铝吗 Do you mean aluminum?
-就是这样 朗小姐 谢谢你 -不用谢 - That'll be all, Miss Lang. Thank you. - Okay.
她要去哪里 And where does she go now?
那才是你要期待的炫酷东西 Now, that is the kind of cool shit you have to look forward to.
这桩交易最好的部分 Best part about this deal:
你都不需要动一根手指 you're not gonna have to lift a finger.
我的公司将承担未来的产品研发 My company will assume all future product development...
制造外包给中国 ...outsource manufacturing to China...
你们会收到一笔可观的一次性开发费 ...and you receive a handsome one-time development fee.
我想要深入了解一下一次性开发费因为 I wanna dig in on the one-time fee because...
你看到这个橄榄球了吗 You see this football?
佩顿·曼宁：丹佛野马队四分卫
这是佩顿·曼宁扔出的 This is the one Peyton Manning
一个男的用头盔接住的那个 送给你了 threw and the guy caught it in his helmet. Keep it.
你知道 雷克斯 那个一次性费用 You know, Rex, the one-time fee thing,
我们不希望放弃对公司的控制 we're not looking to give up control of the company.
是的 我们希望处理所有 Right. We wanna handle all
制造方面的事 然后你们来做后续分配 the manufacturing and you guys do distribution.
什么 你们制造 在这里 在美国 What, you manufacture? Here, in America?
-那是我们的计划 -我们的美国梦 - That's the plan. - The American-dream thing.
伙计们 我不得不告诉你们现实很残酷 Boys, I hate to break it to you,
所谓的美国梦 全是中国制造 but the American dream, it's made in China.
现在 听着 我敬佩你们的天真 好吗 呃 Now, look, I respect your Naive okay, uh...
但是我恐怕这桩交易只能这么进行 ...but I'm afraid that this deal only happens one way.
我的确说了 可观的费用 对吗 I did say "Handsome fee," Right?
能给我一分钟吗 我想跟我的搭档们谈谈 Can I have one minute? Just love to talk to my partners.
没问题 慢慢来 我会在那边等着 You got it. Take your time. I'll be over here.
-天啊 -老兄 - Oh, boy. DALE: Man.
-你们怎么想 -我什么也不想说 - What do you think? - I didn't wanna say anything...
伊莱·曼宁：纽约巨人队四分卫，佩顿·曼宁的弟弟
但是他指的是伊莱·曼宁 不是佩顿·曼宁 ...but he means Eli Manning, not Peyton Manning.
是的 可能吧 科特 Yeah. Maybe. Maybe. Kurt.
我觉得她身材好爆了 I think she has an amazing fucking body...
但是她的口音 她简直就是不可多得的尤物 ...but that accent puts her over the top.
太疯狂了 那裙子 It's insane. That dress.
我同意你们两个的观点 这桩交易怎么样 Agreed on both points. How about the deal?
-交易 接受吧 -我们应该接受 - The deal. Gotta take it. - We should take it.
-拿钱走人 -他有炫酷的东西 - Take the money and get out. - He's got cool shit.
-想想我们会拥有自己的炫酷东西 -但是看看这个地方 - Imagine having your own cool shit. - But look at this place.
我是说 这些人通过卖东西挣了不少钱 I mean, these guys make loads of money selling stuff...
而且他刚刚说我们的淋浴兄弟是一个全垒打 ...and he just called our Shower Buddy a home run.
-为什么为了一笔一次性费用就卖掉我们的全垒打 -说得没错 - Why sell a home run for a one-time fee? - That's a good point.
我不知道 我需要这笔钱养活老婆和女儿们 I don't know. I could use the money for Stacy and the girls.
他说的也没错 说真的 我也急需这笔钱 That's a good point. That's true. I could use money.
我了解 但是也许不仅仅和钱有关 I get that. But maybe it's not just about the money.
说得太对了 That's a good point.
也许是为了再也不用给任何人打工 Maybe it's about never having to work for anybody ever again.
-说得对 -不是吗 当你自己的老板 That's right. - Right? Being our own bosses.
-我说我们赌一把 -同意 - I say we bet on ourselves. - Me too.
-你是对的 -我同意 - You're right. - I'm in.
我也同意 让我们大干一场吧 I'm in. Let's do it.
好吧 雷克斯 呃 Okay. Rex. Ahem.
-呃 不合作 -抱歉 - Uh, no deal. DALE: Sorry.
-我们 呃 准备赌一把 -那是真的吗 - We're, uh, betting on ourselves. - Is that right?
是的 我们没有别的意思 Yeah. And no hard feelings.
说实话 我们很感谢你们的提议 Honestly, we really appreciate the offer.
-抱歉 -好的 我尊重你们的选择 - Sorry. - Yeah. I can respect that.
我只能说你们选择放弃三百万还真挺有种的 Takes some serious balls to walk away from 3 million bucks.
等等 你说三百万美元 我们接受 Hang on. Three million dollars? We'll take that.
抱歉 过期不候 Sorry. Offer's off the table.
一半我们也接受 一半也很不错 我们能有一半吗 We'll take half. Half is fine. Can we have half?
过了这村儿没这店儿 谢谢你们能来 Ship's sailed. Thank you so much for coming in.
戴尔 把橄榄球还给我吧 Dale, I'm gonna need that ball back.
想在美国制造东西 祝你们好运 Good luck building something in America.
你知道 You know...
我白手起家在美国创建了这家公司 ...I built this company from the bottom up here in America.
爸爸 我不知道你已经回来了 旅行开心吗 Dad, I didn't know you were back. How was your trip?
我怎么跟你说的 不要随便用我的办公室 What'd I tell you about using my office?
-我知道 我本来只是想 -伯特·汉森 -I know, I just thought, you know... - Bert Hanson.
你们就是淋浴兄弟们吗 You're the Shower Buddy guys?
-是的 先生 -是的 我们就是 先生 - Yes, sir. - Yeah. We are, sir.
我很敬佩你们想要亲力亲为 I respect you gentlemen for wanting
生产美国制造的产品 to roll up your sleeves and build something...
并且自己控股 ...stake your claim.
我一无所有地来到这个国家 Now, I came to this country with nothing.
历经险阻 努力工作 And through risk and hard work,
我自己的美国梦就这样实现了 I made my own American dream come true.
-真励志 -嗯 我将要做的是 - Good for you. - Well, here's what I'm gonna do.
给你们提供我在太平洋沿岸银行的门路 I'll refer you to my contact at Pacific Shore National.
-那是一家银行 -他们听到伯特·汉森的名字后 - That's a bank. - They won't balk at giving you a loan...
绝不会拒绝给你们贷款 ...once they hear that Bert Hanson
我就先下 呃 just has placed an initial order of, say, um...
十万份的订单怎么样 ...100,000 units?
-十万个淋浴兄弟吗 -哇哈 - A hundred-thousand Shower Buddies? - Whoa. Ha!
你要做十万个淋浴兄弟 You're gonna make 100,000 Shower Buddies?
老爸 你知不知道你在说什么 我们从来不做这样的交易 Dad, what are you talking about? We never make this kind of deal.
抱歉 父亲 I'm sorry, sir.
但是博尔德溪流必须是你们唯一的零售商 But Boulder Stream needs to be your exclusive retailer.
啊 让我们好好想想 当然 - Uh, let's think it over. Of course.
谁打电话我们都不会接的 - We won't pick up the phone if anyone calls.
-我们说定了 -是啊 当然了 - We have a deal? - Yeah, you got a fucking deal.
-嘿 好的 就这么定了 -我碰到他的胳膊肘了 - Hey, all right. There it is. - I got his elbow. Yeah.
-我把你那儿弄上巧克力了 -没关系 - I got some chocolate on you there. - It doesn't matter.
太好了 真是好消息 That's great. That is good news.
这儿有两万平方英尺 但是最短租期为五年 So it's 20,000 square feet, but it's a minimum five-year lease.
两万 听起来比我们需要的多得多啊 Twenty thousand. That sounds like a lot more than we need.
但是我们就是需要足够的空间来成长 不是吗 But we want something we can grow into, right?
并且我们有了一个大订单 And we have a really big order,
尼克 说得对 拜托 尼克 Nick. Damn straight. Come on, Nick.
-尼克 尼克 -我不知道 - Nick. Nick. - I don't know.
-你知道的 我们租了 我们决定租了 -太棒了 - You know, I say we take it. I say we take it. - Yes.
-是的我们租了 -太棒了 - Yes, we do. - Excellent.
尼克&科特&戴尔有限公司
你一点儿工作经验都没有 You've got no work experience at all.
这样不好吗 Is that bad?
开玩笑 这样棒极了 Are you kidding? It's great.
-你热情四射 活力无限 -而且不合格 - You're enthusiastic and you're unjaded. - And unqualified.
-你知道吗 你被录用了 -哦不 - You know what? You're hired. - Oops.
-真的吗 -真是意料之外 并且 呃 不值得 - Really? - That was unexpected and, uh, undeserving.
你被录用了 You're hired.
是的 很明显是这样的 That's a yes. That's an obvious yes.
-好吧 又一个 呃 -没有工作经验 - Well, again, uh... - No experience at all.
你并不需要 你的眼睛会说话 你看起来很诚实 Don't need it. Your eyes speak. You seem honest.
等下 伙计 Hold on, pal.
-嗯 你被录用了 -真的吗 - Um, you're hired. - Really?
-我是说 如果你愿意的话 -谢谢 - I mean, if you'll have us. - Thank you.
-现在越来越快了 -好吧 - Becoming faster now. - Well...
-你可以在星期六晚上开始工作吗 -当然可以 - Can you start on Saturday evening? - Absolutely.
好的 棒极了 我会通知你的 Okay, great, I'll get ahold of you.
资料说你曾经 - Says here you've been
-被判过重罪 -那都是胡说 convicted of a felony. - That was bullshit.
你说的太对了 我明白 Word up, though, I get that,
兄弟 我也有过类似的经历 man. Like, pfft, I had a similar thing.
他们要把我定为 They tried to peg me as a
儿童性侵犯者 全都是胡说 child sex offender. It was total bullshit.
噢 哟 哟 哟 我是绝对不会和对小孩犯罪的人共事的 Oh, yo, yo, yo. I ain't down with no kid-fuckers.
-我也不会啊 -是的 我们都不会 - I'm not down with kid shit either. - Yeah, none of us are.
绝对不会 兄弟 N-to-the-O, brother.
我们绝对反对这些事 We do not support that at all.
但是 嗯 让我们给他一份工作吧 But, you know, let's just give the guy a job.
只是 是的 我不想让他沮丧 Just... Yeah. I don't wanna upset this guy.
好吧 告诉你吧 蒂凡尼 你被录用了 Well, tell you what, Tiffany. You're hired.
-我被录用了 -是的 - I'm hired? - Yeah, you are.
-就是这样 就是这样 -哦 谢谢 - There you go. There you go. - Oh, thank you.
好的 再见 周一见 请回吧 Alright. We'll see you later. See you Monday. Get out of here.
科特 你不能再录用不合格的辣妹了 Kurt, you gotta stop hiring hot unqualified women.
不能私吞货物 当老板还有什么乐趣 What's the point of being boss if you can't stock the pond?
你应该知道你不能上那些女人吧 You realize you can't sleep with these women?
-什么 -你是老板 那可是性骚扰 - What? - You're the boss. It's sexual harassment.
记得性骚扰吗 我差点杀了我的老板 想起来了吗 Remember sexual harassment? I tried to kill my boss. Ring a bell?
我现在就得炒了她们吗 我才刚录用她们 I gotta fire them all now? We just hired them.
你不能因为不能上她们 You can't fire them because
就炒了她们 you're not allowed to sleep with them.
这也是性骚扰 Also sexual harassment.
那我们到底为什么要这么做嘛 Why are we even doing this, then?
好吧 我们来说说着装制度 All right, let's talk dress code.
-算了 -没有死板的着装制度 - Forget it. - There is no dress code.
行了 -你们想怎么穿就怎么穿 Come on. - You can dress however you want.
什么舒服穿什么 Whatever makes you feel comfortable...
嗯 这就开始脱衣服了 好吧 Well, there goes a shirt. All right.
-这也是一种选择 -好吧 - It's a choice. - Well...
不过是错误的选择 That's the wrong choice, though.
必须穿一件衬衫 那是唯一一个 Gotta wear a shirt. That's the one...
他竟然不屌我 他可能不是一个好员工 He's walking away from me. He might have been a bad hire.
大家都玩的开心吗 哈 Who's having fun, huh?
嘿 大伙儿 Hey, guys.
每个人都看起来很高兴 这真是一个好主意 Everybody seems very happy. This was a great idea.
是的 我知道 不过这也可能是一个问题 Yeah, I know. This could be an issue, though.
这是携子通勤日 不是让子通勤日 It is Bring Your Kids to Work Day, not Put Your Kids to Work Day.
他们不觉得是在工作 他们觉得这是过家家 They don't think they're working. They consider this playing.
我想让他们停下来 他们就开始哭 I tried to tell them to stop, and they started crying.
-他们已经包装了一千二百份 -我去...一千二百份 - They have boxed 1200 units already. - Unethical... 1200?
-是的 -好吧 还挺有效率 - Yeah. - Well, that's productive, though.
-是啊 -而且他们看起来很开心 - Yeah. - And they seem happy.
-可以让他们再玩十分钟吧 - Let them play another ten minutes,
-就让他们在午餐时间玩个够吧 maybe. - I say we let them play through lunch.
-是的 那我该去把那标语换了 -是的 - Yeah. Legally I think I'll change the sign. - Yeah.
哦 天 这就是了 Oh, boy. This is it.
快拍一张 茄子 Here we go. Here we go.
-我们做到了 我们生产了十万份 -我们做到了 - We did it. We're at 100,000. - We did it?
-是的 -让我瞧瞧 - Yeah. - Let me see.
哇 呼 Woo-hoo-hoo!
-这真是一个好主意 -你说他们是怎么割这儿的草坪的 - This is a great idea. - How do you think they mow this?
确定没有提前约见合适吗 Sure we shouldn't have called ahead?
放心 他会喜欢的 No. He's gonna love it.
蛋糕和气球 你们不觉得这有点儿过了吗 Cake and balloons. Don't think that's overdoing it?
不不 我不觉得 我倒是觉得 No. Idon't think so. I think he's gonna be
他会因为订单提前三天完成而兴奋死的 psyched the order's done three days early.
我觉得他会因为在意想之外见到我们而开心疯的 I think he's gonna be flipping out to see us out on his course.
我觉得他给我们高尔夫俱乐部会员都是意料之中的事 I wouldn't be surprised if he gives us a membership to this place.
-你说真的吗 -是啊 - Are you serious? - Yeah.
哦 天呐噜 我想要这个 Oh, my God. I want that.
是的 Yeah!
惊喜 哈哈 Surprise. Ha, ha.
先生 我们完成了你的订单 并且货物已经准备好运送了 Sir, we finished your order and it is ready to be shipped.
好消息啊 Excellent news.
我们给您带了一小块蛋糕 上面写着 谢谢您信任我们 We got you a little cake that says, "Thanks for believing in us!"
-当然还有几个气球 -我们指的是我们三个 - And some balloons of course. - We're the "Us."
恭喜 小伙子们 太让我意外了 Congratulations, boys. What an accomplishment.
-谢谢 -谢谢 - Thank you. - Thanks.
恐怕我要取消那笔订单了 I'm afraid I'm gonna have to cancel that order.
他说什么 What'd he say?
-听起来他好像说 取消那笔订单 -什么 - Sounded like he said "Cancel the order." - What?
-取消什么 -取消订单 Cancel what? - Cancel the order.
不再需要了 Don't need it.
-等等 不 这说不通啊 -你不能这样做 - Wait, no. That doesn't work. - You can't do that.
-我们可是勒紧裤腰带投了五十万啊 -我们是在做生意啊 - We went 500 grand in the hole. - We were in business.
-如果你不买我们的产品 那就是违约了 -这可是一笔五十万美元的订单啊 - If you don't buy, we are ruined. - It's a $500,000 order.
美国梦和所有的一切 The American dream and all that.
-他要推杆了 他要推杆了 - He's gonna putt. He's just gonna putt.
-他进洞了 -您能和我们解释一下发生了什么吗 - He makes the putt. - Can you explain what's happening?
-还有您为什么这样做 -当然 问题很合理 - And why you're doing this? - Yeah, sure. Fair question.
是这样的 小伙子么 你们得贷款一周后就要到期了 You see, boys, in one week your bridge loan comes due...
你们却没有能力偿还 ...and you won't be able to pay it.
而且你们的贷款提供方 And your loan officer has
已经向我保证不会再给你们延期 assured me no extension will be granted.
到那时 你们的公司将会被抵押来偿还贷款 At that moment, your company will go into foreclosure...
然后我会买下所有的产品 ...and I will buy all of those
再拍卖出去获得暴利 units at auction for pennies on the dollar.
成本比我交给中国人做更低 Cheaper than I could have gotten them from the Chinese.
-哦 天呐噜 -简直无法相信 - Oh, my fucking God. - I can't believe this.
不管怎样 作为附加福利 我还会获得你们的专利 Anyway, as an added bonus, I will also own your patent...
并且这里的先生们 ...and these gentlemen here
将会接管我们新产品的生产工作 will take over manufacturing of our new product:
淋浴伙伴 The Shower Pal.
-名字比我们的好听 -是啊 - It's a better name too. - It is.
-该死 -他妈的 - Goddamn it. - Fucking hell.
哦 爸爸 这真是精彩的一手 Oh, Dad, that is a hell of a fucking play.
我们至少应该让他们尝点甜头 We should fit these guys for
因为他们被我们整得太惨了 crowns because they just got fucked royally.
雷克斯 不需要像拍电视一样炫耀 Rex. No call for this MTV showboating.
他们知道他们败了 They're aware of their defeat.
在这样的时刻 静观会更有气场 In these moments, it's more impactful to be still.
那您说过的 What about that stuff about
努力工作 在美国创建公司的事呢 hard work and starting a company in America?
-美国梦和勤勉工作 -都是胡说吗 - The American dream and hard work. - All bullshit?
你们真的以为老老实实工作可以创造财富 You honestly think hard work creates wealth?
财富是唯一能创造更多财富的东西 The only thing that creates wealth is wealth.
我们有 你们没有 And we have it. You don't.
好吧 好吧 你知道吗 Okay. Okay. You know what?
-别着急 别这样 -看我的 嘿 - Take it easy. Take it easy. - I got it. Hey.
听着 你这恶霸 你不会想和我们为敌的 知道吗 Listen, bucko. You don't wanna make enemies out of us, okay?
哇 别这样 我可没有一步步走近你 Whoa, easy. I didn't walk all up on you.
但我每天都树新敌 这就是生意场 I make new enemies every day. It's called business.
先生们 谢谢你们专程来一趟 过得开心 Thank you, gentlemen, for stopping by. Have a lovely day.
雷克斯 拿蛋糕 Rex, get the cake.
噢 Ow.
砸钱的不要脸的混蛋 Rich motherfucking, overprivileged, fucking assholes.
高雅正直都被狗吃了吗 What happened to decency?
-我要失去我的房子了 -是的 - I'm gonna lose my house. - Yeah.
史黛西会和我离婚的 她要嫁给别人了 Stacy's gonna divorce me. She's gonna marry some dude.
-我只能在麦当劳 - I'll have supervised
里见到我的孩子们了 -去他的麦当劳 visits at McDonald's. - Fucking McDonald's.
我们在想些什么 What were we thinking?
谁会拿自己当赌注 我们为什么要那样做 Who bets on themselves? Why did we do that?
-什么 -是你说服我的 - What? - You're the one who talked me into it.
我本来只是在观望的 I was on the fence.
我们被骗了 我们的员工都要去喝西北风了 We're fucked! Our employees are fucked.
他们怎么办 卢佩怎么办呢 What about them? What about Lupe?
这只是一个问题 This is just a problem. That
这意味着我们要做的是想出解决方案 means all we gotta do is come up with a solution.
我们写一些想法在白板上 We'll put some ideas up on the board.
那也是我想说的 我们来吧 开始吧 That's what I'm talking about. Here we go. Let's go.
-没有办法就是一个糟糕的办法 -没有主意就是坏主意 - No idea's a bad idea. - No idea's a bad idea.
-谁来帮我们起个头 -我来 - Who's gonna start us off? - I got it.
-科特 -杀了那些混蛋 - Kurt. - Kill these motherfuckers.
-不 不 -谋杀 是的 - No, no. - Murder! Yes.
-你不用把这个也写下来 -杀了他们 - You don't need to write that down. - Kill them.
-我们一起杀了他们 我想让他们死 -杀了他们 - Let's fucking kill them! I want them dead! - Kill them.
-我们打开他们的头盖骨狠狠地搅他们的脑子 - We open up their brains and shove them...
再干了他们的头 Then we fuck the skulls!
-我来感觉了 尼克 -他们去死吧 - I'm getting that taste, Nick. - They're fucking dead!
-我们再来一遍 -那是芝加哥式的复仇 - We're fucking doing it again! - That's the Chicago way!
-芝加哥式的复仇 -把他们开肠破肚 我想让他的家人们都去死 - Chicago way! - Cut them open. I want his family dead.
我要烧了他的房子 我就能得到球棒 I want his house burned down, and I'll get a baseball bat.
-来吧 兄弟 一起上 -干了他们的头 - Come on, man, come on. - Fuck their skulls!
-一起来 -一起 - Come on. - Come on.
我们要杀了他们 We'll fucking kill them.
如果我们哪怕只了解自己一丁点 If we've learned one thing about ourselves,
那就是我们不是谋杀犯 it's that we're not murderers.
-另外 杀了他们怎么拿到我们的钱呢 -你什么意思 -Besides, how does killing them get us our money? - What do you mean?
你们把他们的器官拿到黑市上去卖 You harvest their organs, sell them on the black market.
认真点 拜托 Be fucking serious. Come on.
这没用 认真地想 This is not helpful. Think seriously.
你说得对 人们还做过其他的事情来弥补 You're right. There's other things people have done.
-必须要有计谋 -为了钱 - There's plots. - For money.
就像电影《生死时速》里的情节一样 The plot of the movie Speed.
是的 就是这个 在公交车上放一颗炸弹 Yes, there you go. Put a bomb on a bus.
所以我们要改装一辆公交车 So we'll rig a bus so that
只要它时速低于五十就爆炸 when it goes below 50 miles an hour, it blows up.
-你说的都是什么鬼话 -你说没有主意就是坏主意 - What the fuck is that? - You said no idea was a bad idea.
我错了 那个主意糟透了 电影糟透了 你们也是 I was wrong. That idea sucks, the movie sucks and so do you.
那部电影让我们知道了桑德拉·布洛克 That movie introduced us to Sandy Bullock.
去你的 我爱死桑德拉·布洛克了 我气急攻心了 Fuck you! I love Sandra Bullock! I'm running hot.
对不起 我气急攻心 I'm sorry. I'm running hot.
整个事情都让我火大 The whole fucking thing's got me upset.
把笔给我 我有了一个更好的主意 Give me the marker, I'll get a better idea.
想要笔吗 给我五十万美元 那才是我们需要的 Want the marker? Give me $500,000, that's what we need.
-想用只笔来骗赎金吗 -随便你怎么说 - Gonna hold the marker ransom? - Call it what you want.
我需要五十万美金 I need a half a million dollars.
我不需要你们的破主意和吹牛逼 I don't need shit ideas and a bunch of hot air.
拜托 Come on.
戴尔 Dale.
-嘭 灵感突现 -邦假 - Boom. Marker drop. - "Kidnaping."
-是绑架 - That's "Kidnapping."
你少写了个字母P 你写成了邦假 With one more P it is. That's "Kidnaping."
管他怎么写 However the fuck you spell it.
你们知道我想说的是什么 绑架 好吧 You know what I'm talking about. Kidnapping. Come on.
等等 那他妈的是一个好主意 Wait a second. That's a fucking great idea.
想想吧 首先 我们绑了雷克斯 Think about it. First of all, we kidnap Rex.
-我们从伯特哪里拿到钱 -赎金 - We get money from Bert. - Ransom money.
我们就救了这桩生意 We save the business.
没有人死 No one has to die.
-没有人受伤 -他可是伯特的孩子 - Nobody gets hurt. - He is the kid of Bert.
是的 但他又不是未成年 Right, but he's not super young.
所以听起来不是那么的糟 So it's not super douchey and shit.
就快不是那么糟了 - It's not all molesty and shit.
你们对于实施绑架有多少了解 What do you know about executing a kidnapping?
-你什么意思 你才 -有塑料绑绳就够了 - What do you mean? You just... - You get zip ties.
你们根本不知道怎么绑架别人 You don't know shit about kidnapping.
好吧 我们什么都不知道 但是我敢打赌有人知道 Okay, we don't know a ton. But I bet we know someone that does.
-谁 -混蛋琼斯 - Who? - Motherfucker Jones.
-哦 天 -我们去见见他难道不好吗 - Oh, Jesus. - Wouldn't it be good to see him?
我们才不要去见混蛋琼斯 We're not gonna go see Motherfucker
因为我们不会去邦架任何人 Jones because we're not gonna "Kidnape" Anyone.
拜托 那个人可是大师级别的骗钱混蛋 Come on, this guy's a master business prick.
他在行骗界可是顶级的 我们得想清楚 He's at the top of his game. We need to figure out...
兄弟 看看我们做了什么 Boy, look what we got.
那是记号笔吗 Is that a Sharpie?
-等等 记号笔为什么会在那儿 -你把它放在那儿的 - Hang on. What was a Sharpie doing there? - You put it there.
是我把它放那儿的 I did put it on there.
是你负责采购物资的 You're in charge of marker distribution.
我知道 我是负责记号笔的人 I know I'm the marker guy.
现在这些字永远都在白板上了 Permanently on the board now.
这说明了我的观点 白痴 This illustrates my point, idiots.
我们得和一个合法的人谈谈 We need to find somebody who's legitimate.
我们应该找一个能帮我们夺回公司的人 We need to find someone who can get us our company back.
哈喽 尼克 Hello, Nick...
救了我命的人 ...guy who saved my life...
上了我老婆的人 ...guy who fucked my wife.
只是口活儿 只是口活儿 并没有真正上她 It was a blow job. It was a blow job, only. Didn't fuck her.
你收到我的电子邮件了吗 You got my e-mail?
我收到了 我简直要笑死了 I did. And I was very amused by it.
我知道伯特·汉森 我喜欢他那副样子 I know Bert Hanson. I like the cut of his jib.
我也钦佩他不花一分钱 And I admire the way he bent you
就能让你们三个白痴累得要死要活的 three idiots over a barrel and showed you the 50 states.
-啊 看到了吗 告诉过你这是有说法的 -哇 - Ah. See? Told you it was a saying. - Wow.
尼克 告诉我 Now, Nick, just tell me something.
在没有百分之三十五的保险金额 Why would you start production...
来支付生产花销的情况下 ...without at least a guarantee of 35 percent down...
你们为什么会开始生产 ...to cover manufacturing costs?
我是说 你们为什么会那样做 I mean, why would you do that?
-他在讲笑话吗 -有什么好笑的吗 - Is he telling a joke? - Is something funny?
啊 我们还以为我们 Uh, we assumed that we
在和有道德的人交易 were dealing with somebody who was ethical...
不 你说错了 正确答案是 No, that's the wrong answer. The right answer is because...
你们全都是白痴 ...you're all fucking morons.
兄弟 他说得够清楚了 Boy, he shined a light on that,
难道不是吗 对 你说得对 didn't he? That's true. You're absolutely right.
你们觉得我是一个恶老板 You thought I was such a bad boss.
但是 怎么说呢 我觉得 But, I don't know, I think
相对于我而言 你们让自己的公司破产 running your own company into the ground...
毁了你的员工们的生计 ...ruining the livelihood of your
听起来更糟 你觉得呢 employees is maybe a bit worse. What do you think?
-有道理 -我在记笔记 还应该听电话吗 - That's fair. - Should I be on the phone if I'm taking notes?
他说的我一个字都听不懂 I'm not getting any of what he's saying.
他用了太多修辞手法 It's just a lot of rhetorical questions.
你到底想怎样 尼克 So, what do you want from me, Nick?
恕我直言 你知道怎么虐人 With all due respect, you know what makes a guy like that tick.
所以如果你能慷慨地 So if you could give us
告诉我们一些能拿回钱的建议 some advice on how to get our money back...
下次你的保释听证会上 ...I will play real nice at
我会为你说几句好话的 你觉得怎么样 your next parole hearing. How does that sound?
-你肯为我这么做 -当然了 - You would do that for me? - Yes, I would.
好吧 我可以帮你 Okay. I think I can help you.
他愿意帮忙 很好 我带了笔记本 笔记本 He's gonna help? Okay, I got a notepad. I got a notepad.
从法律的角度来说 From a legal standpoint...
法律的角度 "Legal standpoint."
可选的方法有 ...your options are...
-方法有 -法律选项 - "Options are..." - Legal options.
你们去屎吧 ...jack fucking shit.
我听到他说 杰克·莱博维茨 他是位律师吗 I heard "Jack Leibowitz." Is that an attorney?
-我得记下来 -能给我们他的联系方式吗 - I'll write that down. - Can we get his contact info?
即使你们有足够的钱和他对簿公堂 Even if you had the money to fight him in the courts...
他的律师们也会一直和你们纠缠下去 ...his lawyers are just gonna file motions and continuances...
让你们三个操蛋的小可怜 ...long after you three pissant little fuckups...
输得裤子都提不上 ...have blown your tiny little brains out.
你的意思是没有别的办法吗 You saying nothing can be done?
不 我说的是你什么都做不了 No, I said there's nothing you can do.
有很多可以做的事 但你做不了 There's plenty that could be done, but you won't do it.
-想知道为什么吗 -不太想 - And do you wanna know why? - No, not really.
-因为你们没蛋 所以没胆 -我知道了 - Because you have no balls. - I see.
并且你们的老爸们也没蛋 And your fathers had no balls.
你们的祖宗都是软弱无比 畏首畏尾 You are all a product of generations of ball-less men...
不敢站出来争取 ...who were too weak or too
属于自己东西的无蛋鼠辈 frightened to stand up and take what was theirs.
以后 你们的子孙也会继承 And one day, you will pass on...
你们那空虚 干瘪的蛋囊 ...your empty, shriveled sacs to your own pitiful offspring.
-我听不见 他在说什么 -好像在说我们的蛋囊 - I can't hear. What is he talking about? - Our nut sacs, mostly.
说这干嘛 How'd that come up?
为什么不告诉他我们的绑架计划 Why don't you pitch him the kidnapping?
别提绑架的事了 Let the kidnapping go.
-告诉他我们的绑架计划 -让他见识下我们有蛋 -Pitch him the kidnapping. - Show some balls, all right?
你想看别人的蛋吗 去绑架吧 Wanna see balls? Kidnap someone.
然后你就出现在这玻璃后面 You'll end up in here.
看到无数的蛋在你额头前乱晃 You'll see plenty of balls on your forehead.
为什么蛋会在我额头前乱晃 Why are they on my forehead?
-难道我头顶上会长蛋吗 -这说不通啊 - Was the dick on top of my head? - Makes no sense.
-噢 你说的是别人的蛋 -没错 - Oh, I'm upside down. - You sure are.
你的脸被干了 Your face is getting fucked.
无蛋(无胆)
艹你妹 Motherfucker.
所以你们计划用赎金来拯救你们的事业 So y'all plan to use the ransom to save your business.
-正是如此 没错 -我们就是这么想的 - Exactly, yeah. That's it. - That's what we're hoping.
能请你告诉这几个蠢货这个主意有多蠢吗 Will you tell these idiots how stupid that is, please?
啊 我喜欢这主意 Ah. I like it.
-太好了 看吧 -我就知道他一定会喜欢这主意 - Nice. See? - I knew he'd like it.
你们是为了让自己的事业继续走下去 You're doing what you need to to keep your business going.
我也曾梦想过自己创业 I had a dream for a long time to get my own business.
真好 Yeah.
我想自己开一家的粉红浆果店 I wanted to open my own Pinkberry.
-哈 哈 -你这两声干笑是什么意思 - Ha, ha. - What the fuck is the chuckles about?
哦 我以为你在开玩笑 Oh, I thought you were joking.
难道你没见过有多少人排队 See how many crackers line up
只为买一杯上面有咔嚓船长的冰激凌吗 to get that Captain Crunch-covered freezing shit?
我一周要吃三回 I eat it three times a week.
-我超爱粉红浆果 -嘿 你的梦想酷毙了 - I love Pinkberry. - Hey, that's awesome.
-你喜欢粉红浆果 -我是乳糖不耐症患者 - You like Pinkberry? - I'm lactose intolerant.
非裔美国人的肚子：非裔美国人乳糖不耐受比例为75%
你这是典型非裔美国人的肚子 You got an African-American belly?
黑人因为乳糖可吃了不少苦 Because black people suffer from lactose.
哦 好吧 Oh, okay, good, well...
-我们有某种血缘关系 -真酷 兄弟 - We got some kind of kinship. - Yeah, cool, man.
-大便偏稀么 -可能吧 - Stool soft? - It can be.
-菊花有烧灼感 -我菊花很好 - Bottom tender. - Yeah, bottom's fine.
如果有人来买我的粉红浆果 我一定不会让他拉肚子 If somebody took my Pinkberry, I wouldn't take that sitting down.
-你会为此奋斗 -我会把乳糖减半 - You would fight. - I will cut a motherfucker in half.
你不能随便去绑架一个人 You wouldn't kidnap someone
因为你是最后的结果都会很惨 because you can't successfully pull it off.
有本事说出一部绑架题材的电影 Name me a kidnapping movie...
里面的绑架者最后没有死或者没有被关起来 ...where the kidnappers weren't dead or incarcerated at the end.
《朝九晚五》：1981年美国电影，讲述三位在工作上受歧视的女职员绑架老板施以报复
-《朝九晚五》 -《朝九晚五》 - 9 to 5, asshole. - 9 to 5.
-那有本事你再说一部 -说好了一部的 - Name me two movies, then. - You said name one.
-我说出了一部 -《朝九晚五》是部电影 - I nailed one right on you. - 9 to 5 was this movie...
我知道《朝九晚五》是什么 I know what the fuck 9 to 5 is.
讲的是有大咪咪的白婊子的故事 It's about the white bitch with the big titties.
-没错 -她老了 可是咪咪依旧粉嫩 - Yeah. - She got old, the titties stayed young.
我才不会根据《朝九晚五》的故事去绑架别人 I'm not gonna kidnap someone based on 9 to 5.
简·方达：《朝九晚五》主演之一
-那是因为你就是简·方达 -你就是前怕狼后怕虎的那个 - That's because you Jane Fonda. - You're the scaredy-cat one.
你是最没有男子气概的人 自己拖自己的后腿 You're always the last to man up. You're dragging your feet.
你既然不打算参与 那你来这儿干什么 Why are you here if you're not gonna participate?
莉莉·汤普琳：《朝九晚五》主演之一
首先 我不聪明还有谁聪明 我就是莉莉·汤普琳 First of all, if anyone, I'm the smart one. I'm Lily Tomlin.
后面几点我就不一一说明了 But I won't have this conversation.
拜托 我不是莉莉·汤普琳还能有谁是 Please, I'm Lily Tomlin, if anybody is.
大卫·欧·拉塞尔：对演员粗暴而闻名的美国导演，曾与莉莉·汤普琳发生过摩擦
坐在椅上 对大卫·欧·拉塞尔说去你妹的 Sitting in the big chair, giving David O. Russell shit.
是啊 他和莉莉·汤普琳的态度像极了 Yeah, he's got the 'tude.
-你就是方达 伙计 -你就是简·方达 - You're Fonda, man. - You're Jane Fonda.
多莉·帕顿：《朝九晚五》主演之一，金发大胸，身高仅1米54，乡村音乐女王
那你就是多莉·帕顿了 That makes you Dolly Parton.
很好啊 这女的有自己的主题公园 Great. Woman's got her own theme park.
-她是世界级宝贝 -两位世界级宝贝 - She's a national treasure. - Two national treasures.
我能向你们这些殖民者提个问题吗 Can I pose a question to you colonizers?
殖民时代早就过去了 Happened a long time ago.
你们要怎样让被绑架的人 How do you kidnap somebody without them knowing...
不知道自己被绑架了呢 ...they've been kidnapped?
-问得好 -清醒一点 最好还是别去干这种事 - Okay. - You smarten up, and you don't even do it.
-他就是黑人版的斯芬克斯 我喜欢 -他扔给我们一个谜语 - He's a black sphinx. I like it. - He threw a riddle our way.
-你怎么 -巫毒 用巫毒之术 - How do you...? - Voodoo. Voodoo?
我可以告诉你们答案 I can give you the answers.
-五万 -不行 - Fifty thousand. - No.
-我们不能给 -那就六百 - We can't. - Six hundred?
你最好还是别经营粉红浆果店 You should not run a Pinkberry. Sorry.
-你的谈判方式太奇葩了 -我们没有钱 - The weirdest negotiating style. - We don't have money.
你要知道 我们来这就是因为我们没钱 我们破产了 You know, we're here because we have zero dollars. We're broke.
靠 那就把你的表给我 Fuck it. Give me the watch.
-不行 -把你的表给他 - Nope. - Give him your watch.
我才不要把表给他 这是瑞士泰格豪雅牌的 I'm not giving him this. This is a Tag Heuer.
我的手腕上少了块表 This is a wrist without a watch.
快点 这是身外之物 死了又带不走 Come on. It's just material things. Can't take it with you.
如果你告诉我们你的破计划 我可以借给你 You can borrow it while you tell us a shitty plan.
好吧 All right.
给他下药 Slip him a mickey.
把表还给我 Give me the watch back.
你们半夜偷偷潜进他家宝贝的房间 You sneak into his crib at night.
在他入睡前 Find out whatever his
找出他平时饮用的饮料 beverage of choice is before he goes to bed.
把迷药丢进去 轻轻松松的迷倒他 You slip the mickey in the beverage. Knock him out nice and easy.
一直让他昏睡 直到他老爸付钱 And you keep that bitch sedated until Daddy pays up.
听起来不是那么疯狂 但绝对不值一块瑞士手表 It's not a crazy idea, but it's not worth a Swiss watch.
-听起来可行 -没错 很棒 说得通 - That could work. - Hmm. That's great. That makes total sense.
这样他就不会看到我们的脸了 He doesn't see our faces.
我就像幽灵一样 不存在 We're ghosts. We don't even exist.
你说的迷药指的是 When you say "Mickey... "?
就像迷奸药 你们打算从哪弄 A date-rape drug. Where do you get those?
-我从哪儿弄来 -呃 是啊 - Where do I get them? - Uh... Yeah.
就因为我的肤色 Because of the hue of my
我就必须知道从哪儿弄来迷奸药 skin I know where to get date-rape drugs?
-是你提起迷奸药的 -你的眼睛在骂我是黑鬼 - You brought up the date-raping. - You got N word in your eyes.
-为什么你的眼睛要骂他黑鬼 -你眼睛有问题 - Why are your eyes saying the N word? - Klan eyes.
-你眼睛才有问题 -你从来都不检查视力吗 - You've got Klan eyes. - You ever take a eye test?
-是的 -你只能看见那一个字母 - Yes. - All you pick out is the K.
-我能看见所有的字母 -他眼睛确实有问题 - I see every letter. - He does have Klan eyes.
每次看视力表都两眼发昏 You can see them poking out behind that sheet.
-这太荒唐了 这 - It's just ridic... I can't...
太让人不快了 -让我问你个问题 It's so upsetting. - Let me ask you a question.
你被茱莉亚强奸的时候 When you got raped by Julia,
她用的什么让你昏迷不醒的 笑气（一种麻醉剂）吗 what did she use to knock you out? Laughing gas?
-哦 没错 -笑气可以有 - Oh, right. - That'll work.
-这就好办了 -你有她办公室的钥匙吗 - That's interesting. - You have keys to the office?
-没有 不过我知道密码 -太棒了 - No, but I know the code. - Yes.
好了 你又做到了 Okay. You did it again.
-声明一下 我没有种族歧视 -你最棒了 谢谢 - For the record, I am not racist. - You're the best. Thanks.
-走吧 回见了 -见到你真好 - Let's go. See you. - Good to see you.
出乎意料的有帮助 我能把我的表要回来吗 Surprisingly helpful. Any way I can get the watch back?
赶紧滚 简·方达 Fuck out of here, Jane Fonda.
海宁斯牙科诊所
这个问题很难 你不能同时干三个人 不是吗 That's a tough one. And you can't fuck all three, right?
-确实不能 -游戏不是这么玩的 - You cannot. - Not the game. Okay.
那我应该娶了皮特 杀了波比 再干克雷格 Well, then I would marry Peter, kill Bobby, and fuck Greg.
-换我也会这么做 -是吗 - That's what I'd do too. - Yeah?
-我觉得这是唯一的方法 -有道理 - I think that's the only way to play it. - It makes sense.
-怎么样 -棒极了 - How'd you do? - I did great.
我买了装备 我认为我们这次要加倍小心 I got extra supplies. I think we gotta be more careful this time.
当然 太聪明了 Absolutely. So smart.
我买了本杂志 可以剪下字母拼一封绑架信 I got a magazine to cut up the ransom note.
-绝对不能手写 -聪明 - Can't be writing it by hand. - Smart.
《二度春》杂志 Bride Again Magazine?
当警察们开始分析信的来源时 To throw the cops off if they start
这可以扰乱他们的思维 snooping to figure out where the letters came from.
-探险家朵拉牌对讲器 -太帅了 - Dora the Explorer walkie-talkies? - Awesome.
又不是专卖间谍用品的商店 只是个便利店而已 It's not a spy store. It's a convenience store.
难道就不能用我们自己的手机吗 Didn't wanna just use our phones?
那就用自己的手机 Let's use our phones. They
这样他们就能调出我们的通话记录 make a record of everything that we say and do.
-你都不看新闻吗 -我的错 - Do you watch the news? - My apologies.
嘿 奥巴马 我要潜进我的旧办公室 Hey, Obama. I'm breaking into my old office.
只有我们三个人在做 又没有国家安全局打掩护 It's just the three of us doing this, not us and the NSA.
-我是在为我们着想 -呵呵 - I'm trying to help us out. - Heh.
-你买剪刀了吗 -买了 - Did you get scissors? DALE: I got some scissors.
我没看到你买乳胶手套 I don't see any latex gloves in here.
乳胶手套 额 太贵了 They're, like, super expensive.
-多少钱 -九块钱一双 - How much? - Nine bucks a pair.
-太夸张了 -没错吧 - That's ridiculous. - Right?
那是你唯一需要在商店里买的 It's the only thing you went in there to buy.
她办公室里手套多得数不清 She's got a ton of gloves in her office.
我们就用那些就行 We'll just use those.
你得需要手套才能进去 这样才不会留下指纹 You need them to get inside, so we don't leave fingerprints.
没错 你这个笨蛋 你难道不知道吗 That's right. You dummy. Don't you know that?
对了 我们可以用我包里的高尔夫手套 Know what we can do? We can use my golf gloves in my bag.
他包里有高尔夫手套 He's got gloves in his golf bag.
别什么事都斤斤计较 我是为大家着想 Don't poke holes in everything. I'm trying to help out.
-伙计们 我们又组队喽 -哈哈 喔 - Guys, the team's back together. - Ha, ha! Whoo!
我来放风 I call lookout.
看见巡警了我就通知你们 And I will let you know if I see Swiper.
太棒了 走吧 Nice. Let's go.
进行得怎么样了 伙计们 How we doing in there, guys?
我来 我来 I got it. I got it. I got it.
一切都好 你那边怎么样 尼克 All good. How are things out there, Nick?
一切都好 不过 Things are good. Hey,
能不能请你别在对讲机里说我的名字 can you not say my name over the radio, please?
-为什么 -别人也有可能会在这个频段上 - Why not? - Could be somebody on the frequency.
哦 没错 说的对 真聪明 Oh, yeah. It's a good point. Very smart.
听你的 那我就叫你亨德里克斯 There you go. That's using the old Hendricks brain.
也别说我的姓 And there's the last name.
-我们应该想几个代号 -没错 - We should come up with code names. - Absolutely.
尼克 你打算用什么作代号 Nick, where you landing on code names?
如果你能别再叫我的名字 我会很感激的 I'd love it if you'd stop saying my name.
-拿了笑气赶紧闪人 -收到 - Just get the gas and get out here. - Roger that.
刀锋战士已获取目标 The Blade has acquired the target.
-你代号是刀锋战士吗 -没错 这就是我的代号 尼克 - Was that "The Blade"? - Mm-hm. That's my code name, Nick.
我们不需要代号 谁在说话我们都知道 We don't need code names. Everybody knows who's talking.
代号听起来多酷啊 我们先想几个 They're sounding pretty cool, so let's try to land on a couple.
我会尽快想出一个适合你的代号的 I'm gonna think up one real quick and lay it on you.
呃 我就用威武雄狮和你对话 Uh, I'm coming in at you with The Majestic Lion.
我的代号就是威武雄狮 I'm gonna be The Majestic Lion.
这就对了 Now we're talking.
我才不会这么叫你 Not gonna call you that.
你这么说太无礼了 我要问问为什么 That's a bummer there. I'm gonna need a reason as to why.
因为你不是丛林猫科动物 而且听起来很傻 Because you're not a jungle cat, and it's stupid as shit.
-说得好 -说得好 - Fair point. - Good catch.
呃 我们得帮他想一个代号 Uh, we should come up with one for him.
圣·尼克怎么样 -你他妈的已经第四次说我名字了 How about St. Nick? - You've said my name four fucking times.
你们赶紧给我回到车上来 我们好回家 If you could come back out to the car, we can go home.
不如这样 我把雄狮两个字去了怎么样 You know what? What if I drop the "Lion"?
等一下 等一下 Whoa, whoa, whoa.
-有人来了 有人来了 -只叫威武 - Somebody's here. Somebody's here. - Just The Majestic?
我爱死了 我喜欢 I love that. I like that.
别再说代号了 Shut up about the code names.
一群人刚刚到了停车场 A bunch of people just pulled up into the parking lot.
喂喂 快把你的手指从按钮上拿开 Hello. Get your thumb off the butt...
哦 天啊 Oh, my God.
一个超级辣的妞刚刚把车停在了茱莉亚的车位上 Real hot chick just pulled into Julia's parking spot.
茱莉亚正朝你们走去 I think Julia's headed into the building.
把你的手指从按钮上拿开 If you'd get your thumb off the fucking button and...
啊 靠 两个傻缺 Ah, fuck. Fucking idiots.
算了 反正不是我的错 Well, you know what? It's not my fault.
又不是我的错 It's not my goddamn fault.
我还没做任何犯法的事 我可以直接开车走人 I haven't done a thing illegal. I can just drive out of here.
我可以直接开车回家 I can just drive right home.
不 我不能这么做 不能这么做 No, I can't do that. I can't do that.
他们绝对会告发我的 They'll just fucking tell on me.
我们这就回去 All right, we're on our way to you.
鸡已离盘 完毕 完毕 Chickens have left the pot. My God, my God.
-我觉得是鸡已离棚 -什么 - The coop, I think. - What?
完毕完毕 听起来像那么回事 The "My God, my God" Does sounds like a thing.
哦 靠 Oh, shit.
把吃的东西放在那边吧 Why don't you set the food up over there?
我们把这些椅子围起来 And we'll circle these chairs around.
戴尔 Dale?
科特 Kurt.
上帝 请宽恕我们 God, grant us...
哦 靠 他们是邪教 是邪教 Oh, shit. It's a cult. It's a fucking cult.
与生俱来的嗜性成瘾的缺点 ... about our sex addiction that we cannot change...
-嗜性成瘾 -是嗜性成瘾互助会 - Sex addiction. - It's a sex addiction. Yeah.
太棒了 Neat.
能够出席今天聚会的人 为你们感到自豪 So proud of you, every one of you, for being here today.
靠 Shit.
怎么了 How's it going?
嗨 我 呃 Hi. It's going, uh...
你知道的 Whew, you know.
我遇到了麻烦 I'm in trouble.
-省省吧 -好吧 - Save it. - Okay.
他们这周发生了一些事情 ...Something that happened to them this week.
这位先生在走廊上徘徊 Found this gentleman loitering out in your hall.
哦 靠 尼克被抓了 Oh, shit. Nick got busted.
他说他遇到了麻烦 Says he knows he's in trouble.
-是的 -我们都遇到了麻烦 - Yeah. - We're all in trouble.
你不用害怕 在这里你很安全 You don't have to be afraid. You're safe here.
好的 Okay.
抱歉我来晚了 你好吗 兄弟 Sorry I'm late. What's up, brother?
托比 麻烦你去拿把椅子过来 Toby, why don't you grab a chair
让这位年轻人加入我们 and bring it in so this young man can join us?
好吧 呃 Yeah, um...
-天啊 呃 -宝贝 你叫什么名字 - Boy, uh... - What's your name, honey?
我叫 呃 I am, um...
我叫布兰斯顿 I am Blanston.
你好 布兰斯顿 -大家好 Hi, Blanston. - Hi.
对于一个对代号不感兴趣的人来说 For a guy not into code names...
-大转折 -大胆的选择 - Big swing. - Bold choice.
-我爱死了 -是啊 - And I love it. - Yeah.
-有新成员能来到这个组真好 -谢谢 - It's nice to have fresh blood in the group. - Appreciate it.
-新鲜 可爱的小鲜肉 -嘿 - Fresh, cute blood. - Hey.
茱莉亚 放轻松 布兰斯顿 Easy, Julia. Blanston, would you
你能和我们分享一下是什么指引你醒悟的呢 like to share with us what's led you into recovery?
啊 好吧 我的瘾很重 Ah. Well, okay. I do have a very big problem.
对我来说一直很难 我难以控制 Just been hitting it hard. I've been hitting it hard.
他以为他在戒酒互助会 He thinks he's in an AA meeting.
和男人们混在一起 Getting together with the guys.
通常情况下 都是我最惨 Oftentimes, ending up just face down.
一个接一个的吸 有时候甚至双管齐下 就像 Chugging one after the other. Sometimes double-fisted, just:
啊 啊 啊 你知道吗 你肯定知道我在说什么 Gah, gah, gah. You know? You know what I'm talking about.
所以说你的性瘾 实际上是同性恋 So your sexual addiction, it's homosexual in nature?
我的性瘾 我的性瘾是 呃 My sex addiction? My sex addiction is, um...
你刚刚说什么来着 And then what did you say?
-你喜欢干男人 -不 我的性瘾是干女人 - You like to fuck guys. - No. My sex addiction is to ladies.
-哦 -你知道的 我是异性恋 - Oh. - You know. I'm addicted to women.
无聊 Boring.
-哦 靠 我要尿尿 -什么 - Oh, fuck, I have to piss. - What?
-我要尿尿 我一紧张就想尿尿 抱歉 -嘘 - I have to piss. I'm nervous. I'm sorry. - Shh.
-去吧 快去 -声音会很大啊 - Go, go, just pee. - It's gonna make too much noise.
不 不 把你的老二压进便池里 No, no, just dip your dick into the toilet.
-哦 坐下来尿吗 好吧 -是的 - Oh, sit down and do it? Okay. - Yeah, yeah.
够不着 -什么 It doesn't reach. - What?
我够不着 应该是够得着的吗 It doesn't reach. Should it reach?
我是说 我不知道对不对 但是 I mean, I don't know if it's about "Should," But...
-我把坐便垫掀起来 -嗯 掀起来就行 - I'll put the seat up. - Yeah, put the seat up...
-屁股压低一点 -哦 天啊 ...and just dip your butt in the bowl. DALE: Oh, my God.
完事 There we go.
嘘 嘘 嘘 Shh! Shh! Shh!
-哦 靠 抱歉 -嘘 没事 - Oh, shit, sorry. - Shh! It's okay.
-抱歉 我习惯冲厕所 -没事 - Sorry, I always flush. - It's all right.
好了 我要洗手了 Okay, I'm just gonna wash my hands.
-不行 你怎么能洗手呢 -啊 - No. Why are you gonna wash your hands? - Huh?
-你怎么能洗手呢 -我习惯洗手啊 - Why? - I always wash my hands.
-你戴着手套呢 -但是总感觉手上有东西 - You have gloves on. - Stuff gets under there.
好吧 小声点就行 洗吧 洗吧 Fine, just be quiet. Okay, okay.
我必须洗手 不然整个人都不好了 Let me just wash them. I'll feel better.
嘘 Shh.
噢 我的天 戴尔 快停下 Oh, my God, Dale, stop.
你这样一点都不像偷偷溜进来的 There's literally no element of sneak in anything you're doing.
-不洗的话很恶心 -我也要尿尿了 - It's gross not to. - I gotta go now too.
-你也要去尿尿 -没错 - You gotta go? - Yeah.
你用另一只手打高尔夫吗 Do you golf with the other hand...?
-别吹口哨 -我必须吹口哨 - Don't whistle. - I have to.
这样我才能顺利尿尿 The only way to get this train going.
嘘 嘘 嘘 Shh, Shh, Shh!
-听着 -你为什么要冲厕所 - Listen... - Why did you flush?
-我就是冲厕所了 -为什么 - It just happens. - Why?
-这是个好习惯 -妈的 - It's a good habit. - Shit.
嘘 Shh!
-里面有什么吗 -妈的 她过来了 快躲起来 - What is...? - Shit. She's coming. Hide.
但是曾经有一次 有过一次 But there was once, though. There was once...
如果大家都守口如瓶 Oh, boy. If this is safe in here,
我愿意和大家分享这件事 I'd love to shake this out and share it.
你这样会出事的 别掉在我身上了 Something must've happened. Don't fall on me.
放心 我在社区中心上过跑酷课 Don't worry. I took a parkour class at the community center.
噢 他让她回座位了 Oh, he got her to go back.
-呃 当时我还是个孩子 -当时你多大 - Uh, I was a boy. - How old were you?
-我不记得了 还很年轻吧 -十四岁 - I don't know. Young. - Fourteen?
当时大概是吧 两个十四岁的男孩在露营 I think we were. Two 14-year-old boys at camp...
我们都不知道我们是在干什么 ...and not knowing what we're doing...
就只是摔跤 ...and just wrestling.
噢 摔跤营 十四岁 Ooh. Wrestling camp. Fourteen.
有意思 Nice.
-他说的是真的吗 -我 - Is he telling the truth? - l...
我不知道 但是 我是说 如果 I don't know. But, I mean, if he is...
-他挺厉害的 不是吗 -确实 不错 - Good for him, right? - Absolutely. That's great.
-你们穿那种紧身连体衣了吗 -还是运动衫 - Did you guys wear those tight little onesies? - Singlets?
-是那样叫的吗 -没错 就是运动衫 - Is that what they're called? - That's right. Singlets.
紧身的氨纶布料可以显出 Tight little spandex offering a
阴茎轮廓的那种 clear little outline of, say, a circumcised helmet?
-我的天 -我感到浑身发热了 - Oh, boy. - Am I getting warm?
好了 还有谁愿意分享故事 Okay, uh, maybe someone else should share.
-不 不 说说你那东西吧 -什么 - No, no, no. Let's go to the unit. - Sorry?
那小男孩的那个是怎样的 多脉纹的 还是平滑的 What was the unit like on this little b...? Was it veiny? Smooth?
刚长出小龟头 像食蚁兽一样 Little turtleneck? Anteater?
这 我也不知道 就很普通 I just... I don't know. Pretty normal.
-刚发育的阴茎 -我没这么说过 但是 - Starter penis? - Not the words I would've used, but...
团队中有个同性恋也不错 对吧 It's good to have a gay friend in your group too, you know?
-这让我们的团队更多样化 -没错 - It makes us more colorful. - Yeah.
这阴茎有没有 Now, did this penis ever,
不知不觉 进入你的嘴里 at any point, find its way into your mouth?
-上帝啊 -茱莉亚 别说了 - Jesus. - Julia, no.
-你别再耍花招了 -什么花招 - You're not gonna pull this stunt again. - What stunt?
提早结束谈话好让她可以再干一个的同性恋 Stopping a meeting early so she can try to flip another gay.
-真的吗 -她总是想得到她得不到的东西 - Really? - She always wants what she can't have.
放松 好吗 他不是同性恋 Listen, relax, okay? He's not even gay.
他十四岁就碰到了鸡巴 He had one cock at 14 and
但却没进入他嘴里 it hasn't made its way to his mouth yet.
-如果你听我说完的话 -这么说你含过了 - Well, if you'd let me finish... - So you did eat that cock.
-你是在问我有没有含过鸡巴 -我知道你含过了 - You're asking if I sucked it? - I know you sucked it.
我就想听到你自己说 I just wanna hear you say it.
-布兰斯顿 你不用勉强 -闭嘴 - Blanston, you don't have to say it. - Shut your mouth.
-闭嘴让他继续说 你含过鸡巴了吧 -拜托快说是 - Shut up and let him share. You ate it? - Please say yes.
你想知道我含没含过鸡巴 You wanna know if I ate that dick?
你有没有像含雪糕一样含过鸡巴 Did you suck that cock like a Bomb Pop down to the blue?
-你想知道答案 -快告诉我吧 - You want the answer? - Give it to me.
我不仅含过鸡巴 睾丸 还舔过小孩子的屁眼儿 I ate that dick, balls, and licked that kid's sweaty asshole.
就知道你做过这事 因为你是名同性恋 Damn right you did because you are awesomely gay.
我一直都是弯的 从没直过 I'm super gay. Never been straight.
你还知道我从没干过什么吗 Know what else I've never been?
-跟女人上床 -休会 - Inside a woman. - Meeting adjourned.
-大家都走吧 -狗娘养的 - Everybody out. - Son of a bitch.
走吧 快点 快点 走吧 Come on. Hurry it up. Hurry it up. Come on.
再见 就是这样 很好 See you later. Bye-bye. That's it.
茱莉亚 你被性瘾冲昏了头 Okay, Julia, you are letting the addiction win.
去你的 洛兹 反正也没人喜欢你 Oh, fuck you, Roz. No one likes you anyway.
好吧 Okay.
-我们准备干吧 -开始吧 - Mm. Let's get you prepped for a fill-n-drill. - Let's do it.
你在牙医椅上干过吗 Ever done it in a dentist's chair?
我一直都想这么干 I always wanted to nail my dentist.
-他是个男的 -我会让你忘了他的 - He's a man. - I'll make you forget all about him.
你为什么不先去把椅子准备好呢 Why don't you go get the chair ready?
我先去一下洗手间 I'm gonna visit the men's room real quick.
你可以尿在我身上啊 Oh, you can do that on me.
呃 那个 我要 Oh. Uh, well, it's a...
所以呢 And...?
额 内个 第一次和女人做 Hmm. Well, uh, first time on the slopes,
我还是悠着点吧 so I'm gonna stay off the black diamond.
随你吧 Either way.
-你们俩太吵了 我们走吧 -抱歉 抱歉 - You guys are so noisy. Let's go. - I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
恭喜 我为你说出心事而感到骄傲 Congrats. I'm so proud of you for coming out.
-我不是同性恋 我马上就出来 好吗 -你不走吗 - I'm not gay. I'll be right out, okay? - Come on.
我觉得如果我突然不见了会有点可疑 I think it'll be a little suspicious
所以要继续演下去 if I disappear. Gonna complete the diversion.
-我们该走了 -我还以为你是个同性恋 - We gotta go. - Thought you were gay.
我不是 快走吧 快走吧 我马上就出来 I'm not gay. Go on, go on. I'll be right out.
噢 我知道了 你是双性恋 Oh. I get it. You're bi.
我也不是双性恋 I'm not bi.
不是双性恋吗 Not bi?
-你有S吗 我要个S -S 有 - Do you have, uh, an S? I need an S. - S, yes.
-这个怎么样 -呃 有没有看起来更恐怖的S - How's that? - Uh, do you have a scarier S than that?
嗯 有 这个 Yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, here.
这是从新娘酷斯拉的文章里弄下来的 This is from an article about bridezillas.
嗯 信完成了 要我把拼好的信读给你听吗 Yeah, that'll do it. Okay, can I read you what I got right now?
-嗯 当然 -好的 - Yeah. Yeah, sure. - Okay.
给我们五十万美元 "Give us the $500,000..
否则你的孩子就死定了 ...or the little boy dies.
你只有一天的时间 You have 24 hours."
真希望你能读给他听 你的声音听着真可怕 I wish you were there to read it. Sounds scary in that voice.
所以我需要令人害怕的字母 That's why I wanted scary letters.
真希望他读信的时候能听到那样可怕的声音 Hopefully he's hearing a voice like that when he reads.
但为什么是小男孩 听起来像是6岁小孩 But why "Little boy"? Makes him sound 6.
总不能写 否则你的成年儿子死定了 Don't wanna be like, "Or the grown man dies."
-你说得对 当然不行 -这简直 - You're right. No, absolutely. - It's not even...
好了 固体胶给我 All right, glue stick,
-我要把这个粘好 -哦 好的 - and I'm gonna lock this in. - Oh, great, yeah.
第一份草稿 也是最后一份 First draft, final draft,
-对吧 -干得好 - right? - How about that? Nice job.
说实话 God, I tell you what.
我真不是自夸 I hope this doesn't sound cocky.
我觉得我们很擅长绑架 I think we're really good at this.
我们超级擅长 We're extremely good at it.
我不想说什么 这比谋杀要好多了 I didn't wanna say anything, but way better than murder.
-比谋杀好得多 -我们找到专长了 - A lot better than murder. - We found our groove.
-这很有趣 -是很有趣 - This is fun. - It is kind of fun.
-没有人会受伤 -我一直都想写一封勒索信 - Nobody gets hurt. - I always wanted to make a ransom note.
-到齐了 我们出发吧 -啊 - All here. Let's go. - Ah!
狗娘养的 Son of a bitch. I knew I
早知道我边拼边贴了 should've been gluing them as I went along.
啊 Ah.
嘿 和我说说 感觉怎样 Hey. Hey. Talk to me. How was it?
从来没有遇到过这种情况 It was like something I've just never encountered.
什么 跟女人上床吗 What, uh, a woman?
我是说 她是如此的放荡 她的身材是如此的迷人 I mean, she's so free. She's so eloquent with her body.
所有的性能量 I mean, all of that sexual energy...
从柔情深处流淌出来 你明白吗 ...it flows from this place of deep tenderness, you know?
那地方叫阴道 尼克 It's called her vagina, Nick.
拜托别这么说 我们走吧 Please don't talk like that. Come on, let's go.
听听 他开始有保护欲了 Listen. He's being so protective.
你说得你好像爱上了她 You're talking like you fell in love with her.
什么 你爱上她了吗 尼克 What, are you in love with her, Nick?
没有 戴尔 No, Dale.
你在那逗留了那么久 That was a real long pause right there.
那是段安静的时光 hat was a moment of silence.
我没有爱上她 那太荒唐了 I'm not in love with her. That's ridiculous.
她给了我丰富又积极的经验 She gave me a very rich and positive experience.
哦 是吗 比摔跤营感觉更好吗 Oh, yeah? Better than wrestling camp?
噢 不错的房子 Oh, boy. Nice house.
他过得不错 Well, he's doing well.
混得真好 Good for him.
-好了 我们讨论下计划 -深呼吸 行动 - All right, let's discuss our options. - Breathe, and go.
嘿 你们不能 Hey, whoa. Guys, you can't
就把车这么停在他家门前吧 just park right in front of the guy's house.
难道你要把失去知觉的人质拖回去吗 You wanna carry an unconscious dude down the street?
他很重的 我们走吧 He's gonna be way too heavy. Let's move.
有道理 很有道理 That's a good point. Good point.
等等 你们不能就这么径直走到他家前门 Wait, whoa. You can't just walk up to the guy's front door.
你能冷静下吗 我们是有计划的 Will you calm down? We have a plan.
我们有计划的 放松 We have a plan. Just relax.
真的吗 那太好了 这让我觉得靠谱点 Oh, do you? That's great. That makes me feel a lot better.
-你准备好了吗 -是的 我准备好了 - Okay, you ready? - Yeah, I'm ready.
看着吧 走 Watch this. Go.
-啊 妈的 -妈的 - Ah, fuck. - Fuck.
-糟了 -门上锁了 - It's a bust. - It's locked.
计划里没考虑到门有可能上锁吗 The plan did not account for a locked door?
有50%的可能它能打开 Fifty-fifty chance it's gonna be open.
-你怎么知道 -要么锁了 要么没锁 - How do you figure that? - Either locked or unlocked.
-就是50%嘛 -这是基础数学 - Fifty-fifty, yeah. - It's basic math.
你今晚怎么了 What's up with you tonight?
-把你的信用卡给我 -好的 - Give me your credit card. - Good.
-B计划里有信用卡吗 -快点 - Plan B's got a credit card in it? - Come on.
-你们的计划真糟糕 -你的数学真糟糕 - Your plan sucks. - Your math sucks.
这就是事实 That's what's going on.
-等等 万一他在家呢 -哦 你说的有道理 - Wait. What if he's in there? - Oh, yeah.
-我们怎么知道 -你们要不要按一下门铃 - How do we make sure? - Why don't you ring the doorbell?
-好主意 真聪明 -别按 科特 - I love it. Smart. - Don't. Kurt.
妈的 你在开玩笑吗 Oh, shit. Are you kidding?
-里面很黑 我觉得里面没人 -别按了 - It's dark. Don't think anybody's here. - Don't hit it again.
-你们听到了吗 -我知道这曲子 - You hear that? - I know that song.
-是什么 -是首歌 对吧 是 - What is that? - It's a song, right? Is it:
#无论你做什么# No matter what you do
别唱了 别唱了 No, no.
#我会一直在你身边# I will always be with you
-谁唱的 -坏手指乐队 - Who sings that? - Badfinger.
#不管你做什么 女孩儿# Doesn't matter what you do, girl
安静 Quiet.
#喔 女孩儿 和你在一起# Ooh, girl, with you
你们猜对了 You nailed it.
#按在古老的灰色墙上# Knock down the old gray wall
他妈的给我闭嘴 Shut the fuck up.
-嘿 你在咆哮 -嘘 嘘 你在咆哮 - Hey, you're yelling. - Shh! Shh! You're yelling.
帮个忙 快点 Do me a favor. Hurry up.
赶快打开前门 Fail to open up the front
我们就能离开这儿了 door so we can get the fuck out of here.
-噢 见鬼 -哦 - Ah, fuck. - Ooh.
-什么见鬼 发生什么了 -出了点问题 - What's "Fuck"? What happened? - We got a problem.
-看到了吗 就在那儿 -该死的 - Yeah, see? Right there? - Goddamn it.
-在那儿 正盯着我们 -好吧 现在怎么办 - There it is. Staring back at us. - Okay, what now?
我看我们听你的 离开这儿吧 I guess we follow your idea and we get out of here.
-嗯 我们走吧 -不 等等 我的信用卡还在那里呢 - Yeah, we gotta go. - No. Hey. My credit card's in there.
-打电话挂失吧 -他们隔天会给你张新卡的 - Call them and cancel. - They'll send you a new one overnight.
等他们发现那张卡 When they find the card,
他们就知道我们来过这儿了 就这么简单 they'll know we were here. It's pretty simple.
-妈的 -他们会知道你来过这儿 - Oh, shit. - They're gonna know you were here.
走 快上车 Go, go. Car. Car.
-你在干嘛 -用手做掩护 - What do you got going there? - Finger-flage.
那是她老婆吗 Is that his wife?
不 那辆车是93本田思域 她还拿着干洗的衣服 No, that's a '93 Civic and she's carrying dry cleaning.
她应该是个女佣 I'm gonna go with a maid.
她娶了个女佣 He married his maid?
雷克斯先生 你在家吗 Mr. Rex, are you home?
是我 金宋 It me, Kim Song.
我把你干洗好的衣服拿过来了 I pick up your dry cleaning.
-好了 我拿到了 -哇 - Okay, I got it. - Wow.
他品味真不错 He's got good taste.
卡弯了 该死的 It's bent, goddamn it.
-优美简洁的线条 色彩的巧妙使用 -走吧 - Nice, clean lines, little pops of color. - Let's go.
-走 -什么 - Go? - What?
我们刚进来 再多待一会 We just got inside. Let's stay.
她也是 我们快走吧 So did she. Let's get the fuck out of here.
你要取消计划吗 Are you quitting on the plan?
-快回来 他在家 -为什么 谁在家 - Back in. Back in. He's here. - Why? Who's here?
-雷克斯 -哦 妈蛋 - Mr. Rex. - Oh, shit.
金 你在这 Kim? You here?
金 你把我衬衫拿来了吗 Kim, you grab my shirts?
-是的 雷克斯先生 我现在就去把衣服挂起来 -好的 - Yes, Mr. Rex. I go hang up now. - Great.
等等 小金金 Whoa, whoa, whoa. Kim. Kimbo.
-看看这个 告诉我你看到了什么 -呃 - Take a look at this. Tell me what you see. - Uh...
你干嘛把这些乱七八糟的东西留在我水槽里 Are you gonna leave this mess in the bottom of my sink?
水吗 The water?
没错 这些布满我水槽底部的小水珠 Yes, the little water droplets all over the bottom of my sink.
我不知道你是在什么茅房里长大的 I don't know what thatched
但是这很恶心 hut you grew up in, but this is disgusting.
但这只是水啊 But it just water.
好吧 Okay. Okay.
你被解雇了 Then you just fire.
你失去工作了 真是个坏消息 You lose your job. Too bad for you.
再见 Bye-bye.
哈哈 看看你 又被我耍了 Ha, ha! Look at you. I got you again.
看看你这丰满的小脸蛋 Look at that little chubby face.
你以为我会在你生日时解雇你吗 You think I was gonna fire you on your fucking birthday?
你忘了吗 宫崎太太 过来 Are you out of your mind, Mrs. Miyagi? Get over here.
来这儿 生日快乐 Come here, you. Happy birthday.
给你买了样礼物 I got you something.
这是个好东西 That's a good one.
是极品 这就像凯迪拉克的活塞 That's top of the line. That's like the Cadillac of plungers.
但是就在这用 好吗 That's just for here, though, okay?
-别带回家 -好 - No taking it home. - No.
怎么了 Yeah, what's up, man?
不 我一点都不忙 Yeah, no, I'm not busy at all.
我只是在给我女佣庆祝 今天是她的生日 I'm just making my maid's day. It's her birthday.
嘿 金 但是 说真的 Hey, Kim, seriously, though.
从今天起就保持水槽干净好吗 Can we keep a dry sink from here on in?
好的 雷克斯先生 Yes, Mr. Rex.
怎么了 What's up?
不 去你的 No, fuck that, man.
金 Kim.
噢 Oh.
哥们 我尽力 我爸在金钱上完全是个王八蛋 Dude, I'm trying. My dad is being a total dick about the money.
她在干嘛 What's she doing?
-哦 我的天 -她在干嘛 - Oh, my God. Oh, my God. - What is she doing?
-科特 科特 -怎么了 怎么了 - Kurt. Kurt. Kurt. - What? What? What?
哦 妈的 那是我干的事 她在做我做的事 Oh, shit. That's my thing. She's doing my thing.
我真不敢相信她竟然干这种事 I can't believe she's fucking doing that.
她放的还不够深 She's not going in deep enough.
-你觉得她只是在清洗吗 -真是个新手 - Do you think she's just cleaning? - What a rookie.
好了 她走了 好了 Okay, there she goes. Okay. All right.
傻金 Kimchi.
-他来了 -好的 嘘 - There he is. - Okay. Shh.
-哦 天哪 他要刷牙了 -真的 - Oh, no. He's gonna brush his teeth. - He is.
-他要刷牙了 -他要刷牙了 - He's gonna do it. - Here he goes.
-快刷牙 -快刷 - Do it. - Do it.
太好了 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
好好把牙刷漂亮 刷干净 你这狗娘养的 Yeah, get them nice and clean, you son of a bitch.
真爽 So satisfying.
等等 现在怎么样 Wait, guys. Okay. Now what,
我们在干嘛 现在我们怎么办 though? What are we doing? What do we do now?
我们等他上床 We wait for him to go to bed.
戴尔打开笑气 我放勒索信 Dale starts the gas. I've got the ransom note.
-不是现在打开 -他说了 戴尔 打开笑气 - Not now. - He said, "Dale, start the gas."
我说了 戴尔打开笑气 I said, "Dale starts the gas."
待会儿 你个白痴 快关掉 我们不能把气体放到这儿 Later, you idiot. Turn that off. We can't have the gas in here.
好的 我会把信放在 Okay. I'll put this on the...
-快关掉 -我在关 好像坏了 - Turn it off. - I'm trying to. It's broken or something.
你在开玩笑吗 换个方向转 Are you kidding me? Turn it the other way.
我转了无数圈了 我觉得它坏了 不能关 你来看看 We dropped it like a million times. I think we broke it. No, see?
-它不起作用了 -我们快出去 - It's not doing anything. - Let's get out.
-什么 他就在外面 -嘘 - What? He's right outside. - Shh.
妈的 他就在那 把罐子扔出去吧 Shit. He's right there. Then get the can out of here.
别笑 有什么好笑的 Don't start laughing. What is funny about this?
看看你的脸 看看他的脸 哈哈 Look at your face. Look at his face. Ha, ha.
-哦 不 -伙计 你的脸 - Oh, no. - Dude, your face...
气体 是不是因为这个气体 The gas. Is this the gas?
不不不 别笑 No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
嘿 听着 控制好自己 Hey. Listen. Keep it together.
没错 是这个气体的原因 Yes, it's the gas.
-效果太棒了 -控制好情绪 - It's pretty good. - You keep it together.
我本来要打他的 I was trying to hit him.
-伙计们 -不行了 - Guys. - No, no, no.
哦 我很好 我很好 我们去 Okay. I'm good. I'm good. Let's...
该死的 科特 科特 你手机 Shit. Kurt. Kurt, your phone.
你手机 快接电话 Your phone. Answer your phone.
-知道了 知道了 -我们在哪 - I got it. I got it. I got it. - Where are we?
-关掉它 -为什么你老婆给我打电话 - Shut it off. - Why is your wife calling me?
哦 该死的 她大概快崩溃了 Oh, shit. Oh, shit. She's probably freaking out.
星空字幕组 SSK•FanSub
我昨晚没回家 I didn't come home last night.
安静 Quiet.
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兄弟 把你该死的头从我胯上拿走 Dude, get your fucking head out of my crotch.
你要一整天 Will you look at this fucking
都在这欣赏这该死的景色么 逗我呢 view during the daytime? You kidding me?
-他应该已经走了 -太难以置信了 - He seems gone. - Unbelievable.
-床被整理过了 -我简直不敢相信 - Bed's made. - I can't believe this.
我们应该检查一下 We should maybe just check.
-嗨 雷克斯 -嗨 - Hey! Rex! - Hey.
-雷克斯 雷克斯 Rex! Rex!
戴尔 Dale.
如果他还在家你要怎么办 Did you have a plan if he responded?
-我还没想这么多诶 - I didn't think that far ahead.
-你笨的可以了 - You get even dumber in the mornings.
-有什么好担心的 -我们走吧 - Why are you worried? - Let's go.
-你知道的 有一半的可能他还在这 -哦好吧 - You know, fifty-fifty chance he was here. - Yeah.
要知道 我回家的时候史黛西会疯了的 You know, Stacy's just gonna completely flip out when I get home.
-什么样的爸爸每天都不着家 -闭嘴 - What kind of dad doesn't come home? - Shut that down.
这场集体行动里最糟糕的 If the worst thing that happens
就是你的顾家心了 from this clusterfuck is your domestic problems...
我们很幸运 ...we can consider ourselves lucky.
我们只是在衣柜里待了一晚 We just dodged a huge bullet back there.
我们差点做了我们一生中最糟糕的决定 We almost made the worst decision of our lives.
是啊 知道为什么吗 如果他 That's true. Know why? If he opens
打开了柜子发现了我们 我们现在已经在监狱了 that closet and sees us, we're in prison right now.
好了 所以我们非常非常的幸运 That's right. So we're very, very lucky.
他妈的这都是什么事啊 What the fuck is the matter with us?
我告诉你 任何出现在我们 I tell you what. If a couple tiny
生命中的事情都是注定的 我们无法推脱 things went our way, we could've pulled that off.
我们不是罪犯 我们在犯罪方面糟糕透了 我们是好人 普通人 We're not criminals. We suck at crime. We're nice, normal guys.
-我喜欢棒球 我穿着裤子呢 -是是 - I like baseball. I wear pants. KURT: Yup.
-回去算机器的成本 -齿轮 齿轮 兄弟 - Back to being cogs in the machine. - Cogs. Cogs, dude.
齿轮是好的 Cogs are good.
只是个安慰 知道吗 It's a relief, you know?
就像你变轻了 怎么样呀 It's like a weight lifted off your... What is it, shoulders?
-这是一个新的开始 一切都 - It's a fresh start where everything's...
-我晚些给你们打电话 - I'll call you guys later.
-请不要杀我 -该死的 - Please don't kill me. - Fuck!
-哦 该死的 -见鬼的这是什么 - Oh, fuck. - What the fuck is that?
见鬼的这是什么 我们做了什么 What the fuck is that? What did we do?
我们在他氮中毒的时候把他绑架了 We kidnap him while we're high on nitrous?
然后又回到壁橱里继续睡觉啦 Then went back into the closet and went to sleep?
-我们为什么要这么做 -嘘 嘘 什么 - Why would we do that? - Shh. Shh. What?
他在哭 Is he crying?
哦 上帝啊 太棒了 Oh, my God. The best.
这太棒了 That was so good.
拉我出去 Help me out.
看看你们 看看 The look on your... Look at this.
我真想亲亲你的臭脸 I really couldn... Your fucking face.
-哦 上帝 -嗨 伙计 - Oh, my God. - Hey, man. Yeah. Whoo-whee.
哈 你骗到我们了 Ah! You had us.
哦 喔 Oh! Oh!
-这是什么情况 -不知道 - What's happening? - I don't know.
-这是什么情况 -哦 伙计 - What's happening? - Oh, boy.
天啊 你们这些家伙 谢谢你们 Oh, my God, you guys. Thank you.
我已经很久没这么笑过了 I have not laughed like that in a long time.
天啊 该死的 这太棒了 精神粮食 Oh, my God. Goddamn, that was great. Food for the soul.
好吧 我们只是想开个玩笑 Good, well, we were just trying to be funny.
-懂吗 没有伤害 没有犯罪 -哦 当然 - You know, no harm, no foul, right? - Yeah, yeah.
伙计们 我太低估你们了 Guys, I completely underestimated you.
你们这些笨蛋总干一些蠢事 You fuckers have some low-hanging balls.
说真的 印象太深刻了 I mean it. I'm impressed.
我是说 我起床 发现你们三个在我的壁橱里 I mean, I wake up, I find you three in my closet...
和一封勒赎信和一个老化的大氮罐 ...along with a ransom note, a big old bottle of nitrous.
我就像 天啊 I'm like, "Holy shit. These fuckers were gonna gas me."
我想过要叫警察 但一秒之后 I'm about to call the cops when I think, "Hold up a sec.
这些人可能对我很有用 These guys may be onto something."
我需要搭档去做一些事 I wanna partner up on this thing.
-什么事 你在说什么 - What thing? What are you talking about?
-我不知道你在说什么 - I'm not sure what you mean.
-就是这件事 我被绑架 哦 - This thing. My kidnapping. KURT: Oh.
说实话 波普和我 Truth be told, Pop and I...
我们之间出了问题 ...we've hit a rough patch.
他拒绝为我支付一些费用 He's refusing to cover some of my expenses.
一个很长的故事 总之你出现得真是 Long story. Anyway, your timing
巧得不能在巧了 这特么是金枪鱼吗 could not have been better. Is this a fucking marlin?
雷克斯 这很酷 但是我们决定 嗯 我们不做了 Rex, this is, uh, cool and all, but we decided, like, we're out.
-我们不想犯罪 -不关我们的事 - We're not doing crime. - Not our thing.
是的 他是对的 事实上 绑架并没有成功 Yeah, no, he's right. No, the kidnapping is off, actually.
-是吗 不不不 它成功了 -不 没有成功 - Huh? No, no, no, it's on. - No, it's off.
不 已经足够好了 我把勒赎信寄给我爸爸了 No, it's totally on. I sent the ransom note to my dad.
-你干嘛了 -你寄出去了 - You what? - You did what?
它太棒了 谁会想到 It's brilliant. Who came up
我在这个事件里充当了这个不起眼的角色 with that thing about me being a little boy?
-太漂亮了 -谢谢 - Beautiful. - Thanks.
我觉得有一点被侮辱 你竟然只要五十万 I was a little insulted you only asked for $500,000
我就值这点吗 for me. Is that all I'm worth? Hmm?
所以我顺便在后边加了个零 No sweat. I tacked on another zero.
-五亿 -这么多 - Five-hundred million? - Wow, that's a ton.
-是五百万 伙计们 -五百万 - Five million, guys. - Five million.
-五百万 -五 是的 - Five million. - Five. Right.
是的 五百万 一百万是你们这些家伙的 四百万是我的 Yeah, 5 million. One million dollars for you guys, and 4 for me.
为什么我们不打这个勒索电话 Why don't we make that ransom call?
是的 雷克斯 我们不打 Yeah, Rex, let's not.
我们很欣赏这个方案 We appreciate the offer, and thank
也谢谢你没有叫警察 但是我们不做了 you for not calling the cops, but we're gonna pass.
-不 -是的 - No. KURT: Yeah.
伙计们 伙计们 为什么要拒绝这种好事 Guys. Guys, how's this anything but great news?
按我说的去做完成你的计划 All I'm asking you to do is
我会给你双倍的钱 finish your own plan but for double the money.
另外 这会比你们之前 Plus, it got a thousand
容易千百倍 现在 我是内应 times easier because now I'm your inside man.
我可以保证我爸爸会付钱的 I can make sure Dad pays up.
然后当你 嗯 放了我 And then when you, uh, "Set me free"...
我会告诉警察是其他人做的 ...I tell the cops it was three other morons that went that way.
哦 还不坏 Oh. Wow. That's not the worst idea I've ever heard.
-这比我们之前的计划好 要好很多 - It's better than our original idea. KURT: A lot better.
给我们一点时间 Give us one second.
你们怎么了 Fucking what?
-我们不能相信那家伙 -你们可以相信我 - We can't trust this guy. - You can trust me.
不 你是对的 他们己经毁了我们一次了 No, you're right. They burned us once already.
我们不能再吃第二次亏 We're not gonna get burned again.
-想得美 我们心领了 - Nice try. DALE: Thanks but no thanks.
-我们是尼克科特戴尔 -尼克 科特 戴尔 - That's a Nick-Kurt-Dale no from us. - Nick, Kurt and Dale.
-所以 谢谢你 但是再见 -好吧 - So, uh, thank you, but adios. - Yeah. Heh.
-好吧 你需要车吗 - Okay. NICK: You need a ride?
不要 我想我还会呆在这的 No. I think I'll hang out here.
要知道 逃离你的魔爪 You know, escape from your clutches...
然后叫警察 ...and call the police.
滚 叫他们呀 我们没有绑架你 Go ahead. Call them. We never kidnapped you.
-不 你做了 -我们没有 - Yeah, you did. - We didn't.
-这很明显 你们挟持了我 -我们没有 - Yeah, you abducted me. - We did not.
哦 然后你把我带到了这里 Yeah, you brought me back here.
-我挣扎 -哦 该死的 拜托 - There was a struggle. - Oh, shit. Come on, man.
东西被打破 Things got broken.
什么 What the...?
然后 你打我 And then, you assaulted me.
-哦 该死的 -什么 - Oh, shit. - What?
他疯了 This guy's fucking nuts.
嗨 雷克斯 这不值得 朋友 Hey, Rex? It's off, pal.
然后你不停的打我 无比残忍 Oh, and then you beat me. Mercilessly.
该死的 他在自己打自己 我们成了罪犯 Holy shit. He's Fight Clubbing himself. We got a Fight Clubber.
然后 我想尽办法站起来 接着 我发现了这个电话 And then I found my way up here and I found this phone.
我拿起来听筒 -哦不 - I picked up the receiver... - Oh, no.
我按了9 ...and I dialed 9...
-不 不要 -拜托 玩笑该结束了 - Don't, don't, don't. - Come on. Joke's over.
-1 -不要再按了 - ...1... - Don't you hit the second 1.
-不要这样 啊 -不要按它 - Don't do it. Aah! - Don't hit it.
我不知道我要去哪 I don't know where I'm going.
我不知道你在哪找到的付费电话 I don't know where you find pay phones.
公园那有付费电话 -好 - There's some pay phones at the park here. - Okay.
伙计们 我们开始了 冒险开始了 有没有兴奋 Boys, we are doing this. The adventure begins. Who's fired up?
哎 Hmm.
不要这么沉默 这简直是谋杀 伙计们 拜托 Such a negative energy. This is killing me. Guys, come on.
-你能过去一点吗 就一点点 - Can you scoot over just a smidge?
-啊 不 我坐中间 - Huh? No, I sit in the middle.
-那是他的座位 -我们是一个整体 雷克斯 - That's his seat. - It's a whole thing, Rex.
我知道 你挤到我了 -我挤到他了 I know. Just you're crowding me. - I'm crowding this guy now?
他强迫我们绑架他 还说我挤到他了 He's forcing us to kidnap him, and I'm crowding him?
哦 伙计 冷静点 Whoa, whoa, whoa, buddy. Simmer down.
绑架是你们的主意 记住了 Kidnapping was your idea, remember?
-但我们可以放弃这个主意 -是的 没错 - But then we had the idea to not do it. - Yeah, exactly.
-我要坐中间 -好吧好吧 - I sit in the middle! - Hey, hey.
戴尔 照他说的做 -哦 看在上帝的份上 Dale, just do what he says. - Ah, for chrissake.
哦 天啊 太棒了 Oh, God. That is nice.
这这位置不错 This is way better.
废话 This is bullshit, by the way.
打扰一下 哈瑞斯医生 昨天晚上办公室有人吗 Excuse me, Dr. Harris. Was someone in the office last night?
额 我的性瘾症组8点在这碰的面 Uh, my sex-addiction group met here at 8.
好吧 但是医生 电脑出入记录上显示之前有人来过 Oh. Yes. But, doctor, the keypad logged an earlier entrance.
真的 Really?
让我们检查一下新的监控系统 Let's check our fancy new camera system.
这是一对同志 太不可思议了 That's a gay guy. It's so weird.
他看上去不像同志 He didn't bone me like a gay guy.
他只是有点爱哭 He only cried, like, a little bit.
他对自己感到恶心 这很奇怪 And he was oddly squeamish about his own asshole, which is weird.
-太不可思议了 朱莉亚：是的 我也这么认为 - It's so weird. JULIA: Yeah, that's what I thought.
这是戴尔吗 Is that Dale?
他和科特还有布朗斯坦在干嘛 What's he doing with Kurt and Blanston?
-要我报警吗 不要 - Should we call the police? JULIA: No.
不用 No.
我来解决吧 I'll take care of them.
欣赏吧 Enjoy.
姿势不少呢 学学吧 It's good stuff. Learn something.
好 电话通了 All right, it's ringing.
记住 你们掌握着全部的主动权 Remember, you guys hold all the cards.
游戏开始了 你们要搞定这事 Game faces. You are going to crush this.
等一下 他知道我的声音 我们要带点口音 Hold on. He knows what we sound like. We gotta use an accent.
-不要带口音 这太可笑了 -好主意 科特 - No accents. That's ridiculous. - That's a great idea, Kurty.
滚动砾石 Boulder Stream.
-是谁 秘书-啊 - Who is this? The secretary? REX: Accent. Yeah.
嗨 亲耐得 我们要和伯特·汉森先生通话 Hey, homey. Let me speak to Mr. Bert Hanson.
不 我不介意等等 No, I don't mind holding.
我只是最近很少给你打电话了 I just barely even called you right now already.
-这是令人难以置信的种族主义 -超级种族主义 - That's incredibly racist. - Super racist.
用南部口音 Just do a Southern accent.
南部 我会南部口音 没问题 Southern? Southern I got. Southern. No problem.
我是汉森 Hanson.
哦 你好 朋友 Well, howdy there, partner.
呃 这有个绅士 你儿子在他手上 Uh, this here's the gents what got your young'un and all.
好了 我们来谈谈 And, well, we got some talking to do and...
-南部 不是老采矿者 -我觉得还好 - Southern, not old prospector. - I thought that was pretty good.
听着 可怜虫 Listen, you lowlife bottom-feeder,
我没有时间浪费在这种小事上 I don't have time for this little fuck-around.
要是你不听话乖乖付钱 Either this ends right now,
我们就开枪把你脑袋打稀烂 or it ends with bullets in your skulls.
闭嘴 你吓不着我们 你儿子在我们手上 Now, you hush. You don't scare us one bit. We got your boy.
-我打赌这事绝对急得你茶饭不思 - I bet that tears you up something fierce.
-我怎么知道我儿子真的在你们手上 - How do I know you really have my boy?
爸爸 Dad.
爸爸 是你吗 拜托了 他们疯了 Dad, is that you? Please. They're crazy.
他们说如果你告诉警察 他们就会杀了我 They told me if you call the police, they'd kill me.
拜托 拜托了 按他们说的做吧 我不想死 爸爸 Please. Please, do whatever they say. I don't wanna die, Dad.
别报警 啊 No police. Aah!
-天呐 -雷克斯 雷克斯 你在哪 - God! - Rex? Rex? Where are you?
现在 听清楚了 准备好 Now, you listen. Y'all gonna have to rassle up...
五百万现金 ...that 5 million bucks in cash.
我们只要面值一百美元的 We're looking at all 100s.
没记号的 -没记号的 Unmarked. - Unmarked.
-没追踪器的 -没追踪器的真钞 No tracers. - No tracers and no dye packs neither.
否则 我们就把你漂亮的儿子 Otherwise, we gonna take your boy...
用我们最粗糙的麻绳 ...and string him up by his pretty little neck...
吊起来 ...with the roughest, coarsest piece of rope we got...
勒死 ...in our rope inventory.
明白了吗 在他死之前你还有二十四小时 You understand? You got 24 hours before he dead.
-对了 -就是这么干的 - Yes. - That is how it's done.
走吧 行 Let's go. All right.
兄弟们 这太棒了 Guys, that was great.
真是太有意思了 That was so much fun.
-绝对的 你们真是太不可思议了 - Absolutely. REX: You were incredible.
-谢谢你给我们买零食 兄弟 -你们应得的 - Thanks for getting us snacks, dude. - You earned it.
那现在怎么办 我们要干嘛 So now what? What do we do?
-好的 -计划是什么 - Okay. - What's the plan?
-要我说我们就回到办公室去 恩恩 - I say we go back to the office. KURT: Mm-hm.
好吗 保持低调等一会 Okay? Lay low for a little while.
等着大把的票子蜂拥而至 And we wait for that money train to roll in.
-咻咻 -咻咻 宝贝儿 - Choo-choo! - Choo-choo, baby!
-哦 声音开大点 - Oh! Turn up this song.
我喜欢这歌 -我们就要成了 I love this one. - We're doing this thing.
我不想扫你们的兴 但是 I hate to break up the car party, but,
雷克斯 你没说赎金交易地点 Rex, you don't have a plan for the ransom drop...
那通常就是人们被抓住的地方 ...and that is the part where people get caught.
喔噢 赎金交易地点只会在警察掺和进来的时候有难度 Wow. The ransom drop is only hard if the police are involved.
对 但如果他真还就叫了警察呢 Yeah. But what if he does call the police?
因为那样就不好了 Because that wouldn't be good.
他是个亿万富翁 他不会为了区区五百网就拿我的命冒险的 He's a billionaire. He's not gonna risk my life over $5 million.
再加上科特的一点表演 After Kurt's little performance,
他绝对不会报警的 there's no way he's gonna call the cops.
我的表演 怎么不说你的 你那会真是太入戏了 My performance? What about yours? You were so in the moment.
-你也那么觉得 -你真是太棒了 你也是 - You think so? - You were great! And you were!
别再奉承他了 行吗 Get your mouths off his dick, okay?
-每个人都做的很出色 -哇哦 镇定点 - Everyone was doing pretty good. - Whoa. Take it down a notch.
等等 闭嘴 闭嘴 闭嘴 是史黛西 Wait. Shut up, shut up, shut up. This is Stacy.
哦 天呐 我忘了打给她了 呃 嗨 宝贝儿 Oh, my God. I forgot to call her. Uh, hi, honey.
-你整晚都在哪儿 事情是这样的 - Where have you been all night? DALE: Here's what happened.
我在办公室睡着了 然后 I fell asleep at the office, and...
真的吗 我手机上显示你不在办公室 Really? Because Find My iPhone said you weren't at the office.
嘿 什么 你现在是在骗我吗 戴尔 Heh. What, are you cheating on me, Dale?
-看 你现在情绪低落并且 -哦 该死 - Look, you're upset and... - Oh, shit.
哦 天呐 该死的 -他报警了 Oh, God. Goddamn it. - He called the cops.
-哦 我们完了 -完了么 天呐 - Oh, we're busted. - Busted? Oh, my God.
-我们不会完的 -继续开 - I'm not busted. - Drive.
我们怎么能完呢 No one is busted in a bad sense of the word.
-太晚了 卢佩看见我们了 - Too late. Lupe's got us.
进去 把头放我大腿上 Pull in. DALE: Put your head in my lap.
宝贝儿 没人的头在我大腿上 Honey, no one's head's going in my lap.
是那帮家伙在说话 不说了挂了 It's something guys are saying now. I can't talk.
隐蔽 隐蔽 隐蔽 操蛋 Hide, hide, hide. DALE: I am fucked.
-我们就镇定冷静的走进去 该死 - Let's just go in. Be calm and be cool. NICK: Shit.
-嗨 -先生们 - Hi. - Gentlemen.
-这公司是你们的吗 这个地方 - You own this establishment? NICK: This place here?
我不知道 你们真的认为一生会拥有什么吗 I don't know. Do you really own anything in this lifetime?
-我们是最近租的 - We're currently renting.
-就是些材料 电子 质子之类的 - It's all just material. Electrons, protons.
-对 我们拥有它 -严格意义上来讲 - Yeah. We do. - Technically.
我问你们 你们的公司 Let me ask you, has your company
和伯特·汉森先生有业务往来吗 done business recently with a Mr. Bert Hanson?
-巴伯 范森 没印象 - Barb Fanson? Doesn't ring a bell.
真的没印象 NICK: Not really ringing a bell.
-我不觉得我们和他有业务往来 -我不认识 - I don't think that we have. - Not our guy.
那还真有意思 我听说的版本是 你们和他一起工作 That's interesting. The way I hear it, you're working with him.
而且他对你们不怎么地道 And things didn't shake out too well for you boys.
-哦 伯特 -哦 伯特·汉森 - Oh, Bert. - Oh. Bert Hanson.
-对 -是他说的吗 - Yeah. - Is that what he said?
伯特·汉森 哦 对 我们认识他 那个家伙 Bert Hanson? Oh, yeah. We know him. NICK: That guy.
我们是有些业务纠纷 We had a business disagreement.
没什么大问题 Big whoop. DALE: No big deal.
过去的事了 -我们对他非常友好 Water under the bridge. - We're super friendly with the guy.
你们真是宽容 You're very forgiving.
因为和我谈过的每个人都说他是个混球 Because almost everyone I've talked to thinks he's an asshole.
-你们那么认为吗 -我明白的 - Do they think that? - I could see that.
强劲的词汇 我不知道我会不会这么说诶 Strong word. I don't know if I'd use it.
我们喜欢那个家伙 We like the guy.
也没想到他的儿子会被绑架 Definitely don't think his son deserves to be kidnapped.
绑架 Kidnapped?
谁说了有关绑架的事儿 Who said anything about kidnapping?
呃 Uh...
-我想说是你吧 -我没有 - I wanna say you did. - I didn't.
-我听你说了 -我没有 - I heard you say it. - I didn't.
-我觉得你说了 -我确定我听见了 - I feel like you did. - I'm sure I did.
你说了 绑架 我就在想 多奇怪的词儿 You said "Kidnapping." I was like, "What a weird word."
-不应该是 被捉住吗 -不 我没有 我说了吗 - Should be more "Kidnabbing." - No, I did not. Did I say that?
-我觉得您可能说了 长官 -你确定吗 - I think you might have, sir. - You sure?
好吧 我有点被他们叽里呱啦的 Well, I got a little lost
搞迷糊了 但很确定 with all their yammering, but pretty sure.
好吧 可能我说了 All right, maybe I did.
-嘿 真是漫长的一周 - Hey. HATCHER: It's been a long week.
我们保持联系 We'll be in touch.
好的 任何时候只要你想 放心 Yeah. Anytime you want. Don't worry,
因为重要的是是你说的 because the main thing is that you said it...
别说了 别说了 Stop talking. Stop talking.
你已经说了太多的 太多的话了 You've done plenty, plenty of talking.
你要去哪 过来 Where you going? Come back here.
到这来 我们走这边 Come over here. We're going this way.
我不想让你感谢我 回家享受天伦之乐吧 I don't want you to thank me. Just go home and enjoy your family.
享受剩下的休息日吧 大家 你们赢来的 Enjoy the rest of the day off, everyone. You've earned it.
啊 呃 Ah. Ugh.
警察只是例行检查 The police were just checking.
确保我们晚上锁了店门 Making sure we're locking up at night.
你们知道的 他们要保持社区安全 他们是英雄 You know, they're keeping the neighborhood safe. They're heroes.
-好了 全都打发了 -嘘 - Okay, all taken care of. - Shh.
-不 所有人都走了 -不 不 他 - No, everyone's gone. - No, no, he...
他很沮丧 He's spinning out.
我很清楚我们生命处在危险之中 I was really clear my life was in danger.
不管怎么说他都叫了警察 He called the police anyway.
对 既然他报警了 Yeah, and since he did...
那么很明显 我们 ...it's pretty clear that we're
不能再继续这场骗局了 not gonna be able to continue with the scam...
五百网万美元对他来说不算什么 Five million dollars is nothing to him.
但我想他把那个看的比我的命还重 But I guess it's worth more to him than my life.
哦 奥 Ooh. DALE: Aw.
-我是他的儿子 天呐 -哦 兄弟 我们有个小哭包了 - I'm his son, for chrissake. - Oh, boy. We got a crier.
-你看他哭的时候眼睛变得多蓝 - Look how blue his eyes get when he's crying.
-对不起 这真他妈他难堪了 - I'm sorry. This is so fucking embarrassing.
-哦 不 不 不 不 -不 - Oh, no. No, no, no. - No.
这有厕纸 你可以擤擤鼻子 Toilet paper here. You can blow your nose.
就因为你你爸爸叫了警察 Just because your dad called
但这并不意味着他不爱你 the cops doesn't mean he doesn't love you.
不 当然不是了 哦 我的天哪 No, of course not. Oh, my gosh.
我相信这只是他的本能反应 I'm sure it was just his first reaction.
-他吓着了 迷惑了 -这是本能的 我是说 戴尔是个父亲 - He's scared, confused. - It's natural. I mean, Dale's a dad.
我是个父亲 I'm a dad.
你能想象如果有人偷了你一个孩子吗 Can you imagine if someone stole one of them?
-我不能想象 -你也会叫警察的 - I can't imagine. - You would call the cops.
不 我 不觉得我会叫警察 我不能冒那个险 No, I don't think I'd call the cops. I couldn't take that risk.
-不同的情境 -该死 对不起 - Different situation. - Shit, I'm sorry.
不好的例子 Bad example.
也许给他些私人空间会有帮助的 Maybe some alone time would be helpful.
我们为什么不到外面去 给他些时间呢 Why don't we step outside, give him a minute?
我们会回来的 别干傻事 We'll come back, don't do anything rash.
-放轻松 我不想让他 -我们只是希望 - Get the loose rope. I don't want him to... - We can only hope.
我能到外面谈谈吗 拜托 Can I talk to you outside, please?
哦 孩子 -兄弟 我真是为那个家伙感到悲伤 Oh, boy. - Man, I feel terrible for that guy.
我知道 你在逗我吗 可怜的家伙 I know. Are you kidding me? Poor, poor guy.
-我是说 这真是糟心 糟心 - I mean, that is rough. Rough.
-你们现在是在逗我吗 - Are you guys shitting me in there?
他爸出卖了他 五百万对他来说什么都不算 His dad sold him out for... It was probably nothing to him.
九牛一毛 那家伙真有钱 Pennies to him. DALE: The guy's rich.
那深深的打动了我 有点同情心 行吗 That would rock me to my core. Have a little empathy. Please?
明白现在发生什么了吗 Know what's going on?
你现在心怀恶意 对就是那样 You're holding a grudge right now. Yes, you do that.
-你现在身体健康但会得癌症的 -你会的 - You get all tight. You're gonna get cancer. - You do.
-我不想那么做 就让过去成为过去吧 - I don't want that. DALE: Let the past be the past.
我们又不在那操蛋的过去 We're not in the fucking past.
我们在这该死的现在 你们 We're in the goddamn present. And you guys...
你们在说什么 What are you talking about?
你们现在就像是患上了斯德哥尔摩综合征 You're acting like you have Stockholm Syndrome.
那是什么 What is that?
-什么 像是时差反应那种吗 -不 - What, like jet lag? - No.
我看起来很累吗 -不 你没有 Do I look tired to you? - You don't. No.
-你看起来不累 -我很好 - You don't look tired. - I'm fine.
斯德哥尔摩综合征是你和抓了你的人在一起时 Stockholm Syndrome's when you bond with your captors.
哦 好的 好吧 那么等下 他是人质啊 Oh, okay. Well, then hold on a second. He's the hostage.
那么这就和斯德哥尔摩综合征相反了 So this would be reverse Stockholm Syndrome.
对 而且我们没患上 行吗 Yeah, and we don't have that, okay?
他真的 真的 是个讨人喜欢的家伙 我太喜欢他了 He's just a really, really, really likable guy. I like him a lot.
-他真的太讨人喜欢了 -那家伙是人生赢家 - He's really likable. - The guy's a winner.
在人生赢家周围真的很好 It's nice to be around a winner.
-哦 兄弟 这感觉真好 - Oh, boy. It feels right,
尼克 拜托 -这就是我们要做的 Nick. Come on. - Here's what we're gonna do.
我们走进去 告诉他警察从来都不在计划之内 We're gonna go in, tell him cops were never part of this plan...
然后现在就结束 就这么做 ...and the shit ends now. Let's do it.
-好吧 但听完我说说化脓的事 - Okay, but hear me out about festering.
-就像你不能参加对话似的 - Like you can't have a conversation.
这本来是个好主意 但不成功 It was a wonderful idea. Didn't work out.
所以我认为最好的办法就是取消这个计划 So I think the best thing to do is just to pull the plug...
然后你就告诉警察 ...and you tell the police
那些抓了你的人吓跑了 that the guys who got you chickened out...
放你走了 他们早就走了 ...let you go, they're long gone.
-他们没有全被吓跑 - They didn't all chicken out.
-现在还不是撤退的时候 孩子们 - Now's not the time to back off, boys.
我们砍一只脚趾寄给他并要求双倍赎金 I say we chop off a toe, mail it to him and double the ransom.
-现在 你是说 砍掉 砍 砍 -对 等等 谁的脚趾 - Now you're talking. Chop, chop, chop. - Yes! Wait, whose toe?
-不是 不是 不是我的 -没人的脚趾 - Not it. Not it. Not my toe. NICK: No one's toe.
留着你的脚趾 是时候放弃了 Keep your toes. Time to call it off.
尼克 尼克 拜托 Nick. Nick. Come on.
-尼克 看看我 -哦 - Nick, look at me. NICK: Oy.
看着 兄弟 如果我们现在就放弃 我倒是没什么事 你懂吗 Look, man, if we give up now, I'll be just fine, you know?
但是你们兄弟们 你们的员工 上帝啊 But you guys, your employees, for God's sake.
-戴尔的小儿子们 -女儿们 科特 - Dale's little boys. - Girls, Kurt.
-嘿 谢了 对 -对 你们都完了 - Hey, thanks. Yes. - Yeah. You're all fucked.
尼克 拜托 拜托 Nick, come on. KURT: Come on.
每次遇到困难你不能就这么乖乖等死 You can't roll over and die when your back's against the wall.
-不能乖乖等死 -你的再小心些 - Don't roll over and die. - You gotta be careful.
-你必须得拿到属于你的 -拿着 - You have to take what's yours. DALE: Take it!
在上面写上你的名字 Put your name on it.
写上你的名字然后说 这是我的 Write your name on it and say, "That's mine."
然后拿走 And take it.
我觉得我能解决 行吗 I think I'll take it from here, okay?
-他会解决的 -他会解决 在这听着 - He's got it. - He's got it. Listen right here.
-这就是你们要的办法 不是我们 - This is where you want it to come from. DALE: Not us.
-特么闭嘴 -对不起 雷克斯 对不起 - I got it! - Sorry, Rex. Sorry.
-他能搞定 拜托 兄弟 - He's got it. REX: Come on, man.
帮我等于帮你 报复我混账的老爹 Help me help you get revenge on my asshole dad...
你还能赚到一百万美元 -对 ...and get you paid a million bucks cash. - Yes.
-孩子 这听起来真不错 但是这不会成功的 Boy, it sounds awesome, but there's no way to get it done.
不是的 这个怎么样 That's not true. How about this?
如果我们集思广益怎么样 How about if we just put our heads together?
来点头脑风暴 We brainstorm a little.
如果我们想不到 If we don't come up with a
你喜欢的赎金计划 我们就放弃 ransom plan that you love, we pull the plug.
-然后你会让我们走吗 -我保证 - Then you'd let us walk? - You have my word.
但如果我们想到了一些真的令人兴奋的点子 But if we do come up with something really inspired...
那我们就加入进行下去 ...then we're in it to win it.
好的 我不能阻止任何人来场头脑风暴 Well, I can't stop anybody from brainstorming.
你尊好 You're the best.
-好吧 -楼上吧 兄弟 - All right. - I'll see you upstairs, man.
阴道的阴拼音有没有G啊 Is "Vagina" With a G or a J?
好的 All right.
我们从头捋一遍 Let's run it down from the top.
好的 首先我们在 Okay. First we tie up Rex
第三大街的一间废弃仓库里把雷克斯绑起来 in one of those abandoned warehouses off 3rd.
然后我们用临时电话打给伯特 电话是事先准备好的并且是不能被追踪的 Then we call Bert on a dark phone. It's prepaid and untraceable.
去第四大街的长椅上放赎金 Go to the bench on the 4th Street Bridge to make the drop.
时间不够追踪电话 Not long enough to trace the call.
该死 Goddamn it.
这帮家伙是专业的 These guys are pros.
在袋子里放一个追踪器 I want a tracer put in that bag.
警察会派他们所有人盯着那座桥的 The police are sending everyone they've got to watch the bridge.
武器准备 瞄准 Weapons tight. Eyes on.
好了 战术指挥 红队 SWAT 2 : All right, tactical command, red team.
开始吧 Here we go.
但当他到那时 But when he gets there...
会找到我事先放在那的临时电话 ...he finds the dark phone that I planted ahead of time.
然后我们用第二部临时电话打给他 Then we call him from the second dark phone,
告诉他去闹市 and tell him to proceed downtown.
嗨 Hello.
你把车开进 You'll wanna pull into the garage
曼陀罗酒店地下停车场4421位 under the Mandrake Hotel and park in Space 4421.
在那儿 你会找到一个红色的袋子 There, you will find a red bag.
把钱移到那个袋子里 You will transfer the money into this bag,
然后把车开出在放赎金的地方等着 then drive out and await the location of the drop.
我们会告诉他如果有任何人跟着他 And we tell him if anyone follows him in,
我们就撕票 his son's a fucking corpse.
当伯特开进地下 And when Bert drives that far underground...
警察就会丢失信号 ...the police will lose the signal from his wire.
但当他到时 他见到的会是你们仨而不是袋子 But when he arrives, instead of finding a bag he finds you three.
乔装的 有武器的 危险的 Disguised. Armed. Dangerous.
-好的 但枪是没子弹的吧 - Yeah, but the gun's not loaded,
对吧 -当然没有 没人会受伤 拜托 right? - Of course not. Nobody gets hurt, come on.
然后叫他给我他的夹克和领带 I then tell him to give me his jacket and tie.
读这个：“钱还在我手上他们叫我去别处交赎金”
那么当我爸带着另一个袋子再次出现在警察视线里 So just as the cops are starting to sweat...
就像他被指示的那样 ...Dad pulls out with the new red bag, just as he was instructed.
-长官 我们的信号回来了 -谢天谢地 - Sir, we have the signal back. - Thank God.
开车的就已经不是我爸了 是我们的替身 Only it won't be my father driving. It'll be our ringer.
-我们在跟着他 长官 -你怎么知道那是他 - We're back on him, sir. - How do you know it's him?
钱还在我手上他们叫我去别处交赎金 BERT : I still have the cash and I'm heading to the drop.
我猜那是他 跟紧他 I guess it's him. Stay with him.
然后我开到斯台普斯中心 So I drive to the Staples Center.
国王队对温哥华队战况激烈 那地方堵得水泄不通 Kings have Vancouver. Great matchup. Place will be packed.
警察们会跟着钱 Cops will stay with the money,
等到绑架的人拿到赎金 wait for the kidnappers to receive the drop.
汉森到那 放下钱 Hanson made the drop, stay on the money.
我们抓到他了 抓住他 We got our man. Take him down.
趴下 Stay down.
狗娘养的 Son of a bitch.
等到警察知道他们被骗时 By the time the cops know they've been had...
科特就会想鬼魂一样消失 ...Kurt's a ghost.
然后尼克和戴尔拿着钱消失 And Nick and Dale disappear with the cash.
然后 最终 我从地狱一样的囚牢里被解救 And, finally, I am rescued from my hellish captivity.
谢谢你 我爸在哪 Thank you. Where's my dad?
爸爸 Dad!
一周之后 等到风声过去 A week later, once the smoke clears,
我们就坐在泳池边 分钱 we'll be sitting poolside, splitting up the cash.
下雨了 谁想要 足够分得了 It's raining. Who wants it? There's enough to share.
看看什么来了 谁想要些龙舌兰 Look what came. Who wants some tequila?
-是现金 -谢谢 宝贝儿 - It's cash. - Thanks, babe.
嘿 哇哦 戴尔 Hey, whoa, Dale.
把你的孩子抱走 Get your goddamn kids out of the fantasy.
让他们享受泳池吧 让我享受下钱 Let them enjoy the pool, let me enjoy the money.
-他们甚至都不被允许进到泳池里 - They're not even allowed at this pool.
-我不能不想 - I can't turn my mind off.
-兄弟 兄弟 兄弟 你能停会吗 - Guys. Guys. Guys. NICK: Will you stop it?
拜托 别吵了 好吗 我们想出了绝妙的点子 Come on. Let's not argue, okay? We came up with an awesome plan.
这真聪明 真有创造力 It is smart. It is mad creative.
你知道吗 你们一直让我深受感动 You know, you boys continue to impress me.
-我为你们感到骄傲 -谢了 兄弟们 - I'm proud of you. - Thanks, man.
-是你想出的大部分 我没有 - You came up with most of it, though. REX: I did not.
-是你 -那是谎话 这是团队合作 - You did. - That is a lie. It was a team effort.
是你想出来的进到地下车库里 丢失信号 You came up with going into the garage, losing the signal.
那真是妙极了 科特想出了临时电话的事 That was brilliant. Kurty came up with the dark-phone business.
-那出自 侠盗猎车 - That's from "Grand Theft Auto."
我得到灵感 -天才 戴尔 呃 I took it. - Genius. Dale, uh...
我想到的是 I had the thing where you go on
先用高空滑索 接着是蹦床和滑板 the zip line to the trampoline to the skateboard.
但是尼克拒绝了 如果你记得的话 Nick shot that down, if you remember.
没错 那不是个好主意 Yeah. It wasn't a good idea.
这真是个馊主意 It was a bad idea, it really was.
你老是有很多馊主意 You had a lot of bad ideas
但最后会引出好主意 那就是有价值的 though that led to good ideas. And that is value.
谢了 老兄 Thanks, man.
好了 尼克 听着 我还是会信守诺言的 All right, Nick. Look, my word is still good.
如果你觉得这行不通的话 我们可以取消它 You know, if you don't think it can work, we call it off.
这由你来决定 朋友 It's up to you, buddy.
我们上哪儿买无法追踪的电话呢 Where do we get untraceable phones?
-哈 哈 -这就对了 这才是我们的伙伴 - Ha, ha! - There we go. That's our guy.
-这个家伙终于 -就该如此 - This guy. - There we go.
用比特币预付 Prepaid with bitcoins.
破解版 Jailbroken.
绝对无法追踪 A hundred percent untraceable.
-我们买了 -谢谢 太棒了 谢谢你 大混蛋 - We got it. - Thanks. Solid. Thank you, Motherfucker.
祝你们好运 小伙子们 Good luck out there, boys.
-你在笑什么 -我只是说了祝你们好运而已 - What's that laugh about? - I just said good luck.
你那明明是阴笑 That was a sinister giggle.
你刚是带着阴笑说的 You said it with a sinister giggle.
我的意思是你们这帮家伙也许需要一点小忠告 I'm just saying that maybe you guys might want a little advice.
-我就知道 不必了 谢谢 -不必了我们挺好的 - Boy, that was predictable. No, thanks. - We're good.
是吗 那么就放手去干吧 You know what, then? Get the fuck on.
那是我要说的 放手去干 That's what I said. Get the fuck on.
-等一下 -我不喜欢这样 - Wait a minute. - I don't like this.
-我想要听听他要说什么 -现在你想要听吗 - I wanna hear what he has to say. - Now you wanna hear?
你成功让我们三人之一上钩了 You got one on the hook.
这需要付你公司百分之五十一的股份 It'll cost 51 percent share of your company.
你他妈简直疯了 You're out of your fucking mind.
那就付你公司百分之二的股份 It's gonna cost you 2 percent share of your company.
你谈判的方式果然够奇葩 So weird how you negotiate.
明天公司就不存在了 你可以拥有它 It won't be in existence. You can have that.
-应该折中一下才对 -我的忠告是 年轻人 - There's a middle ground. - Here's the advice, young men.
你们都是罪犯 Y'all criminals.
-这绝不是什么好的忠告 -我没听到什么忠告 - It's never good advice. - I can't find the advice.
这不是真的 我们都不是罪犯 好么 It's not even true, actually. We're not criminals. All right?
-我们都是被逼入绝境的 -闭嘴 - We got clicked into this. - Shut up.
看到没 你们不可能鱼和熊掌兼得 See, you can't have this both ways.
每次你们来这里 就说 Every time you guys come here, you're like,
“我们是帮乐天派的人 "We're a bunch of happy-go-lucky guys.
这并不是我们自己的过错 Through no fault of our own,
只是我们碰到了另一个困境 we found ourselves in another pickle.
不得已才这样的”真是一派胡言 We can't get our fingers out of our asses." Fuck that.
你们他妈就是罪犯 你们要杀死自己的老板们 You're fucking criminals. You've tried to kill your bosses.
结果其中一人死了 One of them ended up dead.
而现在你们又想犯绑架罪 And now you want to perpetrate a kidnapping?
你们仨是我此生从未见过的 You three are the craziest
最疯狂的混蛋罪犯 motherfucking criminals I've ever seen in my life.
你们想要把这件事做成功吗 You wanna pull this shit off?
你们必须表现得像犯罪一样 You gotta act like it.
说得好 Word.
好尴尬 Oh. That was embarrassing.
我们正在展示超酷的慢动作步行 We're trying to do a super cool slow-mo walk.
-来吧 老兄 -很简单的 - Come on, man. - Easy.
-到此为止 走吧 -你要上哪儿 - It's over. Let's go. - Where you going?
像弱智一样 太羞耻了 Moronic idea. I am mortified.
来嘛 老兄 我们一起慢步行走吧 Come on, man. Let's do the walk.
你必须得跟我们一起玩儿 You gotta stick with it.
你认为怎样 我应该再打自己几下吗 What do you think? Should I beat myself up more?
不 你不需要再打自己了 No, you don't need to hit yourself anymore.
我想我们应该要打电话了 I think we should just make the call.
等等 在我们开始之前 我能说两句吗 Hold on. Before we kick this thing off, can I just say something?
我真的 额 对这种事不太擅长 I'm not really, ugh, good at this kind of thing, you know? Um...
我妈妈在我四岁的时候就去世了 而且 My mom died when I was 4, and, um...
知道吗 如果你被伯特·汉森抚养长大 You know, when you're raised by Bert Hanson...
而你大多数的朋友都是群白痴 ...most of your friends are shitheads.
额 Um...
没错 我知道我把你们都拖入了这件事 但是我不后悔 Yeah. I know I dragged you guys into this, but I'm not sorry.
因为 Because...
我真的很开心能够遇到你们这帮家伙 ...I'm really glad I met you guys.
总之 我想要你们收下这个 Anyway, I want you guys to have this.
-这是什么 -这是个真实的《铁血战士》里面的尖牙 - What is it? - It's an actual fang from Predator.
-电影《铁血战士》 -是的 - Predator the movie? - Yep.
我想要你们收下它 I want you to have it.
-真的吗 -是的 我对天发誓 - For real? - Yes, Swear to God.
你喜欢《铁血战士》吗 Do you like Predator?
没错 我喜欢《铁血战士》 Yeah, I like Predator.
-科迪呢 -是的 没错 我也喜欢《铁血战士》 - Kurty? - Yeah. Yeah, I like Predator too.
我的意思是也喜欢 不是说续集 I mean "Also," Not the sequel.
-尼克 -噢 好吧 - Nick? - Oh, well...
我第一次看《铁血战士》的时候并不怎么喜欢 ...I didn't like Predator when I first saw it...
但之后却慢慢喜欢上了 ...but it grew on me quite a bit.
我非常喜欢《铁血战士》 I like Predator a great deal.
我们是在谈他还是在谈《铁血战士》 Are we talking about him or Predator?
我不太懂隐喻 I'm terrible with metaphors.
-我们开始打电话吧 -它把我搞糊涂了 - Let's make the phone call. - It was lost on me.
大多数都不太懂 Most things are.
是我 Yeah.
你准备好钱了吗 You got that cash?
-是的 我准备好了 -很好 - Yeah, I got it. - Yeah.
现在我要你漫步到第四街大桥 Now, I want you to sashay up to the 4th Street Bridge.
你走到桥中间就会看到一个长凳 在那儿把钱放下 You're gonna find a bench about halfway up, take a load off.
你独自一人带我们所议定的金额前来 And you bring the amount that we agreed upon and you come alone.
如果你照做 And if you do, you will
很快你就能看到儿子回家了 find your son returned home lickety-splickety.
第四街大桥 他要他把钱扔在桥的一边 Fourth Street Bridge, he's gonna have him drop it over the side.
现在 我要那儿每寸地方都受到监视 Now, I want every inch covered,
但大家要保持一段安全的距离 but everyone holds a safe distance.
没错 但不要太安全了 明白吗 Yeah, but not too safe a distance. Understand?
守住这袋钱才是他妈的首要目标 This bag is your number fucking one priority.
不 事实上 你儿子的安全才是我们的首要目标 No, actually, your son's life is our number one priority.
随你 你知道我的意思 Yeah, you know what I mean.
是的 我想我知道 Yeah, I think I do.
有谁发现什么情况了吗 Does anybody have a visual?
桥上还是没有动静 头儿 Bridge is still clear, chief.
汉森在接近 预计抵达时间 两分钟 Hanson approaching. ETA, two minutes.
刀锋战士已就位 The Blade is in position.
莫扎迪斯 就位 Majestic, in position.
我已就 I am in...
杀手锏已就位 Kill Shot is in position.
-哇 杀手锏 -没错 我要做杀手锏 - Whoa, "Kill Shot"? - Yeah, I wanna be Kill Shot.
那你就是杀手锏 Then you are Kill Shot.
-我喜欢 -真是个好名字 尼克 - I love it. - Pretty sweet name there, Nick.
噢 如果我们用代号的话 Ooh. We don't wanna use
就不要用真名 戴尔 real names if we're using code names, Dale.
你也别说我的名字 科特 Don't say my name, Kurt.
我那是无意的 你明显是故意说的 Mine was an accident. Yours was on purpose.
-我不认为你是无意中说的 -你说什么 - I don't think yours was an accident. - What?
为什么我们要在同一间房里用对讲机 Why are we on walkie-talkies in the same room?
我们在检查设备 We're checking the equipment.
我们不需要检查 他用的是电视遥控器 We don't need to. He's on a TV remote control.
我也想要参与进来 我没有什么东西可以 I was trying to participate. I didn't have anything to...
嘿 等等 刀锋战士发现了情况 他来了 他来了 Hey. Hold up. The Blade's got a visual. He's here. He's here.
-开始了 -见鬼 - Here we go. - Oh, shit.
-好了 杀手锏 打电话 -我在拨电话 好了 - All right. Kill Shot, make the call. - I'm dialing. Here we go.
噢 天呐 Oh, my God.
嘿 那是什么 谁在打电话给你 Hey, what's that? Who's calling you?
-我不知道 信号屏蔽了 -噢 不 - I don't know. It's blocked. - Oh, no.
-喂 - Hello.
-你是谁 -是我 笨蛋 - Who is this? - It's me, dickless.
你在干嘛 你应该用隐秘电话联系的 What are you dong? You're supposed to call the dark phone.
隐秘电话在你手里 你应该把它贴在长凳下面的 It's in your hand. You were to tape that under the bench.
不 那不是 噢 等等 No, that's not... Oh, wait.
噢 Oh.
噢 该死 那么 他拿的是什么电话 Oh, shit. So, what phone does he have?
伯特拿的是科特的电话 里面还有我们的通话记录 Bert has Kurt's phone with our contact information on it.
还有我们以前还是朋友时拍下的照片 And the pictures of us from when we used to be friends?
够了 听着 这没什么大不了的 Knock it off. Look, this is no big deal.
我们推迟到明天行动 We'll do it tomorrow.
只要我们不联系他 他就不会找到 As long as we don't call, he'll never find it.
他找到了 He found it.
-啥 怎么会 -我们完蛋了 - He what? How? - We are screwed.
-该死 -等等 等等 我有个主意 我有个主意 - Shit. - Wait, wait, wait. I got an idea. I got an idea.
打你的电话 如果他在接电话 他就看不到那些东西了 Call your phone. If he's talking, he's not gonna look through it.
-你电话号码是多少 -你不知道吗 - What's your number? - You don't know?
-我不知道自己的号码 -我不知道 我从来不给自己打电话 - I don't know my number. - I don't know. I never call myself.
你俩的号码我都记得 323 I know both of your numbers. 323...
-很好 我在拨 开始吧 -好的 开始吧 - That's all I need. I got there. Here we go. - Okay, yes.
-我们开始吧 好了 -好了 可以了 - Here we go. Okay. All right. Ahem. - Right, okay.
电话打过来了 铃声是凯蒂·佩里的《咆哮》 Call coming in. "Roar" By Katy Perry.
这些家伙还真是充满信心 These guys are confident.
喂 Yeah, hello.
你看上去就像只蚱蜢 Look like the grasshopper found himself...
-找到了片可以坐上去的草地 -太过了 - ...A blade of grass to sit upon. - Too much.
-喂 -我们赶紧把事情结了 伪牛仔 - Hello. - Let's get this over with, pretend cowboy.
现在 听好了 我要你前往曼德拉酒店 Now, listen, I need you to proceed to the Mandrake Hotel.
你走到地下停车场去 I need you to go underground into parking.
去4421车位 I need you to get to Spot 4421.
在那里你会看到一个很大的袋子 把钱装在袋里 You're gonna see a big old bag there. Fill it up.
然后我要你往北走到 And then I need you to proceed
菲格罗亚听下一步的指示 north onto Figueroa and await further instructions.
等等 等等 Wait, wait.
别以为我们不知道 And don't think we don't know you
你喊了执法人员跟着你 其实我们都知道 got the law with you. That's something we do know.
行吗 所以如果 All right? So if any of
有任何执法人员跟着你走到地下车库 them cavalry follow you down in the garage...
我会亲自 ...I'm personally gonna
把烧红的拨火棍深深捅入你儿子的肛门 stick a hot poker so far up your son's ass...
我还会让他的牙齿像爆米花那样爆开 ...I'm gonna pop his teeth like popcorn!
看见没 我们又回到轨道上了 See? We're back on track.
我得把那部手机给拿回来 那里面有太多鸡巴的照片 I gotta get that phone back. So many dick pics.
-真的吧 -是的 虽然不全是我的 - Really? - Yeah, not all mine, though.
以比赛期间的交通 With game-time traffic, he could
他估计十分钟不到就会到那 我们进行的如何了 be here in less than 10 minutes. How we doing?
-差不多好了 -旅馆服务员的制服在哪儿 - Almost done. - Where are the bellhop costumes?
-什么东西 -炉管服务员的制服 - What? - Bellhop costumes.
我们难道不是装扮成旅馆服务员卷款逃走吗 Aren't we dressed as bellhops when we escape with the money?
那地方不会有旅馆侍者 This place doesn't have bellhops.
-没有吗 -没有 - It doesn't? - No.
我以为应该有些更好的 I thought there was supposed to be some sweet-ass...
-这他妈都是些什么 -今天不是万圣节 - What the fuck are these? - It's not Halloween.
-仓促下我只能准备点这些了 -这一点儿都不吓人 - Best I could do on short notice. - It's not scary.
-嘿 我看起来怎样 -你是谁 - Hey, how do I look? - Who the hell are you?
-是我 科特 -我知道是你 - It's me, Kurt. - I know that part.
难看极了 你看起来不像伯特 你像马克·吐温 Terrible. You don't look like Bert, you look like Mark Twain.
没有一件事情像我们策划时 None of this is like I pictured
我所构想的那样进行 那样会好很多 when we were planning it. Everything was cooler.
从远处看他就好看多了 He just has to look good from a distance.
-好了 我们开始吧 -勇往直前 - Here we go. Let's do it. - Let's roll.
我们去做我们该做的事 Let's just do what we gotta do,
充满自信去做的话 我们会没事儿的 do it confidently and, uh, we should be fine.
-走吧 -噢 - Here we go. - Oh.
-嗨 小伙子们 -噢 嗨 - Hi, boys. - Oh, hi.
你住这酒店里 You staying at the hotel,
还是这是你的酒店 你住在这儿 or is this your hotel? You staying here?
自从你们闯进我的办公室 我就开始留意你们了 I've been keeping my eye on you since you broke into my office.
我不知道这儿发生了什么 我也不想知道 I don't know what's going on here, and I don't give a shit.
为什么你会在这里 你想要做什么 Why are you here? What do you want?
你知道我想要什么 I think you know what I want.
不 我不会和你睡觉的 No, I'm not gonna sleep with you.
为什么这疯婆娘脑子就想不通呐 Why can't this crazy bitch get it through her head?
-放尊重点 抱歉了 -你在开玩笑吗 - Keep it respectful. Sorry. - Are you kidding me?
-别那样叫她 -我直截了当地说吧 - Don't call her that. - I'm gonna make this simple.
我会报警送你们坐牢 I'm gonna call the police and send you to jail.
-别那样做 -别那样 - Don't do that. - Come on.
除非戴尔跟我亲热 Unless Dale plows me.
为什么 为什么是我 我有什么特别之处吗 Why? Why me? What is so special about me?
问得好 大家都想知道 That's a fair question. Everybody's wondering.
-我也是 -你是不是收集了什么东西 戴尔 - I am. - Did you ever collect anything, Dale?
-别向他挑起话题 -我收集什么 - Don't get him going on this. - What do I collect?
-很多东西 -百科全书布朗 - Tons of stuff. - Encyclopedia Brown?
-新豆宝宝 毫无意义 -星际大争霸 - New Beanie Babies, makes no sense. - Battlestar Galactica.
-好吧 我是收集了一些东西 然后为什么 -我收集龟头 - Fine. I collect some stuff. Why? - Okay, well, I collect cocks.
-龙头 -茱莉亚 - Cogs? - Julia.
-龟头 -噢 好吧 这样 - "Cocks." - Oh, yeah. Well...
就在这儿 Mm-hm. Right up here.
我记忆中的龟头数目都是很令人震惊的 I've got quite an impressive trophy room filled with cocks.
-我们的也在里面 -别提 - We're in there. - Don't.
并且晚上 当我闭上眼睛 And at night, when I close my eyes...
回想它们 ...I reflect on them...
我按字母排列它们 ...I alphabetize them...
我给它们拂去灰尘 ...I dust them.
为什么它们会落满灰尘 Why are they dusty?
但有个小问题 戴尔 But there's one little problem, Dale.
看到那块了吗 那壁炉上面的空位 See that space? That empty space above the fireplace?
-看见没 -有个龟头不见了么 - See that? - You got a cock missing?
那是为唯一一个拒绝我的男人所保留的 That's reserved for the only man who's ever said no to this.
自从我十一岁开始 Since I was 11 years old.
那就是你 戴尔 That's you, Dale.
我的白鲸 My white whale.
噢 好吧 谢谢你这么瞧得起我 Oh, okay. Well, I appreciate that.
我确实拒绝了你 抱歉 I really do. That's sweet, I guess.
但是 嘿 我有个主意 我这位朋友科特很会亲热 But, hey, here's an idea. My friend Kurt here loves to plow.
-也许他能够来代替我 -绝对愿意 - And maybe he could jump in for me... - Absolutely.
我还会挤压式亲热 在这方面我真的很有才能 I could pinch-plow. I got a real green thumb.
我们都知道这谈话和那瘾有关 We all know this is just the addiction talking.
如果你寻求的不仅仅是速战速决的话 If you're looking for more than a quick fix...
我可以为你提供 ...I can provide you
某些非常有意义 更持久的东西 something that's very meaningful, long-lasting.
什么 你在说什么 What? What are you talking about?
我在说我们 I'm talking about us.
-我们 我们所有人 -不 - Us? All of us? - No.
-那更好了 -不 - That's even better. - No.
越多越好 我喜欢这个主意 More the merrier. I love this idea.
你们身上有很多东西突出来 You got a lot of stuff sticking out.
而我有很多孔可以塞进去 I got a lot of holes going in.
今晚的某个时刻 At one point of the night,
你最好确保那个东西会进入这里 you'd better make sure that, that one is in this one.
-谢谢你 -我不是那个意思 你误解了 - Thank you. - That's not what I meant. You misunderstood.
我要去梳洗一番了 I'm gonna go freshen up.
你们不如先互相洗一下来做好准备 Why don't you guys suck each other off to get ready?
-好了 开始吧 -你要干什么 - Here we go. - What are you doing?
什么 她让我们上她 What? She's making us fuck her.
-我不会上任何人 -谢谢你 - I'm not gonna fuck anyone. - Thank you.
我愿意和她做爱 如果那是她自己要求的话 I'm willing to make love to her, if that's required.
-你来真的吗 -啊 我可以借用下这把剃刀吗 Are you serious? - Uh, can I borrow this razor?
可以 请便 Yeah. Go nuts.
有什么要求吗 直条形 圆形 Any requests? Landing strip? Dinner roll?
额 什么样都行 我们赶时间 谢谢 Uh, whatever's there. We're in a rush. Thanks.
我不想对我老婆不忠 I don't wanna commit adultery on my wife.
不 如果你是为了拯救你的家庭 No, it's not adultery if
这就不算通奸 明白吗 you're doing it to save your family. Okay?
你真的认为史黛西和你的女儿会痴痴地等你 You think Stacy and your girls are gonna wait for you...
如果你要坐三十年牢的话 -他们不会的 ...while you're in prison for 30 years? - They're not.
尽管如此 我们就不能想个法子解决吗 Can't we just come up with some kind of plan, though?
噢有 当然 我有个办法 就这样 额 我们来分工 Oh, yes. Absolutely. I got a plan. Okay, here we go. Um, areas.
这样分 我后面 你前面 你负责嘴 I'll go butt, face, puss.
我不能正面上她 那会使我非常内疚 I cannot go in the puss. That'll make me the most guilty.
说得好 那不如这样 Good call. How about this?
我后面 你负责嘴 他前面 -我也这么觉得 Butt, face, puss. - That's where I should be.
我想说的一种能够 那挺好的 I'm talking about a way where... That's good.
如果我们不断交换位置 她就不知道谁在哪儿 If we're switching positions, she'll lose track of who's where.
-就像猜豆子游戏 -三张赌一张 没错 - Like the shell game. - Three-card Monte. Exactly.
我可以边向她胸部吹气边拍打她臀部 I can motorboat her boobies and then smack on her butt.
只要不是以卑鄙或侮辱人格的事情都可以 So long as nothing is done in a cheap or degrading way.
我们会和菲尔医生一样敏感 We'll be as sensitive as Dr.Phil.
我不知道我能不能上这个女人 I don't know if I can fuck this woman.
想想你的老婆和女儿 Think about your wife and girls.
我会为我的女儿着想的 我能够做好 I'll think about my girls. I can get it done.
-呵 -好了吗 - Ha. - All right?
-史黛西 -噢 不 - Stacy. - Oh, no.
-你是怎么找到我的 -你站那儿好一会儿了吗 - How did you find me? - Been there a while?
使用了“找我的爱疯” Find My iPhone.
-我就知道你对我不忠 -不 我没有 - I knew you were cheating on me. - No, I'm not.
-他没有 我们在努力让自己不坐牢 -坐牢 - He's not. We're trying to stay out of prison. - Prison?
没有人会去坐牢 No one's going to prison.
-因为我们要绑架一个人 -绑架 - Because we were gonna kidnap someone. - Kidnapping?
-不 那个人是自己绑架自己 -就是那样 - No. First, the man kidnapped himself. - That's right.
-他逼迫我们 -戴尔甚至都不想正面上她 He forced us... - Dale wouldn't even do puss.
-我甚至都不想正面上她 -我两次都选了臀部 - I didn't even wanna do the puss. - I chose ass both times.
我说过正面上她会让我感到很内疚的 I said puss will make me the most guilty.
你们这不是在帮我 闭嘴 You're not helping me! Shut up!
听着 额 这是件非常蠢的事情 亲爱的 Look, uh, this is such a stupid thing, honey.
其实很简单 并且没有任何有关性的事情在这里发生 And easy, and nothing sexual is even happening here.
快来吧 戴尔 我可不能自己吃自己 Come on, Dale, this pussy isn't gonna eat itself.
-茱莉亚 -史黛西 - Julia? - Stacy.
还有宝宝 And the babies.
看看那些孩子 噢 戴尔 他们长得和你真像 Look at those babies. Oh, Dale, they look just like you.
-听我解释 -你真恶心 - Listen to me. - You are sick.
我没有这么恶心 拜托 我能否就 I'm not sick. Please. Can I just...?
不要跟着我 别跟着我 Do not follow me. Do not follow me.
你他妈个婊子 You fucking bitch.
抱歉 真的不是有意让事情变成这样的 Sorry. Really didn't mean for that to happen.
好吧 茱莉亚 你想要被上是吗 Okay, Julia. You wanna fuck?
是啊 嘿 Yeah. Heh.
为什么不要 我的婚姻结束了 基本上都毁了 Why not, right? My marriage is over. It's basically ruined.
所以我来艹死你怎么样 觉得不错吗 So how about I ruin that pussy? That sound good?
-不 不 不 你是负责嘴 -我来正面上她 - No, no, no. You're face. - I'm puss.
-没错 -不 不 不 这次全都是我的 - Yeah. - No, no, no. This one's all mine.
什么 What?
-我们开始吧 我们在浴室里做吧 -好啊 - Let's do it. Let's do it in the shower. - Attaboy.
这就是你想要的吗 这里又舒服又湿润 Is that what you want? Nice and wet in here.
-进监狱的话就挽救不了我的婚姻对吧 -是的 那样不能 - I can't save my marriage from prison. - No, you can't.
-好极了 戴尔 -走吧 - Great, Dale. - Let's roll.
-我们失去信号了 -该死 - We lost the wire. - Shit.
要派个便衣吗 Should we send in an unmarked?
我们不能冒这个风险 就在这儿等吧 We can't risk it. We'll hold here.
哈罗 你好啊 Hello. Howdy-do.
-你去这边 -停 - You go on this side. - Stop.
嘿 Hey.
这他妈搞什么鬼 What the fuck is this?
不需要你说话 I do not need that sass-mouth.
我要的是那袋钱 现在 把它拿过来 What I need is that sack of cash. Now, get it over here.
你竟敢扔给我 把它滑过来 再来一次 Don't you throw it at me. You slide it. Do it again.
-不 我们收下了 -检查一下 - No, we'll keep it here. - Check it.
-天呐 -看哪 - Holy shit. - Lookie there.
-我们成功了 -那袋子很漂亮 - We did it. - There's a pretty bag.
好了 嘿 我还要 Okay. All right. Hey. I'll also
取回你从公园长椅下面拿到的手机 take that phone you took from the bottom of that bench.
什么 What?
那部手机 把手机给我 The cell phone. Give me the cell phone.
把手机抛给他 NICK: Throw the phone to him.
现在给我们那别致的夹克衫以及时髦的领带 Now that fancy jacket and that snappy tie.
-脱下来 交给我们 -不 - Get them off. Get them over. - No.
-他说不 -他好像说的是说不 - He say "No"? - I think he said no.
但我们有这个 But we got this.
-你别逼我使用这步六发式手枪 -这人有手枪 - Don't make me use this six-shooter. - Man's got a shooter.
你们令我感到恶心 You make me sick.
你们是美国的败类 每个人都想要救济金 You're what's wrong with America. Everyone just wants a handout.
要要要 不断向老老实实挣钱的人要钱 Take, take, take from the people who earn their money honestly.
好了 现在别聊天了 这个人真的有枪 All right, let's not chitchat now. The man does have a gun.
你真的很无礼 我会对你的胸膛开枪 You got a real lip on you. I will shoot you in the chest.
好啊 继续啊 开枪啊 Well, go ahead. Shoot me.
你没这个胆量 You don't have the balls.
不 他有 他有又大又老的蛋蛋 Yeah, he does. He got big old balls.
夸大其词 空谈而已 Big mouth. Nothing behind it.
-老兄 -噢 我的天 - Dude. - Oh, my God.
-他妈怎么回事 -噢 天呐 - What the fuck? - Oh, my God.
你做了什么 What did you do?
-你对他开抢了 -不 我没有 - You shot him. - No, I didn't.
-你开枪了 -那枪不应该有子弹的 - You did. - That was not supposed to be loaded.
-你什么意思 -那不是我的错 - What do you mean? - That's not my fault.
-噢 天呐 -等等 等等 - Oh, my God. - Wait, hold...
老兄 你们现在应该看看自己的脸 Man. You should've seen your faces right now...
看看你们互相指责的样子 ...when you started blaming each other.
刚刚出了什么事 What's happening right now?
我他妈出卖了你 I'm fucking you over.
不 不 我们现在都是朋友了 No, no. But we're all friends now.
是啊 但很大的反转 不是吗 We are, but what a great twist, right?
起初我想要得到所有的钱 At first I was just gonna take
并且让你们顶罪 all the money and throw you guys under the bus.
就这么简单 I mean, come on. Duh.
但后来老爸竟然报警 But then when Dad called the
证明他根本不关心我 cops and proved he doesn't give a fuck about me...
我就在想 为什么就只拿他几百万 ...I realized, why take a few of his millions...
明明我可以继承他所有的财产 并且让你们这几个家伙顶罪 ...when I can inherit all of them and you guys can take the fall?
几分钟之内 警察就会到这儿来 In minutes, the police will be down
然后会发现你们几个杀死了我父亲 here and discover that you killed my poor father...
所用的手枪则是你们绑架我时从我房间里偷来的 ...with a gun you stole from my room when you abducted me.
你撒谎 That is a lie!
-他知道这点 -他知道 - He knows. - He knows. He knows.
大家别担心 Don't worry, guys
我有办法 I'll take it from here.
对不起 雷克斯 Sorry, Rex.
但是我们有你的证据 But we got you.
为什么就只拿他几百万 Why take a few of his millions...
明明我可以继承他所有的财产 并且让你们这几个家伙顶罪 ...when I can inherit all of them and you guys can take the fall?
将死你 表砸 Ooh. Checkmate, bitch.
-好吧 那么 把东西给我 -好 好的 - All right, here. Let's have that. - Yeah. Yeah.
-不 我很抱歉 -谢谢 老兄 - No, I... Right. Sorry. - Thanks, man.
就不能再多拿两分钟吗 Didn't wanna hold onto that for two more minutes?
不 那是个礼物 No, that was a gift.
-你把普锐斯停在后巷了吗 当然有 - Did you park the Prius in the back alley? - I sure did.
-你有钥匙吗 -给你 - Do you have the keys? - Here you go.
我真心为你们感到骄傲 I'm really proud of you guys.
真的 你们团结在一起 Seriously. You pulled together.
你们像支团队一样一起合作 正如我们计划的那样 You worked like a team. Just like we planned.
戴尔 我们曾有过很多欢笑 Dale, we had a lot of laughs.
我真的很感激 我是说 你带给了我欢乐 I really appreciate it. I mean, you made me smile.
尼克 我希望你能有更多的笑容 Nick, I want you to smile more.
知道吗 看看你的那些皱纹 You know? Look at those frown lines.
去度个假吧 放松一下 Take a vacation. Lighten up.
-科特 我最想的人一定会是你 -为什么 - Kurt, I think I'm gonna miss you the most. - Why?
好了 Okay.
再见 Bye.
接住 Catch.
-不要 -该死 - Don't... - Goddamn it.
抱歉 我的手就是这么灵活 见鬼 等等 Sorry. I just have good hands. Fuck. Hang on a second.
嘿 别动 别动 Hey, freeze. Freeze.
哈哈 戴尔 拜托 你觉得我会给你把装了子弹的枪吗 Ha, ha. Dale, come on. You think I'd give you a loaded gun?
该死的 Ah, Shit.
我得走了 还等着警察 I gotta get going. Gotta wait
来仓库救我呢 回头见 to be saved at the warehouse by the cops. See you.
见鬼 警察信你才怪 Oh, shit. Good luck talking to the cops.
你爸的血都溅到了 噢 You have your dad's blood all over... Oh!
-我们就不能别有啥说啥吗 -我靠 真对不起 - Can we not keep anything to ourselves? - Fuck me. I'm so sorry.
这比我上次干的还蠢 我干了什么来着 - That's worse than what I did. What did I do?
你和他哥倆好不够 还扯上我 - You're friends with him. You introduced me.
我们又不会怕一把空枪 雷克斯 你个蠢蛋 We're not gonna be afraid of an unloaded gun, Rex, you dipshit.
他有子弹 他有子弹 He's got bullets. He's got bullets.
他有子弹 该死 He's got bullets? Fucking hell.
科特 你腰围多少 两尺五 Kurt, what are you? A 32 waist?
-我的天 贞操不保了 -不 - Oh, dear God. He's gonna rape us. - No.
-啊 你只是想要 -他只是想要裤子 - Oh, you just want my... - He just wants the pants.
这是你们出过的最馊的主意了 All-time shittiest idea you guys ever had.
难以置信你们还说服了我 Can't believe you talked me into this.
-这人已经死了 -我知道 - This guy's dead now. - I know that.
-他死了 -我们就不该辞职 - He's dead. - We should've stayed cogs.
时间耗的太久了 This is taking too damn long.
见鬼 Shit.
包没有问题 This isn't about the bag.
是放赎金出了岔子 This is the goddamn drop.
进去 所有人现在就进去 Move in. Everybody move in now.
-脱下这条罪证裤子 -只穿小内跑路吗 - Take off the incriminating pants. - Run around in my underwear?
干嘛不把尸体扔到车里 我们还有五百万美元 Why not throw the body in the trunk? We got 5 million bucks.
到处都是警察 我们逃不掉的 There's police everywhere. We're not gonna get away.
见鬼 Oh, shit.
-拿上包 滚进来 -为什么 - Grab the bag. Get the fuck in. - Why?
赶在那家伙之前 把警察引到仓库 Lead the cops to that warehouse before your boy gets there.
如果他们看到他能自由行动 If they see him out walking free,
也许就会相信你们的瞎扯淡了 我们走 they just might believe your ass. Let's go.
拿上钱 Get the money.
嘿 伙计们 Hey. Hey, guys-
该死的 是那帮蠢货 Goddamn it. It's those idiots.
我知道我从未提过任何绑架的事 I knew I never said anything about kidnapping.
快来 该走了 - Come on. Let's go.
跟踪我们早就纳入他们的计划了 Following us is already a part of their plan.
天知道 不妨求证下 You never know. Wanna make sure.
安全带怎么了 What is the seat-belt situation?
-我系好了 -我们该系好安全带 - I got mine. - We should put them on.
-我能和你共用吗 -趴紧仪表盘 - Can I get under yours? - Hold on to the dashboard.
见鬼 开错路了 Shit. - This is the wrong way.
开错路了 调头 停车 This is the wrong way. Turn around. Stop the car.
-你给谁写短信呢 -我女人 - Who you texting? - My lady.
-放下手机 -如果我不按时报到 她会暴走的 - Put it down. - If I don't check in, she goes crazy.
顺便问句 你这该死的 By the way, what the hell were you
当初为什么会在那车库里 doing back there in that garage in the first place?
现在干嘛提那个 What's that, now?
-天啊 -怎么了 - Holy shit. - What's going on?
你原本打算去那偷赎金 You were down there to steal the ransom money.
听着 我只抢不偷 Listen, I hustle, I don't steal.
该死的什么意思 你到底去车库干什么 What the fuck does that...? What were you doing in the garage?
我以为那是个好机会 I was thinking there was a chance...
放赎金可能不顺利 然后那人会杀了你们灭口 ...the drop might go south, and that guy would kill y'all.
在那种情况下 你会宁愿是我拿到钱 而不是他 And in such a scenario, you'd rather me have the cash than him.
-他在拿我们当赌注 -你个狗娘养的 - He was betting against us. - You motherfucker.
-我在致敬你们的潜在牺牲 -致敬我们 - I was honoring your potential death. - Honoring us?
我们算什么了 武士 What are we, samurai?
等等 嘿 有火车 Wait, hold on. Oh, hey. Train.
-火车 火车 火车 -火车 - Train! Train! Train! - Train!
-赞 喔喔 -牛逼 -Nice! Woo-hoo! - Damn it.
就该这么甩掉警察 That's how you lose the cops.
-我们不该甩掉警察 -别甩掉警察 - We're not supposed to lose the cops. - Don't lose the cops.
那才是计划的关键 That's the whole idea.
-想的很好 -还得回去 好极 - It was a good thought. - Going back. This is great.
我希望你能开慢点 不容易犯错 I wish you'd slow down. You wouldn't make mistakes.
别苛求这家伙了 他已经拼尽全力了 Don't criticize the man. He's doing the best he can.
停这里 我会让他们知道的 等等 Here, I'll let them know. Hold on.
嘿 我们回来了 我们会待在这里 Hey. We're back. We'll stay here...
直到列车开过去 ...till all this shit goes by.
然后我们再继续飚 Then we'll all roll.
这帮混蛋在干嘛 What the fuck are these assholes doing?
-他们听懂了 -我觉得是 - They get that? - Yeah, I think so.
-你带着什么到处跑 -那是什么 - What's that you're carrying around? - What is that?
这是给我的猫咪准备的 It's for my kitties.
-你养猫咪 -大吃一惊吧 - You got kittens? - Surprising.
-我不能养猫咪吗 -你干嘛总是炸毛 - I can't have kittens? - Why you always jumping on everything?
-看见你围着猫咪转怪怪的 -我是猫控 - It's weird you're hauling around a cat stand. - I love pussy.
-嘿 我能下车尿尿吗 -不行 我们在“速度与激情” - Hey, can I hop out and piss? - No. We're in a car chase.
-超级长的火车 我觉得 - Super long train. I feel
-来得及 -有好多货物 - I could get it done. - It is a lot of freight.
#坚持住# Hold the line
#可能还需要# It probably needs...
#爱并不总是来得及时# Love isn't always on time
#坚持住# Hold the line
这他妈的太容易了 It's just too goddamn easy.
我觉得我都有时间尿完了 I feel like I could have pissed by now.
让他出去 开车门 Let him go. Open the door.
-最后节车厢来了 -该死 - Caboose coming. - Ah, shit.
该死 警察 Oh, shit. Cops.
-警察 警察 -该死 - Cops. Cops. - Shit.
-发生什么了 -你东西掉了 - What happened? - You lost your stuff.
-什么 见鬼 -是的 你的猫咪工具掉了 - What? Damn it. - Yeah, you lost your cat stuff.
好吧 那家伙就在那里 留意他 Okay, there's a man there. Watch out for him.
嘿 嘿 嘿 Hey! Hey! Hey!
-嘿 我们被困在这里了 -暂时而已 - Hey, we're boxed in here. - Not for long.
-不不不 -我早就想这么做了 - No, no, no. - I've always wanted to do this.
#持续得越久越好# Gotta make it last
#抚摸你一次# I touch you once
#抚摸你二次# I touch you twice
该死 Shit.
怎么了 What?
这里是哪儿 So where is this place?
是这里 在桥下 It's up here. Under the bridge.
-你在做什么 -你应该从桥下走 - What are you doing? - You're supposed to go under the bridge.
放轻松 Relax.
-轮胎卡住了 -试试刹车 - The wheels are locked. - Pump the brakes.
-减档 -停在公园里 - Shift down. - Put it in park.
我没法思考了 I can't think.
你们现在肯定爱上这栅栏了吧 Bet y'all loving this fence now.
我对这栅栏回心转意了 I've come around to the whole fence thing.
我也想要个安全带 I would've loved a seat belt too.
下步该怎么做 混蛋 Well, what's the next part of the plan, Motherfucker?
哎哟 Ow.
那里 那里 那里 There. There. There.
-嘿 他不在这里 我们赢了他 -什么 - Hey. Hey, he's not here. We beat him. - What?
-我们赢了他 -嘿 - We beat him. - Hey.
-哈哈 -嘿 干得好 - Ha, ha! - Hey, nice job...
-那混账在哪 -不知道 - Where's Motherfucker? - I don't know.
警察 警察 Cops. Cops.
嘿 Hey-
-滚出车子 -放轻松 - Get out of the car. - Easy.
-手举起来 -放轻松 拜托 放下枪 - Hands up. - Relax. Please, put your guns down.
我们没杀人 我对天发誓 We didn't kill anybody. I swear to God.
我根本不在乎 留给法官去说吧 I don't give a goddamn. Tell it to the judge.
我们没绑架过任何人 We didn't kidnap anybody.
他绑架了他自己 他随时会潜进来 He kidnapped himself. He'll sneak in any second.
他本应该 He was supposed to be
-被绑在那把椅子上 -他正在你背后 - tied up to that chair. - Right behind you.
谁 他 Who? Him?
是的 Yeah.
情况不妙 情况糟透了 Aw, that looks bad. That looks bad.
-这混账东西 -你得相信我们 - This fucking guy. - You gotta believe us.
就是他们 他们三个拷打我 That's them. Those three, they tortured me,
还扬言要杀了我爸爸 then said they were gonna kill my dad.
-别听他胡扯 -一派胡言 - Oh, don't listen to that. - That's garbage.
告诉我他平安无事 求你了 Tell me he's okay. Please.
-孩子 我很遗憾 -不 - I'm sorry, son. - No.
-不 -是他杀了自己的爸爸 - No. - He killed his father.
-他在飚演技 精彩极了 -别信他 - He's a very strong actor. Bravo. - Don't buy it.
-趴到地上 -我们这就趴 - Get on the ground. - We're getting down.
我不敢相信他的演技唬了你 I can't believe you're buying that acting.
我是说 演得很像 但 I mean, it's good, but...
混账东西 你们有权保持沉默 You have the right to remain silent, assholes.
混账东西 你们有权请律师 你们还 You have the right to an attorney, asshole. You have...
嘿 那是我的手机 他拿了我的手机 Hey. Hey, that's my phone. He has my phone.
-是伯特留在长凳上的手机 -检查下那部手机 - The phone Bert had on the bench. - Check that phone.
如果雷克斯一直被绑在这里 If he was tied up here the whole time,
他怎么会有部同样的手机 how could Rex have the same phone?
-他们换过裤子 -是的 他们换过 - They switched pants! - Yeah. They got it.
-检查下 -长官 是相同的铃声 - Check it. - It's the same ringtone, sir.
对 但那是我的手机 Yeah. That's my phone.
我设了相同的铃声 它能鼓舞人 I have the same ringtone. It's an inspiring ringtone.
你被绑在这里的时候 一直有部手机 You were here this whole time with a cell phone...
却不打电话报警 ...and didn't bother to call the police?
-啊哈 -对极 - Ah! Ah, ha, ha! - Yes.
闭上臭嘴 Shut the fuck up.
让我看下手机 Let me see it.
我说了让我看下手机 I said let me see it.
好的 Okay.
所有人他妈的退后 Everybody move the fuck off.
他现在看上去很大罪了 对吗 Yeah, he looks pretty guilty now, right?
他绝对是嫌疑犯 He's definitely suspect.
他妈的把枪放下 Drop your fucking guns.
打死这个人渣 现在就打死这个人渣 You shoot this prick. You shoot this prick right now.
放下枪 不然我就 You drop your guns or I'll
打爆他的脑袋 听到了吗 快点 blow his fucking head off. You hear me? Move.
快啊 Move.
他会逃掉的 He's gonna get away with this.
-这家伙不会放弃 -他真会随机应变 - This guy doesn't quit. - He's incredibly resilient.
-你 钥匙在车里吗 -钥匙在车里 - You. Keys in the car? - Keys are in the car.
-这混账 -冷静 - This fucking guy. - Calm down.
这混账让我一无所有 戴尔 冷静 没门 This fucking guy took everything from me. "Calm down, Dale"? No.
干死这个混账 他抢了我老婆 Fuck this fucking guy. He took my wife.
好了 退后 All right, step away.
他抢了我孩子 我得做点什么 He took my kids. I'm gonna do something.
放轻松 你打算做什么 Easy. What are you gonna do?
瞧瞧谁才是"麻雀在后" Look who's the predator now,
-贱人 -等等 戴尔 你在做什么 - bitch. - Wait, Dale. What are you doing?
-戴尔 -啊 我吃枪子了 - Dale. - Oh, I'm shot.
过去 抓住他 Get in there. Get him.
拷了这个疯子 Cuff this crazy asshole.
趁现在 把他揍到老娘也认不出 And beat the shit out of him while you're at it.
-该死的 -戴尔 哥们 你还好吗 嘿 - Oh, shit. - Dale, buddy, you okay? Hey.
-我的天啊 -喔喔 - Oh, my God. - Oh, wow.
-该死的 -怎么回事 - Oh, shit. - What was that?
戴尔 放下这个 哥们 你都在想些什么啊 Dale, let's put this down. What was the plan here, buddy?
-我反应过度了 这玩意根本不锋利 -肾上腺素 - I overreacted. It's not even sharp. - Adrenaline.
子弹是擦伤了我 还是 Did it just graze me, or...?
不 子弹正中你的胸膛 No, you got hit right in the square of the fucking chest.
-穿胸而过 -你会好的 - Went straight through. - You're gonna be fine.
不 我不确定 流了好多血 No, I don't know about that. That's a lot of blood.
-别听他的 你能撑过去的 -见鬼 - Don't listen to him. You're gonna make it. - Ah, fuck.
嘿 你想要希望 听他的 Hey, if you want hope, listen to him.
你想要真相 就该信我的 If you want the truth, I'm your fucking guy,
好吗 情况不妙 all right? This is bad news.
有谁能帮帮忙吗 Can we get some help here?
别担心 我们会让你好起来的 Don't worry. We're gonna get you fixed up.
-上帝啊 -伤口严重吗 严重吗 - Oh, Jesus Christ. - Is it bad? Is it bad?
-见鬼好大的洞 -是啊 - That's a big fucking hole. - Yeah.
我马上就会迎接白光了 I'm gonna go to this light right here.
你要走就走吧 If you've gotta go, you gotta go.
求别让我死在他的唠叨里 Please don't let me die with him talking.
我会照顾好史黛西和你的儿子们 I'll take care of Stacy and your boys.
你太惹人烦了 That couldn't be more annoying.
我没想惹人烦 I'm not trying to be annoying.
-我不过想找点乐子 -是惹人烦 - I'm trying to have fun. - It's annoying.
倒是起作用了 瞧 It worked though. Look at that.
瞧瞧谁在说话 你还好吗 Look who's talking. You okay?
你在生死线上挣扎了好久 很高心你能说话了 You've been drifting in and out. Nice to hear you talking.
医生怎么说 我要死了吗 So, what do the doctors say? Am I gonna die?
-是的 -是的 - Yes. - Yes?
-不 -我们都要死的 - No. - We're all gonna die.
是有点险象环生 但你会好起来的 It's been touch-and-go, but you're gonna be fine.
医生会让你出院的 Doctors are gonna let you out.
-太好了 -但他们不得不给你换了颗鸟心 - That's good. - They did have to give you a bird's heart.
-天啊 -你接受得了吗 - Oh, God. - You okay with that?
-不 -他在开玩笑 - No. - He's kidding.
-我们在开玩笑 -鸟心对我来说太老了 - We're kidding. - That heart would've been too old for me.
我昏迷了多久 How long was I out?
-两年 -真的吗 - Two years. - Really?
-四天 -好多了 - Four days. - That's better.
你怎么不玩了 说好了两年的 Why didn't you play? Thought we were gonna say two years.
我们有了个女总统 We've got a woman president.
该死的 Shit.
-瞧瞧谁来了 -我的天啊 他能说话了 - Look who's here. - Oh, my gosh. He's talking.
-你能说话了 嗨 -我们留你们两个独处 - You're talking. Hi. - We'll leave you alone.
求你了 让我解释所有的一切 Please. Let me explain everything to you,
里面的误会太多了 there are so many misunderstandings.
没事的 茱莉亚解释了一切 It's okay. Julia explained everything.
别和她说话 她是个疯子 Don't talk to her. She's crazy.
她告诉我了一切 She told me everything she
是她的苦难连累了你 put you through because of her affliction.
她的苦难 "Her affliction"?
她的经历太让人心碎了 It's heartbreaking what she's been through.
-嗨 -她还说我的丈夫 - Hi. - She also told me that my husband...
是唯一可以拒绝她魅力的人 ...is the only one that ever resisted her.
-好吧 -戴尔 你真是个幸运儿 - Okay. - Dale, you are one lucky man.
你妻子真是善解人意又体贴入心 Your wife is so understanding and caring.
-是的 -还那么美丽动人 - Right. - So beautiful.
她一直在照顾孩子们 任劳任怨 She has been so supportive with the babies. And helpful.
啊 拜托 这都是我该做的 Oh. Please, it's the least
为了弥补我犯的错 I can do to make amends for my bad behavior.
好吧 Okay.
我去找下麦克医生 告诉他你能说话了 I'm gonna find Dr. Mike, tell him you're talking.
好极 去找下医生 因为我觉得有点 Okay, good. Go get the doctor because I'm feeling a little...
到底发生什么事了 What is going on here?
怎么了 我脱身了 What's up? I'm off the hook?
不会再有什么白鲸猎奇了吧 或者类似的 No more white-whale business? Or any of that?
-恩 不会再有了 你脱身了 -真的吗 - Mm-hm. No more. You're off the hook. - Really?
你知道吗 Did you know that when men
男人即使在昏迷中也能勃起 are in a coma they can still get an erection?
戴尔 是真的 昏迷之殇 It's true, Dale. Coma boners.
"昏迷之殇"是什么 "Coma boner"? What?
许许多多的昏迷之殇 Lots and lots of coma boners.
慢慢想吧 Think about it.
-见鬼了 -好了好了 我该走了 - Oh, shit. - All right, well, I better go.
我为自己和史黛西定制了温泉一日 I'm booking a spa day for me and Stacy.
-戴尔 我会上了你老婆 -不 不 - I'm gonna fuck your wife, Dale. - No, no.
不 不 你不会 等等 等等 不 No. Uh, no, you're not. Hang on. Hang on. No.
-嗨 她在这里 -男生们 - Hey, there she is. - Boys.
你看上去棒极了 你知道的 You look fantastic. You know,
我给你发了好多短信都没收到回应 I've been sending you a lot of unanswered texts.
追女人可不能这么逊 That's not how you catch them.
她说她会上了我老婆 I think she said she's gonna fuck my wife.
-我觉得她已经上了 -野马已经脱缰 - Thought she already did. - That horse may have left the barn.
我发现那两位在折腾炸玉米饼 I figured those guys have been bumping tacos.
最近秀恩爱到腻死人 Super touchy-feely lately.
我接受不了这个 太过分了 I can't process this. This is too much.
不管怎样 情况到底如何了 Anyway, so, what's even going on?
-我们招惹了警察吗 还是 -是的 我们惹上了 - Did we get in trouble with the police, or...? - We did, yeah.
-是的 非常严重 -我们因为一堆罪名被捕了 - Yeah. A lot. - We got arrested for a long list of felonies.
但因为你为警官 But because you took a bullet
挡了一枪 检查官撤销了重罪 for the detective, DA got rid of the biggies.
撤销一部分罪名 赞 Dropped some charges? Nice.
你简直就是凯文·科斯特纳的翻版 You're like a little Kevin Costner.
你是我们的保镖 You're our bodyguard.
哈哈 说的真贴心 好吧 Ha, ha. Pretty sweet. All right,
我猜我们拯救了事业 so I'm guessing we saved the business.
-没 我们没有 -我们没有 - Nope. We did not. - We did not.
银行几天前取消了我们的抵押品赎回权 The bank foreclosed a couple days ago.
公告 法院抵押品 禁止进入
尼克&科特&戴尔 股份有限公司
第一次 第两次 售出 中标者是迪曲商业信托 Going once, going twice, sold. To D.H. Commercial Trust.
但还有个好消息 But there's good news. The guy
买下公司的人让我们继续运营它 who bought the company is keeping us on to run it.
两个月以后
-如果我们降到三百美元 你就有 -卢佩 好吧 - If we bring that down to $300, you've got... - Lupe. All right.
卢佩 你好 Hola, Lupe.
-呃 空中百货 -是的 空中百货 - Uh, SkyMall? - Si, SkyMall.
棒极了 很棒的消息 Great. That's great news.
空中百货的订单准备送货了 Uh, SkyMall order is ready to ship.
老板会爱死这个的 The boss is gonna love that.
是的 让我们向他展示下这些巨额数字 Yes. Let's go show him these great numbers too.
我们该满意这些数字吗 Are we happy with these numbers?
它们很不错 They're pretty good.
-还有进步空间 -我们能做的更好 - Room for improvement. - We can do better.
我的天啊 Oh, my God.
我刚意识到 I just realized. You
你们真的以为你们带来的是好消息 actually thought you were bringing me good news.
你们三人 The three of you walked in
傻脸加傻笑地进到这里 with smiles on your fucking pathetic faces.
你们为什么要出生 你们三头蠢货为什么要出生 Why were you born? Why were the three of you born?
看着你们就好像 Looking at you is like
俯瞰畸形的科罗拉多大峡谷 looking out over the Grand Canyon of ineptitude.
你们父母没掐死你们真是奇迹 It's a wonder your parents didn't smother you...
-你们去哪里 -下周见 - Where you going? - See you next week.
我有主意了 你们干嘛不试试自杀协议 I have an idea. Why don't you try a suicide pact?
所有访客必须留在座位上
我指的可不是 And I'm not talking about throwing
跳高楼或是磕安眠药 yourself off a building or some sleeping-pills shit.
我指的是 互操至死 I'm talking about, you fuck each other to death.
你们该死的想去哪里 你们属于我 Where the fuck do you think you're going? I own you!
我们在你们的地区 Well, we have several
有几个特许经营权可供购买 franchise opportunities available in your area.
但 购买一家店铺需要 But, uh, purchasing a store requires...
支付巨额的预付款 ...A significant up-front investment.
那样的话 Well, in that case...
先给我找上三处 ...start me off with three locations.
琼斯先生 我肯定我们会满足您的要求 I'm sure that we can accommodate you, Mr. Jones.
拜托 琼斯先生 那是我爸爸的称呼 Please. Mr. Jones? That's my daddy.
叫我混账 Call me Motherfucker.
每次 这家伙 Every... This guy.
好的 首先我们把雷克斯 Okay. First we tie up Rex
绑在废弃仓库的三楼 in one of those abandoned warehouses off 3rd.
首先我们把雷克斯绑在 First we're gonna tie up Rex...
首先我们把雷克斯绑在 都滚开 First we're gonna tie up Rex... Fuck off, everyone.
等伯特的车一到地下 警察就会失去 As soon as Bert's car is underground, heh, the police lose...
伯特的车会开到地下 对吗 Bert's car goes underground, right?
警察就会失去无线信号 Police lose the signal from the wire.
你们还验证停车吗 不是指你 Do you guys validate parking? Not you personally,
明显太种族歧视了 obviously, that'd be racist.
你要把车停在4421车位 You're gonna pull into Space 4421...
我回头再打给你 I gotta call you back.
两天前银行就取消了抵押品赎回权 The bank foreclosed two days ago.
-但还有个好消息 -真的吗 - Hey, but there is good news. - Really?
真的吗 "Really?"
我们得和一个合法的人谈谈 We need to talk to somebody legitimate.
我们应该找一个能帮我们夺回公司的人 We need to find someone who can get us our company back.
下一场戏我也不能演得更好了 不能 I can't take you to the next scene any better than that. I can't.
那么我想娶丹尼尔·克雷格 Well, then I would marry Daniel Craig...
我会操肖恩·康纳利 杀了蒂莫西·道尔顿 ...I'd fuck Sean Connery and kill Timothy Dalton.
我想娶艾德·赫尔姆斯 I would marry Ed Helms,
操布莱德利·库珀 杀了扎克·加利费安纳基斯 fuck Bradley Cooper and kill Zach Galifianakis.
娶爆红的 操过时的 杀流行的 对吗 Marry Crackle, fuck Snap, kill Pop. Right?
我的天 你知道这看上去像什么吗 Oh, my God. Do you know what this looks like?
像什么 What?
看上去像我们根本不知道自己在做什么 It looks like we don't know what we're doing.
如果你能别再叫我的名字 我会很感激的 Boy, I'd love it if you'd stop saying my name.
等等 嘿 站住 Hang on a second. Hey, freeze.
猜猜现在谁有枪了 Guess who's got the gun now.
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你认为她在哪里学的这招 Where do you think she learned it?
可能是从看的第一部电影里 Maybe from the first movie.
准备好椅子 Get that chair ready.
-我要去嘘嘘了 -但我口很渴 - I'm gonna take a tinkle. - Oh, but I'm thirsty.
给我留点吧 Save me a shake.
我就是说不出口 I just can't say it.
所以你想把赎金用来 So you wanna use the ransom...
怎么说来着 What is it?
所以你们计划用赎金来拯救你们的事业 "Y'all plan to use the ransom to save y'all business."
我就是想听到你念台词 I just like to hear you say it.
拜托 伙计 Come on, man.
帮我等于帮你 报复我混账的 Help me help you get revenge on my asshole...
-我混账的 -混账的老爹 - My asshole... - Asshole dad.
你必须得拿到属于你的 在这个 You have to take what's yours in this... In this...
-我是说 你必须 -你必须 - I mean, you have to... - You have to...
-拿到属于你的 在这生活中 -懂了 - ...take what's yours in this life. - Take it.
搞定了 Grab it!
你们那空虚 干瘪的蛋囊 You will pass your empty, sac-less ball sacs...
不 那是 No, that's...
空虚 干瘪的蛋囊 它们是干瘪的 "Empty shriveled sacs." They're shriveled.
我只要看着你就知道了 I should know that just looking at you.
你的信誉留影在此 That's your credit picture right there.
-重头戏开场了 -我闻到狗屎了 - Here comes the heavy. - I smell dog shit.
-真闻到了 -是的 - Do you really? - Yeah.
也许是因为你的演技 It might be your acting.