幻灭
第二季 第五集
洗衣日 在这黑暗的时代 我们所拥有的最接近节日的一天
都来听啊 听啊 Hear ye, hear ye!
但别看啊 别看 But don't look ye, look ye!
佐格国王有令 今日是洗衣日 By order of His Majesty, King Zog, today is Wash Day.
一年一度的洗衣日居民应该保证唯一衣物清洁 Keep your one garment fresh and clean with an annual washing,
也要保持两年才洗一次的身体干净 and your bodies, as well, on alternate years.
天啊 我不应该混着洗的 Oh, dear. I shouldn't have mixed me colors.
这倒会让囚犯在死前开心开心 Hey, this will brighten their final moments.
我希望我不用把所有"东西"都弄那么干净吧 I hope this doesn't mean all my material needs to be clean now.
懂了没 懂没 厄玛 Get it? Get it? Irma?
我在跟你说话呢 听懂没 I'm talking to you. Get it?
我当初应该嫁给特比什的 I should've married Turbish when I had the chance.
你能加快点速度吗 Is there any way you can hurry up?
我要是想遮住小弟弟 就遮不住小屁屁 I can't cover my tinkler without leaving my bum-bum uncovered,
如果我遮住了小屁屁 小弟弟就露出来了 but if I cover my bum-bum, my tinkler is lewdly exposed.
洗衣日这天大家是不会着急的 孩子 Oh, there's no hurrying Wash Day, lad.
每件衣服都要好好的搓洗一番 Every garment needs a good soapy scrub,
然后晾晒在太阳下整整一天 and then, a fine day drying out in the sun.
蠢货才穿衣服 Clothes are for suckers.
你说得倒是轻巧 你一点节操都没有 That's easy for you to say. You have no sense of decency.
也没有生殖器 And no genitalia.
你就不能放松下来享受这一天吗 Can you just relax and enjoy it?
感受阳光触摸你的肌肤 微风拂过你的头发 Just feel the sun on your skin, the wind in your hair,
在这一天里不要因为自己的胴体而害羞 and stop being ashamed of your body for one day.
找点乐子 Have a little fun.
把靴子脱掉 Take off your boots!
看见没 乐子 See? Fun.
该倒脏水了 Away with the muck.
欢迎来到精灵小巷 海拔高度比下水道低三英尺
-什么味道 父亲 -今天是人类的洗衣日 - What's that smell, Father? - The humans are having Wash Day.
看样子他们送来了水作为礼物 And it looks like they're sending us the gift of water.
用这个治疗我的伤口正合适 Mmm. It sure feels good in my open wounds.
就像肉汤流到了街上一样 Hey, it's some kinda street gravy.
第十五章 我们的身体 我们的精灵
隔离区 禁止进入
站住 国王手下的 Halt. By order of His Majesty's
健康与非人道事业部部长有令 Minister of Health and Inhuman Services,
精灵小巷被隔离了 Elf Alley is under quarantine.
我的朋友们都在这里 还有我的爸爸 My friends are in there. My dad, pops.
我必须得见他们 让我们进去 I've gotta see them. Let us in!
隔离这个词语的意思是 Does the word "Quarantine" mean
不让进还是不让出 people can't go in or people can't come out?
词语还有意思吗 Words have meaning?
谢天谢地 救兵到了 Thank God, help has arrived.
国王派出了勇敢的英雄来拯救 The king has sent some brave hero to save...
啊 原来是艾尔弗 我们死定了 Oh, it's just Elfo. We're dead.
我不能眼睁睁看着我的族人遭受折磨 I can't stand to see my people suffer like this.
我能帮上什么忙吗 Is there anything I can do to help?
你看起来挺重的 把我们踩死吧 来个痛快的 You look heavy. Step on us, and put us out of our misery.
开会了 马上要开会了 The meeting! The meeting is starting!
所有人都进来 爬也得爬进来 Everybody in! Crawl if you have to!
精灵委员会 开会中
别从水上爬 Not through the water!
三次就是好运要来了 Third time's a charm.
我们正面临着前所未有的健康危机 We are facing an unprecedented health crisis.
所有的治疗方式都失败了 All of our cures have failed.
说的就是你 安慰剂[小精灵名字] I'm looking at you, Placebo.
-我们怎么办 -我们快死掉了 - What do we do? - We're dying!
请快一点 我坐在吐宝的旁边 Please hurry. I'm sitting next to Barfo.
安静 还有一丝希望 但也只是传说罢了 Quiet! There is one possibility, but it's merely a legend.
有一种古树结的水果 人称传奇莓 The fruit of an ancient tree known only as the Legendberry.
但那只是古老的精灵传说 Uh, but that's an old elves' tale.
从没有人见过传奇莓 No one's ever seen a Legendberry.
我见过 I've seen one.
还是我在街上讨生活 Back when I was on the road,
挨家挨户兜售糖果的时候 selling candy door-to-door.
这工作可不轻松 但不得不说 The work weren't easy, but lemme tell ya,
确实有些意外收获 there were fringe benefits.
我遇见过几个寂寞的女人 Oh, I met some lonely ladies, I did,
在我这个旅行售货员的臂弯里寻求慰藉 seeking comfort in the arms of a traveling sales-elf.
我记得有一次被困在烟囱里 I remember I got stuck in a chimney once,
男主人回来后... when the man of the house--
说重点 Get to the point!
陛下 当时我一路朝上游走 Well, sir, I was way upriver.
我的俏无双巧克力卖的不怎么样 Didn't have much luck selling my chocolate nonpareils.
正宗法式说法是"瞧不上"巧克力 That's how you pronounce it, you know, "Non-par-eyes."
说重点 Get to the point!
我越过高山 So, I hiked over the mountain
发现自己到了食人魔谷 and found myself in the Valley of the Ogres.
就在那里 我见到了传奇莓树 And that's where I saw it. The Legendberry tree.
别骗人了 食人魔谷 我极其怀疑 Come on, now. A Valley of the Ogres? I'm highly dubious.
食人魔是我们的死敌 是所有人的敌人 Ogres are our sworn enemies. They're everyone's enemies.
没错 除了他们自己 坐下 烦人宝 Yes, yes, except their own. Sit down, Annoyo.
去食人魔领地绝不可能 Going to ogre territory is out of the question.
我们还没拿到莓果就被杀了 We'd be killed before we even get the berries.
够了 你引起我们注意了 Enough! You have our attention.
还有 谢谢你 惊宝 Also, thank you, Shocko.
我帮你们拿到莓果 我把树都给你们搬来 I'll get your berries. I'll get ya the whole dang tree.
但你们得付钱 But it'll cost ya.
说出你要的价格 先生 Name your price, sir.
还有 说出你的名字 Also, name your name.
我江湖人称"英俊"小韦德·布罗迪 They call me "Handsome" Wade Brody Jr.
我要一万金币 Ten thousand gold pieces is my fee.
我现在要一半 同时还有另一半 I'll take half now, the other half at the same time.
给我们一分钟 我们需要传帽子 Give us a minute. We'll need to pass the hat.
大头宝 Braino?
我从不知道你们精灵这么富有 I had no idea you elves were so rich.
这个吗 这里面甚至没有巧克力 This? It doesn't even have chocolate in it.
我们卖糖果得到很多这东西 We've got so many of these from candy sales,
记都记不完 we can't even keep track.
爸 你在这里啊 我必须和你谈谈 Pops, there you are. I've gotta talk to you.
艾尔弗 那些可怜的笨蛋死定了 Elfo, those poor saps are goners.
我也感觉有点不舒服 And I don't feel so hot, neither.
爸 别说胡话了 你会活得比我们都久 Pops, that's geezer talk. You'll outlive us all.
爸 Pops?
爸 你躺地上干什么 Pops? What are you doing on the ground?
我的孩子 我想我的生命到尽头了 Oh, my boy, I think this might be the end for me.
我还有好多话要说给你听 There's just so much I meant to tell ya.
有好多你需要知道的 So much you need to know.
比如 首先 绝对不要碰生病的人 Like, for starters, don't never touch no one who's sick.
其次 关于你妈 And second, about your mom.
我很难对你开口是有原因的 There's a reason it's been so hard to tell ya.
因为 她死了 Because, you see, she's dead.
什么 什么意思 What? What do you mean?
这一切都从她停止呼吸开始 Well, it all started when she stopped breathing.
不 我知道死代表什么 No, I know how death works.
我是说她怎么死的 I mean, how did it happen?
事实是 我害她死了 Truth is, I got her killed.
我一辈子都难以释怀 It's gonna haunt me for the rest of my life,
我这辈子也快完了 which should be ending any second.
我想我要昏迷了 没错 来了 I think I'll be going into a coma. Yep, there I go.
先生 我要和你一起去 我爸要死了 Sir, I need to come with you. My dad is dying.
抱歉 我独来独往 Sorry, I work alone.
拜托 我诚实 严肃 勤奋 Please, I'm honest, humorless, hardworking,
必要时我可以当你的压舱物甚至锚 and, in a pinch, I can serve as ballast or even an anchor.
如果你想证实我的经历 见证人在这里 If you'd like to check my references, she's right here.
你们两个经历过 Do you two have any experience
怪物和生死冒险吗 with monsters and life-threatening adventures?
确实有过 Actually, yeah.
频率高得惊人 With alarming regularity.
既然这样 你们可以上船 在我没乐子时 In that case, you can come aboard and regale us with stories
讲故事给我们听 if I ever find myself totally regaled out.
路西 快跳上来 我们需要你的帮助 Luci, come on, hop in. We could use your help.
这里有人 精灵 There are people, elves, here,
更需要我的帮助 小碧 who could use my help even more, Bean.
如果你不是那么自私 你早该意识到 And if you weren't so selfish, you'd realize that.
该有人关心关心这些可怜的富精灵了 It's time someone thought about these poor, poor, rich elves.
希望你们能够承受危险 还有许多烘豆 I hope you have a stomach for danger and lots of baked beans.
你说话像我们认识的一个人 You sound like this guy we know.
他是一艘游艇的船长 He's the captain of a party barge.
那是我爸 "英俊"大韦德·布罗迪 That's my dad, "Handsome" Wade Brody Sr.
我们不说话了 关系变得难看 We don't talk anymore. Things got ugly.
我爸也变难看了 And so did my dad.
掉头 掉头 掉头 Turn back! Turn back! Turn back!
危险是我的事业 英雄气概只是爱好 Danger is my business, heroism is merely a hobby.
但我真正热爱的是不停自抬身价 But my real passion is relentless self-promotion.
等等 你在吹嘘你的自夸吗 酷 Wait, are you boasting about your bragging? That's cool.
来见见你新的大副 Meet your new first mate.
还好你有我能穿的水手服 Good thing you had a sailor suit in my size.
猴子死后我差点把这身衣服扔掉 Yeah, I almost threw it out after the monkey died.
这里还挺怡人 You know, this is kind of pleasant.
现在好好享受 好玩的部分在这里 Enjoy it now. This is the fun part.
歌咏 沙壶球 益智问答 Sing-alongs, shuffleboard, trivia night.
我超爱自助餐 And I am loving the buffet.
可当我们临近食人魔领地 当心 But as we draw nigh to ogre territory, beware.
因为你会成为自助餐 Because you'll be the buffet,
而唯一的益智问答是你的脑壳被用来做什么 and the only trivia will be what became of your skull.
-烛台吗 -保龄球 - Candle holder? - Bowling ball?
正确 Correct.
现在先放松 因为一旦我们到食人魔地域 Relax now, because once we get to ogre territory,
就需要时刻警惕 we need to be on guard.
没人能从那里回来 No man comes back from there,
即使有 他们也绝不谈论 and if they have, they don't talk about it.
你现在就在谈论 You're talking about it right now.
你紧张的喋喋不休该停止了 Enough of your nervous chitter-chatter.
我们需要准备好战斗 We need to be ready to fight.
上一次 我发现自己被食人魔包围 Last time, I found myself surrounded by ogres.
万幸我知道他们唯一怕的就是火 Luckily, I knew the only thing they're afraid of is fire.
我用最后一根火柴赶走了一整群食人魔 I drove off the entire horde with my very last match,
余下的火焰还够点燃一支庆贺雪茄 and still had enough flame left to light a celebratory cigar.
雪茄吸引了一群吸血烟草蝙蝠 Which attracted a swarm of blood-sucking tobacco bats,
但那就是另一个故事了 but that's another story.
我现在就讲给你们听 Which I will now tell you.
找个舒适的地方 这个故事很长 Make yourselves comfortable. This is a long one.
闭嘴吧 Shut up.
路西的卫生医疗谷仓
精灵们 路西的地狱关怀医疗这边走 Okay, elves, this way for Luci's Hell-Care health care,
这其实比大多医疗计划的罪恶都少一点点 which is actually slightly less evil than most health care plans.
"临终遗嘱"是什么 What's a "Last will and testament"?
只是一项你和 It's just a little agreement
最亲近亲人的协议 between you and your closest relatives.
只需确认这里我是你哥 Just check here that I'm your brother,
还有这里我是你妈 and here that I'm your mother.
好极了 快进去吧 And great! Come on in.
情况不妙 This is not good.
一大杯水冲服药片怎么样 How about a big glass of water to wash those down?
爸 你醒着吗 Pops, you're awake?
我刚体验了最棒的昏迷 I was having the most wonderful coma.
那里有点暖 It was a little on the warm side.
我身边围绕着 And I was surrounded by
一百万像你一样的小黑猫 a million tiny black kitty-cats just like you.
一些有翅膀 一些有尖叉 Some had wings. Some had pitchforks.
我所有老朋友 甚至怪胎都在 All my old friends was there, even Weirdo.
不 他还在这里 Nope, he's still here.
我儿子艾尔弗呢 Well, where's my boy, Elfo?
他去偷你说的那种莓果了 He went to steal those berries you were talking about.
什么 What?
我要朝你脸上揍 你个... Gonna punch you right in the face, you...
打断你的脖子 你个... Break your neck, you...
你能闭嘴吗 Will you shut up?
戳你的眼珠子 刺你的... Poke you in the eyeball and stick it in your...
拔出你的舌头 And tear out your tongue.
《给胆小男孩看到神奇故事 带插图》 "Fantastic Tales for Timid Boys Illustrated"?
《我怎么击败了食人魔群》 "How I Vanquished the Ogre Horde."
《烟草蝙蝠吸我的血》 "Tobacco Bats Sucked My Blood"?
那个大骗子 That dirty fibber.
他从这本给胆小男孩看的书上偷的故事 He just stole those stories from this book for timid boys.
小碧 小碧 醒醒 Bean, Bean, wake up!
这人不是英雄 他是假冒的 我有证据 This guy's no hero. He's a phony and I can prove it!
那是什么 有人在吃饼干吗 What is that? People eating crackers?
没错 可能就是这样 Yeah, that's probably what it is.
没错 绝对是这样 Yeah, that's definitely what it is.
小碧 小碧 醒醒 Bean! Bean, wake up!
你的臭叶子别碰她 你个可恶的藤 Get your leaves off her, you damn dirty vines!
这些植物 到底是什么 These plants, what the hell are they?
你说呢 You tell me,
你个大骗子 你不是硬汉 对不对 you big fat fraud! You're no tough guy, are you?
当然不是 我只是二手船销售员 Hell, no. I'm just a used boat salesman.
韦德二手船 专营凹损小艇
我要这金币可没想要这鬼情况 I didn't sign up for this when I signed up for this!
我要走了 I'm outta here!
如果你什么时候需要二手驳船就联系我 Call me if you're ever in the market for a pre-owned barge!
什么... What the...
我们别无选择 必须游泳逃命 We've got no choice! We have to swim for it!
快走 Come on!
这就是我只租不买的原因 That's why I lease instead of buy.
小碧 小碧 快看 Bean. Bean, look.
你挺像丛林小子的嘛 Well, aren't you quite the jungle boy?
不 我只是现在看到藤蔓就火大 No, I'm just a little angry at vines right now.
我们似乎接近了 I think we're getting closer.
-为什么这么说 -那些食人魔 - What makes you say that? - All those ogres.
等等 食人魔怕火 Wait a minute. Ogres are afraid of fire.
怕的要死 韦德说的 Deathly afraid! Wade said so.
韦德是个满嘴谎话的混蛋 Ugh! Wade is a lying scumbag.
小碧 我敢说他是从书上看的 根本就 I swear, Bean, he got it all from a book. He had no...
小碧 别 Bean, no. Ahh...
我是蒂尔碧妮公主 I'm Princess Tiabeanie!
魔法烈焰公主 Magic fire princess!
火焰 烈焰 看到这棍子上的火了吗 Fire! Fire! See the end of this stick?
把传奇莓交出来 Give me the berries!
不然就让你们尝尝火焰的可怕 Or else, fire! Scary, scary fire!
求求你们靠近一点走可以吗 Can you please walk closer together?
只能靠我了 It's all up to me.
今天起我要做勇敢宝之后最勇敢的精灵 Today, I am the bravest elf since Braveo.
至少像他变成胆小鬼 At least until he chickened out,
开始管自己叫喝彩宝之前那样 and started pronouncing his name "Bravo"
他最后变成了一个只会鼓掌的精灵 and became the elf who applauds.
韦德 韦德 这边 Oh! Wade! Wade! In here!
我就知道你会回来救我们的 I knew you'd come back for us.
传奇莓古树 The Legendberry tree!
如果老爹没说谎的话 If Pops didn't lie about this,
也许他没偷用我的大学基金 maybe he didn't steal my college fund.
你竟敢从给予之树上偷东西 Hey! How dare you take from the Giving Tree!
我们抓住了这个偷摘圣莓的小子 We caught this tree-humper trying to steal the sacred berries.
先是个野丫头 现在又来了个矮丑矬 First the sassy girl and now this ugly runt?
往他身子里塞只鸡 再把他塞到野丫头里 Stuff a chicken into him and him into her,
明天我们做完礼拜后 and we'll have a nice brunch
就可以美美地吃一顿早午餐了 for tomorrow after church.
就他 爸爸 It him, Dad!
他是我眼睛这样就是他弄的是他 He the one me eye be he that him who he be!
儿子 别闹了 明天把他的头骨给你玩 Junior! Knock it off! You can play with his skull tomorrow.
讨厌妈妈 Oh, Ma.
给他撒上我们的神圣七香料然后扔到地牢里去 Roll him in our seven sacred spices and toss him in the dungeon.
别担心 小碧 我会救你的 Don't worry, Bean! I'll save you!
我又不是什么不幸的少女 Look, I'm not some damsel in distress.
好吧 严格地说我的确是 但是也不能说 Well, technically, I guess I am, but still.
你搞啥呢 太恶心了 你是谷仓来的吗 Wet willy? That's disgusting! Where'd you grow up, a barn?
我自己也不想这样 I don't want to have to do this.
把我朋友放了 这事就这么算了 Let my friend go and we'll leave.
做好准备 坏艾尔弗 是时候大闹一番了 Get ready, Bad Elfo. It's time to jab.
不 No!
不要啊 Oh, no!
我会没事的 只是需要先歇一会 I'll be okay. I just need to lie down for a while.
哇哦 艾尔弗 Wow, Elfo.
你暴走的样子还挺可怕的 You're kinda scary when you're in a blood rage.
我们走 Let's get out of here.
把那狗屁莓拿到手再走 Not without the goddamn berries.
别逼我这么做 陛下 Don't make me do this, Your Majesty.
我只是想从树上摘几个莓子 我的族人要死了 I just need the berries from your tree. My people are dying.
你这小矬子从哪来的 Where are you shrimps from?
梦想之地 其实以前我们 Dreamland. Well, actually, they used to--
快拿莓子 如果守卫看到了 我就得把你吃了 Quick, get the berries! If the guards see, I'll have to eat you.
闭上嘴 跟我走 Now, shut up. Follow me.
这个旧下水道直通到河 This old sewer drain leads right to the river.
你知道吗 你是个酷酷的王后 You know, you're pretty cool for a queen.
行了行了 这是给你的 Yeah, yeah. Here's something for you.
抱歉身子已经被我们吃光了 快走吧 I'm sorry we ate the body already. Now, go.
别踩到老鼠了 艾尔弗 Don't step on the rats, Elfo.
艾尔弗 Elfo?
一切都结束了 我的人生篇章就要画下句号了 This is it. The end of the best story I ever told, my life!
如果你见到艾尔弗 请告诉他我爱他 If you see Elfo, would you tell that boy I love him?
他的妈妈也很爱他 And so did his mom.
我的身体机能已经衰竭了 永别了 Well, my organs have stopped functioning. So long.
永别了 你这个老混球 So long, you old coot.
我们成功了 我们拿到莓子了 We did it! We got the berries!
太迟了 兄弟 你没能见到最后一面 Too late, dude. You just missed him.
不 老爸 No, Pops!
不要走 老爸 Please, Pops.
他已经去世了 艾尔弗 He's gone, Elfo.
他很快就能与螃蟹们长眠了 He'll be with the crabs soon.
可以让我自己静一静吗 Could I be alone for a minute?
老爸 你是个好父亲 Pops, you were a good dad.
尽管你讲的故事又臭又长 Even though your stories were long, boring,
又无聊又虚假 但我还是会想念你的 not funny and obviously untrue, I'm really going to miss you.
我无法相信你真的走了 I can't believe you're really gone.
我才没死 他奶奶的 I ain't gone, God damn it!
老爸 你没死 Pops, you're alive!
我们都没死 他奶奶的 We're all alive, God damn it!
你说的每句话我都听见了 我告诉你艾尔弗 I heard every word you said. And you know what, Elfo?
还好我当初把你的大学基金偷走了 I'm glad I stole your college fund.
什么 What?