幻灭
第二季 第七集
好了 下一位选手 All right, next shooter.
有请这位乡下来的小胖墩 You, the obese gentleman from out of town, step right up.
掷个七吧 幸运七 Come on, seven. Lucky seven.
老子想要一双新的尖头靴 Daddy needs a new pair of pointy shoes.
咒你不灵 两个一点 你又输了 Jinx! Snake eyes. You lose again.
你是打算现在把灵魂交给我 So do you want to give me your soul now,
还是分期付款让我慢慢的折磨你 or do a payment plan thing where I crush it slowly over time?
听好了 你们这帮堕落鬼 Listen up, you degenerates.
今晚有贵客光临 We have company comin' tonight,
每个人在晚餐之前 so I want everybody to clip your nails
要剪好指甲清理好鼻孔 and pick your noses before dinner.
那我们晚餐的时候该干嘛 Then what are we supposed to do during dinner?
给我端正的坐好 You're gonna sit still,
跟客人谈笑风生 you're gonna make interesting conversation
别丢我的脸 and you're not gonna embarrass me.
这些事我们在酒吧里能做的更好 I think we can do all those things better down at the pub.
放下吊桥 Lower the drawbridge!
-吾的朋友们 是动身前往酒吧吗 -不 - Off to ye olde pub, are we, gents? - No.
-不 -滚蛋 - No. - Scram!
升起吊桥 Raise the drawbridge!
差点把我忘了 Nearly forgot me.
不不不不不不不 你不能去 No, no, no, no, no, no, no. You are not coming.
求求了 求求你了 拜托 Please? Please? Come on, please?
一起找点乐子呗 Good times, everybody.
算了 你就是个丑陋刻薄无情冷酷的女巫姐姐 Fine. You're a mean, ugly, heartless witch of a sister,
我压根就不想见到你 and I wouldn't want to be seen with you anyway.
但请让我跟着你们一起吧 But can I tag along, please?
德里克 回家去 臭弟弟 Derek, go home. Bad brother.
但妈妈走之后我太孤独了 But I get ever so lonely with Mama gone.
去交个朋友 Then go make a friend.
简单得很 到处逛逛 假装自己不是个烦人精 It's simple. Just walk around and pretend you're not irritating.
路西的地狱酒馆
但我就是个烦人精 But I am irritating.
又不是每个人都能遇见 Not all of us can find an elf
想跟自己上床的精灵 that wants to have sex with them.
小可爱路西为您服务 Juicy Luci at your service.
给我来杯烈酒 Give me something strong
好让我忘记小蝌蚪大人 to help me forget little Lord Tadpole.
六杯恶魔尿马上就来 Six shots of demon urine comin' right up.
有个小矬子天天跟在你屁股后面 It must be hard having a little pipsqueak
一定很让人抓狂吧 always running after you, huh? Huh?
对不对 小碧 Bean? Huh?
你说对不对 你抓狂了没 Do you think it is? Do you think it's hard?
我也不想这样对待德里克 I don't want to be a jerk to Derek,
但我见到他就烦 你们懂吗 but he just brings it out in me, you know?
从他刚出生就这样 Ever since he was born.
碧妮 准备好见见你的弟弟或妹妹了吗 Beanie, are you ready to meet your new brother or sister?
或者是早餐 Or breakfast?
你可没说小孩是从蛋里出生的 That's not where you said babies come from.
说实话 我自己都不大清楚是怎么一回事 To be honest, I'm not so clear on how it all works myself.
很简单的 我用力一推 孩子就出生了 Oh, please, is very simple. I push, and baby comes out.
德里克 Derek.
从那时起 德里克就注定要继承王位 From then on, Derek was heir to the throne.
所以他可以做那些我想做的有趣的事 And he got to do all the cool stuff I wanted to do.
看招 Jab.
没事的小碧 你可以用马刺 It's all right, Bean. Don't be afraid to use the spurs.
我不想伤到你 邦蒂 但你得快点爬 I don't want to hurt you, Bunty, but you gotta go faster.
别担心 公主 Don't worry, ma'am.
等我们起义的时候 一定把你们都杀光 When the revolution comes, we'll rise up and kill you all.
我知道错不在他 但还是希望他死了的好 I know it's not his fault, but I just wish he would die.
至少她跟我一样悲催 Well, at least she looks as miserable as I...
我还是投海自尽吧 Maybe I'll just walk into the sea and drown.
忘了我是两栖动物了 Oh, I'm amphibian.
妈妈 我知道你还在 多希望你能陪着我 Mama, I know you're out there. I wish you were here.
我还是经常做那口大平底锅的噩梦 I still have bad dreams about that big skillet.
小碧恨死我了 因为我是王位继承人 And Bean hates me because I'm going to be king,
连我自己都不知道我想不想当国王 and I don't even know if I want that.
但是又没法跟别人说 尤其是爸爸 But I can't talk to anyone about it, especially Dad.
我好想念我的蛋 I miss my egg.
老天爷啊 看这吃相 Good God, look at him go.
能这样狼吞虎咽的吃一定很过瘾吧 It must be nice to eat with such abandon.
再吃点羊头吧 How about a little more goat head?
我来帮你切一大块带帽子的肉 Let me cut ya a nice hunk with some hat.
今晚皇后不跟我们一起用餐吗 Uh, so the queen won't be joining us this evening?
她跑路了 去当海盗了 She ran off to become a pirate.
达格玛王后 跑路去当海盗 天啊 Queen Dagmar? Ran off to become a pirate? Oh, my.
达格玛 不是她 Dagmar? No.
她想谋杀我来着 She tried to murder me.
我说的是我的第二任妻子 I'm talking about my second wife.
你知道的 那个蜥蜴人 You know, the lizard.
她俩都跑路了 They both ran off.
很抱歉你这么悲惨 Well, I'm sad to see you brought so low,
但长痛不如短痛 but at least it was a short fall.
我告诉你 我是这个王国最富有的人 Hey! I'll have you know I'm the wealthiest man in the kingdom.
说实话 我从来没把你跟富有联系在一起过 I must say, I've never associated the word "Wealth" with you.
能给我一个叉子吗 Uh, may I trouble you for a fork?
抱歉 叉子国王正在用 I am sorry, but the king is using it.
再次感谢你的盛情招待 Thank you again for that serviceable dinner.
怎么搞的 鞋上的钻石硌脚了吗 What's the matter? Loose diamonds in your shoes?
-不是 我得了痛风 -啥 - No, I suffer from gout. - Huh?
痛风 国王容易得的病 Gout. A disease of kings, you know.
确切地说是成功的国王 Successful kings, that is.
一副油腻的虚弱多病的身体 A plump, disease-riddled body
是当今社会的成功人士的象征 is a sign you've really made it in modern society.
我这肚子挺油腻的 Hey, I got a gut.
-但是你没有得痛风 -我想得就能得 - But you haven't got gout. - I could get it.
-我表示怀疑 -赶紧滚吧 - That I doubt. - Get out!
得痛风了记得通知我 Call me when you've got gout.
去闪光镇 速度 To Twinkletown, and fast.
《不治之症大百科全书》 我来查一查 The Big Book of Hideous Diseases. Now, let me see.
胆结石 坏疽 长颈鹿综合症 阴囊乱转症 "Gallstones, gangrene, giraffism, gyro-scrotum."
在这 找到了 痛风 Ah, yes, here we are. "Gout."
这图片够恶心的 Look at the nauseatin' pictures.
由经常久坐 过量饮酒 "A painful joint disease caused by a sedentary lifestyle,
长期食用培根 内脏 excessive alcohol consumption
荤油等引起的 and a diet heavy in foods like bacon,
关节疼痛的病症 organ meats and skillet drippins."
简直就是为我量身定做的病 It's the disease version of me,
你必须要帮我患上痛风 and you're gonna help me catch it.
但是陛下 痛风会要人命的 But, sire, gout could prove fatal.
那又如何 这年头谁也活不长 So what? Nobody lives for very long these days.
你多少岁了 How old are you?
-三十一岁 -我滴个乖乖 - Thirty-one. - Oh, boy.
等一下 酒鬼们 我得锁门 Wait up, booze hounds. I gotta lock up.
总觉得该提醒你们一件什么事 I feel like I was gonna warn you guys about something.
啊对了 小心台阶 Oh, yeah, the stairs.
他好孤独 He looks so lonely.
我也有过 Been there.
我是说去过海滩 跟朋友们一起 很多朋友 I mean, to the beach... with friends. Lots of them.
他以为他妈妈对他就够狠的了 He thinks he's got it so tough 'cause his mom works.
该试试他妈妈要用螺丝把王冠拧到他头上 Cry to me when your mom tries to bolt a crown to your skull.
那王冠倒是挺漂亮的 Was a pretty cool crown, though.
王冠不是重点 螺丝才是 Yeah, it was more about the bolting than the crown.
什么鬼东西 What the hell is that?
你好啊 小家伙 Well, hello, little guy.
你能做我的朋友吗 Will you be my friend?
我要给你起名叫小粘粘 I'm gonna call you Slimy,
我们会成为最好的朋友 and we're gonna be best friends.
等我结婚时 你来当伴郎 And when I get married, you're gonna be my best man.
接着你会讨厌我的妻子 但我会跟她离婚 And then you won't like my wife, but later, I'll divorce her,
最后我们成为比以前更要好的朋友 怎么样 and we'll be better friends than ever, okay?
我该回去了 I'd better go.
我准备睡觉之前再哭泣一小时 I try to get an hour of weeping in before I go to sleep.
明天见 小粘粘 See you tomorrow, Slimy.
多希望你是我的姐姐 I wish you were my sister.
天啊 你刚吃了一只海鸥吗 Oh, my God. Did you just eat that seagull?
我也总这么干 'Cause that's what I do.
第十七章
爱是粘粘的拥抱
你没能给我弄到长生灵药 You couldn't give me the Elixir of Life.
至少得帮我得痛风吧 The least you could do is give me a nice disease.
但是我许下过巫师誓言 But I've taken the Wizardocratic Oath.
我的鬼把戏只能用来行善 I can only use my flimflam for good.
我不能帮你得痛风 I cannot help you get gout.
那我就找个愿意帮忙的人 Then, I'll find somebody who will.
我我我我我 Me, me, me, me, me.
你你你你你什么 You, you, you, you, you?
本来我已经放弃了散播苦难的职业生涯 I kind of gave up my dream job making people suffer,
但帮助一个人类暴饮暴食直到生病的话 but helping a human overindulge to the point of illness?
我想我义不容辞 I think you could be my masterpiece.
太好吃了 This is good.
你还有什么 What else you got?
用培根卷的雪茄 专为酒囊饭袋定制的 It's a bacon-wrapped cigar, you fat tub of lard.
你被录用了 You're hired.
德里克 咋了爷们 Yo, Derek. What's up, my man?
我还不是个爷们 Well, I'm not actually a man yet.
但有时候我看到书里的动物标本 Though, sometimes, I do get a funny tingle
的确会有一种莫名的兴奋感 when I read about taxidermy.
好吧 我看你没有朋友挺寂寞的 Anyway, you seem kind of lonely without friends,
所以我就想 那个 so I figured I'd, you know...
过来看看你怎么样了 I'd just drop by, see what's up in here.
我有一个朋友 你想见见他吗 Well, I have a friend. You want to meet him?
好呀 你好 德里克的幻想朋友 Sure. Hi, Derek's invisible friend.
很高兴见到你 Pleased to meet you.
他不是幻想出来的 他住在海边的池子里 He's not invisible. He lives in a tide pool.
我在找暗门的时候发现了这个暗门 I discovered this door when I was looking for hidden doors.
每天晚上老鼠应该就是从这里溜进房间的 I think this is how the rats get into my room at night.
小心 台阶很滑 Watch out. These steps are slippery.
一个隐蔽的 发臭的密室 A secret, smelly chamber.
这些奇怪的小瓶子是干嘛用的 What the hell are those weird little bottles?
这不是瓶子 你个蠢货 这是瓦罐 They aren't bottles, you stupid moron. They're amphorae.
卡住了 It's stuck.
你知道吗 这片海滩上可以裸体 You know, this is a clothing optional beach.
拉倒吧 No.
艾尔弗 来见见小粘粘 Elfo, meet Slimy.
小粘粘 出来打个招呼 来啊朋友 Slimy, come say hi! Come on, boy!
他有点社恐 He's socially awkward.
能喂他点东西吃就好了 I wish we had something to feed him.
他除了松果什么都吃 He'll eat anything except pinecones.
小粘粘 你长大了 Oh, Slimy, you're getting bigger!
他是一只独眼章鱼 He's a one-eyed octopus.
你认识他多久了 So, how long have you known him?
他是我最久的朋友 认识四天了 Oh, he's my oldest friend. Four days.
艾尔弗 你愿意发挥自己的想象力吗 Hey, Elfo, do you like to use your imagination?
不 No.
接招吧 En garde!
小心点 木棍上长藤壶 了 Hey, careful with that stick. It's got barnacles.
那是我剑上的宝石 Yeah, those are the jewels.
我的右鼻孔 My right nostril.
差点就要了我的命 A near-mortal blow.
我胜利了 Victory!
现在你就是我胖胖的俘虏了 You are now my portly prisoner.
不 我受不了被折磨 我意志薄弱 No! I'll break under torture. I'm very weak-willed.
等会等会 这些都是啥 Wait, wait, wait, wait. What is all this?
肺片面包 猪油蛋糕 猪血汤 Lung loaf, lard cakes, blood gravy,
猪肝肉球 还有饮用芝士 liver balls and drinkable cheese.
好吧 Oh, okay.
多喝点容易得痛风 Down the hatch, gouty.
就这么吃下去很快你就会身患绝症了 Keep this up and you'll be gravely ill in no time.
那盘肉丸子吃光没 You done with that plate of balls yet?
还差一个 One more.
我到底是怎么想的 What was I thinking?
别嘟囔了 有客人来了 Quit your moanin'. You got a visitor.
你看不出来我现在痛苦万分吗 Can't ya see that I'm in excruciating pain here?
我的脚趾肿的像个西瓜一样 My toe is swollen up like a blood melon.
现在这样我可不待客 I'm in no shape to see nobody.
是闪光镇公爵 It's the Duke of Twinkletown.
让他进来 Send him in.
老天爷啊 佐格国王 看来传言说的是真的 My God, King Zog. So the fantastical stories were true.
这是我见过最壮观的脚指头 It's the most glorious thing I've ever seen.
可以让我碰一下吗 Do you deign that I might touch it?
碰吧 I so deign.
叮当 Doink.
诸王之王的国王啊 Oh, King of King of Kings,
我在这世上最雄壮最肥大的脚趾面前俯首称臣 I bow before the greatest, fattest toe in the land.
一切痛苦都值了 现在给我看看你的脚趾 It was worth it. Now, show me your toe.
没人给你讲过痛风的下一个阶段吗 No one told you about the next stage of gout?
请看吧 Oh, my. Check this out.
没错 医生把坏掉的脚截肢了 That's right. They chopped off my infected foot.
可惜这年代麻醉剂还没发明出来 It's a shame anesthesia hasn't been invented yet.
你就等着瞧好吧 You're in for a treat.
接见到此为止了 公爵 快滚吧 Okay, show's over. Duke, scram your ass out of here.
那会说话的黑猫真嚣张 That talking cat was so bossy.
又怎么了 What now? Oh!
监狱
你要是能把面包直接递给我就好了 I would prefer it if you would just pass me the bread.
我的监狱我说了算 My jail, my rules.
艾尔弗 你以前还挺酷的 怎么堕落了 Oh, Elfo, you were almost cool, and now look at you.
他就是很酷 他依字母顺序整理了我的娃娃 He is cool. He alphabetized my stuffed animals.
别乱动娃娃 上面全是虱子 Don't touch 'em. They're crawling with lice.
监狱
-出什么事了 -不知道 - What was that? - I don't know.
这城堡里总有惨叫声 But there's always screaming around here.
毕竟下面就是地牢 I mean, we do have a dungeon,
还有拷问室 托儿所 还有 and a torture chamber and a day care center and also--
听声音不是托儿所的孩子 快去看看谁死了 That's no toddler scream. Let's see who died.
应该是痛风爆炸了 I think the duke exploded from gout.
吸盘的痕迹 触手形状的伤口 Suction marks, tentacle hole...
这人是被章鱼杀死的 This man was obviously killed with an octopus.
你喝多了吗 What are you, high?
你给我闭嘴 城堡里有杀人凶手 Quiet, you. There's a murderer loose in the castle.
要小心能控制章鱼的男人或女人 Be on the lookout for a man or woman or elf
或者精灵 wielding an octopus.
小碧 你的父亲可以帮我们抓住凶手 Bean, your dad can help us catch the murderer.
他是有史以来最伟大的战士 He's the greatest warrior of all time.
我的拖鞋掉了 能帮我捡一下吗 My slipper fell off. Can you get it?
下水道里有一条可怕的大虫子 Big, scary worm is down in hole.
行了行了 Sure, sure.
十分钟之前你还说有个可怕的大影子跟着你 Ten minutes ago, there was a big, scary shadow following you.
我说的是实话 Two things can be real.
站住 是谁 Halt! Who goes there?
我说站住 不许再滑行了 I said halt, not slither!
只要他还在这一层 就能抓到他 As long as he's on this floor, we got him.
-或者她 -我打赌是奥德瓦干的 - Or her. - I bet it's Odval.
任何比我眼睛多或少的人我都不相信 I can't trust anyone with more or fewer eyes than I have.
你们了解了奥狄之后就会发现他是个好人 Oh, Oddie's a good guy once you get to know him.
重要的是大家团结在一起 The important thing is that we stick together
组成一个缓慢而强大的整体 in a big, moving clump of safety.
这样就没有人能 That way, no one--
德里克 Derek!
小碧 跟我来 Bean, come with me.
谁把我转过去 我什么也看不见 Hey, somebody turn me around. I can't see nothin'.
路西的地狱酒馆
搞什么 Wha?
不 No!
不好了 不好了 我们该怎么办 Oh, my God. Oh, my God. What do we do?
我们把他救回来 来吧 我们下去 We get him back. Come on, we are going in.
但是下面很黑而且全是章鱼 But it's dark and full of octopus.
至少这样就不黑了 Well, this at least covers the "Dark" Part.
天啊 我们差点就没命了 Oh, my God. We almost died.
德里克 很抱歉我以前那样对你 Derek, I'm so sorry I treated you the way I did.
我不想你就这么死了 This is not the way I wanted you to die.
完蛋了 一切都晚了 他皮肤都发蓝了 Oh, God. It's over. He's turning blue.
他本来就是蓝色的 He was already blue.
我觉得蓝色在变的越来越淡 I think he's actually turning less blue.
这是好事还是坏事 Is that good or bad?
我怎么知道 我是绿色的 不是蓝的 How should I know? I'm green, not blue.
你该不会是色盲吧 God. Do all people of color look the same to you?
他还活着 醒醒 醒醒伙计 He's alive! Wake up. Wake up, buddy.
坚持住弟弟 我们这就带你回家 Hang in there, little brother. We're gonna get you home.
怎么带 咱俩勉强才挤过洞穴隧道 How? The two of us could barely fit through that tunnel,
德里克又这么肥硕 and Derek is rather Rubenesque.
他平时可没少吃肥肉三明治 You know, from eating all those Reuben sandwiches.
肯定还有别的出口 There's gotta be some other way out.
你听 Listen.
都怪这老太太骨质酥松 Damn you, brittle-old-lady bone.
好险 Phew.
快跑 小碧 Hurry, Bean!
就算是派对游艇的船长 Even a Party Barge captain
也需要偶尔独自享受一下宁静的夜晚 needs a quiet night alone once in a while.
每次想要在怪兽岛附近休息一下就出事 Every time I try to relax by Monster Island.
所有人听令 放下派对小艇 All hands on deck! Lower the Party Dinghy!
欢迎登船 Welcome aboard.
鉴于这次是救援任务 Since this be a rescue mission,
我就收你半价好了 I'll only charge ye half price.
但我得提醒你 But I warn ye,
会有很多你意想不到的附加费用 there be hidden surcharges ye can hardly imagine.
我的船沉了 Me vessel has gone under.
作为海员要遵循海上的法则 And 'tis the immutable law of the sea
那就是船在人在 船亡人亡 that a captain must go down with his ship.
但转念一想何必这么较真呢 Still, I don't think we need to be sticklers about it.
我们还是走吧 Let's just go.
虽然我想帮忙 但明天之前得把这本书还回去 I'd help ya, but I've gotta return this book by tomorrow.
图书馆就像一位冷酷的情妇 The library be a cruel mistress.
小碧 你救了我的命 看来你还是爱我的 Bean! You rescued me. I guess you really do love me.
我一直以为你宁愿我死了 And all this time, I thought you wanted me dead.
这两件事不矛盾 Two things can be real.
第十七章 爱是粘粘的拥抱 "Chapter 17, Love's Slimy Embrace.
船长落寞的叹了一口气 The sea captain heaved a lonely sigh
用强壮的手摸了摸自己茂密的头发 and ran his sturdy hand through his luxuriant locks.
他心想不知再过多久 He wondered how long until
才能再次感受到被拥抱着的 he would feel another's arms wrapped around--"