中央高中
20年前
男更衣室
下面来一曲拽步舞 And now, it's time for a breakdown.
哼, 哼, 哼, 耶... Mmm, mmm, mmm, yeah...
我说过怪鸡鸡鲍勃会在第一节球赛中来这里洗澡 Man, I told you Robbie Wheirdicht showers here during first period.
他为什么不能像正常人一样在家里洗澡 Why doesn't he just shower at home like a normal person?
看看他 Look at him.
有一点正常之处吗 Does anything about that look normal to you?
他跳舞还是蛮好的 You know, he's actually a pretty good dancer.
不 这人太不正常了 I mean, fuck that guy is different!
我们整他 Let's wreck him.
喂 怪鸡鸡 Hey, Weird Dick!
来 Come on.
最后 年轻的女士们先生们 Finally, young ladies and young gentlemen,
我很荣幸的宣布 it is my pleasure to announce that the winner
本年度全国最佳高中生奖获得者 of the National High School Student of the Year Award
正是我们本校的 is none other than your very own
两届学生会主席 two-time student body president,
中央高中的全山谷田径队队长 the captain of Central High's All Valley track team,
话剧协会主席 president of the drama club
也是"最有前途的人"当选者 and the senior voted "Most Likely to Succeed."
我从事了40年的教育 I gotta tell you folks, after 40 years as an educator,
他是我最得意的学生 he is my favorite student.
真希望他是我儿子 I wish he were my son
可惜我没有生育能力 if I were medically able to have children.
他就是人人都喜欢的全能型人才 He's everybody's favorite all-around guy...
"黄金喷气机"加尔文·乔伊纳 来吧 Calvin "The Golden Jet" Joyner! Come on!
黄金喷气机 黄金喷气机 黄金喷气机 Golden Jet! Golden Jet! Golden Jet!
天啊 Oh, my goodness.
哇 诸位 Wow! Wow, guys.
喂 我们为肯特校长鼓掌吧 Hey! How about a hand for Principal Kent, huh?
怎么样 Huh?
说实话 如果我妈妈喜欢白人男子 肯定会嫁给你 Honestly, if my mom was into white guys, it would be you.
那是肯定的 I know it would, okay?
大家知道 这是我们最后一次开会了 Well, as we all know, this is our last assembly,
意味着这是我最后一次当着大家的面 which means this is the last time in front of you guys
对世上最美的女孩子说 that I'll be able to tell the most beautiful girl in the world...
我指的是你 麦吉·约翰逊 I'm talking about you, Maggie Johnson,
我爱你 我爱你 亲爱的 真的 that I love you. I love you, baby. I do.
我会把这个飞吻放在口袋里 I'm gonna put it in my pocket.
珍藏着 I'll save it.
好 Okay.
好了 各位 我们现在是高四生了 All right, guys. We're seniors now.
等我们拿到毕业证后 And once we get those diplomas,
之后的人生选择就取决于我们自己了 the decisions that we make after that are all up to us.
我不知道自己是什么人生之路 I don't know what path life is gonna take me on.
但我能向你们保证 But I can promise you all this...
我会在每一阶段 每一步 That I, for one, will push myself
都督促自己 at every stage, at every step.
因此我有个问题 So, I got one question to ask.
要问1996届毕业班的学生们 I got one question for the graduating class of 1996
那就是：你会不会… and that's "Will you..."
都来看怪鸡鸡 Check out my Weird Dick!
喂 给你 Hey. Here, here, man.
谢谢 Thank you.
这下肯定一去不回头了 Well, there's no coming back from that.
这就是加尔文·乔伊纳 Calvin Joyner, everybody,
被评为"最有前途的学生" voted "Most Likely to Succeed."
黄金喷气机 黄金喷气机 黄金喷气机 Golden Jet! Golden Jet! Golden Jet!
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20年后
喂 你看 Yo. Check it.
拜托 我可不想看 Oh, come on, man. I don't want to see that.
不 是我的鸡鸡 Oh, no, no, it's my dick.
我知道是什么 我不想看 I know what it is. I don't want to see it.
你真逗 Hilarious.
我在研发一种色情短信应用 No, I'm working on this new sexting app.
类似于艺术照片 It's kind of like Instagram, right?
但不是做艺术化处理 But, instead of filters,
而是让你的鸡鸡变大 it just makes your junk look huge.
能拉长3-6英吋 Like, three to six inches bigger.
这叫"拉鸡邮件" 有才吧 It's called "Junk Mail." Clever, right?
- 不 因为… - 等一下 - No, and here's why... - Sorry, hang on, one second.
我先… I'm just gonna...
你要干什么 What are you doing?
好了 发送 Okay, and send.
抱歉 你刚才说什么 Sorry, you were saying something boring.
你刚发送了鸡鸡的照片 You just sent a dick pic.
这叫约炮 老大爷 查查字典吧 It's called dating, grandma. Look it up.
你怎么一上午都闷闷不乐 Why are you all cranky-pants this morning, huh?
因为升迁的是伊森 而不是你? Oh. It's because Ethan got promoted instead of you?
伊森升迁了? Ethan got promoted?
公司历史上最年轻的高级合伙人 Youngest senior associate in the history of the firm.
大办公室 应有尽有 Corner office, the whole deal.
他以前不是你的助理吗 Didn't he used to be your assistant?
管它呢 你跟我们一起吃午饭吧 Who cares? Hey, you should come to lunch with us.
我们要庆祝他的升迁 We're gonna be celebrating his pro-mosh!
你去舔舔他也有好处 It'll probably be good for you to kiss the ring a bit.
舔舔他? "Kiss the ring a bit"?
你可以按照你的处世之道 Hey, you play your chessboard however you like, okay?
反正我中午时要给他使劲跪舔 Me, lunch today? I'm gonna French kiss that thing.
啊啊啊 Aah...
我去不了 我今天要和我老婆一起吃午饭 I can't. I'm taking my wife to lunch today, so...
好 那就遗憾了 All right. Bummer for you.
因为我们要热闹的庆祝
我们要热闹的庆祝
对吗 Right?
你能走开吗 Can you just get out of my face?
好的 # Blessed.
敬给一个不只是我的同事 To a guy I not only consider my coworker,
也是我的朋友的人 but my personal friend.
- 敬给伊森 - 干杯 - To Ethan! - Cheers!
你想过去吗 我知道这样不好 Do you wanna move tables? I know this kind of sucks.
不 这没什么不好 No, no. It doesn't suck.
如果我想喝那种冰茶 Hey, if I wanted to get one of those ice teas
我就喝那种波旁… 叫什么来着 but I want most of it to be bourbon... What is that called?
好 我们还是换个开心点的话题吧 Okay. How about we change the topic to something a little more fun?
换什么话题都行 Anything else, please.
那就谈谈 Oh, how about...
我打算明晚穿的这件裙装 This is the dress that I'm thinking about wearing.
哦 Oh!
老公 我希望明晚每个女人都会嫉妒 Honey, I want every single girl to be jealous tomorrow night.
哦 Oh.
怎么了 What?
我… 我不想去了 I just... I just don't want to go.
加尔文 明天是我们高中同学20年聚会 Calvin, it's our 20-year high school reunion.
我可不能一个人去 I'm not gonna go without you.
我们说过会去的 我都回复他们了 We agreed we were going. I RSVP'd for us.
我只是改变主意了而已 I just changed my mind. That's all.
好 我知道了 Okay. I see.
你对升迁的事很失望 我理解 You're disappointed about the promotion. I get it.
不是因为升迁 This is not about the promotion.
而是因为我不想明天晚上 Okay, this has to do with me not wanting to spend my Friday night
一直回答"你做什么职业"这个问题 answering the "What are you doing now?" question.
肯定都会问我 That's what I'll get all night.
"加尔文 你现在什么职业""会计师" "Hey, Calvin, what are you doing now?" "I'm an accountant."
"会计师?真的吗 "An accountant? Really?
"我还以为你当上州长了呢 "I thought you would be the governor, man.
"慢着 你不是被评为最有前途的人吗 "Wait a minute. Didn't you get voted 'Most Likely to Succeed'?
我们怀念当年的你" "I guess we missed that one."
你最近就是因此而闷闷不乐? Is this why you've been so weird and moody lately?
就因为担心同学聚会? 'Cause you're freaking out about the reunion?
- 不是 - 而且当会计 - No. - And what's the matter
有什么不好 你爱你的工作 with being an accountant? You love your job.
不 你爱你的工作 No, you love your job.
我是擅长于我的工作 不一样 I'm good at my job. It's not the same thing.
这么说不公平 Honey, that's not fair.
你是你公司的合伙人 You're a partner at your firm.
而我却在门前有一个, 充气大猩猩的公司工作. Instead, I work in a building with a giant, inflatable gorilla out in front of it.
我不希望自己的人生顶峰是在高中 Look, I don't want to be the guy that peaked in high school
顶峰之后 人生就直线下滑 and, after he peaked, his life went like this...
可能不是这个声音 I don't know the sound that that thing makes,
反正你懂我的意思 but you know what I'm trying to do.
我就是那个直线下滑的人 I'm the guy that went down, okay?
- 耶. - 到了现在 - Yeah. - Then my life
我成了令人失望的人 down here became a disappointment.
我就是这样 That's what I'll be.
哇 Wow.
怎么了 What?
真没想到你和我一起的人生原来是这么直线下滑的失望 I had no idea that your life with me was such a soundless, crashing disappointment!
别这么做 Don't do that.
- 别这么做 - 就是这个声音 - That's not... Don't do that. - That's the sound.
知道我要发出什么声音吗 You want to know the sound I'm about to make right now?
就是我不去的声音 The sound of me not going.
就是这个声音 That's the sound I'm making.
我不去了 I'm not going.
是啊 Yeah.
哼-哼-哼. Mmm-mmm-mmm.
不 No.
不去 Not going to that.
鲍勃·斯通? Bob Stone?
好吧 Okay.
喂 Hello?
- 嗨 - 你吓了我一跳 - Hey. - Girl, you scared me.
- 是吗 - 是的 我还以为你是… - I did? - Yes. I thought that you were...
我刚刚… I just... On the...
算了 我很高兴你打来电话 Never mind. Hey, I'm glad you called.
今天午餐的事我很抱歉 I'm sorry about lunch today.
我是个傻瓜 老婆 I'm an idiot, babe.
我都不知道自己是怎么了 I don't even know what's going on with me right now.
- 真的 - 是吗 - I really don't. - Yeah?
其实呢 老公 Actually, honey,
这正是我打电话要跟你谈的 that's what I was calling to talk to you about.
老公 我觉得我们该找个人看看 Look, honey, I think that we should see someone.
你什么意思 找人看看 What do you mean, "Someone"? What do you mean?
找人看看 找个心理医生 See someone, like a therapist.
老婆 没有黑人去看心理医生 Honey, black people don't go to therapy.
黑人都是去理发店 We go to barbershops.
在那里谈论我们的烦恼 That's where we talk out our problems.
或者是看电影"理发店"非此即彼 Or we watch the movie Barbershop. One or the other.
我父母离婚前 Look, my parents were really unhappy
很多年就一直很不幸福 for a long time before they got divorced.
如果他们当时找个心理医生 也许就不会离婚了 And maybe if they saw someone sooner, they would still be married.
我只是想把这苗头掐死在萌芽里 I just want to nip this thing in the bud, whatever it is.
不希望最后像我父母一样 I don't want to end up like my parents.
你好 Wassup?
拜托 如果你不愿意的话 就当是为了我 Please, just do it for me, if not for you.
好吧 呃 All right. Uh...
- 你想什么时候去 - 真的吗 - When? When do you want to do it? - Really?
医生说他可以在晚上六点接待我们 The doctor said he could see us at 6:00 p.m.
六点 什么时候 今晚? Um... 6:00 p.m., when? Tonight?
是的 有困难吗 Yeah. Yeah, is that a problem?
天啊 怪鸡鸡鲍勃? Holy shit! Robbie Wheirdicht?
加尔文 老公 你在吗 Calvin, honey? Hello?
我在 Um, yeah.
我不能去 我今晚有别的安排 老婆 I can't. I already made plans for tonight, baby.
- 跟谁 - 跟鲍勃·斯通 - Plans with who? - With Bob Stone.
鲍勃·斯通是谁 听起来像个假名 Who's Bob Stone? That sounds like a fake name.
不是 你记得高中同学怪鸡鸡鲍勃吗 No, no. You remember Robbie Wheirdicht, from high school?
不记得 No.
在返校节被特丽莎揍了的那个 The guy who got beaten up by Trisha Demarco at homecoming?
不记得 No.
就是文艺演出上 假唱Coolio的歌 The kid that tried to rap along to Coolio's 1,2,3,4 at the talent show
中间唱跑调了 but then he kinda lost his way, midway through
只能站着摇头晃脑的那个 so he just started bopping his head, and he stood there?
不记得 没印象 No. Nothing.
高四那年被光屁股扔进体育馆的那个 The guy who got thrown out the gym, butt-ass-naked, senior year?
天啊 我记得 Oh, my God, yeah!
直接说最后一个不就行了吗 Why wouldn't you start with that?
因为我觉得这个不体面 Because I thought that was kind of mean. I don't know.
在那之后 他再没回学校 是吗 He never came back to school after that, right?
连期末考试和毕业典礼都没来 Like, not for finals or graduation or anything.
他不是参军了吗 Didn't he join the military or something?
拿不准. 不知道他有没有参军, 反正他改名为鲍勃·斯通 I'm not sure. I don't know if he did or not, but he changed his name to "Bob Stone"
而且他要来参加高中同学聚会 and apparently he's in town for the high school reunion.
他想今晚请我吃饭 我已经答应了 He wants to go to dinner tonight, and I kinda already said "yes."
- 好 - 如果你要我取消 - Okay. - If you want me to cancel,
我会的 I will. You know?
如果你要我这么做 我不介意 If that's what you want, I don't mind.
虽然有点变态 但随便你 Mmm-mmm. I mean, it's a little weird, but whatever.
我问问医生明天能不能安排 I'll just see if the doctor can fit us in tomorrow.
- 明天中午如何 - 好的 - How about at lunch time? - Okay. All right, fine.
好的 我爱你 Okay, good. I love you.
我也爱你 老婆 真的 I love you, too, babe. I do.
- 天啊 - 什么声音 - Oh, my... - What is that?
- 好 - 加尔文 你是不是… - Okay. - Calvin? Are you...
我爱你 再见 Love you. Bye-bye.
不 No!
停 停 Stop, stop!
嗨 我… Hey, man. I...
嗨 你们好 Hey! What's up, guys?
恭喜你的升迁 Congratulations on that promotion, man.
很不简单 It's quite the thing.
谢谢 喂 看这个不得体 Thank you. Hey, that's not work appropriate.
是啊 Yup.
不应该 不应该 Not cool, man. Not cool.
喂 发给我 Hey, forward that to me.
真的吗 For real man, seriously?
是的 看着点 小子 Yeah. Watch it, punk.
你也看着点 Excuse you, too.
哥们 My man!
别过来 Back the fuck up!
- 喂 - 别过来 - Whoa! - Back up, man!
好吧 我让你尝尝我的拳头 Fine. I'll give you these fists.
我会揍你 I'll fist your ass.
加尔文 是我 鲍勃 Calvin. It's me, Bob.
什么 我认识你吗 What? Sorry, do I know you?
认识我… Do you know...
高中同学怪鸡鸡鲍勃 Robbie Wheirdicht from high school!
不会吧 什么 Are you kidding? What?
- 等等 你是怪鸡鸡鲍勃? - 是的 - Wait, you're Robbie Wheirdicht? - Yeah!
天啊 你得瘦了200斤吧 God, man, look at you! You've lost, like, 200 pounds!
都变成肌肉了 I see you gained it back in muscle.
天啊 你看起来真好 Oh, my God! You look great!
- 不 你看起来真好 - 得了吧 - No, you look great! - Stop it.
不 你还是高中时那个样子 No, you haven't changed since high school, dude!
你现在性感的要命 No, you're just sexy as dick right now.
这种话你也能说的出口 You don't look somebody in the eyes and say that.
我们大醉一场吧 Hey, let's get hammered.
我明早还要上班 我还是… I got an early day at work, so I'll probably...
来吧 我请客 No, come on, I'm buying!
天 Oh, shit.
哼. Mmm.
对不起 我实在太惊讶了 I'm sorry, man. I am blown away right now.
你以前是胖子鲍勃 Dude, you used to be Fat Robbie.
看你现在 完全大变样了 Look at you! This is like a total transformation.
简直成了大力神 You look like Hercules or somebody.
你是怎么做到的 告诉我 What did you do? Come on, give it to me.
- 也没怎么 - 得了吧 - I didn't do much, really. - Stop it.
我只做了一件事 All right. I just did one thing.
说吧 我想知道 Come on, I need to know.
我每天锻炼6小时 I worked out six hours a day, every day,
这20年来从未间断 for the last 20 years straight.
- 人人都能做到这一点 - 是啊 - I mean, anybody can do it, right? - Yeah.
是啊 我一直在练热瑜伽 Yeah. You know, I've gotten into hot yoga.
我开始去训练班 I started doing some sessions.
呃. h-huh.
这独角兽不错啊 Nice unicorn, man.
是啊 我很喜欢独角兽 Oh, yeah, I'm big-time into 'corns.
很神奇 So magical, right?
它们是世上最凶残的动物 You know, they're the most lethal animal on the planet.
给 Here you go.
两位 我叫莱克西 Guys, my name's Lexi.
需要什么就说一声 Just let me know if you need anything.
好 Okay.
任何方面的需求 I mean, like, anything at all.
好的 Okie-dokie.
你真逗 你有没有自拍过裸照 You're funny. Do you ever, like, Snapchat?
- 没有 其实… - 我没问你 - Oh, no. You know... - I wasn't talking to you.
没 没 我没拍过 No, no, no. I don't do that.
我只是跟高中老同学叙旧 I'm just catching up with an old friend from high school.
你人真好 Aw. You're so sweet.
我也觉得独角兽很性感 I think unicorns are sexy, too.
你经常碰到这种事吧 That must happen to you all the time, right?
没有 Ah, nah.
这些风流韵事 I mean, all that meaningless sex is just...
不再是我的菜了 It's not my bag anymore, CJ.
我希望能有感情交流 No, now, I'm looking for more of an emotional connection.
我下一个交往的女人 The next woman I lay with,
她的内在美 she's gonna be beautiful on the inside,
要和外在美一样 just as much as she is on the outside.
对了 你在高中时喜欢的那个女生怎么样了? Hey, wait. Whatever happened to that girl that you liked in high school?
天 那个"天才小医生"女生 Oh, God, man. The "Doogie Howser" girl.
她才14岁就上了高四 She was 14, but somehow she was a senior.
上学穿着斗篷 She wore a cape.
- 达拉·莫佳肯 - 达拉·莫佳肯 - Darla McGuckian. - Darla McGuckian.
小甜蜜 "Yucky Gucky."
- 她是不是有个眼睛弱视? - 两个都是 - Didn't she have a lazy eye or something? - Two of 'em.
对 Right.
不过 我不想谈我的事 Hey, but listen, I don't wanna talk about me.
我想谈谈你 I wanna talk about you.
我听说你和麦吉·约翰逊结婚了 I heard that you and Maggie Johnson got hitched.
是啊 Oh, yeah.
大学毕业后就结婚了 Yeah, man, right after college.
哇 全校头号美女和头号酷哥 Wow! The prettiest girl in school, and the coolest guy in school!
我有福气 Oh, man, I got lucky.
你俩简直就是金童玉女 I mean, you guys are like a power couple, dude!
- 不 不 - 是的 - No, no. - Yes!
你俩就像泰勒·斯威夫特是她现在的男朋友 You're like Taylor Swift and whoever she's dating right now.
- 金童玉女 - 谢谢 - Power. - Uh, thanks!
你们有孩子吗 Yeah. You guys got kids?
还没有 No. No kids yet.
我们本打算大学后就生孩子 We planned on it after college,
但麦吉去了法律学院 我的工作又经常换 but Maggie went to law school, I kept changing jobs.
现在要孩子不合适 You know, having kids just isn't in our cards right now.
目前还不行 Not at this point, that's all.
- 噢 - 是的 - Oh, okay. - Yeah.
我不想谈我和麦吉 I don't wanna talk about me and Maggie and myself.
你呢 你现在做什么 What about you? What are you doing?
我还没问你什么工作呢 I didn't even ask you, man. What do you do for work?
我是政府承包商 I'm a government contractor.
不错 承包建筑工程? Okay, that's cool. Like, what, buildings and stuff?
差不多 Yeah, sort of.
但我刚被解雇 But I kinda just got fired.
- 靠 我很遗憾 - 没什么 - Oh, shit! I'm sorry, man. - Oh, it's okay.
去他们的 他们都太死板了 Screw those guys, anyway. They're way too corporate.
我们这样的人是领袖人物 对吗 'Cause dudes like me and you, I mean, we're alpha dogs, right?
我们是开拓者和先驱者 I mean, we're pathfinders and trailblazers.
不会听任何人的摆布 对吗 And we don't listen to what anyone tells us, right?
- 对 - 没错 - Yeah, right. - Yeah.
别人给我一些预先核准的参数 I mean, come on, man, I sorta path-find a little bit
我也会开拓出一些东西来 along certain preapproved parameters that are given to me.
我愿意开拓 但都是有个框架 I'm willing to path-find but it's all about how it's set up.
不过在这个框架内 我很能开拓 你会很惊讶的 But within the box that I have, I go nuts. You'll be surprised.
有天一个人对我说： I had a guy tell me the other day,
加尔文 我需要那份文件的 "Hey, Calvin, you know, I need those accounting numbers back
会计数字 "from, you know, the file."
- 我说：你去死吧 吉姆 - 好啊 - I said, "Go fuck yourself, Jim." - Yeah.
我并没说 因为当时不在我的框架内 I didn't say it because I wasn't in my box,
- 但我心里想过 - 没错 好啊 - but I thought about it. - Exactly! Yeah! Yeah!
我有个想法 我们换白酒吧 I got an idea. Let's do shots!
不 No!
对不起我要拒绝 I'm sorry for saying it like that, but no.
我有10年没喝白酒了 I haven't had shots in almost 10 years, man.
拜托 一定要喝 我们在庆祝呢 What? Come on, we have to! We're celebrating!
庆祝什么 Celebrating what?
庆祝我跟高中最酷的人在一起 Celebrating that I'm hanging with the coolest kid in high school.
- 得了吧 - 加尔文·乔伊纳 - Stop it. - Calvin Joyner!
黄金喷气机 The Golden Jet.
不是吧 哇 You got to be shitting me. Wow!
我得…天啊 I haven't... God!
多少年没听过这个外号了 It's been forever since I heard that, man!
- 我喝 - 好 - I'll do one. - All right!
- 就一杯 - 白酒 - One shot. - Shots!
不 就一杯 No. One shot.
就一杯 鲍勃 我多年没喝了 Just one, okay? Bob, it's been a while.
天啊 你记得这个吗 Oh, shit! You remember this?
这在以前是睡衣派对 This was the jammy-jam!
你系着腰包吗 鲍勃 What's that? Is that a fanny pack, Bob?
是的 你要一个吗 Hell, yeah! Dude, you want one?
不用了 No, it's okay.
我家里有两个腰包 可以给你一个 I got two at home. I'll hook you up.
给你个皮的. Leather pack for The Jet.
腰包 Fanny!
该死 Shit.
我这是干什么啊 What the hell did I get myself into?
哼.哼 - 哼. Mmm. Mmm-mmm-mmm.
先生 这里有人坐了 Hey, sir, somebody's actually sitting there.
- 是有人坐过吧 - 喂 - Yeah, someone was. - No! Hey, man!
喂 你没看见这件汗衫吗 Hey, you don't see the sweatshirt right here?
- 这里有人 - 只要离开 座位就没了 - Man, somebody's sitting here. - Move your meat, lose your seat.
你何必这么不讲理 Dude, you don't have to be a dick about it.
这座位有人了 Somebody's sitting in the chair.
你真要跟我过不去吗 朋友 Bro, are you seriously gonna go there, bro?
那样的话你只有一条路 'Cause there's only one way back, bro.
去重症病房的路 Through intensive care, bro.
你是指别人吗 如果是 那我再说话 Was that the last "bro"? 'Cause if it was, then I'll talk.
你是在说笑吗 That supposed to be funny?
你是说相声的? - Dude... - You a comedian now?
我怎么看你不像戴恩·库克啊 'Cause you don't look like Dane Cook to me, bro.
喂 Hey, now!
怎么了 What's the rumpus?
没什么 You know... There's no problem, man.
我们换个桌 拿上你的外套走吧 Let's just go to another table. Get your jacket. Let's go.
- 我们哪儿也不去 - 听你懦夫朋友的 - No, we're not gonna go anywhere. - Listen to your pussy friend.
这种健身房里练出来的肌肉吓不住任何人 Those gym muscles aren't scaring anybody, pal.
- 这种吗 - 我们走吧 没关系 - Oh, these? - Let's just go. It's okay.
不 我们不走 此人侮辱你 No, we're not gonna go. This man insulted you.
他不道歉我们不走 And we're not gonna leave until he apologizes.
- 没关系 - 有矛盾了吗 - It's okay. - Hey, we got a problem here?
- 没有 - 是的 有大矛盾了 - No, no. - Yeah, we got a big problem.
你这位朋友侮辱了我的朋友 Your friend, here, really insulted my friend
他需要道歉 and he needs to apologize.
我看他不需要 I don't think he does.
不需要 He doesn't.
听我说 Oh, you know what, man?
我看情况有点失控 I think this whole situation's getting a little out of control.
我能解决此事 I can fix this whole thing.
我买些玉米脆饼"爆炸"牌的 I'll order some nachos. The "Explosions."
有四层奶酪的 我们一起吃 It's got four cheeses! Let's eat 'em together.
干脆 你们都吃了吧 You know what? You take them.
我们走 Let's go.
不 我们哪儿也不去 杰 Nah. We're not going anywhere, Jet.
这事很快就解决 This whole thing will be over in a jiff.
这么解决如何 Hey, how about this?
你和你的男朋友对这位里克道歉 Why don't you and your boyfriend apologize to Big Rick here
然后你们去停车场互相撸管 and then go jerk each other in the parking lot?
这非常… That's a lot...
你说的对 加尔文 Yeah. You're right, CJ.
这是一个脾气暴躁的人说的很歧视同性恋的话 That's a lot of homophobia coming out of a very angry man.
你该找个心理医生看看 You need to go get that looked at by a trained professional.
但既然你让事态升级 But, since you have escalated this whole scenario
带了一把 by bringing what I can only assume
貌似是无证手枪来到这公共场所 is an unlicensed firearm into this public place,
威胁到这些无辜人的人身安全 endangering the lives of all these innocent people,
凭良心 我就不能再一走了之 I can no longer, in good conscience, walk away
去停车场给谁撸管了 and jerk anyone off in the parking lot.
我哪儿也不去 I'm afraid we ain't going anywhere.
你该滚出去了 It's time for you to get out of here, pal.
喂喂 Whoa, whoa, whoa.
我们有四个人呢 There's four of us, tough guy.
这我知道 Yeah. I got that.
在我们动手之前, 你们要了解我一点. All right. Before this whole thing goes down, you should know one thing about me.
什么 What's that?
我讨厌仗势欺人 I don't like bullies.
我们走 杰 Let's go, Jet.
好 Yes.
天啊 但愿他是天主教徒 Oh, my God! I hope he's Catholic.
我的天啊 Oh, my God!
刚才咋回事 What the hell was that?
鲍勃 你太厉害了 我从未见过这种身手 Bob, that was amazing! I've never seen anything like that!
你抓住一个人 这样打了他一下 You took the one guy, you hit him like this.
他都喘不过气来 He couldn't breathe.
我坐在那里看着他… I sat there, I'm looking at him...
你对他说：我讨厌仗势欺人 You talkin' to him like, "I don't like bullies."
我想：这话不够霸气 但很霸气 I was like, "That's not a good line." But it was!
没想到你会打架 I didn't even know you could fight!
你穿着独角兽衫 系着腰包 完全搭配 You had a unicorn shirt, a fanny pack, and it totally worked!
你就像杰森·伯恩 只不过穿着牛仔短裤 You were like Jason Bourne, man, but with jorts!
你怎么做到的 哪里学的武术 How did you do that? Where'd you learn that stuff?
我工作时学过几课 I took a couple classes at work.
希望下手没有太重 I hope I didn't go too far.
杰, 抱歉让你扫兴了 I'm sorry about ruining the night, Jet.
扫兴?不 这是最尽兴的事 Ruin my night? No! It was the coolest thing ever, man!
- 真的吗 - 是的 - Really? - Yes!
看着我兄弟收拾那些混蛋 To see my boy go in and whoop ass on those idiots back there.
这太爽了 Dude, that was amazing!
慢着 我们是兄弟? Wait, we're boys?
是啊 我们是兄弟 Yeah, we boys.
哇 我… Wow. I...
从没有过兄弟 Never had a boy.
- 这太好了来 - 等等 - That's awesome! Come here! - Oh, wait.
别 你这是干什么 Stop. What's going on, man?
- 我喜欢拥抱! - 你再干什么? - I'm a hugger! - What're you doing?
我有个点子 我们走吧 这是我的摩托车 Hey! I got an idea. Let's roll. Here's my bike.
等等 这是你的摩托车? Wait. That's your bike?
是的 川崎800 Yeah. Kawasaki 800!
我知道是什么车型 I know what the bike is.
我在高中时也有这么一辆 I had the same bike in high school, man.
- 你还骑吗 - 不 - You still ride? - No, man.
我多年没骑摩托车了 I haven't ridden a bike in years!
来吧 我们走 Come on, let's roll.
哪儿 你要去哪儿 Where? Where you trying to go?
我知道一个很合适的地方 走吧 I know the perfect spot. Come on, Jet.
去就去 去就去 You know, why not? Why not?
经过刚才… 好的 After this... Yeah, okay!
我们走 Let's roll.
喂喂 鲍勃 慢点 慢点 Whoa, whoa, whoa! Hey, Bob! Slow, slow, slow!
鲍勃 喂 喂 Bob, hey, hey!
中央高中
天啊 恍如隔世啊 God, this is so crazy, man.
让人想起太多往事 This brings back so many memories.
是啊 加尔文 I don't know, CJ.
我的高中生活很艰难 I mean, high school wasn't easy for me, man.
不知你是否知道, 我在高中时没几个朋友. I don't know if you know this, but I didn't have many friends back then.
什么 What?
真的吗 - Really? - No.
我还以为… I don't know why I thought...
是真的 True story.
我本以为高中就像"十六支蜡烛" Man, I thought high school was gonna be like Sixteen Candles
而我就像莫丽·林沃德 and I was gonna be like Molly Ringwald.
虽然开始时困难重重, 但到最后... Sure, things were difficult in the beginning, but then, by the end...
一切都很美满 everything worked out.
杰克·莱恩开着红色保时捷去接她 And Jake Ryan picked her up in that red Porsche.
哇 What-what?
你看过那部电影吗 You ever see that movie?
我是黑人 所以我不知道… I'm black, so I don't know the...
你一定要看看 You gotta see it, dude.
很经典 是我最喜欢的电影 Total classic. It's my favorite all-time movie.
但后来我发现高中生活完全不像"十六根蜡烛" Then I realized high school was nothing like Sixteen Candles.
我也永远不会像莫丽·林沃德那样 And I'll never be like Molly Ringwald.
男更衣室
这要看对谁了 Yeah, well, depends on who you ask.
对我来说… That's the thing. For me, I...
怎么了 What's going on?
哇 Oh, wow.
我想说 我很同情 Hey, man, I just wanna say that I'm really sorry
当时特雷弗几个人那么欺负你 about what Trevor and those guys did to you back then.
没什么 我很少想起那件事 No biggie. I don't even think about it anymore. No.
那好 Okay, good.
我的办法是 Yeah. Here's the secret. You know what I did, Jet?
我把这件事 I took all that stuff and I balled it up real tight
深深压在心底 and then I shoved it way down deep.
就当没发生过 And I just pretty much ignore it.
这听起来很不健康 鲍勃 You know, that sounds really unhealthy, Bob.
喂 我得说 Hey, I gotta tell you.
你是那天唯一帮我的人 You were the only one who helped me out that day.
还记得吗 In the gym? Remember that?
你把你的优秀运动员外套给了我 And you gave me your letterman's jacket!
你别介意 那件外套你一直没还给我 Hey, not for nothing, but I never got that jacket back, man.
呃! Huh!
真的吗 奇怪 Really? Strange.
我想谢谢你那天对我的帮助. Hey, but listen, I just wanna thank you for what you did for me that day.
很仗义 杰 That was really cool of you, Jet.
得了 那是应该做的 Stop, man. It was the right thing to do, you know?
- 告诉你一件奇事 - 什么事 - You wanna hear something weird? - What?
后来我再没裸体过 I have not been naked since that day.
没在任何人面前裸体过 I mean, not in front of anyone.
从没 Never.
难道这20年来 So, you're telling me that for the last 20 years,
从没有人见过你光着身子? you've never been seen in your birthday suit?
- 没有 - 那你打炮的时候呢 - No. - So, what about when you have sex?
都是在漆黑的夜里 就像范·迪塞尔那样 I keep it pitch-black, just like Vin Diesel.
什么 What?
我一直不知道特雷弗后来怎么样了 You know I've been wondering, whatever happened to Trevor anyway?
他有没有被车撞死 被狗咬死 Did he get hit by a bus or ripped apart by dogs
或者被人慢慢折磨死? or die slowly of anything?
没有 他现在是个大投资银行家 No. No, no. He's a bigtime investment banker downtown.
- 噢 不错 - 是啊 - Oh, hey, cool. - Yeah.
混的不赖 Good for him, man.
鲍勃 如果你有什么心里话 你说就是 Hey, Bob, look, if you ever wanna talk, I'm here.
我不会介意 So I don't mind, you know?
完全不介意 如果你有… I don't mind at all, if you wanna...
不会吧 What?
哇 Whoa.
这是我们那一学年的各种纪念品 This is all our stuff from our year!
是啊 肯定是在为明晚的同学聚会做准备 Yeah. Must be getting ready for the reunion tomorrow night.
我们走吧 Come on, man. Let's get out of here.
不 看 到处都有你 What? No! "Get out..." Look, you're all over this!
篮球 棒球 越野赛 Look at this. Basketball, baseball, cross country.
哈姆雷特 Hamlet.
舞会国王 Prom King.
这是达拉·莫佳肯 There's Darla McGuckian.
花样游泳 真性感 Synchronized swimming, that's so sexy.
这里简直就是黄金喷气机的吉尼斯纪录大全 This is like the Guinness Book of Golden Jet Records right there.
我看到了 I see that.
说实话 我已经认不出当年的自己了 To be honest with you, I don't even recognize this guy anymore.
当年的这个人 This guy, here, he was gonna...
他打算去征服世界 He was gonna conquer the world.
如果1 8岁的我看到了现在的我 If 18-year-old me could see me now,
会觉得我完全是个废物 he'd probably think I was a total loser.
什么 别胡说 What? That's crazy talk!
- 你是黄金喷气机 - 别说了 - You're The Golden Jet, dude! - Stop.
别说了 别跟我提黄金喷气机了 Stop, Bob. Spare me with The Golden Jet shit.
我不是黄金喷气机了 我是个会计 I'm not The Golden Jet, man. I'm an accountant.
这就是我现在 That's my reality.
本以为我有更远大的命运 I just thought I was meant for more, you know?
我的一生会与众不同 My life would be something special.
俗话说每个人都是自己生命故事里的英雄 You know how they say every man is the hero of his own story?
是出自"暮光之城"吗 Was that in Twilight?
不 不是出自那里 No, I don't think that's where it's from.
不过那套丛书很棒 吸血鬼 But those books are cool, right? Vampires!
还有个狼人 And there's a wolf-boy.
我说的不是暮光之城 好吗 I'm not... I'm not talking about Twilight, Bob, okay?
我说的是 我感觉不到 I'm talking about the fact that I don't feel like
我是自己故事里的英雄 I'm the hero of my own story. That's...
你故事里的英雄当然是你了 How are you not the hero of your own story?
不可能是别人 No one else can be!
加尔文 我得对你说实话 Yo, CJ, I gotta be honest with you, man.
你说你感觉 I mean, all this talk about Calvin Joyner
自己不是英雄 not feeling like he's a hero...
这是胡说 That's crazy talk, man.
不 不是的 No. No, it's not.
你是我在高中最美好的回忆 You were the best thing about high school.
我一直相信你行 I'll always believe in you.
还记得你经常做的后空翻吗 Yo, do you remember those backflips you used to do?
观众一片惊呼 我也亲眼所见 The crowd would go crazy! I was there, too.
我就想天啊 他是怎么做到的 I was, like, "What? How's he do that?"
你是怎么做到的 How did you do that?
不知道 就是会 I don't know. I just did it, man.
没错 Exactly.
现在做一个 So, do it now.
不不 你疯了 不 No, no. You're crazy! No.
什么声音 What's that?
什么什么声音 What're you talking about? What's what?
- 黄金喷气机 - 省省吧 - Golden Jet! - No, stop it.
- 黄金喷气机 - 别说了 - Golden Jet! - Okay, stop it!
- 黄金喷气机 - 好了 - Golden Jet! - All right.
黄金喷气机 Golden Jet!
不来个后空翻我就一直喊下去 I'm not gonna stop until you do The Golden Jet flip!
黄金喷气机 Golden Jet!
好了 大家安静一下 安静一下 All right, everybody, settle down. Settle down!
既然大家都想看我后空翻 If the crowd wants a Golden Jet flip,
我就给大家来个后空翻 then they gonna get a Golden Jet flip.
来吧 You go, girl!
啊 天啊 Oh, God!
差点就成了 杰 That was so close, Jet.
哥们 来 Here, buddy. Come on.
肯定地板刚打过蜡 They must have just waxed these floors.
这绝对是第一次 That was definitely a first, man.
天 我都精疲力尽了 Oh, man, I am beat.
噢 Oh.
喂 杰 Hey, Jet!
我今晚非常开心 Man, I had a great time tonight.
哇 Whoa!
我也非常开心 You know what? I had a good time, too, man.
感觉这正是我需要的 I feel like I needed this, you know?
是啊 我也是 Yeah. Yeah. Me, too!
谢谢你 Thank you.
不客气 朋友 不客气 My pleasure, amigo. Any time.
如果有用得着我的地方 一句话就行 Hey, if there's ever anything I can do for you, just say the word.
哇 这是真心话吗 Wow. You really mean that?
是的 Yeah.
我本来不想说的 那我就说了吧 I wasn't gonna bring it up, but I might as well.
最近我的工资账户出了点问题 Lately, I've been having this problem with my payroll account. And...
全搞乱了 It's all screwed up, somehow.
我被解雇之前 曾在海外工作过一段时间 You know, I was overseas working for a while before I got fired.
所以这是个法务会计方面的事 So, it's kinda like a forensic international account thingy
这方面是你的专长吧 which, I think, is kind of your specialty, right?
呃 Um...
是的 我会帮你看看 Yeah, no, it is. I'll take a look at that for you.
真的吗 你能帮我这个忙? You would? You would do that for me?
我有登录资料 如果你能打开你的电脑 I've got the login info, if you wanna crack open your computer,
我们就能开始了 we can do this!
你是说现在? Oh, you mean now?
- 那就太好了! - 好. - That's awesome! Yeah! - Okay.
- 看啊 - 喂 鲍勃 - Look at this! - Hey, Bob...
哇 Whoa!
鲍勃 你得小点声 Bob, you gotta keep your voice down!
麦吉在睡觉 Maggie's sleeping.
哇 Wow.
这可是很复杂的国际会计资料啊 This is a pretty serious international account dossier you've got here.
是啊 我只希望一切都搞得明明白白 Right? I just want to make sure everything was hunky-dory.
去你的路由器 Going to your router.
现在你跟我对话了 Now you're talking to me.
好了 我进去了 Bingo. I'm in.
很好 杰 谢谢你 Oh. That's great, Jet. Thank you, man!
乍一眼看上去 I mean, just looking at it first-hand,
就像是一些海外代管账户 it kinda looks like it's a bunch of off-shore escrow accounts.
由于某些原因 These have been backwashed into
被转回到一些国内虚拟账户 a series of domestic dummy accounts for some reason.
登记地点五花八门 有中国的 I mean, the logs are all crazy, too. You have China,
叙利亚的 伊朗的 Syria, Iran.
这是个拍卖站点 鲍勃 This is an auction site, Bob!
这是竞标 这些都是 These are bids. All of these.
这里有亿万美元的竞标 This is hundreds of millions of dollars in bids, right here.
从这个表上看, 拍卖明天就结束. And judging by this clock, here, it says it's all gonna end tomorrow.
哇 Whoa!
怎么回事 为什么 - What the hell? Why? - What did...
对不起 杰 - Oh! I'm sorry, Jet! - Bob!
杰 真对不起 天 Jet, I'm so sorry! Oh, man.
- 我笨手笨脚的 - 我的电脑 - I'm all thumbs. - It's my computer!
- 对不起 - 你别管 鲍勃 - I'm sorry. - No! Please, Bob.
- 对不起 - 你别管 我来 - I'm sorry, Jet. - Leave it. I got it.
没关系 鲍勃没关系 你别管 It's fine, Bob. It's fine. Just leave it.
太糟糕了 The worst!
天 God!
喂 那个站点上是什么 Hey! What the hell was that on that site?
跟工资可没什么关系 That didn't have anything to do with payroll.
我不知道 我从没见过 I don't know. I've never seen that before.
真是疯狂 That was crazy.
等我们明天醒酒之后再研究吧 Let's figure it out tomorrow when we're bright-eyed and bushy-tailed.
怎么样 加尔文 我很疲倦了 What do you say, CJ? I am beat.
我能不能在你家睡一觉 Hey, do you mind if I crash here?
呃 Um...
可以 No.
我去拿条毛毯 Let me go grab some blankets.
谢谢你的睡衣 杰 Hey, thanks for the jammies, Jet.
好的 你可以留着 Okay, well, you can keep those.
这衣服是你的了 Those are... Those are officially yours.
是的 Yeah.
- 好啊 - 哦. - All right. - Oh.
你还要系着腰包睡觉 You gonna sleep with your fanny pack.
黄金喷气机 是的 这是我的宝贝 Golden Jet! Yeah, it's my baby.
你还需要别的吗 You need anything else? You're okay?
想不到我正在加尔文·乔伊纳家里过夜 I can't believe I'm having a sleepover at Calvin Joyner's house right now.
太让我震惊了 This is blowing my mind!
好吧 Okay.
晚安 鲍勃 Uh, good night, Bob.
晚安 杰 Good night, Jet.
我? Me?
是的 你 Yeah, you.
什么 What the fuck?
等一下 One second.
等等 Hold on.
有什么事吗 Uh, may I help you?
乔伊纳先生 我叫帕梅拉·哈里斯 Mr. Joyner, my name is Pamela Harris,
我是中情局的 I'm with the Central Intelligence Agency.
你接触过这个人吗 Have you had any contact with this man?
是的 他正在我的沙发上睡觉 Uh, yeah, he's on my... He's on my couch, sleeping.
目标在房子里 Target's in the house.
怎么了 怎么了 喂 What's going on? Hey!
喂 喂 Excuse me. Excuse me!
目标已逃走 Target's fled.
该死 Shit.
目标出去了 Target's on the move.
喂 怎么… Excuse me! What...
喂 喂 Hello, hey! Excuse me!
- 还有附近的闲谈 - 喂 喂 - ...and voice chatter in the vicinity. - Hello! Excuse me!
如果再让他跑了 就拿你是问 去吧 If he's in the wind again, it's gonna be your ass. Go now.
- 喂 - 通知中情局总部 未抓到目标 - Hello! - Alert Langley, asset uncontained.
喂 Excuse me!
- 有什么事吗 - 喂 - Can I help you? - Hello!
这是我的房子 出什么事了吗 It's my house. Is something going on?
乔伊纳先生 在你家过夜的好友 怪鸡鸡鲍勃 Well, Mr. Joyner, your sleepover buddy, Robert Wheirdicht,
又名鲍勃·斯通 又名黄金鲍勃 又名喷气机鲍勃 AKA Bob Stone, AKA Bob Golden, AKA Bob Jet,
因为杀人罪和叛国罪被通缉 is wanted for murder and treason
他目前持有国家高级机密 and is presently in possession of highly classified state secrets
打算卖给我们的敌人 which he intends to sell to our enemies.
什么 What?
如果被他得逞 将会引发一系列的国际事件 And if he succeeds, it's gonna spark a chain reaction of geopolitical events
最严重的可能 that most of our predictive models
将会引发第三次世界大战 甚至是世界末日 place somewhere between World War III and outright Armageddon.
所以肯定是出事了 So, yeah, I guess you could say something is going on.
可以吗 Oh, you mind?
冰箱里有奶精 什么 Creamer's in the fridge. What?
我不需要它 I don't need it.
我需要的只是信息 What I do need is information.
我要知道你和斯通特工 I need you to tell me everything and anything
接触时的所有细节 about your contact with Agent Stone.
- 斯通特工? - 鲍勃 你的朋友鲍勃 - Agent Stone? - Bob, your friend Bob.
镇定一下 拜托 Come on. Stay with me, please.
我想肯定是误会了 Okay, I think there's a misunderstanding.
不 他不是我的朋友 No. No, he is not my friend.
那他为什么在"紧急联络人"中填的是你的名字 Then why did he list you as his emergency contact in all his personnel forms?
什么 I'm sorry... He what?
鲍勃·斯通没有兄弟姐妹 没有父母 没任何亲人 Bob Stone has no siblings, or parents, or family of any kind.
你是他在个人资料中提到的唯一一个人 You are the only person he listed in his personal references.
哦 Oh...
这是胡闹 我对他毫不了解 That's crazy, all right? I barely even know the guy.
那他为什么睡在你家沙发上 Then why was he sleeping on your couch?
因为我们昨晚出去喝酒了 Because we went out and had drinks last night.
你和不是朋友的人一起喝酒? Oh, so you went out drinking with your non-friend?
好吧 Okay.
好吧 我们… 你… All right, let's... You're not...
暂停 Time out.
我按下暂停键 I'm pressing the time out button.
你们闯进我家 我是纳税人 Okay? You guys barged in my house. I pay my taxes.
你们休想拿我当敌人对待 好吗 So you're not gonna come here and treat me like I'm the enemy, okay?
这是首先要说明的 另外 如果你想知道真相 That's the first thing. Now, if you want to get into facts...
想谈谈真相 You wanna talk about facts?
这就要怪"脸谱"了 This is Facebook's fault.
你熟悉脸谱吗 Are you familiar with Facebook?
在我们监视之下 We surveil it.
他申请加我好友 He sent me a friend request.
就引发了这些事 That's how this whole thing started.
你就接受了? And you accepted?
别这么做 别这么对我 Don't do that. Don't do that to me.
给我一点反应时间 别这么快反诘 You give me a second. Okay? Don't fire back like that.
首先 这都怪马克·扎克伯格 First of all, fuck Mark Zuckerberg, all right?
我之所以接受 因为这是脸谱 Now, I accepted because it was Facebook.
不接受的话没礼貌 我不知道申请加我好友的人 And it's rude when you don't accept it and I don't know if the person on the other end
能不能看到我拒绝 所以我就接受了 can see me not accept it. That's why I accepted.
你紧张吗 乔伊纳先生 Are you nervous, Mr. Joyner?
是不是很热 Is it hot?
你热不热 我很热 Are you getting hot? Because I'm getting hot.
我不脱外套 I'm not gonna take off my jacket
因为那样显得我心虚 because that makes me look guilty.
你们就是要找有罪的人 And that's what you guys look for. Hmm?
有罪的人是不是都会心虚 Is this what a guilty man would do?
看我多淡定 Look how comfortable I am.
我靠在柜台上 一滴汗也没有 I'm gonna lean up against this counter, and I'm not gonna sweat.
完全没有一点心慌的表情 I'm not gonna... I'm not gonna look flustered at all.
放马来吧 I'm... Bring it.
你想问什么 What you want to know?
嗯? Hmm?
- 乔伊纳先生 - 什么 - Mr. Joyner. - Yeah.
鲍勃·斯通是个危险的疯子 Bob Stone is a dangerous psychotic.
- 你还活着是命大 - 听我说 - You're lucky to be alive. - Okay, listen to me.
哈里斯特工 我不认识这个人 Agent Harris, I don't know this man.
他只是我高中时的一个古怪同学 He's just a little weird kid that I knew in high school.
他以前曾把米花糖放在我的衣物柜里 He used to put Rice Krispies Treats in my locker.
我有时吃 有时不吃 Sometimes I ate 'em, sometimes I didn't.
我当时不喜欢吃零食 因为怕屁股上长肉 I wasn't in carbs back then 'cause I didn't want that weight going to my hips.
男人不喜欢屁股大 尤其是在高中 As a man, you don't want big hips, especially in high school.
总之 我跟他没任何瓜葛 Bottom line, I have no allegiance to this man.
没任何关系 Zero ties, okay?
所有关系都切断 All ties are cut.
我被我切断了 就是你和我 I cut them, so this is me and you.
所以别把我和他… So don't put me and him...
这跟我没关系 I ain't in this shit, okay?
好吧 乔伊纳先生 你证明一下 All right, Mr. Joyner. Prove it.
我需要一点时间 Yeah, well, I need a second.
你要出去一下 我要大便 You gotta step outside. I gotta take a shit.
信息量很大 This is a lot.
我要去卫生间 给我一点时间 I got to go. Just give me a second, man!
- 我会等啊. - 真是的 - I'll be waiting. - Jesus Christ!
霍索恩·斯通会计公司
所有人注意 我们正带着诱饵在行动中 All teams be advised, we're Oscar Mike with the bait.
你刚才说我是诱饵? I'm sorry, did you just call me "the bait"?
没有 No.
你说了 她说我是诱饵 Yeah, you did. She just called me the bait.
我为什么是诱饵 Why am I the bait?
不 我没说过这话 No, that doesn't sound like something I'd ever say.
- 你刚说了 - 这是怎么回事啊 - You just said it. - What's going on here?
先生 请你让开 Sir, I'm gonna need you to step aside.
这事关国防安全 This is a matter of national security.
好 我喜欢 Yeah, right! I love it.
这是你为了拍伊森的马屁 找来的脱衣舞女吗 What is this? Like a strippergram thing to suck up to Ethan?
我喜欢脱衣舞女 那么下流 Gotta love strippers. So dirty.
让我们看看你的胸 让我们看看你的胸 Show us your tits! Show us your tits!
喂 让我们看看胸 Hey, let's see some titty!
- 这是你的办公室? - 是的 - This you? - Yeah, right here.
这是你自找的 You did this to yourself.
- 很小啊 - 是的 - Small. - Yeah.
是我老婆 It's my wife.
乔伊纳先生 我有法律义务告诉你 Mr. Joyner, it is my legal obligation to inform you
你现在参与的是高级秘密行动 that you are now a part of a highly classified covert action.
因此 跟你老婆打个招呼 然后挂掉电话 So, say hello to your wife and then get off the phone.
知道吗? Am I clear?
什么都别告诉我老婆 知道了 Don't tell my wife shit. Got it.
什么都别告诉你老婆 Don't tell your wife shit.
- 几号线? - 一号线 - What line? - Line one.
嗨 麦吉 我现在不方便 Hey, Mags. Hey, I can't really talk right now, babe.
- 我很忙 - 我知道你还没醒酒 - I got a lot going on. - Okay, okay. I get it. You're hungover.
听着 丹医生今天中午能见我们 Listen, Dr. Dan can see us today at lunch.
- 等等 丹医生? - 那个心理医生啊 忘了吗 - Wait a minute, Dr. Dan? - The therapist, remember?
我们在家里见面 然后一起去找他 So, I'm thinking we should just meet at home and go together. Thank you.
去吧 我们在那里见 Go. Go on, and I'll just see you there, okay?
但我现在真要挂了 But I got to really go, babe.
我现在很忙 我得挂电话了 I'm slammed in here. So, I gotta get off the phone.
- 好吧 真是的 没出什么事吧 - 没什么事 - All right. Jeez! Is everything okay? - Everything is fine, babe.
我得空出线路 我爱你 再见 I gotta keep the line clear. I love you. Bye, I gotta go.
我爱你 再见 Love you. Bye.
哼 Hmm.
哼什么 "Hmm." What?
我精通语言病理学和心理语言潜台词 I'm an expert in speech pathology and psycho-lingual subtext.
你老婆不满意你们的婚姻 Your wife is not fulfilled in your relationship.
等等 什么 Wait, what?
她还想有个孩子 Also, she wants to have a baby.
你是怎么… Where are you getting...
我是加尔文·乔伊纳 会计部 Calvin Joyner, Accounting.
喂 我是加尔文·乔伊纳 会计部 Hello? Calvin Joyner, Accounting.
加尔文 Calvin?
是鲍勃 是鲍勃 It's Bob! It's Bob!
自然一点 Act natural.
加尔文 是你吗 Calvin. Is that you?
你在吗 Are you there?
嗨 我在 Well, hey. Well, yeah.
在 你好啊 Yeah, wassup?
你好啊 鲍比 What up, Bobby-o?
你还好吗 Are you quite well?
我有大麻烦了 I'm in big trouble.
天 我闯了祸 闯了大祸 Oh, God! I screwed up. I screwed up big time.
我们得谈谈 我们能见个面吗 We gotta talk. Can you meet me?
好好 在哪儿 我们在哪儿见面 Sure. Yeah. Where? Where do you want me to meet you?
在你公司的楼梯间里 在你下面两层 I'm in the stairwell of your building, two flights down.
- 快点 - 楼梯间? - Stairwell? - Hurry!
- 他在楼梯间里 下面两层 - 快走 - He's in the stairwell, two flights down! - Move, move!
通知C队 Alert Charlie team.
等等 怎么回事 我安全吗 Hold on. What's going on? Am I safe here?
只要鲍勃·斯通在这里 没人是安全的 As long as Bob Stone is in the building, no one's safe.
马上回你的办公室 Get back in your office now!
好 Okay!
好消息是我们还有她 Good news is we heard her, guys.
因此大家都保持镇定 So, everybody, let's all just stay calm.
只要… 只要… As long as... As long... Shit!
这是怎么回事 What the hell is going on?
- 放松 - 嗨 - Relax. - Hey.
干得漂亮 你把他们引出去了 Great job at getting them out of here, Jet.
- 哦, 鲍勃! - 这是团队合作 - Oh, Bob! - That's teamwork!
等等 你刚才做了什么 Wait! How did you... What did you just do?
这叫谍报技术 It's a tradecraft, buddy.
给你剧透一下： Spoiler alert...
我是中情局的人 I'm in the CIA.
废话 Oh, no shit!
喂 你拿我的手机干什么 Hey, hey! What're you doing with my phone?
你要把我的手机改成炸弹吧 You about to turn my phone into a bomb, aren't you?
我看过"国土安全" 知道他们的手法 I've seen Homeland. So I know what they do.
国土安全?不是 我是叫辆车 Homeland? No, I'm ordering us an Uber.
6分钟 还挺快的 Six minutes. That's kinda tight.
我要用一下你的领带 I'm gonna need your tie.
你… 不行 You're gonna... No!
- 你的领带 解下来. - 不能, - Your necktie, take it off. - No,
- 我不会解开领带的 - 来吧 杰 - I'm not taking my tie off! - Come on, Jet!
别这么做 别这么做 Don't do that. Don't do that.
很好 省省吧 省省吧 That's good. Save it, save it, save it.
省省吧 杰 Save it, Jet.
- 好 从这里解下来 - 拿去吧 拿去吧 - There we go, just right over here. - Fine, take it, take it.
送给你了 听我说 听着 You can have it. Okay, that... Listen to me. Listen.
停 停 Stop. Stop!
我现在就要求知道这是怎么回事 I need to know what is happening, right now.
好 问这个太早 Okay, okay. You know what? Moving too fast.
你要先回答 你参与还是不参与 Bottom line, are you in or you out?
参与不参与什么 What are you... In or out of what?
没时间问问题 只要回答 Mmm-mmm. No time for questions, just action.
- 参与还是不参与 - 好 那我不参与 - In or out? - Okay, then I'm out.
对不起 杰. 你已经参与了 I'm sorry, Jet. Actually, you're already in.
那你为什么还要问 Then why would you ask me?
因为我以为你会说：我参与 鲍勃 Because I thought you would go, "I'm in, Bob!"
然后我们兴高采烈一番, 但都被你扫兴了. And we would've had a really cool moment, but you kinda ruined the whole thing.
我扫兴… I ruined...
好 好 Okay, okay, okay.
听我说 Listen to me right now.
鲍勃 我不知道你参与了什么 但我只知道 Bob, I don't know what it is that you're into but what I do know is that
我绝对彻底不参与 I am really, really 100% out!
你听见了吗 Do you understand that?
- 天啊 你真能装! - 什么? - God, you are good! - What?
加尔文·乔伊纳你的话剧协会主席不是白来的 Calvin Joyner, president of the Drama Club for a reason, folks!
- 你就像小个子的丹泽尔 - 行了 行了 - You're like a snack-size Denzel. - Okay. Stop it, stop it, stop it.
不是跟你说着玩的 This is not a game.
我很认真 I'm being serious right now.
我不参与 I'm out!
好吧 好吧 Okay. Okay.
不得不说 我有几分失望 I can't say I'm not disappointed, Jet,
既然你不参与 就不参与吧 but if you're out, you're out.
谢谢 我不参与 Thank you! I'm out!
我很高兴我们能 I'm just happy that we can communicate
开诚布公的交流 openly and honestly.
这很能说明我们的关系 I think it says a lot about our relationship.
等等 你要干什么 天啊 Wait, hold up, wait. What're you doing? Oh, my God!
不过呢 Here's the thing, though.
你只有一种方式可以退出 There's only one way for you to get out.
什么方式 What's that?
你得先参与进来 You gotta get in first.
这是怎么… What is it that...
- 什么, 什么! - 拿着我的枪, 杰. - What-what! Take my gun, Jet.
我们可能要杀人 we may have to kill some people.
- 拿着吧 不咬人的 - 我不会做那种事 - Come on, it's not gonna bite you. - I will do no such thing.
我会喜欢的 I think you'll like it.
- 我不会的 - 你会需要它 - I will not! - You're gonna need it.
你才需要呢 他在这里 You're gonna need it! He's in here!
杰. Jet.
他在那里 鲍勃在那里 He's in there! Bob's in there!
他有枪 他有枪 He's got a gun! He's got a gun!
- 都趴下 - 快快 - Down, down, get down! - Move, move, move!
我要用到你的表演才能 All right. I'm gonna need your improv skills.
什么 What?
- 扮演人质 准备好了吗 - 不 - Hostage role-play, you ready? - No!
- 来吧 - 我说了不 - Sweet, let's go. - No, I said no!
我说了不 I said no!
他抓了个人质 He's got a hostage!
不 No!
不 住手 你要害死我 No! Stop it, you gonna get me killed!
别开枪 Don't shoot!
好的 杰 There we go, Jet!
你要干什么 What are you doing?
我靠 Oh! Shoot!
别开枪 Don't shoot!
- 坚持住 杰 - 不 我什么都不干 - Hang tight, Jet! - No, I'm not doing anything!
别把我牵涉到你的事情里 Stop including me in your stuff!
打他 特工 用棍子打他 Get him, Agent! Hit him with the stick!
噢 Oh!
你做的很好, 杰. 等我一下就好, 好吗? You're doing a great job, Jet. Just give me a second, okay?
搞什么 What the fuck?
他拿着咖啡罐 He got a coffee pot!
他拿着香蕉 He got a banana!
噢 噢 Oh! Oh!
不许动 Freeze!
杰 救我 Jet, help!
什么 What?
黄金喷气机 救我 Golden Jet, help.
不 我可不救你 No, man, I'm not helping you!
该死 Oh, shit.
- 给我枪 - 住手 - Give me the gun! - Stop it!
- 别反抗 - 我是让你放开我 - Stop resisting! - No, let me go!
放开我 我正要给你的 Let me go! I'm trying to give it to you!
该死 Oh, shit!
- 我不是故意的 - 别动 - That was an accident! - Don't move!
住手 听我说 No, stop! Listen to me!
我们走 Let's go.
等等 你干什么 Wait, wait! Come on! What are you... Ah!
拜托 Come on, man!
别再这么下去了 This has gotta stop! Okay?
该死 Shit!
别开枪 Don't shoot!
- 天啊 - 举起手来 - Oh, God! - Show us your hands!
- 放下武器 - 快点 - Drop your weapon! - Do it now!
啊 Ow.
对不起 杰 Sorry, Jet.
结束了 鲍勃 投降吧 It's over, Bob. Give up.
你知道我不能投降 帕梅拉 You know I can't do that, Pam.
你无处可逃了 斯通特工 There's nowhere to run, Agent Stone.
就像在加拉加斯 Just like Caracas.
如果你能像加尔文那样信任我 在加拉加斯本不会出事的 Uh, Caracas would've worked if you trusted me like Calvin trusts me.
不 不 No. No.
不是的 我并不信任他 That is not true. I do not trust him!
完全不信任他 事实上 I do not trust him at all. As a matter of fact,
现在正是澄清的好时机 this is a perfect time for us to clear this up
尤其是在这对峙中 我就不该出现在这里 especially in the middle of this standoff. I shouldn't be here!
我感觉自己淌了浑水 So I feel like me being in the middle of this throws me in it.
让我把自己排除在外 So let me exclude myself.
- 喂 别起来 - 不许动 - Hey, stay down! - Don't move!
好 我留在里面 我留在里面 Okay, all right. I'll stay in. I'll stay in.
我有个点子 I got a plan.
可能会让我们两人送死, 但如果成功了 那绝对是个传奇. Might get us both killed but if it works, it'll be a totally boss story.
可以吗 Cool?
- 不 不可以 - 可以 - No! No, it's not cool! - Cool.
不 我说的是不可以 No, I said it's not cool.
我说的是不可以 I said it's not cool!
时间到 Time's up.
你说的对 帕梅拉 You're right, Pam.
我的时间到了 My time is up.
三 二 In three, two,
一 one.
鲍勃 鲍勃 Bob, Bob, Bob!
喂 喂 Whoa, whoa, whoa!
天啊 Oh, shit!
哇 Whoo-hoo!
哇 你感觉到了吗 Wow! Did you feel that, Jet?
这可是勇气 That was the balls right there!
喂 你尿裤子了吗 Hey, did you shit yourself a little bit?
尿了也很正常 我不会看不起你 It's all right if you did. Totally cool. I don't judge.
拉我出来 Get it off!
你们要的车? You guys order an Uber?
你干什么 What are you doing?
你最好快点上车 You better get your tuches in the car.
否则要被打死了 You're gonna get shot!
另射我 射他 Don't shoot me! Shoot him!
射他 我不参与 我不参与 Shoot him! I'm out! I'm out! I'm out!
让我进去 让我进去 鲍勃 Let me in! Let me in! Let me in! Go, Bob!
喂 这是我的车 Hey, that's my car!
你去死 Fuck you!
给你个差评 You get zero stars!
把话放出去 Put the word out to all assets.
捉拿鲍勃的悬赏加倍 I'm doubling the price on Bob's head.
喂 你搞什么 Hey, what the shit, honey...
让拉里去办 Get Larry on it.
车 车 Car, car, car!
是这样的 杰 All right, here's the dilly-o, Jet.
大约三周前 一位国家的敌人 About three weeks ago, an enemy of the state
代号大黑獾 codenamed "The Black Badger"
偷走了整个美国间谍卫星系统的加密密钥 stole the encryption keys to the entire US spy satellite program
要在你昨晚电脑的拍卖网站上卖给一个买家. which he's gonna sell to a buyer from that auction site on your computer last night.
鲍勃 Bob...
如果我们失去对间谍卫星的控制 If we lose control of our satellites,
会无力应对任何恐怖袭击 we're completely vulnerable to any terrorist attacks.
所以我要去你的办公室接上你 That's why I had to go back to your office and get you, Jet.
我需要你高超的会计技巧 I need your super sweet accounting skills
帮我查出谜团的最后一块拼图 to help me figure out the last piece of this puzzle
也就是中标买家的交易号码 which is the transaction number from the winning bid.
我们就能知道交易地点了 That'll tell us where the deal is going down.
这样 我们就能抓住大黑獾 That way, we can get The Black Badger.
没你的帮助不行 I can't do it without you, Jet.
开什么玩笑 我不会帮你 Are you kidding me? I'm not helping you.
你用香蕉打了人 You attacked somebody with a banana.
- 香蕉能增加伤害 - 什么 - A banana, force multiplier. - What?
我的意思是 手里不管拿着什么 Well, basically what that means is anything in your hand
都比赤手空拳伤害大的多, 包括香蕉. is far more dangerous than just your bare hands alone, including a banana.
哦 Oh!
哦 Oh! Ah!
- 增加伤害 - 是的 - A force multiplier! - Yeah.
原来是这样 Yeah, that's what it is.
我现在明白多了 It makes so much more sense to me now.
这是中情局的基本技能 That's page-one CIA stuff.
我差点忘了我是中情局出来的 I almost forgot that I wasn't in the fucking CIA!
停车 Stop the car.
马上停车 停车 You stop the car right now! Stop the car!
好 好 这是好主意 杰 Okay, okay. That's a great idea, Jet.
我们该摆脱追踪 We should get off the grid right now.
啊 Whoa!
好 这里没人 All right. We're clear.
好 Okay.
好 我先深呼吸 Okay. Let's just take some deep breaths.
好吗 深呼吸 Okay? Deep breaths.
你只需要下车去 All you gotta do is get out of this car
跟鲍勃做一番理性的交谈 他就会理解的. and have a rational conversation with Bob and he'll understand.
鲍勃 我现在想回家去 Robert, I would like to go home now, please.
哥们 我也想回去 Buddy, you and me both.
但在我们洗刷名声之前 是没法回去的 But until we clear our names, there's no going home.
抱歉 你最后一句能再说一遍吗 I'm sorry, can you clarify that last sentence for me?
既然你现在参与了… Yeah, well, now that you're in...
打住 我不参与 Let me stop you right there. I'm not in.
我从没说过参与 I never said that I was in.
事实上 我清楚的记得我说过不参与 In fact, I expressly remember saying that I was out!
我知道 但他们认为你参与了 I know, but they think you're in.
我… I am...
我不参与 不参与 I'm fucking out! I'm out!
- 还有什么可说的 - 我知道 - What's left to tell? - Hey, no, I get it.
- 我没参与 - 我只是说他们以为你参与了 - I'm not in! - I'm just saying they think you're in.
我没参与 我没参与 - I'm not in! I am not in! - I get it.
我没参与 我退出 I'm not in! I'm out!
等一下 杰 我先解除GPS One sec, Jet, just gotta disable the GPS.
你去哪儿了 Where did you...
你想到车下 好的 You wanna go under... That's fine!
等一下 Wait a minute.
你这是故意的吧 You did this on purpose, didn't you?
这整件事都是你故意的 This whole thing was done on purpose.
这是你的计划 This is your plan!
你耍了我 You tricked me!
这没关系 但我知道你耍了我 It's fine, but I know you tricked me.
- 耍了你? - 你耍了… 喂 - Trick you? - You tricked... Hey, boy!
你是怎么… What? What'd you just...
我没耍你 是你提出要帮我 I didn't trick you, you offered to help me.
知道吗 哈里斯都告诉我了 You know what's funny? Harris told me.
她什么都告诉我了 She told me everything, man.
她说是你偷走了密码 She told me that you stole the codes.
我跟你说说哈里斯 你不能相信她 Let me tell you something about Harris. You can't trust her.
她已经试图把我搭档的死算在我头上 She's already trying to frame me for my partner's murder!
- 你杀了你的搭档? - 没有 - You killed your partner? - No.
我不会这么做的 I would never do that.
是大黑獾杀了我的搭档 The Black Badger killed my partner.
我跟你解释一下 事情的经过是这样的 Let me explain to you something, dude. This is what happened.
在大黑獾偷走卫星密码之后 After The Black Badger stole the satellite encryption codes,
我和搭档菲尔在基辅一处顶楼豪宅找到了他 my partner Phil and I tracked him to a penthouse in Kiev.
- 喂 菲尔 - 什么 - Hey, Phil. - Yeah.
我们来世再见 I'll see you on the other side.
来世再见 See you on the other side.
好 All right.
天 我喜欢这家伙 God, I love that guy.
他知道我们会来 设了陷阱 He knew we were coming, so he set a trap.
喂 鲍勃 鲍勃 Hey, Bob! Bob!
不 No!
菲尔是我的搭档 我的队友 Phil was my partner, my teammate
- 我却救不了他 - 不 - and I couldn't save him. - No!
那很可怕 加尔文 It was awful, Cal.
从一开始就是个圈套 It was a setup, right from the get-go.
天 Damn, man.
大黑獾根本不在那里 The Black Badger was never there.
本来上电梯的应该是我 而不是菲尔 I should've been the one on that elevator, not Phil.
天啊 God.
好 鲍勃 拜托 Okay. Bob, please...
我求你了 你能放我回去吗 I'm begging you, man. Can you just let me go home?
加尔文 我完全理解你 CJ, I totally understand.
但现在 哈里斯特工和她的人 But right now, Agent Harris and her taskforce
已经把你的家完全监视起来了 has that place surveilled up the yin-yang.
她还找了职业杀手寻找我们 She's got contract killers looking for us.
你的家不安全 Your place isn't safe.
天啊 麦吉 Oh, my God. Maggie.
麦吉 我要怎么保护麦吉 Maggie! What the hell am I supposed to do about Maggie?
趴下 杰 Get down, Jet!
该死 Shit! Oh!
当心 鲍勃 Look out, Bob!
这是谁啊 是谁啊 鲍勃 Who the hell is that? Who is that? Bob?
该死 Oh, shit.
拉里 Larry.
你不是退休了吗 Thought you retired.
是的 I did.
但你的悬赏很高 鲍勃 不问死活 But you're worth a lot of money, Bob, dead or alive.
那你惨了 我还有帮手呢 Well, tough luck, because I've got back up.
是不是 杰 Ain't that right, Jet?
杰 Jet!
老公 我知道 对不起我晚了 Hey, baby. I know. I'm sorry I'm late.
该死的科普林证词花的时间太长了 The stupid Koplin deposition ran long.
我这就走 我们在家里见面 I'm leaving right now. I'll meet you at the house.
不不 别回家 No, no, no! Don't go home!
- 别回家 - 怎么了 - Don't go home! - Why? What's going on?
没什么 我也晚了 Nothing! Nothing. I'm just running late, too.
我们直接去丹医生的办公室见面吧 So I was gonna say let's just meet at Dr. Dan's office.
好吧 出什么事了吗 Yeah. Okay. Is everything all right?
没有 怎么了 Yeah! Yeah. Why?
一切都好 Everything's fine.
你的声音就像"盗亦有道"结尾处的雷·利奥塔 Because you kind of sound like Ray Liotta at the end of Goodfellas.
什么 What?
真好笑 这的确是很好的类比 That's so funny, babe. That's such a good reference.
真是典型的麦吉 That's classic Mags right there.
那好 你不会回家的吧 So, okay. So you're not gonna go home, right?
好吧 我不回家 Okay, fine. I won't go home.
我们在丹医生的办公室见面 一会见 I'll meet you at Dr. Dan's. See you soon.
好 再见 Okay. All right, bye.
再见 All right, bye.
上车 Get in.
我就坦白说了吧 I'm gonna address the elephant in the room.
首先 你们 Okay, first of all, you...
我想向你们两位道歉 You guys, I want to say sorry to.
其实事情的经过不是你们想的那样 Because what you're probably thinking is not what happened.
我不是故意的 Accidents!
我知道你们想： I know you're like,
用枪砸了人 又射了人 怎么可能不故意 How can you accidentally pistol-whip somebody and shoot somebody?
有这可能的 It can happen.
今天就证明了有这可能 Okay? Today is proof that it can happen. So...
很高兴我把这话说出来了 I'm glad I got to get that off my chest.
你放心 乔伊纳先生 我相信你 Relax, Mr. Joyner. I believe you.
好 谢谢你 Okay, thank you.
相信我 我能看出你只是个害怕的要命的平头百姓 Trust me, I know a scared-shitless civilian when I see one.
不需要向我解释 You don't have to convince me.
被你看透了 我就是这样的人 You got him over here. That is me.
我现在一点不淡定 Right now, I'm not comfortable.
我吓得要命 Okay, I am scared, okay?
屎尿早就吓出来了 I don't have no shit in my system.
如果我坐在马桶上 什么都出不来 If I sat down on a toilet, nothing's coming out.
屁都放不出来了 Farts or just air.
放屁就像激光的声音 It'd sound like lasers.
谢谢你的描述 Thank you for that description.
乔伊纳先生 我向你介绍一些情况 Mr. Joyner, let me explain something.
鲍勃上次的强迫心理评估显示 Bob's last forced psych eval
他能很快失去现实感 show a person rapidly losing his grip on reality.
鲍勃痴迷于一个鬼魂 Bob became obsessed with a ghost,
一个他自己想像出来的事物 a figment of his imagination,
他称之为大黑獾 he started calling "The Black Badger."
这种痴迷导致他情绪不稳 This obsession led to an instability,
最早是他的搭档菲尔三周前报告的 first reported by his partner, Phil, three weeks ago.
就在菲尔遇害之前 Just before Phil was killed in the field.
你知道菲尔是怎么死的吗 Do you know how Phil died?
鲍勃说是被大黑獾害死的 Yeah, Bob told me that The Black Badger killed him.
怎么了 What?
乔伊纳先生 鲍勃·斯通就是大黑獾 Mr. Joyner, Bob Stone is The Black Badger.
菲尔是鲍勃六年的搭档 Phil was Bob's partner of six years.
他的至交好友 His best friend.
- 我们来世再见 - 来世再见 - See you on the other side. - See you on the other side.
喂 鲍勃 Hey, Bob!
在他偷走卫星密码后 After he stole the satellite encryption codes
鲍勃背叛了菲尔 Bob betrayed Phil.
不 No!
他杀了他来掩盖他的痕迹 He killed him to cover his tracks.
在这之后 鲍勃就变节了 And, after that, Bob went rogue.
这就是菲尔唯一剩下的 This is all that's left of Phil.
这是黄色网站 Um, this is PornHub.
该死 该死 抱歉 Oh, shit, shit, shit. Sorry.
给 There you go.
天啊 这我倒没想到 Oh! Oh, God! Oh, I didn't see that coming.
天 Oh, man!
- 他死的很惨 - 等一下 - It's a hell of a way to go. - Okay, wait a minute.
为什么鲍勃不自己卖了卫星密码 Why wouldn't Bob just go sell the satellite encryption codes himself?
因为在黑市上的盲目投标情况下 Because in a black market blind-bidding situation,
买家和卖家相互并不认识 the buyer and the seller, they don't know each other.
他们需要拍卖网站来告诉他们在哪儿见面 They need the auction site to tell them exactly where to meet up
何时进行交易 and when to make the exchange.
拍卖网站的交易号码中有这些信息 The transaction number from the auction site gives them that,
这意味着鲍勃依然需要你 which means Bob still needs you.
所以我们就要演一出捉放曹 Which is why we find ourselves in a little catch-and-release scenario.
你是鲍勃唯一信任的人 You are the only one Bob trusts.
所以我们要让你执行任务 That's why we're putting you in the field.
你下次见到鲍勃 The next time you're with Bob,
就按这个按钮 press this button.
我们就能抓住他 We're going to have him cold.
现在 去修复你的婚姻吧 Now, go take care of your marriage.
还有一点 什么都别告诉你老婆 One more thing. Don't tell your wife shit.
好 All right.
我不知道问题出在哪里 I just don't know what's wrong.
我当初嫁的那个人 我在高中时认识的那个人. I mean, the man that I married, the person I knew in high school,
充满了干劲和渴望 he was filled with drive and desire. I mean...
我们以前每天中午都溜出去在体育馆座位下亲热 We used to sneak off every lunch hour and make out under the gym bleachers.
以前的他 Like, that guy, back then,
很有追求的 - he wanted things, you know? - Hmm.
对不起我来晚了 找不到停车的地方 Hey, I'm sorry I'm late. I couldn't find parking.
没关系 我们已经开始了 Hi, no, no, it's okay. We got started without you.
加尔文 这位是丹医生 Babe, Calvin, this is Dr. Dan.
你好 加尔文 Hello, Calvin.
- 天啊 - 怎么了 - Oh, shit! - Oh, jeez. What's the matter?
- 天啊 躲在我身后 - 老公 怎么了 - Holy shit! Get behind me! - Honey... Calvin, what?
没事的 麦吉 放松 It's okay, Maggie. It's okay. Just relax.
这在治疗过程中是很正常的反应 This is a very common reaction in the therapeutic process.
- 是吗 - 什么 - It is? - What?
是的 一点不错 It is. It absolutely is.
加尔文 这是个很安全的地方 请坐下 Calvin, this is a very safe place. Please, sit down.
- 这不是个安全的地方 - 不不 老公 - This is not a safe place! - No, no, no. Honey, it's a...
这绝对不是个安全的地方 No, this is most definitely not a safe place!
我和我老婆这就走 我们走 Me and my wife are leaving. Let's go.
不 不 你要坐下 No, no, no! You are going to sit down,
我们要进行这治疗过程 and we are going to go through this therapeutic process...
- 是的 - 我们夫妻一起 - Yes. - ...together, as a couple.
好吧 好吧 Um... Fine, fine, fine.
坐下 谢谢 Sit down. Thank you.
好吧 Fine.
好 两位我们先从字词联想开始吧 Okay, guys. Why don't we start off with a little bit of word association?
好的 Okay.
好期待 This is exciting.
我听说这能让夫妻敞开心扉 I've heard this can really open a couple up.
麦吉 我给你说个词 Uh, Maggie, I'm going to offer you a word,
你告诉我你联想到什么词 and you respond however you're moved to from here.
好 Okay.
- 黑 - 白 - Black. - White.
- 水 -海洋 - Water. - Ocean.
- 阳光 - 愉悦 - Sunshine. - Happy.
- 你真厉害 麦吉 - 真的吗 - I'm very impressed, Maggie. - Really?
你很合拍 You're very in tune.
我很合拍 I'm very in tune.
加尔文 接下来是你 Calvin, you're next.
我不想做这个游戏 I do not want to do this.
放松 加尔文 这个没有错误的回答 Relax, Calvin. There are no wrong answers.
上 Up.
下 Down.
嗯 Mmm.
嗯是什么意思 "Mmm." What is that?
你在写什么 What're you writing in your book?
- 没关系 别惊慌 - 我没惊慌 - It's fine. Don't freak out. - Nobody's freaking out.
我只是不明白是什么游戏规则 I just don't understand the rules to the game.
惊慌 Freaking out.
我们先换个话题 Let's switch gears for a second, okay?
麦吉 在做爱的时候 Maggie, during lovemaking,
你有没有在加尔文的菊花里塞过东西 have you ever placed anything inside of Calvin's anus?
你说什么 What the hell did you just say?
是的 有过一次 Well, yeah, there was this one time.
- 你还记得"权力的游戏"最后一集吗 - 你说什么呢 - You remember? Game of Thrones finale. - What are you talking about?
我扮演卡丽熙 你扮演小手指 I was Khaleesi, you were Littlefinger...
- 好了 别说了 - 拜托 拜托 - Okay, all right, stop. That's enough. - Please, please, please.
我们试一个简单的角色扮演练习吧 Why don't we try a simple role-playing exercise?
加尔文 你依然是加尔文 Calvin, you be Calvin
我来扮演麦吉 and I will become Maggie.
Mmm.
我不明白 I'm confused.
这叫"灵魂凝视" It's called "soul gazing."
凝视我的灵魂 我也凝视你的 Stare into my soul and I'll stare into yours.
- 麦吉 这实在… - 喂 嘘 - Maggie, this... - Hey. Shh.
不要说话 也不要扭头 There's no talking, and don't look away.
凝视我的灵魂 Stare into my soul.
你不是我老婆 You are not my...
嘘 不要说话 Shh. There's no talking.
老婆 我可不凝视… Babe, I'm not staring...
你和我 只看我 我是你老婆 Me and you. Stay with me. I'm your wife.
你不是我老婆 You are not my wife.
你怎么能打你老婆 How could you hit your wife?
我什么 How can I... How can I what?
- 你打了你老婆 - 不 - You hit your wife! - No...
- 他打了我 - 好吧 - He hit me! - Okay.
- 他打了你 - 好了 - He hit you! - Okay.
你打了我们 You hit us!
- 我在抱着你 - 我知道你在干啥 - I'm swaddling you. - I know what you're doing.
- 我在抱着你 - 我知道… - I'm swaddling you. - I know what you're...
过来 Come here.
天啊 Oh, my God!
你… You...
算了 我们走 走 You know what? We're leaving! Let's go!
这不是真实的 This is not real.
在我看来是真实的 It's real to me.
知道吗 加尔文 You know what, Calvin?
如果你不想改善我们的婚姻 If you can't commit to working on our marriage,
你要告诉我 then you need to let me know.
麦吉 你… Maggie, you...
- 哇 - 天啊 - What! - Oh, my God!
你精神不正常 You're... Something's not right.
拜托 听我说 拜托 Come on, Jet, listen. Come on, come on, Jet!
我知道最后有点不愉快 Now, I know things got a little rough there at the end.
但说实话 因为你被很多人盯上了 But the truth is, with all the heat that you have coming down on you,
麦吉不和你在一起更安全 Maggie is definitely safer without you.
相信我 等这件事结束后 And, trust me, when this whole thing is said and done
你基本上成了自由世界的拯救者 and you basically save the entire free world,
她就会原谅你 一切都自行解决了 she's going to forgive you. It'll all work itself out.
一切都自行解决了? It'll all work itself out?
鲍勃 我厌倦了跟你玩游戏 Okay, Bob, you know, I'm sick of playing games with you.
真正的丹医生在哪儿 Where's the real Dr. Dan?
什么 What-what?
天啊 丹医生 这事跟我毫无关系 Oh, my... Dr. Dan, I had nothing to do with this.
他没事 等会我给你点水 He's fine. I'll get you some water in a little bit.
谢谢你 医生 - Thanks, doc. - You know...
就这样 就这样 That's it. That is it.
就这样 That is it.
杰 All right, Jet.
我看到哈里斯给了你一个按钮 I see that Harris has given you a button to push.
放松 如果我是你的话 也会答应她 Relax, I would've taken the same deal, too, if I was in your shoes.
否则她不会放过你 对吗 Otherwise, she wouldn't let you out of her sight, right?
这完全合情合理 It makes perfect sense.
但你不会按按钮的吧 But you're not going to press the button, right?
你有机密的卫星密码吗 You got the top-secret satellite codes?
有还是没有 Yes or no?
现在别忽悠我 This ain't the time to bullshit me.
我的屁股在出汗 Okay, my ass is sweating.
我很紧张 别忽悠我 I'm nervous. Don't bullshit me!
当然没有 喂 拜托 Of course not, dude. Hey, hey, come on!
我当然没有密码 Of course I don't have the codes.
否则我何必找你 Why would I go through all this trouble, then?
我需要你的专业技能 帮我查到 I need your skill set, Jet, to help me get
中标买家的银行交易号码 the bank transaction numbers to the winning bid.
从你电脑的倒计时上看 We already know it's going down tonight
我们已经知道是在今晚 from the countdown on your computer.
我们只需知道是在哪儿 Now, all we need is the "where."
而银行交易号码能告诉我们是哪儿 And the bank transaction numbers will give us the "where."
所以我需要你 That's why I need you.
你的工作使得你 Your job gives you access to
能获取这种信息 exactly that kind of information.
然后我们就能抓住大黑獾 抓住买家 Then we can get The Badger, we can get the buyer
一网打尽 in one fell swoop.
今晚就能大功告成 And it'll all be over tonight.
拜托 我发誓 Please, I swear.
你一定要相信我 You gotta believe me.
巴尔的摩金融区
现在不能搞到交易号码吗 Can't you just get us the transaction number?
搞不到 因为这钱来自海外账户 Not when the money originates from an offshore account.
这种情况下, 只有注册的国际银行官员才能查看. When that happens, then only a certified international banking official can access it.
但应该不成问题 我们只要把 But, it shouldn't be a problem. We just give this guy
你给我的海外账号给他 the offshore account numbers that you gave me,
他就能告诉我们交易号码 then he can give us the transaction number
完全意识不到他已经犯了叛国罪 without knowing that he's committing treason when he does it.
是不是跟你相似? Sound familiar?
很卑鄙啊 加尔文 Ouch! Low blow, CJ.
而且 除非我们搞错了 才是叛国罪 Hey, besides, it's only treason if we're wrong.
这个神秘人是谁啊 Who's this mystery man?
是特雷弗 It's Trevor.
特雷弗 Trevor.
这周越来越棒了 This week just keeps getting better.
毕竟, 怪鸡鸡鲍勃和黄金杰加尔文·乔伊纳来到我的办公室. You know, I mean, Robbie Wheirdicht and Calvin "The Golden Jet" Joyner in my office.
谁能想到呢 反正我想不到 Who would've thunk it? Not me.
这真不错 This is great, huh?
你真是大变样啊 Talk about caterpillar to the butterfly...
是不是参加了P90X减肥计划? What is this? P90X?
效果太明显了 More like "P1,000,000X," huh?
恭喜你 Congratulations.
喂 我… Hey, I, um...
我很感谢你的帮助 特雷弗 I really appreciate the help, Trevor.
我的客户一直催着我赶紧把这事办了 My client's all on me to get this stuff handled right away.
只要你能… So, you know, if we could...
不用多说 不客气 我也经历过 Say no more. It's my pleasure. I've been there.
如果没有权限的话 These international accounts can be very, very tricky
这种国际账户很难查 if you don't have the right clearances.
会被各种拒绝 You can get a bunch of digital red tape.
我很高兴能帮忙 I'm happy to help, you know?
鲍勃 Robbie.
看到你 想起很多往事啊 You're such a blast from the past, buddy.
你后来怎么样了 How long has it been since I saw you?
上次见面是在高中吧 Was it high school?
怎么了 What's that?
这个会计号码出来了吗 Um... How we doing with those account access codes?
快出来了吗 - Are they coming? - It's coming.
快出来了 - Everything's good? - It's coming.
我在尽快 我知道你们赶时间 真对不起 I'm going as fast as I can. I know you guys are in a rush. I'm so sorry.
对中央高中的同学是一定要帮忙的 Anything for a couple of fellow Centaurs.
说到高中同学 你们今晚要参加同学聚会吧? Speaking of which, you guys are going to the reunion tonight, right?
不 我们不去 No, I don't think so.
你俩都要去 You're both going.
有了 这是你们的交易号码 Here it is. Here's your transaction number.
你俩都要去 知道为什么吗 You're both going because you want to know what?
臭臭彼得也要去 Stinky Pete's going to be there.
长蛋蛋吉米给我打了电话 他也要去 And Jimmy Longballs called me. He's going to be hanging.
长崎卡洛斯 那个墨西哥蛋卷 他也要去 Carlos Nagasaki, the Mexican eggroll. He's going to be there.
你们不去就太可惜了 You guys will be missing out on a big one.
而且他们还要 Plus you know what they're going to do?
再次评选返校节国王和女王 They're going to vote on homecoming king and queen again.
也许你和麦吉能再次当选 Maybe you and Maggie can make it two for two.
在你们走之前 先再坐一会 Now, before you go, stay seated one second.
给我两分钟时间 坐下 Give me two minutes, sit down.
两位 Men,
几年前 a few years ago...
我皈依了上帝 I found the Lord Almighty.
在那之后 And, ever since then,
我的人生完全变了 my life has been completely different. Okay?
他对我们每个人都是有安排的 He's got a plan for each and every one of us
以他无穷的智慧 and, in his infinite wisdom,
他是不会犯错的 he makes no mistakes. Hmm?
这话说得对 You're right about that.
我觉得上帝让你们来是为了能让我倾诉. I think the Lord put you here because he wants me to get something off my chest.
他希望我能求得良心安稳 让我要求你的原谅 He wants me to clear my conscience and he wants me to ask for forgiveness.
鲍勃 Robert.
高四开会时我对你的伤害是懦弱的行为 What I did to you at that rally in senior year was a cowardly act.
这件事让我每天都后悔 It's something that I've regretted every single day.
欺负人是全国性的恶行 Yeah. I mean, bullying is a national crisis.
会给人造成一生的痛苦 It can leave people with a lifetime of pain.
我对你的伤害我没任何借口 And I just have no excuse for what I did to you.
虽然我父亲是个暴力的人 I mean, I did grow up in a house with a father who was physical,
但不等于我有权利发泄到别人身上 but that doesn't give me the right to take it out on somebody
欺负当时弱小的你 因此 who at the time was weaker, you know? So...
加尔文 我这一恶行 Calvin, with this particular transgression,
不仅羞辱了他 也毁了你的最后演讲 I not only embarrassed him but I also ruined your final speech.
- 没有 - 是真的 - No, no. - Yes, I did.
- 没关系 - 不 我抢了你的风头 - It's okay. No, it's okay. - No, really, I stole your thunder.
这件事也让我每天都深受折磨 And it's another thing that I've had to live with every single day.
我求助于心理医生和谈话小组为此祈祷 And I work through it in individual therapy as well as group, and I pray about it.
所以 So...
我想说 对以前的事 I just want to say how truly sorry I am
我非常抱歉 for what happened, you know.
对我做过的事 Or for what I did.
不能说发生的事 是我做的事 It didn't just happen. I did it.
我做过了 我祈祷上帝我并没有做过 I did it, and I wish to God that I had not done it.
所以 我希望你能有这个胸怀 So, I'm hoping that you can find it in your heart
能原谅我 to forgive me.
这倒让我完全没想到 I wasn't expecting this at all.
是啊 是啊 Don't I know it. I know it.
我很高兴 I'm just so happy.
不知道该说什么好 I don't know what to say.
你可以说： How about you say...
奥斯卡奖非特雷弗·奥尔森莫属 "The Oscar goes to Trevor Olson."
你什么意思 What do you mean?
怪鸡鸡 Weird Dick!
你这蠢货 You stupid ass!
天啊 你可真傻 Good God, you're dumb!
比以前还傻 Dumber than ever, I guess!
你也是 加尔文 And you, too, Calvin!
看你俩这傻乎乎的表情 Look at that stupid look on those two faces.
"上帝让我关心"难以置信 "The Lord taught me to care." Unbelievable.
首先 我是个山达基教徒 I'm a Scientologist. Okay, that's "A."
自从2003年就不相信有灵魂了 And thetan-free since 2003.
就这么简单 Clear as shit.
至于我后悔做过的事 And "I'm sorry for what I did"?
告诉你我后悔什么 Let me tell you what I'm sorry about.
我后悔没把你多扔进去几次 I'm sorry I didn't toss your naked ass out there three more times.
那是最棒的高四恶作剧 It was the best senior prank ever.
我现在还能收到这件事的邮件呢 I still get emails about it.
如果当年有这东西 And if I'd had one of these bad boys back then,
我会拍下来 上传 I would have shot it, uploaded it,
会在网上疯传 上亿的点击量 and it would have gone crazy viral, a zillion hits.
知道吗 Know what?
你会后悔你开口说话了 You're going to regret you ever opened your mouth.
- 听见了吗 - 是吗 为什么呢 加尔文 - You hear me, Trevor? - Yeah? How come, Calvin?
因为他要揍你一顿 Because he's about to whoop your ass, that's why.
谁要揍我 Who is?
鲍勃 去揍他啊 Bob, get up and whoop his ass.
她来了 我告诉你们 Here she comes! Let me tell you something...
怪鸡鸡不可能吃了点激素 Weird Dick can't chug a bunch of fucking steroids and elk urine
就突然能打过我了 and suddenly be able to kick my ass.
得了吧 这不可能 Fuck that! It ain't gonna happen.
因为 'Cause here's why.
小时候是胖子 就永远是胖子 Once a fat kid, always a fat kid.
证明我错了 Huh? Prove me wrong.
鲍勃 来啊 像你在酒吧那样 Bob, come on. Do what you did in the bar.
来啊 打我啊 Come on, hit me!
我会起诉你 没收你的腰包 And I'll sue your ass, and take your fanny pack away.
你想去大便吗 You got to make poopies?
你怎么了 鲍勃 What's wrong, Bob?
我们这里有厕所 We got a john here.
还是你要换卫生巾? Or you got to change your rag?
也许就是这原因 Maybe that's it.
珍妮 你有多余的卫生巾吗 Jenny, you got an extra rag?
- 你是怎么了 - 我只想走 - What's the matter with you? - I just want to go.
她想走 She wants to go.
走吧 好的 Go ahead. There you go.
不 要推 No, it's a push.
50％的机会 你错过了 Boy, 50-50 shot. You missed that.
至少你找到了门把手 At least you found the handle.
天 他依然是个胆怯的小姑娘 Boy, he's still a scared little bitch.
你依然是个混蛋 You know, you're still an asshole.
你也依然比我的猫要矮 Yeah, well, you're still shorter than my cat.
这是你要的交易号码 Here's your transaction number.
滚吧 舔鸡鸡的 Hit it, dick licker.
- 谢谢你 特雷弗 - 好 - Thank you, Trevor. - Yup.
很高兴看到你一点没变 Glad to see you haven't changed a bit.
再见 Bye-bye now.
- 是推还是拉 - 直接推 - Was it push or pull? - Clean push.
- 是哪扇门? - 要我帮你开门吗 - Which one is it? - You want me to do it for you?
是哪一扇门 Which one is it?
喂 喂 该死的 乔伊纳 Hey, hey, hey! Goddamn it, Joyner!
珍妮 Jenny!
珍妮 拿清洁剂来 让保安把他赶走 Jenny, get the Windex! And security for this one.
别摸我的门了 够了 Get your asshole off my door! That's it!
鲍勃 鲍勃 Bob! Bob!
鲍勃 鲍勃 鲍勃 Bob! Bob! Bob!
乔伊纳先生 你猜我们要逮捕谁 Mr. Joyner. Guess who we're about to arrest
图谋叛国 for conspiracy to commit treason.
是的 就是你的爱妻 That's right. Your lovely wife.
你要这么做 So, here's what you're going to do.
你要告诉我们你和鲍勃在哪儿 You're going to tell us exactly where you and Bob are.
然后到外面来 让鲍勃留在原地等我们到达 Then you're going to go outside and you're going to keep Bob on-site until we arrive.
如果他走了 你就输了 And if he leaves, you lose.
听见了吗 Is that clear?
喂 Oh, hey.
我不知道自己是怎么了, 我突然凝固了. I don't know what happened in there, and I just froze up.
被冻住了 对不起 I locked up. I'm sorry.
鲍勃 我… Look, Bob, I...
不 我得对你说 加尔文 No, I gotta tell you something, CJ, listen.
你是唯一对我好的人 You're the only one who's ever been nice to me,
唯一从未嘲笑过我的人 the only one who's never laughed at me.
也是我在世上唯一信任的人 And you're the only one in this whole world that I trust.
我知道你有很多朋友 但我没有 And I know you have a lot of friends, but I don't.
你是我唯一的朋友 加尔文 You're my only friend, Calvin.
我再也不会让你失望 我保证 And I will never let you down again, I promise.
对不起 I'm sorry, man.
什么对不起 Sorry for what?
我告诉了哈里斯我们在哪儿 I told Harris where we are.
他们威胁要伤害麦吉 They were going to hurt Maggie.
我没别的办法 I had to. I didn't have a choice.
对不起 I'm sorry.
不许动 鲍勃 手放在头上 Freeze, Bob! Hands on your head!
快点 Do it now!
中情局安全屋 地点未知
你知道这套程序,我就不装腔作势了. I know you know how this goes, so I'll spare you the dramatics.
我只问你一次 I'll ask you just once.
卫星密码在哪儿 Where are the satellite encryption codes?
怎么了 鲍勃 Aw. What's the matter, Bob?
因为被你的朋友出卖了而难过? Are you upset that your friend turned you in?
我没任何朋友 I don't have any friends.
我不想看这个 两位 Okay, I don't want to watch this, guys.
放心 很快就结束 Don't worry, it'll be over quick.
她总能让嫌疑人崩溃 She always gets them to break.
好吧 那就按你的意思办 Okay. You have it your way.
我们用传统的审讯方式 We're going to do this old-school.
把抽取工具拿来 Get the extraction tools.
抽取工具? The extraction tools?
如果你不忍心看 你可以走 If you don't have the stomach for it, you can go.
走吧 Come on.
停止录像 Stop recording.
为什么让我来这里 不是说我可以走了吗 Why am I coming here? I was told I'd be able to leave.
你可以走 You can leave,
只要哈里斯特工允许你走, 而这是不可能的. when Agent Harris says you can leave, which might be never.
我得去看看 I gotta watch this.
对不起 鲍勃 I'm sorry, Bob.
对不起 I'm sorry, man.
天啊 Oh, Jesus!
怎么回事 What the hell?
喂 喂 Hey! Hey!
不许动 Don't move!
把手举起来 离开操作台 You get your hands off! Get them off the keyboard!
- 你要干什么加尔文 - 给我你的钥匙卡 - What are you doing, Calvin? - Give me your keycard!
给我你的钥匙卡 Give me your keycard!
给我 Give it to me.
- 好 - 去坐下 - Okay... - Go sit down.
好 好 Okay. Yeah.
对不起 对不起 Sorry. I'm sorry.
- 坐下 - 坐下 - 好 好 - Sit down! Sit down! - Okay, okay, okay.
知道吗 鲍勃 You know, Bob?
这是我在这一行最爱做的事 This is actually my favorite part of the job.
谢谢你这么合作 Thank you for being so uncooperative.
如果你的朋友乔伊纳看到这一幕, 他会说什么? What do you think your little buddy, Joyner, would say if he could see you like this?
两个词 Two words.
我参与 I'm in.
哇 What-what?
你这是犯了大错误 乔伊纳先生 You're making a big mistake, Mr. Joyner.
除非我搞错了 That's only if I'm wrong.
快 鲍勃 我们走 Come on, Bob. Let's go!
你还愣着干什么 快走啊 What're you doing? Come on, man!
好吧 听我说 鲍勃 对不起 Okay, listen to me. Bob, I'm sorry.
对不起我出卖了你 I'm sorry I double-crossed you. You hear me?
我本该信任你 可我没有 I should've believed you, I should've trusted you, and I didn't.
我对此很抱歉 I'm sorry for that.
听我说 鲍勃 我们没时间耽搁 Listen to me. Bob, we don't have time for this, man!
我需要你用你的超级间谍手段 I need you to tap into that super-spy stuff
带我们出去 听见了吗 and I need you to get us the hell out of here right now. Do you hear me?
我不是个超级间谍 加尔文 I'm not a super spy, Calvin.
我是超级傻瓜怪鸡鸡鲍勃 I'm Robbie Wheirdicht, super tool.
别说了 你不是超级傻瓜 No, stop. You're not a super tool.
你甚至不是怪鸡鸡鲍勃 你是鲍勃·斯通 You're not even Robbie Wheirdicht. You're Bob Stone!
- 这是假名 - 那又如何 - I made that name up. - So what?
- 这不是真名 - 那又怎么样 那又怎么样 - It's not real. - What does that mean? What does that mean?
你以为T先生和斯汀生下来就是这名字吗 You think Mr. T and Sting were born with those names?
你知道我在高中时的"黄金喷气机"的绰号是怎么来的吗 How do you think I got the name "Golden Jet" at high school?
- 因为你很牛逼 - 不 不是那个原因 - 'Cause you're awesome. - No, that's not how.
在初二时 我参加径赛 那是我第一次赛跑 In the eighth grade, I ran track. It was my first race.
最后我和另一个学生并驾齐驱 Okay, the race came down to me and this other kid.
我太想拿第一了 I wanted to win the race so damn bad
过了终点后都尿了裤子 that I ended up peeing in my pants at the finish line.
所以人称"黄金喷气机" That's how I got the name "Golden Jet."
所以相信我这么一个为了跑个第一 就不惜在很多人面前 So, take it from a guy who's literally pissed his pants in front of everybody
尿裤子的人的话： just to win a race.
你决定你是什么样的人 You are who you decide to be.
你选择成为国际中情局间谍 And you chose to be an international CIA spy.
你以杀人为生 Come on, man. You get to kill people for a living.
多牛逼啊 How cool is that?
谈不上 I don't know.
有几分牛逼吧 Kinda cool I guess.
怎么还有几分 这可不是有几分 What do you mean "kinda cool"? Ain't no kinda cool.
别胡说 这是太牛逼了 Stop it! It's awesome.
拜托 我们是兄弟? Now, come on, man. We boys?
- 我们是兄弟 - 啊 - We're boys. - Oh!
对不起 杰 Sorry, Jet.
天啊 Oh, God!
看 完好如初 See? Good as new.
对不起 Wow. Sorry, man.
快走 快走 Go, go!
解开我 Get me out!
他出其不意袭击了我们 给我钥匙 He got the jump on us. Give me the key.
当心 鲍勃 Look out, Bob!
过来 杰 揍他 Here, Jet! Get him!
当心 Watch out!
你看到了吗 鲍勃 Did you see that, Bob?
我用了那招 我用了你那招 I did the thing! I did the thing, Bob!
是啊 Yeah!
耶 耶 Yeah! Yeah!
- 来 跟我走 - 我们走吧 - Come on! Follow me! - Let's do it!
我这是干什么 你拿着枪 No! What the fuck am I doing? Here! You get the gun.
- 我跟你走 - 好 - I'm behind you. Go. - All right.
天啊 他们有两个人 Oh, my God. There's two of them.
是的 我引开他们 你去开门 Yeah, I'll distract them and you open the door, okay?
- 什么 不 - 我们走 - What? No! - Let's roll.
不 不 No, no.
走 走 Go, go!
- 在追赶 - 出来了 - Close in! - Moving out!
- 不许动 鲍勃 - 对不起了 两位 - Freeze, Bob! - Sorry about this, guys.
不 过来 Nope, come here.
快点 Come on.
不是这个钥匙卡 转过身来 Wrong keycard, pal. Turn around.
需要这个钥匙卡 You needed this one.
现在趴在地上 On the ground, now.
我能先说句话吗 Can I say something first?
- 说什么 - 这下够你受的 - What? - This is going to hurt.
- 喂 解下钥匙卡 我们走 - 好 好 - Hey, get the keycard! Let's roll. - All right, all right.
我们坐哪辆车 Which car are we taking?
不是那辆 Not that one.
天啊 Oh, my God.
天啊 啊 Oh, God. Oh, sh...
噢 Oh.
来 杰 Here we go, Jet.
- 鲍勃 他们在射我们 - 没事 这是防弹玻璃 - Bob, they are shooting at us! - It's okay, it's bulletproof.
开车 开车 Drive, drive!
给 杰 Here you go, Jet.
这是什么 What's this?
逃生包 中情局送的礼物 Bug-out bag, courtesy of the CIA.
拿出里面的加密手机 Go ahead and grab that encrypted phone in there.
做什么用 For what?
银行交易码还在吗 You still have the bank transaction code?
交易号码怎么能帮我们找到坏人在哪儿 How are transaction numbers gonna help us find out where the bad guys are?
这不是银行交易号码或密码 其实是… Well, it's not bank transaction numbers or codes, it's actually...
经度和纬度 Longitude and latitude.
看看杰的间谍头脑 哇 Look at the spy brain on the Jet! What-what!
你简直就是个黑人谷歌 You're like a chocolate Google.
鲍勃 别这么做 住手 Bob, don't do that. Stop it. Stop it.
你越来越擅长此道了 You're getting good at this, man.
你说的非常对 是经度和纬度 Yeah, you're absolutely right. It's longitude and latitude.
只要把这些数字输入GPS 就成了 All you gotta do is plug those digits into the GPS, and boom!
我们就能找到买家和大黑獾了 We're gonna catch the buyer and The Badger, just like that.
波士顿 Boston.
我们需要一架飞机 We're gonna need a plane.
私人机场 派克斯维尔
你偷过飞机吗? You ever steal a plane before?
我偷过一袋糖果 - I stole some Starbursts one time. - Mmm-hmm.
不知道有没有可比性 So I don't know if that compares or anything,
反正那次并不成功 but I wasn't successful with that.
出门的时候掉了出来 On the way out, I dropped 'em.
整包都掉了出来 被店主抓住了 Dropped the whole bag. The guy caught me.
这是什么 我说是糖果 "What's that?" I just said, "A Starburst."
直接告诉了他 很惨 Told him myself. It was a mess.
你看 真是天赐 Check it out. The universe provides.
噢 Oh.
黄金喷气机 Golden Jet.
- 黄金喷气机 - 黄金喷气机 - Golden Jet. - Golden Jet.
- 只有一个门卫 - 好 - It's just one guard in there. - All right.
90%间谍工作主要就是分散对方注意力 90% of spy work is distraction.
你去引开那门卫, 我就能搞到飞机了. You get in there and distract that guard, I'm gonna get us a plane.
什么 What?
你以为我能… I don't know what the hell you expect...
鲍勃 Bob!
该死的 Fuck!
你去死 鲍勃 Fuck you, Bob!
该死的 Damn it!
嗨 我需要一架飞机 Hey, I need a plane.
对不起 你不能进来 这是私人机场 Sir, you cannot be in here. This is a private airfield.
我知道 但我这个冷藏箱里有个器官 I understand that but I have an organ in this cooler right now
需要尽快送去 that needs to get transported ASAP.
是吗 Really?
我小姨子去年做了心脏移植手术 Because my sister-in-law had a heart transplant last year
但却不是放在午餐冷藏箱里 and they did not bring it in a Playmate lunch cooler.
本不想对你说的 I hate to break it to you,
这里面装的 but this is not a...
- 不是心脏 - 不是心脏? - This is not a heart. - It's not a heart?
不是的 No, it's not.
那么是什么 Hmm. What is it then?
- 是一根鸡鸡 - 哦 - It's a dick. - Okay.
我现在有太多的问题 I am made of questions right now.
你不用问 Well, you don't have to ask.
昨晚 一个女人跟一个男人发生争执 Last night, lady got into it with a man.
最后切掉了他的鸡鸡 She ended up cutting his pecker off.
她拿着鸡鸡 开车走了 She left with it, got in a car, drove,
上了95号路 把鸡鸡扔出了车窗 got on 95, threw it out the window.
这是全国历史上第二大规模的搜寻鸡鸡 The second largest penis hunt in the state history.
这男人是个韩国人, 所以很久才找到. The man was Korean, so you better believe it took a long time to find.
你这是歧视韩国人鸡鸡 You're stereotyping Korean dicks.
这是种族主义 That's racist.
我见过比你还大的韩国人鸡鸡 I've seen Korean dicks bigger than you.
找到之后 那人把鸡鸡交给我 Okay, after finding it, the guy brought it to me,
他说：请务必把这根鸡鸡送到该去的地方 and he said, "Do your due diligence in getting this dick where it's got to go."
我就是干这行的 That's what I do.
我是个运送鸡鸡专家 I'm a dick deliverer specialist.
哦 简称DDS Oh, DDS?
就像牙医 只不过是鸡鸡 Like a dentist but for dicks.
呃 Uh...
别人会找你说：这是根鸡鸡 找架飞机吧 So, people are like, "Here's a dick. Find a plane."
你就是干这行的?专门运送鸡鸡的? That's how you do it? You're like an Uber for dicks?
在哪儿找的这个工作?分类广告里? Where do you get these jobs? On Craigslist?
先生 你没必要这么瞧不起人 Okay, sir, we don't need to demean each other here.
你一个字我都不相信 I don't believe a word you're saying.
让我看看 Let me see it.
我不在乎给你看看 I have no problem showing you this.
如果你想看 那就做好心理准备了 So if you wanna see it then get ready to see.
- 我要打开了 - 打开吧 - Here I go. - Go for it.
天啊 天啊 Oh, shit! Oh, shit.
我开玩笑的 这是我朋友 I'm just kidding. This is my friend.
- 噢 - 是我哥们 - Oh! - It's my buddy.
它叫吉伦哈尔蛇 His name's Snake Gyllenhaal.
- 它看守我的午餐 - 好了 够了 - He guards my lunch. - Okay, that's enough.
肯定是哈里斯吧 It's gotta be Harris, right?
你什么意思 What do you mean?
大黑獾肯定就是她 I mean, she's gotta be The Black Badger.
这是唯一合情合理的 It's the only thing that makes sense.
她能接触到密码 I mean, she's had access to the encryption codes
而且她这么急切的要嫁祸于你 and she's so hot and bothered about pinning this whole thing on you.
肯定是她 It's gotta be her!
我不知道 杰. I don't know, Jet.
她肯定认为我是大黑獾 I'm pretty sure she thinks I'm The Black Badger.
在审讯室一直盘问我这事 She worked me over pretty good in that interrogation room.
等等 怎么回事 Hold on, wait, wait... What's going on?
这是怎么回事 鲍勃 What's that? What's going on right now, Bob?
没什么 我们没一点燃油了 No biggie. We're completely outta gas.
天啊 Oh, my... Oh!
我们要坠机了, 杰! 我无能为力! We're going down, Jet! There's nothing I can do!
- 该死 - 问你个小问题 - Oh, shit! - Really quickly...
你这辈子最后悔的事是什么 What's the one thing you wish you'd done in your life?
我最后悔的是跟着一个 The one thing I wish I hadn't done is not get in a plane with a guy
没检查燃油的人上了飞机 who didn't check the goddamned fuel!
- 你为什么没检查燃油 - 不 我问的是现实中 - Why wouldn't you check the fuel? - No, something that's real.
你最后悔的一件事是什么 What's the one thing you regret not doing for you?
天啊 我们好像要死了 Oh, my God! I think we're gonna die!
是没有孩子 Not having a kid, man!
没当上爹 Not being a father!
我后悔没当爹 I regret not being a father!
麦吉 我该给你个孩子的 Maggie, I should've gave you a kid!
我该把我的种给你 麦吉 I should've gave you my seed, Maggie!
我应该的 I should've!
我真自私 I'm so selfish!
对不起 麦吉 I'm sorry, Maggie!
- 这不是很难啊 - 什么 - That wasn't so hard, right? - What?
我得说 Hey, just for the record,
我觉得你会是个好爸爸 I think you'd make a great dad.
这都是你假装的? Did you just fake this whole thing?
是的 差不多 Yeah, kinda.
不会吧 You gotta be shitting me glory!
没有 No, not at all.
我只是觉得当你面临绝境的时候 I just thought that maybe a facing-your-own-death situation
可能会帮你明白你的人生目标是什么 might help motivate you to clarify some of your goals in life.
说句私心话 And, hey, between me and you,
我知道你对这问题一直很纠结 I know you've been struggling a little bit.
知道我现在纠结什么吗 You know what I'm struggling with right now, Bob?
到底要不要揍你 Not whooping your ass.
好吧, 杰. 你哭的时候挺可爱的. Okay, Jet. Hey, you're really cute when you cry.
行了 够了 Stop it! Enough!
波士顿公园
我不明白 I don't get it.
如果这坐标正确, 我们就在这坐标上. I mean, if these coordinates are correct, we should be standing right on top of it.
交易是在30分钟后 The deal doesn't go down for another 30 minutes, Jet,
- 我们是来早了 - 不会 - so we're kinda early. - No!
为什么要在这空旷的地方交易 Why would you do it out in the open like this?
为什么要冒这个风险 Why would you take that risk?
这没道理啊 Just doesn't make any sense, man.
该死 拜托 Shit! Come on.
等等 Wait.
等等 不是在这里交易 Oh, wait. It's not happening up here.
不是的 No, it's not. It's...
而是在我们脚下 Oh, it's happening beneath us. Look.
看 那是个地下停车场 It's an underground parking garage.
好眼力, 杰. Yeah, that's a good eye, Jet.
你还是留在这里放哨 Why don't you stay up here? Keep overwatch.
我下去看看 I'll go down there and check things out.
等等 什么 我跟你一起去 Wait, what? No, I'm going with you.
你不能和我一起去 我们分散行动才更妥当 You can't go with me. The smarter play is if we split up.
妥当什么 Smarter play for who?
知道人们分散后会怎么样吗 Do you know what happens when people split up, Bob?
会有人死 Somebody dies!
死的那个人是我 I'd be the one to die. You know why?
因为我没防弹背心 也没有枪 Because I don't have a bulletproof vest and I don't have a gun!
那么你就是我的防弹背心 Which means that you are my bulletproof vest!
我要跟着你 你不能离开我 My little black ass is gonna stay behind you, you're not leaving me!
所以你才要留在这里 That's exactly why you should stay up here.
如果你去停车场中枪死了 Look, if you went down in that garage and you got shot to death,
知道我会多伤心吗 you know how hurt I would be?
我会很郁闷的 我不希望那样 I'd be super bummed out! I don't want that.
你在上面更安全 It's safer for you up here.
如果这里出事了 我该怎么办 If something happened up here, what am I supposed to do, Bob?
我该怎么呼唤你 学鸟叫? How do I get your attention? Make a bird call?
你听像鸟叫吗 Does that sound like a bird to you? Huh?
这是我最大的弱点 我不会学鸟叫 That's my biggest weakness! I can't make bird noises.
从来都不会 I never could.
如果我活命只能靠鸟叫 So if that's what I gotta depend on to live,
那我肯定会死 孤零零死在这里 it means I'm gonna die! I'mma die up here, by myself
像死去鸽子的声音 sounding like a dead-ass pigeon.
- 我不知道鸽子什么叫声 - 杰, 杰, 杰, 杰, 杰! - I have no idea what a pigeon... - Jet, Jet, Jet, Jet, Jet!
你不用学鸟叫 You don't have to make bird noises.
也不用学鸽子 You don't have to sound like a pigeon.
你只需要用加密手机给我打电话 就在你手上 All you gotta do is call me on the encrypted phone that's in your hand.
- 好吗 - 好 - Okay? - Okay, yeah.
- 我很快就回来 - 好 - I'll be right back. - Okay.
好吗 All right?
对了, 杰. Oh, Jet.
我们来世再见 I'll see you on the other side.
好 Yeah.
你来早了 You're early.
你也是 So are you.
快点 Come on.
天啊 Oh, my God!
天啊 Oh, my God.
我就知道 I knew it.
我就知道她就是大黑獾 I knew it. I knew she was The Black Badger!
天啊 Oh, my God!
接电话 接电话 Pick up the phone. Pick up the phone.
喂 Yello?
鲍勃·哈里斯就是大黑獾 Bob, Harris is The Black Badger!
喂 Hello?
哈里斯就是大黑獾 Harris is The Black Badger!
我听不见你 I can't hear you.
哈里斯就是大黑獾 Harris is The Black Badger!
开玩笑的 我不在 请留言 Just kidding! I'm not here. Leave a message at the beep.
什么 What?
哈里斯就是大黑獾 Oh. Harris is The Black Badger!
哈里斯就是大黑獾 Harris is The Black Badger!
我就知道 哈里斯就是大黑獾 I knew it. I knew it. Harris is The Black Badger!
鲍勃·哈里斯是… Bob! Harris is The...
他是谁 Who is he?
他是我搭档 That's my partner.
我不喜欢跟人分成 I don't like splitting my fees.
那包裹 请 The package. Please.
就等你问了 Thought you'd never ask.
等等 你搞错了 Wait! You're making a mistake.
你好 鲍勃 Hello, Bob.
你不是死了吗 But you're dead.
不像别人以为的那样 Not as much as people think.
听着 他不是大黑獾 Look, he's not The Black Badger...
我才是 I am.
这也不是密码 And those aren't the encryption codes,
这才是 these are.
他在骗你 He's lying to you.
此人是个中情局特工 This man is a CIA agent,
他想把冒牌货卖给你 and he's trying to sell you bogus plans.
该死 Damn.
啊 Ow, ow.
他射了我 He shot me.
这才是真正的密码 These are the real codes
我才是真正的大黑獾 and I am the real Black Badger.
大黑獾是鲍勃 Bob is The Black Badger.
我才是大黑獾 I am The Black Badger.
菲尔? Phil?
不 我才是大黑獾 No, I'm The Black Badger.
我开始觉得大黑獾可能是我 I'm starting to think I might be The Black Badger.
这样吧 Here's the thing.
我不知道谁才是真正的大黑獾 I have no idea who is the real Black Badger.
我也不关心 And I don't care.
因为我是蜜獾 'Cause I'm The Honey Badger.
而蜜獾什么都不在乎 And The Honey Badger doesn't give a shit.
蜜獾不择手段 The Honey Badger's nasty.
所以他两个都要 He's so nasty, he'll take them both.
交过来 Hand them over.
菲尔 等这件事一过 Phil, when this thing is over,
我就像"威龙杀阵"中的派屈克·史威兹一样撕碎你的喉咙 I'm going to rip your throat out like Patrick Swayze in Road House.
天啊 又是"威龙杀阵" Oh, my God. You and Road House.
别再提这部电影了 Get over that movie.
当时是烂片 现在也是烂片 It sucked then, it sucks now.
派屈克·史威兹算个屁 Fuck Patrick Swayze!
你怎么能这么说 How dare you!
放下你们的武器 Drop your weapons!
噢 天啊 Oh! Oh, shit!
密码 The codes.
别这么做 Don't do it.
这太傻了 Stupid.
好 Okay.
一 One,
二 two,
三 靠 three! Shit!
噢 噢 Uh-oh! Oh!
不 No!
他拿着密码 He's got the codes!
哇 Whoo!
真是惊险啊 I mean, this is crazy, right?
你离我远点 鲍勃 You stay the hell away from me, Bob!
你射了我的脖子 You shot me in the neck!
杰! Jet!
好 Okay.
黄金喷气机绝杀投球 Golden Jet for the win!
该死 No. Shit!
放下武器 鲍勃 Drop your weapon, Bob.
该死 Oh, shit!
到我身后 乔伊纳先生 Get behind me, Mr. Joyner.
别这么做, 杰. Ah, you don't wanna do that, Jet.
他显然是坏人 It's obvious he's the bad guy.
我是好人 你要到我身后 I'm the good guy. You wanna get behind me.
哈里斯特工让我潜伏 Agent Harris had me go dark
好让鲍勃暴露出他大黑獾的身份 to get Bob to reveal himself as The Black Badger.
你不会相信他的吧 You don't seriously believe this guy, do you?
到我身后, 杰. You wanna get behind me, Jet.
你背叛了国家, 鲍勃. You betrayed your nation, Bob.
你背叛了你的搭档, 菲尔. You betrayed your partner, Phil.
等等 大家都住手 Okay, no, wait! Everybody just stop!
别说废话了 Cut the shit!
我现在就打断 I'mma cut the line right now!
别说废话了 I cut the shit!
我不管谁背叛了谁 Hear me? Now I don't care who betrayed who.
我只是不想受到伤害 Okay? I just don't wanna get hurt!
因此都不要…该死 So there ain't gonna be no... Shit!
快 Come on.
该死 Shi...
该死 Shit.
明智之举 乔伊纳先生 Smart move, Mr. Joyner.
你为国出力了 You've done your country a great service.
现在给我枪 Now, hand me the firearm
我们一起把卫星密码上交 and we'll turn over the satellite codes together.
站着别动 别向前迈一步 Stay right there, man. Don't you take another step.
我虽然射了他 不等于就信任你 Just because I shot him does not mean I trust you.
我们没时间解释 We don't have time for this.
站住 我让你站住 Stop! I said, "Stop."
可惜啊 Aw, whoopsie.
扔的漂亮 小子 Nice throw, bitch.
你知道为什么你朋友鲍勃没当成大黑獾吗 You wanna know why your pal Bob could never have been The Black Badger?
因为他太软弱 It's because he's too weak.
如果我再听他说一遍 And if I had to hear another goddamned story
黄金喷气机加尔文·乔伊纳 about Calvin "The Golden Jet" Joyner
说你在高中多么牛逼 and how awesome you were in high school
说你是这个大白痴最好的朋友 and how you were this big idiot's best friend,
我真要发疯了 I was just gonna lose it.
看你现在 看起来一点也不牛逼 Looking at you right now, you don't seem so cool.
就像个平凡的人 You just seem like a regular guy.
一个普通人 An everyday Joe.
装死还倒好说 You know, faking my own death was the easy part.
最痛苦的是整天听鲍勃叽叽歪歪 But dealing with Bob, day after day, was the hard part.
喂 菲尔 Hey, Phil.
怎么了 鲍勃 What, Bob?
我们来世再见 I'll see you on the other side.
不 希望我们别再见了 No, I hope we don't. All right?
别了 再见 再见 Just, no. Bye, bye, bye.
你就走吧 Just go.
我编造出大黑獾 安装了个血袋 I made up the Black Badger, rigged up a blood bag
这个大笨蛋真信了 and that big dummy bought it.
鲍勃 Bob!
不 等等 哥们 No, no! Hang on, buddy.
这里有个炸弹 No, there's some sort of bomb in here.
你好像把门挤紧了 You're pushing it closed, I think.
- 没有抱歉 - 不 别放弃 - No, no, no. Sorry. - No, don't give up!
再见鲍勃 Bye, Bob.
我要带着5亿美元走人 I'm getting away with a half a billion dollars.
而童子军鲍勃则要坐一辈子牢 And Boy Scout Bob is gonna spend his life in prison.
美国多伟大 Ain't America great?
现在 你要做鲍勃死去的第二个搭档 So now you're gonna be the second partner of Bob's to die.
别冲动 Just relax.
跪下 黄金喷气机 On your knees, Golden Jet.
这是搞什么 What the hell was that?
黄金喷气机后空翻 Golden Jet flip.
是吗 你翻的很差劲 Yeah? Well, you really suck at it.
我知道 I know.
那你干嘛还要翻 Then why'd you do it?
分散注意力 Distraction.
啊 你撕碎了他的喉咙 Oh, you just pulled his throat out!
我们来世再见 I'll see you on the other side.
杰, 来. 我拉你起来. Jet, come here. Give me your hand, old buddy.
天啊 把那东西拿开 Oh, shit! Get that away from me!
抱歉, 杰. Sorry, Jet.
来, 杰. 那是个气管. Come here, Jet. That was a trachea.
很好的分散注意力 Great distraction, man!
对不起我射了你 Sorry I had to shoot you, Jet.
只有那样才能救你一命 It was the only way I could save your life.
但你射了我 诱使菲尔供认出 But when you shot me to get Phil to confess
他就是大黑獾, 比我更是高明的多. that he was The Black Badger, that was some next-level-type shit!
是啊 很高兴你能明白我的用意 Yeah, no. I'm glad you see it the way I saw it.
全都是我一手安排的 That was my plan the whole time. So...
你很有干这行的天赋 You are a natural for this line of work.
你有学识, 有技能, 善于跟人打交道. I mean, you're smart, you got the skill set, you're a people person.
而且你已经有了一个很牛逼的绰号黄金喷气机 哇 and you already got a dope-ass code name, "The Golden Jet!" What?
但在此之前 我们要把这密码 But in the meantime, we gotta get those encryption codes
交给哈里斯 否则就要迟到了 over to Harris right away or we're gonna be late.
你说什么呢 什么迟到了 What are you talking about? Late for what?
同学聚会啊 已经开始了 The reunion, dude. What-what! This shit's on!
鲍勃 该死的 Bob. Damn it.
中央高中
鲍勃 Bob!
还有一件事 One more thing.
谢谢你送来卫星密码 Thanks for securing the satellite codes.
帮了我的大忙 You really saved my ass.
国家感谢你 Your country thanks you.
只是分内的事 Just doing my job.
很抱歉伤了你的手 希望你知道那不是针对你 I'm really sorry about your hand. I hope you know that wasn't personal.
我完全没放在心上 帕梅拉 Oh, no hard feelings at all, Pam.
而且人人都会犯错误 Besides, everybody makes mistakes.
加尔文还以为你是大黑獾呢 Calvin, here, thought you were The Black Badger.
没 我没以为… I don't... No, I don't think...
我们在飞机上时 你说：大黑獾就是哈里斯 When we were in the plane, you said, "Hey, Harris is the Black..."
我觉得你该… 我还是… I think you should... Maybe I...
乔伊纳先生 很高兴与你合作 Mr. Joyner, it was a pleasure working with you.
如果你想改行 给我打个电话 If you ever want a career change, you give me a call.
就算想给你打电话 我怎么联系你 If I were to give you a call, how would I get in touch with you?
拿起家里任何一部电话就行 Just pick up any phone in your house.
都被窃听了 They're all bugged.
得了吧 得了吧 You're crazy. Hey, you're crazy!
你真逗 That's a good one.
加尔文 我接到你的短信就来了 Calvin! I got your text and came right over.
你去哪儿了 你怎么从直升机上下来了 Where the hell have you been? Why did you get out of a helicopter?
嗨 麦吉 Hey, uh, Maggie.
嗨 Uh, hi!
老公 为什么丹医生和你在一起 Babe, why is Dr. Dan with you?
呃 Well... Uh...
他不是丹医生 That's not Dr. Dan.
请允许我自我介绍一下 Allow me to properly introduce myself.
我叫鲍勃·斯通, 就是以前的怪鸡鸡鲍勃. My name is Bob Stone, the artist formerly known as Robbie Wheirdicht.
我为中情局工作 I work for the CIA.
我拉着你丈夫帮我查找一个叛徒 I roped your husband into helping me track down a traitor,
要把国家军事机密卖给一个恐怖分子的叛徒 who was gonna sell military state secrets to a terrorist.
我们成功了阻止了他们, 拯救了自由世界, 就是这样. We did all that, we stopped them, we saved the free world, and here we are.
这是怎么回事 What the hell is going on?
听着 听着 Okay, listen, listen.
我一直都是傻瓜 I've been a fool. All right?
我以为我的人生很失败 I thought that my life was a failure.
以为没什么特别之处 但很特别 I thought that it wasn't special. But it is special.
因为有你 It's special because I have you in it.
你就是我的世界 是你让我特别 You are my world. You are what makes me special!
你就是我的一切 麦吉 You're everything to me, Mags.
我爱你 I love you.
好 Okay.
眼泪要下来了 Here come the waterworks.
我保证过自己不会哭的 I promised myself I wouldn't do this.
- 来 来 - 好 - Come on, come on. - Okay.
- 这就是怪鸡鸡鲍勃? - 是的 - That's Robbie Wheirdicht? - Yeah.
- 嗨 布莱恩 - 嗨 盖尔 - Hi, Brian. - Hi, Gail.
这不是好主意 这样吧 Guys, this isn't a good idea. You know what?
我们回头见 我不该来的 I'll just meet you later. I shouldn't have come.
等等 等等 Wait, wait, wait.
鲍勃 你冷静 听我说 Bob, calm down, okay? Listen to me.
今晚不会像是你20年前的高中 Tonight is not gonna be how high school was for you 20 years ago.
我保证 I promise.
请注意 Attention, por favor.
现在, 是你们都在等待的时刻, And now, for the moment you've all been waiting for,
今晚返校节国王和女王的选举结果 tonight's vote for the reunion homecoming king and queen!
我们等会会宣布女王 We'll announce the queen in one moment.
但首先 不再废话 But first, without further ado...
中央高中 The new homecoming king
1996届新的返校节国王是… for the Central High School Centaurs, Class of 1996 is...
我去小便, 杰. I really gotta pee, Jet.
鲍勃·斯通? Bob Stone!
有叫鲍勃·斯通的吗 Do we have a Bob Stone?
他在这里 鲍勃·斯通 Here he is, Bob Stone, huh!
耶 Yeah!
你小子上台啊 Go on, get your rock-hard ass up there.
是真的吗 For reals?
是真的 是真的 去吧 For reals, for reals. Go ahead, man.
哇 Whoo!
你成功了 大家伙 You did it, big guy!
鲍勃·斯通怎么被评上返校节国王的 How did Bob Stone win homecoming king?
我在飞机上黑进了投票站点 I hacked into the votes on the flight in.
在下加尔文·乔伊纳法务会计师 为您效劳 Calvin Joyner, forensic accountant, at your service.
没想到你还有这本事 I had no idea you could do that.
我有很多你不了解的地方 麦吉 There's a lot of things that you don't know about me, Maggie.
算了 当我没说 No, scratch that I said that.
本来很牛逼的话 听起来很装逼 It was supposed to come out cool. It didn't.
本来按我的设计… It was something I thought of, it was like a...
算了 Forget it.
哇 我们为他欢呼吧 Well, well, let's hear it for him!
胖子鲍勃出息了 Fat Robbie made good.
怪鸡鸡鲍勃国王 我们的裸体吉祥物 King Robbie Weird Dick, our naked mascot.
你让开吧 特雷弗 Why don't you just get out of the way, Trevor?
我要是不呢, 喷气机? Or what, Golden Jet?
难道你要跳起来打在我的腰带上 You're gonna hop up here and punch me in the belt?
别激动 小蚂蚁 Simmer down, Ant-Man.
够了 够了 - 没事的 - You know what? That's it. That's it. - It's okay.
- 没事的 - 我受够了 - It's all right. - No, I've had it!
- 我来处理, 杰. - 没事的. - I got it, Jet. It's okay. - It's okay.
我来处理 I'll handle it.
等等 我可不相信什么 Whoa, whoa! Hang on. I'm not buying this whole transformation
丑小鸭变成白天鹅 from ugly duckling into swan.
这里没人相信 No one in here is.
就算你驾着直升机来 西装革履的 You can fly in, in a bunch of helicopters and dress up in a thousand suits,
但在我们大家看来 你永远都是那个胖小子 but to everybody, including me, you'll always just be the fat kid.
这事我考虑了很多 特雷弗 I've been thinking about this a lot, Trevor.
我只想对你说我原谅你 And the only thing I want to say to you is I forgive you.
你原谅我 天啊 原谅我什么 You forgive me! Oh, boy! For what?
原谅我很牛逼吗 For being rad as shit.
去你的吧 胖小子 Fuck you, fat boy.
依然是个胆小鬼 Still a scared little bitch.
我讨厌仗势欺人 I don't like bullies.
他是叫鲍勃·斯通小子 And the name is Bob Stone, bitch!
哇 Whoo-whoo!
来 迈过去 Come on, baby. Step over.
大家好 Hi, everybody!
你们都知道我在高中时是 Most of you knew me back in high school as
怪鸡鸡鲍勃 Robbie Wheirdicht.
- 他是怪鸡鸡鲍勃? - 不会吧 - That's Robbie Wheirdicht? - No way!
我每天穿着处方裤子 I wore prescription pants every day.
20年前 在这个体育馆里 Twenty years ago, in this gym,
我站在你们面前 I stood in front of you all
光着身子 naked
羞愧不堪 and embarrassed.
你们可能还有人记得那一天 Some of you might remember that day.
可能很多人当时还笑了 A lot of you probably even laughed.
但没关系 But that's okay.
今晚将会不同 因为 Tonight's gonna be different because
我最好的朋友也一起来了 my best friend is here with me.
他教会我做自己故事里的英雄是什么意思 And he taught me what it means to be the hero of your own story.
能帮我拿一下吗 Would you hold this for me, please?
做自己故事里的英雄 Being the hero of your own story
不一定非要惩奸除恶 或者征服大山 isn't about stopping bad guys or climbing mountains.
关键是克服那些欺压自己的 It's about overcoming bullies in your life,
不管是人还是什么 whatever or whomever they may be.
关键是敞开心扉 It's about putting it all out there
让所有人 for everyone
都能看到 to see.
关键是明白 And it's realizing that, in life,
你能做到的最重要的 the most important thing that you can be
就是做你自己 is yourself.
因此 中央高中 1996届的同学们 So, Central High, Class of 1996,
这就是我 怪鸡鸡鲍勃 this is me, Robbie Wheirdicht.
天啊 鲍勃脱光了 Oh, my God! Bob just went commando!
好 好 Yes! Yes!
好样的 鲍勃 Way to go, Bob!
做你自己 Be you!
鲍勃 鲍勃 Robbie! Robbie! Robbie!
嗨 Hey, man!
说的太棒了 我真为你高兴 Dude, this is amazing! I'm so happy for you!
谢谢 我感觉好自由 Thank you, Jet! I feel so free!
- 来 - 不 不 - Come here. - No, no, no.
你的鸡鸡出来了 Your junk is out.
- 对不起, 杰. - 打扰一下 - Oh. Sorry, Jet. - Excuse me.
嗨 鲍勃 Hi, Robbie.
- 你应该不记得我了 - 达拉 - You probably don't remember me. - Darla.
- 她是达拉·莫佳肯? - 是的 - Is that Darla McGuckian? - Yeah.
哇 她真好看 Wow! She looks great!
她以前不是有个眼睛弱视吗 Didn't she used to have a lazy eye?
- 两个都是 - 哇 - Two of them. - Wow.
没想到你还记得我 I can't believe you remember me.
记得? Remember you?
我怎么可能忘记你 How could I forget you?
你还是那个甜蜜的笑容 那个甜蜜的脸 You still have the same sweet smile, the same sweet face.
但你发型变了 你以前是卷发 But your hair's changed. You used to wear it curlier.
但我喜欢你现在 I like it though.
你一点都没变 You haven't changed at all.
胡说 Oh, I don't know.
你依然和以前一样美 You're still as beautiful as ever.
啊 Oh.
- 耶 鲍勃 - 加油 鲍勃 - Yeah, Bob! - Go, Bob!
不 不 No, no, no.
啊 我头晕目眩 Oh, I got spinny.
头晕的要命 Super spinny.
感觉真好 Yeah, that's nice.
- 我能带你去买冰淇淋吗 - 可以 - Can I take you to get ice-cream... - Yes.
可以 可以 Yes. Yes, yes, yes.
我特别不耐乳糖 但我豁出去了 Super lactose intolerant, but that's okay. Let's roll the dice.
这是我的曲子 That's my jam!
让他们看看你的能耐 Go show them what you got.
- 好的 达拉 - 好 - All right, Darla. - Okay.
达拉 嗨 我是加尔文 Darla, hi. Calvin.
嗨 科林 很高兴见到你 Hi, Colin. Nice to meet you.
- 是加尔文 - 我是麦吉 - Calvin. - And Maggie.
麦吉 嗨 Maggie, hi!
嗨 你真好看 Hi. You look so good.
- 天啊 你一点没变 - 你也是 - My gosh, you look the same. - You do too.
哪里有 Oh, I don't know.
你可能记得我的绰号黄金喷气机吧 You probably remember me as The Golden Jet.
你叫黄金杰夫?你好 杰夫 Your name's Golden Jeff? Hi, Jeff.
没关系 很高兴见到你 It's okay. Good to see you.
- 好样的 鲍勃 - 加油 鲍勃 - Good going, Bob! - Come on, Bob!
- 好 - 祝你好运 - All right. - Good luck!
- 我爱你 - 我爱你 - Love you. - I love you.
我也爱你 小黄金喷气机 I love you, too, little Golden Jet!
嗯... Mmm...
好吧 呃 Okay. Uh...
你觉得他来了多久了 How long do you think he's been there?
大概从昨晚一直都在吧 Hmm, probably since last night.
好 老婆 我们回头见 All right, babe, I'll see you later.
跟你朋友好好玩 Have fun with your friend!
谁 我? Who, me?
是的 你 Yes, you.
哇, 杰! Wow, Jet!
你的样子真好 You look amazing!
- 真的吗 - 什么是的 - Do you think? - Oh, what? Yes!
我不知道去中情局上班 穿什么衣服合适. I just didn't know the kind of look to go for on my first day at the agency.
你看起来就像黑人版的威尔·史密斯 You look like a black Will Smith, or something.
不知道这话有没有种族歧视, 但我就当是夸我的. Okay, I'm not sure if that's racist or not, but I'll take it as a compliment.
好 好 走吧 All right, cool. Yeah, come on!
好 Okay.
好 不要紧张 All right. Don't be nervous.
你会做得很好 他们会很喜欢你 You are gonna do great. They're gonna love you!
哦, 杰, 杰, 杰! Oh, Jet, Jet, Jet!
在我们去之前 Um, before we go, man, uh...
我要给你个礼物 I got a surprise for you.
好 什么礼物 Okay. What's the surprise?
你得先闭上眼睛 Well, you gotta close your eyes first.
闭上了 Eyes are closed.
不要偷看 No peeking.
睁开眼睛 Open your eyes.
这是…这是我的夹克吗 Is that my... Is that my jacket?
是的 Yes!
- 鲍勃 这是我的夹克吗 - 是的 - Bob, is that my jacket? - Yes!
- 不 等一下 - 是的 - No, wait a minute. - Yes!
天啊 Oh, my God!
你从哪儿找到的 Dude, where'd you get this from?
我晚上一般都穿着它睡觉 但现在洗干净了 完全没问题 Well, I sleep in it most nights, but it's clean now, totally good. Yeah!
天 你真厉害 Man! You are the man! Yes!
- 来个家庭拥抱 - 好吧 - Family hug! What? - Ooh. Okay.
好了 我们走 All right, let's go!
- 好 - 好 - Okay. - All right.
☆☆☆谢谢观赏☆☆☆ ☆☆☆THE END☆☆☆