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来了哈 摄制组 Yurrr! What it do, camera crew?
欢迎回到艾娃打造的家园 Welcome back to the house that Ava built.
好久不见了 但你们啥都没错过 It's been a while. Y'all ain't missed anything.
嘿 瞧瞧这是谁 Hey! Look who it is!
多久没见了 有五个月吧 What's it been? Like five months?
你还好吗 How you doin'?
-大家好 这片还要继续拍啊 -对 Oh, what up? We still doing this? Yeah.
天啊 家人们 你们好 抱歉 Oh, my God! You guysl Heyl Oh, sorry.
天 你们换新装备了 Um, wow. You got new equipment.
听着 我不想说“我明明告诉你们了” 但 Look, I don't want to say I told you so, but-
那我来说 你们那晚就该听雅各布的话 I will. Y'all should've listened to Jacob
在第0街右转 而不是左转 and made a right on 30th Street instead of the left that night.
你想让重复一遍你那天的遭遇 You want me to tell you what happened to you?
哦 对着镜头啊 好吧 他们被抢劫了 Oh, right Tell the people. So, they got robbed.
就因为他们觉得扛着这些昂贵装备 Because they thought it'd be cute to walk around
在西费城闲逛是个好主意 West Philly at night with all this camera equipment.
我当时要是在场 肯定也要加入抢劫的 Hell, I'd have helped rob you if I was there.
总之还好 你们五个月后还是回来了 Anyway, here we are, five months later,
因为三个艺术系毕业生攒钱 because that's how long it takes for three people
买到新装备就是要这么久 with art degrees to save up for new cameras.
欢迎回来 今天是职业日 Welcome back! It's Career Day today.
不幸的是 Unfortunately.
艾娃 你想在职业日这天划水摸鱼么 Ava! Not planning on being conscious for Career Day?
这是学区办活动 他们能外理好 This is a district initiative. They can handle it.
有没有觉得坟些学区的人 Anyone else feel like the people from the district
有没有觉得这此学区的人 Anyone else feel like the people from the district
比平时更烦人了 have been more annoying than usual?
-他们也不都是坏人 -我觉得他们挺好的 They re not all bad. Ithink they're cool.
-他们也不都是坏人 -我觉得他们挺好的 They're not all bad. I think they're cool.
我还挺喜欢今年的 Mnh. I actually like them this year.
-表示震惊 -我说不好 Shocking. I don't know.
我觉得他们已经差出了新高度 I feel like they've been unequivocally
而且全体开始摆烂了 and universally worse than they've ever been.
从无可救药到难以忍受 From unhelpful to unbearable.
早上好啊 阿伯特小学 Good morning, Abbott Elementary!
早上好 阿伯特小学 "Good morning, Abbott Elementary. "
我现在进学区工作了 So, yeah, I work for the school district now.
你们错过了好多新闻 You guys missed a lot.
-嗨 -嘿 Hi. Hey.
坐左边还是右边 Left or right?
左边 谢谢你！ Uh, left. Thank you.
-选得好 -是吧 Good choice. Good choice.
天 这个发展日让人头疼 Girl, this Development Day has me developing a migraine.
让我也来一片你的阿斯匹林 拜托 Let me have one of those aspirins, please.
这是安眠药 It's a sleeping pill.
合作洽谈 Q: 864413459 等有火灾 龙卷风或是火山喷发时你再叫醒我 Wake me if there's a fire, a tornado, or a volcanic eruption.
阿伯特小学盛装出席的老师们 你们好 Good day to the fine teachers of Abbott Elementary.
怎么 What?
选择性略过了一身休闲服的格雷戈里吗 No comment about Gregory being"F- O- I- N, foin"?
不 谢门提老师 这话是对所有人说的 No, Ms. Schemmenti. I was speaking to everyone.
既然大家都看着他 But since all eyes are on him, uh,
那么 艾迪老师 请你来读一读你一丝不苟 Mr. Eddie, would you mind reading from the first paragraph
整理好的第一段 好吗 of your immaculately assembled binder?
一丝不挂 Sexily?
什么 Excuse me?
这种用词不但有暗示性 That is not only suggestive
对我们今天的嘉宾 but highly inappropriate
也十分不尊重 in front of our company.
哦嗨 大家好 Uh, hi. Hi, everybody.
我们是学区委员 Uh, we're from the school district.
科尔曼校长邀请我们来观摩 Uh, Principal Coleman invited us to come, observe,
与大家通力协作 办好发展日 and collaborate with you all on this Development Day.
没错 协作的重要性 Yes! The importance of collaboration
是我在剑桥学到的 is one of the many things I learned
第一课 while I was matriculating at Cambridge.
没错 我今年夏天去上了哈佛 Yep. I went to Harvard this summer.
我坐在他们的校园里 I sat right there on their campus,
用着他们的免费无线 and I used their free Wi- Fi
通过教育平台取得了教育学学位 to get my degree in Education via Education Connection.
我懂得了做一个好校长 And Ive learned what it actually takes
需要付出怎样的代价 to do the job of principal.
原来我的方法一直是错的 And turns out I've been doing it all wrong.
也没人提醒我一下 Somebody should have told me.
总之 我现在很投入 很上心 也严格遵循规定 Anyway, uh, now I'm engaged and alert, by the book.
哦对 我现在喜欢看书了 Oh, yeah! I like books now.
我们很高兴能代表 We're super excited to be here
新任督学约翰·雷诺兹来到这里 on behalf of the new superintendent, John Reynolds.
我是曼尼 那边是我的梦之队 I'm Manny. That's my dream team over there.
艾米丽和西蒙 我们不是空手而来的 That's Emily. That's Simon. And we don't come empty- handed.
我们带来了平板电脑和智能教具 We come with some iPads and SMART Boards
每一块都预装了学习应用程序 for your classrooms, loaded with learning apps.
新瓶 New and improved models.
装旧洒 Same old engines.
这些人除了给教室添堵 These people aren't gonna change a blessed thing...
不会带来一丝改变 except how many bodies are in the room.
谢谢你 我们回头见 Thank you. And we'll see you around.
谢谢你 Thank you.
格雷戈里 还是需要你来读一下 Gregory, we still need you to read from section"A"
活页夹里的A部分 there in your binder.
A 欢迎回来 "Section A. Welcome back. "
A部分读完了 That concludes section"A. "
谢谢你 艾迪先生 请坐吧 Thank you, Mr. Eddie. You may be seated.
问问各位老师在暑假有没有什么 "Ask the teachers if they have any ideas
想要实施的想法 from over the summer they'd like to implement.
然后轻松开场 Try to make it fun. "
大家过暑假时有什么 Does anyone have any ideas from over the summer
想要试一试的教学想法吗 that they'd like to implement?
-哦 -珍妮 Oh. Janine!
我们阿伯特小学最 的老师 One of our most teachers at Abbott
我整个暑假独处时 So, I was thinking over the summer
都在思考我的人生 while I was spending time with myself and just thinking about,
是怎么走到这一步的 like, what really led me to this point in my life
-说重点 -说重点吧 珍妮 Get to the point. Get to the point, Janine.
好吧答案是职业日 Yes, okay. So, a Career Day.
我觉得学校应该组织一次职业日 I think we should do Career Day at the school because I checked
我们上次搞这种活动甚至可以追溯到 and we haven't had one since the only jobs for women
女性只能从事打字员的那个时代 were typists, moms, and wet nurses.
让孩子看一看白己未来 I think it'd be a great way for the kids
能从事的有趣工作 会很有教育意义 to see all of the amazing jobs they can have.
对 这是我的主意 说完了 职业日 And that's it. That's my idea. I'm done. Career Day.
办不了的原因我能列出很多 Ava: I could go into the plethora of reasons that won't work- -
比如搞乱课程安排 和种种前车之鉴 scheduling, previous failed attempts,
以及这个主意来自你 the fact that it was your idea.
但我有个办法 -我也有个办法可以省下你很多尴尬 Right, but there is a way But I'm just gonna go ahead
就是当场拒绝你 and say no and save you the embarrassment.
这是我在这里教书的第四年 Janine: You know, this is my fourth year teaching here,
我之前的时间都浪费在创造奇迹上了 and I've wasted a lot of time trying to fight the odds.
但我现在决定只做个好老师 So I've just decided to just be a good teacher, you know?
以芭芭拉为榜样 Take a page out of Barbara's book.
尽力做到最好 也许开始佩戴珍珠项链 Just do what I can. And maybe start wearing pearls.
你是珍妮吧 我是曼尼 刚才台上介绍过 Hey. Janine, right? I'm Manny, which I said up there.
我只想告诉你 职业日听起来很不错 Um, I just wanted to say that, uh, Career Day sounded good.
是个好主意 我想再详细了解一下 It's a good idea. I would love to hear more.
谢谢你 你们是刚来到学区的吗 Thank you! So you guys are new at the district?
对 夏天入职的 做的很开心 Yep. Just started over the summer. Loving it so far.
我觉得我们公人有可为 Feel like we're gonna make a lot of positive changes
一改上届学区的风气 and do what the last administration didn't.
反正不会有挪用公款那些事了 Nobody embezzling funds on my watch.
我喜欢 Love that.
对了 我们今天的任务之一 Oh, hey, uh, actually, one of the things we wanted
就是给自己找个带教 to do today was shadow a teacher.
-你能当我的带教吗 -当然 Can we shadow you? Yeah, sure.
我正要去布置我的教室 I'm just gonna be setting up my classroom.
-好激动啊 -是很激动 Exciting! It is exciting
好的 我把我同事找来 Yeah. I'm just gonna grab my co- workers.
就是在和科尔曼校长聊天的那几位 They're talking to Principal Coleman over there.
你们太幸运了 有这么好的校长 You guys are so lucky. You have such a good principal.
是啊 Yes.
现在搬这个有点早吧 A little early for this, no?
对于圣诞节来说有点早 For Christmas? Maybe.
但看你穿着那件衬衫干重活 绝不嫌早 To watch you lift heavy stuff in that shirt? Never.
我这身板么 老公的好料了 This thing? Well, it is husband material.
哈哈哈 哦对了 Ha ha ha! Speaking of which...
你听说莫顿老师的事了吗 did you hear about Mr Morton?
怎么啦 What?
他在暑假闪电结婚了 He eloped over the summer.
去拉斯维加斯吗 Vegas?
-好时公园 -经典 Hershey Park. Hm. Classy.
哇 这你都能夸 Wow. You approve of that,
可我一提起结婚 就给我打哈哈 but I bring up marriage, and I get a, "Ha ha ha. "
别牢骚哈 你就集中精力 Yeah, yeah, alright. You just concentrate
把迷你冰箱调试好 on getting that mini fridge next to an outlet.
一个男朋友只会帮你搬进来 A boyfriend brings it in the room.
一个老公才会帮你调试好 A husband sets it near an outlet.
我一通约炮电话 它就会被调试好 Well, a booty call would put it down
你可别逼我打电话啊 wherever I want him to, so don't make me go find one.
哈哈哈 Ha ha ha!
你来学区之前在哪教书 So, where'd you teach before pivoting to the school district?
我没教过书 但我在这里长大的 I didn't, actually. But I grew up here, though.
我的第一手经验更多来自于 My first- hand experience is more from
自己的学生生涯 when I was a student in the area.
好吧 你知道吗 Oh. Alright. Well, you know,
这也是我来艾伯特小学当老师的原因 that's one of the reasons I wanted to teach at Abbott.
因为我也是这个学区的学生 Because I was a student in the area, as well, so.
这就是我的教室 This is my room.
你要在这里做什么呢 What are you making here?
给学生们竖一块“欢迎回来”的牌子 Oh. A"welcome back"sign for the kids.
我们要一起装饰它 We're gonna decorate it together
让每个人都有参与感 so that everyone feels included.
我会试着多用些颜色 I try to implement a lot of color.
我曾想刷成蓝色 因为蓝色能激发注意力 Wanted to go with blue because that inspires focus.
还能让人冷静 这对小学生非常重要 And calm, which is so important for primary classes.
《粉笔拍》里介绍过 I read about that in Chalkbeat.
-你也读《粉笔拍》吗 -是啊 You read Chalkbeat? Mm- hmm.
我基本上住在评论区 所以 I basically live in the comment section, so...
天啊你就是@J提格斯215吧 Oh, my God. Are you @JTeagues215?
是的 Yes!
但如果我想尖锐发言 就会换上©J提格斯267 And @JTeagues267 when I wanna spice up the discourse.
提格斯老师 我是@MannyFromTheBlock Ms. Teagues, I'm@MannyFromTheBlock.
我总用这个表情符号 I'm always using this emoji.
-那人就是你么 -就是我 That's you! That's me.
我喜欢你的评论 I love your comments.
总之 去年我想把墙漆成蓝色 Anyway, I wanted to paint the walls blue last year,
但是你们 也就是学区 but you guys- the district-
不想让我刷墙 didn't like the idea of painting walls, so...
什么 为什么啊 这主意多好啊 What? ! Why not? That is so good.
我觉得这种想法正是 I think that's exactly an idea
我们应该落实和实施的 that we could and should implement.
这是一个低风险高回报的改变 It's a low- stakes, high- reward improvement.
对 咱们把这条改了 Yes. Let's revisit that.
你还好吗 Are you okay?
还好 只是一下不习惯这么多正能量 Yeah. Just a lot of positive reinforcement.
艾娃 我告诉过你了 Ava, I have already told you.
我对试镜 I'm not interested in auditioning
《金色单身女郎》没兴趣 for"The Golden Bachelorette. "
杰拉尔德还活得好好的 Gerald is still very much alive.
我来是想说课桌的事 Actually, I'm here about your desks.
当我在哈佛时 懂得了共亨座位 When I was at Harvard, I learned that communal seating
更有利于幼儿的发展 is better for kindergartners'development.
可我更喜欢把课桌分开 Well, I like my desks separated.
这样让我走起来更容易 It's easier for me to...move about the cabin.
我是小乔纳森 我从没学过 I'm little Jonathan, and I never learned
如何与人进行眼神交流 how to make direct eye contact with anyone,
所以大家现在都叫我斗鸡眼小乔 and so now they call me Shifty- Eyed Johnny,
我现在连工作都保住不了 and Ican't hold down ajob.
好吧 既然你坚持 我会考虑一下的 Alright, I will take that into account...if I must.
你必须考虑 这是学区强制的 You must. District mandate.
强制 Mandate?
教学大纲里已经没草书了 And cursive is no longer in the curriculum.
-嘿 没想到在这儿见到你 -嘿 Hey! Fancy meeting you here. - Hey.
我就是来送一下练习本 Oh, I'm just bringing in the workbooks.
哦对了 尼科尔斯文具店在进行 Oh, there is a ten- for- ten sale
有个买十送十的大甩卖 at Nichols School Supplies, by the way.
牛逼 Oh yeah.
我在试着带脏字 还在摸索中 Trying out cursing. Still getting the hang of it.
巴尔的摩还好吗 How was Baltimore?
挺好啊 挺好的 Um, it was good. Yeah, it was good.
我跟我爸在金莺队的主场 I did a really cool job with my dad
过得很愉快 working the grounds crew for the Orioles.
我们在本垒板旁边铺上了一小块 Mm- hmm. I laid a patch of Kentucky bluegrass
肯塔基蓝草 right by home plate.
特别平整 It was so flat!
你假期都干了些什么 What'd you do over the break?
我很多时间与自己独处 I just spent a lot of time with myself.
这对我有好处 And it was good for me.
我感觉很确定 精力很集中 整个人很好 I feel sure, centered, good.
雅各布 艾丽卡和我开始 Oh, and Jacob, Erika, and I started going out
一起吃早午餐了 to brunch together.
我们称自己为早午餐一族人 We're calling ourselves the Brunchy Bunch.
为什么不叫早午餐一族呢 Why not just the Brunch Bunch?
-看来真的不适合我 对吧 -不太适合 It's just not working for me, is it? Not quite there.
嘿 年度最佳教师 格雷戈里·艾迪 Hey. Teacher of the Year. Gregory Eddie.
你听说你在门口种的那个花园了 I heard about that garden you made out front.
-好酷哦 -谢谢 Really cool, man. Oh. Thanks.
我自己有兴趣 也能为学校 I like to do it, and it makes the school
-和整个街道增光添彩 -当然 and the street look good. - Sure does.
提格斯老师 能跟你单独聊聊吗 Uh, Ms. Teagues, could I speak with you quick, one- on- one?
-抱歉打扰你们了 -没关系 当然可以 Sorry to interrupt. No. All good. Yeah, sure.
你可以叫我珍妮 And you can call me Janine.
好的 珍妮 Okay. Janine. Yeah.
我跟学区的其他人聊过了 Uh, so, I was talking with the others from the school district.
你似乎总不缺乏好主意 You seem to have a ton of great ideas.
有这么一个项目 There's this fellowship －－
学区内的罗布森研学金项目 the Robeson Fellowship at the district.
我们需要有实战经验的人 We want somebody with in- field experience
来加强这个学区的能力 to come enhance what the district can do
尽可能提高学校的效率 to make schools as efficient as possible.
听起来像个好机会 That sounds like a great opportunity.
我可以帮你物色人选 Yeah, I can help you find somebody for that.
不 我是想邀请你 Well, no, I had you in mind for it.
真是受宠若惊 但是 I'm flattered, but
但暑假一般是我远离学校 You know, the summer is when I get a little bit
好好休整的时间 of a break away from school.
但这个奖研金是在学年期间 This would be during the school year.
但那个时候我要上课啊 But that's when I'm doing the schooling.
你跟我们一起参加研学期间 Yes, well, a sub would take over your class
会有代课老师会接管你的课 while you're with us for the duration of the fellowship.
对不起 不行 Sorry, but no.
我一刻都没想过要离开学生 所以 I can't imagine being away from my students, so.
感谢抬爱 但不用了 谢谢 I'm flattered, but, no, thank you.
-好吧 -行 Okay. Alright.
你再考虑一下 好吗 Just give it some thought, okay?
你可以带来真正的改变 You could help make some real change.
刷墙仅仅是个开始 Painted walls are just the start.
感觉被人强迫了 Feels forced.
这个东西 真是的 This thing. Ohl
珍妮 来看看我要放给学生的视频 Oh, Janine! Check out this video I'm gonna show the kids.
是康门在读口语诗 内容给跟朝鲜战争有关 Common doing a spoken- word poem about the Korean War.
那不是口语 他只是在无伴奏说唱 Oh, that's not spoken word. He's just rapping a cappella.
大差不差啦 Well, tomato, to- mah- toe.
你对这此学区新来的人怎么看 Hey. What do you think about these new district people?
挺喜欢的啊 Oh, I like'em.
我看到你和那个帅哥说话了 曼尼 Ooh! I saw you talking to that cute guy, Manny.
你跟他是怎么回事 What's his deal?
他当然跟格雷戈里闭不上 我的国王 我的兄弟 He's no Gregory- my king, my guy.
不不不 不是那样的 你懂吗 No. No, no, no, no. It wasntlikethat, you know?
不不不 不是那样的 你懂吗 No. No, no, no, no. It wasn't like that, you know?
他只是来问我个事儿 He was just asking me to do something,
想让我去学区工作一段时间 work at the district for a little while,
跟一个奖研金项目有关 something about a fellowship.
天啊 罗布森顷目吗 Oh, my God! The Robeson Fellowship? !
这可是莫大殊荣 珍妮 This is a huge deal, Janinel
他们邀请了你么 为啥不来邀请我 They asked you? Why didn't they ask me?
曼尼肯定是感觉到了我对格雷戈里的忠诚 Manny can sense my allegiance to Gregory, I bet.
-雅各布 -你应该接受 珍妮 Jacob. You should do it, Janine.
你可以做出真正的改变 You can make a real difference.
可我不能远离学生那么久 I can't be away from my classroom for that long.
想想我都会哭的 I'm gonna cry just thinking about it.
你已经在哭了 You actual are crying.
你已经在哭了 You actually are crying.
雅各 这个视频禁止播放 Jacob! That is video contraband.
学校不允许出现这种内容 Not allowed in this school.
什么 为什么课程大纲里没有 What? ! Why? ! It's not curriculum.
但我们的教科书已经太旧了艾娃 But our textbooks are so old, Ava.
如果都按这些课本来讲 According to these books
我们都还没有从伊拉克撤军 we still haven't even pulled out of Iraq yet.
知道吗 我在哈佛的 You know, one of the first things I learned
合法财产范围内时学习时 when I was physically located
学到的第一件事 within the legal property lines of Harvard
就是为了学生安全和学校的利益 is that teachers are required to stick to curriculum
老师必须严格按照课程大纲 for student safety and school protection.
等等 那是我的个人电脑 你不能没收 Wait. That's my personal computer! You can't do that!
已经没收了 Did it.
欢迎回来 开学第一天 Ava: Welcome back. First day of school.
好的 孩子们 排好队 Alright. Get in line, kids.
排成纵队 衬衣塞好 Single- file line. Tuck them shirts in.
不许交头接耳 你很幸运 小子 No talking. Boy, yo u lucky.
就你这造型 去年的艾娃会拿你狠狠开涮 Last year's Ava would've roasted you for looking like
因为你看着像是亚当·桑德勒参加即兴比赛 Adam Sandler at a pickup game
或者亚当·桑德勒参加婚礼 Or Adam Sandler at a wedding
或者亚当·桑德勒参加奥斯卡颁奖礼 Or Adam Sandler at the Oscars.
好了 去上课吧 Now go to class.
早上好啊 欢迎欢迎 Janine: Good morning. Welcome, welcome.
欢迎你们 好吧 Welcome, you guys. Alright.
嗨 你想坐在这里吗 Hey. Hi. You want to sit here?
我不咬人 我是提格斯老师 你叫什么名字 I don't bite. I'm Ms. Teagues. What's your name?
-亚历克斯 -亚历克斯 见到你很高兴 Alex. - Alex. Nice to meet you.
好的同学们 Alright! You guysl
欢迎来到二年级 你们升级了 Welcome to second grade. You made it!
你们能率先用上这批新来的平板电脑 Let me just say it's really cool you guys get to be the first
真是太幸运了 to use our brand- new iPads.
但这些都是用过的 These are old.
对我们来说就是全新的 Brand- new iPads to us －－
因为阿伯特小学永远走在 because Abbott Elementary is on the forefront
尖端技术的最前沿 of cutting- edge technology.
我的平板坏了 My iPad is dead.
我们的也坏了 Students: Ours, too!
呃 好吧 Uh, okay.
好 没关系 Um, alright. That's okay.
不如这边的同学与那边的同学一起用 How about we just have you guys share with them over there?
这个只剩7%电量了 This one's on 7%.
好吧 Um, alright.
那我们就边充电边上课 We can just charge them while we work.
可我们只有两个充电器 And we only have two chargers.
你看到加里留在贩售机里的 Did you see the cherry Ring Pop
樱桃戒指糖了吗 Gary left in the vending machine?
天啊 他也太过了 Melissa: Gosh. He is too much.
姑娘 他在给你发信号 Girl, he's sending you signals.
他只是开玩笑 He's just joking.
你也知道 男人总爱拿这事开玩笑 You know how men joke about that stuff all the time.
我不知道 我不认识一个男的 No, I do not. I do not know of one man
为了开玩笑 去问她女友的闺蜜 who would ask his girlfriend's friend
要她的戒指尺寸 for her correct ring size as a joke.
他可能是要给我买个超级碗 He's probably, like, getting me a Super Bowl
戒指的复刻品吧 replica ring or something
每次我要用花园的时候 Okay. Ava's literally gatekeeping
艾娃就想方设法拦我 when I can use the garden.
她给我的金橘上了锁 She put a padlock on my kumquats.
还让我重新安排教室的座位 She is making me rearrange the seating in my classroom,
抛弃了好几年学业运的好风水 throwing off decades of good educational feng shui.
她还让我换掉了拖地的水 She made me replace my mop water.
但好东西跟酵母头一个道理 But the best stuff is like a sourdough starter- -
越陈越香 the older it is, the better it gets.
好吧 别激动 Alright. L- Let's relax.
艾娃终于有了回校长的样子 Ava is finally the principal she is supposed to be,
所以我建议给她一次机会 so I say we give her a shot- -
就像我们午餐时要给一家新开的豆腐店机会一样 just like we give this new whole- grain tofu spot a shot
因为是我选的 for lunch today because it's my pick.
谁准备好抗氧化饮食了 Who's ready to get antioxidated?
好消息 各位 空闲时段取消了 Great news, everyone － there are no more free periods.
取而代之的是 所有人都要做点志愿工作 Instead, everyone will be volunteering for lunch duty,
比如午餐值班 大厅监控和图书馆整理 hall monitoring, library management,
等等一直如此 et cetera at all times.
至少我们还能好好吃个午餐 Well, at least we can still enjoy our lunches.
哦 也不能再吃校外午餐了 Oh! And no more off- campus lunches.
违反政策规定 It's against policy.
必须有人阻止她 She must be stopped.
是“图书馆和图书管理员”的配比很棘手 Yeah, the "library to librarian"ratio is troubling,
但没有我们解决不了的问题 but nothing we can't fix.
听着 Listen.
说到这个 你看看能不能 Speaking of, could you look into
给我的教室买台麦旋风机 getting a McFlurry machine for my classroom?
因为“麦旋风机和教室”的配比 Because the"McFlurry machine to classroom"ratio,
也十分离谱 t- that's also way off.
这个做不到 We can't do that.
我就知道 Typical.
嘿 曼尼 Hey. Manny?
你之前说新想法 我这里有一个 So, you said to mention ideas, and I think I have one.
我喜欢你们送的新平板 Okay. Love the iPads that you gave us,
但我觉得最好 but I was just thinking it would be cool
多分几个充电器 if we had more chargers for charging.
比如再配三四个 或者七 You know, like three or four or seven.
-七八个 -是你说的啊 不是我 Or eight. Hey, you said it, not me.
各位 确保每个教室的平板 Yeah. Guys, we should make sure that we have enough chargers
都配备足够的充电器 for the iPads in all the classrooms.
收到 收到 Yes. Yes.
好的 Yeah.
我只是说说而已 你懂的 And I'm just throwing this out there, that, um, you know,
跳跳蛙的平板也许更好 LeapFrog tablets could be better.
没错 Ooh! Yes!
这是学生专用的 价格也更划算 They're built for student use, more cost- efficient.
没错 而且他们的充电绳好多年都没换 Right. And they haven't changed their cords in years.
看到了吧 所以我说你适合奖研金项目啊 See? This is why I knew you'd be a great fit for the fellowship.
我知道你不想 Oh. I know that you don't want
离开你的学生 to be away from your class,
那么假如我告诉你 你一周可以 so would it help if I told you that you would get to be
来阿伯特小学一到两次呢 at Abbott once or even twice a week?
-真的吗 -是 这个奖研金的基础 Really? Yeah, the fellowship is built
就是让老师留在试点学校 so that you stay on the ground with a pilot school
你可以吸收不同老师的意见 where you can still hear from all your teachers
实验自己的新想法 and test out all your new ideas.
很高兴听到你这么说 Well, that's nice to hear.
不是我眼里只有钱啊 And I don t want to sound money- hungry,
但会有加薪吗 but is there a pay raise?
两美元 Two dollars.
两美元 那可是一笔巨款 Two dollars? ! That's like a million dollars!
好吧 Simon: Well
我们的老师又不是随便请的 Hey, we don't make this offer just to any teacher, okay?
你必须有过人之处才行的 You got a knack for doing this.
她要是拒绝了 你们就得 Jacob: Yeah, and if she says no, you gotta
再找别人了 对吧 you've gotta find somebody else, right?
如果是为了多样性人选 And if it's about diversity,
那我声明 我是同性恋 let me tell you that I am queer.
不是这个原因 It's not.
我为人很开朗 I- I'm fun to be around?
你好啊 Emily: Hi, there. Ow.
一切都好吗 Everything okay?
还不错 不错 Oh, fine, fine.
这不是在按你们的要求摆课桌吗 Just trying to move these desks the way you people want them.
-需要帮忙吗 -不了 我没那种 Can we help you? No, I don't have the time
为了移课桌还要填一堆表格的时间 to file the paperwork just to move a desk.
不 我可以帮您搬桌子 No, I can help you with the desk.
传说中的霍华德老师 The legendary Mrs. Howard.
之前一直没机会认识 但我听说 I haven't had a chance to connect with you yet, but...
您就是那个传奇 I hear you're the one.
过奖了 Charmed.
我们其实在做个项目 We're actually working on a program
在学年开始的时候 to get assistants in the classroom
找一个教室小助手 at the beginning of the school year
而不是你们自己中请 instead of you having to request one
等人派过来的时候 已经一月份了 that doesn't get here until January.
谢谢了 我不需要你们整这一出出的 Thank you. I do not need a whole song and dance.
感谢你的帮助 And thank you for your help.
你不信任我们 是吗 You don't trust us do you?
说实话吗 不信任 Honestly? No.
我见过很多不同版本的你走进教室 I've seen many versions of you walk through that door,
每个你都面带微笑 表情关切 all with nice smiles, appearing to care.
霍华德老师 我明白 Mrs. Howard, I get it.
我知道学区曾经的样了 I know what this district was,
我也知道自己是怎么忍受的 and I am aware of how I come off,
但我别无他法 but I don't know any other way to be.
我之所以来学区工作 I started working at the district
就是因为我想改变它 because I saw that it needed to change-
一来是为了我这样的学生 for students, like the student that I was,
二来 是为了您 for teachers like you,
还有像我妈妈这样的老师 and for teachers like my mom.
你妈妈也是个教育者 Your mom's an educator?
之前是 她退休之前 She was, and before she retired,
我听她每天抱怨这个学区 I listened to her complain about the district
抱怨了20年 every single year for 20 years. Hm.
我只想让她工作轻松些 I just wanted to make the job easier for her.
所以 我不指望你相信我 So I can't make you trust me,
但我绝不会放弃努力 让你们工作更轻松 but I'm not gonna stop trying to make the job easier.
这句话也适用于我的团队° And that goes for me and my team.
很荣幸认识您 霍华德老师 It was a pleasure, Mrs. Howard.
别闹了 懒虫们 Ava: Break it up, slackers!
我说的就是你们 米勒老师 施门提老师 Yeah, I'm talking to you- Mrs. Miller, Ms. Schemmenti,
和那个梳马尾的男人 ponytail guy.
对 没错 Yeah, that's right.
学校到处都是摄像头 I got cameras all over this place.
只是为了督促各位老师 Just to make sure we're always working
为阿伯特小学打造更光明的未来 to make Abbott a brighter place!
为了治好艾娃的疯 我们定了一个计划 Well, we made a plan to solve this Ava problem
我们得重置她 We need to, like, reset her
我们找过重置按钮 但没找到 We looked for a button. There wasn't one.
所以我们决定 用她喜欢的东西来诱惑她 So we decided to tempt her with things we know she loves.
首先 金钱 哦 First, money. Ohhl
我们派了雅各布 装出要行贿的样子 We sent Jacob in looking incredibly scammable.
第二 她喜欢翘班 Second, her love of skipping work.
这次用亚瑟的演出诱惑她 In this case, for an Usher show.
目前都没看到效果 Ahhh! Nothing has worked so far,
所以接下来 我们打算重拳出击 so now we're pulling out the big guns.
准备好了吗 Ready?
-不 -拜托 No. Barbara: Oh, come on.
我们再也受不了这个”新艾娃”了 We cannot stand any more of this"new Ava, "
遗憾的是 你是一个强大的工具 and unfortunately, you are a very powerful tool.
工具 你这是在物化我 Tool? You're literally objectifying me.
物体是不会顶嘴的 Objects don't talk.
兄弟 你真想生活在 Bro, dawg, do you want to continue
这样的新政权下吗 to live under this new regime?
-不想 -那你知道该怎么做 No. Then you know what we must do.
脱下来 毛衣脱下来 Take it off. Take off the sweater.
确定没有别的办法了吗 Are we sure there's no other way?
闭嘴 袖子卷起来 Hush. Roll up a sleeve
煞有介事地欢迎她来参加枪展 and tastefully welcome her to the gun show.
然后靠在门框上 该怎么做你懂的 And then lean against the door frame. You know how.
Can I help you with something? 有事吗
嗯 这要看情况 Well, it depends.
所有这些规矩都太 All these rules are so...
硬性和严苛了 hard...and rigid
行 那我再立条规矩 Well, here's a rule.
把胳膊放下去 杰里米·艾伦·布莱克 Put your arms away, Jeremy Allen Black.
这里是学校 This is a school.
求你了 Please.
听着 我们要找回以前的艾娃 Okay. Look. We need old Ava back!
她死了 再也回不来了 Well, she's dead and gone.
我现在既会沟通 又会领导 I lead now. I communicate.
我都几个月没听都市女孩的歌了 I haven't listened to the City Girls in months.
这就是我现在的样子 This is who I am now.
看来我们只能接受这种生活了 Well, I guess this is just life now.
连格雷戈里的露肌肉都没用 那就没啥有用的了 If Gregory's arms didn't work, nothing will.
哦不 Oh, no.
我们还有一张牌可以打 There's one card we can play.
但我们得隐秘行事 But we're gonna have to go low.
不 要卑躬屈膝 Nay- - get low.
-嘿 芭芭拉 -嘿 Janine: Hey, Barbara. Hey.
你调整了课桌 Oh! You changed your desks.
强制的 Mandate.
这些学区的家伙 他们表面上一团和气 These new district people they smile in your face
夸赞你的创意 但能力其实很差劲儿 对吧 and tell you your ideas are good, but they suck, right?
我不敢相信自己会这么说 不过 You know, I can't believe I'm gonna say this, but...
我对这群人持乐观态度 I actually have hope for this new group.
我觉得他们能做出改变 I think they can make change.
什么 你认真的吗 Wh- Seriously? !
我还以为你会化身为“吐槽人芭芭拉”呢 Wow! I was really hoping for a"Barbara Bummer. "
你是啥意思 And what would that be?
就是你会告诉我 世界是个草台班子 Uh, it's when you tell me everything's trash
所有人都是废物 我不该怀抱希望 and that people are useless and I shouldn't have hope.
首先 我从没说过那些话 Beside the fact that I have never said any of that,
第二 我现在心态变了 I've had a change of heart.
我觉得这群人能带来新东西 I think this new group, there's something there.
一切真诚的东西 Something genuine.
怎么啦 What?
他们给了我一份奖研金 They offered me a fellowship,
让我去学区工作 this thing where I can go work at the district
帮他们把这些新想法落实到 and help them bring big ideas to life
费城的所有小学 但被我拒掉了 for all the Philly schools, and I turned it down.
你拒掉了 但好像不太高兴 Well, you don't seem happy you turned it down.
我干这行已经三年了 I've been doing this for three years now,
我终于想明白 and I finally got it in my brain
有些事是无法改变的 你只能接受 that you just have to accept the things you can't change.
你能做的 是耕耘好白己的一由三分地 Just be. Just be a good teacher.
别再做梦 Stop dreaming, I guess.
只有梦想家 Dreamers are the only people
才能为现实注入改变 that can bring about a different reality.
你真的想要这份奖研金吗 Do you really want this fellowship?
-也许吧 -亲爱的 你要知道在一切结束时 Maybe. Sweetheart, you know that you still have Abbott
你还是可以回阿伯特这个家的 to come home to when it ends.
好了 如果你不介意的话 And now, if you will excuse me,
我得去拯救学校了 I've got to go save the school.
怎么啦 What?
艾娃 体育室需要你 Ava! You're needed in the gym!
对 那里好多老师都在争论 Yeah, there's a bunch of teachers in there
普林斯顿比哈佛好 saying Princeton's better than Harvard.
绝对不行 Oh, hell no!
好吧 我们只有两分钟 Okay, we have like two minutes,
把你这个天才计划展开讲讲行吗 so can you please fill us in on the rest of this genius plan?
艾娃说自己再也不听小镇姑娘的歌了 Ava said she stopped listening to the Town Women.
-城市女孩 -但我知道有一首歌 City Girls. - But I know there's one song
她绝对无法抗拒 she cannot resist.
-雅各布 拿出随身听 -手机 Jacob, whip out the Walkman. Phone.
-打开收音机 -声破天 Open up Napster. Spotify.
-主啊 捂上您的耳朵 -来吧 Jesus, close your ears. Come on.
普林斯顿是乞丐版的藤校 Princeton is the Temple University of the Ivies!
放吧 约翰逊先生 Barbara: Now, Mr. Johnson!
准备好摇摆吧 Let go of your butts.
搞什么鬼 What the hell?
不 不 No. No.
今天不行 少年们 Not today, Juvenile.
不 No.
女孩 你有点东西哈 你很坏 ♪ Girl, you workin' with some. yeah, you bad, yeah♪
做一个呗 花他的钱 耶 花干他最后的钱 ♪Make a...spend his cash, yeah, his last, yeah ♪
走过时皱皱眉对他们很生气没错 ♪...frown when you pass, yeah, they mad, yeah ♪
你要开着那辆捷豹对用那样的大脑 ♪You gon'ride in the Jag, yeah, with that head ♪Aaah!
你要么抽烟 要么自己买 ♪You could smoke or buy a bag, yeah, of...yeah ♪Aah!
我就是有钱 就是爱炫富 没错 ♪ Got money I can flash, yeah, and trash, yeah ♪
我是个大人物 耶 扣动扳机 耶耶 ♪I'ma big- timer...yeah, pull the trigger, yeah ♪Yeah!
我回来了 各位 I'm back, y'all!
艾娃 我们现在能恢复空闹时段了吗 So, Ava, can we have our free periods back now?
你们爱做什么就做什么 Y'all can do whatever you want.
约翰逊先生 把我的环形灯拿来 Mr. Johnson, find my ring light.
我要在IG直播一整天 I'm about to be on IG Live all day.
耶 嘿 Yes! Hey!
加油 艾娃 Melissa: Go, Ava! Go, Ava!
所以事实证明 比艾娃当校长 Gregory: So it turns out the only thing worse
更可怕的是 她想试图当个 than Ava being an awful principal
好校长 is Ava being a good one.
你真是错过那一幕了 珍妮 You should have been there, Janine.
我们想尽办法让她恢复正常 We tried everything to get her back.
格里高利还秀了一把肌肉 Gregory even flexed his muscles.
你你秀了肌肉 You flexed?
是的 Yeah.
你们没试试放那首《妞臀回归》吗 Well, did you guys try just playing"Back That Azz Up"?
因为 Because that-
你怎么知道的 How did you know to do that?
天 你真是学区当之无愧的人才 Wow. You really are district material.
别闹 Oh, stop.
曼尼提供给我一份学区的研学金 So, Manny offered me a fellowship at the district.
我有八成的可能去 And I'm like 80/20 on doing it.
所以你要离开艾伯特 So you'd leave Abbott?
对 但不是永远离开 Well, yeah, but not permanently.
我为你高兴 同时伴随着嫉妒和伤心 Well, I am happy for you. And jealous. And sad.
越说越激动了 咱们来喝两盅 I'm emotional, which calls for shots.
请问我的奶酪薯条好了吗 Can you see about my cheese fries, please?
哇 恭喜了 Uh, wow. Well, congrats.
但是我还没有决定呢 But Ihaven't made my mind up yet.
还在决定中 Just haven't decided.
你是最合适的人选了 Look. You'd be perfect for it.
什么 What?
-什么 -怎么了 你 What? What? You- -
不是 这很好 真的很好 Uh, no, it's great. It really is.
只不过 你不在阿伯特了 我会感觉很奇怪 It's just it'd be weird, you not being at Abbott.
这 这这是个很好的机会 Yeah. It's- It's a fantastic opportunity.
但我说不好 Mm- hmm. But I don't know.
我每当想到艾伯特 就会想到你 When I think of Abbott, I think of you,
每当我想到你呢 就会想到艾伯特 and when I think of you, I think of Abbott.
是啊 我知道 Yeah. No, I know.
我会想念我的学生 And I'm gonna miss my students.
我会想念我的安吉 I'm gonna miss...my classroom.
我也会想念敲敲你的门 就能聊天的时光 I'm gonna miss knocking on that wall to chat.
我也会想念的 I'm gonna miss that, too.
你真要离开我们吗 You're really gonna leave us?
职业日快乐 艾娃 Happy Career Day, Ava.
世上没有快乐职业日 There's no such thing as a happy career.
在生活中 你工作就意味着失败 To work is to lose in life.
瞧 她回来了 Good to have her back.
不不不 你没有错过什么 Oh, no. No, no, no. You haven't missed anything.
我跟格雷戈里之间没什么尴尬的 Nothing is weird with Gregory.
我只是决定了去学区工作 I basically just decided to go work with the district,
你知道 我跟格雷戈里关系好着呢 and, you know, Gregory and I are good.
我和珍妮 Me and Janine?
我们挺好的 就是 Yeah, no, w- we're fine. It's.
就是 真没啥好尴尬的 It's- - It's ju- It's nothing weird.
那还用问 格雷戈里和珍妮之间 Oh, hell yeah, something weird's going on
出了件很尴尬的事 他们没告诉你吗 between Gregory and Janine. They ain't tell you?
幸运的是 我的隐藏摄像头拍到了一切 Well, lucky for y'all, my hidden cameras picked up everything.
你们一定喜欢 Y'all gonna love this.
那晚派对好有趣啊 That was a fun hang the other night, right?
-是啊 我很喜欢那个地方 -我也是 It was. I really like that place. Me too.
不过你觉得摄制组应该安全到家了吧 But you think the camera crew got home safe, though, right?
我们可是提醒过他们了 那里治安很不好 I mean, we did tell them it was a rough area.
对啊 他们应该没事 Yeah, I'm sure they're fine.
也许他们只是生病了之类的 They're probably all just sick or something.
他们集体被抢劫的概率应该不高吧 What are the chances they all got robbed?
对了 我在想去年在博物馆 Hey, so, I was thinking about the field trip
-的那次实地考察 -好的 from last year to the museum...Okay, uh- huh.
你当时告诉我 and particularly the part
我你对我有感觉 where you told me that you had feelings for me.
我好像也对你有感觉 And I had some, too, I guess.
我其实 仍然有那种感觉 And I basically still have those feelings.
我足在酒吧里意识到的 I realized it at the bar.
足吗 Yeah?
所以 我在想也许 So I don't know. I was wondering if maybe
也许我们可以一起探索一下这种感觉 一起 what if now, we could try to explore that, try to...
我不知道 I don't know.
真没想到你会这么说 Definitely didn't see that coming.
我知道 我也没有 I know. Me either.
说实话 珍妮 在我心里 Honestly, Janine, in my mind,
已经为它画上了句号 I had kind of put a period on that.
-出于尊重 你懂吗 -懂 Out of respect, you know? Yeah.
只不过我好像 It just I- It seem- -
在心里已经放下了 I mentally moved on,
因为这才是 and it seemed like that was kind of the-
正确的做法 所以我就放下了 the right thing to do, so I did.
我是想让你知道 Mm- hmm, right. I mean, just so you know,
我不是说我们永远不 TCaohcre Lounge 1 I wasn't saying we should never.
对 是的 但是 你知道的 Okay, yeah, no, but like, you know
即便你现在改变主意了 even with you changing your mind right now,
我也觉得出于安全 it just feels like it would be safer.
对我俩安全的考虑 Mm- hmm. Mm- hmm. for both of us if
我们应该继续做朋友 we were just friends.
行吧 绝对的 Mm- hmm. Yeah. Mm- hmm, definitely.
囚为我很珍惜我们之间的感情 You know? Cause I really value what we have.
- 我也是 -我不想让它变成 So do I. And I don't want this to get all
-是的 -你懂我意思吗 Yeah. You know what I mean?
我懂 我真的懂 I get it. I really do. I understand. Okay.
安全第一 重在安全 Safer is better. Safe is great.
是啊 好吧 Yeah. Yeah. Okay.
快看珍妮的脸 Look at Janine's face.
她要崩溃了 She mad.
大家早上好 Janine: Good morning, everyone.
我们都很兴奋 而且我有言在先 We are so excited. And let me just tell you.
这不是你们母亲时代的那种职业日 This isn't your mother's Career Day.
绝对不是 No, it's not! Yeah.
虽然我们相信各位的母亲 Though we're sure all your mothers
的职业生涯也很丰富多彩 have vibrant professional careers.
是的 如果她们愿意的话 Yeah, if they so choose.
这个奖研金的主要目标 Uh, the main goal of this fellowship
是要在整个学区试行 is piloting new programs and initiatives
一些新项目 新倡议 for the entire district.
所以我才花了四个月的时间 Which is why I've spent the last four months
确保这次职业日对于费城的所有学生 making sure that Career Day is a fresh
员工 和专业人士来说 and impactful experience for students, staff,
都是一次新鲜而又伟大的经历 and professionals all over this great city.
-所有人 -这儿是主要目标 AII over. - It's major.
-耶 -我们将会建立连结 Yeah! Connections will be made.
将会催生梦想 Mm- hmm. Dreams will be born.
珍妮也会闭嘴吗 Wow! - Janines will be quiet?
好吧 所以 Janine: Okay. Um...
那么 墨菲老师 你分到了麻醉师 So, for you, Mrs. Murphy, an anesthesiologist.
霍华德老师 你分到了一位有执照的美容师 For Mrs. Howard, a licensed cosmetologist.
真棒 Ohh! Lovely.
美容业如今很赚钱 Cosmetology is quite lucrative these days. Mm- hmm.
我们班分到了动物学家 抱歉 | Um, a zoologist for my class- Sorry.
我是说我的代课老师 李老师 I mean, the substitute Ms. Lee's class.
我不喜欢动物 I don't like animals.
但学生们喜欢 所以 Well, the students will love it, uh, so...
谢门提老师 你分到了一位市场专家 Ms. Schemmenti, we have a marketing professional...
为费城老鹰队工作 Boo. ...from the Philadelphia Eagles.
棒 真棒 Yes! Hell yes!
那我呢 求你把我分给他吧 求你了 求你了 What about me? Tell me I got him. Please, please, please
没错 雅各 应你的要求 为你分配了约翰逊先生 Yes, Jacob. As requested, you have Mr. Johnson.
太棒了 他什么工作都干过 Yes! Oh! He's had, like, every job under the sun.
这种经验在今天的零工经济中至关重要 Very useful in today's gig economy.
你们就拭目以待吧 Oh, the places we'll go.
至于艾迪老师 Um, and for Mr. Eddie,
你分到了一位来自朗伍德花园的植物学家 you'll have a botanist from the Longwood Gardens.
酷 谢谢了 提格斯老师 Cool. Thank you, Ms. Teagues.
不客气 好吧 Welcome. Okay.
嘿 加里 Barbara: Hey, Gary.
你昨天不是给贩售机补过货了吗 I thought you restocked the vending machines yesterday.
我这次不仅是来分发高盐食品的 Oh, I'm here to dispense more than just high sodium.
他是来参加职业日的 这个人有401(k)的养老金 Yeah, he's here for Career Day. This man has got a 401(k).
虽然都是硬币 但谁跟钱过不去呢 It's all in quarters, but, hey, money's money!
是的 Yeah.
我真的很喜欢职业日 Im really loving Career Day, though. Mm- hmm.
希望那位美容师也能帮我做做指甲 I'm hoping that cosmetologist will do my nails also.
也许她也可以帮你做做指甲 Oh, maybe she could do your nails, too.
说不定哪天你就得拍一张戒指照片 You never know when you're gonna need a ring photo.
我只是开玩笑 打趣罢了 I'm just teasing. Just teasing.
行吧 我知道 Okay. Yeah, I know.
因为你这人就是爱开小玩笑 Cause you love to make these little jokes.
不过我想再次跟你确认下 But, uh, yeah, just checking in that we're on the same page
因为加里 你知道的 'cause, like, Gary, you know
-我不想再结婚了 -嗯 I don't want to get married again, right? Hm.
我结过婚 不想再结一次了 Like, I did it before. I don't want to do it again.
-对 我明白 -好的 Yeah. I got ya. Okay. Okay.
我只是想把话说清楚 Just cause I want us to be clear, alright?
所以除非奇迹发生 Mm- hmm. So it would take, like,
我是不会再婚了 a miracle for me to want to get hitched again.
好吧 Alright. Okay.
我明白的 I get it. Alright.
一个天大的奇迹 Like, an absolute freakin' miracle!
非常感谢大家的到来 Thank you all so much for coming.
让孩子们亲眼见识一下 It means a lot to the kids to be able to see
不同职业的可能性 这意义重大 all the different career possibilities.
-我们付的钱远远不够 -你们一分没付好吧 We cannot pa y you enough. You're paying us nothing.
我敢说 付再多的钱都不够 And I assure you that any amount would not be enough.
不敢相信 今天终于来了 Ooh! I can't believe it's finally here.
几个星期的努力 就为了这一天 AlI these weeks of work for one day.
我绝不能搞砸 I can't blow this.
要是搞砸了 If I mess this up,
学区就不会给我项目做了 the district won't let me pitch anything else.
说的对 That's right.
我搞砸了电动校车的推广 Yeah, I tanked the rollout for electric school buses,
就再也没有会上发言的机会了 and I haven t been allowed to speak in meetings since.
会很棒的 It's gonna be great.
好吧 你在这个教室 Okay. This is you.
好吧 Right. Oh. Pbht.
我越来越舍不得他们了 And this just gets harder and harder
因为他们都好爱我 because they go crazy for me.
嘿 同学们 Hey, guys!
他们吃完午饭后有点累了 They get tired after lunch.
-才八点半 -是吗 It's 8: 30. Is it?
我不觉得 I don't think it
我知道他们为啥状态不好了 I see why they're being weird.
她把日期写在了黑板的底部而不是上面 She put the date on the bottom of the board instead of the top.
这个错太经典了 我来纠正一下 Classic mistake. Let me just
你以为自己在干什么 What do you think you're doing?
我想把日期改在黑板上面 Oh, I was gonna put the date at the top of the board.
我喜欢把臼期写在下面 也不惧为此而战 I like my dates at the bottom. And I like to fight.
领地行为 这在野外很常见 Territorial behavior. Pretty common in the wild.
没错 这在我的王国很常见 Yes. You see that in the kingdom all the time.
好了 把那群猎豹拿出来给大家看看 Now, let's see those cheetahs.
我没带一群猎豹 I did not bring any cheetahs.
让我们看一只也行 Okay. Let's see a cheetah.
我带了一只假树懒 I brought a fake sloth.
真的吗 你就带了个这玩意儿 Really? That's what you brought?
所以了 我会先在额头上画一个小棕榈树 So, what I do is make a little palm tree on the forehead,
然后沿着鼻子直线向下 then a straight line down my nose,
一直画到丘比特弓区 all the way to the cupid's bow area.
霍华德老师 你要是感兴趣 Mrs. Howard, if you're interested,
可以去认识和抖音上翻我的教程 you can find my tutorials on Instagram and TikTok.
不用了 我已经有扣多年化妆经验了 No. I've been doing my makeup now for well over 30 years.
你看起来棒极了 但来点儿粉底液和修容 And you look fantastic, but maybe some face contouring
会让你的妆容更上一层楼 and some underpainting could take you to the next level.
也许这样真可以 Maybe that would be alright.
所以 当把这两种果树放在一起时 When you put these two kinds of fruit trees close together,
-就会导致 -异花授粉 that can lead to...Cross- pollination!
抱歉 我只想帮忙来的 Sorry. I was, um...just trying to help.
我这个夏天 You know, this summer, I- -
-帮金莺队铺了球场 -对 Worked with the Orioles grounds crew. Yeah.
你提过好几次了 You mentioned it. Several times.
你就是那个被防水布困住的家伙吧 Were you the guy that got caught under the tarp?
肯塔基蓝草很滑的 Kentucky bluegrass is slippery. Ah.
听了我的故事 你可能会在心底问道 Well, at this point in my story, you may be asking yourself,
你怎么会当选州参议员的 "How did you get elected to the state senate? "
是啊 我自己也挺纳闷 Yes. I was asking myself that.
原因其实很简单 Well, it's real simple.
你们看哈 现任议员在选举前去世了 You see, the incumbent passed away right before the election.
所有人看到这个名字都会投票给他 Everybody would just vote for him when they saw his name.
碰巧这个人的名字也是约翰逊先生 Just so happens that this man's name was also Mr. Johnson.
我给自己弄了个候选人 剩下的事你们都知道了 I got myself on the ballot, and the rest is history.
总之 我连任了三届 并赢得了冷战 Anyway, I served three terms, and we won the Cold War.
所以第一步是 创建一个超链接 So, then I come over here and I create a hyperlink,
然后给我们的 which Ithen put in an e- mail
白金会员发封电了邮件 that I blast to our platinum members.
接下来就很有趣了 我们静静等待 And the comes the fun part. We wait.
这家伙看着不像老鹰队员 This guy does not look like an Eagle.
都给我安静 Melissa: Hey. Pipe down.
只要他想都能做弃踢手 请你继续 He could be a punter if he wanted to. Go ahead.
谢谢你 不是 没关系的 Thank you. No, that You know, that's okay.
我常常会遇到这种质疑 It happens all the time.
所以我安排了一位特别嘉宾 That's why I've arranged a special guest
来跟大家打个招呼 to come say hi to everyone.
他可比我受欢迎多了 I think you might like him more than me.
我是说 如果能建立一个数据库 Well, I mean, if we start a database,
那么费城的每一所学校 then there's no reason not to do Career Day
就没理由不办职业日了 in every school across the city.
如果出现志愿者短缺 And if we're short on volunteers,
就让职业学校的学生来帮忙 给他们计入学分 we can get vocational schools to send students over for credit.
-这主意真棒 -喂 That is brilliant. Zoologist: Hey!
你们请我过来 是要我对着一个空教室演讲的吗 Why did you invite me here just to speak to an empty classroom?
孩子们都跑了 老师也跑了 AlI the kids left. The teacher left.
我这个假树懒白带了是吧 I just brought my fake sloth for nothing?
-什么 -没错 What? - Yeah.
小朋友 不要跑 - Whoa, whoa! - Hey, guys! No running!
-不要跑啊 -艾娃 这是怎么回事 Hey, no running! Guys! Ava, what is going on? !
世界上最棒的首发四分卫来了 The world's finest starting quarterback is herel
-大家快去看啊 -什么 Everybody move! What?
-借过借过借过 -抱歉 Excuse me. Excuse me, excuse me, excuse me. S- Sorry.
我的天啊 Oh, my God.
嘿 小朋友 Hey, little girl.
你还为职业日盛装打扮了一番呢 Look at you all dressed up for Career Day.
挺搞笑哈 杰伦 Good one, Jalen Hurts. Heh.
梅丽莎 你屏幕上怎么出现了杰伦·赫特 Melissa. How is Jalen Hurts on your screen right now?
因为上帝有时候就是这么偏心 珍妮 Because sometimes God has favorites Janine.
多亏了那边那位穿乐福鞋的英雄 America's sweetheart is here
我们才能见到美国甜心呢 thanks to that boat shoe- wearing hero over there!
真是一个奇迹 It's an absolute freakin' miracle!
我们也能跟杰伦聊天吗 Do we get to talk to Jalen, too?
哦 孩子们 杰伦·赫特 Oh. No, kids. I don't think Jalen Hurts
还有事要忙 is gonna be able to stay.
职业日真没劲 Career Day blows!
我永远都不想工作了 This makes me want to never work.
好吧 抓马起来了 Alright. That's dramatic.
该死 这个老鹰队的营销主管 Dang it, Eagles marketing guy.
你说你没事儿加什么戏 Why'd you have to go above and beyond?
发几支鹰队的铅笔不也挺好的吗 Why couldn't you just bring Eagles pencils or something?
我知道咱们之间的时间不多了 J, since we only have but so much time together,
我只想问个问题 uh, I was wondering...
你晚上做梦都会梦什么 what do you dream about at night?
梦见我是亚特兰蒂斯海底王国的王子 That I'm the prince of the Underwater Kingdom of Atlantis.
我想请你帮个大忙 I got a crazy favor to ask you.
我知道了 我知道了 大家互相通知一下 I got it. I got it. Let's call an audible.
在每个教室都接入视频 We'll get the video link set up in every classroom,
然后再带孩子回到每位老师的教室 then we'll take the kids back to the rooms with their teachers.
让杰伦同时跟所有孩了聊天 We get Jalen to talk to everybody at once.
我们现在有八台满电的平板了 And we've got eight charged iPads now,
应该不成问题 so that shouldn't be a problem.
接下来就是场大比赛了 Now, that's a great play!
准备开球 Ready for kickoff.
好的 那么数到三喊学区 Oh, my gosh. "District"on three?
-当然 -一 二 三 Absolutely. - Okay. One, two, three!
-学区 -呆子 AllI: District! Ava: Nerds!
好的 Mnh. Janine: Okay.
你们 玩得很开心 people around you and have fun with them, as well.
嘿 杰伦 我们之前见过面 Hey! Jalen, um, you might remember me from earlier.
我是来自学区的珍妮·提格斯 Janine Teagues from the district.
你能给我们十分钟吗 Do you think you can give us like 10 minutes
我们想把你接入每间教空 so we can put you in every classroom?
我永远愿意为孩子留出时间 For the kids, I got all the time in the world,
只要能在十分钟内结束就行 as long as it's wrapped up in 10 minutes.
我还要去训练 谢谢 I gotta get to practice. Thank you!
你长得太帅了 借过 Your face is incredible! Excuse me.
我天啊 本来会是一场灾难 Oh, my gosh. That could've been a mess.
但被我们完美化解 But we found a solution.
没有一个孩子或专业人士感觉受到了冷落 No kids or professionals feel left out,
杰伦也跟每个班级都打了招呼 and Jalen meets every class.
一切都是那么高效 Efficient after all.
正如友友们所说 我吃下了所有 As the gworls say, "I ate that. "
我全都抗住了 I consumed it!
谢谢大家抽时间 Jalen: Thank you to everyone who took the time
跟我一起坐在这里 out of their day to be here.
在结束橄榄球职业生涯后 我也会寻找职业新方向 After football, I have to start another career,
所以我真的希望 so I wish I had been there
也能有其他专业人士教教我该怎么做 to hear the other professionals talk.
在我离开之前呢 还有一个 Now, before I go, there's a special someone
特别的人想求婚 who wants to propose
因为 because.
这种爱情像是第一次进攻 "This love feels like the first down..."
他想要进入你心中的终点区 and he wants to be in the end zone of your heart.
让我们一起为未来触地得分 "Let's touch down on our future together. "
杰伦·赫特是在向我求婚吗 Is Jalen Hurts proposing to me?
应该不是 I don't think so.
你说过除非奇迹发生 You said it would take a miracle.
没什么比我让杰伦·赫特 And there's no clearer sign than me being able
帮我求婚更伟大的奇迹了 to get Jalen Hurts to be part of the proposal.
所以 我准备孤注一掷 So I'm throwing a Hail Mary. Hello
梅丽莎·安·卡特莉娜·谢门提 Melissa Ann Caterina Schemmenti.
你愿意嫁给我吗 will you marry me?
不愿意 No.
该死 她们一般都会答应的 Damn! They usually say yes.
宝贝 为什么啊 Babe. Why not?
嘿 你训练要迟到了 Hey, man. You're late for practice.
老兄 出啥事了 Dude, what's happening?
他让我向她求婚 He just asked me to ask her to marry him.
-她拒绝了 -你又帮人求婚了 And she said no. Another proposal?
杰伦 你得懂得拒掉这种事 Jalen, you've gotta say no to this kind of stuff.
建立边界感 Boundaries.
你们知道 我的界限感很弱的 You know my boundary's porous as hell.
我还以为我们感情很好 I- I really thought we had a great thing.
我们感情是很好 真的 It has been great. Really. It has.
但我是真的 But I just
加尔 我真的不想再结婚了 Gar, I don't want to get married again.
我跟你说过很多次 And I told you this. Like, a lot
我知道 我还以为 I know. I- - I Ijust thought.
只要时机选得够完美 if the perfect moment ever came around.
突然问杰伦·赫特出现在 And then suddenly, Jalen freakin' Hurts is...
-你们班面前 -天呐 Melissa: Oh, my God. Gary...talking to your class. I mean...
两位 你们还是去外面解决吧 Hey, guys. I think maybe you should take this outside
你们应该不想在所有人面前谈这此 because everyone is watching, and I don't think you want that.
好了 同学们 Yeah. Okay, class, uh...
谢门提老师要出去一下 Ms. Schemmenti's gonna step outside for a sec.
你们帮我看着学生 好吧 Guys, watch'em, okay?
哦 不烦劳你们了 Oh, you guys don't have to do that.
低下头 竖起大拇指 咱们来玩个游戏 Heads down, thumbs up. Time to play seven up!
他们好听话啊 They actually listened.
你有考虑过做老师吗 Have you ever considered teaching?
怎么 你们在招人吗 Uh...y'all hiring?
我现在只有周天上班 I mostly work on Sundays.
你好搞笑 That's really funny.
所以 我们现在怎么办 So, what do we do now?
你真的想结婚吗 You really want to get married?
我真的很想结婚 I really want to get married.
婚姻是你应得的 And you deserve that.
可是加尔 我再也不想结婚了 But, Gar, I'm never getting married again.
我 我不需要别人来说服我 I- - I- I don't need to be convinced.
这是我自己的真理 This is my truth.
也许咱俩最好的结果 Maybe the best thing for both of us
不是在一起 is not each other.
所以 So...
我们要分手了吗 we're breaking up?
我也不想说这话 但我想是的 I hate to say it, but I think so.
我没事 我会没事的 I'm okay. I'll be alright.
虽然我现在感觉一败涂地 Even though I feel like a zero right now.
亲爱的 你没有一败涂地 Well, honey, you're not a zero.
你是费城的11分 You're a Philly 11.
那个秃头刚才求婚了是吧 So the bald guy was on his knee, right?
谢门提老师的回答是 今天不行 And Ms. Schemmenti's like, "Not today. "
嘘 她回来了 回来了 坐下来 Shh, shh. She's back. She's back. Sit down.
我们只是想说 你敢于相信自己的直觉 这很酷 We just wanna say, we think it's cool you trusted your gut.
你很狠心 却又很勇敢 You're cold, but you're bold.
作为一个拥有清一色女性管理团队的男性 And as a man with an all- woman management team,
我支持女性站起来 勇敢追求 I support a woman's right to stand up
自己想要的和不想要的 for what she wants or doesn't want.
快去训练吧 各位 Get to practice, you guys.
好了 走吧 Alright, now.
再见 杰伦·赫特 Bye, Jalen Hurts.
情况可能会更糟 对吧 I mean, it could've been worse, right?
有了这次经验 我们订下了一些规则 I think now we know. We We lay some ground rules, right?
不请橄榄球运动员 安全起见 任何橄榄球的东西都不碰 No football players. No football at all, to be safe.
也不允许求婚 你在这里做什么 No proposals What are you doing in here?
艾娃没给分配办公室 Oh. Um, Ava hasn't given me any office space.
这是我拖把的办公室 Well, this is my mop's office,
我们马上要开个重要会议 and we're about to have an important meeting.
嘿 伙计们 Yes! That's Hey, guys.
我对此非常抱歉 I am so sorry about that.
-抱歉什么 -活动真是一团糟 Sorry about what? That was a mess.
办得一点都不流畅 It wasn't streamlined at all.
我知道学区十分在意 I know that's the key to the district
-这些东西 -喂 picking up these things. I mean- -
杰伦·赫特都来了啊 Uh, Jalen Hurts was here.
仅凭这一点 这次活动就很成功了 That alone makes this event a success.
孩子们也很喜欢 The kids loved it.
一切顺利时 谁都能镇得住场 Anybody can execute under perfect circumstances.
可你懂得随机应变 You know how to improvise.
我确实看了很多集的《这是谁的台词》 Well, I do watch a lot of"Whose Line Is It Anyway? "
一般都是韦恩·布雷迪的台词 It's usually Wayne Brady's.
对吧 我就知道 Right? lI know!
噢 霍华德老师 这妆真漂亮 Ooh! This look is a slay, Mrs. Howard.
妥妥的一百分 It's giving grade- A baddie.
真是封神了 Well period to that.
我不可能每天都一个人化成这样 I could never do this on my own every day,
大谢谢你 让我知道自己可以有多美 but it's nice to see what I could look like.
谢谢你 Thank you.
杰拉德 亲爱的 穿上你的正装鞋 Gerald, honey, grab your gators
我们今晚要出去耍 因为老娘今天看起来美翻了 cause we are going out tonight cause Mama looks good, baby.
好了 大家保持秩序 就这么个要求 Ms. Lee: Okay. Let's keep some order. That'll be it
认真想想自己今后能做什么 Gregory: Okay. Really think about the career you want to pursue.
另外要记住 超级英雄并不能算职业 Also remember, superhero- - not really a career.
你的第一个职业日感觉如何 Uh, how do you feel about your first Career Day?
哦 其实挺好的 Oh. You know, it was- it was actually good.
孩了们很喜欢 The kids loved it.
你应该对自己自豪 Well, you should feel really great about it.
还有你派来的那个植物学家 And that botanist that you brought in taught me
教会了我用琉璃苣作为覆盖作物 来改善土壤 how to use borage as a cover crop to improve the soil.
我们今后会种出费城最好吃的萝卜了 We're about to have some of the richest radishes in Philly.
不好意思 你 你是我认识的 I'm sorry. You- You just are the only person
惟一一个对萝卜这么激动的人 I know that gets this excited about radishes.
囚为我只爱吃萝卜 Well, it's one of the only foods that I love.
-它又干又苦 -苦 -是的 It's dry, bitter. Bitter, yeah.
非常完美 It's, like perfect.
对 我知道 Yeah, I know.
你的最爱 Your fave.
我怀念这种时刻 I miss this.
两个人聊聊一天的心得 Just chatting about our days.
天啊 我也是 非常怀念 Oh, my God. Me too. So much.
每当这里发生了什么 哪帕一点点小事 Like, anytime anything happens here,
我都想告诉你 I want to tell you about讹
-真的吗 -真的 Really? Yes!
-就像之前梅丽莎和加里的事 -是的 Like, earlier with Melissa and Gary? Yeah.
她当着老鹰队的面拒绝了他 She said no to him in front of the Eagles?
我只是想马上跑来告诉你 I just wanted to tell you immediately.
是啊 这真是 好吧 Wow. That's...Okay.
因为那种气氛很不对 Yeah, cause the vibes were just off.
是啊 很奇怪 Yeah, it was weird.
我只是想给你一点空间 I was kind of just giving you your space.
我注意到了 I noticed that.
为什么 Why?
我以为那场谈话是你离开的原因 Well, I thought our conversation was the reason why you left.
天呐 不是的 Oh, my God. N- No.
不 不 不 No, no, no, no.
我尊重你的意见 I really respected what you said.
我离开 完全是因为我想去学区工作 I only left because I wanted to try working for the district.
仅此而已 That was it.
你这么说我就放心了 Well, that's good to hear.
好吧 Okay.
我听说 你被防水布困住了 So, I heard you got caught under a tarp?
怎么 你是给我设了谷歌提醒么 What, do you have, like, a Google alert for me?
不 我是给尴尬的防水布事件设了谷歌提醒 No, I have a Google alert for humiliating tarp incidents.
嗯 你在学区不是有很多事要做吗 Hmm. Don't you have a lot of work to do at the district?
就在我以为自己终于成功了的时候 Mr. Johnson: Right when I thought I was finally a made man,
他们竟敢来挑战我的地位 they had the audacity to try and whack me!
你们能相信吗 Can you believe that?
所以 在干掉那些黑手党之后 So after making short work of those goons,
我离开了西西里岛 正式成为美国公民 I left Sicily, officially became an American citizen,
在这里开启了新生活 and landed here.
我干过大约400份工作 I tried about 400 careers
直到我拿起这把拖把 再也没有回头 until I picked up this mop and never looked back.
但每次看到意大利饺子 我还是感慨良多 I still can't look at tortellini the same.
总之 清洁工是干嘛的 无需多做解释 Anyway, janitorial work is self- explanatory.
总之 清洁工是千嘛的 无需多做解释 Anyway, janitorial work is self- explanatory.
大家都认识我 知道我会做什么 You've seen me around. You know what I do.