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你们都看昨晚那集 Tell me you guys watched last night's episode
《娇妻全明星季》了吗 of"Real Housewives: Ultimate Girls Trip. "
《娇妻全明星季》真人秀连续剧 讲述《真实主妇》中几位女性一起杜家的故事
可劲爆了 有三个人发现 It was incredible. Three of them realized
她们和同一个整形医生上床了 they slept with the same plastic surgeon.
在他们毁了那个泰国寺庙后 Yeah, I stopped watching after they trashed
我再也没看过了 that Thai monastery.
一个僧人一千年来第一次开口 First time a monk talks in a thousand years,
他居然喊的是 婊子们 and he yells, "Bitchesl"
电视啊 Oh, television.
好歹无线电台还保留了尊严 默默死去 At least radio had the dignity to just die!
介意我把这些东西放这里吗 Mind if I put these here?
发生什么了 Something wrong?
你是让外面那家伙拍你脚的照片了 Did you let that guy outside take a picture of your feet?
我不管他说了什么 I don't care what he says.
根本没有选脚人才这东西 There is no such thing as a foot talent scout.
这可不好说 因为他我的脚在日本火了 I don't know. He's the reason why rfiy feet are famous in Japan.
我刚得知我的门卫死了 I just found out my doorman died.
-噢不 -我不会忘记 Oh, noI'll never forget
安吉尔对我说的最后一句话 the last thing Angel said to me.
你觉得西西·萨巴希亚会去库珀斯顿吗 "You think CC Sabathia ends up in Cooperstown? "
全是废话 早应该看出来他要死了 Pure gibberish. Should have known he was dying.
我不知道除了 Wow. I don't know what to say
我很抱歉你伤心了 还能说什么了 other than...I'm sorry you're sad.
马上回来 Back in a jiff.
噢 感觉有瓜 Oh, drama detected.
你刚说的那话虚伪得 That phony"I'm sorry you're sad"
完全就和《娇妻全明星秀》里一样 was classic"Housewives"insincerity.
我可没想过会从《纽约时报》评选的 Not what I expected from Time Out New York's
最受拥抱的法官嘴里说出来 Most Huggable Judge.
哼 我恨不得抱住别人呢 Oh, I will hug the hell out of someone
只要他们不当着我这张受拥抱的脸撒谎 when they're not lying to my huggable face!
你怎么表现一直这么奇怪 还走开 Why do you keep dropping bombs and walking away?
她不是因为她的门卫死了伤心 She's not upset her doorman died
因为那家伙根本就不是她的门卫 because that guy wasn't her doorman.
什么 Wh- a- a- a- at?
那简直 That's...
虽然我不知道你到底在说什么 I don't exactly know what that is.
她贿赂了他 这样她的快递都可以被送到 She bribed him so she could have her mail sent
一栋豪华建筑里 大家都会羡慕她 to a fancy building and people would be impressed.
她才不是因为那个可怜的人死了伤心 She's not sad that poor man died.
她是因为没有假地址了伤心 She's sad she lost her fake address.
这可是现实中很少见的 That's a pathological insecurity
病态的不安全感啊 rarely seen in real life.
我真的就在《娇妻全明星秀》里 I'm in the show!
但这不是真人秀 Only this isn't a reality show.
如果是的话 我会有一句台词 像这种 If it was, I'd have a tagline, something like.
小心咯 我是法官 陪审团和 "Watch out because I'm judge, jury, and...
性感刽子手 sex- ecutioner. "
你说得对 这不是电视剧 You're right This isn't a show.
鉴于现在的情况 In light of the circumstances,
要是能从被告人本人这获得案件实情 it would be beneficial to get the facts of the case
最好不过了 from the defendant himself.
你真的想让这笨蛋自己说 You really want this boob to do his thing?
安静点 丹 他要开始表演了 Quiet, Dan. The show's starting.
噢 你是很伤心吗 Ooh, you're sad?
因为你做了件坏事 Because you did a bad thing.
这你能记录什么 What could you possibly be typing?
你想向法庭求情 A- And you throw yourself at the mercy of the court!
反对 他被指控谋杀罪 Objectionl He's chargjed with murder.
这确实让这没那么有意思子 That does make this less fun.
我会让陪审团给你定罪的 I'll let a jury decide what happens to you.
现在 该向监狱里去了 For now, time to go back in a box.
往好了想 ‘没犬能告你是个告密者 On the bright side- no one can accuse you of being a snitch.
-嘿 你还好吗 -这得好好缓一下 Hey. How ya holding up? - It'sa lot.
不是每天都会碰到你的门卫死了这种事情 It's not every day your doorman dies.
对我们有些人来说 不会发生这种事呢 Or any day for some of us.
我想给你寄点吃的安慰你 I want to send you some comfort food.
来点差劲的谎言吧 我是说 泰式炒河粉 How about some bad lie? I mean, pad Thai.
地址还是中央公园西280号吗 Still at 280 Central Park West?
快递现在不太行 Deliveries are just tough for me right now.
要不给我直接转75美元吧 Maybe Venmo me the $75.
公诉赛·霍夫曼案 The people versus Sy Hoffman.
等下 你说的是我想的那个赛·霍夫曼吗 Wait. The Sy Hoffman?
嘿 打领带的 能再来一遍吗 Hey! Excuse me! Necktiel Can we run that again?
这次 我要你说 Only this time, I'd like it to be...
现在入场的是 三次托尼奖提名者赛·霍夫曼 "And now presenting three- time Tony nominee Sy Hoffmanl"
这就像先生或博士一样 It's like"Sir"or"Doctor. "
这 这是个称谓 It's, uh- - It's a Iegal term.
以防你认不出来 In case you couldn't tell,
被告人是一名百老汇制片人 the defendant is a Broadway producer.
我不拒绝替他辩护 因为我讨厌他 Who I refuse to defend on the grounds of I hate him.
律师 如果你拒绝代表 Counselor, if you refuse to represent
每个你讨厌的客户 那你就别工作了 every client you hated, you'd never work.
正是我的人生梦想 That's the dream
法官 我知道和被告人说话不太好 Judge, I know addressing the defendant is frowned upon,
-但我可以 -去吧 but could I Go ahead.
丹不干了 你打断了 Dan's quitting. You're interrupting.
要抽烟的话也去吧 Smoke'em if you got'em.
霍夫曼先生 我超崇拜你 Mr. Hoffman, I'm a huge fan.
我在看了你导演的《生病吧 一位替补演员的故事》后 I fell in love with the theater after seeing your production of
我彻底爱上戏剧了 "Please Get Sick: An Understudy's Story. "
你真人看起来更帅 And I'll just say you're even more handsome in person.
法警退下了 The bailiff rests.
谢谢你 老葛 Thank you, Gurgs.
丹 你和这家伙有什么过节 Dan, what's your problem with the guy?
还是老一套了 法官 It's the same old story, Your Honor
这双火辣的美腿闯入了排练厅 This hot pair of legs comes waltzing into the rehearsal hall
只带着一双天真的眼睛 with nothing but doe eyes,
一双跳舞鞋 和一个梦想 a pair of tap shoes, and a dream.
想在这镇上成名可没那么容易 Well, it takes a lot more to make it in this town
老伙计 than that, bucko!
事情不是这样的 That's not what happened.
我给他的一个失败作投资了5000美元 I invested $5, 000 in one of his flops
《伪装 音乐剧》 "Camouflage: The Musical. "
他发誓过这会大火的 He swore it would be a hit.
伪装得太好了 The camouflage was so good,
台上你都看不见人 you couldn't even see anybody that was on the stage!
好吧 法庭将休庭 Very well. Court will adjourn until
直到另一位律师可以出席 another attorney is available.
五六七八 开始找下位律师 The search begins in ah- five, six, seven, eight!
找谁都比找这个过气的舞者要强 Well, anyone would be better than this washed- up hoofer.
你记错我们俩的关系了 You are remembering our relationship incorrectly.
我绝对不是跳舞的 I don't dancel
你要找我 You wanted to see me?
这是要带我来一次魔毯之旅吗 And I assume take me on a magic- carpet ride?
我知道你在经历什么 I know you're going through something,
所以我创造了这个地方 可以疗伤 so I've created a space to heal,
可以感受 可以说真话 feel, and get totally real.
欢迎来到我的悲伤小窝 Welcome to my grief nest.
噢不不不 你没必要这样 Oh. No, no, no. This- This isn't necessary.
噢 这是巧克力吗 Ooh! Are these chocolates? l
每一块代表了悲伤的不同阶段 One for each stage of grief.
黑巧克力代表你现在所处的悲伤 The dark represents the dark place you're in.
白巧克力代表了愤怒 因为它很恶心 The white is for anger- - because it's disgusting.
-来 你暖和了吗 -嗯 There you go. You warm? - Mm- hmm.
-舒服吗 -嗯 ·You cozy? - Mm.
好极了 因为我清楚安吉尔不是你的门卫 Good. Cause I know Angel wasn't your doorman!
你说什么 这不是悲伤小窝 这 这是舒服的陷阱 What? ! This isn't a grief nest! It's a- - It's a cozy trap!
你怎么知道的 How did you know?
那次你请病假 我顺道来过你家 I dropped by your place that time you called in sick
给你带了椒盐脆饼和彩虹糖 to bring you pretzels and Skittles.
我不煮汤的 谁会想喝 I don't do soup. Who wants to eat something
鸡的洗澡水 a chicken took a bath in?
等下 我生日你送了我那个复古的衣柜 But hold on. You sent me that vintage armoire for my birthday.
你让我在把那衣柜弄进电梯里的时候 You made me FaceTime you
跟你视频通话 while I wrangled it into the service elevator.
你当时一点也不奇怪啊 You didn't bat an eye.
你直接就照着做了 挺蠢的 You just did it. That's bonkersl
好吧 那也不重要了 Well, I guess it doesn't matter
很快大家都会知道真相了 'cause pretty soon everyone will know the truth- -
我住在史泰登岛的小皇后区 that I live in the Little Queens section of Staten Island
我每天上班得坐渡轮 划独木船 and have to take a barge to a kayak
再坐渡船 to a ferry to get to work.
我真是不敢相信你因为 I can't believe you're this upset
失去了假地址这么难过 about losing a fake address.
嘿不许这么说 我在那家伙身上花了很多时间 Hey! I invested a lot of time in that guy!
我每周都得给他带个甜甜圈 I had to bring him a doughnut every week,
还得给他带无麸质的 and then I had to get gluten- free
因为发现他对麸质过敏 when we found out he was celiac.
噢还有 他离婚的时候 还得给他两个甜甜圈 Ohh! And then he was up to two doughnuts during the divorce.
现在他却去世了 And now he's gone.
我快递还能放哪里呢 And where does that leave my packages?
等一下 是我想错了吗 Wait a second. Was I wrong?
有没有可能 尽管你很努力了 Is it possible that, despite your best efforts,
你和安吉尔有真正的感情 you formed a real relationship with Angel?
这不会是你谈过时间最长的吧 Is this the longest relationship you've ever had?
我谈过更长的 I've had longer.
有个叫木偶人的神秘人 There's a shadowy figure called the Puppet Man
从我十二岁起就在我梦里一直出现 who's been visiting my dreams since I was 12.
那安吉尔关于这个木偶人说什么了吗 What does Angel say about the Puppet Man?
噢 他有些理论 但我们从来没谈过这个 Oh, he had some theories. It never came up.
奥利维亚 安吉尔不仅签收你的包裹 Olivia. Angel didn't just accept your packages.
他还接纳了你 这太可惜了 He accepted you. This is a real loss.
-你应该去参加他的葬礼 -别说了 You should go to his funeral. - Just stop itl
今天我唯一失去的东西是那豪华的地址 The only thing I lost today was a bougie address.
看好了 我要气冲冲地离开 Just know I'm storming out,
但这堆枕头让我很难做到 but it's hard because of the pillows!
啊 是白巧克力 气死我了 Blech! White chocolate! Anger!
你能记住我过去辉煌的日子真是太贴心了 You're very sweet to remember my glory days.
过去几十年一直很艰难 Past couple of decades have been rough.
我做的决定有问题 My picker's been off.
我把所有积蓄都投入到《西贡先生》这部音乐剧里了 I put all my savings into a musical "Mister Saigon. "
它讲的是我干洗店老板 泰迪·西贡 It's about my dry cleaner, Teddy Saigon.
提供真正的干洗服务这个想法 The idea to offer actual dry cleaning
是灵感来源 during the show was inspired,
虽然有一个污渍他们没法 though there was one stain that they couldn't- -
嘿 一概不退款 Hey, hey. No refunds!
嘿 赛 准备好迎接你的大结局了吗 Hey, Sy! About ready for your big finish?
你见过米茜了吗 你新的公共辩护律师 Oh! Have you met Mitzi, your new public defender?
你好 我是米茜 抱歉我迟到了 Hi. I'm Mitzi. Sorry I'm late.
我找不到保姆 他们不是我养的小孩 I couldn't get a babysitter. They're not my kids.
我是他们的保姆 I'm their babysitter.
提前说下 如果我电话响了 打来的是迈克·托德韦尔的话 FYI, if my phone rings and it's Mike Todwell,
我必须得接 因为我听说他喜欢我 I have to answer it'cause I heard he likes me.
你敢信这是她的第一个案子吗 Can you believe this is her first case?
这就是他们给我选的律师 That's who they cast as my lawyer?
我可能也帮忙打了几个电话吧 I may have made a few calls.
别这样 丹 你就不能给他辩护吗 Come on, Dan. Can't you represent him?
你都给那个表演哑剧的人辩护了 I mean, you represented that mime,
他还用隐形的绳勒死了人呢 and he strangled someone with invisible rope.
好吧 Yes, of course.
我会给赛辩护 只要他还我那5000美元 I'll represent Sy- - for the $5, 000 he owes me.
我没有这么多钱 这就是我被捕 I don't have it. That's why I got arrested
在贩卖假冒纪念品的原因 for selling fake memorabilia in the first place!
我还以为是因为持有武器指控你 I thought it was a weapons charge.
不 那些只是《汉密尔顿》里假的决斗手枪 No, they were fake dueling pistols from"Hamilton, "
但他们说我在地铁站里出售真枪 Also known as real guns that I sold on the subway platform.
伙计 这听起来不妙 Boy. That sounds like a tough one.
但我有信心她能帮你摆脱罪名 But I'm sure she can get you out of it.
闭上你的老嘴 迈克·托德韦尔打来了 Shut your old mouths. It's Mike Todwell!
你想要那隐形的绳的话 Let me know if you want me to get you that
告诉我 好吗 invisible rope, huh?
怀亚特 你见到奥利维亚了吗 Hey, Wyatt. Have you seen Olivia?
我准备了一个真正的悲伤小窝 I set up a real grief nest.
区别是 更大的蜡烛 The difference? Bigger candles.
搞了个紫色的 有你腿这么长 Got a lilac one the size of your leg.
我好像听说她要去 I think I heard she said she was going
-那个门卫的葬礼 -哦是吗 to that doorman's funeral. - Oh.
看看 她居然听我的建议了 Would you look at that? She took my advice.
我感觉我像《粉雄救兵》里的人 I feel like one of the"Queer Eye"guys.
《粉雄救兵》真人秀节目 节目灵感来源对男性同性恋者的刻板印象
是吗 卡拉莫会建议 Ohh. Does Karamo usually recommend
为了一个假地址去葬礼上骚扰门卫吗 crashing a funeral to harass doormen for a fake address?
那听上去更像是安尔尼会建议的 That sounds like more of an Antoni thing.
-等等 她是为了这个去的 -是啊 Wait. Is that why she's soing? - Oh, yeah.
她意识到葬礼上会有很多门卫 She realized there were gonna be a bunch of doormen there,
所以她去找一位活着的来继续她的诈骗 so she went to find a living one to run her scam with.
所以 这不是因为我触及了 So it's not because I tapped into something
她的灵魂深处 鼓励她要宣泄情感吗 deep within her soul and encouraged her to achieve emotional catharsis?
她还特意说了不是因为这个 She actually went out of her way to say it was not that.
坏了 我得阻止她 This is bad. I got to go stop her.
你得去 我要跟你一起去 Hell yeah, you do. And I have to go with you
看会发生什么 在现场 to watch what happens...live.
我是说 支持你 在现场 I mean, to support you...live.
我听出这声音了 是歌声 I know that sound anywhere. Singing!
这只是我平时做的 That's just something I do- -
用我的绝对音准来打发时间 pass the time with perfect pitch.
我还在国外做足模 I also do some foot modeling overseas.
噢 赛 坏消息 Oh, Sy. Bad news.
米茜跑了 有人打赌让她 Mitzi bailed when somebody double- dared her
去迈克·托德韦尔家 to go to Mike Todwell's house.
猜猜是谁让她打赌的 Guess who double- dared her.
别这样 菲尔丁 你得把我弄出监狱 Oh, come on, Fielding. You got to get me out of here.
监狱根本不像《芝加哥》里一样 Jail is nothing like"Chicago. "
《芝加哥》百老汇音乐剧 其中主角进了女子监狱
我一个穿着鱼网袜跳爵士舞的女孩都没看到 I haven't seen a single girl in fishnets doing jazz hands!
我知道你讨厌他 丹 你就为了我这么做吧 I know you hate him, but, Dan, do it for me.
上高中的时候 我和其他戏剧迷 In high school, the other theater geeks and I
经常假装去给他试镜 used to pretend to audition for him.
我们都爱赛 就像你爱林肯或华盛顿一样 We loved Sy- the way you love Lincoln or Washington
或者你关心的 其他的愚蠢总统 or whatever dumb president you care about.
他叫LBJ 他被给予了一个不可能完成的任务 His name was LBJ, and he was given an impossible task!
即林登·贝恩斯·约翰逊：美国第35任副总统和第36任总统，也曾是国会参议院
等等 我有想法 Wait. Idea.
你想为我唱歌 You've always wanted to sing for me.
我不想进监狱 I've always wanted to not go to prison.
如果斯特雷奇能当我的出庭律师 If Stretch here can represent me,
我愿意听你表演 I'll listen to you perform.
但他必须在接下来的三秒内同意 But he has to agree in the next three seconds.
三 二 一 Three, two, onel
好吧 我只是在虚张声势 在接下来的20秒 Alright. I was bluffing. In the next 20 seconds.
-20秒呢 丹 -啊 老葛啊 你知道吗 - 20 seconds, Dan! - Ugh. Gurgs, you know,
世界上有两件事是我最讨厌的 there are two things I hate most in the world- -
帮助别人和破财 helping people and losing money.
这事儿两者兼有 This does both!
很好这是我一生的梦想 Fine. It's just my lifelong dream.
但如果请你做你的工作也要求太高了的话 But if doing your job is too much to ask...
四点五 Four and a half.
打住你知道吗 Stop. You know what?
我本打算雇个人把你暗杀在号子里的 I was gonna pay somebody to take you out on the inside.
但是行吧我来当你的律师 But...fine. I'll be your lawyer.
天呐 我好开心 好想亲你 Oh, my God! I'm so happy, I could kiss you!
但我不会亲你的 But I won't kiss you because my mouth
因为我的嘴还有别的事要做 has other things it needs to do.
快点 小嘴巴 我们有事要做 Come on, mouth! We got work to do!
我要你跟我说实话 I want you to tell me the truth.
你把我的五千块怎么了 What did you do with my five grand?
我买了一辆沙丘车 I bought a dune buggy.
尽量让他饿着 Make sure he's not fed.
殡仪馆
哦 安吉尔的事我很遗憾 你们俩关系近吗 Oh. So sorry about Angel. Were you two close?
我的意思是 你上班的楼近吗 I mean, were your buildings close?
你上班的楼在哪儿 Where's your building?
哦 别这样 我还不够委婉吗 Oh, come on. That was subtle.
奥利维亚·中间名·摩尔 你胆子真大 Olivia middle- name Moore. You have some nerve.
我甚至给你升级了蜡烛 I upgraded candles for you!
没错 拖她走 Yeah. Drag her.
怀亚特 你个骗子 你居然告诉她我在这里 Wyatt, you narc. You told her I was here?
对没错 我在配合你演出 That's right. I'm in the show.
我的标志台词是 我是法官 陪审团和性感刽子手 And my tagline- - "I'm judge, jury, and...sex- ecutioner. "
嘿 那是我的词儿 你还说这词儿烂的 Hey! That was mine. And you said it was bad.
这词儿更适合我好吧 It works better for me.
你们俩能出去吗 你们在不好谈生意 Would you two just get out of here? You're bad for business.
你可能认为你和这个人没有感情 You may not think you had a relationship with this man,
但这些人和他有 他们不希望你在这里 but these people did, and they don't want someone
跟别人谈生意 around here trolling for a deal.
我听说你想谈生意 I hear you're looking to make a deal.
我是接替安吉尔的 我叫诺曼 I'm Angel's replacement. The name is Norman.
等等 你是看门人诺曼哈 Wait. You're Norman...the doorman?
你觉得这很好笑 是吧 Oh, you think that's funny, huh?
但是探险家朵拉用这办法找到工作时 But when Dora the Explorer finds a job that way,
你却一言不发 you've got nothing to say.
所以这个地址我还能用是吗 So I can keep the address?
你会帮我保留我最爱的13楼吗 You'll hold up my old 13th- floor special?
可以 但有一个条件 I will. On one condition.
他家人让我发言 The family has asked me to speak,
但我们看门人都喜欢简短 but we doormen like to keep it brief.
外面有雨 周五快乐 "It's a wet one out there. ”"Happy Friday. "
诸如此类的事情 That sort of thing.
所以你想让我为一个 So you want me to give a eulogy
我几乎不认识的人致悼词 for a man I barely knew?
-有问题吗 -完全没有 ·Is that a problem? - No, not at all.
太好了 以防接下来这周见不到你 周五快乐 Great. If I don't see you, happy Friday.
你说得对 我确实应该来这里 You were right. Coming here was just what I needed.
不要这样 Don't do this.
如果你发表悼词 你会后悔的 If you give that eulogy, you're gonna regret it.
我觉得我们至少应该先看看她怎么说悼词的 I- I think we should at least see her do it first.
会没事的 It'll be fine.
我就站起来 挤出几滴眼泪 I'll just get up there and squeeze out a few tears.
想想《泰坦尼克号》的结局一般就够了 Thinking about the end of"Titanic"always does the trick.
为什么这么贵的项链要丢进海里 Why should the ocean get to keep that expensive necklace?
太离谱了 This is so messed up.
就是 I know.
我去给咱拿点小吃 I'lI get us some snacks.
好 我们知道你不无辜 Alright. So we know you're not innocent.
也不讨人喜欢 Or likable.
你至少有品德证人 You at least have any character witnesses
愿意为你作证吧 who will come and testify on your behalf?
没有 一群墙头草 Nah. Bunch of fair- weather phonies.
就因为我三十年来屁都没做过就要抛弃我 Abandoned me because I haven't done bupkus in 30 years.
我过去对人才很有鉴赏力 但后来一直没能成功 I used to have an eye for talent, but I hit a cold streak
我对林曼努埃尔·米兰达说“你说话太快了” I told Lin Manuel Miranda, "You talk too fast"
林·曼努埃尔·米兰达出演了《汉密尔顿》
告诉乔纳森·格罗夫他很差劲 Told Jonathan Groff he was pitchy.
乔纳森·格罗夫：演员 歌手 《冰雪奇缘》主角克里斯托夫的配音 主演电影《黑客帝国4：矩阵重生》
我对斯蒂芬·桑德海姆 And I said to Stephen Sondheim,
斯蒂芬·桑德海姆曾获得奥斯卡奖1次 托尼奖8次 格莱美奖多次 普利策戏剧奖1次 知名作品有《伙伴们》《春光满古城》《理发师陶德》《拜访森林》等
说“嘿 这些词儿是怎么回事？” "Hey! What's with all the words? "
我们说话的时候 Any chance we could have this conversation
你能不能少喷点牛肉渣在我脸上 with less corned beef flying right into my face?
别担心判决的事儿 我都计划好了 Don't worry about the trial. I got it all planned out.
我们先来点短笛 We start out with some light piccolo.
那就是你的主题曲 That's your theme
然后弦乐就交给法官了 Then the strings are for the judge.
她就是拯救我们的天使 She's the angel that's gonna save us.
然后是双簧管 那就是我 Then the oboe comes in. That's me.
坚强 自信 Strong, confident.
双 簧管 双 簧管 Oboe, oboe
哦 不 哦 不 Oh, no, oh, no
我们不能搞这个 We're not doing any of that.
为什么 因为你是短笛吗 Why? 'Cause you're the piccolo?
很明显 我是中音萨克斯 Well, obviously, I'm an alto sax- -
天啊 我只希望老葛为你唱的歌值得这一切 Boy, I just hope Gurgs singing for you is worth all of this.
哦 不是 她没为我唱歌 Oh, no. She never sang for me.
进来 转身 就走了 Came in, turned around, walked right out.
-什么 -是的 ·What? - Yeah.
同样的事情也发生在1973年的帕蒂·鲁普恩身上 Same thing happened with Patti LuPone in 1973.
帕蒂·鲁普恩：演员 代表作《美国恐怖故事》《阿加莎：黑暗日记》
在某种程度上 我还在卫生间里等着 In some ways, I'm still waiting in that bathroom.
庭审时你会剃掉胡子的 对吧 You're gonna lose the beard for the trial, right?
我是说 我们又不是在演《小提琴手》 I mean, we're not doing"Fiddler. "
我拿走了 I'm taking this.
安吉尔很特别 Angel was special.
当他问“大都会队怎么样” When he asked, "How about them Mets? "
他其实是在问“你妻子还好吗 He was really asking, "How's your wife? "
你的孩子们还好吗 How's your kids?
他们觉得大都会队怎么样” And how do they feel about them Mets? "
我好喜欢看门人的葬礼 Love a doorman funeral.
完事儿之后 我们都出去打灵车走 You know, after this, we all go outside and hail a hearse.
接下来 奥利维亚·摩尔要讲几句话 Next up, a few words from Olivia Moore.
奥利维亚 你还没堕落到这个地步 Olivia, you're better than this.
没有 我已经到了 No, I'm not.
谢谢你 亚尔斯 家人和其他居民 Thank you, Yarls, family, and fellow residents.
尘归尘 门归门 Ashes to ashes. Door to door.
噢那熟悉的微笑 Oh. There's that smile.
还有那棺材 There's that casket.
安吉尔就躺在里面 And Angel's in it.
直到永远 我再也看不到他吃甜甜圈了 Forever. Oh, I'm never gonna see him eat another doughnut.
开始了 宣泄 把一切宣泄出来 It's happening. Catharsis. Let it out.
很快我就会在那个盒子里了 Pretty soon I'll be in that box.
你也会的 你们也是 And so will you. And you.
到那时 家庭地址就不重要了 And then addresses won't even matter.
因为什么呢 我们会变成虫子的大餐 Because what? We're just gonna be worm meat!
收回去 收回去 Put it back. Put it back.
所以这就是当一个什么也没感受过的人 So this is what happens when a person
同时感受到一切的结果 who's never felt anything feels everything at once.
他为你做了那么多 And after everything he has done for you!
我们得把他救出来 We got to get him out of therel- Ohh.
好吧 嗨 Okay. Hi.
我是奥利维亚的同事 I'm Olivia's friend from work.
而且 我见过安吉尔一次 And, you know, I met Angel once,
所以我在这里一点也不奇怪 so it's not weird at all that I'm up here.
我觉得奥利维亚想说的是 I think what Olivia's trying to say...
我们都是虫子的甜甜圈 We're all just worm doughnuts!
人生无常 ...is that, uh, life is hard.
如果你能找到一个能让你过得轻松一点的人 And if you find someone who can make it a little easier,
那就算很特别了 that's pretty special.
你会一直拥有这份特别 And you'll always have that.
不只是安吉尔 还有所有看到你优点的人 Not just with Angel, but with anyone who sees the good in you.
最后 S- So in closing...
外面有雨吗 it's a wet one out there?
这里也下雨了 It's a wet one in here, too!
再来一杯 Another.
-再来一杯 -老葛 Another. - Gurgs!
你都没给他唱歌 这是干什么 You didn't even sing for him? And what is this?
这里没有酒吧 Well, there's no bar here,
所以我只能用冰茶来消愁 so I'm drowning my sorrows in iced tea.
同样的颜色 但没有效果 Same color. No effect.
让我猜猜 你觉得唱歌是浪费时间 Let me guess. You figured singing would be a waste of time
因为赛张嘴呼吸的声音太大听不见吗 because Sy wouldn't even hear you over his mouth breathing?
我站在麦克风前 I was standing at the mic,
准备用《伪装 音乐剧》里的最后一曲 about to bring the house down with the big finale
博得全场喝彩 from"Camouflage: The Musical"
这时赛说 来吧 孩子 让我看看你的本事 when Sy said, "Okay, kid! Show me what ya got! "
我整个人就冻住了 And I froze.
讽刺的是 Which is ironic because I got super- hot
我当时热得直冒汗 and couldn't stop sweating.
在那一刻 我意识到赛是唯一一个 In that moment, I realized Sy was the only one
能告诉我我是否有真本事的人 who could tell me if I'm really any good.
也许我不知道会更开心 And maybe I'm happier not knowing.
老葛啊 Oh, Gurgs.
这是我听过的最长的故事 That's the longest story I've ever heard.
你只要无私地慷慨地帮助我就行了 You just had to be unselfish and graciously help me.
谢谢你了 丹 Thanks a lot, Dan!
我做了件好事 你为什么对我大喊大叫 I did something good. Why are you yelling at me? !
因为我很伤心 而且生气比伤心更简单 Because I'm sad! And it's a lot easier to be mad.
是啊 我们都同意 Yeah, well, we agree on that!
给我记在她的账上 Put it on her tab.
可能不是我最体面的时刻 May not have been my finest moment,
但我觉得安吉尔的秘密家庭的出现 but I feel like Angel's secret family showing up
会是今天葬礼的记忆点 will be what people really remember.
他们怎么会不知道呢 How could they not know?
他每个月要去坦帕出两次差 He was going to Tampa twice a month on business.
他是个看门人 能出什么差 He's a doorman. What business?
他对我很好 Well, he was good to me.
我可能没有真正住在中央公园西街 I may not have actually lived on Central Park West,
但是 他总是像我确实住那里一样对我 but. ...he always treated me like I did.
所以作为对他的致敬 And that's why, as a tribute to him- -
你要像他对待你那样对待别人吗 Ah. You're gonna treat people the way he treated you?
很接近 我要粉碎一切阻碍我的东西直到 Close. I'm gonna crush everything in my path
我真的住进中央公园西街 until I actually live on Central Park West.
为了他 For him.
我想他也希望这样 I think he would have wanted that.
-好了 各就各位 -怎么了 Okay. Places, everyone. - What's going on?
老葛 我们知道你很生气自己没给赛唱歌 Gurgs, we know that you're mad at yourself
但你不应该在乎 for not singing for Sy, but you shouldn't care
他怎么看你 what he thinks about you.
如果你在乎别人的想法 If you care about what anybody thinks,
那也应该是我们的看法 你的朋友们 it should be us, your. friends.
我们想听你唱歌 And we would like to hear you sing.
真的吗 You do?
你们心真好 Well, this is all so lovely,
但我不知道我该怎么 but I don't know what I would even- -
要不看这个吧 Maybe this.
《伪装》压轴曲调降B调 然后 试着跟上 "Camouflage"finale in B flat. And...try to keep up.
我的朋友 我的爱人 My friends, my lovers
我的随从 My entourage
这很痛心 让人窒息 This hurts, this smothers
这伪装 This camouflage
所以我在努力 So I'm makin'a push
看起来不像个灌木丛 To not look like a bush
我们亲密无间 We were thick as thieves
但我不愿相信 But I don't want to believe
你可能认为这很卑鄙 You may think it's mean
但我需要被看到 But I need to be seen
所以我要 So I'm gonna be
被看到 S- e- e- e- een
伪装 Camouflage!
我喜欢这首歌 I love that song!
天啊 Oh, my Godl
-赛一直都在这里吗 -是的 Sy was here the whole time? - Yeah.
我是说 他是个骗子 但是 嘿 他很懂伪装 I mean, he's a crook, but, hey, he knows his camouflage.
我要跟你说我跟伊迪娜·门泽尔 I'm gonna tell you the same thing
伊迪娜·门泽尔 演员 代表作《欢乐合唱团》冰雪奇缘女主配音《Let It Go》的演唱者
说过的话 I told Idina Menzel.
没人在乎雪地里两个唱歌的老女人 你也太臭了 Nobody cares about two broads in the snow. And you stink!
首先 臭的是你 First of all, you're the one who stinks!
你该庆幸我没判你做社区服务 You're lucky I let you off with community service.
其次 这个房间里还有其他伪装人吗 And, second of all, what else in this room is people?
不用 艾比 没关系 No, Abby. It's okay.
如果赛·霍夫曼觉得我不好 If Sy Hoffman thinks I'm bad,
那说明我真的很棒 it means I'm actually amazing.
没错 我是说 他已经30年没看对眼过了 That's right. I mean, he's been on a 30- year cold streak.
得了 他让比尔·马赫饰演理发师陶德 Come on. He cast Bill Maher as Sweeney Toddl
那事儿整得我没得大满贯 差一点就成了的 And that so cost me my EGOT. I was so closel
我只需要一个托尼奖 AlI I needed was a Tony.
然后一个格莱美奖 还有艾美奖 还有奥斯卡奖就够了 Then a Grammy. And the Emmy. And the Oscar.
我以为我做的有声书 I thought I had the Grammy all locked up
就够我赢格莱美奖了 with that audiobook I did.
我声音很舒缓的 My voice is very soothing.
好的 再见 Okay, byel
老葛 你唱得太棒了 Gurgs, you're an incredible singer.
-我也会跳舞噢 -哦 我知道的 And I can dance, too. - Oh. I know.
我们总是能发现自己的长处的 是吗 We can always spot our own. Yeah?
等等 我在确认这个书架不是一个人 Wait! I was making sure this bookcase wasn't a person!
丹刚跳了舞 我却没看见吗 Did Dan just dance and I missed it? !