[THE OFFSPRING'S "WANT YOU BAD" PLAYS]
猪坛，奇点工作室荣誉出品 Singularity Workshop Presents dvdriper制作
美国猛男 （又名：花花公子） ♪ If you could only read my mind ♪
♪ You would know That things between us ♪
♪ Ain't right ♪
♪ I know your arms are open wide ♪
♪ But you're a little On the straight side ♪
♪ I can't lie ♪
♪ Your one vice Is you're too nice ♪
♪ Come around now Can you see? ♪
♪ I want you All tattooed ♪
♪ I want you bad ♪
♪ Complete me Mistreat me ♪
♪ I want you to be Bad, bad, bad, bad, bad ♪
♪ If you could only read my mind ♪
♪ You would know That I've been waiting ♪
♪ So long ♪
♪ For someone almost just like you ♪
♪ But with attitude I've waited ♪
♪ So come on ♪
♪ Get out at close time Pull out those highlights ♪
♪ Come around now Can you see? ♪
♪ I want you In a vinyl suit ♪
♪ I want you bad ♪
♪ Complicated X-rated ♪
♪ I want you Bad, bad, bad, bad, bad ♪
♪ Bad ♪
[PHONE RINGS]
♪ I mean it I need it ♪
♪ I want you Bad, bad, bad, bad, bad ♪
♪ Bad ♪
♪ Really, really bad ♪♪
[♪♪♪]
“七年前”…… . 这真的是个好主意吗？ MICHAEL: Whoo! Is this such a good idea?
结婚是个好主意吗？ 因为结婚是件大事 Is marriage a good idea? Because marriage is huge.
我呼吸困难 I am having trouble breathing.
我难以呼吸了 I am having trouble catching my breath.
-放松好吗？ -我怎么可能放的松呢？ Would you relax? How could I possibly relax?
因为这是我的婚礼 Because it's my wedding.
那是马克思 他才19岁…… MICHAEL: That's Max. Only 19 years old
...他正准备和他唯一有过性爱的女孩子结婚 and is getting married to the only girl he's ever had sex with.
[PANTING]
那天我做出决定，我要一辈子单身 That day I promised myself, I'd stay single forever.
吉姆辛 Gimshins.
没错，金布里穿的很华丽 MICHAEL: Granted, Kimberly was gorgeous.
-发生什么了？ -你的新郎还没来 What's the holdup? Your groom isn't quite out yet.
好了，爸爸，把它搞定 Well, fix it, Daddy! Unh!
我猜马克思并不像我那样看待她 MICHAEL: I guess Max didn't see her quite the way I did.
让他行动起来！ Make him behave!
我保证，一切会很完美 It will be perfect. I promise.
金布里的爸爸发明了一种很特殊的药丸 MICHAEL: Kimberly's father helped invent a very special pill.
维吉亚把它推向市场， 不过，这药丸还是很好使 Now, Viagra beat him to the market, but his pill was just as good.
它可以把这个…… It could turn this
.变成这个 into this.
这已经足以铸成大错了 There's enough to give an elephant a boner.
你真坏 这是你亲姐姐的婚礼！ You are so bad. Your own sister's wedding?
拜托 她会喜欢这个的 Please. She's gonna love it.
我要把它放在礼品桌上 他们会带着她去度蜜月的 I'll put it on the gift table. They'll take it on the honeymoon.
他会大干三天 He'll have a three-day boner. KELLY: Ha-ha.
我喜欢早上的伴娘的气味 Oh, yeah! I love the smell of bridesmaids in the morning.
我最好的朋友，凯利 如果这是正常人的脑子…… MICHAEL: My best friend, Kyle. If this is your average brain,
...这就是凯利的脑子 this is Kyle's brain.
这个婚礼将变得非常特殊 Anyway, the wedding was about to get especially hard.
让我来敬，是的，马克思 I propose a toast. Yes. To Max!
第一只要落水的雄猫（猛男） MEN: To Max. First tomcat to take the plunge.
谢谢，伙计 Thanks, guys.
但愿这永远别发生在我们身上 MEN: May it never happen to us!
[ALL LAUGH]
给你，伙计 Ah. There you go, buddy.
好家伙 Dude.
好家伙 Heh. Dude.
好家伙 Dude.
这是我喝过的最好的葡萄酒 This is the best wine ever.
这是他妈的怎么回事？ 所有人都在外面等着 What the hell is going on? Everybody's waiting out there.
你们干了什么？ What is up with you?
圣母玛丽亚…… Holy Mary,
...圣母 Mother of God.
你孩子一定真的很喜欢婚礼 You boys must really like weddings.
出去 所有人都在等着 Get out there. Everybody's waiting.
[ORGAN PLAYING "BRIDAL CHORUS"]
[PEOPLE MURMURING]
[ALL MUTTERING INDISTINCTLY]
别动 Don't move.
我们走 我们走 MICHAEL: Here we go, here we go.
[CLEARS THROAT]
你们都可以坐下了 You may all be seated.
[SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]
-转身 -不行 Turn around. We can't.
我们走吧 MICHAEL: Here we go.
[♪♪♪]
[GIGGLING]
他们穿着礼服看起来帅吧？ Don't they look handsome in their tuxedos?
我不敢相信马克思真的度过了这一劫 MICHAEL: I cannot believe that Max actually went through with it.
真丢人 It's a goddamn shame.
我宣布我这辈子要做专业雄猫（猛男） I am hereby dedicating myself to a life as a professional tomcat.
专业雄猫（猛男），对 Professional tomcat, right on.
是啊，忘了婚姻这号事吧！ KYLE: Yeah, man. Forget marriage.
我要操地球上的每个女人 I'll nail every woman on the planet.
每一个？除了我妈和我奶奶 Every one? Except my mother and grandmother.
首先，你妈很性感 First of all, your mom is hot.
其次，你认识到地球上有…… Secondly, you realize there are
25亿女人 two and a half billion females on Earth.
-你是说这做不到？ -不 但我们应该分头干 Are you saying it can't be done? No. But we got to divide them up.
说定了 Ha-ha-ha. Deal.
我永远不结婚 永远不 I'll never get married. Ever.
你差点就结婚了 你这辈子要听凯丽的了 You're almost married as it is. Kelly runs your life.
不是的！ She does not!
你还有5分钟 Jan. You've got five minutes. Thank you.
谢谢 [MEN LAUGHING AND IMITATING WHIPPING SOUNDS]
你是下一个去的 You'll be the next to go.
拜托 我们都知道谁是下一个 Please. We all know who'll be next.
斯蒂夫，道格 ALL: Steve dog!
[BLOWS RASPBERRY THEN LAUGHS]
我从来没有过女朋友 I don't even have a girlfriend.
你快了 朋友 You're going down, buddy.
什么？为什么？ What? Why?
因为，你会象马克思一样， 和第一个自己操过的女孩子结婚 Because, like Max, the first girl that lets you get with her, you'll marry.
打赌吗？ You want to bet?
真的赌？赌钱的？ Actually bet? Really bet for money?
好！最后的光棍，赢1000美元 Yeah. Let's say the last single man gets a thousand bucks
...从你们所有已婚的人里 from the rest of you who end up getting married. Ha-ha-ha.
6000块是个不小的数了 Six grand's a lot of money.
不不 如果我们要赌，就好好的赌 No, no. If we're going to do this, we do it right. Okay?
我们每个人每年拿出200美元存银行 . Each of us puts a couple hundred dollars a year away in savings.
不不不 存互助基金 No, no, no. High-yield mutual fund.
好，最后一个光棍拿到所有的钱 All right, the last man standing at the end, gets the whole pot.
这样就最起码有一二万了！ I'm talking 10, 20 grand!
那是很多钱了 That's a lot of money.
是 如果搞同性恋的话就自动出局 加里. Yeah. And you're out if you go gay, Gary.
嗨，你们耍我 Hey, blow me.
[♪♪♪]
好，加里已经出局了 All right, Gary's out.
我加入了 雄猫（猛男）赌博 让我们加入 I'm in. Tomcats' bet. Let's get in here.
来吧，加入吧 KYLE: Come on, get in here!
我要投些钱，OK? I'm going to invest some money, okay?
雄猫（猛男）！雄猫（猛男）！ ALL: Tomcats! Tomcats!
Tomcats! Tomcats! Tomcats! Tomcats!
Ha-ha-ha!
你们会要付我好多钱！ You guys are going to pay me so bad!
[LAUGHING]
我永远不会想要结婚 我不会！ I don't ever want to get married. I don't!
我会 I do.
“现在（七年后）”…… 已我所拥有的权力…… By the power vested in me, by Allah
以内华达州的名义…… and the state of Nevada,
...我宣布你们结为... I now pronounce you,
...夫，和... husband and...
Ooh-ooh-ooh.
...妻，我的朋友. - Wife, my friends. Ha-ha.
Ok, 好好爱她…… Okay, love her tender.
请好好爱她 Love her tenders. Please.
让我们开始吧. Oop. Rock the jailhouse.
所有单身女人，到走道中间来 Every single woman, come to the center of the aisle,
...来接新娘的花.... so you can catch the flower bouquets...
-所有单身女人 -你去哪儿? All the single ladies. Where are you going?
-我们开始吧！ -坐下 MINISTER: Let's go, please. Sit down.
非常感谢 Thank you very much.
[CROWD APPLAUDING]
Ha-ha-ha! Whoo! All right.
你也结婚了，伙计！ You went down, my man!
把自己贱卖了 Down like a 2-dollar hooker!
你出局了！傻瓜！ Boom! You're out! You suck!
翠西亚很不错，不管怎么说 Tricia's great, though.
不对 让我来告诉你谁很不错，间很不错 No, I'll tell you who's great. Jan here is great.
我们的猛男赌博基金现在有多少钱了？ What's our bachelor pool up to now?
到星期5有475,000了 As of Friday, about 475.
伙计，快50万了 Man, that's half a million bucks!
[LAUGHS]
Can our man Jan pick IPOs or what? 我好爽，我好爽 Can our man Jan pick IPOs or what? I'm wet. I'm, like, wet.
你有没有什么时候希望能够操钱的？ Don't you sometimes wish you could fuck money?
婚礼让你变得浪漫了，凯利 Weddings bring out the romantic in you, Kyle.
凯利，你不是已经有很多钱了吗？ Kyle, don't you have enough money already?
你永远不会嫌钱多 如果你这样说就是同性恋 You can never have enough money. And you're a fag for saying that.
-别惹我，加里 -嗨，你耍我. No offense, Gary. Hey, blow me.
看起来好像只剩我们两个没结婚了，老朋友 Looks like it's just you and me now, buddy.
不过我可没带接了花的女孩 And I'm not the one bringing chicks who catch bouquets.
[GRAND THEFT AUDIO'S "WE LUV U" PLAYS]
难以相信我们又在做这事了 MICHAEL: I can't believe we're doing this again.
我们可以做多少次？ How many times can we do it?
-你快完了 -你真是不倒翁 我要出来了 SHELBY: You're going down. MICHAEL: You're unquenchable.
出来了 出来了 I'll pass out. Here it comes. Here it comes.
[PEOPLE SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY ON TV]
[GROANS]
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING ON TV]
[GRUNTING]
你输了 Ah. You lose. Ha-ha-ha.
-脱掉你的裤子 -欧，不 我怎么又输了！ Take off your pants. Oh, no. I lose again!
上帝，我讨厌输 Oh, God, I hate losing.
快！在他说那个以前 Hurry, before he says it again.
不不不，不喝了，不喝了，你赢了 No, no, no. No more drinking. No more drinking. You win.
你赢了 You win.
我赢了吗？是吗？ I win? Oh, yeah?
好好 我在搜集 Well, good. Then I'm collecting.
来吧 来点危险的 Come on. I want to be dangerous.
我们去哪儿？ Where we going?
我们去哪儿？ Where are we going?
Oh, wow.
说啊！迈克 Say it, Michael.
说什么？ Um... Say it?
我不会做的，除非你先说 I won't do it unless you say it.
对不起，我难以集中精神 I'm sorry. I'm having a little bit of trouble concentrating here.
你到底想让我说什么？ What is it exactly you want me to say?
你知道的 You know.
那三个…… Those three
...小小的... little
...字. words.
那三个字 Those three little words.
等一会儿 Whoa. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold on a minute.
什么？怎么了？ What? What's wrong?
对不起 我要请你走了 I'm sorry. I'm going to have to ask you to leave.
你为什么这样做？ Why are you acting like this?
-你把这事推进的太快了 You are the one who's rushing things.
-什么太快了? Rushing what?
雪碧，我喜欢你，我确实喜欢你 Shelby, I like you. I like you a lot.
但这事稍微快了一点 But things are just moving a little too fast.
我只是还没准备好说，“我爱你” I'm just not ready to say, "I love you."
什么让你以为我要你说“我爱你”？ What makes you think I want you to say, "I love you"?
欧，天，就在刚才的地方 Oh, come on. Back there.
你不愿意做那事，因为我不愿意说那三个字 You wouldn't do it because I wouldn't say those three little words.
[LAUGHS]
你这个巨型蠢货 You colossal moron.
''吃--我的--鸡巴 '' "Suck my cock."
吃我的鸡巴 吃我的鸡巴！ Suck my cock. Suck my cock!
Oh, 吃我的鸡巴 吃我的鸡巴 吃我的鸡巴 Oh, suck my cock! Suck my cock! Suck my cock! Suck my cock.
[(HED) PLANET EARTH'S "BARTENDER" PLAYS]
很棒 你把鞋放在枕头上的样子真的很棒 That was great. You put your shoes out on the pillow like this. Great.
MICHAEL: Shelby!
-对不起 Sorry. WAITRESS: Jerk.
我回头再找你 I'll catch you later.
[LAUGHS]
怎么了？你在找谁？ What's going on? Who you looking for?
雪碧 她可能已经快回到洛杉矶了 Shelby. She's probably halfway back to L.A. By now.
欧，伙计，你打算怎么做？ Oh, boy. What'd you do now?
真古怪 It's weird.
我以为他想让我说：“我爱你” 我不会为了做爱而撒谎 I thought she wanted me to say, "I love you." I wouldn't lie to get sex.
-你有其他方法？ -我知道 我是个傻瓜 You know another way? I know. I'm an idiot.
别担心，朋友 这儿有重摇滚 Don't worry, buddy. You're at the Hard Rock.
我是说，这个地方很刺激 I mean, this place rocks hard.
这里好像有上百万女人 There's like a million women here.
我不敢相信你和翠西结婚了，斯蒂夫 I cannot believe you and Trish got married, Steve.
你害怕了没有？ Aren't you terrified?
问你个问题 Let me ask you a question:
如果你能和任何女人睡觉， 那么那个人会是谁？ If you could sleep with any woman, who would it be?
你是说假设的？因为我的生日快到了？ Ooh. Is this hypothetical? Because my birthday's soon.
任何女人 假设的 Any woman. Hypothetical.
幻想的 Fictional?
-不是朱迪 -那我也不知道 Not Judy Jetson. Well, then, I'm out.
你选谁？ Who's yours?
要听真话吗？ Truth?
翠西亚 Tricia.
如果我能够操世界上任何女人，我就会要她！ If I could fuck any woman in the whole world, it'd be her.
这就是为什么我和她结了婚 That's why I married her.
我很庆幸你没有写下你自己的誓言 I'm glad you didn't write your own vows.
翠西和我就有这么深刻的联系，你知道吗？ Trish and I have this deep connection, you know?
她和我心有灵犀 She understands what I'm feeling without my having to tell her.
这种巨大的精神力量存在于我的体内…… It's like I found this huge spiritual side to myself
...而我甚至都没有意识到 that I didn't even know existed.
上星期我和一对双胞胎做爱来着 Last week I had sex with twins.
Ok，你赢了 Okay, you win.
Oh, 给我来瓶喜力！ Oh, can I get a Heineken?
谢谢 Thanks.
[♪♪♪]
忘了她吧，朋友！她只对掷骰子高手感兴趣 Ha-ha-ha. Forget it, pal. She's only interested in high rollers.
6点，来吧，我们要个6点 我们来掷吧！ Hard six! Let's go! We need a hard six! We got a shooter!
-扔的远点，6点，来吧！ -不能再下注了，不能再下注了. Long and hard six. Let's go. DEALER: No more bets.
我是高手，扔远点，来吧！掷 Two trades, go a long way. Here we go, we got a shooter.
-我是掷骰子高手，6点 -7 We got a roller! Hard six! DEALER: Seven!
好痛 That hurt. Uh...
好痛 That hurt. I, uh...
♪ Don't take much To make me feel all right ♪♪
我加入！我有骰子！来吧！ 我加！我会赢！ I'm in! We got a shooter! Let's go! I'm in. I'm letting it ride!
不再下注了 No more bets.
11点！赢了，赢了，小鸡！ Eleven! Winner, winner, chicken dinner. Whoo!
掷骰子 DEALER: Craps.
Oh, 天那，不，别碰我，别碰我 Oh, God, no. No touching! No touching.
真的好疼 That really hurt. Wow.
好，我正走运呢 Woo-hoo! Yes, I'm on a roll!
[HUMMING THEN LAUGHS]
我要你过来 I need you to come over.
迈克正在疯狂地勾引一个女孩 Michael's gone crazy trying to impress some girl.
别，宝贝，我正走运呢！ Aw, come on, baby. I'm on fire.
[LAUGHING]
好吧，我来了，算钱吧！ All right, I'll come down. Color me up, pops.
你的11美元，先生？ Your $11, sir?
你爸是谁？ Who's your daddy?
扔 Craps.
不，耶稣，杀了我吧！ No, please, Jesus, kill me now!
杀了我吧！杀了我吧！ Kill me now! Kill me.
或者不？继续 我的信用很好，信用卡 Or don't? Let it ride, my credit's good! Credit!
来吧！把骰子给我 Let's go! Give me these dice!
-你在干吗？伙计 -掷骰子. What are you doing, buddy? Rolling the bones.
斯蒂夫，安波尔 斯蒂夫，安波尔 Steve, Amber. Amber, Steve.
-你输了多少了？ -情况很不妙！. How far are you down? I'm not so bad.
Twenty-five five.
-社会保险号码 -25000? Social security. Twenty-five thousand?
听着，伙计，你不能这样做 Listen, buddy. You can't do this.
Ok，听着，你付不起 Okay, listen. You can't afford this.
-你必须现在停止！ -把我的骰子给我! You have to stop now! Give me my dice!
把骰子放下 Put the dice down.
停止 现在 Stop. Now.
好，结束 伙计，我退出， 虽然我还可以继续 结束了 That was close, buddy. I'll quit while I still can. That was close. Whoo.
-7点. -过时间了! Seven out. Time out!
结束了！我没扔，我没扔，她扔的 Do over! I didn't roll that. I didn't roll that. She rolled.
跟我们来，请吧 Come with us, please.
-走吧 -是的 在也不要红发女郎了，永远 Let's go. That's it. No more redheads. Ever.
伙计们，我们关门了 Fellas, we're closed.
就是他，卡洛斯 PIT BOSS: This is the guy, Carlos.
嗨 Hi.
我认为我不欠这个钱 I don't think I owe this money.
是吗？为什么这样说 德兰先生 Really? And why do you say that, Mr. Delaney?
我没有扔那个骰子 是一个位女士扔的， 我甚至不知道她的名字 I didn't roll the dice. A lady threw the dice. I don't even know her name.
那么这一切只不过是个大误会罢了? Wow. So this is all just like a big misunderstanding.
还好，走运的是我们有录像 BOTH: Yeah. Well, luckily, we have tape.
Ah, 看？那是我们 输家 更多输家 Huh? See? That's us. Losers. Ha-ha. More losers.
大约9.95美元一个房间,你可以看 Ooh. For about $9.95 in the room, you can watch that.
Tricia?
抱歉，我们要离开那里了 CARLOS: Shame we had to leave that.
那就是我说了很多年了，要回放录像 A reason to bring back instant replay. I've said that for years.
那是要伤到你了 That has got to hurt you.
那是翠西亚吗？ Was that Tricia?
和你在一起的女人拿着骰子是为了运气 The woman you were with at the bar was handling the dice for luck.
你把骰子给她，她再扔到桌子上 You gave them to her, she threw them on the table.
德兰先生 本地很多赌场里都会这样玩的 That, Mr. Delaney, is a roll in any casino in town.
现在，我很抱歉，但是你欠我们51000美元 Now, I'm sorry. But you owe us $51,000.
-51 ,000 美元？ -加上迷你巴. Fifty-one thousand dollars? Plus the minibar.
-我们能再看一边录像吗？? -我没有51000美元 . Can we see that tape? I don't have 51,000 dollars.
我是画漫画的 我是给“星期天的加菲尔德“画背景画的 I'm a cartoonist. I do background color for Sunday's "Garfield."
我喜欢你的工作，但我们的工作有所不同 I love your work, but here's what we do:
我们的工作类型是危险的，半黑社会的， 惹不起的，拉斯维加斯型的 We're dangerous, quasi-criminal, take-no-shit Vegas types.
那是什么意思？你们打算干什么？伤害我？ So, what does that mean? What are you going to do? Hurt me?
我进入这一行是为了赚钱容易些，但是... Mr. Delaney, I got into this business to make easy money
...该死的是，他们勾引你进来... and the damn thing is they hook you in,
...然后你发现你在做你并不想做的事... and then you find yourself doing things you don't really want to be doing,
...比如杀你这样的人. like killing people like you.
然后你发现你开始喜欢上了这事, 这是一个大问题 And then you start to enjoy it, which is a problem.
我开玩笑的，随便说说，也许并不是针对你 I'm kidding. Making a light remark, though probably not to you.
问题是，我要把你吊起来... Point is, I will hang you,
...割下你的卵蛋放到你的口袋里. cut your balls off and put them in your pocket.
而且绝不心软 But not without a lot of Jewish guilt.
你欠我51000美元，一个月还清 You owe me, in one month, 51,000 dollars.
而且从现在开始， 我会每天帮你搬家，作抵押 And starting now, I will need a daily security deposit.
我觉得这很重要，我们要重放女孩那节录像 I think it's important if we go back to that tape with the ladies.
不过，开心点 CARLOS: But cheer up.
我要去迷你吧了 I am going to comp the minibar.
发生什么了？ What happened?
-我被人耍了 -好了，你在哪里？ I'm screwed, that's what happened. STEVE: All right, where are you?
我刚损失了51000美元 I just lost 51,000 dollars.
如果我一个月还没凑齐的话， 我就会被做成鸟食了 If I don't get it in a month, I'm buzzard feed.
他们会杀了我 They'll kill me.
耶稣 我希望我们能给你这笔钱... Jesus. I wish we could give you the money,
...但我们的钱都拿去买房了 but we put our cash into the house.
我们还借了钱好让斯蒂夫开业... And we've borrowed against it to set up Steve's practice,
...这就是为什么我梦想中的婚礼只花了280美元 which explains why the wedding of my dreams cost $280.
你在干吗？ What are you doing?
见到我的拖鞋了吗？ Have you seen my flip-flops?
你认识有什么人能借你钱的吗？ You know anybody who'll loan you the money?
不，宝贝，听着 No, baby, listen.
如果你想我不再见其他人, 怎么了?我们试试看 If you want us to stop seeing other people, what the hell? Let's try it.
这也许能让我们进入更深层次的结合... It might help us reach a deeper level of togetherness,
...你知道，能让我们结合的更紧密 and you know, bring us closer together.
是，好，当然 Yeah. Okay. Sure. Heh-heh.
是，我也是，好，吻你 Ok, 再见 Yeah, me too. All right, kiss-kiss. Okay, bye.
你妹妹正在把我逼疯. Whew. Your sister is driving me nuts.
Ok我们到了. Okay, we're here.
[SALIVA'S "YOUR DISEASE" PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS]
你要打一杆好球 Ok? What you're going to go for is a nice, smooth stroke. Okay?
往后挥. Mm-hm. Swing back.
-打吧. -怎么样? There you go. How's that?
Ok 不错，我们继续，好吗? Okay. Well, we'll keep trying, okay?
继续练习，你会掌握的，没问题 Let's work on your form. You'll get it. No problem.
好了，伙计，把头放低 MICHAEL: All right, Yoshi. Keep your head down.
把头放低 记住了？ Keep your head down. Remember?
握紧然后挥杆，伙计，握紧挥杆. Grip and rip, dude. Grip and rip.
[MEN SPEAKING IN JAPANESE]
Hey, Kyle!
-凯利，在干吗？ -迈克? Kyle, what's going on? Mike? Hey.
你在这里干嘛? What are you doing here?
我顺便带这群人来这里玩 I'm just hitting the links with some of the fellas.
要搭车吗? You want a ride?
当然，伙计们 我们在19洞见，一起喝喜力 Sure. Fellas, I'll meet you at the 19th hole for a Heineken.
[SPEAKS IN JAPANESE]
Banzai! Ha-ha-ha.
[♪♪♪]
你对这个女孩是认真的喽? MICHAEL: So you're serious about this girl, huh?
记得我们说过 KYLE: Remember what we said
要操遍全世界的女人吗？ about screwing every woman in the world?
我快完成一半了 一次一两个 I'm halfway there. One or two chicks at a time.
[GRUNTS]
[MAN SHOUTING IN JAPANESE]
Whoopsie.
没关系 拿着吧 我袋子里还有很多 That's okay. Keep it. I've got more in the bag.
她什么都不是，伙计 KYLE: She's nothing to me, dude.
有两种人我最讨厌了： 想要我的承诺的婊子... Two things I hate: Chicks who want commitment,
...和想问我借钱的鸟人 and assholes who want to borrow money.
[WOMAN GRUNTS]
-没关系. -我们刚压过你的女友. I'm okay. We just ran over your girlfriend.
伙计，别用那个词 Man, do not say that word.
你想和我谈什么? What did you want to talk to me about?
-我只是想你罢了 -别搞同性恋啊！ I just missed you. Don't go all faggy on me.
[GRUNTS THEN GROANS]
你应该看看你自己的表情 Ha-ha-ha. You should see the look on your face.
我开玩笑的 伙计 I'm totally kidding, man.
那么你从来没有真的恋爱过？ So you've never even come close to falling in love.
没有，从来没有 No, no, never.
也许有一次 Well, maybe once.
娜塔利 她是马克思婚礼上的伴娘 Natalie. She was a bridesmaid at Max's wedding.
她真令人吃惊 我把她骗到拿里布 She was amazing. I took her to a bluff out in Malibu.
我们整晚聊天 We talked all night.
早上太阳升起时我们做爱 We made love in the morning at sunrise.
她在我怀里睡着，难以置信 She fell asleep in my arms. It was incredible.
不错的故事 她怎么了？ That's quite a story. What happened to her?
我也不知道.她本来可以成为我生命中的爱 I don't know. She could've been the love of my life.
[DEXTER FREEBISH'S "LEAVING TOWN" PLAYS]
♪ Oh, your reputation's so golden ♪
♪ You're never lonely And you're never home ♪
♪ I know you've been talking About leaving ♪
♪ You've lost all your feeling For this town ♪
不错的沙发，迈克，真皮的吗？ Nice couch, Mikey. Is it leather?
Oh, 当然不是，仿皮的 Oh, no way. It's pleather.
操. Gross.
[GRUNTS]
最好给个大门钥匙我们，大家方便点 It'd be easier if you had a front-door key for us.
我会搞定的 晚安伙计 I'll get right on that. Night, fellas.
♪ So high in the gene pool ♪♪
[TIRES SCREECH]
嗨，发生了什么？老朋友 Hey, what's up, buddy?
翠西亚在吗？我有事问她 Is Tricia here? I'd like to ask her something.
是，她在楼上 Yeah, she's upstairs. Whoa!
小心 Whoa. Watch that.
我带你上去 I'll take you up there.
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
-关掉它 -该死！ Turn it off! Shitballs!
-关掉！关掉！ -该死！他妈的 Turn it off! Turn it off! Goddamn it! Son of a bitch!
他在楼上和肯希拉在一起 She's upstairs with Consuela.
该死的管子 Damn hose.
肯定是打节了. Must have had a kink in it.
钱的事怎么样了? Any luck with the money?
哦，没办法 我什么都试了 我不知道该怎么办 Oh, no. I tried everything. I don't know what to do.
[♪♪♪]
Tricia!
Aha! Uh...
哦，伙计！ Oh, boy.
你又低血糖了？ Is your blood sugar low again?
我想起了你的一个朋友，娜塔莉 I was wondering about a friend of yours, Natalie.
你姐婚礼上的一个伴娘 A bridesmaid at your sister's wedding.
娜塔莉？史提夫，给迈克一瓶啤酒 Natalie? Steve, offer Michael a beer.
-你想要啤酒吗？ -是的 You want a beer? Yeah.
你想和娜塔莉干吗？ What do you want with Natalie?
没什么，我正好想起她， 我想也许我应该去看看她 Nothing. I was thinking about her and I thought maybe I'd look her up.
我们没有一只干净的杯子 We don't have one clean glass.
天啊！我们有一个全职的佣人！ We have a full-time maid, for chrissakes.
Consuela.
肯希拉，你到底在那儿干些什么? What is it that you do around here?
今晚是星期六，对吧？ It's Saturday night, right?
我很清楚她今晚在哪里. I know exactly where she is.
[MYSTIKAL'S "SHAKE YA ASS" PLAYS]
♪ Shake ya ass But watch yourself ♪
♪ Shake ya ass Show me what you're working with ♪
♪ Shake ya ass But watch yourself ♪
想玩玩吗? You looking for a date?
-你不是我喜欢的那种 MAN: You're not my type.
-随便你好了 NATALIE: Whatever. You wouldn't be anyway.
♪ Be cool ♪
♪ And don't worry about how I'm rippin' this shit ♪
Yeah?
[MICHAEL CHUCKLES]
♪ They don't Y'all bitches can't catch me ♪
♪ And you won't Tell ya self, bitch ass ♪♪
怎么了? What's it gonna be?
我有一点建议，也许听起来有点古怪. I have a proposal for you and it's gonna sound a little strange.
和性有关吗? Does it involve sex?
应该说和性很有关系. I'd say there'd be a fair amount of sex involved.
还和房子、戒指有关系 也许还有孩子 There will definitely be a house and a ring involved. Maybe even children.
孩子? [CHUCKLING] Children?
那要看你和那个男人打算怎么做. That'll depend on how far you and this other guy will want to take it.
不过是啊 孩子会有的，最起码还有一条狗 But, yeah. I'd say kids would be involved. At least a dog. Ha.
孩子，一条狗，还有另外一个人？ Children, a dog and another guy.
你对狗过敏？那猫怎么样？要不大脸鼠 You're allergic to dogs. How about cats? Maybe a hamster?
[BOTH LAUGH]
也许是一只大脸鼠. Maybe a hamster.
[LAUGHING]
宝贝，我有你需要的一切 Baby, I got exactly what you need.
[SIRENS WAILING]
走！这边，走！ NATALIE: Let's go. Over here. Let's go.
[GRUNTING]
你被捕了 你这个变态佬！ You're under arrest, you sick fuck.
[SNIFFLING]
我没有召妓，我发誓，我没有 I wasn't soliciting prostitution. I swear to God, I wasn't.
你知道他们怎么对付恋童癖吗？ You know what they do to pedophiles in the joint?
更不要说还有动物性变态 Not to mention hamster fuckers.
我没召妓或大脸鼠 我在找你 I wasn't looking for a hooker or a hamster! I was looking for you.
我在找娜塔利.派克 I was looking for Natalie Parker.
你怎么知道他的名字的？ How do you know her name?
很久以前我们参加了一次婚礼 We were at a wedding once, a long time ago.
那时你和我的一个朋友凯利混在一起 And you hooked up with a friend of mine, Kyle Brenner.
没印象 Doesn't ring any bells.
你想要她干吗？ What do you want with her?
这很愚蠢 是个坏主意 请让我道歉然后放我走好吗？ It's stupid. It was a bad idea. Can I please just apologize and go?
我想听 I want to hear it.
我去了拉斯维加斯，那儿有一个红发女郎 MICHAEL: I go to Vegas. There's this redhead.
我玩了骰子 我输得精光 拣重要的说 I play craps. I lose all my money. Get to the point, Delaney.
我遇到很多麻烦！ I'm in a lot of trouble.
[BLOWS NOSE]
我和一些朋友打过赌 Some buddies of mine and I have a bet.
最后一个没结婚的赢 Last bachelor standing wins.
赌注很大 有50万 The pot is huge. Half a million.
并且我需要这笔钱 我非常需要这笔钱 And I need this money. I mean, I really need this money.
我想....我很愚蠢，但是-- I just thought... It's stupid, but...
[WHIMPERING]
什么？你想什么？ What? You thought what?
我是想.... I just thought that, uh...
凯利好像是说你离开了他 Kyle talks about you like you were the one that got away.
好像你是他最后的真爱 Like you were his last chance at true love.
我只是想让你们两个破镜重圆... I just thought that getting the two of you together,
...有些东西也许会复苏 something would rekindle.
你们结婚我赢钱 皆大欢喜 You guys would get married and I'd win the money. Everybody wins. Ha-ha.
这是我听过的最恶心的狗屎 That was the most pathetic fucking shit I have ever heard.
大花鼠都好过你的骰子故事 That hamster story was better than that crap.
你怎么知道我会同意?我甚至不记得这个卡尔 What made you think I'd agree to it? I don't even remember this guy Karl.
-凯尔. -不管什么. Kyle. Whatever.
凯尔.布莱纳. Kyle Brenner.
你说的对，我很抱歉，我很愚蠢 You're right. I'm sorry. It was stupid.
对不起. I'm sorry.
你说怎么处理吧，警官 It's your call, detective.
放他走吧 Cut him loose.
喂，是，是我 Hi, yes. I'm here. Hi.
我想能不能把我的信用卡额度增加到... I was wondering if I could increase my limit to,
...我不清楚，51000美元吧 I don't know, 51,000 dollars.
是是，我知道. Yes, yes, I know.
卡洛斯? Carlos did?
没有，我没有要销卡 No. I have no intentions of cutting up my card.
不，不要让别人做这个! No, do not send someone over to do it for me!
Hello? Hello?
[DOORBELL RINGS]
这个卡洛斯太过分了 This Carlos runs a very tight ship.
进来 我来了，稍等 Coming. Let me just throw something on.
Ok. 马上来，谁啊? Okay. One more sec. Who is it?
我查过了 I've done some checking.
凯利很富有，你为什么不问他借钱？ Kyle's rich. Why don't you ask him for a loan?
我试过了 他不借别人钱的 I tried. He doesn't lend people money.
你怎么找到我的? How did you find me?
迈克 我是警察，想起来了吗? Michael. Cop. Remember?
不错的地方 Some place you got here.
有喝的吗? Got anything to drink?
Uh...
我打赌我是你知道的唯一一个回收饮料的 I bet I'm the only guy you know who's had all of his beverages repossessed.
倒这个 Here. Pour this.
好酒. Patrón. Classy.
你带着什么？ What are you wearing?
我带了很久了.... Oh, uh... I was on hold for a very long...
我觉得我没必要为那些人穿的那么好 Anyway, I don't really feel the need to dress up for these repo guys.
我考虑了你的主意 I've thought about your idea.
我想干 I want to do it.
[♪♪♪]
但是，钱我们平分 But we split the bet money 50-50.
好，当然 Sure. Yeah.
太棒了，好极了，事实上…… This is great. This is terrific. Actually, uh,
...还有个小问题. there is one little problem.
你要在30天内... You kind of have to marry Kyle
....和凯利结婚 within 30 days.
没问题. No problem.
我要报复凯利. I want to do to Kyle what he did to me.
你什么意思？你记得凯利? What do you mean? You do remember Kyle?
当然记得. Of course I do.
我们在马克思的婚礼上认识. We hooked up at Max's wedding.
[SCOFFS]
那个贱人说了好多甜言蜜语... That little shit told me everything I wanted to hear,
...然后把我扔在海边的高速公路上... and then abandoned me on the PCH
...留下的钱仅仅够叫一部计程车. with nothing more than a roll of quarters to call a cab.
作为女孩的初恋算是不错的回忆了,是吗? Nice memory for a girl's first time?
Uh...
我本来希望爱会战胜一切，不过你知道吗？ I was kind of hoping for "love will prevail," but you know what?
恨也会做的一样好. Hate will do just fine.
[CAR ALARM WAILING AND MAN YELLING]
对不起！对不起. Sorry! Sorry about that.
第一件要做的事是了解我们的猎物 NATALIE: The first thing we have to do is get to know our prey.
精确地知道他喜欢什么类型的女孩 Precisely what kind of girls he likes.
[♪♪♪]
[MICHAEL GRUNTS]
-小心，很贵的 -对不起 太重了. Hey! Be careful. This is expensive. I'm sorry. It's heavy.
把夜视仪递给我 Hand me the night-spectrum spotting scope.
[GLASS SHATTERS]
我想我们把它拉在车里了 I think we left that in the car.
那就给我个望远镜吧 Then just hand me a pair of binoculars.
Yeah.
好久不见，凯利 NATALIE: Long time no see, Kyle.
这个家伙用仿皮家具 The guy has pleather furniture.
什么鸟人用仿皮家具啊？ What kind of loser has pleather furniture?
不知道 Beats me. Heh.
空姐 真滥 NATALIE: A stewardess. How cliché.
目标喜欢棕色女人. Subject likes brunettes.
喜欢顺从的穿制服的女人. Prefers subservient women in uniform.
让我看看，轮到我了，给我 Let me see. Quit hogging them. It's my turn. Give me.
酷啊. This is so cool.
比偷拍片还好看.轻点! This is better than cable. Shh. Quiet!
上帝，我从来没玩过空姐. MICHAEL: God, I never had a stewardess.
他们要走了.要有点声音就更好了. I think they're leaving. It'd be cool to get some audio.
会有的，给我5分钟. We will. Give me five minutes.
上帝，这个女孩真令人吃惊 MICHAEL: My God, this girl is Wonder Woman.
吓人，不过，却令人怦然心动！ I'm terrified, yet strangely aroused.
把浴袍脱了，你不热啊？ Take that robe off. Aren't you hot?
不，不，我很好，我很好 No, no. I'm good, I'm good.
-你们今晚想不过来吗? -不行，我有个约会 You guys want to come over tonight? I can't. I got a date.
和谁？那个空姐吗？ With who? That stewardess?
我告诉过你那个空姐的事吗？ Did I tell you about the stewardess?
是的，大波 你们肯定做过爱了吧 Uh... Yeah, great tits. I believe you had sex with her.
是的，整个晚上 不过，这个更好 Yeah. All night long. But this one's better.
-为什么？ -肯定是干得不错 Why is that? Shoot some sticks.
她是卖化妆品的. She's a cosmetics counter girl.
如果我真的要结婚的话， 就和一个卖化妆品的女孩结婚 If I ever get married, it'll be to a cosmetics counter girl.
-为什么是卖化妆品的？ -烤完肉，然后.... Why a cosmetics counter girl? Grill some steaks and...
她们很完美 她们总是很香，并且盛妆以待 They're the perfect woman. They'll always smell good and wear makeup.
她们要求不高 They're not too ambitious.
她们不会变成该死的女权主义者 And they won't be a damn feminist bitch,
...并且结婚后还用自己的姓 keeps her own name when you marry.
-像我妈一样？ -是的，没错 Like my mother? Yeah, exactly.
我们走吧 Let's get out of here.
-迈克，你和我们一起走吗？ -不，我很好，我很好 Mike, you coming along? No, I'm good. I'm good.
我要再呆会儿再出点汗 I'll stay and get a good sweat going.
-照顾好你自己 -好 Take care of yourself. Yeah.
我会跟上你们的 I'll catch up with you guys.
[PANTING]
搞定 Gotcha.
[GRUNTING]
[SHUVEL'S "THOSE WHO STAND IN LINE" PLAYS OVER STEREO]
♪ We agree to believe That we're bought and done ♪
♪ Still refuse He's afraid to fly ♪
这是我最喜欢的组合 This is my favorite group.
Ah.
[TURNS MUSIC VOLUME UP] ♪ Right now, decide ♪♪
[WHOOPS]
你听到了吗？是 You hear that?! Yeah!
音效很棒 It came in stereo.
很好的音响，是啊! This is a system. Oh, yeah!
你听到那超重低音吗？好 想要大点声吗？ You hear that bass? Good, right? You want more?
[MUSIC STOPS]
我们在监视呢 Stakeout.
是啊，对不起 Right. Sorry.
Hey.
那是我吗？ Is that me?
是的，但是我会画我所有的朋友 Oh. Yeah, but I draw all my friends.
-是我，让我看看 -不，不，不，真的 It is me. Let me see. No, really.
画得很粗糙 很粗糙 It's very rough. It's very rough.
给我 Let go.
谢谢 Thank you.
不错的屁股 [♪♪♪]
Nice ass.
都很棒啊 These are really good.
你有没有想过要卖它们？ Have you ever tried to sell these?
创作自己的连环画是困难的 It's pretty hard to start your own comic strip.
[GLASS SHATTERING]
他来了 There's our boy.
[♪♪♪]
在哪？告诉我 MAN: Where is he? Tell me.
回来，我看见你了 Come on back here. I see you.
狗娘养的，我要叫保安了 Jackass. I'll sic the National Guard on you.
妈呀 我受教训了 再不要两层楼的房子了 Oh, man. I learned my lesson. No more two-story houses.
目标讨厌两层楼的房子 Subject hates two-story houses.
给你买的东西 Here. Got you something.
这和我的魔鬼袜子很相配 These will go with my horny devil socks.
-谢谢 -不客气 Thank you. You're welcome.
那么，我们的人在干嘛？ So, what's our man up to?
试内衣 Ugh. Trying on underwear.
Oh, man! Thank you.
你饿了吗？ NATALIE: So you hungry?
我想我刚倒了胃口 I think I just lost my appetite.
来点寿司 Have some sushi.
不，不，不，我不吃寿司的 Oh, no, no. I don't do sushi.
什么? What?
-我讨厌寿司 -每个人都喜欢寿司 I've always hated sushi. Everybody likes sushi.
不包括我 Not me. All right, you're going to try sushi.
好了，你要尝一下寿司 好的，试着尝一下 No. Yeah. Try sushi.
-这真的让我恶心 真的 -张嘴. It disgusts me. Really. Open your mouth.
[IMITATES TRAIN CHUGGING]
来，来，张嘴 Toot-toot! Open your mouth.
好孩子 Good boy. Mm-hm.
吃吧 There you go.
吃吧 There you go, sport. Mm.
干得不错，是吧？ You're a fun date, aren't you?
我跟你说过我讨厌寿司的 I told you I hate sushi.
我猜是这样的 I guess so.
这是个好主意 OLD WOMAN: This was a good idea. OLD MAN: Yeah, I agree.
是的，我同意 你看起来很可爱 Ooh! OLD WOMAN: You're looking cute.
你这只狐狸 You vixen. Ha-ha-ha.
[♪♪♪]
目标喜欢棕色女郎 NATALIE [ON RECORDING]: Subject likes brunettes.
喜欢顺从的穿制服的女人 Prefers subservient women in uniform.
上帝，这个女孩真令人吃惊 MICHAEL: My God, this girl is Wonder Woman.
吓人，不过，却令人怦然心动！ I'm terrified, yet strangely aroused.
[LAUGHS]
[♪♪♪]
你听到有人在谈论蓝球吗？ KYLE: You hear guys talking about having blue balls.
我告诉你，上两个星期... I'll tell you, the last couple of weeks,
...我不停地操啊操，没有休息过 I fuck and I fuck and I can't get any relief.
停一下，我要休息一会儿 Hold on. I gotta take a break.
我吃了一点生鱼 拜托，让我休息一会儿 I ate some raw fish. Please, give me one second.
你是更喜欢... Do you like it better,
...让女孩子先来追你还是你先追她们？ when a girl makes the first move on you or when you do?
伙计，老实说，我才不在乎呢 Dude. Honestly? I don't give a rat's ass.
我想我喜欢意外 I guess I like to be surprised.
你所说的意外是什么意思？ What exactly do you mean by surprise?
Oh，伙计，我的上帝. Oh, dude. Oh, my God.
上星期我在一个女孩的爸爸的车后座上操她. Last week, I'm doing this girl in the back seat of her daddy's car.
她穿这天主教会学校的制服，是个高中生 Catholic schoolgirl's uniform. The whole nine yards, man.
她喝得太多 她开始恶心了， 于是她把头伸出窗外.. She drinks too much. She's sick, so she hangs her head out the window,
...居然开始呕吐 and just commences to puking.
太坏了，你不得不停下来了. It's too bad you had to stop.
不是的，我当时正快到高潮了. No, see, I was gonna.
-我没问题，我没问题 -我正准备…… That would have been the right thing.
就在这时她达到了高潮 . But the way she was having these contractions.
把我的二弟一下弯了腰. They were just wrenching down on the old crank.
Oh,上帝，感觉奇爽无比. Oh, God, it felt so great.
这就是我说的意外. Now, that's a surprise.
嗨！我的车！我的车！ Hey, my car, my car, my car!
是的，我知道很难受. Yeah, I know. It sucks.
Oh,你做好了钥匙了吗？ Oh, you get that extra key made for the house?
Yeah. Yeah.
谢谢. Thanks.
对不起，我要拿走你的手机. Uh... I got to take the phone. Sorry.
我离不开这个手机，手机是我的生命. I need that phone. That phone is my life.
[PHONE RINGS]
迈克 Hello? CARLOS [OVER PHONE]: Michael.
卡洛斯，把手机给他 Carlos. Give him the phone.
你还有3个星期. You've got three weeks.
谢谢，朋友. Thanks, buddy.
[WOMAN SINGING "HALE'IWA HULA"]
[CHILDREN LAUGHING]
[CHATTERING]
Michael!
见到你太高兴了. I'm so glad to see you. Oh!
好极了，所有的孩子都来了. Great, great. All the kids are here.
嗨 老朋友，你好吗？来这儿 Hey, how you doing, pal? Come here.
玲！把你的阴茎从果酱里拿出来. 气色不错. Ling, take your penis out of the tartar sauce. You look great.
迈克，给你一个意外 Michael, a surprise for you.
娜塔利，这是迈克 迈克，这是娜塔利 Natalie, this is Michael. Michael, this is Natalie.
你也许不记得，但你们两个曾经碰到过 You probably don't remember, but you two have met.
迈克是我们婚礼上的领座. Michael was an usher at our wedding.
Boing-yoing-yoing! Boing-yoing-yoing!
对对，我想起你来了. Right, right. I think I remember you.
没印象. Doesn't ring a bell.
[LAUGHS]
那，娜塔利你是单身还是警察.这有趣. So, Natalie, you're still single and in law enforcement. How interesting.
有没有什么刺激的故事? Do you have any exciting stories? Uh-oh. Thank you.
去年我挨了枪子，骨盆被打碎 并且-- Well, last year I got shot. I shattered my pelvis and I was in...
哦 说起骨盆，克丽你生的怎么样? Oh, speaking of pelvises, how was the birth, Kelly?
我不得不作C部分. I had to have a C-section.
她的肚子只大了那么一点. Oh. She only dilated this much.
这偶尔会发生. That happened with Freedom.
他当时脚先出来 可能会撕裂 Then he came out feet first. Talk about getting ripped.
撕裂 Ha-ha-ha. Ripped. Ha-ha.
纽燕的妈妈在水里生的， 我和托尼当时就在浴盆里 Nuyen's birth mother birthed in water. Tony and I were in the tub.
哦，伙计们. Oh, guys.
我整整生了26个小时. I was in labor for 26 hours.
你们从来不看电视吗?! Don't you people ever watch TV?
我知道不应该再做媒婆了-- I know I said no more matchmaking...
是的，但是翠西亚忍不住了 Yes, but Tricia can't help herself.
你们两个真是天生的一对 It's just that you two are perfect for each other.
[♪♪♪]
杀了我，迈克. Kill me, Michael. Kill me now.
现在就杀 What? Dill kung pao.
把面包拿给我 Pass the dill kung pao.
[GASPING]
Oh.
[PANTING]
Oh.
[SCREAMING]
[SIGHS]
[BABY CRYING]
NATALIE: Oh-oh-oh...
多漂亮的宝贝啊! Oh, no, no, no. What a beautiful baby!
[SCREAMS]
我的上帝 你不会相信. Oh, my God. You won't believe this.
-我的羊水破了. -她的羊水.... My water just broke. Her water...
你什么意思，她的水破了？ What does that mean, her water broke?
那是什么，她的水? What is that, her water?
哦，上帝，哦！我们要一个拖把！ Oh, God. Oh, God. People, we're going to need a mop in here!
刚才你表现很古怪啊？不喜欢孩子？ That scene back there freaked you out, huh? Don't you like kids?
我不和你谈孩子了 上次谈的时候我被你的手铐弄伤了 I am not talking to you about kids. Last time, I wound up in handcuffs.
[LAUGHS]
你知道吗？ 有一件事比在拉斯韦加斯输钱更让我后悔 You know the one thing I regret more than losing my money in Las Vegas?
什么事? What's that?
在马克思的婚礼上我应该约你出去的. I should've asked you out back at Max's wedding.
[♪♪♪]
就你当时的傻样? With that mullet hair you had?
做梦吧，伙计. Keep dreaming, buddy.
很好 Nice. Nice.
为什么不约呢? Why didn't you?
我真的不喜欢丑姑娘的. I don't really like ugly chicks.
[LAUGHS]
[♪♪♪]
玩过求饶吗? Ever play mercy?
是 我要告诉你我玩得很好的. Yes. I'll have you know I'm very good at the game.
-来吧. -Ok. Ooh. Bring it on. Okay.
-1，2.... -3. One, two... Three.
哦，下去吧！你! Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. You are going down!
我输了. I lose.
对不起. Wow. Uh... I'm sorry.
对不起. I'm sorry.
-我不知道我怎么了. -不许动，畜生! I don't know what came over me. Freeze, motherfucker!
我很抱歉 但我没办法！ I am really sorry! I was out of line!
别打我，求求你! Please don't shoot me!
明天把凯利带来. Bring Kyle to me tomorrow.
扔掉罐头! Drop cans!
手方在脑后! Hands on your head!
你没有爱上她 You are not falling in love with her.
你是万人迷 你是花花公子 You're a lady-killer. You're a tomcat.
放松，迈克 Take it easy, Mike.
晚安，伙计，安全驾驶. Good night, fellas. Have a safe drive.
[DOOR CLOSES]
我的心乱了，因为我的确喜欢迈克 I'm confused because I really like Michael.
而且我想他也喜欢我. And I think he likes me.
什么，你确定不了? What, you can't tell?
Go.
警察！不许动，该死的! Police! Nobody move, goddamn it!
[♪♪♪]
♪ Bring in the ruckus ♪
[YELLING]
有一段时间特别让人心动. There was this one moment. It was amazing.
[♪♪♪]
这是他妈什么意思? What the fuck does that mean?
Natalie!
[GUNSHOTS]
[SCREAMS]
♪ Bring in the ruckus Yeah ♪
♪ Let's bring the bullshit ♪
♪ Bring in the ruckus Yeah ♪
♪ Get down We's a-bumpin' ♪♪
那么你确实喜欢这家伙? So you really like this guy, huh?
我想我爱上他了. I think I'm in love with him.
这是很严重的. HURLEY: This is serious.
我知道他貌不惊人，但是... I know. He has a slick exterior, but...
...但我觉得他内心善良. I see a real sweetheart underneath.
[♪♪♪]
清了. Clear.
[MAN SCREAMS AND SHOUTS INDISTINCTLY]
清了. Clear.
[♪♪♪]
[SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY]
该死. Shit.
想起第一次在街头遇到他了吗?! Remember the first time we met him at the station?
他来找我因为他以为我是凯利最后的真爱. He found me because he felt I was Kyle's last chance for true love.
如果你不相信，你不会这样说的. Can't say that if you don't believe it.
[YELLING]
[GRUNTS]
[♪♪♪]
[COUGHING]
我怎么才能知道他真实的感觉? So how do I find out how he feels?
[GRUNTS]
告诉他，你爱上了另外人. Say you're falling for Kyle.
别动！不然打爆你的头! Don't move or I'll blow your brains out!
他决不会相信我会爱上凯利. He won't believe I'm falling for Kyle.
Oh, 他会相信的，相信我. Oh, he'll believe it. Trust me.
你搭档说的对. Your partner's right.
想让一个男人行动起来？给他竞争对手. Want to get a guy to make a move? Get him competition.
闭嘴. Shut up.
让我看一下古龙水 Let me look at cologne.
这地方到处都是性感妞 这里的味道闻起来真棒 Look at this place. There's hot babes everywhere. It smells great.
我要进来. I ought to move in here.
-看着点好吗？ -对不起. Would you watch it? Sorry.
请原谅我们. Excuse us.
怎么又这样了? Man, this again?
我不喜欢这种唇膏， 会在你的棍子上留一个星期. I hate this shade of lipstick. Stays on your dick for a week.
也许你应该试一下这个清洁器. Then you should try our hypoallergenic cleanser.
也许你应该试一下滴眼液. I think you should try some Visine.
我什么我需要滴眼液? Why do I need Visine?
这样你可以看清我们两个的未来. So you can get a clear vision of our future together.
[BOTH LAUGH]
我在哪里见过你吗? Do I know you from somewhere?
我不知道，我叫娜塔利. I don't know. My name is Natalie.
我从威尼斯来. Um... I'm from Van Nuys.
哦天那，你是娜塔利 Oh, my God, you're Natalie.
我刚才是这样说的. That's what I just said. You're Natalie. No, no, no.
嗨我是凯利. Hey, I'm Kyle.
想起来了吗？在马克思的婚礼上. Remember? Max and Kim's wedding.
马里布 我扔你樱桃的. Malibu? I popped your cherry.
Kyle. Right.
Oh，天那，你看起来棒极了. Oh, my God. You look great. Yeah, huh? Wow.
我回避吧. I'll let you two get reacquainted.
你在这里工作？卖化妆品？ Wow. So you're working here. Cosmetics counter girl.
我知道这里要求不高，不过... I know it's not very ambitious,
...我正在存钱买一栋一层楼的房子. but I'm saving my money for a one-story house.
好极了. That's fantastic.
[♪♪♪]
[GRUNTING]
[GROANS]
[YELLS]
[ERIC GILLIOM'S "MOONDANCE" PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS]
穿回你的鞋，离开这里 MICHAEL: Put your shoes back on. Get out of there.
从这里开始 Here you go.
跳个舞好吗？ [IN SPANISH ACCENT] Would you like to dance?
好，来把 我们跳舞. Oh, yes. Come dance with me.
我喜欢伦巴，转圈. I love to lambada. I love to fall feet and turns.
倒的好. [IN NORMAL VOICE] Oh. Nice dip, dork.
行了娜塔利，够了 告诉他你受不了他 All right, Natalie. Enough's enough. Tell him you can't stand him.
告诉他这是个阴谋，告诉他你爱我 Tell him it's a scam. You're in love with me.
你们去哪里?娜塔利别走 Where you guys going? Natalie, don't go.
Natalie.
♪ Magic ♪
[PANTING]
不 不 快离开 No, no. Get out now.
[MICHAEL GROANS]
[NATALIE SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY OVER HEADPHONES]
[MUTTERING INDISTINCTLY]
♪ Can I just have One more moondance? ♪
夜视仪. Night vision.
不 不 娜塔利，快离开那里. No, no, Natalie. Get out of there.
快走吧，那才对 There you go. Thattagirl.
不 别动麦克风.别动麦克风 No, not the microphone. Not the microphone.
[FEEDBACK SQUEALS ON HEADPHONES]
娜塔利，快离开那里. Aah! Ugh. Natalie, get out of there.
快离开那里. Get out.
[SCREAMS]
我瞎了. I'm blind.
你喜欢开着灯?来吧宝贝骑马吧 Ooh, you like it with the lights on? Baby, come on. Ride the pony.
你知道你想要的. Whoo! You know you want it.
[♪♪♪]
[GROWLS]
娜塔利快走！救你自己！这是死亡之阴茎 Natalie, get out of there! Save yourself! It's the dick of death.
来吧，来点这个. Come on, get some of this.
来吧，小可爱. Come on, you little rodeo gal.
♪ One more moondance ♪
接下来会这样 Here's how it's gonna go.
我们不会做爱... We're not having sex
...今晚不. tonight.
事实上，我不知道我们什么时候会做 In fact, I don't know when we're going to have sex.
我和其他女孩不一样. I'm not like all the other girls.
不过，我保证 凯利，你从来没遇到过像我这样的女孩 But I promise you, Kyle, you've never had a girl like me.
[LAUGHS]
好啊. All right.
准备好了. Ready.
最好照顾好它. Better take care of that.
♪ One more moondance tonight ♪♪
是要我来吗？ 好吧，谁能比我自己做的更好 This is kind of about me, right? Who'll take care of me better than me?
你知道的! Ha-ha. And you knew that!
我们的未来会在一起的，宝贝. We got a future together, baby.
[DOOR CLOSES]
好吧 我们来吧. All right. Here we go.
哦！今晚我要弄残你 I am going to hurt you tonight.
[PHONE RINGS]
迈克 是我. Natalie? Michael. Yeah, it's me.
-我要你马上来见我. -说个地方. I need you to meet me right away. Name a place.
一个凯利永远也不会碰到我们的地方. Somewhere Kyle would never stumble across us in a million years.
[♪♪♪]
谢谢你来. Thanks for meeting me.
-你还好吗? -我很好. Are you all right? I'm fine.
I'm, heh...
我爱上凯利了. I'm falling for Kyle.
他真的很可爱. What? He's actually pretty sweet.
可爱？这个家伙连正在呕吐的女人都操！ Sweet? The guy screws women while they're barfing!
Shh!
你并不像我那么了解他. You just don't know him like I do.
它有另外一面并没有让所有人看到. There's another side to him that he doesn't show to everyone.
我对他了解透了 里面外面，没有另外一面，他就是一个鸡巴 I've known the guy my whole life. There's no other side. He's a dick.
-他害怕暴露他敏感的心灵. -赫！那他一定是害怕极了 He's afraid to show his sensitivity. He must be very afraid.
Michael.
迈克 我一生都在等待爱情 Michael. All my life, I waited to fall in love.
现在有个人真的爱我. And now this guy really loves me.
你知道那是什么感觉吗？ Do you know what that's like?
你爱过什么人吗？ Do you love anyone?
我猜没有. I guess not.
[SIGHS]
我该回去了. I better get back.
[♪♪♪]
你不会因此而失落 你不会因此而失落 You won't let this defeat you. You won't let this defeat you.
你知道为什么吗？你知道为什么吗？ You know why? You know why?
因为你是男人 谁是男人？你是男人 Because you're the man. Who the man? You the man. You the man.
你现在要做的是 Now, here's what you'll do.
走出这里，然后操第一个你看到的女人 You'll go out there and you'll fuck the first woman you see.
第一个你看到的女人 决不留情 The first woman you see. You are going to be ruthless.
你要用所有的伎俩，所有的诡计 You'll use every little dirty trick. Every little manipulation.
所有已知的谎言！你知道为什么吗？ 因为你是男人，现在去吧！ Every lie you know! You know why? Because you the man! Now get her.
第一个你看到的女人 第一个你看到的女人 The first woman you see. The first woman you see.
第2个你看到的女人 第2个你看到的女人 The second woman you see. The second woman you see.
[CHUCKLES]
简直小菜一碟 This is almost too easy.
Hi. Uh...
Whoa! Ha. Hey.
嗨，我在想，我该怎么还过期的书？ Um... Where would I bring an overdue book?
Oh, uh...
我来吧 I'll take that.
书是我的最爱 JILL: I have always loved books.
所以我在路德大学修图书管理学位.... And so I started studying library science at Luther College and...
[♪♪♪]
哦对不起,我一晚上都再说我自己怎么怎么样. Oh, I'm sorry. I've been going on and on and on about myself all night.
哦，真尴尬 Oh, this is so embarrassing.
能遇到像你这样坦率而真诚的人真是我的荣幸 It's such a treat when you meet a woman who's so honest and direct.
-你让我脸红了 -你真可爱 You're making me blush. You're sweet.
考利 别说了. Golly, stop it.
我的家. Uh, uh... Um, this is me.
Ah.
很高兴遇到了你，乔 It was nice to meet you, Jill.
哦 谢谢. Oh, thank you.
谢谢你今晚和我共进晚餐 It was really sweet of you to let me pick the restaurant out tonight.
哦，别客气，我喜欢寿司 Oh, please, I love sushi.
[♪♪♪]
晚安 Well, uh...
晚安 Good night.
[♪♪♪]
Michael?
[MOUTHING WORDS]
我在想…… Uh... I was wondering...
我是说，我不是--- 老天 I mean, this isn't how I... Gosh.
考利，我舌头打结了 没事，你能说的 Golly, I'm tongue-tied tonight. It's okay. You can say it.
想进来吗? Would you like to come in?
哦不，太晚了 Oh. Oh, no, it's way too late.
Ok. Okay.
-哇，地方不错嘛 -谢谢. Wow. Nice place. Thank you.
4H的带子，酷 好大的鸡（巴） Four-H ribbons, cool. That's a big cock.
奶奶. JILL: Grammy.
奶奶你好. Grammy, hello.
奶奶，介绍一下我的朋友迈克 Grammy, I'd like you to meet my friend Michael.
这是我奶奶 她也是图书管理员 Michael, this is Grammy. She was a librarian too.
你好，年轻人. Ah. Hello, young man.
你们两个孩子来一杯晚茶吗？ Would you two kids like a nightcap?
好. Sure.
我希望你能喜欢奶油椰汁，乔最喜欢了. I hope you like hot butterscotch toddies. They're Jill's favorite.
也是我最喜欢的 Mine too.
太奇怪了 This is amazing.
好象你孙女和我是一个模子里压出来的!真奇怪! It's like your granddaughter and I are on the same wavelength! It's spooky!
上楼吧！ [MOUTHING] You want to go upstairs?
做个好梦，奶奶 Sweet dreams, Grammy.
晚安，小花生. Night, peanut.
我想我真的可以照顾好你 Jill, I think I could really care for you.
-真的? -当然. Really? Yeah.
Whoa!
稍等. Hold on, one second.
[LAUGHING]
好象翻面了 Oh. I see the tables have turned.
你在干吗? What are you doing?
相信我 Trust me.
[MICHAEL LAUGHS]
Oh. Oh. Oh.
欧！上帝 你忍得住的 Ow! Jesus! You can take it.
我不知道我是否想忍受这样 I don't know if I want to take it.
[♪♪♪]
你是个很坏很坏的孩子. You've been a bad, bad boy.
不 不 我不是. No, no. I haven't.
我是个好孩子. I've been a very good boy.
你有一本过期的书. You had an overdue library book.
我要告诉你，乔，我有点意外 This is a little unexpected.
叫我主人，你这条恶心的虫子 Call me mistress, you disgusting little worm.
你说过，我们是一个模子里压出来的 You said it. We're on the same wavelength.
那些什么模子的，老实说…… Uh... All that wavelength stuff, to be honest with you,
...我是为了骗你上床才说的. I said that to get you into bed.
那可不太好 That is not very nice.
老实说，你可真顽皮 In fact, that is downright naughty.
你真是个坏孩子，很坏 I've been a bad boy. Very bad.
我很抱歉，我想我应该回家了， 然后好好反思一下 I'm sorry. I think I should go home and think about what I've done.
那才对 你应该认真反思一下你做了什么. That's right. You should think long and hard about what you did.
你这个不听话的孩子 You naughty boy.
那是什么? What is that?
你这个坏蛋. You piece of slime.
这是什么? MICHAEL: What is this?
Ok，几点了？. Okay! Look at the time.
太晚了 我该回家了 It's getting late. I should be heading home.
已经过了睡觉时间了. It's really way past my bedtime.
我知道你喜欢把我吊起来，这样你就可以.. I know you'd probably love to have me hang around so you can
...打出我肚子里所有的屎! beat the ever-living shit out of me!
我真的该回家了，请让我回家. I really should go home Please let me go home.
请让我回家，求你了 Please, can I go home?
我了解像你这样的孩子. I know about boys like you.
你们不把书当回事. You don't take books seriously.
没有，不是这样的. Yes, I do.
我很爱书的. [MUFFLED] I take books very seriously.
Yeah.
我，欧. Meow.
你不尊重书 我热爱书 So you don't respect books. I love books.
你把书脊弄坏，在边上乱涂乱画 You break their bindings. You doodle in their margins.
[SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]
对了，你这个乱涂乱画的小子. That's right. You are a doodlebug.
我不是乱涂乱画的小子 I'm not a doodlebug.
你就是，一只肮脏的小虫子 That's what you are. Just a little, dirty bug.
Hmm. Ha-ha-ha.
“红字”. The Scarlet Letter.
受启发了，这真是个绝妙的选择 Great inspiration in those pages. It's an excellent choice.
每过期一天打一下. One whack for every day overdue.
[THWACK]
[MUFFLED SCREAMING]
[SIGHS]
[MICHAEL WHIMPERING]
我不知道. I don't know.
好像没感觉了. I'm just not feeling it.
没了感觉了. Something's missing.
[♪♪♪]
奶奶来了! Here's Grammy!
[SCREAMING]
是的 再不要红发女人了， 再不要红发女人了，永远. That's it. No more redheads. No more redheads, ever.
上帝! God!
[SCREAMING]
-你真的喜欢她? -娜塔利? You really like this girl? Natalie?
伙计我告诉你，她是最棒的 Man, I'm telling you. She's the best.
-你是不是该换人了？ -没门，伙计 Isn't it time you moved on? No way, dude.
这个女孩真的很吸引我 This girl really knows how to turn me on.
你在下面找到了什么？ You find anything down there? Feel my left nut.
摸一下我左边的卵蛋
你是不是疯了？ Are you out of your mind?
不，不，伙计，它好像有棒球那么大 No, no, man. It's like the size of a baseball.
那很好 我才不摸呢 Good for you. I'm not touching it.
另外一个是好的 This other one's fine.
不过这个摸起来像哈密瓜 But this one feels like a cantaloupe or something.
肯定是和你提到过的蓝球有关 Must be those blue balls you mentioned.
摸一下，我是认真的 告诉我你觉得怎么样 Feel it. Tell me what you think.
我想，我要踢烂你的屁股 I think I'm about to kick your ass!
来吧，伙计，迈克 Come on. Dude. Mike.
迈克，来吧 Mike, come on!
够朋友的话就来摸一下 A real pal'd feel my balls.
我们正在洗澡，然后我看到下面… We were showering. And I looked down,
...我左边的蛋像舵鸟蛋一样大 and my left nut is the size of an Easter egg.
你到底想要我干嘛？ What do you want me to do about it?
我想要你专业的意见 I want your professional opinion.
你想要我摸你的卵蛋？ You want me to grope your balls?
就左边那个，迈克不肯摸 Just the left one. Mike wouldn't do it.
来吧，你是医生 摸一下他的蛋 Come on, you're a doctor. Feel his balls.
我是肠科医生，不是尿科医生 I'm a proctologist, not a urologist.
你宁愿塞他屁眼，也不愿摸他的蛋 You'll jam your fingers up his ass but won't touch his balls?
-那是两码事！ -来吧，求你 -你上过医科院的 They're two different things! You went to medical school.
好了，慢点！慢点！ All right! Slow down! Slow down!
我会摸 I'll do it.
谢了 Thanks.
我要叫我的护士来 I need my nurse present.
[INTERCOM BEEPS]
雪莉，叫我的护士来好吗？ Shirley, have my nurse come in here, please?
她在第十二房间和你老婆在一起 SHIRLEY: She's in room 12 with your wife.
她们在那里最起码呆了半个小时了 They've been back there for about a half an hour, at least.
啊哈，鸟蛋！ Shitballs!
[♪♪♪]
重一点，重一点. WOMAN: Harder. Do it harder.
[TRICIA GRUNTING]
我终于抓到你了，你这个婊… STEVE: I finally caught you, you dirty...
史提夫，你敢说完这句话，我就要叫律师 Steve, you finish that sentence, and I swear to God I'll call a lawyer.
我最好戴两副 We better go with two on this one.
天啊. Jesus.
好大. This is huge.
像一个橘子. Like a kumquat.
什么意思? What does it mean?
我也不清楚. Beats me.
我就直说了，布来纳先生 I won't beat around the dance floor, Mr. Brenner.
是癌症. It's cancer.
哦，上帝 [♪♪♪]
Oh, Jesus.
只有一个睾丸 DOCTOR: It's only in the one testicle.
我们要做更多的检验，在我们切掉它后 We'll run more tests after we remove it.
-你的意思是说，切掉癌细胞？ -不，布来纳先生 You mean, remove the cancer? No, Mr. Brenner.
我是说，切掉睾丸 I mean, remove the testicle.
如果不切的话，你可能会死的 If I don't remove it, you could die.
死亡有多痛苦呢，你说？ How painful a death are we talking about?
直说了吧 Let me give it to you straight.
病灶离脊椎太近，我们不能给你作麻醉 The affected region is too close to the spine to give you any anesthesia.
我们打算割开腹部 So we plan to make a gash in the abdomen.
伸下去，把阴囊提到腹腔... Reach down, yank the scrotum up into the abdominal cavity
...然后锯掉睾丸 and saw off the testicle.
有40%的可能… There's a 40 percent chance
...我们要把阴茎切除 we're going to have to amputate the penis.
哦，天哪! Oh, God!
[STAMMERING]
吓坏了吧！这就是我喜欢这个工作的原因 Ha-ha-ha. Had you going. That is why I love this job.
事实上，是无痛的，手术一小时左右 It's painless. The procedure takes about an hour.
Ok，那我还可以...? Okay. So will I still be able to?
-你知道? -吹小号? You know? Play the trombone?
不，我是说和女孩 我还能？我还能… No, I mean, with girls. Will I...? Can I still?
Oh, “骑独轮车”，当然你还行. Oh, ride the one-eyed hoagie. Of course you can, son. Ha.
不过，我建议大多数病人在手术前... However, I recommend to most of my patients before this procedure
...去精子银行存一点精子… that they make a deposit in the sperm bank
...在手术前 before the operation, just in case.
只是以防万一，你知道... Just go on over, you know,
...留给她一点. give her a whack. Pfft.
我真的不想做. I don't want to do this.
我没有要你跟我一起进房间. I'm not asking you to go in the room with me.
我只是想如果你也做的话我会舒服点 If you do it too, I'll be more comfortable.
我是说，看这里 很专业，对吧？ I mean, look at this place. It's completely professional, right?
Hi.
我们来这里存点精子. We're here to make a deposit.
我真的不想做. I really don't want to do this.
在表格上签字. NURSE: Sign these forms.
灌在这些瓶子里. And fill these bottles.
那，如果我遇到什么问题的话... So if I run into trouble back there,
...你能不能帮我一把? you'll give me a hand?
从来没听说过 Never heard that one before.
你是7号房间，你是9号房间 You're in room seven, and you're in room nine.
Okay.
[OVER HEADPHONES] ♪ Strolling in the park ♪
♪ Watching winter turn to spring ♪
♪ Walking in the dark Seeing lovers do their thing ♪
♪ Ooh, ooh ♪
♪ That's the time ♪
♪ I feel like making love ♪
快点. Come on.
♪ To you ♪
♪ That's the time ♪
Come on.
♪ Making dreams come true ♪♪
哦 迈克 你是最棒的. Oh, Michael, you're the greatest.
[♪♪♪]
[EASY-LISTENING MUSIC PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS]
给. Here you go.
Eh.
好家伙. Dude. Ha-ha.
好家伙. Dude.
猛男! Dude! Oh, yeah.
[KNOCKING ON DOOR]
我给你带来了一盆树 Hey, Mike. Hey. I brought you a plant.
[LAUGHS THEN GRUNTS]
哦！猛男 别让我笑. Oh, dude. Don't make me laugh.
娜塔利整晚都在这里吗? Has Natalie been here all night?
她一直都没离开过我. She never left my side.
她说这是因为我干太多坏事的缘故 She says this happened because I've got too much karma in my genitals.
-它怎么样? -它还好. How was it? It was all right.
医生说 另一个“火箭发射器”是好的，所以… Doc says the other rocket launcher's good, so...
[SIGHS]
迈克，过来，过来 Come here. Come here.
过来 Come here.
我想要我的蛋 I want my ball.
凯利，我理解，不过要看开点 Kyle, I understand that, but look on the bright side.
-剩下的那个是健康的 -你不懂 You still have one healthy one. You don't understand.
我想它 我想把它带回家，但护士说我不可以 I want to take it home with me, and the nurses said I can't do that.
这不是牙 凯利 It's not a tooth, Kyle.
它属于我，我想它 It belongs to me. I miss it.
求你，找回我的蛋 Please. Get my nut.
[WOMAN SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY OVER PA]
[♪♪♪]
它正好掉到地上 MAN: It fell right on the floor.
-什么？那个肾脏? WOMAN: What? The kidney?
-从我手中滑下，太丢脸了 MAN: Slipped from my hand, embarrassing.
迈拓踢了它一下，它滚刀手术台下滑过房间. Mertle kicks it, it rolls under the O.R. Table, slides across the room.
...
Ow.
[DOOR CLOSES]
Brenner. Brenner. Brenner. Brenner.
我不敢相信，我会做这事 I can't believe I'm doing this.
[SCREAMS]
Oh, no. Oh, no.
Okay. Okay.
Ok，过来，来爸爸这里 Okay, come on. Come to papa.
滑溜的家伙，逮到你了 Slippery little guy. Got you.
我要找个东西来装它 I got to put this in something. Got to find something to put this in.
Whoops.
在哪里？你去哪里？ Where'd it go? Where'd you go?
你在... Where'd you...
...哪? go?
嘿 你不能进来. Hey! You can't be in here.
[♪♪♪]
Oh.
[LAUGHING]
Ew. Ew. Ew.
[♪♪♪]
抓住这粘东西，把它给我 Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold the sticky buns. Give me these.
-你要排队. -把它给我. Stand in line. Give them to me.
你... You have to
...要...排... stand in
...队! line!
大夫! Doctor!
别吃那个! Do not eat that!
[PEOPLE GROANING]
[GASPS]
[PANTING]
拿到了吗? Did you get it?
拿到了. Uh... Yep. I got it.
Wow. 看起来像个坚果（蛋）? Wow. So that's what a nut looks like?
Yeah.
是，是个坚果. That's a nut.
谢谢，迈克，你救了我的命. Thanks, Mike. You're a lifesaver.
很感谢你. I appreciate it.
记得我们的约定吗？干遍所有女人 现在该你了，老友 Remember our deal, banging every girl in the world? That's on you now, pal.
我会的. I'll get right on that.
[♪♪♪]
[BOTH MOANING]
MICHAEL: All right. Okay.
给我打电话. Call me. Okay.
别太舒服了. Don't get too comfortable.
没轮到你那 You have got to wait your turn.
快点 迈克 我是下一个 Hurry up, Michael, I'm next.
-给我几分钟休息. -凯利不会要那么久. Give me a couple of minutes of rest. Kyle doesn't take this long.
两三分钟他就干一个 Two, three minutes and he's always done.
快点！如果你想干遍世界上的女人的话 Hurry if you want to get every woman in the world.
求你，让我休息30秒好吗？ MICHAEL: Please, let me shut my eyes, for like, literally 30 seconds,
...再吃点三明治. and then just a little sandwich.
[WOMEN CLAMORING]
[♪♪♪]
[MICHAEL SCREAMS]
[GASPS]
[PHONE RINGING]
迈克 我是卡洛斯 Hello? Michael. It's Carlos.
听着，我知道你还有3天零15小时 I know you got three days and 14 hours to go,
...不过既然你让我忍了那么久... but since you've run out of shit for me to take,
...我要提醒你 不付钱，就要死 I remind you, if you don't pay, you die.
没问题，我会搞到钱的 No problem. I'll have it.
你说谎和赌博一样差劲，星期5见 You're as bad a liar as you are a gambler, Mr. Delaney. See you Friday.
[PIANO PLAYING]
Hey, Mike.
你怎么样，伙计? How's it going, man?
[GRUNTING]
Oh...
开个玩笑. I'm just kidding, man. Ow!
我好多了 Unh! I'm all better.
我很好.我去哪里都带着它 I'm fine. I bring this everywhere I go.
谢谢你. Thanks to you.
谢谢你今天的到来，我很希望你来这里 Thanks for showing up today. I really wanted you to be here.
来干吗? Here for what?
你这个臭小子 迈克 You're busted, Mike.
娜塔利告诉了我你做的一切 Natalie told me what you did.
她什么? 你怎么找到她的，我不敢相信 She what? How you found her. I can't believe it.
凯利，我真抱歉 Kyle, I am so sorry.
你听了我说的故事后，就去找她 You tracked her down after hearing my story to see if we'd fit.
谁做的? 谢谢你，你对我真好，老朋友 Who does that? Thank you. You're the best, pal.
她告诉你她是警察了？ She tell you she's a cop?
你是说卖化妆品的事？那是在做卧底 That whole cosmetics counter thing? That was an undercover gig.
非常聪明. Very clever.
谢谢你. Oh. Thank you.
你知道吗？ You know what?
当你真的面对死亡的时候... When death has literally got you by the balls,
...你所有以前害怕的事都变得不重要了 everything you've been afraid of suddenly, phew, seems unimportant.
有些事我现在敢做了…… There are things that I can do now
...虽然以前不敢 that I never could do before.
举例而言： For instance:
娜塔利警官... Officer Natalie Parker,
...我被你的美丽逮捕了 I have been arrested by your beauty.
并且，我愿意将我终身监禁在… And I'd love to serve a life sentence
...你心中的监狱里 in the jail of your heart.
Oh, 上帝. Oh, my God.
好. Yes.
当然，我愿意嫁给你，凯利 Of course I'll marry you, Kyle.
[CROWD APPLAUDING]
我不敢相信 我亲手把娜塔利送进魔鬼的巢穴 I can't believe it. I've delivered Natalie right into the devil's lair.
我终于觉得可以找到真爱的人了 I finally feel I can have something real with someone.
你知道，真的爱， 建立在信任之上，就像你和翠西亚 You know, something solid. Built on trust. Like what you and Tricia have.
现在她要和他结婚了 Now she's going to go off and marry him.
振作，伙计，告诉她你真实的想法 Step up, man. Tell her how you feel.
告诉她你爱她，胆小鬼 Tell her you love her, you puss.
你在听吗？她爱凯利 Have you been listening? She loves Kyle.
斯蒂夫，真怪. Steve, it's so weird.
哉我生命中第一次... For the first time in my life,
...有个人比我自己... someone else matters more to me than
...对我更重要. I matter to myself.
是吗？你变了，在经历了那么多狗屎之后 Well, you changed after all that shit you went through.
我锻炼，人们改变 I'm exercising. People change.
你知道吗？也许凯利也变了 You know what? Maybe Kyle has changed too.
经历了那么多之后，也许他也变成一个男人了 All he went through. Maybe he's a changed man now.
阿！好，宝贝！ Aah! Oh, yeah, baby! Ha-ha!
[OVER SPEAKERS] ♪ When I come around ♪
好啊！把它给我 All right! Give it to me.
[GRUNTS THEN WHOOPS]
宝贝我马上回来 I'll be right back, baby.
[SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]
发生什么了，玩得好吗? What's up, having fun?
♪ Stay on top but remain From the underground ♪
安静! Calm down! Ah-hoo!
♪ All in the family ♪ ♪ Ever since Xzibit could spit ♪
爽吧? How rocking is this? Whoo!
♪ Like a potential mistress ♪
♪ Shine bright Make sure that X stay tight ♪
怎么了？不好玩吗？伙计 What's the matter? You're not having a good time, buddy?
Whoo! Hey, all right.
你要找几个女人，她们太棒了 Get a load of some of these women. They're amazing.
看到那个了吗？穿蓝衣服的？ You see that one there? In the blue?
[LAUGHS]
你不会相信她会用乒乓球做什么？ You wouldn't believe what she can do with Ping-Pong balls.
先生们，表演时间到! It is showtime!
来吧，来吧! MAN: Come on, come on!
[CROWD CHEERING]
迈克，看到这个了吗? Mike, did you see this?
雪丽，过来 过来，雪丽 Yo, Cherry, come here! Come here, Cherry.
嗨，坐 这是迈克 她是个学生 Hey, sit down. This is Michael. And she's a student.
现在我正在学表演 Right now I'm concentrating on my actressing.
来这里，雪丽 Come over here, Cherry. Mm-hm.
你这个性感演员 Ooh. You sexy little actress thing, you.
-我们去卧室好吗？ -我能带个朋友吗？ How about we go in the bedroom? Can I bring a friend?
这是我告别单身汉聚会 越多越好 It's my bachelor party. The more, the merrier.
哦! Oh, hello there! Oh!
还好吗？ Wow.
每个人都有权作最后的狂欢 You're cool with this? Everybody's entitled to a last hurrah.
你们先去房间里热一下身好吗？ You want to go in the bedroom and start warming up without me?
我马上就来 I'll be there in a minute.
[MICHAEL GRUNTING]
谢谢. Thank you.
你是什么意思，最后的狂欢？ What do you mean, "last hurrah"?
我知道你明天上午9点就要结婚了 I just figure you're getting married tomorrow morning at 9:00 a.m.
你知道， 你有权在告别单身汉聚会上再狂欢一次 You know, you're entitled one last dip in the bachelor pool.
[ALL CHEERING]
[LAUGHS]
你真有意思，你疯了，伙计 You're funny. You're hysterical, man.
你开玩笑吧？对吗？ You're joking, right?
-我以为你爱她 -嘿，爱和这事没关系 I thought you loved her. Love's got nothing to do with it.
[ALL CHEERING]
Oh! Oh!
娜塔利会是一个生孩子专家 Natalie will be a great baby-maker.
我还是可以到处留情 I could still sleep around.
她会在家带孩子 她永远不会知道 She'll be at home with the kids. She'll never know. Ah.
嘿，姑娘们，怎么了？ Whoo! Hey, girls! What's up?
我以为你们进房热身去了. Woo-hoo. I thought you were going to go warm up in bed without me.
♪ X to the Z And we all in the family ♪
♪ X Rearrange the whole game ♪
♪ With my rugged sound X ♪
♪ Won't even say your own name When I come around ♪♪
你成功了 伙计 You did it, man.
[CHUCKLES]
你赢了，伙计 You won the bet, man!
[LAUGHS]
你会很有钱. You'll be rich.
明早9点你就有钱了. Tomorrow morning at 9, you're gonna be rich.
富有! Rich! Ha-ha-ha!
[THUD]
不斯蒂夫 不，我不会 No, Steve. No, I'm not.
我要阻止婚礼！ I have got a wedding to stop!
[GRUNTS]
我不敢相信你会让凯利安排这场婚礼. I cannot believe you let Kyle plan this wedding.
没关系 It doesn't matter.
真的要这样做吗？ You're going through with this?
嘿！看看我 我看起来帅吗？ Hey. Look at me. Do I look amazing or what?
我们运气好，我叔叔莫利来主持仪式 Ha-ha. We're in luck. My uncle Murray's performing the ceremonies.
他是我的英雄 He's my hero.
然后验证一式三份的签字 And the witnesses sign in triplicate.
3份，2，1…… That's three, tres, trois,
...然后... and then,
...我盖章，确认，存档. I stamp a little, I notarize, I file it.
瞧? Voilà.
[WAGNER'S "BRIDAL CHORUS" PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS]
赶到浪漫了吗? Can't you just feel the romance?
[♪♪♪]
[TICKING]
[MICHAEL GROANS]
欧，不!欧，不! Oh, no. Oh, no!
不! No!
[GRUNTING]
[♪♪♪]
我的衣服呢？！ Where are my clothes?
衣服，我的衣服? Clothes. Where are my clothes?
对不起，女士，小姐，起来好吗？ Excuse me, ma'am? Ma'am? Excuse me, ma'am. Please get up.
你看到一条裤子了吗？ Have you seen a pair of pants?
我要借你的夹克，OK? 来吧！ I'm gonna borrow your jacket, okay? There we go.
来吧，来吧 Please. Okay. There we go. Okay. Here we go.
我保证我会还的 ok? I promise I'll return this, okay?
[BAND PLAYING CLASSICAL MUSIC]
慢点！ WAITER: Whoa! Slow down!
这里关了吗？ That was close.
[GRUNTING]
[CROWD GASPS]
[YELLS]
不敢相信 真恐怖！ I can't believe this. It's terrible.
[♪♪♪]
“动物的权利”
抱歉 很抱歉 Sorry. Sorry. I'm sorry.
皮草！ Fur coat!
[CROWD YELLING]
你们是干什么的？停下！ What are you...? Stop it!
婚姻是一座不能轻易进入的城堡 Marriage is a state that is not entered into easily.
是他妈的很困难的，孩子们 It is damn hard, kids.
需要奉献和牺牲 It requires dedication and a lot of sacrifices.
比如说，你的丈母娘… Like for instance, if you have a mother-in-law
...要来和你们住在一起 who figures she can stay over with you whenever she damn pleases!
她跑进厕所在里面呆了一个半小时！ She comes in and stays in the toilet for an hour and a half!
你能保证不为此而发怒吗？ Who reads War and Peace in the toilet?!
[♪♪♪]
妈妈! [SCREAMS]
我是个好人 没事的 GIRL: Mommy! Shh. I'm a good stranger. It's okay.
嘿，你！站住！ Hey, you! Stop!
我不是怪人，我们只不过是在谈天 I'm not weird. We were just talking.
凯利，你能保证和娜塔莉做爱吗？... Kyle, do you promise to make love to Natalie,
...而且只和她一个... and only Natalie,
...直到你们当中的一个死去？ until one of you is dead?
[♪♪♪]
[WOMAN HUMMING]
[SCREAMS]
我没有看你. No, no, no. I wasn't looking at you. Don't do that.
别！ [WHISTLE BLOWS]
报告，我们在追捕一名偷窥者 Be advised, we're looking for a peeping Tom.
这个人真的很变态 This guy is really twisted.
你，我的侄子… And do you, my handsome nephew,
...让娜塔莉作你的合法妻子... take Natalie to be your lawful wedded wife,
...患难与共... through the good times and the bad times,
...在她几个月都不和你说话的时候... and the times she won't talk to you for months,
...还有更糟糕的，当她... and even worse, when she will,
...在你假装睡着的时候， 她会留下你一个人... so you pretend you're asleep so she'll leave you alone,
...还有你会躺在那里，听她磨牙... but you lie there listening to her grind her teeth,
...一磨就是几个小时... hour after hour
...像一把该死的锯子？ like a fucking hacksaw?
[♪♪♪]
[SIREN WAILING]
成功了. I made it.
[CAR HORNS HONKING]
漂亮衣服，笨蛋！ DRIVER: Nice dress, bonehead!
对不起，是我的错 MICHAEL: Sorry. My mistake.
[HORN HONKING]
[SCREAMS]
[MURRAY SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]
停下来！ Stop the wedding!
我爱你! I love you!
我以为你都解决了呢 I thought you said you were done with all that.
这不是彼得 我根本就不认识他 It's not Peter. I don't even know who this guy is.
[MARTI FREDERIKSEN'S "GET IT WHILE YOU CAN" PLAYS]
♪ Went to Las Vegas ♪
♪ To see the Eiffel Tower ♪
♪ Silicone ladies ♪
我很好奇，德雷尼先生 你怎么弄到这些钱的？ I'm curious, Mr. Delaney. How did you get the money?
♪ Went to bed drunk ♪
我想可以说我卖了我的灵魂 I guess you could say I sold my soul.
是啊，看得出来 Yeah, I see a lot of that.
♪ Can't remember Half the things that I did ♪
♪ But I bounced back Bounced back like a kid ♪
[LAUGHING]
♪ Woke up one day older ♪
♪ Get it while you can Someone said ♪
KYLE: Michael.
♪ Get it while you can ♪♪
还要这样啊! Way to go.
和最好的女孩结了婚你还不满足 Marry the best woman in the world and it's not enough for you.
什么? What?
你结婚了?! You're married?! No, I... He...
Pfft!
谢谢，狗日的 你的鼻子上有点东西 Thanks, asshole. You got something on your nose.
[GRUNTING]
你们合谋陷害我，利用我 You were in on it together. Take me for a ride.
你在说什么？你现在什么都有了，干吗打我 What do you mean? You got it all! Why'd you tap me on the nose?
你真的不知道？ You really don't know, do you?
我们结婚那晚，我以为一切会很好 On our wedding night. I thought everything was fine.
我正准备和她大干一场 I was ready to give her a hose down.
那么，布莱纳夫人 Well, hello, Mrs. Brenner.
事实上，我要保留我自己的名字 Actually, I'm gonna keep my own name.
好吧，随便 [CHUCKLES] Yeah, whatever.
来点酒吧 Oh. Yeah. A little of the old bubbly. Kyle.
还记得我们的第一次？ Remember our first time?
你丢下我一个，只留下一卷硬币 When you left me out in Malibu with nothing but a roll of quarters?
是的，你那是真性感 Yeah. That was so hot.
为那事 Here's to that.
[♪♪♪]
让我们交换一点体液吧，宝贝 Let's swap bodily fluids, baby.
[GRUNTS]
我醒来后，她已经走了 When I woke up, she was gone.
第2天，婚姻宣布无效，她也不见了 The next day, marriage was annulled, she was nowhere to be found.
在也见不到她了 我以为你们两个合谋来骗我们的赌博基金 Never saw her again. Figured you two had a scam to get the bachelor cash.
好极了，我现在的女孩比以前还多 That's cool, though. I'm getting more pussy now than ever.
女人确实可以弥补我破碎的心 Chicks really dig a guy with a broken heart.
凯利，我很抱歉 Kyle, I am so sorry.
我开玩笑的，你了解我 Ha-ha-ha. I'm kidding. I just play that. You know me.
我会做单卵猎人直到80岁 I'll be a one-balled babe hound when I'm 80.
我现在有一个新人，她很可爱 I got a date with a new girl. She's fantastic.
什么？又一个卖化妆品的？ What, another cosmetics counter girl?
不伙计，是图书管理员，她真可爱，红头发 No, man, no. A librarian. She's so hot. A little redheaded girl.
她给我这本书看 She gave me this book to read.
这本书会改变你的生活 Dude, this book will change your life.
我要走了. I gotta go. Mike.
有兴趣玩我的胡萝卜吗？ I like to be spanked with a day-old carrot.
Um...
你有多少钱？ How much you got?
20块 Twenty bucks.
和我的胡萝卜 And my own carrot.
对不起 MICHAEL: Excuse me.
Michael!
我有一点建议，也许听起来有点古怪. I've got a proposal, but it might sound a little strange.
[SIRENS WAILING]
中国戏院这么走吗? The Chinese Theater is this way?
谢谢,女士. Thank you very much, ma'am.
-胡萝卜在哪里？ -我会处理. Where's the carrot? NATALIE: I got it.
没问题，我会处理. It's okay. I got it.
我只是想给你这个 I just wanted to give you this.
你去了那里？ You were there?
我试图阻止婚礼但太迟了 I tried to stop the wedding, but I was late.
那么这个建议…… So, um, this proposal,
...和性有关吗? does it involve sex?
应该说和性很有关系. Yeah, I'd say there'd be a fair amount of sex involved.
还和房子、戒指有关系 Definitely a house and a ring.
-也许还有孩子 -孩子? Maybe even some children. Children?
最起码还有一条狗 不过决不会有大花鼠 At least a dog. Definitely not a hamster.
我喜欢狗 I like dogs.
[♪♪♪]
发生什么了，德雷尼 So, what's up, Delaney?
你爱我吗？ You love me or something?
爱. I do.
我很高兴在这里宣布…… I now happily ratify
...你们结合为夫妻 your union as husband and wife.
你可以吻新娘了 You may kiss your bride.
等一下. Wait.
你得先说那三个字 Not until you say those three little words.
我再不会上当了 I'm not falling for that one again.
吃我的鸡巴 Suck my cock.
[THWACK]
暂停，暂停 MICHAEL: Hold it. Hold it.
你以为我是傻瓜啊？ How big of an idiot do you think I am?
我爱你！ I love you.
[CROWD APPLAUDING]
[♪♪♪]
太美妙了 你象我的女王 This is fantastic. You're like a big, bad dominatrix.
我等不及了，让我见识一下吧 I can't wait to get to this. Show me what you got.
我不知道 I don't know.
我觉得好像没感觉了 I think something's missing.
是的，你快一点呀！ [LAUGHS]
KYLE: Yeah, something's missing, get your butt out of that little thing.
快做啊！让我见识一下 You got to do something to me. Let's see what you got.
奇点工作室出品 dvdriper制作 承接各类翻译和DVDrip业务 leaz@sina.com [YELLING]
Whoa. Whoa.
Hey.
[BLINK 182'S "MUTT" PLAYS]
Tricia?
♪ He pauses shaving ♪
What the hell am I thinking?
[WOMAN GIGGLES]
WOMAN: Tricia.
♪ Her credit cards Are paying the funds ♪
Tricia! Oh, God, I knew it!
Oh, how could you?
Consuela. Kelly. Tricia!
You're all dirty birdies!
You want to join us?
[LAUGHING]
Thank God Almighty!
[SCREAMS]
♪ And I know He's only looking to score ♪
Come on, Johnny.
Oh, yeah, Johnny. Oh, come on.
[PANTING]
If you don't cut, I'm gonna come.
[CREW LAUGHING]
[MICHAEL PANTING]
MICHAEL: What is it exactly you want me to say?
You know,
those three
little
words.
MICHAEL: Uh... Okay. I love you.
I love you, I love you.
[O'CONNELL & CREW LAUGHING]
O'CONNELL: I love you.
MAN 1: Yeah, baby!
MAN 2: Hold it, Bob.
MAN 1: In unison, turn. Okay? MAN 2: Two, three.
♪ He took the seat Off his own bike ♪
O'CONNELL: I'm sorry.
[CREW LAUGHING]
I'm sorry. I tried, I tried.
MAN 1: C mark.
MAN 2: Action!
[GRUNTS]
You're under arrest, you sick fuck.
♪ They don't even care at all ♪
[ELIZABETH & CREW LAUGHING]
You should try some Visine.
NATALIE: Why do I need Visine?
So you can get a clear future of our vision together.
[CLICKS TONGUE AND ELIZABETH LAUGHS]
♪ He's only looking to score ♪ ♪ He's only looking to score ♪
Wash my car.
♪ Often they've typically Been starved ♪♪
MAN: Marker.
KYLE: I mean, I might've fallen in love with her that night.
MICHAEL: What happened to her?
She might've been the love of my life.
WOMAN: Kyle!
WOMAN: Energy and pace.
What the fuck are you doing?
[LAUGHING]
I'm experimenting. He said try some stuff. I'm blowing bubbles.
MAN: Marker. You're welcome.
[BOTH MOANING]
Michael. Oh, call me.
Okay. I will.
Don't get too comfortable.
You have got to wait your turn. Hurry up, I'm next.
Jesus Christ! What the hell is this?
[CREW & ACTORS LAUGHING]
Oh, my God.
Cut.
MAN: That's a wrap.
[♪♪♪]