Tommy, can I take 1 5?
[ All Chattering ]
[ Man ] Good night, everybody. See you back here at 9:00 p.m. tomorrow.
- Oh! - [ Grunting ]
Oh, Lotte. Lotte, this is so good!
[ Grunting ]
[ Craig ] My God! This is amazing.
- Lotte! - I want to touch her breast. Touch her breast.
Move right hand across left breast now.
-Lotte! -Move right hand across left breast now!
Move right hand across left breast now.
- Holy shit,yes! - [ Slurred Speech ] Holy shit, yes!
- Holy shit, he said what I said! - Shit, he said what I said!
- Lotte? Is that you? - Yes,yes, sweetheart.
Yes, sweetheart, yes.
What the fuck is going on? That's not me! I didn't say that.
- Oh, Lotte. - Oh, Maxine. Oh--
Something was making me talk.
Some goddamn thing was making me move.
- I've gotta get out of here. - Oh, doll face!
It was just, uh, your passion for me taking hold.
No, doll face. I know what my passion taking hold feels like.
Bye!
I did it!
I made him move his arms across your girlfriend's glorious tit!
Oh, and...
I made him talk sort of.
It's just a matter of practice before Malkovich...
is nothing more than another puppet hanging next to my work table.
[ Muffled Whining ]
I'll tell you about it when I get home, okay? All right?
[ Muffled ] Craig! Craig! I wanna--
- [ Crying ] - [ Door Slams ]
[ Locks Latching ]
No, man, I'm sorry to--
I'm sorry to have called you like that, but I was just really, really scared.
I was so freaked out.
I mean, it was like... somebody was just moving all the way through me...
moving my arms, moving my hands, talking for me.
I mean, literally, I feel like I'm going crazy, Charlie.
- I'm sure you're not going crazy. - You don't understand, man.
- It was like nothing I've ever felt before. - Yeah, yada, yada, yada.
- Were you stoned? - Yes. Yes, I was--
Jesus.
Yes! Yes, I was stoned.
But what-- That doesn't have anything to do with it.
Charlie, someone was talking through my mouth.
You were stoned. Case closed. End of story.
- How hot is this babe? - You know what?
Maybe it was this Lotte woman talking...
because it could have been her talking through me.
Because this-- the weird thing is...
this Maxine likes to call me Lotte.
Ouch. That is hot.
Maybe she's using you to channel some dead, lesbian lover.
Sounds like my kind of gal. Let me know when you're done with her, yeah?
What are you talking about? Done with her, man? Tonight really freaked me out.
You're nuts to let a girl go that calls you Lotte. I'll tell you that as a friend.
Charlie, I don't know anything about the girl.
- She could be, like, a fucking witch or something. - That's even better!
Hot, lesbian witches. Think about it. It's fucking genius.
I gotta know the truth, Charlie.
The truth is for suckers,Johnny boy.
[ Whistles ]
[ Horn Honks ]
[ Bell Dings, Alarm Ringing ]
Thanks.
This way.
[ Bell Dinging ]
[ Alarm Stops ]
Excuse me, sir. Exactly what, uh, type of service...
does this company provide?
You get to be John Malkovich for 1 5 minutes.
Two hundred clams.
I see.
- No cutting, by the way. No cutting! - Hey, what the hell?
[ Angry Shouting ]
Ah! Ow!
Come on! Break it up! Break it up! Cut it out!
- Everybody gets-- -[ Man ] It's him. It's John Malkovich.
I'm sorry, Mr. Malkovich. I hope we didn't hurt you too terribly.
Get inside!
- Darling! - What the fuck is going on?
- [ Craig ] Uh, uh,John Malkovich. - Huh?
Mr. Malkovich, sir. Uh, um--
- Mr. Malkovich, I think I can explain. - Yeah, explain.
My name is Craig Schwartz...
and we operate a little business here...
that simulates, for our clientele, well, the--
the experience of--
of-- of being you, actually.
- Simulates? - Yeah, after a fashion.
- What exactly does that mean? - Well, it's hard to describe.
- I want to do it then. - That would pale in comparison to the actual experience.
- I want to do it! - Right now Mr. Hiroshi's in the tube--
- Let him do it, Craig. - Of course.
Right this way, Mr. Malkovich, compliments of the house.
[ Whispers ] Jesus.
What happens when a man goes through his own portal?
We'll see.
[ Panting ]
[ Gasps, Whimpers ]
[ Gasps, Screams ]
[ People Chattering ]
กากา [ Piano ]
Malkovich.
Malkovich, Malkovich.
Malkovich, Malkovich, Malkovich?
- Malkovich, Malkovich. - Malkovich?
- Malkovich! - Malkovich.
Malkovich.
[ Laughs ] Malkovich.
- Malkovich! -กา Malkovich, Malkovich กา
- กา Malkovich, Malkovich กา - Malkovich.
-กา Malkovich, Malkovich กา
- Malkovich! - Malkovich.
กา Malkovich, Malkovich กา
- Malkovich! -กา Malkovich, Malkovich กา
-กา Malkovich, Malkovich กากา - Malkovich!
[ Grunting ]
[ Yelling ]
- How was it? - It was amazing this time.
- That was no simulation! - I know. I'm sorry.
It's such an honor.
I have been to the dark side. I have seen a world that no man should see!
Really? For most people, it's a rather pleasant experience.
That portal is mine, and it must be sealed forever...
for the love of God.
But, Mr. Malkovich, sir, with all due respect...
I discovered that portal.
- It's my livelihood. Do you understand? - It's my head, Schwartz!
It's my head!
I will see you in court!
What makes you think I won't be seeing what you're seeing...
in court?
Hey, Malkovich, think fast!
[ High-pitched Squeal ]
Fuck!
Dinner.
[ Lotte ] You know, Craig, once this was a relationship...
built on love.
Well, you gave up that claim...
after the first time you stuck your dick in Maxine, Lotte.
You fell in love with her first, Craig.
Yeah, but I didn't do anything about it, out of respect for our marriage.
You didn't do anything about it, Craig...
out of respect for the fact that she wouldn't let you near her with a ten-foot pole!
That's true.
God, Lotte, what have I become?
My wife in a cage with a monkey.
Craig.
I need to go to the bathroom and take a shower.
What am I, some kind of monster?
I don't want to be a monster, Lotte. I don't want to.
Craig, you're not a monster. No.
I know you're not a monster, honey.
You're just-- You're just...
a very, very confused man.
I love you so much.
I love you.
- [ Phone Dial Tone, Dialing ] - Come on, Craig.
[ Ringing ]
-J.M. I nc. - [ Lotte ] Maxine?
Lotte.
I've been thinking about us, you know? And, uh--
- We have to meet. - Um, okay.
I'll see you in Malkovich in one hour.
[ Muffled ] Craig!
[ Moans ] I hate you.
[ Whimpering ]
[ Crying ]
[ Chimp Screeching ]
[ Man Shouting ]
[ Screeching Continues, Men Shouting ]
[ Shouting Continues ]
[ Screeching ]
[ Shouting ]
[ Excited Squeal ]
Oh, Elijah!
You really are magnificent.
[ Phone Ringing ]
-J.M. I nc. - [ Lotte ] Maxine!
Honey pie! I was just heading out the door to meet you.
No, listen, Maxine. It hasn't been me in Malkovich the last time.
It's been that son of a bitch Craig.
He's had me locked in the cage with my chimp, holding a gun to my head.
- Oh, my God! - He made me call you.
I'm sorry, Maxine. It's been him the whole time.
I'm so sorry. That's horrible.
I miss you so much, Maxine.
So-- But--
- Okay, that was Craig inside of Malkovich? - Yes, it was him.
It's because he's a puppeteer, I think.
Well, boy, I'm -- Uh--
I'm surprised. That's pretty impressive.
- What? - So if Craig can control Malkovich...
- and I can control Craig-- - But, Maxine...
I thought it was me that you loved!
I do.
[ Lotte Panting ]
It's confusing, you know? This is a very confusing situation.
I know.
- Listen, I should really get going, okay? - [ Thunder Rumbling ]
-'Cause I'm gonna be late for Malkovich now. - No.
- What? - We'll talk about this later, Lotte.
- Maxine! Wait! Maxine! - Okay?
[ Hangs Up ]
[ Screeching ]
[ Siren Wailing ]
[ Thunder Rumbling ]
[ Siren Wails In Distance ]
- [ Siren Grows Louder ] - [ Door Buzzer Buzzing ]
- [ Buzzing Continues ] - What the fuck do you want?
I can explain about the portal, darling.
Listen, don't con me, Maxine.
I don't know who the hell you people are...
but this insanity is now over.
Oh, shut up.
Craigy. Craig.
Schwartzy, are you in there?
[ Loud Grunting ]
[ Strained Voice ] How did you know it was me?
Lotte called me. She escaped your evil clutches.
Really? Well, I'm really sorry I did that, Maxine...
but I'm really in love with you, and I didn't know how else to be with you.
Hmm.
Apparently you can control this Malkovich fellow now?
Yes, I'm getting better all the time.
I'll say you are.
Hey, let's do it on his dining room table.
- Then we'll make him eat an omelet off of it. - No!
- Shut up, you overrated sack of shit! - [ Laughs ]
Craigy.
[ Rings ]
Yes?
Hi, Dr. Lester.
It's Lotte Schwartz, Craig's wife.
Oh! Yes.
Oh, my God. You'll catch your death out here.
Look at you. You're soaking wet. Please come in, come in.
[ Thunder Continues ]
[ Chuckles ] Here you are, my dear.
Thank you.
[ Laughs ] How's that?
Much better, thank you.
So, my dear...
what is it that brings you to my doorway on such an inhospitable evening?
Well, Dr. Lester...
see, I, uh--
I have a very unhealthy obsession with John Malkovich.
I see.
You mean, the performer.
Yes.
And what prompted you to come to me with this issue?
Well, when I was here with my husband for dinner...
I came upon a room that seemed to be some sort ofJohn Malkovich museum.
So I thought perhaps maybe you would...
have some appreciation for my state of mind.
You look so lovely, my dear...
standing here before the fire...
in my oversized man's robe.
Thank you, Dr. Lester.
Tell me...
what is this strange power that Malkovich exudes?
You've gotta help me understand because all I think about is wanting to be him.
- Wanting to what? - Wanting to be him.
Wanting to be John Malkovich.
Oh, I see.
Well, perhaps you can.
But, Dr. Lester--
I am not Dr. Lester.
I am Captain Mertin.
I don't understand.
It was 90 years ago that I discovered a strange portal.
And--And I found that this portal led to a vessel body...
and that I could live forever by leaping from vessel to vessel.
- So Dr. Lester is such a vessel? - Yes, he is.
You still there, sweets?
Hmm.
Ifigured out how to hang on as long as I want.
It's all a matter of making friends with the Malkovich body.
Rather than thinking of it as an enemy that has to be pounded into submission...
I've begun imagining it as a really expensive suit...
that I enjoy wearing.
[ Kissing Continues ]
Ah, this illustrates...
how I will move into my next vessel, Malkovich...
on his 4 4th birthday.
That's when he becomes ripe.
But I must enter by midnight on that day.
After that, I'd get diverted into the next newly forming infant vessel.
I don't want that to happen.
- I'd be absorbed. - Absorbed? What does that mean?
Well, uh, trapped, held prisoner, if you like, in the host's brain...
unable to control anything...
forever doomed to watch the world through someone else's eyes.
Now I'd like you to meet some friends.
See, I got lonely in Lester by myself...
so I figured out a way this time to take others along with me.
Come.
[ People Chattering ]
Everyone, this is Lotte.
- Hi, Lotte! - She's a new friend of mine.
Do a puppet show for me, Craig, honey.
You mean, with Malkovich?
- I'd love to see your work. - Really?
- Uh-huh. - Yeah?
Okay.
This is something that I call...
"Craig's Dance of Despair and Disillusionment."
กากา [ Stereo: Orchestra ]
กากา [ Continues ]
กากา [ Ends ]
That was incredible! You're-- You're brilliant!
You see, Maxine, it isn't just playing with dolls.
Oh, my darling, it's so much more!
It's playing with people.
[ Chuckles, Moans ]
Stay in him forever.
[ Gurgling, Grunting ]
My darling, how will we make a living if our clientele doesn't have access to our product?
Well, we'll have all the money in Malkovich's bank account...
plus he does get acting work occasionally.
[ Grunting ] No, please!
- Shut up! We're trying to think here. - Gee!
It is-- It is sort of like puppeteering.
- I-I-I like that about it. - Exactly!
And no one would ever even have to know it's not him.
And I could use Malkovich's existing notoriety...
to launch my own puppeteering career.
Oh, Craigy. Craigy, that's brilliant.
Oh. Oh.
So lovely. I've always wondered what it would be like to have a penis.
- Now I'll know. - [ Lotte ] Really? I know it's very--
Lotte? We like you.
We can see you're a kind and decent woman...
and so...
we've decided to offer you a place in John Malkovich with us...
if you like.
Dr. Lester...
you've been so kind to me...
and trusting.
And...
there's just something I think you should know about the Malkovich vessel.
[ Woman On Speaker ] John's here to see you. Should I send him in?
Of course send him right in. Don't ever keep him waiting again, you understand?
- [ Angry Muttering ] - [ Door Opens ]
[ Clears Throat ] Hey,John.
Great to see you. Sorry about the cunt at reception.
- This is my fiancจฆe, Maxine. - Oh, great to see you, Maxine.
Sorry about the cunt at reception. Please, have a seat.
Can I get you anything? Coffee? Water?
No, thank you.
- Teresa, get me chicken soup. - Okay.
Chicken soup? Chicken soup?
Larry? Uh... I want to get right to the point.
From now on, I'm no longer an actor. I'm a puppeteer.
Okay. Great.
And I would like to redirect my career...
so that from now on the name John Malkovich...
will be synonymous with puppets.
Sure. Sure. No problemo.
Poof, you're a puppeteer. J ust let me make a couple calls.
[ Laughing Continues ]
Honey? Maxine?
Maxine?
I'm busy.
Maxine, honey, it's on!
กากา [ Dramatic ]
Yeah, there's the truth, and there are lies...
and, uh, art always tells the truth, even when it's lying.
[ Male Narrator ] The enigmatic John Malkovich...
one of the world's greatest entertainers and the man who reinvented...
how we view puppeteering.
Tonight we look at the man above the strings...
and the woman behind the man.
Raised in Evanston, Illinois, Malkovich had a lifelong interest in theater arts...
and as a young man was one of the founding members...
of Chicago's world-renowned Steppenwolf Theatre Company.
From there, it was a simple hop, skip and a jump to Broadway accolades...
and Hollywood stardom.
But nothing could prepare the public for what was to come next.
And so it was that just eight short months ago...
John Malkovich dropped the bombshell that sent shock waves...
through the entertainment community.
Turning his back on his former profession, Malkovich had to start from scratch...
and pay his dues all over again as a fledgling puppeteer.
[ Clears Throat ] Hello, ladies and gentlemen, I'm John Malkovich.
It's-- It's the-- I miss--
I'm really John Malkovich. [ Giggling ]
[ Narrator ] From these inauspicious beginnings...
John Malkovich's rise to stardom was fast and furious.
His breakout performance occurred at this year's Emmy Awards--
- [ Narration Continues ] - It's really good! I look really amazing.
I'd fuck me.
If there's anything that upsets me about it...
it's feeling like if I move into it too quickly...
I'll be, you know, deemed an imitator.
But, um, I think that once we all get the courage...
to just follow through on our instincts, like Malkovich has...
I think that, uh, a lot of us will move into puppetry.
[ Narrator ] Malkovich's rise to fame brought about a renaissance in puppeteering.
No, no, no. What are you doing? What are you doing?
- I'm making him weep,John. - You're making him weep, but you are not weeping.
Don't ever-- [ Beep ] with your audience.
Until the-- the puppet becomes...
an extension of you, it's a novelty act.
It's , uh-- It's Topo Gigio.
No?
[ Man ] He's a technical genius.
He breathes life into inanimate objects.
It's a very godlike thing...
to be able to take something and, you know, make it live.
[ Narrator ] He was the talk of the town...
from the Beltway to Broadway...
aided in no small part by his new wife and manager, Maxine Lund.
In Maxine, Malkovich had found his mentor...
his muse, his inspiration.
In Malkovich, Maxine had found the love of her life.
- [ Panting ] - There, there, my dear. Relax.
This travesty will all be over with by morning.
And the crowds have been absolutely sensational...
and, um, I'd just like to thank God for giving us this opportunity...
to share our creative vision.
[ Narrator ] Nothing was impossible forJohn and Maxine in the early days.
Their union was a joyous one, and together they worked tirelessly...
to further Malkovich's puppeteering career.
John Malkovich, the artist...
and Maxine, the entrepreneur--
they make this character...
this protean figure that we call John Malkovich.
[ Narrator ] But some say Maxine has changed since becoming pregnant...
recoiling from the limelight...
and, rumor has it, from her husband's affections.
[ Whispering ] I'm so sorry.
[ Bing ] Malkovich shows us...
a reflection of ourselves, our frailties...
and our, you know, desperate humanity.
That's what makes him one of the most relevant artists of our time.
[ Narrator ] And what does the future hold forJohn Horatio Malkovich?
Well, to quote the Bard, "He's got the world on a string. "
As the poet said, " The puppeteer's voice need not merely be the record of man.
It can be one of the pillars, the props...
to help him endure and prevail,กฑ and I believe that.
It's over!
Max?
I've gotta head down to A.B.T. now.
I've got the " Swan Lake" benefit tonight, okay?
But when I come back, we can maybe celebrate...
Malkovich's big four-four.
Okay? Jesus!
Why couldn't I have found the portal to a younger body?
What if I-- What if I fall tonight and break my hip?
กากา [ Classical ]
กากา [ Continues ]
Like that, little girl?
Huh, lamb?
I love you.
[ Applause ]
[ Man ] Bravo!
[ Phone Ringing ]
Maxine?
[ Ringing Continues ]
Ma--
[ Ringing Continues ]
Hello? Hello?
- [ Lester ] We have Maxine. - Oh! My God.
Please, please, don't hurt her.
Listen, I'll-- I'll give you anything you want. Please.
You listen to me, asshole. I don't want your fucking money.
What I want is for you to leave John Malkovich now!
- Who-- Who is this, Lester? - Does it matter?
We're gonna kill Maxine if you don't leave the body immediately!
But I-I-I can't do that.
I mean, if-if I leave Malkovich, then I'm Craig Schwartz again.
No career, no money. Maxine will have nothing to do--
She barely has anything to do with me now.
Jesus, we're going to kill your wife, you fucking lunatic!
[ Moans ] God.
Listen, Schwartz, Malkovich is our vessel. We're old.
We're going to die if we don't get into him by midni--
[ Dial Tone Buzzing ]
- He called our bluff. - [ People Gasping ]
Shit!
Can't we just go inside the portal and push Craig out?
No, he's much too powerful.
Schwartz would just jam us down into Malkovich's subconscious.
Lotte.
If I can't have you, no one will.
[ Gun Cocks ]
-[ Lester ] Lotte, no! -[ Gunshot ]
No, Lotte! God, no, we can't really kill her!
She's carrying Malkovich's seed! Our next vessel!
[ Grunts, Shouts ]
Hey! Help me!
Help me!
- Where the fuck am I? - We're in Malkovich's subconscious.
The last thing you'll ever see, Maxine.
- [ Gunshot ] - [ Glass Shattering ]
Fag-o-vitch!
[ Man ] Johnny, baby,Johnny.
[ Boy ] Bad. I am bad. I am bad.
-I am bad. I am bad. I am bad. I am bad. -[ Groaning ]
I am bad. I am bad. I am bad.
- I am bad. I am bad. -[ Door Crashes Open ]
I am bad. I am bad. I am bad.
Maxine, I am gonna kill you!
You're creepy.
[ Kids Chanting ] Little Johnny Malk-o-pee!
Wet his pants so all could see!
Little Johnny Malk-o-pee!
Wet his pants so all could see!
[ Both Grunting ]
- I loved you so much! - [ Cars Passing ]
Oh! Why did you have to hurt me like that?
I'm sorry, Lotte.
I guess I loved you, too, in my way.
You are so full of shit, Maxine!
I know.
I know!
It's your baby, okay?
What?
The baby-- it's yours.
It's ours. I got pregnant when you were in Malkovich.
- You cannot fuck with me anymore, Maxine! - I'm not!
I kept it because I knew you were the father--
the other mother-- whatever--
because I-- because it was yours.
So we're parents?
Together?
Yeah.
Say, uh...
- aren't you John Malkovich? - No.
- Yeah, you are. - No.
I can't believe you're in this shithole, man.
- You guys know this is John Malkovich? - I'm not John Malkovich.
- This is John Malkovich. - I am not John Malkovich!
[ Woman ] Cut it out,you guys.
[ Panting ]
- [ Rings ] - Yes?
- Lester, please don't do it. Please don't kill Maxine. - So you'll leave?
Yes, I said-- I, uh-- I am leaving.
All right. Do it now while I'm on the phone so I can hear...
and your lovely bride walks.
Uh-- Okay. Okay.
I'm going.
[ Loud Whooshing Sound ]
Now, my friends. The time is now.
[ Excited Gasps, Laughing ]
I'm free.
I'm back! I'm --
[ Grunting ]
Aaah!
[ Grunts ]
Lotte.
[ Door Slams ]
Ooh!
Eh--
Hello. Hello, young lady.
We're... Malk--
We're Malkovich.
- Hey! Hey! - [ Horn Honks ]
Maxine! I did it, Maxine!
I left Malkovich for you, sweetie!
It's no good being Malkovich without you.
- It proves I love you! - [ Lotte ] Fuck off, Craig!
- Doesn't it? - [ Maxine ] He's not with us.
[ Horn Honks ]
Maxine, I love you!
I'm gonna go right back into Malkovich, and I'm gonna kick Lester out!
And then you'll love me again! Maxine!
[ Doorbell Ringing ]
- Ma-Sheen. - Hey. Malcatraz.
- Uh, how are you? - I'm very well. And you?
- Good, good. - You look well.
- Thank you. - How's Celeste?
She's good, yeah. She's sorry she couldn't make it today.
- She had to go to the store. - Oh, that's okay.
Charlie, hi! I didn't even hear the door.
- Lookin' great, Flo. - I'm looking grateful?
Charlie, we are not getting any younger.
Well, don't rub it in.
Listen, Charlie, I know this is going to sound crazy...
but what would you think if I told you that I'd found a way...
for us to live forever?
All of us.
-Johnny boy, what are you talking about? -All of us.
Celeste, Floris, you, me. Gary Sinise maybe.
I don't really understand.
Charlie, this... is Emily.
Isn't she lovely?
[ Lotte ] Hey, pass the Cheetos.
- [ Maxine ] You need more puffs? - No, I want more.
- Okeydoke. They're covered in grease. - Shut up.
- Can I swim yet? - [ Maxine ] Can you swim yet?
- What time is it? - Shall we do the cramp test?
Check her.
Let me see. Are you gonna throw up? Let me see!
Are you gonna throw up? Are you gonna vomit?
Okay, you can swim.
[ Craig ] Maxine.
Maxine.
I love you, Maxine.
Oh, look away.
Look away.
Look away. Look away.
Look away.
Closed-Captioned By Captions, I nc. Los Angeles
กากา [ Woman Singing In Icelandic ]