■
本字幕由 YYeTs人人影视 修正调整 欢迎爱好者加入我们 www.YYeTs.com
字幕处理：~penny~ 后期：~penny~
■
史上的疑案 请欢迎主持人葛彼得 Mysteries in History, with your host, Peter Graves.
虽然没有人能证明他们的存在... Although no one has ever been able to prove their existence
神秘的政府单位 星际战警组织... a quasi-government agency, the Men in Black
一直在地球上从事秘密行动... supposedly carries out operationshere on Earth
保护地球人不受外星人侵略 in order to keep us safe from aliens throughout the galaxies.
这是一起"没发生过"的事件... Here is one of their stories that "never happened"
来自一个"不存在"的档案 from one of their files that doesn't exist.
1978年 萨塔星领袖纷纷出走... 1978. The leaders of Zartha flee their planet
为了逃离卡洛琳星邪恶女王塞琳娜的魔掌 In order to escape the clutches of the evil kylothian, Serleena.
他们把最珍贵的宝物带到地球... Arriving on Earth, the Zarthans bring with them their greatest treasure:
萨塔之光 这种威力强大的宇宙力量... The Light of Zartha, a cosmic force so powerful..
若被敌人夺走将毁灭萨塔星 that in the wrong hands it could lead to the annihilation of Zartha.
萨塔公主劳拉恳求星际战警... The Zarthans' princess, Lauranna, beseeched the Men in Black
将萨塔之光藏起来 to hide the Light from Serleena.
但他们恕难从命 But they had no choice.
插手此事将导致地球灭亡 Intervention would have meant the destruction of the Earth.
但是英勇的星际战警却制伏难缠的塞琳娜... However, in an act of galactic bravery, the Men in Black subdued Serleena
让萨塔人顺利脱逃... allowing the Zarthans to escape.
将萨塔之光藏到别处 so they might hide the Light on another planet.
塞琳娜誓言要夺回萨塔之光... Serleena, released from her captors, vowed that the Light would be hers
并毁灭胆敢阻止她的星球 and that she would destroy any planet that stood in her way.
这事件被历史淹没... And so, never knowing what happened
神秘的星际战警再一次拯救地球... the people of Earth were saved by a secret society of protectors
他们就是黑衣人 known as the Men in Black.
给我过来! Harvey, get over here!
乖! Harvey. Heel, heel!
别对着月亮乱叫 You're barking at the moon, moron.
大美女 Hey, pretty lady.
你的味道真好 You taste good.
搞什么? Hey, what the...?
你的味道也不赖 Yeah, you too.
别耍帅逞英雄 乖乖守规矩 Nothing fancy, no heroics. By the book.
知道啦! Got it. Hey!
杰夫 怎么了? Hey, jeff. What's happening, buddy?
-你跑来这儿干嘛? -老大在跟你说话 - We were wondering why you're here. - The man's talking to you.
咱们都说好了 你只要留在E F跟R线地铁隧道... You know our arrangements. Stay in the E, F and R subway lines
想吃多少垃圾都行 and you get all the garbage you want.
你跑来干嘛 小虫虫? What the hell are you doing here, worm boy?
杰夫... jeff...
饶了他吧 他是个菜鸟... Excuse my partner. He's new and he's kind of stupid.
你变胖了 你吃了什么呀? You getting big, jeff. Boy, what you been eating?
你想玩玩 是吧? You like jokes, huh?
杰夫! jeffrey!
好吧 All right.
睡个好觉吧 大家伙 Sweet dreams, big boy.
做个好梦吧... Sweet dreams.
我是地铁局工作人员 请大家走到前列车厢 Transit authority. Move to the forward car.
电路系统有异物入侵 We got a bug in the electrical system.
喂 你们这些人! 有异物入侵啦! People! We got a bug in the electrical system!
你们知道要逃了吧 Now y'all running?
别走 坐呀 No, no, no! Sit down!
只是条六百英尺的大虫嘛 It's only a 600-foot worm.
-你们都给我滚出去 -我要你全速前进 - Everybody out. - Put the hammer down on this thing.
这里我才是老大 I'm Captain Larry Bridgewater. I decide what happens.
你是老大? 好吧 给我过来 You decide? Okay, come here. Come here.
老大? 看这是我的朋友 Larry? That's my man, jeff.
-我了解了 -你快给我滚进去 - Larry just made a decision. - Larry need to take his ass in there.
别逼我开枪! 杰夫 Don't make me do this, jeff!
81街站 Eighty-first Street.
等一下 just a second.
大家请注意 May I have your attention, please?
纽约市感谢各位参加这次演习 We thank youfor participating in our drill.
如果是真的 你们都会被吃掉 Had this been an emergency, you'd have been eaten.
你们不肯听话 愚蠢无知 Because you don't listen. You're ignorant.
我都一头撞进车厢了 这就是你们纽约人的毛病 How a man gonna bash through! That's the problem with New Yorkers.
"我们什么怪事都看过了 "We've seen it all.
大虫虫耶 救我啊 黑人先生!" A 600-foot worm! Save us, Mr. Black Man!"
我很客气请你们到前列车厢你们却无动于衷 I ask you nice, "Move to the next car." You just sit there like.
感谢各位参加这次演习 Thank you for participating.
这是全新的小型省电地铁列车 Hopefully, you enjoyed our smaller, energy-efficient subway cars.
小心月台间隙 祝您愉快 Watch your step. You will have a nice evening.
派清理小组到81街和公园路 I need a cleanup crew at 81 st and Central Park West.
立刻撤销杰夫的行动许可 Revoke jeff's movement privileges.
派人把他送回查伯街站 Have him escorted to the Chamber Street station.
最后麻烦哪一位检查下麻醉剂的使用期限 And please check the expiration date on the unipod worm tranquilizers.
抱歉 地铁停运 Sorry, fellas. Station closed.
-紧急演习 以策安全 -什么烂地铁嘛? - Emergency drill. For your safety. - Do you believe these putzes?
不客气 You're welcome.
我知道 我没守规矩 I know, by the book.
我们有多久没抬头看星星? Tee, when was the last time we just looked at the stars?
你在考我 我知道 This is a test. I can do this.
我们在宇宙是孤零零的吗? Ever feel like you're alone in the universe?
是 Yes.
不是 No.
-我请你吃一块派 -真的假的? - Hey, let me buy you a piece of pie. - Really?
谢了 Thanks.
你不是孤零零的 Hey, you're not alone in the universe.
-把手拿开 -好 - Remove the arm. - Okay.
给我闭嘴 查理 Please, shut up, Charlie.
你老是在我背后说坏话 I'm tired of you constantly talking behind my back.
你泡到一个漂亮美眉你却跟人家说这句蠢话: You meet a girl. She's into it. The best line you come up with is:
你想玩3P吃蛋沙拉吗? Wanna come back to my place for some tonsil hockey and egg salad?
-你是谁? 你是怎么进来的? -你爱吃蛋沙拉吗? - Who are you and how'd you get in here? - You like egg salad?
塞琳娜! Serleena!
早说是你嘛 Why didn't you say it was you?
-我收到消息 萨塔之光呢? -事情是这样 - Where's the Light? - Here's the deal.
你到处在找这个什么光 我们找到了 You're looking for this Light. We found it.
你要的话就得付五千万 咱们就这么做... You want it, it'll cost you 50 mill. Here's how it'll work. First...
萨塔之光呢? Where is the Light?
不知道 不过有一个人知道 We couldn't find it, but we found a guy who might know where it is.
他在春泉街开一家披萨店 He runs a pizza parlor on Spring Street.
走吧 擦擦鼻子 猪头 Let's go. And wipe your nose, idiot.
-真好吃 -是啊 - Good pie. - Yeah.
人真多 Crowded.
这家店很有名 Well, they got good pie.
你是怎么了? What is wrong with you?
-你要消除我的记忆 -不会啦 - You're gonna neuralyze me. - No, I'm not.
你会 你怕我出糗才带我来这儿 You took me here so I wouldn't make a scene.
你这样很糗耶 You making a scene.
我问你 你为何加入MiB? Let me ask you a question. Why did you join MiB?
我是军人 我想尽忠报国 捍卫地球 Six years in the Marines. I like the action. Protect the planet.
你想当英雄? 你来错地方了 You like being a hero? You joined the wrong organization.
-你听过詹姆斯艾德华吗? -没有 - You ever heard of james Edwards? - No.
他今天在地铁站救了85人 Well, he saved the lives of 85 people on the subway tonight.
没有人知道他的存在 No one knows he exists.
他不存在怎么能当英雄? And if no one knows he exists, how can anyone ever love him?
我们什么时候开始搭档的? Hey, how long we been partners?
-二月一号 -五个月零三天 - Feb 1. - Five months, three days.
-中午开始 -九小时 - Started at noon. - Nine hours.
去结婚然后生孩子 Get married. Have a bunch of kids.
好吧 Okay.
不好意思 他很害羞 不过他对你有意思 Excuse me. My buddy's kind of shy, but he thinks you are hot.
你瞧 Here it is.
我不知道该说什么 I don't know what to say.
你知道大家看了会说什么吗? Years from now, you know what people'll say?
-员工的员少写一个口? -这是照笔划算钱的嘛 - "Employee" is misspelled? - They charge by the letter.
"她这大人物在这儿打过工" They'll say, "lmagine that. Big shot like her used to work here."
-班.. -这是你应得的 - Ben - You deserve it.
顺便到地下室搬一箱汽水 Bring up a case of Mountain Dew from the basement.
两片香肠口味披萨 还有关于萨塔之光的消息 Two slices of pepperoni and information about the Light of Zartha.
-求求你 别伤害我 -萨塔之光呢? - Whoever you are, don't hurt me. - Where's the Light, Ben?
我不知道你在说什么 把我放下来 I don't know what you're talking about. Let me down, ma'am.
我要报案... I want to report a robbery...
后面 There.
有声音 Noise.
厨房啦! Kitchen!
你们两个猪头看到什么? You idiots see anything?
后门被风吹开 Wind blew the door open.
没什么异状 Nothing out of the ordinary.
这25年来我寻遍宇宙 For 25 years, l've traveled the universe looking for it.
但是它却还在地球 对吧? 你把它藏在这儿? But it never left Earth, did it? You kept it here.
你在说什么? What are you talking about?
我没时间了 萨塔之光呢? I'm running out of time. Where's the Light?
-我发誓我不知道 -听好了 萨塔人 - I don't know what you mean. - Listen, Zarthan.
你把它藏在地球 我会找到它 You hid the Light on Earth. I'll find it.
到时候萨塔星就是我的 Once we have the Light, Zartha will be ours.
来不及了 明天午夜... You're too late. Tomorrow at midnight
它就会离开第三行星 the Light will leave the third planet and be back home.
你白跑一趟了 Sorry you made the trip for nothing.
东西到底在不在地球? Now we don't know if it's on Earth or not.
第三行星就是地球 白痴 He said third planet. It's here, you idiot.
-太阳数过来第三颗行星? -我到现在才知道耶 - Third Rock from the Sun. - I never got that till now.
有一个人知道它的下落 It's on Earth, and I know who's gonna tell me where it is.
-你不回家吗? -没错 - Don't you ever go home? - Nope.
你又开除一个搭档 I see you neuralyzed another partner.
你们下次用核融碳化枪... Bee, Dee, when you use a fission carbonizer
记得在枪管上装原子消音器 attach a de-atomizer so it doesn't sound like a cannon.
穿鞋子吧 你刮花地板了 Hey, get some booties on them things. You're crapping up the floor.
检查这傢伙的护照 Check his visa.
乌贼人在伪造星际护照 The Cephalopods have been making counterfeits at Kinko's on Canal.
这儿怎么会有一只死异形? And why do I have a dead Tricrainasloph going through passport control?
是我的错 对不起 请你别消除我的记忆 That'd be my fault. I'm very sorry. Please don't neuralyze me, sir.
-那是什么意思? -没什么意思 - What the hell's that supposed to mean? - Nothing, sir.
你在地铁站干得不错 Good work in the subway.
-我记得杰夫以前才这么大 -还有什么任务? - I remember jeff when he was yea high. - What you got for me?
看到下面那些穿黑西装的吗? Look. See those guys in black suits?
-他们也是星际战警 放轻松点 -Z 拜托 有什么任务? - They work here. We got it covered. - Zed, what you got?
尽忠职守是一回事 不过千万别为工作鞠躬尽瘁 Dedication's one thing, but this job will eat you up and spit you out.
你想五十岁时也像我这样吗? ... You want to look like me when you hit 50?
五十几了? ish?
我去健身房 I'll be in the gym if you need me.
春泉街发生一起凶杀案 All right, there was a killing earlier. 177 Spring.
死者凶手都是外星人 Alien-on-alien.
你带T一起去吧 Take Tee with you
他哦 他... Tee. Right.
护照加签 不是急件 怎么样? Passport, no rush, what about jay.
你不能一直开除MiB员工 You have got to stop neuralyzing MiB personnel.
那老兄在餐馆哭哭啼啼的 He was cryingin the middle of the diner.
太逊了 I hate that.
而且L不算 And plus, you can't count Elle.
是她自己想回停尸间的 我只是帮她个忙 She wanted to go back to the morgue. I helped her.
-你需要一个搭档 -用不着 - You need a partner. - I'm cool.
让我当他的搭档 I'll be his partner.
J 等等 谢谢你的提拔 jay, wait up. I appreciate the shot, man.
-我早就想离开收发室了 -把西装脱掉 - Thought I'd never get out. - Lose the suit.
没问题 我只是想扮酷 Sure thing. just going for the look.
我穿黑西装看起来比较瘦 But if I say so myself, I find it slimming.
不过我照样泡得到美眉 Not that l've had problems with the ladies.
只是想要... When you get down to...
好炫的车子 Nice sled, very swank.
椅垫够软吗? 我有痔疮 Heated seats? Sometimes I get hives.
弗兰克! Frank!
你再唱我就拿出狗头铡了 Bring your head in this window before I roll it up in there.
好啦 Got it.
弗兰克! Frank!
狗爬式那招最爽了 My money? It's missionary.
前几天我认识一只大丹狗 I was in the Bowery, and I meet this Great Dane.
身材有点胖 不过脸很漂亮 A little thick in the body, but pretty.
我对你的艳遇一点也不感兴趣 That's just not appealing to me, man. Seriously.
那咱们来扮好警察坏警察 I say we do the good cop, bad cop thing.
你负责问话 我负责耍狠 You interrogate the witness and I growl.
我们来扮好警察跟蠢狗 你给我乖乖闭嘴? How about we do the good cop, dumb dog thing, and you just shut up?
没问题 一声不响 寂静无声 You got it, partner. Total silence.
连一个字也不会说 Absolute quiet. Not a word out of me.
有什么状况? What do we got?
-什么状况? -墙壁和地板都有磷残痕 - What do we got? - There's residue on the wall.
-我已经送回总部进行分析 -他的身体脂肪是零耶 - We sent samples to Em for analysis. - Hey, 0% body fat.
-很好笑 -目击证人? - Funny. - Witness?
那女生目击一切 Girl. Saw everything.
劳拉 Lorry.
她还蛮镇静的 She's taking it well.
你要先跟我解释我才回答 这是怎么回事? I won't answer any more questions. I want to know what happened here.
-这最好让我来处理 -没问题 - I'll handle this one. - You got it.
我一个人去 她看到会说话的狗会抓狂 Alone. A talking dog might be a bit much for her now.
你要我做什么? What do you want me to do?
到处闻一下 Sniff around.
干嘛? What?
很好笑 Funny.
请你深呼吸 一切都很好 Take a deep breath. Everything is all right.
这一切怎么会很好? What part is she supposed to feel all right about?
我是J探员 I'm Agent jay.
你到底看到什么? Tell me what you saw.
-一个双头人和穿皮衣女人 -白人吗? - A two-headed guy and a woman. - Caucasian?
她的手会伸出触角来剥掉.. Gray, with tentacles that she used to rip...
剥掉他的皮肤 His skin off.
那不是皮肤 It's not skin.
是原生质保护膜 跟口香糖的化学成份很像 It's protoplasma polymer similar to the gum in baseball cards.
-你在案发前吃了什么? -披萨 - What was the last thing you ate? - Calzone.
-几时? -中午 - What time? - Lunch.
-菠菜口味? -蘑菇 - Spinach? - Mushroom.
走 我请你吃派 You need pie.
他们一直问班什么光的事 They kept asking Ben about a light.
你还好吧? You okay?
我认识一辈子的人在我面前消失不见... An hour ago, a man l've known my whole life vanished
我看到一个女人手上有触角... because of a woman with weird fingers
还有一个零智商的双头人 and a two-headed guy with a cannoli's lQ.
我好得不得了 So yeah, everything's okay.
我们小时候 还没上学之前... When we're kids, before we're taught how to think
心里都相信有外星人 our hearts tell us there is something else out there.
我知道我看到什么 你说我该相信什么? I know what I saw. Tell me what I'm supposed to believe.
我为一个秘密单位服务 专门监控地球上的外星人活动 I'm a member of a secret organization that monitors alien activity on Earth.
班是外星人 凶手也是 Ben was an alien. So were his killers.
我不知道原因 但我会查出来 I don't know why they did it, but I promise I'm gonna find out.
好吧 Okay.
-好吗? -好 - Okay? - Okay.
很好 Okay.
-很抱歉 我必须.. -杀了我 - I'm sorry, I'm gonna have to... - Kill me?
不 不是啦 No!
闪一下你就什么都忘了 just a little flash and everything goes back the way it was.
闪一下后... After you flash me
我还会认得你吗? if I see you again, will I know it's you?
我认得你 I'll see you.
但你不会认得我 But you won't see me.
这样好辛苦 Must be hard.
你一定很寂寞 Must be very lonely.
对不起 Excuse me.
-我得走了 -你不闪我了吗? - I gotta go. - What about the flashy thing?
改天再说吧 I'll flash you some other time.
干嘛? What?
-你跟她说你爱她吗? -拜托 她只是目击证人 - Did you tell the girl you love her? - She's a witness to a crime. That's it.
你迷上她了 我跟她不同种都迷上她了 You're attracted. She's not my species, and I'm attracted.
你只会追着尾巴咬 哪懂得泡妞? I should take advice on love from a dude that chases his own ass?
别这样 这是狗歧视 Easy, pal. That's canine profiling, and I resent it.
J 等等我 Hey, jay, wait up.
借过 星际警犬来也 Coming through. MiB brass. Look sharp.
我是狗探员 J的新搭档 看什么看? I'm Agent Eff, jay's new partner. Who are you eyeballing?
别紧张 狗狗 Frank, just cool out, dog.
-你有小孩吗? -没有 - Got kids? - No.
想要吗? Want them?
快来帮我啊 Get him off me!
-怎么样? -卡洛琳星C级太空船 - Talk to me. - It's Kylothian, class C.
塞琳娜 Serleena.
-塞琳娜 你前女友啊? -她想得美 - Serleena. Old girlfriend? - She wishes.
证人说嫌犯在找什么光... The perps were looking for the Light of...
-萨塔之光 -对 那是什么? - Zartha. - Yeah, what is it?
没道理 那不在地球 This makes no sense. It's not on Earth.
-我们早就搞定了 -很显然你们没搞定 - We took care of this a long time ago. - Obviously not.
真是坏消息 That is very bad news.
25年前萨塔人来到地球 想把萨塔之光藏起来 The Zarthans came to Earth to hide the Light from Serleena.
-我们不能这么做 -没错 我命令他们把它带走 - We don't do that. - Right. I ordered it off the planet.
嗯 Z... Well, Zed.
中央公园有一艘卡洛琳太空船 I got a Kylothian class C in my park.
你确定萨塔之光不在这儿? Are you sure this Light isn't here?
确定 我派最顶尖的探员处理的 Positive. I gave the order. My best agent carried it out.
-跟我交给你一样放心 -那就去问他呀 - It's as if I gave it to you. - Ask the agent.
-办不到 -他挂了? - Can't. - Dead?
差不多 他在邮局上班 Sort of. He works at the post office.
不是吧 No.
要是K先被塞琳娜找到就死定了 If Serleena gets to kay before we do, he's dead.
地球的命运握在他手上 The Earth's very existence may rest on what Kay knows.
可惜你消除了他的记忆 Too bad you wiped out his memory of it.
把他带回来 Bring him in.
马上去 Now.
酷毙了 我们去找K探员 传奇人物 办案高手 How cool is this? Going to get Kay. The legend, the go-to guy.
把一身本领传授给你的师父 The guy who taught you everything.
-MiB史上最伟大的探员 -弗兰克! 别再说话了 - The greatest agent in MiB history! - Frank! Stop talking.
乖乖坐着 Stay.
喂 我虽看起来像小狗 但那只是... Listen, partner. I may look like a dog
我在地球的掩护 but I only play one here on Earth.
-随便啦 擦擦口水 -喂 辣妹 - Whatever. Wipe your mouth. - Hey, babe.
各位特鲁罗镇民请大家注意听 People of Truro, may I kindly have your attention?
为了加速邮件处理... To facilitate your shipping needs
每一件包裹都要正确包装 All packages must be properly wrapped.
这一个就是错误的示范 This one is an example of "go home and do it again."
维吉辛太太 我想就是你的 I think you know what I mean, Mrs. Vigushin.
牛皮纸和麻绳是标准包法 Brown paper and triple-twist twine are the preferred media.
谢谢大家 Thank you for your time.
-K -这是C窗口 快递和空运邮件 - Kay. - C. Express mail, two-day air.
凯文 Kevin.
凯文 真好笑 你不太像凯文... Kevin. That's funny. You don't have a "Kevin".
你不记得我 我们一起工作过 You don't remember. We worked together.
我没在殡仪馆上过班 帅哥 有什么我能效劳吗? l never worked in a funeral home. Something I can do for you, slick?
我就直说吧 Straight to the point.
你曾是秘密机构成员 负责监控住在地球上的外星人 You were an agent of an organization that monitors aliens on Earth.
我们是星际战警 现在出了状况 我们需要你 We're the Men in Black. We have a situation. We need your help.
外面有一家免费的精神病院 There is a free mental health clinic on the corner of Lilac.
-下一位 -对不起 - Next. - Excuse me.
-二十张淘气小兵邮票 -伊丽莎白 - Twenty Rugrats stamps. - Elizabeth.
美国邮政总署没跟得上潮流... The Postal Service hasn't kept up with today's youth, but we have
我们有二战纪念邮票 歌剧名伶? Berlin airlift stamps. Opera legends?
美属萨摩亚群岛风景? 阿米什人? American Samoa? Amish quilts.
小乖乖 我们得拯救世界 I'm sorry, got a world to save here.
你当年并没昏迷 那全是幌子 There was no coma. It was a cover.
-你是谁? -问题是 你是谁? - Who are you? - Who are you?
我是麻省特鲁罗镇邮局局长 我命令你离开这儿 The postmaster of Truro, Massachusetts, and I'm ordering you to leave.
-无咖啡因吗? -对不起 - ls that decaf? - Sorry.
各位 有人非法入侵 We have a breach. Cordon off this area.
封锁现场 彻底清除现场 Full perimeter wipe-down, right here, right now.
立刻将闲杂人等赶出去 Get a mop and escort all civilian personnel from this site immediately.
你自己听 谁会这么说话? Listen to yourself, Kay. Who talks like that?
难怪你在这里如鱼得水 Why do you think you're so comfortable here?
邮局员工几乎全是外星人 just about everybody who works in a post office is an alien.
不准吸烟 No smoking.
我跟我太太到赌城看过魔术师让白老虎飞起来 My wife and I saw Siegfried and Roy fly a tiger around a room.
小子 你这套把戏还不够看 You're nothing special.
当你抬头看星星 内心深处... When you look at the stars, you get a feeling
不知道自己是谁 like you don't know who you are.
你对外星的了解甚于你自己 Like you know more about out there than you do down here.
所以你老婆才会离开你 That's why she left you, Kay. That's why your wife left you.
非常好 Okay, I'll tell you what.
你想知道自己的身份就跟我来 You want to know who you really are, take a ride with me.
要不然你就回去送信吧 If not, people are waiting for their TV Guides.
他来不来? Think he'll bite?
我就跟你去一趟 事情不对劲我就马上走人 I'm just going for a ride. lf things don't add up, it's hasta luego.
K探员 Hey, Kay.
你好吗? How's it hanging?
K 很高兴见到你 Good to see you, Kay.
我也是 不管你是谁 Good to see you too, whoever you are.
我就跟你去看看吧 Well, let's see what you got here, chief.
欢迎归队 K探员 Welcome back, Agent Kay.
K探员 Agent Kay.
你好 K Greetings, Kay.
你们看谁回来了 Wow, look who's back.
-我不想打扰你 -天啊 你是K探员! - I don't mean to bother you - You're Agent Kay!
-大家都这么说 -幸会 我是G探员 - That's what they tell me. - This is an honor. Agent Gee.
MiB史上最受尊敬的探员 The most respected agent in MiB history.
全宇宙最有名的人类在我面前 The most feared human in the universe.
我想请你喝杯咖啡 Maybe I could buy you a cup of coffee?
-黑咖啡 两块方糖 -我的荣幸 - Black, two sugars, if you're going. - An honor.
-我的要... -很高兴见到你 K -Yeah, I'll take a... My man? - Good to see you, Kay.
怎么样? How'd it go?
卓拉人走了 条约也签了 The Drolacks are gone and the treaty is signed.
干得好 Good work.
Z 那你答应我的职位呢? What about that position you promised me in Men in Black?
我在替你争取外星人保障名额 有消息就通知你 Still working on the alien affirmative action program.
等等 你明明答应的 That's not what you promised me.
-收讯不良 -Z? - You're breaking up. - Zed? Hello?
-我听不到 再联络吧 -我可以当M探员... - I'll call you back. - I could be Agent Em. Zed, you...
K 地球面临危机 你是唯一的救星 I think Earth might be in a bad way. You're the only one that could save it.
-我们邮差总是风两无阻... -很好 - Well, neither rain, sleet, snow... - Good man.
准备好就带他去恢复记忆 Get him armed and up to speed and over to deneuralyzation.
-弗兰克 -干嘛? - Frank - Yeah?
我需要他们一起行动 I'm gonna need them together on this one.
我正在找新助理 不能出任务 不过有牙医保险 I need an assistant. It's not field work, but you get dental.
牙医保险? Dental?
这里是技术部门 全宇宙最先进的科技都在这儿 The most advanced technologies from all over the universe are in this room.
我们没救了! 完了! All is lost! All is lost!
别碰那个 Don't touch that!
我什么也没做 I didn't do anything.
手插在口袋 Hands in your pockets.
你最爱用的武器 Your favorite weapon.
-这个小玩意儿? -对 - That? - Yep.
-去穿上吧 -什么? - Let's go put it on. - What?
你穿的最后一套西装 The last suit you'll ever wear.
又穿一次 Again.
这是记忆恢复器 The deneuralyzer.
逆转磁能量将通过你的大脑... Magneto-energy will surge through your brain
唤起你脑内的遥远记忆 unlocking information that could hold the key to Earth's very survival.
好吧 那是什么? Okay. What's that thing?
记忆恢复器 The deneuralyzer.
欢迎光临地球 你必须遵守一些规矩 Welcome to planet Earth. There are some rules and regulations.
你只能晚上出门 Go out only at night.
白天只能去东区 If you must go out during the daylight, only the East Village.
喂...! Hey, hey, hey, hey!
姓名及星籍? Name and planet of origin?
赛琳娜 卡鲁系卓恩星 Sylona Gorth. Planet jorn. Kaluth system.
-你有携带食物吗? -有 两颗菜头 - Any fruits or vegetables? - Yeah, two heads of cabbage.
来访的目的? Reason for visit?
教育性质 我希望学会当内衣模特儿 Education. I want to learn how to be an underwear model.
他们说我很有潜力 They told me l've got real potential.
来人呀 他有心脏病! Help! Heart attack!
让开! Clear!
快醒醒! Wake up, champ!
-惨了 -全面封锁 - Oh, jeez. - Lockdown. Code 1 0 1.
全面封锁 Lockdown.
情况不妙 情况不妙 This is not good. This is not good.
-出了状况 我们会被冲出去 -冲出去? - Breach! We're being flushed. - Flushed?
-你去过水上乐园吗 -我不记得 - Ever been to a water park? - I don't know.
好爽 Flushed.
你以前最爱被冲出来了 Yeah, man, back when you was an agent, you loved getting flushed.
每礼拜六晚上你都说 冲我吧 J Yeah, every Saturday night, you'd be like, "Flush me, jay. Flush me."
我拦都拦不住 I'd be like, "No."
你不能放弃 You can't quit on me.
我拯救世界你就告诉我一切 I save the world, you tell me why I stare at the stars.
好 Cool.
-上车 -上什么车? - Hop in. - Hop in what?
那是标准配备吗? Does that come standard?
原来是黑人 不过他老被临检 It came with a black dude, but he kept getting pulled over.
可笑的星球 只要我是波霸就能统治世界 I could rule this place with the right set of mammary glands.
这下他们... Trapped like rats
逃不出去了 in a Chia Pet.
电脑 监看MiB总部 Computer, surveillance MiB.
MiB全面封锁 MiB's locked down.
放大 放大十倍 Computer, magnify. Times 1 0.
跟弗兰克通话 Communicator. Frank.
-J 你在哪儿? -我们被冲出来 - jay, where are you? - We got flushed.
-MiB总部被占领了 -是谁干的? - MiB's code 101. - Yeah, who did it?
一个超级辣妹 你要我跟踪她吗? Some hot-looking biker chick. Want me to tail her?
待在原地 我会保持联络 Stay where you are. I'll be in touch.
是啊 待在原地 你说的倒容易 Stay where I am. Easy for you to say.
-找到K探员吗? -他被消除记忆 - Have you Find Kay? - Neuralyzed.
-他变成平民了 -什么? - Not active. Civilian. - What?
-不过... -他来这儿 But he was here
-恢复记忆... -恢复记忆? - To get - Deneuralyzed?
他被消除记忆 我们会找到他 Memory's shot. But we'll find him.
别往我们耳朵塞东西 Don't put anything in our ears.
干嘛? What?
这是什么? 我在口袋找到的 很怪吧? What do you make of that? Found it in my pocket. Weird, huh?
对啊 你竟然在微笑 Yeah, a smile.
只有一台记忆恢复器吗? Is that the only deneuralyzer?
只做了一台 不过几年前蓝图流入网路 Officially. The plans leaked out on the lnternet.
上网 Computer, lnternet.
记忆恢复器 Deneuralyzer.
太好了 是个老朋友 Perfect. It's an old friend.
J 好久不见 jay, ain't seen you in a while.
你看到我的敞篷车吗? Did you peep that drop-top thing out front?
生意好得不得了 My business is banging, dog.
你一定要上我的网站瞧瞧... You gotta check out the website. It's jeebsie dot..
喂 他退休了耶? Okay, whoa. He's retired, right?
我们要记忆恢复器 We need the deneuralyzer.
-别开玩笑 -别浪费时间 - You're kidding. - The meter's running, jeebs.
你记得我吗? Do you remember me?
不记得 我通常很会认人 Can't say I do. I'm good with faces.
尤其是这张丑脸 I think I'd remember that.
伟大的K探员沦为平民 The great Kay's a neutral.
只有你能恢复我的记忆 你到底有没有记忆恢复器? You're between me and my memories. Do you have this deneuralyzer or not?
没有 No.
卖完了 Fresh out.
不好意思 Can't help you.
没货了 Don't got it.
就算我有 机器失效你就会轰掉我的脑袋 Even if I did, if it doesn't work, he dies, you blow my head off.
要是K恢复了记忆 他也会把我的脑袋轰掉 If it does, l've brought back Kay, who, for fun, blows my head off.
我有什么好处? So, what's my incentive?
好啦 我放在除雪机旁边 Okay, homey, I keep it downstairs next to the snow blowers.
外星囚犯被释放 整装待发 听命行事 Alien prisoners released, armed and ready for your orders.
全宇宙的坏痞子们听好 Prisoners of MiB, the scum of the universe.
现在轮到坏人当家了 Now it's the scum's turn.
我有个麻烦 事情很简单 I'm in a jam, so I'll make this simple.
我要萨塔之光 K知道下落 I need the Light of Zartha, and Kay knows where it is.
只要找到K就能统治地球 Whoever brings Kay to me gets Earth.
先找到记忆恢复器 Find a deneuralyzer. They want his memory back.
收到 Check.
马上去 Now.
夏拉 很高兴见到你 jarra, good to see you.
应该没问题了 Okay, that should do it.
请仔细听我解释安全措施 If I could have your attention while we go over the safety procedures.
请勿将头手伸出游乐设施外 Keep your hands inside the vehicle.
如果你感到头昏脑胀... If, during the ride, you become disoriented...
我一点办法也没有 there's nothing we can do about it.
你脱掉首饰珠宝了吗? Have you removed all your jewelry?
-你会对贝类食物过敏吗? -快点! - Are you allergic to shellfish? - jeebs!
好吧 开始了 Right, then! Smoke 'em if you got 'em.
你用过这玩意吗? Have you used this?
我用排气管烤过爆米花 I used it to make some hot-air popcorn. That's about it.
好啦 开始吧 Okay! Let's make it happen, cap'n!
"警告" Perfect.
搞定了 - You're back. - No.
-你恢复记忆了 -没有 - How'd you know his head grows back? - It grows back?
-你怎么知道他的头会长出来? -它会长出来? Real nice. Okay, that's the last time I help out a friend.
非常好 我再也不帮你们了 - Kay, you remember anything? - Goodbye.
-你记起什么吗? -再见 - Kay! - Kay, wait!
-K -K 等等 I never got the updated software. Still working off the 6.0.
我一直没有更新软件 我还在用6.0版 Your brain needs to reboot.
你的大脑要重新开机 Give it a minute.
我诚心诚意地向你道歉 希望这不会影响我们的友情 Bottom of my heart, I'm really sorry. I hope it won't affect our friendship.
这么多年来的互相信任和尊敬 All those years of loyalty and trust, respect for one another.
他在那儿! Right over there!
-K呢? -他不在! 他去... - Where's Kay? - He's not here! He went--
K退休了 我是他的接班人 我能效劳吗? Kay's retired. I'm his trigger-happy replacement.
太好了 正中我的嘴巴 我失去味觉了 Right in the pie hole. Now nothing's gonna taste right.
-放下武器 -不要 - Lower your weapon. - No.
J 你好吗? jay, how are you, boo-boo?
-他们在找K -他现在是平民 - These guys really need Kay. - He's a neutral.
-我们早就知道了 -是啊 我们早就... - Tell me something we don't know. - Yeah, tell me something
对不起 I am so sorry.
-保重 -谢谢 - God bless you. - Thank you.
我不把K带回去 塞琳娜会海扁我 If I don't bring Kay back to MiB, Serleena's gonna kick my ass.
-他在哪里? -你说谁呀? - Now, where is he? - Where is who?
你脸色看起来不太好 You don't look too good.
你的脸真难看 Yeah, and you look like crap.
不对 他的脸更难看 I take that back. He look like crap.
-把他折弯 -把他折弯 - Bend him! - Bend him.
该死 别这样 Wait, don't bend him.
谢谢你脚下留情 Damn decent of you.
不客气 Don't mention it.
-我快要吐了 -别这么狠 - I'm gonna be sick. - You don't wanna do that.
-大伙儿 他说的是实话 -那他就没用了 - Fellas, I think he's telling the truth. - Then he's no good to us.
-小子 你还没学会吗? -三眼怪 - Didn't I teach you anything, kid? - Pineal eye!
扯他的头须! Go for the mosh tendrils!
K 他是吊面人 Kay, he's a ball-chinnian.
-小鬼 你差点就没命 -我搞得定 - You were in a tight spot. - I handled it.
-你需要一个搭档 -我本来有啊 但他应付不来 - You need a partner. - I had one. job got too tough.
我回来了 你的衣服脏了 I'm back. You got some dust on your coat.
你的记忆恢复了? So you got your memory back.
-这是怎么回事? -不知道 - What the hell is going on? - Don't know.
-萨塔之光是什么? -从没听过 - The Light of Zartha? - Never heard of it.
好耶 Cool.
你不记得萨塔之光? You don't remember the Light of Zartha?
我一定消除了这部份的记忆 Must've neuralyzed myself to keep it from myself.
-棒极了 你在干嘛? -一向都是我开车 - Good plan. What you doing? - I do the driving.
-不对 -我记得 - Wait, no. Whoa. - I remember that.
你以前开的是那辆破车 What you remember is you used to drive that old, busted jawn.
我开的是全新炫车 I drive the new hotness.
你开破车 我开炫车 Old and busted, new hotness.
我的炫车完蛋了 Old busted hotness.
-塞琳娜 求求你 -好久不见 - Serleena, please. - Been a long time, Zed.
你还记得我 我好感动哦 让我一直弄不清楚 I'm just touched you remembered me. Makes me fuzzy all over.
不管你漂不漂亮我都不会忘记 Never forget a pretty whatever you are.
Z? 看看你 Zed? Look at you.
25年了 你还是这么帅 Twenty-five years, and you're still such a looker.
我吃素 Cut out the meat and dairy.
看看你 你还是这么心狠手辣 And you, still a pile of squirmy crap in a different wrapper.
你好猛哦 听着 我们都需要一样东西 So feisty. Look, we both need the same thing.
把他叫回来 Bring him in.
想都别想 Don't think so.
你忘了萨塔之光的秘密吗? What about the Light's secret?
它午夜不离开地球就会爆炸... If it's not off Earth by midnight
摧毁这小小的地球 it self-destructs, annihilating your little planet.
我输了你也玩完了 我赢了就一切照旧 I lose, you lose. I win, everything keeps spinning.
你也不想把萨塔之光留下来 You don't want the Light on Earth any more than I do.
好吧 塞琳娜 All right, Serleena.
你赢了 You win.
Z? 是你吗? 我可以当M探员 Zed? Is that you? I could be Agent Em.
喂? Zed. Hello?
你真勇猛 So feisty.
回总部的捷径是39街右转 Fastest way back to MiB, you take this right on 39th.
这儿右转 Right here. Right.
下一条是37街 Next right on 37th.
右转 快右转 Right here. Right!
我们不回总部 We're not going back.
总部被占领了 我们要回去大开杀戒 Headquarters has been breached, man. We need to peel caps and split wigs.
还不行 Not ready.
你离开了五年 情况完全改变 Look, you've been out for five years. That's a long time.
我知道你一定很害怕 老实说我也有一点怕 I understand you're scared. I'm a little scared too.
-我才不害怕 -我也不怕 - I'm not scared. - Me neither.
我只是想跟你谈谈心 I just thought we was bonding.
五年后你还是个菜鸟 你只会大开杀戒 You're acting like a rookie. Splitting wigs and stepping on caps.
-怪不得Z要我回来 -是你搞砸了才找你回来的 - No wonder Zed brought me back. - He did it because you messed up.
你这种态度很没有建设性 Your attitude makes for a stressful environment.
我才不听你说教 现在MiB总部的麻烦大了 Tell it to the hand. Stressful is what we got back at MiB.
塞琳娜认为我知道东西的下落 Exactly. Serleena broke into MiB
所以她才占领MiB总部 in order to lure me back.
守株待兔 lnto a trap.
所以我们不能硬闯进去 Which is why we can't bust in there.
我们要有计划 现在要去案发现场吗? We need a plan. Where we going? Scene of the crime?
-你是老大 -没错 那就左转吧 - You're the boss. - Scene of the crime. That's a left.
我去找证人 跟她谈谈 I'll contact the witness. We'll talk to her.
事情都不同了 我们以前都会消除证人的记忆 Things have changed. We used to neuralyze witnesses.
是这样啦... See, originally, I'd...
我本来...我会再问她话 No, I was going to... I interrogated her.
-你要消除她的记忆 -什么意思? - Then neuralyzed her? - What?
MiB行动手册第773/I-1条款规定... MiB code 7 73ll-1 clearly states that all civilian personnel...
-把武器放下! -住手! - Drop that weapon! - No!
J 对不起 jay, I'm... I'm sorry.
我没事 这是我的错 No, no, I'm fine. It's my fault.
K是我搭档 劳拉是证人 Kay, my partner. Laura, the witness.
幸会 Pleasure.
谢谢你派探员来保护我 Thanks for sending those agents over to keep an eye on me last night.
MiB第594-B条款规定... MiB procedural code 594-B
探员不得进行其它服务.... states that MiB personnel shall never be used
萨塔人班在这里遇害 我猜凶手在这个方向 Ben, the Zarthan, was vaporized here. I assume the perp was over here.
班 Ben.
-五英尺七英寸 矮胖秃头? -你认识他? - Was he 5'7", thinning hair? - You knew him?
不认识 我没见过他 Nope. Never seen him before in my life.
好大的一条鱼 That is a hell of a fish.
等一下 Wait a minute.
你留下了线索? You left yourself clues?
以免我的接班人搞不清楚状况 In case I was deneuralyzed because my replacement couldn't handle it.
是你先把事情搞砸... If the joker that had got deneuralyzed hadn't created the situation
两位 Boys.
好 你指着什么东西 All right. You pointing at something.
借过 Excuse me.
太空人 The astronaut.
他在指... Okay, all right. He's pointing...
他在指着... He's like...
谁会这么放披萨盒? Who would stack boxes like this?
这绝对不是乱放的 这是一个线索 A box stacker who's not stacking boxes. He's leaving clues.
这是箭头 It's an arrow.
-J? -别耽误我 K - jay? - You're slowing me down, slick.
我们找的东西在柜子里 Whatever we're looking for is in these cabinets, right here.
用橄榄油泡的鲍鱼罐头 Anchovy filets in virgin olive oil.
希望我没有耽误你 I hope I'm not slowing you down.
干得好 伙伴 Good work, partner. Yeah.
-我们要查出这是哪里的钥匙 -我知道 - We gotta figure out where it goes. - I know where.
-还不行 -MiB第773条款规定... - No. Not yet. - MiB code 773 clearly says
我知道 可是她对我很重要 I know the code, but she might be important to me.
是我们 她能帮助我们 To us. Well, for help. To help us later.
她不能留在这儿 他们会回来的 Well, she can't stay here. They'll be back.
-你可以去找我朋友 -他们跟你一样吗? - You can stay with friends of mine. - People like you?
算是吧 Kind of.
老兄! jay!
-小心头喔! -怎么样? - Low bridge! - What's going on, man?
大家好 MiB总部被占领 Hey, what's happening, fellas? MiB is code 101 .
-真衰 -衰毙了 - Bad. - Very bad.
-我要你们帮忙 这是劳拉 -嗨 劳拉! - I need your help. This is Laura. - Laura!
小心点! Easy, easy!
他们是虫虫 They're worms.
虫虫会让你蠢蠢欲动 Once you go worm, that's what you'll yearn.
-他们都这么说 -我交过更糟的男友 - That's what they say. They just: - l've dated worse.
他们偷了免税商品被停职 They're suspended for stealing from duty-free.
-有人故意栽贼 -Z超怕虫 - We were framed. - Zed's wormophobic.
-K探员 -你回来了 - Kay! - You're back!
-听说你挂了 -我们违规停车 - They said you were dead. - We're double-parked.
好 劳拉对我很重要 Laura's very important to me.
她对我们的任务很重要 To us. To the stuff, Me and you, the stuff we're doing.
-我要请你们替我照顾她 -我会好好的给她照顾 - Keep an eye on her. - I'll keep both on her.
安啦! No problem!
-过来坐吧? -你泡不到她啦 - Why don't you sit here? - Like you got a shot.
给我闭嘴! Hey, shut up!
这是我的通讯器 以防万一 My communicator, in case you need it.
-上垒了 -这样啊 - Nice move. - Okay.
-小心尼巴 -哪一个是尼巴? - just watch out for Neeble. - Which one's Neeble?
-哪一个是尼巴? -喂 辣妹 - Which one of y'all is Neeble? - Yo, mama!
那就是他 没问题了 你很安全 Him, right there. It's fine. Everything's straight. It's safe.
千万别睡着 Don't fall asleep.
来玩扭扭乐! Twister!
我再把你的计划说一次 我被搞糊涂了 Run over your plan one more time. I'm struggling with it.
你把萨塔之光的记忆消除 但是却替自己留下线索 You neuralyzed memory of the Light but left yourself clues.
没错 Right.
西装口袋的照片指向一支钥匙 Photo pointing to a key in a pizzeria
它能打开中央车站的置物柜 which opens a locker at Grand Central.
-置物柜里会有另一个线索 -这就是计划 - In the locker, we'll find another clue. - That's the plan.
-我想把敌人搞得昏头转向 -大家都昏头转向了 - I like to keep my enemies confused. - We're all confused.
-你不会耽误我吧? -谁的大脑在用过时软件啊? - Are you gonna slow me down? - Your brain's working on old software.
你去买两杯咖啡吧? Why don't you go grab us some coffee?
好哇 你要加什么? 两块我拉的屎吗? Sure. How do you take it? Black? Couple cubes of kiss my ass?
我不想让你受伤 退后一点 I don't know what's in there, so step back.
拜托 快打开来吧 Kay, for real, man. Open the damn locker.
光明使者回来了 Kay! He's back! The light giver!
K万岁! All hail Kay! All hail Kay!
K 你赐给我们光亮 Oh, kay, can you see By the dawn's early light
原来你是置物柜的救世主 You are the man who would be king of the train locker.
慈悲的主! Praise Kay!
C18置物柜的善良子民... Oh, good and gentle townsfolk of Locker C-18
-我有没有留下什么? -有 时光器 - did I leave anything here? - Yes. The timekeeper.
它照亮了街道和我们的心 Left to illuminate our streets and hearts.
-我一直在找这支手表 -钟楼不见了! - l've been looking everywhere for this. - Merciful one! The clock tower!
别急...我有办法 I got y'all, it's cool. Check this out.
钛合金外壳 防水功能 Titanium case. Waterproof to over 300 meters.
-很炫吧? -陌生人 你是谁? - That's banging. - Who are you, stranger?
J万岁! jay!
J 你赐给我们光亮 All hail jay! All hail jay!
-J 你是我们的守护 -走吧 - Oh, merciful jay, the keeper of - Come on.
-等等 十诫! -那些碑文! - Wait! The commandments! - The tablet!
碑文...碑文... The tablet! The tablet! The tablet! The tablet!
我们一直谨守诫律 和平相处 We have lived by its word, and peace has reigned throughout our world.
到外面传道 让他们得救 Pass it on to others! So that they too may be enlightened!
好心点 请倒带 Be kind! Rewind!
也就是心存善念... Reconcile your past...
反省过错 这样才能拥有美好未来 in order to move into your future!
每星期三租两卷算一卷 Two for one every Wednesday.
在这神圣的日子要有奉献精神 Give twice as much as ye receive on our most sacred of days.
每个星期三 Every Wednesday.
大量的成人录影带在后面 Large adult entertainment section in the back.
真够夸张 That's just nasty.
-这卡片是怎么回事? -我不知道 - What's with the video card? - Don't know.
-你为什么留下手表? -为了提醒自己 - The watch? - A reminder.
-提醒什么? -我不记得 - Of what? - Can't remember.
猜猜看 Guess.
我们要在午夜之前 也就是还剩59分钟去找到答案 I guess we have till midnight. 59 minutes to figure it out.
我有个好点子 别去找这么麻烦的线索... Look. Here's an idea. Let's stop chasing butt-backwards clues
拿两把核融碳化枪攻回总部 get a couple fission carbonizers and get our headquarters back.
谜底就快揭晓了 It's all about to make sense, kid.
这张卡还有效吗? Is this card valid?
-它在我出生前就没在用了 -我一直在出差 - This card hasn't been used in years. - l've been away on business.
-他有几十亿的累积里程数 -用得到才怪 - Billions of frequent flier miles. - Try and use them.
我一直想去高棉 那儿的龙虾大餐只要一块钱 I wanted to go to Cambodia. You can get a lobster dinner for a dollar.
航空公司却不让你在假日使用 The airlines black out holidays.
我确定这一定是阴谋 我是说... It's a conspiracy, I'm sure, I mean
这上面有什么资料? Can you tell us anything about the account?
你一直没来租一卷带子 You never checked out a tape.
你预留了 可是都没来拿 You reserved one once, but you never picked it up.
-牛顿 -有一只大老鼠卡在马桶 - Newton. - There's a rat in the toilet.
冲不下去 要尿就尿在... It's all stopped up. You're gonna have to pee in the sin
-你还敢说我有妄想症? -当然啰 - Still think I'm paranoid? - Yeah.
两位 我是店长牛顿 最近见过外星人吗? Gentlemen, my name is Newton. I run the place. Seen any aliens lately?
-你需要看心理医生 -他看过了 没有用 - You need professional help. - He's getting it. It's not working.
新的案子 是吧? Okay, so, new case, huh?
第27集 萨塔之光 Episode 27, Light of Zartha.
找到了 Got it.
夏拉 你这天才不该被关起来 jarra, it's a sin they've kept a genius like you locked away.
乳臭未干的J探员 逮到我在黑市兜售臭氧层 Their agent jay caught me siphoning ozone to sell on the black market.
他们很怕温室效应 They're touchy about global warming.
我要一艘太空船 要比光速快三百倍 I need a spacecraft that can travel 300 times the speed of light.
办到了你要什么都行 I'll give you whatever you want.
-把J交给我 就算扯平 -太好了 - Give me jay. We'll call it even. - Groovy.
午夜前要搞定 You've got till midnight.
垃圾桶 你有一项特别任务 Gatbot, I got a little something special for you.
牛顿...是你吗? Newton? Newton, is that you?
对啦 妈 我跟朋友在一起 Yes, Mom, I'm up here with some friends.
我好想跟你生宝宝 I wanna have your baby.
你要不要吃迷你披萨? Would you like some mini-pizza?
要吃迷你披萨吗? 很好吃哦 You guys want some mini-pizzas? They're good.
就像培果加了披萨料 They're like mini-bagels, with pizza stuff on them.
她还会撒起司粉 She'll put a little fontina cheese on.
不过她老是手颤撒了太多 She has palsy, so she ends up putting a lot of cheese on.
不要 我们不吃 No, thanks, we're cool.
好吧 All right.
在这儿 Over here.
就是这卷 This is it.
终于找到物证了 Finally some hard evidence.
我在放之前有一个问题 Gentlemen, before I play the tape, one question:
外星人干嘛老爱探人屁眼? What's up with anal probing?
他们穿越浩瀚星空就是为了... Aliens travel billions of light years just to check out our
小子 快放 Boy, move.
好啦 我只是问问嘛 Okay. just a question.
这是一起"没发生过"的事件... Here is one of their stories that "never happened"
来自一个"不存在"的档案 from one of their files that doesn't exist.
1978年 五十年来萨塔人陷入苦战 1978. Devastating war of Zartha had raged on for 50 years.
很像斯皮尔伯格的作品 Looks like Spielberg's work.
但他们有一个宝物 萨塔之星 But the Zarthans had a great treasure, the Light of Zartha.
它拥有威力强大的能量... A source of power so awesome, it alone
它可以让萨塔人获得胜利... could mean victory and restoration for the Zarthans
但落入敌手后果就不堪设想 or complete annihilation, if it fell into the hands of the kylothians.
一批萨塔人来到地球 首领是萨塔之光守护者... A group of Zarthans made the journey, led by the keeper of the Light
劳拉 Lauranna.
劳拉公主 Princess Lauranna.
她求星际战警把萨塔之光藏起来 Lauranna beseeched the Men in Black to help her hide the Light on Earth.
但是他们不能干涉 But they could not intervene.
不对 No.
当时是晚上 It was night.
下着雨 And it was raining.
算你聪明 You've been very wise.
如果塞琳娜抢走萨塔之光 我们的星球就会被毁灭 kay, please. If Serleena takes the Light, it's the end of our world.
如果把萨塔之光藏在地球 If we extend protection for the Light beyond Earth
地球就会受到威胁 我们别无选择 必须保持中立 we put Earth in jeopardy. We must remain neutral.
-东西在哪儿? -我们要保持中立? - Where is it? - We're neutral, remember?
你要的话就去拿吧 lf you want it, go get it.
不! No!
这事件被历史淹没 And so never knowing it happened
神秘的星际战警 the people of Earth were once again saved
再次拯救地球 by a secret society of protectors
我不该那么做 l shouldn't have.
你没把它送走 You never sent it off the planet.
你把它藏在这儿 You hid it here.
虫虫族 The worm guys.
你是牛顿的病友吗? Are you one of Newton's friends from therapy?
-是的 请看这里 -你想吃迷你披萨吗? - Yes, ma'am, I am. Look here, please. - Would you like some mini-pizz--?
记忆消除器 A neuralyz
好了 先去买隐形眼镜 Okay, first, get some contact lenses.
你活像只四眼田鸡 joints look like they pick up cable.
然后带她去高棉吃龙虾大餐 别只花一块钱 Second, take her to Cambodia. Get her lobster. Pay more than a dollar.
你从高棉回来... Third, the second y'all get back from Cambodia
就搬出你老妈的家 move your bum ass out of your mom's house.
-走吧 -你看来都快四十岁了 - Let's go. - Boy, you like 40 years old.
-J探员 -来了啦 - Agent jay? - All right, all right.
对了 没有外星人或黑衣人 And there ain't no such thing as aliens or Men in Black.
-你想去高棉吗? -好啊 - You wanna go to Cambodia? - Yeah.
嘿 老妈? Hey, Mom?
通讯器 J Communicator, jay.
-劳拉 是我 -我们在玩扭扭乐 - Laura, it's me. - jay, we're playing Twister.
怎么样? What's up, jay?
-别摸我屁股 -抱歉 我以为是你的脸 - Quit touching my butt! - I thought it was your face.
他们没有脊椎 超会扭的 They're good at this. They don't have spines.
而且欧普拉不是来自芝加哥 They were telling me about Oprah, from Chicago.
她在芝加哥降落才对 Maybe landed in Chicago.
-你戴着手链吗? -是啊 - Are you wearing a bracelet? - Yeah.
它在发亮吗? ls it glowing?
-它从来没发亮过 -我们马上赶到 - It's never done that before. - We're on our way.
通讯器 弗兰克 Communicate, Frank.
快去地下C层解除封锁状态 Deactivate the lockdown.
我们要去虫虫家找萨塔之光 We're headed to the worm guys. We found the Light.
-收到了 J -头 Got it, jay. Scrad?
臭婊子 Bitch.
你怎么不说我爱你? Why didn't you say I love you?
他是只狗耶 我才不爱它 He's a dog. I don't even like him.
我是说那女孩 你喜欢她 No, the girl. You're sweet on her.
所以你没消除她的记忆 你对她产生感情 That's why you didn't neuralyze her. You got emotionally involved.
-就像你对劳拉一样? -我对她的感情让地球陷入危机 - Like you did with Lauranna? - I put the entire planet in danger.
我不想看到你犯同样的错 I don't want to see you making my mistakes.
随便啦 Whatever, man.
劳拉? Laura?
该死 Damn!
他们丢了一半小命 Never stood half a chance.
天啊 Oh, boy.
这一定会留下疤痕 That's gonna leave a scar.
-劳拉呢? -在MiB总部 - Where's Laura? - MiB headquarters.
-被双头人抓走了 -他们拿到手链 - Some dumb two-headed guy. - They got the bracelet.
只剩39分钟... We got 39 minutes. You guys...
你们要振作一点 pull yourselves together.
真是的 Damn.
这样好多了 That's feeling better.
-等一下 -让我拿饮料 - Hey, guys, wait up! - Let me grab my drink!
塞琳娜干嘛带走劳拉? Serleena has the bracelet. Why take Laura?
她也要我 She also wants me.
-现在要怎么处理? -管它的 大开杀戒吧 - What's the book say? - We're off book. I say split some wigs.
-我们需要强大火力 -有 - We need wig-splitting weapons. - Got them.
别紧张 我以前住这儿 我只是来拿点东西 Don't worry, folks. I used to live here. Came to pick up a few things.
好温馨的家 Nice place.
拜拜 See you.
你们没看到武器和四只夜行虫 You did not see a room full of weapons or four aliens.
你们要一辈子珍惜对方 You will cherish and love each other for the rest of your lives.
搞不好半小时后世界就毁灭 Which could be the next 28 minutes, so get to loving and cherishing.
小朋友多晚睡都没关系... And she can stay up as late as she want
尽量让她多吃饼干和糖果 and have cookies and candy and stuff.
4分钟后发射 Four minutes to launch.
-太空船准备好了 -很好 送到卡洛琳星 - Your ship is ready. - Good. Send it to Kyloth now.
好了吗? Ready, guys?
子弹上膛了 Lock and load, baby.
-你呢 小鬼? -小鬼? - You ready, kid? - Kid?
我可是击退了奎朗人 I saved the world from a Kreelon invasion.
奎朗人是出了名的逊 他们对着你丢雪球吗? They're the Backstreet Boys of the universe. They throw snowballs?
你知道自己在干嘛吗? Know what you're doing?
我即将跟四条虫和一名邮差... I'm about to attack one of the most feared aliens
对付全宇宙最凶狠的恶棍 with four worms and a mailman. Let's make it hot.
等等! No, no, wait!
总部被全面封锁! A code 1 01 lockdown!
我知道啦 整栋大楼都加压 The building gets pressurized.
进出不得 我当然知道 Nothing in, nothing out. I knew that.
才怪 虫虫 进攻! Yeah, you knew. Front and center, worms!
收到 You got it.
你们早该来了 大美女把里面搞得天翻地覆 It's about time you guys got here. That lady is causing all kinds of hell.
我要大快朵颐了 Yummy. Someone I need to eat.
到发射室 手链会显示出发点 Get to the launch pad. The bracelet shows the departure point.
-无论如何都别回来找我 -什么意思? - Do not come back for me. - What?
千万别回来找我 Do not come back for me.
-虫虫们 开枪掩护我 -我好怕 不敢动 - Worm guys, give me some cover fire. - Too scared, can't move.
快去! Go!
-帅哦 -找到7RD主控板 - Limber. - Go to subcontrol panel 7-R-Delta.
-切断电源 别让他们起飞 -不行 我好怕 - Shut off power so they can't take off. - Can't. Too scared.
-那儿哦 -没有子弹 - That way. - Away from the bullets.
没问题 No problem.
很高兴又见面了 K Nice to see you again, Kay.
-3分钟后发射 -J! - Three minutes to launch. - jay!
3分钟后发射 Three minutes to launch.
J 好久不见 Hello, jay. Long time.
夏拉 你的气色真好 jarra! What's up, man? You look great.
-五年没见了 -五年又四十二天 - What's it been? Five years? - And 42 days.
蹲苦窖的日子我记得一清二楚 You count every one when you're locked away.
你不该偷走臭氧层 我一分钟后就来救你 You shouldn't have tried to steal our ozone. Be there in one minute.
你休想! Over our dead titanium bodies!
两分钟 Two minutes.
这次可能要久一点 Let's play this one by ear.
-我早该把你消灭掉 -你真的很爱劳拉 - I should have vaporized you before. - You really did love Lauranna.
对吧? Didn't you, Kay?
你这个痴心汉 You silly little man.
2分钟后发射 Two minutes to launch.
快逃吧 我不会有事 just go, I'll be fine!
别胡说八道 我赢了耶 What you talking about? I'm winning.
你这么丑还有这么多分身... jarra, you are under arrest for being that ugly
我要把你关进大牢 快投降吧! and for making that many copies. Surrender!
我要把你碎尸万段 I want him in pieces.
-哇靠 -他差点没命 - Rectum. - Damn near killed him!
超夸张的! Never get tired of that one.
-该怎么切断电源呀? -我不知道 - Where do we shut off the power? - Don't know.
-我没事 我马上就来 -想都别想 - I'm fine. I'll be there in a minute. - No, he won't.
只剩一个了! Down to one now, jarra!
30秒后发射 Thirty seconds to launch.
15秒后发射 Fifteen seconds to launch.
10秒后发射 Ten seconds to launch.
发射中止 Launch terminated.
-别小看我 我绝不逃命 -他抢走你的枪 - What did you mean, leave you? - Well, he took your gun.
揍你的脑袋 把你摔得惨兮兮 Cracked your head. Slammed you across the room.
-你被打到满地爬 -这是苦肉计 - Half the time you were on your back. - Look, that's how I fight.
你输了 You've lost, you insignificant speck.
你白白浪费我25年的时间? You've wasted 25 years of my time, and for what?
萨塔星还是会被摧毁 都是你一时心软 The total annihilation of Zartha. All because you went mushy.
你这软骨头 快投降吧 I'll give you one last chance to surrender, you slimy invertebrate.
-你能阻止我吗? -我不能 他能 - What are you gonna do to stop me? - Not me. Him.
你的班机被取消了 Your flight's been canceled.
切断电源 切断电源 Shut down power. Shut down power.
好多按钮哦 我用猜的... Buttons, buttons. I'm guessing
对啦 Yeah.
-虫虫! -抱歉 - Worms! - Sorry.
-把手链给我 -我要跟你去 - Give me the bracelet. - I'm going with you.
大家上车 都上车 Everybody in the car. Everybody.
萨塔之光竟然是这条手链? This bracelet is what everybody's been after?
有时候小东西也很重要 It's often something small.
手链只会显示出发点 It's not the Light. It tells us the departure point.
11分钟后赶不到那儿... lf we don't get there in 1 1 minutes
手链就会爆炸 摧毁地球 that bracelet will go nuclear and destroy Earth.
什么? What?!
你们好 Hello.
-慢着 -我搞得定啦 - Wait. - I know what I'm doing.
可恶 Damn.
-这辆车有高速功能! -系好安全带 - Modified to hyper-speed! - Seat belts.
这是什么? What's that?
高速操控器 用来控制方向 At hyper-speed, you have to use the navigational stalk.
用开关切换左右副翼 用摇杆控制升降和速度 Toggle switches for the ailerons. joysticks for the stabilizer and rudder.
我要你知道.... I just want you to know
等一下再跟我说 Hold on to that for one second.
帮我接总部 Computer, worms.
我跟她说 臭婊子听好了 你不想被我踢爆屁股的话 I said, "Bitch, if you don't want me to kick your skinny Zone Diet ass
-就给我乖乖滚蛋 -弗兰克 你在哪儿? - turn around and exit the planet." - Frank, where are you?
指挥大厅 Main hall, egg display.
我们遭到攻击 K 快按红钮 We're taking fire. Kay pushed the red button.
总部 锁定目标 我教你 Computer at MiB can destroy bogey. I'll walk you through it.
J 弗兰克 你是一只狗的最好搭档 jay? Frank. You were the best darn partner a Remoolian could ever have.
安息吧 Godspeed.
弗兰克? Frank? Frank?
启动自动驾驶 Okay, here we go, automatic pilot.
-这不是自动驾驶 -高速飞行时不管用 - It is not automatic piloting. - He doesn't operate at hyper-speed.
-我要的是方向盘! -只有这玩意 -I could use a steering wheel! -This is what we got.
-你没打过游戏机吗? -什么游戏机? - Didn't you ever have a Game Boy? - What's that?
逊毙了 走开 You know what? Move.
喂 那可不是摇杆! That is not the navigational stalk!
直接向下 Okay, straight down.
白痴 Idiots.
你进隧道甩不掉她的 Subway may not be the best place to lose her.
-他在哪儿? -他? - Where is he? - He?
杰夫 坐好了! jeff. Hang on!
哎呀 Oops.
大钢牙 Teeth.
快来不及了 萨塔之光呢? Running out of time, Kay. Where is the Light?
在这儿 Right here.
-什么? -我就是萨塔之光? - What? - What, I'm the Light?
-不可能 -你要去救一个星球 -No. No way. -You have a planet to save.
你搞错了 我在披萨店打工 You're mistaken. I work at a pizzeria.
两天前我还是个邮差 你不能否定你的本性 Two days ago, I was running a post office. You are who you are.
你就是萨塔之光 Laura, you are the Light.
萨塔人的精神领袖和救星 The leader of your people. Their spirit and their hope.
你有力量拯救星球 The power is within you to save a planet.
我一直在保护你 你办得到的 I protected you until it was your time. Your time is now.
现在你要去拯救家园 You will save a world. You know things before they happen.
-我是天秤座 -你是萨塔人 - I'm a Libra. - You're Zarthan.
-你难过时总会下雨 -很多人在下雨的时候都会难过 - When you get sad, it rains. - Lots of people get sad when it rains.
会下雨是因为你难过 It rains because you're sad, baby.
这不公平 It's not fair.
这就是人生 Never is.
这是你的本性... We are who we are
人不能忘本 even if we sometimes forget.
杰夫 我没心情骂你! jeff, I am so not in the mood for you!
给我回地铁隧道去! 马上! Get back in the subway! Now!
情况不妙 That's not good.
等等 Wait! No!
你一定要立刻上船 I cannot emphasize strongly enough how much we need you on that transport.
劳拉 你非走不可 Laura! You have to go!
哎哟 天啊 Oh, jeez.
他不会有事 这算小意思 Go. He's fine. He does this all the time.
不行! Nope!
小心我扁你 About to lay the smackdown on your candy ass.
劳拉 这是你的使命 Laura! It's your destiny!
我在说话耶! I was talking, Kay!
不准咬人 Hey! No biting.
你不走我们都会死 If you don't go, we all die.
你跟你妈一样美 You're just as beautiful as your mother.
帮帮忙 K? Kay? A little help?
麻烦用大一点的枪 Might I suggest a bigger gun?
-小子? -干嘛 - Kid? - Yeah.
-谢谢你把我带回来 -不客气 - Thanks for bringing me back. - No problem.
你怎么不早说? Why didn't you tell me?
你会让她走吗? Would you have let her go?
当平凡人的感觉如何? 不必每天出生入死 So, what's it like on the outside? Not doing this every day?
还不赖 It's nice.
周末睡懒觉 看气象频道 Sleep late on the weekends. Watch the Weather Channel.
不过我很想念大城市 l did miss this city.
劳拉是劳拉公主的女儿 So Laura is Princess Lauranna's daughter.
-你们有没有...? -MiB总部一团糟 走吧 - Did y'all...? - MiB's a mess. Let's go, kid.
走? Let's go?
成千上万人看到这一场好戏 Thousands of people in New York and New jersey saw our little event.
我们要想出周详的计划 你在...? Plan needs to be thought out. Plan needs to be cool. What you...?
你还有得学呢 Kid, I'll get you trained yet.
我也要那玩意 I want one of those.
妈的! Damn!
-喂 -喂 - Hey. - Hey.
-你还好吧? -我很好 - How you doing? - I'm good.
那就好 大家都碰过这种事 We've all been there.
马子跑了你很伤心 想聊吗? The girl is gone and it hurts. Wanna talk?
-不想 -我可以帮忙 - No. - I can help.
不要 No.
你还在难过吗? Still sulking?
-没有啊 -是啊 - No. - Yeah.
你想念她 谁不会呢? 我泡过一个性感辣妹 You miss her. It happens to all of us. I knew this hot young thing.
我们用各种姿势翻云覆雨... When our bodies were in the positions of the Kamasutra...
拜托! Zed!
别来这套 很恶心耶! Come on, man! Damn!
女孩子最善变了 I'll tell you about dames.
她们要你舔耳朵其实是想 They say they want to be scratched, but they really want:
搞什么 弗兰克! Hey! Frank.
还在难过吗? 需要建议吗? What? Still sitting shiva? Want my advice?
我不要建议 No. No advice.
也不想聊天 No talking.
尤其是你 Hell, no.
拜托 我好得很 Fellas, I swear, I'm fine.
J万岁! All hail jay! All hail jay!
-我从中央车站把他们带来 -你干嘛放在我的柜子? - I brought them from Grand Central. - Why put them in my locker?
我只是想让你开心一下 I thought it would put things in perspective.
K 他们很可怜耶 我们得放他们出去 It's kind of sad. We need to let them out.
让他们知道外面世界很大 They need to know the world is bigger than that.
你还是搞不清状况 Still a rookie.