《如果还有明天》前情提要 Previously on The Big C...
乔伊·克莱曼 Joy Kleinman,
人生导师 癌症康复患者和快乐学家 life coach, cancer survivor, and joyologist.
-你的博客真是鼓舞人心 -谢谢 - Your blog is inspirational. - Thank you.
保罗·贾米森 Paul Jamison...
你愿意上台来 How 'bout coming up here
给大家讲讲你的故事吗 and sharing your story with us?
我有三分钟处于死亡状态 I was dead for three minutes.
我看到了一道光 There was this light.
围绕着我们 I think it's all around us.
下次我会给你精彩的演讲付报酬的 The next time, you get paid for that gold.
我在做同性电话性爱这一行 I'm running a gay phone sex business.
-我叫杰茜 -我叫亚当 - I'm Jesse. - Adam.
我父母刚告诉我他们想收养一个婴儿 My parents just told me they want to adopt a baby,
我觉得他们完全疯了 which is, like, totally insane.
有信仰的意义在于有上帝为你留意一切 Having faith means god's watching out for you.
显然没人愿意把孩子托付给一个癌症患者 Apparently nobody wants to give a kid to the cancer lady.
如果你非常想要什么 光乞求没用 If you really want something, you don't ask for it.
要誓不罢休 You demand it.
你昨晚登了我的博客 Did you go on my blog last night
然后写了我们非常想要孩子吗 and post about how we wanted a baby?
-是的 -有个人刚给我留言 - I did. - Well, this guy just wrote me,
他的妻子怀孕了 and his wife's pregnant.
他们 他们想和我们见面 Oh, they want-- they want to meet us!
他们 They--
季第五集
还有明天
第三
如果
还有明天
如果
人人影视倾情奉献
翻译 凌魂
翻译 pity陈小洁
翻译 一不二
翻译 复古苹果脸
一灯大狮桃花开
翻译
跳跳糖
翻译
子衿
时间轴
Shadow
校对
直面人生萨拉丁
校对
特效/后期 飞飞/孤帆
安然若水
总监
有人怀孕后狂吃泡菜 Some pregnant women crave pickles.
而我则是不停地喝水 I just am guzzling water.
就好像我怀了个海绵宝宝似的 It's like I'm creating a sponge baby.
凯西在妊娠晚期时胀气极其严重 Cathy just got incredibly gassy her third trimester.
还记得吗 亲爱的 Remember that, honey?
真是无比煎熬 但我喜欢怀孕的过程 Human Hindenburg, but I loved being pregnant.
不像很多事情 虽然过程艰难 Unlike most things that involve discomfort,
但你最终能得到想要的回报 you actually -- you end up with something you want.
对不起 这样说不太合适 I'm sorry. That was insensitive.
没关系 真的 It's fine, really.
我们不介意把孩子送人 We're -- we're fine about giving up the baby.
有的女人知道自己想要孩子 Some women always know that they want to have kids,
而我老早就知道我不想要 and I always knew that I didn't.
我也一样 有过动摇 Yeah, same, and if anything,
但这次经历证明我们是对的 the pregnancy really confirmed that for us.
没错 还教育了我们不要用便宜的套子 Yeah. Also taught us not to use cheap condoms.
你可以把这个写到博客上 You can put that in your blog.
我还真可以写 You know, I think I might.
我得说 保罗 I've got to tell you, Paul,
我们认为你的博客酷到家了 we think your blog is really cool.
就好像你坐在电脑前 I mean, it's just, like, you on a computer screen,
把你的整个人生呈现给大家 like, the way you put your whole life out there.
谢谢 Thank you.
其实我也不知道怎么回事 You know, I-I don't know.
我不过是写出了"心"声 I guess I just write with what's left of my heart.
我们从博客上了解到你们的状况 Well, it makes you all really familiar.
我是说你得癌症的事 I mean, the fact that you have cancer and...
是啊 为什么你们不介意呢 Yeah... Why are you okay with that?
我小时候我妈妈也得了癌症 My mom had cancer when I was a kid,
我讨厌别人对她的评价 and I just hated how people wrote her off.
她今天还在呢 She's still here.
还"健"在 Well, she's not here,
她住亚利桑那州 我们常通电话 she's in Arizona -- or on the phone,
她总是温柔地建议我们要好好生活 gently suggesting how we should live our lives.
但是 Um, but...
有件事得告诉你们 Well, we should tell you something.
好啊 Okay.
我们来这里几天了 We've been in town for a few days.
我们还见了另一对夫妻 Meeting with another couple we're just considering
他们的条件也不错 as adoptive parents.
这在...情理之中 That's...makes sense.
-我能明白 -是啊 - I get that. - Yeah.
多一个选择也无可厚非 That you'd...be talking to someone else.
男方是工程师 女方是做公关的 Yeah, yeah, he's an engineer, she's in P.R.
他们比较年轻 大约多少岁 They're kind of young. Like...what?
三十出头吧 Early 30s.
没错 但是他们没有孩子 Yeah. But they have no kids,
你们有孩子 这点我们很喜欢 and we like the fact that you have a kid.
因为你们有经验 I mean, you've had practice.
是啊 我们的经验 Oh, boy, we have practice.
就是被这孩子操练出来的 Here's our practice kid.
他像个运动员 He looks like a total jock.
没错 他是个运动健将 Oh, absolutely, he's very athletic.
他踢足球 Oh, man, soccer, soccer.
足球是秋天的事了 保罗 Soccer was fall, Paul.
-还玩曲棍球 -现在他玩 - And hockey, hockey. - And now it's--
-现在是曲棍球 -现在是曲棍球 - Now it's hockey. - Now it's hockey.
我们想在临走前见见他 We'd like to meet him before we go back home,
如果你们不是很忙的话 if you guys aren't too busy.
一点不忙 明晚怎么样 No, no, no, tomorrow night?
-可以 -六点如何 - Yeah. - 6:00?
他们还联系了一对更年轻的夫妇 They're talking to a younger couple?
这也来得太突然了 What kind of a bomb is that to drop?
我们拿什么和年轻人比 How are we supposed to compete with "younger"?
首先 我们在 Well, we're gonna kill 'em
头脑和天赋方面会大获全胜的 in the brains and talent competition, first of all.
-说正经的 保罗 -正经的 - Seriously, Paul. - Seriously?
我们就打经验牌 We're going to play the parent card.
亚当是我们的王牌 亲爱的 Adam is our ace in the hole, honey.
他能帮我们打败 That is how we're going to vanquish
那对没养过孩子的年轻夫妇 this younger, childless couple.
-痛宰他们 -你说得对 - Screw 'em. - You know, you're right.
如果我们能得到亚当的帮助 If we can just get him involved in all this,
让他见见戴夫和玛克辛 then Dave and Maxine, they will meet him.
他们就会明白我们是多棒的父母 They will see what great parents we are.
至少大多数时候如此 Nine days out of ten.
但你得帮我做大扫除 But I'm gonna need your help deep-cleaning the house.
如果没有臭袜子味会好许多 It would be nice if it smelled a little less like socks.
亲爱的 我很乐意帮忙 但我要排练 Honey, I am all about helping, but I have to rehearse.
我明晚要给乔伊留出时间 还记得吗 I'm opening for Joy tomorrow night, remember?
我的首次正式演讲 My first official gig.
我在网上已经出名了 My name's on the website and everything.
博客的点击率一飞冲天 Traffic on the blog is going through the frickin' roof.
我告诉你 那女人简直能呼风唤雨 That chick is a rainmaker, I'm telling you.
这太棒了 保罗 That is great, Paul,
但现在有人想抢走我们的领养权 but this adoption just turned into a contest,
我们必须拿下他们 and we are in it to win it.
你什么时候才能先敲门 Maybe one day you'll actually wait
等我说"请进"以后再进来 till I say "come in" before you come in.
玩什么呢 好像很有意思 Sounds like fun. What is it?
一个打僵尸的赛车游戏 It's like a car race plus killing zombies.
等你解决完僵尸之后 Ah, well, after you're finished killing zombies,
再解决一下屋里的灰尘怎么样 how'd you like to kill some dust in here?
在面上抹一抹就行 Just swiffer some surfaces,
然后把澡洗了 六点务必在家 and make sure you're cleaned up and home by 6:00.
那对想寄养孩子的夫妇要来拜访 The couple who's giving us their baby, they're coming for a visit.
为什么 Why?
来见你一面 To meet you.
你是我们教子有方的唯一证据 Since you're the only example of our parenting skills.
他们会喜欢你的 They'll love you,
你也可以带米雅过来 and also feel free to invite Mia.
他们也会喜欢她的 They'll love her too.
我们分手了 We broke up.
你们分手了? 为什... You did? Wh--
我怎么不知道 你应该告诉我的 Why don't I know this? I should know this.
关于收养孩子的事情 I-is there anything you want to ask me
你有什么要问我的吗 about the adoption?
再过一会儿你就要和那对夫妇见面了 You know, before you meet Dave and Maxine--
妈 如果你真的在乎我的想法 Mom, if you really cared what I thought,
你就会在决定收养孩子之前 you would have talked to me before you
先和我谈谈 started this whole thing.
我很喜欢这句台词 Okay, I like this one a lot,
但我想听听你的意见 but I want you to be honest.
"触碰光明" 怎么样 How about... "Reach for the light?"
不行 No?
好吧 这是有点老套 Okay, this is a little corny,
但有时熟悉的事物能勾起观众的兴趣 but sometimes, we need a little cheese to bring them in.
"我是天堂来使" "Heaven sent me."
听着 我不指望你喝彩 阿霸波 Look, I'm not looking for a standing o, Ababuo,
但该死的 你连气都不喘一个 but I can't even tell if you're fucking breathing or not.
你没断气吧 Are you breathing?
我才不会为了拍你的马屁 I'm not going to blow smoke up your a-hole
告诉你这几句写得有多好 and tell you that these lines are great.
作为你的新任私人助理兼造型师 As your new personal assistant-slash-style maker,
我的工作就是帮你找到 it's my job to help you find
你理想的品牌口号 the ideal catchphrase for your brand.
目前还没找到 We just haven't found it yet.
阿霸波 Ababuo,
我们只是还没找到"牛肉在哪里" we just haven't found my "Where's the beef?" yet,
风靡美国的汉堡广告词
但很接近了 but we will.
我不知道你说的什么牛肉 I don't know what beef you're talking about,
但你要是弯腰驼背地走上台 but if you don't walk out on stage looking good,
台词再好也没用 no one's going to listen to you anyway.
站直了 Stand up straight.
现在收腹 Now suck in...
胸也得往里缩 From your chest to the top of your belt.
缩啊 Do it.
缩了 I am.
天啊 老兄 Oh, shit, dude.
听我说 这都是因为写博客 好吗 Look, it's all this blogging, okay?
这个活儿需要久坐 It's very sedentary activity.
我可能长了几磅 I might have put on a few pounds.
我现在对自己的形象 I'm not feeling that great about
也不怎么满意 my silhouette right now,
所以我们能不能 so can we just, you know,
先忙眼前的事 stick to the task at hand?
嗨 贾太太 Oh, hey, Mrs. J.
我很遗憾那些孩子的父母 I'm sorry about those baby parents
搞什么年龄歧视 going all ageist on you.
把你和年轻妈妈相比太不公平了 It's not fair to compare you to some younger mama.
我是说 大家都知道 I mean, everybody knows that
金发美女易显老 blonde ladies don't age well.
很高兴知道这一点 Good to know.
保罗 我交待给你的事完成得如何 Paul, how done is that to-do list I gave you?
屋里已经打扫完毕 Inside list is done, and I swear to god,
屋外出发前保证弄好 the outside list will be finished before we leave,
不过亲爱的 先听听这个句子如何 but honey, how's this grab you?
"保罗之力" "Paul power."
拿棍子捅死我吧 Fuck me with a stick.
-索引卡放台上了吧 -是 - Are the index cards on stage? - Check.
水放过去了吗 The water -- the water's out there?
完毕 Check.
15分钟后开场 座无虚席 T minus 15, full house.
准备好了吗 保罗 You ready, Paul?
-你好 乔伊 -他好了 - Hi, Joy. - Oh, he's ready.
你是 And you are?
我想我还没向你介绍 I don't think I've ever introduced you
我了不起的助理 阿霸波 to my wonderful assistant, Ababuo.
-好 -你好 - Oh, hi. - Hi--uh?
我喜欢你的风格 我也看过你的书 I like your style. I also read your books.
继续做你在做的事 Keep doing what you're doing
你就会成为白人中的奥普拉 and you could be the white Oprah.
美国最具人气的脱口秀主持人
容我问一句 谁是奥普拉 Or as I say, "Oprah who?"
紧张吗 So...Any nerves?
肾上腺素有点过量 Eh, a little excess adrenaline.
记住 紧张就是兴奋的内在表现 Remember that nervousness is excitement turned inward.
你要利用它 You have to use that.
深呼吸 多吸几口气 And breathe deeply. Keep breathing,
这能放松身体 迪派客教我的 because it relaxes the body. Deepak taught me that.
印度裔美籍医生 演讲家 作家
好了 那么 All right, then...
-十分钟后登场 -该死的 - On stage in ten. - Oh, fuck.
哦对了阿霸波 Oh, and Ababuo,
出去之前不如拿一支我的唇膏 why don't you grab one of my lipsticks
能让你的双眼更加光彩哦 before you leave? It'll really make your eyes pop!
你看见了吧 You see? I mean,
这才是舞台上的大明星 that's what people want to see on stage.
有个性 有魅力 Personality, charisma...
有一身贵行头 Expensive extensions.
没错 但万一我没有这些素质呢 Yeah, but what if I don't have that?
听着 贾先生 Look, Mr. J,
我给你准备了个秘密武器 I got you a secret weapon.
是给孩子买的吗 你太好了 Is that for the baby? That's so nice.
不 是给你的 No, it's for you.
紧身T恤 就像是男版的塑形内衣 It's a compression T-shirt. It's like man spanx --
保证你看起来会瘦些 Guaranteed to make you look thinner
还能让你自然挺直 and put the lean back in your mean.
什么鸟东西 运动胸罩吗 What the fuck is next, a sports bra?
对 凯文 你很坏 Yes, Kevin, you have been bad.
你很... You've been, um...
你非常坏 坏透了 You've been very bad, you've--ooh, you have been bad.
坏孩子 你喜欢这个吗 凯文 Bad boy, yeah. You like that, Kevin?
回答错误 Wrong answer!
你听好了 凯文 我要你"来" Uh, here's your orders, Kevin. I want you to "cum".
对 就是现在 Yes, now.
来 凯文 来 "Cum", Kevin, "cum"!
很好 棒极了 Oh, yeah, awesome.
祝你一天淫快 Have a hot day.
你对你的脸做了什么 What in the name of rosacea
怎么搞成酒糟鼻了 have you done to your face?
我知道 我知道 I know, I know.
我去美容来着 I went to get a facial.
他们忽悠我做了个乙醇酸 They talked me into a glycolic peel.
说能让我年轻五岁 They said it would make me look five years younger
还没有副作用 with no side effects,
但是脸上有点烧 but it feels kind of hot, though.
天啊 都能在上面烤棉花糖了 Ooh, God, I could roast marshmallows off it.
库伯夫妻还在联系另一对夫妇 The Coopers are talking to another couple...
才三十多岁 In their 30s.
人们迷恋年轻人 这是个残酷的现实 Society's cruel infatuation with youth.
你无法反抗 我年迈的姐姐 You can't fight it, my aging sister.
但这孩子需要我们的帮助 But there is a baby at stake
如果戴夫和玛克辛能选中我们的话 who I know will thrive in this house
孩子就能和我在这个家庭里一起健康成长 and help me thrive if Dave and Maxine will just pick us.
那下一步呢 要不要做个拉皮 So what's next, a facelift?
除个眼纹 Eye job?
再减减颈部赘肉 给你加点印象分 You gonna address your neck wattles for good measure?
我不在乎这孩子长大后会不会叫我奶奶 Okay, I don't care if this kid grows up calling me grandma
我做美容只是为了今晚得到他的抚养权 once it's here, but tonight is all about winning,
这是个艰巨的任务 which is going to be tricky with
因为美容院给我整残了 my face looking like this
而且亲生儿子都不怎么搭理我 and the kid I already have barely talking to me.
你知道亚当和米雅分手了吗 Did you know that Adam broke up with Mia?
必须的啊 他什么都跟我说 Totally. He tells me everything.
是吗 Really?
我要跟他谈谈 I need to talk to him,
他得为今晚准备准备 and he needs to get ready for tonight.
他在我家主持教会活动呢 He's hosting his church group chez my place.
全是些狂热信徒 It is crawling with Holy Rollers,
所以我暂时把我的大本营转移到了这里 which is why I have temporarily moved my base of operations over here.
等等 他这会儿还在主持吗 Wait, he's hosting these things now?
对头 组里有好几个漂亮妞呢 Yup, and there's some hot chicks in that group too.
看起来 上帝是好的 Turns out God is good.
对 杰茜答对了 Yes, Jessie got it right.
小菜一碟 Nailed it.
忘记那些陈旧的观念 Forget the old perspective, you know?
真的 从现在开始 变悲观为乐观 Seriously, from now on, half-empty becomes half-full.
整个世界都会不一样 And it's like your whole world changes.
它不再那么操蛋 你会获得力量 It stops sucking, and you have the energy
从上帝的考验中学到东西 to actually learn from God's challenges,
而不是感觉自己 instead of feeling --
被完爆了 Hosed?
没错 Yeah.
上帝的本意是帮助你 亚当 God does not want you to feel hosed, Adam.
抱歉 Sorry.
我不知道这里有个小聚会 I didn't realize there was a "Partay" going on in here.
我是亚当的妈妈 就住街对面 I'm Adam's mom from across the street.
我就是来找亚当带他回家 I just came to get Adam and bring him home,
家里还有事情 所以 where he's supposed to be, so...
大家好 Hi, everyone.
你好 贾米森女士 Hey, Ms. Jamison.
我是杰茜 I'm Jessie...
亚当的女朋友 Adam's girlfriend.
很高兴见到你 亚当的新女友 Nice to meet you, Adam's new girlfriend.
很高兴你能来 贾米森女士 I'm glad you're here, Ms. Jamison.
你来干吗 而且你的脸怎么了 What are you doing and what happened to your face?
没什么 It's fine.
我只是想在库伯夫妻面前好看点 It's just...my attempt to look good for the Coopers.
还记得他们是谁吗 Remember them?
他们会在一小时内上门来见你 They're going to be at our house in an hour to meet you,
所以你得跟我回家 so you need to come with me.
你好 我是里克牧师 Hey, I'm Pastor Rick.
找个地方坐吧 歇一歇 Grab a chair, take a load off.
我没那个时间 下次吧 I really don't have the time. Maybe another time.
随时欢迎 我们每周都聚会 Well, you'd be welcome. We do this every week.
叙叙旧 放松一下 Just check in with each other, kick back,
享受友谊和美食 enjoy fellowship and some food.
聊聊小天 读读圣经 A little small talk, a little scripture.
我不是很懂圣经 You know, I don't know very much about scripture.
不知道经书上有没有写 Is there anything along the lines of...
"儿子应该听妈妈的话 "The son will do what the mom asks,
"不让她操多余的心" "so as not to stress her out even more"?
天啊 妈妈 开什么玩笑 God, mom, seriously?
我懂了 贾米森太太 Yeah, yeah, I mean... I hear you, Mrs. Jamison,
但有时孩子需要一点自我空间 but sometimes a kid just needs a little room --
我很确定我儿子需要什么 I'm pretty sure I know what my son needs.
现在 他需要跟我回家 And right now, he needs to come home.
我们有的是事要做 We have a lot on our collective plate.
你要记住 Well, you've got to remember,
上帝从不会给予我们过多的负担 God never gives us more than we can handle.
你觉得呢 You agree with that?
亚当 Adam?
亚当 Adam.
亚当 Adam!
你好 明尼阿波利斯 Hello, Minneapolis.
我是保罗·贾米森 你们是 I'm Paul Jamison, and you are...
一大群人 a whole lot of people.
来这里寻找激励 who are here to be inspired,
甚至被我这样的人激励 maybe even by me.
我只是个一不留神去鬼门关走了一遭 I'm just a guy who happened to kick the bucket
却又捡回一条命的人 and bounce back,
都多亏了我所谓的"保罗能量" Thanks to something that I call...Paul power.
是这样... And...
我闯过鬼门关那天 The day that I died,
领悟到那最重要的事情 I learned that the important thing,
并不是走向光明 it wasn't to go toward the light,
而是在惊醒之后 把握光明 but to wake up and reach for the light.
把握它 Reach for it.
我觉得我已经不认识你了 I feel like I don't know who you are.
你什么事都瞒着我不让我知道 You haven't exactly kept me in the loop
去教堂 还有新女朋友 about your church, your new girlfriend?
-去你的吧 -说什么呢 - This is bullshit. - Excuse me?
妈 你现在这么介意这事儿 Mom, the only reason you care now
就因为你想在今晚那些人面前看起来 is so you'll seem like some super-mom
像个无所不能的老妈一样 for those people tonight.
你想要把我当马戏表演一样遛给别人看 You want to trot me out like a circus act,
-我才不会做 -我只是想让你参与其中 - and I'm not going to do it. - I want you to be involved.
不 才不是 你就想让我们看起来 No, you don't. You just want us to seem
像一个死气沉沉的幸福之家 like some lame, happy family
好让戴夫和那个谁 for Dave and what's-her-name
把他们的孩子给你 so they'll give you their kid.
管好你自己 少对我的朋友指手画脚了 Just focus on yourself and stop judging my friends.
我没对任何人指手画脚啊 I'm not judging anyone.
我都看见了 妈 I saw you, mom.
最糟糕的地方在于 这些日子里正是 And what makes it really lousy is that they're the only people
跟他们在一起时 我才能放心做我自己 who make me feel like it's okay to be myself these days.
他们对我很好 They're nice to me,
而且并不是因为有求于我 and not because they need something.
也许是你对上帝有什么意见吧 Maybe you just have something against god.
我没有 I don't.
真没有 我只是... I don't. I just...
信仰这个问题上 你脑袋要聪明点 I want you to be smart about what you believe in.
这是你身上一个很大的优点 It's one of the things I love about you.
你很聪明 You're smart.
是啊 没错 我很聪明 Yeah. Yeah, I am smart.
所以动动脑子就知道你不该收养孩子 Smart enough to know that you shouldn't be adopting a baby
因为你有癌症 when you have cancer.
我不得不意识到 But I had to learn
不能指望医生来给我开生活的"药方" that no doctor could write a prescription for my life...
抑或任何事的"药方" Or for anything, for that matter--
该死的 Fuck it.
这上面可真他妈的热 It's so fucking hot up here.
这比关岛还他妈热 It's hotter than fucking Guam.
在这种灯下照着要他妈想不出汗 You'd have to be embalmed
都得经过防腐处理吧 not to sweat under these fucking lights.
也许问题出在我的压力塑身衣上 Maybe it's my compression shirt.
好吧 大公开 我穿了压力塑身衣 Okay, full disclosure: I'm wearing a compression shirt.
是不是很性感 Isn't it sexy?
你们懂的 穿上就像蟒蛇一样 You know, and it feels like a fucking anaconda.
我的天啊 Oh, god.
可能是... 他妈的 Or maybe it's... Oh, shit.
可能是有点无害老一套的心律失常 Maybe it's a little good, old-fashioned arrhythmia.
天啊 你们今天 Oh, boy, you guys are getting
可是值回票价了啊 是不是 the whole show today, aren't you?
看过我博客的都知道接下来要发生什么了 Well, anybody who reads my blog knows what happens next.
阿霸波 阿霸波 Ababuo? Ababuo?
天啊 Oh, my god.
我可爱的助理阿霸波 将现场确认 My lovely assistant, Ababuo, will now determine
我的心脏是否需要电击以求恢复正常 whether my heart needs to be jolted back to normalcy.
-需要 -该死 - It does. - Shit.
好的 大家别慌 Okay, don't panic, everybody.
你们看着都觉得疼 其实老子更疼 This is going to feel even worse than it looks.
好吧 All right.
一 二 三 来吧 One, two, three, go.
把灯闭了 Oh, cut the lights.
把灯闭了 Cut the lights.
我没事 I'm okay.
开灯 打开开关 Turn on the lights. Flip the switch.
我没事 我没事 I'm okay, I'm okay.
打开开关 没事的 Flip the switch, it's okay.
我的天啊 Oh, god. Oh, boy.
很抱歉你们得看到这一幕 Oh, sorry that you had to see that.
这真是...古怪又恐怖 That was...weird and scary,
我还一点儿也不难为情 and not a little embarrassing for me,
真是对不起大家了 so I apologize for that.
不过 But...
这也... Well, it's also-- it's--
是一个活生生的证据 I guess it's living proof that,
证明当生命陷入黑暗时 你总是可以 when your life gets dark, you can...
通过打开一个开关 让一切好转 You can flip a switch and-- and--and things can get better.
这是个入木三分的隐喻吧 And that's a really powerful metaphor.
我是说 我们都喜欢把我们不幸的原因 I mean, we all love to blame all these outside forces
归罪于生活中那些外在的因素 in our life for the things that make us miserable.
但事实却是 But the truth is that,
想要外在有所改善的秘诀是 the secret to making things better on the outside
打开你内心的开关 is just to flip that switch that's on the inside.
我们每个人都有一个开关 And we've all got that switch.
这里面的每个人都有能力 There's not one person in this room that
去做出一个积极正面的选择 对吗 doesn't have the power to make a positive choice, right?
去描绘一个更好的生活 To imagine a better life.
而我们要做的就是打开我们的开关 All we need to do is flip that switch
下定决心把那些纠缠我们的狗屁事儿 and decide we want to let go of all that crap
从我们的生活里清理出去 that's been holding us back.
实际上 灯光师先生 You know, matter of fact, Mr. House-light man,
你能把所有的灯都点亮吗 Can you turn on all the lights?
你能点亮所有的灯好让我看清每一个人吗 Can you turn on the house lights so that I can see everybody?
好的 现在请跟我一起 Okay, just go with me on this.
知道我们要做什么吗 You know what we're going to do?
我们打开那个开关 We're gonna flip that switch.
你每天醒来觉得惶惶不可终日吗 You wake up in the morning dreading the day?
打开开关吧 Flip that switch.
你付不起房贷 又付不起车贷 You can't afford your mortgage, your car payment,
连老婆的成人牙套都搞不定 你怎么办 Your wife's adult braces, so what do you do?
打开开关 Flip that switch!
说得对 哥们儿 打开开关 That's right, buddy. Flip that switch.
决心去爱那些性感却参差不齐的牙齿 Decide you're gonna love those sexy, crooked teeth.
你为过去感到伤怀吗 Sad about the past?
打开开关 Flip that switch!
你畏惧未来 Scared about the future?
-就要打开开关 -打开开关 - Flip that goddamn switch. - Flip that switch!
做好准备去热爱你的生活了吗 Are you ready to love your life?
打开开关 Flip that switch!
真是越弄越糟 It's getting worse.
这脸都快变成二度烧伤了 Yeah, second degree burns tend to creep up on you.
绿色的这玩意儿应该让脸不那么红呀 This green stuff's supposed to make it look less red.
我 我不想让库伯夫妇发现 I just--I don't want the Coopers to know.
不会的 前提是他们是睁眼瞎 Well, they won't-- if they're blind.
他们什么时候来 When are they supposed to be here?
15分钟后 15 minutes.
不是我要落井下石 Oh, I hate to heap more tragedy on you,
不过最新发现 你又发了颗可恶的水疱 but this just in: You got a repulsive blister,
-就在这 三点钟方向 -我老天 - Right here, 3:00. - Oh, my god.
你还是赶紧在那玩意上贴个创口贴吧 Better slap a band-aid on that sucker stat.
对 你是和伟立在通话 Yeah, you're on with Willy.
哥们 意淫春梦 奉陪到底 Yeah, buddy, your dirty wish is my command.
欢迎欢迎 Oh, welcome!
你们早到了 太好了 You're early. That's great!
快进来 Come on in.
公交快 不是故意的 Fast bus, not bad manners.
你脸没事吧 Is your face okay there?
哦 只是 Oh. Yes, it's, uh...
对乳液有点过敏 a little reaction to a lotion.
还被邻居家的猫 抓了下 And a cat scratch from the...neighbor...
-把大衣给我吧 -好的 谢谢 - Let me take your coat. - Oh, sure, thanks.
-谢谢 -别拘束 随便点 - Thank you. - Just make yourselves at home.
-保罗正在回来的路上呢 -没关系 - Paul is on his way. - That's okay.
我想重新新选个颜色刷墙 I'm trying to pick a new color.
以前选大学都比这轻松 I had an easier time picking a college.
我也爱与你合体的感觉 Yeah, I like being in you too.
肛交时猛击被插入者头部或者颈部 由肛门收缩从而获得更大快感
来一发"驴冲头" Yeah, here comes the donkey punch!
那个 那位是我弟弟 Oh, that's just-- just my brother.
越描越黑了是不是 That made it sound even worse, didn't it?
几个月后 我们将把小宝宝 After a few months, we'd move the baby
从我们卧室搬到这里 没那么光鲜 from our bedroom into here, which will look
但更适合婴儿居住 a lot less fashion school and more nursery school.
-我保证 -太完美了 - Promise. - It's perfect.
你们家整体维护的很好 Yeah, your whole house, it's in great shape.
你看 从厨房瓷砖 护墙板 I mean, the kitchen tile, the wainscoting,
甚至水泥浆 都可以看出建造的艺术 even the grout-- you can see the craftsmanship.
承包商的职业病又犯了 Talking contractor speak again.
他的意思是你们家很漂亮 He means you have a very pretty house.
新建筑就没这么经久了 Yeah, newer construction just doesn't hold up like this.
老房子加一分 Let's hear it for old.
我再带你们转转 Well, there's more to see.
没能见到亚当我们有点遗憾 We're just sorry to miss Adam.
谁知道那学习小组会召开紧急会议 Oh, yeah, who knew that study groups have emergency meetings?
肯定因为正值考试季或什么的缘故 It must be test season or something.
亚当 你回来啦 太好了 Adam, you're back. Great.
这不曲棍球小子吗 你好 我叫戴夫 Wow, the hockey player. Hey, I'm Dave.
我叫亚当 很高兴认识你们 I'm Adam. Nice to meet you guys.
我叫玛克辛 你有着和爸爸一样的眼睛 Maxine. You have your dad's eyes.
希望没有 他还要留着用呢 Well, I hope not. He still needs them.
我们知道你很忙 Well, look, we-- we know you're busy,
-我们就不打扰你了 -没事 - so we won't bother you. - Oh, no.
我时间有的是 No, I have all the time in the world,
不知 你们是否想聊聊 you know, if you guys-- you guys wanna talk.
-当然 -那再好不过了 - Yeah. - Yeah, that'd be great.
太好了 你没意见吧 妈妈 Awesome. Do you mind, mom?
没有 No.
好嘞 进我房间来吧 Great. Step in my room.
-行 -谢谢 - Cool. - Thank you.
想想就后怕 It's crazy.
我以前庆功时都是喝双份马提尼 I used to celebrate with a double martini.
现在只能喝甘蓝汁了 Now it's all about the kale.
知道他们怎么评价甘蓝吗 You know what they say about kale.
"甘蓝 全新版本的菠菜" "Kale: It's the new spinach."
你知道刚才舞台上发生了什么吗 保罗 You know what happened out there, don't you, Paul?
我差点被自己的汗淹死 I almost drowned in my own sweat.
没错 你出了纰漏 但是 Sure, you stumbled, but, uh...
我认为一个成功的表演者 I believe that a great recovery
更要会完美地救场 is the sign of a great performer,
刚刚那一幕是我至今见过最棒的救场 and that was by far the best recovery I have ever seen.
你表现得好极了 You were amazing out there.
抛开束身衣事件 Shapewear mishaps aside,
我似乎有点找到了 I did sort of start to find
我自己内心的声音 my own voice a little bit, you know?
还有本年度的最佳口号 And the catchphrase of the year.
这是种天赋 That is a gift.
我希望你能认真考虑 I mean, I think you should really think
将你的潜力发挥得更广更彻底 about seeing your potential in a much, much bigger way.
你愿意 What would you say...
当我的固定搭档吗 to being my regular number two?
我希望你能说清楚点 I think I need you to clarify that a little bit.
我希望我们能组成一个团队 I want us to be a team.
我来抓住女人们的心 I bring in the women
她们老公的心就交给你了 and you bring in their husbands.
那是一片我不曾 I mean, that is a demographic
征服过的全新疆域 I have never been able to submit.
今天事后大约有八个男人来找我就为 Do you know, about eight guys came up to me afterwards
看看怎么"死而复生"的 to check out my fob.
我们男人就是对各种小玩意儿兴趣不减 Us men, we can't get enough of the gadgets, you know?
我打算去威斯康辛州和伊利诺伊州巡演 Well, I'm about to go on tour--Wisconsin, Illinois.
你可以和我一起 You could join me
成为那个"打开开关"的家伙 as the "Flip that switch" guy.
你不必现在就回答我 Now, you don't have to answer right now.
-好好考虑下 -好 - Just think about it. - Yes!
好的 Yes!
-太好了 -我当然要去 - Great. - Oh, my god, yes.
我快饿死了 Oh, god, I am starving.
要不我们一起去吃饭顺便 Why don't we go get a bite and
商量一下巡回演讲的日程 we'll talk about the tour dates?
那太好了 虽然我求之不得 Oh, god. There's nothing I'd rather do,
可是我已经晚了 but I'm already late.
我跟凯西说好要跟那对考虑 I promised Cathy that I'd meet this couple
将孩子交给我们抚养的夫妇见面 whose baby we're thinking about adopting.
-很不错吧 -当然 - Exciting, right? - Yeah.
说起来凯西还是在你那讨论会上领悟到的 Cathy actually got the idea at your workshop.
领养孩子 那事情就有点复杂了 A baby! Wow, that's really gonna complicate things.
不会 她最近身体状况不错 Oh, no, well, she's feeling great, you know?
检查结果也非常乐观 And her scans are fantastic.
不 我担心的是 No, no, I'm talking about the fact
你的事业即将起步 that your career's about to take off.
如果我是你 我会 我会再想想 I mean, if I were you, I would just--I'd think about it,
确定这是你真正想要的 make sure that it's something that, you know, you really want.
啊 我懂了 不 Oh. Oh, oh, no.
我是说 虽然时机可能不是太好 Yeah, but--look, maybe the timing isn't perfect,
但我确实想要个孩子 是的 but I really want it. I mean, I do.
我真的想要个孩子 I re--I really want it.
确实如此 I-I do really want it.
指望馅饼来救场 我真是豁出去了 I'm insane if I think I can save this evening with pie.
你的脸怎么了 What's wrong with your face?
已经六点多了 你们回来晚了 It's past 6:00. You're late.
说真的 你的脸到底怎么了 Seriously, what's wrong with your face?
亲爱的 实在对不起 我们晚了 Honey, I am so sorry we are late,
不过我很高兴地向你宣布 but I am happy to report that
在差点被束腰勒死在台上之后 after nearly being murdered by a girdle on stage...
我打开了生命的开关 I flipped that switch!
亲爱的 乔伊还请我再多讲几场 Honey, got all these other gigs from Joy,
这可是一大笔钱 which means some serious bank.
今晚一切顺利 我保证 一切都很好 It is all good, let me tell you. It's very, very good.
除了你的脸 Except for your face.
就做了一点小治疗 行了吧 I had a minor treatment, okay?
还有 今晚并非一切顺利 保罗 And, no, it is not all good, Paul.
戴夫和玛克辛已经在楼上 Dave and Maxine have been upstairs
跟亚当谈了半小时了 talking to Adam for the last half hour.
那很好啊 That's perfect,
他正是我们优秀抚养能力的最佳证明 he's our excellent parenting resume.
-他可不是这么想的 -保罗 - Not according to him. - Hey, Paul.
伙计 实在不好意思我们回来晚了 Buddy, I am so sorry that we are late.
我本来是去做个演讲 后来又加上开会 I had this speech thing that turned into this meeting thing.
-你好 玛克辛 -注意礼节 贾先生 - Hi, Maxine. - Manners, Mr. J.
抱歉 I'm so sorry.
玛克辛 戴夫 这是我的执行助理阿霸波 Maxine, Dave, this is my executive assistant, Ababuo.
阿霸波跟我们住一起 就像一家人 Ababuo is living with us like family.
你们懂的 她不是我们家的一员 You know, not our family,
-只是...说出来就变了味儿 -的确 - but just--oh, that didn't come out right. - No.
我父母在非洲工作 My parents are working in Africa,
在他们回来之前我暂时住这里 and I'm staying here until they get back.
茶 馅饼 Tea? Pie?
你们跟亚当谈得怎么样 How'd your talk with Adam go?
我们知道这阵子这件事让你们很难熬 We know how nerve-racking this whole process has been,
我们也无意拖延 and we don't want to drag it out.
没错 特别是考虑到 你们知道 Yeah, especially since, you know,
我们还和另一对夫妻有接触 we've been meeting with another couple.
我们对此毫无异议 Which is totally fine.
我们只是想听亚当讲讲 We were just hoping Adam would have
在这里生活成长的经历 a few things to say about growing up here.
他对我们毫无保留 And he was very honest with us.
是的 他是个好小伙子 Yeah, I mean, he's an amazing young man...
而且他会成为这个孩子的好大哥 And he is gonna be a terrific big brother to this baby.
我能像个临产的孕妇一样大吃一顿吗 Am I allowed to eat like I'm about to have a baby,
还是说我非得真怀孕才行 or do I actually have to be pregnant?
只要我还能张嘴吃 你想吃什么就吃什么吧 You eat whatever you want, as long as I can too.
我们不是在做梦吧 是吗 This is really happening, isn't it?
我觉得我们今天学到了一些很重要的东西 I think we learned something very important today.
虽然我们一把年纪 Despite our advancing age,
我大腹便便 你又满脸红斑 my gut, and your face,
我们还是一对很有吸引力的夫妻 we are still a very attractive couple.
小子 Hey, bud.
或者我该叫你 "即将上位"的好大哥 Or should I say, hey, soon-to-be wonderful big brother?
你想跟我们一起吃么 来个大馅饼 You want to join us for a big slice of pie
或者喝一点酒 我们在庆祝 or a little sip of wine? We're celebrating.
不 不用了 我给肖恩舅舅打了电话 Uh, no, no, I'm good. I just called Uncle Sean.
我想在他那儿呆几天 I'm going to be staying over there for a few days.
- 为什么 -想冷静一下 - Why? - Just to chill.
亚当 今天吵架的事 Adam... I'm sorry...
我很抱歉 如果你还在生气的话 about our fight today. If you're still mad--
不 妈妈 我没事 No, mom, I'm fine.
按照你的希望 我跟那对夫妇聊过了 I did what you wanted me to do, talked to those people.
我跟他们说你是个好妈妈 I told them you're a great mom.
我撒谎了 I lied.
好消息是 这个娃不要咱了还有个新的 Good news is, we get to have another one of those.
是时候打开生命的开关了 凯西 Way to flip that switch, Cath.