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翻译：haloukeiti （Sammy） 莫莫头上草 雀巢蜂蜜 le_grand_bleu
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校对：进化的时间轴 监制：可乐嘻嘻 后期：鱼子酱
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拜托 Oh, come on
为我的爱留个位置 Save room for my love
与我一起的自留地 Save room for a moment to be with me
为我的爱留个位置 Save room for my love
一点点就够 Save a little
只要留一点给我 Save a little for me
我吃撑了 Oh, I'm so full.
你说得对 我不该把面包都吃了 You were right, I shouldn't have eaten all that bread.
甜点一人一半吧 Want to split a dessert?
你没事吧 看上去有点不在状态 You okay? You seem a little off.
没事 在想我想要什么 Yeah, I'm just trying to think about what I want.
我也是 Yeah, me too.
我们一起说吧 一二三 Why don't we just say it at the same time? One, two, three...
我想离婚 I want a divorce.
疯狂愚蠢的爱
你跑不了 You can't get away.
没事 是我的错 It's okay, that's my fault.
快点 你爸妈回家前上床睡觉 Come on, let's get you to bed before your parents get home.
不许装可怜 你这个小疯子 No puppy eyes, you little maniac.
去刷牙 Go brush your teeth.
你没话要说吗 Aren't you gonna say anything?
结婚快二十五年了 你没话说吗 Almost 25 years of marriage and you have nothing to say?
罗比 Robbie.
罗比 看见莫莉的作业了吗 Hey, Robbie, have you seen Molly's homework?
-出去 -天哪 - Get out. - Oh, my God.
关门 Close the door.
罗比 很抱歉 我什么也没看见 Okay, Robbie, I'm really sorry, and I didn't see anything.
天哪 Oh, my God.
你不说话 你明知这样会让我猛讲话 You're not talking, and you know that only makes me talk more.
那也行 我就有话直说 But maybe that's good, you know? Because maybe I'll just say it.
告诉你 我跟别人上床了 Maybe... maybe I'll just tell you I slept with someone.
大卫·林哈根 我的同事 David Lindhagen. From work.
-圣诞派对你见过他 -请不要说了 - You met him at the Christmas party. - Please stop.
你是我最不想要伤害的人 The last person in the world I'd wanna hurt is you.
要是你再讲 我就跳车 If you keep talking, I'm gonna get out of the car.
我之所以这么做是因为我们感情破裂了 I think the fact that I did it, it just shows how broken we are.
-好吧 -我们有多 卡尔 - Okay. - How much we really... Cal.
天哪 卡尔 Oh, my God! Cal!
你还好吧 Are you okay?
我今晚搬走 你要什么都给你 I'll leave tonight. I'll sign whatever you want.
就请别再说这事儿了 Just please stop talking about it.
好的 Okay.
抱歉让你看到那一幕 I'm sorry you had to see that.
不 我该敲门的 No, you know, I should have knocked.
顺便一说 我当时想的是你 Just for the record, I think about you while I do it.
-罗比 -我有你张照片 - Robbie. - I have this picture of you...
-我边看边做 -别说了 - ...and I look at it the whole time. - Stop it.
我爱你 杰西卡 I love you, Jessica.
我求你 别说了 I am actually begging you to stop it.
我也知道你十七岁 而我才刚十三 And I know you're 17, and I know I just turned 13...
跟你弟弟同样大 ...which is the same age as your little brother.
但很快我们的年龄差异就不是问题了 But soon our age difference won't even matter.
那很好 因为我确信你是我的灵魂伴侣 Which is good, because I'm pretty sure you're my soul mate.
好吧 Okay, um...
-听着 罗比 -我们到家了 - Listen, Robbie... - We're home.
-靠 -嗨 - Shit. - Hey.
韦弗先生和韦弗太太 还好吗 Hey, Mr. And Mrs. Weaver, how was...?
天哪 发生什么了 Oh, my God. Uh, what happened?
韦弗太太提出离婚 Coz' Mrs. Weaver said she wanted a divorce,
而我跳车了 and I jumped out of the car.
卡尔 亲爱的 卡尔 Cal. Honey... Cal...
-孩子们好吗 大家都好吗 -爸爸 - Kids good? Everybody good? - Dad?
没看见你在那儿 Oh. Hey, I didn't see you standing there.
-你们要离婚吗 -对 - You're getting a divorce? - Well, yes.
杰西 莫莉吃饭时候听话吗 Uh, so, Jess, did Molly get through dinner okay?
听话 她很乖 Yeah, yeah, she's...
-从行驶的车里跳出来吗 -是的 - You jumped out of a moving car? - I did. I jumped out of a moving car.
-她耍赖不吃西兰花吗 -没有 - Did she fight you on broccoli? - No, she didn't.
她总跟我耍赖 She always fights me.
很抱歉让你在这样的情况下得知 Sorry you had to find out this way.
你跳车了我很难过 Sorry you jumped out of a car.
-很抱歉要是她跟你闹的话 -没事 - I'm sorry if she fought you. - It's okay.
我没有钱 I don't have any money.
亲爱的 去睡觉好吗 Uh, sweetheart? Let's go to bed, okay?
拿上衣服吧 Listen, why don't you grab your coat?
-我开车送你回家 -好的 - I'll drive you home. - All right.
我不在乎 我爱他 我真的爱他 I don't care. I love him. I really do.
而且有机会的话 And, given the opportunity...
对 我会给他生孩子 Yes, I would have his babies.
说真的吗 科南·奥布赖恩吗 Seriously? Conan O'Brien?
你想上他吗 You would do Conan O'Brien?
天哪 想 Oh, my God, yes.
真恶心 以朋友的角度 恶心死了 Ew. Friend to friend, ew.
我不知道 你一直是乖乖女一个 I don't know. Your life is so PG-13.
PG-13 特别辅导级 13岁以下儿童尤其要有父母陪同观看
-才不是呢 -根本就平淡得要命 - My life is not PG-13. - Oh, it so is.
-才不是 -别不承认了 - No, it's not. - Yes, it is.
你从没离开过洛杉矶 过了律师考试 You've never left L.A. You pass the bar,
还要当那什么 专利律师是吗 you're gonna be what, a patent lawyer?
很可能嫁给个有钱的安定牌男人 Probably married to that human Valium, Richard.
我只是 担心你 仅此而已 I just... listen, I worry about you, is all.
有这么多选择 So much potential...
你却沉溺在 ...and you've resorted to
黄毛小白脸废物科南·奥布赖恩这个幻想里 fantasizing about Conan "Ginger Junk" O'Brien.
-他风趣 -他长得像萝卜 亲爱的 - He's funny. - He looks like a carrot, honey.
谁长得像萝卜 Who looks like a carrot?
你好 谁长得像萝卜 Hi. Who looks like a carrot?
科南·奥布赖恩 Conan O'Brien.
我这位朋友汉娜觉得他性感 My friend Hannah here thinks he's sexy.
奇怪 我倒觉得你朋友汉娜很性感 That's weird, I think that your friend Hannah is sexy.
天哪 你真说得出口 Oh, my God. You did not just say that.
你多大了 How old are you?
-干什么 律师调查吗 -算是吧 - What are you, a lawyer? - Yeah. A little bit.
-这么准 -是吧 - Come on. - I know.
-你真是吗 她是吗 -未来的律师 - You are? Is she? - Gonna be.
不觉得这套过犹不及的搭讪词过时了吗 Don't you think you're a little old to use cheesy pickup lines?
反对 提请目击证人 Objection. Leading the witness.
汉娜 你让身上的裙子倍感荣幸 Hannah. You're wearing that dress like you're doing it a favor.
-天哪 -这是搭讪词 - Oh, God. - That's a line.
我坐在那里目不转睛地 Me sitting there for the past two hours
望着你两个小时则是事实 not being able to take my eyes off you is fact.
这个吧里有许多美女 I mean, there's lots of beautiful women in this bar.
你的朋友也是 你好 Your friend included. Hi.
我爱你 I love you.
但我的视线无法离开你 But I can't take my eyes off you.
这是事实 不是说说而已 That's a fact, it's not a line.
我觉得你很有魅力 I find you very attractive.
你觉得我有魅力吗 Do you find me attractive?
-她觉得有 -没有 - She does. - I don't.
你觉得她被我吸引吧 Tsk. You do. She does.
对 她觉得你有魅力 Yes, she does.
-没有 -你被我吸引了 - I don't. - You do.
-你被他吸引了 -没有 - You do. - I don't.
-汉娜 能请你喝一杯吗 -不 - Hannah, can I buy you a drink? - No.
-你经常拒绝别人吧 -没有 - You say no a lot, don't you? - No.
能让我靠近法官吗 Oh, boy. Permission to approach the bench?
认真的吗 Seriously?
拜托 就让我陈述结辩词吧 Just, come on, let me deliver my closing argument.
可以 批准 Sure. Proceed.
-汉娜 我们活在物质世界吧 -嗯 - Hannah, we live in a physical world, right? - Uh-huh.
-你会变老 对吧 -嗯 - And you're going to age, right? - Mm-hm.
我向你保证 I guarantee you this:
你永远不会后悔 You're never gonna regret going
跟那个一度曾是 home with that guy from the bar that one time...
床上好手的男人回家 ...that was a total tomcat in the sack.
但我无法保证你不会不后悔 But I can't guarantee that you won't not regret it.
-那是双重否定 -你就是双重否定 - That was a double negative. - You're a double negative.
好吧 汉娜 能请你喝一杯吗 Okay. Hannah, can I buy you a drink?
好吧 该回家了 Okay. You know what? It's time to go home.
-真的吗 -嗯 - Really? - Mm-hm.
你还真急 不过也行 可以接受 That's forward of you, but okay. I'll do it.
我录了《电锯惊魂三》 I TiVoed Saw III.
TiVo 美国的数字录影机 自带电视节目表导航器 并可录制节目
那开我的车还是你的 So should I get my car or yours?
我该把车停在附近吗 Should I pull the car around?
你喝酒了吗 我开车吧 You been drinking? I'll drive.
-丽兹 -就来 - Liz? - Coming.
-我得给楠娜打电话 -什么 - I'll have to call Nanna. - Huh?
没什么 Oh. Noth...
斯坦福是吗 So Stanford, huh?
真不错 我知道你爸爸很为你骄傲 Good for you. That's great. I know your dad's really proud.
是啊 他... Yeah. Yeah, he's...
-你真没事吗 -大卫·林哈根 天 - Are you sure you're okay? - David Lindhagen, God.
好吧 Okay.
很抱歉 刚才失态了 I'm sorry. Sorry about that.
没事 It's okay.
-韦弗先生 -什么 - Mr. Weaver? - Hmm?
你是我照看过的所有人家里 You're the nicest dad that I babysit...
最好的爸爸 Of all the, um...
你人真的很好 You're really nice.
-你真好 -还有 - That's very nice. - And, um...
我喜欢韦弗太太 我很喜欢她 ...I like Ms. Weaver, I like her a lot. Okay?
但要是她想跟你离婚 But if she wants to divorce you...
那我觉得她真是疯到家了 ...then I think she's batshit crazy.
-抱歉 -没事没事 - Sorry. - Okay. Okay.
希望不会让你不自在 I hope this doesn't make you uncomfortable.
我已经有点迷上... I've developed, like, a little crush...
能帮我个忙吗 Could you do me a favor?
能别跟你父母提 Would you not mention to your parents that
我跟韦弗太太的事吗 Mrs. Weaver and I are, you know...
这种事我们想亲口说 行吗 It's something we wanna tell them on our own, okay?
行 Yeah.
谢谢 感激不尽 Thank you, I appreciate that.
晚安 Have a good night.
再见 See you soon.
再来一杯伏特加红加仑子吗 Another vodka cranberry?
不好意思 什么 I'm sorry. What?
再来一杯伏特加红加仑子吗 Another vodka cranberry?
好的 谢谢 Oh, yeah. Yes, thanks.
我经过这里无数次 从来没进来过 I've been by this place a million times, never come in.
很不错 有很多漂亮姑娘 It's nice, lot of pretty girls.
-你猜怎么着 -怎么了 - Hey, guess what. - What?
我老婆跟别人上床了 My wife is having intercourse with someone who is not me.
很抱歉听到这事 Um, I'm sorry to hear that.
谢谢 你真好 非常好 Oh. Thank you. That is very nice of you to say. Very, very nice.
她刚告诉我 我刚知道 She just told me. I just found out,
所以我有点受伤 so I'm a little raw. It's...
好吧 你没听我说话 Ah, okay. Well, you're not listening.
好吧 Okay.
我要是大卫·林哈根你就不会忽略我了 You wouldn't ignore me if I were David Lindhagen.
我老婆没有忽略大卫·林哈根 My wife doesn't ignore David Lindhagen.
她搞了他 She screws him.
搞了他 Screws him.
他们发出这种咯咯的声音 像这样 They make this, like, gurgling sound, it's like:
娘炮 Gay.
-你好 卡尔 -你好 - Hey, Cal. - Hey.
我刚拿到年末财务报表 Oh, I just, uh... I got the report on the end-of-year financials.
-不错不错 非常不错 -很好 - Good. Good, good. Really great. - Oh, good.
你这个季度又破新高 You killed this quarter.
好吧 Okay.
-卡尔 真的 -好的 - Cal, seriously. - All right.
-好吧 -真的很棒 - Okay. - Seriously.
谁告诉你我跟埃米莉要离婚的 Who told you that Emily and I are getting divorced?
-你要离婚吗 -对 - You're getting a divorce? - Yeah.
艾米听见你在洗手间哭 Amy heard you crying in the bathroom.
我们以为你得癌症了 We all thought it was cancer.
谢天谢地 哥们 Thank God, man. Ha-ha-ha.
对 只是感情问题 Yeah, just my relationship.
谢天谢地 Thank God.
离婚 Divorce.
-我真幸运 -确实幸运 - I'm so lucky. - You are.
现在我得去搬家具了 I have to go pick out furniture now.
好的 好的 去吧 Okay, okay. You go for it.
本可能是癌症的 伙计 It could have been cancer, buddy.
大家听着 只是离婚而已 Hey, everyone, it's just a divorce.
太好了 伙计 All right, buddy.
谢谢 感觉不错 Thanks. Feels good.
卡尔 我只想说 Cal? I just wanted to say...
靠 Shit.
用不用我把车从车道倒出来 Can I back that thing out of the driveway for you?
-不 没事 -只是你倒车倒不好 - Oh, no. I'll be fine. - You have trouble in reverse, is all.
等我收拾好了 When I get settled,
孩子们可以来我的新家看看 the kids can come and take a look at my new place.
我觉得我可能是中年危机 I think I'm having a midlife crisis, maybe.
女人也会中年危机吗 Can women have midlife crises?
电影里都是男人才有 In the movies it's always men having them
然后买可笑的黄色保时捷 and buying ridiculous yellow Porsches...
但我不是男人 ...but, you know, I'm not a man.
一定要给这些施肥 Be sure to fertilize all this.
我们那么年轻就结婚了 卡尔 We got married so young, Cal.
我现在四十四岁 And now I'm 44.
比我以为的要老的太多了 And it's so much older than I thought I'd be.
那边有个洒水器的关闭阀 There's a turnoff valve for the sprinklers over there.
上星期 我告诉你得工作到很晚 Last week, when I told you that I had to work late...
我自己去看了新的暮光之城电影 ...I went to see the new Twilight movie by myself.
我不知道我为什么那么做 I don't know why I did that.
而且那样很不好 卡尔 And it was so bad, Cal.
它不停浇水 也许该关掉自动设置 It keeps raining, you might wanna turn off the automatic setting.
而且我们没有在一起的感觉很久了 And we haven't been us. Not for a long time.
我不知道何时起我们在一起没感觉了 And I don't know when you and I stopped being us.
你知道吗 I mean, do you?
也许是当你搞上大卫·林哈根时 Maybe it's when you screwed David Lindhagen.
没人想要独自一人 Nobody wants to be alone
心有了归宿 跳动就喜悦不已 The heart beats happy when it has a place
要是它无家可归 And if it doesn't have a home
它可以来我心里 It can come into my space
那我爱的可以是你 So you can be the one I love
你渴望的可以是我 I can be the one you long for
我想要的可以是你 You can be the one I want
抱歉迟到了 我得去梅西百货买点东西 Sorry I'm late, I had to pick something up at Macy's.
Macy's 美国梅西百货公司 美国联合百货公司旗下公司
-没关系 -一杯夏敦诶酒 - Oh. Don't even worry about it. - A chardonnay.
夏敦诶酒 一种类似夏布利酒[Chablies]的无甜味白葡萄酒
我很高兴你来了 I'm just glad you're here.
我不知道发生什么了 这几天不好过 I don't know. I don't know what happened. Tough couple of days.
当你没想到某些事会发生 You know when you don't see something coming...
克莱尔说我不能再跟你做朋友了 Claire said I can't be friends with you anymore.
什么 What?
她说我们得在你跟埃米莉之间做出选择 She said we had to choose between you and Emily.
我选了你 I chose you.
可她不同意 But she said no.
这是古龙水 It's cologne.
伯尼 Bernie?
你要跟我绝交吗 伯尼 Are you breaking up with me,
里面还有礼品收据 There's a gift receipt in there also.
伯尼 Bernie?
伯尼 伯尼 Bernie. Bernie.
你渴望的可以是我 I can be the one you long for
你可以是那个 You can be the one
你知道有个不再常用的词吗 You know a word that is not used very often anymore?
绿帽男 "Cuckold."
我就是绿帽男 I'm a cuckold.
大卫·林哈根给我戴绿帽子 David Lindhagen cuckolded me.
他给我戴绿帽子 He made a cuckold out of me.
他睡了我老婆 He slept with my wife.
而我毫不知情 And I didn't know about it.
那就是戴绿帽的定义 And that is the definition of cuckoldom.
大卫·林哈根抢了我老婆还睡她 David Lindhagen took my wife and slept with her.
我以为生活本该如此 结婚生子买房 Thought I did everything right. Got married, had kids, the house.
我得到了什么 绿帽子一顶 What do I get for it? I get cuckolded.
大卫·林哈根给我戴绿帽子 David Lindhagen cuckolded me.
他给我戴绿帽子 He made a cuckold out of me.
欢迎来我心里 Welcome to my spaceship
那里永远美丽 It's beautiful forever
能给我跟这个人五分钟时间吗 Can you give me five minutes with this guy?
心是孤独的猎手 The heart's a lonely hunter
有意思 Interesting.
你好 雅各布·帕默 Hey. Jacob Palmer.
-卡尔·韦弗 -请你喝一杯 卡尔 - Cal Weaver. - Let me buy you a drink, Cal.
谢谢 我有喝的了 Thanks, I have a drink.
坐 我想请你喝一杯 Sit. I'd like to buy you a drink.
好吧 Okay.
你猜怎么着 Guess what.
-我老婆睡了 -大卫·林哈根 - My wife is having an affair with... - David Lindhagen.
大卫·林哈根 我知道 David Lindhagen. I know.
-我怎么知道的呢 -我不知道 - How do I know that? - I don't know.
我们互不相识 I'm a total stranger.
我怎么会知道这么私人的事呢 How would I know something so intimate?
-林哈根也搞了你老婆吗 -不是 - Lindhagen screwing with your wife too? - No.
想知道我为什么知道吗 You wanna know why I know that?
说说吧 Okay.
昨晚和前晚 卡尔 It's all that I've heard, Cal,
我听到的全是这些 for the past two nights.
所有人听到的都是这些 It's all anybody's heard.
你到处游荡 拿你那堆 You're going around and you're badgering people
失败呜咽的伤心事纠缠别人 with this sad-sack loser sob story.
我不懂为什么 And I don't understand why.
我用不着这些废话 I don't need this crap.
-卡尔 坐下 -好吧 - Cal, sit down. - All right.
我知道这不中听 但事实如此 Look, I know that it sounds harsh, but it's true.
而你需要听到事实 对吧 And you need to hear the truth. Okay?
对 Okay.
卡尔 能把吸管从嘴里移开吗 拜托 Cal, would you take that straw out of your mouth? Please.
谈话时候别叼着就行 It's just for the conversation.
看起来像你在嘬小鸡鸡 You know. That looks like you're sucking on a tiny schwantz.
-你想让别人那么认为吗 -什么 - Is that what you want? - What?
你想让大家这么认为吗 Is that the message you wanna send to everybody?
-没人会那么想 -真的吗 - No one's thinking that. - Really?
那让我坦白讲 先生 So permission to speak candidly, sir.
我想你已经够坦白了 Uh, think you've already gone there.
你顶着一头便宜的发型坐在那 You're sitting there with a Supercuts haircut...
Supercuts 美国平价理发连锁店
像十四岁小姑娘一样喝掺水的 ...getting drunk on watered-down
伏特加红加仑子到酩酊大醉 vodka cranberries like a 14-year-old girl...
还在本该穿四十二号的身上 ...and you're wearing a
套了一身四十四号的衣服 44 when you should be wearing a 42 regular.
说实话 不知道该帮你还是把你安乐死 Honestly, I don't know if I should help you or euthanize you.
卡尔 你有张善良的脸 Cal, you got a kind face.
头发也很浓密 人看上去很好 You got a good head of hair. You seem like a nice guy.
卡尔在古代英语意为秃
我想帮你重拾男人自信 I wanna help you. I'm gonna help you rediscover your manhood.
知道你把它丢在哪了吗 Do you have any idea, like, where you lost it?
-很可能是1984年 -好吧 - A strong case could be made for 1984. - Well.
我们要找回它 We're gonna find it.
我们一起 我答应你 We are. I promise you.
我还答应你 卡尔 And I promise you this too, Cal:
等到一切结束 When we're done...
你老婆 ...this wife of yours...
她会后悔当初决定放弃你 ...she's gonna rue the day she ever decided to give up on you.
这是我的提议 That's my offer.
来不来 You in or you out?
你为什么这么做 Why are you doing this?
也许你让我想起某人 Maybe you remind me of someone.
来不来 You in or you out?
来 I'm in.
美人儿 想走吗 Hey, fancy face, you wanna go?
好的 Okay.
世纪城商场美食街 星期四三点 Century City Mall, food court, 3:00, Thursday.
你先 亲爱的 After you, hon.
晚安 美人儿 Good night, fancy face.
她会后悔的 She will rue the day.
给你们准备了零食 电视已经开了 Set you guys up with some snacks over here. TV's already on.
你还好吗 You okay?
还好 你呢 Mm. Yeah. You?
还行 Mm.
能跟你说点事吗 Can I tell you something?
爱情烂透了 Love sucks.
是啊 Yeah.
你恋爱了吗 伙计 You in love, buddy?
-你非要知道的话 -叮咚 - Well, if you must know... - Ding-dong.
-杰西 谢谢你来 -客气 - Oh, hey, Jess. Thanks for coming by. - Hey. Yeah.
她来这干吗 What is she doing here?
我得出去一小会儿 行吗 Guys, I have to step out for a couple of minutes. Okay?
好吗 好的 All right? Okay.
你们妈妈想你们在她出去卖的时候待在这 Your mom wants you to stay here while she's out hooking.
-什么 -什么 - What? - What?
这地方不错 韦弗先生 Oh. Um, the place is nice, Mr. Weaver.
谢谢 这形容算慷慨了 Thanks. That's a very generous adjective.
-亲爱的 -我不需要保姆 - Honey. - I don't need a babysitter.
她才大我四岁 你得知道 She's only four years older. You need to know that.
她必须明白这一点 She needs to know that.
我明白 我明白 I know, I know, I know.
小伙子 你长大了 Man, are you growing up.
看他 难以置信吧 他恋爱了 Look at him. It's unbelievable. He's in love already.
莫莉 和爸爸再见 Molly. Say bye to Daddy.
-等等 你去哪儿 -去上课 - Wait, where are you going? - I'm taking a class.
-那很好 韦弗先生 -谢谢你 - That is great, Mr. Weaver. - Thank you.
你现在一定很难过 This is a difficult time for you, right?
尝试点新事物还是很有必要的 And it's important to try new things.
哪怕是你过去从来没想过的事 Even things that you haven't considered trying before.
是啊 莫莉 我走了 Mm-hm. Yup. Molly, I'm going.
好了 那是我的小公主 再见 谢谢 Okay. That's my princess. Bye. Thanks.
-等等 爸爸 -再见 晚会儿见 - But wait. Dad. - Bye, guys. See you in a bit.
你好 小暴脾气 Hey, Tiger.
-我很 很爱你 -好了 罗比 - I love you so, so much. - Jeez, Robbie.
我真的很爱你 I love you so much. Please?
我到底在干吗 What the hell am I doing?
我在干吗 What am I doing?
各位 Hey, uh, everybody.
各位 请允许我 Everybody. Uh, if I could...
谢谢 敬一杯 Thank you. A little toast.
我想感谢在座的各位 I would like to thank you all
能来参加汉娜·波娜娜的欢送派对 for coming to Hannah Banana's goodbye party.
还要敬我的 And to my...
汉娜·波娜娜 ... Hannah Banana.
你得闭关修炼 埋头苦读 You go into your cave and you study your butt off.
因为我知道只要那样 Because if you do, I just
你就能闯关成功 know that you are gonna kick that bar's butt...
-绝对没问题 知道吗 -没错 - ...out of here. You know? - Yeah.
我的法学老师讲过一个老掉牙的故事 It reminds me of an old story my law professor told me...
亲爱的上帝 干杯 各位 Oh, dear God. Cheers, everyone.
干杯 Cheers.
丽兹 Hey, Liz.
听着 要是我的女友通过了 Listen, when my girl here passes...
我就再举行一个庆祝仪式 还在这里 ...I'm gonna have another little celebration right here...
希望你能来 ...and I hope you can make it,
因为那将是特别的一晚 because it's gonna be a special night.
好的 Okay.
-听到了吗 -听到什么 - Did you hear that? - Hear what?
-没听到他说 特别的晚上 -听到了 - You heard that? "Special night"? - Yeah. Yeah.
你觉得他会求婚吗 You think he's gonna propose?
在墨西哥餐馆吗 天啊 还是算了 At the El Torito Grill? God, I hope not.
问这干吗 你想让他求婚吗 Why, do you want him to?
我不知道 他人很好 I don't know, he's nice.
他人很 汉娜 "He's ni..."? Hannah.
他很可爱 你看 He's a sweetheart. Look at him.
-他给你发邮件了 -是啊 - He bcc'd you? - Right, yeah.
好吧 汉娜 看看你 All right. Hannah, look at you. Look at you.
你就这么被搞定了 我怎么办 If you end up with that, what am I gonna end up with?
-得了吧 拜托 -那家伙很没劲 - Shut up. Come on. - That shit's depressing.
好吧 你知道吗 All right. You know what?
我不能像姐姐一样教训你 如果是 I have to not big-sister you. It's fine if...
上帝啊 真的吗 Jesus, really?
不不 又不是我 又不是我 我走了 No. No. Not my life. Not my life. I'm going. Okay?
有事给我打电话 再见 So call me if you need anything. Bye.
你真讨厌 再见 You're awful. Bye.
谢谢你能来 Thank you for coming.
-你迟到了 -是的 抱歉 - You're late. - Yeah. Sorry.
-来点吃的 -不用了 谢谢 - Sbarro's? - No, thanks.
问个问题 你带了多少买衣服的钱 Let me ask a question. How much you got for clothes?
-你的脚怎么了 -什么意思 - What happened to your feet? - What do you mean?
-新百伦407 -原来是新百伦407啊 - These are my 407 s. - Oh, they're 407 s.
-能让我看看吗 -好的 - Can I see them? - Yeah.
-支撑足弓 很舒服 -是啊 - These offer a lot of support. - Right.
你干嘛 Whoa. Come on.
-你是来参加同学会的吗 -你疯了吗 - What, are you in a fraternity? - Are you insane?
会砸到人的 你想干嘛 You could have hit somebody. What was that?
-问你问题 你是参加同学会吗 -不是 - I'm asking a question. You in a frat? - No.
-你是乔布斯吗 -什么 - Are you Steve Jobs? - What?
等一下 你是 Hold on a second. Are you
拥有苹果公司的亿万富翁吗 the billionaire owner of Apple Computers?
不是 No.
好了 既然这样 Okay. Well, in that case,
那你就没有资格穿新百伦的胶底运动鞋 you got no right to wear New Balance sneakers ever.
跟我来 Come on.
那好吧 Okay. All right.
你这个年纪最大的好处是 One of the best parts about being a guy your age...
说实在的 不太多 Frankly, there aren't many,
所以你必须充分利用资源 so you should really take full advantage of it.
你可以从十六个方面 Is that you can rebuild
彻底改造你的衣橱 your entire wardrobe with like 16 items.
信用卡 Credit card.
什么 What?
问题是你的脑袋有点像 You see, the problem is that your head has like...
你的发型就像个大花生 like the proportions of a Styrofoam peanut.
下眼袋呢 The skin under your eyes is
有点像休·海夫纳的蛋蛋[《花花公子》创办人] starting to look like Hugh Hefner's ball sac.
是有点 It does.
钱包柜台在哪 Where are your wallets?
-我适合穿牛仔 -你不适合 - I'm set for jeans. - You're not set for jeans.
-这裤子很好 -不好 - These are fine. - They're not fine.
你的屁股下垂像老妇女 还挑什么 You have a mom butt. What else do you want?
还不如去盖普买[平价服饰店] Why don't we just go to the Gap?
知道吗 他们有 好吧 You know what? They have a s... okay.
你要干吗 What are you doing?
卡尔 不要再盖普盖普的了 Cal, be better than the Gap.
超越盖普 Be better than the Gap.
说一遍 Say it.
我不再盖普盖普的了 I'm better than the Gap.
-走吧 -天啊 - Come on. - God.
-别再打我脸了 认真的 -好吧 - Stop slapping me. Really. - Okay.
你很漂亮 You're beautiful.
他喜欢打我的脸 He likes to slap me in the face.
-一会儿有什么打算 -不知道 - What are you doing later? - Ha, ha. I don't know.
-我知道 -是吗 - I do. - Do you?
我相当清楚你要干什么 I know exactly what you're doing.
不会吧 不会吧 Seriously? Seriously?
-你就那样约她出去 -是啊 - You ask her out like that? - Yeah.
能行吗 And that worked?
当然 Yeah.
感觉有点傻 Feeling kind of stupid, but...
真帅 Look at you.
穿的跟要去滑雪一样 Feel like I'm going skiing.
你想和他共度良宵吗 Would you sleep with him?
老天 说什么呢 Jesus. God.
-想 可能吧 -什么 - Yeah, probably. - Wha...?
你竟然愿意 You would?
真是 什么啊 That's... what?
你在说什么啊 What are you even saying?
看见了吗 卡尔 You see what just happened, Cal?
你一开口 就让蒂芙尼 Soon as you opened your mouth, Tiffany started
开始考虑还要不要和你一夜情了 doubting whether she wanted to sleep with you now.
那可是我听到的最刻薄的话了 That's the meanest thing anyone's ever said to me.
不 这才是 No. This is.
你的妻子对你不忠 Your wife cheated on you
因为你忘记了自己是个男人 because you lost sight of who you are as a man...
是个丈夫 还是个情人 ...as a husband, and probably as a lover.
你说得对 这个更刻薄 You're right, that's meaner.
说说你和多少女人有过关系 Let's talk about how many women you've been with.
性关系吗 Sexually?
对 不是 我指的是激情澎湃那种 Yeah, no. I mean break-dance fighting.
一个 One.
不是 我不是说同时 No. Not at one time.
总共有多少 How many total?
不要告诉我 不要说 Don't say it. Don't say it.
我们高中时就认识了 We met in high school, okay?
孩子 你开玩笑吧 Oh, boy. You're kidding me.
就一个女人吗 闻所未闻 One woman? That's great.
-埃米莉很漂亮 -可能吧 - Emily is beautiful. - I guess.
她美极了 她是那种 She was gorgeous. She was one of those women...
可以同时展现出 ...that could be wildly sexy
狂野性感和无比可爱的女人 and unbelievably cute all at the same time.
我们高三的时候分分合合 We had a little blip senior year...
我真不想再听到埃米莉这个名字了 I literally stopped listening at "Emily."
今晚我们开始和女人搭讪 I think we should start approaching women tonight.
准备好了吗 Are you ready to go?
我想我老婆了 I miss my wife.
-你好吗 -不错 你呢 - How are you? - Good. How are you?
很好 我叫雅各布 你呢 I'm great. I'm Jacob. What's your name?
-艾米·强森 -艾米·强森 - Oh. Amy Johnson. - Amy Johnson.
我全名雅各布·帕默 最近好吗 I'm Jacob Palmer. How you doing?
非常好 Uh, great.
-很好 -我是卡尔 - Good. - I'm Cal.
还没到你 No. Not yet.
艾米 请你喝点什么吧 Sorry. Amy, can I buy you a drink?
陪她一会儿好吗 Would you like keep her company for a minute?
-我很乐意 -如果他毛手毛脚就告诉我 - Of course. I'd be happy to. - If he gets handsy, let me know.
事关生死 我不会轻薄你的 I wouldn't touch you if my life depended on it.
-你叫什么 -卡尔·韦弗 - Uh, what was your name? - Cal Weaver.
卡尔·韦弗 Cal Weaver.
和丹尼斯·韦弗没有关系[美国演员] No relation to Dennis Weaver.
麦克劳德 McCloud.
麦克劳德是七十年代的一个剧 McCloud was a show in the '70s that...
你不会又在说麦克劳德了吧 You're not talking about McCloud again, are you?
干杯 敬我们这些堕落的人 Here we go, huh? To all of our fallen homeys.
我在五姐妹里排老四 Well, I'm the fourth of five sisters.
真没意思 No. That's boring.
不是说你的姐妹们 Not for your sisters,
是说我自己的目标行不通 but for my purposes, it's not gonna work.
-这样啊 -这是我朋友 - Okay. - I have this friend.
他觉得你太漂亮 And he thinks that you're way
不会有情调 简直胡扯 too pretty to be interesting and that's hogwash.
-好吧 我们出去吧 -好的 - All right. You wanna get out of here? - Uh, sure.
起来走人 Giddyup.
我让你烦了吗 Am I boring you?
肯定让你觉得没意思了 我 I'm totally boring you. I'm...
你怎么做到的 How are you doing this, like...
你是如此性感又如此可爱 ...wildly sexy but unbelievably cute thing that you're doing?
真是奇怪 It's weird.
-想出去吗 -好的 - You wanna get out of here? - Yeah.
-走吧 -好 - Okay. - Cool.
莫莉六岁时 找不到波波先生了 So Molly, who's 6 at the time, can't find Mr. Bobo.
我们四处去找 We're looking all over.
它在厨房 波波先生一直都在厨房 It's in the kitchen. Mr. Bobo was in the kitchen the whole time.
想出去转转吗 Wanna get out of here?
过得愉快 Have a good night.
-我们出去转转 -好的 - Let's get out of here. - Yeah.
-我们出去吧 -好啊 - Let's get out of here. - Okay.
-出去转转吧 -当然好了 - Let's get out of here. - Absolutely.
-我们出去吧 -好的 - Let's get out of here. - Okay.
-一起出去吧 -好 - Let's get out of here. - Okay.
总计837.57美元
《离婚》
真衰 Shit.
有空吗 You have a second?
你好 大卫 不好意思 我忙着呢 Hey, David. No. Because I'm swamped.
-你一直在躲着我 -没有 - You've been avoiding me. - No. I haven't.
昨天你在大堂看到我 You ran in the other direction
马上就往另一边跑了 when you saw me coming down the hall yesterday.
顺便说下 跑得真快 You're very fast, by the way.
我高中时练田径的 I ran track in high school.
怪不得呢 That must be it.
那个 关于你和卡尔的事我很遗憾 Hey, listen, I'm sorry about you and Cal.
-你才不遗憾 -是 的确没有 - No, you're not. - No, I'm not.
我喜欢你 埃米莉 I like you, Emily.
你知道有多喜欢吗 Do you have any idea how much I like you?
大卫 你知道我忙得很 Hey, David, you know, I really have a lot to do.
我从来没想过会迷恋一个已婚女人 I had no intention of falling for a married woman...
完全出乎意料 ...but all of a sudden.
我们一起吃午餐 We're having lunch and I'm this accountant...
我成了个每天一早起床就急于去上班的会计师 ...who's waking up every morning excited to go to work.
从没有会计师会这样 And that just does not happen for accountants. Ever.
我问过别的会计师了 I checked with other accountants.
大卫 知道吗 你一直是个好朋友 David, you know what? You've been a great friend.
上个月你注意到 You noticed last month
我做了发型 那很好 when I got my hair trimmed and that was huge.
但是相信我 But look, trust me. You know...
我正拯救你于水火之中 I am saving you from disaster,
因为你正急于登上泰坦尼克号 because you're asking to pre-board the Titanic.
你真想这么做吗 Do you really want any part of this?
我真想这么做吗 Do I really want any part of this?
-埃米莉 你的报告准备好了 -好的 - Emily? Your report's ready. - Okay.
好的 同学们 就是这个 Okay, people. Here it is.
纳撒尼尔·霍桑的《红字》 The Scarlet Letter by Nathaniel Hawthorne.
十七世纪发生在塞伦的爱情故事 A romance set in Salem in the 1600s.
一段孽缘 It is about sin.
你好 杰西卡 以下信息仅供参考 黛米·摩尔和她丈夫艾什顿相差十五岁 依然很幸福 爱你的罗比
女主人公因为通奸而被强迫佩戴一个猩红色的A字 Forced to wear the scarlet A to punish her adulterous behavior.
罗比 别这样了 你让我感觉不舒服
而丁梅斯代尔的A字却以另一种形式刻在身上 Dimmesdale's A is inflicted upon himself in the form of a...
韦弗先生 Mr. Weaver.
我们打扰到你了吗 Are we interrupting?
你想聊《红字》吗 黛芙蒂老师 You wanna talk about The Scarlet Letter, Ms. Tafferty?
好吧 All right.
他们都佩戴的那个A字 Well, the A they're both wearing...
我想代表的是"傻逼" ...I think it stands for "Asshole."
想知道为什么吗 Wanna know why?
因为他们相爱了 Because they fell in love...
傻逼们才恋爱 ...and love is for stupid assholes.
而这本书写的就是一群傻逼 And this book is just about a bunch of assholes...
谁恋爱 谁傻逼 ...who fell in love, like assholes...
必死无疑 真傻逼 ...then had to die, like assholes.
不好意思 说了这么多傻逼 I'm sorry about all the "Assholes."
可以试试那个誓言罐子 You know what else might work? A swear jar.
说一次脏话就放二十五美分进去 You know, a quarter per curse word.
好的 我们一定试试 Yeah, we'll definitely try that.
好 会有用的 All right. Could help.
-慢走 -谢谢 - Take care. - Thanks.
-知道错了吗 -对不起 - Seriously? - Sorry.
我还得回办公室去 Hey, I have to go back to the office.
你也一起去 等我下班 You're gonna have to wait for me there.
好吧 Fine.
他们还在让小孩看《红字》吗 They're still making kids read The Scarlet Letter, huh?
是啊 Yep.
应该已经有人写出更好的作品了吧 You'd think somebody would have written something better by now.
埃米莉·韦弗 副总裁助理
我是不是应该把那个拿下来 I guess I should take that down, huh?
我想是 I guess.
他怎么样了 So how is he? You know.
我是说 不 当我没说 别理我 I mean, l... Oh, no. I'm sorry. Forget it. Just ignore me.
-忘了吧 -他常常出去 - Forget I ever... - He's out a lot.
-常常 -是的 - A lot? - Yeah.
是... Like...
是"经常"的常 还是"时常"的常 Like "a lot" a lot, or just like a little?
经常 A lot.
很好 真的很好 Well, that's good. That's really good.
-今晚叫外卖好吗 -我说 他很难过 - Wanna get takeout tonight, honey? - I mean, he's sad.
我看得出他很难过 尽管表面上没什么 I can tell that he's sad. Even though he looks better...
但我敢说他不开心 ...I can still tell that he's not happy, you know?
是啊 是这样 Yeah. Well, you know. Yeah.
我想我也很难过 I guess I'm pretty sad too.
我知道 I know.
有天晚上我听到你哭了 I heard you crying the other night.
不知该怎么办 Didn't know what to do.
罗比宝贝 你才十三岁 Oh, Robbie, baby, you're 13,
不知道该做什么是正常的 you're not supposed to know what to do.
我就谷歌了一下 I tried Googling it.
-不是吧 -是的 - You did not. - Yep. I did.
你怎么查的 Well, what did you Google?
我搜索了一下"妈妈在床上哭" I searched "Mom crying in bed."
谷歌怎么说的 What did Google say?
搜出了很多妈妈躺在床上的奇怪视频 Just a bunch of weird videos of moms in bed.
天啊 好了好了 别说了 Ugh. Oh, God. Okay. All right, that's enough. No more.
家长控制一点用都没有吗 Do those parental controls work at all?
对我来说挺有用的 They work for me.
因为你是让人厌的青春期孩子 Because you're a disgusting teenager, that's why.
-你好 -你好 - Hey. - Oh, hey.
比尔想在你下班前见见你 Bill wants to see you before you take off.
好的 大卫 这是我儿子罗比 Oh. Uh, David, this is my son, Robbie.
罗比 这是大卫 Robbie, this is David.
-我同事 -最近好吗 小伙子 - Um, we work together. - How you doing, buddy?
-等我一会儿好吗 -好的 - You all right to wait a little bit? - Yeah.
谢谢 大卫 Okay. Thanks, David.
罗比 我听说你足球踢得不错 So, Robbie, I hear you're quite the soccer player.
大卫 我听说你破坏了我爸妈的婚姻 So, David, I hear you broke up my parents' marriage.
-你是大卫·林海根吧 -林哈根 - You are David Lindhegen, right? - Lindhagen.
-这么跟你说吧 林海根 -哈根 - Yeah. Here's the thing, Lindhegen. - Hagen.
管你的 Whatever.
最后 她还是会回到我爸身边 In the end, she winds up back with my dad.
我爸在各个方面都比你强 He's a better guy than you are in every category.
我妈一直都爱着他 他也没打算放弃我妈 And she still loves him. He's not gonna give up on my mom...
就像我没打算停止给杰西卡发短信一样 ...like I'm not gonna stop sending Jessica messages...
尽管让她不舒服 ...that make her feel uncomfortable.
准备走吧 宝贝 Hey. You ready to go, honey?
妈妈 我们今晚吃中餐好吗 Mommy. Can we order Chinese for dinner tonight?
没问题 宝贝 Yeah. Sure, honey.
拿好你的东西 Hi, David. Get your stuff.
-再见 大卫 -再见 - Bye, David. - See you.
明早你的胳膊就没知觉了 You're not gonna be able to feel your arms in the morning.
我没事 I'll be fine.
上帝啊 Jesus Christ.
我们正视问题 好吗 卡尔 Look, let's face it, Cal, all right?
两性之间的战斗已经结束 The war between the sexes is over,
我们是胜者 知道吗 and we won, okay?
当她们开始动心的时候 我们就已经赢了 We won the second women started doing pole dancing for exercise.
尽管我们赢了 我们仍要尊重她们 But even though we won, they still deserve our respect.
让她们自我感觉漂亮 Make them feel beautiful,
倾听她们的需要 抢先一步为她们开门 listen to their problems, open the door for them.
你能不能把衣服穿上 Would you put on some clothes, please?
-不好意思 它让你烦心吗 -没有 - I'm sorry, is this bothering you? - No, it's not.
卡尔 如果我这样对着你二十分钟 Cal. My schwantz is in your face for 20 minutes.
你都毫无反应 就有问题了 If it's not bothering you, we got a bigger problem.
-好吧 我有反应 -我不在乎 - Okay, it bothers me. - I don't care.
知道吗 你得保持你的男子汉气概 You gotta take control of your manhood, pal. You know?
想要什么 就去争取 You want something, you take it.
不喜欢就说出来 我想什么就要什么 You don't like something, you say it. I take what I want.
大卫·林哈根就得到了他想要的 不是吗 David Lindhagen certainly took what he wanted, didn't he?
我敢肯定 And I can guarantee you this:
他现在正帮你老婆开车门 He is opening the car door for your wife right now.
干嘛 这就晕倒啦 What, you passing out?
可怜孩子 Oh, boy.
-准备的差不多了吧 伙计 -准备什么 - I think you're ready, pal. - For what?
找个美女搭讪 To talk to a pretty lady,
带她回家 向她展示一下你的天赋 and take her home and show her your gift.
不 我不行 No. No, I'm not.
你已经准备好了 绝对没问题 You're ready as you're ever gonna be.
发挥优势 我们都能做到 You play your strengths, pal. That's all any of us can do.
我是走神秘路线的 I'm mysterious.
你知道的 我床上功夫不错 I'm, you know, good in bed.
而你呢 And you are a, uh...
你是个稳重的 有工作的成熟男人 ...you know, stable and employed adult.
神啊 Jesus.
看见九点钟方向那个女人了吗 You see this lady over here at 9 o'clock?
想让我勾引她吗 You want me to hit on her?
不 那是我的菜 我说她后面那个 No, I wanna hit on her. The one behind her.
她像只狐狸 是吗 She's a fox, right?
你觉得她来人群拥挤的酒吧 You think she came to a crowded
是为了安静的喝一杯吗 她在狩猎 bar to have a quiet drink alone? She's hunting.
她在等机会 She's just looking for an opportunity
找一个有责任感又稳重的成熟男人 to settle for a responsible and stable adult.
希望她能从你这得到满足 And I'd like her to settle for you.
谢谢你的鼓励 但是你知道吗 Oh. Well, thank you for the ego boost, but you know what?
我只是看过你勾搭女人 Just because I've watched you pick up women...
不代表我就学会了怎么勾搭女人 ...doesn't mean I know how to pick up women.
看过《空手道小孩》吗 Ever see Karate Kid?
和那有什么关系 What does that have to do with anything?
空手道大师就教那个孩子给车打蜡 When he's teaching him to wax on and off
而不是攻击技巧 but really to fight?
你想让我跟人打架 You want me to fight someone?
我和女孩搭话后 What's the first thing I
做的第一件事是什么 我请她喝一杯 do when I go up to a girl? I buy her a drink.
是的 每次都是 Yes, always.
毫无例外 你请她喝一杯 Without fail. You buy her a drink.
哪怕人家不要 你还是要请 Even if she doesn't want one, you insist.
-我谈我自己吗 -从不 - And do I talk about myself? - Never.
从不说自己 总是谈对方的事 Never about yourself, always her.
-因为酒保 -很无聊 - Because bar banter? - Is boring.
所以你就推波助澜 So you put the impetus on her.
让对方成为那个让人起兴致的人 She has to be the interesting one.
让我看看 让我见识见识你多么有情调 "Impress me. Impress me with how interesting you are."
你就在玩一场游戏 It's a big game. Game.
一场让人毛骨悚然的游戏 Creepy, creepy little game you play.
那话有点过于武断了 不觉得吗 That's judgmental, isn't it?
最后结束的时候 我怎么做的 At the end of the night, what do I do?
我有问她们要不要跟我回家吗 Do I ask them to come home with me?
没有 你让她们跟你回家 No, you tell them to come home wiht you.
她们别无选择 They have no choice in the matter.
决定是你做的 但她们却乐于享受 It is your choice and they are so overjoyed to have had
这个机会 和你好好欢爱 the opportunity to make sweet, sweet love to you.
我的天哪 Oh, my god.
你太了不起了 我真是大开眼界啊 You did, you Miyagi'd me.
摘掉戒指 出动 Take your ring off. Let's go.
只要别谈论你的孩子 Just no talking about your kids,
你的工作 大卫·林哈根 千万别提 your job, David Lindhagen, don't you dare.
行了 行了 别说了 Shut up, shut up. Just shut up.
-你好 -你好 - Hello. - Hi.
你好 你好 Hi. Hi.
-你叫什么 -我叫凯特 - Who are you? - Hey. I'm Kate.
凯特 不介意我给你介绍一下我 Kate, you mind if I introduce you to my... ?
我叫卡尔 I'm Cal.
-我知道了 很高兴见到你 -你好 - I got this. Pleased to meet you. - Hi.
这是我朋友雅各布 他正要走 And this is my friend Jacob. He was just leaving.
你就是这么对我的 So that's one way to treat people.
我能请你喝一杯吗 凯特 So can I buy you a drink, Kate?
-不 谢谢 -反正我要请你喝一杯 - Oh. No, thank you. - I'm gonna buy you a drink anyway.
灰雁 对吗 Grey Goose, right?
灰雁是法国伏特加的一个品牌名
加冰 加酸柠吗 Rocks. Two limes?
我戒酒五年了 I'm five years sober.
-你们要点什么 -什么都不要 - What can I get for you? - Nothing. Nothing.
走吧 我们很好 请别回来了 Go away, we're good. Please don't come back ever.
你是做什么工作的 卡尔 So, what do you do, Cal?
我不知道 你呢 凯特 I don't know. What do you do, Kate?
-我先问的你 -然后我问的你 - I asked you first. - I asked you second.
说真的 你是做什么的 Seriously, what do you do?
你真的不打算告诉我你是做什么的吗 Are you really not going to tell me what you do?
-好吧 我是老师 -真无聊 - Uh, okay, I'm a teacher. - Boring.
别这样 你得让我提起兴致 来吧 Come on, you gotta keep it interesting. Interest me.
-我在牛津念了五年 -没劲 - I studied at Oxford for five years. - Boring!
一个牛津毕业有酗酒史的老师 Wow. Teacher with an alcohol dependency who studied at Oxford.
之类之类的 Blah, blah, blah. Bleh.
英国 呸 England. Yuck.
我想我朋友刚刚到了 You know, I think my friends just got here.
抱歉 抱歉 对不起 真对不起 I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
-好吧 我在保险公司工作 -天哪 - Okay, you know what. I'm in corporate insurance. - Oh, God.
我有孩子 不止一个 I have children, plural.
我妻子跟大卫·林哈根有外遇 And my wife was cheating on me with David Lindhagen...
本来这些我不该跟你说的 ... which I wasn't supposed to tell you about it, either.
但是我说了 很高兴见到你 But I did. Nice to meet you.
那你本来该跟我说什么 What were you supposed to tell me?
我不知道 我不知道 I don't know. I don't know.
我本来该夸赞你是 I was supposed to say that you
性感与可爱的完美结合 are the perfect combination of sexy and cute...
以前我就经常这么跟我妻子说 ... which is actually something that I used to say to my wife.
但是现在这已经破灭了 But now it's become corrupted.
我穿了十八层的衣物 And I have 18 layers of clothes on.
我穿了衬衫 戴了领带 还有毛衣 I'm wearing a shirt and a tie and a sweater
和山羊皮夹克 隔热性很好 and a suede jacket that just seals in all the heat.
防水性也很好 Seals in all the juices.
我只是 里面都出汗了 I'm just... it's all sweat under here.
这里以下都在流汗 This is just sweat from here down.
我穿的这件 叫做修身裁剪 I'm with this... this sweater, this is called slim cut,
但是感觉跟斯库巴潜水服一样 but it feels like a scuba suit.
我现在盯着你的胸看 怎么样 And I'm looking at your breasts. What's that about?
你认为我是性感与可爱的完美结合 You think I'm the perfect combination of sexy and cute?
我说了这么多 你就听到这一句 That's what you picked up from what I just said?
这就是我的陋室了 So this is my crappy apartment.
我跟妻子分手后不得不搬来这里 Dumpy. That I had to move into after my wife left me.
我很喜欢你这么诚实 I love how you're being so honest.
-你喜欢 -太与众不同了 太正点了 - You like that? - It's so different. It's so hot.
好吧 好吧 Okay. Okay.
-再来 -好吧 - More. - Okay.
-想不想听听更正点的 -好 - Wanna hear something really hot? - Mm-hm.
我这辈子只跟一个女人做过爱 I've only had sex with one woman in my entire life.
-真的假的 -真的 - Honest or not honest? - That's honest.
再说说 再跟我说说 More! Tell me more.
我有些担心你会有艾滋 I'm a little worried you have AIDS.
有一点点担心 一点点 Just a little. Just a little bit.
好吧 我不担心 It's okay, I'm not worried.
我的天哪 这太有意思了 Oh, my god, this is so much fun.
你想和我一起干点什么 What do you wanna do with me?
我想带你到我前妻面前炫耀 让她嫉妒 I wanna show you off to my ex-wife and make her really jealous.
天哪 Whoa, man.
你会给我打电话吗 You gonna call me?
好的 Okay.
好的 Yeah.
这裙子真好看 你在哪里买的 Wow, that is a great dress. Where'd you get that?
谢谢 比佛利山的一家店 Thank you. A store in Beverly Hills.
比佛利山是靠近好莱坞的一个富豪住宅区
真的吗 太美了 Really? Beautiful.
是我奶奶送给我的 It was a gift from my grandmother.
-真的吗 -这是克鲁格金币 - Really? - It's a Krugerrand.
克鲁格金币是一种最著名的南非金币
是南非带回来的 It's from South Africa.
我很喜欢 I love it.
我告诉他任何事情都不要想当然 And I told him never to assume anything.
我曾经去过缅因州 那是第六个州 And I've been to Maine, so that's a sixth state.
所以我去过六个州 So I've been to six states.
-我喜欢缅因州 -是的 那里很美 - Oh, I love Maine. - Oh, yeah, it's beautiful.
-你去过沃特维拉吗 -去过 - Have you been to Waterville? - I have, yeah.
希腊 意大利 Greece, Italy.
希腊 意大利 Greece, Italy?
想离开这里吗 Wanna get out of here?
-你开车来的 -是的 - You're driving. - I am.
我这辈子从没有过这样的经历 I have never experienced that before in my life.
真是太棒了 Pretty great.
现在大多数女人都喜欢这样吗 Are most women like that these days?
-上帝保佑高科技 -上帝保佑 - God bless technology. - God bless it.
有一晚我遇到个女孩儿 I went and met this girl the other night.
她总是在质问我 She was heckling me the whole time we were...
我感觉就像是在 I felt like, I was... you know, doing it
在跟两个提线木偶秀的老家伙说话 with the two old guys from "the Muppet Show".
提线木偶秀是英国的一档电视节目
-斯塔特勒和华道夫 -我貌似挺喜欢的 - Statler and Waldorf. - She was like... I was like into it. You know.
她这样说 看看你愁眉不展的 怎么了 And she was like, "Look at this frown on your face. What is that?
你真严肃 You're so serious.
怎么 真想吻我吗 What, it's serious to kiss me?
那应该很有趣吧 It's supposed to be fun.
我的天哪 要是这很困难 Oh, my god, if it's gonna be hard work.
-太糟了 -为什么不停下来呢 - You are terrible. - Why don't you just stop?"
喂 Hello?
那个在酒吧里勾搭你的帅哥在这里 Hey. Hot guy from the bar who hit on you is here.
丽兹 我在学习 Liz, I'm studying.
你应该去研究下他卧室的天花板 You should be studying the ceiling of his bedroom.
那才是你该去研究的 That was what you should be studying.
我在吃焦糖苹果棒棒糖 I am eating a caramel apple.
你活在哪个世界啊宝贝儿 请转过去 In what world, honey? Please, turn around.
快点 休息一下 Come on, take a break.
出来活动一下对你有好处的 It'll be good for you to get out.
我说的出来活动 And by get out...
是指让酒吧那个性感帅哥 ... I mean have hot guy from the
带你去他床头爽歪歪 bar knock you into his headboard until you see God.
你怎么回事啊 What is wrong with you?
你应该去研究他温柔的曲线 You should be studying the gentle curve of his...
就这样 再见 丽兹 Okay, goodbye, Liz.
说太多了吗 还在吗 That too much? Hello?
听着 我按你说的给了他那瓶古龙 Look, I gave him the cologne like you told me to...
我真的认为我们不该再落井下石了 ... and I don't think we should really just dance on his grave.
我以为你想知道 I just thought you'd wanna know
我听到的你老友卡尔的事 what I heard about your old pal Cal.
韦弗先生怎么了 妈妈 What about Mr. Weaver, mom?
很明显 韦弗先生成了一位大众情人 Um, just, apparently, Mr. Weaver has become a real ladies' man.
-什么 -克莱尔 - What? - Claire.
她应该知道 她替他照看孩子 She should know. She babysits for him.
她差不多成年了 She's almost an adult.
很多年轻女子在他的公寓进进出出 Lots of young women in and out of his apartment.
克莱尔 她还太小 Claire. She's too young for this.
我不想在孩子们面前说这些 I don't like this S-E-X talk in front of the K-l-D-S.
亲爱的 首先 他们会拼写 Sweetheart, first of all, they can spell.
其次 我只是说说 Second of all, I'm just saying.
我想我们选择站在埃米莉这边是对的 I think we were right in choosing Emily.
你为什么跟着我 Why are you following me?
麦迪逊 我有个问题要问你 Madison, I just had a question for you.
好吧 杰西卡 什么事 Okay, Jessica, what's up?
这事比较隐私 It's kind of on the personal side.
好吧 我口风 Yep, my lips are...
很紧 我口风很紧的 Seals. My lips are seals.
好吧 Okay. Um...
我的问题是 我并不想表现得很无礼 My question, and I don't mean to be blunt or insulting,
但是这确实有点无礼 but let's just call it what it is.
你总是跟老男人睡觉 是吗 You're always sleeping with older guys, right?
总是 Always.
我的问题是 麦迪逊 你是怎么做的 So my question for you, Madison, is, um, how do you do that?
我是说 你是怎么让他们 I mean, how do you get them to
不像看待高中生那样看待你 see you as not just a kid in high school, you know?
而是把你当成长大的成年人看的 But as someone that's mature, and old, and that's...
首先 我波涛汹涌 Well, first of all, I have a huge rack.
是的 确实 Uh, yes, you do.
而你波澜不惊 You don't have a huge rack.
是啊 No.
-等等 他多大 -很大 - Wait, how old is he? - Old.
很老那种吗 Like really old?
-父母那么大 -真下流 杰西卡 - Like parent-old. - Nasty, Jessica.
是的 我就是那么想的 对吗 Yeah, because that's what I was thinking, right?
-干得好 -谢谢 - Rock on. - Thank you.
-你真坏透了 -是的 我知道 - You are so dirty. - Yes, I know.
好吧 你得主动点 Oh, okay. You gotta force his hand.
你明白我的意思吗 You know what I mean?
直捣黄龙 Go TMZ on his ass.
-我不太明白 -往那方面想 - Not following. - A dirty picture.
像这样 Make this face.
-天哪 麦迪逊 停下来 -怎么了 - Jeez, Madison. Stop. - What?
你在他面前摆出这副样子 You put that on his radar
他就不会再把你当小女孩看了 我保证 and he won't see you as a little girl anymore, that's for sure.
-发生什么事了 -我们不知道 - Hey, what's going on? - Hey. We don't know.
请注意 Behold.
杰西卡·莱利 你是我的灵魂伴侣 Jessica Riley, you are my soul mate.
我一生的挚爱 The love of my life.
我为你给自己做了红字J的标记 杰西卡 I have marked myself with a scarlet J for you, Jessica.
罗比 你给我下来 Robbie, Get down from there.
纳撒尼尔·霍桑 Nathaniel Hawthorne...
纳撒尼尔·霍桑是小说《红字》的作者
罗比·韦弗 我是你的临时看护 Robbie Weaver, I am your babysitter.
-你生气了吗 -我让你下来 - Are you mad? - I'm telling you get down.
我的天哪 Oh, my god.
-你是怎么想的 -你喜欢那个支撑架吗 - What are you thinking? - You like the scaffold?
我花了四个星期来做这个 还有轮子呢 Took me like four weeks to make it. It has wheels.
你不能再这样了 罗比 This has got to stop, Robbie.
你会爱上我的 我保证 You'll learn to love me, I promise.
不 我不会 No, I won't.
因为我比你小四岁吗 Just because I'm four years younger than you?
因为我爱上了别人 Because I love somebody else.
他是谁 Who is he?
他比你大 He's older.
我不想让我父母知道 And I didn't want my parents to find out.
你知道要是他伤害你我会杀了他 You know I'll kill him if he hurts you.
我知道 Yeah, I know.
罗比 不能再继续下去了 Okay, Robbie, this has to stop.
好吗 别再这样了 Okay? No more.
成熟点 Grow up.
回头见 I'll see you around.
我爱你 杰西卡·莱利
好吧 Unh. Okay.
好了 Okay.
明天你要和妈妈一起去亲师会 So you're seeing mom tomorrow at my parent-teacher thing.
是的 没什么大不了的 Yeah, no biggie.
怎么没精打采的 What's with all the moping?
没什么 只是 Uh, nothing. It's just...
有个女孩儿 There's a girl.
女孩子的事情啊 A girl, huh?
你喜欢她吗 You like her?
我喜欢的是品客薯片 I like Pringles.
说到这个女孩儿 I mean, this girl...
她太不可思议了 ... she's incredible.
她是我的灵魂伴侣 你明白吗 She's my soul mate, you know?
她却都不在乎 She doesn't even care.
但她是你的灵魂伴侣 对吗 But she's your soul mate, right?
是的 Yeah.
好吧 那你不要放弃她 好吗 Well, you just don't give up on her, right?
为什么 你都放弃了 Why not? You did.
我没有放弃 I didn't give up.
好吧 事情很复杂 Okay, it's more complicated than that.
我现在变了 I'm a different guy now.
你没变 只是衣服变了 You're not a different guy. You just have different clothes.
不是那么简单的 孩子 It's not that simple, kiddo.
-这是什么屁话 -注意你的语言 - What kind of crap is that? - Watch it.
你要么爱她要么不爱 我知道你爱她 You know, you love her or you don't. I know you do.
我认真的 爸爸 I'm serious, dad.
我现在需要一些激励 好吗 I just need some inspiration right now. All right?
去把她追回来 Go get her back.
你几岁来着 Wow, how old are you?
欢迎前来亲师会
你看起来很棒 卡尔 Wow. You look great, Cal.
不过是以前我的衣服尺码买错了 Well, it turns out I've been buying the wrong size suit
二十年来一直如此 for like 20 years, so...
好吧 不管怎么说 你人看起来不错 Oh, well, whatever. You, um... you look great.
谢谢 你总是看起来很棒 Thanks. You always look great.
谢谢 Oh, thanks.
我昨天跟楠娜打过电话 So I spoke to Nanna yesterday.
我也是 你感觉她怎么样 Yeah, me too. How'd she sound to you?
还是楠娜那样 她很担心我们 Um... like Nanna. She worries about us.
这是哪位老师来着 What teacher is this?
黛芙蒂老师 Ms. Tafferty.
他就是在她课堂上发表的《红字》混蛋说 She's the one he pulled the Scarlet Letter asshole routine on.
天哪 这孩子真怪 God, he's such a weird kid.
我挺喜欢他的 I kind of like him, though.
我也是 很高兴我们在医院换了孩子 Yeah, me too. Glad we switched babies at the hospital.
我也是 也许那一个在监狱呢 Me too. That other one's in jail, probably.
你跟大卫怎么样了 So how's it going with David?
你知道的 那个 Oh, you know, it, um...
那不是 It wasn't, um...
那什么都不是 That didn't mean anything.
-我是说 要是 -不 不 我懂 - I mean, you know, if... - No. No, I know.
你在跟谁约会吗 You seeing anybody?
我吗 Me?
你知道的 有传言什么的 Oh, you know. Well, you hear things, you know, so...
-不 不是那样的 -不 - No. Not real... - No.
你了解我的 You know me.
那个 好吧 Yeah, well...
不 No.
我想你了 小艾 I miss you, Em.
我们年轻时我付出过了 对吗 I made an effort when we were younger, didn't I?
我是说 小型高尔夫和舞蹈 I mean, miniature golf and dancing.
你舞跳得很棒 You were such a great dancer.
我必须这样 你小型高尔夫玩得太棒了 I had to be. You were such a good miniature golfer.
我只是 我不知道 I just... I don't know.
我猜我只是变懒了 我 I guess I got lazy. I got...
我觉得厌倦了 I got boring, is what I got.
不 No.
我真的很生你的气 And I'm so mad at you.
你的所作所为让我很生气 I'm really mad at you for what you did.
但是我也生自己的气 But I'm mad at myself too.
因为我当初不该从那车上跳下去 Because I should not have jumped out of that car.
我应该为你而努力 I should've fought for you.
因为你为灵魂伴侣而战 Because you fight for your soul mates.
至少 我十三岁的儿子是这么跟我说的 Least, that's what my 13-year-old son tells me.
他真是个奇怪的孩子 He's a really strange kid.
他吓到我了 He scares the shit out of me.
我也想你 I miss you, too.
韦弗先生 韦弗夫人 Mr. And Mrs. Weaver?
不会这么巧吧 No way in hell.
卡尔 你在这里做什么 Cal, what are you doing here?
你们两个认识 Oh, you two know each other?
是的 我们以前见过 Yes. Yeah, right. We've met before, yes.
"我们以前见过"就这样吗 "We have met before"? Seriously?
我想给你介绍一下我妻子 埃米莉 So I'd like to introduce you to my wife, Emily.
你好 我是罗比的妈妈 Hi, I'm Robbie's mom.
她又成了是你妻子了 真方便啊 She's your wife again. How convenient.
我们进去好吗 So shall we enter?
-好的 -为什么不呢 - Okay. - Why don't we?
好的 来吧 Yeah, let's do that.
抱歉 我只是叙叙旧 I'm sorry. I'm playing catch-up.
你们俩怎么认识的呢 How do you two know each other, exactly?
也许应该让你丈夫跟你说 Maybe your husband should tell you.
我们 我们是在去年的 We... I think we met at last year's
亲师会上见过 对吗 parent-teacher conference, wasn't it?
我错过什么了吗 Did I miss it?
我错过去年的亲师会了吗 Did I miss the parent-teacher conference thing last year?
是啊 我不记得了 Yeah. I don't remember.
我们不如关注一下罗比吧 Why don't we just, uh, why don't we focus on Robbie?
好的 Yes.
好的 来吧 Yes, let's do that.
让我们把注意力放在罗比身上吧 Let's... let's focus on Robbie.
正如你们所知 罗比的光辉时刻 As you know, Robbie's shining moment this year
就是他在八年级英语课上 ... was when he set a school record
说脏话时所创的记录 for cursing in an eighth-grade English class.
混蛋 Asshole.
混蛋
你对这个词很熟悉 韦弗夫人 You're familiar with this word, Mrs. Weaver.
是的 我跟校长谈过... Yes, I am. And I've spoken to Principal...
混蛋 Asshole.
像是说了会打电话却从来不打的人 As in someone who tells a woman that he'll call and never does.
混蛋 Asshole.
像是利用诚实骗女人上床 As in someone who uses honesty to get a woman into bed with him...
而实际就跟其他屁话连天的混蛋一样 ... but is actually full of shit like the rest of them.
这说的不是罗比 This is not about Robbie.
混蛋 Asshole.
像是因为自己紧张就让 As in someone who allows a woman to go downtown for 45 minutes...
女人给他口交了四十五分钟的人 ... because he's nervous.
好吧 好吧 好吧 All right, all right, all right.
知道吗 知道吗 不 You know what? Know what? No.
事情是这样的 Here's the deal.
她是个酒鬼 She's an alcoholic.
-天哪 好吧 -那 抱歉 - Oh, God. Okay. - That's... I'm sorry.
-很抱歉 天哪 -我得走了 - I'm sorry. God. - I gotta go.
我的天哪 埃米莉 天哪 Oh, my God. Emily. God.
埃米莉 埃米莉 等等 Emily, Emily, wait.
别碰我 卡尔 Leave me alone, Cal.
我戒酒五年了 混蛋 I'm sober five years, asshole!
好吧 我做了 我做了 Okay, yeah, I did. I did.
我跟我们儿子的八年级英语老师睡过了 I slept with our son's eighth-grade English teacher.
我知道 我知道 I know. I know.
我先对你不忠 所以我没资格生气 And I cheated, so I have no right to be angry.
重点不是这个 我们结婚的时候你 Not the point. When we were first married you were the only woman...
是我唯一的女人 ... that I had ever slept with...
现在我跟九个不同的女人睡过 天哪 ... and now I have had sex with nine different women... God.
九个 Nine?
哇塞 Wow.
你真让我大开眼界 You showed me.
我不是想炫耀 I wasn't trying to show you.
我只是想忘掉过去 I was trying to move on.
但是我不想这么做 But I don't want to.
你一直都是那个唯一 You've always been the only one.
告诉她她是性感与可爱的完美结合吧 Tell her she's the perfect combination of sexy and cute,
混蛋 asshole.
你跟她说过那句话 You said that to her?
是的 I did, yes.
你到底是谁 Who are you?
我是你的灵魂伴侣啊 I'm your soul mate.
真是老套路啊 What a clich?
你 过来 过来 You, get over here. Come on.
来吧 说两句 为她说两句 Yeah, yeah, give it up. Give it up for her.
我为你骄傲 宝贝儿 I'm so proud of you, baby.
当然 我略有疑问 I had my doubts, of course.
汉娜 我对你说过如果你通过考试的话 Hannah, I did tell you that tonight
今晚将会是个特别的夜晚 would be a special night if you passed the bar.
所以 汉娜 So, Hannah...
我想正式的 ... I would like to formally ask you
当着我们所有朋友和同事的面问你 ... in front of all our friends and colleagues
你想成为 ...if you would like to become a permanent lawyer
WGS公司的专职律师吗 at the firm of Watkins, Goldberg and Schmidt?
怎么样 祝贺你 How about that? To you.
怎么了 What?
-我只是 -怎么了 - I ju... - What, what is it?
不知怎的 我还以为你要向我求婚 I thought that you were gonna propose for some reason.
-什么 -我明白 我有点 - What? - Yeah. I know. I'm just...
只是 我有点懵 It's just... I'm a little thrown.
对不起 I'm sorry.
我没想到你以为咱俩到那个地步了 I didn't realize that you thought that we were there.
天呐 别傻了 我只是 No. God, no. Don't be silly. I just...
我想 我需要点时间 I need some time, I think,
弄清楚自己的感觉 to figure out how I feel about us, you know?
婚姻大事嘛 Long-term.
你需要时间 You need some time?
你需要时间弄清感觉 很好 You need some time to figure out how you feel about us? Okay.
亲爱的 Honey?
真有意思 我只是 真长见识 This is actually really funny. I'm just... next level.
-是你的吗 是你的吗 -是的 - Is this yours? Is this yours? - Yes.
亲爱的 Honey?
-这是杜松子酒吗 -是的 - Is this gin? - Yes.
-这酒好像一点都没兑嘛 -没错 - There's, like, no water in that. - Yeah.
-好吧 -我讨厌杜松子酒 - Great. - I hate gin.
知道吗 谢谢你 理查德 You know what? Thank you, Richard.
真的 非常感谢你的聘任 Honestly, thank you very much for your job offer.
我会考虑的 I will consider it.
汉娜·波娜娜 Hannah Banana.
波娜娜 汉娜 Banana. Hannah.
-你想请我喝一杯吗 -想啊 - Do you wanna buy me a drink? - Yes.
-那样自然一点 对吧 -你 - It's nicer that way. Right? - You.
还记得我吗 You remember me?
记得 Yeah.
-你还觉得我很迷人吗 -没错 - You still find me attractive? - Yes.
还想把我带回家吗 Still wanna take me home?
想 Yeah.
走吧 Let's go.
只在一眼之间 Just one look,
我觉得好难 and I fell so hard.
给 Here.
我很喜欢这首歌 I really like this song.
-你喜欢 -不错的选择 - You like it? - This was a good choice.
很棒的歌 千万别听这首歌 Good song. You never hear this song.
因为你会爱上它 Love this song.
干杯 Cheers.
那杯我不喜欢 That's not my drink.
不是我的最爱 谢谢 It's not my favorite. Thank you.
-通常就这样勾引女人的吗 -什么 - So is this how it normally works? - What?
放一支美妙的音乐 跟她们喝杯酒 You put on the perfect song, you make them a drink.
然后就上床了 And then you sleep together.
是这样的 Yeah.
我很紧张 I'm very nervous.
看得出来 I'm getting that.
好吧 虽然我在酒吧显得很自信 Okay. Because I know I seemed confident back at the bar,
但那多半是因为我浑身又冷又湿 but that was mostly just because I was cold and wet
还想表现得戏剧点 and trying to be dramatic a little bit.
你很可爱 You're adorable.
你说错了 No.
是性感 I am sexy.
我是色情级的性感 I am R-rated sexy.
我能想象今晚非色情版的 Okay, I know what happens in the PG-13
场景是什么样 我知道 version of tonight, all right? I know.
我喝得烂醉 然后不醒人事 It's that I get really drunk and then I pass out.
你帮我盖上毯子 You cover me with a blanket,
亲吻我的额头 什么也没发生 kiss me on the cheek, nothing happens.
但那样的话我就没必要来了 But that's not why I'm here.
我来是跟对我有意思的酒吧帅哥找乐子的 I am here to bang the hot guy that hit on me at the bar.
-雅各布 -雅各布 - Jacob. - Jacob.
人们现在还说"找乐子"吗 Are people still saying "bang"?
反正我说 I do.
我们要乐呵一下 We are gonna bang.
就现在 This is happening.
-把衬衫脱了 -干嘛 - Take off your shirt. - Why?
求你了 把衬衫脱下来好吗 Please, will you take off your shirt?
我老不停地想 我得 I can't stop thinking. I need to just...
好 好 好 Ok, ok, ok.
好的 好 好 好 All right, ok, ok, ok.
妈妈的 Fuck.
真的假的 跟P过似的 Seriously? It's like you're photoshopped.
我能... Can l...
你的手好凉 You have cold hands.
-把你裙子脱了 -不脱 - Now you take off your dress. - No.
-脱 -不 - Yes. - No.
现在还不是时候 不 谢谢 Not with that going on. No, thank you.
有没有灯光不刺眼的地方 老天 Is there dim lighting somewhere? Oh, God.
我们接下来干什么 Okay, so then what do we do?
按你的套路 现在该干嘛 What happens now? Like, logistically?
你有什么花招 What's your move?
什么意思 我有什么花招 What do you mean, what's my move?
你有什么花招 让女人上钩的花招 What's your move? Your big move?
我有很多花招 I got lots of moves.
最诱惑的一招是什么 What's your big move?
我不告诉你 I'm not telling.
-快说 -你还没准备好呢 - Tell me your move. - You're not ready for the big move.
-我准备好了 -你招架不住 - Yes, I am. - You can't handle the big move.
快说 Tell me your big move.
聊着聊着我会上演一出《辣身舞》 I work Dirty Dancing into the conversation.
《辣身舞》 Dirty Dancing?
-我坐下再说 好吗 -坐吧 - Can I sit down, please? - Yeah.
-能把衬衫穿上吗 -不行 - Can I put back on my shirt? - No.
什么《辣身舞》 Why Dirty Dancing?
我们要干嘛 看电影吗 What do we do? Do we watch it?
你记得电影最后帕特里克·斯威兹 You know the big move at the end
把詹妮弗·格雷举起来那段吗 where Patrick Swayze picks up Jennifer Grey?
-记得 -我也可以 - Yeah. - I can do that.
-然后呢 -我告诉她我也可以 - Okay. - So I tell girls I can do the move.
和着《生命时光》的音乐把她举起来 I put on the song "Time of Your Life", I do the big move.
然后她们就想和我做爱 And they always wanna have sex with me.
天呐 这是我听过的最可笑的事 Oh, my God. That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard.
我也觉得很可笑 但每次都很管用 I agree. But it works every time.
对我不起作用 That would not work on me.
天呐 太可笑了 我不要 Oh, God, this is ridiculous. I don't wanna do it.
试试 Come on.
完全超越荒谬的极限了 This is beyond ridiculous.
-起跑再起跳 -不 - Run and jump. - No.
-快点 -不了 谢谢 - Yeah. Come on. - No, thank you.
谢天谢地 还好我醉了 来吧 Thank God, I'm drunk. Here we go.
因为我生命中的快乐时光 'Cause I've had the time of my life.
都归功于你 And I owe it all to you.
我期待已久 I've been waiting for so long.
终于发现不是独自一人 Now I've finally found someone to stand by me.
你是想在这儿还是去卧室 So do you prefer to do it here or in the bedroom?
卧室好一点 The bedroom is preferred.
好 走吧 Yeah, okay. Let's go there.
这个枕头 This pillow
枕上去很贴合我的头 forms perfectly to the shape of my head.
是布鲁克斯通的海绵枕头吗 Is this one of those foam pillows from Brookstone?
是的 Yeah.
-真的吗 -是的 - Yeah? - Yeah.
我一直很纳闷谁会买那种 I always wondered who buys those kind of...
当然是酒吧遇到的帅哥了 The hot guy from the bar buys these. Of course.
-雅各布 -雅各布 抱歉 - Jacob. - acob. Sorry about that.
没关系 Good.
对不起 继续吧 I'm sorry, continue.
你不会也有那种很搞笑的按摩椅吧 You don't have one of those ridiculous, massage chairs, do you?
-真有 -没有 - You do? - No.
-不 你有 -好吧 我有 - Yes, you do. - Yeah, I do.
-不会吧 -没有 没有 我有 - Oh, my God. - I don't. I don't. I do.
谁会有那种东西 我会 我有 Who would have that? I would. I have that.
-多少钱 -五千块 - How much was it? - Five thousand dollars.
问我用过多少次 Ask me how many times I've used it.
-你用过多少次 -两次 - How many times have you used it? - Twice.
平均一次按摩两千五百块呀 That's $2500 a massage.
只用过两次 Twice.
-在哪呢 -车库 - Where is it? - It's in the garage.
我能感受一下吗 Can I sit in the massage chair?
我讨厌它 I hate it.
家庭购物网 但我沉迷 The Home Shopping Network. But I'm addic...
我买 总之我最爱乱买了 I buy... I'm just the worst.
-你有碎菜器吗 -有 - Do you have a Slap Chop? - Yes.
-那种硬币都能切的刀 -是的 - The knife that cuts through the penny? - Yes.
你还有什么 What else do you have?
硬币熊[代表美国各州的玩具小熊系列] Coin Bears.
硬币熊 不是吧 Coin Bears? You don't have Coin Bears.
我有各个州的全套硬币熊 I have a whole set from each state.
你有五十套硬币熊 You have 50 Coin Bears?
小熊脚板上有硬币图案 They have a coin in their foot.
你好几晚都没睡 You stay up nights.
我超级不爽 I am wildly unhappy.
都已经坏了 我还是想把它买下来 I'm trying to buy it, and it's not working.
-你上学时候厉害吗 -有点横 - Were you smart in school? - A little bossy, yeah.
但我曾获过拼字比赛冠军 But I won a spelling bee
当时我爸激动得老泪纵横 and my dad cried at the spelling bee.
不会吧 你爸真好 No way. That's nice.
-你哪个词赢的 -说起来很傻 - What word did you win on? - It was so stupid.
我喜欢抱一大杯咖啡窝起来 I love curling up with a rich cup of coffee.
什么 你觉得咖啡和睡觉很不搭吗 What, you think coffee and sleep don't mix?
状态好的话很搭 不含咖啡因的 Well, they do if it's high point. It's decaffeinated.
味道好极了 And the flavor is marvelous.
你有蛋糕模子吗 Do you have that mold that makes cakes?
我有小腿裤 I have calf pants.
专门秀小腿的裤子 小腿裤 I have pants just for my calves. Calf pants.
老天 Oh, my God.
能帮我个忙吗 Could you do me a favor?
-什么 -帮我个忙 - What? - Will you do me a kindness?
你能问我一些个人问题吗 Will you ask me something personal about myself?
好 我问 然后咱们乐呵一下 Ok, fine. I'll do it. And then we bang.
好 Yes.
你妈妈什么样 What's your mother like?
我妈妈很漂亮 My mom is very beautiful.
很爱慕虚荣 Very vain.
很聪明 Very smart.
冷漠 Cold.
你爸爸呢 And your dad?
他很早就去世了 He died a long time ago.
他人很好 He was such a sweet guy.
也许好的有点过了 He was probably too sweet.
生意上很成功 Very successful in business.
赚了很多钱 我才有这一切 He made a lot of money, which is why I have all this stuff.
但他很软弱 But he was soft.
太软弱 太敏感 Just too soft, too sensitive.
他管不了我妈 And, you know, dad, he couldn't really handle my mother
也没真正努力过 and didn't really make an effort.
雅各布 是我卡尔 Hey, Jacob, it's Cal.
你在哪儿 Where are you?
还记得我找得第一个女人吗 那个老师 Remember the first woman I picked up, that teacher?
我有事要跟你说 Well, I have a story to tell you about her.
都一个星期了 一直没有你消息 It's been a week. I haven't heard from you.
你没事吧 Should I be concerned?
我现在都能想象你在女人堆里厮混 I am imagining you suffocating under a pile of women.
给我回电话 Call me.
又是我 Hey, it's me again.
留了该有上百条信息了 Left like a hundred messages.
你赶上地震了吗 到底怎么回事 Listen, if this is a Miyagi thing, I'm not getting it,
回我电话 谢谢 so call me back, please. Thanks.
-去过圣·路易斯吗 -没去过 - Been to St. Louis? - No, I haven't.
我一直梦想 I always dreamt of
当圣·路易斯红雀队的三垒手 playing shortstop for the St. Louis Cardinals, actually,
但我连曲线球都接不到 but I couldn't hit a curveball,
于是我就换了另一个比较拿手的 so I did the next best thing.
于是你成了一名会计师 Yeah, you became an accountant.
是的 没错 Right. Exactly.
当会计钱挣的不多 但不用到处跑来跑去 I mean, the money's not as good, but there's less travel.
-我曾想当一名芭蕾舞演员 -真的吗 - I was gonna be a ballerina. - Really?
说说看 女人有芭蕾舞情节吗 So tell me, what is it with women and ballerinas?
我想像自己出演一台芭蕾舞剧 I just pictured myself in the ballet.
我并没接受过专业训练什么的 It's not like I had a lot of training or anything.
其实我从都没上过芭蕾舞课 I mean, I actually never really had a lesson...
也没看过芭蕾舞剧 and... haven't seen a ballet.
你从没看过芭蕾舞剧 You've never been to the ballet?
我愿意带你去看芭蕾舞 I'd love to take you to the ballet.
你想去看芭蕾舞吗 You'd love to go to the ballet?
我不是这个意思 I didn't say that.
我是说我想带你去 把你带过去 I'd love to take you to the ballet. I'd drop you off.
完了再去接你 再一起去看球赛 Later on I'd pick you up and we could go to a ball game.
明白了 I get it.
今天我很开心 I had a lot of fun tonight.
你喜欢寿司吗 You like sushi?
我知道一个做寿司很棒的地方... I know this really great little sushi place...
我不吃寿司 I don't eat sushi.
我们坚决不去那儿 因为我也讨厌寿司 That we're never gonna go to because I hate sushi.
杰西 Hi, Jess.
这是我的同事 大卫 Uh, this is my work friend, David.
大卫是个会计师 David is an accountant.
大卫 这是杰西卡 我家的小保姆 David, this is Jessica, my babysitter.
一切都很顺利 So, you know, everything looks great.
电子制表 Spreadsheets.
工作见 See you at work.
工作见 Yeah, see you at work.
晚饭吃得怎么样 So how was dinner?
会怎样呢 尽是一些工作的事 Oh, well, you know, it was just for work.
裙子真的很漂亮 That's a really pretty dress.
谢谢 我该付你多少薪水 Thank you. What do I owe you?
知道吗 Do you know that your
在我照看的孩子中 只有你家小孩 kids are the only ones that I babysit for
一直都不睡 that wanna stay awake so
只想在爸爸回家的时候能见他一面 that they can see their dad when he gets home?
为了不犯困 他们想尽一切办法 Yeah, I mean, they fight with everything they have to keep their eyes open.
别误会我的意思 And don't get me wrong.
你回到家他们也很高兴 韦弗夫人 No, your kids are really excited to see you when you get home too, Ms. Weaver,
只是没有想见爸爸那么强烈 but not a lot wanna stay up for dad.
宝贝 你想说什么 Honey, what are you trying to say?
没救了 Batshit crazy.
杰西卡 你想 Jessica, what...
-给你 -我不需要你的脏钱 - Let me give you... - I don't want your slutty money.
宝贝 这是怎么回事 怎么了 Sweetheart, what's the pro...? What's wrong?
脏钱 "Slutty money"?
给我个机会
孩子们 Kids.
孩子们 吃冰激凌啦 Kids. Ice cream.
我知道 我知道 I knew it. I knew it.
我出去一下 Yeah. I'll be right back.
该死 老天爷 Oh, shit. Oh, God.
卡尔 Hi, Cal.
我打电话是 I'm just calling...
因为我正在地下室 ...because I'm in the basement...
修热水器 ...and I'm trying to get the water heater working...
指示灯不亮了 ...because the pilot light's out
我不知道怎么弄 and I don't know how to relight it.
很抱歉打扰你 So I'm sorry to bother you.
不 不 没关系 有事就打 No, no. It's fine. That's fine. Call me...
这个时候能给我打电话我很高兴 I'm glad you called about this.
-我教你 好吗 -好 - I'll just walk you through it, okay? - Okay.
好的 有一个灰色的门 All right, so there's a gray door.
看到灰色的门了吗 You see the gray door?
-看到了 -好的 把它滑下来 - Yeah. - Okay, just slide that down.
好的 Okay.
有个写着"按"的红色按钮 There's a red button with the word "Push" on it.
我在上面写了个"按" 看到了吗 I wrote the word "Push" on it?
你按一下 然后往右拧 So you push it. And you turn it to the right.
好的 I got it.
然后把闸合上 And then just put the match in.
亮了 Oh, there it goes.
把灰色的小门 Just have to slide the
再滑下来就可以了 gray door down again and you're good to go.
谢谢你 卡尔 谢谢 Well, thanks, Cal. I appreciate your help.
再有这种事直接给我打电话就好 Oh, you know what? Just call anytime with stuff like that.
我很... That's...
好的 Sure.
那回头再聊 So I'll talk to you soon.
好的 Yeah, and...
谢谢 Thanks again.
不用 我 乐意之至 No, that's... my pleasure.
不想房子被你给炸了 Don't want you to blow up the house.
再见 Bye.
-爸爸 我们去麦当劳吧 -不行 - Dad, can we go to McDonald's? - No.
为什么 Why not?
当心 Check it out.
收音机上放这个是因为他们通俗易懂 Only reason they play them on the radio is they're catchy.
-谢谢 -拿好 先生 - Thank you. - Here you go, sir.
运来的是布是 Now, does it come in sheets...?
是的 四乘八的 Oh, yeah, it's a 4 by 8.
标准四乘八的 四分之三英寸 没错 Standard 4 by 8, your 3/4 inch stock. Yeah.
-不 给我老婆的买的 -很细心嘛 - No, this is for my wife. - Oh. That's nice.
这儿有窗帘 It has curtains.
-卡尔 -伯尼 - Hey, Cal. - Hey, Bernie.
你好 莱利先生 Hi, Mr. Riley.
-最近怎么样 -很好 - How's it going? - Oh, good.
很想跟你多聊会儿 I'd love to catch up,
不过我还有点家务活 比较匆忙 but I'm doing something to the house later. Kind of in a rush.
谢谢你的古龙香水 Thanks for the cologne.
你看这是印花棉布吗 Do you know if this is chintz?
卡尔 Cal.
-雅各布 -老天 你还活着 - Jacob. - Oh, my God, it's alive.
很抱歉我消失这么长时间 老兄 Hey, sorry I kind of dropped off the grid there, pal.
在我最需要的时候你跑了 伙计 You left me in my hour of need, my friend.
我这儿有情况 I'm in a bit of a situation.
好吧 有点麻烦 A pickle, if you will.
我不知道还能打给谁 I got no one else to call.
-我遇到一个女孩 -是吗 - I met a girl. - Oh, really?
我一直跟她在一起 I'm spending all this time with her
她是我的生命转折点 and she is a game changer.
她是你的生命转折点 不是吧 She's a game changer? No way.
我现在要去见她妈妈 So much so I'm going to meet her mother right now.
一个妈妈外加个女儿 A mother and daughter.
你也太威尔特·张伯伦了吧 That's very Wilt Chamberlain-esque, even for you.
关你什么事啊 What is the matter with you?
我不知道怎么办 给我点建议 I don't know what to do. I need some advice.
你知道你可能需要 You realize you might actually have to answer
回答些个人问题 some personal questions about yourself?
多笑一些 要招人喜欢 You gotta smile a lot. You've gotta be charming.
千万别做你自己 Definitely don't be yourself.
这就是你给的建议 别做我自己 That's what you've got for me, don't be myself?
很好 谢谢你什么也没说 Great. Thanks for nothing.
你想喝一... Do you wanna get a...?
下周出来喝一杯吗 Do you wanna get a beer next week?
反正打我电话就行 You have my number.
不用担心 你肯定没问题 And, you know, don't worry about tonight. You'll be fine.
-祝你好运 -再见 老兄 - Good for you, by the way. - See you, buddy.
那一口你迟早得还回来 You gotta get that fixed.
-好啦 -走啦 - Okay. - Let's go.
好吧 All right.
小妹妹 Va-jay-jay.
第四局只有一名球员突破 ...out of this fourth inning with just one run in.
他就在边线上 He's right on the verge...
一记重击险些把他逼出比赛场地 of a big hit knocking him out of the game here.
他坚持住了 他今天非常有战斗力 He's staying in there, very competitive today.
不 不 不 爸爸 爸爸 No, no, no. Daddy, Daddy, Daddy.
别 别管他 让他去 No, leave him. Let him go.
他能处理好 让他去 He can handle it. Let him go.
宝贝 翻我包干什么 别动我的包 Honey! What you do out of my purse? Stay out of my purse!
不许拿车钥匙 不许拿车钥匙 Do not take those keys! Do not take those keys!
我不会让你拿走车钥匙的 I'm not letting you take those keys.
不许跟着你爸爸 给我停下 You're not following your father! Stop it!
不许去 让你爸爸去处理 No! No! Let your father handle it.
你不许再去见那个男人 You're not to see that man again!
那个男的就是个变态 That man's a pervert!
-你别管 -我就管 - Stay out of it! - No!
那个变态给你发色情短信了吗 Is that pervert sexting you?
嗨 宝贝 Hey, baby.
你戴的什么 What are you wearing?
爸爸在这 我得把你眼睛蒙上 Dad's here. I have to blindfold you.
为什么 他玩什么花样 Why? What's he doing?
过来就是了 Just come on.
我讨厌这样 讨厌 Hate this. Bad.
是不是有什么烂摊子要我收拾 Is this something I'm gonna have to clean up?
妈妈 没有 别担心了 继续下楼 Mom, no, don't worry about it. Keep going.
宝贝 宝贝 我真的什么都看不见 Honey, honey, I really can't see.
妈妈 我领着你呢 Mom, I got you.
两级台阶 马上就到平地上了 Two. Right now we're on the ground.
还有一级 One more step.
-没了 -好了 没了 - Three. - Three. Yay.
妈妈 没有台阶了 我们到平地上了 Mom, no more steps. We're on the ground.
妈妈 放松 Mom, relax.
是你丈夫 又不是基地组织 It's your husband, not Al Qaeda.
你好 小艾 Hi, Em.
我能把这东西拿掉吗 求你了 Oh, hey. Can I take this off now, please?
-不行 还不到时候 -这是什么 - Nope, not yet. - Oh, what's this?
-我听见你笑了 淘气猫 -放音乐 - I hear you, gigglepuss. - Do it.
请大家注意听我说 May I have your attention?
许多年前 在伍德塞德中学的走廊里 Many years ago, in the hallway of Woodside Middle School...
卡尔·韦弗第一次看见了埃米莉·博伊尔 ...Cal Weaver saw Emily Boyle for the first time.
卡尔 你真要在孩子们面前这么做吗 Cal, are you seriously gonna do this in front of the kids?
没错 Mm-hm.
如果有任何少儿不宜镜头 If anything goes wrong I'm
我就带她上楼而且开大电视音量 supposed to take her upstairs and put the TV on loud.
好的 不过我们还要等等你女儿 All right. Well, we may as well wait for your daughter.
她不就在这吗 She's right here.
不 不 我是说我们的另一个女儿 No, no, no. I mean our other daughter.
-有人吗 -楠娜 - Hello? - Nanna.
-你们好啊 -你好 甜心 - Hi, guys. - Hi, sweetheart.
-你好 -这是怎么回事 - Hi. - What's going on?
我也不知道 一个游戏 Oh, I don't know. Some game.
他不让我把这该死的眼罩拿掉 He won't let me take this dumb blindfold off.
-卡尔 -就是他吗 - Cal? - Is that him?
你怎么在这 What are you doing here?
这话应该我问你 What are you doing here?
等下 你们俩认识吗 Wait, do you guys know each other?
-这是怎么回事 -你在这干什么 - What's going on? - What are you doing here?
-你好 楠娜 -你好 罗比 - Hey, Nanna. - Hi, Robbie.
-你好 楠娜 -你好 小可爱 - Hey, Nanna. - Hi, cutie.
雅各布 认识你很高兴 Jacob, it's so nice to meet you.
楠娜在我面前可没少夸你 I've heard so many wonderful things about you from Nanna.
不好意思 楠娜是哪位 I'm sorry, what's a Nanna?
就是我 I am Nanna.
我小的时候发不出汉娜的音 I couldn't say Hannah when I was little.
你怎么认识我爸爸的 How do you know my dad?
她小时候一点都发不出"H"音 She couldn't say her H's at all.
等下 我现在完全搞不清楚状况了 Okay. I'm having trouble understanding what's going on right now.
爸爸 这是雅各布 我男朋友 Dad, this is Jacob, my boyfriend.
不 他不是 No, it's not.
我把他带过来就是让妈妈看看的 I was bringing him over to meet Mom.
不 不 不 No. No. No, no, no.
-我想看看你男朋友 -我喘不上气了 - I wanna see the boyfriend. - I can't breathe.
我现在能把这玩意拿掉了吗 Can I take this off now?
卡尔 你怎么会有一个成年的女儿 Cal, what are you doing with a daughter that's grown up?
我有她的时候才十七岁 I was 17.
所以我们得那么早就结婚 That's why we had to get married so young.
这件事你早就应该告诉我 That is something you should have told me.
你从来都没问过我孩子的事 You never wanted me to talk about my children.
我现在想去看电视了 Um, I'm gonna go watch TV now.
好 你们快去吧 That's fine. Why don't you go do that?
-我能一起去吗 -不能 - Yeah. Can I come? - No.
所以你们 你们是真的认识 So you guys, like, really know each other, then.
去你的 这太荒唐了 Oh, screw it. This is ridiculous.
-宝贝 他可真帅 -不 他不帅 - Honey, he's really cute. - No, he's not.
看看你 你真的是妈妈了吗 Look at you. You're really a mother?
我才不信呢 姐们儿 I don't believe it, sister.
先停 停 让我搞搞清楚 All right, all right. Let me get this straight.
就是说你俩是一起的 So you guys are a thing.
你俩是一对儿 对吗 你俩在一起了 You guys are a couple, right? You guys are together?
-没错 -没门 现在就给我分手 - Yeah. - No way. Break up right now.
-爸爸 -求你别那么叫他 - Daddy? - Please don't call him that.
卡尔 那不可能 Cal, that's not gonna happen.
那我就把你俩搅黄 Then I will mess you up.
-爸爸 -卡尔 - Dad. - Cal.
-卡尔 -杰西卡 - Cal. - Jessica?
伯尼 Bernie?
爸爸 住手 Daddy, no.
我还让她给你家做保姆 你个不要脸的 I let her babysit for you, you son of a bitch.
-她才十七岁啊 -你在说什么啊 - She's only 17 years old. - What are you talking about?
-上帝啊 -我不明白你在说什么 - Oh, God. - No idea what you're talking about.
别打他 伯尼 No, Bernie.
爸爸 别 不要 住手 Daddy, no. No, no, no. Stop it.
-爸爸 -雅各布 天啊 - Dad. - Jacob! Oh, God.
住手 他什么都没做 Stop it. He didn't do anything.
-他都不知道 -你的后背还好吗 - He doesn't know. - Is your back okay?
-知道什么 -知道什么 - Know what? - Know what?
这是演的哪一出 我完全糊涂了 Is this some kind of a skit? Because I'm lost.
不 不 不 爸爸 爸爸 No, no, no. Daddy, Daddy.
他根本不知道我爱上他了 He didn't even know that I'm in love with him.
-爱上谁了 -爱上他了 - With who? - With him.
-你指的是我吗 -你指的是他吗 - You pointing at me? - You pointing at him?
她指的是他吗 She's pointing at him?
等等 Wait.
我爸就是那个跟你约会的老男人吗 My dad is the older guy you've been seeing?
我就知道 你个... I knew it. You...
他压根不知道裸照的事 He doesn't know about the naked photos.
-什么 -杰西卡 - What? - Jessica.
你还为他拍裸照了 真的假的 You made him naked photos? Seriously?
我要把你的脑浆打出来 I'm gonna beat you till your brains fall out.
暂停 暂停 等下 Timeout, timeout. Hold on.
但是我爱她啊 But I love her.
杰西卡就是那个你暗恋的人吗 Jessica's the one you're in love with?
打扰一下 埃米莉 Excuse me, Emily?
那天晚上你把你的毛衫落在我车上了 You left your sweater in my car the other night.
-你是谁 -我是大卫·林哈根 - Who are you? - I'm David Lindhagen.
-大卫·林哈根 -大卫·林哈根 - David Lindhagen? - David Lindhagen.
好极了 Okay.
-我来的不是时候吗 -没错 - Is this a bad time? - Yeah.
雅各布 Jacob.
知道你给我朋友带来了多少伤害和痛苦吗 Know how much pain and suffering you caused my friend?
你他妈离我女儿远一点 Stay the hell away from my daughter.
你也离我女儿远一点 You stay away from my daughter.
-我都不认识你 -爸爸 住手 - I don't even know you. - Daddy, daddy, stop it.
天啊 这真是 你往哪抓 Oh, my God. That is not... what are you grabbing?
-停下 停下 -得了吧 - Really? Really? - Come on.
放开我 放开我 放开我 Let go of me! Let go of me! Let go of me!
-他可是我女儿 -住手 住手 - Come on, she's my daughter. - Stop it. Stop it.
我要杀了你 I'll kill you.
那么 So...
你们哪位是林海根来着 Okay, wait. Which one of you is Lindhagen again?
是哈根 Hagen.
我会写"家庭纠纷" 都听清楚了吗 I'm just gonna write, "Domestic disturbance", all clear.
谢谢您 警官 Thank you, officer.
都消消火 好吗 吵架很正常 Just simmer down, okay? We all have arguments.
但是你们要想打架 上屋里打 But if you're gonna fight, just do it inside.
家丑不可外扬对吗 Keep it in the family, okay?
我会宰了你 I will kill you.
我们走 Let's go.
-爸爸 -马上就走 - Daddy? - Now.
-爸爸 -马上 - Daddy? - Now.
卡尔 Cal.
得了 Come on.
宝贝 Honey.
这家伙是个卑鄙小人 风流成性 This guy is a lowlife, he is a womanizer.
-这可真讽刺 -你说什么 - That's ironic. - Excuse me?
我了解他 我见过他那副德行 I know him. I have witnessed him in action.
你不许再跟他见面 And you are not to see him anymore.
爸爸 我不会和他分手的 Dad, I'm not gonna stop seeing him.
好啊 好 那我们就没什么好谈的了 Okay. Okay. Well, then we have nothing more to talk about.
-你简直是不可理喻 -滚出我的房子 - You're being unreasonable. - Get the hell out of my house.
这已经不是你的房子了 This is not your house anymore.
是啊 这你倒挺清楚 是吗 亲爱的 Yeah, well, you made damn sure of that, didn't you, sweetheart?
-再见 楠娜 -再见 小可爱 - Bye, Nanna. - Bye, cutie.
她是你的了 大卫 She's all yours, David.
-好极了 -真不错 - Fantastic. - Nice.
不玩大 就回家 是吧 小子 Go big or go home, right, bud?
回家吧 老爸 Go home, Dad.
该联系人将从您的手机中删除 是否继续
-看到今日头条了吗 -是什么 Did you see the headline today? - What?
是《你应该给你爸爸打电话》 It says that you should call your dad.
不 是《对儿童肥胖症采取行动》 No, it says, "Let's move on child obesity."
不 不是那个 No, it doesn't.
我不会给他打电话的 I'm not gonna call him.
报纸上说你真的应该打 No, it says you really should.
艾米丽·韦弗
您想再来一杯吗 Can I get you another?
-现在几点了 -两点半 - What time is it? - 2:30.
下午 In the afternoon.
你不用说下午我也知道 "Two-thirty" would have been sufficient...
但是谢谢你的批判调调 鸡尾酒服务生 ...but thank you for the judgmental tone, cocktail servant.
对不起 I'm sorry...
对不起我是个混蛋 Sorry for being a dick.
运动服不错 Nice sweat suit.
你想干什么 What do you want?
-我能坐下吗 -我也不知道 你说呢 - Uh, can I sit down? - I don't know, can you?
我们要成熟地看待这个问题还是 Are we gonna be adults about this, or we gonna...?
我们要成熟地看待这个问题 "Are we gonna be adults about this?"
我们谈谈吧 这对我来说很重要 It would mean a lot to me if we could talk.
你还在和我女儿交往吗 Are you still seeing my daughter?
-没错 -那我和你就没什么好谈的了 - Yes. - Then I have nothing to say to you.
你经常来这吗 Been hanging out here a lot?
有时 Sometimes.
-你没少旷工吧 -我有很多休假 - You been missing a lot of work? - I have a lot of vacation days.
我说 你胆子不小啊 You know what? You have a lot of nerve.
你不喝你这杯吗 Do you wanna do your shot?
她十有八九在里面吐口水了 She probably spit in it,
所以 谢了 还是算了 so, no, thank you.
你的孩子们都很想你 卡尔 Your kids miss you, Cal.
你和我的孩子们一起玩吗 好极了 You're hanging out with my kids? That's great.
教罗比客观认识女人 他可喜欢了 Teach Robbie how to objectify women. He'll love that.
你知道下周是他初中毕业典礼 You know it's his eighth-grade graduation next week.
你会去吗 You gonna go to that?
我当然会去 Of course I'm going.
我只是确定一下 你最近都没在他身边 I just didn't know. You haven't really been around.
我觉得他也不确定 I don't think he knows either.
我没在他身边 这话轮得到你说吗 I haven't been around for him? That's what you're telling me?
你知道 他现在可不怎么喜欢我 You know, he's not my biggest fan right now.
他觉得是我偷了他的灵魂伴侣 He thinks I stole his soul mate.
他崇拜你 卡尔 He worships you, Cal.
你的为父之道说教完了吗 Is the parental advice over?
-说完的话 -我爱她 - Because if so... - I'm in love with her.
我爱她 I love her.
我跟她是相见恨晚 I don't know what I was doing before this.
我都不知道该怎么做 And I don't know what to do about it.
这真的不是我想停就能停下来的事 It's not something I can really stop.
-是吗 -是 - Yeah? - Yeah.
-你爱她 你爱汉娜 -是的 - You love her? You love Hannah? - Yes.
跟我说说 跟我说说你有多爱她 Tell me about it. Tell me how much you love her.
我 I'm just...
听着 卡尔 我原来都不会想这种事 Look, Cal, it's not something that I wanted, okay?
我看着那些恋爱中的人们 I looked at people who were in love...
我觉得他们那副样子 ...and I thought the way that they were behaving...
他们所做的 所说的 ...and the things that they were doing and saying...
说实话 他们看起来那么可悲 ...they appeared pathetic, honestly.
然后我和你在一起的那些时间 And I spent all this time with you,
我一直试图把你改造得更像我 I'm trying to make you more like me...
结果最后我只是想 ...and it turns out I just wanna be...
我得喝一杯 I need that drink.
你非得逼我说出口吗 我非得说出口吗 You gonna make me do this? I gotta really do this?
我十七岁的时候就有了汉娜 I had Hannah when I was 17.
我教她骑单车 I taught her how to ride a bike.
我教她开汽车 I taught her how to drive a car.
而且我为你高兴 And I'm glad for you.
你变了 我为你高兴 I'm happy for you, that you've changed.
你变成好男人我觉得是很好一件事 I think it's fantastic that you're a better man.
但是我看得已经够多了 But I've seen too much already.
不 是我知道的太多了 No. I know. I know too much.
我懂 我明白 I know. I know.
而且那是汉娜 And it's Hannah.
你配不上她 And she's too good for you.
我同意 I agree.
我永远都不可能认同你 I'm never gonna give you my approval.
你是个好爸爸 卡尔 You're a good dad, Cal.
没错 没错 Yep. Yep.
她吐了 她往里吐口水了 She spit. She spit in that.
同学们 都给我注意了 Guys, I need you to pay attention.
不要站出排外 Do not cut the line.
每个人都站在自己的位置上 明白吗 I need everyone to stay in your positions, okay?
男生们 整理整理自己的领带 Guys, check your ties.
每个人都要精精神神的 Make sure everything is nice and neat.
姑娘们 上台以后 Ladies, when you're on stage...
妈妈 快看 罗比的名字 Mommy, look. Robbie's name.
打扰一下 这个位子有人吗 Excuse me. Is this open?
-够近吗 -够了 很好 - How close? - Yeah, that's fine.
下午好 Good afternoon.
家长和亲朋好友们 欢迎你们到来 Welcome, parents, family and friends.
我们很高兴 We're so pleased to have
你们能出席本次毕业典礼 you here to celebrate this graduating class.
现在 由我们亲爱的凯特·黛芙蒂 And now, to introduce our first student speaker...
介绍第一位发言的学生代表 ...our very own Kate Tafferty.
她好漂亮 She's pretty.
我们的第一位发言者不仅仅是致辞毕业生 Our first speaker is not only the class salutatorian...
同时也是 ...but is also...
我所教过的 ...one of the most spirited young men...
精力最充沛的年轻人之一 ...I've ever had the pleasure of teaching.
女士们先生们 有请罗比·韦弗 Ladies and gentlemen, Robbie Weaver.
大家好 2011班 Welcome, class of 2011.
我们的中学生活即将走到尽头 Our time as middle schoolers has come to an end.
这是不争的事实 我们在慢慢变老 We can't fight it anymore. We're getting old.
我一直想要长大 All my life I wanted to grow up.
我想要长大这样大人们才会认真对待我 I wanted to grow older so people would take me seriously.
长大 找一份工作 结婚 It all sounded so good to me.
这一切曾听起来那么美好 Growing up, getting a job, getting married.
但是 But...
这一切都是骗局 ...it's all a scam.
至于爱 And love?
则是其中最大的骗局 That's the biggest scam of all.
我也曾经爱过 I was in love.
我知道你们有人会发笑因为我才十三岁 And I know that makes some of you laugh because I'm only 13...
但是无所谓 我曾经爱过 ...but whatever. I was.
我曾经认为 而且真的相信 And I used to think, and really believe...
每个人都有唯一一个真爱 ...that there was one true love for everyone...
如果你为了那个人尽全力去争取 ...and if you fought hard enough for that person...
你就一定会得到你唯一的真爱 ...your one true love would always work out.
我小的时候还信以为真 It sounded good to me when I was younger,
但是事情并不是那样的 but it just doesn't work that way.
-唯一的真爱根本不存在 -停 - There is no such thing as one true love... - Stop.
该死 Shit.
-天哪 -没关系 - Oh, boy. - Okay.
没关系 抱歉 All right. Ahem. Excuse me.
天哪 天哪 天哪 Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
-你在干什么 -你在干什么 - What are you doing? - What are you doing?
我错了 爸爸 根本就没有 I was wrong, Dad. There's no such thing as...
我 I, uh...
好吧 是这样 Oh. Well, here's the thing:
我儿子的毕业演讲糟透了 My son's graduation speech sucks.
这不是句笑话 That's not a joke.
平心而论 我真不知道他接着要讲什么 In fairness, I didn't know where he was going with that.
但是我想我们都同意 But I think we can all agree...
他的演讲不会有振奋人心的调调 ...it was headed in a kind of depressing, um, way.
我的儿子 不是他 我真正的儿子 My son... not him, my actual son.
信仰盛大而浪漫之姿容 Believes in grand romantic gestures.
他相信灵魂伴侣 He believes in the existence...
的存在 ...of one's soul mate.
看着一个十三岁的男孩说 And it's easy to just look at a 13-year-old and say:
"你不知道你在说些什么 你错了" "You don't know what you're talking about. You are wrong."
很轻松 但我并不那么肯定 But I'm not so sure.
我十五岁就遇到了我的灵魂伴侣 I met my soul mate when I was 15 years old.
我们一起去吃冰激凌 We went out for ice cream.
之后 我父亲就开始取笑我 After, my dad started teasing
像其他父亲一样 取笑我第一次约会 me about my first date, the way dads do.
我告诉他 "爸爸 没什么大不了的 And I told him, "Dad, it's no big deal.
我以后会跟许多不同的女孩 I'm gonna be going out with a lot
有很多不同的约会" of different girls on a lot of different dates."
那是我第一次跟我父亲撒谎 And that is the first time that I ever lied to my father.
我十五岁时遇到了我的灵魂伴侣 I met my soul mate when I was 15 years old...
自从我给她买了薄荷巧克力脆片甜筒之后 ...and I have loved her every minute of every day...
我生命中的每一分每一秒都爱着她 ...since I first bought her that mint chocolate chip cone.
她给我生了三个完美的孩子之后我爱着她 I have loved her through the birth of my three perfect children.
甚至在我恨过她之后我还爱着她 I have loved her even when I've hated her.
只有已婚夫妇才会理解这条 Only married couples will understand that one.
我不知道结果会怎样 And I don't know if it's gonna work out.
我也不知道会发生什么 I don't know what's gonna happen.
对不起 罗比 我不能保证结果 I'm sorry, Robbie, I can't give you that.
但是我可以承诺 But I can promise you this:
我永不会放弃尝试 I will never stop trying.
因为当你找到那个人 Because when you find the one...
你就会永不言弃 ...you never give up.
你还有什么要补充的吗 Do you have anything you'd like to say?
我仍然爱着你 杰西卡 I still love you, Jessica.
我也爱你 埃米莉 And I love you, Emily.
从你第一次给我妹妹换尿布起我就爱着你 I loved you ever since you first changed my sister's diaper.
我爱你自从那次你进到我卧室里 I loved you when you came
而我在被子里 into my bedroom and I was under the covers...
-制止他 -别说了 够了 - Stop him. - No, no.
-他在说什么 -我一点也不感觉羞愧 - What's he talking about? - I'm still not ashamed of it.
好了 没事了 没事了 Okay, we're good, we're good.
你妈妈在那 过去问好 Oh, there's your mom. Let's go say hi.
你好 Hey.
我真为你感到骄傲 Oh, I'm so proud of you.
你在这 我的好女儿 There she is. My perfect girl.
好了 Okay.
我从一个可疑的网站 So I bought a firearm...
买了一支枪 ...from a shady Internet site...
我准备用这把枪冲你脸上来一枪 ...and I am prepared to shoot you in the face with it.
过来 Come here.
好好照顾她 Take care of her.
这下有意思了 This is gonna be fun.
的确有意思了 This is gonna be fun.
我去跟我的朋友们聊聊天 I'm gonna talk to my friends.
去跟其他高中生玩吧 Go hang with the other high schoolers.
去吧 我才不在乎 我不在乎 Go ahead, see if I care. I don't care.
你能来我真高兴 I'm really glad you came.
我也是 So am I.
你真是个好保姆 杰西卡 You were a really good babysitter, Jessica.
很抱歉我让你感觉这么别扭 I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable.
-我以为你不会放弃呢 -我没有 - I thought you weren't giving up. - I'm not.
我想 But I just figure...
你喜欢我爸爸 ...you like my dad...
再过几年我就会长得很像他 ...and in a few years I'll look like him.
那个时候我再来找你 I'll come for you then.
这主意不坏 That's not a bad plan.
但是 But...
在那之前 Well, until then...
这是给你帮你渡过高中的毕业小礼物 ...just a little graduation gift to get you through high school.
谢谢 Thanks.
所以 So...
你能不能 Can you...?
-为什么 -保重 罗比 - Why...? - Take care, Robbie.
额滴神呐 Holy crap.
-他看起来很高兴 -是啊 - He looks pretty happy. - Yeah.
天哪 我真讨厌那个发型 God, I hate that haircut, though.
我知道 让他看起来像只牧羊犬 I know. He looks like a sheepdog.
没错 Mm-hm.
我的眼睛 我的眼睛 我的眼睛 Oh, my eyes! My eyes! My eyes!
这一年真不容易 It's been a really hard year.
怎么会 How so?
是 是有几段小插曲 没错 Yeah, there were a couple little blips, I guess.
-我懂的 -我想我就是 你知道 - I know. - I guess I just, you know...
我真正想说的是 Really what I want to say...
我还是很开心你给我买了那个冰激凌 ...is that I'm still glad you bought me that ice cream.
我也是 Me too.