自人类出现以来 纵观世界历史 From the beginning of mankind and throughout the world's history,
人类有过许多种明确的成人仪式 there have been clearly defined rituals of manhood.
要知道 正是这些仪式明确定义了 See, these rituals were definitive
一个男孩在哪一个时刻成长为了一个男人 in determining the exact moment when a boy became a man.
比如 一个男孩第一次加入到其他男人中间 进行了他人生中的第一次战斗 For example, there's the moment when a boy joins the other men in his first engagement in battle.
你们知道古人过去在整个部落前举行公开割礼吗? Did you know that they used to have public circumcisions in front of the village?
谢天谢地我的割礼不是公开的 Thank God mine didn't go public.
还有人生中最重大的事 婚姻 And the most significant moment of all, marriage.
没错 我说出来了 That's right, I said it.
事实上 婚姻过去是所有男人的终极目标 In fact, marriage used to be the ultimate goal of boys and men.
因为在那时候 Because in the old days,
这是一个男人想从女人那里 得到自己真正想要的东西的唯一方式 it was the only way a guy could get what he really wanted from a girl.
而现在呢? 喔 时代不同了 亲 See now today? Woo! Things have changed, people.
我是说我们不需要那么卖力的工作来满足自己需求 I mean, men, we don't have to work as hard to get what we want.
看在上帝份上 我们有网络了 We got the Internet, for God's sake.
在网上我们可以随心所遇 I can be whatever I want on the Internet.
如今 男人们可是有了主场优势 Today, men have the home court advantage,
这就给女人提供了几种不同男人的类型 which has left you ladies with several different types of men.
我的意思是 我不知道从何说起 有花花公子型 I mean, I don't even know where to start. You got the Player.
嗨 Zekey Hi, Zekey.
你给我发的彩"性"? You sexted?
那对咪咪都不是我的 你这混蛋 Those aren't mine, asshole.
你确定不是? You sure that's not...
等一下 我没说完呢 还有妈咪宝贝型 Wait a minute, I'm not done. You got the Mama's Boy.
情人节快乐 亲爱的 Happy Valentine's Day, sweetie.
妈妈 你也情人节快乐 And you, too, Mom.
谢谢你啦 乖宝贝 Thank you, sweetie.
我觉得我还是给你们俩留点空间吧 You know, I think I'm just gonna leave you two alone.
等等 亲爱的 你去哪儿? Wait, babe, where are you going?
没关系的 Michael 我不想当灯泡 It's okay, Michael. I don't want to intrude.
- 我等会儿打给你? - 还是免了吧 - I'll call you? - Or not.
小可怜 Poor little thing.
还是个金发妞儿(外国人普遍认为金发妞无脑居多) She's blonde.
你们还有梦想家型的 这类型的人很幽默 You got the Dreamer. The Dreamer's funny.
所以我辞了职 So I quit my job.
没错 Yeah,
我想成为一位名厨 I wanna be a chef.
你以前还想过成为一名急救人员 一个公关代理 而现在 You wanted to be a paramedic, you wanted to be a PR agent, and now
你想成为一位名厨? you wanna be a chef?
亲爱的 这是我的梦想 Baby, it's my dream.
真的么 Dominic? Really, Dominic? Because I
我还想成为一名芭蕾舞者或者Janet Jackson（美国流行歌手）呢 wanted to be a ballerina and Janet Jackson.
那是我七岁时候的梦想 你知道我现在想做什么吗? When I was seven. Do you know what I wanna be now?
不知道 No.
你的前女友 Your ex.
最后 还有永不承诺型 快传球 And last but not least, you got the Non-Committer. Pass the ball!
这是我送给你的 This one is from me.
好的 亲爱的 All right, baby.
- 知道了 现在才像是个派对了 请击鼓 - 行了 大块头 - All right! Now it's a party. Drum roll. - Okay, big guy.
我的天啊 我愿意 我愿意 是的 我愿意 Oh, my God. I will, I will, I will, yes!
你愿意啥? You will what?
原来是耳环啊 Earrings
我愿意永远珍藏 that I will always treasure.
你是个好男人 兄弟 You the man, boy.
早就告诉过你了 Told you.
- 哟 - 你要瓶啤酒吗? - Yo! - You need a beer?
我不是说在外面就没有好男人了 Now I'm not saying there aren't a lot of good men out there.
比如说 还有这种-幸福的已婚男人型 Take, for instance, the Happily Married Man.
这也就带入了我个人最喜欢的部分 Which brings us to my personal favorite,
你们还有更加幸福的离婚男人型 you got the Happier Divorced Guy.
快看那笑容 Look at that smile.
我想说的是 力量的平衡已经转移了 What I'm saying is, the balance of power has shifted.
但是 Zeke 这些不是我和Gail之间唯一的问题 But, Zeke, those aren't my only issues with Gail,
而是那些碎碎念 咆哮 和那些疯狂的情绪波动 it's the nagging, it's the yelling, it's the crazy mood swings.
我说 你不可以 I mean, you're not gonna
就用这种方式和我说话 我可是个成年人了 talk to me no kind of way. I'm a grown-ass man.
- 成年人 - 你了解我的 Dom 我很成熟了 - Grown-ass man. - You know me, Dom, I'm grown.
这些不是你和Gail之间存在的唯一问题对吧 They weren't the only problems you was having with Gail, though, right?
- 嘿 Zeke 别让他说起来了 - 我只是问个问题 - Yo, Zeke, do not get that man started. - I'm asking a question!
别 让我和大家说说 准备开始 快说啊 都说啊 No, let's get me started up. Turn the key! Say it, get it out!
有流言说Gail教训了他 Rumor has it that Gail was whooping that ass.
你说的第一个词是什么? What's the first word you said?
我觉得是"教训了他" I think it was "Whooping that ass."
不 你说的第一个词是"流言" No, first word you said was "Rumor."
因为那才是它的本质 Zeke 是个流言 'Cause that's what it was, Zeke. It's a rumor.
Ced 那天你进体育馆时 你的眼角肿了一小块包 Ced, you walked in the gym the other day with a little nugget in the side of your eye.
我摔了一跤 好么 Mike I fell down the steps, Mike! Okay?
我下楼梯 踩在了自己脚上摔了 I got steps, my steps got a slope in them.
你穿过时装鞋下楼梯吗? You ever walked down a slope with dress shoes on?
等一下 所以她打了你 然后你摔下了楼梯? Wait, so, she kicked your ass, then you fell down the steps?
- 看吧 现在完全合理了 - 那真的很好笑 - See, now it makes perfect sense. - That's real funny.
看看那个白人 把他自己的兄弟的情感关系问题 Look at the white man trying to make light of the relationship issues
- 说的好像无足轻重似的 - 并不是那样的 - of a brother. - It's not like that.
不 这就是那样的 我来给你说说吧J No, it is like that. Let me tell you something, J.
黑人为了自己的合法权益一起抗争一起游行示威 所以我们互相待对方如粪土那没关系 Black people marched and died for the right to fight and treat each other like shit.
- 我的天啊 -你并没有游行示威 - Oh, my God. - You did not march,
所以你没那权力这么对我 你也一样 Bennett you do not have that right. Neither do you, Bennett.
我在电视上看过了 那些游行在二月份的时候经常播出的 I saw it on TV. They show those marches a lot in February.
停 Stop.
你老婆打了你 这真的不是什么大事情 Your wife kicked your ass. It's really not that big of a deal.
- 还有更糟的事 - 是我前妻打的 满意了? - There's worse things. - It's my ex-wife. Okay?
你们所有人都需要养成说"前妻"的习惯 Y'all need to get in the habit of saying that. Ex-wife.
你们知道么 你们这样嘲笑我的痛楚我是有多么的受伤 You know, it really kills me how y'all like to laugh at my pain.
我等不及看你们这群人经历我系在所经历的了 I can't wait till y'all experience the shit I'm experiencing.
我说去Rush Street 第一轮Bennett请客 I say Rush Street, first round on Bennett.
我应该今晚和Kristen共进晚餐 I'm supposed to have dinner with Kristen tonight.
她会理解的 她这人很好 我给她发短信说一声 She'll understand, she's cool. I'll send her a text.
各位 欢迎回来 Welcome back, everybody.
我们依旧大家在里与最畅销作家Steve Harvey畅聊 We are still here with best-selling author Steve Harvey.
我想要让女性明白的是 时代已经不同了 Well, what I try to get women to understand is that times have changed,
但是你们的剧本却没有变 but your playbook hasn't.
我收到了成千上万各种各样的女性读者的来信 I've gotten thousands of letters from all kinds of women
她们似乎不能找到真命天子 who can't seem to find a man,
不能留住他们 或者从丈夫那里得不到自己想要的 keep a man or get what they want from their man.
你得了解一个男人如何爱 Until you understand how a man loves,
一个男人如何运作 一个男人怎么思考 how a man operates, how he thinks,
你得了解一个男人的心思 until you get into the mindset of a man,
不然你就没办法在爱情中胜过我们 you will never win with us in the game of love.
没错 我们十分想要 Well, we certainly want
在这场爱情游戏中赢过你 Steve to win with you in the game of love, Steve.
- 我们的观众有个问题 - 嗨 Steve - We have a question in the audience. - Hi, Steve.
我和我的男朋友一起生活了五年了 I've been living with my boyfriend for five years
他说他爱我 也是个乐于担当的人 and he says that he loves me and he's fully committed.
我猜我想知道的是 I guess what I want to know
他怎么还没有提出求婚 is how come he hasn't popped the question?
他没有提出求婚 He hasn't popped the
是因为你并没有要求他那样做 question because you haven't required him to.
我们马上回来 We'll be right back.
嘿 Hey!
我是Cedric Cedric Cedric I'm Cedric. Cedric, Cedric.
我还没结婚 所以我也就没有戴婚戒 Yeah, I'm not married. That's why I'm not wearing a ring.
对不起 但是我的心已经皈依耶稣基督了 I'm sorry, but Jesus has my heart.
不不不不 我明白了 我也信教的 Yeah, no, no, no, I get that. I love Jesus, too.
我今天和他谈过了 就像是 I talked to him today, I was like,
我说 "主啊 我需要个姑娘" "Jesus," I said, "I need a girl!"
然后我就到了这里 遇见了你 所以我就心想 "感谢您" And I get here and I see you, so I was like, "Thank you."
看见Ced在那边想把那美女(PrettyYoundThing)了么 You see Ced over there trying to pull that PYT?
噢 她真的很热辣啊 Oh, she bad as hell.
你看 要是真这么想 你还没参战呢就已经输了 See, thinking like that, you lose the game before you even step in.
你们在聊些什么啊 What are you talking about?
我还是走算了 I'ma go on and leave.
她疯了 而且我不喜欢他的膝盖 She's crazy. And I don't like her knees.
打扰一下 小姐 我注意到你 Excuse me, Miss, I noticed that you were...
说实话 我根本不在乎 你到底想要说些什么 Honestly, I couldn't care less about whatever it is you have to say.
对此我十分感激 我只知道我似乎之前在这里 And I can appreciate that. I just know that I've seen you
见过你 你通常都十分令人惊叹 here before and you're usually so stunning...
而你也会一直有这些美好回忆 And you'll always have those memories.
事实上 为什么你就不滚开 然后装作 In fact, why don't you walk away and pretend this...
我不明白我做了什么让你这样反感 I don't know what I did to make you so defensive.
我想说的是 管它是什么 All I'm saying is, whatever it is,
你不能够那样放纵你自己 就这样 it's no reason to let yourself go, that's it.
放纵我自己? Let myself go?
我并没有不敬之意 I didn't mean any disrespect...
让我来给你个烦人的家伙说说清楚 Let me tell your tired ass something.
一定是发生了什么事情 Something's changed.
我通常能看见你身上有一种我从没见过的 光环与光芒在闪烁 可现在却没有了 Usually, there's an aura, there's a glint about you that I'm not seeing.
我不知道这是否与一段关系 亦或是工作有关 只是 And I don't know if it's a relationship or if it's job related, it's just...
是因为这个? Is that it?
与工作有关? It's work related?
好把 说实话 Well, to be honest,
两个月前我被请辞了 I was laid off from my job about two months ago.
这该死的经济形势 This damn economy.
- 怎么样了? - 不是很顺利 兄弟 - How'd it go? - Not good, man.
我这真的是无话可说了 Yo, I literally have nothing to say anymore.
我不知道到底怎么了 I don't know what's going on.
我的口气貌似也不太好 And my breath ain't right.
- 喝杯啤酒把 - 你闻到了? - Drink a beer. - You smell it?
你不能让这事夺去你的笑容 You can't let that steal your smile,
因为我所说的笑容 'cause that smile that I'm talking about,
会给你带来下一个CEO职位 明白么? that's gonna get you that next CEO gig, you get it?
看见没 明白么? 你在笑 See now? See? You're smiling.
然后我也跟着笑 Now I'm smiling.
我会像一个神仙一样离开 因为我现在快乐似神仙 I'ma walk away from here like a fairy now, 'cause I'm all happy.
- 一个神仙? - 没错 - A fairy? - Yeah.
- 晚上过得开心 -谢谢你 - Have a good evening. - Thank you.
你也给枪毙了 Got shot down.
等一等 Wait.
她叫他回去在演一出疯狂剧集 She calling him back for another episode of crazy.
拿去 Here.
她可能又要拒绝他 第二次了 She probably shot him down. Twice.
她很疯狂对么? 兄弟 总是聊什么 耶稣基督然后也不会说英语之类的东西 对吧? Crazy, right? Man. Talking about jesus and she don't speak English and stuff, right?
我撞大运了 事实上她给了我她的电话 Luck of mine. She actually gave me her damn number.
黑暗骑士再次绝地反击 The Dark Knight strikes again.
Kristen怎么样了 伙计 How great is Kristen, man?
很好 Nice.
她是个非凡的女孩 She's a phenomenal girl.
我只是不明白为什么她跟了这家伙 I just don't understand why she's with this dude.
- 没人明白 - 你的信用等级多少了 伙计 - Nobody does. - How good is your credit?
涨了 大概400多 430? It's up. Low 400s, 430?
我勒个去 才430? 你大概连发现卡（美国广泛使用的一种信用卡）都申请不了吧 Goddamn! A 430? You can't even get a Discover Card!
白人不是要500个信誉点才能办么? Don't white people start off with a 500 credit score?
是550 如果你是个黑白混血只要475 Five-fifty, 475 if you're a mulatto.
Cedric Cedric!
什么事 Gail Yes, Gail.
Gail听听我想要说什么 Gail我才不在乎 Gail, listen to what I'm trying to say! Gail, I don't care!
我才不在乎你从车库里拿走了什么 I don't care what you take out the garage!
Gail 你连整个车库都可以拿走 Gail, you can take the whole damn garage.
让我来告诉你 什么是我想要的 Let me tell you something. Here's what I want,
这才是 你好? and this is what's... Hello?
Gail? Gail?
你们 我发誓 Y'all, I swear...
她还没让我把话说完 我不喜欢她那样 She didn't let me finish my sentence. I don't like that.
嘿 Ced 你的婚什么时候离完啊? Hey, Ced. When's the divorce gonna be final?
天啊 如果我要猜 我会猜4周367小时 Goodness, if I had to guess, I'd say like four weeks, 367 hours,
22分钟32秒 22 minutes, 32 seconds.
那只是个猜测 That's just a guess.
- 谁数了? - 但是你们知道我要做什么吗? - Who's counting? - But you know what we should do?
我们应该把Cedric带去庆祝游戏狂欢夜 We should take Cedric out for celebration game night.
星期天我没空 这星期天 I can't do Sunday. This Sunday,
得和老妈吃完饭 小砂锅行动 dinner with my ma. Little casserole action...
那就是每个星期天了 That's every Sunday.
我星期天也不行 Jonah有一个小提琴演奏会 I can't do Sunday either. Jonah's got a violin recital.
我的天 伙计 你孩子的演奏会可真是太多了啊 My God, dude, your kid has way too many recitals.
等一会儿 听停一下 等等 你的儿子拉小提琴? Wait a minute, hold on, wait. Your son play the violin?
还有大提琴 - 他是同性恋 And the cello. - Yo, he's gay.
- 拉小提琴并不代表他就是同性恋 -是的 他就是同性恋 - Playing the violin doesn't make him gay. - Yes, it does.
- 给我说一个同性恋小提琴家 - 你儿子 - Name me one gay violinist. - Your son.
好好听着 Cedric就快要从Gail地狱释放出来了 Listen to this. Cedric is about to be released from the shackles of Gail-Hell.
永远的 Forever.
而我们要为了什么错过那时刻呢? Jonah的另一个演奏会 And we're about to miss it for what? Another Jonah recital.
- 顺便说一句 他拉得太差了 - 真的? - By the way, he sucks. - Really?
我还说他们会那样说 而你不会 I'd expect that from them, not you.
你说的 他们 是什么意思 What do you mean, "Them"?
像什么 像黑人或者什么? Like what, like black people or what?
就是 Absolutely.
我并没生气是因为他有胆把这句话说出来 I don't get mad because he's bold enough to say it.
严肃点 你有耳朵 孩子是音盲 Seriously, you have ears. Kid's tone-deaf.
这是他的独奏演出 他们会表演the Gap Band的曲目 This is his big solo. They're playing the Gap Band.
你知道的 Dropped a Bomb on Me 他演奏最后"宝贝儿"那段 You know, Dropped a Bomb on Me, and he's got the last... "Baby!"
听着 我有一个绝妙的电子 我让我妈给我们做饭 Look, I got a great idea. I'll have my mom cook for us.
她会做巧克力夹心曲奇 She'll make some chocolate chip cookies,
一个大砂锅 我们现在就行动 a big casserole. We'll do it the right way.
Mike 我刚才几乎就要一拳打在你那欠揍的脸上 兄弟 Mike, I almost punched you in your damn face just now, man.
我还打算加一个头部冲撞 And I was gonna add a head butt.
我没打算去 I'm not going over your
你妈妈家开我的离婚派对 mom house to celebrate my damn divorce party!
我们得吃东西啊 我们可以从这里开始 We gotta eat. We can start there...
我不想和你妈妈一起吃饭 I don't wanna eat with your mom!
我才不要去他妈妈家 I ain't going over his mom house.
听着 她刚刚拿到了新的Tyler Perry的 Look, she just got the new Tyler Perry,
For Colored Girls的蓝光碟 For Colored Girls on Blu-ray.
我们会有一个美好的兄弟之夜 一个十分温暖的夜晚 We'll just have a nice little fellas night, a chill-out night.
让我来告诉你电影里发生了什么 Janet Jackson最后得了艾滋病 Let me tell you what happens, Janet Jackson gets AIDS at the end
还有一些疯了的人将她的孩子扔出了窗户 行了吗？ and some crazy guy throws his kids out the window. You good?
- 我们能好好玩吗? 让我们开始把 - 我恨你 - Can we party now? Let's do it! - I hate you.
- 行了 举起来吧 - 好的 - All right, put 'em up! - Yes, sir.
好吧 我加入 Fine, I'm in, man.
生活如此美好 伙计们 许愿此情此景永不改变 Life is great, fellas. May it never change.
没有人注意到第一个炸弹已经扔下了 None of us could have known that the first bomb had been dropped.
战争已经拉响 The war had been declared.
藏不住的秘密已经落入了敌方阵营手中 And hard-worn secrets had now fallen into the hands of the enemy.
我们被自己的一员背叛了 一个男人 We had been betrayed by one of our own. A man.
我说的是货真价实带把儿的汉子 I'm talking about a man with a penis.
一个应该有更高觉悟的人 Someone who should know better.
正因为这些行动 这场闪电战已然将近 And because of those actions, a blitz was now on its way,
那会影响到我的整个兄弟会 that would affect my entire Band of Brothers.
Steve 我们的观众有其他的问题 We have another question in the audience, Steve.
Steve 我老是搞上那些不愿意恋爱的男人 Steve, I keep hooking up with guys who don't want a relationship.
为什么你不停止乱搞呢? Why don't you stop hooking up?
你听到了吗? Did you hear that?
听着 男人尊重那些有准则女人 制定一下自己的准则吧 Listen, men respect women who have standards. Just get some.
没错 Exactly.
Steve 我是我律师事务所的合伙人 我有自己的房子 Steve, I'm a partner in my law firm, I own my own home,
但是我已经单身三年了 but I've been single for three years.
为什么我就不能找到一个符合我标准的男人呢? Why can't I seem to find a man to live up to my standards?
也许你需要做一些小小的调整 Maybe you need to adjust them a little bit.
- 扯淡 - 你是说我们应该将就吗? - Bullshit. - Are you saying that we should settle?
听着 你自己再好好想想 他必须得这样吗? Look, you make six figures. Does he have to?
是的 Yes.
你有自己的房子 他必须得这样吗? You own your own home. Does he have to?
没错 必须 Yes and yes.
我们这里的观众还有另一个问题 We have another question here in the audience.
嗨 Steve 我现在正在恋爱 我只是想知道 Hi, Steve. I'm currently dating and I just wanna know
我该在什么样的好时机把男友介绍给我孩子认识? when is the right time for me to introduce my man to my kid?
我知道单身女性不想要一队列的男人轮番来自己的家 I know that single women don't want to have a parade of men coming through the house.
（妈咪宝贝和单身母亲）
- 没错 - 我了解那点 - Exactly! - I get that.
- 但是如果一个男人有强烈的竞争欲望 -妈妈 最近可好? - But if a guy is a serious contender... - What up, Momma?
说什么呢? Excuse you?
- 最好尽快将他带进你的生活 - 早上好 妈妈 - ...bring him in as soon as possible. - Morning, Mom.
因为如果你在一个男人身上花了 Because if you invest six months
六个月的时间 然后你把他介绍给你的孩子 in a man and then you introduce him to the kids
结果他和孩子没有产生感情 或者孩子反之亦然 and he's not feeling the kids, or vice versa,
猜猜怎么着 你结结实实浪费了六个月时间 then guess what? You just wasted six months.
说得真对 已经那样做过了 That's true. Did that.
Alex? Alex?
Alex! Alex!
快醒醒 Wake up!
听着 宝贝 我给咱们买了两杯双份拿铁 Look, babe, I got us two double-shot lattes.
- 谢了 宝贝儿 -给 - Thanks, baby. - Here.
考虑到昨晚后我们需要补充点咖啡因 Figured we needed some caffeine after last night.
那太棒了 It was amazing.
我要走了 去梳洗一下 I'm gonna go and freshen up.
我马上就回来 So, I'll be right back.
我马上就来 I'll be right here.
别动 Don't move.
别担心 我不会动的 Don't worry, I won't.
宝贝儿 我在想 So, babe, I was thinking
也许我们可以第一次真正的来一次约会 maybe we could go on our first real date.
- 我们去看场电影? -没错 宝贝儿 - We could go see a movie? - Yeah, babe.
我们应该去看场电影 我们之间真的 We should do that. Things between
开始变得真的认真起来了 宝贝儿 us are gonna start getting real serious, baby.
好啊 所以我在想 也许我们 Okay, so I was thinking maybe
可以去看Tyler Perry的新电影 we could go see the new Tyler Perry movie.
你知道的 开始那男的对他的女朋友很刻薄 You know, the one where the guy's, like, mean to his girlfriend,
一个好男人出现了 and a nice guy comes and
并救了她 最后他们还都信了教 rescues her and at the end, they both find Jesus.
Alex? 所以愿意去看Tyler Perry的电影? Alex? So, yes to the Tyler Perry movie?
Alex! Alex!
Michelle "Michelle"?
你这混蛋 我是Mya It's Mya, asshole!
Mya Mya.
这黑鬼拿走了我的咖啡? Did this nigga take my coffee?
这就像是那些长久隐藏在精装书 It was like some long-hidden truth had finally been released
和平装书中的秘笈终于大白于天下 in hardcover and paperback.
这是为我的读书俱乐部买的 For my book club.
- 给我自己 - 给我妈妈 - For me! - For my mom!
女人们好像在她们生命中第一次 For the first time in their lives, women all over
不再向另一位女性寻求情感关系的建议 stopped turning to other women for relationship advice.
来真的? Really?
我多出了一本 I got one too many.
谢谢你 Thank you.
相反 她们直奔向了一个男人 Steve Harvey求助 Instead, they went straight to a man, Steve Harvey.
这家伙是由喜剧明星扬名的 He had made his name as a comedian,
可这天杀的书里写的东西? 真的不好笑 but this shit here? This wasn't funny.
正因为此 事情再也不会和以前一样了 And because of this, things would never be the same.
打扰一下 Excuse me?
嗨 嘿 你是不是在Fairfax高中上的学? Yeah, hi. Hey, did you by any chance go to Fairfax High?
正是 Yes.
我也去那里读过 Michael Hanover I went there as well. Michael Hanover.
- Candace Hall - 我记得你 - Candace Hall. - Yeah, I remember.
我和你的姐姐Lisa一起上过课 I had classes with your sister Lisa.
- 下一个 - 对不起 我没认出你 - Next in line. - I'm sorry, I don't recognize you.
好吧 我毕业的时候大概五英尺高 Well, yeah, I was, like, five feet tall,
九十九磅重 99 pounds when we graduated.
我戴着眼镜 大龅牙 I had the glasses and the buck teeth.
也许这样会让你觉得比较熟悉? That look familiar, maybe down here?
没错 是比较熟悉了 Yeah, you do.
我不确定那到底是好事 I don't know if that's a good
还是坏事 你已经认不出我了? thing or a bad thing. You dissing me already?
你已经长大了 出落得很棒 Well, you've grown up. Quite nicely.
你还是一点没有变 你看上去美极了 And you haven't changed a bit. You look amazing.
说真的 你得把这眼镜重新带上看看清楚了 Well, you need to put those glasses back on, obviously.
不 事实上 我是近视眼 No, actually, I'm nearsighted.
除此之外 我怎么可能忘记我青少年时期的暗恋对象 Besides, I mean, how could I forget my teenage crush?
我过去常常偷看你走过门厅 I used to look at you walk down the hallway
然后被你的笑容迷住了 and just fall into your smile.
我又满嘴跑火车 每当我紧张的时候就会那样 I'm rambling, I do that when I get nervous.
下一个 Next in line.
好愉快的一次见面 我的意思是 见到你 Well, it was nice meeting, I mean, seeing you.
很高兴你最终看到我了 It's nice finally being seen.
下一个 Next in line, please.
Candace? Candace?
我们能一起喝一杯咖啡或者什么吗? Could we go grab a cup of coffee or something?
我们也许可以叙叙旧 聊聊没什么交集的旧时光 We could maybe catch up on old times we never had.
说真的 不行 我得去接我的 I can't, actually. I have to pick up my...
- 丈夫? - 不是 - Husband? - No...
- 你有男朋友了? - 不是 我有一个儿子 - You got a boyfriend? - No, I have a son.
好吧 晚饭怎么样 Well, how about dinner?
好啊 Yeah.
（承诺恐惧者和恨嫁女）
- 我终于想到了 - 想到什么了? - I finally get it. - Get what?
怎么让Jeremy向我求婚 Getting Jeremy to propose
就像是让Jeremy粉刷厨房 is like getting Jeremy to paint the kitchen
或者说把马桶盖放下一样 or put the toilet seat down.
我要是不开口他永远不会做 It's not gonna happen until I require him to.
然后我还真没要求他做过任何一件事情 And I haven't required him to do a damn thing.
你知道么 我们所有的事情都仍然是AA制的 You know we still go halfsies on everything?
-我以为那是你的主意 -是的 在大学的时候 - I thought that was your idea. - Yeah, in college.
那时候他在勤工俭学 我觉得我该体恤他 He was work study and I felt sorry for him.
然后呢 我就一直在花钱 直到今天 And I am still paying for it, to this day.
你好 我叫Kristen Hey, I'm Kristen.
-你好 欢迎你 -欢迎 请签到 - Hi, welcome. - Welcome, please sign in.
-祝贺你 -谢谢 已经六个月了 - Congratulations. - Thank you. Six months.
是的 我们已经等不及要迎接这个宝宝了 Yeah, and we can't wait.
谢谢你 Thank you.
过来 来 Here, come on.
-小心脚下 -看到了吗 那才是个有计划的男人 - Watch your step. - See, that is a man with a plan.
他知道自己要什么 也知道自己拥有什么 He knows what he wants, he knows what he has.
我靠销售漂亮房子赚钱 I sell beautiful homes for a
却跟男朋友住在一个男生联谊会似的地方 living and we live in a frat house for the boys.
上个情人节 他那群兄弟都在那儿 Last Valentine's Day, the boys were there.
所以 你是说 你是 So, you're saying, you're...
天啊 我是男孩子中的一员 除了说我有"小妹妹" My God, I'm one of the boys, except I have a vagina!
我发誓连弗洛多都过得比那好点 I swear to God, Frodo Baggins had it easier.
-什么 谁 -Frodo 霍比特人里的人物 - I'm sorry, who? - Frodo, from The Hobbit.
我不知道什么霍比特人 I don't do hobbits.
对的 不 我也不知道 那东西非常的无聊 Jeremy甚至还有个棋盘 Right, no, me neither. That's so lame. Jeremy had a chess set.
简直愚蠢到家了 It's totally stupid.
好吧 那么你要做什么呢 Okay, so what are you gonna do?
你要哄骗他给你个结婚戒指吗 You're gonna trick him into giving you a ring?
我不会哄骗他的 我会要求他 I'm not gonna trick him. I'm going to require him.
已经过了九年了 It's been nine years.
所以 你凭什么认为现在情况会有所改变呢 So, what makes you think it's gonna change now?
我得到了一些新情报 I've got some new information.
哦 真的吗 Oh, you do?
是的 因为Steve说的 不要怨恨球员 Yeah, because Steve says "Don't hate the Player..."
要改变游戏规则 Change the game.
该你投了 等一下 It's your shot. Wait!
你要把左腿抬起来 You gotta raise your left leg.
基伊-鸡 你就是个鸡 H-O, you're a ho.
说真的 我还算鸡 Really? I'm a ho?
我都已经跟同一个女人在一起九年了 I've been with the same woman for nine years.
我在感情生活方面可是个Stedman Graham好吗(SG是名嘴奥普拉前伴侣) I'm the Stedman Graham of relationships, all right?
兄弟 我没说你是像出来卖的那种鸡 Bro, I'm not saying ho like "Whore."
我说的鸡 意思是你丫就像是个被老婆捏住脖子的妻管严 I'm saying ho, like punk bitch that's been henpecked,
因为他女人管他管的严 so he ain't got no more nuts, 'cause his girl runs the house.
-说到女朋友 Kristen怎么样了 -她太完美了 - Speaking of which, how's Kristen? - She's incredible.
我们昨晚一直在打使命召唤 We were up till 2:00 a.m.
到两点才睡 她爱那个游戏 Playing Call of Duty last night. She loved it.
她这么做 她这么做纯粹是为了你 She does it... She does it for you.
我了解我的女人好吗 最终幻想 科幻小说 动作玩偶 I know my woman, okay? Fantasy? Science fiction? Action figures?
-我喜欢的所有东西 她都喜欢 -不 相信我 - All the stuff I love, she loves, too. - No, she does that shit
她喜欢那些废物都是为了你 在她的内心深处 她认为 for you, trust me. Deep down inside, she's thinking...
这都是些蠢得要死没用的垃圾 This is some silly-ass shit.
要疯了 What the hell?
难怪Jeremy到现在还没求婚 No wonder Jeremy hasn't proposed yet,
他还没过青春期呢 he hasn't gone through puberty.
到了春季大扫除的时间了 It's time for a little spring cleaning.
就从你开始 You first.
不 不 那是你的问题 Gail No, no. That's your problem, Gail.
你从来都不想倾听 你只想倾诉 You don't never want to listen, you just want to talk.
我说了什么 我说我明天会去 What'd I say? I said I'm gonna be there tomorrow.
不 不 不 听着 Gail No, no, no. Listen, Gail...
- 我不想再跟你纠缠了 -哦 兄弟 - I'm not gonna go back and forth with you. - Oh, man.
因为我在试图好好讲话 而你不让我讲 喂 'Cause I'm trying to talk and you ain't gonna let me say what I... Hello?
Gail Gail?
又是这样 她又挂我电话 Did it again. Hung up on me again.
你们说婚姻是关于什么的三个环 What do you call the three rings of marriage?
不知道 No clue.
订婚指环 结婚指环 还有受难指环 The engagement ring, the wedding ring, and the suffer-ring.
哦 以及 对你来说 挨打指环 Oh, and, in your case, the beat-ing.
现在不是说这话的时候 你知道的 This is not the time. You know,
你们都因为我长得矮而低估我 y'all underestimate me because I'm short.
不 我们低估你因为你是个蠢货 No, it's 'cause you a fool.
嘿大家伙 都过的怎么样啊小伙子 What up? What's happening, baby?
你发什么春 The hell's wrong with you?
-你磕高了 -是啊 你嗨了 - You're stoned. - Yeah, you're high!
你要不是嗨了 那就是我在和谐佳缘里的所有资料都成真了 Either you're high, or everything on my eHarmony profile is true.
我的生活本身就让我很嗨 筒子们 I'm high off life, gentlemen.
我遇到了一个女孩 I met this girl.
不 实际上 她不是个女孩 我遇到一个女人 No, matter of fact, she's not even a girl. I met a woman.
但你自己就是个女人啊 But you are a woman.
（梦想家和女强人）
上菜了 Order up!
嘿 猜猜谁出现了 看8桌 Hey, guess who's back. Table eight.
Dom 她跟你可不是一个阶级的 She is way out of your league, Dom.
没这种事的 花花公子 Ain't no such thing, playboy.
好吧 她在这里一个晚上的花费 可能比你一个月赚的还要多 All right, she probably spends more here in one night than you make in a month.
那倒是实话 不过 你知道么 只要想想看 如果我给她做饭的话 她会省下多少钱 That's true, but, you know, just think how much she'll save if I cook for her.
呃 你已经疯了 Oh, you crazy.
Dominic 我的葱呢 Dominic. Scallions?
好嘞 主厨 这就来 All right, Chef, coming up.
-嗯 你精神焕发了 怎么了 -是吗 - Well, you look cute. What's going on? - I do?
-是的 -谢谢你 说得真好 - Yes. - Thank you, that was nice of you.
只不过 你知道的 Duke加入了少年棒球联盟 Just, you know, Duke made Little League,
买了个新电脑 我遇到了个男的 got a new laptop, met a guy.
我想我要试试这道白鲈鱼 I think I'm gonna try the white sea bass.
哇 等等 遇到了个什么 Whoa, whoa, whoa. Met a what?
一个男的 A guy.
活的 不是个充气娃娃 A real one? Not a blow-up doll?
好吧 别这么惊讶 又不是 Okay, don't look so surprised. It's not that...
亲爱的 我只是说说 从你两年前离婚之后 Honey, I'm just saying, it's been two years since your divorce.
已经三年或者四年没有做过爱了 And three, maybe four, since you had sex.
我说的是我遇到了个男的 Lauren I said I met a guy, Lauren,
我没说我要嫁给他 I didn't say I was changing my last name.
还没而已 Yet.
亲爱的 告诉我所有细节 赶紧坦白 I need all the details, honey. Now. Spill it.
-她火辣吗 -简直火爆了 - Is she hot? - Pure fire.
她的咪咪大吗 Does she got real big titties?
对啊 乳型怎么样 告诉我们 Yeah, what's the rack like? Tell us about the rack.
乳型 这是那些白人男孩说的废话 The rack. Definitely some white boy shit.
那就是白人男孩的话 我们喜欢胸部 It is white boy shit. We love breasts.
你可不是白人 Bennett 多明显 You're not even white, Bennett. You're clear.
-他的眼神很善良 充满了灵性 -是的 - He's got kind eyes. Soulful. - Yes!
非常敏感 He's sensitive.
我知道的就是她有个很大的屁股 I know she got a fat ass.
就好像JLO和小威的集合体 She got that JLo, Serena Williams mash up.
她的屁股那么大 下雨的时候我都能躲在下面了 Ass so big, I could hide underneath it if it was raining.
-那可有点太大了 -才没那回事 - That's way too much ass. - No such thing.
-非常对 不会太大 越大越好 Damn right, it ain't. The bigger, the better.
但是那不仅仅是肉体上的吸引 而是精神上的交流 But it wasn't just a physical attraction, it was intellectual.
他喜欢《亨丽埃塔.莱克斯的不朽生命》 He loved The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks.
还买了一本作为他妈妈的收藏 那真是很贴心 He bought one for his mom's book club. Isn't that sweet?
是啊 还有点同性恋的感觉 Yeah, and kind of gay.
他只是绅士风度 He's a gentleman.
-哦 她是个妓女 我就知道她是个妓女 -是啊 绝对是个妓女 - Yo, she a ho. I know she a ho. - Oh, definitely a ho.
你们两个 给我小心点说话 Both of you, you both watch your mouth,
好吗 这回这个不是妓女 all right? This one's not a ho.
她是个淑女 She's a lady.
-你已经被征服了 -在你还有感觉的时候享受这感觉吧Mike - Whipped already. - Enjoy it while it lasts, Mike.
我告诉你 那不会持续很久的 Let me tell you something, it ain't gonna last forever.
所有感情的开始都很开心 They all start out happy.
但是当你们变得认真起来了 See, but here's when it gets real.
当你早晨起床 你走进起居室 When you wake up in the morning, and you go in the living room,
然后你发现她弄脏了你的乔丹篮球鞋 and you catch her pissing inside of your Jordans.
而且那不是普通的乔丹 And not the regular Jordans.
我说的是那种边上有漆皮的限量版 I'm talking about the ones with the patent leather on the side,
那东西会显得更脏 where the pee don't come out.
别听他们的 Mike 爱情是美好的 Don't listen to them, Mike. Relationships are beautiful.
-只是说说吗 -所以 你们什么时候开始约会 - Just saying. - So, when are you guys going out?
周六晚上 她得先找个保姆 然后 Saturday night. She got to find a sitter, first, and then...
什么 就像是宠物保姆吗 What, like a dog sitter?
不 她有个儿子 No, she has a son.
-什么 -她有个孩子 - What? - She has a child.
好吧 那么 跟个妈妈约会的话要当心了 All right, well, be careful dating a baby mama.
-为什么 -因为她是个孩子的妈 - Why? - Because she's the baby mama.
兄弟 她可不是为了寻找一段只为了上床和开心的关系 Dude, she ain't looking for a couple laughs and some butt-naked sex.
她已经有过上床和开心的关系了 She been a couple laughs and some butt-naked sex.
-太说教了 -她找的是一个丈夫 - Preach. - She looking for a husband.
和他儿子的父亲 说到这 那孩子的父亲上哪儿去了 A father for her son. Speaking of which, where's the baby daddy?
-哦 Zeke 问的好 -谢谢 - Oh, good question, Zeke. - Thank you.
可能是个神经病 Could be a psycho.
因为谋杀了她的上个男友被逮捕 刚刚才获得假释 Just got paroled for killing her last boyfriend.
或者 他可能是那种藏在路边的灌木丛里的男人 Or he could be one of those guys that like to hide in a bush
等待着陌生的男人来到他儿子的妈家里 waiting for a strange guy to come to his baby mom's house.
当这陌生男人到了那儿的时候 他会从灌木丛中跳出来 And when he gets there, he pops out the bushes
用一块砖头打这个男人的后脑 hits this guy on the back of the head with a brick.
根本都不知道这个男人跟他儿子的妈 Without even realizing that this
之间的关系只是柏拉图式的精神恋爱 guy's relationship with his baby mom was platonic.
那个人被抓到过没有 They ever catch that guy?
没有 成为悬案了 警察甚至都不没再过问 No, it's a cold case. The cops won't even revisit the case.
人们说他们找不到那砖头 They said they couldn't find the brick.
我只是说说 只是说说 I'm just saying, I'm just saying.
-那些东西都没关系 -真的吗 - None of that matters. - Really?
你应该看看她的笑容 'Cause you should see her smile.
-哦该死的 好吧 好吧 -晚安 Mike - Oh, shit. All right! Okay. - Good night, Mike.
我正跟你说着砖头 你却想要讨论笑容 Talking to you about bricks! You wanna go talk about a smile.
-不过 的确有件事有问题 -我就知道 他是个变性人 - There is one thing, though. - I knew it, he was born a woman.
不 No.
-他有点 你知道的 他有点 -他有点什么 - He's, you know, he's... - He's what?
有点年轻 A little younger.
哦 你养了条小狼狗是吧 You have kidnapped a cub, haven't you?
不 我要跟你说的是 实际上 他看起来非常成熟 No, I'll have you know, he seems very mature, actually.
等一下 我怎么这么激动 Wait a minute, why am I getting all worked up?
我们甚至还没有约会过呢 We haven't even had a date yet.
我还需要鉴定一下他是不是个合格竞争者 I still need to qualify if he's even a contender.
鉴定吗 Qualify?
他的长期目标是什么 What are his long-term goals?
他的短期目标是什么 他养得起家吗 What are his short-term goals? Can he provide?
别一起问他那么多问题 Don't hit him with all that at once.
我知道 别担心 我会秘密进行的 I know, don't worry. I intend to be stealth.
你吗 怎么秘密进行 You? How?
我可以表现的像个淑女 但是用男人的思维思考 By acting like a lady, but thinking like a man.
哦 你完全陷入了那个性别歧视者的胡说八道了 Oh, you fell for that sexist crap?
他的确给了让我们窥探了一下男人的观点 He's actually giving insight into a man's perspective.
为什么我要降低我的标准 Why should I have to lower
去适应一个男的 谁会做那种事 my standards to get a man? Who does that?
对不起 那么 什么样的男人 I'm sorry. Now, what man?
我只想要个跟我相等条件的 I just want my equal.
好吗 或者至少是个有吸引力的 有教养的男人 Okay? Or at least an attractive, cultured man.
他得超过183 收入六位数 Who's over six feet tall, makes six figures,
而且不会因为我的成功吓到 and isn't intimidated by my success.
好吧 女孩 别再去追寻James Merrill(美国诗人 作家)过去的鬼魂了 Okay, girl. Quit chasing the ghost of James Merrill's past.
他已经结婚了 并且死了很长时间了 He is married and long gone.
那个男人就挺好的 That man was fine.
是啊 咱们可以做个小调查 Here we go. Let's do a little research, here.
-这就是你 -求你了，我可不 - This is you. - Please, I don't...
坚强 独立 孤单的女人 "Strong, independent, and lonely women."
我才不用什么写书的秃顶男人 I don't need some bald-headed man on a book
来告诉我我坚强而独立 telling me I am strong and independent.
宝贝 那是既定的事实 Honey, that's a given.
但你忘了说孤单 But you forgot lonely.
你是个坏人 You are a bitch.
你太坚强了Lauren You're too strong, Lauren.
才没有什么太坚强了呢 而且你知道吗 There's no such thing as too strong. And you know what?
如果我是个男的 成为世界500强企业中最年轻的COO If I were a man, being the youngest COO of a Fortune 500 company
就会变成一件好事 女人们会飞奔来抢我 would actually be a good thing. Women would flock.
是的 但是如果你是那样的话 男的会飞快的逃开 Yeah, but men flee when you lead with that.
并且 不光是你的职业 Lauren And it's not just yourjob, Lauren.
记得你上次的约会 你鄙视了Marcel Remember what Marcel said on your last date,
对红酒的选择之后 他说了什么吗 after you trumped his wine choice?
-我的选择更好些 -他到底说了什么 - It was a better choice. - What were his words again?
你不需要男人 Lauren 你自己就是个男人 "You don't need a man, Lauren, you are a man."
给你一本 当是迟到的生日礼物 Happy belated birthday. For you.
我就是那么一说 所有的那些 I'm just saying, all this
等待更好的出现的说辞 都只会让你感到苦涩 waiting for better? It's making you bitter.
嘿 宝贝 Hey, babe?
我途中停下来喝了点酒 不过我为我们带回了晚餐 I stopped off for a beer, but picked us up some dinner.
哦天啊 Oh, my God.
哦天啊 我的动漫海报 我们被抢劫了 Oh, my God! My anime posters! We got robbed!
Kris 你在家吗 Kris! Are you home?
在呢 哪儿着火了吗 发生了什么 Yes. Where's the fire? What's going on?
你没发觉我们被抢劫了吗 Have you not noticed that we've been robbed?
我就是做了个简单的清理 放松点 I just tidied up a little bit. Relax.
-清理 -是的 - Tidied up? - Yeah.
正义联盟 黑武士 Justice League? Darth Vader?
海绵宝宝 它们都哪儿去了 它们怎么样了 SpongeBob? Where are they? Are they okay?
它们很安全 生活幸福 They are safe. They're fine.
我只是想 我们该把起居室粉刷一下了 I just thought we could paint the living room.
是为了粉刷啊 Paint.
-是的 然后重新装潢 - Okay. And redecorate.
-重新装潢 -是的 - Redecorate? - Yeah.
我以为你喜欢那些东西 你为什么要重新装潢 I thought you loved that stuff. Why would you want to do that?
因为那让我们看起来好像住在男生宿舍里 Jeremy Because it looks like we live in a frat house, Jeremy.
-哦 别那么说 -我们是成年人了 看在上帝的份上 - Oh, stop it. - We are adults, for Christ's sakes.
我们要过些得体的生活 We make a decent living.
我觉得是时候去投资然后弄一个真正的家了 I think it's time to invest and make this a real home.
配上合适的盘子和杯子 With matching dishes and glasses
以及一个新沙发 and a new couch.
啊 我的沙发有什么问题 Well, what's wrong with my couch?
宝贝 你从一个垃圾堆里把它捡回来的 Baby, you pulled it out of a dumpster.
是啊 Yeah.
我十分确信 Annalisa就是在那里受孕的 I'm pretty sure Annalisa was impregnated, like, right there.
那里有香烟的痕迹 烟斗洒了 It's got cigarette burns, bong spills,
那里有个06年遗留的疥疮瘢痕 there was the scabies scare of '06.
-你太夸张了 -不 我真没有 - You're being dramatic. - No, I'm really not.
你有个大笑的时候会撒尿的姑姑 Your aunt who tinkles when she laughs?
她在上个圣诞节尿了整个沙发 She pissed all over the couch last Christmas.
那非常的恶心 我们像是动物一样 It's disgusting. We're like animals.
我把那些香烟痕迹清理掉了 I cleaned up the bong spill and the cigarette burns.
这沙发是有历史的 This couch has history.
现在 它要变成历史了 And now it is history.
那么 这里有些新点子 So, here are some new ideas.
我觉得我们可以看看 搜索一下新的风格 I thought we could look it over. Research some new styles.
把这像调色盘一样的屋子颜色矫正一下 Gotta zero in on a color palette.
我知道你喜欢浅紫色 你知道吗 I know you like mauve. You know?
有一个时期 There was that period you went through,
你打扮的像个鲑鱼一样 where you were partial to salmon.
是吗 我宁愿再跟你看一遍写给朱丽叶的信 Yeah, I'd rather watch Letters to Juliet with you again.
我就知道你会这样想 I know you would.
因为你在他们重逢的时候哭出来了 'Cause you cried at the end when they got reunited.
我没哭 好吗 I wasn't crying, okay?
我只是对那个电影院的香味过敏 I was having an allergic reaction to the perfume in the theater.
你买了电影原声带 You bought the soundtrack.
那可是个质量很好的原声带 It's a good soundtrack.
你瞧 我对这非常不在行 Look, I'm really bad at this. Okay?
求你了 你可以做这些吗 Please, can you do this?
-不跟我一起 -真的吗 - Without me? - Really?
真的 Really.
就我一个 By myself?
是的 Yeah.
-我相信你 -非常好 - I trust you. Awesome.
好吧 我要问你个问题 Okay, let me ask you a question.
近九十天里 你上一个睡过的男人在哪儿 Where is the last guy that you slept with in less than 90 days?
你是说 John You mean, John?
嘿 宝贝 Hey! Baby!
怎么样了 女孩 'Sup, girl?
听着 那天晚上我过得很愉快 Hey, I had a great time the other night.
哦是吗 Alex Oh, did you, Alex?
是的 Melanie 我正要给你打电话 Yeah, Melanie. I was gonna call you...
Melanie 我叫Mya 你这个黑鬼 Melanie? It's Mya, negro.
哦 我得走了 那么 我会给你电话的 Yeah. I gotta go. So, I'll call you.
我知道你不止叫她一个人Melanie I know you did not just call her Melanie.
那挺好的 我不会让他影响到我心情的 It's okay. I'm not even gonna let him get to me.
我比他强 而且现在 我已经到了另一个层面了 I am in a better place and I am on another level.
（花花公子和原则女）
我不知道 Sonia 我感觉我像是有了X光透视眼 I don't know, Sonia. I feel like I have X-ray vision.
就好像 有了筛选男人的法眼 Like, Man Goggles.
我们花费了那么多时间用来抱怨 We spend all this time complaining
男人是多么的不愿意有一段稳定的恋情 about how guys don't want to be in relationships,
他们只喜欢一夜情 they just want to hook up.
但实际上 我们一直都占有主动权 But really, all along, we've had the power.
是的 我们占有主动权吗 Right. We have?
当然 我们把握着甜心饼干(滚床单许可) Yes! We control the cookie.
把握住甜心饼干的人才能掌控整个游戏 She who controls the cookie controls the game.
好吧 我懂了 什么是甜心饼干 Okay, I got it. What's the cookie?
-那只是比喻 -比喻什么的 - It's a metaphor. - For what?
那个 For...
-对了 甜心饼干 - 甜心饼干 - Yes. The cookie! - The cookie!
我终于懂了 甜心饼干 I got it. The cookie!
我告诉你吧 力量就在甜心饼干里 I'm telling you, the power's in the cookie.
那么 我们怎么才能控制住甜心饼干 So, how do we control the cookie?
通过把甜心饼干放到饼干罐里 By putting it in the cookie jar,
拧紧盖子 就把它放在那儿 clasping the lid on tight, and leaving it in there.
好的 Okay.
知道这些小男孩们足够成熟到可以赢得它 Until some little boy actually grows up and earns it.
我懂了 I get it.
就好像我的一个表妹 It's kind of like when my cousin
有一个五次约会规则 这两者挺像的 had the five-date rule. It was similar to that.
哦不 那只是小儿科 Oh, no. That's child's play.
我想要更极端点 I'm thinking something a little bit more radical.
看吧 这就是为什么你需要这本书 See, this is why you need to get the book,
因为这里有关于这事情的整整一个章节 because it has a whole chapter on it.
得到你应得的尊重 九十天规则 "Getting The Respect That You Deserve: The 90-Day Rule."
你疯了么 Are you high?
-没有 -谁会等待九十天 - No. - Who is waiting 90 days?
如果这规则适用于世界五百强公司 If it's good enough for the Fortune 500 company,
那么它就适用于我 it's good enough for me.
当我为福特公司工作的时候 See, when I worked at Ford Motor Company,
他们有个九十天试用期的规定 there was a 90-day probation rule.
在他们给我福利待遇之前 我需要在这个工作岗位做九十天 I had to be on the job for 90 days before they gave me a benefit package.
福特的意思是 让我们看看他是怎么表现的 Ford figured this, "Let's see how he performs.
如果他不迟到早退 如果他证明了他自己 "If he comes in on time, if he proves himself,
我们就会给他福利待遇 then we'll give him benefits."
所以 如果福特公司都能在分发福利之前等待九十天的话 So if Ford Motor Company waits 90 days to pass out their benefit package,
为什么女人们不能等待呢 why won't women wait?
看吧 那是我们自己的问题 You see, that's our problem.
问题就在于 我们一直被那拥有雕塑般身材的牛郎欺骗 It's that we keep giving it away to some Axe body spray wearing man-ho
他甚至以为我的名字是Melanie who thinks my name's Melanie.
但是那不重要 因为女人也有需要啊 But it doesn't matter, because a girl's got needs.
听听你自己说的 你真的以为你能忍九十天 Listen to yourself. Do you really think you could wait 90 days?
是的 我花费了六个月时间 梦想着一个只在婚礼周末见到的男人 Yes. I spent six months dreaming about a guy that I met once at a wedding weekend.
那个跟你在海边做爱的男人 The one you had sex with at the beach?
是的 他之后再也没有打来电话 Yes, who never called.
是的 所以 我非常确定我能等待九十天 Yeah, so, I definitely think I could do 90 days.
实际上 我能在九十天之后再等九十天 Matter of fact, I could do 90 days before 90 days.
我对男人感到厌烦和恶心 或者我应该开始跟女人约会了 I am so sick and tired of men. Maybe I should start dating women.
天啊 如果你们俩接吻 我会付你50美金 My God, I'll give you 50 bucks if you guys kiss.
-不过必须是舌吻 -臭小子 滚开 - But there has to be tongue. - Boy, get out of here!
试试吗 Gave it a shot.
这一代的男人到底是怎么了 说真的 怎么了 What is wrong with the men of this generation? Like, what?
我每天都在问自己同一个问题 I ask myself that same question every day.
他们对女性的尊重呢 Whatever happened to respect for women?
他们的礼貌的 Whatever happened to decorum?
我能有幸为你们两位可爱的女士买杯喝的吗 May I have the honor of buying you two lovely ladies a drink?
当然可以 谢谢你问了 Absolutely. And thank you for asking.
-我们想要 -为什么 - We would like... - Why?
是因为你渴望一场火花四溅的对话 Is it that you crave scintillating conversation?
还是你想要讨论一下政治和车臣战争的细微差别 Or that you want to discuss the politics and nuances of the Chechnyan War?
你知道 第一次见面我通常不会讨论政治 You know, I don't really discuss politics on the first encounter.
-我们也不会 这就是为什么我 - And neither do we. This is why I'm...
-哦不 我知道了 - Oh, no, I know what it is.
是一见钟情是吗 It's the visual thing, right?
你看到了我 对我产生了 性趣 想进入到我裤子里面 You saw me, you sexualized me, you wanted to get into my pants?
绝对不是的 Absolutely not.
是吗 那么 又是什么呢 因为 你知道的 你不认识我 Yeah, but then, what is it? Because, you know, you don't know me.
我可能是个精神病 I could be a psycho.
我可能是个连环杀手 我可能有16个人格 I could be a serial killer. I could have 16 personalities.
-给我一杯皇冠可乐 -正在做 - Let me get a Crown and Coke. - Got you covered.
还有16杯她点的任何东西 And 16 of whatever she's having?
我叫Zeke My name is Zeke.
Mya Mya.
见到你很高兴 Mya Nice to meet you, Mya.
这是第一天 还有89天呢 Day one, 89 more to go.
给16桌的菜 Order for table 16!
Dominic 泊车员撞车了 你去外面帮着停车 Dominic. Valet's slammed. Go park some cars.
-谢谢你 -谢谢 - Thank you. - Thanks.
喂 那是我的车 Hey, that's my car!
谁说你需要将就 Who says you have to compromise?
怎么开车窗 Okay, where's the window?
车窗 车窗 车窗 Window. Window, window.
这不是终点 Not the final destination.
开门 Door open.
我去 Shit.
嗨 Hi.
如果我没猜错的话 你是在跟踪我吗 If I didn't know any better, I'd think you were following me.
没有 我只是 No, just...
我只是兜兜风 就这样 Just out for a drive, that's all.
那你悠着点 Have a safe drive.
等等 Well, wait.
改变主意了 You changed your mind?
改天我能请你吃饭吗 You think I could take you to dinner sometime?
明天晚上如何 How's tomorrow night?
听着 我们乐意接受这个现实 Look, we love the fact that you're a strong,
你是个强大自信 事业有成的女人 confident woman with a fabulous job,
可我们是男人 but we're men.
基因决定了我们是要养家糊口的 Our DNA is encoded to be the provider.
如果你从没让我们觉得我们处于上风 And if you don't ever let us feel like we're in control and necessary,
我们不会公然表达我们的爱的 we're just not about to profess our love to you.
我意思是 我们只是想找个小鸟依人的女人让我们觉得自己够男人 I mean, we'll just find us a woman who actually makes us feel like a man.
是啊 像是找个小姐 Yeah, a ho.
我们像狗 你想 We're kind of like dogs, see,
你宠爱我们 我们就会永远忠诚 you pet us, we'll be loyal to you forever.
是啊 狗 就是这样 Steve Yeah, dogs. There you go, Steve.
我不需要这本书 I don't need that book.
太棒了 耶 Oh, yes! Yeah!
亲爱的 Jennifer今晚照顾你 Oh, honey. Jennifer's coming over tonight to babysit.
你要和奶奶玩填格子游戏吗 You're going to bingo with Grandma?
不 我有约 - 真的吗 - No, actually. I have a date. - Really?
和男人还是女人 With a man or a woman?
男人 干嘛还问我这个 A man! Duke, why would you even ask me that?
我偷听到奶奶说她也许开始困惑了 Because I overheard Grandma say that she was beginning to wonder.
要知道你喜欢是男是女我都OK的 You know I'm cool either way.
不好意思我迟到了 Yo, sorry I'm late.
Bennett 加入我们的游戏 来吧 - 怎么了 伙计 - Yo, Bennett, get in the game, let's go. - What's up, man?
昨天我度过了人生中最棒的一晚 I had the best night of my entire life last night.
真的么 - 难以置信 - Is that right? - Unbelievable.
回止球 - 你昨晚被烧了吧 - Check ball. - I thought you got fired last night.
好吧 我会打双份工的 That's all right. I'll make twice as much catering.
好吧 回止球 -希望她是值得的 - All right. Play ball. - Hope she's worth it.
你要对它做什么 你要对它做什么 What you gonna do with that? What you gonna do with that?
计分 Count it!
从背后突击 Over the back!
我带她去休息室了 See, I'm taking her to The Lounge.
Maurice给我找了间包房 Maurice hooked me up with a private room
我只要付酒钱和优厚的小费 and all I gotta pay for is wine and a fat tip.
不错 那你要开没了保险杠的本田思域2005 Nice. So you gonna be escorting her in that 2005 Honda Civic,
还是155,000刀的豪车护送她 with the missing bumper or that $155,000 car she think you drive?
我想我该坦白 I'm just gonna level with her, I guess.
坦白什么 你是给厨师打下手的吗 And tell her what? That you an unemployed prep cook?
Zeke 待业烹调师 Zeke, unemployed Culinary
在校研究生 我们就这样说 Institute graduate. We talked about this.
我没那个意思 这方法太次了 - Yes, that's not my point. - That's stupid.
这是下策 Dom 但你要得到她 你就必须说谎 That's dumb, Dom. You trying to get some, you gonna have to lie.
有一次我对Gail说我中了乐透 Listen, one time I told Gail I just won the lottery.
我需要些钱 I need some gas money so
我才能兑换彩票 她给了我20刀 I can go redeem the ticket. She gave me $20.
别欺骗她 Don't lie to her.
我不想骗她 I don't want to lie to her.
好的 等等 你无须撒谎 只要适当忽略就好 Okay, hold up. You don't have to lie. You omit.
你只要 不 不 你忽略就好 Just, no, no, you omit.
你就说你是个杰出却不得志的厨师 You just tell her you're a high-end chef that's in between gigs.
你车泊在店里 Your car's in the shop.
她原以为你会开辆豪车 She think you drive an expensive car,
而你没开 因为车在店里 you're not driving it 'cause it's in the shop.
其实 我表兄 Matter of fact, my cousin,
他有家林肯城市车公司 我帮你去借一辆 he got a town car company. I'll get you a town car.
所以你只需跟她喝酒 吃饭 So all you gotta do is wine her, you dine her,
你把她迷得神魂颠倒 再告诉她真相 you tattoo your name in that ass, then you tell her the truth.
Gail以为我是个业务执行 我在收发室碰到她 Gail thought I was an account executive and I met her in the mail room.
我手里拿着信件 I had mail in my hand.
是啊 你就从那一刻变成了业务执行 Yeah, but you became an account exec right after that.
那跟Gail无关 That had nothing to do with Gail.
她设计了与你会面 - 不 她没有 Thomas干的 - She set up your interview. - No, she didn't. Thomas did.
不要打断我 Mike 就是Gail做的 我看不惯这事 Don't cut me off, Mike. That's what Gail do, I don't like that.
他干嘛这么敏感 - 好吧 Dom 管它呢 - Why's he so sensitive? - All right, Dom, either way,
女人一旦真的爱上你了 她就能忍受一切 once a woman's into you, she'll put up with anything.
- 相信我 - 只要你把她做对了就行 - Trust me. - Only if you're putting it on her right.
好吧 那... All right. That's...
加油 伙计 Come on, man.
我要清洗这些球 - Bennett 擦一下就好了 - I'm gonna go clean the ball off. - Bennett, just wipe it off.
不行 我包里有消毒剂 No, I got some sanitizer in my bag.
对不起 您进错公寓了 Sorry, man. Wrong apartment.
那是我的幸运椅 That's my lucky chair.
你们在干嘛 What are you guys doing?
亲爱的 怎么样 Baby! What do you think?
我们在H.D. Buttercup商场逛了一天 We spent the entire day at H.D. Buttercup and we decided to go
我们挑了些现代中带点复古的家具 - 我们 - with modern with a mix of vintage. - "We"?
是啊 Gianni 我们的设计师 Yeah. Gianni, our designer.
旧的不去新的不来嘛 美绝了是吧 Old out, new in, beautiful, eh?
我觉得这都不像像我们家了 宝贝 I think it doesn't even look like our place, babe.
的确 它像成年人的房子 我喜欢 Exactly, it looks like grown-ups live here. I love it.
住手 Stop!
把椅子放下 Put the chair down.
幸运椅要留着 The lucky chair stays.
好吧 我退一步 Compromise.
我靠 什么...你会说意大利语了 Fuck, what... You speak Italian now?
天哪 Oh, my God.
- 你准备穿这条 - 好嘛 - That's your dress. - Yeah?
这条裙把你的臀部修饰得美极了 Your ass looks great in that dress.
可是太性感了 No, it's too sexy.
才没有太性感这种事呢 There's no such thing.
Sonia 我要他忍90天 不是90秒 Sonia, I want him to last 90 days, not 90 seconds.
我的目标是准女友 不是运动鱼 I want to project "Keeper," Not "Sports Fish."
运动鱼 丫的啥意思 Okay, what the hell is a sports fish?
你看 这就是你要多看书的原因 See, this is why you need to read the book!
我不爱看书 I don't want to read the book.
Steve说人钓鱼有只两个原因 Steve says that a guy only fishes for two reasons.
一是钓来吃 Number one, he fishes to eat.
换言之 他把你当准女友 会带回家 That means he's looking for a keeper, somebody to take home,
介绍给妈妈 然后与她建立家庭 somebody to introduce to his mom, somebody to build a life with.
二是他想找海里游的鱼 Or two, he's looking for a sports fish.
也就是说 他想要一个战利品 That means he's looking for a trophy,
可以在朋友面前显摆 somebody to show off to his buddies,
作为战绩挂在墙上 put up on the wall as a prize.
但你要注意第二种情况 But you gotta be careful with that one,
因为他会把你扔回海里 'cause he's gonna throw that one back.
不错 Okay.
我看起来怎么样 How do I look?
准女友 有美臀的准女友 Like a keeper. With a great ass.
真的吗 - 真的 - Yeah? - Yes!
好 现在的问题就是 他是不是合格呢 Right. Now, the question is, is he?
就缺我的黑名单了 Now I just need my hit list.
好吧 黑名单又是啥杰宝玩意儿 Now, what the hell is a hit list?
能把你的酒从我黑名单上拿开吗 Will you get your wine off my hit list?
丫头 你疯了吧 Girl, you're crazy.
这是我写的战略 This is where I wrote down
我今晚的约会 什么该做 什么不该做都在上面 my strategic dos and don'ts for my date tonight.
好吧 听你说得想像要去打仗 Okay, you know you sound like you're going to war, right?
可不是么 情场如战场 Yes, girl, because love is a battlefield.
老天 Oh, boy.
Steve说你必须把条件设高一点 Steve says you have to set the requirements very high
甚至在你上他车之前 before you even get in the car,
因为你不想成为一个主动的女孩 'cause you don't want to become Chirp-chirp Girl.
什么女孩 A what?
主动的 他只不过开锁让你上他车 Chirp-chirp. He just hits the locks and you hop in.
他都不需要开车门 He don't even have to open the door.
我不觉得主动的女孩有什么不好 I don't see nothing wrong with being a Chirp-chirp Girl.
你今天太美了 You look beautiful.
谢谢夸奖 Thanks.
很高兴 Amazing.
你真贴心 Sweet!
要去哪啊啊 天哪 看那裙子短的 Where to? Goddamn, look how small your skirt is.
好吧 这么鬼吼太不专业了 Right. Unprofessional.
不好意思 先生 从我小费里扣吧 Sorry, sir, take it out of my tip.
门解锁了 It's open.
我不跟不给我开车门的男人约会 I don't go out on dates with guys who don't open the door for me.
是吗 - 是的 - Really? - Really.
当真 - 当真 - Seriously? - Yes.
你说的 Aw, man!
他不是吧 No, he didn't.
骗到你了吧 Got you!
您的车在等您 Your chariot awaits.
谢谢 Thank you.
真逗啊 呵呵 Funny guy, huh?
我表现不错吧 I do okay.
每个女人 Look, I think there's a few
都该问男人几个基本问题 basic questions that every woman should ask a man
来确认两件事 这男人对你是认真的 to determine two things, if this guy has a plan for you,
还是只是玩玩 or if this guy is just gonna play with you.
我的短期目标是 My short-term goals?
什么 你意思是明天的计划吗 What, you mean like tomorrow?
我要抽管水烟 I need a bong hit.
才能回答你的问题 To answer your question,
我想我的长期目标 I guess my long-term goals
与我的短期目标一致 and short-term goals are the same thing.
怎么会 How so?
这一生 Well, my entire life, it's
我总是努力工作 提升自己 always been about hard work and improving myself
但我想我现在追求的 and I guess what I'm looking for now is,
是有个人能分享我的成就 you know, someone I can share it with.
所以 所以 你 - So... - So, have you...
你先说 说吧 说吧 You go ahead, you go. You go.
你的短期目标是什么 What are your short-term goals?
你知道么 我想跳过晚餐直接吃甜点 You know what? I'd like to skip dinner and get right to dessert.
那就是一切开始的源头 That's where it started,
- 是吗 - 真的吗 - you know? - Really?
这是个明智的选择 This is a great choice.
谢谢你 谢谢 Thank you. Thank you.
Lauren 多跟我说说你 你是做什么的 So, Lauren, tell me more about yourself. What do you do?
我是管理人员 I'm in management.
供职于一家传媒公司 For a media company. Yeah.
但我不想谈我的工作 But I don't wanna talk about me, my work.
说来话长 Long week.
说说你自己 你是做什么的 So, tell me about you. What do you do?
我是大厨 I'm a chef.
是吗 在哪里 Really? Where?
事实上 Well, I'm actually
我正在犹豫要去哪家餐厅就职 deciding between two different offers.
这么优秀啊你 That good, huh?
是啊 但我不想 Yeah. But I don't wanna...
不想坏了运气什么 你懂的 I kinda don't want to jinx it, you know?
我理解 那就到此为止吧 No, I get it. No, don't, you shouldn't.
你知道吗 最好不要再聊工作了 Okay, you know what? Let's not even talk about work anymore.
嗯 不聊比较好 Yeah, let's not.
你对两人的相处之道怎么看 So, what are your views on relationships?
或者说说你的长期目标 二选一 Or your long-term goals. Either one.
说真的 哪天我想开自己的餐厅 To be honest, I really want to open my own restaurant one day.
对不起 我又谈到工作了 Sorry, that's work.
不 这是梦想 No, that's a dream.
我们聊梦想吧 这个话题好 We can talk about dreams. Dreams are good.
从一位女性嘴里听到这话很享受 It's nice to hear a woman actually say that.
我相信你能达成一切理想 I just believe you can make any dream come true
如果你真的为之奋斗的话 if you're willing to work hard enough to get it.
完全同意 I couldn't agree with you more.
- 干杯 - 干杯 - Cheers. - Salud.
记得在大学时我们嗑药磕高了 Remember when we were in college and we used to get
然后谈天说地聊了好几个小时 so high and talk for hours?
记得啊 Yeah.
憧憬梦想 设定目标计划 Like about our dreams, and like our plans and our goals.
还会玩时空之旅 And time travel.
比如你对未来有什么希冀 Jeremy Like, what do you think about the future, Jeremy?
我认为我们将来不会乘着腾空船啥的 I don't think we'll be riding
但我们会有机器人 around in hovercrafts or anything, but droids.
必须的 有了机器人生活更美好 Definitely droids. There better be droids.
不 我意思是你的未来 Jeremy No, I mean, like your future, Jeremy.
你的长期目标是什么 Jeremy What are your long-term goals, Jeremy?
你怎么了 奥普拉附体吗 Who are you, Oprah?
你真逗 You're funny.
我对时尚摇滚的设计风格有点奇异的想法 I just have this amazing idea of a rocker, chic kinda look,
那很激动人心呢 so, it's really exciting.
- 那是很激动人心的 - 是的 - No, that is exciting. - Yeah.
是 Yeah.
那 So,
你的长期目标是什么 what are some of your long-term goals?
跟着感觉走吧 Kind of a fly-by-the-seat-of-your-pants kinda guy, you know?
好吧 Oh, okay.
那样很酷 That's cool.
调高音量 调高 再调高 Oh, turn that up. Turn that up, turn that up.
那是我的 嗯 That is my... Yeah.
你知道这些人啊 - 是啊 知道 - You know these guys? - Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.
我的乐队为他们开过场秀 My band opened for them once.
你有乐队吗 You have a band?
有过 Had.
曾有过唱片合约 Had a record deal for a second.
让我听听你的CD 快点 Let me hear your CD. Come on!
你怎么认定我有CD What makes you think that I have a CD?
我从来没听说过哪个曾是R&B乐队的人 I don't know anybody who's been in an R&B band
他车里没有自己的CD who doesn't have their own CD in their car.
哇哦 此刻顿觉自己是个奇葩 太疯狂了 Wow, I feel so unique right now, it's crazy.
- 你这不就伸手去拿了么 - 是的 - That's why you're reaching for it. - Yeah.
让我看看 Let me see it.
哇哦 Wow!
太激动了 That is crazy.
至少那时我没有弄杰里卷 (Jheri curl美国黑人群体中曾经非常流行的一种发型 名字来源于它的发明者 80年代Michael Jackson就是这种发型的热衷追随者) Hey, at least I didn't have a Jheri curl.
是吗 What?
放你的至爱单曲 Play me your favorite track.
哇哦 Wow.
请说出指令 Please say a command.
CD 播放 CD. Play track
第7首 seven.
放第七首 Playing track seven.
~昨晚我做了个梦中梦 关于你~ Last night I had a dream about a dream about you
你写的吗 You wrote this?
~现在每次想起 它都跟你有关~ Now every time I think it seems to be About you
很美 This is beautiful.
~前一刻我已经不想再爱~ One minute I was over love
~下一秒我却已经变成我们~ A second later I was a part of us
她是谁 Who was she?
谁 Who?
伤你心的女孩 The girl who broke your heart.
你为什么会认为一个女孩伤了我的心 What makes you think a girl broke my heart?
这首歌告诉我的 Track seven.
我把所有的感情都留在歌里了 I left that all on the track.
~昨晚我做了一个梦中梦关于......~ Last night I had a dream about a dream About...
我的天 Oh, my God.
- 好的 停 停 停 - 怎么了 发生什么了 - Okay. Okay, wait, wait, wait. - What's wrong, what's wrong?
只是 我不在第一次约会就这样 It's just... I don't do this on the first date.
好吧 我理解你 Okay, I understand.
我也是基督徒 我尊重它 而且 I'm a Christian, too. I respect that, you know, and...
我度过了一段非常美好的时光 I had a really wonderful time.
我也是 Me, too.
谢谢你 Well, thanks.
好的 我完成了 There. I accomplished it.
完成什么了 Accomplished what?
我真真正正的短期目标 My real short-term goal.
你个狡猾的东西 You dog.
听着 So, listen.
我一整晚都在想这个 I've been thinking about this all night.
我要你见我母亲 I want you to meet my mother.
真的吗 Really?
这对我真的很重要 It would really mean a lot to me.
好吧 Well,
我想让你见见我儿子 I'd like you to meet my son.
我很乐意 到时候告诉我时间地点 I would love that. Just name the time and place...
你好 我是Duke 你是不是碰了我妈妈 Hi, I'm Duke. Did you touch my momma?
没有啊小鬼头 这可是老少咸宜的接触 连家长指导等级都不算 Whoa, no. It was PG, little homie, not even PG-13.
当然 你喜欢电子游戏 Sure. You like video games?
你玩过街头赛车三吗 Have you ever played Street Racer Three?
- 没有 - 那你就等于没活过 大哥 - No. - Then you haven't lived, my man!
晚安 Candace You have a good night, all right, Candace?
晚安 谢谢你 Good night. Thank you.
很高兴认识你 Duke - It's nice to meet you, Duke.
确认一下 - 我也是 Make sure... - Nice to meet you, too.
我今晚真的很愉快 I really had a nice time tonight.
我也是 I had a really good time, too.
好吧 停 停 Okay, okay, okay.
从现在来算 今晚真的棒极了 This is officially good night.
好吧 你知道吗 我想来杯睡前酒 Okay, you know what? I could use a nightcap.
- 睡前酒 - 是的 - A nightcap. - Yeah.
街角有家很不错的酒吧 Yeah. There's this really nice bar around the corner.
- 你应该去试试 - 什么... 所以就这样了 - You should have fun. - What... So it's like that?
你不明白的 You have no idea.
那我们需要聊多久我才能受邀允许进屋 So, how long are we talking before I get invited up?
5次约会之后吧 Five dates.
才准许发一杯睡前酒 For a nightcap.
晚安 Good night.
这女人疯了 This bitch is crazy.
早上好 美女 Morning, beautiful.
你好 Hi.
谢谢 Thanks.
我给你做了早餐 I made you breakfast.
真的 Seriously?
嗯 Yeah.
- 在我厨房做的吗 - 我帮你 - From my kitchen? - Let me take that.
就是个简单的佛罗伦萨鸡蛋 没做好 （佛罗伦萨鸡蛋:装在一个小杯里,就是水波蛋上有层浓郁的芝士,下面垫有波菜) It's a simple eggs Florentine, but with a twist
因为我用了你泰式外卖里的原料 because I used the ingredients from your Thai takeouts.
- 简单吗 这看起来很精美 - 让我知道你在想什么 - Simple? This looks amazing. - Well, let me know what you think.
太美味了 This is so good.
是吗 我爱会吃的女人 Yeah? Well, I love a woman who can eat.
我爱会做饭的男人 And I love a man who can cook.
也许下次你可以让我再做一回 Maybe you'll let me do it again for you sometime.
给我递一下果汁好嘛 Juice, please?
有点辣吧 A little spicy?
谢谢 Thanks.
那是谁 Who's that?
我死党 Candace That's my best friend, Candace.
- 好吧 - 还有我教子 Duke - Okay. - And my godson, Duke.
你知道吗 You know, you're not exactly
你跟我想象中"教母"的形象不太像 what I picture when I hear the word "Godmother."
万幸 Thank God for that.
你又不请自来了是吧 You let yourself in again, huh?
我没想到你在家 I didn't expect you to be here.
我估摸着你不是该在她家里蹑手蹑脚的准备开溜么 I figured you'd be tiptoeing around her place.
第一 我住在这儿 不是你 Well, first of all, I live here, not you,
第二 她有个5次约会之后才允许我进门的守则 and second, she has this five-date rule before I get invited up.
你相信吗 我是黑人舞男 舞男鼻祖 Can you believe that? I'm the Negro Gigolo, the original Nigolo.
五次约会 这是什么 Five dates? What, is she
她是Farrakhan那样的穆斯林还是什么 some type of Farrakhan Muslim or something?
她是天后 She's a diva.
要是我不给她开车门 She literally refuses to
她还真的不肯坐进去 walk through a door unless I open it for her.
Gail以前也这样 她常让我神经紧张 Gail used to do that. Gail used to get on my nerves with that.
帮我开门 "Get the door for me.
你不给我开我怎么进去 How am I walk in and you ain't open the door?"
我手残了 你最好自己开那扇破门 "My hands hurt. You better open that goddamn door!"
- 所以我及时结束了我们的关系 - 恩 必须的 - That's why I'm gonna end it right now. - Yeah, you need to.
因为你不需要她了 'Cause you don't need her.
你有了我 我们是特别的 You got me, and what we got is special.
替她开门 Open her door.
都已经2012年了 过来开我的门 It's 2012. Come around and open my door.
我不知道 Sonia 我觉得自己像是个不同的女人了 I don't know, Sonia, I just felt like a different woman.
感觉一切尽在掌握 自己那么强大 那么... I felt so in control and strong, and...
那他呢 What about him?
好吧 我想... Well, I think...
是他发的消息 It's him.
明晚有空与我共进晚餐吗 "Are you available for dinner tomorrow night?"
那你有空么 Well, are you?
我的确也有空 Well, I do believe that I am.
但我不跟用短信邀请的人出去 But I do not go out with guys who ask me via text.
我不跟用短信邀请的人出去 I don't go out with guys via txt!
她反应很快 She trippin'.
Gail总是建议他们吃蛋白 You know, Gail always suggested them egg whites,
她说吃蛋白比较健康 she said they was better for you.
喂 烧饭时能套件汗衫么 同志 Hey, can you put a shirt on while you cooking, man?
猜我怎么了 Look at these hours.
你怎么散发着充满孕味的光芒 What you come in here glowing for like you're pregnant?
好哥们儿 My boys.
嘿 有收获啊 哦 第一次约会就有收获 Hey, you got some. Oh! On the first date?
- 好哥们儿加一分 -是啊 有收获 - Homie scored. - Yeah, I did.
我彻底陷进去了 And I'm totally screwed.
我们一次都没聊到工作 We never once talked about my job.
- 你真的喜欢他 - 是啊 - You really like him. - I really do.
我都不知道他工资多少 I don't even know how much he makes.
不过呢 我不在乎 And you know what? I don't care!
我相信他的梦想 I believe in his dreams.
她以为我是个冉冉升起的主厨 She thinks I'm a chef on the rise.
有辆拉风的奔驰 With a cold-ass Benz.
还有惹火的贵宾司机 我昨晚帅爆了 And a sexy limo driver. I looked good last night,
我的帽子都翘起来了 I had the hat cocked to the side.
同志们 我要是说实话她会逃走的 Guys, she's going to run when I tell her the truth.
不管怎样 千万别说实话 Whatever you do, you don't tell her the truth.
- 多谢 - 你拖延着再说 - Thank you. - You delay.
坑爹的 要是我就到预产期才告诉她 Hell, I wouldn't tell her until she was in her third trimester.
- 好吧 我可做不到 - Dom 我懂你 好吧 - Yeah, I can't do that. - Dom, I know you, okay?
你是老实人 但信我没错 And you're trying to grow a conscience here. Trust me on this one.
这世道谁还这么老实啊 哥们儿 Honesty is overrated, man.
嘿 老实是上帝的遗嘱 老掉牙了 Hey, that's in the Bible. Old Testament.
我只是不想我们的关系建立在谎言之上 I just don't want a relationship based on lies.
婚姻才是建立在谎言之上的 That's called marriage.
Dom 别骗我了 Dom, you don't fool me.
我知道你的意思 还不是为了做爱 I know what this is about. This is about sex.
你在闺房里没找到你想要的 You didn't do what you were supposed to do in the bedroom.
所以你才跑来这里怂 That's why you walk through here with your shoulders all slouched
连自尊都掉了一地 and your self-esteem all low.
是真的 就像你如果绝杀失败 It's true. When you don't smash right,
安全感就会消失的 the insecurities come out on you.
你知道他咋了么 他被忽悠了 You know what he did? He gave it a LD.
被女的给忽悠了 那才是事实真相 Lazy Doodle. That's exactly what he did.
没错 你应该全力拿下 就像法律强制一样 Right. You gotta put it down like the right enforcement.
我不想再这样了 不要 我不想再看见了 I can't do this no more. I'm done. I'm done with this.
哥们儿 穿件衣服好么 Like, dude, put a shirt on.
这里没别人 就我们俩好么 It's us! There's no one else here, just us!
那个 你说 她有个儿子 So, you're telling me she's got a son?
是啊 Duke 6岁了 很不错的小孩 活力四射的 Yeah! Duke. He's six years old. An amazing kid, full of energy.
那是很沉重的责任啊 孩子 That's an awful lot of responsibility, baby.
哦 她是个很有责任感的女人 妈 Well, she's a really responsible woman, Ma.
我不是在说她 我在说你 I'm not talking about her, I'm talking about you.
你真的觉得你有能力承担一个单身妈妈么 You really think you got what it takes to date a single mother?
呃 你不就是单身妈妈啊 是么 Well, I was raised by a single mother, wasn't I?
哦 我是独一无二的 孩子 Oh, but I'm one of a kind, baby.
相信我 妈 你会喜欢她的 Trust me, Ma. You are going to love her.
谢天谢地 Thank God!
终于有一个熟悉的地方 Somewhere familiar.
一个从未改变 始终如一的地方 Some place that hasn't changed, that still looks the same.
唷 J 你什么毛病啊 Yo, J, what's wrong with you?
我那隐居用的堡垒 My Fortress of Solitude
已经蜕变成一张床 一个浴缸 甚至更加坑爹 has morphed into a damn Bed, Bath and Beyond.
- 啥玩意儿啊 -我说 他说话要破解密码的 - What does that mean? - I'm telling you, he talks in code.
听着 Kristen 她重新装修了 Listen, Kristen, she redecorated.
重新装修 说啥呢你 Redecorated? Why didn't you say that?
不不不 不是重新装修 是扼杀一切了 No, no, no, she didn't redecorate. She obliterated.
一丝一毫我鲜明的个性 都不复存在了 Every trace of my identity, gone!
我的动漫海报 My anime posters,
太空堡垒卡拉狄加的镜头 Battlestar Galactica shot
你们超爱的各种眼镜 也不复存在了 glasses that you used to like, it's all gone.
我要喝 May I?
等等 她连问都没问 Wait a minute. She ain't even ask you?
就全都扔了 She just threw your stuff out?
- 喝你自己的酒去 - 太扯了吧 - That's some takeover shit right there. - That's crazy.
我觉得自己都快不是自己了 I was starting to feel like someone else.
一个炽热而现代 又透漏着复古气质的人 Someone warm and modern with a smattering of vintage.
嘴唇刺痛了没 得性病了吧 That's probably your lips tingling. It's a STD.
你刚才喝的是Zeke的酒 You just put your mouth on Zeke's drink.
- 她还把我的沙发扔了 - 谢天谢地 - And she threw away my couch! - Thank God!
向Kristen致敬 Hail Kristen!
那沙发有好多回忆呢 That couch has a lot of memories,
- 哥们儿 - 那以前就那味儿么 -guys. - Is that what that smell was?
是啊 我们都在那沙发上做过 Yeah, all of us got laid on that couch.
人家做了两次呢 Twice.
- 那沙发大学就跟着你了 是吧 -对啊 - You've had that couch since college, right? - Yes!
是白人学长留下来的 That's some white boy shit.
-不对 是Jeremy留下的 -不对 就是白人学长的 - No, that's some Jeremy shit. - No, that's some white boy shit.
我毕业之后 就把我沙发留在宿舍了 I graduated college, I got rid of my couch.
你哪儿毕业的 What college did you go to?
德瑞大学 春季毕业班 离校演讲 DeVry, Class of February. Valedictorian.
你站谁那边的 Whose side are you on?
地球上没有人会在大学时期让挫女坐在好沙发上的 Ain't no brother on the planet gonna let no fine-ass sista sit on no stinky-ass couch from college.
- 说的好 哥们儿 - 不管怎么样 - preach, boy! - It don't matter what happen,
你都要想个办法 把家具钱付了 you go and you find a way to get that furniture, figure how to pay for it later.
是啊 别这样 Yeah, don't do that, though.
别给黑人丢脸 千万别 That's called negro shit. Don't ever do that.
就是 别丢脸 That is negro shit!
你们还说我 你们不也是打肿脸充胖子 You guys do that a lot. You pay for something you can't afford.
Ced 你当初连婚都结不起 Ced, you couldn't even afford your wedding!
谁说我结不起 I'm making my payments.
听着 Kristen是个好女孩 Listen, Kristen is a great girl.
别为个破沙发而荒废了一段感情 好么 Don't mess up something good over a damn couch, all right?
总觉得有事发生了 Something's up.
比赛开始了 The game was on,
不是电视上的比赛 but not the one we were watching.
我们傻坐着看电视的时候 While we were sitting there on our asses watching the game,
男性的队伍开始慢慢被击垮 our team was getting destroyed.
对手正在规划战术 计划套路 The other team was drawing up plays, planning their strategies,
并制定下一步行动的时候 and plotting their next moves.
嘿 你啊 Hey, you.
还没睡呢 You still up?
以为你睡了呢 I thought you were sleeping.
- 这书让人欲罢不能啊 - 恩 - I couldn't put this down. - Yeah.
Jeremy根本不知道他给攻击了 Jeremy didn't even know he was under attack.
天哪 累死我了都 我去找了Sarah的弟弟 God, it was such a trip. I ran into Sarah's little brother.
他说他在Neversoft找了份工作 And he told me he got a job at Neversoft.
酷 Cool.
是啊 Yeah.
他们是不是也邀请你你去实习过 Weren't you offered an internship there once?
恩 但我为了一个真正的工作儿拒绝了 Yeah. Turned it down for a real job.
是啊 恩 你现在不还是初级员工么 Right, yeah, that junior level one that you're still in.
啥 What?
我哥们儿深陷战争但毫无察觉 My brothers didn't even know they were at war.
他们在蜜月期的幸福里迷失了 They were lost in the honeymoon phase.
忙着相爱管不了其他的 They were too busy enjoying the ride.
好啦 谁肚子饿啊 All right, who's hungry?
我饿了 诶 亲爱的 让让 I'm hungry, but, babe, babe!
天哪 美臀啊 Damn! Look at that ass!
不错啊 她挺性感的 That's nice. She's hot.
同志们 拜托 人家好歹是女生 Guys, come on, that's somebody's daughter.
等等 这就是那个单身妈妈 那个Candace Wait, that's the baby mama? That's Candace?
- 这就是我的Candace - 我认识她 - That is Candace. - I know the baby mama.
别想歪 她是Lauren的闺蜜 No, she's Lauren's best friend.
他们每个星期在Y球场打三次球 So, apparently they play basketball three times a week at the Y,
Dominic还说了 and Dominic says that
Michael是他见过的最成功的人了 Michael is the most successful guy he knows.
- 真的 - 你赚大了 - Really? - You scored!
还行吧 你知道么 I did well? You know what,
Michael说Dominic真是个很棒的主厨 Michael said Dominic is a really amazing chef.
我知道 我知道 我是个吃货 I know, I know! I love food.
- 哦 对了 小贱人 - 咋了 - Oh, no, bitch. - What?
我们可以一起4人约会啊 We can double date.
- 不妙啊 - 大事不妙啊 - Oh, that's not good. - That's not good at all.
- 先打球吧 -好的 打球吧 - Let's go play basketball, guys. - Yeah, let's do that.
干啥都别一起约会 Whatever you do, don't double date.
就是啊 我靠 Ced That's right. Damn, Ced.
开玩笑吧 Really?
我正换着衣服呢 I was in the middle of getting dressed.
J 输了都怪你 J, you're losing the game for us!
- 我 - 你可把我们害惨了 - Me? - Yo, you are killing us right now.
我说好了计划 你就找我的计划打球 I'm setting screens, you gotta be using the screens.
- 你上场27分钟就进一个球 - 进一个改变全局啊 J - You shot one for 27. - The shot I made was a game changer, J.
就这样了 下个星期 重新分队 That's it, I'm done. New teams next week.
我不要跟他一队 I'm not being on his team anymore.
我不是给你们选来选去的 I'm not the one that's not coming off the picks!
不好意思 你们打完了么 我们队想打全场 Excuse me, y'all done here? We want to play some full court.
- 打完了 - 你们打吧 - Oh, yeah. - Y'all take it.
没呢 没呢 没打完呢 No, no, no, we're not.
我们还要打一会儿 哥们儿 Got a lot more basketball to play over here, fellas,
看起来你选错了 so looks like you picked
半场来欺负老实人啊 the wrong court to try and come and take.
我们都打3场了 We just ran three games!
-是啊 Ced 我们走吧 -不 不走 - Yeah, Ced, we're good. - No, we're not.
就是不走 抱歉了 We are not good. Sorry.
唷 你们到底走不走 Yo, so y'all stepping off or what?
走 我们这就走 正在走 Yeah, we were stepping. I was stepping on...
走 你谁啊你 你个等换班的 Stepping off? Who are you, Shaft?
怎么不学着说说人话呢 How about you get some language from this year?
怎么不拉着你的四肢发达的王子 So why don't you, and the stronger version of Prince,
回到你的半场 go back down to that side
打你的破球 of the court and do what y'all was doing?
你要是想打全场 'Cause if y'all want the court,
就和我打一场比赛 做个真汉子吧 you'll play us for the court like real men.
你们要跟打一场么 So y'all want to play for it.
我说的很清楚了 You heard what I said.
我没口吃吧 二货 Am I stuttering, huh? Suckas.
- 他们能拿我们怎么样 汉子们 -Ced - They're not gonna punk us. We men! - Ced.
- 总有人来挑事以为自己跟什么似的 -你别开玩笑了 - People come in here, think they got us. - You are not serious.
谁跟你开玩笑 就这样了 I am serious. It is what it is.
屎定了 Oh, shit.
我以为就他俩 我没看见剩下的那些 I thought it was just two of them. I did not see the rest.
转过去跟人家赔礼道歉 Turn around and say you're sorry.
-太晚了 比赛吧 -道歉 - It's too late. We're in it. - Apologize.
不要 我才不要跟他们道歉 No, I'm not apologizing for shit.
Michael 还是我们雄起做汉子吧 Michael, this is when you be a man!
好吧 同志们 你们想比赛 All right, guys. If a game is what you want,
那就比赛吧 a game is what you gonna get.
来比赛啊 You wanna play?
Ced 还是算了吧 Ced, let him go!
- Cedric -你在干嘛 - Cedric! - What are you doing?
- 没事吧 -起来 快起来 - You okay? - Get up, get up.
丢死人了 So embarrassing.
- 我真的很用力的拿球了 -看得出来 - I really tried to take it. - It was obvious.
真的很用力了 我发誓 吃奶得劲儿都使了 I really did. I swear to God, I gave it everything I had.
我刚才扭伤了我的食道 I sprained my esophagus in the last game,
这一场我就不打了 so I'm gonna sit this one out.
食道在你胸腔里 Your esophagus is in your throat.
- 闭嘴 Bennett - Zeke 要6个人才行 - Shut up, Bennett. - Zeke, we need six.
Zeke 算了 只能5个人打了 Zeke! Forget Zeke, we'll just have to play with five.
听着 大家都是男人 大家都是一样系鞋带的 Listen, we are men. We tie our shoes up the same way they do.
恩 只不过人家的鞋比较大 Yeah, their shoes are bigger.
这不是重点 重点是我们是男人 It don't matter. Be a man!
我认真地 你 When I come out this, you
最好点一个守着 认真的 better say who you got and you better mean it.
开始吧 比赛开始了 Let's go. D up.
我守她 开始吧 各守各的 I got her. Let's go. Get yours. I got mine.
让我代表洛杉矶万豪酒店欢迎您 We welcome you all to the JW Marriott Los Angeles.
但是 梦幻的泡沫破碎了 But then, the bubble burst.
对于Dom来说 周二下午厄运就来了 For Dominic, the tables turned on Tuesday afternoon.
...贵公司史上最好的业绩 ...the best year in your company's history.
她不只是你见过的 She is not just the youngest
最年轻的COO 同样是最优秀的 COO you've ever had, but the very best.
女士们先生们 Lauren Harris Ladies and gentlemen, Lauren Harris.
多谢 Thank you.
靠 坑爹呢 Aw, shit.
- 妈妈 来吧 - 嘿 - Mom? There you go. - Hey!
妈 让我来引荐 这是Candace Mom, I would like you to meet Candace.
嗨 Hi!
对于Michael 厄运降临在周三的晚上 For Michael, the bomb dropped on Wednesday.
我对您早有耳闻 I've heard so much about you.
是么 我怎么没听说过你 Well, I've heard nothing about you!
我们昨晚还聊她来着 你怎... We just talked about her last night at dinner. What are you...
- 好吧 我不记得了 - 妈 你干嘛那... - Well, I don't remember. - Mom, why are you...
就是不记得了嘛 I don't remember.
很美啊你的家 很优雅 很棒 It's beautiful, your home. Just gorgeous. It's great.
哦 哇 看啊 看这个 Oh, wow, look! Look at this,
我儿子也有个一模一样的 I have this exact same frame for my son!
哦 想起来了 你是那个带孩子的 Oh, that's right, you're the one with the child.
让我来问问你 亲爱的 Now let me ask you, sweetie,
你孩子的爸爸对你跟我儿的事有何意见啊 what does your baby's daddy think about you dating my Michael?
他是坐牢呢吧 Or is he incarcerated?
你懂得 你们这些人怎么过日子 我不太清楚 You know, how you people run around, I don't know.
坐牢 不 你怎么会这么想... Incarcerated? No, why would you...
Candace 你想参观下我的房子么 Candace, would you like a tour of the house?
是啊 为什么不带Tandace参观参观呢 Yeah, why don't we give Tandace a tour of the house?
Candace 是Candace Candace. It is Candace.
Tan... Tandace Tan... Tandace?
是Candace C开头... It's... Candace, with a...
我保证 她真的很喜欢你的 I can tell she really likes you.
- 来啊 来参观啊 - 来吧 四处看看 - Come on, let's take a tour. - Now come on, let's take a look.
来啊 Just come on.
这些照片像不像在讲述一个故事 Doesn't it tell a story?
我想把所有和我儿一起经历的 I've tried to capture all
美妙时刻都记录下来 the special moments with me and my baby boy.
打赌你不记得我什么时候送你的手链 I bet you don't remember when I got you that bracelet, though.
在巴黎的时候 Outside of Paris, this
有个卖小珠宝的小商店 little shop with the cute little jewelry...
记得打开盒子时候的表情么 Remember that look on your face when you opened up that box?
是啊 我记得 我记得 Yeah, I know, I know.
我以为我们在米兰 I thought we were in Milan.
不对 我们刚从餐厅出来 No, we'd come from that restaurant...
哦 亲爱的 这就是我的房间 Oh, baby, you're in my room.
这就是各种神奇的所在 妞 It's where all the magic happens, girl.
- 哇 - 怎么样 - Wow. - What do you think?
就像个时光胶囊 It's like a time capsule.
哦 我保留着每一个物件 他要留宿的 Oh, I keep everything the same for him, for when he sleeps over.
你在这睡 You sleep over?
只是周日而已 亲爱的 没什么 Just on Sunday nights, baby. It's nothing.
周日的夜晚一直都保留给他母亲的 And Sunday nights have always been reserved for his mother.
而且永远都会是 And they always will be.
我做他最爱的菜 然后玩rummy I make his favorite food, and then we play rummy.
我妈玩rummy最棒了 Mom is the best rummy player right here.
A chiky-chiky rummy-rummy A chiky-chiky rummy-rummy
来嘛 Come on.
人家不要啦 不要当着Candace的面啦 I'm not gonna do it, not in front of Candace.
好吧 我给你洗衣服吧 Well, let me get your laundry.
洗衣服 Laundry?
我来帮你 妈 我要买几双新袜子 妈 Let me help you with that, Mom. I need some more socks, Mom.
你的袜子臭死了 They stink!
不过不要紧 我不介意 But you know, I don't mind the stinking.
多洗几遍就好 I just gotta scrub them a little more.
我爱洗澡 皮肤好好 噢噢噢噢 Scrubba-dub-dub. Baby Michael in the tub!
去屎吧 shit.
对于Zeke 厄运开始于周四 For Zeke, the cookie crumbled on Thursday.
呃 时间还早 你想干嘛 So, the night is young. What do you wanna do?
那个 这是我们第五次约会 对吧 Well, it is our fifth date, right?
是么 不记得 没有数 It is? I don't know, I lost count.
你不是吧 Did you really?
所以 进来喝杯睡前酒 So, nightcap?
好吧 Okay.
恩 Yeah.
家里有点小 但为了法式窗就凑活了 So it's kind of small, but I really got it for the French windows
这里离公司也近 and 'cause it's close to work.
很... So...
美 Stunning.
恩 也许我们要更舒服一点 Yeah, maybe we should get more comfortable.
好的 Yeah.
- 好的 - 好的 - Yeah. - Yeah.
我来放音乐吧 I'm gonna put on some music.
不然 还好没选 Or you know what? Better yet,
还是你来选吧 maybe you should go ahead and choose.
好啊 Cool.
黑胶的 That vinyl?
恩 我喜欢纯粹的 Yeah, I'm a bit of a purist.
- 我去去就来 -好的 - I'll be right back. - Okay.
别走 我是说 Don't leave. I mean...
不要离开 Don't leave.
- 我不走 - 好 很好 - I won't leave. - Okay. All right.
哇 也太纯粹了吧 Wow. You really are a purist.
这一张也TM有黑胶 How the hell did you get this on vinyl?
别搞笑了 No.
那个 你要咖啡么 So, how do you take your coffee?
看吧 Zeke这才发觉自己想太多了 See, Zeke found out the hard way that sometimes,
有时候睡前饮的意思就是 a nightcap means just that,
一杯咖啡而已 a nightcap.
要加3杯苹果白兰地 Three shots of Jack.
傻小子 You're so silly.
唷 Yo!
哦 Ced 这次又来借什么 Oh, Ced, what you run outta this time?
牛奶没了 I ain't had no milk.
嘿 我很严肃的问你 Hey, let me ask you a serious question.
我长得像Idris Elba么 You think I look like Idris Elba?
昨晚那个新开夜店的 'Cause the stripper down at the
脱衣舞娘说我像 new club Sweaty Crack told me that last night,
不过爷手里有钱 but I had a lot of ones in my hand,
才不确定她是不是真心的 so I don't know if she was trying to play me or not.
别回答 当我没说 Don't even answer. Don't worry about it.
她这么说 爷心里爽 'Cause it made me feel good when she said it.
好吧 看起来哥们儿被留宿了啊 怎么样 All right, looks like somebody got invited in. How'd it go?
我们喝了咖啡 We had coffee.
-然后 - 薄荷米兰饼干 -And? - Mint Milano Cookies.
然后 And?
聊天 然后 聊天 And we talked and we
从美好童年到诗词歌赋 talked about our childhoods and art and music,
还有 柏拉图的洞穴寓言 and Plato's Allegory of the Cave.
柏拉图的洞穴到底寓言了啥 What is Plato's Allegory of the Cave?
那寓言很深刻的其实 It's actually very profound.
深刻程度堪比Don Magic大主教 On par with Bishop Don Magic
还有Juan的著作和街头智慧 Juan book of pimp knowledge and street wisdom,
其实很值得品读的 which is a very good read.
5次约会就换来一杯咖啡 Five dates and all I get is a cup of coffee.
她有毛病啊 What is wrong with her?
她没毛病 有毛病的是你 Ain't nothing wrong with her. What's wrong with you?
我们的黑人舞男的魅力消失了呢 Looks like the old Negro Gigolo is losing his flow.
我们的关系里只有情没有性 I'm in a relationship without sex,
而我想要的是只有性没有情 when all I'm really trying to get is sex without a relationship.
所以 你什么时候再见她 So, when you gonna see her again?
周六晚上 黑鬼 管好你自己的事 Saturday night, nigga. Mind your business.
谢谢你全家 Nice job.
嘿 Zeke 你上楼的时候 看看马桶 Hey, Zeke, when you go upstairs, you gonna look in the toilet,
得有人管管它 我不太确定 it's gonna appear to be stopped up, I don't know for sure.
我忘了马桶塞在哪儿呃 I just didn't know where the plunger was,
看的时候别被吓尿了 so don't be caught off guard when you see it.
尿漫金山了 There's a lot.
- 我们整晚没睡 - 好的 - So we stayed up all night... - Okay.
谈天说地 ...and we talked about everything.
没被占便宜吧 Did you keep the cookie in the cookie jar?
-当然没有 -很好 - But of course. - Nice.
我不打算骗你 说这没什么 I'm not gonna lie, though, and say that it was easy.
不过 当他吻我的时候 感觉就像做爱一样 I don't know, when he kissed me, it was like sex.
所以 对了 多谢你关于内衣的建议 So, yeah, thank you for your advice on the undies.
你穿的哪一个 Which ones did you wear?
- 外婆式样的 - 那种的 - The granny ones. - The grandma drawers?
早说了恶心的内衣会奏效的 I told you the ugly panty trick would work.
- 听我说嘛 -它奏效了 - You wasn't trying to listen now. And it worked.
既然这不只是理论而已 Now that it's not just a theory,
你真相信你能坚持90天 do you really think you can last 90 days?
Monique Monique!
我叫Mya It's Mya!
记得打给我哦 Call me!
我叫Mya 混蛋 It's Mya, asshole!
呃 呃 我相信我还能再坚持74天 Yeah. Yeah, I think I can definitely do 74 more days.
好的 Monique Okay, Monique.
- 我要取消约会 - 为何 - I'm canceling the date. - Why?
他是个兼职服务生 He's a part-time waiter.
容我提醒你 大人物小姐 我们以前在橄榄园(连锁意大利餐厅) May I remind you, Miss Thing, that we were both waitresses
也做了两年的服务生呢 for two years at Olive Garden?
Candace 那是大学了 Candace, we were in college.
我说的是一个成熟的男人 I'm talking about a grown-ass man,
他向我承认追我用的奔驰 who admitted that he was
是他代客停车的 valet-parking the Benz he chased me down in.
很浪漫啊 It's kind of romantic.
很可悲啊 It's kind of pathetic.
我以为你不介意他的工资多少呢 I thought you didn't care about how much he made.
我以为你相信他的梦想呢 I thought you believed in his dreams.
- 他这不叫梦想叫异想天开 - 好吧 你说了算 - But not his pipe dreams. Come on! - Okay, fine.
头一遭有个男人事事以你为先 Dump the first guy who puts you before anything else
而你要甩了他就因为他年薪不到六位数 because he doesn't make six figures.
拜托 他连四位数都到不了 Please, he doesn't even make four.
我不能把时间浪费在 And I can't invest that kind of time in something
没法产生切实回报的东西上 that I know won't yield tangible dividends.
你听听你自己说的话 Would you listen to yourself?
Dominic是人 Lauren 不是证券投资组合 Dominic is a person, Lauren, not a stock portfolio.
正如Steve Harvey说的 世上没有完美的男人 Like Steve Harvey says, there's no such thing as the perfect man.
你得学会妥协 你又会有什么损失呢 You have to compromise on something. What do you have to lose?
我的青春 My youth.
等等 她就这么把你甩了 So, wait. She just canceled on you?
她是那么打算的 可被她老板打断了 She was about to. Then she got interrupted by her boss.
- 真糟糕 - 你猜怎么着 - It's messed up. - You know what?
谁需要她那些装模作样的 Who needs her whole fancy
演讲和她的董事会 presentation and her board of directors?
我脚踏实地挣钱 依法交税 大多时候如此 I make an honest living and I pay my taxes. Most of the time.
让我告诉你 Dom 我同意你说的 Let me tell you something, Dom. I agree with you.
我也是个美国佬 我理解你的处境 兄弟 I'm an American, too and I agree with your plight, brother.
我也同意 I second that.
没错 我们挺你 Yeah, we got your back.
- 你好啊 Mike - 嗨 - What's good with you, Mike? - What up?
那么 Candace和你妈妈相处得怎样 So, how did it go between Candace and your mom?
她们 It was...
我要和Michael慢点来 I'm slowing things down with Michael.
- 为什么 - 他已经有一个女人了 - Why? - He already has a woman in his life.
哦 这狗娘养的 是谁 Oh, that son of a bitch. Who is it?
- 他妈 - 什么 恶心 - His mama. - What?
我妈妈觉得她挺好 My mom thinks she's nice.
是啊才怪 你妈妈哪个女人都看不上 Yeah, right. No woman has ever been good enough for your mom.
你觉得她第一个满意的会是个单亲妈妈 You think the first one she gonna root for is the baby mama?
- 自求多福吧 - 听听这个 - Good luck with that. - Listen to this.
我们能换一天去海滩吗 "Could we reschedule beach day?
我答应要带我妈妈去唱诗班练习 I promised to take my mom to choir practice."
我不能再这样对自己 我更不愿这样对Duke I can't do that to myself again, and I won't do that to Duke.
我们都值得一个一心顾家的男人 We both deserve a man who's all in.
那就订下你的标准啊 Well, then set your standards.
哦 我的天 我真不敢相信 Oh, my God, I can't believe
我竟然在引用那本小破书上的话 I'm quoting anything from that silly little book.
你得告诉Michael你 You tell Michael that you
不想夹在他和他妈妈之间 don't want to come in between him and his mother
如果他还想继续和你约会 and that if he wants to continue dating you,
他就必须把你放在首位 then you must be a priority in his life.
她都和他在一起一辈子了 我竞争不过的 She's had him his whole life. I can't compete with that.
那就把你三年来遇到的第一个男人甩了 Well, then dump the first man you've met in three years
别提他还真正关心你和Duke that genuinely cares about you and Duke.
等等 世上没有完美的男人 对吧 Wait a minute, there's no such thing as a perfect man, right?
你又会有什么损失呢 What do you have to lose?
这不是你整晚都在教导我的吗 Isn't that what you've been preaching to me all night?
好吧 Okay.
你干我就干 I will if you will.
这简直就是黑暗一小时 It was the darkest hour.
男人们四面楚歌 The guys were under a full-scale attack.
但他们绝地反击的日子终于到了 But everything changed on D-Day. (D-Day:第二次世界大战的转折点 此指反击之日)
好吧 告诉我 Okay, tell me something.
正式解脱的感觉怎么样 How does it feel to officially be a free man?
棒极了 好吧 听着 Great. Okay, listen,
- 我可以做任何事 - 很好 - I can do whatever I want... - Okay.
- 在任何时间 和任何人 - 非常好 - ...whenever I want, with whoever I want. - Okay.
我再也不用服从她的宝政 I'm free from all the "Tie-ranny"...
- 是暴政 - 你能闭嘴么 Bennett - It's "Tyranny". - Will you shut up, Bennett?
让他说完 Let him finish what he's saying!
我只是想让你使用正确的语法 - I just want you to have proper grammar.
好吧 我再也不用理会那些苛求和压制 All right! I'm free from all the tyranny and oppression.
和女人的唠叨了 你明白吗 And nagging from all women for good. You hear me?
事实上 我今晚唯一会理的女人 Matter of fact, only woman I want to talk to tonight
就是翘臀工厂里跳舞的裸女 is dancing butt-naked down at the Ass Factory.
那家蒙汗掌柜怎么了 What happened to the Sweaty Crack?
- 被查封了 卫生不合格 - 我听说了 - They got shut down. Health-code violations. - Heard about that.
不过 我更喜欢翘臀工厂 But here's the thing, I like the Ass Factory better,
因为那儿的女孩很淫荡 'cause the girls down there are nasty.
但淫得对我胃口 But they're my kind of nasty.
Ced Ced Ced! Ced.
别批判我 我正离着婚呢 哥们儿 Don't judge me! I'm going through a divorce, homie.
嘿 哟 Lauren敲定了我们明天的约会 Hey, yo, Lauren confirmed our date tomorrow.
我还以为你和Lauren完了呢 I thought you and that Lauren was done.
为什么你们老是要搀和我们的事 Why you all in the man's business?
我还以为我男人说他和Lauren完了 I thought my man said he was done with Lauren.
你这家伙完了 You are whipped!
- 他比Mike还糟 - 什么叫比Mike还糟啊 - He's worse than Mike. - Chill with that "Worse than Mike."
- 你想听个好故事吗 - 不 - You wanna hear a good story? - No.
Ced 跟他们说说你为了Gail保留的那个销魂晚 Ced, tell them about the night you saved it with Gail.
我会用这该死的瓶子 I'll take this goddamn bottle
砸烂你的脸 要是你再提起Gail的话 and knock your face off, you bring Gail up again.
我不想谈到Gail I don't wanna talk about Gail!
我只想谈前突和后翘 All I want to talk about is titties and ass!
是Candace 我该接电话吗 Yo, it's Candace. Should I take it?
不 老兄 给我手机 重友轻色 No, man! Here, give me the phone. Bros before hos.
你好 Candace 嘿 什么事 美女 Hello. Candace. Hey, what's up, girl?
- Michael - 我正想着你呢 - Michael. - I was just thinking 'bout you.
不 嗨 我还以为我会接通你的语音信箱 No, hi, I thought I'd get your voicemail.
不 你接通的是我 宝贝 No, you got me, baby.
听着 Michael Listen, Michael.
我们得谈谈 We need to talk.
女士们 没什么话 Ladies, few words are more
能比上这可怕的五个字 我们得谈谈 menacing than the dreaded four, "We need to talk".
这可能意味着两件事 我们犯错了 Now, that means one of two things, that we did something wrong
或是你真的想谈谈 or, you, literally, want to talk.
- 她想谈谈 - 这是个新招 - She wants to talk. - That's a new one.
这可不怎么样 老兄 That's bad, dude.
好极了 我祝她把你的脑袋谈下来 Good! I hope she talk your damn head off.
女人想谈话会是什么好兆头吗 Is it ever a good sign when a woman wants to talk?
不 在我家不是了 No. Not in my house anymore.
Kris原来很有型的 Kris used to be fun and chill,
可现在她一天到晚咄咄逼人 and now she's just in my face all the time,
唠唠叨叨着些 你的短期目标是什么 nagging, harping, like, "What are your short-term goals?
你的长期目标是什么 "What are your long-term goals?
Jeremy 你怎么看待感情关系 Jeremy, what's your view on relationships?"
我正玩儿着使命召唤呢 Like, I'm in the middle of a game of Call of Duty...
等等等等 再说一遍 你一开始说什么来着 Whoa, whoa, whoa, run that back. What did you just say?
怎么了 长期目标 短期 拜托 别让 What, the long-term goals, short... Please, don't make
- 我重复 - 没错 这太疯狂了 你猜怎么着 - me repeat... - Yes, that's crazy. You know what?
我们第一次约会时Candace也问了我一模一样的问题 Candace asked me those exact same questions on our first date.
Mya也问了我这个 Mya asked me the same thing.
Lauren也是 So did Lauren.
你知道吗 你知道谁问了我那个问题吗 You know what? You know who asked me that question?
他妈的没人 因为脱衣舞女啥也不问 Not a goddamn soul! 'Cause strippers don't ask me shit!
听听她那天跟我说什么了 Listen to what she said to me the other day.
她说 我不是你的竞技鱼 She said, "I'm not your sports fish."
什么叫竞技鱼 What is a sports fish?
一个奖杯一样的女孩 你拿她跟你的朋友们炫耀 A trophy girl. You show her off to your buddies.
你他妈说什么呢 Bennett What the hell are you talking about, Bennett?
看奥普拉看来的 I was watching Oprah.
- 你为啥会看奥普拉 - 我挺喜欢奥普拉的 - Why are you watching Oprah? - I like Oprah.
伙计 我真想跟你说 拒绝基佬 Man, you gotta say "No homo"
你非得在我的离婚派对上说这种屁话吗 When you say shit like that at a divorce party.
Steve Harvey上了她的节目 She had Steve Harvey on the show.
他写了本书 是给女人写的 关于男人 He wrote some book. It's for women, but it's about men.
- Family Feud节目的那个Steve Harvey? - 我听说过这事 - Family Feud Steve Harvey? - I heard something about that.
他就这么把我们给卖了? He threw us under the bus like that?
这太没素质了 我肯定不会这么干 That's uncouth. I wouldn't do that.
我一直挺喜欢Steve Harvey的 可 I thought Steve Harvey was kind of my nigga, but...
- 我也是 - 啥? - Me, too. - What?
- 你也啥? - 我什么也没说 - You, too, what? - I didn't say anything.
快告诉我他书里到底都写了什么? Just tell me exactly what he says in the book.
一堆狗屁 A whole bunch of shit.
很好 这就是为什么我们要毁了我的派对 All right, this is why we're ruining my party.
就因为那个信息 'Cause of that information.
我在网上找到了 来吧 有人回复了 I got it online, here we go. I got a review...
我得找到那本书 I got to get my hands on that book.
不 现在不行 No, you're not gonna do it now.
- 你说了要重友轻色 - 等一下 - You said bros before hos. - One second.
没错! 猜猜怎么着? 你朋友我正需要色! Exactly! Guess what? Your bro need a ho!
让我告诉你吧 我身上全是一美元的票子 Let me tell you something, I got a pocket full of ones
但没有内裤 and I ain't got no goddamn drawers on.
我今晚可没穿什么内裤 I didn't wear no drawers tonight.
你们本来都该做我的左膀右翼 就是现在 和我飞吧! Now y'all supposed to be my wing men. Right now, fly with me!
庆祝啊 老兄! 快把你们的 和我飞啊 伙计们! 该死的! Celebrate, men! Get your... Fly with me, men! Goddamn it!
这可不好 This ain't good.
是的 你好 我们正在找一本书 名字叫 Yes, hello, we're looking for a book called...
像女人一样办事 像男人一样思考 Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man.
像女人一样办事 像男人一样思考 所有地方吗? 谢谢 Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man. Everywhere? Thanks.
那边说书一周前就卖光了 Said they've been sold out for, like, a week.
- 好极了 - 不可能到处都卖光了 - Good. - Can't be sold out everywhere.
- 淘宝上都没有 - 这就是奥普拉的力量 - They don't even have it on eBay. - It's the power of Oprah.
我想我找到了 好的 圣巴勃罗在哪儿? I think I got something. Okay, cool. Where's San Pablo?
俄列冈州边境 Border of Oregon.
这也不成 That's not gonna work.
- 看上去我们已经尽力了 - 你好 现在吗? - Looks like we tried. - Hello. Right now?
明天又是崭新的一天 我们可以到时再解决 Tomorrow is another day. We can tackle it then.
我们走 伙计们 脱衣舞时间! - Let's go, men. Strip club time!
你们能送我去我妈妈家吗? - Y'all take me to my mama house?
司机 我们能不能去我家? Driver, can we go to my house?
我还以为你跟你妈妈的约定取消了 I thought you said you was gonna cancel that with your mama.
你有试过跟我妈取消约定吗 Ced Have you ever tried canceling on my mom, Ced?
既然其他人不说我就说了 Michael I'm gonna say this since don't nobody else wanna say it, Michael.
你试过异性恋吗? You ever try heterosexuality?
妈! Mom!
做了你最爱吃的 Got your favorite.
- 闻着也不错 - 看看这个 哈 - Smelling good, too. - Look at that, huh?
让我尝口鸡肉 让我尝口鸡肉! Let me get some chicken. Let me get some chicken!
停下 还有洋葱 你知道的 Stop. And the onions, you know
我喜欢煎洋葱 还有玉米面包 I love the sauted onions, and the cornbread.
我知道 我会给你盛一盘 但你得先把这儿清理干净 I know. I'm gonna get you a plate, but clear all this off, first.
好吧 好吧 别忘了甘薯派 All right, all right. And make sure that sweet potato pie...
我不会忘的 小崽子 你把流理台清理干净就好 I will, little boy, you just clear the counter.
妈妈 这是什么? Mom, what is this?
是一本书 作者是 That's that book by that
演那个Family Feud的大头男孩 big-head boy that's on that Family Feud thing.
像什么玩意儿一样办事 像另一种玩意儿一样思考 Act Like something, Think Like something else.
是我读书俱乐部的新书 It's the new read for my book club.
每场战争都有它的转折点 Every war has its turning point.
南北战争的转折点是葛底斯堡战役 In the Civil War, it was the Battle of Gettysburg.
第二次世界大战的转折点是诺曼底登陆 World War Il, it was the Invasion of Normandy.
而这场战争决定性的转折点 The definitive turning point
是在Loretta家的那一晚 in this war was that night at Loretta's house.
那感觉就像找到了耶稣的圣杯 It was like finding the Holy Grail.
Jeremy 让他们把巴士调头 Jeremy. Tell them to turn the bus around.
命运的天平终于倾向了我们这边 The power had just shifted in our favor.
但那时我们还不知道这一点 But we didn't know that yet.
男人为何如此行事 看看这个 伙计 "Why Men Do What They Do." Look at this, guys.
Steve Harvey是个叛徒 Steve Harvey is a traitor.
看啊 恋母情结 第7章 这不是你么 Look, "Mama's Boys." Chapter 7. That's you.
我才不恋母 I'm not a Mama's Boy.
Jer 你不觉得我恋母吧 Jer, you don't think I'm a Mama's Boy, do you?
- 不觉得啊 - 听听这个 - Nah. - Listen to this.
男人尊重有标准的女人 所以订些标准吧 "Men respect standards, get some."
我更希望我的女人没有标准 I prefer my women not to have standards.
事实上 如果我可以选 In fact, if I've got to choose,
我会选完全没有标准的女人 I'm gonna choose the woman who has no standards.
等等 除非男人达到了他的目标 或是找到了达到目标的路 Hold up. "Until a man achieves his goals, or is on the road to,
否则你永远也不可能成为他生活中的第一位 "You will never be number one in his life."
这一点儿也不准 See, that's not even true.
我什么目标也没达到 可还是会把我的女人放在首位 I've achieved absolutely nothing and I still put my women first.
- 这真恶心 - 这是洗脑 我告诉你 - This is sick. - It's brainwashing, I'm telling you.
她试图把我推向 She's trying to push me towards
我的梦想 帮我实现目标 my dreams and help me accomplish my goals.
她为什么要这么做? Why would she do this?
操 至少你还能没事来一发 Shit, at least you're getting some.
九十天 这可不是试用期 这是判死刑 Ninety days, that's not a probation, that's a death sentence.
当然了 我很想尝尝你的甘薯 Hell, yeah, I want to taste your yams.
嘿 Mike 你妈妈多大了? Hey, Mike, how old is your mom?
什么? What?
不 你想歪了 好吧 你没想歪 她多大了? No, not like that. No, it is. It is like that. How old is she?
我进屋时 她问 I come in the house, she's like,
你想吃点什么吗? 我说 吃什么? "You want to eat?" I said, "Eat what?"
嘿 首先 把我的 Yo, first of all, put my
盘子放下 还有别再勾引我妈了 兄弟 plate down and stop hitting on my mom, man.
别生气嘛! 我一点儿也不想来这儿 Don't get mad at me! I don't even wanna be here.
是你们要来的 Y'all the ones that wanna be here,
我想去脱衣舞俱乐部! I want to go to the strip club!
哥们儿 快点搞定 我还有一堆一美元呢 Man, wrap this up. I got a bunch of ones,
得把它们用出去 and somebody gonna get them.
Loretta太太! 我准备好继续参观了 Ms. Loretta! I'm ready for the rest of the tour.
你们这些家伙要完蛋了 而且说实话 You guys are so screwed. And honestly,
你们也只能坐以待毙 there's nothing you can do about it.
也许不用呢 Maybe we can.
她们拿到了我们的战略计划 知道我们所有的行动 They got our playbook, man. They know all of our maneuvers.
没错 可是她们不知道 Yeah, but they don't know
我们知道她们知道我们的行动 that we know that they know our maneuvers.
你知道我为什么不跟Jeremy单独出去了吧? You see why I don't hang out with Jeremy by himself?
我从来搞不明白他在说什么 I don't ever know what he's talking about.
兄弟们 这就像爱国者队的BB Guys! It's like the Patriots,
把Jets队的战术给偷走了一样 when Bill Belichick stole the Jets' plays.
- 是啊 然后他们被整得够呛 - 没错 可他们最后赢了 - Right, and they got busted. - Yeah, but they won the game.
最后他们去了哪儿? 超级碗 And where'd they end up? The Super Bowl.
我真希望知道你在说什么 I wish I knew what you was talking about.
我们用Steve Harvey的话反过来对付她们 We use Steve Harvey's words against them.
我们假装给她们想要的 以此得到我们想要的 We pretend to give them what they want so we get what we want.
我们跟她们扯谎 We lie to them.
没错 这是战争 先生们 战争没有规则 Exactly. This is war, gentlemen. There are no rules.
可汗大帝曾经说过 不是成吉思汗 Like the great Khan once said, not Genghis,
我是说星际迷航二里的那个拉丁人 I'm talking about the Latin guy from Star Trek Il.
君子报仇十年不晚 "Revenge is a dish best served cold."
Michael 我得跟你说件事 Michael, I need to get something off my chest.
你知道吗 你说之前 You know what? Before you get something off your chest,
我也得跟你说件事 I gotta get something off my chest.
你知道我有的时候有点恋母? You know I can be a bit of a Mama's Boy?
我猜这是在我爸爸去世后开始的 I think it really all started when my dad died.
那对我们来说是段艰难的日子 你知道吗? It was a rough time for us, you know?
而我妈妈就开始依赖 And my mom just started relying
我做很多事 太多事了 on me for so many things. Too many things.
你知道 我年纪小小就要做一家之主 You know, I had to be the man of the house at a really young age
我猜这就是我们如此亲密的原因 and I guess maybe that's why we're so close.
Michael Michael.
我猜 我猜我想要说的是 And I guess, I guess what I'm trying to say is this.
我想要你成为我生命中第一位的女人 I want you to be the number one woman in my life.
这就好像参加考试 而你已经知道答案 It was like taking a test you already had the answers to.
我会把你放在首位 Candace 好吗? You're my priority, Candace. All right?
好 Yeah.
很好 你刚刚说你想说些什么 All right. Now, you said you wanted to talk about something.
我说了吗? Did I?
女人们没有任何胜算 她们已成瓮中之鳖 The women had no chance. They were like putty in our hands.
我刚刚更新了我的简历 投到了Neversoft公司 So, I just updated my resume, and sent it off to Neversoft.
真的? Really?
你是认真的吗? You're serious?
我看中了广告周刊上的一个招聘职位 然后我想 I was intrigued by a job posting I saw in Adweek and I thought,
为什么不试试呢 Jermy? 你已经没有什么好失去的了 "Why not go for it, Jeremy? You have nothing else to lose."
宝贝 这太棒了 真的很棒 我真为你自豪 Baby, that's awesome, that's wonderful. I'm so proud of you.
- 哦我的天 - 别兴奋过头 好吗? - Oh, my God. - Don't get too excited, okay?
八字还没一撇呢 可能都不会叫我去参加面试 It's just a feeler. Probably won't even call me in.
不 你低估自己了 No, you're selling yourself short.
Jeremy 你在帕金斯设计学院时 Jeremy, you were the best in
是你们班最好的学生 你是个很棒的设计师 your class at Parsons, you're a brilliant designer.
不 你是个很棒的艺术家 能有你是他们的荣幸 No. You're a brilliant artist. They'd be lucky to have you.
也是我的荣幸 I'm lucky to have you.
真的吗? You are?
你知道我刚刚在想什么吗? You know what I was just thinking?
什么? What?
还没有人在这张沙发上做过呢 Nobody's had sex on this couch yet.
什么? What?
- 不 这沙发还是个处子 - 真的? - No, it's a virgin couch. - Really?
你觉得我们该怎么办? What do you think we should do about that?
我脑海里已经有十种解决办法了 There's about 10 things I think we can do about that.
才十种? Only 10?
试过三种之后你就该哭了 You'll be crying out like a bitch after three.
现在我开始害怕了 Now I'm scared.
我爱这张沙发 I love this couch.
在仔细研究之后 Dominic意识到只有一种男人 After careful study, Dominic realized there was only one man
能令女强人刮目相看 who could impress the Alpha Female.
潜力股 Zeke "The Guy With Potential." Zeke.
- 什么? - 我得向她证明我是一个有计划的男人 - What? - I have to show her I'm a man with a plan.
- 那就瞎编呗 兄弟 - 不 - Well, just make some shit up, dude. - No.
- 还记得我开餐馆的那个主意吗? - 记得 - Remember that restaurant idea I had? - Yeah.
我需要你帮我整个商业计划出来 I need you to help me with a business plan.
给她下厨啊 傻子 Cook for her. Dummy.
我已经下过了 早饭 I already did. Breakfast.
我说的可不是早饭 老兄 高级一点儿的 Dom I ain't talking about no breakfast, boy! Something fancy, Dom.
像那些名字上带一撇儿的菜 Like, like one of them dishes with an apostrophe in it.
那是你的睡袍吗? Is that your robe?
是啊 Yeah.
你怎么又在啊? Man, you here again?
是啊! 翘臀工厂十点才开门 Yes! Ass Factory don't open up 'til 10:00,
所以我有得是时间 so I got time to waste.
- 贱人 搬进来算了 - 你说什么? - Bitch, move in already. - What'd you say?
我很抱歉如果我想 I'm sorry if I want to be
在离婚期间和我的朋友多待一会儿 around my friends when I'm going through a divorce.
我这是想什么呢? What was I thinking?
真仗义啊 兄弟 You're something else, boy.
你看 Gail曾经很喜欢 Look, Gail used to love it
我给她下厨 这让她性致盎然 when I would cook for her. It turned her on.
你可以在厨房里做很多事 You can do all types of things in the kitchen.
我们会用食物做道具 We had a little food thing that we would do.
我会去拿些抹过巧克力酱的草莓 I would go and get some chocolate-covered strawberries, right?
然后我会穿着丁字裤下楼 Then I would come downstairs, I have a G-string on.
你懂的 她过去可喜欢了 You know what I'm talking about. She used to love it.
游戏的名字叫 不倒翁小草莓 So, the game was "Balance the Berry."
我会把它放在... I would put it on the...
但那种方式... But the way it's...
草莓在那儿待不了多久 The berry ain't gonna stay there for long.
草莓会倒下来 所以... The berry wouldn't stay on, so...
我想说的是 Dom The point that I'm making is this, Dom.
你把食物当艺术 好好利用你的知识 Food is your art. Stick with what you know.
牛奶不错 Zeke It's good milk, Zeke.
他说的没错 He's right.
开战吧 It's on.
- 结束了 - 等等 发生什么了? - It's over. - Wait, what happened?
Dominic的车坏了 Dominic's car broke down.
我还得去接他? I have to go pick him up?
所以呢? 冷静下来 你知道有多少次 So? Calm down. Do you know how many times
你的捷豹坏掉的时候我得去接你吗 I had to pick you up when your Jag broke down?
省省吧 Candace Save it, Candace.
那男人就是个废柴 The man is a loser.
而我就是那个第一晚就跟他睡了的蠢蛋 And I'm the fool who slept with him. On the first night.
不过那是一段他得 Which is a memory he will
永远珍惜的美好回忆 have to cherish for the rest of his life
因为这再也不会发生了 再也不会 because it is never happening again. Never.
嘿 美人儿 Hey, beautiful.
Dominic Dominic.
你看上去很美 You look beautiful.
是啊 你已经说过一遍了 Yeah, you've mentioned that.
- 你要来杯红酒吗? - 事实上 我来这儿是想... - Would you like a glass of wine? - Actually, I came over here...
是2006年的蒙特雷纳 It's a Chateau Montelena, 2006.
76年得过巴黎品酒会的头等奖 That won first place in the Judgment of Paris back in '76.
事实上 赢的是73年的霞多丽 Actually, it was a '73 Chardonnay that won,
但我听说这支更好 but I've heard this one is better.
这是个礼物 It was a gift.
但我想把它留到特别的时刻再喝 But I wanted to save it for a special occasion.
好吧 谢谢 Well, thank you.
那么 So,
敬今晚 to tonight.
嗯 Yeah.
哦 我的天 Oh, my God.
这真不错 This is good.
是啊 还有别的呢 Yeah, there's more.
这些全都是你为了我做的? You did all this for me?
晚上好 女士 Good evening, madam.
野生 Wild...
- 该死 - 伙计... - Goddamn. - Man...
抱歉 我很抱歉 I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.
野生蘑菇树皮派? Wild Mushroom en "Crot"?
酥皮派 Crote.
酥皮派? Crote?
谢谢 Thank you.
- 用餐愉快 - 谢谢 - Enjoy your dinner. - Thanks.
我真的很想用开胃菜 I really wanted to change
改善我们的关系 your association of me with hors d'oeuvres.
那么 你觉得怎么样? So, what do you think?
棒极了 Amazing.
你也是 So are you.
谢谢 Thank you.
看看星星 And look at the stars.
许个愿吧 Make a wish.
好啊 Okay.
你自己怎么不许一个 Aren't you gonna make one?
没这必要 No need.
而就在同一晚 And on that same night,
Zeke则踏上了截然不同的一段征程 Zeke was on an entirely different kind of mission.
兄弟你别提醒我自己说了什么 我清楚自己说了什么 Dude, don't tell me what I said. I know what I said.
-然后我现在告诉你 我受够她了 -什么 - But I'm telling you, I'm done with her. - What?
我才不要和什么90天的规矩抗衡呢 I'm not competing with this 90-Day Rule.
可你现在是有装备的啦 You have the ammo.
宝贝 我要上楼了 Babe, I'm going upstairs.
好吧 听着 All right, listen.
你就用"男人是如何示爱"那办法反将一军 然后就能吃到甜心 Use "How men show their love" Against her to get the cookie.
你跟她表白 称呼她是自己的女朋友 You profess. Call her your girlfriend.
兄弟停停停 我都遭了什么罪你完全不知道吧 Bro, stop it. Do you have any idea what I've been through?
我已经受够了一定要主动买单啊要为她开门啊 I'm sick of picking up checks and opening doors,
然后还一直聊我们的感情还有童年 and talking about our feelings and our childhoods.
这简直就像是回到五十年代了好嘛 哥只想约炮啊 It's like the 1950s, man! I just want to hit.
要是她真以为我准备 And if she thinks I'm gonna
再等上个71天才吃她的甜心饼干 wait 71 more days just to get the cookie,
-那她就自己一个人慢慢等吧 -你还真的在算天数 - she gonna be waiting by herself. - You kept count?
我没在数 就是你总得知道这多久的时间吧 I'm not counting, but you're gonna know the amount of day...
你真喜欢上她了 You really like her.
才不是 兄弟你信我这回 我受够她了好嘛 No, bro, trust me on this. I am done, okay?
我今晚就和她了断 I'm ending it tonight.
好啊 祝约会愉快 Yeah, have fun on your date.
我一定会甩了那个90天规则的傻妞的 I bet you I dump her 90-day ass.
晚上好 Hey.
听着 Listen.
Mya 今天晚上 Mya, about tonight...
好吧 我有个惊喜要给你 Okay, I have a surprise.
真的 You do?
是啊 我搞到了John Legend在诺基亚剧院的演唱会票 Yeah, I got us tickets to see John Legend at Nokia Theatre.
那 那很好啊 Okay, that's cool.
是啊 Yeah.
-好吧 -那我们就出发吧 - Okay. - Okay. So, let's go.
那个 我喜欢你不要生我的气 So, I hope you don't get mad at me,
因为我叔叔是个音乐制作人然后我就把你的唱片给他听了 but my uncle is a music producer and I passed him your CD.
是你拿走了我的唱片 You took my CD?
是啊 上面还粘着三块口香糖呢 Yes. And the three pieces of gum that were stuck to it.
你知道么 我之前就在找那些口香糖 Okay, you know what? I was looking for that gum.
你清楚我已经不想在涉足音乐界了啊 You know I'm done with the music industry,
我很喜欢现在的工作 right? I love what I do.
好啦 Zeke 反正他又不是要和你签约什么的 Okay, Zeke, he's not trying to sign you, though.
他只是想要给自己的新专辑找几首新歌 He wants some new songs for some albums that he's working on.
是嘛 可我的专辑是一张都没卖出去 Yeah, well, my album went Plat-none, okay?
唯一听过的两个人还都是我家里人 I mean, two people heard it and both of them were relatives.
可我就是很喜欢嘛 所以他就决定要听听看了 Okay, but I was raving about it, and he decided to check it out.
你当初要是我的经纪人该多好 You should've been my manager.
Zeke Zeke!
超级咖Zeke 最近好吗 宝贝 Super Freak Zeke! What up, baby?
-天呐 你好啊 Xavier -还好吗 兄弟 - Man, hey, what's up... Xavier! - What up, baby.
老天呐 宝贝儿 这就是Zeke Oh, my goodness. Baby, this is Zeke.
就是他教了我所有的招式 This is the guy that taught me the move.
油煎饼那招 就是他教我的 The Chimichanga! He was the one who taught me.
这是我家那位 Crystal Hey, this is my lady, Crystal.
嗨 你好啊 Crystal 很高兴认识你 Hey, what's going on, Crystal? How you doing?
对不起 Xavier 这位是 Oh, my bad. Xavier, this is...
女士们 如果一个男人将你简单的介绍为他的朋友 Now ladies, if a man simply introduces you as his friend,
那就务必请理解这点 你也就只是他的朋友 then please understand, you are nothing more than his friend.
要知道 如果一个男人把你规划到自己的未来里去 See, if a man has a plan for you in his future,
那他一定会和你告白的 then he's gonna profess it.
他会冠上某种名分 He's gonna attach a title to it.
你是他的女人 他的太太 他的未婚妻 或者 You're gonna be his woman, his lady, his fiancée, or...
我女朋友 Mya My girlfriend, Mya.
Zeke发现一次恰到好处的告白 Zeke realized the man could get a hell of a lot further,
远比六次精心准备的约会 with one well-placed
更能够让他尝到甜头 profession than with six carefully planned dates.
啊 天呐 Oh, my God.
我觉得我们今晚就此打住吧 I think we should stop.
明天我要早起 I have to get up early.
所以 我走了 So, I better go.
好的 Okay.
晚安 Good night!
我可以陪你走到 Well, I could walk you to...
不用了 我自己能行 我很好 晚安啦 No, I got this. I'm good, good night!
兄弟们是输了几场小战役 The guys may have lost some battles,
可他们即将赢得最终的胜利 but they were winning the war.
告诉你吧Gina 那真的管用了 I'm telling you, Gina. It worked.
他终于走出去开始找像样的工作了 He's finally stepping up and looking for a better job.
这个节目主持人还真不是瞎说的嘛 Family Feud knows what he's talking about?
要改变游戏规则 Changing the game.
这对你的90天规则有什么影响嘛 How does this affect the 90-Day Rule? (手机屏幕上是Zeke的FB状态 表示正在恋爱中)
正是90规则才让我发展到现在这步的 The 90-Day Rule is what got me to this point.
只是说 我并不反对要有所回馈 It's just, I was saying that I'm not opposed to amending it,
作为对他良好表现的嘉奖 you know, for good behavior.
像是他更改了自己的社交状态这种良好表现 Like changing his Facebook status?
对 那的确是一个很好的动作 Yeah, see, that's good behavior,
可只要不是因为那最有魔力的三个字 but the cookies don't come out of the cookie jar
我还是不会让他轻易尝到甜头的 for anything less than the three magic words.
我希望你们准备好在阳光下玩点有趣的啦 I hope you guys are ready for some fun in the sun.
好耶 在阳光下找点乐子 Oh, yeah, some fun in the sun.
等一下宝贝儿 你要不要接一下 是公事电话吧 Oh, wait. Baby, should you get that? It's work.
没事 你可以接啊 Yeah, it's okay.
不用 我和你们俩在一起的时候干嘛去接公事电话 No! Why would I answer work calls when I'm with y'all two?
- 别担心公事了 - 是啊 不谈公事 - Don't worry about work. - Yeah, no work.
- 你坐在后面还好吧 Duke - 好得很 - You okay back there, Duke? - Yeah.
好嘞 你手里也有驾照的吧 All right, now you got your license, too?
因为你是后座驾驶员 知道么 'Cause you're driving back, right?
我逗你玩的啦 I'm just joking.
真是浪漫得很呐你 Such a romantic.
事情进展得几乎有些过于顺利了 Things were almost going too well.
兄弟几个甚至都忘记自己正身处战局之中了 The guys had forgotten that they were even at war.
好的 再一次感谢大家 我是Danny Vola All right, thanks a lot, everybody. Once again, I'm Danny Vola.
你也上去唱嘛 来嘛 你应该去 Go up there and sing. Come on, you should go...
不要不要 我都好几年没唱过歌了 你给我坐好 No. I ain't sang in years, you sit down.
等等 你慢点儿 很好 Duke Wait, slow down! Okay, Duke!
- 好的 你已经行了 - 小心啊 - All right, you got this. - Be careful!
以你现在骑着小车的水准 I'm about to get you a motorcycle now,
我都可以给你买一辆直接骑了 the way you're going, baby.
你也要来点么 Oh, you want some?
抱歉宝贝儿 打了那么久的电话 Sorry that took so long, babe.
有个兄弟需要我给他出点主意 One of the guys needed a little of my advice.
我们之前进展到哪儿了 Where were we?
就到这儿 Right here.
可之后 报应就来了 But then things started to backfire.
那份Neversoft的工作后来怎么样了 What ever happened with that job at Neversoft?
我忘记告诉你了 I forgot to tell you, I heard
我听内部消息说他们已经招到人了 through the grapevine they filled the position.
真的嘛 Really?
是啊 Yeah.
那就奇怪了 That's weird,
我在商务社交网站上 'cause I heard from Sarah's little brother...
- 听说什么 - 听Sarah她弟弟说 - Yeah? - ...on Linkedln.
他说那职位还空着 And he said that the position was still open.
- 真的嘛 - 是啊 - Really? - Yeah.
他还说他可以亲自向他老板推荐你 And that he was gonna personally recommend you to his boss.
只不过你的简历根本就不在档案里 Except your resume's not on file.
什么 What?
可我一直很想要这份工作啊 I've been waiting this whole time.
知道么 改天我得去重设一下路由器了 You know what? I had to reset the modem the other day.
我跟你保证一定是邮件没发送成功 I bet you the email didn't go through.
一定是 我明早就去修 Yeah, I'll fix it in the morning.
网络故障 The Internet?
对啊 这事儿常有的 Yeah, it happens all the time.
Kris Kris?
而她们也逐渐的看清了现实真相 The truth was catching up to them.
我会想你的 I'll miss you.
我的车来了 回见 That's me, all right. I'll see you.
好 Okay.
James James?
- James Merrill? - Lauren Harris. - James Merrill? - Lauren Harris.
哇 瞧瞧你 Wow, look at you.
瞧瞧啊 Look at you.
你就好似一瓶佳酿 You are like a fine wine.
愈陈愈香是吧 You just get better with age, don't you?
你倒是更加油嘴滑舌了 在LA干嘛呢 And you get smoother. What are you doing in LA?
来看看一套转租房 I'm checking out a sublet.
喔 我最近刚升职做了Sensala的总裁 Yeah, I was just promoted CEO of Sensala.
- 很不错嘛 - 是啦 - Wow. - Yeah, yeah.
我准备重新驻回LA I'm relocating to LA.
- 开玩笑吧 - 是真的 - You're kidding? - No.
我绝对没想到Nina会同意从芝加哥搬过来 Well, I can't imagine Nina ever wanting to leave Chicago.
是啊 那是因为她不过来 Yeah, well, that's because she's not.
我们正在办理离婚手续 We're finalizing our divorce.
- 是嘛 - 对 - Really? - Yeah.
- 我很遗憾 - 不用不用 没事的 - I'm sorry. - No, no, it's all right.
- 我们是和平分手的 - 那挺好 - We're friendly. - That's good.
那你怎么样了 我是说是已经订婚了还是结婚了 But what about you? I mean, are you engaged? Married?
没有 既没订婚也没结婚 No. Not married or engaged.
是嘛 Really?
只是在交往 还不是很认真的那种 Just dating, but nothing serious.
那好 我们要不什么时候一起吃个晚饭 Well then, why don't we go to dinner?
好啊 Sure.
那我们就做吧 我是说一起吃晚饭 Let's do it. I mean, let's do dinner.
那你得再打电话约我 Well, you have to call me.
- 号码没变 - 没变 - Got the same number? - Same number.
- 没问题 - 记得要打啊 - All right. - Use it.
- 明晚吧 - 没问题 - Tomorrow night. - Absolutely.
- 我挺喜欢你车的 - 我也是 - Like the car. - Me, too.
我喜欢这身体线条 Love the body.
这车身的线条 On the car.
- 我非常不想叨扰到你 - 滚开 - I hate to trouble you... - Go away!
昨晚和妈妈一起看了这集 剧情太逗了 I saw this episode last night at Mom's. This joint is hilarious.
等等 我以为你昨晚是在加班 Wait, I thought you got called back into work last night.
喔对 昨晚我是去加班了 Oh, yeah, last night I got called back into work,
可你不记得我不是告诉你 我先去顺路我妈妈那儿 but remember, I told you I had to stop by my mom's
给她送点东西 然后她也要给我 to drop off the stuff that she had put at my...
我告诉过你的啊宝贝儿 I told you that, babe.
- 没有啊 我不记得你有 - No, no, I don't think you...
- 来个亲亲 宝贝 你之前都没听我说话 - Give me a kiss, baby. You don't be listening.
然后 谎言就越圆越多 And the lies were starting to add up.
听我说 我妈妈在准备一个盛大的家庭聚会 Listen, my mom's planning a really big family reunion.
- 要是你来我会很高兴 - 只要你开心就好 宝贝儿 - I'd love it if you could come. - Whatever you want, baby.
- 真的 - 是啊 - Really? - Yeah.
唯一的坏处就是 I mean, the only bad thing
你妈妈和你外婆要是和你一样漂亮 is if your mom and grandma are as fine as you,
那你可就有竞争对手啦 you might have some competition over there.
过来 Come here.
太酷了 Cool!
就在Culver城的那个公园里 It's at the park, in Culver City.
到时候还会有弹簧床和烧烤呢 There's gonna be a trampoline and barbecue.
隔墙有耳啊 Duke 快回去睡觉 These walls have ears. Duke, please go back to bed.
时间是20号那天 一切都会很棒的 So, it's gonna be the 20th and it's gonna be so great.
我们还准备了做棉花糖的机器 We're gonna have these cotton candy machines...
- 这个月的20号 - 还有旋转木马 - The 20th of this month? - Carousels...
宝贝儿 这个月20号我来不了 Baby, I can't make the 20th.
为什么 Why?
因为 我已经答应了我妈去陪她的 Well, actually, I promised my mom.
那天是她的教堂周年纪念 所以我就答应 It's her church anniversary, so I promised...
不是吧 你这玩笑开大了吧 Really? You gotta be kidding me!
晚安了Duke Good night, Duke!
宝贝儿 我会尽力安排看看的 好嘛 Baby, I'm gonna see what I can do, all right?
- 好吧 - 我一定会想办法来的 - Okay. - I'm gonna make it happen.
过来吧小妞儿 靠过来 Come here, girl, come here.
到头看来 假装有所进展的唯一问题就是 Turns out, the only problem in pretending to step up is,
有时候 你必须做出真正的改变 well, sometimes, you actually have to.
哟 来看这里 等等 马上就会有一个 Yo, watch this right here. Hold it, this is about to jump...
好吧 怎么了 Okay, what?
好啦好啦 我原本是想等到我们能好好喝一杯的时候再说的 Okay, okay, okay. I wanted to wait until we had proper drinks,
我昨晚和我叔叔谈过 but I talked to my uncle last night,
他听过你的唱片了 然后他很喜欢 and he listened to your CD, and he loved it.
疯狂迷恋第七首曲目 And he's obsessed with number seven,
然后他们想在周二和你见面 and they want to meet with you on Tuesday!
恭喜啦 Congratulations!
我的天呐 这些都是你为我做的 Oh, my God. You did this for me?
没有 是你自己做到的 你的实力在唱片上不言自明 No, you did it. You left it all on the track.
我爱死你了 宝贝 I love you, girl.
Zeke在不经意间 Without even meaning to,
居然使出了大绝招说出了那三个带有魔力的词语 Zeke done messed around and uttered the three magic words
而这让他终于尝到了甜心饼干 that finally opened the cookie jar.
可是Zeke的胜利是短暂的 But Zeke's victory was short-lived.
糟糕 这可不是什么好事 This cannot be good.
别 别 别啊 No, no, no.
是我自己太高兴了 还是说昨晚真的是我一生中最棒的一个夜晚 Am I tripping, or was last night the best night of my life?
你吃到甜心饼干了 You got the cookie.
甜心饼干 我很喜欢吃啊 The cookie? I'm the cookie monster.
你知道我买了什么嘛 几杯拿铁咖啡 You know what I got us? I got some latte...
Mya 我可以解释的 Mya, I can explain that.
你个谎话精混蛋 You lying-ass sack of shit!
我只是用这书在防护自己 I was just using this to defend myself.
为了什么防护自己 Defending yourself against what?
为了抵抗你的90天规则啊 Against your 90-Day Rule.
那规则是为了保护女人们 That was created for women
免受像你这样混蛋带来的伤害的 to protect themselves from sorry-asses like you.
所以我才是坏人 而你却连告诉我本人 So I'm the villain, and you didn't even have the guts
其实正处在90天观察期里的勇气都没有 to tell me that I was on a 90-day probation.
- 我是打算告诉你的 - 你会告诉我吗 - I was gonna tell you. - Were you gonna tell me?
会的 我本来是想告诉你的 可后来我想也许可以补偿你一下 Yes, I was gonna tell you. But then, I thought I might amend it.
因为我原本以为你也许就是我的真命天子 'Cause I thought you might actually be the one.
那 这一切有什么是真的么 So, was any of it real?
任何的一部分 我们聊天吃饭 你说我是你的女朋友 Any of it? The wining, the dining? Calling me your girlfriend?
还是说那一切都只是为了把我骗上床 Or was that all just to get the cookie?
天呐 Wow.
恭喜你 你赢了 You win, congratulations.
你成功了好嘛 你赢了 You got it, right? You won.
Mya等一下 Mya 那都是真的 Mya, wait a minute. Mya, it was true.
Zeke 你不要碰我 Zeke, don't touch me!
老天呐 你真的太厉害了 God, you're so good.
你太厉害了 You're so good.
即使我知道你在说谎话 Because even when I know that you're lying,
我还是差点就信了 I still almost believe you.
孙子兵法有云 In The Art of War, Sun Tzu wrote,
兵不厌诈 "All warfare is based on deception."
可他老人家忘记说了 只有笨蛋才会被抓包 He left out, "Only dumbasses get caught."
宝贝儿 有电话找你 Baby, your phone!
而与此同时 Candace甚至不需要 Meanwhile, Candace didn't
翻阅兵书就知晓了这一真理 even need to find the book to get the message.
您好 这是Michael Atwater的电话 Michael Atwater's phone?
Tandace Tandace?
Loretta Loretta?
听着 我就是打来告诉Michael Listen, I'm calling to tell
我不用他陪我去教堂了 Michael that I don't need him to take me to church.
Deacon Johnson可以载我去 Deacon Johnson will be driving me to church.
让我和他说吧 他现在空着么 Let me talk to him. Is he free?
他马上就有空了 He will be.
我们瞧瞧 噢一个大灌篮 Here we go! Oh, slam dunk!
Michael Michael.
我能和你聊几句么 Can I talk to you for a minute?
什么事 What?
等会就知道了 You'll see.
Duke 到屋子里去 Duke, get in the house.
宝贝儿 你有没有看见这孩子的技巧 Baby, did you see that boy's skills?
要是我继续 If I keep on...
怎么了 宝贝儿 出什么事了 What's wrong, baby? What's up?
刚刚有公事电话找你 Your work just called.
然后我以为是什么紧急事件就替你接了 And I thought it might be an emergency, so I picked up.
只不过那其实是你妈 But it was just your mom.
怎么会 你知道电话公司老是会串线什么的嘛 Really? You know, the T-Mobile Top Five be acting up...
别和我瞎扯 Michael Don't bullshit me, Michael.
宝贝你听我说 我知道这看上去很糟 可你要信任我 这不是 Baby, listen, I know how that looks, but trust me, this isn't...
信任 我相信过你 Trust? I believed you.
只不过我没办法和你妈相比 我也不愿意那么做 I can't compete with your mother. And I won't.
你不用和她 You don't have to...
那你为什么可以当着我的面说谎 Then why did you look me in my face and lie?
你得走了 You need to go.
宝贝 你听我说 Baby, listen I...
快给我离开 Michael Get out of my face, Michael.
而Candace也不是那天唯一把事情说清楚的一个 And Candace wasn't the only one who was all business that day.
美人儿你好 Hey, beautiful.
- 嘿 - 你好吗 - Hi. - How are you?
- 我两点还约了人 所以 - 你看上去美极了 - I have a 2 o'clock, so... - You look stunning.
谢谢 Thank you.
你要和我说什么事 So, you said you had some news?
喔对 记得我和你说过我有一个做投资人的朋友嘛 Yeah. My investor friend that I told you about?
他看了你的计划书 很喜欢 然后想让你给他个电话 Read your prospectus, loves it, and wants you to give him a call.
你说真的 You serious?
我跟你说过那份计划书很赞了 I told you it was brilliant.
谢谢你 谢谢 Thank you, thank you, thank you.
好啊 我们要去庆祝 今晚就出去吧 Okay, we gotta go celebrate. Let's go out tonight.
我今晚有事情 I'm not free tonight.
没事啊 那明晚怎么样 Okay, well, what about tomorrow night, then?
Dominic 我就和你直说了好嘛 Dominic, I'm gonna hit you with the headline, okay?
我最近和我大学里的前男友重新联络上了 I recently reconnected with an ex-boyfriend of mine from college.
他刚离婚然后准备搬回LA来所以我 Anyway, he just got a divorce and is moving back to LA and I...
所以你要和我分手 You breaking up with me?
不是 不是分手 就是暂停一下 No! No, I'm not breaking up, just taking a break.
- 我需要一些空间 - 空间 - I need some space. - Space.
- 是啊 因为我们进展得太快了 - Yeah, because we were moving too fast...
- 是啊 你听上去就像个男人 - Yeah, you sound like a guy.
你说什么 What did you say?
我说你的口气像个男人 I said you sound like a guy.
所以你才和我约在这里谈是么 就像公务会餐一样 Is that why you invited me to this place? For a business lunch?
然后就可以和我暂停一下 So you can have an out-time?
听着Dominic 我真的很喜欢你 Dominic, look, I really like you.
好么 我不想一直拖住你 我们还是做朋友吧 Okay? I didn't want to string you along. Let's just be friends.
是么 可我不是很需要更多朋友 Lauren Yeah, I don't really need any more friends, Lauren.
其实吧 You know, and I...
我真的不需要你朋友给我行什么方便 Really don't need your friends to let me down easy.
Dominic 别犯傻 生意归生意 你别感情用事 Okay, don't be stupid, Dominic. That's business, not personal.
那你知道它们的区别么 Do you even know the difference?
知道么Lauren 我 You know, Lauren, I...
我以前甚至都没有做过计划书这种东西 I never even had a prospectus,
你知道么 我做的那些事情都是为了你 you know? I did it all to impress you.
是你激励了我 鼓舞了我 You inspired me, you motivated
让我第一次想要自己动手去努力做事 me to do something for myself for the first time.
一直以来 我还以为是你太优秀我配不上呢 And all this time, I thought you were too good for me.
Kris在家嘛 我带了点批萨回来 Kris? Picked up some pizza.
我不明白的是 就像那书里说的那样 What I don't get...is just like the book,
我是个潜力股 I was the guy with potential.
还和她开诚布公 坦白了一切 I told her the truth, I put myself out there,
这还不够么 and it still wasn't enough.
至少你没有撒了个弥天大谎还给戳穿了 At least you didn't get caught in a flat-out lie.
你们都该看看我现在和Candace之间有多糟糕 Y'all should see how bad things are with Candace right now.
我去Gina家找Kris的时候她连正眼都不瞧我 Kristen wouldn't even look at me when I showed up at Gina's.
她会回心转意的 She'll change her mind.
不会的 你那是没看见当时她看着我的眼神 是那么的 Nah. You did not see the way she looked at me. Such...
- 充满恨意 - 是那么的受伤 - Hate? - Hurt.
那是忿恨 女人总是恨你更多一点 It's hate. Women will hate you fast.
不管怎样 伙计们 我觉得这是我们自找的 Either way, fellas. I think we brought this upon ourselves.
那是正当防卫好么 是她们先出招的 我们得回击啊 It was self-defense. They attacked first! We had to strike back.
我们只是在捍卫自己 We were just protecting
与天俱来的男性权益不是嘛 our natural-born right to be men. Am I right?
- 对头 - 嗯对 - Right. - Right.
不够爱我们就走人嘛 是吧 Love us or leave us, right?
就是 Right!
所以她们就抛弃我们了 And they left us.
是啊 Right.
我们又来啦 We're back.
随便看多久都行 Take all the time you need.
谢谢 Thanks.
Zeke 快看 Zeke, check it out.
你右边我左边 Your right. My left.
不是我的菜 Not my type.
我们一直这么做的啊Zeke 我替你整好队形 你全部搞定啊 That's how we do it, Zeke. I line them up, you mow them down.
还是把账单给我吧 Can I have my tab?
- 一年才能吃到一次 - You can only get it once a year.
- 这麦肋排到底是什么肉啊 - What kind of meat is in the McRib?
- 兄弟们 - 我来猜猜 - Fellas. - Let me guess,
学校照相日 school pictures?
你看上去像个代课老师 You look like a substitute teacher.
我终于还是把简历投给了Neversoft公司 I finally sent my resume over to Neversoft.
今天去面试过了 I had my meeting today.
刚才他们打电话给我 我拿到那份工作了 And they just called. I got the job.
- 真的 - 恭喜啊兄弟 - Is that right? - Congratulations, man!
我现在是那里的高级设计师了 有全套福利呢 I'm a senior designer at Neversoft. With full benefits.
这就对了 下一步就是要办好消费卡 Damn right, and the next step is the expense card.
我要打给Kris I gotta call Kris.
她还是不和你说话么 She not talking to you, huh?
- 是啊 - 可你总得要打给她的 - No. - Well, you should call her anyway.
没有她你不会去找工作 不是么 She's the reason it happened, right?
是啊 Yeah.
这建议真不错 你的那个计划进行得怎么样了 That's good advice, right there. How's that project going along?
进展得一切顺利 事实上 It's going great. In fact,
我马上就要走了 然后去把一些活儿干完 I'm gonna have to get out of here soon and go get some work done.
知道我们该干嘛么 我们应该要庆祝一下是吧 You know what we should do? We should celebrate, right?
- 好主意 赞 - 恭喜找到新工作了 第一轮让Michael请 - Nice. Yes. - Newjob, first round's on Michael.
- 好 我同意 - 不要 我刚刚请了上一轮 - Yes. I like that. - No, no. I just had the last round...
这样很好啊 就我们兄弟几个 This is nice, just the fellas.
就好像以前的美好时光 Just like old times.
才不像以前呢 No, it's not like old times
因为现在我没有宵禁时间啦 because I don't have a curfew this time.
说到回家时间 我得走了 今天该我做晚饭了 Speaking of curfew, I gotta go. My night to cook.
Bennett 你怎么像个娘们儿 Bennett, you sound like a bitch.
我们这不刚听到这么多好消息么 We just got finished hearing good news,
和兄弟们在一起喝一杯多好 we with the fellas, we drinking.
可他却妻管严似的飞奔回家 别这样啊兄弟 He running home all henpecked. Come on, man!
我不是因为没办法必须才煮饭 Ced! I'm not cooking 'cause I have to,
我是自己想做饭 给我太太吃啊 I'm cooking 'cause I want to, that's my wife.
我说 Bennett Come on, now, Bennett.
我不是那个意思 我就是说现在这会儿 I'm not saying it like that, I'm saying just, right now...
别因为我家里有老婆等着就生我气嘛 Don't be mad at me 'cause I got a wife at the house.
即使那意味着我不能整晚和你们一起混 That means sometimes I can't hang out all night with you guys,
我得早回家去 可我愿意那样 I gotta go home early then that's what I gotta do.
我就这么一说 I'm just saying.
这轮我请吧 I got this round.
- 恭喜兄弟 真为你高兴 - 谢啦 - I'm happy for you, congratulations. - Thank you.
- 回见了各位 - 再见了大块头 - I'll see you guys. - Big B!
少给了二十块呢Bennett You're $20 short, Bennett.
我以前每周四都会给Gail下厨 那是我的料理日 Yeah, no, I used to cook for Gail on Thursdays. That was my day.
我很高兴我们都是自由身 真心高兴 I'm happy we're free. I really am.
告诉你们吧 没有她们我们过得更好 I'm telling you right now, we're better off without them.
是啊 谁高兴老是受她们的气啊 Yeah, I mean, who needs to put up with their shit?
各种要求 各种唠叨 And their demands, the nagging...
还有各种期待 而期望什么的就是一切麻烦的催化剂 The expectations. Expectation is the catalyst for all of that.
- 来来来喝 - 你们知道哪里才是最可笑的么 - Here we go. - You know what's funny?
Gail以前最爱吃我自己做的意式肉酱 Gail used to love it when I cooked Bolognese sauce from scratch.
那就像是她的最爱 Like, that was her favorite, so...
好了兄弟们 我们现在可以随心所欲了 All right, boys, we are free to do whatever we want,
想和谁一起在什么地方干些什么都随我们了 敬自由一杯 with whoever we want, whenever we want, all right? To freedom!
敬自由一杯 Freedom!
Ced 举杯啊 要跟上组织 Ced, lift your glass, man, get involved.
- 对对 不好意思啊 抱歉抱歉 - 把你那杯喝了 - Right, I'm sorry. No, no, no. - Take that shot, baby.
敬自由一杯 To freedom.
干了 Bottoms up.
才不需要她们呢 Don't need them.
我要上小号去 I gotta piss.
马上回来 I'll be right back.
你看上去怎么像是要去上大号呢 Look like you gotta take a dump, the way you moving.
又怎么了 What?
Gail 我不是打来和你吵架的 Gail, ain't nobody calling to fight with you right now.
- 那你他喵的想干嘛 - 听着听着 我要回家来 - What the hell do... - Look! I'm coming home.
真的嘛 Cedric Really, Cedric?
Gail 我好好告诉你吧 那也是我的家 Gail, let me tell you something. That's my house, too, Gail!
那房子的水电账单都是我付的好嘛 I pay the bills in that house!
那也是我的家 我要回家来了 It's my house, too. I'm coming home.
那也是我的心之所属啊宝贝 Which is where I belong, girl.
Gail 我受够了这些倒霉事了 我想你了Gail Gail, I'm tired of this tough shit. I miss you, Gail.
Gail 我都折腾得和以前不是一个人形了 Gail, I ain't been the same, man.
我混在外面 老是晃在外面无事生事 I'm out here, I'm out here on these streets and shit.
我还混去了脱衣舞俱乐部 I'm out here in the strip clubs.
那里的姑娘都直呼我的名字 These girls calling me by my first name,
搞得好像我天天泡在那里似的 like, I'm there every day!
虽然我的确是啦 可那也是因为我正在困难时期嘛Gail Which I am, but that's because I'm going through something, Gail.
我需要有人支撑 I need to be held.
我想要你给我揉背 给我穿上连体睡衣 I need you to rub my back. Put me in my onesie.
我改好了 我想要重回自家女人的怀抱 I changed, I need my woman back!
我受够老和一群臭男人还有一堆破事在一起了 I'm around all these men and shit!
我不想要那些东西 I don't want it.
我再也不想要过那种生活了 我只想要你还有耶稣 I don't want that life no more, I want you and Jesus.
就足够了 And that's it.
好吧 大乖乖 Okay, Big Daddy.
你是什么 What you say?
你多久才能到家 How soon can you get here?
大概 也就20,22或者23分钟吧 Like... Like 20, 22, 23 minutes.
那你就快给我风骚的扭回家吧 等你哦 Bring your sexy ass home. I'll be waiting.
要我顺路捎点什么东西么 You want me to bring you something?
你要不要带点薯片或者别的什么 You want like, some Doritos, or something?
没关系我可以顺路给你买的宝贝 只要你开心就好 'Cause I can stop and get it, baby. Whatever makes you happy.
- 你回家就好 - 那好 - Just come home. - Okay.
好的 我爱你 All right, I love you.
我勒个去 Oh, shit.
谢谢您 Thank you.
是的 Yup.
太好了兄弟 快回家找Gail去吧 Good shit, brother. Go home to Gail.
丫的是不是把屎擦我背上了 Just wipe shit on my back?
都不知道便后要洗手的嘛兄弟 You didn't even wash your hands, man?
你丫那帽子算他喵的是什么玩意儿嘛 Who the hell shits with a hat on, anyway?
- 她说她是从上海回来的 - 我记得她 - She said she was coming from Shanghai. - I remember her.
弟兄们 回见了 Fellas, I will see you later.
等等 那我们都结账走吧 大家一起走 Well,hold-hold up. Let's all cash out, we'll go together.
你是要去美臀工厂对吧 You going to the Ass Factory, right?
Gail允许我回去了 哥我要回家了 Gail is taking me back, I'm going home.
回家去咯 Home!
姑娘 人家是已婚人士好么 拜托 Girl, I am married. Please!
谢谢您了 已婚人士 Thank you. Married man!
那一晚 我们都明白了所有的 That night, we all realized that the plots,
密谋 诡计 策划什么的都比不上一样简简单单的事 plans and schemes couldn't compare to one simple thing
那就是现实真相 -the truth.
妈妈 Mama!
搞什么情况 Oh, what the hell?
宝贝儿你好啊 Hey, baby.
有花有早餐 好棒吖 Oh, flowers, breakfast. Yeah.
你来得有点早啊亲爱的 You're a little early, sweetie.
我知道 可我就是想要过来和你说件事儿 I know, but I wanted to come by so I could tell you that
妈妈 今天我没办法陪你去周年纪念了 I'm not gonna be able to make it to the anniversary today, Mom.
我有个地方要去 There's some place I gotta be.
可那是我们第75次礼拜 Well, it's our 75th at the church.
有什么事情么亲爱的 你要去哪里来着 What's wrong, sweetie? Where you gotta be?
去Candace那里 参加她们家的家庭聚会 With Candace. At her family reunion, Mom.
是嘛 挺好的 Well, good for you.
那就去吧宝贝 Okay, sweetie.
- 真的 - 是的啦 - Really? - All right.
那我们明天再见了行吧 你得快点走了 Now, I'm gonna see you tomorrow, okay? Time for you to go.
Loretta 该轮到我来打你PP了 Loretta, it's my turn to spank you.
Deacon Johnson Deacon Johnson?
- 你有这玩意儿的钥匙嘛 - 把手放下你个蠢货 - You got the keys for these? - Put those down, fool!
你们俩这是开始多久了 How long has this been going on?
90天了 Ninety days.
其实有91天了 把你衣服绷大了不好意思哈 More like 91. I'm sorry I stretched your T-shirt.
你还好嘛 Michael How you doing, Michael?
- 行了蠢蛋 快给我上楼去 - All right, fool, go on upstairs now.
- 要知道小药丸可是要19块钱呐(不要浪费神奇药效) - You know, these pills cost $19.
妈妈 你还让他用我的丝瓜巾 Mom, you got him with my loofah?
宝贝去吧 快去快去 Baby, go on. Go ahead, go ahead.
你个呆子给我听好 Listen here, fool!
我都说烦了 你个老梆瓜蠢蛋 I done told you I'd bring
我会把那咖啡拿上来的 that coffee upstairs, you old, nasty fool.
看看我碰见了谁 Look who I found.
好吧 我希望事不过三是好事啊 Okay, third time I hope is a charm.
事实上 我想说是的 Actually, I think it is.
- 说吧告诉她们 - 我们想要报个价 - Go ahead, tell them. - We want to make an offer.
- 我早告诉你这事儿能成的 - 才没有 - I told you this was gonna happen. - No, you didn't, actually.
这真是个好消息 我们其实多少在心里对你们是有点预感的 This is great news. We sort of had an instinct about you guys.
Kris Kris?
Jeremy 你到这里来做什么 Jeremy, what are you doing here?
我得和你谈谈 I need to talk to you.
不行 我这不是正有事么 Yeah, I can't. I'm in the middle of something.
可我要说的事情很重要 This is important.
没问题啊 你们慢慢聊 Not a problem. Take your time.
我去准备书面文件 然后我们就能开始洽谈了 I'm gonna get the paperwork, and we can get started.
我真的很抱歉 I'm really sorry.
有谁死了么 Did someone die?
什么 不是 What? No.
可你穿着身西装 我就以为 Well, you have a suit on, so I...
- Neversoft那份工作我拿到了 Kris - 真的嘛 - I got the job at Neversoft, Kris. - Really?
是啊 Yeah.
我是说这挺不错的 希望你别是因为我才那么做的 I mean, that's cool. I hope you didn't do it for my benefit.
一开始的确是 I did. At first.
可后来不知道怎么的 演着演着 But somehow, through all the pretending,
我好像慢慢明白了这其实也是我自己想要的 I figured out I wanted it for me.
而现在我拿到了这份工作 我明白我是为了我们俩争取的 And now that I have it, I want it for us.
我一收到消息第一个就想打电话告诉你 You were the first person I wanted to call when I got the news,
可我却不能打给你 那样快把我逼疯了 and the fact that I couldn't drove me crazy.
每晚在入睡前 You're the last person I
你是我脑海里念着的最后一个人 Kris think about before I go to sleep at night, Kris.
听我说 Look,
我好想你 I miss you.
喔 宝贝你看 Oh, honey.
我非常想你 而且我希望你能回到我身边 I miss you and I want you back.
太甜蜜了 So sweet.
我想给你买一幢房子 I want to buy you a house.
这才像话嘛兄弟 雄起啊 That's my man, step up there.
我想给你买这幢房子 I want to buy you this house.
给我收手贱人 你可不许和我抢房子 Back up, bitch. You ain't buying my house.
没事的没事的 Oh, it's fine.
他喵的这家伙说什么要买我的房子 How the hell he talking about buying my house?
深呼吸 Breathe.
我呼了我呼了 我没事 I'm breathing, I'm breathing. I got it, I got it.
好吧 Okay.
我想成为你的妻子 也希望你能做我的丈夫 I want to be your wife. And I want you to be my husband...
是我要做你的丈夫 I want to be your husband.
而想要你做我的妻子 And I want you to be my wife
太想了 so bad.
那么... So...
嫁给我好么 Will you marry me?
是个肯定回答 It's a yes.
- 喔 她成功了 - 上吧 少年 - Oh, she did it. - Go ahead, my man.
- 因为她改变了游戏规则所以成功了 - 她做什么了 - She did it 'cause she changed the game. - She did what?
没什么没事 Don't worry about it.
甚至是Zeke都改过自新了 Even Zeke was singing a new tune.
刚才那首是AMG的Bitch Betta Have My Money That last one was Bitch Betta Have My Money by AMG.
我最近其实真的不想外出 I don't really feel like being out of the house right now.
得了吧 忘掉旧爱最好的方法 Come on. You know the best
就是结识新欢 way to get over an old guy is to get a new one.
- 你已经来了啊 - 希望大家给他一些鼓励 - You're coming. - ...make sure you show him some love.
Zeke 请上台来吧 Zeke, come on up.
嘿 谢谢 Hey, thank you.
哦 天哪 Oh, my God.
我已经很多年没有好好弹过这首歌了 I haven't really played this song in years...
那不是 Is that...
但有一位姑娘鼓励了我 ...but it was inspired by a very special woman who
对我来说 她是非常特别的 值得等待的人 is definitely worth waiting for.
- 我得走了 - Mya! - I gotta get out of here. - Mya!
Mya! Mya!
Mya 你就等一下好么 Mya, will you hold up? Mya?
你是不是觉得只要唱首歌 You think you can just sing
就可以往事不提 one song and everything's gonna be forgotten?
没有 我只希望这能成为一个开始 No! I was just hoping it would be a start.
你知道吗 Zeke You know what? You know,
江山易改 本性难移 you can't change a person's nature, Zeke.
不是那样的 我发誓不是那样 That is not true. I know for a fact that that's not true.
- 凭什么 - 因为我想重新来过 - How? - Because I want to start over.
我想和你重新相处90天 I want 90 more days.
不谈性 Without sex?
如果那是你答应和我重新来过的条件 If that's what it takes.
我不需要性 Mya 我想要的是你 I don't want the sex, Mya. I want you.
全是鬼话 That's bullshit.
那的确是鬼话 是的 我当然想要跟你上床 Okay, that's bullshit. Yes! Of course I want the sex.
但不同是在我遇见你之前 But the difference is the
我脑子里只有把妹骗上床 而现在 sex is all I wanted before I met you. Now,
我只想要你 I want you.
你懂么 Okay?
而现在呢 我只要和你喝喝咖啡就足够了 Now? I want coffee.
我想整晚整晚的听你谈 I want to stay up all night
你疯狂的童年轶事 我还想 talking about your crazy childhood. I want...
我也不知道怎么说 我还想和你聊聊亚里士多德的洞穴 I don't know. I want to talk about Aristotle's Caves.
是柏拉图的 It's Plato's.
柏拉图也有洞穴 Plato got caves, too?
是啊 Yeah.
Mya 我爱你 Mya, I love you.
我深深的爱上你了 I'm in love with you.
这些话 我以前从未对任何人说起过 I've never said that to anyone in my life.
那你刚刚干嘛不这么说出来 Then why didn't you just say so?
结果看来 我之前的顿悟产生了多米诺效应 Turns out that my epiphany had a domino effect.
所有人都跟自己心爱的姑娘 Everyone was actually
有了真正的 实质性的进展 stepping up with their women. For real this time.
这个我一点都没吃过 I didn't get any of this.
Candace 你妈妈告诉我 你现在还是单身 Candace? Your mother tells me that you're still single.
别担心 我已经给你想好办法啦 Don't worry about it, because I think I have a solution.
我认识个跟你超配的人 I have somebody I think would
是我办公室的 她的名字叫Amy be perfect for you at my office. Her name is Amy.
- 她 - 她可不是拉拉国的 Her? She's not in that chapter.
好吧 亲爱的 她真应该读读那本书 Well, she might want to read the book, honey.
妈妈 妈妈 Mom! Mom!
谢啦 Duke 我能搞定 Thanks, Duke. I got this.
- 女士们 大家好 - 看看那张小俊脸 - Hi, ladies. - Look at that face!
很高兴见到你们 Nice to see you all.
你来这儿干什么 今儿不是要陪你妈上教堂么 What are you doing here? Isn't today your mom's church thing?
对啊 是今天 Yeah, it is.
所以 怎么 行程取消了 So, what? Did it get canceled?
才没有 咋啦 妞儿 哪儿来那么多问题呢 It did not. What's up with all these damn questions, woman?
我还以为你必须陪着你妈呢 I just thought you needed to be there.
为什么我要在那儿呢 Why would I be there when I should be here,
在我本该和我生命中排第一位的女人在一起的时候 with the number one woman in my life?
所以说 既然你想这么多 So, since you're thinking so much,
你怎么不想想拿个盘子 放上个汉堡 why don't you think about putting a burger on that plate
再抓些咸菜和芥末什么的 with some pickles and some mustard?
不好意思 I'm sorry,
你刚才是说"第一位"吗 did you just say "Number one"?
哦 你还是不相信 等一下啊 Oh, so you're not believing? Hold on one second.
女士们乡亲们 打扰一下啊 Ladies and gentlemen? Excuse me?
大家好 大家都请注意听我说 嘿大伙儿 Hi, I need everybody's attention, please? Hey, everybody... Yeah.
谢谢大家 Thank you.
我的名字叫Michael Hanover 我想让每一个人知道 My name is Michael Hanover, and I want you all to know
我疯狂的 无可救药的 爱上了Candace Hall I am madly, and I am insanely in love with Candace Hall.
我希望世界上所有人的明白 And I just want everybody in the world to know
她才是我生命中第一重要的女人 that she's the number one woman in my life.
谢谢大家 Thanks, everybody.
继续聚会吧 Now back to the reunion!
还有问题吗 Is that okay with you?
你想在那倒霉汉堡里夹什么 What do you want on your damn burger?
我才不管呢 姑娘 我是为你而来的 过来 I don't give a damn, girl. I came for you. Come here.
因此 对我们来说 已经书写了圆满的结局 And so, the book ended happily for all of us.
呃 是我们中的大部分人 Well, almost all of us.
嘿 妞儿 好久不见 Hey, girl. Haven't seen you in a while.
我知道 对不住啦 我最近忙死了 I know. I'm sorry, I've been swamped.
那你待会儿准备干嘛 So what are you up to later today?
事实上 我一会儿要和James约会 终于啊 Actually, I have a date with James, finally.
他是个CEO而我是个COO 我们似乎就没有时间来得及好好相处 Between his CEO and my COO, it seems we never see each other.
还有啥新鲜事不 What else is new?
没什么了 你待会儿有什么计划吗 Anyway. You got any plans for later?
实际上 我们三个要去应援Dominic的盛大开业 Actually, the three of us are going to Dominic's grand opening.
他那餐馆找到赞助人了 He found a backer for his restaurant?
不是 他自己贷款买了辆餐车 名字叫 No, no, no. He got a personal loan for a food truck.It's called...
D大道 Avenue D.
就在普韦布洛广场 他想先从小地方的起步 再慢慢发展 It's in Pueblo Plaza. He wants to start small, build his way up.
这挺好 Good for him, you know?
总之 今晚玩的开心 Anyway, have fun tonight.
噢 那当然 Oh, we will.
谢谢 Thank you.
那么 James 你今天过的怎么样 So, James, how was your day?
挺好 实际上 非常好 It was good. Actually, it was... It was great.
我跟你说过华尔街日报 Did I mention to you that The
要给我做个专题吗 Wall Street Journal is doing a feature on me?
- 知道 - 神奇小子 哈哈 - Yes, the... - "Wonderkid." Yeah, I know.
神奇小子 "The Wonderkid."
你看我已经不是小子了 I know I'm not exactly a kid,
但我是财富500强里最年轻的CEO but I am the youngest CEO of a Fortune 500 company.
对啊 我们谈起过 Yes, we talked...
现在我正着眼于远东地区 Now I'm focusing my sights on the Far East.
几天前我跟Warren谈过了 你知道巴菲特吗 I was talking to Warren the other day. You know Warren Buffett?
迪巴 我哥儿们 Dub-Beezy, that's my man.
他告诉我要分散投资 He was telling me about diversification.
所以 我买了架G6 好吧 其实是公司买了架G6 So, I bought a G6. Okay, all right. The company bought a G6.
从纽约到洛杉矶要6万美元 New York to Los Angeles costs about $60,000.
这样每次我来就顺路了 They put that down every time I go.
哦 还跟我哥儿们科比谈过了 Also talked to my man, Kobe, the other day.
他想让我买个NBA的专营权 He was trying to get me to buy an NBA franchise.
我很好 James I'm fine, James.
多谢关心 Thanks for asking.
不好意思 我不懂你在说什么 I'm sorry, I don't understand.
我知道你不懂 I know.
我知道你不懂 可我终于是想通了 I know, but I finally do.
来喽 来喽 来喽 All right, all right, all right.
好吧 只是一点小意思 All right, a little something.
一些样品给女士们试吃 Just a little sample for the ladies.
伙计们 回头再给你们拿啊 Fellas, I'll get you back later.
不给力啊 Dom Come on, Dom!
这份给这位太太 这份给这位女士 好了 就这样吧 Give that to the wife. To your lady, okay, good, there you go.
好嘞 还要一块 给你 拿好 J All right, one more? There you go, there you go, J.
我一会儿就过来 多谢捧场 I'll be right back. Thanks for coming.
- 一会儿就来 - 太好吃了 - I'll be right back. - This is amazing.
下一个 Next!
我想要大厨特色菜 I'll take the Chef's Special.
是加鸡肉的那款还是 Is that with chicken or...
- 嘿 后边儿排队去 - 听着 这可是私事儿 不是做买卖 - Hey, back of the line. - Look, this is personal, not business.
起开点儿 Move your arm!
祝贺你 Congratulations.
看上去非常成功 Looks like a huge success.
我没想到你会来 I wasn't expecting you.
我怎么会错过你的盛大开业呢 I couldn't miss your grand opening.
酸橘汁腌鲈鱼 Live bass ceviche?
Sal 那两份千层面打包 Sal, those two lasagnas are to-go.
知道嘞 You got it.
你的CEO呢 So, where's your CEO?
我叫停了 I ended that.
Dominic! Dominic!
他也许赚了世界上所有的钱 拥有所有的权力 He may have all the money in the world, and all the power,
- 但他连你一半的潜力都没有 - 得了吧 - but he doesn't have half your potential. - Stop!
别说了 Stop.
我不需要你再这么做了 我已经在自己动手努力了 I don't need you to do that for me anymore. I'm doing me, now.
好么 All right?
多谢捧场 但我还得做生意 Thanks for coming, but I got a business to run.
我确信你能理解的 对吗 I'm sure you can respect that, right?
- 但是我 - 下一个 - But I was... - Next!
这儿有啥好吃的不 你们有低卡的猪肉特色菜不 What's good here, man? Do you have a low-fat Pork Special?
- 当然有 - 帮我卷起来 - Sure. - Let's roll with it.
Dominic Dominic?
稍等 你这是做什么 Excuse me. What are you doing?
回到我身边 Dominic I want you back, Dominic.
- 伙计们 请给我们一点时间 - Guys, just give me a minute,
- 我们得先做完这菜啊 - 我知道 please. I know. - We gotta finish this up.
不好意思 I'm sorry.
- 你想干嘛 - 我想你回到我身边 - What are you doing? - I want you back.
好 你听着 我不是你的所有物 你不能随便决定 Yeah, listen, I'm not an acquisition. You can't just decide...
- 我在请求你 - 是吗 那我这儿还请求服务呢 - I'm asking. - Oh, yeah? And I'm asking for some service.
你会拿到那倒霉猪肉香肠的 猪肉仔 起开点儿 You'll get your pork sausage, Porky! Beat it!
Lauren 听着 我们相差太远 好吗 Lauren, listen, we're just too different, okay?
是的 我们的确不同 但我觉得那是好事儿 Yes, we are different. But I think that's a good thing.
你要的是地位 你要的是头衔 What you need is status. You need titles.
- 我不在乎 - 不 我不在乎 - I don't care about... - No, I don't.
我所需要的是一个能让我感到自己很特别的男人 What I need is a man who makes me feel like I'm special.
我不在乎他的头衔 I don't care about his title,
我也不在乎你挣多少钱 and I don't care how much money you make,
我也不在乎你开的什么车 我就是需要 你 I don't care what kind of car you drive. I just need you.
求你 我错了 Please? I'm sorry.
我还是觉得最终我们想要的东西不一样 I think ultimately we want different things.
不对 No.
我不同意 I disagree.
我觉得我们想要的东西是一样的 I think we want the exact same thing.
是什么 What's that?
呃 首先 Well, first,
我想要主厨特色菜 有猪肉的那种 I would like to have my Chef's Special, hold the pork.
上啊 Dom 好哎 嘿伙计 亲够了没 Go, Dom! All right, come on, man, that's enough kissing.
摸摸她的屁股还是啥的 Grab her ass or something.
这才是我的好姑娘 That's my girl!
来点儿猛料 让我晚上着个念想 Show me something, God! Give me something to think about tonight.
你知道我最近都没怎么做爱了 You know I haven't had much sex.
我和Gail都不像以前那么激情了 Me and Gail ain't really doing it like we used to.
你说啥 Cedric Really, Cedric?
- 来吧 现在 -把你那小屁股挪过来 快点儿 - Come on, now. - Get your little ass over here, now!
嘿 Gail 我还没讲完呢 Hey, Gail, I was talking...
把你裤子拉好 Cedric Pull your pants up, Cedric!
我去跟那穿紫衣服的 I'll get the guy in the purple.
- 嘿 我是Bennett - 用咱的球 - Hi, I'm Bennett. - Use our ball?
咱有种场上见 I'll see you on the court!
省省吧你 你给我省点力气留着比赛吧 Save it... Save it for the game, though!
听着 小个子 你那胞弟呢 Listen, little man. Where's your twin?
你得在肩膀上再架个人才够 You're gonna need somebody on your shoulders.
真好笑 哦 真正好笑 That's funny. That's real funny.
等我蛋定的走你后门儿的时候我看你还好笑不好笑 Let's see if it's funny when my balls are on your back!
- 开始了 咱么走 - 噢 艹 - Ball's in play. Let's go. - Oh, shit.
传球啊 老兄 Pass the ball, man!
你得加强防守 You gonna play some defense?
等等 等等 等等 Wait, wait, wait!
我过 Pass!
赶快射篮吧你 Just shoot the ball.
小矮人 你最好赶紧离开吧 还好吧你 You better get that out of here, little man. You all right?
嘿 别调戏我 Hey, no making fun.
好球 Good shot.
- 好球 -的确是好球啊 - Good shot? - Good shot? - It was!
- Bennett 像个男人推他丫的 - 那的确是个好球 - Bennett, be a man and push him! - It was a good shot.
有种找比你个儿大的欺负 Pick on someone your own size, man.
喔 我的膝盖 Oh, my knee!
哥儿们 你最好镇静点儿 Man, you better calm down.
他蛋蛋杵到我头了 He put his balls on my head.
我的侧防呢 Where's my help on defense?
快滚蛋吧 Get out of here!
Bennett! Jeremy! Bennett! Jeremy!
我正准备去拿球 能拿回我们的球吗 I'm trying to get my ball back! Can I have the ball, please?
给他们把 给他们吧就 Just let them keep it. Let them keep it.
- 谢谢 伙计们 - 去拿你的球吧 - Thanks, you guys! - Go get that.
嘿 我们每周四都在这儿打 Hey, we play here every Thursday.
没那么糟吧 That wasn't that bad.
想想看 Think about it.
我觉得挺好啊 Well, I think it was a good time.
不都是为了多运动嘛 伙计们 It's all about the exercise, guys.
《像男人一样思考》
====== DB字幕组 诚意制作 ====== 翻译: 东仔 五两 陶仔 泥巴 L君 X总 JARPADA 校对：JARPADA 后期：英俊君