S-Dogma
怒犯天条
Ladies and gentlemen,the driving force behind atholicism WOW!Cardinal Glick.
先生女士们 让我们欢迎天主教WOW的发起人 格利克主教
Thank you
谢谢
Now we all know how the majority...
如今我们都知道大多数人
and the media in this country...
和本国的媒体
view the Catholic church.
是如何看待天主教堂的
They think of us as a passe,archaic institution.
他们认为我们是一个古老 过时的机构
People find the Bible obtuse...
人们觉得《圣经》很无趣
even hokey.
甚至很虚假
Now,in an effort to disprove all that...
现在 为了驳斥这一切
the Church has appointed this year as a time of renewal...
教堂决定将今年定为革新的一年
both offaith and of style.
既在信念上 也在形式上
For example,the crucifix.
比如说 耶稣受难像
While it has been a time-honored symbol of our faith...
尽管它曾经是我们信念荣耀一时的标志
Holy Mother Church has decided to retire...
圣母教堂还是决定撤换下
this highly recognizable...
这个深入民心
yet wholly depressing image...
但却令人感到压抑的
of our Lord,crucified.
我们的主被钉在十字架上的形象
Christ didn't come to Earth to give us the willies.
耶稣基督来到人间 并不是来威吓我们
He came to help us out.
而是给我们信念
He was a booster,and it's with that take on our Lord in mind...
做为我们的后盾 好让我们心里时刻常有主的存在
that we've come up with a new,more inspiring Sigil.
并一起制定下新的 更激奋人心的契约
So,it is with great pleasure that I presentyou with the first...
因此 我感到万分愉快地向你们展现
of many revamps the Catholicism Wow!.campaign...
这众多改革中的第一项成果 天主教WOW联盟
will unveil over the nextyear,I giveyou...
将会在来年之前公布 带给你们的
"The Buddy Christ."
耶稣伙计
That's not the sanctioned term we're using for the symbol.
这并不是我们为这个新标志所定的专有名称
Just something we've been kicking around the office.
这只是一个我们时时处处在使用的称谓
But look at it.
不过看看它
Doesn't it pop?
难道不是很有流行的感觉吗?
Buddy Christ.
耶稣伙计
Well,thereyou have it.
以上就是相关的报道
Let me get this straight.
那我就开门见山了
You don't believe in God because of Alice in Wonderland?
你是因为《艾丽斯梦游仙境》这个故事才不相信上帝的?
No,Through the Looking Glass.
不 是《艾丽斯镜中奇遇》
That poem,"The Walrus and the Carpenter"...
那首诗 《海象与木匠》
that's an indictment of organized religion.
很明显就是对有组织的宗教的控诉
The Walrus,with his girth and his good nature...
海象 身上系着布带 一副好脾气
he obviously represents either Buddha...
显然不是代表的佛教的佛祖
orwith his tusks,the Hindu elephant god,Lord Ganesha.
就是长有长牙的印度教的象头神 甘奈沙
That takes care ofyour Eastern religions.
这是负责东方宗教的
Now,the Carpenter,which is an obvious reference toJesus Christ...
而木匠 很显然就是耶稣基督的代表
who was raised a carpenter's son,he represents the Western religions.
因为耶稣基督是做为木匠的儿子被抚养长大的 他则代表了西方宗教
Now,in the poem,what do they do?
那么这首诗是怎么说他们的呢?
They dupe all these oysters into following them...
他们诱骗了所有的那些牡蛎跟随他们
and then proceed to shuck and devour the helpless creatures en masse.
把它们带到了一个夹子里 然后就吞掉了 这些无助的生物们 大口大口地
I don't know what that says toyou,but to me it says...
我不知道你对此有何感谢 但对我来说这意味着
that following these faiths based on mythological figures...
追随这些建立在神秘形象上的信仰
ensures the destruction of one's inner-being.
确实地摧毁了人们的内心世界
Organized religion destroys who we are...
有组织的宗教令我们失去自我
by inhibiting our actions,by inhibiting our decisions...
控制了我们的行为 控制了我们的思想
out offear ofsome intangible parent figure...
使我们对某种无形的高高在上的形象产生畏惧
who shakes a finger at us from thousands ofyears ago...
他们从千年之前向我们摇动着手指
and says," Do it...Do it and I'll fuckin' spankyou!"
并说道:这么做啊 这么做我就他妈的打你屁股!
Oh,Jesus!
哦 主啊
The wayyou put it,I've never really thought about it like that before.
你的这种说法 我以前根本连想都没想到过
What have I been doing with my life?
我都对我的人生做了些什么呀?
- What am I? - Yeah,I know.
- 我成了什么? - 是的 我了解
Listen,my advice toyou...
听着 我给你的忠告
you take this money thatyou've been collecting foryour parish...
你拿着这些你帮你教区所募集的钱
go getyourself a nice dress,fixyourself up.
去给自己买条漂亮的裙子 把自己打扮一下
Find some man...find some woman...you can connect with,even for a moment...
找个男人 或是女人 可以和你心意相通的 哪怕只有一会儿也好
'cause that's really all life is,Sister...a series of moments.
因为这才是真正的生活啊 修女 一连串的相通一刻
Why don'tyou seizeyours?
为什么不把握住你自己的生活呢?
That a girl.
那丫头
You know,here's what I don't get aboutyou.
你知道吗 这就是我搞不懂你的地方
You know for a fact that there is a God.
你明明知道上帝是确实存在的
You've been in His presence.He's spoken toyou personally.
你曾经站在主的面前 主还跟你私下讲过话
- Yet I heard you claim to be atheist. - I like to fuckwith the clergy,man.
- 可我却听到你声称要做个无神论者 - 我喜欢跟那些教士们对着干啊 兄弟
I just love it.I love to keep those guys on their toes.
我爱干这个 我就是爱搞得他们坐立不安嘛
Here's what I don't get aboutyou.
这是我搞不懂你的地方
Why doyou feel the need to come to this place all the time?
你干嘛一直想到这种地方来啊?
My friend,because this is humanity at its best.
我的朋友 因为这里有最棒的人性啊
Look at them.
看看他们
All that anger,all that mistrust,all that unhappiness...
所有的怒气 不信任 不愉快
forgotten for that one perfect moment when they get offthe plane.
在下飞机后的那一瞬间全都被暂时抛到了脑后
See those two?
看见那两个了吗?
What that guy doesn't know is that the girl cheated on him while she was away.
那个男的不知道那个女的不在的时候骗了他
- She did? - Twice.
- 她骗了他? - 两次
- Nice. - But it doesn't matter right now...
- 不错嘛 - 不过现在却一点事都没
'cause they're just both so relieved to be with one another.
因为他们和对方在一起时都感到很放心
I like that.
我喜欢
I wish they all could feel that way more often.
我希望他们能更常有这种感觉
Is this why I had to come down here and miss my fucking cartoons?
就是为了这个原因 我就得跑到这里来 连我最爱的动画片都看不成?
You call me,you tell me it's important.
你叫我来的 说是有重要的事
What,to share in your half-assed obsession with Hallmark moments?
干嘛啊 和你一起分享你半吊子的小资情调?
We're going home.
我们要回家了
Somebody sent us this in the mail.
有人给我们寄来了这个
Take it and quit leering at me.People will think I just broke upwith you.
拿着 别再斜眼瞪着我了 人们会以为我刚刚跟你闹翻了
- You said we're going home,didn'tyou? - Read.
- 你不是说我们要回家了吗? - 念信
"Cardinal GlickCuts Ribbon On Catholicism Wow! Campaign."
格利克主教为天主教『哇!』联盟剪彩
And?
然后?
You have to keep reading.
继续念下去
"The rededication of St.Michael's Church..."
圣米迦勒教堂的赦罪礼...
...is the kickoffofa new campaign which seeks to bring...
是一个新联盟的诞生 此联盟致力于
Catholicism into the mainstream.
将天主教引入主流
With a papal sanction,the archway entrance...
在教皇的批准下
ofthe century-oldJersey shore house ofworship...
有着百年历史的泽西海滨教堂的拱门入口处
will serve as a passageway ofplenary indulgence...
将会被用来作为集体宽恕的通道
a little-known Catholic belief offering all that passes through its arches...
这是一种没什么人知道的天主教信念 所有通过此拱门的人
a morally clean slate.
都可以在道德上得到净化
For Sunday News Brief,I'm Grant Hicks.
周日新闻简要 我是格兰特﹒希克斯
Al I I gotta do,I wal k through the arch thi ng,and then I can go back home?
所以我只要走过那扇拱门 就可以回家了?
No.By walking through the archway,all your sins are forgiven.
不是 走过那扇拱门 你所有的罪过就都可以得到宽恕
- Then all we have to do is die. - Die? I don't wanna die.
- 然后我们只要去死就行了 - 死?我可不想死
- You rather hang around here? - No.We don't know ifwe can die.
- 你宁愿就在这里这么混下去? - 不 我们都不知道我们能不能死
But what ifwe can and then the arch thing doesn't work?
可如果我们能死 而那个拱门又不起作用怎么办?
What then,Hell? Fuck that.
之后呢 下地狱?我操
It's impossible.Ifwe cut off ourwings...
不可能 如果我们砍掉翅膀
and transubstantiate to complete human form,we become mortal.
彻底转化为人类形态 我们一定能死
Ifwe die with clean souls,there's nowaythey can keep us out.
如果我们带着干净的灵魂死去 他们就没法阻挡我们了
We won't be angels anymore,but at least we get to go home.
我们不再是天使 但至少我们可以回家了
- Who sent the paper? - Who cares who sent the paper?
- 这张报纸是谁寄来的? - 管它是谁寄来的?
All that matters is that after all these years,we found a loophole.
关键在于 过了这么多年后 我们找到了一个神洞
He can't keep us out anymore.
主不能再阻拦我们了
Once we're back in,it'll be forgive and forget.
只要我们回去了 就只剩宽恕和遗忘的问题了
But this thing,this is Church law.
可是这个 这是教堂法规
It's not Divine Mandate.
而不是神谕
Church laws are fallible because they're created by man.
教堂法规未必是对的 因为他们是由人制订的
One ofthe last sacred promises imparted to Peter,the first pope...
圣子在离去前传达给第一任教皇彼得
by the Son ofGod before He left was...
最后的神的约定中有这么一条
- "Whateveryou hold true on Earth..." - " I'll hold true in Heaven."
- "不管你在人间拥有的怎样的真理 " - " 我会拥有天堂的真理"
It's dogmatic law.Ifthe Church says it's so,God must adhere.
这是天条 如果教堂这么说了 那上帝也一定会附和的
This thing has a papal sanction...
这可是经过了教皇批准的
Let it never be said your anal retentive attention to detail...
对什么都那么吹毛求疵的话
neveryielded positive results.
鸡蛋里也能挑出骨头来
You can't be anal retentive ifyou don't have an anus.
我们又不是那种老学究 想那么多干嘛!
Outstanding work!
漂亮极了!
There's just one thing I thinkwe gotta do before we leave.
我想在我们离开前只剩一件事可做了
This is gonna help us get back on His good side.
这会有助于我们回到主的身边的
What?
什么?
Here.I've been dreaming about this for fiveyears.Read that.
这里 我梦想着这一刻已经有五年了 念出来
" Mooby,the Golden Calf.
穆比 金牛大王
Creating an Empire Out ofSimplicity."
白手起家 创建事业帝国
I wanna hit 'em.
我想去干掉他们
You really are just a simple creature.
你真是个头脑简单的家伙
We finallyfind a way back and you want to jeopardize that...
我们终于找到回家的法子了 你却想来捣乱
becauseyou've got a soft spot for the good ol' days.
只因为你太过怀念从前的好日子
What betterway to repent than by resuming the position I once denied...
比起回到我曾经拒绝的那个职位上去 悔过可不是个更好的法子嘛
thanks to you?
真要感谢你
I don't think a killing spree is gonna make things better for us.
我不认为大屠杀会对我们有所帮助
Killing spree? I'm talking about DivineJustice here.
大屠杀?我是在说神的审判
I'm talking about reigning down fire and brimstone,punishing thewicked.
我是在说下火海 上刀山 为罪过受惩罚
He's all about that.I know He'd want this done.
主就是这样的 我知道主是想让我们这么做的
There hasn't been an Angel of Death sinceyou quit.
自从你退位后就再也没有死亡天使了
Doesn't that mean anything toyou?
这对你来说毫无意义吗?
And besides,what ifyou're wrong,likeyou always are?
除此之外 如果你弄错了怎么办?你可是经常弄错的啊
IfI'm wrong...which I'm not...it's not gonna matter.
就算我错了 事实上并没有 也不会有什么关系
We're gonna pass through your arch thing anyway.
总之我们会穿过你说的那个拱门的
We're gonna be forgiven.No harm,no foul.
我们会得到宽恕 没有伤害 就不算犯规
Well,He does hate competition.I will say that.
嗯 主的确是不喜欢竞争 我得这么说
And your Mooby certainly falls under that heading.
你那位穆比倒真可以扣上这项罪名
Where is this church we have to go to?
我们要去的那个教堂在哪儿?
NewJersey.Rededication ceremony is in four days.
新泽西州 赦罪仪式是在四天后
Last four days on Earth?
在人间的最后四天?
Ifl had a dick,I'd go get laid.
如果我有那话儿 我就要去欢度春宵
- We can do the next best thing. - What's that?
- 我们可以做一件第二棒的事 - 什么事?
Let's kill people.
我们去杀人吧
Oh,notyou.
喂 没说是你
The greater Illinois Chapter ofthe Right to Life Foundation...
伊利诺斯州的ㄉ
will be holding its biannual softball game...
将在一年两次的垒球比赛中
against the Cook County...
与库克郡的ǘ樘パ≡袢è联盟进行对抗
Pro-Choice League next Sunday at 2::00.
时间是下周日２点
T oday's second col lection wi I l be donated...
今天的第二轮筹款将要被用来做为
to the J ohn Doe J ersey Life Fund.
约翰﹒多﹒泽西的生命基金
For those ofyou who haven't been following the news...
再向你们当中那些没有注意新闻的人说明一下
an unidentified homeless man...
一个身份不明无家可归的男人
who was accosted and severely beaten at the NewJersey shore last Tuesday...
上周二在新泽西海滨受人挑衅 并遭到严重殴打
Iies in critical,but stable condition in one ofthat area's hospitals.
目前正躺在当地的医院中 伤势严重 不过仍然相当稳定
He lacks identification...
此人的身份无法确定
and police have had no luck tracking down any possible family.
警察也无法查到任何他可能的家人的线索
The archbishop ofthe Trenton diocese has disputed the state's decision...
特雷顿教区的大主教已经对州政府做出的
to remove the indigent man from life-support systems...
撤除此人生命维持系统的决定提出抗议
asking that Catholics all over the country...
号召全国的天主教徒
join in this protest against euthanasia.
都加入到这场对抗安乐死的保护活动中
Well,now please rise for the recession offaith.
那么 现在请起立 为我们的信念祷告
We believe in one God,the Father Almighty...
我们信奉你是神圣唯一的主 我们的天父
Maker of Heaven and Earth.
创造天地的主
We believe inJesus Christ,His onlySon,Our Lord...
我们信奉耶稣 你唯一的儿子 为我们的救主
Choose life!
选择生命!
You're gonna burn in Hell,ya fuckin' baby killer!
你会下地狱的 你这个婴儿杀手!
Holy shit.It's the pope.
天哪 是主教
- Huh? - Where?
- 啊? - 在哪儿?
What are you talking about?
你在鬼扯些什么啊?
Jesus! You're a Catholic.Can'tyou talk to them?
天啊!你是天主教徒 就不能和他们谈谈吗?
They hate me more than you,no doubt.
他们恨我更甚于恨你 毫无疑问
At leastyou have an excuse.You're Jewish.You don't know any better.
至少你还有个借口 你是犹太人 你不知道还有什么更好的办法
We already used that excuse when we killed Christ.
那个借口在我们杀害耶稣基督的时候就已经用过了
Where wereyou yesterday? We went to brunch.
你昨天去哪儿了?我们去吃早午餐来着
I went to church.
我去教堂了
That still kills me,you and church.
我真服了 你和教堂
If only they knewyourweekly tithing came from a Planned Parenthood check.
只要他们知道你每周的什一税都是出自堕胎赚来的钱就好
I don't know why I still go,Liz.
我不知道为什么我还在上教堂 丽兹
I can remember going to church when I was young and being moved.
我记得我小的时候去教堂 并受到撼动
Now I sit there every Sunday and I feel nothing.
可现在我每个周日坐在那里 却毫无感觉
I don't think I have any faith left.
我想我已经没什么信仰了
Remember that seminary student I tried to setyou up with?
记得我以前想要介绍给你的那个神学院的学生吗?
The 20-year-old.The one I could have baby-sat for in high school.
二十岁的那个 本来我高中时可以做他的保姆的
The point is,he told me something.
关键在于 他告诉了我一些话
He said that faith is like a glass ofwater.
他说信仰就像一杯水
When you'reyoung,the glass is little,so it's easyto fill.
当你年幼的时候 杯子很小 所以很容易填满
As you get older,the glass gets bigger.
当你年纪渐长 杯子也越来越大
The same amount ofliquid doesn't fill it anymore.
以前的那点水已经不够装满它了
But periodically the glass has to be refilled.
可是杯子还是需要定期被填满
You're suggesting I need to get filled?
你是在建议我该让自己充实一下?
In moreways than one.
不止一个办法
You need to get laid,Bethany Sloane.You need a man,if only for 1 0 minutes.
你需要做做爱 贝萨妮﹒斯罗恩 你需要一个男人 哪怕只有十分钟
It's been my experience that the average male is never a man...
根据我的经验 一般的男性在他一生当中
not even for ten minutes in his entire life span.
连十分钟的男人都做不了
That sounds militant.Areyou thinking ofjoining the other side?
听起来态度很强硬啊 那你有没有想过去找个女人?
Couldn't do it.Women are insane.
不可能 女人们都是疯子
Then you need to go back to church and ask God for a third option.
那你就得回到教堂里 去问问上帝还有没有第三种选择了
I think God is dead.
我想上帝已经死了
The sign ofa true Catholic.
纯正天主教徒的标志
Good afternoon,Mrs.Reynolds.
下午好 雷诺德夫人
I'm from the EPA.
我是环保署的
We're checking on possible freon leaks.
我们在检查有没有可能的氟泄漏
Tell me,doyou have air conditioning?
请问 你这里有空调吗?
Yes,we have central air.
是的 我们有中央空调
In every room?
每个房间都有?
Except the bathroom.Why?
除了浴室 怎么了?
Well,you do know what that means,don'tyou?
嗯 你确实明白那意味着什么 不是吗?
Move!
闪开!
No pleasure,no rapture,no exquisite sin greater...
没什么快乐 喜悦和强烈的犯罪感
than central air.
比中央空调更好的了
Pick that up.
把那个收拾一下
This will be the base of operations from here on in.
今后这里就是我们活动的大本营了
Now,ifl remember the protocol correctly...
现在 如果我没把协议内容记错的话
the powers...
上面的人
will attempt to contact the last scion.
该想法去找他们最后的后裔了
I need you three...
我要你们三个
to shuffle her loose the mortal coil.
去要了她的小命
Go.
去吧
Behold the Metatron!
吾乃梅塔特隆!
Herald ofthe Almighty and voice ofthe one true God!
圣父之使者 唯一真主之声!
Behold the Metatron!
吾乃梅塔特隆!
Herald ofthe Almighty and voice ofthe one true God!
圣父之使者 唯一真主之声!
SweetJesus! Doyou have to use the whole can?
仁慈的主啊!你一定要把整罐都喷出来吗?
Who the fuck areyou and what the fuck areyou doing in my room?
你他妈的是谁?他妈的在我房间干什么?
I'm the one that's soaked and she's the one that's surly.That's rich.
被喷的是我 凶的倒是她 真是够了
Stupid fucking...
蠢毙了
Get the fuck out ofhere,now!
他妈的给我滚出去 马上!
Oryou'll do what exactly?
不然你想怎么样?
Hit me with that fish?
打我吗?用那条鱼?
Now,just sit down on the bed and shut up.
现在 给我坐到床上去 闭上嘴
Jesus wept!
真是要命
Look at my suit.
看看我的衣服!
Just take whateveryou want,but don't kill or rape me.
你要拿什么随便 但不要杀害或是强暴我
Give over! I couldn't rapeyou ifl wanted to.Angels are ill-equipped.
够了!我就算想强暴你也没法啊 天使们都被缴械了
See?
看见没?
I'm as anatomically-impaired as a Ken doll.
我就像那个肯娃娃一样被净身了
Makeyourselfuseful and give me that towel.
做点有用的事 把那条毛巾递给我
You bottom-feeders and your arrogance.
你这个婊子 还有你的傲慢
You think everybody's just trying to get in your knickers.
你以为每个人都想跟你上床啊?
What areyou?
你到底是什么?
I'm pissed offis what I am.
我就是个被净身了的家伙
Doyou drench everyone who comes in your room with flame-retardant chemicals?
是不是每一个进你房间的人都要这么被你拿灭火剂浇啊?
No wonderyou're single.
难怪你还是单身
Stand back.
呆着别动
As I was sayin'...
正如我刚刚
prior toyour fire-fighting episode...
在你的灭火大战之前所说的
I am the Metatron.
我是梅塔特隆
Don't tell me the name doesn't ring a bell?
别说听到这个名字你还是不明白哈
You people.
你们人类真是的
Ifthere isn't a movie about it,it's not worth knowing,is it?
没有拍成电影的事情就不值得知道 是不是?
I am a seraphim.
我是个六翼天使
The highest choir ofangels.
天使中等级最高的
You do knowwhat an angel is,don'tyou?
你总知道天使的 对吧?
Metatron acts as the voice ofGod.
梅塔特隆传达上帝之声
Any documented occasion when someyahoo claims that God has spoken to them...
在任何文档中关于有人声明上帝曾与他交谈的记载
they're speaking to me.
其实和他们说话的都是我
Or they're talking to themselves.
要么就是他们在自言自语
Why doesn't God speak for Himself?
为什么上帝不自己开口?
Glad you decided to join the conversation.To answer that...
很高兴你决定加入对话了 关于这个问题的答案
human beings have neither the aural,nor the psychological capacity...
人类不论是在听力上还是心理上都没有能力
to withstand the awesome power ofGod's true voice.
来承受上帝真实声音所带有的巨大力量
Wereyou to hear it,your mind would cave in and your heart would explode.
一旦听到 你的思想会崩溃 心脏会炸毁
We went through five Adams before we figured that one out.
在我们了解到这点之前已经牺牲五个亚当了
Well,how do I know you're an angel?
那么 我怎么知道你真是天使?
Aside from the fiery entrance and the expansive wingspan?
除了之前伴随烈焰的出场 还有这可以展开的双翼
You want more proof?
你还想要更多的证明?
Fine.
好吧
How about tequila?
来杯龙舌兰酒怎么样?
- Where the hell are we? -Only placeyou can go for good tequila.
- 我们这是在什么鬼地方? - 唯一可以让你品尝到美味龙舌兰酒的地方
Dos tequilas,porfavor,and an empty glass.
请来两杯龙舌兰酒 还有一个空杯
We're in Mexico?
我们在墨西哥?
Actually,we're in a franchised Mexican family eatery...
事实上 我们是在一个特许的墨西哥家庭餐馆里
down the street from your apartment,but...
就在你公寓同一条街往下走 不过...
it's impressive nonetheless.
尽管如此它还是挺抢眼的
You don't mind I lost the wings,doyou? I'm trying to keep our profile low.
你不介意我把翅膀收起来了吧?我在尽力保持低调
What doyou want with me?
你想让我干嘛?
I am to chargeyou with a holy crusade.
我要赋予你一个神圣的使命之旅
For the record,I work in an abortion clinic.
我可是在堕胎所工作的
Noah was a drunk.Lookwhat he accomplished.
诺亚只不过是个酒鬼 看看他的丰功伟绩
And no one's asking you to build an ark.All you gotta do is go to NewJersey...
而且又没人说要你去造方舟 你只是需要去趟新泽西
and visit a small church on a very important day.
并在一个重要的日子里去造访一间小教堂
NewJersey?
新泽西?
That doesn't sound like much ofa crusade.
听起来不太像什么使命之旅
Aside from the fine print,that's it.
除了一些细节外 基本就是这样
What's the fine print?
细节是什么?
Stop a couple of angels from entering and thus negating all existence.
阻止两名天使的进入并消除一切证据
Wait,wait,wait.Repeat that.
等等 等一下 再说一遍
Stop a couple of angels from entering...
阻止两名天使的进入
and thus negating all existence.
并消除一切证据
I hate it when people need it spelled out for them.
我讨厌人们还得要我一个个字母地拼出来
You might want to clarify that.
你能不能说明一下
Back in the old days,God was vengeful and hot-tempered.
在很久以前 上帝的报复心很强 脾气也很躁
And His wrath was bore...
主的怒火诞生了
by the Angel of Death,name of Loki.
死亡天使 名为洛凯
When Sodom and Gomorrah was destroyed...
所多玛和蛾摩拉被天火焚毁的事件
that was Loki.
是洛凯干的
When the waters wiped out everything except Noah and his menagerie...
除了诺亚和他方舟上的动物们得以幸免 世间万物都被其摧毁的大洪水
that was Loki...and he was good at what he did.
也是洛凯 他在这方面相当擅长
But one day...
可是有一天
he refused to bear God's wrath any longer.
他拒绝再继续承受上帝的怒火
- Why? - He listened to his friend...
- 为什么? - 他听从了他的朋友
a Grigori by the name of Bartleby.
一个古利格利 名叫巴特比
Grigori?
古利格利?
One ofthe choirs of angels.They're called Watchers.
天使的一种 他们被称为看守者
Guess what they do.
猜猜他们干了什么
So one day,Loki's wiping out all the firstborn of Egypt...
有一天 洛凯去消灭所有埃及人家中的长子
The Tenth Plague.
第十次清洗
Tell a person thatyou're the Metatron and they stare atyou blankly.
跟一个人说你是梅塔特隆 他们就只会茫然地盯着你
Mention something out of a Charlton Heston movie...
可一提起一些查尔顿﹒赫斯顿电影中的事
and suddenly everybody's a theology scholar.
每个人就又突然都变成神学家了
May I continue uninterrupted?
可不可以请你不要再打断我的话了?
Once he's done with the firstborn...
当他处理完那些长子后
Loki takes his friend Bartleby out for a post-slaughter drink.
洛凯就带着他的朋友巴特比出去喝庆功酒
And over many rounds...
喝了很多轮后
they get into this discussion about...
他们就开始讨论
whether or not murder in the name ofGod is okay.
以上帝之名进行杀戮是否得当
And in the end...
最后
Bartleby convinces Loki to quit his position...
巴特比说服了洛凯退出职位
and take one which doesn't involve slaughter.
再选一个不需要杀人的
So...
结果...
very inebriated...
就这么醉醺醺地
Loki tells God he quits...
洛凯向上帝禀告说他要退位
throws down his fiery sword...
抛下了他的烈焰宝剑
and gives Him the finger.
还对主比了一个中指
Which ruins it for the rest of us because from that day forward...
结果害得我们也跟着遭殃 因为就从那天开始
God decreed that angels could no longer imbibe alcohol.
上帝下令禁止天使再喝任何酒精饮料
Hence all the spitting.
所以只能这么吐出来
So,for their insolence...
由于他们的无礼举动
God decreed that neither Loki nor Bartleby...
上帝下令 不论是洛凯还是巴特比
would ever be allowed back into Paradise.
都不被允许再度进入天堂
- Were they sent to Hell? - Worse.
- 他们被打入地狱了? - 更惨
Wisconsin...
威斯康辛
for the entire span ofhuman history.
在那里一直呆到人类毁灭
And when the world ends,they'll have to sit outside the gates for all eternity.
一旦世界毁灭 他们便再也无处可去
And this has what to do with me?
这和我有什么关系?
Someone has clued them in to a loophole in Catholic dogma...
有人向他们透露了天主教天条中神洞的事情
that would allow them to reenter Heaven.
那会令他们重返天堂
So what? They beat the system.Good for them.
那又怎样?他们赢了上天 对他们来说可是好事一桩
It's not that simple.
没那么简单
Ifthey get in,theywill have reversed God's decree.
如果他们成功了 他们就逆反了上帝的旨意
Now listen closely because this bit's very important.
现在听仔细了 因为这一点非常重要
Existence in all its form and splendor...
世间万事万物的存在
function solely on one principle...
都是建立在一个前提上
God is infallible.
上帝是完美无暇的
To prove Him wrong...
证明主错了
would undo reality and everything that is.
会反转现实中的一切
Upwould become down,blackwould becomewhite.
上下易位 黑白颠倒
Existencewould become nothingness.
存在将化为虚无
In essence...
简单来说
ifthey're allowed to enter that church...
如果他们进入了那间教堂
they'll unmake the world.
他们就会毁灭世界
Ifthis is so major,why areyou talking to me?
如果这件事这么重大 你干嘛要跟我说?
- Why doesn't God do something about it? - He could.
- 上帝干嘛不自己做些什么? - 主可以做
But He'd rather seeyou take care ofthis one personally.
但主更想看着你来私下处理这件事
Why me?
为什么是我?
Because ofwhoyou are.
因为你的身份
And who am I?
我是什么身份?
The girl in the pj's!
睡衣丫头!
Don't ask so many questions.Just serveyour purpose.
不要问这么一大堆问题 尽你的职责就是了
I'm gonna have to pass.
我不要干
I beg your pardon?
再说一遍?
When some quiet little infection destroyed my uterus,where was God?
当一些不易察觉的细小病痛逐渐损坏了 我的子宫时 上帝干嘛去了?
When my husband decided...
当我丈夫决定
he couldn't be with a wife who couldn't bear his children...
他无法再和一个不能帮他养育孩子的妻子 一起生活下去的时候
where was God?
上帝干嘛去了?
To Hell with Him.
让主见鬼去吧
Don't allow eons ofhistory and life to get blinked out ofbeing...
不要对漫长的历史和生活视而不见
just becauseyou've got a grudge againstyour Creator.
仅仅因为你对上帝有所不满
Soyou lost the ability to make life.
这样会令你失去创造人生的能力
You're being offered the chance to play mother to the world...
你被赐予了一个充当世界之母的机会
by acting like one and protecting it...
像个母亲般地保护它
saving it!
拯救它!
But I can't makeyou.
但我并不能替你完成
However,ifyou should decide to stop being selfish...
然而 如果你决定不再这么自私
and acceptyour responsibility...
接受你的职责
you won't be alone.
你不会孤军作战
You'll have support.
你会得到援助
What? More angels?
什么援助?更多的天使?
Prophets.
先知
In a manner ofspeaking.Two of'em.
确切地说 有两位
The one who speaks...
一位说话
and he will,at great length,whetheryou want him to or not...
不管你想不想听 他都会滔滔不绝讲个不停
will make mention ofhimself as a prophet.
而且会以先知自喻
The other one...
另外一位
well,he's the quiet type.
嗯 他相当沉默
Look,I've gotta go.
好了 我得走了
Remember,we're working in a time frame here.
记住 我们是有时间限制的
What's He like?
他是什么样子的?
God?
上帝吗?
Lonely...
很孤独
but funny.
但很有趣
He's got a great sense ofhumor.
主有着很棒的幽默感
Take sex,for example.There's nothing funnier...
拿性来说 再没什么会比
than the ridiculous faces you people make mid-coitus.
你们人类在达到性高潮时滑稽的表情更有趣的了
Sex is a joke in Heaven?
性在天堂是个笑话?
The way I understand it,it's mostly a joke down here too.
我是这么觉得的 在这里它大多时候也是
I'll seeya.
回头见了
Snootch to the motherfucking nootch!
我他妈的告诉你们
Go back to your paper routes,you Mighty Duck Fucks!
快回家吃奶去吧 你们这帮打曲棍球的小鬼们!
Snoogans.Did you see that shit,man?
真是爽啊!你看到他们那副蠢样儿没?
I know theywere just kids,but we kicked their fucking pube-less asses!
我知道他们只是一群小毛孩 但也要给他们点苦头尝尝!
I don't know what to say or think,except...
我不知道有什么好说好想的 只想问你...
That you'll offer us sex as a reward?
你会跟我们做爱做为犒赏吗?
That I'd like to know who they and you are.
我想知道他们是谁 你们又是谁?
I'm Jay,and this is my hetero life mate,Silent Bob.
我是杰 这是我的另类生活伴侣 沉默鲍伯
I don't know who those kids were,but theywould have kicked yours...
我不知道那些小鬼是什么人 但他们差点儿
and Lunchbox's asses ifl hadn't represented.
就扁痛你的小屁屁了 如果我没出现的话
Thanks for being out here so late.
谢谢你们这么晚还在外面
Wait a minute.Areyou protestors?
等一下 你们是那些示威者吗?
You mean those dickheads with the signs and pictures of dead babies?
你是说那些举着标志和死婴图片的呆子们?
Shit no! Me and Silent Bob are pro-choice.
他妈的当然不是!我们支持堕胎的
A woman's body is her own fucking business.
女人的身体是他妈的她自己的事儿
But what areyou doing hanging around?
那你们干嘛在这里闲逛?
We're here to pick up chicks.
我们是来找妓女的
Excuse me?
什么?
We figure abortion clinics are a good place to meet loose women.
我们觉得堕胎所是个找放荡女人的好地方
Why else would they be here unless they like to fuck?
如果不是因为他们喜欢做爱的话 干嘛要来这种地方?
Right.
是吧
Well,I should be going.Thanks for the rescue.
好吧 我该走了 谢谢你们救了我
- I think. - Wait a second.
- 我想是的 - 等一下
We just saved your ass,and you're just gonna take off.
我们刚刚救了你的小屁屁 你却想就这么一走了之?
What the shit is that?
这他妈的叫怎么回事?
I had a weird night last night and tonight's not shaping up to be better.
我昨天就过了一个莫名其妙的晚上 今天也没好到哪里去
I think I should go home,take some Percosets and lay down.
我想我应该回家去 吃几片镇静剂睡上一觉
Now how about that shit? Fuck this town,man!
现在算啥米状况啊?靠 兄弟!
I'm goin' back toJersey and startin' up the business again.
我要回泽西去 重新开始做我的事
I can kick the shit out ofkids in Red Bank and make myselfa profit.
在红岸我可以狠狠地揍一通小鬼 然后给自己捞点好处
Prophets.Two of'em.
先知 有两名
- You know what I'm sayin',Silent Bob? - You gotta be kidding me.
- 你知道我的意思吧 沉默鲍伯? - 你不是在耍我吧
We call this piece "The Fecalator."
这个我们叫做圣炎
One look at it and the target shits him or herself.
对方只要看上一眼就会吓得屁滚尿流
Try it on.
试试吧
It's a lot more compact than the flaming sword,but not nearly as impressive.
这可比烈焰宝剑的杀伤力强多了 虽然没剑那么威风
It doesn't have that "Wrath ofthe Almighty" edge to it.
它没有圣父之怒火所赐予的威力
How am I supposed to strike fear into hearts ofthe wicked with this thing?
叫我怎么用这种东西令人们的内心感到恐惧啊?
Look at this.
看看这东西
Well,then,you know,don't use a gun.Lay the place to waste like.
唔 那么 你知道 别用枪了 直接毁了那地方
Easy foryou to say.You get offlight in a razing.
你说得轻巧 你对摧毁这种事异常来劲儿
You got to stand there and read at Sodom and Gomorrah.
你只是站在那儿 看着所多玛和蛾摩拉被毁
I had to do all the work.
所有的活儿都得我来干
What work did you do? You lit a few fires.
你干什么了?你只是点了把火
I rained down sulfur.There's a subtle difference.
我是让天上落下硫酸雨 这可是有区别的
Okay,I'm sure.
好吧 确实是
Fuckyou.Any moron with a pack of matches can set a fire.
你要知道 妈的 随便一个带着盒火柴的白痴都能纵火
Raining down sulfur is like an endurance trial.
让天上下硫酸雨可是种耐力的证明
Mass genocide is the most exhausting activity one can engage in...
灭绝种族的屠杀是种最耗力气的活动了
next to soccer.
不输给踢足球
I'll take this one.
我要这把
So,what's up? You have a friend for Silent Bob,or areyou gonna do us both?
所以 怎么着啊?你再找个朋友来给沉默鲍伯 还是你要跟我们两个做?
If so,I'm first.I hate sloppy seconds.
如果这样的话 我先来 我讨厌当老二
You're a man of principle.
你倒挺有原则的
Jersey's pretty far from McHenry.May I askwhat broughtyou here?
泽西离马克亨利堡相当远 我能不能问一下你们怎么会来这里的?
Some fuck named John Hughes.
因为一个叫约翰﹒休斯的混蛋
Sixteen Candles John Hughes?
拍《十六支蜡烛》的那个约翰﹒休斯?
You know that guy too? That fuckin' guy.
你也知道那家伙?那个混蛋家伙
He made this flick Sixteen Candles.Not bad.
他拍的那部《十六支蜡烛》 还不错
There's tits in it,but no bush.
里面有不少大胸部 可是没有大屁股的
But Ebert over here don't give a shit about that kind ofthing...
但艾伯特完全不理那码子事
because he's like in love with this John Hughes guy.
因为他很迷约翰﹒休斯
He goes out and rents every one ofhis movies.
他主演的每一部电影艾伯特都租回来看
Fuckin' Breakfast Club,where stupid kids actually show up for detention.
他妈的《早餐俱乐部》 就是讲一帮被扣住的愚蠢小鬼
Fuckin' WeirdScience,where this babe wants to undress and get down...
他妈的《摩登保姆》 就是个娘们想被人扒光和上她
but,oh,no,she don't,because it's a PG movie.
可是 噢 不 她没有 因为那是部PG级电影
And then Prettyin Pink,which I can't watch with this tubby bitch anymore...
还有《粉红女郎》 我根本看不下去那个胖男人
because when the redhead hooks up with her dream guy...
因为当那个红头发钓到她的梦中情人后
he starts sobbin' like a little bitch with a skinned knee and shit.
他就开始像个婊子似的哭哭啼啼with a skinned knee and shit
And there's nothing worse than watchin' a fuckin' fat man weep.
再没什么比看一个胖男人做爱更糟的了
What exactly broughtyou to Illinois?
你们到底来伊利诺伊州做什么?
All these movies take place in this small town called Shermer,Illinois...
这些电影讲的都是伊利诺伊州一个叫薛莫的小镇
where all the honeys are top-shelf but all the dudes arewhiny pussies.
那里的人都不错
Except forJudd Nelson.Hewas fuckin' harsh.
除了贾德﹒纳尔逊 他看起来他妈的让人不爽
But best ofall...
但是其中最好的是
there was no one dealin',man.
那儿没有人偷东西
Then it hits me.We could live like phat rats...
这个打动了我
ifwe were the blunt connection in Shermer,Illinois.
我们就是薛莫的枢纽
Sowe collected some money we were owed and caught a bus.
所以我们去收回了一些别人欠我们的钱 然后搭了辆汽车
Butyou know what the fuck we found out when we got there?
可你知道等我们到了后他妈的发现了什么吗?
There is no Shermer,Illinois.
伊利诺伊州根本就没有薛莫小镇这么个地方
Movies are fuckin' bullshit.
电影他妈的都是在扯淡
- When areyou going back to NewJersey? - This broad asks a lot of questions.
- 你们什么时候回新泽西? - 这娘们的问题还真多
- Tomorrow. - Tomorrow.
- 明天 - 明天
Yeah.Soyou do anal?
没错 你玩肛交吗?
Is it true that chicks fart ifyou blast them in the ass?
听说那话儿插进肛门的时候会放屁 是不是真的啊?
I didn't askyou out for sex.
我不是叫你们出来做爱的
I'll take head.
我要啊
This is gonna sound really bad.I can't believe I'm even thinking about this.
真是要命 我简直没法相信我会有这种想法
I think I should gowith you.
我想我得跟你们一起走
Like steady? You wanna be my girlfriend?
你是说确定关系?你要做我的女朋友?
All right,but Silent Bob gets to live with us and you pay the rent.
好吧 不过沉默鲍伯得和我们一起住 而且房租得你出
No.I wanna go with you to NewJersey.
不是 我是要和你们一起去新泽西
Really?
真的?
You're going to lead me somewhere.
你们要引导我至某处
Me lead you?
我引导你?
Lady,look at me.I don't even know where I am halfthe time.
小姐 你看看我 我甚至大半时间都不知道自己在什么地方混着呢
Ifwe're not gonna fuck,then what the fuck did you ask us out for?
如果你不要和我们做爱 那他妈的叫我们出来干嘛啊?
Someone told me I'd meetyou and you'd take me someplace I was supposed to go.
有人告诉我说我会和你们相遇 然后你们会带我去某个我该去的地方
What the hell areyou babbling about?
你在瞎嘀咕什么啊?
We saved your ass from some angry fuckin' dwarves...
我们从那群发飙的小矮子手里救了你的小屁屁
and now we're supposed to takeyou somewhere as ifwe know where it is?
现在却说我们该带你去个连我们都不知道是哪里的地方?
Doyou believe in God?
你相信上帝吗?
Holy fuck! All the fine,immoral bitches out in front ofthat place...
我靠!在那儿乱来
and we gotta get the oneJesus freak?
耶苏就会出现?
- Let's get the fuck out ofhere. - Wait.
- 他妈的我们走吧 - 等等
- I'll scream rape. - I can payyou.
- 我要喊强奸了 - 我可以付钱给你们
Pay?
付钱?
A hundred bucks for being my guide.
一百块钱 雇你们做我的向导
You were going toJersey anyway.All I'm asking is to tag along.
反正你们也是要去泽西 我只是让你们顺带捎我一路
I feel like Han Solo,you're Chewie,and she's Ben Kenobi...
感觉好像我是韩﹒索罗 你是丘伊 她是本﹒肯诺比...
and we're in that fucked-up bar!
我们就在那个酒吧里面!
What about sex?
那性方面怎么办?
No sex.
与性无关
Let's saywe're caught in a situation where we have five minutes left to live.
比如说我们陷入一种状况 只剩五分钟可活
A bomb or something's gonna go off.Would you fuck us then?
有炸弹或是什么东西要发射之类的 那时候你会和我们做爱吗?
In that highly unlikely situation?
在那种极为不可能发生的状况下?
Yeah,sure.
好吧 我会
She's a slut.
她真是个懒人
All right.
好吧
But I get to drive.
但是得我开车
What gear areyou in?
你挂了几档?
Gear?
几档?
What do I know about shiftin'?
我怎么知道什么换档?
Like I ever drove before.
好像我以前还真开过车似的
Indiana,Ohio,Pennsylvania...
印第安纳州 俄亥俄州 宾夕法尼亚州...
NewJersey.
新泽西州
Maybeyou're wrong about this slaughter thing.
也许你在屠杀这件事上搞错了
How can you be sure what incurs the Lord's wrath these days? Times change.
你怎么能够确定这些日子以来是有什么来承担主的怒火的?时代在变
I remember eating meat on a Friday used to be a Hell-worthy trespass.
我记得以前在礼拜五吃肉就足以下地狱了
The major sins never change.
主罪永不会变
Besides,I can spot a commandment-breaker from a mile away.
另外 我能感觉到一里开外的地方有位破戒者
Bet on it.
要不要打赌
This from the guywho still owes me ten bucks over that bet...
这是那个现在还欠着我十块钱赌债的家伙寄来的
about which was gonna be the bigger movie...ET or Krush Groove.
那次我们是赌哪部电影会更火 是《E T》还是《狂热教授》
Fuckyou,man,'cause time's gonna tell on that one.
靠 兄弟 时间会证明一切的
Are you insinuating that I don't have what it takes anymore?
你是不是以为我在损你啊
Insinuating,no.
暗损?没有啊
Flat-out telling you.
是明着告诉你
Right there.There's one.
那边 就有一个
So? They're kissing.
怎么了?他们在接吻
Adultery.
是婚外情
- Adultery? - Adultery.
- 婚外情? - 婚外情
You are just a simple creature.
你真是个头脑简单的家伙
- Am I right? - I happen to know the truth.
- 我说得不对吗? - 我碰巧知道真相
I'm not gonna tell you.I want to see how boned up on the jobyou are.
但我不会告诉你的 我想看看你是怎么发现的
- What's your proof? - He's wearing a wedding band.
- 你有什么证据? - 他戴着结婚戒指
And it never occurred to you that maybe she's his wife?
但你没想过说不定她就是他妻子吗?
No married man kisses his wife like that.
结了婚的男人不会那样吻妻子的
Okay.It's a good thing you were never...
好吧 幸好你从来没做过
the deciding member on a jury is all I'm saying.
陪审团的成员 我只想说这个
" No married man kisses his wife like that"? Areyou stoned?
结了婚的男人不会那样吻妻子的?你是呆子啊?
Excuse me.
不好意思
Areyou married?
你结婚了吗?
Why?
干嘛?
I'm just curious.
我只是好奇
What doyou think?
你以为呢?
- What? - To her?
- 又怎么了? - 跟她?
- What? - Areyou married to her?
- 什么? - 你是跟她结的婚吗?
Not that it's any of your fucking business,but no.
虽然他妈的不关你的事 但是不是
Why?
怎么了?
Whose house
谁的房子
Run's house
Run的房子
I said,whose house
我说谁的房子?
Run's house
Run的房子
Whose house Say what
谁的房子 说
Run's house Say what
Run的房子 还要说什么
Martin
马丁
She's fuckin' pissed,dude.She's never gonna fuck us now.
妈的 她一定是喝多了 老大 到现在她都没跟我们做过爱
Maybe you,but definitely not me.
或许跟你做了 但绝对没跟我做
Let me know how she is.
告诉我她怎么样啊?
Nobody is fucking me! You got that?
我不会跟任何人做爱!你明白了?
I don't know what I was thinking in that diner...
我不知道我当时在餐厅里是怎么想的
but being that I've decided to go home,and not to NewJersey...
但我已经决定回家 不去新泽西了
sorry for the inconvenience and good-bye.
抱歉打扰你们了 再见
You're breaking up with us?
你要和我们分手了?
Who the hell doyou think you are,lady?
见鬼了 你以为你是谁啊 小姐?
You can't just go around breaking people's hearts like that!
你不能像这样到处去伤人的心啊!
I fell in love with you! We fell in love with you!
我爱上你了!我们爱上你了!
Guys like us just don't fall out ofthe fuckin' sky.
像我们这样的男人不会他妈的从天上掉下来 你知道吗?
Beautiful,naked,big-tittied women just don't fall out ofthe sky.
漂亮裸体的大胸女人也不会从天上掉下来 你知道吗?
No heartbeat.
没有心跳
Think someone threw him out ofa plane with a message written on him...
想来是有人在他身上写了什么话 然后从飞机上丢了下来
Iike in ConAir?
像《空中监狱》那样?
- Did you ever see that flick? - Oh,did that suck!
- 你有看到他动吗? - 噢 真他妈的!
- ConAir? Con Shit. - Kill it!
- 空中监狱?空他妈的头 - 杀了他!
- Sounds familiar. -Jesus,areyou okay?
- 听着耳熟 - 天啊 你没事吧?
Yeah,it's Rufus.And yeah,I'm fine.
是的 我是鲁夫斯 是的 我没事
He's the fucking undead! Cut his head off!.
他他妈的是个死不了!把他的脑袋砍下来!
What I just did gave me a fucking migraine!
刚刚这么做他妈的让我偏头痛!
So ifyou don't pipe down,I'm gonna yankyour sac offlike a paper towel.
所以如果你再不安静点儿的话 我就把你的那话儿像卫生纸一样扯断!
Speaking ofwhich,you're awfully nude.
说谁啊 你自己可是一丝不挂的啊
- Rufus,is it? - Yes,Rufus it is.
- 鲁夫斯是吧? - 没错 正是鲁夫斯
It's usually Long Rufus,but it's a little cold out here.You understand?
通常是说长者鲁夫斯 但这里有点儿冷 你懂我意思吧?
Big Papa,how about lending a brother your coat till I find my own threads?
老兄 在我找到自己的衣服前 把你的外套借给兄弟穿穿怎么样啊?
Dude,he fell out ofthin air.
老大 他是从天上掉下来的
Dude,his piece is gonna be rubbing inside ofyour armor.
老大 他那话儿会在你的衣服里面磨来蹭去的
- Dude! - Thanks a lot,baby.
- 老大! - 谢了 宝贝
I'll do my best to tuck it back.
我会尽量把它塞回去的
It's been a while since physics but I would think...
生理上这会需要一点时间
the impact with which you hit the asphalt would have liquefied you.
太冲动了对你不好
Death is a worry ofthe living.
活着的人才担心死的事情
The dead,like myself,onlyworry about decay and necrophiliacs.
像我这种死人只担心腐烂和尸臭的问题
- Told you he was the undead. - Not the undead.The dead.
- 就跟你说了他是个死不了! - 不是死不了!是死人
I died.
我已经死了
Christ told me the secret to the resurrection once.
基督只告诉过我一次复活的方法
We were at this wedding in Caanan.I got drunk and forgot it.
当时我们是在肯诺的一场婚礼上 我喝醉了 就给忘了
Wait,wait,wait.
等等
Christ?
基督?
You knew Christ?
你认识基督?
Knew him? Shit,nigga owes me 1 2 bucks.
认识?妈的 那个小气鬼还欠着我十二块钱呢
Let me guess.
我来猜一下
- You're another angel? - Oh,I ain't no angel.
- 你也是名天使? - 噢 我可不是天使
I'm a man,just likeyou and him.Well,maybe not him.
我是个人 就像你和他一样 嗯 可能跟他不一样
At least I was a man.
至少我曾经是人
Been dead nearly 2,000 years.Here,check this out.
死了差不多有两千年了吧 这里 看看吧
Nowonder he sawJesus.Homey's rockin' the ganj.
怪不得他见过耶稣 黑人就是有一套
It's not a joint.
这个没有关系
I can't read this.
我读不懂这东西
It's Aramaic.It says," Rufus,seeyou in twoyears.Jesus."
这是亚兰文 上面写着:鲁夫斯 两年后再见 耶稣
Freaked me out because He basically told me when my numberwas up.
他曾经告诉我当属于我的人出现的时候
Took all the flavor out ofthe remaining years.We gotta get moving.
就要把余生所有的精力都耗尽
Let's saywe continue this discussion over a two-piece and a biscuit.Come on.
我说我们去弄些点心什么的边吃边谈吧 走吧
I'm starvin'.Back off,Kato.
我快饿死了!回来!
Wait a second!
等一下!
Between guys with wings,guys falling out ofthe sky...
在这堆长着翅膀的家伙 从天上掉下来的家伙
and guys trying like hell to fuck me...
还有一直想跟我做爱的家伙中
I think I've been a pretty good sport about all this so far.
我想我至少到现在干的不错
But I'm not going anywhere until I find out where the hell you came from.
但在我搞清楚你到底是打哪个鬼地方来的之前 我哪儿也不会去
Me? I came from Heaven.
我?我从天堂来的啊
Now let's start walkin'.
现在我们开始迈步走路吧
Walk? Fuckyou! Doyou know how farwe are from anywheres?
走路?我靠!你知道我们离那个什么地方有多远吗?
Hey,man,back in the old days with J.C.,we used to walk everywhere.
喂 兄弟 过去和耶稣基督在一起的时候 到任何地方我们都是走着去的
Did you ever hear of a fat apostle?
你听说过门徒中有胖子吗?
What the hell's an apostle?
什么见鬼的门徒?
Let me get this straight.
也就是说
She's already met the prophets...
她已经遇到了先知
and the apostle's with them?
门徒也和他们在一起?
I think that our best course of action...
我想我们的行动最关键的目的
is to ensure that our parcel is not found.
就是确保我们不会被发现
And being that I can't even trustyou enough to kill a woman...
所以哪怕是叫你们去杀个女人我都不放心
well,I'm left with no choice...
唔 看来我别无选择
but to seek outside assistance in guarding said package.
只好寻求所谓的外援了
I'm gonna have to summon the Golgothan.
我要召唤来魔怪各各森
I appreciate the loan,brother.You can have that back.
谢谢你借我衣服穿 兄弟 你会得到回报的
Man,I rememberwhen all we used to have for breakfast was fish and goat's milk.
嘿 我记得原来我们的早餐只有鱼和羊奶的
- What doyou call this shit? - Egga Mooby Muffin.
- 这玩意儿你们叫什么? - 鸡蛋牛肉松饼
Now,how 'boutyou start explaining some things,like for starters...
你现在能不能开始解释一下 就当我们什么都不懂...
how did you know where to find us?
你怎么知道在哪里能找到我们的?
Doyou know what the dead do with most oftheir time?
你们知道死人大多时候都在干嘛吗?
Watch the living.Especially in the shower.
观察活着的人 特别是那些在洗澡的
I can't wait to die.
我等不及要死了
And why areyou watching me?
那你为什么要观察我?
Becauseyou're the one who's gonna help me get some changes made...
因为你可以帮我对一本
in that book you put so much stock in.
你们花了不少钱的书做些改动
- Hustler? - The Bible!
- 黄色书刊? - 是《圣经》!
- What's your beefwith the Bible? - For starters,I'm not in it.
- 《圣经》又关你什么事儿了? - 对那些入门者来说 书里面没有我
Neither are any of us,butyou don't hear us bitchin' and moanin'.
也没我们啊 但你也没听到我们有唧唧歪歪地抱怨过什么吧
But I'm supposed to be in it.I was the 1 3th Apostle.
但我应该在上面的 我是第十三门徒
I've gone to church mywhole life and never heard of Rufus,the 1 3th Apostle.
我从生下来就开始去教堂直到现在 但从没听说过什么第十三门徒鲁夫斯
Butyou heard of the other 1 2 Apostles.
但你听过其它的十二门徒对吧
Theywere all white boys,I might add.But no mention of me,Rufus.
他们都是白人 我要说明一下 但是从没提到过我 鲁夫斯
And why is that? 'Cause I'm a black man.
为什么呢?因为我是黑人
Butyou know what? That's just my pet peeve.
可你们知道吗?这就是让我不爽的地方
I'm mainly here to correct a major error you've been basing your faith on.
我来这儿主要是想修正你们信仰中的一个大错误
- What's that? -Jesus wasn't white.Jesus was black.
- 什么错误? - 耶稣不是白人 耶稣是黑人
I don't buy it.
我不信
Ifthat's true,why did He get written about and you were left out?
如果真是那样的话 为什么书上有他的记载 却把你给漏了?
Well,He is the Son ofGod.
喏 主是上帝之子
Kind ofhard to have a New Testament without him.
没他的话就不太可能有《新约》了
Soyou fudge a few facts,you put a spin on his ethnicity.
你在歪曲事实 你伤了他的自尊心
Leaving me out is okay 'causeyou still got 1 2 white boys to choose from.
漏了我也没关系 反正你们还有十二个白人男子可以选
- Areyou gonna listen to this shit? - That's what people of Antioch said...
- 你们要听这种鬼话吗? - 安地奥克的人们也是怎么说的
right before they stoned my ass.
在他们用石头丢我的屁股之前
You were martyred?
你是被迫害致死的?
That's one way of puttin' it.
这是其中一种说法
Anotherway is to say I was bludgeoned to shit by big fucking rocks.
还有一种是说我被一堆他妈的大石块给砸死的
White folks onlywanna hear the good shit...
白皮家伙们只想听好话
Iife eternal,a place in God's Heaven.
永恒的生命啦 上帝的天堂一角啦
But as soon as you hear thatyou're gettin' this good shit...
可当你一听说这些好处
from a blackJesus,ya freak.
都是从一个黑皮肤的耶稣那里得来的 你就抓狂了
And that,my friends,is called hypocrisy.
这个 我的朋友们 就叫做虚伪
A black man can steal your stereo,but he can't beyour savior.
黑人可以偷你的音响 但他不能是你们的救世主
You gonna eat that hash brown?
你想吃了那些乱七八糟的东西?
So,you went to Heaven?
所以 你就上了天堂?
Damn right I went to Heaven! That's the least He could do.
没错我上了天堂!主至少还能做到这一点
In the threeyears I followed His ass around Jerusalem,did I ever get laid?
在我做他的跟屁虫的那三年当中 我有做过一次爱吗?
Hell no.And I was in my prime.
妈的没有 我可正值壮年啊
I could have been knee-deep in shepherds' daughters...
我能在史费的女儿面前作
not to mention fine-ass Mary Magdalene.
更不用提美臀玛利亚﹒麦德莲
She had a thing for dark meat,ifyou follow me.
她是属于黑暗的
Maybe this is just me talking,but ifl were in Heaven...
也许只是我这么说说 如果我是在天堂里
I wouldn't care what the Bible said as long as they got the message right.
我才不管《圣经》里说些什么呢 只要传达的信念没错
The message is what counts.
那些信念确实是关键所在
But folks who build theirfaith on that message should be colorblind.
可那些把他们的信仰建立在这种信念上的家伙们一定是些色盲
And all my rabble-rousing is not doing that much above.
我所有的这些下等人的抗议在上面根本不被当回事
So I'm gonna need some help down here.
所以我要到下界来找些帮手
That's why I'm gonna helpyou stop those angels from gettin' into that church...
所以我才会帮你们阻止那两名天使进入那间教堂
in exchange foryou helping me with my campaign.
条件就是你们要帮我
How doyou know about that,the angels?
你怎么会知道那件事的 那两名天使?
- Isn't much I don't know aboutyou. - I find that hard to believe.
- 你的事我也知道得不少 - 难以置信
When you were five,you let a kid from next door piss on your hand.
在你五岁的时候 你让隔壁的一个小孩在你手上尿尿
You did that shit? You're nasty.
你做过这种鸟事?太龌龊了
I never told anybody about that.
我没跟任何人说过那件事
Neither did he.
他也没说过
Two years later,that kid died ofleukemia.
两年后 那孩子死于白血病
His name was Brian Johnson.
他的名字是布莱恩﹒约翰逊
Your exploits,no matter how inane...
你那些事迹 不管有多无聊
are well documented in Heaven.
都会在天堂里留下完整的文文件记录
Probably Hell too.
大概地狱里也有
Where areyou going?
你要去哪儿?
Tell me somethin' about me.
兄弟 跟我讲讲关于我的事
You masturbate more than anyone on the planet.
你比任何人的手淫次数都要多
Fuck.Everyone knows that.Tell me something nobody knows.
靠 这谁都知道 说些没人知道的
When you do it,you're thinking about guys.
你手淫的时候 其实想的是男人
- Dude,not all the time. - Sorry ifl scared you.
- 老大 并不全都是 - 很抱歉 如果我吓到你了
Two-thirds of me wants to forget about this and go home.
三分之二的我想忘了这件事回家去
Yesterday,I wasn't sure God even existed.
就在昨天 我还在怀疑上帝是否真的存在
Now I'm up to my ass in Christian mythology.
现在我却已经陷进天主教的神话里了
Let me letyou in on a little inside info.
我透露些内部消息给你听吧
God hates it when it's referred to as "mythology."
上帝讨厌把这些事情叫做神话
Oh,well,then let's ask the "prophets" what we should call it instead.
噢 那么我们来问问先知们我们应该怎么说吧
Where did those two assholes go?
那两个混蛋跑哪儿去了?
What areyou doing?
你在干什么?
Proving to this bastard I ain't gay.
向这个蠢蛋证明我并不是同性恋
- What? - Long story.Forget it.
- 什么? - 说来话长 算了
We gotta get movin'.How can we get toJersey?
我们该走了 要怎么去新泽西啊?
We'll take the train.I'll call for reservations.
我们坐火车去 我会打电话过去订位子的
I thought she looked familiar.
我觉得她看起来有点眼熟
- Who? - Serendipity.
- 谁? - 赛伦提比蒂
Morning,shoppers.
大家早啊
Good morning.
早上好
- Has anyone seen the overnights? - No,sir.
- 你们看了昨天的深夜节目没? - 还没有 先生
We creamed 'em.
我们都看到冒泡了
Last night was a rerun,which says to me...
昨天夜里是回放 这对我来说...
Do I smell onions?
我好像闻到洋葱的味道?
Excuse me.
不好意思
May I askwhatyou're doing in my boardroom?
请问你们这是在我的会议室里做什么?
You may proceed,mon ami.
你可以开始了 我的朋友
I'm gonna have to start by apologizing.
我要先道个歉
My friend has a bit of a penchant for the dramatic.
我朋友就爱搞这种戏剧性的把戏
Oh,come on!
啊 喂!
Relax.I'm doing it.
别急 我正在做
Mooby,the Golden Calf.
穆比 金牛大王
Created by Nancy Goldruff,a former kindergarten teacher in 1 989.
由一名前幼儿园老师南希﹒高得夫创建于1989年
Bought by the Complex Corporation in 1 991.
1991年被康柏克斯集团收购
Broadcast nationally as the " Mooby Fun-Time Hour."
以穆比快乐时光之名在全国进行宣传
Since its inception,has spawned two theatrical films...
自从成立以来 已经出产了两部戏剧电影
1 6 records,8 prime-time specials...
创下了十六项纪录 拿下八项黄金时段特别奖
and a library of priced-to-own videocassettes.
进入录像带展览大厅
Not to mention bicoastal theme parks...
更不用提在东西两岸开办的主题公园
dubbed " MoobyWorld."
穆比世界
Did I miss anything?
我有遗漏什么内容吗?
You forgot Mooby Magazine.
你忘了说《穆比杂志》
Damn it!
该死!
Is there a point to this?
讲这些有什么意义吗?
You and your board are idolaters.
你和你的董事局都是偶像崇拜者
I can't believe you forgot the magazine.
我真不敢相信你居然忘了那本杂志
That's you.
这个就是你
Do you know much about voodoo?
你对巫X的了解有多少?
That's a fascinating practice.No real doctrine offaith to speak of.
那是一种很奇妙的行为 并没有什么具体的信念主义可讲
More an arrangement of superstitions...
更多的是一种迷信的布局
the most well-known ofwhich...
其中最广为人知的
is the voodoo doll.
就是这种诅咒人偶
You see...
你看
a mockup of an individual is subjected...
这样一个小人模型受制于
to various pokes and prods.
各种推拨戳刺
The desired result is that the individual will feel those effects.
预期的效果就是相对应的那个人也会对此有所感觉
Call security,now!
叫保安来 马上!
All lines are currently down.
所有的线路现在都不通
- I'm gonna have to apologize... - Would you knock it off?
- 我要向你们道歉... - 你能不能住嘴?
You're doing it again.Stop.What did we talk about?
你又在这么干了 停停吧 我们都在说些什么啊?
You are responsible for raising an icon...
你们所树立的形象
which draws worship from the Lord.
夺去了人们对主的崇拜
You have broken the First Commandment.
你们违背了《十诫》的第一条
More than that,I'm afraid not a one ofyou...
不仅如此 恐怕你们当中没有一个
passes for a decent human being.
能算得上是一个正派的人类
Your continued existence is a mockery of morality.
你们的继续生存是一种对良好德行的嘲讽
Likeyou,Mr.Burton.
像是你 波顿先生
Lastyear,you cheated on yourwife of 1 7 years 8 times.
去年 你欺骗了与你结婚十七年的妻子八次
You even had sex with her best friend...
你甚至还跟她最好的朋友上了床
whileyou were supposed to be home watching the kids.
而那时你本来是应该在家看孩子的
In the bed thatyou and yourwife share,no less.
就在你跟你妻子的那张床上 不错啊
Mr.Newman.
纽曼先生
You gotyour girlfriend drunk at lastyear's Christmas party...
你想法使你的女朋友在去年的圣诞晚会上喝醉
and then paid a kid from the mail room...
然后出钱叫来了一个收发室的小子
to have sex with her while she was passed out...
在她不省人事的时候跟她做爱
just soyou could break up with her guilt-free...
这样在她早上哭着承认了一切后
when she sobbingly confessed in the morning.
你就能以她不守妇道为由跟她分手
She killed herself three months later.
她在三个月后自杀了
Mr.Brace disowned his gay son.
布瑞斯先生否认他有个同性恋的儿子
Very compassionate.
真是令人同情
Mr.Ray put his mother in a third-rate nursing home...
雷先生把他母亲安置在一间三流的疗养院里
and used the profits from the sale ofher home...
并用卖掉她房子赚来的钱
to buy an Oriental rug for himself.
给自己买了条东方地毯
Heavens.
老天
Mr.Barker flew to Thailand on the company account...
巴克先生拿公司的钱飞去了泰国
to have sex with an eleven-year-old boy.
为的是去跟一个十一岁的男孩做爱
Mr.Holtzman okayed the production of Mooby Dolls...
菏泽曼先生批准了用一种他明知是有毒和不安全的材料
from materials he knew to be toxic and unsafe...
来制作穆比娃娃
because it was...survey says...
因为那种材料 据调查所说
Iess costly.
成本更低
You,on the other hand...
另一方面 你
are an innocent.
是无辜的
You lead a good life.
你的人生过得不错
Good foryou.
真替你高兴
But you,Mr.Whitland...
而你 韦兰先生
you have more skeletons in your closet...
比起这个聚会
than this assembled party.
你有更多隐私
I cannot even mention them aloud.
我甚至不敢大声提起他们
You're his father,you sick fuck!
你是他的父亲啊 你这个变态佬!
- Good. - Not bad,man.
- 很好 - 不错 兄弟
That's great work.Very good.
干得漂亮 很棒
Well...
呶...
alone at last.
终于只剩我一个了
With the exception of Miss Pryce here...
这里除了普莱丝小姐外
there isn't a decent human being amongstyou.
你们当中没一个是正派人
Not one.
一个都没有
Doyou know what makes a human being decent?
你们知道人们靠什么才能称得上正派吗?
Fear.
恐惧
And therein lies the problem.
问题就在这里
None ofyou has anything left to fear anymore.
你们几个已经没有什么好怕的了
You rest comfortably in seats ofinscrutable power...
你们安然地坐在高权的位子上
hiding behind your false idol,far from judgment...
用那个虚假的形象掩饰着自己 远离裁决
Iives shrouded in secrecy,even from one another.
生活为秘密所掩盖 不被任何他人所知
But not from God.
但上帝知道
Forgot my little voodoo doll.
啊 我忘了我的诅咒人偶了
Man,it really looks just likeyou,doesn't it?
兄弟 它还真的挺像你的 不是吗?
Look,ifl believed enough in this...
你看 如果我真的够信这个
I wonder...
说不定...
Come on.I don't believe in voodoo.
拜托 我才不信巫术
Voodoo.
巫术
But I do believe in this.
但我确实很信这个
Don't run! Don't run!
别跑!不准跑!
Fakes! Fakes! All ofyou,fakes!
骗子!骗子!你们所有人 骗子!
" But I do believe in this."
但我确实很信这个
What does that mean?
什么意思啊
And one to grow on.
再来一个
Gum?
吃口香糖吗?
Go on.It's okay.
来吧 没事
You've done nothing wrong.
你没做错过什么事
These guys were fakes.
这些家伙都是骗子
You're a pure soul.
你的灵魂很纯洁
Butyou didn't say "God bless you" when I sneezed.
可我打喷嚏的时候你没说上帝保佑你
Loki!
洛凯!
You're getting offlight.
算你逃过一劫
- Loki! - I know.I'm comin'.
- 洛凯! - 我知道 我来了!
You're so lucky.
你真是幸运
I forgotyou were down here.How long now?
我忘了你是在这里的了 有多久了?
Threeyears this August.
到八月份就三年了
Let me guess...the 1 4th Apostle,left out ofthe Bible because she's a woman?
我来猜猜 她是第十四名门徒 也没被 写在《圣经》里 因为她是个女人?
This girl's no woman.
这个丫头可不是女人
Oh.Those weren't tits I sawJay cozying up to?
哦 那些不是我看见杰感到着迷的胸部吗?
What,these?
什么 这个吗?
You should know better than anyone here that tits don't make a woman.
你应该比这里任何人都清楚 有胸部不见得就是个女人
Hell,the tubby,coat-wearing motherfucker's got tits.
还可以带假的
What traditionally defines a woman falls between two things...
传统上判断一个人是否女人要看某两样东西的中间
her legs.
她的双腿
But as you can see...
可如你所看到的
I lack definition.
我没那种东西
Hey,they're gettin' a free show! Let me see that shit!
嘿 他们有免费秀可看!我也要看!
Oh,God,another angel like Metatron.
哦 上帝 另一个跟梅塔特隆一样的天使
How doyou...How does she know Metatron?
你怎么会认识梅塔特隆?她怎么会认识梅塔特隆的?
This is the last scion.
她就是那个最后的后裔
You're kidding.
你是在说笑吧
Wow.
哇
I'm confused.
我有点晕了
Bethany,Serendipity here isn't technically an angel.
贝萨妮 赛伦提比蒂并不算是个天使
Nor is she,by any means,a human being like I was and you are.
她也不是一个像曾经的我和你一样的人类
- I used to be an abstract. - Now I'm really confused.
- 我曾经是一个抽像的形象 - 现在我彻底晕了
I'm a muse,stupid.
我是一名缪斯女神 弱弱
I can't take much more ofthis.
我真要受不了了
Soyou,what,inspire people?
所有你 干嘛 带给人们灵感?
What just went down with your friends over there...
刚刚跟你朋友们一起在那边的是什么?
It doesn't really take a muse to inspire horny retards to empty theirwallets.
缪斯女神不是光用来给那些石头脑袋们灵感帮他们花钱的
I used to specialize in entertainment.
我原来是专长负责娱乐方面的
For example,I'm responsible for 1 9 of the 20 top-grossing films ofall time.
比如说 一直以来前二十部卖座电影中有十九部是由我负责的
- Nineteen? - Yeah.
- 十九部? - 没错
The one about the kid by himselfin his house...
那部讲一个小孩独自在家
burglars trying to come in and he fights them off...
有两个小偷想进去 却被他打败的片子
I had nothing to do with that one.
跟我没有任何关系
Somebody sold their soul to Satan to get the grosses up on that piece of shit.
也有一些人是把他们的灵魂卖给了撒旦以换得票房上的成功
What areyou doing stripping?
你在干什么?
Rememberwhy I left?
记得我是为什么才走的?
Becauseyou were tired of getting none ofthe credit foryour ideas.
因为你疲于为你的想法寻求支持却不成功
So I opted to quit being a muse and write for myself.
所以我选择了抛弃缪斯女神的身份 自己来写
I gave my two weeks notice,got a body,50 bucks...
我用了两个星期来通知各方 找了个身体 五十块钱
and got sent out into the world to make my fortune.
然后来到这个世界 为自己创造机会
So what happened?
然后怎么了?
Writer's block.
剧作者的瓶颈期
Can you believe it? Me,a muse,for God's sake.
你能相信吗?我 一名缪斯女神啊 看在上帝的份上
I can inspire anyone I meet and give out a zillion and nine ideas a second...
我可以激发我所遇到的任何人的灵感 在一秒之内就带给他们上万亿的点子
but I can't keep any for myself.
但自己却一个都没有
Her quirky sense ofhumor.
她特有的幽默感
- Whose? - God's.
- 谁的? - 上帝的
- You're saying God's a woman? - Was there ever a doubt in your mind?
- 你是说上帝是个女的? - 难道你从没有过任何怀疑吗?
He's always referred to as " Him."
主通常都是以男性的身份被提到的
That's not how I wrote it.
我可没那么写过
But one ofthe drawbacks to being intangible...
不过作为一个无形的女神有一点不好的就是
is thatyou have no say in the editorial process.
你没法参与到编辑过程中去
The people that held the pens added their own perspective...
拿笔的人总会融入他们自己的观点
and all the penholders were men.
而且所有的写手都是男的
So She became a He.Doesn't stop with God either.
所以主就变成男的了 连上帝都无法幸免
The whole book's gender-biased.
整本书里都是性别歧视
A woman's responsible for original sin.
要为原罪负责的是个女人 （意指夏娃）
A woman cuts Samson coif of power.
剪断了参孙的力量之发的是个女人
A woman asks for the head ofJohn the Baptist.
要施洗者约翰的脑袋的是个女人
Read that book again.
再读读那本书吧
Women are painted as bigger antagonists than the Egyptians and Romans combined.
女人被描述成比埃及人和罗马人加在一起都还要可怕的敌人
It stinks.
臭名昭著
Why is the last scion here?
最后的后裔怎么会在这里?
Bartleby and Loki.They found a way back.
巴特比和洛凯 他们找到回去的办法了
- Not the plenary indulgence loophole. - You know about that?
- 不是那个集体宽恕的神洞吧 - 你知道那个洞?
I always knew that thing was a bad idea.
我一直都知道那东西是个坏主意
Leave it to the Catholics to destroy existence.
把它留给天主教徒们只会销毁罪证
You have issues with Catholicism,I take it?
你对天主教有意见 是吧?
I have issues with anyone who treats God like a burden instead of a blessing...
我对任何把上帝当成是一种负担而不是恩泽的人都有意见
Iike some Catholics.
就像一些天主教徒
You people don't celebrateyour faith,you mourn it.
你们这些人不为你们的信仰所庆贺 而是为此哀叹
- Ifwe're wrong,what religion is right? - It's not about who's right orwrong.
- 如果我们是错的 那什么宗教是对的? - 这不是谁对谁错的问题
No denomination's nailed ityet...
没有教派知道
because they're all too self-righteous to realize...
因为他们太过自以为是 而无法察觉到
that it doesn't matterwhatyou have faith in,just thatyou have faith.
其实你信仰什么并不重要 重要的是你有信仰
Your hearts are in the right place,butyour brains gotta wake up.
你们的心意是对的 但是你的头脑要清醒一下
They made me and Silent Bob part ofthe gang.
他们让我和沉默鲍伯也加入他们一伙了
Who fuckin' farted?
谁他妈的放屁了?
Not born.Shit into existence.
还没呢 现在出来了
Sweet Christ,somebodywants you bad!
仁慈的基督啊 这儿有人极为需要你!
- What is that thing? - An excremental.
- 那是什么东西? - 大粪堆
- The Golgothan. - A what?
- 各各森 - 什么东西?
A shit demon!
一个粪便恶魔!
No man ofwoman born!
没有人不是女的生的!
- Friend ofyours? - Is this smelly fuckwith us?
- 是你们的朋友? - 这个臭家伙是来找我们的?
It came for Bethany!
它是冲着贝萨妮来的!
Smoke that motherfucker like it ain't no thang!
不要再那样抽烟了!
I knew I's gonna whack somebody today!
我今天一定要扁人
Getyour fuckin' hand back.
把你的臭手拿回去
Represent!
抗议!
Go! Go! Go!
上啊!上啊!上啊!
Looks like we're in charge ofthe gang now.
看来这个团伙现在是我们两个当家作主了
Over the bar!
到吧台后面去!
- Where did that thing come from? - Ever heard ofGolgotha?
- 那东西是打哪儿来的? - 听说过各各他吧?
The hill where Christ was crucified.
基督被钉于十字架上的那座小山
It wasn't just Christ.The Romans crucified everyone there.
不只是基督 罗马人钉死任何人都是在那儿
Christ excluded,theywere criminals...killers,brigands,thieves,rapists.
除了基督之外 都是些罪人 杀人犯 强盗 小偷 强奸犯
Whenever the crucified expired,their bodies lost muscle control...
每次当十字架刑结束时 他们的身体就会失去对肌肉的控制
spilling bowel and bladder in the process...
肠子和膀胱里的东西就都流出来了
the result ofwhich is that walking pile of crap...
结果就造就了那个会走路的大粪堆
the Golgothan shit demon,Hell's chiefassassin.
各各森粪便恶魔 地狱的头号杀手
It's here foryou,girlie.
它是来找你的 丫头
- Bob,get down! - Matches! Matches!
- 鲍伯 蹲下! - 火柴!火柴!
- Hey,man. - How?
- 嘿 兄弟! - 怎么做的?
" Knocks strong odors out."
驱除强臭
- Way to go,biggie. - Whywould you ever carry this?
- 干得好 肥仔! - 你为什么带着这种东西?
What?
怎么了?
Whoever sent this might send more.
派它来的人可能还会派更多的来
I suggest you take the princess and get as far away as possible.
我建议你们带着公主离开 走得越远越好
I'll try to get something out of poopy boy here.
我留在这里 尽量从这家伙嘴里套出点消息来
Ifhe tells me something,I'll letyou know.
如果他说了任何消息 我会通知你们的
Hello.We'd like two tickets to NewJersey,please.
你好 请给我们两张去新泽西的票
Jersey's sold out,sir.
去泽西的卖完了 先生
- What? - There's one at the same time tomorrow.
- 什么? - 明天同一时间有车
Don't underestimate the staggering drawing power ofthe Garden State.
不要低估了花园地区的惊人魅力
Show up two hours in advance.
请提早两个小时到场
Nice.
好嘛
Your hard-on for smiting has prevented us from negotiating...
你阻止了我们完成
what ought to be the relatively simple matter of catching or staying on a bus.
如果说什么事情是简单的话 那就是赶公交车或呆在上面
Bus,schmuss.
公交车
Why should we fall victim to gravity when we can just as easily rise above?
既然我们可以轻松地上天去 干嘛还要受制于地心引力啊?
- You mean fly? - We got wings,right?
- 你是说飞行? - 我们有翅膀 不是吗?
Fuck,let's use 'em!
靠 我们用翅膀吧!
I wouldn't suggest that.
我可不建议这么做
You see,kids...
你们瞧 孩子们
you wouldn't want to look like a couple offairies,now,would you?
你们两个现在可不想自己像仙女一样吧 不是吗?
How'd you get out of Hell?
你怎么从地狱里跑出来的?
I told them I was coming up on a routine possession.
我跟他们说我来做例行的附身
I don't have much time.Ifthey figure out my ruse,they'll come after me.
我的时间不多 如果被他们发现了我的计谋 他们会追过来的
- What's with bringing us in here? - You two are inches from getting caught.
- 你带我们来这里干嘛? - 你们这两个笨蛋差一点儿就被逮到了
Going around killing people,about to uncaseyourwings.
到处去杀人 打算卸下你们的翅膀
Don'tyou know what's going on?
你们有没有搞清楚状况啊?
Well,we're going home.
哦 我们在回家的路上啊
Really.Areyou so clueless as to think you can justwaltz back into Heaven?
是嘛 你们是不是真这么笨的 以为就能这么潇洒地回天堂去了?
- Why not? - Everybody is looking foryou.
- 不行吗? - 每个人都在找你们
Both sides.Above and below.
两边都是 天堂与地狱
Orders are to terminateyou on sight.
命令是见到你们就格杀勿论
- Really? - Why?
- 真的? - 为什么?
Because you're pissing people off,that's why.
因为你们在到处杀人 这就是原因
Word is that God's pissed off at your presumption...
说是上帝对你们的这种推断感到不爽
and I know Lucifer's pissed because you assholes might make him look bad...
而我知道路西华不爽是因为你们两个混蛋会显得他很笨
by succeeding where he's failed so many times.
因为你们要成功回去了 而他却失败了这么多次
- So they're just gonna kill us? - They're gonna try.
- 所以他们就要杀了我们? - 他们会做此尝试的
That's whyyou have to travel incognito.
所以你们要秘密行进
Tone down your behavior.Stay offtheir respective radars.
在你们的行为上保持低调 避开他们各自的监测网
Quit killing people.That's high profile.
别再杀人了 这太醒目了
- Oh,lighten up. - I can't believe theywanna kill us.
- 哦 放松点 - 我不敢相信他们打算杀了我们
Oh,believe it,boys.
哦 是真的 小子们
They've even got the last scion looking foryou.
他们甚至还找来了最后的后裔来找你们
- Really? - You're kidding.
- 真的? - 你开玩笑的
This is huge.Your reentry is a thorn in a lot ofsides.
这件事很大条的 兄弟 你们的重返让很多方面感到不爽
They'll stop at nothing to prevent it.
他们会尽全力去阻止你们
In the meantime,I suggestyou find an alternate mode oftransportation.
另外 我建议你们再去找另一种交通工具
Ifanything else comes up,I'll contactyou.
如果又有什么事了 我会再跟你们联络的
Thankyou,Azrael.You're a true friend.
谢谢你 死神 你真够朋友
I have to get back to the pit before they get suspicious.
在他们起疑心之前 我得赶紧回地狱去了
And remember,incognito.
记着 秘密行进
Howyou coping,kid?
你感觉怎么样啊 小鬼?
It's weird.
诡异
Just when I think I have a handle on things...
就在我想着要处理些事的时候
something wholly unbelievable presents itself.
一些绝对难以置信的东西就冒了出来
Sometimes I wish I'd just stayed home.
有时我真希望我还是呆在家里
You sound like the Man.
你听起来跟主很像
What's he like?
主是个怎样的人?
He likes to listen to people talk.
主喜欢听人们讲话
Christ loved to sit around the fire,listen to me and the other guys.
基督喜欢围坐在火堆旁边 听我还有其它的人讲话
Wheneverwe were going on about unimportant shit...
即使我们是在说一堆无关紧要的废话
he always had a smile on his face.
主的脸上也总是带着微笑
His only real beefwith mankind...
他唯一对人类感到不满的
is the shit that gets carried out in His name.
就是那些以主的名义进行的烂事
Wars,bigotry,televangelism.
战争啦 固执啦 电视布道啦
The big one,though,is the factioning ofall the religions.
不过最烦人的还是各宗教派别之间的竞争
He said mankind got it all wrong...
主说人类不应该这样
bytaking a good idea and building a beliefstructure on it.
依据某一种好的想法便建立起一个信仰架构
You're saying having beliefs is a bad thing?
你是说有信仰反而是件坏事吗?
I just think it's better to have ideas.
我觉得有想法更好
You can change an idea.Changing a beliefis trickier.
你可以改变想法 要改变信仰就麻烦点儿
People die for it.People kill for it.
人们为此而丧命 人们为此而杀戮
The whole of existence is in jeopardy right now...
一切的存在现在都陷入危机之中
because ofthe Catholic beliefstructure regarding this plenary indulgence shit.
全因为天主教的信仰架构中这个集体宽恕的玩意儿
Bartleby and Loki,whether they know it or not...
巴特比和洛凯 不管他们自己是否明白
are exploiting that belief...
他们都是在利用这种信仰
and ifthey're successful...
如果他们成功了
you,me,all ofthis ends in a heartbeat.
你 我 所有的这一切都会在瞬息之间完结
All over a belief.
全是因为信仰
I haven't seen the moron twins in a while.How aboutyou?
我有一阵子没看到那两个呆子了 你呢?
One time we were at the mall,we tied Tubby to the ceiling...
有一次我们在大厅里 把杜比绑在天花板上
and he went flying through the air,fuckin' crashed through thewall.
然后他就从空中飞过 他妈的撞到了墙上
Itwas fucked up.
真他妈的
You two aren't getting into anytrouble,areyou?
你们两个没遇到任何麻烦 是吧?
We'rejust about to smoke a fatty with these two suave motherfuckers...
我们正要和这两个优雅的混蛋一起抽通烟
who just got on at the last stop...Larry and Barry.
他们在前一站刚上的车 洛瑞和巴瑞
So,Jay tells us you're gonna sleep with him.
嗨 杰跟我们说你要跟他上床
Hit this shit,man.It's good stuff.
试试这个 兄弟 好东西来的
Oh,fuck.
噢 靠
That's some bad shit,dude.
真是个烂东西 老大
You hit that?
你试过了?
Yeah,you're bad,dude.
是啊 你这个坏家伙 老大
Bad shit.
烂东西
Why areyou heading to NewJersey?
你为什么要去新泽西?
It's just this thing I have to do.
这是我不得不做的事情
We're going home.
我们是在回家
Oh.Doyou two live together?
哦 你们两个一起住吗?
Unfortunately,yes.
很不幸 是的
So,how long haveyou two been together?
所以 你们两个在一起多久了?
A while.
有一阵子吧
He can be pretty flaky sometimes,but we have a lot in common.
他有时候不太可靠 不过我们两个有很多共通点
How'd you meet?
你们是怎么相遇的?
We were stationed together.
我们被分到了一起
See,that's beautiful.
瞧 这样蛮妙的
Everybody's always up in arms about this "out in the military" issue.
大家总对这件非关军事的问题有意见
Pardon?
什么?
You know,there's all the macho bullshit about it being "this man's army."
你知道的 这种都是男人的军队里阳气实在是太重了
You two meet there,hook up...
你们两个在那儿相遇 走到了一起...
You thinkwe're lovers? No,no.We're not gay.
你以为我们是恋人?不 不 我们不是同性恋
Oh,God.I'm sorry.
哦 天哪 真是抱歉
- I just assumed. - Do I come off as gay?
- 我只是猜测 - 我看起来像同性恋吗?
My ex-husband sort of screwed up my relationship awareness barometer.
我的前夫使得我对人们之间的关系很敏感
- You're divorced. - That's a nice way of putting it.
- 你离婚了 - 这是好听的说法
I call it being dumped.
我说自己是被处理了
I was...
我也被...
dumped once.
处理过一次
Don'tyou just constantly question yourvalue?
你难道不会不时地对自己的价值产生疑问吗?
Like,whywas I so easy to cast aside?
好像是 为什么我这么轻易便被抛到一边?
And you wonder ifthe other party is gonna come to their senses...
而且会怀疑说对方会不会大发善心
and call you back.
叫你回去
They always tell you it'll hurt less with time.
他们总告诉你说时间会冲淡伤害的
When actually...
可事实上
it hurts more.
只会加深
You know what we need?
你知道我们需要什么吗?
What do we need?
我们需要什么?
We need drinks.
我们需要喝的
We need a lot of drinks.
我们需要很多的喝的
Garcon.
侍应生
You still go to church?
你还在上教堂?
Every Sunday.
每个周日
Does it do anything foryou?
对你来说有意义吗?
It gives me time to balance my checkbook everyweek.
它每个礼拜都帮我平衡我的收入支出
That's what I'm saying.People don't go to church to feel spiritual anymore.
我就说吧 人们不再是为了精神感受而上教堂了
They go to church and feel bored...
他们去了教堂 感觉无聊
but they keep going everyweek just out ofhabit.
可他们还是会每个星期都去 只是出于习惯
I am so buzzed.
我被吵死了
When doyou think you lostyour faith?
你是什么时候觉得你失去了信仰的?
I remember the exact moment.
那一刻我记得很清楚
I was on the phone with my mother...
当时我正在和我母亲通电话
and she was trying to counsel me through this...
她在试图开导我 关于这类...
this thing.
这类事情
And when nothing she was saying was making me feel any better...
当她所说的任何话都不能令我觉得好过些的时候
she said...
她说:
" Bethany...
贝萨妮...
God has a plan."
上帝自有打算
I was...I was so angrywith her.
我当时觉得 觉得对她非常不满
I was like...
就好像...
"What about my plans??"
那我自己的打算呢?
- You know? - Mm-hmm.
- 你明白吗? - 嗯
I had planned to have a family...
我本打算拥有一个家庭
with my husband.
和我的丈夫一起
Wasn't that plan good enough for God?
上帝对这种打算有什么意见吗?
Apparently not.
看来是的
How aboutyou? How'd you loseyour faith?
你呢?你是如何失去你的信念的?
A long time ago.
很久以前了
One day God just stopped listening.
有一天 上帝不再听我们讲话
I kept talking,but I got the distinct impression He wasn't listening anymore.
我继续讲着 但我很清楚地意识到主不再听着了
How did you know She was listening in the first place?
你怎么知道主是不是在听呢?
Well,I guess I don't.
嗯 大概我不知道吧
I hate thoughts like that.
我讨厌那种想法
But,you know,they come toyou with age.
可是 你知道 当你年纪渐长时就会开始有那些想法
'Cause when you're a kid you never question the whole faith thing.
因为当你还是个孩子的时候 你从来不会对信仰这整件事有所疑问
God's in Heaven,and He's...
上帝在天堂里 而且他...
She's always got her eye on you.
她一直注视着你
I'd give anything to feel that way again.
如果可以再次体验到那种感觉 我宁愿付出一切
Guess that's why I got talked into this pilgrimage.
想来这就是我会被要求进行这趟旅程的原因
Where is this pilgrimage to?
你们这趟旅程是要干什么去的?
- You wouldn't believe me ifl told you. - Try me.
- 就算我告诉你 你也不会相信 - 说来听听
All right,but I warned you.
好吧 我可警告过你了
Okay.
好的
I'm going to this church in NewJersey.
我要去新泽西的一间教堂
Really.
是吗
Kerwood Mandel to car three.Kerwood Mandel to car three.
柯伍德﹒曼德请到三号车厢 柯伍德﹒曼德请到三号车厢
See,I'm supposed to stop a couple of angels...
呶 我是要去阻止两名天使
from going into the church.
进入那间教堂
They're trying...
他们想要
Shit.
妈的
They're trying to get back into Heaven.
他们想要重返天堂
See,they got tossed out of Heaven...
瞧 他们之前被赶出了天堂
years ago,right?
若干年前吧
And ifthey get back in...
如果他们回去了
it proves God wrong...
就说明上帝是错的
and since God is infallible...
而因为上帝是完美无暇的
to prove Herwrong...
证明主错了
would,you know,unmake existence.
就会 你知道吗 颠覆一切存在
May I haveyourattention,please.
请注意
The dining car will be closing in five minutes.Thank you.
餐车将在五分钟后关闭 谢谢
I feel so stupid...
我觉得这蠢透了
just saying it.
哪怕只是说说
The thing I don't get is...
我不明白的是
how am I supposed to stop an angel?
我怎么能阻止天使?
Two,even!
更何况还是两名!
I guess I'm supposed to talk them out of it or something.
我猜大概是要我跟他们讲些什么
Maybeyou're supposed to kill them.
或许是要你去杀了他们
Oh,yeah,right.Kill them.
哦 是啊 没错 杀了他们
I mean,even ifthat were the case,which it's not...
我是说 就算这是真的 而事实上它不是...
how doyou kill an angel,Barry?
你要怎么去杀一名天使啊 巴瑞?
Oh...
哦...
I don't suppose it's much different from...
我想这跟杀一个人
killing a human.
没多大差别
Where is everybody? I wake up and...
大家都跑哪儿去了?我睡醒了...
- The apostle. - Holy shit!
- 门徒先生 - 我靠
Rufus,I wantyou to meet my new friend Barry.
鲁夫斯 我来向你介绍我的新朋友巴瑞
Don't be such a show-off,Barry.
不用这么爱显吧 巴瑞
Take it easy,Bartleby.Just let her go.
别冲动 巴特比 放了她
- We can talk about this. - Bartleby?
- 我们可以谈谈 - 巴特比?
After all this time,it comes down to slaughter by a meat puppet?
到了现在 开始让一个人肉傀儡来做屠杀的事情了哈?
Get your fucking hands off me,you dickless son of a bitch!
把你的脏手从我身上拿开 你这个不男不女的混蛋!
Save it.Five minutes ago you were aching to top me off.
闭嘴 五分钟前 you were aching to top me off
Loki!
洛凯!
Holy shit.The apostle.
该死 是门徒先生
I didn't come in you,Pete,I swear.
我没插进去 彼得 我发誓
What areyou doing here?
喂 你在这儿干嘛呢?
This woman has to stop two angels from entering a church.
这个女人要阻止两名天使进入一间教堂
- Us? - No,two other fucking angels.
- 你是说我们吗? - 不 另两名该死的天使
I'd say there's a pretty good chance.Rufus,we're to be liquidated?
我要说这是个绝佳的机会 鲁夫斯 我们会被杀掉是吧?
You haven't thought about the consequences ofyour reentry.
你们从没想过你们回去了会造成什么后果
Consequences schmonsequences
后果...
We're going home,no matterwhose pride it may hurt.
我们要回家去 不管这会伤到谁的脸面
- It's not a matter of pride! - Loki,kill the girl.
- 这不是面子的问题! - 洛凯 杀了这丫头
What areyou,high? I can't kill her ifshe hasn't done anything.
你是谁啊?如果她什么都没做过的话我不能杀她
Fine.I'll kill her myself.
好 那我自己来
I fall asleep and everyone takes off?
我睡了一觉 大家就都乱套了哈?
- These guys are fuckin' flat-leavers. - Shut his mouth.
- 这两个家伙真是爱喜新厌旧 - 闭上他的嘴
Oh,shit!
噢 该死!
Jay!
杰!
Biggie!
肥仔!
The door! The door!
车门!车门!
Can't we talk about this?
我们不能谈谈吗?
Why don't I just get off at the next stop!
干嘛不让我在下一站再下车呢?
No ticket.
无票乘车!
- The apostle is here. - I noticed.
- 门徒也来了 - 我注意到了
- Then you know who she was,don't you? - The scion,I imagine!
- 那你知道她是谁了 是吗? - 最后的后裔 我猜
Maybe we should rethink this whole thing.
该死 兄弟 也许我们该重新考虑一下整件事
I mean,you heard the guy.He said there are consequences.
我是说 你也听到那家伙的话了 他说会产生一些后果
And Azrael tells us we're marked? There's more to this than we thought of.
而死神说我们被通缉了?事情好像比我们所想的要复杂
I was close.
就差一点点
You know? I was so close to slitting that bitch's throat.
你知道吗?就差一点点 我就可以割断那娘们的喉咙了
Whoa.
啊
You know how I felt? Righteous.
你知道我有什么感觉吗?正义
Justified.Eager,even.
公正 甚至是渴求
You all right? Your eyes are kinda...
你还好吗?你的眼睛好像...
My eyes are open.
我的眼睛看清一切了
For the first time I get it.
我第一次了解了
When that little innocent girl let her mission slip,I had an epiphany.
如果那个无辜的小丫头完不成她的任务 我就能见到主了
See,in the beginning it was just us and Him...angels and God.
你瞧 在最一开始的时候只有我们和主 天使和上帝
Then He created humans.
然后主创造了人类
Ours was designed to be a life ofservitude and worship...
我们是被造来服侍 崇拜
and bowing and scraping and adoration.
阿谀奉承和爱慕的
He gave them more than He ever gave us.He gave them a choice.
主给人类的比给我们的更多 主给了他们选择
They choose to acknowledge God or choose to ignore Him.
他们可以选择承认主的存在 或是无视主
All this time we've been down here...
在我们流落人间的这段日子里
I've felt the absence ofthe Divine Presence...
我无法感到有神的存在
and it's pained me,as I'm sure it must have pained you.
这令我痛苦 我相信这一定也令你痛苦
And why? Because ofthe way He made us.
为什么呢?是因为主是这么创造我们的
Had we been given free will we could choose to ignore the pain,like they do.
一旦我们可以选择无视这种痛苦 我们就自由了 就像人类一样
But no,we're servants.
但是不行 我们是奴仆
Okay.
好吧
All I'm saying here is that one of us might need a little nap.
我只想说我们中有一个大概需要小睡一下
Wake up! These humans have besmirched everything He's bestowed upon them.
醒醒吧!这些人类玷污了主恩赐给他们的一切
Theywere given paradise;,they threw it away.
主赐了伊甸园给他们 但他们丢弃了它
Theywere given this planet; they destroyed it.
主赐了这个世界给他们 他们又破坏了它
Theywere favored best among all His endeavors...
主所做的这一切 他们是最大的受惠者
and some ofthem don't even believe He exists!
可他们当中甚至有一些人连主的存在都不相信!
And in spite ofit all...
可即便是如此
He has shown them infinite fucking patience...
主还是他妈的向他们展现了他无尽的耐心
at every turn.
每一次都是
What about us?
可对我们呢?
I asked you once...
我只是那一次
to lay down the sword because I felt sorry for them.
让你放下宝剑 因为我为人类感到难过
What was the result?
结果如何呢?
Our expulsion from paradise.
我们被驱逐出了伊甸园
Where was His infinite fucking patience then?
主那无尽的耐心他妈的哪儿去了?
It's not right! It's not fair!
这样不对!这不公平!
We've paid our debt!
我们已经偿清了罪过
Don'tyou think it's time?
你不认为这是时候了吗?
Don'tyou think it's time we went home?
你不认为这是时候让我们回家了吗?
And to do that,I thinkwe may have to dispatch ourwould-be dispatchers.
为了达到目的 我想我们大概得解决掉那些想解决掉我们的人
Wait.Wait,wait.Kill them?
等等 等等 杀了他们?
You're talking about the last scion,for Christ's sake.
你说的可是最后的后裔啊 看在基督的份上
And what aboutJay and Bob? Those guys were all right.
还有杰和鲍伯 他们是无辜的
Don't.Don't,my friend.
别 别这样 我的朋友
Don't letyour sympathies get the best ofyou.
别让你的同情心淹没了一切
They did me once.
他们曾经那么对待过我
Scion or not...
后裔不后裔的
she's just a human...
她只是个人类
and by passing through that arch our sins are forgiven.
之后只要通过那扇拱门 我们的罪就会得到宽恕
No harm,no foul.
没有伤害 就不算犯规
My God.I've heard a rant like this before.
我的上帝 我以前听过这句狂言妄语
What did you say?
你说什么?
- I've heard a rant like this before. - Don'tyou do that to me.
- 我以前听过这句狂言妄语 - 你少对我来这一套
- You sound like the morning star. - You shutyour fucking face!
- 你的话听起来就像那个地狱君主路西华一样 - 你他妈的闭嘴!
You sound like Lucifer,man! You've fucking lost it!
你的话好像路西华 兄弟!你他妈的疯了!
You're not talking about going home,Bartleby.
你这说的不是要回家的事 巴特比
You're talking about fucking war on God.
你说的是他妈的要跟上帝宣战
Well,fuck that.
哼 真他妈的
I have seen what happens to the proud when they take on the Throne.
我已经看到什么事情要发生了 当他们要登上王座
I'm going back to Wisconsin.
我要回威斯康辛去
We're going home,Loki...
我们要回家去 洛凯
and no one,notyou,not even the Almighty Himself...
没有人 哪怕是你 甚至是圣父本人
is gonna make that otherwise.
能阻止得了
Shit.
该死
Why couldn't we stay on the train? You threw those guys off.
为什么我们不能留在火车上?你已经把那两个家伙丢下车了
Very basic strategy.
很简单的策略
Ifyour enemies know whereyou are,then don't be there.
如果你的敌人已经知道你身在何处了 那么就得离开那里
Why are we enemies?
为什么我们是敌人?
Well,I know I'd perceive the person sent to kill me as an enemy.
呶 我知道我得意识到被派来杀我们的人是敌人没错
What does that mean? Since when am I supposed to kill anybody?
可那是怎么回事?什么时候起要我去杀人了?
I'm tired of all this cryptic bullshit.
我真受够了这一切的神秘鸟事了
I'm physically and psychologically exhausted,Rufus...
我在体力上和精神上都已消耗殆尽了 鲁夫斯
and I'm ready to kick back and welcome the end of existence...
我已经做好闪人的准备 等着迎接万物的末日了
unless you come clean right now.
除非你现在就把一切都给我解释清楚
Why me?
为什么是我?
Out of all the people on the goddamn planet,whywas I tapped?
在这个破星球上所有的人当中 为什么选中了我?
Imagineyou're a 1 2-year-old boy.
想象一下 你只是一个十二岁的男孩
You're told you're God's only son,but more than that,you're God.
有一天 你被告知你是上帝唯一的儿子 不仅如此 你就是上帝
How long doyou think it would take to come to grips with something that huge?
你认为需要多久才能接受这项这么了不得的事实?
Maybe,say,1 8 years?
也许 比如说 十八年?
In the Bible,Jesus suddenly goes from age 1 2 to 30.1 2 to 30.
在《圣经》里 耶稣从十二岁一下就跳到了三十岁 十二岁到三十岁
Now,that's some pretty bad storytelling.
喏 这是一种很糟糕的叙事手法
Where are the volumes oftext dealing with the missing 1 8 years?
那些应该讲述那不为人知的十八年的文字到哪儿去了?
I'll tell you where.
我告诉你它们哪儿去了
Theywere offered up as a sacrifice to the god of ecumenical politics.
他们成了用来维护基督教会团结的政治策略的牺牲品
You make it sound like there's some church conspiracy...
你的意思听起来好像是有某种教堂的阴谋
to cover up "the truth about Christ."
想要抹杀掉关于基督的真相
Oh,bullshit.
哦 简直是胡说
Any important material about Christ...
任何有关基督的重要材料
would give people a better understanding ofthe nature ofGod.
都能令人们对上帝的本性有着更好的了解
- Whywould they leave any ofit out? - Because it's tied in with His family.
- 他们为什么要封禁掉其中一部分? - 因为这关系到主的家人
- His mother and father. - His brothers and sisters.
- 主的父母 - 主的兄弟姐妹们
Jesus didn't have brothers and sisters.Marywas a virgin.
耶稣没有兄弟姐妹 圣母玛利亚是名处女
Mary gave birth to Christ without having known a man's touch.This is true.
玛利亚未与任何男人发生关系便生下了耶稣 的确是这样
But she did have a husband.
但她也确实有一个丈夫
Doyou really think hewould've stayed married to her for all thoseyears...
你真的以为他会跟她结了那么多年婚
ifhe wasn't gettin' laid?
却从未碰过她?
The nature ofGod and theVirgin Birth,those are leaps offaith.
上帝的本性 处女产子 这些都是出于信仰的产物
But to believe a married couple never got down,that's just plain gullibility.
但要是相信已婚夫妇从来没有过性生活 这就是地道的白痴了
Meaning?
意思是说?
The blood that flows through yourveins...
在你们血管里所流淌的血液中
shares a chromosome or two at the genetic level...
从基因角度来说有一或两条染色体
with the oneyou call Jesus.
是来自耶稣的
Bethany,you are...
贝萨妮 你是...
the great-great-great-great-great-great- great-great-great-great-grandniece...
耶稣基督的曾曾曾....
ofJesus Christ
曾侄女
So,that would make Bethany part black?
所以 也就是说贝萨妮有一部分黑人血统了?
I can't do this anymore.
我没法再继续干下去了
Whereyou gonna go? You know what I'm saying is right.
你要去哪儿?你知道我说的都是对的
- It's bullshit. - Bethany.
- 全是胡说八道 - 贝萨妮
It's bullshit!
全是胡说八道!
Let her go,man.
让她去吧 兄弟
Give her time.
给她些时间
Why?
为什么?
What the fuck do You want from me?
你他妈的还想让我干嘛?
I fucking hate You!
我他妈的恨死你了!
I hate You.
我恨你
He can't hearyou,you know.
主听不到你说话的 你要知道
That's whywe needed you.
所以我们才需要你
Why didn'tyou tell me?
为什么你一开始不告诉我?
Would you...
那时你会...
Could you have believed me?
那时你能相信我吗?
It was something you had to come to gradually.
这是需要你去慢慢了解的事情
Only after everything you've seen...
只有在你目睹一切
everything you've heard...
耳闻一切之后
could you possibly be able to accept the truth.
你才有可能能够接受事实
I don't want this.
我不想要这样
It's too big.
这叫人太难以承受了
That's whatJesus said.
耶稣当时也是这么说的
I had to tell Him.
我不得不去告诉他这些
You can imagine how that hurt the Father...
你应该可以想象圣父有多么难过
not to be able to tell the Son Himself...
不能亲自告诉他的儿子这件事
because oneword from His lips would destroythe boy's frail human form.
因为随便从他口中所讲出来的一个字 就能毁了那个孩子脆弱的人类躯体
So I had to deliver the news to a scared child...
所以只好由我去把这些讯息转达给那个被吓坏了的孩子
who wanted nothing more than to playwith other children.
他只想和其它的小孩子们一起玩而已
I had to tell this little boy that He was God's only son...
我不得不告诉那个小男孩 他就是上帝唯一的儿子
and it meant a life of persecution and eventual crucifixion...
这意味着他将拥有遭受迫害的一生 并最终被那些受他启蒙
at the hands ofthe very people He'd come to enlighten and redeem.
由他赎罪的人们钉于十字架上
He begged me to take it all back.
他求我收回这一切
As ifl could.
好像我真能做到一样
He begged me to "make it all not true."
他求我令这一切不会成真
I'll letyou in on something,Bethany,something I've never told anyone before.
我要告诉你一个小秘密 贝萨妮 一个我从没跟任何人讲过的秘密
Ifl had the power...
如果我有那种能力的话
I would have.
我真会那么做的
It's unfair.
这不公平
It's unfair to ask a child to shoulder that responsibility...
这太不公平了 叫一个孩子肩负起如此重大的责任
and to askyou to do the same now.
而现在又来叫你做同样的事情
I sympathize.I do.
我很同情你们 真的
I wish I could take it all back.
我真希望我能令这一切都未发生过
But I can't.
但是我做不到
This...
这是...
is whoyou are.
你的身份
Everything I am has been a lie?
之前关于我的一切都只是个谎言吗?
Knowing whatyou now know doesn't mean you're not whoyou were.
知道了你现今所知道的一切 并不代表着你就不是原来的那个你了
You are...
你是...
Bethany Sloane.
贝萨妮﹒斯罗恩
No one can take that away from you,not even God.
没有人能从你身上抹杀这一点 哪怕是上帝也不行
All this means is a redefinition ofthat identity.
这只是意味着对你身份的重新定位
The incorporation ofthis new data into whoyou are.
将这些新的内容也一并融合到你的身份当中
Be whoyou've always been.
同以前一样做你自己吧
Just...
只是...
be this as well...
同时也接受这个新的身份
from time to time.
一直继续下去
Guess this means no more cheating on my taxes.
我猜这意味着我不能再在税务问题上有半点欺瞒了了
To say the least.
这是最低限度
Doyou mind ifwe adjourn to somewhere...
你介不介意我们挪去一个
a tad more habitable...
更适合呆着
and a bit warmer?
更暖和的地方?
Fuck,I think this shit just kicked in.
她妈的我 我以为这个正好
Weren't we just in the woods? What are we doing here now?
请问一下 我们刚刚不是在树林里的吗? 现在怎么又跑到这里来了?
Going out in style.
应该说是离开那个地方
- The voice. - The apostle.
- 传声使者 - 门徒先生
Now,who's this motherfucker?
这个混蛋又是谁啊?
The voice ofGod.Show some respect.
上帝之喉 放尊重点儿
Oh,the voice ofGod.Where's the rest of Him?
哦 上帝之喉 那其它的部位呢?
Funnyyou should mention that.We're not sure.
你提到的这点很有意思 我们也不知道
- What? - Didn't it ever occur toyou...
- 什么? -- 拜托 难道你没想过
that this Bartleby-Loki situation was well within the sphere of His control?
巴特比和洛凯的这件事是在主的掌控之内的吗?
Yes,but then whywas she tapped?
是的 但为什么被选中的是她?
You know those constitutionals that He likes to take?
你知道主爱搞的那套把戏吧?
"Constitutionals"?
把戏?
I thinkwe're beyond euphemisms at this point.
我想我们现在还是不要拐弯抹角地说话了吧
God's a skeeball fanatic.
上帝是弹珠游戏爱好者
The Lord has quite a fancy for the game.He's been playing it foryears.
主对这项游戏极为热衷 他已经玩了好几年了
He assumes a human form once a month and indulges.
主每个月会有一次化为人类 下来尽情玩耍
Doesn't tell anyone where He's playing.He just goes away for a couple ofhours.
主不会告诉任何人他去哪里 他只是自己溜出去 一去就是几个钟头
And He always gives His free points away to neighborhood children.
主总是会白白送分给邻居的小孩们
Isn't that sweet?
这不是很温馨的吗?
But She hasn't come back from one ofthese day trips?
但是主这一次却还没有回来?
No,"She" hasn't...
没 还没
and we've been unable to locate " Her."
而且我们也没法确定主的所在
He could've been killed.Human form does have that drawback.
主可能已经被害了 人类的躯体就是这点不好
No,there's a different sort offoul play afoot,children.
不 孩子们 有不同的作弊方法
Whomever has set the renegade angels on their path...
不管是谁让这两个堕天使踏上旅途
and is keeping them quite well hidden...
并帮他们遮掩得很好的
is also responsible for the Lord's whereabouts.
他应该就是那个令主失去下落的人
Were He to be killed in human form...
如果主在人类的躯体中被杀害的话
He'd have returned immediately to Heaven.
立刻就会回返天堂
Someone knew enough...
那个人很清楚
to keep Him biologically alive...
既要令主在生理上是活着的
but incapacitate Him in another fashion.
却又无法发挥出主的力量
And as omnipotent as we are above...
尽管我们在天上时是无所不能的
I have to admit that we're more or less lost without His presence.
我不得不承认没有了主我们几乎就无所适从
We've looked everywhere for Him.
我们到处去找过他了
I tapped her because I thought we'd be able to smoke out whoever's behind this.
我选上她 是因为我想这样就可以引出那个幕后主使者
But whoever he is has been clever enough to send some lackeys afteryou...
但不管那人是谁 他都很聪明 派了几个小跟班来跟着你们
as opposed to showing up themselves.
而不是自己亲自出面
Could it be Lucifer?
会不会是路西华?
Not Lucifer.
不是路西华
Ifhe was,he'd have made his move by now to conquer Heaven.
如果是他的话 他现在早就动身攻打天堂去了
And I know he's not responsible for Bartleby and Loki...
而且我知道他不会去怂恿巴特比和洛凯
because he's had just as much to lose by their return as anybody else.
因为如果他们两个回去了 他遭受的损失和其它人一样多
What do we do now?
我们现在怎么办?
I saywe get drunk,'cause I'm all out ofideas.
要我说我们就大醉一场 反正我现在是毫无主意了
Why don't we just ask this guy to close the church?
为什么我们不干脆叫那家伙关了教堂?
I beg your pardon?
什么?
The guy in charge ofthe church thing.
管教堂的那家伙啊
Cardinal Glick?
格利克主教?
Maybe we can ask him to shut down the church.
也许我们可以让他关了教堂
Ifit's closed that day,those guys can't get blessed orwhatever,right?
如果那天教堂关门的话 那些家伙们 就不能得到祝福之类的了 不是吗?
Good Lord.
仁慈的主啊
The little stoner's got a point.
这个小呆瓜还挺有主意的
Maybe we could talk this guy Glick into cancelling the rededication ceremony.
也许我们可以和这个叫格利克的家伙谈谈 叫他取消赦罪典礼
"We"?
我们?
Areyou saying you're back in,Ms.I don't think I can do this anymore?
你是说你愿意归队了吗 我没法再继续干下去了小姐?
I wouldn't want to let the family down,now would I?
我可不想我的家人有事 不行吗?
Well...
那么...
the prophets finally live up to their titles.
先知们终于名副其实了
Mass attendance is at an all-time low in this country...
全国的教友出席率一直都很低
but ifwe can let 'em know the Catholic Church has a little panache...
但如果我们让他们知道天主教堂还是有一些可值得夸耀的
we can win 'em back,even get some new ones.
我们就能赢回他们的心 甚至还能吸引到一些新人
Excuse me.
不好意思
Fill them pews,people.
来吧
That's the key.Grab the little ones as well.
这就是重点 把一些小孩子也拉进来
Hook 'em while they'reyoung.
趁他们还小的时候就抓住他们
- Kinda like the tobacco industry. - Christ,if onlywe had their numbers.
- 很像烟草业的做法 - 如果我们有他们的数目
We really appreciateyou seeing us this late in the day,Your Eminence.
真的很感谢您在这么晚的时候还愿意接见我们 主教大人
My friends and I have been traveling all night in hope oftalking toyou...
我和我的朋友们赶了一夜的路 就是希望能够和您谈一下
about the St.Michael's rededication ceremony.
关于圣米迦勒教堂的赦罪典礼
You looking to help out in some way?
你们是想来帮些忙?
We'd likeyou to cancel the ceremony.
我们希望您能够取消这次典礼
I beg your pardon.
请再说一遍?
There's gonna be a world oftrouble if tomorrow's ceremony goes on as planned.
如果明天的典礼仍然按计划进行的话 全世界将会有大麻烦
Areyou pro-choice?
你们是堕胎支持者?
The trouble's not from us.
不不 要惹麻烦的不是我们
It's from these renegade angels that've been stuck on Earth since the plagues.
而是两个因有罪而被贬入人间的堕天使
These guys,they think they're renegade angels.
这两个家伙 以为他们自己是堕天使
See,Padre,it goes down like this.
瞧 神父 事情是这样的
These guys think that by passing through that archway,they can go to Heaven.
这两个家伙以为穿过那扇拱门可以让他们上天堂
You want me to call offthe ceremony for that.
因为这个原因 你就想叫我取消典礼?
Who sentyou?
谁派你们来的?
We were sent by Him who is called I Am!
我们是被叫做就是我送来
Cute.Really cute.
有趣 真的很有趣
Playtime with the cardinal is over.
游戏时间结束
- Worked for Moses. - Stay out ofthis.
- 为摩斯作 - 不要进来
It's not a joke.
这不是开玩笑
I'm telling you,man,this ceremony's a big mistake.
我告诉你 这次的典礼是个大错误
The Catholic Church does not make mistakes.
天主教堂不会犯错
Please! What about the Church's silent consent ofthe slave trade?
拜托!那教堂对奴隶交易的默许又怎么说?
And its platform of noninvolvement during the Holocaust?
还有二战对犹太人的大屠杀时那事不关己的态度?
All right,mistakes were made.
好吧 是犯过错
But one can hardly hold the current incarnation of Holy Mother Church...
但你不能因为这些往日的过失
responsible for the oversights of old.
就谴责圣母教堂
I'm a very important man with important matters that demand my attention...
我可是个大人物 有很多大事在等着我处理
so ifyou please...
所以如果能请你们...
- But tomorrow... - Tomorrow goes offwithout a hitch.
- 可是明天... - 明天一切都会顺利进行
Do I make myself clear?
我的意思够明白了吧?
Neitheryou nor any other influence short ofthe hand ofGod Himself...
不论是你们还是其它的什么人 除非是上帝本人
is gonna keep this thing from going offwithout a hitch.
都无法干扰到这件事的顺利进行
I can see the headlines now...
我现在可以想见到报纸的头条标题了
ifthere were gonna be any.
如果那时还能有报纸的话
" Existence Erased."
万物俱灭
Don't worry about it.We evened the score.
别担心 目前我们两方比分相当
Hand it over,Silent Bob.
把东西拿给我 沉默鲍伯
What up.
怎么样
You stole the cardinal's driver?
你偷了主教的高尔夫球长打棒?
That's what he gets for messin' with our girlfriend.
谁叫他要惹到我们的女朋友
Cross-dressin' fuck.
她妈的
That's sort of sweet.Thanks,guys.
还真是体贴啊 谢了 小伙子们
What do we do now about Bartleby and Loki?
现在我们该拿巴特比和洛凯怎么办?
I guess we're gonna have to try and kill 'em.
我猜我们得试试杀了他们
- You said they couldn't be killed. - Correction.
- 你说过他们是杀不死的 - 更正
Theywon't be killed.
他们不会被杀
And just to ensure that,we're all gonna sit tight...
为了确保这一点 我们大家都得在这里
right here...
乖乖地坐好
until those two idiots pass through that arch.
直到那两个傻瓜穿过那扇拱门
There's only one idiot here,Azrael...
这儿只有一个傻瓜 死神...
and I'm looking right at him.
就在我的眼前
Muse!
缪斯!
Just in time tojoin us for a drink.
正好能来跟我们喝一杯
Hey.Where'd you come from?
喂 你是打哪儿来的?
- Where'd you come from? - Me?
- 你打哪儿来的? - 我吗?
Nothingness.
虚无之处
And that's where I'm returning to in approximately,oh,one hour.
那也是我要回去的地方 就在大概 嗯 一小时后
All right,Plato,sounds likeyou've had enough already.
好吧 柏拉图 看来你已经喝得够多的了
- Let's go. - Oh,darn it!
- 快走吧 - 噢 该死!
Come on,barkeep,just one drink.One for the road,then I'm gone?
拜托 伙计 就一杯 就喝一杯 我就走 行了吧?
I was trying to find you to tell you I figured out who was behind all this.
我一直在找你们 想告诉你们说我已经发现了这一切的幕后主使者是谁
Is that who I think it is?
是不是我所想到的那家伙?
- None other than. - Who is he?
- 还能有谁 - 他是谁?
All right,one drink.Then you're gone.
好吧 就一杯 然后你就得离开这儿
Give me a...
我要一份...
Holy Bartender.
圣调酒师
Never heard ofit.
没听过
He doesn't know how to make a Holy Bartender.
他不懂怎么调圣调酒师
You do,don'tyou,Muse?
你知道的 对吧 缪斯?
Don't.
不知道
Anybody?
有人知道吗?
No?
没有吗?
Well,I know how to make a Holy Bartender.
嗯 我知道怎么调圣调酒员
Get it?
知道了?
Sweet Jesus,Azrael! Why?
仁慈的主啊 死神!为什么?
Come on,Demon! Try that shit on somebodywho's already dead!
来啊 魔鬼!试试对一个死人也来这招啊!
Oh,Apostle,you maintain that kind of an attitude...
噢 门徒 你要还是这种态度的话
and you and the barkeep won't be the only corpses in the room.
这个房间里可就会不止你和那个酒吧伙计两个死人了
The Christ bitch will join you.
基督那娘们也会成为你们中的一个
Areyou really that stupid?
你真的有那么蠢吗?
You do know what's gonna happen ifthose two jerks enter that church.
你明明知道如果那两个呆瓜进了那间教堂会有什么后果
I'm actually counting on it.
事实上我正期待着呢
And if my calculations are correct...
如果我的计算无误的话
the pawns are moving into checkmate as we speak.
在我们说话的当儿 那两个小卒就快把王将死了
" Holy Bartender." I get it.That's a great one!
圣调酒师 我懂了 太酷了!
I'd also like to acknowledge this great state's governor,Elizabeth Dalton...
我也很高兴地告诉大家 这位杰出的州政府官员 伊莉萨白﹒达尔顿
for coming this morning.
今早也来到了会场
She's a Protestant,but we're not gonna hold that against her.
她是名基督教徒 但我们不会因此就排斥她
Now,let me just tell you a little bit ofhistory about this particular...
现在 让我来告诉你们一些有关这间特别的
hundred-years-young house ofGod.
度过了百年岁月的上帝住所的历史
God's house?
上帝的住所?
God doesn't live here anymore.
上帝可不再住在这儿了
He's grown weary ofyour superficial faith.
主已经对你们这种肤浅的信仰感到厌倦了
He's turned a deaf ear toyour lip-service prayers.
主不再聆听你们这些只会在口头上祈祷的家伙了
- He has abandoned you,his favorites... - Sorry.
主遗弃了你们 他最爱的人类
to the whim ofjudgment.
让你们沉浸在审判的幻想之中
Hypocrites,charlatans...
伪君子们 骗子们
prepare to taste God's wrath.
准备感受上帝的怒火吧
- Maybe we should just leave. - You wanted your body count.You got it.
- 也许我们还是应该走人吧 - 你想等死的话 随你
This lot is rife with sin.We'll judge them all.
这些家伙们都有罪 我们要对他们所有人进行审判
Officer McGhee.
麦基警官
All right,mouthpiece...
好了 发言人...
Iet's leave the nice cardinal alone and go for a ride.
别骚扰这位和蔼的主教了 让我们去兜风吧
Mr.McGhee,don't make me angry.
麦基先生 不要惹火我
You wouldn't like me when I'm angry.
你可不会喜欢我生气的样子
Is that so?
是嘛?
Ladies and gentlemen...
女士们 先生们
you have been judged as guilty of violations against our Almighty God...
你们因为对我们的万能上帝有异议而被判定为有罪
and this very day...
就在今天
I assureyou you will all pay foryour trespasses...
我向你们保证 你们全部都要为你们的罪行付出...
in blood.
血的代价
- Wings.Now. - I'm feeling a little exposed here.
- 展开翅膀 现在 - 我觉得这有点过太招摇了
Do it!
照做!
- So he's a muse too? - Former muse.
- 所以他也是名缪斯? - 曾经是
He was kicked out.
他被踢出去了
Ever the fucking apple polisher.
曾经是该死的擦苹果的人
Then what happened?
然后出什么事了?
Yes,what?
是啊 怎么了?
Well,Luciferjust had to start his little war for the throne.
呶 那时路西华要开始攻打王座
Heaven became divided into two factions...
天堂分成了两派
the faithful and the renegades.
拥护者 和叛逆者
Oh,the Ethereal Plains were chaotic with battle.
天界因为战争变得一片混乱
Angel against angel.
天使打天使
And when it was all over,God cast the rebels into perdition.
一切结束之后 上帝把叛逆者都打入了地狱
But Azrael refused to fight.
可死神却拒绝加入战斗
He remained in the middle,waiting to see who came out victorious.
他保持中立 静观哪一方将会胜出
What areyou,some kind offuckin' chicken?
你到底是谁 一个该死的胆小鬼?
No.
不
I was an artist...
那时我是个艺X家!
stupid!
蠢蛋!
I was inspiration!
那时我是灵感!
A muse has no place in battle.
战斗是不关缪斯的事的!
So after the fallen were banished to Hell...
在那些叛军被罚下地狱后
God turned on those that wouldn't fight...
就轮到了那些没有参与战斗的
and Azrael was sent down with the demons...
死神与恶魔们一起被送往了地狱
something he considers a great injustice.
对此他觉得极为不公
Oh,come on.
噢 拜托
Don't tell meyou never questioned the judgment,Serendipity.
别说你从来没对裁决有所置疑过 赛伦提比蒂
No.It never bothered me.
没有 我从没烦过这件事
Soyou were an artist.
所以你那时是个艺X家
Big deal!
那又怎样?
Elvis was an artist...
猫王也是个艺X家
but that didn't stop him from joining the service in time ofwar.
可那并不妨碍他在战争时期去参军啊
That's why he is the king...
所以他被称为王者
and you're a schmuck.
而你是个呆瓜
Nice.
很好
So all this is about revenge.
所以这一切都是为了复仇
You're gonna unmake existence becauseyou have a grudge against God?
只因为你对上帝有所不满 就打算毁掉整个世界?
After the first million years? No.
在过了一百万年后的现在?不
Escape from Hell became my all-consuming reason.
逃离地狱成为了我不计一切代价的动机
So I studied the religions and waited for my opportunity to present itself...
所以我研究宗教 等待着我的机会自己降临
which it finally did...
现在它终于来了
in Catholicism.
就在天主教义中
Plenary indulgence.
集体宽恕
But I couldn't exercise it.
但我没法自己去做
Demons can't become human.
魔鬼没法变成人类
No,we can't transubstantiate.
我们没法转换形态
But angels can.
但是天使可以
Bartleby and Loki.
巴特比和洛凯
After that it was a simple matter ofwaiting for a church...
接下来就很简单了 只要等着教堂
to celebrate their centennial...
庆贺他们的一百周年庆典就行了
and when that finally happened I sent the pair an article laced with ideas.
当这一切真的开始进行的时候 我就把一篇 有透露这个主意的报道寄给了那两个家伙
An incantation I picked up in the pit...
我随便用了点法X
kept them cloaked and off Heaven's radars.
就掩盖了他们的行踪 避开了天堂的监视
And aside from the triplets here and the Golgothan...
除了这里的三人组和各各森
no soul in Hell had a clue as to what was going on.
地狱里没人知道发生了什么事
But the Almighty could still putsch the whole deal...
可是天父还是能够察觉到的
so I dispatched Him in a fairly ingenious fashion.
所以我就用了个很巧妙的法子把他解决了
Her.And how?
是她 怎么做到的?
That's the only thing I couldn't figure out.
这是我唯一想不出来的事
Oh,no,I've seen way too many Bond movies to know...
噢 不能说 我可看过太多的007电影 所以知道
thatyou never reveal all the details ofyour plan...
绝不能把自己计划的所有细节都讲出来
no matter how close you may thinkyou are to winning.
不管你认为自己离胜利有多近
The only "X" factorwas the involvement ofthe last scion here.
唯一没有预想到的因素就是连最后的后裔也被牵扯进来了
But fat lot of good that did,right? I mean,hereyou all are.
但也没起什么作用 不是吗?我是说 你们现在全在这里了
Powerless to stop the inevitable.
无力再去阻止这不可避免的一切了
Look,asshole,I don't know if anyone explained the rules toyou...
听着 混蛋 我不知道有没有人跟你解释过
but ifyou succeed everything gets blinked out of existence,even you.
但一旦你成功了 一切都会毁灭 即使你也一样
Human,haveyou ever been to Hell?
人类 你去过地狱吗?
I think not.
我想没有
I'd rather not exist than go back to that.
我宁愿消失也不想再回去那里
And if everyone has to go down with me,so be it.
就算大家都得和我一切玩儿完 也没关系
Still thinking only aboutyourself...
还是只会想到你自己
you fucking child!
你这个幼稚的家伙!
Now,now,now.
现在呢
Things are getting too intense in here.
这里的局面开始有些太过紧张了
Hey! What say we watch a little TV?
嘿!我们来看点电视怎么样?
Yo,put on channel 9.Daveyand Goliath.
喂 转到第九频道 有《Davey and Goliath》
Actually,I was thinking more along the lines of current events.
事实上 我想我们应该更关注下时事
Keep rolling! Keep rolling!
I repeat,men with huge fucking wings...
我再重复一遍 长有巨大羽翼的男人们
have laid waste to St.Michael's!
正在圣米迦勒教堂前大肆屠杀!
Bullets don't seem to affect them!
子弹对他们似乎无效!
The remainder ofthe crowd have dropped to their knees...
现场还活着的人们纷纷下跪
identifying this as the fabled apocalypse.
认为这就是传说中的天启
Now,I'm not a man offaith,but I'm inclined to agree.
我并不是个信教的人 但我现在也有些同意这说法
Oh,God,please,don 't come any closer! God,no!
噢 上帝 求您了 不要再过来了!上帝 不要!
You see that? And I told them to keep a low profile.
看到了?我告诉过他们要保持低调的
I 'd be pissed,but in a couple minutes it's not going to matter anyway.
不把我当回事啊 不过只要再过几分钟也就无关紧要了
Oh?
哦?
Oh,now what was that all about?
噢 现在那是怎么回事啊?
What?
什么?
Oh,nothing.
哦 没什么
I had something in my eye.
我的眼睛里进东西了
Now who's the fucking child?
现在是谁太幼稚啊?
What did you tell him,to hit me with the golf club?
你跟他讲了些什么啊 赛伦提比蒂? 用这只高尔夫球棍打我吗?
Areyou serious? I'm a fucking demon.You'd have him assault mewith a putter?
你不是在说笑吧?我可是个魔鬼啊 你想让他用一只球杆就打败我?
You want to play? Then we'll play.
你想试试吗?那我们就来试试吧
One side,Red.
一边 红色
Go ahead,then.Pick it up.
那么来吧 把它拿起来
Call it a gift.
就当是个礼物
Come on.
来吧
That's it.
就是这样
Take a shot.
挥一杆吧
Takeyour best fucking shot.
挥出你最好的一杆
Seriously.I'm not kidding.Take it.Come on.
真的 我没开玩笑 拿住它 来吧
Come on,bright boy.
来吧 小伙子
Don'tyou know anything?
难道你什么都不懂吗?
Bethany,bless the sink!
贝萨妮 给水池施以祝福!
- What? -Just do it!
- 什么? - 照做就是了!
Bless the sink,damn it!
给水池施以祝福 该死的!
That's whatyou get,motherfucker.
这是你们自找的 混帐东西
But I'm a fucking demon.
可我是一个魔鬼啊
What just happened?
刚刚怎么回事?
He said it himself;."I'm a fucking demon."
他自己说了 我是一个魔鬼
Hit a demon with an instrument ofGod,the pure side so it'll do some damage.
用上帝的器具去打魔鬼是可以伤到他们的
Silent Bob's an instrument ofGod?
我靠 沉默鲍伯是上帝的器具?
No,but Glick's the kind ofasshole who'd bless his clubs for a better game.
不 是格利克那个混蛋曾给他的球杆 施以祝福 好能在球场上有更好的表现
- But the sink? - You've got the divine heritage.
- 可是水池呢? - 你有神的血统啊
Sanctifying is just one ofthe fringe benefits.
可以将事物神圣化只是附带的好处之一
Remind me to try the water-to-wine thing at my next party.
下次聚会的时候 记得提醒我试试点水成酒
- How far away is this church? - Three towns over,about ten miles.
- 教堂离这里有多远? - 要穿过三个小镇 大概有十里路
- Rufus,grab the gun. - Ten steps ahead ofyou.
- 鲁夫斯 拿着枪 - 就在你面前十步远
Take the bartender's car.He won't need it.
去开调酒师的车 他不会再用到了
The whole fucking world's against us,dude,I swear to God.
整个该死的世界都在和我们作对 老大 我向上帝发誓
Oh,my God.
哦 我的天
And people wonderwhy I don't go to church anymore.
Are we too late?
To save these poor schmucks?
Yeah.
But we still exist.
Where are they?
They could already be in the church.
Which means ifthey come out,nobody touches them.
Areyou shitting me?
The brother here is gonna shred 'em with his angel-be-good special.Huh,homey?
Ifthey pass through that arch,they come out clean.
And ifthey die,they go straight up.
And hello! We know what happens then,right?
- Why don't theyjust kill themselves? - It's a mortal sin.
Die with a mortal sin on your soul and you burn.They don't want to go to hell.
Then what,are we supposed to just wait for a solution to fall from the sky?
Friend ofyours?
No,that was a cardinal.
You can't tell from his face,but the rosaries are a dead giveaway.
It's one ofthem! Kill that motherfucker!
Don'tyou listen?
- We can't touch him! - I wasn't.I was gonna shoot his ass.
He's been at it for a while now.
Please! Please!
We ran out of parishioners...
so he just started picking up folk offthe road and just dropping 'em.
This is just eons of repression getting purged.
If only they'd let us jerk off.
Whoops.Take a step back.
Let me go!
Why? What areyou trying to prove?
- All these people! - Hey,this wasn't my idea!
Jesus Christ!
I just wanted to go home.
But him,you know...
he just lost it.
He realized whoyou were and whatyou were gonna have to do.
He just snapped.
The funny thing is,this guy could never even stand to see me work.
He said he felt sorry foryou people.
Now look at him.
This guy's fuckin' drunker than hell.
Which means he's human now.
His wings have been cut off.
The muse?
Oh,no way!
I haven't seen you...You look terrific.Wow!
What's with the tits? Can I...
Haveyou walked through the arch yet?
Tell me.Have you gone in and come out through the archwayyet?
No!
He's back.
We were awaiting your arrival.
Bartleby,wait.Stop.Listen to me.
You can't go through with this.Azrael was just using you.
Ifyou go back...
I've become aware ofthe repercussions.I know what I'm doing.
You sick,twisted fuck!
Bethany.
You,of all people,should understand what I'm trying to accomplish here.
You too know what it feels like to be cast aside.
Butyou've only dealt with the pain a fewyears.
I've dealt with it for a millennia.
Whileyou never seeyour ex-husband or how blissful he is with his newwife...
and he is...
seeing you people every day on this perfect world He created foryou...
is a constant reminder...
that though my kind came first...
your kind was most revered.
And whileyou know forgiveness...
we know only regret.
The lesson must be taught.
All are accountable...
even God.
Soon a cadre of police will arrive...
just in time to kill us as we exit the church.
Then this failed experiment called existence...
will cease to be.
No.Hey.Hey!
I can't letyou do that,Bartleby.
This has gone too far.
I might have to takeyou down.
It's okay.Shh.
I'll do it.
My compatriot.
Genocide takes a lot out ofhim.
He's weakened.
You're weak.
More importantly,he's also a human being...
a condition which carries two liabilities...
a conscience...
and...
a short life span.
I'm sorry,old friend,butyou lost the faith.
He's lost it.We're fucked.
- We're absolutely fucked! - I hear that shit.
I can't believe this.
We're on the brink of nonexistence,and God's still nowhere to be found.
- What kind of deity gets kidnapped? - Amen to that.
What the hell areyou doing?
Ifthe whole world's gonna end,you said you'd fuck me.
- You're a pig. - Nobody's gonna beat that thing.
We can lay here all comatose like that John DoeJersey bastard over there...
- orwe can get makin' with the love. - What did you say?
Make with the love.It's a nice way of saying boning.
No,aboutJohn DoeJersey.
That guy,the one theywon't take offlife support...John DoeJersey.
This is where he's at...St.Michael's Hospital.
Where's the nearest boardwalk?
I ain't got time to win you a prize.We gotta get to the fucking.
- Where is it? - Asbury Park,about five miles away.
- Haveyou ever been there? - Once,with this chick.
We were about to fuck on the carousel and I got sick,started puking.
- Do they have skeeball there? - Yeah.
That's what I'm talkin' about.
Whateveryou do,stall Bartleby from going into that church.
Bob,come with me.Come on!
- How am I supposed to do that? - Think of something!
I already did,but it takes two of us!
I repeat,this is not a drill.
This is the apocalypse.
Please exit the hospital in an orderly fashion.
Thank you.
Hey,Big Bi rd!
Ready for the counti ng game?
Count the shel ls,Suck-a-Duck.
No more bullets.
Now,what the fuck would you do that for?
Angels have to cut theirwings off to become human.
You just did him a favor,stupid!
I hopeyou're the skeeball type.
Oh,Bartleby.
Was Wisconsin really that bad?
Bow down,stupid!
I'm sorry.
Anyone who isn't dead or from another plane of existence...
would do well to cover their ears right about now.
What the fuck?
Thankyou.
It never ends!
Get off of me.I wanna see what's up.
What the fuck is this shit?
Who the fuck areyou,lady?
Why the fuck did you hug my head?
Quite a little mouth on him,isn't there?
What the fuck is this,The Piano? Why ain't this broad talkin'?
I believe the answers thatyou seek lie within my companion's eyes.
What the fuck does that mean? Has everyone gone fuckin' nuts?
What the fuck happened to that guy's head?
Shh.
Where was she?
Imprisoned in a body.
Bethany figured it all out.She's a clever girl,that one.
Hang on a minute.
You missed a bit.
Well,then,you ready to go back,apostle?
You ready to make some ofthose changes I been talking about?
We'll see.
Muse?
Seeing as howyou just had to get involved...
you're welcome to return with us as well.
First I gotta say good-bye to Bethany.Where is she?
Oh,no.
Metatron,is she...
Afraid so.
One ofthe drawbacks to being a martyr is that you have to die.
But no matter.
All is being taken care of.
How so?
Wax on wax off
How did I...
She can rebuild you.
She has the technology.
She can make you better,stronger,faster.
That's...
A very relieved deity.
You did well,little girl.I knewyou'd come 'round.
Your kind always does.
You might want to take good care ofyourself.
We're gonna need you down the road.
I know.I'm the last scion.
Well,you're half right.
You were the last scion.
But now...
this...
is the last scion.
I'm pregnant?
Can't put anything pastyou.
Take care ofthat parcel for us.
She has a world ofwork ahead ofher.
Thankyou for...
I don't know...
everything.
God,there's a million things I wish I could askyou...
most ofit questioning your great plan,and that'd be arrogant of me,I know.
But there is one I need to ask.
I'm sureyou get it all the time,but how many chances like this will I get?
Why are we here?
Didn't I tell you she was funny?
I really enjoyed meeting you.
It was an honor.
You did so well.
I told you She was a woman.
She's not really a woman.
She's not really anything.
She's something,all right.
Crisis offaith over?
I think I'm now burdened with an overabundance.
When it rains,it pours.
Areyou saying you believe?
But I have a good idea.
Yes!
The Man was right aboutyou.
Now I'm gonna go home and tell Him so.
And ifyou clean upyour language...
I just might put in a good word foryou too.
Thanks.
Why don'tyou name the kid after me?
Rufus.
Yo,we should go to Quick Stop.
Youse guys wanna hear something sick?
I got half a stalk when she kissed me.
I couldn't help it.The bitch was hot.
You can't talk to me that way anymore.I'm gonna be somebody's mother.
You're pregnant?
You know,when you're pregnantyou can have sex until the third trimester.
I'll keep that in mind.
So,that wouldmake Bethany part black?