辛普森一家 第二十四季 第十三集
翻译: 井脑湿 短頸鹿 白雲滄狗 大颠 校对: 我就是姓刘 后期: 旗木 盖罗 监制: MarcoII
欢迎加入 SPS 辛普森一家字幕组 参与翻译后期 详情搜索 Google 或 新浪微博
老爸 你在看什么呢? Dad, what are you watching?
美国导演 著名作品《细细的红线》《生命之树》
好像是Terrence Malick的片子 I think it's a Terrence Malick movie.
不对 你看的是《状元宝宝》 No, you're watching Baby Poindexter,
只在便利店收银台才卖的 最具教育性的DVD系列 the most educational DVD available at the checkout aisle at the grocery store.
终于有部儿童节目 不是以兜售东西为目的了 Finally, a kid's show that isn't trying to sell you something.
这倒提醒了我 我们得订购点方块了 Which reminds me, we need to order more rectangles.
朋友 Friends.
同事 Colleagues.
不要看那部片子 Don't watch that DVD.
我把这玩意儿扔了 因为研究表明它没有任何好处 I threw that away because studies show it doesn't do any good.
DVD毫无用处 毁掉下一代
看着我好吗 Look at me.
与其在家跟孩子们看电视 你不如带他们出去玩 Maybe instead of watching TV with the kids, you could take them outside.
你干嘛呢? What are you doing?
这种所谓的"教育性质"片子 有可能就是... This so-called educational DVD may have even stunted
阻碍儿童观众成长发育的罪魁祸首 the development of the kids who watched it.
等等啊 Wait a minute.
我和Bart小时候不就看这个吗? Didn't Bart and I both watch this thing when we were little?
恐怕是的 I'm afraid so.
那 明显的问题在于 Well, the obvious question is,
为什么我变得成绩优异 why did I turn out so academically superior
而Bart... while Bart...
而Bart变得如此与众不同 While Bart turned out so wonderful in his own way.
别人也是这样说Ralph的 That's the way people talk about Ralph.
那个最喜欢颜色是"花生酱"的Ralph Ralph, whose favorite color is peanut butter.
我也想知道到底发生了什么 I wish I knew what happened.
但是现在我很清楚 你们都不许再看碟了 But now that I know better, no DVDs for you kids.
看教育台就好 Just educational television.
动物世界频道 《冰路手钓》
现在我们回到《冰路手钓》节目 We return to Ice Road Hand-Fishing.
自从真人秀把我们逼上梁山 This has been our way of life since we were pitched
我们就不得不这样做节目了 the idea by reality show producers.
欢迎收看《直升机飞猎偷鱼熊》 Welcome to Thieving Bear Chopper Hunt.
- 好吧 电视也不许看了 - 什么? - Okay, no TV at all. - What?
亲爱的 这听起来就像种高尚的尝试 Honey, this sounds like a noble experiment,
但就像禁酒令一样 结局肯定是千疮百孔 but like Prohibition, it will end in a hail of bullets.
好吧 禁看电视24小时 Fine. No TV for 24 hours.
24小时? 这么奇怪的数字你怎么想出来的? 24 hours? Where'd you pull that crazy number?
没电视我们一样能好好过一天 We can do without TV for a day.
我们一起带Maggie去儿童书店吧 We're taking Maggie to a children's book store,
她可以在那用传统方式学习 where she can learn the old-fashioned way.
就像1910到2002年间的孩子一样 The way children did from 1910 to 2002.
Homer 搭把手行不? Homer, a little help?
马上的 I'm on it.
永恒之地 三周后停业
恶搞Kindle阅读器
如果我买了你 我还要这些书干嘛? If I buy you, why do I need all these books?
闭嘴 闭嘴 给我闭嘴 Shut up, shut up, shut up!
不看电视的话 我们可以给孩子们读 Instead of watching TV, we can read children's books
电视明星们写的哦 written by TV stars.
真人秀《谁是接班人》主持 经典语You're fired
你很累了
肯文·詹姆斯 和飞天巨桃
恶搞童话《詹姆斯和飞天巨桃》 肯文·詹姆斯: 美国演员
《米力瓦利合唱团笑话》儿童精选版
小丑Krusty编
90年代假名团体 被真唱者揭发
谁是米力瓦利合唱团啊? Who's Milli Vanilli?
谁知道去 又不是我写的书 I don't know, kid. I didn't write this.
不予退款 No refunds.
看啊 Maggie 这里还有讲故事的阿姨 Look, Maggie, they have a story lady.
吵闹的晚餐
有一天 小傻瓜Sally说道 One day, Silly Sally said,
我们吃一顿唏哩呼噜的晚餐好吧 "Let's have a sloppy, gloppy supper."
首先 他们吸溜了汤 First, they slurped their soup.
唏哩 唏哩 唏哩 Slurp, slurp, slurp.
然后 他们啃了面包 Then they chewed their bread.
咯嚓 咯嚓 咯嚓 Chew, chew, chew.
再来点汤? More soup?
我可以喝到天荒地老呢 Oh, I could slurp this soup forever.
唏哩 唏哩 Slurp, slurp...
不好意思 诸位 她根本不是工作人员 Sorry, folks, she doesn't even work here.
《找出隐藏物品》 "Spot the hidden objects."
靠 你这破书一见面就指使人 Boy, you're pretty pushy for a book I just met.
找到了 Gotcha.
伞架里的糖果棒 书里面最老套的桥段啊 Candy cane in the umbrella stand: oldest trick in the book.
好 接着找 Okay, let's see.
你看到Lisa和Maggie没? Have you seen Lisa and Maggie?
如果她们不是喇叭或者擀面杖 那就没见到 If they're not a trumpet or a rolling pin, then no.
好嘞 Yip!
Homie 帮我找找她们 Homie, help me find them.
好的 看看能不能把书本知识运用到现实生活中 Okay, now to see if I can apply my book knowledge to the real world.
找到了 Got them.
24小时内不许看电视? Wow, no TV for 24 hours?
《奥兹博士秀》&《古普它博士秀》均为健康养生栏目 《菲尔博士秀》为心理治疗栏目
要是没有奥兹 菲尔 古普它博士什么的我一天都活不了 I couldn't get through a day without Doctors Oz, Phil and Gupta.
你说得对 我好无聊啊 You're right. I'm bored.
环氧树脂大战 Epoxy fight!
环氧树脂: 有机高分子化合物 附着性强
"环氧树脂大战"是个什么东西? What the hell is an epoxy fight?
别急 我来把它收拾干净 Don't worry, I'll clean it up.
给我一点鲜奶油和一把安全剪刀 Get me some whip cream and a safety scissors.
不怕不怕 我只要一个打火机还有一点儿砂纸 Don't worry, all I need is a cigarette lighter and some sandpaper.
算了 还是用剃刀吧 All right, let's just use a razor.
天哪 你和你爸简直一个模子刻的 Oh, my God. You look just like your dad.
看看我们能把你整得多像 Let's see how far we can take this.
最后 系上领带 And finally the tie.
我一直想戴领带 I always wanted to wear a necktie.
妈妈说他们会让我更加... Mom says they make you more...
像个男子汉 ...of a man.
现在 唱字母表歌 Now sing the alphabet song.
♪ A-B-C-D-E-F-G ♪ ♪ A-B-C-D-E-F-G ♪
♪ H-I-J-K-L-M-N-O... ♪ ♪ H-I-J-K-L-M-N-O... ♪
要是调到终极Van Houten模式会怎样? What if we Van Houten to the max?
这可有点紧 Whoa, that's a little too tight.
回到最佳位置 Nah, back to the sweet spot.
Milhouse Milhouse,
要是你装成个大人 我们可以想干嘛就干嘛 if people believe you're a grown-up, we can do anything.
比如 到电影院然后买一张全价票? Like we go to a movie theater and pay full price?
那可真是太棒了 That would be awesome!
那个 先把语调降下来 Okay, first, tone it down.
我来教你怎么做男人 Time to teach you to be a man.
怎么 现在我不像了吗? What, now I'm not pulling it off?
♪ Pixies - Here Comes Your Man
尿流增强剂
把燃油费调到自动支付档 And put the gas bill on auto-pay.
不错 Nice.
到了终极考核的时候了 Time for your final test.
好极了 又一个Skype窗口入侵 从Mil... 发来的? Oh, great. Another invasive Skype from Mil... Huh?
你好 Lisa 这是我爸爸 Hello, Lisa. This is my daddy.
我是说 Kirk Van Houten I mean, um, Kirk Van Houten.
我能和你爸说几句吗? May I speak to your father, please?
他就在这里 He's right here.
Homer Bart想在我们家过夜 Homer, Bart would like to spend the night at our house,
他已经得到我同意了 and he has my permission.
好啊 我有什么好担心的? Sure. What do I care?
别那么快答应 Not so fast!
我还想说Bart是一个出类拔萃的男孩 I also want to say that Bart is a remarkable boy,
我不赞成你的为父之道 and I disapprove of your fathering
还有你的大胖肚子 and of your fat stomach.
对不起 sorry.
给你儿子任何他想要的 Give him anything he wants--
更多的零花钱 一辆新自行车 bigger allowance, a new bike--
照买就是 just do it.
你怎么说都行 先生 Whatever you say, sir.
爸 你干嘛对Van Houten先生唯命是从啊? Dad, why are you kowtowing to Mr. Van Houten?
有时候有个男人掌控大局真是太好了 Sometimes it's just so nice to have a man take charge.
还有十年之后 让Lisa和Milhouse一起去参加毕业舞会 And in ten years, make Lisa go to the prom with Milhouse.
爸 Dad.
大人自有道理 own-ups have their reasons.
现在 我想看你在两分钟之内吃一加仑的冰激凌 Now, I want you to eat a gallon of ice cream in under two minutes.
可我刚吃过啊 But I just did that.
现在你只剩一分零五十五秒了 You now have one minute, 55 seconds.
我会喜欢上当大人的 I'm going to like being an adult.
现在你和你爸一样高了 Now you're the same height as your dad.
我能碰到有毒的东西了 I can reach the poisons now,
每瓶都有一只诱人骷髅头和交叉骨头 each with an inviting skull and crossbones.
Kirk 你穿了我买给你的那件衬衫 Kirk, you' wearing that shirt I bought you.
我还以为你不喜欢它呢 I thought you didn't like it.
我喜欢你给我买衣服 I love when you buy me clothes.
你知道哪件让我发痒 哪件不会 You know what's itchy and what's not.
Kirk Evelyn Van Houten Oh, Kirk Evelyn Van Houten.
好希望我爸在这儿看见他们俩亲吻啊 I wish my dad could have been here to see my parents kiss.
你有没有拿Kirk的驾照? Now, did you get Kirk's license?
拿了 Uh-huh.
未遭撤销
我勒个去 Ay, caramba!
我租了一辆卡车 I rented a truck.
我在开这辆卡车 I'm driving a truck.
我撞了一辆卡车 I crashed a truck.
我又租了一辆卡车 I rented another truck.
嘿 Simpson 你自己不是有个瘸子老爹么? Hey, Simpson, don't you have a lame dad of your own?
维可牢: 一种牢靠的尼龙搭扣
我想把身上所有钱都给你们 可我钱包被维可牢粘得太紧 Uh, I-I'd give you all my money, but my wallet is Velcroed too tight.
你是我看见过最怂的大人 You're the wussiest adult I've ever seen.
一个大人 他信了 An adult-- he's buying it.
Kirk 记住 Kirk, remember,
你有中年男人的超能力 you have the superpowers of a middle-aged man.
你好 Kirk先生 Hello, Mr. Kirk.
我要这些啤酒 香烟 I want to buy this beer, uh, cigarettes,
有爆乳的杂志 再加三副太阳镜 magazines with boobs and three pairs of sunglasses.
宝利来牌的 Polarized.
我怀疑你是买给未成年的小恶霸们的 I suspect you are buying for underage bullies,
不过 既然它们组成了我98%的营业额 but as that is 98% of my business,
我会说 谢谢您呐 下次再来 I say, "Thank you, sir. Come again."
哟 Bart Yo, Bart.
你的成年大朋友还不错哦 Your grown-man friend is all right.
我们应该去吓唬更多的成年人 We should start threatening more adults.
那我们不是成了罪犯 而不是混混啦? Wouldn't that make us criminals instead of bullies?
走 去揍一个哲学家 不给答案就不停手 Let's beat up a philosopher until he gives us the answer.
- 好主意 - 我也来 - Oh, good idea. - Yeah, I'm in.
我让妈妈开心 I made my mom happy
走过恶霸身边一拳没挨 and got through the bullies without a punch.
当一个大人超级惬意 Being an adult is super easy.
你这笨蛋 You dope.
说明书上说这些是让女人开心的 It says those are for her pleasure.
现在是时候让我实现以成熟为主题的白日梦了 Now it's time for me to live my fantasy with mature themes.
我会走到窗帘后面去 小男孩进去 男子汉出来 I'll go behind that curtain a boy but come out a man.
对学校进行更多的投资 Hmm, more money for schools.
这可能意味着更多的作业 That could translate into more homework.
我知道这很不合法 I know this is highly illegal,
但你要是不画勾就不能离开 but you're not leaving this booth till you punch yes.
也没必要求救了 Don't bother screaming for help.
这是非周期内的地方性投票选举 This is a municipal off-cycle election.
方圆几英里内都没有人 There's no one for miles.
记得贴上你的贴纸 Don't forget your sticker.
嗨 酒保 Uh, hey, bartender.
我们来两杯牛奶 We'd like two milks,
接着你可以告诉我们 孩子都是怎么来的 and then you can tell us where babies come from.
这个嘛 就我来说 我妈中了巫毒诅咒 Oh, well, in my case, my mom was hit with a voodoo curse.
怀了我整整五年 I gestated for five years,
最后我逆产而生 还满身是火 then I popped out backwards and on fire.
真的? Really?
是啊 我尾巴就存在这个罐子里 Oh, yeah, keep my tail right here in this jar.
美好时光啊 Good times.
妈 我想Maggie是想看电视了 Mom, I think Maggie misses TV.
那个 老妈 我觉得我们可以带Maggie去市中心 You know, Mom, I was thinking we could take Maggie downtown.
后者系美国著名小号演奏家
Jazz Hole乐队正在举行向Dizzy Gillespie致敬演出 The Jazz Hole is featuring a Dizzy Gillespie tribute band.
乐队的号手有着最松弛的脸颊 Their trumpeter has the puffiest cheeks.
我看不成啊 I don't think so.
美国大使馆警告过人们别去春田的市中心 The U.S. Embassy has warned people not to go to downtown Springfield.
我懂的 排行中间 永远不能做想做的事 I get it. Middle child, never do what I want.
好吧 我还知道有个木偶戏演出 Okay, I also know of a puppet show.
木偶偶戏 (正确写法 木偶戏) 也许这就是我们的写法 你不懂
立陶宛剧场
很久以前 在日耳曼的毁灭者们 Long before the Teutonic slaughters
来到我们这里之前 visited upon our people,
1132年来自基普的Mstislov进行了一场屠杀 there was the massacre by Mstislov of Kiev in 1132.
也许咱们该走了 Maybe we should go.
木偶全部死光前 所有人不准退场 Nobody leave till every puppet dead.
Bart 你要给我看啥? Bart, you wanted to show me something?
等一下 Nelson给我的恶作剧语录做了些修改 Just one sec. Nelson gave me some notes on a prank I'm doing.
踢我屁股
这个有必要吗?
好了 叫你来是因为我认识一个很酷的大人 Now, I asked you here because I know a cool grown-up
他能带你去市里那个俱乐部 who will take you to that club in the city.
真的? 谁? Really? Who?
你好啊 Lisa Hello, Lisa.
Milhouse? Milhouse?
Milhouse? 谁是Milhouse啊? Milhouse? Who's Milhouse?
我是说 他是我儿子 I mean, he-he's my son.
好了 Milhouse Well, Milhouse,
也许你能骗过爵士乐俱乐部的保安 you might get past the bouncer at the jazz club,
因为他们是个人都拦不住 because they're in no position to turn anyone away,
但这都无所谓了 but it doesn't matter,
反正我们付不起油钱和包装费 'cause we can't pay for the gas and the cover fee anyway.
此言差矣 海星头 Au contraire, starfish hair.
法院判决天才宝宝公司给那些购买了... The Baby Poindexter Company is being forced to pay a settlement to any parent
退款行动 反对懒惰父母教育节目有限公司 "天才宝宝"制造商
含有误导性内容节目的家长一定赔偿 who had enough misguided love to buy their videos.
他们才不会为几个孩子开支票 They're not gonna write a check to a couple of kids.
那么让我来做你们的父亲 Then I will be your guys' dad.
谢了 但光是压低嗓音 站在油漆桶上 Thanks, but lowering your voice and standing on paint cans
并不能让你爷们儿到做我爸爸 doesn't make you man enough to be my dad.
Marge 我能订阅《焦点》杂志吗? Marge, can I get a subscription to Highlights magazine?
Homer 那是小孩看的 Homer, that's for children.
- 哪写着呢? - 你把标题读完 - Where does it say that? - Read the rest of the title.
《焦点》儿... Highlights for...
真讨厌 我丢了一只耳钉 Oh, dang it. I lost my other earring.
交给我了 Leave it to me.
耳钉 Earring.
- 大富翁棋的顶针 - 还想这玩意哪去了 - Thimble from Monopoly game. - Wondered where that was.
25块钱的筹码 $25 casino chip.
套娃中最小的那个 The smallest nesting doll.
你能在床上找到什么喜欢的吗? Can you find anything you like in this bed?
只有我的甜心派咯 Just my honey pie.
想在我们依偎时一起分吃吗? Want to split it while we snuggle?
现在你又在干啥呢? Now what are you doing?
舔包装纸 Licking the wrapper.
好了 去城里的单程票 一张成人两张儿童的 There you go, one adult and two children one-way downtown.
作为成年人 我们现在做什么? Um, as adults, what do we do now?
握手吗? Shake hands?
如果你想 If you like.
你们就是这么做的啊 And that's how you do it.
记住 我不能脸朝后坐着 不然我该晕车了 Now, remember, I can't sit backwards or I get sick.
如果我对着你 我也会晕车的 Well, if I look at your face, I get sick.
小子 向你妹妹道歉 Young man, apologize to your sister.
别逼我 老秃子 Make me, baldy.
你这个... Why, you little...
我的成人身份 My adulthood!
从没想到我会说这个 I never thought I'd say this,
但这种行为在汽车站里是太不得体了 but that is conduct unbecoming of a bus station.
你的宝宝们去哪了? Where'd your babies go?
懒惰父母教育节目有限公司
你们这些弱智DVD把我哥哥的脑子搅成浆糊了 Your intellect-deadening DVDs turned my brother's brain to jelly.
那些漂亮形状告诉我杀了所有人 Pretty shapes tell me to kill everybody.
看起来你们有资格得到部分退款 19块9毛5 Looks like you're entitled to the full rebate of $19.95.
毁了孩子一生 你们就赔这么点? That's all you pay for screwing up a child for life?
孩子们 我来处理 Kids, let me handle this.
我们要毛票和硬币 谢了 Uh, we'd like it in singles and nickels, please.
太好了 请签字 Terrific. Just need your signature.
用草体? In cursive?
画个叉就行了 "X" is fine.
用草体? In cursive?
只够回家坐车用的 Oh, it's just enough to get home.
我现在就饿了 I'm hungry now.
嘿 我在油漆桶上踩一天了 Hey, I'm walking on paint cans all day.
让我歇一会 Give me a break.
大伙 看呐 免费早餐 只要我们听听他们推销 Guys, look, free breakfast if we sit through a sales pitch.
公寓销售展示 附带免费早餐 和90分钟的推销演说
记住 Milhouse 别买公寓 Just remember, Milhouse, do not buy the condo.
但如果我们不得不买怎么办? But what if we can't afford not to buy it?
拉尔夫·瓦尔多·爱默生: 美国散文作家 思想家 诗人
Waldo Waldo Waldo Waldo, Waldo, Waldo.
Homer Bart说孩子们会去Van Houtens家 Homer, Bart said the kids were going to the Van Houtens',
但是Luann刚刚告诉我说他们本应在这 but Luann just told me they're supposed to be here.
他们不见了 They've disappeared.
我们会把孩子们弄回来的 We'll get those kids back.
因为我们刚刚给他们买了新鞋 Because we just bought them new shoes.
Waldo Waldo Waldo, Waldo.
你说Lisa是不是到我不带她去的爵士乐俱乐部去了? Do you think Lisa went to that jazz club I wouldn't take her to?
爵士乐要毁掉多少孩子啊? How many kids will jazz corrupt?
小型泳池以及设备齐全配有桉树和毛巾的健身室 Lap pool and fully-quipped gym with eucalyptus towels.
现在 让我给诸位展示一下14款不同的公寓配置 Now, let me give you the 14 different apartment configurations.
大庄园 The hacienda,
都市绿洲 the urban oasis,
空中城堡 castle in the sky,
康涅狄格州日落... Connecticut sunset...
小姐 我肚子已经饱了 我想走了 Lady, my stomach's full, and I want to go.
在这个国家我们都是这么玩的 That's how it works in this country.
如果你想离开 你就会发现门被锁上了 If you try to leave, you'll find the doors are locked.
那个 在我们老爸签合同之前 Well, before our dad signs any contracts,
他给你准备了个惊喜 he has a surprise for you.
我希望惊喜是他还单身 Oh, I hope it's that he's single.
我是单身 I'm single.
虽然 有段时间实地考察旅行时我有个女伴 Though, some days, I have a girl buddy on field trips.
你真是个怪胎 You're a bit of a freak.
我喜欢 I like that.
你是大人你说了算 You're the adult.
Kirk 你不是有话要对她说么? Kirk, don't you have something to tell her?
hook-up另含连接之意
随便找个伴儿么? Just looking for a casual hookup?
是的 为了我的托马斯坦克引擎 Yeah, for my Thomas the Tank Engines.
完全听不懂你说什么 我爱死这样子了 Ooh, I love how I don't exactly understand what you're saying.
Homie 你看到什么没? Homie, do you see anything?
没 不好意思 这... No. I'm sorry. It's...
等一下 Wait a minute.
镇长
婚姻咨询
当我说你需要软件升级的时候 When I said you needed a software update,
我并不是在批评你 it was not a criticism.
免费早餐
我找到我们要找的了 We found what we're looking for.
孩子们? The kids?
应该吧 他们可能在这 谁知道呢? Sure, they could be here. Who knows?
你胳膊跟腿比 太短太细溜 我爱死这样子了 Ooh, I love how your arms are too short and thin for your legs.
就像鳄鱼似的 Just like a crocodile.
我有一种奇怪的清爽情绪在酝酿 I'm feeling a strange, refreshing brew of emotions.
Milhouse? Milhouse?
你咋知道是我的? How'd you know it was me?
你头顶有头发茬 The top of your head has a 5:00 shadow.
你的头发长出来了 Your hair is growing back.
告诉我你的秘方 Tell me your secret.
他才十岁 He's ten years old.
唉 总是有特殊原因 Oh, there's always a catch.
这有人要买公寓么? Is anyone here going to buy a condo?
回答是肯定的 但是别催我 It's going to be yes, but don't rush me.
最糟糕的是你浪费了我的选票 And worst of all, you cast my vote.
无党派的司法选举你投的谁? Who did you vote for in the nonpartisan judicial election?
Williamson Williamson.
不 不 不 No, no, no.
我非常抱歉 老爸 I'm really sorry, Dad,
但是我要说 but I have to say,
冒充你的这几天真是酷毙了 it was pretty cool having your life.
你当真? You mean that?
长大后能像你一样我会很开心的 I'd be happy to wind up just like you.
希望我付不起你大学学费的时候你还记得这个 I hope you remember that when I can't pay for your college.
你看你自己去开家长会我去看电影怎样? Now, how would you like to go to your own
你看你自己去开家长会我去看电影怎样? parent-teacher interview while I see a movie?
我很乐意 I'd like that.
儿子 答应我永远不能变成我这样 Son, promise you will never look like me.
我当然希望不会 I sure hope not.
你这个小... Why, you little...
话茬接得一点都不温暖人心 That's not a heart-warming thing to end on!
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