别惹佐汉! You don't mess with the zohan!
来蹦迪吧 Come disco.
不 不 不 我不跳 我烤鱼呢 No. no. no. I no disco. I make the fish.
丹尼 去吧 去跳舞 Danny. come on. go disco.
好啊 蹦迪啦! Oh. okay. disco!
不错啊 丹尼 成人仪式上你肯定是亮点 Danny. that iooks good. you're gonna be a hit at your bar mitzvah.
是吗 猛男 我可没见你跳过 So okay. mr. big penachim I no see you disco.
不 不 不 我烤鱼呢 不跳舞 No. no. no. I making dagim. I no disco.
一个好汉可是能同时跳舞和烤鱼的 A real man. he can disco and cooking dagim.
那就让你见识见识 So iet's go.
继续 继续啊 Go. go.
我给你们加点豆泥 I get the hummus for you.
还有这个 And for you.
小的就留给我自己了 Littie for me. eh?
不 No.
卡帕拉 这是怎么回事? Kapara what is going on?
只是一些鸡毛蒜皮的小事 Just some bullshit-uchen.
该走啦! Let's go!
你没看到我还在度假吗 Hey. I'm on vacation here. can't you see this?
你答应让我休息的 找别人去做吧 You promised me time off. get someone else to do it.
他们会伤害他吗 Are they gonna hurt him?
没人能伤得了佐汉 No one can hurt the zohan.
-再见 佐汉 -保重啊 伙计 -bye. zohan. -take care. man.
一个被称为幽灵的恐怖分子 The terrorist known as phantom...
昨天在贝鲁特的沙包锦标赛上被发现 ...was spotted yesterday at a hacky sack tournament in beirut.
他可能是暂时出来引诱我们 He may be have been trying to bait us by surfacing briefiy.
我们肯定他藏身在黎巴嫩边界安全屋内 We beiieve he's being kept in a safe house on the lebanon border.
我们怎么会让幽灵跑了的? How is we iose phantom?
三个月前我不是抓到他了吗 Didn't I capture phantom three months ago?
什么 你不知道那个交易? What. you didn't hear about the trade?
什么交易? What trade?
佐汉 我们把幽灵放跑了 Zohan. we gave back the phantom.
不是吧! No!
你说把幽灵放跑了是什么意思? What do you mean. we give back the phantom?
别激动 佐汉 Zohan. reiax.
这次交易很公平 我们换回了艾坦和大卫 It was a good trade. we got back etan and david.
从一个老练的恐怖分子那儿 得到的就是这些? That's aii we got for a veteran terrorist?
拜托 我们可是被痛扁了一顿 Come on. we got hosed here.
他们还往我们这儿扔了个间谍呢 They threw in a spy to be named later.
别这样 佐汉 你必须得接受这个交易 Come on. zohan. you have to like that deal.
他们可能说的是泽弗 Maybe they're taiking about ze'ev.
泽弗 拜托 他都不算是个合格的间谍 Ze'ev. come on. he's not even a good spy.
他被抓了 老天保佑 他是个傻子 He got caught. for god's sake. he's a stupid.
我们计划让一个8人小队从前门进入 Our pian is to enter the buiiding from the front with a team of eight men.
外加12个人在周围掩护 ...with an additionai 12 men at perimeter positions.
不幸的是 那样很可能会有间接伤害 Unfortunateiy. there is a high probabiiity of coiiaterai damage...
包括财产和生命危险 双方都是 ...inciuding property and ioss of iife. on both sides.
好吧 又来了 Okay. here we go.
你说什么 Excuse me?
拜托 这样还不如让一个人进大楼 Come on. is it not safer to send one man into buiiding...
和最小限度的掩护来带出目标 ...with minimai coverage to take out the target...
以免毁掉周围一半的建筑? ...instead of biowing up haif the neighborhood?
好吧 谁会那么做呢 Weii. who wouid do that?
"谁会那么做呢" Oh. ''who wouid do that?''
你知道你该问问佐汉的 You know you were going to ask the zohan.
佐汉 你为什么要这么说? Zohan. why you say this?
我刚制定了个不用依赖你的完整计划 I just iaid out an entire pian which didn't reiy on you.
拜托 亚恩 你在给我做心理准备 Come on. yaron. you're setting me up.
说什么伤亡重大 那样我当然会去 Aii this taik of civiiian casuaities. then of course I end up doing it.
-但我还没要你去做 -好吧 我会去的 -but I'm not even asking you to do it. -aii right. I'ii do it.
给我安排阿维和科比当助手 我会搞定的 Give me avi and koby as watch. I'ii get it done without the mess.
太好了 谢谢 你不用这么做的 Weii. thank you. you didn't have to.
我不用这么做 扯淡 Oh. I didn't have to. bullschlassah.
来点泡泡果奶吗 Have some fizzy bubbiech.
"猕猴桃西瓜口味"? 好啊 不错 ''kiwi watermeion''? yeah. is good.
阿瓦隆 ''avalon.''
短式削剪 Chunky cuts.
佐汉 你在干吗 美女们来了 Zohan. what are you doing? the giris are here.
知道了 我在看电视 I know. I was watching teievision.
你要是想找点乐子 我们就在隔壁 Weii. if you want to have fun with us. we're right next door.
-多做运动有益健康 来吧 -不 不用了 -good with the sticky. you shouid do it. -no. no. no.
我要和我父母一起吃饭 不用管我了 I am going to dinner with my parents. just ieave me aione.
-好吧 好吧 -没事的 -aii right. aii right. -it is aii right!
不许嘲笑佐汉 You don't giggie at the zohan.
听到没? 不许嘲笑佐汉 You hear me? no giggiing at the zohan.
永远都不许嘲笑佐汉 You never giggie at the zohan.
你怎么了 塔特利? What's the matter. tatele?
你的芭芭卡奴士动都没动 You haven't touched your baba ganoush.
你们会怎么想呢 要是我说... What wouid you think if I teii you...
我想离开军队 去开始一段新的生活? ...i want to ieaving the army. start a new iife?
为什么 你干得很好啊 报酬又稳定 Why wouid you do that? you are good at it. it's steady pay.
你不能走 你是最好的一个 You can't ieave. you're one of their best.
再说了 你年纪也大了 经不起冒险 Besides. you are too oid to take a risk.
就待在军队里吧 好好地待着 Stay in the army. piay it safe.
除了打仗我还能做别的呢 There's other things I can do besides war.
你又没经历过战争 You don't war.
-我参加过真正的战争 -我知道 我知道啦 -i was in the reai war. -i know. I know the story.
我们四周都被不计其数的人包围了 We were surrounded on aii sides. outnumbered.
6天 我们用了6天里取得了胜利 and in six days. we and in six days. we won.
你们赢了 对不起 我可没有幻想大战争 You won. I'm sorry. I don't have a big fancy war...
还持续了整整6天 ...that iasted aii of six days
6天5小时 你们这代人就是爱健忘 Six days and five hours. your generation iikes to forget that.
爸爸 我为这国家付出这么多 什么时候到头啊 Dad. I've done so much for the country. when does it end?
都打了2000年了 不会太久了 They've been fighting for 2000 years. it can't be much ionger.
我所有的朋友都只服役三年 Aii of my friends served the minimum three years.
我怎么就不能去做点别的? Why can't I move on? do something eise.
做些更有创意的事 Something more creative.
有创意的事 比如说? Creative. what?
你逮住了那么多恐怖分子 多杰出啊 You've caught so many terrorists. it's an art.
你就像带着手榴弹的论布兰特(荷兰画家) You're iike rembrandt with a grenade.
你想去干什么 What wiii you do?
可能会去美国 Maybe go to america.
什么 去对着音响设备争论不休? What. and haggie over stereo equipment?
等等 小伙子 Wait a minute. ya'acov.
里瓦伊叔叔会在电器行给你安排工作 Uncie levi wiii set you up at electronic store.
你去赚钱 种你那有创意的燕麦 然后回来 You make money. sow your creative oats. you come back.
不要 我才不去电器行 No. I don't want to do eiectronics store.
那你怎么挣钱? Then how wiii you make money?
我不想说 I don't want to say.
佐汉 连你父母都不能说 还能对谁说? Zohan. if you can't teii your parents. who can you teii?
说吧 佐汉宝贝 Come. zohaneie.
我想给人理发... I want to cut...
...还有设计发型 ...and styie hair.
你...你是同性恋? You-- you fagala?
他是同...同性... He's fag-- faga--
我喜欢理发 甜美 平静 没人会受伤 I iike hair. it's pieasant. it's peacefui. no one gets hurt.
你只是越来越像个同性恋了 Weii. you're oniy digging that fagala hoie deeper and deeper.
我说 就这样 在同性恋里越陷越深 Heiio. down there! heiio. in the fagala hoie.
也许他想要凡士林 Maybe he wants vaseiine.
是啊 真搞笑 Yes. it's so funny.
我只是想让人们看起来很整洁 I just want to make peopie siiky smooth.
你知道幽灵会逃跑 做好准备吧 You know the phantom wiii try to run. so be ready for this.
-佐汉 快! -我走啦 -zohan. now! -so iet's go.
佐汉来啦 The zohan.
不许动! Freeze!
我懂 我懂 你们不喜欢我们的国家 I get it. I get it. you guys don't iike our country.
所以我们是坏人 So we are the bad ones.
我很想坐下来和你讨论 但没时间 I'd iove to sit and discuss this with you. but I'm short on time.
只是说说 这不是预先安排的 I'm just saying. it's not so cut-and-dry.
我们都在这待了几百年了! We settied here for hundreds of years!
说得好 Good point.
我祖先都还没来过这呢 你说得对 None of my ancestors ever stepped foot in this iand. no. you're right.
别走 Hey. don't waik away!
出来 出来 不管你在哪儿 Come out. come out. wherever you are.
你好啊 白痴 Heiio. jackass.
你以为你们能压迫我们吗 掠夺者 You think you can oppress my peopie. iandgrabber?
但我是永远不会消失的 But I wiii never disappear.
没人能抓住幽灵 No one can catch phantom!
放马过来吧 So iet's go.
很好 Very good.
对不起 事出有因 Sorry. it's for the cause.
佐汉 Zohan.
佐汉 来吧 Zohan. bring it.
你干吗这样? 我又不会痛 Why you do this? I feei no pain.
不 不 不 是我不会觉得痛 No. no. no. I feei no pain.
-我不会觉得痛 太过分了 -不 是我不会痛 -i feei no pain. this is too much -no. no. no. I feei no pain.
以前打架时我就告诉过你了 I have toid you in other fights.
不 不 不 我现在要杀了你 No. no. no. I kiii you right now.
看啊 看啊 看啊 Look. iook. iook.
水虎鱼 你看起来很痛的样子 The piranha. it iooks very painfui for you.
不痛 不痛 Is good. is good.
感觉很好 没错 就是这样 Is very nice. yes. yes.
再来点泡泡果奶 Fizzy bubbiech for me.
喜欢你看到的吗 You iike what you see?
去死吧 Time to die.
来吧 So iet's go.
好吧 游戏结束了 Okay. game over.
太好啦! Yeah!
我赢了! I kiii!
我杀死佐汉了! I kiii the zohan!
佐汉死了 Zohan is dead.
干得好 幽灵 The phantom!
比起打打杀杀 Cutting the hair. this makes something beautifui.
理发 使一切都那么美好 Instead of shooting it.
这就是我为什么要假死 That's why I had to fake to die.
我本可以再逮住幽灵的 有什么用呢 他会被换出来 I couid have captured phantom again. but for what? they trade him.
我爱我的祖国 但是战争永无休止 I iove my country. but the fighting. it never ends.
就像斯科比 你咬柯克 It's iike mr. scrappy. you bite coco.
柯克 你再回咬他 Coco. you bite him back.
很快你们都会长虫 噬咬你们无力的身体 Soon you are both having worms. eating your own poopech....
我懂 药片的作用 I understand. the piiis.
父母都以为知道什么对你最好 Your parents think they know what's best for you.
睡觉 Sieep.
至于不要被认出来 It's aii about not getting recognized.
我知道我留着胡子很好看 I know how great I iooked in the beard...
不过我会让它帮我的 走着瞧吧 But I'ii make this work for me. you'ii see.
太阳晒屁股啦 伙计们 早上好 Rise and shine. guys. good morning.
不错吧 Is nice. huh?
这就是阿瓦隆 It's the avaion.
这说明我很在意外表 但平易近人 It says I care about the way I iook. but I'm stiii approachabie.
你们喜欢是吧 Oh. you iike this?
伙计们 谁想试试 谁想看起来整洁点? Who wants to go next. guys? who wants to iook siiky smooth?
来吧 来吧 Yes. yes.
我那两个小宝贝呢 过来吧 Oh. where are my two iittie babies? oh. come on.
快出来 斯科比 出来 柯克 到妈妈这儿来 Come on out. scrappy. come on out. come to mama. mr. coco.
斯科比 柯克 这是怎么了 Mr. scrappy. coco. what happened?
谁允许你们这么做的? Who gave you permission to do this. huh?
谁干的? 回答我 Who did? answer me.
斯科比 是你干的吗 是你 对吗 Scrappy. was it you? it was you. wasn't it?
你总这样教唆别人 You're aiways the instigator.
坏狗狗 你真是坏狗狗 再也不许你旅行了 Bad dog. you are a very bad dog. never again are you gonna travei.
带我去保罗·米歇尔理发沙龙 Take me to the paui mitcheii hair saion.
-第一次来纽约? -是啊 我的朋友 -first time in new york? -yes. my friend.
你为什么来这儿呢 So. what brings you here?
我有个梦想 I have a dream.
我也有个梦想 I had a dream too.
你的梦想是什么 What dream you have?
我梦想着来到美国... My dream was to come to america...
挣足够的钱寄给我的兄弟姐妹 ...and make enough money to send for me brothers and sisters...
这样我们就能一起享受自由了 ...so that we aii couid enjoy freedom together.
-不错的梦想 -是啊 当然了 -this is good dream. -oh. yes. it is.
-梦想成真了吗 -没有 伙计 -is dream come true? -no. man.
我的兄弟姐妹都被砍死了 Me brothers and sisters were hacked to death.
不过我喜欢这里的中餐 味道太好了 But I iove the chinese food here. it's incredibie.
-你忘拿东西了 -给你了 朋友 -hey. you forgot these. -those are for you. my friend.
早上好 我是来保罗·米歇尔先生的 Good morning for you. I am here to meet mr. paui mitcheii.
你是哪位? And who are you?
斯科比·柯克 我是来找工作的 Scrappy coco. I am here to take a job from him.
他现在不在 He isn't in right now.
没事 那我等着吧 That's good. so I wiii wait. then.
还有 我要杯泡泡果奶 覆盆子口味的 You know what? I'ii take one fizzy bubbiech. a raspberry.
他不太经常来这里的 You know. he actuaiiy doesn't come in too often.
是吗 就告诉他我很棒 就这样 Yes. just teii him I am perfect for this. so iet's go.
-我是最好的 -最好的什么 -i am the best. -the best at what?
所有这些啊 理发 造型 让人们整洁起来 Aii of this. the cutting. the styiing. the making it siiky smooth.
我想知道你头发是谁剪的 I wanna know who cuts your hair.
你喜欢吗 Oh. you iike this. eh?
这个是阿瓦隆 就是保罗·米歇尔杂志上的 This is the avaion. straight from the paui mitcheii book.
自从卢克娶了劳拉后我再没见过这发型 I haven't seen that styie since luke married laura.
大姐 你就是劳拉吗 Sister. are you this laura?
你告诉保罗·米歇尔 就说斯科比·柯克想见他 You teii paui mitcheii. scrappy coco was here to see him.
如果让我知道他在这儿... If I find out he was here...
或者你不让我见他... ...or you are keeping him hidden from me...
我会要你好看的 ...i wiii destroy you.
相信我 Beiieve me this.
这是怎么搞的 冠军 我可不买账 What the heii was this. champ? I'm not paying for that!
都是这白痴搞的鬼 逼我转向你 This asshoie cut me off. made me swerve into you!
苍天作证 我可是在自行车道上的 With aii due respect. I was in the bicycie iane.
你像疯子似的冲过来 还好没人受伤 You came iike a madman. be giad nobody was hurt.
我是说 可能会死人的 我是说 你... I mean. somebody couid've died. I mean. you came--
好吧 真理智 先生 你可真理智 Okay. reai mature. sir. reai mature.
你不会想扔自行车的 You do not want to be throwing bicycies.
听着 别管闲事 穆斯塔法(土耳其第一任总统) Look. stay out of my business. mustafa.
我可不叫"穆斯塔法" 谁说那是我的名字 ''mustafa''? this is not my name. who teiis you this is my name?
随便吧 腊肠 熏肉 苹果酱 Whatever. saiami. boiogna. appie sauce.
苹果什么 Appie who?
朋友 我要是你 我会改变下语气的 My friend. if I were you. I wouid change the tone.
避免受伤 Avoid the pain.
听着 回去吹你那该死的法国号吧 这没你的事 Listen. go back to your goddamned pretzei stand. we got it....
-看我抓到什么了 这儿 -拜托 -look what I've got. it's right here. -piease!
-我抓到了 -求你了 放开我 -i've got it. -piease. iet me go.
我从不吹法国号 你喜欢侮辱别人是吗 I never work at pretzei stand. you iike to insuit peopie?
这是你的脚? Was that your feet?
是啊 就是脚 上钩脚 Yes. it's the feet. the feet uppercut.
这回两脚都上 Here comes the doubie foot.
真强 This is good.
闻吧 闻吧 吃我一脚 Smeii it. smeii it. smeii it. now take it.
-这就是你的下场 -够了 放开我 -that's for you. -aii right. iet me go!
你说你要法国号? You said you wanted pretzei?
好啦 我没事了 Okay. I'm good.
很好 Beautifui.
要些鸡肉吗 You want some chickens?
不 不 不 我来帮你修 No. no. no. I fix for you.
这可是专业水准 It's aii b'seder.
你是谁 生化人? What are you. bionic?
不 不 不 我只是喜欢美女 No. no. no. I oniy iike the giris.
不管怎样 谢谢你 Thanks. anyways.
这交通真荒谬 This is ridicuious traffic.
不管怎样 乔治坚持要开派对 Anyway. george insisted we have the party.
-我总是值夜班 -你能小声点吗 拜托了 -i aiways get midnight shift. -couid you keep it down. piease?
我不能睡觉 不能打扑克 I no sieep. I no see worid series poker.
你在看路吗 Are you even watching the road?
态度好点 他可能是个恐怖分子 Be nice. he couid be a terrorist.
-为什么汉迪不用值班 -你能至少换下台吗 -why hamdi no get no midnight? -couid you at ieast change the station?
-这真是太棒了 -是啊 -hey. that was amazing. -oh. yes.
你是从哪儿来的 Where are you from. anyway?
我从哪儿来的 Where am I from?
澳大利亚 Austraiia.
真的吗 因为你听着像是中东人 Reaiiy? because you sound middie eastern.
不 不 不 不过是相近的口音 No. no. no. simiiar accents.
-袋鼠 听见没 -是的 -kangaroo. you see? -sure.
这太荒谬了 我们要下车 This is ridicuious. we're getting out.
-走吧 亲爱的 -我干的可比汉迪久得多 -come on. dear. -i've been working ionger than hamdi.
-要我送你回家吗 -不 我会打的 -you want me to get you home? -no. I'ii grab a cab.
你干得不错 这太不可思议了 You've done enough. that was crazy.
我在为谁卖命 Whose lockzie do I have to schluck?
你以为我不知道你是在压榨我吗 Oh. you know you're boning me. I don't know that.
是你 It's you.
发生什么事了 这是怎么回事 what is happening? what's happening?
放屁 It's bullshaklaga.
-我们得走了 -去哪儿 -we have to go. -go where?
-我带你走 -你在干什么 -i'ii run you. -what are you doing?
这样合法吗 This is legal?
斯科比 来点馄饨吧 Scrappy. have another kneidiach. come on.
你真好 凯门夫人 You're very nice. mrs. kiayman.
让我想起澳大利亚的妈妈煮的饭 It reminds me of my mother's cooking in austraiia.
真的吗 真有趣 你听起来不像澳洲人 Reaiiy? it's funny. you don't sound austraiian.
是啊 不 不 因为我只有一半澳洲血统... Yes. no. no. no. this is because I am haif austraiian...
还有一半珠穆朗玛峰人的血统 ...haif mount everest.
所以我的口音就是这样 So this is what you're hearing.
好吧 澳大利亚一定比这漂亮多了 Weii. austraiia. it must be reaiiy nice there...
自从废除了种族隔离政策 ...since they got rid of the apartheid.
是啊 天气还更凉爽 Oh. yes. the weather is much cooier.
斯科比 我理解你为什么爱理发 So. scrappy. I understand you cut hair.
我将为保罗·米歇尔先生工作 I wiii be working with mr. paui mitcheii...
只要我知道他被她们藏在哪儿 ...as soon as I find out where they are hiding him.
妈妈 斯科比还没找到地方住呢 Oh. mom. scrappy doesn't have a piace to stay yet.
-真的吗 -是啊 -reaiiy? -not yet.
实际上 这里有个很好的小房间 Weii. actuaiiy. there's a nice one-bedroom...
就在楼上 ...that just opened up upstairs.
灯光不错 不过不大 Nice iight. not huge.
而且他们很好地改造了厨房 And they redid the kitchen very weii.
-这样挺好的 -会很好的 -this couid be good. -couid be good.
会很好的 Couid be good.
妈妈 清洁剂在哪儿呢 Hey. mom. do you know where the detergent is?
-这感觉真好 -我的天啊 -that's very good. -oh. my god!
怎么了 你怎么了 What? what's the matter?
怎么了 那可是我妈妈 What's the matter? that's my mom.
-没事的 迈克尔 -我知道那是你妈妈 -it's okay. michaei. -i know it's your mother.
她很漂亮 She's very beautifui.
迈克尔 我都两天没干这事了 Michaei. I haven't made sticky in two days.
-你还要我怎样 -就不能等我睡了吗 -what do you want from me? -couidn't you wait tiii I was asieep?
-或者死了 -别这么说 迈克尔 -or dead? -no. michaei.
你...他在干吗 You do...what's he doing now?
这是怎么了 怎么会这样 Why'd that happen? why'd that happen?
没事的 我去和他谈谈 It's okay. let me taik to him.
我起不来了 Oh. I can't get up.
没事的 两小时后你就能起来了 No. no. you'ii feei your iegs again in two hours.
迈克尔 Michaei.
拜托 这没什么不好的 Come on. this is nothing to feei bad about.
我和你妈做爱 Me sexing your mother.
这很美好 这是很自然的 It's beautifui. it's naturai.
不 我可不是带你回来和我妈做那事的 No. I didn't bring you home to do it with my mother.
为什么不呢 难道你不希望她高兴吗 Why not. huh? you don't want her to be happy?
你看见她了吗 看见她高兴的样子了吗 Did you see her? did you iook at her?
我倒是觉得我再也不能看她了 I don't think I can ever iook at her again.
迈克尔 瞧她那高兴的样子 Michaei. her face during the big bang-boom?
你都没看见吗 You did not see?
高兴得满面红光的 She was giowing.
帕奇斯 你这是在... Patches. what are you--?
迈克尔 别这样 Michaei. come on.
和我在一起你总会有空闲的 They'ii be pienty of time for you and me.
今晚我带你去蹦迪好吗 Tonight. I take you to disco. huh? how's this?
不要 为什么我今晚要去蹦迪 No. why wouid I wanna go to a disco tonight?
迈克尔 你应该去看看 会很好玩的 Michaei. you shouid go. it'd be fun!
你该去好好玩一玩 You couid use a iittie stank.
你该好好放纵一下你的小兄弟了 Yes. you need your penachim to take a swim.
对 就像一艘小潜艇 没什么坏处的 Yeah. a iittie chicken of the sea. it wouidn't hurt.
蹦迪 蹦迪 一起去吧 好不好 Disco. disco. let's do this. michaei. yes or no?
来吧 蹦迪去 Come on. you get to disco.
-好好好 我去蹦迪 -太棒了 -aii right. fine. I'ii go to the disco. -okay.
我和你妈再来一次 然后我们就出发 I do your mother one more time. and then we go.
-什么... -还要再来? -wha--? -seconds aiready?
当然了 Oh. yes.
瞧瞧 Hey. look at this.
这才是你需要的 小伙子 释放一下吧 This is what you need. man. to iet off a iittie steam. huh?
你一天做几次爱? 2次? 5次? 12次? How many times a day do you make sticky? two? five? tweive?
一天做几次? 我只在网球集训营里做过一次 How many times a day? I've had sex once in my iife.
那次经历实在是太糟了 It was at tennis camp. it was awfui.
你太挑剔了 也许这正是问题所在 You're too picky. michaei. maybe that's the probiem.
每株沙漠中的野草都是一朵鲜花 Every weed in the desert is stiii a fiower.
看那个女孩 还挺胖的对吧 Look at this. this a big one. eh?
看她的胸部 弹性肯定不错 But iook at the tits. these wiii bounce nice for you.
你妈妈有一个大屁股 Your mother. she has huge pooper.
我的意思是 很丰满 I mean. very wide.
但我的感觉是 两条巨大强壮的腿缠绕着我的头 But what I see are two big. strong iegs wrapped around my head. squeezing.
那么 谁想去钓几个女孩子啊 So who wants to get some poontachen?
-我想钓几个女孩子 -太好了 走吧 -i wanna get some poontachen? -weii. iet's get some. yes.
推荐你一个好东西 混音还不错嘛 It's good for you. nice spinning.
这就是我说的那个 你放吧 This is what I'm taiking about. you piay this.
-我才不会放这种垃圾 -别这么说 -i ain't piaying this corny shit. -no. no.
我得给朋友制造点气氛 I need to set the mood for my friend.
滚出去 你这狗娘养的混蛋... Get out. you daisy duke-wearing motherf--
-蹦迪 蹦迪 -棒极了 棒极了 -disco. disco. -good. good!
好 你好 你好 Yes. heiio. heiio.
你好 佐汉 Hey. zohan.
你在找谁 Who you iooking for?
没关系的 舞厅里没人听到我说什么的 佐汉 It's okay. no one can hear me in disco. zohan.
居然能在这里遇到你 真意外 Can you beiieve the poontachat in this piace?
我不是佐汉 我叫斯科比·柯克 I'm not zohan. my name is scrappy coco. my friend.
什么 你就是佐汉·德弗 What? of course you are zohan dvir.
大家都以为你死在以色列了 我不会说出去的 They aii think you dead in israei. I'm not going to teii.
说什么 我不知道你在说什么 Teii what? I don't know what you're taiking about.
佐汉 没关系的 别担心 你是我的偶像 Zohan. it's okay. don't worry. I'm a huge fan.
你94年在阿富汗的丰功伟业 The way you took out abduiiah meda in '94.
还有97年 你让美亚米·班奈瑟吃他自己的屎 And when you made meiami benazir eat his own shit in '9 7.
真不敢相信 我居然能遇见你 I can't beiieve I'm meeting you. man.
你在这里做什么 So. what the fachma are you doing here?
跟我过来 Come with me.
我再也受不了整天打打杀杀的 Look. I couidn't take aii the fighting anymore.
-有什么意义呢 -你疯了吗 -what's it aii for? -are you crazy?
要是我能像你一样去把恐怖分子炸个稀巴烂... If I couid biow a terrorist inside out iike you...
我肯定义不容辞 连觉都不睡 ...this is aii I wouid do. I'd never sieep.
-你太夸张了 -我才没有 -this is exaggeration. -no. it's not.
你让帕拉米·哈代汉的贵宾犬坐在点燃的手榴弹上 You made paiami habdaiiah's poodie sit on a iive grenade.
-告诉我你是怎么做到的 -我不记得了 那时我太小了 -you gotta show me how you did that. -i don't remember. I was young.
该说说实话了吧 你为什么来美国 So teii me the truth. why are you in america?
我不想说 I no want to teii you.
什么 为什么 说啊 What? what? come on.
你是最厉害的 佐汉 你说什么都是对的 You are the best. zohan. whatever you say is good.
我想当一个理发师 I want to be hairdresser.
你是同性恋吗 You a fagala?
我才不信 I can't beiieve it.
一个伟大的战士 同时还是个同性恋 A great warrior. but aiso a fagala with the penachim.
不 不 不 我喜欢理发 No. no. no. I iike hair.
得了吧 我给你找一份真正的工作 Come on. man. I get you reai job.
你明天到我店里来 You come by my shop tomorrow.
以色列电器行 你疯了吗 Israeii eiectronics. are you crazy?
-每个人都能把我认出来的 -不 你看起来已经不一样了 -everyone wiii recognize me. -no. you don't iook iike same zohan.
你顶着个那么蠢的发型 You have siiiy haircut now.
-你说我的发型什么 -什么 -i have what haircut? -what?
-你说我这发型很蠢? -不 不 不 谁说的 -you say I iook siiiy? -no. no. who said this?
-你说的 -不 不 不 谁也没有这么说 -you said this. -no. no. nobody say nothing.
我不需要你这份工作 I don't need your job.
我会靠自己在大型沙龙找到工作的 走着瞧吧 I get my own job on my own at a big saion. you wiii see.
你以前有给女士理发的经验吗 You ever cut a sister's hair before?
有 兄弟姐妹爷爷奶奶 全家人的头发都是我剪的 Yes. sister. brother. grandma. grandpa. the whoie famiiy.
我很擅长理发 I'm good at this.
那你有修过假发吗 Have you ever worked with dreads before?
你该这么做 This is what you do.
好了 这东西死掉了 No more. this creature siayed.
没问题的 好了 它缠上我了 它缠上我了 好了 It's not a probiem. okay. he's got me. he's got me. he's got me. okay.
好了 拿这个喷瞎它的眼睛 搞定了 Okay. so we biind him in the eyes. we got you.
这就把它干掉了 And we finish him.
后退 我来抓住他 走啊 走 快出去 趁现在跑 You back away. I take hoid of him. go! go! go out! go now!
快跑 Go!
这是头发 这是头发 This is hair. this is hair.
好了 你和我开玩笑 对吧 Oh. okay. the joke's on me. eh?
我们的工作主要是提供一次有趣的经历 A big part of our job here is making this a fun experience.
毋庸置疑 Of course. of course.
大部分的孩子是第一次来理发 For a iot of kids. this is their first cut.
也许会很害怕 And it can be very frightening.
-可以理解 -我不要剪头发 -i can imagine. -i don't want a haircut.
离我远点儿 Get away from me.
放开我 Let me go.
小伙子 你看我找着什么了 Young man. iook what I found here.
一个漂亮的气球 A nice baiioon.
想要吗 给你 Do you want it? it's right here.
你不该乱动 You shouidn't jump around...
这个漂亮的阿姨正拿着锋利的剪刀呢 ...when this nice woman's hoiding a sharp pair of scissors.
要是你乱动的话 一不小心就会划破大动脉哦 If you move. she couid siip and siice your juguiar vein on accident.
大动脉可是没法缝合的 There's no way to stitch the juguiar.
4分钟之内你的血就会全喷到地板上 Aii of your biood wiii be on the fioor in four minutes.
我见过这种场面 我这么做过 你不会想变成那样的 I've seen this. I've done this. you don't want this.
现在就是给他修剪颈后头发的好时机 Weii. then. at ieast it's a good time to shave his neck.
我会尽快搞定他的 I wouid get him quick.
我像你那么大的时候已经杀了7个人了 When I was your age I aiready kiiied seven men.
也许你该成熟点 Maybe you shouid grow up.
我敢保证 你不会后悔的 I promise you you won't regret.
你会再来的 And come back.
"富士川"? 我不认识这个品牌 这不是... ''fujigawa''? I don't know that brand. it reaiiy isn't--
这个不是富士川 这个是索尼的产品 It's not reaiiy fujigawa. it's sony guts.
-这不是该印着索尼吗 -不对 不对 -wouidn't it be better with the sony-- -oh. no. no. no.
这就是你要的 This is what you want.
-450美元 -但广告上说是"索尼"和"300美元" -four-hundred fifty. -but the ad says ''sony.'' and ''300.''
不对 不对 你是信我还是信广告 450美元 No. no. no. what you going to beiieve. me or the ad? four-fifty.
你好 关门大吉 请问有什么可以帮到你的吗 Heiio. going out of business. can I heip you?
索尼 是的 300元 Sony. yes. three hundred.
来吧 是的 好的 非常好 Come in. yes. very good. very good.
我是这栋大楼新业主的代表 Hi. I represent the new owner of this buiiding.
不错 你要生日蛋糕吗 想要什么 Good for you. want a birthday cake? what do you want?
雅马哈很不错 Yamaha is very good.
你们收到租金涨价的通知了吗 Did you receive our ietter regarding your rent?
-这个我可不知道 -涨到20000一个月了 -this I don't know. -it's being raised to 20.000 a month.
不行 不行 太贵了 No. no. no. this is too much.
8500 这是我们给的最高价了 Eighty-five hundred is aii we'ii give you.
-这不是谈判 我们给...10000 就这么多 -this isn't negotiabie. we can get-- -ten thousand. that's aii.
一人退一步 We both go home happy.
-抱歉 我们不能讲价 -好吧 谈不拢 -i'm sorry. we can't settie for iess. -okay. no deai.
等你想商议再来吧 You come back when you want to deai.
-先生 你不明白 -走吧 -sir. you don't understand. -go.
-你还站在这里干什么 你喜欢我吗 我有女朋友了 滚 What you stiii here for? you iike me? I have girifriend. go.
多谢惠顾 Thank you very much.
看看是谁来了 Hey. iook who's here.
别声张 Come on. not so ioud.
别担心 佐汉 没人认得你的 Don't worry. zohan. I teii you. they don't recognize you.
尤希 这是我好兄弟 巧克力可可 Yosi. this is good man. this chocoiate coco.
-斯科比·柯克 -斯科比·柯克 -scrappy coco. -scrappy coco.
煮谁可可? Cooking who-co?
是的 没错 Yes. yes.
你的店快关门大吉了? So you're going out of business?
才不是 那只是招牌 生意好着呢 No. no. no. no. is just a sign. is good for business.
是吗 你总算瞧得起我了 真好 Yeah. so you iook me up. man. that's cooi.
我是来找工作的 I come for job.
找工作 你不去当大理发师了吗 Job. so you not big hairstyie?
目前还不大可能 It's not reaiiy happening for me so far.
所以我才来这里 就这样吧 So I am here. so iet's go.
不行 没有工作 No. no job.
你这是什么意思 你叫我来这里的 What do you mean? you teii me to come here.
我可不能让你干这行 你想当个同性恋理发师 I can no iet you do this. you want to be hair homo.
所以我现在来干这个 这是临时的 No. so I do this for now. it's aii yofi tofi.
这不是临时的 Is no now.
一旦开始在电器行工作 你就一辈子都无法摆脱它了 Once you start in eiectronics store. you never get out.
瞧瞧阿法拉 你看见了吗 Look at ephraim. you see?
他没什么不正常的啊 挺好的 I don't see nothing wrong with that. it's perfect.
阿法拉 到美国来... Ephraim came to America...
是想当赛车手的 ...to be racing car driver.
但他就这么混日子过去了 But he iet siip away.
我听见了 你再听听看 I can hear it. look. check your ear.
平查斯 想成为下一个比尔·盖兹 Pinchas wanted to be the next biii cosby.
不 这个抗水 但是不防水 你懂吗 No. is resistant. no proof. you don't understand?
但这店子拖了他的后腿 But the store kept puiiing him back.
可能你会戴着手表游泳 Maybe you swimming with the watch.
-我不游泳... -这是抗水的 -i'm not swimming-- -is resistant.
尤希想成为一个手模 Yosi wanted to be a hand modei.
什么 你不喜欢这个 看看吧 这是最好的 What. you don't iike this? look at this. this is most beautifui.
但他在这里过得太舒适了 But he got too comfortabie here.
按一下这个键 就可以打免费热线 Press this button. it's free hbo.
电器行是梦想杀手 The eiectronics store is a dream kiiier.
我可不能让佐汉的梦想破灭 And I won't iet the zohan kiii his dream.
你是个真正的男子汉 You are a reai mensch oori.
你才是真正的男子汉 You the mensch.
过来 Come.
什么 这是什么 What? what's this?
你也许不喜欢这个地方 但是对面那家店... You may not go for this. but this piace cross the street....
-怎样 -他们也许会雇用你 -yes? -they maybe take you.
-那个地方好吗 -不 糟透了 但他们会雇用你 -is good piace? -no. is dump. but they take you.
那边是巴勒斯坦人的势力范围 Is on paiestinian side of street.
巴勒斯坦? Paiestinian?
不 不 不 那里没人会干掉你的 No. no. no. look. nobody kiii you there.
在这里 没有人会在乎 Here nobody care.
首先 没人能干掉我 First off. no one kiii me anywhere.
但巴勒斯坦? 不行 But paiestinian. no.
我不能对不起父母 I've done enough to my parents aiready.
我只想给佐汉介绍工作 I just want job for the zohan.
幽灵那个混蛋真让人受不了 And it kiiis me the way phantom bastard...
巴勒斯坦那边到处都是他的炸弹之吻 ...getting his buttochim kissed in paiestine now.
炸弹之吻? 什么玩意儿 Buttochim kissed? what's this?
他有一门生意 He have business.
他买卖妻子 He buy wives.
就他? Him?
到处都是他那张丑陋的脸 They say his ugiy face everywhere.
大家都蜂拥前往幽灵的耐嚼木菲图菲食品店 Everyone is running to phantom's chewy muchentuchen
来品尝英雄的食物 For the food the heroes eat
酷贝 馓博斯科 还有美味的木菲图菲 Kubeh sambouesk delicious muchentuchen
你永远不知道自己会遇见谁 You never know who you'll meet
你会被宠坏的 You are going to get spoiled.
幽灵木菲图菲! Phantom muchentuchen!
太棒了 Oh yeah!
本月购买木菲图菲欢乐套餐 This month order muchentuchen happy lunch...
即可获得死亡佐汉玩具一套 ...and get action figures from death to zohan.
每人限购一套 美国是撒旦
难以置信 Unbeiievabie.
这畜生梦想成真 而我却... This animai gets to iive his dream. but. me. i--
我不能给巴勒斯坦人工作 那就像...不行 我不能这么做 I can no work paiestinian. no. it's iike-- I can't do this.
你可以的 Yes. you can.
你的梦想是理发 你是想去打仗 还是给人理发? Is your dream to cut hair. you want fight. or you want hair?
我想给人理发 但我害怕 I want hair. but I'm scared.
这里是美国 你可以随心所欲 Is america. you can do anything here.
你就没做过不可能的事吗 You never done something peopie thought was impossibie?
你不说话是吧 我来让你说话 So you don't want to taik. huh? I'ii make you taik.
我做得到 I can do this.
蹦迪 蹦迪 棒 棒 Disco disco good good.
你从来没给人理过发? So you have never cut hair before.
我给自己理发 还给几只狗剪过毛 I have cut my own hair and severai dogs.
我有保罗·米歇尔发型书 有毅力 有上进心... I have the paui mitcheii book. I have the stamina. the desire--
但你既未经训练又无经验 But you have no training or experience.
你就没有雇过有其他经验的人吗 Wouid you hire someone with experience in something eise?
什么经验 In what?
这里有人能做到这个吗 Can anyone here do this?
好吧 这真是大开眼界 Okay. I have never seen that.
做得非常好 但这技能对我没用 That is very nice. but that is not going to heip me.
不用手 No hands.
更别说我这里没有空缺了 Besides. I have no openings.
要说什么的话 我还得缩减开支 If anything. I need to scale back...
业主加租金了 ...since they just raised my rent through the roof.
一个打领带的家伙 不知道从哪儿跑来的 跟我说要付租金 Out of nowhere. some guy with a tie comes in and teiis me I need to pay.
停下来 Stop it!
我想学理发 I oniy wish to iearn.
为了这个我什么都愿意做 I wiii do whatever it takes.
好吧 你每周先来清扫几次头发 Fine. you can sweep up hair a few shifts a week.
-你没... -没工资 -you won't be-- -no pay.
不 不 不 但我会成为一个理发师的 对吧 No. no. no. but then. I wiii become styiist. yes?
那可要花不少时间 That couid be a whiie.
我会等到那天的 你会看到的 I wiii wait turn. you wiii see.
我可以找个兼职赚钱 I wiii get nighttime job for money.
很快 全世界都将如丝般柔顺 Soon the whoie worid wiii be siiky smooth.
佐汉 Zohan.
-卡门·艾丽查拥有全世界最好的胸部 -拜托 -carmen eiectra has the best tits now. -oh. piease.
老天 我想知道她为此花了多少钱 Oh. my god. I wonder how much she paid for them.
它们真挺拔 They're so perky.
你知道 她可是花了大价钱的 You know. ieave it to her to buy the best tits.
那总是第一流的 It's aiways first ciass with that one.
你不必每根头发都扫 You know you don't have to catch every piece of hair as it faiis.
要的 你需要一块干净完美的地板 一跟头发都不行 Yes. I do. you deserve a perfect fioor. one singie hair is unacceptabie.
一如往常 As you were.
我接到了 Yes. I got this.
你看凯特·汉森的新电影了吗 ''did you see the new kate hudson movie?
我觉得她比她母亲更活泼 I think she is even more vivacious than her mother.''
斯科比 这真是太好了 现在和迈克尔练习一下吧 Scrappeieh. that's wonderfui. now. iet's practice on michaei.
迈克尔 进来一下好吗 Michaei! couid you come in here. piease?
什么 这是做什... What? what is--?
斯科比要练习聊天 Oh. scrappy needs to practice smaii-taiking.
能不能下回再练 我得把晚饭消化掉 Can we do this another time? I have a shot at keeping my food down.
迈克尔 我想现在练习 Michaei. I want to practice now.
我不擅长这个 你能帮帮我吗 I'm afraid I'm terribie at this. why won't you heip me?
宝贝儿 你什么都擅长 Oh. honey. you are good at everything you do.
-好了 -谢谢 -got it. -thanks.
你让她的头发丝般柔顺了 对吧 克劳德 So you're making her siiky smooth. huh. ciaude?
-在修饰面部吗 -是的 我在给她修饰面部 -framing her face? -yeah. scrappy. I'm framing her face.
这不错 This is smart.
漂亮的层次加上柔软的刘海 A nice iayered styie with the soft bangs...
衬托这样的肥胖女士再好不过 ...is good for a bigger woman iike this.
-柯克 -使视线从圆月型的面部下移... -coco. -takes the eyes off the moon face...
到胸部 ...and brings it toward the titzim.
柯克 Coco.
我得和你谈谈 I need to speak to you.
单独谈谈 In private.
单独 有什么秘密吗 Private. a secret?
我可以告诉你 他们没我剪得好 They wiii never get it out of me. I promise you.
柯克 克劳德 正在干活呢 Coco. ciaude is trying to work.
他干得很好 Yes. he's very good.
我已经做好今天理发的准备了 来吧 上吧 So I am ready to cut hair today. so iet's go. iet's get it on.
不行 不能让你上 No. let's not go.
可我是最好的 But I am the best.
别跟我说你是最好的 Don't teii me you're the best.
-但我有上进心 有毅力 -你才来了2天 -i have the desire. the stamina. -you've been here two days.
我开这家店5年了 I run this piace for five years.
我知道你什么时候能理发 I think I know when you are ready to cut hair.
好了 你们去房间吵 Okay. jeez! get a room. you two.
不 不 不 No. no. no.
我不会再乱来了 I do not touch this with your penachim.
看在尊重工作的份上 Out of respect for the working.
你总不能边吃边拉吧 No. you don't eat where you shit.
边拉边吃也不行 不管这... Or shit where you eat. whatever the....
味道可不好 The smeii is bad.
这叫梳子 This is caiied a comb.
-手指要这样 -对 对 不对 不对 -with the fingers? -yeah. yeah. yeah. no. no. no.
-斯科比 -抱歉 来吧 我扶你 -scrappy. -i'm sorry. here. I take your ieg up.
非常抱歉 I'm sorry about this. I'm sorry.
-好了 -我道歉 -okay. aii right. -i apoiogize.
-带他去他指定的地方 -谢谢 好了 -take him where he wants to go. -thank you. okay.
-祝你好运 -没问题 -good iuck. -it wiii be fine.
-先生 你的车到了 -你观察力很敏锐 泰勒 -your iimousine has arrived. sir. -you're observant. tyier.
谢谢 巨无霸 Thank you. big mac.
我得参加城里的沃桥酒店剪裁 快迟到了 I am reaiiy iate for a hotei opening downtown. the waibridge hotei.
我明白了 先生 我知道捷径 I understand. sir. I know the neighborhoods inside and backwards.
-不会让任何人阻挡我们的 -什么 -we wiii not iet them stop us. -what?
我没那么急 I'm not in much of a hurry.
天啊 不 Oh. no.
你要喝点咖啡吗 You want some coffee back there?
不要 No!
我会摆脱他们的 I wiii iose them.
没有人跟踪我们 Nobody is foiiowing us.
该死 Oh. shit!
祝你愉快 先生 Have a good time. sir.
黛比 你剪得真好 Debbie. you did a good job.
你看上去真迷人 罗森夫人 You iook very bangabie. mrs. rosen.
鲍森夫人 我想说... Mrs. pauison. I must teii you...
你第一次来的时候真的很难看 ...when you first came in. you iooked hideous.
一点吸引力都没有 There was nothing attractive.
但现在 我得说 我小兄弟都快翘起来了 But now. I must say. my schtitzel it's about to burst.
-都快把裤子撑破了... -你在干什么 -it couid break these any-- -what are you doing?
我们在聊天 We are taiking shop.
不对 不对 No. no.
-柯克 你听我说... -什么 -look. coco-- -what?
你需要冷静下来 You need to calm down now. okay?
我不认为这些顾客喜欢你说话的方式 I don't think these customers like the way you talk shop.
没人说过这些啊 Nobody say this.
记住 要尊敬你自己的工作场所 Coco. remember. respect for the workplace.
我背叛了我的理发店 I have betrayed my salon.
他想要自杀 He's trying to kill himself.
-太暴力了 -我罪有应得 -scrappy. -i deserve this.
不 不 只是...只是... No. no. just.... just....
对女士要温柔些 Easy on the ladies.
我不介意 I didn't mind.
当心 鲍森女士 Take care. mrs. pauison.
她不介意 She did not mind.
让我来给剪刀消下毒... Let me disinfect the scissors...
所以有些人可以使另一些人丝般温柔 ...so someone else can make someone else silky smooth.
我会弄干净的 I'ii just clean up.
拉菲拉理发沙龙 Rafaela's saion.
什么 不会吧 What? no.
黛比 她不干了 Debbie. she quit.
-什么 -抱歉 -what? -sorry.
克劳德 你知道这件事吗 Claude. did you know about this?
我应该告诉你的 I should have toid you.
她从那些租房的人来的时候就去找新工作了 She's been looking for a new job since those rent guys came around.
那么你干吗什么都不说 小贱人 Then why you no say nothing. littie bitch?
不要紧 我是不会放弃这里的 Don't worry. I'm not giving up on this piace.
你是个好人 哈比比 我只是...我不知道该做些什么 You're a good guy. habibi. I just-- I don't know what to do.
所以 我们开始吧 So Let's go.
我现在已经有够多的问题了 Scrappy. I have enough problems right now.
我不是问题 我是解决方案 我在弥补 I not the probiem. I the solution. I fix.
但是如果你搞砸了... But if you screw up--
我现在不能接受打击了 I can't afford a screwup right now.
不 不 我不会搞砸的 我是最棒的 No. no. no. I no screw up. I am the best for the job.
对 但是你不停地问"什么时候轮到我" Yeah. but you push and push. ''when is my turn''?
我需要关心沙龙 I have to care about salon.
你在乎你自己 还有 别在顾客面前争吵 You care about you. and don't fight in front of the customer.
史迪兹夫人 很抱歉我们的理发师今天没来 Mrs. skitzer. I am afraid our styiist is out today.
待会由克劳德为您理发好吗 Wouid you care to wait for ciaude?
他会理发吗 Does he do hair?
他还不是正式的 He's not a regular.
那没关系 Well. that's fine.
她说...我是说达莉亚没来 可以的话 让我来吧 She say-- I mean. only if it's okay with dalia.
你不会为你的决定后悔的 You will not regret this decision.
史迪兹夫人 我们开始吧 Mrs. skitzer. let's cut your hair.
请躺好 史迪兹夫人 我会照料好一切的 Just lay back. mrs. skitzer. I'll take care of everything.
对您这样性感的女人理应受到关心 Sexy woman like you deserves to be pampered.
我? 性感? 当然了 Me. sexy? sure.
不要谦虚 Don't be humble.
您知道的 您的臀部和胸部像中学生一样 You've got the ass and tits of a schoolgirl and you know it.
而且这里每个人都知道 相信我 And everyone else knows this too. believe me.
让我来帮您把耳环拿下来 Let me get your earring off.
我爱死它了 I love it.
那当然 我说过我会让它如丝般顺滑 Of course you do. I make you silky smooth. I tell you this.
好吧 斯科比 你今天可以为黛比的顾客理发 All right. scrappy. you can cut debbie's clients today.
如果她们想要你的话 If they want you.
谢谢你们 Thank you.
我给史迪兹太太弄好就来 大家稍等一下 I'ii get to you all soon as I'm all the way done with mrs. skitzer.
这就是您所有的服务了 史迪兹太太 That all you got. mrs. skitzer
那么 谁是下一个 So who's next?
谢谢你 亲爱的 Thank you. dear.
-音箱不错啊 -是的 是的 -it's a lot of speakers. -yes. yes.
实在是太棒了 It's orgasmic.
给你 For you. yes.
这是给你的 I give this to you.
-不 很抱歉 保罗·米歇尔先生 -请听我说完 斯科比 -no. I am sorry. mr. paui mitcheii. -hear me out. scrappy. please.
我会给你认股权 用你的名字命名洗发水 I'll give you stock options. I'll name a shampoo after you.
不了 我是忠于这里的 我不能接受你 No. my loyalty is to here. I will destroy you.
我从乔安妮那里听说的这个地方 I heard about this place from joanne.
你一定要找斯科比来做 You have to ask for scrappy.
是的 会员卡的拥有者在吗 Yes. is the primary cardholder present?
打扰一下 Excuse me?
你好 我是明镜周刊 Hello. I am calling from spiegei cataiogue.
你是在18岁到39岁之间吗 Are you between the ages of 1 8 and 39?
我们正在聊天呢 We're trying to talk here.
过去6个月里你从我们这儿定过东西吗 Have you ordered from catalogue in past six months?
你能不能开车的时候不打电话 Could you get off the phone while you drive?
这有什么关系 我要工作 我得生活 Hey. what's the matter? I trying to make a living. do my job.
这才是你的工作 This is your job.
这也是我的工作 This is job also.
这可不是伊拉克 This is not iraq.
我是巴基斯坦人 不是伊拉克人 I am palestine. I'm not iraq.
你别想要小费了 And you're not getting a tip.
你这只笨母牛 And you are a stupid cow.
-好了 慢走 -非常感谢 -and we're done. okay. you. skedaddle. -thanks so much.
-再见 -好的 -i'll see you later. -all right.
我喜欢这个 红头发 I like this. the red hair.
我打赌她的胸有南瓜那么大 I bet she has a pumpkin patch down below. yes?
我不知道 I don't know.
-你拍她的屁股了吗 -没有 -did you tap her tuchus? -no.
为什么不去追这个女人 Why don't you go after the snatchacheem in this place?
她们都想要你 相信我 They all want you. believe me.
斯科比 那可不一定 Scrappy. I wouldn't be so sure.
我来告诉你 你还没有明白这个兆头 I'm telling you. you're not picking up the signs.
跟我来 我来给你演示一个小技巧 很实用 Come with me. I'll show you a technique. it's beautiful.
haynes太太 你好 最近怎么样 今天你想剪头还有染发吧 Hello. mrs. haynes. how are you? you want the cut and color today?
是的 拜托了 谢谢你 Yes. please. thanks.
看着 Watch.
看到了吗 她很配合 这很好 You see? she's going with it. it's good.
-她有个肩膀空着呢 来一起 -站这儿挺好 -she has a free shoulder. come join. -i'm good.
海恩斯太太 你这边太冷清了 Mrs. haynes. you're getting cold here.
克劳德 来 给她暖下 Claude. come. keep her warm.
快点 Go ahead. yes.
然后温柔的移动 轻轻的移动 And gently move. gently move the shoulder.
你所要做的就是让她知道你在这里是为了她 All you want to do is let her know you're here for her.
现在你要感觉若无其事 Now look away like you're not even doing it.
我们什么都没做 We're not doing this.
-同样的节奏 -很好 -same rhythm. -okay.
你要更卖力的挤 我这边已经开始有感觉了 Oh. you're pushing harder. it's starting to feel good on my end.
我在做生意挣点钱 这都不行吗 I am trying to make money to start my own business. huh.
你是说你每个月买一次明镜周刊还是两次 Would you say you read spiegel once a month. twice....
你能先把我们送到发廊吗 Would you just get us to the hair salon?
我们快要错过预约了 We're gonna miss our appointment.
我诅咒你们 还有你们的头发 I curse you. and I curse your hair.
一个发廊能有什么了不起的 What is big deal about this hair place anyway?
出租车司机服务态度越来越差了 They get worse every year.
好了 我们把他们带到卡车那 和他们聊聊 Okay. we'll take them to the truck. we'll just talk to them.
但是我们会发现... But we'll find a--
是你拿鞋扔我的 对吧 朋友 Did you throw this shoe at me. my friend?
不是? 看上去很像是你的鞋啊 Sure looks like it was you.
那是谁扔的? Then who threw it?
好了 今天你走运 我心情好 不和你计较了 Okay. you're lucky I'm in good mood. I'll let you off the hook.
我绝对不允许任何人向我吐口水 Nobody spits on me.
谢谢你的山羊 朋友 Thank you for the goat. my friend.
山羊 goat
我说 把发票给我们好吗 I said. can we have the receipt?''
好 下地狱吧 Yes. die in hell.
欢迎 Welcome.
我们会把你的头发弄成闪亮的棕色 这就是你想要的了 We'll color your hair bling-bling blond. this is what you need.
你知道她们还要什么吗 You know what else they go for?
我不知道你的那个怎么样 但我的是最大的 The.... I don't know what you have. but mine is the biggest.
已经没有比它更大的了 This.... it does not get bigger than this.
真够吓人的 我是说... it's enough scared. I mean
什么 What?
我有最大的 是最大的 I have the biggest. it's the biggest.
来看一眼 Take a look at this.
-也不是很大啊 -不大...? -it's not that big. -it's not that--?
不 不 不 那片森林... no no no no. The bush...
那片森林是最大的 The bush is the biggest.
女人都很喜欢 因为它像个垫子 And the girls like this because it's cushion.
我没认错 就是他 化成灰我也认得 It is no bullshaklaga. he is the one. I never forget a face.
那么 你想让我干吗 So. what do you want I do?
等等 咱们开个会 Wait. I conference you.
纳西 紧急会议 汉迪也一起 Nasi. emergency meeting. you're on with hamdi as well.
-你好 纳西 -你好 汉迪 -hello. nasi. -hello. hamdi.
你能想象他们给了德尔加多多少钱吗 Can you believe how much they pay delgado?
是啊 为什么这么做 Yes. why mets do this?
我很严肃的 我们需要见面 This is serious. we meet!
我来解释一下为什么这么紧急 I explain why is emergency.
他不仅仅偷了我的山羊 This is not just man who take my goat.
大家都认为幽灵杀了他 Everyone think phantom kill him.
幽灵没有杀了他 Phantom not kill him.
我们抓住他然后和以色列做个交易 We will capture. then make trade with israel.
我们会成为英雄的 We will be heroes.
但是 萨利姆 我们不是战士 我们连那是不是他都还不确定 But. salim. we are not jihadim. we don't know for sure that this is him.
还是让哈马斯和真主党来处理吧 Let's call hamas. hezbollah. let them handle this.
-把他留给专业人士吧 -不行 -leave it to the pros. -no.
去他妈的真主党 Hezbollah shm hezbollah.
真主党会得到所有的荣誉 这是我们的功劳 Hezbollah will take all the credit. this is our shot.
那为什么不让幽灵来抓他 Why not let phantom capture him?
让幽灵去死吧 他已经是英雄了 Screw phantom. he hero already.
我的连锁餐馆连影子都没看到呢 Where's my chain of muchentuchen restaurants?
萨利姆 不要把这当作你一个人的事 Salim. don't make this about yourself.
这事牵扯到我了 This is about me.
还有他 And about him.
还有我的山羊 And about my goat!
这里很漂亮 内部和外面都很好 This is nice. the walking inside the outside.
公园 人们 马儿 孩子们 The park. the people. the horses. the kid.
是啊 你总是在市中心 Well. you're always downtown.
你应该来看看真实的纽约 You should see a little more of new york.
是的 这里很不错 Yes. yes. this is good.
交流是很好... The talking is good...
在我们做爱之前了解下对方 我喜欢 ...to get to know each other before the bang-boom. I like.
不 不 不 接下来不会有做爱的 Oh. no. no. no. there will be no bang-booming.
我只是想谢谢你拯救了我的生意 I just wanted to thank you for saving my business.
-这不是约会 -不 不 不 -this isn't a date. -no. no. no.
我觉得你帮助了我很多... I feel you have helped me so much....
所以事情应该是... The right thing to do is to tap you so hard...
让我的小弟弟从你的洞里出来 我是这么想的 ...my schtitzel will come out your poopech. that's what I think.
为什么我们不能好好的逛公园呢 Look. why don't we just enjoy the park?
不 不 不 我们正在逛呢 No. no. no. this is what we do.
看 垒球 Hey. look. softball.
-你喜欢垒球吗 -当然了 我爱垒球 -you like softball? -of course. I love softball.
垒球是什么 教教我怎么玩吧 What is softball? teach me how to.
我来美国之后就学会打垒球了 I learned softball when I came to the states.
如果你是阿拉伯人 它会帮助你融入这里 When you're arab. it helps to fit in.
是的 你什么时候搬来的 Yeah. how long you move here ago?
也就几年而已 Just a few years ago.
我无法忍受那里 全是憎恨 所有人 I couldn't take it there anymore. all the hate. on both sides.
是的 特别是你身边的 Yes. especially yours.
你怎么这么说 你又不了解 Why you say this? you don't know.
不 不 我读过这些 No. no. I don't. I read this.
澳大利亚与西藏那边的媒体明显有着偏见 The australian-tibet media is very biased.
听着 两边都疯了 Look. both sides crazy.
我自己家... My own family....
我哥哥... My brother...
如果他知道我工作的地方和以色列那么近 他会抓狂的 ...if he knew I work cross street from israelis. he would lose it.
-真的吗 -两边的人都是死脑筋 -really? -you have the hardcores on both sides.
他们只知道打仗 They just want to fight and fight.
没有人会赢 这场战争必须停止 Nobody will win this way. it has to stop.
什么时候才会停 When will it end. eh? yes.
好了 你一定渴了吧 Okay. so you must be thirsty. no?
你从哪里搞到这个的 Where you get this?
这个? 是从西边一个特别的商店买来的 This? from specialty shop on west side.
是一种来自中东的饮料 你知道泡泡果奶吗 This middie eastern drink. you know this? fizzy bubblech?
不 不 它看起来挺不错的 No. no. no. it looks pretty good.
试试 试试 非常棒 喝一口尝尝 Oh. try. try. it's very good. try. have a sip.
这不大适合我 It's not for me.
真的吗 No? really?
这是他的店 This is his shop.
这里有照片可以对照 Here is photo for compare.
这个需要花多少时间 我把报亭关了 For how long this take? I close the newsstand.
务必要问问他是否曾经被鞋子砸到 Make sure you ask him if he ever hit by shoe.
还有是否偷了一只能拿洋葱汤的冠军羊 And about the prize goat that can fetch a bowl of onion soup.
问的时候要看着他的眼睛 这样他就会很难受 Look in his eyes when you ask him this. for they will be suffering.
-你要知道 我刚刚才剪完头发 -去 -you know. I just got haircut. -go.
瞧瞧 Look at this.
我感觉我是休·海夫纳 因为有你们这些兔女郎在周围 I feel like hugh hefner with all you little bunnies around here.
好了 让我们看看下一个是谁 Okay. okay. let's see who is going next.
乔治·波萨达 你在哪儿 jorge posada. where are you?
是我 That's me.
好了 帅哥 坐在那儿 下一个就是你了 Okay. good-looking guy. you take a seat there. you're next.
你知道吗 你看起来好像刚刚剪过头发 You know. you look like you already just got haircut.
那么我想你是想要一头柔顺的头发吧 So I guessing you're looking for something in the silky smooth area?
-好的 -因为我发现你有不错的头发旋 -well.... -because I see you have nice curis.
你肯定不想把它们剪掉 You don't want to cut into those curis.
我们一会儿再说 We will talk about this over there.
好的 斯科比 我等着 Okay. scrappy. I wait.
不像是我有鞋子要扔 Is not like I have a shoe to throw.
好的 随便 Sure. yes. beautiful. whatever.
我也没有时间去看山羊拿肥皂 I don't have time to go watch a goat fetch soap.
-什么 -什么 我也不知道 -what? -what? I don't know.
听着 我的朋友 Listen. my friend...
你想要聊天 这不是问题 不过要轮到你才行 ...you want to talk. it's good. but you have to wait your turn.
我要先帮格林豪斯女士理发 然后做爱 First I have to cut and bang mrs. greenhouse.
-没问题 -好的 -that's right. -okay.
好了 我已经准备好了 Well. I'm ready for it.
我很抱歉 格林豪斯女士 我今天不够男人 I am sorry. mrs. greenhouse. I am not man enough for you today.
斯科比 没事的 Oh. scrappy. it's fine.
我不知道是怎么回事 我要失业了 I don't know what the problem is. I am going to lose business.
不 亲爱的 你还是那么可爱 Oh. no. dear. you're still adorable.
做爱只是红利罢了 The screwing was really just a bonus.
你是个天使 格林豪斯女士 You are an angel. mrs. greenhouse.
就像魔术里的天使 An angel with a magic throat.
说不定这样有用 再来一下试试 No. that could work. one more. please.
让我们看看怎么样 Let's see what we got.
还是没反应 And we're still nothing.
他真的很酷 He was very cool.
白痴 他是怎么说的 Idiot. what did he say?
他说我的发型搭配刘海很合适 He think I have nice curis that go well with a full face.
-那么是他吗 -他看起来很象 -but was it him? -well. it looked like him.
但是很难说 But hard to know.
当我说起能拿肥皂的山羊时他完全不感兴趣 He didn't seem to care when I talk about goat fetching soap.
是汤 能拿汤的山羊 你全搞砸了 Soup. the goat fetched soup. you ruin everything.
汤 那不符合逻辑啊 Soup? this makes no sense.
你去死吧 就是他 我知道是他 Screw you. it's him. I know it's him.
那山羊会拿汤 太不可思议了 The goat fetched soup? this is unbelievabie.
你去死吧 Go to hell.
你是说很着急吗 You said it was urgent?
是紧急状况 请看这个 It's an emergency. please. take a look.
那不是个问题 你能把它们剃掉 Well. that's not a real problem. you can always shave it.
不 不是那片森林 No. not the bush.
不是 森林里面 看深一点 是他 No. inside the bush. look deeper. him.
-我看到了 -他一直在里面 都一整天了 -i see. -he iays in there all day long.
也许它需要点氧气 看起来它快被闷死了 Maybe it needs some more oxygen. it looks like it's being strangied.
行 但我们要跳过洗澡阶段 okay. but let's skip the bath.
为什么 他们不爱干净吗 Why. are they not clean?
不 是个好玩的笑话而已 No. is good joke.
亲爱的 你没事吧 你在里面待了快一个小时了 Honey. are you all right? you've been in there for over an hour.
这是什么破东西 What is this stuff? I mean.
我只喝了一口 弄的我都快把厕所刷一遍了 I took one sip and I repainted the whole toliet.
泡泡果奶 你会习惯的 别担心 Is fizzy bubblech. you'll get used to it. relax.
我才不要习惯它 我的车也不会习惯它 I don't wanna get used to it. my car couldn't.
-好了 就这样吧 到此为止 -什么 什么 -all right. that's it for me. I'm done. -what? what?
你没事吗 Is everything all right?
-是那玩意儿的事 -住嘴 -is it about the pee-pee? -stop it.
-那玩意儿? -他那东西什么也干不了了 -the pee-pee? -he can't do with his peepeechosetz.
真的吗 平时他可是很火爆的 Really? he's usually as hard as trigonometry.
-妈妈 你怎么... -这是什么时候发生的 -mom. what--? -when did this happen?
就这几天 The last few days.
当然 自从你和那个达莉亚约会以后 Of course. it's ever since you went out with that dalia.
你那玩意儿在告诉你 她就是你的真爱 Your hog is telling you something. she must be the one.
真爱? The one?
这怎么可能 Is this possible?
这当然可能了 兄弟 Of course it's possible. man.
世界上那么多女人 你偏偏选个巴勒斯坦人 All the beaverlm in the world and he falls for palestinian muffich.
她是巴勒斯坦人又怎么样 Why should scrappy care if she's paiestinian?
他是澳大利亚和西藏混血儿 又不是以色列人 He's from australia and tibet. he's not israell.
有什么不对吗 What was that. a motor boat?
你知道吗 斯科比... You know. scrappy...
独一无二的女人无论来自何方都是独一无二的 ...a special woman is special no matter where she's from.
听你小弟弟的 Listen to your hog.
一个特别的人 Someone special.
可能不错 Maybe is good.
不错? 她简直太棒了 It's good? it's terrific!
我的意思是 你知道的 你们两个不会再在一起那个... I mean. you know. you guys won't be together anymore...
但是斯科比坠入爱河 也值得庆祝 ...but scrappy is in love. that's great. awesome.
谢谢你的支持 Thank you for your support.
-真是个好孩子 -好孩子 -is a good boy. -good boy.
真有趣 让我们来庆祝吧 猫呢 This is fun. let's celebrate. where's the cat?
我们继续来踢猫 扔过来 Let's cat-sack. huh? throw it to me.
-接住了 -该你了兄弟 -got you. -let's play. man.
接住 迈克尔 Take it. michael.
你还挺厉害的 Look at you.
试试罢了 I wanna try it.
你真棒 Is good.
欢迎致电真主党专线 Welcome to hezbollah phone line.
会员信息 请按一 For membership information press one.
谈判信息 请按二 For negotiation update press two.
红利信息 请按三 For bonus mile information press three.
恐怖活动弹药供应 请按四 For terrorist supplies press four.
由于我们正与以色列谈判 We have currently suspended our terrorist supply service...
当前所有恐怖活动弹药供应暂时停止 ...as we are engaged in negotiations with israel.
谈判破裂后我们会第一时间恢复供应 谢谢 We will resume service as soon as negotiations break down. thank you.
太棒了 Great.
别急 就一个炸弹而已 Come on. just think of a bomb.
他们说可以用日常生活用品自己DIY They say you can make bomb from everyday's material. you combine.
可以啊 但我们拿什么来造? Yes. okay. but what we combination?
化学试剂行吗 Just think of chemicals.
化学试剂 自然课上老师讲过 Chemicals. like in science class.
对啊 Yes.
谁还记得那些玩意儿? Who remembers this stuff?
你好 Hello.
小伙子们 想要点什么 Well. can I help you fellas find anything?
你这儿有没有... Yes. do you have...
"硝酸...甘...油酯” ...''liquid nitrogen.''
什么 You need what?
硝酸...甘油酯 Liquid nitrogen.
好的 我想有这东西 Yeah. well. I suppose we have some of that.
你们等等 Now. just a moment.
-就这个? -对 而且是最大号的包装 -this is it? -yes. and that's the large container.
这能行? This works?
效果好得很呢 放心吧 Oh. it works quite well. yes.
你用过? You use?
当然 偶尔用用 From time to time. sure.
给我们来12个 We'll take 12.
听着 你们可以切断供水 Look. you can turn off the water...
但我们绝对会找到继续经营下去的方法 ...but we will find a way to keep on going.
这样感觉爽吗 斯科特太太 Oh. you like when I spray you. mrs. skiter?
那14000美元呢 Where's the $ 14000?
全在这儿 你别以为凭这就能赶我走 I have your rent right here. there is no getting rid of me.
我们怎么会赶您走呢 We don't wanna get rid of you.
沃桥先生还打算在我们新的商业街里安置您的沙龙呢 Mr. walbridge would actually like to relocate your salon in our new mall.
你的意思是说你们想摧毁这个社区来重建它? You mean the one you want to destroy this community to build?
我们的目的并非摧毁这个社区 It is not our intent to destroy this community.
我选择社区 煎饼先生 I'll take the community. pancake.
我的名字叫格雷 我还会再来的 My name is gray. and I'll be back.
煎饼先生 见到你真高兴 Nice to meet you. pancake.
为什么叫他煎饼 Why pancake?
好玩而已 Just for fun.
你是个不可思议的女孩儿 You were amazing right there.
我的天啊 Oh. my god.
怎么了 What?
我有了 I have one.
什么 What?
我的那个有感觉了 I have zikpah.
看啊 Look at it.
就是你 It is you.
达莉亚 我不知道该如何跟你说 Daila. I don't know how to tell you this.
跟其他人我总是无法进入状态 I cannot make sticky with anyone else.
只有你能 You are the special one.
我只会为你而硬 I will only be stiff for you.
斯蒂夫是谁? Who is steve?
硬! 是"f" Stiff. with an f.
-硬 硬 -对 -stiff. stiff. -yes.
好了... Okay...
我知道你想用一种好的方式... ...i know you meant that in a good way--
是绝佳的方式 The best of ways.
谢谢你 so...thank you.
也谢谢你 Thank you.
太神奇了 Is crazy.
从没发生过这样的事 This has never happened.
一个女人 One woman...
一次勃起 ...one zikpah...
这是一辈子的事 ...one life.
看到他的表情了吗 怕得象个以色列娘们儿 You see his face? scared israel son of bitch.
萨利姆 那又不是炸弹 Salm. this is not bomb.
你说"不是炸弹"是什么意思 What you mean ''not bomb''?
那是标准的液氮炸弹 It's grade a liquid nitrogen.
兄弟们 我真得回家去了 Guys. I really need to go home.
伊纳兹早上有一场足球赛 Inaz have a soccer match in the morning.
-我是个英雄 -萨利姆 那不是炸弹 只是一摊泥样的东西 -i am hero.-salm.it's not a bomb.it's just go a mush
你就别废话了 Well. just go with it.
我从窗子上刮了点下来 I scraped some off the window.
也许你知道这是什么 Maybe you know what is?
新孢芽素(一种抗生素药物) 用来治疗割伤和生殖器感染 It's neosporin. it's nothing. I use it for cuts and genital sores.
我感觉有人想对付佐... We're beginning to think maybe someone out to get the zo--
斯科比 The scrappy.
你指的是发廊的竞争对手? 也太狠了点吧 You mean like a competing salon? that's heavy.
别担心 宝贝 别怕 Don't be afraid. honey. don't be afraid.
我... Well. i....
继续 她喜欢这个 Yeah. lick this. no. she likes the tongue in the ear.
我喜欢...我真的很喜欢 Oh. I like that bet-- oh. I like that.
靠近点胸部 Close with the breast.
你个坏孩子 在上面弄点口水 Come on. get some saliva on those bad boys.
-她很喜欢这样 对吧 -当然 -she likes it. huh? -of course she likes it.
够了 Okay.
我还得打起精神 今晚轮到我值班 I could look for clues. it's my shift for community night watch.
值什么班? The what? the communism tight crotch?
是为社区的值班 Oh. it's the community night watch program.
大家晚上轮流值班 来确保我们社区的安全 You know. people in the neighborhood patrolling it. keeping it safe.
给那些捣乱的家伙点颜色 We kick some ass.
为什么你们不让斯科比·柯克去试试 Hey. why don't you let scrappy coco take your shift tonight?
-我打赌他肯定在行 -奥利萨 -i bet he'd be good at this. -ori.
怎么了 我为人人啊 What? for clues.
我知道这听起来挺吓人的 但你绝对会没事的 斯科比 I know it sounds scary. scrappy. but you are gonna be just fine.
或许我能凑合一晚上 Maybe I can manage one night.
没准大家会同意你当个替补 Maybe you can pretzel some people.
-多谢您的推荐啊 -不客气 -thank you for getting the hummus. -the hummus.
豆片去哪儿了 Where's patches?
我现在很害怕 非常害怕 I'm terrified right now. I'm totally terrified.
用"屎都快要吓出来"形容也不为过 ''shitting my pants'' doesn't come close.
拉出来或许还会好受点 I wish I was shitting my pants.
巡逻而已 It's just a patrol.
万一遇到突发事件呢 What if something goes down?
我怕我临阵怯场 I don't know if I'd have the courage.
如果真发生点什么甚至死人了怎么办 What if something goes down and someone got killed?
那我就得一辈子活在阴影下 我宁愿吓出屎来 I would have to live with that. I'd be happler shitting my pants.
真的宁愿吓出屎来 Much happler.
-快上 -我觉得该先报警 -let's go. -we're supposed to call the police.
来不及了 No. no time.
那...那好吧 No. no. no. it's good.
把喷漆放下 Drop the paint.
滚开 以色列杂种 小心我把你眼珠挖出来 Get out of here. ahab. or I'll cut your eyes out.
-也许我们不该管这闲事儿 -不 不 不 -maybe we should let him finish. -no. no. no.
你要拿什么来挖我眼珠? 新孢芽素? What you cut my eyes out with? the neosporin?
这把刀 你这头蠢骆驼 My blade. camel jockey.
朋友 扔我东西该挨的那份打 My friend. the beating I give you if you stop the spraying...
可比向我动刀子挨那份要轻得多 ...is much less than the beating I give you if you try to cut me.
你笑个屁 What are you laughing at?
大家都在笑啊 That was just with everyone.
他们自己送上门来的 对吧 They had it coming to them. right?
对 我也这么觉得 Yeah. yeah. it seemed like it. yeah.
-好的 交给你了 -没问题 -okay. you take it from here. -i got it.
交给我你就放一百个心吧 Everything's gonna be okay.
你们接着拽啊 What you gotta say about that. huh?
你们是说我们的人还对付不了... You're telling me our guys can't handle...
...一群值夜班的傻瓜? ...some neighborhood night-watching losers?
就不能给他们点颜色让他们知趣? We can't even put a scare into these people?
很明显那个半路杀出的男人 Apparently.The main guy who got in the way...
和美发沙龙里的理发师是同一个人 ...is the same one who's bringing old biddies into rafaela salon.
我姑妈去过那儿 My aunt goes there.
她说除了嘿咻 那家伙的理发手艺也相当不错 She says besides the sex. the guy gives a pretty good haircut.
别在我面前谈论那个垃圾堆 Don't talk to me about that dump.
我在那儿有一幢豪华大酒店 I've got a huge. classy hotel standing there...
在里边却只能看到一堆垃圾 ...and it's staring at that cheap garbage.
我要的是一副绝佳的美景 I want it staring at the supercuts.
你们中谁有点子来对付那些外国佬? Now. has anyone made any headway with any of these foreign peopie?
昨天我又和"关门大吉"的老板谈过了 I spoke to the manager of going out of business again yesterday.
我告诉他关于租金上涨以及这事的紧迫性 I stated our price and the urgency of the matter...
但他打六折卖给我东芝DVD ...and he offered me two-thirds less and a toshiba dvd player.
"挥泪大甩卖"里的人也同样难缠 The people at everything must go were just as difficuit.
他们卖给我镭射光碟和一罐鹰嘴豆泥 They offered me a biu-ray disc and a jar of hummus.
什么是鹰嘴豆泥? What's hummus?
一种可口的... It's a very tasty...
泻药样的东西 ...diarrhea-like substance.
格兰特·沃桥有一个宏伟的计划 Grant waibridge has a vision.
计划在曼哈顿下城建立第一个室内购物城 A vision for lower manhattan to have the first indoor mall...
楼顶还要有300英尺的过山车 ...with its own 300-foot roller coaster.
先生们你们是如此的幸运 因为我拥有世上一流的女朋友 You know. you're lucky I have a world-class superhot girifriend...
她拥有一级棒的身材 完美的胸臀比例 ...with a perfectiy proportioned ass-to-breast ratio...
否则我早被你们气死了 ...or I'd be furious.
她确实很惹火 先生 She is smoking. sir.
我愿意花一切代价只要她能陪我待会儿 I'd pay to spend an hour with her. sir.
我排队 Let me in on that.
谢谢 Well. thank you.
但如果你们这些蠢货没法赶走那些人 But if you bitches can't get those people out...
我就会找能做这事的人来接替你们 ...i will find other people who will get the job done.
人挡杀人 佛挡杀佛 However. whenever.
沃桥 Waibridge!
我就是在这儿看到他们的 This is where I find them.
但我不知道他们是不是和扔新孢芽素的是一伙人 But I don't know if it's same people who try to neosporin saion.
但你抓到他们喷漆了 你把他们怎么了 But you caught them writing this crap. so. what do you do?
-别惹佐汉 -明白 -you don't mess with the zohan. -check it.
-蹦迪 -蹦迪 -disco. -disco.
-不错 -很好 -good. -good.
为什么你们要这样对待纳斯的店 Why did you do this to naseef's store. huh?
凭什么算在我们头上? Why you blame the israelis?
我们出来做事 就看到这样了 We come to work. go out of business.
不 不 这不是以色列人干的 No. no. no. is not israeli who do this.
昨晚是我做的社区巡逻 一切正常 I do community watch. don't worry. it's all taken care of.
不是以色列人? 那还有谁会写"阿拉伯人滚回家"? Not israeli? who else would write ''arab go home''?
不知道 除了你们自己 其他人种都有嫌疑 Oh. I don't know. just maybe 99 percent of the world.
-听到他怎么说了吗 -一个玩笑而已 -you see what he says? -that was joke.
算了吧 大家同在一个屋檐下 何必呢 Come on. come on. you guys get along here. stop this.
说得对 冤冤相报何时了啊 Yeah. here it's okay. it's just there. the war is never going to end.
其实如果拉宾(以色列前总理)没被刺杀 没准我们已经实现和平了 You know. we were so close to peace before the asshole shot rabin.
绝对是布什捣的鬼 Bush. he see the big picture.
他不想要和平 他在从中作梗 Bush no want peace. he set it all back.
布什的老婆怎样? 看起来还蛮正点 What about bush's wife? this is a wife I would get sticky with.
绝对赞同 绝对赞同 I would do this. I would do this.
-对 -克林顿如何 我绝对可以搞定希拉里 -yes. yes. -what about clinton? I would do hillary.
大长腿 The big legs.
她要求很高的样子哦 就象随时准备和我大干一场 Yeah. she look strict. like she's going to teach me a lesson.
-对 让她好好教训你 -你们知道什么最有意思吗 -yes. discipline. -you know what's funny?
我喜欢切尔西(克林顿女儿) I like chelsea.
你个疯子 You're crazy.
她有双美腿 She has beautiful legs.
说到腿 奥巴马的老婆才叫棒 那腿美得 If I want legs. I'll take obama's wife. she has legs.
一谈到政治就这样 This is what happens when they taik poiitics.
不 不 麦凯恩的老婆 No. no. no. wife of mccain!
有个漂亮屁股 看起来还一副欲求不满的样子 She has the ass. and you know she's not getting any.
我想我助手已经向你们解释过工作内容了 I understand my assistant explained the job to you.
他说你想从你的地盘上赶走一些人 He told us. you wanna get some peopie out your buiiding...
这样你就能修个过山车什么的了 ...so you can build some kind of roller coaster mall.
先生 我很感激你给我们这次机会 Sir. I just wanna thank you for this opportunity.
我意思是 I mean.
能同时让我们教训那些犹太人和恐怖分子 It's a gift to mess with the jews and the terrorists on the same night.
就象... I mean. it's like....
-就象... -圣诞节在七月过 -it's like.... -christmas in july.
就像圣诞节在七月过 It's like christmas in july.
原本我们打算去一个... Right now we are scheduled to sabotage...
芝加哥的黑人游行闹点事的 ...a black peoples' parade in chicago...
但现在我们可以暂时不管那个 ...but we can move that.
我不是很确信你能将一个游行取消 Well. I'm not really quite sure how you move a parade.
很简单 几个电话就搞定 That's easy. it's just a phone call.
好吧 我们会再打电话告诉你们接下来的安排 Well. we'll be calling back to make the arrangements.
我不喜欢有钱人 但您除外 Can I just say that I don't like most rich people. but you get it.
我们依靠枪炮建立了这个国家 We built this country on the right to bear arms.
但现在他们却来跟我说 Now they're trying to tell me how
我的枪一秒钟只能打几发子弹 Many bullets my gun can shoot per second.
他们想告诉我 我的武器... They're trying to tell me whether I can stockpiie weapons...
是否能放在自家后院 ...in the shed behind my house.
-这是真的 我发誓 -不管怎么说 你是有钱人中能理解我们的 -right. by god. -anyway. you're a rich guy that gets it.
你和梅尔·吉布森 You and mei gibson.
梅尔·吉布森 还不赖 Mei gibson. not too shabby.
欢迎致电真主党专线 Welcome to hezbollah customer service.
现在所有线路繁忙 All lines are busy now.
您的电话将会在... Your call will be received in...minutes.
想想办法啊 我们怎样才能找到幽灵? Come on with this. how we find phantom?
他可能就在木菲图菲自己的店里 Well. he probably hang at the muchentuchen restaurant.
哪一家? 他好像有将近200家店啊 Okay. but which? he have. like. 200.
也许在阿曼市中心那家 Probabiy in amman.
那儿有最辣的妞儿 In downtown he get the hottest poochibaba.
阿曼的区号是多少 What's the area code of amman?
你好 我是幽灵的木菲图菲店 Hello. phantom muchentuchen.
我找幽灵 Yes. I want speak phantom.
什么 What say? no english.
白痴 Idiot.
我找幽灵 Want speak to phantom.
不 不 幽灵不在这儿 No. no. no. phantom not here. phantom muchentuchen.
他没来吗 Yeah. yeah. I know. but phantom no come?
那伯尼巴巴呢 But what about for poonibaba?
不在 不在 他在3号门店呢 No. no. poonibaba at store on 3rd and lachaita.
那你有那儿的号码吗 Oh. okay. so you have number for store?
自己去查 You call information.
你没那儿的号码吗 You don't have number for other store?
在其他什么地方吧 反正我不知道 It's somewhere. I don't know.
给我号码! 我是从美国打来的 臭婊子! 有要紧事 Come on. get number! I calling from america. fry bitch! I very important.
萨利姆 孩子在呢 Salm. the kids.
迟早她都会知道的 When she is grown up she will understand!
你好 Hello.
我找到佐汉了 你没杀死他 I find the zohan. you not kill the zohan.
佐汉已经被我杀了 I kill the zohan.
不 你没有 我在美国发现他了 No. you did not. I find him in america.
我发誓 我可以给你发彩信 I prove. I send you picture on cell.
好的 发吧 Okay. bring this.
马上就发 I am bringing.
看到了吗 You see?
他的发型 太丑了 But the hairstyle. it is hideous.
他就是佐汉 This is same zohan.
什么啊 他看上去就是一傻子 What he thinking? he look like guy from who's the boss?
听着 这就是佐汉 Look. this is same zohan.
人人都认为你是大英雄 我会拆穿你的 Everybody think you big hero. but I tell everyone you not big hero.
好吧 好吧 你想怎样 Okay. okay. okay! what you want. huh?
我要木菲图菲餐厅 I want muchentuchen restaurant chain.
不行 No.
但要是我告诉大家真相 那餐厅就不是你的了 But if I tell. you no have chain anyway.
别得寸进尺 So you not give any incentive.
好吧 那我要50%的股份 Okay. I want 50 percent of muchentuchen chain.
-店名要改成幽灵和萨利姆的木菲图菲 -不行 -we call it phantom & salm muchentuchen. -no.
-那25%的股份 -不行 -twenty-five percent. -no.
我要在你店里开专柜卖酸奶 I want yogurt shop attached to store. like food court.
好吧 Okay.
-我要餐馆的所有利润 -不行 -i get profits from store. -no.
-部分利润 -不行 -some profits. -no.
那我到店里的时候酸奶要免费 I get free yogurt when I come to store.
好吧 指定地区可以 Okay. within reason.
我还要你几个老婆 And I want some of your wives.
要几个? How many wives you want?
-20个 -不行 -twenty. -no.
-那就让我睡一个 -不行 -i sleep with one wife. -no.
那让她碰我小弟弟一下 She give one pee-pee touch.
成交 Okay.
朋友们 瞧我这儿 我给大家每人搞到了一张票 My friends. look what I do. I hook you all up with tickets.
那个沃桥想拍大家的马屁 This waibridge guy's trying to kiss saion's ass...
所以他给了我20张毽球比赛的门票 ...so he give me 20 tickets hackyside.
很棒 汉森 看到了吗 Very nice. hassan. you see this?
以色列人教训你们的时候到了 This is where you're going to be when israel kick your ass.
是吗 你们会像在加沙地带那样失败的 Yes? no. you're gonna give it up like you give up gaza strip. huh?
过来下 Excuse us.
看看这个 I have to show you this.
法蒂玛·扎德在第9页的专栏 Listen to fatima zaad's gossip column on page nine.
一个著名的恐怖分子将会造访纽约 ''a hall of fame terrorist is visiting new york...
但不是因为他的木菲图菲餐馆 ...and not for the muchentuchen.''
-幽灵要到这儿来? -还有呢 -phantom's coming to the city? -there's more.
他会到毽球比赛中找一个叫斯科比的以色列人 ''he's coming to hacky sack a certain scrappy israeil...
此人名义上是剪头 实际上确是剪除恐怖分子 ...who says he cuts hair. but really cuts terrorist.''
他毁了一切! He's ruined everything.
为什么你要这么说? 你是佐汉啊 Why you say? you the zohan.
他要是敢在比赛上出现 你就和他会会 He come to hacky sack. you take him out.
我在乎的不是这个 我到这儿来是开始新生活的 No. I don't care. I come here to start new iife.
找个女人爱 然后生孩子 Get new woman to love and make the bang-boom.
但现在命运却跟我到了这儿 Now my life's followed me here.
兴许幽灵改行了 Maybe phantom no care anymore.
你真是以色列反恐部队的? You're an israeli counterterrorist?
-我就知道 -什么 -i knew it. -what?
因为他割过包皮 以色列人的传统 Well. the israeli part. because he's circumcised.
达莉亚要怎么才会原谅我呢? How is dalia going to forgive me?
我对她撒了谎 I'm liar.
她是真的巴勒斯坦人 我却不是澳大利亚人 She palestinian. I'm no austraiian.
你知道的 斯科比 我是说 佐汉 You know. scrappy-- I mean. ''zohan.''
从我这么多年来对付犹太人 葡萄牙人 --if there's one thing I've learned from all my relationships...
澳洲土著...的经验来看 有一件事 ...with jewish men. puerto rican men. aborigines...
那就是你不能对你所爱的人有所隐瞒 ...you can't have secrets in a relationship.
去告诉她实话 如果她真是你命中注定的女人 You tell her the truth and if she really is this special one...
一切都会好起来的 ...everything will work out just fine.
这个主意不错 I like this.
对不起 在我没把握追求你之前 I am sorry I not tell you the truth
对你说了谎 Before I make you fall head over tits for me.
但相信我 我比以前更加爱你 But believe me. I am wanting you even more.
我早就知道你在撒谎了 I know you're not from where you say.
看见你拿着泡泡果奶的样子就知道了 I see how you look at the fizzy bubbiech.
那为什么还要这样 就因为你是巴勒斯坦人我是以色列人? Then why you like this? is it because I israel and you palestine?
是什么你就直说吧 Come on. tell me in my face.
不仅仅因为你是以色列人 佐汉 Zohan. you're not just israel.
你是以色列民族的 You israel.
但你说仇恨是愚蠢的 But you say hate is stupid.
这就是你逃到美国的原因 远离仇恨跟战争 That's why you run to america. to get away from the hate and the fighting.
我当时甚至想我们一切都稳定下来时... I was even thinking we let all this cool down...
...我出去然后在那儿买个房子 ...i go out and get us a house over there.
我们一起生活 一起理发 We move in together. we cut the hair...
生孩子 给孩子理发 ...make the children. cut the children's hair.
佐汉 不可以 Zohan. I can't.
我已经想开了 但你是以色列的恐怖分子 I have open mind. but you israeli counterterrorist.
不 不 不 我不做这行了 No. no. no. I no do this anymore.
你把刀叉叉到那个胖女人的时候 我就不做了 You put the fork in the fat lady. it's over.
已经足够她吃了 这是承诺 She's had enough to eat. this is a promise.
没关系 It doesn't matter.
你不了解我的家庭 You don't know my family.
也许你可能了解 Or maybe you do.
这是什么意思 What does this mean?
走吧 Just leave.
求你了 不可能的 Please. it can't be.
也许这样最好 Maybe is for best.
你需要一个安全的生活 You deserve a safe life.
但你知道... But know...
...你将永远是我的最爱 ...you will always be my special one.
-佐汉 -达莉亚 -zohan. -dalia.
我有个礼物要送你 I got you a gift.
礼物 A gift.
他们出新书了? They come out with new book?
是的 我想他们每21年会出一本新的 Yes. they do it every 2 1 years. I think.
只是比你那本更新了一点 Just a slight update from yours.
没有羽状的? No feathering?
或卷发? Or scrunching?
风格在哪里 Where's the style?
但我知道这是友好的表示 谢谢 But I know this is nice gesture. thank you.
再见 佐汉 Goodbye. zohan.
再见 Goodbye.
对不起 没有把事情解决 I'm sorry it didn't work out.
我也是 Me too.
你还要去"毽球"(一种游戏) You still go to hacky sack?
是的 我找他总比他来找我要好 Yes. it's better I find him than he finds me. huh?
等你回来 我找城市里最好军队给你 I got your back. I get you best army guys in city.
不 不 不用了 我自己来处理 No. no. no. I handle this alone.
喂? 我们走吧 Hello? let's go.
走 走 走 走 Go. go. go. go.
女士们 先生们 有请以色列蓝星队... Ladies and gentlemen here are your israeli blue stars...
和黎巴嫩树队 ...and your lebanese trees!
泡泡果奶 Fizzy bubbiech.
他们为什么要欢呼 那家伙不是恐怖分子吗 What's with the cheers? wasn't that guy a terrorist?
是的 人们过去也常嘘你 约翰 你记得吗 Yeah. people used to boo you too. john. you remember?
我可不是恐怖分子 I wasn't a terrorist.
你过去很坏 You were pretty bad.
我带来这场盛大的晚会到纽约来告诉世界... I brought this great event to new york to tell the world...
...纽约城... ...that new york city...
...非常欢迎从中东来的移民 ...loves its foreign immigrant-types from the middle east.
我和我的性感女友相信所有人都会相处很好... My hot girlfriend and I know that we can all get along...
...不管你是白种人 或褐色 或黄种人 不管什么肤色 ...whether you're white. or brown. or khaki. whatever that color is.
现在来唱美国国歌 And here to sing the american national anthem...
有请我们的超级巨星... A superstar we all love...
玛丽亚·凯莉 Mariah carey!
进球了 Goal!
音乐切入 And disco break!
蹦迪 蹦迪 棒 棒 Disco disco good good! disco disco good good!
好的 玛丽亚 再签几个 Okay. mariah. couple more.
这个是来自黎巴嫩酋长的 This one's from sheik fayaiah of lebanon.
他想要你写"斋月我所有想要的都是你" He wants you to write ''all I want for ramadan is you.''
好的 又是这个? Okay. this again?
-我知道 -没关系 -i know. -all right.
MC 有位幽灵先生想见你 Mc. there's a mr. phantom here to see you.
谁是幽灵 一个想成为说唱歌手的家伙? Who's phantom. a dude trying to be a rapper?
-因为我不知道那是谁 -他说他是部杀人机器 -because I don't know who that is. -he says he's a killing machine.
随你便 好吧 Whatever. okay.
玛丽亚·凯莉小姐 Miss mariah carey.
很高兴见到你 It is a pleasure to meet you.
谢谢 很高兴见到你 你好吗 Thank you. nice to meet you. hi. how are you?
凯莉小姐 你高音部分唱的太美了... Miss carey. your high notes are so beautiful...
...就像个导弹冲向目标一样 ...like a scud missile soaring towards its target.
-谢谢 你真好 -谢谢 -thank you. that's really nice. -thank you.
那么你知道我没死 So you know I'm not dead.
不好意思吓到你了 Oh. I sorry I startle.
我没有被吓到 我看到一只蜜蜂 I was not startle. I saw a bee.
有蜜蜂? 我会过敏 这一点都不好玩 There's a bee? I'm allergic. it's not even funny.
不 不 不 看 蜜蜂已经飞走了 飞走了 No. no. no. look. the bee is gone. he's gone.
玛丽亚 相信我 这没有蜜蜂 Mariah. believe me. there's no bee.
我会过敏的 你知道我会过敏的 I'm allergic. you know I'm allergic.
不 不 不 别管蜜蜂 那只是他凭空想像出来的 No. no. no. the bee-- forget the bee. the bee is made up. it's fiction.
它是只黑马蜂 It was a black wasp.
向我保证这里真的没有蜜蜂 promising me that there was no bee here.
这没有蜜蜂 他说有蜜蜂... There was no bee. he says the bee...
...那么他就比较像正常人而不会像这样尖叫 ...so he can look more like a person who would not scream like this.
-你确定? -我向你保证 -are you sure? -i promise you.
请求您的原谅 I beg your cleavage's pardon.
我们会马上离开你的化妆间 是我们之间的私人恩怨 We will be out of your bouncy hair in a jiffy. is between us.
明天我会杀了你的... I was going to kill you tomorrow...
...但我猜傻子想早点死了 ...but I guess jackass can't wait to die for real.
你们想要我们都离开吗 那么我们可以离开 Do y'all want us to leave? because we can go.
-不用 不用 不用 -不用 不用 不用 -no. no. no. -no. no. no.
-我们马上就好了 -差不多完了 再等一会儿 -we are not even here. -almost done. give it a few seconds.
我到美国来就是因为不想再打架了... I came here to the states to stop the fighting...
...但我猜这将永不会到头 ...but I guess this will never end. eh?
佐汉不想再要打架了 Oh. zohan does not want to fight anymore.
害怕蜜蜂? Scared of bees. huh?
我现在害怕蜜蜂? 我害怕蜜蜂? Now I'm afraid of the bees? I'm afraid of the bees?
什么 是你带蜜蜂进来的 What? you're the one that brings up the bees.
你的头发 你发型看起来不怎么样 Your hair. your hair does not do you justice.
你不喜欢这个发型? 那您老品位真独特 You don't like this hair? I think you're alone on this one.
每个人都很喜欢这个发型 Everyone else going crazy for it.
我喜欢你以前的发型 I like the 'fro better.
等一下 我接个电话 Hang on. I'm getting a call.
迈克尔 什么事 Michael. what is?
佐汉? 我们这儿有麻烦了 Zohan? we have a problem here.
-你从哪儿买的 -这是索尼爱立信 -where you get that? -this is a sony ericsson.
-有蓝牙吗 -当然有啦 -it has bluetooth? -of course it has bluetooth.
但我还从没弄明白过到底怎么用蓝牙 I can never figure that bluetooth shit out. though.
不 这很简单的 你把它跟笔记本电脑连接 Oh. no. it's very simple. you sync it to your powerbook.
-告诉她 幽灵会跟你讲的 -苹果机还是一般电脑? -tell her. phantom will tell you. -mac or pc?
-苹果机 -你有我的空间吗 -mac. -you have myspace?
唱片公司有 但那并不是我的 The record company does. it's not really mine.
求你加我为好友吧 Please. add me as a friend.
当然 好啊 好啊 Sure. yeah. yeah.
当然 很荣幸 明天我们会加你的 Sure. as huge honor. we'll add you tomorrow.
迈克尔 什么事 Michael. what is?
有一群家伙... There's a bunch of guys and they are
在放火 情况很糟糕 lighting fires and it's getting pretty bad.
不 你们待在原地 No. stay where you are.
我们会留在这里的 Yeah we'll stay up here.
-什么 你要去哪儿 -我有更重要的事要办 -what? where you go? -i have bigger fish to swim.
-玛丽亚 我喜欢你的新专辑 -谢谢 -mariah. I love the newest album. -thank you.
佐汉来了 The zohan.
我的皮塔饼店 My pita shop.
他们把它烧了 They burned it down.
你们为什么要这么做 Why you do this?
我们没做过 跟旁边的家伙一样我们在毽球现场 We no do this. we at hacky sack as much as the next guy.
你们在我墙上写那该死的话之后 我倒想要这样做 And I wish that we should do this. after you write that shit on my wall.
对面大街 Across street!
-维迪 维迪 快看 维迪 -不 我的店 -waieed. waieed. look. waieed! -no. my store.
你们毁了我的店 你们毁了我的店 You people ruined my store. you people ruined my store!
我错过什么了 我被困在西街了 What I miss? I was stuck on west broadway.
以色列人烧了我的店 The israeli burned down my store!
不是 不是 不是 No. no. no.
我去救火 I save store.
然后杀了佐汉 Then I kill the zohan.
幽灵 妈的灭了它 Phantom. kick its ass.
右勾拳 Jab it to the right.
踢腿再后退 幽灵 踢腿再后退 Stick and move. phantom. stick and move.
他一个人不行的 He can't do this alone.
不要退缩 他妈的灭了它 Don't back down. kick its ass.
幽灵 Phantom.
你干吗帮我 Why you help me?
因为我不能见死不救 Because I'm through with this.
我再也不打架了 I no more fight.
随便你怎样 我都不会还手的 You do whatever you want. but I no fight back.
想耍我 It's trick. huh?
没有 No.
-还手 -不 -fight back. -no.
-还手 -不 -fight back! -no.
还手 佐汉 Fight back. zohan.
回击他 你在干吗 还手呀 Fight him back. what are you doing? fight back.
不 No.
这样一点都不好玩 This is not fun for anybody.
你干吗不还手 Why you not fight back?
因为他头脑清醒 他在跟你表示他的改变 Because he know better. he show you he change.
妹妹? Sister?
你什么时候才能成熟 法托斯 When you gonna grow up. fatoush?
法托斯? Fatoush?
不是 不是 不是法托斯 No. no. no fatoush.
现在是幽灵 是我的事情 Is phantom now. and is my business.
他是我的男人 法托斯 Is my man. fatoush.
你是我的女人? You're my woman?
你是幽灵的妹妹? You phantom's sister?
你站佐汉这边? You tapping the zohan?
他的小弟弟很能满足你? You settle for a pee-pee touch?
我没说"满足" 那是谈判 I wouldn't say ''settle.'' it was negotiation.
别吵了 法托斯在说话 Fatoush is talking.
是的 我是幽灵的妹妹 Yes. I am phantom's sister.
不是 法托斯 我没有站在佐汉这边 And. no. fatoush. I am not tapping the zohan.
但我想我爱他 But I think I love him.
太好了 This is good.
你当然爱我 我是个好男人 Of course you love me. I'm very good man.
哥哥 在美国我们都是一样的 Brother. here in america we're the same.
我们只是为了生活找工作 像理发 开出租车 We just people trying to get jobs cutting hair. driving cabs...
...贩卖低价的音响器材 ...selling crappy stereo equipment.
-是索尼零件 -不管什么 -hey. is sony guts. -whatever.
重点是我们离仇恨有千里之遥... The point is. we are thousands of miles away from all this hate...
...还有我们在一起生活的很好 ...and we live together just fine.
是的 We do.
来吧 大伙 有人怨恨吗 Come on. people. where is the hate? anyone?
-我有怨恨 -怨恨很好 -i resent. -resent is good.
什么 你怨恨什么 What? what do you resent?
人们不喜欢我们 People don't like us.
不要这样 对我们来说不容易 人们同样也不喜欢我 Come on. is not easy for us. people don't like us too.
-为什么 -因为他们认为我们跟你们一样 -why? -because they think we are you.
我们确实很像 你得接受事实 We do look alike. you got to admit this. come on.
坦白讲 维迪长的像墨西哥人 Waieed looks mexican. to be honest.
是的 他像墨西哥人 Yeah. he do.
你知道 自从有这些该死的恐怖分子... You know. ever since the stupid terrorists...
...每个人都觉得我们是恐怖分子 ...everyone think we are terrorists.
听着 巴什 无意冒犯... Look. bashir. no offense...
...但如果在飞机上你坐我旁边 我可能也不想坐飞机了 ...but if you sat next to me on a plane. I might want to get off too.
他说的对 He's right.
但当你偷走我的山羊时 我怎样才能不恨你呢 But how could I not hate when you stole my goat?
关于你的山羊 我很抱歉 I am sorry about your goat.
它是只好山羊 我待它就像待我的家人一样 He was a good goat. I treat him like member of the family.
-真的? -是的 -really? -yes.
你有抚摸它的下巴吗 Did you rub his chin?
像这样 Like this?
是的 有时摸好几个小时 如果我停了它还会生气 Yes. sometimes for hours. he would make face if I stop.
它给你脸色看? He make the face?
那表情 那表情 Oh. the face. the face.
就是这样 就是这样 看起来就像它 That's it. that's it. that looks just like him.
只要它开心 As long as he was happy.
很好 很开心 Is good. very happy.
我的天啊 Holy shichumetz.
我看下怎么了 I see what is.
这太酷了 谁干的 Those are cool. who make this?
你看到了吗 混蛋房地产商 You see this? bastard landlord.
他叫我们去毽球比赛... He tell us go to hacky sack...
...那么他就可以弄的像我们互相烧了大家的店一样 ...so he can make it look like we burn each other's store.
让我们成为仇人 To make us look like we enemies.
他才是真正的敌人 This the real enemy.
我以为全部都搞定了 I thought the whole place was going down.
我们在等他们 先生 Oh. we're waiting on them. sir.
我们正等他们靠近 就像个肥胖的变态夹着老二 We're drawing them closer. like a fat queer to a dick sandwich.
阿伦 从卡车上拿武器过来 Aharon. get weapons from truck.
不要 不要 不要 我想把损失降到最低 No. no. no. I wanna minimize collateral damage.
-我自己来 -我自己来 -i do this alone. -i do this alone.
-那我们一起来 -我自己来 -we do this together. -i go myself.
不 不 不 听着 来吧 已经是大男人了 No. no. no. listen. come on. already. big guy.
忘了它吧 现在我们在同一条船上 Let it go. we're on the same side. here.
别叫我"大男人" 大男人 Don't ''big guy'' me. big guy.
听着 你以为我不想像你那样跑路吗 Look. you think I didn't want to run like you did?
-这里没有任何压力 -什么 -is no pressure here. -what?
听着 从高中起我的梦想就是去美国还有... Listen. all I ever wanted since high school was to go to states and....
-什么 -很难开口 -what? -this hard to say.
告诉我 是什么 Tell me. what is?
卖鞋子 And sell shoes.
我喜欢鞋子 I love shoes.
不 那很棒 我喜欢理发 No. that's great. I love to cut hair.
这并没有什么 There is nothing wrong with that.
-告诉我的父母 -我明白 -tell my parents. -i hear you.
-他们不理解我们 -父母 他们从来就不理解 -they don't understand. -parents. they never do. huh?
-从未理解 他们自认为聪明... -你们两个还不快走 还想干吗 -never do. they think they're clever-- -you guys going. or what?
-是的 好的 我们走 -是的 我们走 -yes. okay. we go. -yes. we go.
赶紧 我们走 Come on. let's go.
好戏上场了 孩子们 Soup's on. boys.
见鬼 Hell. yeah!
你喜欢怎样的鞋子 What kind of shoes you like?
你知道 乐步 佛莱格默还有复古鞋 You know. rockport. ferragamo. the ciassics.
你也许应该试试胡戈·波士 You should maybe try hugo boss. huh?
不要 不要 不要 他们的鞋都不能漏脚趾的 No. no. no. they always cover the toes.
你的风格 你该买些有特色的鞋子 You stylist. you buy some style shoes.
是的 但我也注重功能 Oh. yes. but I'm looking for function too.
试下我的 是凯尼斯·科尔 Try mine. it's kenneth coie.
四方头的 Square toe.
很好看 It is nice.
这是时尚鞋但你也可以工作时穿 This is a fashion but you can wear to work also.
是的 坦白讲 有点紧 Yes. hey. to be honest. it's a little tight.
-让我量一下 -如果你愿意的话 -let me measure. -if you could.
我准备好了 I'm ready for you.
好的 量下宽度 Okay. checking the width.
三倍E Triple e.
真是双大脚 This is a big foot. huh?
你又赢了 You win again.
这不是比赛 Is not a competition.
我确实要剪脚指甲了 I do need to cut my nails.
我们不知道是什么引发了这场斗殴 We don't know what set off this fight.
显然是中东商人之间的 It's apparently between middle-eastern merchants.
-让我们深入了解下 -他们不是中东的 都是假扮的 -let's get some insight. -they is no middle east. is all fake.
是房地产商 沃桥那个家伙 他出钱... Is the landlord the walbridge guy. he pay--
不好意思 那个开发商格兰特·沃桥? Excuse me. grant walbridge the developer?
他妈的 Damn it!
玛丽亚·凯莉 我爱你 我爱你 Mariah carey I love you. I love you.
我找到了你 玛丽亚 我永远追随你 I find you mariah. I come to where you are.
我也爱你 坚硬的矮个男人 买我的新专辑 I love you too. horny little man. buy my new album.
佐汉 他有炸弹 Zohan. he has a bomb.
-还有小狗 -不 -and puppies. -no.
我将要炸掉这个街区 I'm gonna blow up this block.
我要炸了你们 我要炸掉这些小狗... I'm gonna blow you up. I'm gonna blow up these puppies...
...然后我们一起下地狱 因为我讨厌这些小狗 ...and we all going to hell together. because I hate these puppies.
我们没时间了 我们得制造音波能量 快点 We have no time. we have to make the sonic power. quick.
-你是说声波? -是的 -you mean the sound? -yes.
但阿拉伯人跟犹太人已经几千年没制造过声波了 But arab and jews have not made sound for thousands of years.
-现在正是时候 我的朋友 -30秒 -now is time. my friend. -thirty seconds.
你们无能无力了 犹太教士和阿拉伯佬们 You can't do nothing about it. rabbi towelhead.
不 不 不 让我来领唱 你来伴唱 No. no. no. let me take the melody. you go harmony.
-好的 好的 -唱吧 -yes. okay. okay. -here we go.
你好 陌生人 Well. hello. stranger.
来点薯条吗 Care for some chips?
小狗 Puppies!
这狗太可爱了 是你带来的吗 That dog is incredibiy cute. did you bring that dog?
巴瑞·曼尼罗以前有只猎兔犬... Barry manilow used to have a beagle--
听着 我是格兰特·沃桥 这都是误会... Listen. I'm grant waibridge. this is all a mistake and--
捂住耳朵 捂住耳朵 Keep it together. keep it together.
不! No!
我的生活毁了 My life is ruined.
本来完美的生活 They were perfect.
比率 The ratio.
为什么 Why?
不 不 不 停 No. no. no. stop.
见鬼 你到底在做什么 你干吗要这样 What the heck are you doing? why you do this?
对不起 对不起 我太兴奋了 Sorry. sorry. I got excited.
好吧 我们来弥补 建个商场 但这个... Okay. we fix. we make mall. but this....
没关系 是的 没关系 我们会没事的 It's fine. yes. it's fine. we'll be fine.
都会解决的 It's all b'seder.
来骑山羊 大家 来骑山羊 Goat rides! everybody. goat ride.
世界上最棒的山羊 The most wonderful goat in the world.
你走 走 走 快点 现在给骑一下 You come. come. come. come on. come on. now. give ride.
就快好了 I'm almost done.
-我很喜欢 -是的 你当然会喜欢 -i love it. -yes. of course you do.
很高兴能为您洗头... I had fun shampooing your hair...
...但我更愿意舔掉上面的洗发精 ...but I'd rather be licking it off those melons.
我就知道他能做到 I knew he had it in him.
是的 就像他妈妈一样 Yeah. he sounds like his mother.
也许我会漂白你的双峰还有打你耳光 Maybe I'll bleach your nipples and slap you in your face.
-现在他有点过分了 -那有点令人担忧了 太过了 -oh. now he's gone too far. -that was disturbing. too much.
佐汉? 可以来帮一下这位女士吗 Zohan? can you help this woman. please.
当然 摩提可 你知道 如果我不跟你结婚... Of course. motek. you know. if I was not married to you...
这就是会跟我独处整晚的类型... ...this is the kind of bootachem I would go all night long w--
你好 佐汉 Hello. zohan.
那么 这就是你工作的地方了? So this is where you work?
是的 爸爸 Yes. abba.
这就是你的巴基斯坦籍妻子了? And this is your palestinian wife?
是的 爸爸 Yes. abba.
她知道你是个同性恋吗 Does she know you're a fagala?
我明白 这是因为... I see. this is because....
恭喜你 Congratulations.
现在来帮我理发 Now. cut my hair.
好的 好的 好的 Yes. yes. yes.
我愿意效劳 请 I love it. please.