左边选手领先 Advantage left-side competitor.
哇 你游刃有余啊 Wow, you're really good at this.
我重心极低 Well, I have an extremely low center of gravity.
就像个金字塔 I'm like a pyramid.
你那儿怎么样了? How you doing over there? 6
噢 我希望这只是扭伤 Oh, I hope it's just a sprain.
我不要又因为电子游戏伤 I cannot walk into that E.R.
进那个急诊室了 with another video game injury.
嘿 Sheldon 你一会儿玩吗? Hey, Sheldon, you want to play next?
哦 我想玩 但我要出门了 Oh, I would, but I'm on my way out.
-去哪儿? -德克萨斯州 -Where? -Texas.
现在? Right now?
为什么? Why?
是不是有人病了? 是的 Is someone sick? Yes.
我姐姐的子宫上长出了个孩子 My sister's uterus came down with a baby.
噢 她怀孕了? 太棒了 Oh, she's pregnant? That's great.
你成舅舅了呢 Sheldon舅舅 You're gone an uncle-- Uncle Sheldon.
不 我会变成Cooper博士舅舅 No, I will be Uncle Dr. Cooper.
你怎么能从来不提她怀孕的事? How come you never said she was pregnant?
额 我从没告诉你我哥哥的肾结石啊 Well, I never told you about my brother's kidney stone.
你难道想知道 You want to hear about everything
关于我家庭成员生殖器的一切事宜吗? that comes out of my family's genitals?
好吧 恭喜 很棒呢 Well, congrats, and it's nice
你要在那儿照顾你姐姐 you're gonna be there for your sister.
是的 Yes.
我要填补她丈夫的空缺 I'm filling in for her husband who's recovering
他刚从一个严重的机动车事故中痊愈 from a horrible motorcycle accident.
幸运的家伙 Lucky duck.
那你要去多久呢? Wow, so, how long will you be gone?
嗯 明天她就生了 Well, she's due tomorrow.
她可是花了六年完成高中学习的 Although it did take her six years to finish high school,
所以谁知道呢? so who knows?
要我载你去机场吗? Can I give you a ride to the airport?
噢不了 谢谢 我不想成为一个累赘 Oh, no, thank you, I don't want to be an inconvenience.
快快快 Leonard Chop-chop, Leonard.
我们十分钟后出发 We leave in ten minutes.
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好嘞 万事俱备 All right, here's the deal.
Sheldon走了 所以圣诞树装饰条例 Sheldon is gone, so the tree decorating rules
全部废除 are out the window.
是的 这意味着 Yeah, which means
我们可以不用这个可笑的 we don't have to use his ridiculous
装饰间隔装置 ornament-spacing template.
而且我很开心地宣告它的kickstarter项目 (通过网站进行公众集资以提供人们进行创意项目的筹集资金) And I'm happy to report its kickstarter campaign
筹集资金维持在零美元呢 is holding strong at zero dollars.
等等 这么说星球大战和星际迷航的角色 Wait, so Star Wars and Star Trek characters
可以装饰在同一根树枝上了? can go on the same branch?
我知道 这很疯狂 I know, it's crazy.
欢迎来到雷电堡! Welcome to the Thunderdome, people!
我还从没干过这个呢 I've never done this before.
很有意思呢 It's kind of fun.
是的 如果你妈现在看到 Yeah, if your mom could see
她的受戒犹太小男孩 her little Bar Mitzvah boy right now,
她会心脏病发 she'd have a heart attack.
好主意 我来照张相 Good idea, I'll take a picture.
亲爱的 今年我手头有点儿紧呢 Honey, I'm a little strapped for cash this year,
所以圣诞节我打算给你 so for Christmas I was thinking of giving you...
这个 this.
哦我喜欢 I love it.
好 Okay.
但这也是你去年给我的 But it is what you got me last year.
对 还有昨晚 Yeah. And last night.
嗨 Hello.
嗨 Stuart ALL: Hi, Stuart.
噢 不错 我很高兴你们 Oh, good, I'm glad you guys
没有等我就开始了 didn't wait for me to start.
虽然你们说了是7点 Although you said 7:00
而且现在 现在是7点 但没关系 and it's-it's 7:00, but that's fine.
噢 可能是Sheldon呢 Oh, it's probably Sheldon.
嗨 Sheldon Hi, Sheldon.
大家都在呢 打个招呼吧 Everybody's here, say hi.
-嗨 -哥们你好 -Hey. -Hey. Hey, buddy.
嗨 Howdy. Hi.
你好 Hello.
我前脚刚走 The second I go out of town
你们就趁我不在办圣诞派对了? you throw a Christmas party without me?
额 算是吧 Yeah, kind of.
太贴心了 That's so thoughtful.
你们真是美国好朋友 You guys are the best.
嘿 你姐姐怎么样了? Hey, how's your sister?
一小时前就开始阵痛了 She went into labour an hour ago.
太好了 那你现在在医院咯? That's wonderful. So you're at the hospital?
没 她选在家里生... No, she chose to have a home birth...
因为她想活在石器时代 because she wants to live in the Stone Age
可这里没有洞穴 and a cave wasn't available.
其实 很多人认为 You know, many people believe
在家分娩更好 that home births are better because the mother
因为家里的环境温暖舒适 is in a warm, comfortable environment
还有家人的悉心照料 where she can be nurtured by loved ones.
然后家里的地板 And turn the bedroom floor
变成羊水滑梯 into an amniotic Slip 'n Slide.
Shelly 快来! Shelly, come on!
你姐姐子宫已经完全张开了 Your sister's fully dilated
她想在鲜血四溅之前 and she wants a nice family picture
来一张温馨的全家福! before there's blood everywhere!
哦 天呐 Oh, boy.
真不该在今天穿这件拉风的机器人T恤 I picked the wrong day to wear my good robot T-shirt.
如果你怀了Sheldon的孩子 If you were having Sheldon's baby
你真希望他在产房里围观? would you really want him in the room?
那啥 如果他们真能共处一室造人 Yeah, if he's in the room when they're making the baby,
我给你10美刀 I'll give you ten dollars.
嗨 我带了电影《美好人生》过来 Hey, I brought over It's a Wonderful Life
待会一起看啊 if you guys want to watch it later.
哦 我超爱那部 Oh, I love that movie.
从没看过 I've never seen it.
-我也是 -电影可棒了 -Me neither. -It's great.
那是在圣诞节 Jimmy Stewart万念俱灰 It's Christmastime and Jimmy Stewart's really depressed
打算跳桥自杀 结束自己的生命... and he's gonna jump off a bridge and kill himself...
不必看了 正经历着 Don't need to see it. Living it.
后来他有幸目睹如果自己未曾出生 But then he gets to see what the world
世界又会如何 would be like if he'd never been born.
那你们设身处地想过吗? Hey, you ever imagine what that would be like?
如果自己没有来到这个世界? Not being born?
你认为呢? What do you think?
你们拿Sheldon开玩笑 You make jokes about Sheldon,
但要不是他 but if it weren't for him,
我想我们此时 I don't think any of us
我们就不会像现在这样坐在一起 would be sitting in this room right now.
讲真的? 正是因为Sheldon不在 Really? Sheldon not being here
我才愿意在这屋里待着 is the main reason I'm in this room.
真的啊 It's true.
不然你们不会认识我 None of you would know me.
也不会与Bernadette相识 You wouldn't know Bernadette.
-你没机会和Penny拍拖 -才不是呢 -You wouldn't be dating Penny. -You don't know that.
我常年去芝士蛋糕店吃饭 I've been going to the Cheesecake Factory for years.
可能就泡上她了 I could have picked her up.
哦 你没在开玩笑啊 Oh, you weren't joking.
当然 No.
好吧 甜心 让我来告诉你 Okay, sweetie, let me tell you
那样故事会如何发展 exactly how that would have gone down.
我决定了 我要约她出去 I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna ask her out.
我的乳头要喷出巧克力牛奶 I'm gonna squirt chocolate milk out of my nipples.
抱歉 我还以为我们在讨论 Sorry, I thought we're saying things
绝不会发生的事情呢 that are never gonna happen.
也许这次他真的会迈出这步 Maybe this time he's going to do it.
口渴了吧 给你挤奶喝 Hope you're thirsty, here it comes.
看着吧 Watch me.
嗨 你们希望现在就点还是再等会? Hey, you guys ready to order or you need a few minutes?
我 呃 唔 我.... I, uh, ah, um, I...
那就再等会儿 A few minutes it is.
你没约她出去 倒是出了不少声 You didn't ask her out, but that was a lot of sounds.
你们这些混蛋让我很忐忑 You guys are making me nervous.
好吧 你自己找她说话 Fine, then go talk to her on your own.
我就去 I will.
不好意思 Excuse me.
什么事? Yeah?
你好 唔 我是那个Leonard Hi, uh, um, I'm Leonard?
真的吗? 你好像不太确定 Really? You don't sound so sure.
不 我就是他 No, I am he.
呃 不过 唔 Uh, any-anyway, um,
有些事很久以前 there's been something I've wanted to ask you
就想问你了 唔... for a long time. Um...
-什么事? -呃 就是 -What's that? -Eh, uh, well,
我想知道 如果你有空的话 I was wondering... if you're not too busy...
唔 如果... um, uh, if,
如果你会告诉我 if you'd be interested in...
洗手间在哪? ...telling me where the restroom is?
恐怕来不及了 I think you're too late.
拜托 我肯定不会尿裤子的 Come on, I would not have peed my pants.
-她说的没错 -听起来就是这样 -She nailed it. -Sounds about right.
你别忘了 在现实生活中我真的约过你 But, you forget, I did ask you out in real life.
如果你们没住对门也就不会发生 Which couldn't have happened if you didn't live across the hall
还不多亏了Sheldon from her, which couldn't have happened without Sheldon.
你俩也一样 Same goes with you guys.
如果Leonard没和Penny在一起 If Leonard wasn't with Penny,
她也不会撮合你和Bernadette she never would have set you up.
这没关系 Bernadette还是会在 Doesn't matter. Bernadette still would've been working
芝士蛋糕店工作 at The Cheesecake Factory,
我也依旧是宝刀未老的"鸡肉"美男 and I still would've been working this beefcake factory.
你肯定会将我扑倒 You would've been all over me.
这个嘛... Well...
Penny 我能接手那桌吗? Hey, Penny, can I take that table?
当然啦 为什么啊? Sure, why?
那个高领男是我的菜 The one in the turtleneck is cute.
张大嘴嘴咯 Open wide,
开心小火车要进站啦 here comes the happy train.
嗯 狂吃 狂吃 美味 美味啊 Mm-hmm, chug-a chug-a, yum, yum.
噢 Oh.
别动 Hang on.
你脸上... 沾了点东西 You got a... you got a little something.
还是算了吧 Never mind.
我的老天 Oh, man,
我们还真是这样的 that is so us.
说起来 也许你我没有在一起 You know, maybe you and I wouldn't be together,
但你肯定比现在过得糟 but you wouldn't have done so great yourself.
-凭什么? -因为我清楚的很 -Why? -Because I know exactly
你会和哪种男人共度余生 the kind of guy you would've ended up with.
嘿 宝贝 Hey, babe.
嘿 没忘交房租吧? Hey. Did you remember to pay the rent?
比交了更赞 我用那些钱买了这些魔法豆呢 Better. I used the money to buy these magic beans.
他也许是个傻蛋 He may be an idiot, but at least
但至少他没尿自己一身啊 he didn't pee himself.
莫急 Oh, hold on.
嗷 宝贝 我尿裤子了 Aw, babe, I peed myself.
我也是啊 Me, too.
全剧终 The end.
嗨 Sheldon Hi, Sheldon.
一切都好吗? Everything okay?
不 一点都不好 No, it's not.
我看到了些东西 I've seen things.
女人身上的东西 Lady things.
听我说 Listen to me.
那不是它们本来的样子 That is not the way they usually look.
无所谓 Doesn't matter.
这不是在繁衍生息 This is no way to make new humans.
人从人身体里出来 People coming out of people.
这明明是某种恶俗的魔术节目 It's some kind of dirty magic show.
Sheldon Lee Cooper！ Sheldon Lee Cooper.
你现在赶紧滚回这间房 You get back in this room right now.
带着拖把 Bring a mop.
你听到没? Did you hear that?
拖把 A mop.
我堂堂一个双博士学位的学者 I have two PhDs yet somehow I'm the janitor
如今沦为我姐姐产道的清洁工 of my sister's birth canal.
快看 Sheldon给我们发了群邮件 Hey, Sheldon sent us all an e-mail.
来自德克萨斯的节日祝福 "Happy holidays from Texas."
还有图片呢 And there's pictures.
我去啊啊! Aah!
别打开 千万别打开 Don't open them. Do not open them.
拜托 Oh, come on.
生产是一种自然的 美丽的... Childbirth is a natural, beautiful...
天哪 好像有人把一头牛锯成两半 Oh, it's like someone sawed a cow in half.
我老爸是个妇科医生 我觉得我能挺住 My father's a gynecologist, I think I can handle it.
如此这般 好吧 我甘做基佬 And, now, I'm gay.
真的 我在想如果没有Sheldon You know, I was thinking. Without Sheldon,
我们大多会是陌路人 most of us would have never met,
但Penny还是会住在他对面 but Penny would still live across from him.
这么一来Leonard便出局了 And with Leonard out of the picture,
接下来想必各位心知肚明 we all know what that would mean.
真的? We do?
是你呢 Sheldon Hey, Sheldon.
你好 Hello.
洗衣服呢? Doing laundry?
我当然在洗衣服 Of course I'm doing laundry.
星期六是洗衣之夜 Saturday night is laundry night,
并且我就在洗衣房里 所以... and I'm in a laundry room, so...
我确信你的推理很合理 I believe your inference is justified.
噢 我的推理很合理 Oh, my inference is justified.
Sheldon 你太幽默了 Sheldon, you are so funny.
总之 我也要洗衣服 Anyway, I need to do my laundry, too,
因为这些衣服实在太"脏"了 because these clothes are so dirty.
几乎就和穿着它们的放荡女一样脏 Almost as dirty as the dirty girl who's wearing them.
好了 适可而止啊 Okay, that's enough.
-反对 -继续啊 多来点 -Disagree. -Keep going. More.
你觉得怎么样? So, what do you think?
有点不对称 但没什么可担心的 A tad asymmetrical, but nothing to be concerned about.
拜托了 Sheldon 我想要你 Please, Sheldon. I need you.
做... 什么? To... what?
占有我(带我走) To take me.
你不穿件衣服我是不会带你去哪的 I'm not taking you anywhere till you put on a shirt.
来吧 Sheldon 咱们在这儿大干一场 Come on, Sheldon. You and me right here. 263 00:11:35,236 - -> 00:11:37,921 Penny 我已经说过一千遍了 Penny, for the thousandth time,
我要为我的梦中情人保留处子之身 I'm saving myself for someone special.
或许是位可爱的神经学家四眼妹 Perhaps a cute bespectacled neuroscientist
有着一头泥土色秀发 with hair the color of mud.
我知道怎么让你改变主意 I think I know how to change your mind.
够了 呕~~~ That's enough. Ew...
我觉得还行 I was okay with it.
怎么样了 Sheldon? How's it going, Sheldon?
现在好多了 Actually, much better.
那太好了 孩子出生了吗? Oh, good. Is the baby born yet?
我不知道 我刚回来 I don't know. I just got back.
你去哪儿了? Where'd you go?
我妈让我去拿几条毛巾 My mother asked me to get some towels.
我利用这个模糊请求 I took advantage of the vague request
去了趟床上用品超市透透气 and went to Bed, Bath & Beyond.
小声点儿! 我在打电话呢! Excuse me! I'm on the phone!
太没礼貌了 So rude.
还有一个 Penny Here's another one. Penny,
要不是Sheldon if it weren't for Sheldon,
你怎么能见到漫画界传奇人物Stan Lee呢?! you never would have met comic book legend Stan Lee.
真走运 Great.
至少我 Leonard还有Howard还是朋友 At least Leonard, Howard and I would have always been friends.
你们仨怎么没住在一起呢? Hey, how come you three never got an apartment together?
我们谈过这个事儿 We talked about it,
显然Howard跟他妈妈如胶似漆 but Howard was in a pretty serious relationship with his mom.
我跟她住一起是为了省钱 I lived with her to save money.
对 饭费也省了 Yeah, you didn't have to buy groceries
因为你喝奶就行了 'cause you were breast-feeding.
所以要不是我 Aw, so I guess if it weren't for me,
你现在还跟你妈妈住吧? you'd still be living with her, huh?
也不会 Not exactly.
你说"也不会"是什么意思? What do you mean, "not exactly"?
情况也许会有逆转 Well, things would be a little different.
Howard 我的午餐呢?! Howard, where's my lunch?!
我快饿死了! I'm starving!
我知道你快饿死了 I know you're starving.
隔壁邻居也知道你快饿死了 The neighbors know you're starving.
饱受饥荒的非洲难民都知道你快饿死了! There's starving people in Africa who know you're starving!
就这么点儿?! 这怎么够吃啊! That's it?! There's not enough food!
你把地球上的食物都吃光了! 我有什么办法! Well, you cleaned out Earth! I don't know what else to do!
这哪儿有不一样啊? How is this any different?
我还没说完 You didn't let me finish.
给你 老母亲 Here you go, Mother.
Howard 好孩子 You're a good boy, Howard!
真是个好孩子 Such a good boy!
等等 她是自己死的还是你杀死的? Wait, did she die or did you kill her?
还不是一回事儿 重要的是她死了 Eh, tomato, tomahto. The important thing is she's dead.
那你俩怎么没一块儿住? Hey, so how come you two didn't move in together?
这家伙想一个人住 This guy wanted a place of his own
因为他很肯定他会有女朋友 because he was sure he was gonna be a ladies' man.
是啊 我错了 Yeah, I was wrong.
但我真心觉得咱俩同居一定其乐无穷 But I do think you and I would have had a great time.
Leonard 来吃晚饭了 Come on, Leonard, dinner.
来了 Coming.
等会儿 Hang on.
为什么我这么肥? Why would I be fat?
你没有女朋友 没人会看你的裸体 You'd have no girlfriend to see you naked,
你就用食物来填补空虚 you'd try to fill the void with food,
而我则是个厨神 and I'm an enabler who once deep-fried a pancake.
为什么你不胖呢? Why can't you be fat, too?
甜点想吃什么? What do you want to do for dessert?
好像早餐还剩了半个蛋糕 I think there's still half a cake from breakfast.
怎么会剩 No, there's not.
兄弟们好 Hey, guys.
-Stuart -Stuart -Stuart -Stuart.
你在干吗? What are you doing?
我只是想出现在你们任何一个人的故事中 I... just wanted to be in anyone's story.
但你为什么也这么肥呢? Yeah, but why are you fat?
因为Leonard很肥 'Cause Leonard was fat.
Amy 你呢? Amy, what about you?
要是没遇到Sheldon 你觉得你现在在干吗? What do you think you'd be doing if you never met Sheldon?
很难说 It's hard to say,
我的生活将大不相同 my life would be so... different.
你可以说"变得更好" Sheldon又听不到 You can say "better." Sheldon can't hear you.
我不知道 I don't know. 339 祝我生日快乐 Happy birthday to me
泪水落在糖霜上 There's tears in the frosting
祝我生日快乐 Happy birthday to me.
我会就此打住 I'll stop now.
进展如何 Sheldon? How's it going, Sheldon?
结束了 That's it.
孩子诞生了 The baby's here.
是个男孩! It's a boy.
-恭喜恭喜 -太棒了 -Congrats. Aw. -Yay.
谢谢 Oh, thank you.
我都不知道我能挺过来 I wasn't sure I was gonna to make it.
但是我妈妈给了我些沙冰 But my mother gave me some ice chips,
姐姐叫我深呼吸 my sister told me to breathe.
我在心里告诉自己 And I just thought to myself, "Sheldon,
"Sheldon啊 如果《绿灯侠》你都能坚持看完" "if you can make it through the Green Lantern movie,
"这个绝不再话下啊" you can make it through this."
干得好 哥们 Well, good for you, buddy.
那我们不聊了 你先回去吧 We'll let you get back in there.
不不不 我不想回去 Oh no, no, I'm not going back in there.
那娃太讨人厌了 That baby is so irritating.
他简直就是用生命在哭泣 He has literally been crying his entire life.
他已经在向Shelly舅舅学习了呢 Aw, he's already taking after Uncle Shelly.
Sheldon 你应该回去的 Come on, Sheldon, you should go.
为什么? Why?
你总是抱怨 成长过程中 Well, you always complain that you never
从未有智慧的榜样让你崇拜 had an intelligent role model growing up,
而现在你为侄子的树立榜样 and now you can be one for your nephew.
好吧 那我回去 Ugh, all right, I'll go.
但如我所见 But from what I've seen, his attention span
他的注意力与膀胱控制力一样让人失望 is as limited as his bladder control.
他还真听你的 You actually got him to do it.
是呀 你一直说 Yeah, you keep saying
Sheldon给我们的影响有多大 how much Sheldon has affected all of us,
但你其实一直在影响他 but you've clearly had an impact on him.
真是这样的话 If that were true,
我就不会现在还独居了 I wouldn't still be living alone.
也不算完全独居 Well, not exactly alone.
我那还有一袋50磅重的大米 I do have a 50 pound sack of rice
穿着Sheldon的一件T恤 with one of Sheldon's T-shirts on it.
坦白说 Sheldon比你想的更在乎你 I'm telling you, Sheldon cares for you more than you think.
真希望我能相信你的话 I wish I could believe you.
我还希望Sheldon米人里面没有老鼠寄居 I also wish there wasn't a mouse living in Rice Sheldon.
等下 送你件圣诞预热小礼物 Hang on, I'm gonna give you a little early Christmas present.
我给你看点东西 但你要告诉Sheldon I'm gonna show you something, but if you ever told Sheldon
他可能再也不会理我了 he'd probably never speak to me again.
所以你真想告诉他的话 那也行 So, if you want to tell him, that's fine.
瞧 Look.
什么意思 I don't understand.
他用你的照片作屏保啊 He made you his screensaver.
哦对哦 Oh.
哇 Wow.
我都不知道 I had no idea.
他爱死我了 He is so into me.
等等等下 Wait, wait,
我的照片呢? where'd I go?
屏保的照片有你 还有沼泽异形 Oh, well, it's you, Swamp Thing,
霍金 蜘蛛侠... Stephen Hawking, Spider-Man...
不过 你是其中一个哟 but, look, you're in the mix.
我是其中一个! I am in the mix.
而且是最辣的那个 And I'm the hottest one.
那是谁? Who's that?
那是居里夫人 Oh, Madame Curie.
没事 她已经死了 That's fine, she's dead.
你没事吧? You okay?
就是很高兴你回来了 Just really glad you're back.
我也这么想 Me, too.
还有很多剧要追呢 I got a lot of TV to catch up on.
我想你了 I missed you.
引用星球大战Han Solo的台词 "我懂得" To quote Han Solo, "I know"
想我了吗? Did you miss me?
我更希望当时有你陪着我 I would've preferred to have you there with me.
哦 Oh.
或者你替我在那 Or instead of me.
你抱过小婴儿了吗? Did you hold the baby?
抱过了 I did.
然后呢? And?
感觉怎么样? How did it make you feel?
面对空洞无知的眼神 Looking into the blank, innocent eyes
又一个不懂我的 of a creature that couldn't begin to comprehend
生物 anything I was saying?
基本就跟在办公室的日子一模一样 Basically just another day at the office.
我这就去 I'm gonna do it.
我这就去约她 I'm gonna ask her out.
是呀 我的乳头要喷巧克力牛奶了 Yeah, and chocolate milk is gonna squirt out of my nipples.
要不挤奶要不闭嘴 挤出来 我就喝 Put up or shut up. You make it, I'll drink it.
你们还需要点什么吗? You guys need anything else? Uh,
你的手机号码 再来一份芝士蛋糕 your phone number and one more cheesecake.
不好意思 我有男朋友了 I'm sorry, I have a boyfriend.
瞧 说曹操曹操到 In fact, there he is now.
准备好了吗 亲爱的? Ready to go, sweetheart?
亲一个才算好 Not until I get my kiss.