Hi, and welcome back to another episode of Television Educative.
Tonight, I will show you how dreams are prepared.
People think it's a very simple and easy process...
...but it's a bit more complicated than that.
As you can see, a very delicate combination of complex ingredients is the key.
First, we put in some random thoughts.
And then we add a little bit of reminiscences of the day...
...mixed with some memories from the past.
That's for two people.
Love, friendships, relationships, and all those "ships"...
...together with songs you heard during the day...
...things you saw and also... personal.
Okay. Okay, I think it's one.
There it goes. Yes. Yes.
Okay, we have to run.
I'm talking quietly to not wake myself up.
I'm with my dad.
Yes, Dad. I remember. My father was there.
It's nice to see him healthy and normal again.
I almost forgot how he looked.
Handsome, no?
Oh, yeah, oh yeah, we're in a concert.
A Duke Ellington concert. Yes, my man, Duke Ellington.
And the band starts to play. Bass, drums and all.
It's amazing, they got this super swing.
And the Duke enters the stage.
He's radiant, in a glowing white tuxedo.
The Duke!
Last time was at the Olympia in 1958.
Thanks for the invitation.
But what is this?
This isnot Duke Ellington. It's Duke Ellington!
Dad, this is not Duke Ellington, but Duck Ellington.
This is a dream.
What?
I'm sorry, Dad, but you're dead.
You've lost the battle to cancer.
No, no. I cried so hard.
I could feel my tears forming two rivers under my eyes.
In dreams, emotions are overwhelming.
Here
Here's good.
Calm down! You'll knock my door down! what?
Mrs.Miroux
No,she's not here.
But I ...
That door wonot last!
I ...Stephane...
Stephane,is it u?
Ivana?
You're back!
Let me look at u
Oh,those eyes! You're almost a man now.
I will help. Your keys...
Your poor father...
I hope we will see more of your mother now
See? Nothing's changed.
There we are.
Do you recognize it?
I am glad the place will be lived in
There's a message
You mom should see to the mail
Sorry I couldnot pick you up Gerard was sick all night
Here's the address for your job tomorrow
At 10:00 AM,see Mr.Pouchet.
at the latreille company
They're a good firm
30 Rue de Marseille at Republique
I can't wait to see u
What's the job?
- Illustrations - For calendars?
Yes. Wanna see?
No time. I have the stairs to clean.
I'll leave you to it.bye
Goodbye.Thanks
Oh,I can't believe you're back!
Come in, action two. Can you complete the mission?
Stephane,it's ur first day here. You gotta choose sides.
So,two possibilities:a couple of fags.
How can we be gay if we're opposite sexes?
A matter of mentality
I'm Guy,ex-battleship salesman, filmsetter and ladykiller.
I'll show you the ropes.
I can do that,too
I'm Martine. I'm in change of the very popular ski weekend.
Serge,Martine's assistant.
The ski weekend is excellent for team spirit...
Ski?
No,sorry...
Ski to me...No,thanks
It's boring,but it's easy
The calendar has two parts.
The bottom:the months and nude girls
- Slowly - A redhead with a big bush.
We don't do this part. we do the boring bit:
the name of the cretin who sends out this crappy calendar.
So..when you get a file,you open it.
This text comes from the typesetting machine.
Typesetting?
This revolting machine is the typesetter.
This glue...
My mother told me...She said...
that my job is...
Do you speak Spanish?
No,hombre. No parla todo espagnolito at all.
- English very well. - Oh, good, good.
- Yes, picture one is a duck. - Me too.
Am I not supposed to design the new calendar collection?
No, no, I'm afraid not.
Fuck,an artist! He won't last.
Because my mother, she told me this was a creative job.
This doesn't look creative at all.
Yeah,but no.
You know, I think there's a misunderstanding.
Can I see?
- Sure. - Yeah?
This is nice.
Yeah, not bad, eh?
I'll tell you what.
Take the portfolio and let's talk to the big boss here, okay?
It sucks.
The collection is crap anyway.
Welcome in this palace, Stephane.
Stephane is a great artist with a foreign accent.
He'd like to suggest something.
What about the ski weekend? Did you put him on the list?
You see, Stephane, it's very, very important to stimulate the team spirit.
Martine.
You should show him your work, okay? Be brave, Stephane.
- Beat it! - Screw you!
Well, it's still a bit of a work in progress.
I've done 12 paintings for a calendar.
Hello, ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking.
We will be reaching Paris' Charles de Gaulle in 6 hours and 45 minutes.
Please enjoy the flight, fasten your seat belts...
...and if you have any questions, please don't hesitate to:
The pilot will never finish the sentence.
Flight 800, on July 17th, 1996...
...disappears from the sky.
Spraying its 230 passengers all over the North Atlantic.
The whole world is in shock.
Mexico City,September
Quiet morning, like any other morning.
A huge earthquake rattles the center of the town.
Each month has its own most infamous disaster event...
...engraved in the collective memory.
It's a concept I've been trying to work on and developing.
It's called disasterology.
Stephane, you are not serious.
Oh, I am very serious.
It's the customer that needs a little bit of a sense of humor.
My customers don't have any sense of humor.
Disasterology!
They want puppies, trucks, flowers or nudes. That's all.
Come on, Guy, show him his work. It's getting late now.
Look at yourself. It ain't panpas here!
Come on, Stephane, let's go.
You shave with toast?
what's "shave toast"?
You shave with a cracker?
Oh, you little asshole!
Sorry, no. No, no, no. I need a break. No, no, no.
No, no, I need a little break. Serge, I need a little break.
Guy, just a tiny one.
La pampa is in Argentina, you idiot!
What about Yucatàn, Palenque, Kerala?
Get out.
Come in, action two. Can you complete the mission?
It's 7:30.
Hello?
you ok,honey? How was yesterday?
Are you trying to mock me on the air?
A creative job, Is that what you call it?
- Did it go badly? - My job is shit! A piece of shit!
Mom... I glue paper in a basement all day!
Your paintings...
They don't need a graphic designer.
But Pouchet said...
No,not true!Not true!
You lied to get me back here.
I won't stay another day!
That's not nice. Come see us on Wednesday.
Big hugs,darling
No, Mam... Mama. Mama!
See how cute you were.
Excuse me for this interruption.
Yeah, that's my father.
oh,shit!
What're you doing?
I've gone through.
The mezzanine gose on this wall.
No.head pointing north. It's feng shui.
Isn't that north?
And the door? You come in,hit a beam...
None of your sushi crap. You're a danger with a drill.
P.S. R:
Parallel synchronized randomness.
An interesting brain rarity and our subject for today.
Two people walk in opposite directions at the same time...
...and then they make the same decision at the same time.
Then they correct it, and then they correct it...
...and then they correct it and then they correct it...
Basically, in a mathematical world...
...these two little guys will stay looped for the end of time.
The brain is the most complex thing in the universe...
...and it's right behind the nose.
Fascinating!
I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'm sorry about this.
Stay calm.
I think that's just that they are renovating the studio right behind here.
Wait!My back! I'm carrying all the weight.
Is your end heavier?
Yeah,the deep notes are always heavier.
My end's heavier.
OK? You got it or not?
Thanks,mister.
Jeez!
Who's that guy you brought?
You OK?
You hurt yourself?
Look at the mess you made!
You're not professionals! I don't believe it!
Doer it hurt now?
- OK,and here? - Yes,a little.
No,I don't have... much lucky in the current.
What?
That...I...
No...my French is pathetic.
- You are Spanish, no? - No.
- No? - I'm from Mexico.
But my mother is French.
Yeah, I just came here because my father died of cancer.
Okay. You know, that looks pretty bad.
Got some cream, Stephanie?
- Maybe over there. - I'll get it
You think I have to go to the hospital?
Beause it's not looking that good...
Thanks for the hole. My asshole landlady's next door.
Screw her!
What's that? No!
- It's gooe. - Very funny!
Good stuff for you.
Okay?
- It's strong. - It's mint. It's mint.
- Yeah, I feel it working already. - Yeah? Okay.
There
- So, what's your name? - Stephane.
Stephane? Stephanie.
Stephane, Stephanie. Stephanie, Stephane.
Click-clack, catch, match. She has no boyfriend.
That's enough!
- And you? You...? - Zo?
You know, Stephanie is a talented composer.
- You should hear what she makes. - That's bullshit. I never play it.
You know, a pretty girl with talent, that deserves to be mentioned.
Yeah.
And what's your job?
I'm a promotional calendar maquettiste. Yeah, it's...
You're pretty cool for...
It's better parked.
- OK? - We'll see.
Forget C major.E's busted.
I'll try minor.It's sadder.
Major chords won't work.
That's typical from Sylvain.
Congratulations,great!
Quiet,he's hurt.
Oh,yeah
He asks you to help and then he lets you do all the work.
I am sorry.
- Let's go - use the brake next time
Bye
So what does it mean exactly, promotional calendar maquettist?
Maquettiste. It's... I don't know.
- Well ,that handy! - I don't know. It's really boring, actually.
But I mean, there's one profession I really wanna pursue...
...which is inventor.
- Inventing what? - Well, I can show you.
I have some glasses...
...where you can see real life in 3-D.
Isn't life already in 3-D?
No... Yeah, but...
Come on, I mean, Do you wanna... Do you wanna try it?
This, for example:
Look, look, look.
- It works, no? - Yeah, yeah.
Look, it's funny.
You know Pulfrich, the guy who discovered the 3-D effect?
He had only one eye.
And that makes him, like, the Beethoven of the stereo, you know?
And what do you girls do? Are you students or work?
- No, we're... - No, we're creative executives.
We're going to concerts and we find bands to sign.
To sign what?
Oh, she means that we're working in music.
What company?
Aristotle.
Like, as the turtle, no?
No, no, no. Like the philosopher. You know?
Stop it! It's not funny.
He doesn't understand.
Don't make fun of people in my home.
I'm gonna go.
Thanks a lot for the hand.
And sorry for the piano.
How do you know Sylvain?
- Sylvain? - Yeah.
- From Mexico. Yeah. - Oh, Mexico.
He never said anything about it.
No? I don't know why. Bye-bye.
- You want us to drive you back? - No, I'm okay.
With your stupid lies,
we look like two dumb bitches.
It's be cool to be an art director.
We'd get into gigs free and get paid,too.
Gig are boring. You put me to shame.
What?
To screw. Maybe yes, maybe no.
Maybe rain, maybe snow.
Okay, baby.
Let's go to Momo's as usual.
- what do you weigh - 110 lbs
Come here
Don't start again,guy!
Don't screw around.
It's three times this week he puts his ass on the poubelle.
Come on,it's on me
Who are the fags?
- We're not gonna wait for them? - No, no, no.
Hold his hand,too.
And you just watch!
Next time I'll leave you in the trash,weakling!
- Momo's,then? - No,I'll eat alone
I can't believe that my mother lied about the job just to get me over here.
It's completely unethical to do that to your own son. It's horrible.
It's the worst job I've ever had in my life.
Your predecessor...
He committed suicide two weeks ago.
No.
No. I'm joking.
No, he left after two weeks.
Come on, man, just get along with the job and we'll have some fun.
Do you think Martine is pretty?
Martine? From work?
No, Martin Scorsese. Yeah.
I don't... I don't think about that.
Well, imagine...
...if she comes and gives you a blowjob in the darkroom...
You know, I can arrange this for you.
So getting laid is all that matters? It doesn't matter who the person is?
You see, I'm not a creative person, like you.
I don't feel the need to leave a trace behind me...
...except a fart sometimes.
Sorry. It escaped me. Come on.
You know, the other day, I saw an old man on the bench.
He was smiling, you know, really happy.
You know what he was thinking of?
His grandchildren?
Not at all. If you don't know, don't improvise.
No, he was thinking about all the dirty stuff and naughty stuff...
...he did with the girls when he was young.
How do you know that? Did you ask him?
I know that because...
...this man was me in the future. And I was happy.
I simply want to be like him in my old days.
You know, I have this neighbor that has a friend...
...that is very pretty, actually.
Oh, good reason to stay, my man.
Be careful, you know, with the whole neighbor situation.
That's the problem, that I think it's the neighbor that likes me...
...not her friend.
- Yeah. - Danger.
I never get the one I like, anyways.
Maybe she's a good cook.
- Stephane? Did you forget something? - Hey. Hi.
No, no. I was just... I was just...
You know, my hand? Because I can...
Are you looking for Zo? She's not here.
- She doesn't live here, you know? - Oh, okay.
How's your dad...? Your hand.
My dad? My dad's still dead.
I'm sorry.
God ,I'm so dumb.
You want Zo?s number?
No. No, I think I'm fine.
- So I guess I'll be on my way now. - Okay.
Bye.
I'll do my laundry later. Maybe I should check this hand of yours.
Okay, well, yeah, it's better to be safe than sorry.
Prevention's better than cure.
A bird in thr hand... ...is worth my bush!
Sorry, it's not funny.
I think it's funny. I mean, it's not that funny...
I mean, it's not funny, but I find it funny.
Come in.
It's still chaos.
I'm going to put my bed up there, to save some space.
How do you call it? A "mezzanine"?
Mezzanine, oui, mezzanine.
Do you make those?
Some I made and others I adopted.
You have to find who.
- You made this one. - Nope.
What's his name?
His name is...
...Golden the Pony Boy.
When I found him, he was so sad that I had to buy him for a lot.
- He's never going to leave me now. - Really?
I understand that you're the mother...
...but you also have to think of his interest.
Yeah, it's possible. But he is already damaged.
I can't take any chances.
Let me see your hand.
You know, it started to smell like a foot.
It's a good sign.
Can you move it?
Yeah. Well, it hurts a little bit, but it's okay.
- I have too big hands. - Yeah?
That means you have a large penis.
I'm sorry, that was a bit inappropriate.
Look, I'll show you a trick. It's a brain effect.
You have to... You have to do this:
Okay.
It feels so weird. It feels like if it wasrt my hand.
I know one that you have to...
You have to put your two fingers like this:
...and then you look into the distance, like that:
- All you can see is a little... - A little sausage, yeah.
I know it. It's a good one.
Oh, you know it?
I made this boat in fabric.
I have to put it in a small forest as a setup.
The boat is looking for its mer, which is...
It sounds like both "mother" and "sea" in French.
So the forest inside the boat?
That's genius. That's like a vegetable Noah's Arc.
No, no, no, the boat is in the forest, looking for his mer.
But I need to make the trees, though.
Okay, but you know, the forest inside the boat...
...that's a really good idea.
I think that maybe you wanna do that instead.
Yeah, yeah. Okay, I'll do it. It sounds like a good idea.
Okay, so I'll go get my dad's old camera...
...and we can make an animated film of the forest inside the boat...
...looking for its mother.
And the leaves grow and the wind catches in them...
...then the boat takes off. You'll make the sea, okay?
Okay, yeah. Well, we can do it with layers of paper, like this:
You know, like this and they move in opposite directions, you know?
Yeah. Yeah, but we have to find something more special then.
Kind of retarded in a way. Look.
- Cellophane. - Cellophane.
Yeah. Yeah, like a Russian animated film.
My mother, she collects thousands of bonbon wrapping paper...
...and also cardboard tubes. We've got boxes full of them at home.
What for?
She used to do this arts and crafts thing and other projects...
...but she never finished them.
I actually can't stand it, she never finishes anything.
- And look, for the clouds. - Oh, yeah.
Oh, no, no, no. No, try it again. Try it again, wrong chord.
No, wrong chord, try it again.
I knew it. I knew it!
Each structure has its own resonant frequency.
You just have to hit the right chord at the right time.
Okay, I'll go get the camera and you go do the forest.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, by the time you get back, I'll be sleeping.
And I need to finish the boat, anyway.
You bring the camera next time, okay?
Okay. Well, you tell me when to bring the camera, okay?
Well, I'm leaving.
I'll start the forest tomorrow.
All right.
Thanks
Bye.
- Okay, bye. - Bye.
No, no, Martine. Martine, no. No, no.
I'm sorry, I can't.
It's... It's not you, it's me. I feel guilty.
What is it, Stephanou?
I can't live all my life hiding in my apartment.
- I need to come clean. - You are clean.
Aristurtle? Okay, okay. Type this:
Dear Stephanie:
- "Dear Steph..." Who is she? - I am...
Forget about it, I need to write it in French anyway.
Okay.
Iway ouldshay...
Iway ouldshay say...dear neighbor...
Yes,yo read it good...
I have lady next door...
I'm too confuse in fact with my hand accidented on the piano.
and lied you ... feel myself guilty.
I want confess.
By the way, do you have Zo?s phone number?
Thanks, Stephane.
Where are you going now?
Stephanou?
No, no, no.
I'm too confuse in fact with my hand accidented...
"Do you have Zo?s phone number?"
Holy fuck!
Dear Stephanie, comma.
I am just your neighbor, there is nothing more to say than that.
This is the reason why I am writing a letter to you...
...because I feel really bad inside my stomach.
It's a mix between...
I don't know if what I feel is a bit of nostalgia...
...or wanting to go to the bathroom.
I am just a new liar in your life.
A new liar that has come and destroyed your piano...
...and maybe by doing that destroy the huge heritage...
I want us to start a new start and a new...
A new blank page of friendship.
And if you can embrace that the same way I am embracing it right now...
...that I am feeling it right now, I see the possibilities...
...once we go above that threshold of life...
...and matters that succumb and become trickling down...
...into this little pond that is called life.
Full stop. The end.
2:37 PM As of this afternoon,
late is the same as absent.
We must tell Pouchet.Right,Guy?
Mistakes shouldn't go unpunished.
Why do my armpits smell like sperm? Very strange.
What do you think?
Guy's making me smell the sperm!
Excuse me.
Guy...
What makes you think you can do that?
No on else can work this shitty machine!
And... Stephane?
OK...
Stephanie
Stephanie?
- Stephanie. - Stephanie.
Stephanie and Zo?lied to me.
They are not creative executives. No! No.
Aristotle, my ass.
They think I'm stupid, but no.
You guys are gonna help me find them, okay?
- Martine... - Yes?
- Stephane needs you. - Okay.
- We've gotta find a way of... - Go back to work.
Oh, no. To work? No, no, no.
It's only a dream. We don't have to work in dreams.
- No! Nothing is for real. - You write, you write.
- You write! - You're just the result...
...of a chemical flux in my brain, that's all.
Do you mean we don't really exist?
Flux?
Start again.You've lost me.
Well,I was sleeping, dreaming of a praying mantis.
fighting with a turtle, but the turtle had a silver shell,
like a CD but in a hump,a shell.
And they fought over an elephant...
Not that. Tell the next part.
So,I wake up,because...
I hear a freaky sound at the front door.
I turn on the light.
This is my favorite bit.
Stephane who twisted his hand
is butt-naked in the hall.
Stephane who helped you move is is your neighbor.
My landlady's son
But tell me...Remember the letter. What did it say?
I told you ,it was gobbledygook. It went...
I'm your neighbor,a liar,blah blah...
By the way, do you have Zo?s number?
what did he mean?
What do you think?
Neighbor,you're swell,but your friend rings my bell.
No way!
Why doesn't he know you know he's your neighbor?
He doesn't know I read it.
Straight after,Cap'n Hook got it back.
A change of heart.
Holy fuck!
But why did he lie about his address?
Why did you lie about the job?
Look,I'll give him your number- you ask him.
I've got a guy, remrmber?
You tease others.
How dare you say that!
I'm no prick-tease! You take that back!
If you cannot stop fighting,don't be friends.
Stephanie,stock taking.
We're exchanging ideas,not fighting.
Big difference.
So, Miroux,Ornano... Miroux,Caulaincourt...
Miroux,Rue Labat.Bingo!
It's ringing
Go on,take it!
take it!
Hello?
Stephane Miroux?
- Stephanie? - Yes.
Hey.
Did you finish the boat already?
No, no, of course not.
I still have some stuff to buy.
In French,it's more fun!
I'm with zoe and we were wondering
if you had any other optical illusions.
Op-ticklish illusions?
Optical tricks.
Yeah.
Yeah, I could show you one. I got this really cool one. When?
Now!
Now?
Okay.
It'll take me, like, 35 minutes to get there.
He's got nerve!
Maybe... I mean, maybe I can make it in 15.
- Yeah, okay. - Yeah?
- Okay. - Okay, bye.
It matches your green eyes.
Bullshit!
You can't wear the same jeans for ages!
- I'll look ridiculous. - No!
He's going down. What a dumb-ass!
- Hi. - Hi.
- You were quick. - Yeah.
I brought you this.
So basically, with cards, what we do, I mean, because...
...it's kind of difficult. The cards are there. The cards do not lie, you know.
It cannot change.
So if you grab the cards and you open them...
...and you name one card and I point at it from a distance, okay?
But remember to send it to me, you know, before you name it.
Send it to me, name it, send, name, send, name, send.
- Okay. - Send it.
Eight of hearts
Okay. Yeah, I received it. It's there.
Yup.
- You saw that? Did you see that? - It's amazing.
Try another one.
Ace of spades is there.
Yeah.
Hey,bottoms up!
What are you doing? What are you doing?
- What? - What are you doing dressed like that?
It's punk.
Who is this guy?
Zoe?
No,wrong address! Next door...
I was told you were pretty.
Oh,yeah?
He's Guy. I work with him.
- We work together. - He's what?
- Guy. - Guy.
He's punk.
So? What?
Not prick-teases,I hope?
No, we have sex,too!
Does she always dance like that?
Yes. Always.
Yeah? Is it only when she gets a bit drunk or is it always like that?
- Do you mind? - No, I have no problem. I have no problem.
I mean, I can't imagine how anyone would end up doing that with Guy, you know?
Hey, I composed this piece of music for your piano.
You could play it all night.
Try it.
- It's called, "My Dear Neighbors." - Thank you.
- It's sweet. - I hope you like it.
- Hey. - Hey.
What are you doing? What are you doing?
What am I doing? You confuse me.
So you like her or you like Zo?
Man, I'm just talking to her. She's my neighbor.
We're just friends. Don't you believe in friendship with the opposite sex?
No. She likes you, it's obvious. Don't play with her.
I mean, she's great, you know. She's a really nice person...
...but she reminds me of my father.
- What? - Yeah, yeah.
Hey, we're going now.
Bye-bye, bye-bye.
Bye-bye.
Hey, don't forget the forest and the boat, eh?
Okay, I won't.
- Okay. - Be a good boy.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, good, okay.
Bye.
Stephanie?
Stephanie.
Steph...
You're fired. Guy, you're fired.
You're fired. Do you hear me? Do you hear me?
You're dogs. You're like the...
The dogs that bite the hand of the owner that gives you food.
Serge, you betrayed me.
Guy, are you betraying me?
Television Educative is back for you this evening for a new chapter.
Love after 50.
We have two very special guests on the show today.
Gèrard and Mom.
Gèrard, you are a professional magician.
You look old and you live in a small suburban house.
Why do you think Mom chose you?
Oh, yes, you're funny. Yes.
- Do the tablecloth one! - Not tonight.
Go on.
Oh,shit! I told you.
It takes preparation.
I wouldn't like to be the woman you cut in half.
Imagine!
It's not funny.
But hold on.
Thanks for my dinner.
Okay, then.
Why didn't you go to work today?
- I did - Pouchet phoned.
I did,Mom!
I worked all day...in my dream.
I'm very tired.
Since he was 6, he's inverted dream and reality.
He'd be in bed,vomit all over,
sure his hand were like tower blocks.
Houser,mom.Not towers
Dreams are very tiring. They have cycles.
You got slow-wave sleep, deep sleep,dream sleep.
Gèrard, you're just a bullshit guru.
Mom, why do you always fall for gurus?
You think you will learn some deep truth about yourself?
My dad was not a guru.
He must be in love.
Are you in love, Stephane?
Have you met someone?
Stephane? Stephane?
No, no. No.
Love extrapolated your REM.
OH OK
Do you know what REM means?
Rapid Eye Monitronics.
Your eyes follow your dream movements.
If you walk downstair,say,
Your eyes go down. Turn right-the eyes go right.
It's in your dream, your eyes art walking.
The eyes.
I can control my eyes in my sleep.
No more sleeping slavery.
Ladies and gentlemen, we are approaching the moon... What?
The moon, yeah.
Scary, huh?
It's very scary, huh?
No gravitation pull.
Earthquake and fire!
Okay, that's enough. That's enough.
Please, give us our... I mean, your world back.
Tell us what to do. We'll do anything.
Just don't make me work like a slave all the time.
- Okay. - Okay?
- Master. - Okay.
- Peace. - Okay. Okay.
- Hallelujah! - Hallelujah!
- Praise to you and to the new world. - No, no, stop that.
Hey, no, no. Guys, no. Stop that shit, okay?
It's getting a bit creepy.
Are we still making calendars?
We are here to serve you.
Basically, I wanna see Stephanie in my dreams.
I know. I will make your novel, I am Just Your Neighbor, into a bestseller.
- That will attract her. - Then we'll organize a massive wedding.
Madame Stephanie Stephane.
Stephane Miroux, your novel I'm Just Your Neighbor and a Liar.
By the Way, Do You Have Zo?s Number? Is a blockbuster.
- Yeah. - Where does your genius end?
Painting, sculpturing, architecturing, writering?
Today, building has began on the Stephane Miroux Foundation.
A museum dedicated to your work.
So, Stephane Miroux, did you find the key to success?
Well...
Well, I think people empathize with what I do...
...because it comes from here.
Oh, you are talking about Stephanie?
Oh, I don't like to talk about my private life.
So, Stephane Miroux, we have a little surprise for you to do.
No.
- A song for her. - A song?
If you rescue me
I'll be your friend forever
Let me in your bed
I'll keep you warm in winter
All the kitties are playing And they're having such fun
I wish it could happen to me
But if you rescue me
It's a pain.
All the cars drive so fast
Stephane Miroux. Stephane Miroux.
Stephane Miroux.
Let me into your world
Go now.
I'll keep you warm and amused
All the things we can do in the rain
It's not working because you messed up the title of my book.
You better be here when I come back.
Okay, I'm exhausted. I'm gonna wake up now.
Hey.
Stephanie.
What a coincidence. I almost thought that I was gonna miss you.
Would you like to marry me?
Come. Come with me. I want to show you my friends.
Hey, guys? Guys, let me present you to my future wife.
One, I don't believe in marriage, two, you don't want to be with me.
And three, are you out of your mind?
No, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I thought that I was...
You thought what?
I thought that I was here.
And that I was working here, sleeping in my office.
And then I came here, and then this part I don't remember very well.
There were more people there. And then I saw you...
Where exactly are you living?
I live... I'm staying with my mother right now.
So you're my landlord's son?
Yeah.
Are you sure you're okay, Stephane?
Yeah, why?
So you were not asking me for real then?
No. To marry you, no.
But...
...I think I like you.
You mean in a romantic way?
Yeah, if you want to call it like that.
Come on, Stephane. I don't want to have a boyfriend.
Okay.
So now you'll act all weird around me because I didn't want to...
No. It's not my fault, you know, if I have feelings.
You don't have to humiliate me.
Oh, come on, Stephane. Stop acting like a child.
Stephane?
Something wrong?
Will you manage all those files?
"A heart that sighs has not what is desires."
Must be love.
Working is the best remedy then.
Keeps your brain busy.
How can you work? Love is too powerful. You can't concentrate.
Give him a break. He doesn't want to talk.
Listen. Tell her right away.
If it's from your heart, she will understand.
Maybe the felling's not mutual.
Maybe she's with somebody.
Shit!
She's with somebody, Stephane?
You're so heavy,you two!
Stephane,tell the companieros they're so heavios.
What? I don't understand you, Guy.
I'm sorry, I don't understand.
I don't understand you either.
I can't understand you when you talk to me in two different languages.
It makes me feel schizometric. Schizo... Schizo...
Schizophrenic. That's the word you're looking for.
- Yeah. - Hey, don't pay attention to those losers.
Try to be more on time in the morning. They'll leave you alone.
No, no, no.
NPC's for film.
CPN goes with CPP.
CPP.
CPP, NPC, CP... I get confused.
You know the...
The goat on the cliff?
- The goat on the cliff? - Goat on the cliff. No?
- It's a sex position. - I know it's hard for you to understand...
...but not every man is a sex maniac, you know.
- Oh, yeah? - Yeah.
Like every woman is romantic?
I don't know, but...
I am collecting beautiful objects.
A pair of shoes.
Some glasses.
Telephone.
Typewriter.
They are made from wood and felt.
With apparent stitches.
Their delicate and finished appearance is friendly.
And they are quiet.
Stephanie made them, and I will expose them in an exhibition.
Stephanie, do you think I could take the red blanket as well?
Of course, Stephane. Are you kidding?
There's this amazing blanket.
It's thick, red felt with big white stitches.
Wild animals are running on it.
She smiles.
I bend over a rock to try to reach her.
My stomach, compressed, hurts.
Stephanie?
Can you hold my hand?
I cannot sleep.
She takes it. I fall asleep.
The sea.
And the forest.
You should put more whites in.
You should put more whites.
Yeah?
No, a bit... A bit more to the left, here.
- Oh, yeah. - Randomness is very difficult to achieve.
Organization always merges back if you don't pay attention.
Death to organization.
Hey, what's this?
- It's the... - Is it your mom's?
No. That's the one-second time travel machine I told you about.
I finished it. For you.
You wanna try it?
What are you going to do with one second?
Well, it just adds up.
And life is too precious.
So, basically, you put this here.
- Can you hear me? - Yeah.
Oh, can you... Okay.
So...
Just one second.
This is for the past. And this is for the future, okay?
So let's try some for the past.
You have to press this button, okay?
Let's try some for the past.
Hey, it's working.
Amazing scientific breakthrough.
...scientific breakthrough.
Yeah. No, wait, wait. Let's save some for the future.
Wait, wait, wait.
Hey, what are you...?
Let me just...
Why did you do it twice?
The first time was the future...
...and the second one was just the present.
Well, maybe we have different perspectives on the future.
No, no, no. This is just a machine. It's objective. It's just a machine.
Yeah, okay.
I'm not sure I should accept this gift.
Why do I deserve a present, anyway?
Because for the occasion that you are pretty.
Oh, shut up.
You're sweet.
So you think I'm only pretty.
Like, I'm pretty and stupid.
- Well, no, maybe you shouldn't have this. - No, no, no. This is my present.
Okay, let's go back to work.
The ocears drying.
- What...? - I'm just seeing...
You have one thing.
- Do you have something to say? - No, no.
Focus and concentration.
Distraction is an obstruction to the construction.
Distraction is an obstruction for the construction.
- Oh, look. - What?
Skiers.
Oh, look, look!
A sloping lake!
A lake what?
A sloping lake!
- Weird. That's really weird. - Stephane, talk with your heart.
- Yeah, be gentle. - Fuck her.
No, no. Don't rush.
- The goat on the cliff, remember? - What?
What's the goat on the cliff?
It's a little childrers story.
It's, it's silly, don't listen to that.
Don't listen. Don't listen.
You take her form behind on the side of the bed.
Oh,I'll try that.
You pigs!Stop it!
- On the cliff. - The goat on the cliff!
Martine, the goat on the cliff.
Serge.
- I'll go first. - No.
- I don't know how to ski. - Come on.
- I don't wanna go. - It's easy. Courage, pretty boy.
Wait, wait, wait. It's not gonna hurt.
Okay.
Okay, good.
- Good. - Hey, you take the glue gun, and I'll try this.
No, no, no.
Why don't we, why don't we do the scene...
...when you walk into the apartment...
...and you discover the pony, yeah?
- Yeah. Okay. - Yeah?
Okay. So come, come, come.
You must be... Okay. Yeah, there.
- Oh, wait. - All right, okay, you're there.
So basically you're just walking into the apartment...
...and you discover that the pony can run...
...and you feel very excited, and...
Ready? And action.
Damn it, Stephane, you've ruined my pony.
- Why did you do that? - Cut. What are you doing?
What are you doing? What are you doing?
No, you should be ecstatic about me.
You should be, like, praising my ingènue and genius.
Of course, my handsome.
No, don't play with me. This is never gonna happen.
- How do you know? - Because I know.
Why are you trying to give me hope?
Hope? Maybe you should try.
Try.
Well, next time I'll see you, I'll kiss you?
- Is that what you're asking me? - Yeah.
- Really? - Yeah, you should try.
I should just go out there and kiss you.
Yeah.
Okay.
- Yeah. - Go on.
What are you doing?
I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
Can you pretend that I, that you didn't see me?
- I was just leaving, right now. - This is stupid.
- You broke into my place? - I'm sorry.
- What are you looking for? - I'm sorry.
That's creepy. No, this way.
- Good night. - Oh, I forgot my keys.
- Hello? - Stephane?
Are you okay?
I love my pony.
I can't believe you did that.
How did you do it?
I'm sorry about what I said.
I didn't mean one word.
- No... - Okay?
No, I'm a creep.
Just like you said.
Listen, Stephane. You have to toughen up a little.
It's not attractive for a girl to see a guy crying.
I know, it sucks.
You know I named Golden the Pony Boy after you.
No, come on. Come on.
It's not true. You had him before we met.
No, no, it is true.
I improvised his name when you saw him for the first time.
He didn't have a name.
Now, tell me how you did it.
Golden is galloping for real.
It's unreal.
Well...
It's just an application of the chaos theory.
Random control.
Each leg has one engine...
...and it moves backwards or forwards depending on...
...the movement on the other leg. It's like life.
But in a simplified version.
And it doesn't reproduce.
I'm glad we live next door to each other.
Will you...
Would you marry me when we're 70?
You've got nothing to lose.
Okay.
Would you mind...
...keep on talking to me for a little while?
Because I always thought it was possible to talk from my sleep.
I feel that I'm falling down into a black hole.
You know that you could never see someone fall in a black hole.
Because the image of the traveler who passes the horizon...
...would slow down till it would remain stuck in the same position...
The state he was when he crossed the line.
Only it's getting redder.
The traveler gets crushed into spaghetti.
I don't wanna be a spaghetti, I don't wanna be spaghetti.
No, you won't be a spaghetti.
I don't wanna be a spaghetti.
Stephane?
- Are you here? - No, I'm there! I'm there.
It worked! I'm not a spaghetti!
Tell me, tell me. Describe all you can see.
I feel some grass under my feet.
And it's a bit windy.
And cold. And damp.
And there's forest all around me.
And I can see Golden the Pony Boy. Galloping here. Here, right in front of me.
And I can hear some water. But I cannot see it.
Oh, here it is. The river.
Is the water made of millions of tiny pieces of cellophane?
No, it's real water.
Oh, look. I just found the time machine.
The time machine is here.
And it works.
Stephane, are you asleep?
Stephanie, you know my mom, Christine.
Two months later
He's shy. He only speaks French to me.
Yeah, I cannot talk French because whenever I speak...
...I feel that my moustache grows more than when I speak Spanish.
Stephanie.
Let me kiss you You're a good person.
You sure,Mrs.Miroux? He said nothing bad about me?
No,nothing. I choose my tenants carefully.
So,what do you think?
I adore it!
Really?I've always found it rather strange.
- I like the colors - Unusual.
Not very cheerful!
Six months ago, a strangrt came to see me
with a terrible accent and a dumb project.
The world and myself weren't ready for it.
We've leaped forward into absurdity.
And I regret to say our new calendar.
"Disasterology"by Mr Stephane Miroux,
is a huge success!
In French.
No,in English, Mom.
I...
I wanna dedicate this to all the victims...
Okay, thank you, Mr. Miroux.
Without them, without them, it would not have been possible.
I'm sorry. Are you upset?
This girl is at once all the women that broke my heart.
She's so beautiful and generous and she's asking me to leave.
Because she's dumping me.
She's dumping me because I am a cheap drug dealer.
And I am a drug dealer because she wants to leave me.
The police are going to get me now.
This is all my fault.
He is my opposite.
She feels safe around him.
She's in love with him.
Things will turn out the way you want.
If you could just stop doubting that I love you.
Call me home. Next door.
That needs an explanation.
Look who's woken up.
Have a drink. Your mom's feeling down.
She needs comforting. She's moving back in.
That calls for a drink. Come on.
Not exactly a triumph.
It's not fair.
She changed exactly the second I started to like her.
It's like a big bang. The first instant, it's very small...
...and then the next nano instant:
Huge. Infinite.
I wish I could travel back to the time when I didn't find her attractive.
You should have asked me. She has a really good ass.
Shut up, Guy. I thought she was lonely, and somehow I could help her.
But no. She doesn't need me at all.
You know, I don't know Stephanie and all.
But maybe she has a pattern.
She doesn't wanna get hurt, and by that she's hurting people.
And by hurting people, she thinks she's not gonna get hurt, but she gets hurt.
I don't know. I love her because she makes things.
You know? She makes things with her hands.
It's as if her synapses was married directly to her fingers.
Like this. In this way.
Yeah, yeah.
Man, I wish I could talk to my dad.
I miss my father. I cannot talk with my mom when I'm sad.
It's outrageous to attack the hospital staff. Appalling.
Well,it's a big letdown for our charming nurses
who go beyond the call of duty with a wet T-shirt contest...
Asshole!Dumb asshole!
- Let's take our mind off it - The TV?
You know, you can't let things bother you all your life.
A man has to take matters in his hands.
This TV is brainwashing my weekends.
I should be... Instead, I'm just watching this.
You wanna fight?
I'm sorry, I wasrt sure I was awake.
Awake? I will awake you for sure if you carry on like this.
Here, help me, instead of being stupid aleck.
Over there! It'll make a better splash.
One,two,three!
Are u crazy?
It isn't a garbage dump!
TV's garbage anyways!
It is garbage,but that's no reason...
It floats!
It floats, yeah.
Maybe the fish enjoy that crap!
- Really? - Yeah.
Stephane?
Stephane. Wait.
Do you feel better?
I'm going to work.
I just want to know if you're okay.
Yeah, I'm super-fine. Thanks.
So I get it. So you don't want to be my friend anymore.
No, I don't wanna be your friend anymore. I don't wanna be your friend anymore.
Do I have to nail it on your door? I don't wanna be your friend.
No, you... You can't. You can't stop being my friend.
- It's not something people can decide. - Yeah, they can.
People have an argument and then they stop talking to each other.
Okay, then let's have a date or something and we can talk about things.
- Lf that's what you want. - What's the point?
You'll want me as a friend. You'll have a nice boyfriend and that'll kill me.
By the way, where's the boat?
Where's everything? Let's face it. You never finished anything.
Like the mezzanine and everything else?
That's not true. That's absolutely not true.
I'll show you.
You're manipulating me or... I don't, I don't understand.
Look, here it is.
Here, here it is. Zo?s number.
That's what you want.
Screw her. "I'm only your neighbor and a liar.
"By the way, do you have Zo?s number?" Do you remember the letter that night?
How did you get that?
Wait, wait. Wait, I'm sorry.
No, no, no. Stop crying.
Stop crying.
I'm sorry.
- Guy, Guy. - Hey.
Did you see the red on? I'm doing your work.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
Something amazing happened between Stephanie and I.
- Come on, shut up, now. - Incredible!
Stop bullshitting. I'm sick of breaking my balls with you.
- I'm doing your work. Know why? - Why?
Because you're virtually fired, my sleepy man.
And mother or not mother to cover your ass.
The office is boring! You can't leave me here.
- The stupid bitch! - Not stupid bitch!
Okay, you don't know what happens between us.
Nobody has a clue what happens...
...and everybody has an opinion. Fuck that.
I wrote her a letter in my dream and I never gave it to her.
And she read it. I don't know how, but she somehow read it.
And she just recited it to me just now.
Word by word. She knows it.
And you know why? Because I think our brains...
...are creating this loop that is incredibly complex.
It's not as if our brains are communicating or telepathy or nothing like that.
It's as if we were evolving each step into the same direction.
It's called PSR. Parallel synchronized randomness.
It's incredibly rare. It's as if we were jigsaw puzzles, you know?
- And we're falling to, into the... - Stephane, you will never date her, okay?
- She will drive you crazy, believe me. - No, she just asked me for a date.
In 20 minutes at the Bar de I'Oreille. I have to go.
Minutes at the Bar de I'Oreille. I have to go.
What was that?
It's my travel, time travel machine.
No,wait...
You just walk in, Pouchet didn't see you, so you won't go.
Oh, come on. Guy, Guy, come on! It's just once. Okay, just this time.
I'll cover for you.
But if you don't screw her or at least kiss her
with tongues, a real French kiss.
a tongue kiss...
I won't speak to you again!
Bye..
If he carries on,he'll leave before he arrives.
Maybe he works backwards
He brags with his calendar.
I sent him on an errand
You fucking dykes!
Now that's enough
Being called fags is one thing,but dykes is unacceptable.
You will never date her, okay?
- She will drive you crazy. - Drive me crazy.
I refuse to believe only friendship from Stephanie.
There are signs that can't be mistaken.
Can't be mistaken. Look, look.
She kisses me at less than a centimeter of my lips.
It is a sign, the most evident, that she desires me.
Where should she kiss to her friendly goodbye? On the forehead?
No, halfway between the ear and the lips. That's what's considered normal.
Besides, if I don't move my head back, she hits me right on the lips.
Why did you move away from her kiss, then?
Maybe I tried to kiss her, who cares?
The point is that she will torture, torture, torture me all my life.
She simply doesn't care about me.
No, this is not true. She cares a lot. She worships my presence.
She feels sorry for me. Pity. That's the worst.
Exactly. My feeling has reached the point of pathology...
...and I can't seduce anyone without pathology.
You believe you can seduce her with your creepy, pathological little gifts?
They all ended up in the trash, blinded by your...
- No. - Nobody is waiting for you at the bar.
Stephanie never came. She lost interest in you long ago.
- It's too late. Stephanie moved on. - No.
- Stephanie moved on. Moved on. - Go away.
Will never change her mind.
Girls never change their mind when it's over.
Open the door. I know you are there.
Open the door.
You forgot about me.
Stop playing with me.
I never want to see you again.
Say it.
Say it, you have to say it.
- Listen to me. Listen to me, say it. - Camera there.
- Say it. - Okay, it's all in order. Okay.
- It won't happen. You have to say it. - Yeah, just wait a second, wait a second.
- Go on, say it. - Okay. Perfect. Yeah.
Just... Okay. Right there. Okay, now look at the camera.
- Will you marry me? - Yes.
Still hurting?
Careful...
It's much better.
I'll tell the office you are sick
We'll have a nice,quiet day,OK?
Mom?
I'm sorry I went with dad when he left.
That's OK
Thanks
I'll come to the airport.
- No need - I can't just leave you
It's OK,really. I'll call you from Mexico.
Go speak to her Do it for me
NO...
I don't want to,now
I've changed my mind.
Don't be ridiculous
You can't go without saying goodbye.
I feel stupid now
You don't know what happened. You go on and on.
Stephane this,Stephane that.
Shut the door.
- Hey, Stephane. - Hey.
What's going on?
Nothing's going on. I'm just leaving.
Yeah, I know.
Are you still upset with me?
Well, let's just say that there are some unsolved issues.
Yeah.
You're not gonna let me in?
Install a toilet paper dispenser because people are wiping...
...their dirty Sanchez here on your door.
Oh, shut up.
How is your head?
It's okay.
It's not normal, though.
Oh, well, of course it's not.
- It's never going to be. - Yeah, well, it is not attractive to you.
I'm glad I made it through your door, though.
Don't be glad.
Be sad.
Your English is very good.
What about your French?
No, I can't speak French with you. I'm too shy.
The only thing I can say is:
I like your tit. It erects me in my pants...
Oh, damn it, Stephane.
What if someone catches fire?
We've got to help him. Quick.
Go, go, go!
Anarchy in the cellophane!
You've been crying?
I like it when you cry because you have to wear your glasses.
I actually don't like it when you cry.
I find it horrible.
Especially when it's not for me.
Will you cry a little when I'm dead?
I hate people that pretend that they want everyone to celebrate their death...
...you know, and everyone is having a blast at the party...
...and nobody gives a shit for the dead.
That's horrible. That's bullshit.
It's like, "Hey, sleep with my girlfriend after my cremation. Do you mind?"
You know? Well, my problem is that I don't have a girlfriend.
And I'm not dead.
Look. Put your finger here.
Touch here.
At the back of the ear and the glasses.
It feels like the glasses were part of your body.
Oh, true. That's weird.
- I always liked that. - My contacts are killing me.
It's like if you were touching your penis with your left hand.
I don't have a penis.
You have a left hand.
Why do you always have to be a pig?
I'm teasing you.
Will you fix your teeth one day?
- You're mean. - No, I'm just saying because...
I mean, it's gonna be 40 years until we marry.
And I might as well take care of my goods now, you know?
Well, actually, you know?
Don't do anything.
Maybe no teeth is good for a blow job.
Okay. I think you should leave now.
You gonna be late.
You know, sometimes I wear my jeans for more than a week...
...until they're really bad. And it makes me feel a little bit closer to you.
- What do you want me to say to that? - Nothing. Nothing.
So how is your boyfriend?
You have a new boyfriend?
A new boyfriend with long hair...
...and goes bungee jumping and surfing.
Does he take you surfing?
Invite me, I'll go with you. I don't know how but maybe...
I mean, if you want me to.
I don't have a boyfriend.
And you have a serious problem of distorting reality.
You could sleep with the entire planet and still feel rejected.
- Please, I'd like you to go now. - I like your boobs.
I like your boobs. They are very friendly and unpretentious.
I'll appreciate if, one day, you'll show them to me?
- Not much to see. Now, go. - Hey, the mezzanine.
You finished the mezzanine.
I thought you were never gonna finish it.
Like the boat and everything else.
Is it solid?
Can it hold a boy? A couple?
What are you doing...? Get out.
- Get out of here. - No.
- Get out or I'll call your mother. - No, my mother? No. No.
Not my mother.
- You're gonna miss your plane. - I don't care. I don't care.
Why do you do this to me?
What have I done to you?
Tell me what do you want me to do?
I don't know.
Maybe touch my hair or something?
I can't do that.
Why me?
Because everyone else is boring.
And because you're different.
You don't like me, Stephanie.
Stephane?