-=The Last Fantasy=- 荣誉出品 本字幕仅供学习交流 严禁用于商业途径
-=TLF字幕组=- 翻译/校对：Yogahu
【根据真实故事改编】 Based on true stroy
片名：玛丽与马克思 Mary and Max
【欢迎来到韦弗利山- 1972年度最整洁小镇】 Welcome to Mount Waverley 1st tidytown 1972
【莱明顿大道】 Lamington Drive
【澳大利亚 1976年】 Australia 1976
玛丽·丁寇的双眼是雨后泥潭的颜色 Mary Dinkle's eyes were the colour of muddy puddles.
她的胎记 是便便的颜色 Her birthmark, the colour of poo.
又一个周六的午后 她觉得无聊透顶 lt was Saturday afternoon and she was bored.
玛丽希望能有个朋友一起玩骑马 Mary wished she had a friend to play piggybacks with.
【索尼|雪儿】 Sonny Cher
玛丽有一枚心情戒指 是在麦片盒里找到的 现在变成灰色了 Mary's mood ring, which she'd found in a cereal box, was grey
根据图表显示 which, according to the chart,
她现在不是在思考 就是在潜意识里野心勃勃 或者饿了 meant she was either pensive, unconsciously ambitious or hungry.
她唯一的几个朋友是“阿诺一家” 她最爱的卡通剧人物 Her only friends were 'The Noblets' from her favourite cartoon.
但它们并不是在店里买来的真玩偶 They weren't the real ones you bought in the shops
而是她自己动手做的假玩意儿 材料包括贝壳、桉果、绒球 but fake ones she had to make herself from shells, gumnuts, pompoms
以及从周五外卖里回收利用的鸡骨头 and the chicken bones salvaged from Friday night's takeaway.
所有的玩偶都是她亲手做的 她最爱的就是“小小” She had to make all her own toys, and her favourites were Shrinkies -
那其实是在烤箱里烘小了的薯条包装盒 potato chip packets that she had shrunk in the oven.
玛丽的父亲 大名诺尔·诺曼·丁寇 Mary's father, Noel Norman Dinkle,
在一家工厂工作 整天给茶包缝线 worked in a factory, attaching the strings to tea bags.
在“展示与讲述”课上 她告诉全班同学 At show and tell, she told the class
只要老爸愿意 他想白拿多少茶包都成 he could get as many free tea bags as he wanted.
玛丽最爱的茶包是“厄尔·格蕾”牌 Her favourite tea bag was Earl Grey.
她很喜欢“厄尔·格蕾”这个发音 She loved saying 'Earl Grey'
梦想着哪天 能嫁给一个叫厄尔·格蕾的人 and would like one day to marry someone called Earl Grey.
那时候 他们会生活在苏格兰的城堡里 They would live in a castle in Scotland,
生九个宝宝 养两只鸭子… have 9 babies, 2 ducks...
外加一条小狗 就叫凯文吧 ..and a dog called Kevin.
诺尔的爱好就是坐在自己的小棚屋里 喝喝“贝利爱尔兰奶油威士忌” Noel's hobby was to sit in his shed and drink Baileys lrish Cream
同时把他从高速公路边上 发现的死鸟塞成标本 and stuff birds he'd found on the side of the freeway.
玛丽很希望他能多花点时间陪陪自己 少花点时间和他的死鸟朋友们在一起 Mary wished he'd spend more time with her and less with his dead friends.
她还希望自己能有兄弟姐妹 She also wished she had some brothers and sisters.
她母亲告诉她 她只不过是个“意外” Her mother had told her she was 'an accident'.
一个活生生的人 怎么会是意外呢？ How could someone be an accident?
拉尔夫爷爷告诉过玛丽 宝宝们是“蓄意”的 Grandpoppy Ralph had told her that babies were deliberate
爸爸们只有在他们啤酒杯底才能找到 and found by dads at the bottom of their beer.
【里头有小生命！】 拉尔夫爷爷身上有股子腌大蒜的味道 Grandpoppy Ralph had smelt like pickled onions [Life be in it]
他是“弗兰克斯特破冰者”协会的成员 都51年了 and had been a member of the Frankston lce Breakers for 51 years.
他们会去冬泳 感受生命 They swam in winter to feel alive.
拉尔夫爷爷说寒冷会让他的乳头挺起来 Grandpoppy Ralph had said it made his nipples erect.
他去年去世 时年74岁 He had died the year before, aged 74,
他的好友 肯 念了一首诗来追忆他 and his best mate, Ken, had recited a poem in his honour.
在波罗尼亚的山坡上 你出生在一座谷仓 Born in a barn in the hills of Boronia,
拉尔夫一生漫漫 Ralph lived a long life,
最后却死于肺炎 then died of pneumonia.
玛丽很想念爷爷 Mary missed him
也经常觉得奇怪 他为什么要喝氨水呢？ （“氨水”与“肺炎”英文发音相近） and often wondered why he had drunk ammonia.
很多事都令玛丽感到困惑 A lot of things puzzled Mary
尤其是她母亲 维拉·洛林·丁寇 especially her mother, Vera Lorraine Dinkle.
在玛丽看来 维拉总颤颤巍巍的 To Mary, Vera always seemed wobbly.
好一记发球 他出局了！ A pretty vicious ball. And he's out!
维拉喜欢一边烘制蛋糕 一边收听板球比赛 Vera liked listening to the cricket while baking
她蛋糕的主要成分也总少不了雪利酒 and her main ingredient was always sherry.
她告诉玛丽 这是一种给大人们喝的茶 She told Mary it was a type of tea for grown-ups
这茶呢还要不停地试喝 that needed constant testing.
【洗碗机】 Dishlex
玛丽觉得她妈妈试喝得…实在是过头了 Mary thought her mother tested the sherry...way too much.
玛丽同样无法理解 为什么维拉老是“借”东西 Mary also couldn't understand why Vera was always 'borrowing'.
昨天 她就在六号通道“借”了些鱼条 Yesterday, she borrowed some fish fingers from Aisle 6.
她告诉玛丽她之所以要把东西放在衣服里面是为了省下塑料袋 She told Mary she put things up her dress to save on plastic bags.
维拉可真是让人捉摸不透 Vera was indeed a complicated soul.
玛丽神游归来 Mary stopped daydreaming
赶紧跑出去 把她的宠物大公鸡 从雨里抱进屋 and went and fetched her pet rooster from the rain.
这公鸡是她父亲从高速公路边上发现的 Her father had found the rooster on the side of the freeway
那时它刚从一辆 给屠宰场运货的卡车上跌出来 after it had fallen off the back of a slaughter truck.
玛丽管他叫伊索 She named him Ethel.
又到看“阿诺一家”的时候 她可喜欢“阿诺一家”了 lt was time to watch 'The Noblets'. She adored 'The Noblets'
因为他们都是棕色的 住在一个茶壶里 because everyone was brown, lived in a teapot
还有老多老多朋友 and had oodles of friends.
玛丽想 没有什么 能比现在这样更美好了： There was nothing nicer, Mary thought to herself,
湿湿的公鸡的气味 than the smell of a wet rooster...
雨点打在屋顶的声音 ..the sound of rain on the roof
还有嘴巴里那炼乳的新鲜味道 and the taste of sweetened condensed milk straight from the can
同时还能看着你最爱的动画片 while watching your favourite cartoon.
【此时此刻 纽约】 meanwhile in New York
【欢迎来到纽约-帝国大厦】 Welcome to New York the Empire State
【拥抱一次50美分】 hug 50 cents
与此同时 一个名叫马克思·霍洛维茨的男人也在看“阿诺一家” Meanwhile, a man called Max Horowitz also watched 'The Noblets' .
马克思的小电视有图像没声音 Max's small television had picture but no sound.
而大电视有声音没图像 His big television, sound but no picture.
他现年44岁 痴迷“阿诺一家” He was 44 and liked 'The Noblets'
因为这些卡通人物所处的社会结构 清楚明白 as they lived in a delineated and articulated social structure
而且始终连贯统一 with constant adherent conformity
也因为他们有老多老多的朋友 and also because they had oodles of friends.
马克思无法入睡 Max had trouble sleeping
所以决定起床看电视、抓鱼食 and had spent the night watching television and catching fish food.
【亨利的苍蝇】 他注意到 这已经是今晚抓到的 第六只苍蝇了 He noted to himself it was the sixth fly he'd caught this evening.
他在犹豫 是该上床数绵羊 He wondered if he should go to bed and count sheep
还是再吃一根巧克力热狗 or have one more chocolate hotdog.
他想那就两个一起来吧 可惜效果不佳 He thought he'd try both but it didn't work.
自从亨利八世去世 已经过去了6小时12分 lt had been 6 hours and 1 2 minutes since Henry Vlll had passed away.
亨利的死 使马克思的生活陷入混乱 And Henry's death had thrown Max's life into disarray.
生活失去了平衡 It had become asymmetrical
他能越早新买一条鱼就越好 and the sooner he got a new fish, the better.
明天 他就去宠物店 再买一条亨利 Tomorrow he would go to the pet store and get another Henry -
亨利九世 Henry lX.
【始建于1925年-3149号邮局】 1st 1925 post office 3149
【韦弗利山分局】 Mount Waverley
【外出就餐】 下一位 Next.
又到购物日了 lt was shopping day
玛丽耐心地坐在一旁 她妈妈呢…在“借”信封 and Mary sat patiently while her mother 'borrowed' some envelopes.
闲来无事 她扫视整个房间 To fill in time, she scanned the room
数着有多少东西是棕色的 and counted how many things were brown.
其中就有胶带、橡皮筋 There was sticky tape, rubber bands
和一本电话薄 上头照片里的这位女士站在一个棕色的湖里 and a phone book with a picture of a lady standing in a brown lake
手上还着火了 with her hand on fire.
美国人的名字可真够怪的 玛丽·黛西·丁寇如是想到 People had weird names in America, Mary Daisy Dinkle thought to herself.
发音都怪怪的 什么“洛克菲勒”了 “菲克斯坦”了 Funny-sounding people called Rockefeller and Finkelstein.
她很好奇 这些人长什么样子 年纪多大 She wondered what they looked like, how old they were
如果已经结婚 是不是戴着眼镜 他们的宝宝是不是在啤酒里发现的 and if they were married, wore glasses or had found babies in their beer.
或许在美国 宝宝们是从别处找到的 Maybe in the USA they found babies elsewhere.
嗯…他们很爱喝可乐 Hmm... They drank a lot of cola.
或许就是在罐头里找到的 Maybe they found them in cans.
可是 不行 洞口太小 宝宝钻不出来 But, no, they wouldn't fit through the hole.
玛丽突然有了主意 Mary had an idea.
她要给一个美国人写信 问问他美国宝宝是打哪儿来的 She would write to one of the Americans and ask where babies came from.
她挑了M·霍洛维茨先生 She chose a Mr M Horowitz.
丁寇夫人！ Aarrgh. Mrs Dinkle!
回来 维拉·丁寇 你给我回来！ Come back here, Vera Dinkle! You come back here!
亲爱的M·霍洛维茨先生： Dear Mr M Horowitz,
我叫玛丽·黛西·丁寇 my name is Mary Daisy Dinkle
我今年八岁 三个月 零九天 and I am 8 years old, 3 months and 9 days.
我最喜欢的颜色是棕色 My favourite colour is brown
我最喜欢吃的是甜炼乳 and my favourite food is sweetened condensed milk
巧克力排第二 followed closely by chocolate.
我有一只公鸡 叫伊索 它长的就是酱紫滴 l have a rooster called Ethel that looks like this.
他现在还不会生蛋 但总有一天会的 He doesn't lay eggs but will one day.
我妈妈喜欢抽烟、板球和雪利酒 My mother likes smoking, cricket and sherry
我爸爸喜欢在小棚屋里陪死鸟玩 and my father likes playing in his shed with dead birds.
在美国 宝宝是怎么来的呢？ Where do babies come from in America?
他们是从可乐罐里钻出来的吗？ Do they come from cola cans?
在澳大利亚 宝宝是在啤酒杯里找到的 ln Australia they are found in beer glasses.
这里有一张我的画 Here is a drawing of me.
我的耳朵画得不好 但牙齿还是挺不错滴 l can't draw ears proper but l'm good at teeth.
要是你能给我回信 做我的朋友 那就太好了 lt would be great if you could write back and be my friend.
你“真成”的 玛丽·黛西·丁寇 Yours 'sincerealy', Mary Daisy Dinkle.
附注 希望你会喜欢我寄去的巧克力棒棒 PS. I hope you like the chocolate bar l'm also sending.
我们管它叫“熟樱桃” lt's called a Cherry Ripe.
【澳大利亚邮政】 Australian Post
再见了 信儿 别忘了回信哦 Goodbye, letter. Don't forget to write.
马克思厌恶周四- Max hated Thursdays -
这一天他要去参加每周举办的 “暴食者匿名见面会” the day of his weekly Overeaters Anonymous meeting.
今晚 他尤其不安 And tonight he'd felt especially unsettled
因为就在去那里的路上 他已经解决了两根巧克力热狗 because he'd eaten two chocolate hotdogs on his way there.
好了 各位… OK, class...
【各位 巧克力不是食物！】 Chocolate is not a food, group!
吃巧克力可是坏规矩的事儿 Eating chocolate was breaking the rules.
【上帝憎恶胖子！】 God hates fat people
而那晚更令他难以忍受的是 He'd found the night even more unbearable
马娇丽·巴特沃兹那奇怪的眼神 because of Marjorie Butterworth's strange glances.
下课 Class dismissed.
马克思读不懂别人的非语言暗示 Max had trouble understanding non-verbal signals.
调情对他来说 和慢跑一样陌生 Flirting was as foreign to him as jogging.
马克思觉得大多数人都令他迷惑 Max found most people very confusing.
但他想不到 But little did Max realise
这个夜晚即将变得更加迷离神秘 his night was about to become even more confusing and cryptic.
他读了玛丽的来信 四遍 然后采取了一贯的应对措施 He read Mary's letter four times and then did what he normally did
一旦遇到什么新奇而颇有压力的事 他就会这样 whenever confronted with something new and stressful.
马克思那渺小的存在再次变得飘忽不定 Max's fragile existence had once again become unsettled.
凝视窗外长达18小时后 And after staring out of the window for 1 8 hours
他终于下了决心 he finally made a decision.
亲爱的玛丽·黛西·丁寇小朋友： Dear Mary Daisy Dinkle,
谢谢你的来信 我已于参加“暴食者匿名见面会”后 thank you for the letter, which I opened and read at 9.1 7pm
当晚九点17分打开并读完 after my Overeaters Anonymous class.
我目前正在减肥 l am trying to lose weight
因为我的精神病医生 伯纳德·海兹霍夫说 because my psychiatrist, Dr Bernard Hazelhof,
健康的体魄相当于健康的精神 says a healthy body equals a healthy mind.
他说我的精神不太健康 He says my mind is not that healthy.
你的画像是对你自身形象的有趣描绘 Your drawing is an interesting visual portrayal of yourself.
我之前从未遇到澳大利亚人 l have never met anyone from Australia.
首先 我来回答你的问题 Firstly, I will answer your question.
很不幸 在美国 宝宝不是从可乐罐里找到的 Unfortunately, in America, babies are not found in cola cans.
四岁时 我问过我的母亲 l asked my mother when I was four
她说 宝宝都是从拉比下的蛋里生出来的 （拉比：犹太教教士） and she said they came from eggs laid by rabbis.
如果你是犹太人 就是天主教修女下的蛋 lf you aren't Jewish, they're laid by Catholic nuns.
如果你是无神论者 就是肮脏寂寞的妓女下的蛋 lf you're an atheist, they're laid by dirty, lonely prostitutes.
美国的宝宝就是这么来的 So this is where babies come from in America.
我的家里还有一条鱼 l share my home with a fish,
一些蜗牛 我给他们 取了一些著名科学家的名字 some snails, whom I have named after famous scientists...
还有一只鹦鹉 叫“饼干” ...a parakeet called Mr Biscuit
最后一位 是一只猫 叫“哈儿” and, finally, a cat called Hal.
“哈儿”是“哈口臭”的简称 它口臭的毛病不轻 'Hal' is an abbreviation for halitosis, from which he suffers.
一群野孩子用气枪打瞎了它一只眼睛 He followed me home after a gang of children
之后它就跟着我回到了家 shot his eye out with a beebee gun.
你有宠物袋鼠吗？ Do you have a pet kangaroo?
我出生后 父亲就不告而别 把我和母亲丢在基布兹（以色列集体农场） When I was born, my father left my mother and me on a kibbutz.
我六岁时 她用我叔叔的枪自杀了 She shot herself with my uncle's gun when I was six.
你喜欢吃巧克力热狗吗？ Do you like chocolate hotdogs?
这个食谱是我发明的 现在就寄给你 l invented the recipe for them and can send it to you.
我小时候 想象了一个隐形的朋友 叫“拉维欧利”（意为“意大利方饺”） When I was young, I invented an invisible friend called Mr Ravioli.
我的精神病医生说 我再也不需要他了 My psychiatrist says I don't need him anymore
所以他现在就坐在角落里 自己看书 so he just sits in the corner and reads.
【我好你也好】 I'm OK, You're OK
上周 我捡了128个烟屁股 Last week I picked up 1 28 cigarette butts.
在纽约 人们总是乱扔垃圾 People are always littering in New York.
我不懂 为什么他们要违法 l do not understand why people break laws.
烟屁股很不好 因为雨水会把他们冲到海里 Butts are bad because they wash out to sea
鱼儿会吸这些烟 然后尼古丁上瘾 and fish smoke them and become nicotine dependent.
我是在开玩笑 因为很显然 l am just joking because, of course,
香烟在水下是不可能点燃的 it is impossible for a cigarette to remain lit underwater.
另外 鱼儿也没有装打火机的口袋 Also, fish do not have pockets to keep cigarette lighters in.
我今年44岁 l am 44 years old
有八套运动服 颜色尺寸都一样 and have 8 tracksuits the same colour and size.
我体重352磅（约合319斤） l weigh 352 lb...
身高接近六英尺的圣诞树（约合1.8米） ..and am as tall as a 6-foot tree.
欢迎收看“纽约乐透”！ Welcome to the New York Lottery!
我喜欢买彩票 l enjoy entering the lottery
九年来一直选同样的数字 and have chosen the same numbers for 9 years.
- 它们是3… - 1 - Those numbers are 3... - 1 .
- ５… - ４ - 5... - 4.
- ６… - ２５ - 6... - 25.
- ９… - ２ - 9... - 2.
- １１ - ７ - 11 ... - 7.
- 还有１２ - ８ - And 1 2. - 8.
你是赢？ Are you a winner?
还是输？ Or a loser?
我之前干过很多工作 l have had many different jobs during my life.
我第一份工作是在地铁里收地铁券 My first job was collecting subway tokens in the subway.
我第二份工作是在“伊地犹太美食” My second job was at Yiddel's Gourmet Kosher Supplies
在那儿 我管着一台做盒装面条布丁的机器 （犹太人在安息日吃面条布丁） where I worked at the machine that made pre-packaged noodle kugels.
我生下来就是犹太教徒 从前也信上帝 l was born Jewish and used to believe in God
但后来我读了很多书 but l've since read many books
【信仰、圣经、阿西莫夫、无神论、上帝？】 证明了上帝只不过是我想象虚构出来的东西 that have proven God is just a figment of my imagination.
人们愿意信仰上帝 因为这样就解答了许多复杂的问题 People like to believe in God because it answers complicated questions
【快活的异教徒】 比如宇宙是如何产生的 like where did the universe come from,
虫子死后能否上天堂 do worms go to heaven...
还有为什么老女人的头发是蓝色的？ ..and why do old ladies have blue hair?
尽管我是个无神论者 Even though l'm an atheist,
我还是戴着我的亚莫克便帽 它能让我的脑袋不受凉 l still wear my yarmulke as it keeps my brain warm.
我第三份工作是 在一家玩具标识印制公司 My third job was for a company that printed logos on novelty items.
我管着一台飞盘标识印制机器 l worked at the frisbee printing machine.
飞盘是一种圆形的塑料盘 人们拿它互扔 A frisbee is a circular plastic disc that people throw at each other.
它有点像回旋镖（澳洲土著特产） lt is like a boomerang
只是飞不回来 but it does not come back.
【刑事法庭】 我第四份工作是陪审团成员 My fourth job was when I was called up for jury duty.
虽然没什么薪水 但我可以免费吃饼干、喝咖啡 l didn't get paid much but got free cookies and coffee.
陪审是社区里的一些杰出人物 Jurors are outstanding members of the community
他们以前都没杀过人 who haven't murdered anybody.
我已经上了最终候选人名单 l made it to the short list
那场审讯的是一个男人 for a trial where a man killed all his friends
他在生日惊喜派对上杀了所有朋友 at his own surprise birthday party.
不幸的是 我没能入选 因为他们发现 Unfortunately, I didn't get selected because they found out
我以前是个精神病人 l'd been a mental patient at one point.
你以前玩过滑翔运动吗？ Have you ever been hang gliding?
我第五份工作是去捡垃圾 My fifth job was as a garbage collector.
我要去捡别人乱扔的垃圾 但可以不用跟人说话 l got to clean up after litterbugs and didn't have to talk to anybody.
有时候 我装作是外星系来的机器人 Sometimes I used to pretend I was an intergalactical robot.
这里是911 您的来电正在排队中 This is 911 . your call has been placed in a queue.
有一次警察把我带去讯问 One time the police took me in for questioning
但很快放了我 因为他们觉得 我对任何人都构不成威胁 but let me go when they decided I wasn't a threat to anybody
除了对我自己 except myself.
我第六份工作是去军队服役 The sixth job I had was for the United States Army
地点是文具供给站 in the stationery supply department.
因为我擅长和数字打交道 Because I am good with numbers
我得算出 军队需要多少圆珠笔 l had to work out how many ballpoint pens the Army needed.
有一天 他们来做安全检查 One day they did a security check
问我是不是什么激进团体的成员 and asked whether I was a member of any radical groups.
我说我过去是纽约科幻迷俱乐部的成员 l told them I was a member of the New York Science Fiction Fan Club.
他们说这个不算 但终究还是把我开了 They said this didn't count but dismissed me anyway.
幸运的是 我忘了告诉他们 我还当过共产党员 Fortunately, I did not remember to tell them I was once a communist.
你是党员吗？ Have you ever been a communist?
你有没有被乌鸦 或者差不多的大鸟袭击过？ Have you ever been attacked by a crow or similar large bird?
我九岁时 一只乌鸦 在我上学路上埋伏我 When I was 9, a crow attacked me on my way to school.
【鸟类伤害科】 Bird injury Ward
我不得不缝了三针 l had to have three stitches
如今 我每到春天就戴一顶头盔 顶上画了一双眼睛 and in spring I now wear a helmet with eyes I have painted on.
每次我戴头盔 别人就笑话我 People laugh at me when I wear my helmet.
我也不知道为什么 I'm not sure why.
别人总是让我觉得很迷惑 但我尽量不让他们困扰我 People often confuse me but I try not to let them worry me.
纽约是个很忙很吵的地方 New York is a very busy and noisy place.
我更愿意住在某个更加安静的地方 l would prefer to live somewhere much quieter
比如月球 like the moon.
我不喜欢人群 亮光 噪音 和臭味 l don't like crowds, bright lights, sudden noises or strong smells.
纽约随处都是这些 New York has all these
尤其是臭味 especially the smells.
我出门时常常塞上鼻子和耳朵 l often wear nose and ear plugs when I go outside.
这样能让我保持冷静 lt helps keep me calm.
我发现 人类很有趣 但我无法理解他们 l find humans interesting but I have trouble understanding them.
但是 我想我会理解、信任你 l think, however, I will understand and trust you.
你看上去很开心 我猜你闻起来会像鲜虾 You appear very happy and I think you would smell like a shrimp
我知道澳大利亚有很多虾 as I know Australia has a lot of shrimps.
你会速读吗？ Can you speed-read?
我自学学会了同时看两页纸- l have taught myself to read two pages at once -
一只眼睛一页 one eyeball per page.
我该走了 l have to go now
虽然我还没有跟你说过我的第七份工作 even though I have not told you about my 7th job,
在避孕套厂 in a condom factory.
请速回信 Write back soon.
你的美国朋友 马克思·杰瑞·霍洛沃兹 Your American friend, Max Jerry Horowitz.
附注 附上照片一张 是我在街头拍照亭照的 PS. Please find enclosed a photo from one of those booths.
附附注 谢谢你送的“熟樱桃” PPS. Thank you for the Cherry Ripe
很高兴你和我一样喜欢巧克力 and I am glad you like chocolate as much as I do.
我从前没吃过甜炼乳 l have never eaten sweetened condensed milk
但这周我就会去试试 but I will try some this week.
附附附注 我从没用过避孕套 PPPS. I have never used a condom.
一路顺风 go in good health
马克思希望玛丽能给他回信 Max hoped Mary would write again.
他一直想有个朋友 He'd always wanted a friend.
一个不是隐形的朋友 哪怕只是只宠物或者橡胶小人也好 A friend that wasn't invisible, a pet or rubber figurine.
他数着星星 想 要过几天 几小时 几分钟 He counted the stars and wondered how many days, hours, minutes
他的信才能寄到澳大利亚 it would take his letter to reach Australia.
【9天 6小时 47分钟后】 nine days, six hours and forty-seven minutes later
维拉不高兴… Vera was not impressed...
一点也不高兴 ..not impressed at all.
这疯子休想和自己的女儿 交上笔友 她想到 This nutcase would not be her daughter's penfriend, she thought.
这世上的丑恶已经够多的了 There was enough ugliness in the world.
再有一小时 玛丽就该放学回家了 Mary would be home from school in an hour -
还够时间喝杯“茶” 听听比赛 来舒缓一下神经 enough time for another cup of tea and a bit of cricket to soothe the nerves
够时间把关于马克思来信的可怕回忆从她那业已混乱的思绪中抹去 and dissolve the memory of Max's letter from her pickled mind.
【次日】 the next day
停下！等等！ Stop! Wait!
嘿 我说 你们还有地方多加个袋子吗？ Hey. fellas, you got room for one more bag?
当然了 丁寇夫人 上来吧！ Sure, Mrs Dinkle. Hop in!
（这笑话）有水平嘛 凯文！ Good one. Kevin!
快点 维拉 我们还要去别家收垃圾呢！ Come on, Vera. We've got some other bags to pick up!
玛丽 垃圾都扔了吗？ Mary, is that all the rubbish?
嗯！ Yep!
回见了 宝贝儿！ See ya, Toots!
我的乖乖老天爷 Sweet baby Jesus.
尽管马克思的来信 带着腥鱼头和霉橙皮的气味 Even though Max's letter smelt like fish heads and orange peel,
玛丽还是像品酒般品味着每一个单词 Mary drank his words like a bowl of alphabet soup
自从拉尔夫爷爷 and hadn't been this excited
从她鼻头上变出一个硬币以来 她还没有这么兴奋过 since Grandpoppy Ralph had found a coin up her nose.
她马上就回了信 She wrote back immediately
信纸还是偷的包肉的油纸 on some butchers' paper she'd stolen from some chops.
亲爱的马克思 你能回信我真是太兴奋了 Dear Max, l'm so excited you've wroted back.
我想我爸妈可能不太喜欢你 所以以后呢 l don't think my parents like you so from now on
就把东西寄给我邻居莱恩·海斯洛浦吧 send stuff to my neighbour Len Hislop
地址是韦弗利山 莱明顿大道 26号 at 26 Lamington Drive, Mt Waverley.
他很老了 又失去了双腿 He's old with no legs.
那是在二战时候被咬掉的 They got chew'd'ed off in World War ll
那会一些日本人把他们关在笼子里 吊在锯脂鲤上头 when some Japanese peoples kept him in a cage above piranhas.
锯脂鲤是些长了牙齿的金鱼 Piranhas are goldfish that have teeth.
他害怕外面的世界 这是一种病 学名叫“恐同症”哦 He's scared of outside, which is a disease called homophobia.
所以他每周给我50分 帮他取邮件 He's started giving me 50 cents a week to get his mail.
我存着钱 将来就可以在苏格兰买城堡嫁给一个叫厄尔·格蕾的人了 l'm saving to buy a castle in Scotland and marry a man called Earl Grey.
美国会播“阿诺一家”吗？ Do you get 'The Noblets' in America?
我最喜欢梵迪·诺博利 Well, my favourite Noblet is Vanity Noblet.
他想成为所有人的朋友 甚至想跟男生做朋友！ He wants to be everyone's friend, even the boys'!
你信里说 你没有朋友 ln your letter, you said you had no friends.
其实 我也没有 Well, neither do l.
昨天在学校 巴尼·克里福德 往我的火腿三明治上尿尿 Yesterday at school, Bernie Clifford weed on my spam sandwich
还喊我“便便脸” 嘲笑我的胎记 and called me 'poo face' 'cos of my birthmark.
我真希望它能像创口贴一样撕下来 l wish I could peel it off like a bandaid.
他还笑话我 因为我没有纽扣 He also laughed 'cos I had no buttons.
都是被伊索给啄掉的 Ethel pecked them off
妈妈因为一直在试喝雪利 连线头都穿不过针眼 and Mum couldn't thread a needle 'cos she'd been testing the sherry
所以就用夹子充数了 so she used pegs instead.
我回家之后 会爬进我的秘密地点 一直呆到晚饭时间 When I got home, I climbed into my secret place till dinner time.
其他小朋友还笑话我的发型 The other kids also laugh at my haircut.
我的头发是爸爸剪的 因为妈妈说 Dad has to cut my hair because mum says
那些理发师会把我的头发卖给中国佬 real hairdressers sell your hair to Chinamen
让他们拿去塞床垫 who stuff mattresses.
我老师 潘德格斯特夫人 说我应该多笑笑 My teacher, Mrs Pendergast, says I should smile more.
我跟妈妈讲 于是 她就给我画了一张大大的笑脸 l told my mum and so she drawed a big smile on me.
我想潘德格斯特老师再也不会喜欢我了 l don't think Mrs Pendergast likes me anymore.
差不多了 眼泪把字都弄花了 l better go now. My tears are smudgling my words.
你的澳大利亚朋友 玛丽·黛西·丁寇 Your friend in Australia, Mary Daisy Dinkle.
附注 你被别人嘲笑过吗？ 你能帮帮我吗？ PS. Have you ever been teased? Can you help me?
附注注 我没有滑翔过 也没当过“共产觉” PSS. l've never been hang gliding before or been a 'commune-ist'
但我很希望能有一个飞盘 和你的巧克力热狗食谱 but would love a frisbee and your recipe for chocolate hotdogs.
附注注注 我给你寄去一些澳大利亚的巧克力 一个我做的绒球 PSSS. l'm sending you some Australian chocolate, a pompom I made
一个莱明顿蛋糕 我本来是想午饭的时候吃的 and a cake called a lamington, which I was meant to eat for lunch.
你被别人嘲笑过吗？ Have you ever been teased?
玛丽的来信勾起了太多回忆 Mary's letter triggered memories
太多已经被深深埋藏的回忆 Max had buried deep down in his shoes.
我们围住他了 嘿嘿 小犹太佬 你得付出代价 We've got him cornered now. Hey. Jew-boy, you're gonna pay...
尝尝这个！小犹太佬！ Take this, Jew-boy, Jew-boy, Jew-boy.
与往常一样 他用唯一的方式 来处理这个问题 And as usual, he coped in the only way he knew.
在吃掉了36根巧克力热狗… And 36 chocolate hotdogs later...
和两小时的睡眠之后 ..and after only two hours sleep,
马克思的不安渐渐退去 他突然灵机一动 Max's meltdown faded away and an idea popped into his brain.
亲爱的玛丽·黛西·丁寇 Dear Mary Daisy Dinkle,
谢谢你的来信 巧克力棒 莱明顿蛋糕和绒球 thank you for your letter, chocolate bar, lamington and pompom.
巧克力被压扁了 所以我把碎巧克力拌进牛奶和奶油 The chocolate got crushed, so I blended the bits with milk and icecream
现在正喝着 and now I am drinking it right now.
我想了很久 这个办法应该能让你不再受欺负 After much thought, I think I have a solution to your teasing.
告诉巴尼·克里福德 你的胎记是巧克力变的 Tell Bernie Clifford your birthmark is made of chocolate,
【首席巧克力分配师】 也就是说 当你进天堂之后 which means when you get to heaven
你会掌管所有的巧克力 you will be in charge of all the chocolate.
当然 这是个谎言 我不喜欢撒谎 This of course is a lie - I do not like lies -
但在目前这种情况下 撒撒小慌是合理有利的 but in this case I think it will be of benefit.
我但愿自己能掌管所有巧克力 l wish I could be in charge of all the chocolate
可是 很显然 这不可能 因为我是无神论者 but, of course, I cannot because of my atheism.
我邻居艾维也是无神论者 My neighbour lvy is also an atheist.
她不太多话 却在每周六晚上 都给我炖好喝的汤 She doesn't talk much but makes me very good soup on Sunday nights.
她有些眼盲 She is partly blind
我偶尔会在汤里发现她掉的头发 and sometimes I find her hair in my soup. Eeugh!
我没有告诉她这些 因为伯纳德·海兹霍夫医生说这样很不礼貌 l do not tell her as Dr Bernard Hazelhof says this would be impolite.
以下是我其他晚餐的菜单 Here is a list of what I eat on the other nights.
周一：土豆馅饼 Mondays - Glicks Potato Knish,
周二：面条布丁 Tuesdays - Yiddels Noodle Kugel,
周三：咸味鱼条 Wednesdays - Captain Salty's Fishstix,
周四：奶酪卷儿 Thursdays - Yentls Cheezy Blintz
周五：小鸡肉块 （以上基本都是犹太传统食物） and Fridays - chicken nuggets.
周六晚上 我会自创一些食谱 On Saturday nights I create my own recipes.
上周 我发明了“灌装意面汉堡” Last week I invented canned spaghetti hamburgers.
食谱犹如数学公式 Recipes are like mathematical equations.
伯纳德·海兹霍夫医生说 我绝对不能比我家冰箱重 Dr Bernard Hazelhof told me you should never weigh more than your refrigerator
也绝不能吃比我脑袋更大的东西 and to never eat anything bigger than your head.
我有次还是吃了一个 比我脑袋还大的西瓜 l once ate a watermelon bigger than my head
不过不是一口吃下 but not all at once.
你有没有什么减肥的好办法？ Do you have any weight loss suggestions?
我那“暴食者匿名见面会” 似乎无甚成效 My Overeaters Anonymous meetings don't seem to be working
只会叫我徒增紧张 and just make me tense.
要是世上也有“肥仙”就好了 lt would be good if there was a 'Fat Fairy' .
她应该和牙仙差不多 只是抽走的是脂肪 She would be a bit like the Tooth Fairy but would suck out your fat.
艾维说自己只是“有点”盲 可我觉得是相当的 lvy says she is only a 'little bit' blind but I think she is very blind.
她应该像其他那些视力障碍的人一样 弄根拐杖 She should get a cane like other vision-impaired people.
她可以把仗尖真的弄尖 She could make the end pointy.
顺便收收垃圾 and collect rubbish at the same time.
我估计真会写信给市长 提提这个建议 l think I will write a letter to the Mayor and suggest this.
他一定会很惊喜 He will be very impressed.
艾维说她不需要拐杖 因为她嗅觉灵敏 lvy says she doesn't need a cane because she has a good sense of smell.
她说就算把眼睛闭上 她也能找到我 She says she could find me with her eyes stapled shut.
因为我闻起来有甘草和旧书的气味 She says I smell like liquorice and old books.
我觉得她闻起来像止咳药水和小便 l think she smells like cough medicine and urine.
我从没对她这么说过 l have never told her this
因为伯纳德·海兹霍夫医生说 这样会很不礼貌 as Dr Bernard Hazelhof said this would also be impolite.
别人总觉得我反应迟钝 行为粗鲁 People often think I am tactless and rude.
我想不通 做个诚实的人 怎么会…不妥当 l cannot understand how being honest can be...improper.
或许正因如此我才一个朋友也没有 Maybe this is why I don't have any friends
当然了 除你之外 of course except for you.
交一个知心朋友是我人生的三大目标之一 A real friend has been one of my three goals in life.
其他两个目标是集齐全套阿诺玩偶 买够吃一辈子的巧克力 The other two are to own every Noblet and a lifetime supply of chocolate.
【人生目标：1 朋友（不是隐形的） 2 阿诺一家；3 巧克力】 life goals:friend (not invisible) noblets, chocolates
伯纳德·海兹霍夫医生说 有目标是好事 Dr Bernard Hazelhof says it is good to have goals
但我这样愚蠢的目标不算 but not stupid ones like mine.
我暂时想不出还有什么好跟你说的了 l have now run out of things to tell you.
请早日回信 Please, write soon.
你的美国朋友 马克思·杰瑞·霍洛沃兹 Your friend in America, Max Jerry Horowitz.
附注 笑不起来也没关系 PS. Do not worry about not smiling.
我的嘴巴也很少笑 My mouth hardly ever smiles
但并不意味着我的脑子不笑 but it does not mean I am not smiling inside my brain.
附附注 随信附上一个飞盘 PPS. Please find enclosed a frisbee,
一些“入口爆”巧克力 你得就着可乐喝 some Chocolate Pop Rocks, which you should eat with cola,
还有一只我从国家地理杂志上 临摹下来的海龟 and an illustration of a turtle from one of my National Geographics.
附附附注 你知道海龟还能用肛门呼吸吗？ PPPS. Did you know that turtles can breathe through their anuses?
亲爱的马克思 Dear Max,
我告诉巴尼·克里福德 when I told Bernie Clifford
我在天堂里会掌管所有的巧克力 而他一块也吃不到 l'll be in charge of all the chocolate in heaven and he wouldn't get any,
他就哭鼻子了 he cried.
我还在他常玩的沙坑里埋了点狗屎 l also hide'd some dog's poo in his bit of the sandpit.
你的建议棒极了 我现在有了一份发小册子的工作 Your advice was great and l've got a job delivering pamphlets
这样我就能存钱去看你了 so I can save to come and see you.
听你说自己很胖 我很难过 l am sad to hear you are fat.
妈妈也说我胖 长大了肯定像头小雌牛 Mum says I am fat too and l'm growing up to be a heifer,
我想那应该是一种奶牛吧 which I think is a type of cow.
也许你可以吃一些 和周几首字母一样的东西 Maybe you should only eat things beginning with the letter of each day.
比如周一（首字母M） 就可以吃 On Mondays you could only eat
奶昔、软糖还有…芥末 milkshakes, marshmallows and...mustard.
我生日那天 妈妈给我做蛋糕 爸爸送我照相机 For my birthday, my Mum baked a cake and Dad gave me a camera.
希望你能喜欢我寄去的照片 l hope you like the photos I sent.
第一张是伊索 它吃了箔片坏了肚子 The first one is of Ethel, who ate some tinsel.
第二张是我自己 The next one is one of myself
是在喝着可乐 吃完入口爆巧克力之后拍的 after I ate the Chocolate Pop Rocks with the cola, like you said.
接下来是莱恩 Next is Len.
他还在努力不被外界吓到 努力征服“恐同症” He's still trying hard not to be afraid of outside and conquer his homophobia.
然后是坐在小棚屋里的爸爸 The next one is of dad in his shed,
这个呢 是有一次 and then one of the times I covered mum
我趁妈妈睡着 给她贴上了戒烟用的小贴纸 while she was asleep in her stickers that help her stop smoking.
下一张 是我的头发被弹簧玩具缠住 Next, when I got my slinky caught in my hair.
然后是索尼挖出了他妻子 雪儿 Then one of the times Sonny digged up his wife, Cher.
最后一张 是我的邻居 达米·波波多波罗斯 And, finally, a photo of my other neighbour Damian Popodopolous.
他是希腊人 闻起来像柠檬味的洗涤液 He's a Greek and smells like lemon dishwashing liquid
他的皮肤光滑得像汤匙的背面 and his skin is smooth, like the back of a spoon.
妈妈说 他是个中东佬 而且口吃 连自己的姓他都说不好 Mum says he's a wog and has a stutter and can't even say his own surname.
妈妈还说只有给他后脑勺来一下 She says you have to hit him on the back of the head
他才能把名字说顺溜 to get his words out.
波…波…波波多波罗斯 P-P-P-P...Popodopolous.
我希望他是我男朋友 那样我们就可以爱上对方 还能做爱爱 l wish he was my boyfriend and we can be in love and do sexing
就像凯瑟琳·拉姆齐 在自行车棚那儿跟我说的 like Katherine Ramsay told me behind the bike shed.
她说 做爱爱就两个人脱得“赤果果” She said it's when two people go 'nuddy'
然后擦来擦去 生宝宝 and rub on each other to make babies.
我说她是个骗子 死后会下地狱 再被当成烤肉烤 l told her she's a liar and would go to hell and burn like toast
因为宝宝是从啤酒杯里出来的 'cos babies really come from beer glasses
还有拉比、修女 “鸡女”他们下的蛋里出来的 and eggs laid by rabbits and nuns and 'prosti-tubes'.
她说女人是被搞大了肚子 She said ladies get knocked up
然后让宝宝在肚子里烘上两年 and bake babies in their stomachs for 2 years
直到最后宝宝才从“阴道”里喷出来 满身是血和罐装意大利面 till they spurt out their 'vag-eye-ners' with blood and tinned spaghetti.
马克思 你有女朋友吗 或者一些妻子？ Have you got a girlfriend, Max, or some wives?
你做过爱爱吗？ Have you done sexing?
情人节就快到了 Valentine's Day is soon
我想送礼物给达米 这样他就会爱上我了 and I want to give Damian a present so he can love me.
你能解释什么是爱情 还有怎样才能被“爱到”吗？ Can you explain love and how I can be 'lover'd'?
再一次 玛丽的来信引发了他的焦虑症 Once again, Mary's letter had triggered an anxiety attack.
马克思对爱情一无所知 Max knew nothing about love.
爱情对他来说 就如潜水一样陌生 lt was as foreign to him as scuba diving
而且他还有过一段不堪回首的经历 and he'd had an appalling history of getting it all wrong.
有一次情人节 One Valentine's Day
他送给塞尔达·格鲁尼克一份礼物 他确信这份礼物是合宜的 he'd given Zelda Glutnik a gift he was sure was appropriate.
【猫科直肠体温计】 felin rectal thermometer
马克思唯一的床上伴侣 The only companion that had ever warmed Max's bed
是他的暖水袋 was his hot water bottle.
浪漫和爱情 Romance and love
太过神秘 对此他早已缴械投降 was a mysterious language he'd given up on.
要是玛丽只是问他烤箱的工作原理 lf only Mary had asked how a toaster works
或者只是让他解释混沌理论 那该多好 or asked for an explanation of the Chaos theory.
要是爱情也有公式 那该多好 lf only there was a mathematical equation for love.
他不停地吃 不停地想 He kept eating and thinking.
【纽约中央公园】 central park new York
但爱情不像马克思的魔方 爱情永远也没法破解 But love was not like Max's Rubik's Cube. lt could not be solved.
无论他如何分析爱情 结果都不尽如人意 No matter how he analysed it, the results were negative.
滚开 变态！ Beat it, creep!
他能感受到爱情 却无法言表 He felt love but couldn't articulate it.
爱情的逻辑对于他来说 就像…沙拉三明治一样不可理喻 lts logic was as foreign to him as... as a salad sandwich.
星星倒显得更有意义 The stars made more sense.
12号 你有没有回过话？完毕 12, have you responded to the call? Over.
焦虑和压力太过巨大 The anxiety and stress were too much.
神秘莫测的爱情终于胜利 马克思的大脑就此罢工 The inscrutability of love finally won, and Max's brain gave in.
【纽约时报-弱智肥男被举重机吊下！】 obese retarded man cranded out!
他被确诊为患有重度抑郁和肥胖 He was diagnosed with severe depression and obesity
此后八个月 他住院治疗 卧床不起 and spent the next 8 months institutionalised and bedridden.
药山药海吃得他稀里糊涂 They marinated him in a cocktail of drugs
常规的“治疗”搞得他七荤八素 and performed the usual 'therapeutic' procedures.
与此同时 玛丽越等越奇怪 Meanwhile, Mary wondered and waited.
或许马克思的打字机没墨了 Maybe Max's typewriter had run out of ink.
【纽约时报-全美油墨告急 联合国出面干预】 或许全美国都没墨了 Maybe America had run out of ink.
或许他的宠物已经把他给吃了 Maybe his pets had eaten him.
又或许都是因为自己 Maybe it was her.
自己是不是问太多、话太无聊、人…太丑？ Was she too demanding, too boring, too...ugly?
她满腔愤懑、疑惑、自厌 Filled with anger, confusion and self-loathing,
玛丽试图彻底抹去 所有与她朋友相关的记忆 Mary tried to erase the memory of her friend forever.
【八个月后】 eight months later
马克思痊愈了 Max had recovered.
生活重归平衡 安全而相称 And life was balanced, safe and symmetrical once again.
但对玛丽 他仍念念不忘 But Mary still lingered in his mind.
一方面 他想立刻给玛丽回信 Half of him wanted to write to her immediately.
另一方面 他不想自己 到头来又沦落成精神病 The other half didn't want to end up a mental patient again.
【爱的毒药】 至少他还有个朋友 拉维欧利 At least there was always Mr Ravioli to be friends with.
选他当朋友可安全多了 He was a much safer option.
他好奇着 玛丽现在在做什么 He wondered what Mary was doing right now.
但玛丽的生活远未如意 But she was far from content
她正一个人 拼命干活 多多攒钱 未雨绸缪 and struggled on by herself, saving her money for a rainy day.
对马克思来说 生活又回到了老路上 Life went on as usual for Max
但尽管他追求生活的秩序与稳定 and even though he opted for order and stability,
不幸却总是徘徊左右 misfortune was never far away.
万幸的是 对他过失杀人的指控被驳回 Luckily, his manslaughter charges were dismissed.
因为他早就被贴上了“智力不足”的标签 because he was labelled mentally deficient
所以与大部分人不同 他也就没有杀害哑剧表演家的… and unlikely to have a motive for killing a mime artist...
动机 ..unlike most people.
从此以后 马克思变了法儿来保持凉爽 From then on, Max cooled himself differently
一切又重归正常 and things went back to normal
直到他的48岁生日过后 他选的数字终于应验了 until after his 48th birthday, when his numbers finally came up.
欢迎收看纽约乐透节目 Welcome to the New York Lottery
今晚大奖的号码是… and these are tonight's winning numbers -
３ ５ 3, 5,
６ ９ 6, 9,
１１ １２！ 1 1 and 1 2!
对于这笔天来横财 马克思很是理智 Max was sensible with his sudden wealth
他买够吃一辈子的巧克力 and had bought a lifetime supply of chocolate
以及全套的阿诺玩偶 and the complete Noblet collection.
他人生中的两大目标都已实现 Two of his life goals had come true.
但还是剩下大笔的钞票 But he still had a lot of money
所以他决定把钱送给艾维… so decided to give it to lvy...
对这笔钱 她倒也相当理智… ..who was also very sensible...
【鱼子酱】 caviar
【牙医-费力帕·霍斯医生】 dentist dr.philipa holes.
【每周洗牙】 rush weekly
【洗肠-布莱恩·菲戈顿医生】 colonic irrigation
直到她的日子来临 ..until her own numbers came up.
艾维将遗产捐给了当地的猫咪收容所 lvy willed everything to the local cat shelter,
所长则把她的捐赠 变到自己的银行户口里 whose owner relocated her kind donation to his bank account,
变成他妻子的一对大胸 一辆法拉利 以及足够开到墨西哥的汽油 his wife's new breasts, a Ferrari and enough fuel to get to Mexico.
尽管完成了人生的所有夙愿 Despite achieving all his life's goals,
马克思还是觉得缺了点什么 Max still felt incomplete.
【如何赢取朋友并施加影响】 拉维欧利开始不太搭理自己 Mr Ravioli just wasn't cutting the mustard anymore
【如何赢取朋友并施加影响】 他似乎对那些自助书籍更感兴趣 and seemed more interested in his self-help books.
玛丽让马克思尝到了 真正的友谊是什么滋味 Mary had given Max a taste of real friendship
两者根本不能相提并论 and there was just no comparison.
玛丽也想念马克思 She missed him too
但存钱不再是为了去见他 but no longer saved to see him.
【最新整容手术项目：胎记、整鼻、隆胸】 她现在另有打算 She now saved for a different reason.
【唤醒心中的巨人】 awaken the giant within
有一天 拉维欧利跳了起来 跑了出去 就再也没回来 One day Mr Ravioli got up, left and never came back.
马克思向海兹霍夫医生求教 Max sought Dr Hazelhof's advice.
他告诉马克思 真正的友谊是用心感受的 He told Max that true friendship is seen through the heart,
而不是双眼看到的 not through the eyes,
他应该写信给玛丽 告诉她真实的自己 包括缺点和一切 and that it was time he wrote to Mary to reveal his true self, warts and all.
马克思懂了 Max understood.
亲爱的玛丽·黛西·丁寇 Dear Mary Daisy Dinkle,
有些事我不能不说 there is something I have to tell you
也许这可以解释 为什么我这么久没有回信 which will explain why I have not written.
每次我收到你的信 我都会经历一场焦虑症 Each time I received one of your letters, I had a severe anxiety attack.
病因我最近才知道 那时我在一所精神病院接受治疗 This is because recently, while I was in a mental institution,
他们确诊我得了亚斯伯格综合症 they diagnosed that I have a new thing called Asperger's syndrome,
这是一种神经生物学的 全面的 发展性的缺陷 which is a neurobiological, pervasive, developmental disability.
【亚斯自由派】 我更喜欢它的简称“亚斯派” l prefer 'Aspie' for short.
下面 我就列举一下 一个亚斯派的特征吧 l will now list some of the traits of an Aspie.
【请坐】 一：我觉得这个世界无比困惑且混乱 No.1 - I find the world very confusing and chaotic
【字面意思：请拿个座位】 因为我只能解读表象而有逻辑的事物 because my mind is very literal and logical.
二：我无法理解别人脸上的表情 2 - I have trouble understanding the expressions on people's faces.
以前 我做了本小书 分辨不清的时候就对照着看 When I was younger, I made a book to help me when I was confused.
我现在仍然看不懂某些人 l still have trouble with some people.
艾维是其中之一 因为她皱纹太多 lvy was hard to understand because of her wrinkles
还因为她的眉毛是假的 and because her eyebrows weren't real.
【投诉信 市政大厅收】 三：我写字很难看 3 - I have bad handwriting,
容易过分敏感 am hypersensitive...
笨手笨脚 ..clumsy
而且很容易担惊受怕 and can get very concerned.
四：我喜欢解决问题 艾维说这是好事 4 - I like solving problems. lvy said this is a good thing.
最后一点 五：我很难表达自己的情绪 And finally No.5 - I have trouble expressing my emotions.
伯纳德·海兹霍夫医生说 我的大脑有缺陷 Dr Bernard Hazelhof says my brain is defective
但终有一天 会有治疗这种疾病的办法 but one day there will be a cure for my disability.
我不喜欢他这种说法 l do not like it when he says this.
我不觉得自己有病 有缺陷 或者需要治疗 l do not feel disabled, defective or I need to be cured.
我喜欢当个亚斯派 l like being an Aspie.
想改变这个事实 就像要改变我眼睛的颜色 lt would be like trying to change the colour of my eyes.
不过有一件事 我确实希望自己能改变 There is one thing I wish I could change, however.
我希望 我能像正常人一样哭泣 l wish I could cry properly.
我用力地挤啊挤 但是…什么也没有 l squeeze and squeeze but nothing...comes out.
我切洋葱的时候会哭 不过这个不能算 l cry when I cut onions but this does not count.
你喜欢“金橘”这个词吗？ Anyway, do you like the word 'cumquat'?
这是一种水果 lt is a type of fruit.
你有没有最喜欢哪个词的发音？ Do you have a favourite-sounding word?
我最爱的五个发音是：软膏、黄蜂 My top 5 are ointment, bumblebee,
海参崴、香蕉 Vladivostok, banana
以及睾丸 and testicle.
【国家地理：赤裸非洲】 我自己也发明了一些新词： l have also invented some new words:
“迷困” 意思是同时觉得困惑和迷惑 'confuzzled', which is being confused and puzzled at the same time,
“雪泥” 意思是从雪到泥的过渡 'snirt', which is a cross between snow and dirt,
还有“碎货”… and 'smushables' ...
意思是你在购物袋底部 发现的那些压碎了的食品 ..which are squashed groceries you find at the bottom of the bag.
我写信给牛津大辞典的人 l have sent a letter to the Oxford Dictionary people
请他们把我发明的词也收录进去 asking them to include my words
但至今没有回音 but I have not heard back.
差不多到时间 我该去“暴食者匿名见面会”了 lt is now time for me to go to my Overeaters Anonymous meeting.
那里有个女人 马娇丽·巴特沃兹 There is a woman there called Marjorie Buttersworth
很是让我“迷困” who confuzzles me.
她老是强吻我 She kisses me without my permission
所以今晚我在腋下擦了洋葱 但愿能吓跑她 so tonight I have decided to rub onions under my armpits to repel her.
你的美国朋友 马克思·杰瑞·霍洛沃兹 Your friend in America, Max Jerry Horowitz.
附注 随信附上 PS. Please find enclosed
我在熟食店发现的一些巧克力蚂蚁 some chocolate-covered ants I found at the deli.
附附注 自上次写信 没发生什么大事 PPS. Not much has happened since I last wrote
除了我的过失杀人指控、中彩票、和艾维去世 except for my manslaughter charges, lotto win and lvy's death.
【空调砸死小丑】 cooler kills clown
【弱智独得头彩】 retarded man wins jackpot
【寡妇留下巨额遗产给猫咪】 widow leaves fortune to felines
马克思终于来信 玛丽兴奋极了 Mary was thrilled Max had finally written
她突然有了一个绝妙的主意 and suddenly had a fabulous idea.
【痔疮糖浆】 haemorroid syrup
【送给马克思的眼泪】 teers for max
玛丽和马克思的友谊又迎来了春天 Mary and Max's friendship was resuscitated
她的眼泪是马克思 这辈子收到的最棒的礼物 and her tears were the best gift he'd ever received.
马克思的脑袋里 他的大脑快乐地笑了 lnside Max's head his brain was smiling.
满装着奇形怪状的巧克力 Loaded up with bizarre forms of chocolate,
他们的信件穿梭在大洲之间 沉甸甸、急匆匆 their letters flew thick and fast between the continents.
马克思学会了小心翼翼地读玛丽的信 Max learnt to read Mary's letters with caution
一旦感到紧张 他就停下来 and at the slightest tingle of tension, he would stop,
吃点药舒缓一下神经 take his medication and soothe his nerves.
每封信他都会熨平、装裱 再保存在一个特别的地方 Each letter he would iron, laminate and file in a special place,
做这些事 同样能舒缓他的神经 which also soothed his nerves.
他很享受解答玛丽疑问的时光 比如 He enjoyed answering her questions and solving her puzzles like -
下雨时 绵羊会缩水吗？ Do sheep shrink when it rains?
为什么老人家把裤子提那么高？ Why do old men wear their pants so high?
鸡会长鸡皮疙瘩吗？ 为什么肚脐眼的绒毛是蓝色的？ Do gooses get goosebumps and why is bellybutton lint blue?
天堂里有阿诺吗？ Are there Noblets in heaven?
如果计程车倒着开 司机是不是要欠你钱呢？ And if a taxi goes backwards, does the driver owe you money?
同时 玛丽很爱听 马克思讲述他的奇妙生活 ln turn, Mary simply enjoyed hearing about Max's fascinating life -
他数了有多少人乱扔烟头 how many people he'd counted littering...
最近的一任亨利是怎么死的 ..how the latest Henry had died...
还有他新发明的鸡肉食谱 ..and new recipes he'd invented for chicken.
两人互相滋养着对方 Each nourished the other
慢慢得 玛丽越长越高 and, as Mary grew taller,
马克思则越长越宽 Max grew wider -
他们的友谊越来越牢固 比玛丽用来做阿诺的胶水还牢固 their friendship becoming stronger than the glue on Mary's Noblets.
尽管马克思在玛丽那儿寻得了安慰 Although Max found solace in Mary,
他仍旧觉得这世界难以理解 he still found the rest of the world bewildering.
他搞不懂 And he couldn't understand
为什么别人看他觉得奇怪 why he was seen as the odd one
而其他人则是正常的 while everyone else was considered normal.
【禁止吐痰】 no spitting
人类啊 不讲逻辑得没谱 Humans were endlessly illogical.
【烟蒂投放处】
印度有那么多的孩子饥肠辘辘 为什么还有那么多人浪费粮食？ Why did they throw out food when there were children starving in lndia?
人类明明需要氧气 为什么还要大肆砍伐雨林？ Why did they clear the rainforests when they needed the oxygen?
既然公车永远晚点 为什么还要麻烦搞出一张时刻表？ And why did they create bus timetables when they never ran on time?
【国家地理-拯救亚马逊雨林】 National geographic saving the amazon
他很同意他最喜欢的物理学家 世间有两样东西是无穷无尽的 He agreed with his favourite physicist that there are only two things infinite...
一是宇宙 二是人类的愚蠢 the universe and man's stupidity.
而对于玛丽来说 虽然马克思给了她极大的自信 And for Mary, even though Max filled her with confidence...
正中！ Bullseye!
她的世界还远未完美 ..her world was far from perfect.
爱情的魔手已经紧紧地扼住了她的喉咙 The grip of love had her by the throat.
1988年 8月8号下午4点59分 At 4.59pm, on the 8th of the 8th, 1 988...
诺尔·诺曼·丁寇缝完最后一根线 ..Noel Norman Dinkle attached his last string
于是 在工作了40年 缝过四千万茶包之后 他退休了 and, after 40 years and 40 million tea bags, he retired.
为了庆祝 诺尔宣布 他也不再制作标本了 To celebrate, Noel announced he was retiring from taxidermy
取而代之的爱好 是探测金属 and taking up metal detecting instead.
可惜 他并没有享受多久 But, sadly, it was not a hobby he had for long.
【此处乃诺尔-不幸溺毙之人-安息之地】 beneath this mound
在他的遗嘱中 诺尔为玛丽留下了一笔钱 ln his will, Noel had left Mary some money
于是玛丽决定去上大学 并致力于精神疾病的研究 so she decided to go to university and study disorders of the mind,
她迫切希望更好地了解她的朋友 yearning to learn more about her friend.
玛丽在大学里 就像以前在学校里一样“大受欢迎” Mary was as popular at university as she was at school.
达米也上了同一所大学 他的志向是要当一名演员 Damian went there too, aching to be a Thespian.
嗨 你好 玛…玛……玛丽 Hi there, M-M-Mary.
嗨…你好啊！ Hi...hello!
真是太搞…搞…搞笑了 That was damn f-f-funny!
嗨 达米 你妈妈种的玫瑰真是美极了！ Hey, Damian, your mum's roses look fab!
哦 谢…谢谢 玛丽 Oh, th-th-th-thanks, Mary.
那个 玛…玛丽 我能跟你说点事吗？ Um. M-Mary, can I tell you something?
当然了 宝贝儿！ Sure, babe!
嗯 你鞋子上有狗…狗…狗屎 Um, um, you've got d-d-d-d-dog's poo on your shoe.
亲爱的马克思 Dear Max,
我真是个傻瓜 l have been such an idiot.
我把所有的积蓄 都花在了一些毫无意义的东西上 l've wasted all my money on something pointless
这些钱本来是应该用来去见你的 when I should have been saving to see you.
我知道爱情令你不安 所以我就到此为止吧 l know love upsets you so I won't go on about it.
我只是想说 很显然 谈情说爱并不适合我 All I want to say is that love is obviously not for me.
望你安康 也能喜欢我寄去的雪茄巧克力 l hope you are well and enjoy the chocolate cigarettes l've enclosed.
爱你的玛丽 Love Mary.
你真该感到羞耻！ Oh, you should be ashamed!
- 快 宝贝儿 咱们走 - 妈… - Come on, baby. Let's go. - Oh, Mum...
【爱人先爱己】 我跟你说过多少遍 别跟陌生人说话 I told you never to talk to strangers.
诺尔的突然离世 令维拉心中充满了自责与愧疚 Noel's sudden death had filled Vera with remorse and guilt
对这突如其来的一切 她只能用唯一的办法面对 and she coped in the only way she knew.
【甲醛防腐液-剧毒】 embaliming fluid extra toxic
【墓志：醉醉醺醺 雪利要命】 always merry killed by sherry
【爱人先爱己】 love yourself first
亲爱的马克思 Dear Max,
我的婚礼跟我梦想的一模一样！ our wedding day was everything I have ever dreamt,
也算是对我这糟糕的一年的补偿 making up for the terrible year l've had.
虽然所有客人都是达米的亲戚朋友 Although all the guests were Damian's family and friends,
我还是觉得其乐融融 l felt very welcome.
达米简直太完美了 连我的婚纱都是他亲手做的 Damian is so perfect. He even made my wedding dress.
度蜜月期间 And for our honeymoon
他带我去了米可挪斯岛 那是他在希腊最爱的小岛 he took me to Mykonos - his favourite island in Greece.
我还坐了一次驴 l got to ride a donkey
【吻我吧 我是希腊人！】 还给莱恩买了一份绝佳的礼物 and found the perfect gift for Len.
可怜的莱恩 他还在和“恐旷症”苦苦搏斗 （玛丽终于把恐旷症说对了） Poor Len, he's still struggling with his agoraphobia.
达米和我有很多相似点 Damian and I are so similar.
他甚至也有自己的笔友 一个新西兰农场的牧羊人 He even has his own penfriend, who lives on a sheep farm in New Zealand.
玛丽 玛…玛丽 Mary...M-M-M-Mary.
玛丽自尊满满 满得快溢出了胸口 Mary was bursting with self-esteem
她的自信 膨胀得叫人几乎无法应付 and her confidence was almost unbearable.
在大学里 她大放异彩 At university, she shone
【精神麻痹治疗…之后是一堆相关书籍】 并且立志要攻克精神疾病 and took it upon herself to cure the world of mental illness.
【疯人简史】 madness a brief history
【正常伪装】 pretending to be normal
【我很好-你才是杀人的疯子！】 I'm OK
她的论文以亚斯伯格综合症为课题 She did her thesis on Asperger's syndrome
而且将马克思作为了她的研究病例 and used Max as her case study.
她的教授们被彻底震撼 Her professors were thoroughly impressed
【解析亚斯伯格症-玛丽·波波多波罗斯著】 她的论文也被广而颂之 and her writing praised far and wide.
很快 出版商排起了长队 争相出版她独到的学术见解 Soon, publishers queued to print her unique insight
在她25岁生日时 成千上万册论著已经整装待运 and by her 25th birthday, thousands of copies were ready to be shipped.
亲爱的马克思： Dear Max,
我自豪地向你献上 l am very proud to give you
我第一部关于你所患疾病的专著 the very first copy of my book about your disability
希望有一天我们能根治这种疾病 and the hopes that we have to one day cure it.
更叫人兴奋的是 Even more exciting
再过一周 我终于可以去见你 并与你一同庆祝 is that I am finally coming to meet and celebrate with you in one week's time.
我还将把一半的版税赠送给你 l'm also going to give you half the royalties.
爱你的朋友 玛丽 Your loving friend, Mary.
附注 随信附上一些杏仁夹心巧克力 PS. Please find enclosed some chocolate-coated Swiss almonds.
【安定片】 马克思不太能够接受这个消息… Max didn't take the news very well -
相当不能接受 not very well at all.
亲爱的玛丽·黛西·丁寇 Dear Mary Daisy Dinkle,
此刻 我无法清楚地表达我的感受 l cannot express myself very clearly at this moment
因此 我把我感受到的情绪 以强弱顺序排列如下： and so I will list my emotions in the order they feel most intense -
受伤、迷困、背叛 不悦、痛苦、还有呼吸困难 hurt, confuzzledness, betrayal, discomfort, distress and wheeziness.
最后一项不是情绪 This last one is not really an emotion
但我还是想让你知道！ but I thought you should know about it anyway.
玛丽收拾好行李 准备飞赴纽约 她向达米道了别 With her suitcase packed for New York, Mary said goodbye to Damian.
自从在阴沟里捡到一个阿诺玩偶以来 她还没有如此兴奋过 She hadn't been this excited since she'd found a Noblet in the gutter.
但她的兴奋突然之间 就漏光了 But her excitement suddenly dribbled away
就像在太阳底下融化了的巧克力 like a chocolate in the sun.
【韦弗利山碾绞厂】 mt. waverley pulp mill
【当地学者绞碎著作与前途】 local academic pulps novel and career
【安妮酒庄】 annies liquor barn
玛丽缓缓得陷入一个泥潭 一个满是压抑、自厌 Mary slowly sank into a puddle of depression, self-loathing
和廉价雪利酒的泥潭 and cooking sherry.
她生活中仅剩的一抹色彩就是挚爱的达米 The only colour left in her life was her beloved Damian,
他明明伸手可触 却又如月亮般遥不可及 only an arm's length away but as distant as the moon.
她对整个世界都失去了兴趣 世界也就不再对她感兴趣 She lost interest in the world and it lost interest in her
一种幻象开始如幽灵般挥之不去 as a horrible apparition began to haunt.
她开始整夜织绒球 She started to spend her nights making pompoms
吃方便面 and eating two-minute noodles.
【炼乳】 condensed milk
每天 她心怀羞愧却鼓足勇气 Each day, with strength and shame,
满怀希望 步履蹒跚地凑到信箱 Mary trudged to the letterbox in hope,
却只能晃晃悠悠 磕磕绊绊 灰不溜秋地躲回屋里 only to swivel, shrivel and slink back inside.
【酒庄大卖-春季目录】 barns galore spring catalogue
我最亲爱的玛丽： My dearest Mary,
当你读到这封信时 我已经在飞往新西兰的班机上 by the time you read this, I will be on a plane to New Zealand
准备开始新生活了 to begin a new life.
你或许连我在收拾行李都没有注意到吧 You probably haven't even noticed l'd packed my bags.
我和我的笔友 戴斯蒙德 相爱了 I have fallen in love with my penfriend, Desmond,
我要到他的牧场上生活 and I'm going to live on his sheep farm.
看着当初的爱人把自己 折磨成今天这个样子 我也很难受 lt's been hard to watch you become a remnant of the person I once loved.
你在精神疾病领域的探索是令人尊敬的 Your research into m-m-mental illness has been admirable
但你试图彻底治愈这些疾病 这样理想主义的追求已误入歧途 but your i-idealistic pursuit to remedy it has been misguided.
玛丽 你必须认识到 你不是什么神奇的美容霜 Mary, you have to realise y-you are not a magic beauty cream
只要给世界抹上一层 就能抹平所有皱纹 you can smooth on the world to rid it of its wrinkles.
我爱你 玛丽 l love you, Mary,
但我更爱戴斯蒙德 but I love Desmond more.
我希望有一天你的心灵会痊愈 我们还能做朋友 l hope one day your heart will heal and we can be friends.
同情你的 达米 Yours compassionately, Damian.
【不得乱扔垃圾 违者罚款500】 no littering 500 fine
亲爱的瑞迪克兰尼市长 Dear Mayor Ridiculani,
周一一天我就数到 27个非法丢弃烟蒂的人 on Monday I counted 27 people illegally dropping cigarette butts.
我建议提高罚款额度 l would like to recommend the fine be increased
最低一百万美元 以示惩戒 to a minimum of $1 million as a stronger deterrent
并将十分荣幸能够… and would be happy...
【墨盒-空】 empty
【博古什打字设备专卖店】谢谢 Thank you.
【金融咨询 50分一次】 financial advice 50 cents
对不起 Sorry.
亲爱的玛丽 Dear Mary,
随信附上我全套阿诺玩偶收藏 please find enclosed my entire Noblet collection
以示我对你的原谅 as a sign that I forgive you.
收到你书的那天 我… When I received your book, the emotions inside...
【赏点零钱 否则卖肾】 spare change or kdiney
一路顺风 go in good health
回家的路上 马克思坐了下来 数星星 On the way home, Max sat to count the stars.
他心满意足 He felt complete -
世界又重归平衡 the world was back in balance.
【安定片-维拉·丁寇女士 必要时服用两片】 Valium mrs. vera dingkle take two when necessary
我的小时候 " When I was just a little girl
常常问妈妈 将来的我会怎样 " I asked my mother, what will I be?
会不会变得漂亮 会不会变得富有 " Will I be pretty, will I be rich?
她的话是这样说的 " Here's what she said to me...
无论将来怎样 " Que sera sera
无论将来怎样 " Whatever will be will be
未来不是我们可以窥探 " The future's not ours to see
无论将来怎样 " Que sera sera
无论将来怎样 " Whatever will be will be
未来不是我们可以窥探 " The future's not ours to see
无论将来怎样 " Que sera sera
无论将来怎样 " What will be will be
无论将来怎样 " Que sera sera "
莱恩挺身而出 在45年的挣扎之后 Len had saved the day and after 45 years
他终于战胜了他的恐旷症 he finally conquered his agoraphobia.
白痴！ Moron!
亲爱的玛丽： Dear Mary,
随信附上我全套阿诺玩偶收藏 please find enclosed my entire Noblet collection
以示我对你的原谅 as a sign that I forgive you.
收到你书的那天 我脑子里的情绪 When I received your book, the emotions inside my brain
好像被丢进了烘干机 互相猛烈地冲击着 felt like they were in a tumble dryer, smashing into each other.
那种疼痛堪比 某次我不小心用订书机订了嘴唇 The hurt felt like when I accidentally stapled my lips together.
我原谅你 因为你并非完人 The reason I forgive you is because you are not perfect.
你有缺陷 我也有 You are imperfect, and so am l.
全人类都有 All humans are imperfect,
即使是那个在我公寓外 乱扔垃圾的人也有 even the man outside my apartment who litters.
【免费赠吻】 free kisses
我小时候 想成为任何人 除了我自己 When I was young, I wanted to be anybody but myself.
伯纳德·海兹霍夫医生说 如果我在一座荒岛上 Dr Bernard Hazelhof said if I was on a desert island
那我就得去适应我仅有的陪伴 then I would have to get used to my own company -
只有我自己和椰果 just me and the coconuts.
他说我将不得不接受我自己 包括缺点以及一切 He said I would have to accept myself, my warts and all,
我们无法选择自身的缺点 and that we don't get to choose our warts.
他们是我们的一部分 我们只能接纳 They are a part of us and we have to live with them.
然而 我们可以选择自己的朋友 We can, however, choose our friends
我很高兴我选择了你 and I am glad I have chosen you.
伯纳德·海兹霍夫医生还说 Dr Bernard Hazelhof also said
每个人的生命都像一条长长的人行道 that everyone's lives are like a very long sidewalk.
有些道路平平坦坦 还有一些 比如我的 Some are well paved. Others, like mine,
就会有裂缝、香蕉皮和烟屁股 have cracks, banana skins and cigarette butts.
你的道路就像我的 不过或许没那么多裂缝 Your sidewalk is like mine but probably not as many cracks.
但愿 某一天 我们的人行道能够相交 Hopefully, one day our sidewalks will meet
那时我们可以共享一罐炼乳 and we can share a can of condensed milk.
你是我最好的朋友 你是我唯一的朋友 You are my best friend. You are my only friend.
你的美国笔友 马克思·杰瑞·霍洛沃兹 Your American penpal, Max Jerry Horowitz.
附注 最近我在一家调研公司找到了一份完美的工作 PS. I have recently found the perfect job with a survey company.
【奶油玉米样品ABC】
我只要吃吃东西 再填填表格就可以了 All I have to do is eat things and tick boxes.
【一年后】 one year later
【大钱你留 小钱我收】 keep your money i want change
马克思？ Max?
有人吗？ Hello?
马克思 是我们呀！ Max, it's us!
我们来了！ We're here!
马克思？ Oh, Max?
那天清晨 在吃完了最后一罐炼乳之后 Max had died peacefully that morning
马克思安详地去世了 after finishing his final can of condensed milk.
你是我最好的朋友 你是我唯一的朋友 You are my best friend. You are my only friend.
在波罗尼亚的山坡上 你出生在一座谷仓 Born in a barn in the hills of Boronia,
泪水滚落下来 as tears rolled from her eyes
点亮了她那雨后泥潭般的眼睛 the colour of muddy puddles.
“上帝赐予我们亲人 感谢上帝 我们得以选择朋友” - 伊索·蒙福德
谨以虔诚之心翻译本片字幕 献给过去现在未来的所有朋友 dedicated to my friends
谢谢观赏 TLF中文字幕站 http://tlfsubs.eastgame.net