Subtitled by 20010318@CHDBits
(HUMMING)
(GURGLING)
倫敦-皇家美術館
我想我們乾脆開除他 I suppose we could just fire him.
(ALL CLAMOURING)
當然，我們得給他三個月的通知 Of course, we'll have to give him three months' notice.
少胡扯了，這事讓我來辦 Stuff and nonsense. Leave it to me.
我去跟館長談 要他立刻開除豆豆先生 I'll talk to the chairman and insist on Mr Bean's immediate dismissal.
下一個提案 Now, then, back to the agenda.
加州的格利森美術館 The Grierson Gallery of California
收到一筆五千萬美金的私人捐款 has recently received a private donation of $50 million
要用來向巴黎的奧塞美術館 to spend on buying Whistler's portrait of his mother
收購維瑟勒畫的母親畫像 from the Musee d'Orsay in Paris.
這是本世紀美國人 最具歷史價值的一次收購行動 It is quite simply the most historic purchase made by an American gallery this century.
洛杉磯-格利森藝術館
就這麼簡單 It's as simple as this.
美籍畫家所繪史上最偉大的作品 The greatest painting ever by an American artist
終於要回到美國了 is returning at last to America.
從現在起 「維瑟勒之母」將留在洛杉磯 From now on, Whistler's Mother lives right here in Los Angeles,
這幅畫屬於這裏 where she belongs.
我們何時能見到這幅畫？ When will we actually see her?
揭幕儀式約在二周後舉行 各位都受到邀請 The unveiling will be in about two weeks, and you're all invited.
(REPORTERS CLAMOURING)
他們要我們派一位重量級的學者 They've asked us to send a scholar of great weight and substance
來主持儀式，並且待上幾個月 to preside over the ceremony and stay on for a couple of months
開設課程和研討會 of lectures and seminars.
羅森布魯博士、卡特勒博士 Dr Rosenblum, Dr Cutler,
你們兩位都有資格獲選 you both hold high claim on this great honour.
(KNOCKING ON DOOR)
先生，館長來了 太好了，叫他進來 The chairman is here, sir. Excellent. Send him in.
噢，去叫豆豆先生過來好嗎？ Oh, and run and fetch Mr Bean, will you?
我們要開除他 太好了 We're about to fire him. Marvellous.
對，豆豆先生是本美術館史上 最爛的員工 CHARLES: Yes, Mr Bean is the worst employee in the gallery's history.
(SNORING)
(MUMBLING)
(THUDDING)
(SNORING)
先生，你好 Good afternoon, sir.
坐下吧 Sit down. Sit down.
在談到今天的重要事項前 Now, before we move on to the major business of the day,
我有個有關豆豆先生的問題想請教您 I should like to broach the question of Mr Bean.
豆豆先生已替我們服務多年 Now, Mr Bean has worked for us for many years.
將來也還會繼續服務 And will for many years to come.
查理，我在你這位置時 就僱用了這位出色的年輕人 I employed this splendid young man when I was doing your job, Charles,
如果你敢威脅他，我就辭職 and you can have my resignation if you go anywhere near him.
(SNORTS)
(TRUMPETING)
(BLOWS RASPBERRY)
他是個好青年 He's a fine young fellow.
沒錯，完全正確 Absolutely. Quite right.
很好，那繼續 Very well, moving on.
加州的格利森美術館需要 我們偉大的畫廊派一位代表 The Grierson Gallery of California needs a representative of our great gallery.
他們要找一位地位崇高的學者 They're looking for a scholar of a very high standing.
我因此決定推薦此職 I have therefore decided to recommend for the post,
以及附帶的三個月假期 and the threemonth sabbatical that goes with it,
給這位出色的員工 that splendid employee,
豆豆先生 Mr Bean.
同意的舉手？ All those in favour?
好！ ALL: Yes!
太好了，都同意 Excellent. Carried.
我們的損失是美國的收穫 Our loss is America's gain.
格利森美術館
大衛，我收到皇家美術館的來信 (CLEARS THROAT) David, got a letter from the Royal National Gallery.
他們要推薦一個叫豆豆的人當代表 They're recommending a guy called Bean to represent them.
豆豆？ Bean?
沒聽過這號人物 I can't say I've heard of him.
這封信是由羅森布魯和卡特勒博士 聯名簽署的 Well, the letter's signed by Drs Rosenblum and Cutler.
哇，真了不起 他們說 Well, that's impressive. They say,
「他無庸置疑的天才 使我們微不足道的才能顯得渺小」 "He's a man whose incontrovertible genius dwarfs our own meagre talents."
羅森布魯和卡特勒這樣說嗎？ DAVID: Rosenblum and Cutler said that?
你要英國的頂尖人物 我相信我已經完成任務了 Well, you asked for England's top man. I do believe I delivered him.
他聽來絕對像是那號人物 He certainly sounds like it.
不過在確定之前，我們的波妮絲 仍認為若能從娛樂界找個人來 However, before we confirm, Bernice here still feels that we'd get more media attention
就會博得更多媒體注意 if we had someone from, let's say, the entertainment industry.
我真心相信可以找邦喬飛來 I genuinely believe that we could get Jon Bon Jovi.
邦喬飛？ Jon Bon Jovi?
來為「維瑟勒之母」揭幕？ 對 To unveil Whistler's Mother? Yes.
我倒不是反對邦喬飛 I've nothing against Jon Bon Jovi.
他過去十年內出現兩次漂亮髮型 The man has had two great hairstyles in the last 10 years,
這已是不容小覷的成就了 which is an achievement not to be sniffed at,
但就我所知 but so far as I know,
喬飛先生對十九世紀印象派畫作 一竅不通 Mr Jovi knows absolutely nothing about 19thcentury lmpressionism.
他最近的歌曲裏也完全沒提 He certainly hasn't mentioned it in any of his recent songs.
不，可是大衛… 這又不是搖滾樂MV No, but David... This is not a rock video.
這是偉大而嚴肅的藝術作品 This is a great and serious work of art,
豆豆先生會讓該場合增加深度和尊嚴 and Dr Bean will give the occasion depth and dignity.
(CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS)
你說的沒錯，我們就用豆豆先生 喬治… You're right. We go with Bean. George...
不不不，大衛是我們評議員 No, no, no, no, David's our curator.
應該由大衛來說 這是他的決定、他的責任 This is David's call. It's his decision, his responsibility,
如果要砍也是砍他的頭 ultimately, his neck.
你要他住哪裏？ 我有個妙主意 And where do you want him to stay? I have a rather interesting idea.
這裏？ Here?
在我們家住兩個月？ In our house for two months?
(MUSIC PLAYING ON STEREO)
怎麼，洛杉磯突然沒旅館了嗎？ David, what, suddenly there's no hotels in Los Angeles?
喂，不要那麼緊張，我只是想 Okay, there's no need to get excited here. I just thought, you know,
他是英國皇家美術館的頂尖人物 this is the Royal National Gallery of England's top man.
我想有他相伴一定很有趣 I thought he'd be very exciting to have around,
可以跟他學習、談天… to learn from and talk to and...
這位新來的好朋友 我們對他知道多少？ So do we know anything about our new best friend?
如果他是惡名昭彰的連環殺手 他們一定會提 No, but I think they might have mentioned it if he was a notorious serial killer.
龐克，你覺得走運嗎？ Are you feeling lucky, punk?
(SNARLS)
大衛，我們國家有句俗諺 David, you know, we have an expression in this country.
就是「死也不准」 艾莉 It says, "Over my dead body." Ali.
我此時此刻就要這麼說 I'd like to put it on the table right here and now.
這次良機難逢 對孩子們絕對是好事 This is a onceinalifetime opportunity, and it could be seriously great for the kids.
開什麼玩笑 拜託，會很愉快的啦！ You're kidding. Come on, it's gonna be great!
假設這裏有張表 Let's say there is a chart
上面是你這輩子遇過最聰明的人 of the most intelligent people you've ever met in your life.
那麼佔首位的無庸置疑是豆豆先生 Well, at number one with a bullet is Dr Bean.
凱文，記得你有時候會問我一些 我無法回答的問題嗎？ Kevin, you know how sometimes you ask me questions that I can't answer?
就像「子宮圈是什麼？」 Like, "What is an intrauterine device?"
我比較常思考「生命有何意義？」 Well, I think more like, "What's the meaning of life?"
這我可從沒問過 隨便啦 I never asked you that. That's fine. It doesn't matter.
我只是說豆豆先生是非常傑出的人 What I am saying here is that Dr Bean is a very remarkable man.
更何況他說不定很可愛呢 Hey, for all you know, he could be very cute.
拜託，他絕對會是怪咖 所有英國人都是醜八怪 Oh, come on, the guy is gonna be a creep. All Englishmen are ugly.
我光看查理王子就想哭 I just look at Prince Charles and weep.
好，所以他看來像肉塊先生的屁股 Okay, so he's gonna look like Meat Loaf's butt.
對，那樣還算我們走運 Yeah, and that's if we get lucky.
珍妮佛，又沒有人要你嫁給他 Jennifer, no one is asking you to marry him.
我不知道我們幹嘛開家庭會議 You know, I don't know why we have these family conferences
老爸根本就已做了決定 if Dad's already made up his mind.
善解人意的孩子 肉塊的屁股又怎樣？ Perceptive child. Hey, what's wrong with Meat Loaf's butt?
好了啦，會很好玩的！ Oh, come on, everybody, it's gonna be great!
豆豆先生是最超級的天才 Dr Bean is a genius of the very highest order.
晚安 Good evening.
(GURGLES)
不，先生，您是坐頭等艙的 No, sir, you're in fact in first class.
晚安 Good evening.
(PEOPLE CHATTERING)
晚安，先生，我替你拿外套好嗎？ Good evening, sir. May I take your coat?
謝謝 Thank you.
(SIGHS)
(GIGGLES AND SNORTS)
好，簡單的海報，又漂亮又大 Good. Simple poster, nice and big.
這是實際尺寸，特價9.99美金 It's actual size. A bargain at $9.99.
史寶瑟？ 是，先生 WALTER: Spencer? Yes, sir.
浴巾 Bath towel.
對，華特，你太過份了一點哦 Yeah, pushing your luck a little here, Walter.
會大賣的 It'll sell.
是「維瑟勒之姐」唷 少開玩笑了 It's Whistler's Sister. Oh, you are kidding.
不，先生，我們有他們全家 每位成員的系列畫作 No, sir, we have a range for every member of the family.
維瑟勒母親的餅乾、巧克力脆片 Whistler's Mother's Cookies, chocolate chip,
維瑟勒父親的啤酒杯 Whistler's Father's Beer Mug,
這裏還有專給年輕兄弟系列的 and here's a really cute one for the youngerbrother range,
維瑟勒的哨子 對 Whistler's Whistle. DAVID: Yeah.
只要對她屁股吹氣就好，來試試 對，對，我… You just blow up her ass. Here, try. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I...
媽咪，我不舒服 Mummy, I don't feel well.
我好像要吐了 I think I'm gonna be sick.
(SQUISHING)
先生，在這裏 請注意 Just here, sir. MAN ON PA: Your attention, please.
歡迎來到洛杉磯國際機場 Welcome to Los Angeles International Airport.
請注意看緊自己的行李 Do not leave baggage or other items unattended.
喂！ Hey!
豆豆博士 就快了，我想我們要找的人 長得像布萊德彼特 Any second now. I think we're looking for a Brad Pitt lookalike.
警察！ OFFICER: Police!
抓住他！快點！ Get on him now! Move it!
警察！快點！小心些！大家讓開！ Police! Come on! Come on, watch it! Watch it! Everybody, out of the way!
追緝騷動中，男人持槍闖入 第二航廈的第十區 In pursuit of a 415. Male with a gun heading into zone 10, terminal 2.
帶人手過來！ Get your people over here now!
快走開！別擋路！ Get out of the way! Get out of the way!
快點！快點！ Move it! Move! Move! Move!
警察！借過！ Police! Coming through!
小姐讓路！小心點，快！ Come on, lady! Watch it! Move!
他在那裏！ There he is! There he is!
快！快！警察！ Move! Move! Move! Police!
大家趴下！ Everyone on the floor now!
(WOMAN SCREAMS)
甜心，你不用趴下 噢，對喔 Not you, sweetie. Oh, right.
(GUNS COCKING)
小心拿出武器，用兩隻手指抓住槍托 Carefully take out your weapon, holding the butt with two fingers only.
慢慢放在地上，然後退後三步 Slowly place it on the floor and take three steps back.
這是幹嘛？ 不知道，好怪 What is this? I don't know. Weird.
豆豆先生，你目前有吃藥嗎？ Mr Bean, are you presently on any kind of medication?
據我所知是沒有 Not that I know of.
你實在可以吃點藥 Well, you can certainly use some.
那麼博士… 豆豆 So, Doctor... Bean.
對，豆豆博士，你到美國了 Yes, okay, Dr Bean. Well, you made it.
旅途順利吧？ Nice flight?
這是凱文 Well, this is Kevin,
這是珍妮佛，她非常興奮能見到你 and this is Jennifer. She's been very excited about meeting you.
我太太艾莉森 My wife, Alison.
大衛，我們可否在廚房小談片刻？ David, could I just have the tiniest talk with you in the kitchen?
好，我們要… All right, yeah. We're just gonna...
他第一眼看來有點古怪，我很欣慰 I appreciate that on first viewing he seems a little eccentric.
大衛，有火星人 David, there are Martians
因為長相怪異而被逐出火星 who have been exiled from Mars for looking weird
這人比他們還不正常 who look less weird than this guy.
他有種樸質的天性，可是每次… 他今天就得走 He has an original quality, but every time... He goes today.
哇！真了不起！ Wow! That was amazing!
太酷了，你可以這樣嗎？ That's really cool. Hey, can you do this?
不行，但我可以這樣 No, but I can do this.
好耶！哇！你是怎麼做的？ Neat! Wow! How do you do that?
魔術 Magic.
你會告訴他吧？ 會，我會說 Okay, so you're gonna tell him? I'll do it. Yes.
今天？ 對啦，今天 Today? Yes, today, today, today.
就今天了 很好 Today seems like a good day. Good.
(CLANGING)
先生，一個不尋常的開始 Well, sir, an unorthodox start.
我本就不期待在如此傑出的你身邊 會發生平常的事 I guess I never expected things with a man of your calibre to be normal.
我得承認 我從沒看過你寫的任何東西 I gotta confess. I've never actually read anything you've written.
告訴我，博士 你在美術館的職位究竟是什麼？ Tell me, Doctor, what exactly is your position at the gallery?
我坐在角落 I sit in the corner
看著畫作 and look at the paintings.
太棒了！ That is brilliant!
要是更多學者也這樣就好了 光是坐著看就好 If only more scholars would do that, you know, just sit and look.
而不要授課、寫作或爭辯 You know, not lecture and write and argue,
只要坐著看畫作本身 just sit and look at the paintings themselves.
那實在太棒了，對 Now, that is brilliant. Yeah.
對 Yes.
早啊，艾爾莫 早安，先生 Morning, Elmer. Good morning, sir.
豆豆博士？ Dr Bean?
先生，請簽到好嗎？ ELMER: If you'd like to sign in, sir?
謝謝，豆豆博士，歡迎來到格利森 Thank you. Welcome to the Grierson, Dr Bean.
歡迎到我的世界 Welcome to my world.
我們要在早上9點到格利森的辦公室 We're expected in Grierson's office at 9:00 a.m.
他不喜歡等人，所以如果你… Now, this is a man who does not like to be kept waiting, so if you...
我是否可以… 當然可以，沒問題 Do you mind if I... Yeah, okay, absolutely. You bet.
好 All right.
(HUMMING)
(GASPS)
(MOANS CONTENTEDLY)
嗨 Hi.
(HUMMING)
(GROANS)
博士，我們該走了，遲到很久了 Doctor, we should make a move. We're very late.
(GRUNTS)
噢，我們…博士，如果… 等你準備好就走 Oh. We... Doctor, we... lf... When you're ready.
好 Okay.
大衛，總算來了 GEORGE: David, finally.
這位一定就是越洋而來的教授了 And this must be our professor from across the sea.
對，喬治格利森，這位是豆豆博士 Yes, George Grierson, this is Dr Bean.
博士，很高興見到你 I'm delighted, Doctor.
其實，我不是… 豆豆博士？ Actually, I'm not... PHOTOGRAPHER: Dr Bean?
豆豆博士？ 先生，我們可否拍張照？ Dr Bean? Can we get a photo, please, sir?
就在這裏 博士，我們聽說了好多你的事 Right here. We've heard a great deal about you, Doctor.
謝謝各位 我們對你期待殊甚 PHOTOGRAPHER: Thank you, gentlemen. We expect a great deal of you.
這是負責公關的波妮絲 博士，太榮幸了 And this is Bernice, in charge of PR. An absolute honour, Doctor.
謝謝，華特杭特利是我們的商品主管 All right, thank you. And Walter Huntley, our merchandise manager.
很高興見到你 繼續吧，博士，請坐 Nice to meet you. Moving along. Take a seat, Doctor.
謝謝，讓我拿那個舊東西 Thank you. Here, let me take that old thing.
這已經過時很久了，謝謝 This is very outofdate. Thank you.
在我們開始之前，請先欣賞這些作品 Before we settle in, you might want to feast your eyes on these.
豆豆，我不妨直說，我喜歡這個 Well, I'll be honest with you, Bean. I like this.
真漂亮，我真這樣認為 It's beautiful, sir. I think it is, yeah.
這邊 好 Over here. Okay.
對 Yeah.
這塊綠色滿漂亮的 That's a lovely green there.
很好，咱們談正事吧 好 Good. Good. Down to business. Okay.
我已請波妮絲簡報過 揭幕式的活動順序 I've asked Bernice to run through the order of events for the opening.
豆豆博士，你要過來嗎？ Dr Bean, would you like to join us?
不，我只是… No. No, I'll just...
很好，波妮絲？ Very well. Bernice?
各位會注意到 所有跟特殊媒體要求有關的事項 Now, you will note that anything pertaining to special media requirements
前面都標有星號 is prefixed with an asterisk,
也就是有些受歡迎的週報 會要求亮面靜物畫 i.e. Glossy stills requested by some of the favoured weeklies, that sort of thing.
對，所以大日子的進程如下 Right. So the big day unfolds as follows.
我們慷慨的捐助者牛頓將軍 Our generous benefactor, General Newton,
將於早上10點抵達 並會見工作人員 will be arriving at 10:00 a.m. To meet the members of the staff.
然後10點半我們開始畫作揭幕式 Then, at 10:30, we'll have the unveiling of the picture.
這會在所有記者和媒體面前舉行 Now, this will be in front of all press and media.
華特，我猜所有商品 到時候都可以賣吧？ Walter, I'm assuming all this merchandising is gonna be made available?
當然，從冰箱磁鐵到飛盤都應有盡有 Oh, absolutely. From fridge magnets to Frisbees, we'll be ready.
所以大約在早上11點 豆豆先生就可以上台了 So it will probably be at about 11:00 a.m., when the stage is set for Dr Bean.
(BEAN HUMMING)
對，我們真該… Yes, all right, we really...
我們應該讓博士加入 We really should bring in the doctor here.
豆豆博士？ Dr Bean?
博士，我們剛才在看計劃表，然後… Doctor, we've just been inspecting the schedule, and...
你是否想看看你那部份的計劃呢？ If you would just like to take a look at yours right over there at your convenience?
將軍會在早上10點到 他在10點半時舉行揭幕 The general should be arriving at 10:00 a.m., and he'll unveil the picture at 10:30.,
所以11點時你應該就可以演講了 so at about 11:00, we should be ready for your speech.
好，我想20分鐘應該夠了吧？ Yes, and I think 20 minutes should be long enough.
波妮絲，你說呢？ 當然 Don't you, Bernice? Absolutely.
我知道你可以說上好幾小時 I know you could fill hours, Doctor,
但面對記者，說精簡一點比較好 but for the press, it would be best if you could keep it quite light.
也許再加點關於那幅畫的軼事趣聞 Maybe throw in some anecdotes about the actual painting of the picture
說明它為何被視為美國最偉大的畫作 and explain why it is considered to be America's greatest painting.
博士，20分鐘夠了嗎？ Is that going to be enough, Doctor, 20 minutes?
親愛的朋友，我跟市長約了吃午飯 失陪了 Well, dear friends, if you'll excuse me, I have a lunch with the Mayor.
我也不喜歡應酬，不過這是職責所在 Not the kind of thing I like, but duty calls.
博士，很高興見到你 Well, Doctor, it's good to meet you.
真是一次複雜的經驗 It's a complex experience.
好好享受住在大衛家的時光 他們很平凡卻很熱情 Enjoy your stay with David. They're simple people but warm.
大衛，可否跟你私下談談？ 好 David, if I may have just a private word? Okay.
對了，到新貨區那裏等我如何？ I tell you, why don't you wait for me back at the new acquisitions?
我馬上就來，對 I'll join you shortly. Yeah.
先生？ Yes, sir?
他是天才對吧？ 對，他有點怪，不過… He's a genius, right? Yeah, he's eccentric, but...
對 對 Yes. Yeah.
為「維瑟勒之母」揭幕 是本美術館史上 The unveiling of Whistler's Mother is the most important thing
最重要的事 to ever happen to this gallery,
豆豆博士是你選的 and Dr Bean was your choice.
這我懂 Yes, I understand that.
謝謝 Thank you, sir.
(STUCK IN THE MIDDLE WITH YOU PLAYING)
豆豆博士，我在想到家以後… Dr Bean, when we get home, I wonder...
到家以後，不知道你是否介意 When we get home, I wonder if you would mind
讓我跟我太太獨處一陣子 giving me a private moment with my wife.
我們需要解決一點小事 There's a little something we need to work out.
沒問題 No problem.
嗯，我想…你在這等就好了 Yeah, I think... Just wait in here would be good.
噢，別理它，她媽媽給我們的 Oh, just ignore that. Her mother gave it to us.
感情價值很高，所以… Huge sentimental value, you know, so...
把這裏當自己家，別客氣 我跟艾莉森談談就回來 Just make yourself at home. I'll be just a couple of minutes with Alison.
噢，博士，我可不會那麼做 Oh, Doctor. I would actually not do that.
那是限量版本，非常珍貴，所以… That's a limited edition. It's that it's delicate, so if you...
或者…把它放下就好，對 (STAMMERING) Or, yeah, if... Put it there would be good. Yeah.
好，那樣…很好 Okay, that's... All right.
(EGGBEATER WHIRRING)
嗨 嗨 Hi. Hi.
豆豆博士不在？ No Dr Bean?
其實他還在，不過就讓我… Well, actually, no, he is still here, but let me...
珍妮佛！凱文！ 我只是要我們…要我們… Jennifer! Kevin! I just want us... I just want us...
B計劃！ Plan B!
你行李都包好了？什麼B計劃？ You have luggage packed? What is Plan B?
B計劃就是 Plan B is,
如果你沒攆走豆豆博士 我們就直接去住外婆家 if you haven't gotten rid of Dr Bean, we go straight to Grandma's.
真不敢相信你竟然… 又搞砸了哦，老爸？ I can't believe you... Screwed up again, huh, Dad?
拜託，現在沒時間提這個了！ Oh, come on, there was no time to raise the subject!
凱文甜心，去發動車子好嗎？ 艾莉，等一下，聽我說 Kevin, start the car, would you, sweetie? Oh, Ali, wait a second and look.
不，你聽我說，親愛的大衛 我對你的要求向來不多 No, you look, David, my darling, I have asked very little from you,
但我要你攆走豆豆博士 現在你做出決定了 but I did ask you to get rid of Dr Bean, and you have made your choice,
你們兩個就留下來 so you two can stay here
好好研討後現代主義吧 and really come to grips with postmodernism,
我要帶孩子們去我媽那裏 but I am taking our children to my mother's.
再給他一次機會嘛 Just give him one last chance.
噢，大衛… 一次就好 Oh, David... Just one.
好嗎？ Please?
好吧 Okay. Okay.
謝謝 好啦 Thank you. All right.
謝謝，等你認識他 Thanks. Once you get to know him,
相信你就會… 大衛，別說了 I think you're gonna... David, don't.
(MUSIC PLAYING)
嗨，博士 嗨 Hello, Doctor. Hello.
不，博士，那不是電視的，那是… No, no, no, no, Doctor, that is not for the TV. That's for the...
好，就這樣走了 Yeah, well, there they go.
博士，週末就只剩下我們啦 Well, Doctor, we've got the whole weekend together.
好好認識彼此 Yeah, get to know each other and...
我在想明天可以玩遍洛杉磯 I was thinking tomorrow we might really do LA.
有美國印地安人藝術館 還有加州州立美術館 There's the Gallery of American Indian Art. There's the California State Gallery.
還有個叫洛波威茲的新館 There's actually this new place, the Rabowitz,
展出抽像表現主義作品 which is kind of the place for abstract expressionism.
你覺得怎樣？ Does that sound good to you?
還是你有其它點子？ Maybe you have something else in mind?
(I GET AROUND PLAYING)
太平洋公園
海龍
毀滅帝國之旅
「超可怕！」
(SNORING)
(ALL SCREAMING)
了不起 Incredible.
好了嗎？ You set?
感謝您搭乘毀滅帝國之旅 MAN ON PA: Thank you for taking the Ride of Doom.
怎麼不再買一張票？ 第二次說不定會更好玩哦 Why don't you get another ticket? Could be more fun second time round.
好 Okay.
準備羅 Brace yourself.
(ALL SCREAMING)
(SCREAMING)
(SIGHS)
(HUMMING)
他是天才？ 是他們說的 He's a genius, huh? That's what they tell me.
我看他根本就是個大草包 Well, he looks like a fruitcake to me.
你願意為他的行為負責嗎？ Are you willing to take responsibility for his actions?
(GROWLS)
你比我還勇敢 Well, you're a braver man than me,
我單手就能對抗 持有AK47槍械的混混 and I singlehandedly take on gangs armed with AK47 s.
帶他出去，告訴他 我非常願意揍他一頓 Get him out of here. Tell him his is a butt I would dearly love to kick,
而且下次就會動手 and the next time, I will.
博士，有件事情我們得談談 Doctor, there is something we have to talk about,
我不知道該怎麼開口 and I don't quite know how to put this.
(BEAN HUMMING)
我擔心的是… What I am concerned about is...
(DOORBELL RINGING)
不管是誰來，我都要把他趕走 Whoever that is, I am getting rid of them.
他來了 There he is.
大衛，抱歉我們遲到了 David, sorry we're late.
塞車！太嚴重了 噢，太棒了！ The traffic! Oh, terrible. SYLVIA: Oh, that's beautiful!
真不敢相信，每天變得愈來愈糟 You couldn't believe. Every day, it gets worse and worse.
她就那樣…是綠色的關係 為什麼？因為沒人在管 It's just the way she... It's the green. And why? Because nobody's in control.
不，是黃色有問題，是黃色 她實在… No, it's the yellow. It's just... It's the yellow. She is a...
艾莉森在哪？ Well, where is Alison?
我有壞消息和好消息 Well, I've got some bad news and some good news.
壞消息是艾莉森一定要去看她媽 The bad news is that Alison has had to go visit her mum,
因為她生病了 太糟了 who, well, is not well. That's too bad.
天啊，真可憐 大衛，我真遺憾 Gee, the poor thing. Sorry to hear that, David.
好消息是豆豆博士和我要下廚做菜 The good news is that Dr Bean and I will be cooking.
你確定那是好消息嗎？ 當然啦 You sure that's good news? Well, of course it is.
世界上最棒的廚子都是男人 All the greatest chefs in the world are men.
那有什麼菜色啊，大師？ So what's on the menu, maestro?
我怎麼會忘掉？ (WHISPERS) How could I forget?
我們到底要給他們吃什麼？ What the hell are we going to give them?
我想他們可能想吃得正式一點 Yes, I think they may be expecting something slightly more formal.
洋蔥？就這樣？ An onion? Just on its own?
不，少呆了 No, no, don't be ridiculous.
那是感恩節的菜，艾莉森會殺了我的 That's for Thanksgiving. Alison would kill me.
不，一定還有別的 No, no, there must be something else.
你以前做過這種菜嗎？ 噢，有啊 Have you ever cooked one of these before? Oh, yes.
但無論如何都需要五個小時，對吧？ But anyway, it would take like five hours, right?
也不一定啦 Not necessarily.
(BOTH GRUNTING)
你說呢？二十分鐘嗎？ What do you think? Twenty minutes?
我不知道 I don't know.
你確定這樣可以？ You're sure this is gonna work?
好，就聽你的 Okay, you're the chef.
爐上放點蔬菜，然後過來打招呼 Just put on some vegetables and come and say hello.
(EXCLAIMS)
大師！ SYLVIA: Maestro!
我的味蕾正熱切期待著美味哦 My taste buds are positively tingling with anticipation.
不，謝了 No. No, thanks.
我想還是跳過前菜吧 I think we'll pass on the appetiser.
豆豆，星期二是大日子 So, Bean, big day Tuesday,
你的大日子，我的大日子 your big day, my big day.
我有個問題想問 I have a question for you.
(MICROWAVE BLEEPING)
他非常重視細節 He's very attentive to detail.
每件事都要做到精確 Everything must be just so.
(EXPLOSION)
豆豆，我想我們該開誠佈公地談 Bean, I think we need to be honest with each other.
我無法否認，過去幾天以來 I cannot deny that, over the last days,
我腦中浮現不少疑問 some suspicions have begun to gather in my mind,
我只是想直率地問你幾個問題 and I would just like to ask you some direct questions,
行嗎？ okay?
第一，你是博士嗎？ Number one, are you a doctor?
不是 No.
第二，你懂藝術嗎？ Number two, do you know anything about art?
這個嘛… Well...
打個比方好了 Just for instance here,
達文西是不是美國籃球選手？ was Leonardo da Vinci an American basketball player?
是 Yes.
嗨，老爸 嗨，老爸 Hi, Dad. Hi, Dad.
哈羅，博士 Hello, Doctor.
再見，老爸 再見，老爸 Bye, Dad. Bye, Dad.
(DOOR CLOSING)
(YESTERDAY PLAYING)
好 Yep.
(DAVID SCREAMING)
噢，天哪！ DAVID: Oh, my God!
看在老天份上，豆豆，你在做什麼？ For God's sake, Bean, what are you doing?
(PHONE RINGING)
喂？格利森先生，對 他現在跟我在浴室裏 Hello? Mr Grierson, yes. He's just here in the shower with me.
你能否給我… Would you give me...
對，你好，格利森先生 Yes, hello, Mr Grierson.
不，你一定是聽錯了 我怎麼會… No, no, you must have misunderstood him. What can I...
是嗎？謝謝你打電話來 She is? Oh, thank you for calling me.
好，再見 拜！ Yes, okay. Goodbye. Bye!
真不敢相信 「維瑟斯之母」已抵達美國了 I can't believe it. Whistler's Mother has actually arrived in America.
不，聽好，我站在 Now, listen, I am begging you
整個職業生涯都仰賴你的立場求求你 as a man whose entire professional career depends on you,
今天表現理智一點 behave rationally today.
根本沒有神 There is no God.
你說呢？ What do you think?
框很不錯 Nice frame.
太美了 She's magnificent.
大衛，幹得好，每一分錢都值得！ David, well done. Worth every bright green buck!
真是與眾不同，對吧？ She's something else, isn't she?
好了，各位，盡情欣賞吧 今早以後就要鎖起來了 All right, folks, enjoy her while you can. After this morning, we lock her away
直到願意出五千萬的人出現為止 until the guy who paid $50 million for her turns up.
艾爾莫，我們要開安全會議吧？ And, Elmer, I believe we have a security meeting.
是的 That's right, sir.
這把密室系統的鑰匙給你 And this is your key to the encasement system.
只有兩把，我有另一把 There are only two. I have the other one,
所以如果畫作消失 我就知道該去找誰 so if the painting turns up missing, I'll know where to come.
可否請你一起參加安全會議？ And if you could all join me at the security console?
博士，請留在這裏好嗎？ Doctor, why don't you just stay here?
也許看看原畫能激發你演講的靈感 Maybe a look at the real thing will inspire you for your speech.
留在這裏，在我回來前別離開房間 Just stay here. Don't leave this room till I get back, okay?
(SIGHS)
這張表畫出當天所有的保安點 This chart maps all the security elements for the big day,
如同以往的類似情況 我也替這次行動取了個代號 and as usual in these circumstances, I've given the operation a code name,
也就是「維瑟勒之母」行動 which is Operation Whistler's Mother.
這名稱不算時髦，但還能用 It's not a snazzy title, but I think it works.
(TUTTUTS)
(SNEEZES)
各位不必擔心 Fear not, gentlemen.
我們安裝的系統能確保畫作的安全 With the system we put in here, nothing will touch that painting
除非整棟美術館被地震震毀 short of an earthquake that brings down the whole gallery.
(GRUNTS)
(HAWKING)
(SPITTING)
(IMITATES SQUEAKY WHEELS)
(CART SQUEAKING)
一把將軍安全帶進館內 Once we've gotten the general safely inside,
保安重點就落到豆豆博士身上 the key figure, securitywise, will be Dr Bean.
我們要在不打擾大博士的情形下 保護畫作 We gotta protect the painting without getting in the good doctor's way.
油漆稀釋劑
(BANGING)
這門好像出了點… There seems to be a problem
問題 with the door.
畫怎麼不見了？ Where's the picture gone?
什麼？什麼？ What? What? What? What?
噢，天哪！噢，老天！ Oh, Jesus! Oh, God! Oh, Jesus!
哇！我的老天！聖母瑪利亞！ God! Oh, Mary, mother of Jesus! Jesus of Nazareth!
等一下，我幹嘛這麼害怕？ 是你幹的！ Wait a minute. Why am I worrying about this? You did it!
我只要出去告訴他們怎麼回事就好 All I have to do is go out and tell them what happened.
太棒了！ Perfect!
然後他們會說 「是誰讓他單獨跟畫在一起的？」 Then they'll say, "Well, who left him alone with the picture?"
我就會說：「是我」 And I say, "Me."
然後他們就說：「你被開除了」 我就說：「好」 Then they say, "Well, you're fired!" I say, "Fine."
不，不！ No, no, no, no, no!
然後他們說：「開除還不夠 我們要告你怠忽職守」 Then they say, "Firing is not enough. Let's prosecute you for negligence!"
然後我去坐牢，我太太會離開我 我女兒變成娼妓 Then I go to jail. My wife leaves me. My daughter becomes a prostitute.
最後我進了死囚室 跟強暴犯同一間牢房！ I wind up on death row sharing a cell with Butch McDick!
好了，冷靜點，我要冷靜點 All right, calm down. I just gotta calm down.
好，好 Okay. Okay.
再讓我看一下那幅畫 Give me one more look at the painting.
噢，天哪，天哪！ Oh, God! Oh, God! Oh, God! Oh, God!
這表示地下通風管也非常安全 ...which renders the underground ventilation ducts completely secure.
對，這樣就放心多了 謝謝 Yes, well, that's good to know. Thank you, sir.
嘿，豆豆，你喝酒嗎？ Hey, do you drink, Bean?
不 很好，我也不喝 No. Good, neither do I.
紐約隊抓住球棒 MAN ON TV: The Yankees grab the bat.
對，看來很可能會有延長賽了 Yeah, this one has extra innings written all over it, doesn't it?
歐吉留在本壘 Ozzie hangs over the plate.
不過他左邊有長傳威脅 He's got the longball threat from the left side.
史密斯用力揮棒，球直達右野線 Smith corks one to right field down the line.
飛出去了 豆豆 There it goes. Bean.
還在飛 It's going.
太厲害了，各位！是全壘打！ Going crazy, folks! Going crazy! It's a home run!
紅雀隊已贏得… And the Cardinals have won the...
(BLEATING)
繼續說 Carry on.
你想知道事情的真相嗎？ You wanna know what the reality of the situation is?
好，那我說 Okay, this is it.
因為你住進我家，我太太就搬出去了 Because you moved into my house, my wife has moved out.
對，搬走了，她可能遲早會搬走 Yes, she did. She might have moved out anyway,
但這是第一點 but that is one, point one.
第二點 Point two,
我全心為藝術奉獻 I've given my life to art,
但從現在起，我唯一能接近的藝術 and from here on in, the only art I will get anywhere near
就是我在人行道上畫的畫 are the pictures I draw on the pavement,
希望路人會在我帽子裏丟點零錢 hoping passersby will throw nickels in my hat.
簡單來說呢 I guess the long and the short of it,
我真希望自己從未出生 I wish I'd never been born.
昨日 (SINGING) Yesterday
所有煩惱似乎都好遙遠 All my troubles seemed so far away
現在卻都縈繞身邊 Now it looks as though they're here to stay
我相信昨日 I believe in yesterday
突然間 Suddenly
我不再是以前的我 I'm not half the man I used to be
噢，不！ MAN: Oh, no!
頭上籠罩陰影 There's a shadow hanging over me
我相信昨日 I believe in yesterday
突然間 Suddenly
(HUMMING)
劃、劃、划小船 (BOTH SINGING) Row, row, row, your boat
滑行在溪中 Gently down the stream
如果見到大鱷魚 If you see a crocodile
別忘了尖聲大叫 Don't forget to scream
(SCREAMS)
潑呀灑呀 (DAVID SINGING) Splish, splash, splish, splash
劃、劃、划小船 Row, row, row your boat
滑行在溪中 Gently down the stream
如果見到大鱷魚 If you see a crocodile
別忘了尖聲大叫 Don't forget to scream
(BOTH SCREAMING)
我可以解釋一切 I can explain everything.
那就解釋一切看看 ALISON: Okay, explain everything.
簡直莫名奇妙，艾莉，聽我說 不了，大衛 It's inexplicable. Ali, listen... David, no.
大衛，我回家是因為我想你 David, the reason that I came home was because I missed you
也因為我住在這裏，他們也住這裏 and also because I live here, and they live here,
可是我們等了五個小時 等到了什麼？ but, David, we have been waiting for five hours, and what do we get?
一個醉漢和他那位來自外星的朋友 A drunk and his friend from the planet Zog.
我知道，聽來是很糟的狀況 可是你如果肯… I know, and it seems like this horrible situation, but if you could...
你如果肯聽完這個恐怖的故事… If you could just hear my full horrific tale...
大衛，我想我們得分開了 David, I think I'm gonna have to leave you.
是嗎？ You are?
那事情真的很糟糕 Well, then things really have gotten bad.
對 Yeah.
(SLURPING)
嗨，阿豆 KEVIN: Hi, Beanie.
睡不著啊？ Can't sleep, huh?
對 No.
我也是，一直在想裸體的女人 Me, neither. Can't stop thinking about naked women.
你呢？ 「維瑟勒之母」 What about you? Whistler's Mother.
只要能讓你興奮就好 Well, whatever turns you on.
待會見羅，月球人 Catch you around, moonman.
噢，如果你還是睡不著 可以到我房間來 Oh, if you still can't sleep, come to my room.
我的牆上有辛蒂克勞馥的海報喔 I got some great posters of Cindy Crawford on my wall.
瀉藥
凱文
(GRUNTING)
噢，糟了 Oh, dear.
救命啊！ BEAN: Help! Help!
男廁
(GROANS)
快呀！ Come on!
(GRUNTING)
(GROANS)
(GUARD SCREAMING)
(GASPING)
唷喝！ Hooray!
(GROANS)
噢，天哪！ Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
珍妮佛？ Jennifer?
不，不，你別以為可以騎上那輛車 No, no, no, no, don't think for one minute you're getting on that bike, Jen.
大家早安 Morning, everyone.
這是家庭規定 Total family rule here.
誰都不准走進死亡陷阱 No one is allowed on one of those death traps.
你答應過的 You promised me, Jen.
你也答應過媽媽要把怪人博士趕走 And you promised Mum you'd get rid of Dr Freako.
別跟我說話，我正在想怎麼辦 Don't talk to me. I am trying to think what I'm going to do.
那… 安靜！ Well... Quiet!
母親回家了
這邊 This way.
是，女士 Yes, ma'am.
(REPORTERS CLAMOURING)
先生，真是我們的榮幸 歡迎來到敝處 What a pleasure, sir. Welcome to our humble abode.
不會太敝吧？我想要午餐哦 Not too humble, I hope. I'm expecting lunch.
當然，將軍請這邊走 先生，您先請 Of course. General, right this way. After you, sir. After you.
真高興您的光臨 Glad you could make it.
你究竟到哪裏去了？ 對不起，家裏有點事 Where the hell have you been? I am sorry. Trouble at home.
算了，過來 先生，有件事… Never mind. Come along. (STAMMERING) Sir, there is something...
將軍，向您介紹我們的評議員 大衛藍利 General, I'd like you to meet our curator, David Langley.
真高興見到您，先生 那是當然 I'm delighted to meet you, sir. Of course you are.
先生，請這邊走 Right through here, sir.
各位先生女士，這是美國的偉大時刻 Ladies and gentlemen, this is a great moment for America
也是一位特殊女士「維瑟勒之母」的 偉大時刻 and for one very special lady, Whistler's Mother.
(ALL APPLAUDING)
感謝我們傑出的捐助者 才能讓她在此出現 And she's here today, thanks to our great and good benefactor.
請各位與我一同向這位軍人 慈善家、仁慈的父親… Will you join me in saluting a soldier, philanthropist, loving father...
對極了 MAN: Hear, hear.
…以及特別慷慨的藝術贊助者 牛頓將軍致敬 ...and an extremely generous patron of the arts, General Newton?
謝謝各位 Thank you, ladies and gentlemen.
我不是傳統的藝術愛好人士 I am not a traditional art lover.
我分不出畢加索和車禍有何差別 I don't know the difference between a Picasso and a car crash,
但我愛我的國家 but I love my country.
我無法忍受讓一群法國佬 I can't stand the idea of a bunch of Frenchies
擁有美國最偉大的畫作 owning America's greatest painting.
現在就開始吧 Let's get on with it.
母親，歡迎回家 Welcome home, Ma.
不管你做了什麼，你真是天才 我愛你！ Whatever you did, you're a genius, and I love you!
其實是海報 It's a poster.
是什麼？ It's a what?
大衛，時間到了 什麼時間到了？ David? It's time. (STAMMERING) Time for what?
演講啊 等等，什麼演講？ The speech. What? Wait. What speech?
大衛，恭喜你 豆豆博士關於繪畫的演講 Congratulations, David. Dr Bean's speech about the painting.
對了，當然，演講 Yes, of course, the speech.
博士，盡量別超過一小時 Now, Doctor, try to keep it below an hour,
如果裏面有笑話就更好了 and if there could be one joke in it, that would be nice.
《早安美國》才不在乎那些「主義」 Good Morning America couldn't give a flying monkey about "isms" and...
你懂我意思吧？ 對 Oh, you know what I mean. Yeah.
不必太久，你就… 豆豆博士？ It doesn't have to go on for long. Just... BERNICE: Dr Bean?
就… 準備好了，請走這邊 Just... Just... We're ready for you. Right this way.
你就… Just... Just... Just...
現在是今天的第二個重頭戲 And now, for the second highlight of our day.
豆豆博士是英國傑出的藝術學者 他將做幾分鐘的演講 Dr Bean, a great English art scholar, is here to speak for a few minutes,
別說太久哦 not too long, Doctor,
題目是我們新添購的畫作 on the subject of our new purchase.
各位先生女士 歡迎英國國立美術館的豆豆博士 Ladies and gentlemen, Dr Bean of the National Gallery of England.
好 好！ Okay. Yeah!
好 好！ Okay. Okay!
謝謝 太棒了 Thank you. Bravo.
太棒了 Bravo.
(GIGGLES NERVOUSLY)
嗯，那個…我是豆豆博士 Well, hello, I'm Dr Bean,
顯然如此 apparently,
我的工作 and my job
就是坐著看藝術繪畫 is to sit and look at paintings.
因此 So
我從這幅畫裏 what have I learnt
學到了什麼呢？ that I can say about this painting?
嗯… Well...
首先，這幅畫很大 Well, firstly, it's quite big,
這點很棒 which is excellent
因為如果畫很小 because if it was really small,
要用顯微鏡才看得到 you know, microscopic,
就沒什麼人能看到了 then hardly anybody would be able to see it,
那就會非常可惜 which would be a tremendous shame.
第二 Secondly,
我就快要說到 and I'm getting quite near the end now
分析這幅畫的結尾了哦 of this analysis of this painting...
第二呢 Secondly,
這幅畫為什麼會讓這位先生 why was it worth this man here
願意花五千萬美金去買呢？ spending 50 million of your American dollars on this portrait?
答案就是 And the answer is,
這幅畫值這麼多錢 well, this picture is worth such a lot of money
因為這是維瑟勒之母的畫像 because it's a picture of Whistler's mother,
我從跟好友大衛藍利 and as I've learnt by staying with my best friend,
和他家人同住的經驗中學到 David Langley, and his family,
家庭是非常重要的 families are very important,
即使微瑟勒先生非常清楚 and even though Mr Whistler was perfectly aware
他母親是個討厭的老太婆 that his mother was a hideous old bat
好像屁股後面插了根僊人掌似的 who looked like she had a cactus lodged up her backside,
他仍跟她在一起 he stuck with her
甚至還花時間畫出這幅偉大的作品 and even took the time to paint this amazing picture of her.
這不只是一幅畫而已 It's not just a painting.
這畫裏是他非常看重的 It's a picture of a mad old cow
一位瘋老太婆 who he thought the world of,
而這點非常感人 and that's marvellous.
總之，那是我的想法啦 Well, that's what I think, anyway.
太棒了！ 太棒了！ Bravo! Bravo!
有驚無險 你把原畫放到哪去了？ Home and dry. Where did you put the original?
藍利先生，可以跟你談談嗎？ Mr Langley, may I have a word?
你留下，閉嘴 Stay here. Shut up.
藍利先生… 好了，我可以解釋 Mr Langley... Okay, I can explain everything.
你可以解釋什麼？ 那幅畫 What can you explain? About the painting.
什麼畫？ 「維瑟勒之母」 Which painting? Whistler's Mother.
藍利先生，很抱歉 我是來執行警察勤務 I'm afraid, Mr Langley, I'm here in my capacity as a police officer,
不是當藝術愛好者的 not as an art lover.
是你的女兒，她騎機車出車禍了 It's about your daughter. She's been in a motorcycle accident.
(SIREN BLARING)
可惡！809亞當要求緊急通行 Damn! Request emergency clearance for 809Adam.
閉嘴！ Shut up!
(WOMAN SHRIEKING)
持械搶劫進行中 211 in progress.
男性嫌犯，可能持槍 要求立刻派支援 Suspect male, possibly armed. Request immediate backup.
繼續超速 Keep speeding.
有罰單我就幫你撕掉 謝謝 Lf you get a ticket, I'll tear it up. Thanks.
停！小子，冷靜點，停在那裏別動 Hold it! Okay, easy, fellow, easy. Hold it, there. Right there.
嘿！冷靜 Hey! Easy.
放下來，把槍放下 Put it down. Put the gun down.
(GUN FIRING)
嗨，我要找珍妮佛藍利的病房 Hi, I need Jennifer Langley's room.
她約在11點時 因機車車禍被送進來 She came in at about 11:00, motorcycle accident.
別擋路，先生 Out of the way, sir.
(GROANING)
她在五樓東側，坐電梯上去 She's on the fifth floor, east wing. Just take the elevator up.
(GROANS)
你… Just...
好 All right.
我很… I'm so... Just...
請站在這裏，什麼也別做 Please, just stay here and do nothing.
你什麼都不做的話，就不會出事 If you do nothing, nothing can go wrong.
我現在要去照顧家人了 I've got to take care of my family now.
護士說這不是昏迷，只是… The nurse says that it's not a coma, that she's just...
說她只是進入熟睡狀態 She's just sort of taking time out,
可是我們還沒看過醫生，所以我不… but we haven't seen a doctor yet, so I don't...
傑克森醫生？ 什麼事？ Dr Jacobson? Yes?
3號房需要你 We need you urgently in OR 3.
不行，我一點就得到4號房去 這是緊急狀況 No can do. I'm due in number 4 at 1:00. Sir, it's urgent.
病人腎臟破裂和大出血 We have a ruptured kidney and massive bleeding.
好 Okay.
急診室閒人勿近
對，很緊急 Yes, it's urgent!
怎麼回事？ 外科醫生馬上過來 What's happening? Surgeon's on his way up.
終於來了，豆豆醫生 At last, Dr Bean.
醫生，這是45歲的男性 血型是B型陰性 NURSE: Hello, Doctor. We've got a 45yearold male, blood type B negative,
10分鐘前送進醫務室的 brought in by paramedics 10 minutes ago.
左胸有貫穿傷口 He's got a penetrating injury to the left chest.
我… 對，對 The... Yes, yes, yes, yes.
聽診器掉了 The stethoscope's fallen.
現在就讓他進去 不，不！ Gotta get him in there right now. No, no, no!
請進，醫生，看來胸部下方中了子彈 Come in, Doctor. It looks like a bullet in the lower thorax.
似乎使得肺臟破裂 It seems to have ruptured the lung,
腹部還有嚴重內出血 and there's severe inner bleeding along the abdomen.
醫生，他醒了 Doctor, he's coming to.
好，用T70替他注射 好 All right, give him a T70. NURSE: Got it.
醫生，要不要加長切口？ Shall I extend the incision, sir?
我們從胸骨切到橫隔膜 We've taken it from the breastbone to the diaphragm.
可能要延伸切口到脾臟 We may have to extend further to get to the spleen.
(TUTTUTTING)
抱歉，這是我動手術的第一周 Sorry, sir, it's only my first week.
不，你是對的，醫生 我們應該等照過X光後才動手 No, you're right, Doctor. We should wait for the xrays.
救命！這裏有人快要死了！ Help! We are losing this guy out here!
看在老天份上，我們要支援！ 快！快！快過去！ For Jesus' sake, we need help! DOCTOR: Go! Go! Go! Get in here!
看著別讓他發生失血休克 Watch he doesn't go into haemodynamic shock.
我們馬上回來 We'll be right back.
電擊！ 好，充電到2百瓦 NURSE: Defibrillating! All right, charge the paddles to 200 watts.
好 Got it.
準備！ Clear!
(SIGHS)
這是什麼？ What's that?
(CHUCKLES)
很好，洗乾淨 Jolly good. Clean it up.
抱歉讓你久等了 Sorry to keep you waiting, sir.
各位做得很好，現在來處理出血 Nice work in there, people. Now back to the bleeding.
這血從哪來的？我們得設法止住 Where's this blood coming from? We got to clamp it off.
J17在哪？ 怎樣？ Where the hell's that J17? What happened?
第4手術室需要J17 他受到重大外傷 We need that J17 in OR 4 right now. He's got major trauma.
血太多了，我什麼都看不到 There's too much blood. I can't see a thing.
再做吸入 誰去看看血壓 More suction. Somebody check that line.
血壓達到最低點 給我12號 Blood pressure's bottoming out. Hook me up with 12, will you?
心跳開始下降，他快死了 His heart rate is dropping. We're gonna lose him.
電子追蹤儀怎麼說？ 快呀，各位！他快死了！ How's the TMS? Come on, people! He's crashing on us.
可惡！ DOCTOR: Damn!
我無法判讀 子彈在哪裏？ I'm not getting a reading. Where is this bullet?
加油啊，各位 快，別讓他死掉 Hang in there, fellow. Come on, hold on to him.
如果找不到子彈，他就死定了 我不能讓他死 Lf we don't find it, he's a dead man. I am not gonna lose this guy.
他快不行了 NURSE: He's slipping.
他快死了，我得插進去 Sir, we're losing him. I've got to get in there now.
(SCOFFS)
醫生，你不能…太危險了！ Doctor, you can't just... It's too dangerous!
(MONITOR BLEEPS)
天哪！ My God!
(CLANKING)
真驚人 心跳開始正常 Incredible. NURSE: Heart rate is stabilising.
血壓回升了 Blood pressure's climbing back.
(SIGHS ADMIRINGLY)
你救了他！ You saved him!
(RAZZING)
噢，醫生，感謝老天 我女兒發生車禍 Oh, Doctor, thank God. My daughter was in an accident.
都還沒人來診斷過 No one's even taken a look at her yet.
我們著急死了，希望有醫生會來 We're desperate for some medical attention in here.
可否請您過來？ Would you mind?
(CLEARS THROAT)
別擔心，親愛的，醫生會替她檢查 Don't worry, honey. The doctor will check her out.
噢，感謝老天 Oh, thank God.
藍利先生、藍利太太 Mr and Mrs Langley,
觀察腦部損傷是非常精細的事 any kind of damage to the brain is a very sensitive thing to observe,
也許我們該退出去 讓醫生有空間做診斷 so maybe we should just step outside and give the doctor a little room to work.
第一位護士說我們不該認為那是昏迷 ALISON: The first nurse said we shouldn't think of it as a coma
比較像深度睡眠 but more like a deep sleep.
對，話是沒錯 我能不能問你一個問題？ Yes, that's sort of true. Could I ask you a question?
珍妮佛？ (WHISPERS) Jennifer?
醒來，醒來，早餐好啦！ Wakey, wakey, breakfast's ready.
珍妮佛？ Jennifer?
現在幾點？ What time is it?
快2點了 It's almost 2:00.
能不能把時間往回調12小時？ Can you turn the clock back about 12 hours for me?
當然 Sure.
(GROWLS)
醒來！醒來呀！ Wake up! Wake up! Wake up!
我不知道該怎麼說豆豆的事 I don't know what to say about Bean.
他絕對是個強度10的大災難 He's clearly a force10 disaster area,
可是老天爺啊，我很喜歡他 but, God help me, I like him.
但即使我這麼說 世上也沒有任何理由 Now, having said that, there is no reason in the world
要讓你們其中的誰跟他有任何牽連 why any of you should ever have anything to do with him again.
(GRUNTING)
(BUZZING)
(SCREAMING)
媽？爸？誰在這裏？ Mom? Dad? Anyone?
噢，天哪，珍妮佛 Oh, my God, Jennifer.
甜心，寶貝 甜心！看看你 Oh, honey. Sweetie. Honey! Oh, look at you.
媽，怎麼回事？ 你出車禍了 Mum, what happened? You had an accident, honey,
但現在都沒事了 but everything is gonna be okay.
史汀哥怎麼樣了？ 只有鎖骨瘀青 But what happened to Stingo? Just bruises, collar bone.
他還沒事，直到我去修理他一頓為止 He'll be fine, until I get my hands on him.
醫生，你要去哪？ 你可不能走呀 Hey, Doctor, where are you going? Where do you think you're going?
我們要怎麼謝你才夠？ 不，你讓我們太高興了 How can we ever say thank you? No, you've made us so happy.
說吧，我們要怎麼謝你？什麼都行 什麼都行 Tell us, what can we do? We'll do anything. Anything.
那我想你們可以讓我再住一個禮拜 Well, I suppose you could let me stay another week.
(I LO VE L.A. PLAYING)
日落大道 Sunset Boulevard.
日落大道
(TYRES SCREECHING)
比佛利山
禮物唷！禮物！ 嘿，這是怎麼回事？ Presents! Presents! Hey! What's this all about?
好重哦 謝謝 This is heavy. Thank you.
下一個禮物給珍 謝謝 Next present for Jen. Thanks.
看看我們得到什麼 DAVID: Let's see what we got here.
噢，是瀉藥 哇，一整盒的瀉藥 Oh, look, laxatives. Yeah, a whole box of them.
嘿，這個給你 Oh, hey, there they are.
六顆蛋哦 Eggs, six of them.
芭比娃娃！ Barbie!
謝謝哦 你收到什麼？ Thanks. DAVID: What did you get there?
Tada!
笑一個 Smile.
笑一個 DAVID: Give us a smile.
拜拜！ 拜！ Byebye! Bye!
阿豆，拜！ Bye, Beanie!
再見！ KEVIN: See you!
別了！ BEAN: Farewell!
出境
請看好您的車子 MAN ANNOUNCING ON PA: Do not leave your car unattended.
無人的車輛… 阿豆，這幾天過得 Unattended vehicles... Well, Beanie, it's been
真離奇 surreal.
我想告訴你，你隨時可以回來拜訪 I want you to know you can come back and visit anytime.
好 最好在頗為遙遠的將來 Yes. In the fairly distant future.
(CHUCKLES)
我知道這話聽來很瘋狂 (STUTTERS) I know it sounds insane,
但我真的會想念你 but I'm really gonna miss you.
好 Okay.
好啦，再見 Okay. Goodbye again.
(SNORTS)
全片終
(PICTURE OF YOU PLAYING)
(THAT KINDA GUY PLAYING)
(HE'S A REBEL PLAYING)
對，我通常也會待到最後 Yes, I normally stay till the end as well.
拜 Bye.
想走的話，現在可以走了 You can go now if you wish.
唉呀 Dear me.
拜 Bye.