奥哈伊市界
奥哈伊北方高中 加州特色高中
绯闻计划
如今我的滥交绯闻早已夸张到爆 The rumors of my promiscuity have been greatly exaggerated.
可曾经 我只是一个被异性忽略的无名氏 I used to be anonymous, invisible to the opposite sex.
如果说谷歌地图是个男生... If google earth were a guy...
那我就是被遗忘的角落 he couldn't find me
即便我打扮成高楼大厦也依然如此 if I was dressed up as a 10-story building.
这事儿挺新鲜吧 Pretty cutting-edge stuff, huh?
没有存在感的高中女生 A high school girl feeling anonymous.
我是谁 这一切有什么意义 Who am I? What does it all mean?
我为何来此 之类之类 Why am I here? Blah.
不过别担心 这可不是那种滥俗故事 But don't worry, this isn't one of those tales.
虽说起因确实挺滥俗 Though it sure started out that way.
但自从我撒了点私密小谎以后 And then it changed pretty quickly
便乾坤大转 一切大不相同了 when I started lying about some very personal things.
众所周知 我奥莉芙·潘德加斯 So let the record show that I, Olive Penderghast...
有着健全的头脑 低于平均水准的胸围... being of sound mind, and below-average breast size...
我发誓坦白一切 一切的一切 swear to tell the truth, the whole truth...
再无谎言 立即生效 and nothing but the truth. Starting now.
想跟大家分享我的私密心情 And what better way to share my private thoughts
还有什么比上网宣传更好呢 than to broadcast them on the internet?
所以我来了 第一部分 So here it is. Part one.
谎言的诞生 The shudder-inducing and cliched,
我随口胡言 however totally false account...
编出和社区大学男生 of how I lost my virginity
共渡春宵的三俗故事 to a guy at a community college.
首先说清楚 立场不同 故事的风貌便不同 Let me just begin by saying that there are two sides to every story.
这是我的立场 讲述真实的故事 And this is my side, the right one.
乔治这名字一点不性感 George is not a sexy name.
乔治听着像泰迪熊的名字 George is what you name your teddy bear...
而不是你在高潮时刻喊出的名字 ...not the name you wanna scream out during climax.
这一段话的意思是? And by that, I assume you mean?
植物种群进化末期 The stable and self-perpetuating end stage
达到的自我延续稳态 in the evolution of a plant community.
-没错 -怎么 您想哪儿去了 - Right. - why, what were you thinking?
和你一样 不过我不会大声说出来 The same. But I don't say it out loud
以免有人想歪了 lest someone get the wrong idea.
这年头说什么都有含沙射影之嫌 I think you know innuendo is attached to everything these days.
含沙射影 什么 您指什么 Innuendo? What...? Whatever do you mean?
莉亚农 奥莉芙 多看书 Rhiannon, Olive, go hit the books.
书中自有黄金屋 They don't hit back.
团结友爱不吸毒 傻事少做保平安 Also, hugs not drugs. Mess with the bull, get the horns.
之类之类的老三样 你们懂的 And any other cliches you can come up with.
再见 格里菲斯先生 Bye, Mr. Griffith.
再见 Bye.
-说话当心点 -抱歉 - Watch your mouth. - Sorry.
格里菲斯先生是我最喜欢的老师 Mr. Griffith is my favorite teacher.
不过 不知道惹了这么多麻烦后 Although, after all the trouble I caused...
我还是不是他最喜欢的学生 I don't know if I'm still his favorite student.
知道吗 这些对你不好 You know, these are bad for you.
这会导致意外怀孕之类的事情 It leads to unwanted pregnancy, all sorts of things.
如同汽车配错轮胎 根本不该有的事儿 Mismatched tires on your vehicle, which is nonexistent.
事情就从这里开始 And here is where the trouble began.
一个谎言引起的悲剧 The lie that started the whole thing.
拜托了 我求你了 我付你钱 付你钱 Please, please, I'm begging you. I will pay you. I'll pay you.
莉亚 我没办法和你去野营 Rhi, I cannot go camping with you, okay?
对不起 我有约了 I'm sorry, but I have a date.
-行吗 我告诉过你了 -和谁 - Okay? I told you. - With who?
你不认识他 You don't know him.
你也不认识 你个自私的贱人 And neither do you, you selfish bitch.
我当然认识 他和我哥念同一所大学 Yes, I do. He goes to college with my brother.
好吧 那他叫什么 Okay. What's his name, then?
莉亚农是那种传说中的强势女人 Rhiannon is what you'd call a strong personality.
她要我和她家人一起野营 She asked me to come camping with her family...
我也不知道为啥就不想去 ... and I don't know why I didn't wanna go.
我不想整个周末跟她耗在一起 这是小部分原因 A little because I didn't feel like hanging out with her all weekend.
最主要是因为她父母是我见过最诡异的人 But mostly because her parents are the weirdest people I have ever met...
我可是活在加州 and I live in California.
我曾在她家吃过一次晚饭 I ate dinner at her house once
发誓决不再来 and I swore, never again.
-这挺有意思的 -天竺薄荷汉堡 - This is interesting. - Patchouli burger.
我们自己在后花园种的 We grew it in our victory garden.
你要来点餐后甜点吗 You want some dessert?
不了 谢谢 我得注意身材 No, thank you. I'm trying to watch my figure.
可我不用 Well, I'm not.
所以我撒谎说我不能去 So I lied and told her I couldn't go...
因为我和我哥一个叫乔治的朋友有约 because I had a date with a friend of my brother's named George.
坦诚点吧 根本就没什么性感乔治 Let's just face it, there is no such thing as a sexy George.
但我说的这个很性感 Yeah, well, mine is...
所以咱们就别再提这茬了 so I think we should just put this conversation to bed.
算了 别来野营了 Fine, don't go camping with us.
但记住 我恨你 贱人 Just know I hate you, bitch.
去买你的巧克力牛奶吧 Go get your chocolate milk.
-你要一杯吗 -不要 - Do you want one? - No.
其实我的周末是这样过的 And here's how I really spent the weekend.
周五下午
致孙女 你是我的一袋阳光
背景乐: "一袋阳光" 娜塔莎·贝丁菲尔德
史上第一烂歌 That's the worst song ever.
周六上午
周六下午
周六晚上
周日上午
周日下午
周日傍晚
周日晚上
但到了周一 当莉亚问我周末如何时 But on Monday, when Rhi asked me how my weekend was...
他很有魅力你知道吗 很绅士 He was charming, you know? He was a real gentleman.
如同沐浴在他的爱慕之中 一切只属于我 And it feels like I got a love and I know that it's all mine.
好吧 好吧 等等 那你还打算见他吗 Okay, okay. Wait, wait. So are you going to see him again?
不了 可能不见了 你知道的 No. No, probably not. You know,
一个疯狂周末而已 it was just one of those weekends.
一整个周末吗 A whole weekend?
没错 Yep.
-等一下 你们没做吧...-做什么 - Wait a minute. You didn't have...? - What?
没 没 当然没有 No. No, of course not.
你个骗子 你绝对失身给他了 You liar. You totally lost your v-card to him.
-不 我没有 -有 绝对有 - No, I didn't. - Yes, you did.
-细细道来 -莉亚 我不是那种人 - Tell me everything. - Rhi, I'm not that kind of girl.
是那种做了的人 还是那种有胆做 The kind that does it, or the kind that does it...
却没胆告诉朋友的人 and doesn't have the lady balls to tell her friend?
-什么 -我要听全部细节 - What? - I want every detail.
-莉亚 -就现在 贱人 - Rhi. - Now, bitch.
你知道吗 你叫我"贱人"很多次了 You know, you call me "bitch" a lot. Okay?
这可不是个亲昵的称呼 It's not a term of endearment.
我要听所有细节 快点 臭脸妞 I want every detail. Now, shitface.
这么喊我可没什么用 You're not heading in the right direction.
快说 Tell me.
好吧 Fine.
我们做了 We did it.
我猜对了 Yes!
这一天终于来了 超级荡妇胜利会师 Finally. Now you're a super slut like me.
我不觉得在家居店后面 I don't think letting Peter Hedlund motorboat you...
跟彼得·赫兰德玩儿后入式就算超级荡妇了 behind a bed bath & beyond really makes you a super slut.
当时有很多人走来走去 There were a lot of people walking past.
很容易被发现的 Someone could've easily seen.
管它呢 现在不是说我 是说你 Whatever. This isn't about me, this is about you.
你都让他干什么了 What'd you let him do?
就很正常你知道的 没什么怪异的 It was normal. You know? Nothing freaky.
我也不知道自己怎么想的 I don't know why I did it.
我想可能因为那是我第一次... I guess maybe it was because it was the first time...
有种超越莉亚的感觉 I had sort of felt superior to Rhi.
我的谎话一茬接一茬 But I just started piling on lie after lie.
就像叠罗汉 It was like setting up jenga.
知道吗 就像格蕾德香薰蜡一样 Do you know, like, Glade candles?
类似这种的 但是散发性感味道的香薰蜡 Those kind, but they were, like, sexy glade candles.
-他非常体贴 他...-那当然 - He was sweet. He was... - Of course.
你他妈看什么呢 基督修女 What the hell are you looking at, sister Christian?
一对公认的妓女呗 Just a couple of admitted whores.
玛丽安·布莱恩特是学生会干事 Marianne Bryant is the secretary of the student council...
香橙花舞蹈协会主席 chairman of the orange blossom dance committee...
以及"誓言"俱乐部主席 and president of the cross your heart club...
一个致力于将信仰强加于人的俱乐部 a club dedicated to shoving their beliefs down people's throats.
他们显然并不在意 Obviously they don't care.
去年的轰炸目标就是更换校吉祥物 Last year's cause celebre was the changing of the school mascot.
别再为蓝魔欢呼
去年
鼓掌欢迎你们的蓝魔 Give it up for your blue devils!
蓝魔 Blue!
蓝色恶魔 Blue devil!
这样搞恶魔崇拜 How can we exhibit school pride
世人将作何感想 学校颜面何在 when we're conveyed to others as satan worshippers?
多亏他们 我们面目不再狰狞 Now, thankfully, we're the much less intimidating...
今年
大家欢迎土拨鼠 Give it up for the woodchucks!
加油 土拨鼠 Hey! Go, woodchucks!
土拨鼠 Woodchucks!
我更喜欢半裸的陶德 I liked Todd much better when he was topless.
是啊 但就是他扮成土拨鼠 Yeah, but even dressed as a woodchuck,
我还是对他心存幻想 I still fantasize about him.
土拨鼠 Woodchucks.
现在玛丽安有了新的轰炸目标 Now Marianne had a new cause celebre.
我 Me.
也就是第二部分 Which brings us to part two.
以讹传讹 The accelerated velocity of terminological inexactitude.
其实就是坏事传千里 加重一下语气而已 Which is really just my obnoxious way of saying that lies travel fast.
老天 害我现在说话都有点神经兮兮了 And, boy, did my terminological inexactitude accelerate with velocity.
听说奥莉芙了吗 Did you hear about Olive?
不会吧 No way.
-她已经不是处女啦 -真不敢相信 - She's not a virgin anymore? - I can't believe it.
-奥莉芙失贞了 -是啊 - Olive lost her virginity. - Yeah.
也许某人下次在洗手间乱说话 Maybe next time a certain somebody will be a little more careful
可要多想想了 what she says in the water closet.
关于这件事 其实不是那么回事 Yeah, about that? It's... that's actually not what you think.
我能单独和你说两句话吗 Can I talk to you alone for a second?
-你觉得可以吗 -没事 谢谢 - You gonna be okay? - Yeah, I'm fine. Thank you.
再见 妮娜 Bye, Nina.
你那天在厕所听到的事完全是胡说八道 What you heard in the bathroom the other day wasn't true at all.
说来搞笑的 It's actually a funny story.
奥莉芙 这是你名字没错吧 Olive. That's your name, right?
对 你叫玛丽安吧 Yeah, yeah. And you're Marianne.
从幼儿园开始我们有九门课一起上 We've had nine classes together since kindergarten.
如果把《不同文化信仰》算进去 就是十门 Ten, if you count religion of other cultures,
当然你不会这么算 因为你拒绝上那门课 which you didn't because you refused to go.
没错 听着 Yeah. Listen,
你不需要对我辩解你的堕落行为 I'm not the one that you have to answer to for your depraved behavior.
你这种下流行为 全能的祂自有决断 There's a higher power that will judge you for your indecency.
汤姆·克鲁斯吗 Tom Cruise?
只能为你祈祷 愿上帝有你这份幽默感 I hope for your sake that God has a sense of humor.
从我十七年经验来看 祂有的 Oh, I have 17 years' worth of anecdotal proof he does.
你自己造的孽 You've made your bed.
我希望你能自己收拾残局 I just hope for your sake that you've cleaned the sheets.
-我是不是刚被救赎了 -我想你了 - Did I just get saved? - I missed you.
我也想你了 Oh, you too.
因此玛丽安散播了谣言 So Marianne spread the rumor.
平生第一次我的性壮举成为了校园热门话题 For the first time ever, my sexual exploits were the talk of the school.
等等 我说错了 这是第二次 Oh, you know what? I'm wrong. It was the second time.
第一次要回到八年级时了... The first time was back in 8th grade...
我不过是想和暗恋已久的小男生接个吻而已 when all I wanted was a kiss from this guy I had always had a crush on.
陶德和我被选中共渡天堂七分钟 Todd and I were thrown together in seven minutes of heaven.
很幸运 当时正在放一首儿时经典 Luckily we had a super romantic song
超浪漫 可以帮我们营造气氛 from our youth to set the mood.
我看时候差不多了 I think this is the part
你可以把舌头伸进我嘴里了 where you're supposed to stick your tongue in my mouth.
据说是这样 That's what I've heard, anyway.
稍微等等 好吗 Just give me a second, okay?
据我计算 你还有三百八十二秒 According to my watch, you have 382 of them.
-你是怎么做到的 -什么 - How do you do that? - What?
算的这么快 并且你说话像个大人 Add so fast. And you also talk like a grown-up.
没关系 我没有我想的那么聪明 Don't worry, I'm not nearly as smart as I think I am.
如果我们什么也不干 So if we didn't do anything,
你能不能告诉他们我们接吻了 could you still tell people we kissed?
当然 Absolutely.
谢谢你 奥莉芙 Thanks, Olive.
应该的 陶德 Sure, Todd.
那次我其实不想说谎 I actually didn't wanna lie that time.
我和某人接吻了 大家都不闻不问 When people thought I'd kissed someone, they didn't care.
发现我和某人睡了 却... But when they thought I slept with someone...
奥莉芙 一切都好吗 Hey, Olive. How's it going?
我很好 素昧平生的路人甲 I'm swell, guy-I've-never-talked-to-before.
多谢关心 Thanks for asking.
可我满脑子只有一句话 All I could think to myself was,
"好极了 我成荡妇了" "great, now I'm a tramp."
我得在腰上弄个纹身 I'm gonna have to get a lower-back tattoo...
某处穿个小孔什么的 and pierce something not on my face.
你们知道我整个周末都在这里 对吧 You guys know that I was here all weekend, right?
-是的 -是 你在楼上 - Yeah. - Yes, you were upstairs.
-没错 -你会为此作证吗 - Yeah. - You would testify to that?
-当然 -为你挡子弹都在所不惜 - Yeah. - I would take a bullet for you.
你知道的 正对眉心的 You know that. Right between the eyes.
我宁愿割喉自刎也不会和人说 Man, I would slit my throat rather than say something to someone
你不想让我说的话 that you didn't want me to say.
倒没那个必要 That's not necessary.
但这话很安慰人 But that is comforting.
那就是哥的为人 哥的风范 That's how I am, how I roll.
哥的义气 他们都这么说 That's how I do, as they say.
我喜欢你的短裤 I like the pants.
谢谢 在好事多买的 Thank you. They're Costco.
等你长高点就给你穿了 You can have them when you get taller.
-我是永远熬不过青春期了 -瞎说啥呢 - I'm never gonna go through puberty. - Course you will.
咱家有晚熟的传统 But we're a family of late bloomers.
我十四岁才开始发育 奥莉芙也是 I didn't until I was 14. Nor did Olive.
那和我有什么关系 我是领养的 Why does that matter? I'm adopted.
你说啥 天啊 谁告诉你的 What? Oh, my God. Who told you?
我们本打算在适当的时机告诉你 Guys, we were gonna do this at the right time.
听我说 Listen to me.
有时候 就算一个男人和女人非常相爱 Sometimes, even when a man and a woman love each other very much...
像你妈和我过去那样 like your mother and I used to...
机体内部还是不能很好地彼此合作 their insides just don't cooperate with each other.
出什么事儿了 宝贝 So, what's going on, honey?
别人问起你周末的去向 Why do you want us to take a bullet
为啥需要我们出马当关 if anyone asks if you were here?
没什么 还不就是些绯闻呗 It's nothing. It's just the rumor mill.
这几天又出新绯闻了吗 What's the rumor mill churning out these days?
有啥好玩的没 Anything interesting?
没什么 真的 最近产量偏低 You know, not really. Not really. It's a little low on grist.
不错的文字游戏 我喜欢 Clever wordplay. I like it.
一定遗传自我 You must be related to me.
-婚姻遗传吧 -那也是遗传 - Only by marriage. - Give it to me.
-我整个周末都在这里 是吧 -对对对 - I was here all weekend, right? - Yes, yes, yes.
还记得我说过就算我扮成高楼大厦... Remember how I told you google earth couldn't find me...
谷歌地图也找不到我 if I was dressed up as a ten-story building?
但第二天 就算我化作人行道上一个小缝 Well, the next day it could find me if I was dressed
他还是能把我扒出来 as a crack on a sidewalk.
这就是作为高中女生的妙处所在 That's the beauty of being a girl in high school.
大家一旦听说你已经破处 你就是荡妇了 People hear you had sex once and, bam, you're a bimbo.
我真的没想靠撒谎来上位 I really didn't mean for the lie to put me on the map...
但不得不承认 我挺享受这种关注度 but I gotta admit, I kind of liked being on the map.
很显然 纳撒尼尔·霍桑是个有深度的作家 So, clearly Nathaniel Hawthorne is a complex writer.
我原来也搞不懂他 Even I had trouble with him.
我第一次读他作品是在五岁 当时就纠结了 I read him originally when I was 5, but I struggled.
所以我要把它分解开 要加点韵律 So I'm gonna break it down for you. I'm gonna throw some rhymes.
安森 给我点节奏 Anson, drop me a beat.
-什么 -给我点节奏 - What? - Give me a beat.
来吧 Push it up.
通奸 复仇 Yeah, adultery, vengeance,
激情犯罪 crimes of passion.
算了 我才懒得跟你们饶舌 Kill the beat. I'm not gonna rap for you.
太没品味 也就三流烂片里 It's pandering and it's been done before
充斥着这些低俗伎俩 in every bad movie you've ever seen.
讽刺的是 我们正在学《红字》 Ironically, we were studying "the Scarlet Letter".
不过 事情不总是这样吗 Now, isn't that always the way?
课堂所学总是跟躁动的青春闹剧 The books you read in class always have some strong connection...
红字
有着千丝万缕的联系 with whatever angsty adolescent drama is going on.
出乖露丑 原形毕露
孤立无援
除了《费恩历险记》 我所知道的男生里 Except for "Huckleberry Finn". I don't know any teenage boys...
还没有谁曾跟一个大块头黑鬼私奔过呢 who have ever run away with a big, hulking black guy.
对于那些没有读过《红字》的... For those who haven't read "the Scarlet Letter"...
以及自称读过其实没读的人 or for those who said you did but didn't,
我简要概括一下 here's all you need to know.
这个女孩赫丝特·普林 This girl, Hester Prynne,
与一位牧师有染 has an affair with a minister...
为世人唾弃 并被逼在衣服上 is besmirched and made to wear
印上A 表示通奸者[首字母A] a red A for "adulterer."
后来大家意识到对她评判太过于严苛 The town realizes she was too harshly judged...
其实她是个大好人 如圣人般归去 and she's really a good person, and she dies a saint.
当然还有一些别的事情发生 A whole bunch of other stuff happens too.
如果你考试要考这个 租个电影看 If you have a test on it, rent the movie,
但要是原版的 别看黛咪·摩尔版 but make sure it's the original not the Demi Moore version
就是她操着蹩脚英伦腔没事就洗澡那版 where she talks in a fake british accent and takes a lot of baths.
如果说那版勉强能接受 To say that one was freely adapted is
就有点轻描淡写啦 老板 a bit of an understatement, guvnor.
我们必须清楚... What we have to realize...
赫丝特生活的时代完全不同 is that Hester lived in an entirely different time.
那个时代 通奸就是女人最大的罪孽 A time when the worst crime a woman could commit was in fact adultery.
妮娜 Nina.
我认为赫丝特·普林是个... I think Hester Prynne was...
原谅我的措辞...烂货 excuse my language...a skank.
烂货? 你完全不觉得她是个受害者吗 A skank? So you don't think she was a victim at all?
为什么要这么觉得 她自找的 Why should I? She brought it on herself.
你也该在衣服上绣个红字 Perhaps you should embroider a red aon your wardrobe,
恶心的破鞋 abominable tramp.
你也该找件衣服遮羞了 恶心的贱逼 Perhaps you should get a wardrobe, you abominable twat.
算不上我最高水准 不过味儿也够冲了 Not my best line, but it was provocative enough...
够领一张校长室门票了 to land me in the principal's office.
看起来某人时运不济啊 Seems as if someone's on a downward spiral.
看起来某人在为下半辈子的无聊生活 Seems as if someone's practicing the mundane activities...
做着无聊的练习呢 she'll be saddled with the rest of her life.
希望你好歹有点良知 做好防护措施 I hope you at least had the good sense to use protection.
为什么 你父母不也没用嘛 Why? Your parents didn't.
-你会下地狱的 -只要你不在那儿就行 - You're going to hell. - Just as long as you won't be there.
跟你保证我不会的 I can assure you I won't.
那就好 Good.
我管是谁先动手 反正把事儿解决 I don't care who started it. Just work it out.
潘德加斯 Penderghast.
我怎么从来没见过你 So why am I just meeting you?
说这样的话 你几年前就该来见我了 Language like this would've warranted a visit years ago.
这是我第一次做这么出格的事 This is the first time I've done anything remotely misbehavioral.
太恶劣 This is foul.
我知道 我非常...真的真的很抱歉 I know. I am so... i'm really, really sorry.
抱歉你说这话 还是遗憾被抓到 Sorry you said it or sorry you got caught?
抱歉我说这话 真的 Sorry I said it, honestly.
也有点小遗憾自己被逮到 And sorry I got caught a little bit too,
但最主要抱歉我的言辞不当 but mostly just sorry I said it.
你敢再在学校说那词 If you use a word like this again in my school,
你就玩完了 知道吗 it'll be your last. Understand?
知道了 先生 Yes, sir. Yes.
你搞清楚 这不是那种革新学校... I mean, this isn't one of those progressive schools...
可以对老师直呼其名 where teachers are called by their first names...
学生们合作学习 and students are partners in learning...
每年期末还有募款拍卖 and there's a fundraising auction at the end of the year...
拍卖会上 所谓的创意父母来上演一出 where the more creative parents put on musical skits...
关于社区花园的音乐喜剧 about the community garden.
这是公立学校 This is public school.
只要我能让女孩们远离钢管 If I can keep the girls off the pole and
男孩们烟酒不沾 奖金自会飞来 the boys off the pipe, I get a bonus.
如果老师再把你送过来 Now, if you're sent to me one more time...
你就要吃不了兜着走了 you're gonna be out on your fantail.
现在 你清楚了吗 Now, am I making myself clear?
是的 先生 Yes, sir.
-很好 -我觉得也是 - Good. - I think so.
我是说 中间那部分没听太清楚 I mean, I got a little lost in the middle,
但是后面的还是很明白的 but I found my way back.
明天放学后留校 Detention after school tomorrow.
现在 出去 Now, out.
虽说课堂上出言不逊 Even though it was my slutty alter ego
是我体内浪荡恶魔作祟 that said a bad word in school...
但到头来遭殃的是我 it was my ass that got in trouble...
话说留校对我还是开天辟地头一遭 which was a place my ass had never been before.
你好 奥莉芙 Hey, Olive.
我的天 幻想破灭了 Oh, my god. The illusion is shattered.
所以说 一旦你在迪士尼乐园把头套摘下 This is exactly why they'd put you in the gas chamber
他们就灭了你也是有理由的 if you take your head off at disney world.
其实 最多也就被炒 Actually I think they just fire you.
你说的是迪斯尼乐园吧 You're thinking of disneyland.
-迪士尼世界可自由多了 -没错 - Disney world is more liberal. - Oh, yeah.
我总是忘记迪士尼世界上届选举失利了 I always forget disney world went blue in the last election.
暗喻民主党与共和党
你去麦乐迪·波斯蒂克的派对吗 Are you going to Melody Bostic's party?
我还没想好呢 I hadn't planned on it.
我也是 我表哥要结婚了 Me neither. My cousin's getting married.
要排练晚宴 It's a rehearsal dinner.
回见 保重 See you. Stay excellent.
你也是 You too.
-你好啊 孩子 -土拨鼠 - What's up, kid? - Woodchuck.
告诉我那些传言是真的吧 Please tell me the rumors are true.
没错 我是个十足的荡妇 Yes. Yes. I am a big, fat slut.
不 不是这个 是你被停课 No, not that one, the one where you got suspended
因为你骂妮娜·哈维尔鸡巴 for calling Nina Howell a dick...
然后给了她左奶子一拳 and punching her in the left tit.
我对咱们学校的信息共享表示压力很大 I worry about the way information circulates at this school.
莉亚 我有事要告诉你 Rhi? I need to tell you something.
可别破坏这乖女变荡妇的美好瞬间 Like the exact moment you turned into such a badass?
-我觉得我爱上你了 -好吧 - I think I'm in love with you. - Okay.
告诉我 你至少在她脸上抓了一道子 Please tell me you at least left a mark on that scrunched-up face of hers?
-不是这样的 -不是左奶子吗 - It's not true. - It wasn't the left tit?
那就是右奶子了 我就说你是左撇子 It was the right one. I always pegged you for a southpaw.
你就不能听我说俩句吗 Can you listen to me for one second, please?
好吧 其实没有这回事 Okay. It didn't happen.
是啊 好吧 我会替你保密的 Oh, yeah, right. Your secret's safe with me,
你这只性感小猴 you little sex monkey.
我今天被叫到校长办公室了 I got sent to the principal today.
你是不是得什么奖牌了 Did you win a medal or something?
不算是 Not exactly.
我在英文课上言辞不当 I used inappropriate language in English class.
不过 我们正在看的一本书 Although we're reading a book that
个人认为相对我们的年龄很不恰当 I personally deem... wildly inappropriate for our age group,
所以我也心安理得了 so I actually felt it was quite apropos.
你说什么了 What did you say?
就是不当言辞 别深究了 Let's just say it was an inappropriate word.
好吧 开头是什么 Well, what did it start with?
某个贱人说了几句贱话 A snide comment from a snotty girl in my class.
我是说这个词的开头是什么 No, I mean what letter did the word start with?
-是贱 -哦 贱 - T. - Oh, t.
-贱 让我们想想 -好的 贱 - t? Let us think. T, t, t. - t. All right, t. Yeah, t.
-好了 -名字 动词还是形容词 - Guys. - Noun, adjective or verb?
名词 而且是俚语 英式的 Noun. It's definitely slang. Think British.
贱人 贱妇 Tallywhacker? Termagant?
口味太淡了 你们都不行 You're just saying sounds. Those are sounds.
用你的豌豆拼一下 Spell it with your peas.
对 用你的豌豆拼一下 快点吧 Oh, yeah, spell it with your peas. Do it.
-我来试试 -快点做吧 - I will take that challenge. - Do it.
我就喜欢挑战 好的 I like that. All right.
这和你前几天说的 So does this have anything to do with the rumor...
那个谣言有关吗 that you mentioned the other night?
有什么事需要跟我们聊聊吗 宝贝 Do you need to talk to us about something, sweetie?
什么是贱福 What's a twit?
那是逼 宝贝 That's an a, honey.
这确实会把你送到校长办公室 It's a word that will get you sent to the principal's office.
这是一个不好的词 坐下 It's a bad word, sit down.
我们很幸运 这种情况并不常见 I guess we're lucky that this is not a common occurrence.
那我的惩罚是什么呢 What would my punishment have been otherwise?
饿肚子睡觉 我猜 Bed without supper, I guess.
但是我已经吃完了 But I'm already finished.
-不准去约会 -对 不准约会 - No dating. No dating. - Yeah, no dating.
-不能去约会 小姑娘 -不准约会 - No dating for you, young lady. - No dating.
就我这模样 I think my complete lack of allure...
约会已然是白日梦了 already kind of shot that horse in the face.
在禁足与被禁足的博弈中 I wouldn't know how to be grounded any more
咱们还真是半斤对八两 than you know how to ground.
这就对了 爱你 过来点 That's right. Love you. Come here.
我打赌那个女孩就像你说的那样 And I bet that girl was acting like exactly what you called her.
你根本想象不到 Oh, you have no idea.
我今天拼写测试得了B+ I got a b-plus on my spelling test today.
不错 宝贝 That's good, honey,
但是现在拼写检查无处不在 所以... but everything has spell check these days, so...
开玩笑的 Just kidding.
你从哪里来 Where are you from originally?
第二天我留校察看 So the next day I had detention...
多亏了最近的削减支出 which, thanks to recent budget cuts,
那就意味着 打扫卫生 meant cleaning.
我总是想忘记这一切 I was looking forward to getting all this behind me.
我犯了错 我得花时间弥补回来 I had done the crime. I was gonna do the time.
就此两清 结果... And that would be that, but that...
这不违反童工保护法吗 Aren't there, like, child labor laws against this?
在高中可没有 Not in high school.
校长就如同公海中 The principal's like the captain of
一艘船的船长 the ship in international waters.
他都可以乱点鸳鸯 He can even marry people.
我们有时间没说话了 We haven't talked in a while.
最近怎样 布兰登 How have you been, Brandon?
棒极了 我享受着呢 Fabulous. I'm crushing it.
一切美好极了 Everything according to plan.
我就喜欢留校察看 I wanna be in detention.
对了 你为啥留校来着 Yeah, why are you here?
从你鼻子上的血来看 From the blood I saw gushing out of your nose,
我觉得你是被欺负了 I thought you were bullied.
吉本斯校长讨厌同性恋 Principal Gibbons is a homophobe,
所以我叫他法西斯主义者 which is why I called him a fascist.
那传言就是真的了 so the rumors are true.
我不知道你说的是什么 I don't know what you're talking about.
我是说吉本斯是法西斯主义啊 I meant about gibbons being a fascist.
那你最近怎么样啊 时装妓女 So, what's with your new look? Very whore couture.
你没听说吗 我是新任校级淫娃 Oh, haven't you heard? I'm the new school slut.
我确实听到了一些 You know, I did hear something.
我还听说他大了你一倍 I also heard he was twice your age.
不 不是 他才大一 Oh, no, no, no. No, he was a freshman in college.
我还听说他传给你阴虱了 I also heard he gave you crabs.
-那群烂人 -谁说不是呢 - People suck. - Tell me about it.
都是瞎扯的 He's not real.
什么 What?
我跟那个男的睡觉的事是瞎编的 The guy I slept with. I made him up.
等等 是你先传的谣言 Wait, you started the rumor?
无心之过 差不多吧 Indirectly, I guess sort of.
其实 不对 不是 不是我传的 Or actually, no. No, not really. No, I didn't.
但你却听之任之 Well, but you're perpetuating it.
真是糊涂 That's really messed up.
你说什么 Excuse me?
你根本就不是荡妇 You're not even a real slut.
你只是想让大家认为你是 You just want people to think you are.
太可悲了 It's pathetic.
我没恶意啊 但是你应该 No offense, but you could probably
能从我身上学点什么 布兰登 learn something from me, Brando.
你是说我应该装成直男 Are you saying that I should act straight
讨大家欢心吗 so people will like me?
这真是新奇的想法 你应该 That's groundbreaking. You should
在进修机构开一门课 teach a course at the learning annex.
课程的名字是 It could be called
"痛并快乐着的奥莉芙·潘德加斯 - 学校的伪荡妇" "the painfully obvious with olive penderghast the fake school slut."
我只是猜测那些孩子 I was just suggesting that maybe these kids
也就是同学们 背地都有鬼 we call peers are onto something.
你知道 比如玛丽安·布莱恩特 You know, like Marianne Bryant.
也许她那副虔诚的基督徒嘴脸是装出来的 Maybe that whole stuck-up, jesus-freak thing is an act. You know?
不 我觉得她就是个虔诚基督怪胎 No, I think she's just a stuck-up jesus freak.
我还知道有些人仅仅是 And there are some of us who are just
想要融入群体而已 trying to blend in to the crowd.
好的 那要么就不择手段融入群体 Well, then you've gotta do everything you can to blend in...
要么就笑看一切 or decide not to care.
我不知道你是天才还是疯子 I can't decide if you're a genius or a lunatic.
天才疯子不分家 Well, don't they sort of go hand in hand?
-最近有乔治的消息吗 -没有 - So you heard any word from george? - Nope.
我跟你说过那只是一夜情 现在结束了 I told you, that was a one-night stand, which is now over.
你对他好像满不在乎啊 You're being pretty cavalier about this.
你难道不应该深深爱上他吗 Aren't you supposed to be eternally in love with him?
是啊 要是我是住在山谷里的绯闻女孩 Yes, I believe so. If I was a gossip girl
琢磨牛仔裤的夏天 肯定会爱上他 in sweet valley with traveling pants.
可惜不是 我对他没什么感觉 But no, I'm not. So I could really care less.
布兰迪·卡特跟瓦妮莎·哈吉斯说 Okay, so Brandy Carter was telling Vanessa Hodges...
你和三个男的洗鸳鸯浴 that you were with three guys in a jacuzzi.
我真能干啊 Sounds like a lot of work.
我觉得这样总比 I guess that's still better than
和老男人上床好吧 getting it on with some old dude.
谁这么说的 Who said that?
你知道布兰登吗 Do you know that Brandon kid?
有人这么跟他说的 That's what somebody told him.
他不是同性恋吗 Isn't he a homo?
对啊 Yeah.
说曹操曹操到 你好啊 Speak of the devil. Hello.
我正和我朋友莉亚农聊你呢 I was just talking about you with my friend, Rhiannon.
你知道的 一个暴躁女 You know Rhiannon. She's perpetually angry.
骂起人来像索马里海盗 巨... She curses like a somali sailor. Bi...
-对 就是这个 -巨...巨什么 - Yeah. That's the one. - "Bi..."? "bi..."? What's "bi-"?
-好的 -我想知道是巨什么 - Okay. - I wanna know what "bi..." is.
-你还在吗 -到底是巨什么 - Hello - What's "bi..."? What is "bi..."?
-回见 -巨什么呀 - Bye. - "bi..."? What is "bi..."?
巨有意思的人 巨美好的心灵 Bedazzling personality? Beautiful, beautiful soul?
-巨乳 -这就是我的特征吗 - Big tits. - That's my identifier?
太棒了 Yes!
好吧 刚才就是布兰登 All right, well, that was Brandon.
他想要和我谈谈 He needs to talk to me about something.
说不定要借一套衣服 Probably wants to borrow an outfit.
谁知道 巨乳 Whatever, big tits.
太好了 Heck, yeah!
我是巨乳 Big tits!
第二天 情况开始急转直下 The next day, things took a turn for the scandalous...
然后就到了第三部分 which brings us to part three.
淑女的抉择 绅士的约定 A lady's choice and a gentleman's agreement.
您好 奥莉芙住这里吗 Hi. Is there an Olive here?
冰箱里有一罐头呢 There's a whole jar of them in the fridge.
奥莉芙有橄榄之意
不好意思 我一定是搞错地址了 I'm sorry, I must have the wrong address.
开玩笑 快进来 Just kidding. Come on in.
奥莉芙的朋友就是我女儿的朋友 Any friend of Olive's is a friend of our daughter's.
奥莉芙 甜心 Olive, sweetie.
有个男孩要来见你 There's a young man here to see you.
他说想要与你携手步入婚姻殿堂 He said something about asking for your hand in marriage.
多么令人欣喜啊 母亲 Oh, happy day, mama!
我觉得我会花光我的嫁妆 Oh, I thought I was gonna have to spend my dowry...
整日饮酒嗑药以消寂寞呢 on booze and pills to numb the ioneliness.
一位绅士来访 太好了 A gentleman caller, hurray!
-怎么了 -奥莉芙的房间里有个男孩 - what's that? - Olive has a boy in her room.
-一个男孩吗 -一个男孩啊 - A boy? - A boy.
-是个男孩啊 -是啊 男孩 - Wow, a boy. - A boy.
男孩吗 A boy?
男孩啊 A boy.
欢迎 这里奇幻无穷 Welcome. This is where the magic happens.
其实什么也没有 And by magic I mean nothing.
-你想和我约会吗 -什么 - Do you wanna go out with me? - What?
我的意思是 你想做我的女友吗 Well, I mean, like, do you wanna be my girlfriend?
布兰登 几个小时之前 Brandon, just a couple hours ago you
你还说自己是同性恋啊 told me you were kinsey six gay.
对 但你说我应该装成直男 所以 True, but you said I should pretend to be straight, so...
是的 但别把我拖下水啊 Yeah, I didn't mean with me.
我是说 你是个好人 I mean, you're a nice guy and all,
但是我对你没感觉 but you're not really my type.
是的 我也对你没感觉 Yeah, you're not really my type either.
是的 我了解 Yeah, I know that.
我下面是个洞洞 而你想要棍棍 I got that v where you'd rather see a p.
你想和我做爱吗 Do you wanna have sex with me or not?
我的天啊 哥们 Oh, my god, dude.
你完全理解错了 Wow, you completely missed the point.
我不是这意思 That's not what I was saying at all.
我明白你的意思 I know what you were saying.
我要装成直男 一直装到脱离苦海 I should act straight till I get out of this hellhole.
然后 我就能随心所欲了 我了解 Then I can be whoever I wanna be. I get that.
你也知道我没和那个大学生上床 对吧 You know that I didn't have sex with a college guy, right?
我就是这么说而已 I just told everybody I did.
其实 我就跟一个人说的 Actually, I told one person I did.
然后就一传十十传百了 And you know how these things work.
星星之火 燎原之势啊 It's like wildfire.
你的意思是我不应该真的做爱 So you're saying I shouldn't really have sex?
就说我跟某个姑娘做了就行了 I should just say I had sex with someone. A girl.
是的 Yes. Yes.
不 Oh, no.
-等等 -不要 不要 - Wai... just... - Oh, no, no, no.
-绝对不可能 -等等 先别说 - No way! no way! - Just wait. Wait, wait. Stop it, stop it.
-绝对不可能 -考虑一下 - Absolutely not. - Think about it. Think about it.
-我们能互相帮助啊 -不行 - We could help each other out. - No.
你想要保持你的婊子形象 You wanna maintain this floozy facade.
我不想每天被人欺负 这是双赢的计划 I don't wanna get pushed into shit every day. It's a win-win-win.
你怎么知道我喜欢婊子的感觉 How do you know I like being thought of as a floozy?
因为你已经被人当成婊子了 Because at least you're being thought of.
就一次美好的意念打炮 Just one good imaginary bonk.
你是不是嗑药了 质量还不好 You are on crack. All right? And not the good kind.
不一定要是打炮 It doesn't have to be a bonk.
可以是想象中的奶油豆和挤柠檬 It could be an imaginary butterbean, lemon squeeze...
都是些什么玩意儿 I don't know what any of that means.
大人说话 处女别插嘴 That's because you're a virgin.
你知道吗 这根本行不通 You know what? This is not the answer at all.
我会给你钱的 I'll pay you whatever you want.
我不要你的钱 布兰登 I don't want your money, Brandon.
就瞎编一个人吧 像我一样 Just do what I did and make someone up.
谁会相信我呢 Who's going to believe me?
你不了解我有多痛苦 我饱受折磨 You don't understand how hard it is, all right? I'm tormented.
每天在学校都有一种窒息之感 And every day at school is like I'm being suffocated.
没错 我们能坐下来好好意淫一下 And sure, we can sit and fantasize all we want...
世界会变得多么美好 about how things are gonna be different one day...
但是现实是残酷的 but this is today and it sucks.
只有一种方法能够解决 There's only one way around it.
你已经知道是什么方法了 You were smart enough to think of it.
所以 谢谢了 帮帮我吧 So please, just help me.
我实在是受够了现在的生活 Because I can't take another day of this.
我已经不知所措了 I don't know what I'll do.
半吊子的事我不干 明白吗 I don't do anything half-assed. All right?
要做就做得尽人皆知 It'll have to be a public event.
麦乐迪·波斯蒂克明天晚上办个派对 Melody Bostic is throwing a party tomorrow night.
你的对头们都会到场 All of your tormentors will be there.
你和我一起去 明白了吗 You and I are going together. All right?
你得一切服从我的安排 You have to do everything I say and
并且告诉所有人我妙不可言 tell everyone that I am sensational.
-真是太感谢你了 -就是 - Thank thank you so much for doing this. - Just...
你得想清楚 这样做的后果 you know, make sure you're ready to live with the consequences.
什么是挤柠檬啊 What the hell is a lemon squeeze?
差不多就是蜜瓜 袋倒过来 It's like a backwards melon bag.
我怎么会没想到 How don't I know any of this?
第二天晚上 The next night
我们到了麦乐迪·波斯蒂克的派对 was the party at Melody Bostic's house.
她是学校里最出名的女孩 She is the most popular girl in school.
一部分是因为她长得标志 有一头秀发 It's partly because she's pretty and has perfect hair...
但是更重要的是 but mostly because
只要她发现他父母在游泳池里那个 her parents let her have these parties...
就可以在家里大开派对 every time she catches them doing it in the pool...
其实就是每周一次 which is every week, apparently.
我和布兰登在派对正酣的时候到场 Brandon and I showed up when it was in full swing.
我管我妈妈借了礼服 I borrowed a dress from my mom,
布兰登管我借了一件夹克 Brandon borrowed a jacket from me...
然后我们就上场了 and we put on a little show.
你好啊 奥莉芙还有布兰登 Hey, Olive and Brandon.
好啊 What's up?
我希望你不介意 I hope you don't mind,
我们刚喝了一些鸡尾酒 but we had a few pre-cocktail-party cocktails...
就是鸡尾酒会之前的鸡尾酒 like, before the cocktail party with cocktails.
听好了 情况是这样的 麦乐迪·波斯蒂克 Listen, here's the sitch, Melody Bostic.
布兰登正跟我讲一个 Brandon was just in the middle of
很有趣的故事 telling me this really funny thing...
特别的有意思 which is really funny.
我想 我们能不能借用一个房间什么的 And I was wondering if there's, like, a room where we could go...
好让他给我讲完这个有趣的故事 where he could finish telling me that thing that's funny...
你懂的 if you know what I mean.
你们可以用我的房间 You can use my room.
过道尽头左手边的房间 Down the hall to the left.
太棒了 Cool.
那是奥莉芙和布兰登吗 Is that Olive with Brandon?
是啊 怎么回事啊 I know. What the hell, right?
你们是我兄弟 You guys are my buddies.
我喝大了 婊子们 怎么了 I'm drunk, bitches. What's up?
你的房间太棒了 I love your room!
我的床单 垫一块毛巾啊 My sheets. Put a towel down.
奥莉芙要和一个同性恋干 Olive's gonna do a gay dude.
谢了 拉上帘子 Thanks. Close the shades.
-你干什么呢 -放轻松 - What are you doing? - Relax.
天啊 你们同性恋怎么了 Jesus, what is with you gays?
你们就那么受不了女人下面吗 Are you really that repulsed by lady parts?
那你以为那儿有啥 地精吗 What do you think I have down there, a gnome?
太棒了 这是什么颜色 So nice. What is that,
薰衣草色吗 真好看 lavender? It's pretty.
你干什么呢 你过来好吗 What are you doing? Can you...? Can you come here, please?
脱了外衣 快点 Jacket off. Come on.
好的 好的 All right. Come on. Chop-chop. All right.
现在发出咕噜声 真实点 Now grunt. Grunt and make it convincing.
我说咕噜声 不是发牢骚 I said grunt, not whine. Just grunt.
呻吟 知道吗 性感的呻吟 Moan, you know? Like, sex noises.
天啊 你真可悲 God, you are pathetic.
很好 很好 Good. Good.
太棒了 太棒了 Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.
-你不用这么粗野吧 -你不喜欢吗 - You don't have to be so aggressive. - You don't like that?
-对 我不太喜欢 -你不喜欢吗 - No, I don't like that. - You don't like that?
这样呢 怎么样 How about that? You like that?
-好点 -你就好这口啊 - Little better. - Yeah, you like that.
我喜欢这样 I like that.
-他不是同性恋吗 -我觉得他是啊 - This guy, he's gay, no? - I think he's gay.
-不要停 -继续来 - Don't stop! - Keep going.
-不要停啊 -我没停 - Don't stop. - I'm not gonna stop.
我不会停的 I'm not gonna stop.
现在该你了 Now you try. You try.
我要把你翻过来 咱们来后入式 I'm gonna turn you around and take you from the back.
那样可不会让别人以为你是直男 That's not gonna make people think you're straight.
别管什么同性恋 我是直男 爽啊 Never mind that gayness because I'm a straight guy. Roar!
棒极了 完美啊 That's awesome! That's perfect!
我就是这个意思 That's what I'm talking about!
闻一口吧 闻到了吗 Do you smell that? Do you smell us?
他说闻一口 Did he just say it smelled?
不能闻吗 Isn't it supposed to smell?
能 但是不该评论的嘛 No, you're not supposed to comment on it.
-没那么难闻吧 -耶 天哪 - It doesn't really smell that bad. - Oh, yeah. Yes, god!
-不要停 -不要停 太有意思了 - Don't stop. Yeah! - Don't stop. It's too much fun.
-准备好高潮了吗 -好了 什么 - You ready for the grand finale? - Yeah. What?
来吧 Come on.
天啊 Oh, my god.
大步向前 孩子 你现在是个男人了 Go forth, my son. You're a man now.
谢谢你 Thank you.
真的 谢谢 Seriously, thanks.
-拿着 -这什么 - Here. - What is this?
证据 Evidence.
好啊 What's up?
嗨 哥们儿 Hey, man.
她功夫如何 How was she?
这个 这么说吧 Well, well, let's just say
我明天走路会很滑稽喽 I'll be walking funny tomorrow.
什么 What?
醉了嘛 怎么着 婊子们 I'm drunk. What's up, bitches?
陶德 嗨 Todd, hi.
你在这里干嘛 我以为 What're you doing here? I thought
你去你表姐的婚宴排练了呢 you were at your cousin's rehearsal dinner.
排练很快 我就一句台词 It was a quick rehearsal. I only had one line.
开个玩笑 That was a joke.
我知道啦 I know.
不好意思 怎么样啊 Yeah, sorry. How's it going?
你知道 我 You know, I'm...
-到此一游 -来杯啤酒 - I'm here. - Can I get you a beer?
押韵诶 我喜欢 That rhymed. I liked it.
-我得走了 -你确定 - I'm gonna go. - You sure?
-是啊 拜 -盐矿里见喽 - Yeah. Bye. - See you at the salt mines.
这可能听起来很蠢 Maybe this is gonna sound stupid...
但是 相信我 我也没指望 ...and, believe me, it's not like
有人给我放烟火庆祝 I was expecting, you know, fireworks...
弦乐四重奏什么的 ...or a string quartet or anything...
但是我总觉得假装破了处 ...but I always thought pretending to lose my virginity...
会有那么一点 ...would be a little more...
不知道 与众不同 ...I don't know, special?
朱迪·布鲁姆应该调教好我的 Judy Blume should've prepared me for that.
美国作家 作品面向青少年
真美 That is so beautiful.
可从没培训过哦 Never had one lesson.
昨天那小伙子给你送来了这个 That boy from yesterday just dropped this off for you.
好吧 就放在其他求爱者的礼物堆里吧 Well, put it in the pile of gifts from my other suitors.
-谢了 -他看上去是个好孩子 - Thanks. - He seems like a nice kid.
同志气质也很浓烈啊 He seemed a little incredibly gay.
彻头彻尾的同性恋 那孩子 A dyed-in-the-wool homosexual, that boy is.
我只是想让你知道 我和你爸非常支持 I just want you to know your father and I are totally supportive.
我们爱你 不管你的异性性伙伴 We love you no matter what the sexual orientation...
是什么性取向 ...of your opposite-sex sex partner.
我们没有在一起 妈 We're not dating, mom.
不用担心没法给我们生孙子 And don't worry about not making us grandparents...
尽管我们还是有点希望你能带来好消息 ...although we were kind of hoping you'd get knocked up...
我们就有养育孩子的第二次机会了 ...so we'd have a second shot at raising kids.
这次绝对好好表现 Really do it right this time.
-再见了 -我也和同性恋约会过 - Bye now. - You know, I dated a homosexual once.
在一起很久 真的 很久 For a long time, actually. A long time.
苍天啊 大地啊 别告诉我 Dear god, dear lord, tell me you did
你嫁了他还生了孩子 not marry and have children with him.
没有 No.
没有 不是 不是 No, no, no.
你爸爸很直 Your father is as straight as they come.
直得有点过 明白我的意思吧 闺蜜 A little too straight, if you know what I mean. Girlfriends...
不明白 把门带上 谢了 I don't. Can you shut the door, please?
好了 门就在那 直走 Okay, door's right over there. Keep going.
-搞定他 -扭给爸爸看去吧 美 - Take it down. - Go take that out to dad. Nice.
"以防你乱来 "Just in case you don't shop at target.
自己搞搞就行了 Then you can go screw yourself.
布兰登" Brandon."
嗨 莉亚 Hi, Rhi.
你和布兰登的事儿是真的吗 Is it true you got with Brandon
还是在麦乐迪的恶心派对上 at Melody dipshit's party?
别人都那么说吗 Is that what people are saying happened?
所有人都那么说 That's what everyone is saying happened.
那么 我猜 就是真的呗 Well, then I guess that... I guess that's true.
只不过破了处 Just because you lost your virginity
不代表你就可以招摇过市 doesn't mean you can go around...
到处卖弄风骚 ...throwing your cat at everybody.
我没到处卖弄风骚 I'm not throwing my cat at everybody.
我还得从杰基·鲁得斯基那里听说 I had to hear from Jackie Rudetsky.
你知道那有多尴尬吗 Do you know how embarrassing that is?
居然还从杰基·鲁得斯基那里 Finding out you slept with some gay dude
听说你睡了同性恋男 from Jackie Rudetsky?
可真够尴尬的 That must've been very embarrassing.
为什么不告诉我去你派对了 Why didn't you tell me you were going to the party?
我可以一起去 照顾你 I would've come with and held your hair.
怎么什么事儿都是围着你转 Are you really making this about you right now?
你可真要声名远播了 You're starting to get a reputation.
别在那装圣女了 You're coming off as a little pious.
你这次可真惹火我了 You're pissing me off more than usual.
不好意思 我觉得作为最好的朋友 I'm sorry, I think it's a best friend's duty...
就该让你知道所有人 ...to let her know that everyone,
没错 所有人 都叫你 and I do mean everyone, is calling her...
破烂货 ...A dirty skank.
那么 你觉得我是破烂货吗 Well, do you think I'm a dirty skank?
你知道 我也不想相信 You know, I didn't wanna believe it,
但是我猜 没错 but I guess it's true.
这就算是你的特征了 That is your identifier.
你就是个嫉妒的小处女 And you're a jealous virgin.
那么 So...
大家以为我是个破烂货 People thought I was a dirty skank?
好吧 那我就破烂给他们看看 Fine, I'd be the dirtiest skank they'd ever seen.
吉约姆 内衣
妈的 Shit.
你还好吧 Is everything all right?
听着像你在跟谁上床似的 It sounds like you're having sex in here...
不过不可能啦 因为 ...which can't be true, due to the fact
你交了个同性恋男朋友 that you have a homosexual boyfriend.
他不是我男朋友 He's not my boyfriend.
没别的意思 Hey, no judgment.
都是上帝的子民 没关系的 All god's children. It's fine.
我也有过一段同性恋史 I was gay once for a while.
不是什么大事 都会过来的 没关系 No big deal. We all do it. It's okay.
爸爸 拜托把门关上 Dad, can you just shut the door, please?
你还好吧 姐们儿 You all right, buddy?
好 Yeah.
要他们好看 Give them hell.
-嗨 安森 -嗨 - Hey, Anson. - Hey.
我刚发现一件超有意思的事 I just realized the funniest thing.
我的名字一变位就是"我爱" My name is an anagram for "I love."
olive - i love
什么 什么变位 What's a...? What's an anagram?
自己查去吧 大个子 Look it up, big boy.
你有什么问题吗 What's your problem?
想知道我有什么问题吗 You wanna know what my problem is?
不 客套下而已 No. That was a rhetorical question.
我才不关心你的事 I don't wanna know anything from you.
我们不再是朋友了 We are not friends anymore.
正式决裂 We are officially over.
糟糕 Oh, rats.
把我的橘滋运动衫还我 I want my Juicy sweatshirt back. It was
反正你的胸那么小也撑不起来 too loose around your chest anyway.
去死 Burn.
你干嘛呢 What are you doing?
没什么 Nothing.
别忘了明天是地球日 Don't forget, tomorrow's earth day.
伙计们 我们遇到难题了 Guys, we have a problem.
奥莉芙·潘德加斯 Olive Penderghast.
-我们要为她祈祷 -阿门 - We need to pray for her. - Amen.
但我们也得把她赶走 But we also need to get her the hell out of here.
阿门 Amen.
你们也听说了麦乐迪·波斯蒂克派对上的事儿了吧 You heard what happened at Melody Bostic's party.
我也在场 亲耳听到全程哦 I was there. I heard the whole thing.
这可不是什么值得宣扬的事儿 科特 That's not something... ...you need to advertise, Kurt.
抱歉 但我真的听到了 Sorry. But I was.
我试过向她见证 但是 I tried to witness to her, but this
这姑娘拒绝援手 girl is defiant to any type of help.
有谁能和她谈谈 帮她看清 Does anybody here think they can talk to her, get her to see...
自己做了错事啊 ...what she's doing is wrong?
-没关系 -对不起 - It's okay. - I'm sorry,
伙计们 很傻是不是 you guys. This is so stupid.
不 不傻 玛丽安 很真切 No, it's not, Marianne. It's real.
-很真切 -没错 - It's real. - Yeah, it is.
耶稣要我们博爱 Jesus tells us to love everyone.
我是说 连荡妇和同性恋也要去爱 I mean, even the whores and the homosexuals,
但是好难哦 but it's just so hard.
好难 因为他们屡教不改 It's so hard because they keep doing it over and over again.
给我一个承诺 Make me a promise.
给上帝一个承诺 此时此刻 Make god a promise, right here and right now...
我们保持纯真与贞洁 直到新婚之夜 ...that we will remain pure and chaste until marriage.
我们承诺 We promise.
棒极了 棒极了 棒极了 Awesome, awesome, awesome.
我爱你们伙计们 上帝爱你们 I love you guys. God loves you guys.
现在 让我们改变人生吧 Now, let's change lives today.
-麦加 -来吧 - Micah? - Let's do it.
与你同在 When here with you
埃及祭台 Was in an Egyptian stands
赦免众生 Let my people go
祈祷艰难 A pray's so hard
无力承担 They could not stand
赦免众生 Let my people go
我不知道他们究竟还愁什么 I didn't know what they were so upset about.
我已经如他们所愿把A贴衣服上了嘛 I put an A on my wardrobe just like they asked.
可能是因为我穿的衣服 Maybe it was because I was wearing clothes
太小了吧 that were two sizes too small.
嗨 奥莉芙 Hey, Olive!
前天晚上你把水晶拖鞋落下了 You left your glass slipper at the party the other night.
是啊 还沾了满裙子的南瓜 Yeah, and I got pumpkin all over my dress too.
-这就是生活嘛 -生活 - C'est la vie. - La vie.
不错嘛 精辟 Nice. Solid joke.
挺遗憾不能重游麦乐迪的卧室 It sucks because we could've revisited Melody's bedroom.
天哪 当时就是在麦乐迪·波斯蒂克家 Oh, my god, that was Melody Bostic's house.
-是啊 -不敢相信你居然记得 - Yeah. - I can't believe you remember that.
谁会记不得自己的准初吻 Who doesn't remember their first almost-kiss?
嗨 奥莉芙 Hey, Olive.
伊凡 嗨 什么事 Evan. Hey, what's rocking?
我能和你谈谈吗 Can I talk to you for a second?
行啊 怎么了 Yeah, what's up?
不要生气 Don't get mad,
但是布兰登告诉我你们的事了 but Brandon told me what you did for him.
很好 放心 我也爽坏了 Oh, well, rest assured, it was equally as thrilling for me.
不 他告诉了我实情 No, he told me the truth.
我只是在想 你能不能也帮帮我 I was just hoping you could do the same for me?
再见 伊凡 Goodbye, Evan.
等等 等等 我可以付钱 Wait, wait. I can pay you.
六秒以后 我重重扇你一巴掌然后走开 I am about six seconds away from slapping you so hard...
-扇得你牙出血 -那能当众扇我吗 - ...your teeth will bleed. - Can you do it in front of everyone?
要知道 没有你的允许也行的啊 I don't need your permission, you know.
什么 What?
按你现在这发展势头 I mean, at the rate you're going...
谁都会相信的 ...I don't see how people won't believe it.
-你这是在威胁我 -我给你100块 - Are you threatening me? - I'll give you 100 bucks.
恶心 You are repugnant.
这就是问题所在 That's the problem.
算了 Never mind.
原谅我的不情之请 I'm sorry I asked.
就知道没用的 I knew it wouldn't work.
我就是一坨大肥屎 I'm just a fat piece of shit.
高中什么时候才是个头啊 When will high school end already?
该死 Shit.
明天中午之前 I want a $100 gift card deposited
把一百块的礼券放我柜子里 into my locker by noon tomorrow.
最好是盖普卡 Preferably to the Gap, but I will
亚马逊或者办公用品卡也行 also take Amazon.Com or Officemax.
算了 还是办公用品卡吧 Actually, make it Officemax.
我看上了一个打标机 I have my eye on a label maker.
但是我们没有上过床 明白 We did not have sex, okay?
我让你摸了我的胸 I let you fondle my chest, and it
那么一个良宵时刻 was a glorious moment for you...
胜过了你所有的无敌体验 包括吃蛋糕 ...unmatched by anything you've experienced, including cake.
明白没 Got it?
等下 花了一百块才上二垒 Wait a minute. A hundred bucks for second base?
-是的 -有点过分吧 - Yeah. - Doesn't that seem a little steep?
来点儿赠品吧 Can we throw in,
比如 打屁股或者抓内裤 like, some butt action or some pants rubbing?
你九岁吗 What are you, 9?
无所谓啦 行不行 Whatever. Are you in?
-随便吧 -那就成交了 - Whatever. - Deal, then.
谢了 奥莉芙 Thanks, Olive.
你知道吗 可悲的是 伊凡 You know, the sad thing is, Evan...
如果你只是绅士一点 邀请我去约会 ...if you'd been a gentleman and maybe asked me on a date...
我也许会同意的 ...I might've said yes.
是吗 你愿意跟我约会吗 Really? Do you wanna go out with me?
现在不了 变态 Not now I don't, shit-dick.
如果我勾搭男人赚钱的流言 It should come as no surprise that the
传得比我那个啥 rumor I was soliciting sex for money
当初第一条流言还要快 spread around the school faster than...
我可一点都不惊讶 Well, faster than the first rumor about me spread.
伙计们 过来 Guys, come over here.
她卖身赚钱 全世界 She'll do stuff for money. Around the world...
但是对了解实情的人 But for people who knew the truth,
我来者不拒 I was open for business.
不管喜不喜欢 顾客蛮多的 And whether I liked it or not, I had a lot of customers.
菲尔·罗德付了一张百思买的卡 Phil Lord gave me 100 bucks from Best Buy...
就可以告诉别人我们在图书馆后面搞了 ... so he could tell people we hooked up behind the library.
麦克斯服装店的五十块代金券 I got $50 from T.J. Maxx
这样埃里克·李可以说 so that Eric Ling could say...
我们化学课做了爱 ... we got it on during chemistry.
九十块的熊猫快递卡 Ninety dollars from Panda Express
莱恩·杜克斯就可以告诉人们 so Ryan Dukes could tell people...
我给他看了 但是他没给我看 ... I showed him mine, but he did not show me his.
克里斯·米勒 作为传说中的大款 Chris Miller, big spender that he is...
让我装他的情妇 ... gave me $40 worth of movie
就给了四十块的电影兑换券 passes for my pretend cowbell.
居然还有有效期 而且只能去 They had an expiration date and were only good...
某个傻缺外文影剧院 ... at the stupid foreign movie theater.
嗨 一张《红字》 Hi. One for Der Scharlachrote Buchstabe.
就这个都比桑尼亚·钱德拉塞卡强 But even that is better than Sanjay Chandrasekhar.
不是吧 优惠券 Seriously? A coupon?
屈臣氏八折优惠 Twenty percent off to Bath & Body works?
我和你的虚构约会就值这点儿 Is that how much our imaginary tryst meant to you?
我可是让你爽颠了诶 I fake rocked your world.
我就付得起这些 It's all I can afford.
关我屁事 小朋友[西语] How's that my problem, Amigo?
我知道他不是拉丁美洲人 I knew he wasn't Latino,
但不知为啥 这些暗箱交易总是 but for some reason all these shady backdoor deals
让我有点波多黎各腔 had me talking like carlito.
-滚吧 -好 - Beat it, ese. - Okay.
骑士精神都跑到哪里去了 Whatever happened to chivalry?
难道只有八十年代的电影里才有 Does it only exist in '80s movies?
我想要约翰·库萨克举着录放机来到我窗前 I want John Cusack holding a boombox outside my window.
想要帕特里克·德姆西带着我骑割草机 I wanna ride off on a lawn mower with Patrick Dempsey.
我希望《十六支蜡烛》里的詹克 I want Jake from Sixteen Candles
在教堂外等的是我 waiting outside the church for me.
我想要贾德·尼尔森因为得到了我 I want Judd Nelson thrusting his fist into the air...
兴奋地一拳冲天 ... because he knows he got me.
让我体会一次八零年代 一次就行 Just once, I want my life to be like an '80s movie.
无所谓理由 要是能来一出 Preferably one with a really awesome musical number...
出彩的音乐剧就更好了 ... for no apparent reason.
但是 不 没有 But, no. No.
约翰·休斯并没有导演我的生活 John Hughes did not direct my life.
那些都没戏了 So instead of all that...
但买松柏威风抗菌液时 ...I get to save 15 cents...
我可以省上一毛五 on a bottle of juniper breeze antibacterial gel.
如果你们还在看的话 So if you're still with me, and I'm
我希望大部分还在 hoping that most of you are...
接下来到了第四部分 ...this brings us to part four.
我 奥莉芙·潘德加斯 How I, Olive Penderghast,
如何从伪荡妇 went from assumed trollop...
变身成为家庭破坏分子 ...to an actual home-wrecker.
-您要见我 -是的 进来吧 - You wanted to see me? - I did. Why don't you come in here?
怎么了 What's going on?
-我在往锦上添花 -是吗 - I'm accessorizing. - Really?
那你也把阅读任务 I think you're taking your reading
看得太重了吧 assignment a little bit too seriously.
我可真的想得个A呢 懂了吧 Well, I was really hoping to get an A. Get it?
我听到了一些流言 I'm hearing some rumors.
好吧 都是真的 Well, those are true. I am considering
我开始呼唤存在感了 becoming an existentialist.
-你知道我说的是什么 -苍天 - You know what I'm talking about. - Jeez.
你们怎么也关心起青少年的无聊绯闻来了 When did teachers become privy to idle adolescent gossip?
从所有人把所有的事都在 That would be when everyone
Facebook上抖出来的时候起 is putting everything up on facebook.
我不知道你们这代人为什么沉醉于 I don't know what your generation's fascination is...
把每个想法都记录下来 ...with documenting your every thought...
不过我知道 那些玩意儿多半是废话 ...but I can assure you they're not all diamonds.
"罗曼今天过得不错 "Roman is having an okay day...
在加油站买了瓶零度可乐 ...and bought a coke zero at the gas station.
闹起来吧" Raise the roof."
谁会在意这种事情啊 Who gives a rat's ass?
他又喝零度可乐了 He got a coke zero again?
这个罗曼 没救了 That Roman. Incorrigible.
听着 不管你是想干什么 Listen, whatever this little act is about,
我只是 很好奇 I just... I'm curious.
我真的觉得你应该给我加点分 I really think you should consider giving me extra credit...
因为多努了把力 ...for going the extra mile.
我真的很费劲去理解了霍顿写的 I'm really attempting to understand this Puritanical Ostracism...
清教徒放逐法 ...Hawthorne wrote about.
你是少数几个去读的人 You are one of the few that read it.
如果我再看到你们班有一份作业 If I read one more paper from one of your classmates...
写她在浴缸里的性感模样 ...who talks about how hot she is in the
她的蹩脚英伦腔 bathtub, her fake British accent...
或者 她跟阿什顿·库彻还没离呢 ...or, is she still married to Ashton Kutcher
我就去自杀 I'm gonna kill myself.
他们干嘛不向我学学 看看原著呢 Why don't people just watch the original movie like I did?
我知道你读过了 I know you read the book.
没错 I did.
听着 我很抱歉 Listen, I want to apologize for sending
把你送到校办公室那事 you to the principal's office.
说真的 当时我挺想跟他们一起欢呼的 Truthfully, and I'll deny it if you say anything...
不过这种话只可意会不可言传了 ...I wanted to be cheering with the rest of the students.
搞不明白咋回事 I don't know what it is about Nina.
我讨厌妮娜 I hate her.
我不会说出去的 I won't tell.
-你说了我也不承认 -好吧 - I'll deny it if you do. - Okay.
-拜拜 -拜拜 - Bye-bye. - Bye-bye.
保持优秀 Stay golden.
嗨 格里菲斯太太 Hi, Mrs. Griffith.
嗨 你呢 你好吗 Hi, you. How are you?
A就是"很棒"啦 A is for "awesome."
好吧 Yeah.
我从来没见过这个人 I've never seen that girl before in my life.
我可一点都不惊讶 That does not surprise me.
我知道 但是我是咨询师 I know, but I'm the guidance counselor.
应该认识所有的学生 I should know all the students.
尤其是那些穿得跟妓女似的孩子 Especially the ones who dress like prostitutes.
见到你很高兴 It's good to see you.
嗨 你好吗 很好 Hey. How are you? Good.
不要 住手 No, stop.
这是在学校呢 有规定的 We're at school. There are rules.
-还有窗户 -好吧 好吧 - Windows. - Yeah, yeah.
不过 帮我个忙 和她谈谈 Do me a favor, though. Just talk to her.
她正经历着艰难时期 I think she's going through a phase.
等会儿 她该不会就是 Wait, that's not the girl
大家议论的那个吧 是吗 everyone's talking about, is it?
就是她 It is.
好吧 这不错 好吧 Oh, okay. Oh, this'll be good. All right.
我那个烦人的基督迷办公助手 That snotty, jesus-freak office aide I have...
一直跟我抱怨她 has been bitching about her incessantly.
那都是谎言 但是她应该找个人谈谈 They're all lies, but she could use somebody to talk to anyway.
好吧 晚饭你吃什么 All right. Hey, what are you doing for dinner tonight?
-你不会来吗 -对不起 - You won't be there? - Sorry.
我有个课外会议 一个孩子把刀带进了学校 I have an after-school session. Kid brought a knife to school.
那小心点 好吗 Well, be careful, all right?
是把小水果刀 但你知道他们会说成什么 It was a butter knife. But you know what they say.
致命刀具 所以 You know, it's a gateway knife, so...
-好吧 再见 -好 再见 - All right, bye. - Yeah. Bye.
我还想到了另一个致命法宝 那就是 I'm thinking about another gateway. It's a...
做意大利面 making spaghetti.
-太棒了 -还有肉呢 - That's great. - With meat.
享受你的肉吧 Enjoy eating your meat.
-还有肉丸 -享受肉丸吧 - And balls. - Enjoy eating your balls.
削铅笔呢 Sharpening your pencils?
削得又尖又漂亮 Getting them nice and sharp?
削啊削 看看你 快看 真尖 Sharpening them up? Look at you. Look at you. So sharp.
削这些铅笔 削 削 削 Sharpening those pencils. Sharp, sharp, sharp.
天啊 它们真尖 God, that's sharp. L...
奥莉芙 准备进来好吗 Hey, Olive. You ready to come in?
干的漂亮 Good job.
我叫你来是因为 我们能 Well, the reason I called you in was just so we could...
你知道 聊聊最近发生的事 sort of, you know, just chat about what's going on.
你知道吗 我们有些老师很担心你 You know, there is concern from a few faculty members.
你的丈夫吧 Your husband.
奥莉芙 你像是想宣告点什么 Olive, you're attempting to make a statement.
我呢 很疑惑你宣告的内容究竟是什么 I'm just a little confused as to what exactly that is.
我有麻烦了吗 Am I in trouble?
因为 根据学生手册的条例 Because, pursuant to the student code of conduct...
我的裙子下摆没有高过我的指尖 my hemline has never been higher than my fingertips.
没有 你没有麻烦 No, you're not in trouble.
我只是想知道 I wanted to make sure you knew...
你有什么想跟我聊聊吗 if there's something that you wanna talk about...
你可以相信我 you know, you can trust me.
如果我都告诉你 你保证不告诉别人吗 If I open up to you, do you promise this stays in confidence?
是的 你看 我是心理咨询师 Yeah. I'm... see? I'm the guidance counselor.
这是我的工作 That's what I do.
其实 我得维护好声誉 I mean, I have a reputation to uphold.
可不是嘛 Don't you, though?
好吧 别说是我干的 All right, listen, don't tell anyone I'm doing this, please.
给你 Here you go.
-给你 -我真的不需要这些 - Here you go. - I really don't need those.
不 你需要 给你 Oh, you really do. Here you go.
接着 好吗 Here you go. Okay?
我不想让这些事情 I just don't want this thing you're
影响你的一生 going through to define your life.
奥莉芙 随心所欲 好吧 Olive, do what you gotta do. Okay?
继续挥舞你的彩旗 但是 Let your freak flag fly. Just make
确保给自己留条后路 sure you have an exit strategy.
格里菲斯夫人 我真的 Listen, Mrs. Griffith, I really...
我不需要这个 I don't need these.
避孕药也不是百分百的有效 The pill is not 100 percent effective.
咨询一下你朋友的父母 Ask some of your friends' parents.
谢谢你的到来 Thank you for coming in.
能把下一位叫进来吗 谢谢 Can you just send in the next person? Thank you.
到你了 You're up, Hoss.
好吧 去吧 没事的 Okay. Go. It's all right.
一切都会好起来的 Everything's gonna be okay.
你不觉得有点怪吗 Don't you think it's a little strange
你男朋友都22了 that your boyfriend is 22 years old...
还在读高中 and still in high school?
关你屁事 Not that it's any of your business...
他在这是他的选择 but he is here by choice.
难道他作为四年级的高中生 It's his choice he's a fourth-year senior
自己愿意考试全挂吗 that can't pass any test he takes?
祂的选择 祂 祂 His choice. His? His?
上面那位 Capital h?
如果上帝让他毕业 If god wanted him to graduate, god
上帝自然给出正确答案 would've given him the right answers.
对不起 你这是耍我呢吧 女人 I'm sorry. You gotta be shitting me, woman.
好吧 那他为什么哭哭啼啼像个孩子 Okay. So why was he blubbering like a baby?
他还在挣扎于性问题 Is he struggling with his sexuality?
不是 你这个麻木的小贱人 No, you insensitive rhymes-with-witch.
他的父母要离婚了 His parents are going through a divorce.
好吧 Okay.
你得知道 有时候我们男朋友的父母 You know, sometimes our boyfriend's parents...
他们会离婚的 知道吗 they get divorced, you know?
但重要的是 记住这不是你的错 And it's important to remember it's not your fault.
现在我要走了 So I gotta go.
但他们是我们教会的 人们会怎么说呢 But they go to our church. What will people say?
这种拥抱一般会持续多久 How long do these embraces usually last?
因为我得走了 但 Because I gotta go, but I...
-你没事吧 -是的 我会好起来的 - are you gonna be okay? - yes, I'm gonna be okay.
格里菲斯夫人很棒的 Mrs. Griffith is amazing...
她会帮助麦加的 and she's gonna help Micah,
所有事情都会好起来的 and everything's gonna be okay.
是吧 好了 就是这种精神 See? All right, that's the spirit.
一切都会好起来的 Everything's gonna be okay.
好吧 Okay.
等等 为什么你会对我这么好 Wait. Why are you even being so nice to me?
我做到了 I did it.
我不再记恨你了 I got through to you.
为我之前所说的话抱歉 我很抱歉 I'm so sorry about everything I said. I am so, so sorry.
我是说 我希望我们能成为朋友 I mean, I really want us to be friends.
我们能做朋友吗 求你了 Can we please be friends?
当然 Absolutely.
我们真的成为了好朋友 维持了一整天 And for a day, we were actually really good friends.
我开始有点觉得自己在转运 I was kind of starting to think things were gonna turn around.
奥莉芙 Olive!
-朋友 -朋友 - Friend. - Hey, friend.
-我真想你 -我更想你 - I missed you. - Oh, I missed you more.
第一阶段她给我发短信 She texted me in first period.
嗨亲 放学一块儿玩吧 亲亲抱抱
第二阶段 我们有了默契的笑点 By second period, we apparently had private jokes.
奥莉芙 奥莉芙 Olive. Olive.
悲剧开始于木材厂 Tragedy struck in wood shop.
当然不是因为某人锯断了拇指 It wasn't because someone sawed off a thumb...
这事儿有过 which has happened.
麦加住院了 他特别痛苦 Micah is in the hospital. He is in so much pain.
但护士不知道是哪里的问题 The nurse didn't know what was wrong.
好了 好了 There, there.
好疼啊 妈妈 It hurts so bad, mommy.
跟我预想的一样 性病 Well, it's just what I thought. Chlamydia.
不 No.
你跟谁鬼混弄的 告诉我 Who have you been screwing? Tell me.
现在告诉我 不然你就死定了 Tell me now or I will kill you right here.
奥莉芙 奥莉芙·潘德加斯 Olive. Olive Penderghast!
奥莉芙 奥莉芙·潘德加斯 Olive. Olive penderghast.
我一会儿打给你 好的 再见 I have to call you back. Okay. Bye-bye.
真见鬼 Goddamn it.
性病 Chlamydia?!
那个贱人 That bitch!
奥莉芙 Olive?
哦 天啊 真见鬼了 Oh, my god. Oh, my god. Goddamn it.
我懵了 I panicked.
我说我从奥莉芙那染的性病 I said I got it from Olive penderghast.
我知道 那让我说什么 I know, but what was I supposed to say?
然后我妈就告诉了玛丽安的妈妈 You know, and then my mom tells Marianne's mom.
我试了 我把这些归咎于他们的离婚 I did. I tried to blame it on their divorce...
但是我妈不买账啊 but my mom is not buying it.
就这样 我要告诉他们 That's it. I have to tell them.
不 我不在乎你给了我性病 不在乎 No, I do not care that you gave me chlamydia. I don't!
我爱你 想跟你在一起 I love you and I want to be with you,
没有人能阻止我们 and nobody can stop us.
我妈不能 玛丽安不能 Not my mother, not Marianne,
就是学校董事会也不能 and not even the school board...
甚至是美国总统 or the president of the Americas!
天啊 Oh, god.
怎么 你来干什么 你想怎样 What? What do you want? What do you want?
滚开 Just go.
很好 真好 Perfect. Just perfect.
对不起 我只是 I'm sorry, I just...
我只是来找玛丽安的 I was looking for Marianne.
她提到过为什么生我的气吗 Did she say anything about being mad at me?
她刚了掴了我一个大耳光 She just smacked the bejesus out of me.
不 都是我的错 No, that's my fault.
对不起 奥莉芙 我很抱歉 I'm so sorry, Olive. I'm sorry.
是我惹得祸 好吧 我真他妈见鬼 But I messed up, okay? I just goddamn shit...
全搞砸了 真他妈活见鬼 goddamn messed up really goddamn shit bad.
见鬼 真他妈 见鬼 Goddamn. Shit, goddamn.
好吧 别误会虽然我喜欢这劲儿 Okay. Don't get me wrong because I love it...
但是我觉得您在学生面前 but I don't think you're supposed to
用这种语言不太合适吧 use that language in front of a student.
你知道还有什么不合适吗 跟他们睡觉 You know what else you're not supposed to do, is sleep with them.
但我还是做了 真他妈见鬼 But that didn't stop me. Goddamn shit.
等等 你 我的天啊 Wait. You... oh, my god.
但是 我不是怪罪您 但是 我的天 But I'm not... i'm not judging you or anything, but, oh, my god.
等等 这跟我有什么关系吗 L... wait, what does that have to do with me?
你知道我的婚姻并不幸福 You should know that my marriage is not great.
我们已经好几个月没有一起睡了 We haven't slept together in months.
好几个月 怎么样 In months, all right?
终于 有个帅小伙进入我的生活 Finally, this great-looking guy comes
他对我很好 你知道吗 in and he's nice to me, you know?
而他成年了 And he's not a minor.
这是合法的 他都在这赖这么多年了 This is legal. It's legal because he's been here forever, okay?
他也不是什么虔诚的基督徒 行吗 He's not the sharpest christian in the bible, all right?
而现在他发现他染了性病 And then he finds out that he has chlamydia.
然后他告诉所有人是你传给他的 And so then he's telling everybody that it was you.
他不想让我失去工作 He didn't want me to lose my job...
他也不想惹上麻烦 and he doesn't wanna get in
所以他就说是你 trouble either, so he said it's you.
对不起 I'm sorry.
但是我会解决的 好吗 But I'il... i'm gonna fix it,
奥莉芙 我会告诉大家 Olive. Okay? I'll tell everyone.
我会告诉大家是我 行吗 I'm gonna tell everyone that it's me. Okay?
工作没了就没了 I'll just... i'll lose my job.
还有其他什么的 And, you know, whatever else I lose,
都无所谓了 and then that's okay.
也许拯救落魄人物已经成了我的习惯 Maybe it was becoming a habit of mine to help the downtrodden...
也许是我不忍眼看 or maybe I just couldn't stand to see...
我最喜欢的老师遭遇婚姻危机 my favorite teacher's marriage crumble.
不管怎样 我决定出手相助 Either way, I decided to help.
我可以有性病 I could have chlamydia.
我是说 我可以很容易把它传给麦加 I mean, I could have easily given it to Micah.
谁知道呢 I mean, who knows?
女人也不会显示什么症状 Women oftentimes don't show symptoms.
全世界都知道我到处胡搞 And the whole world knows I've been whoring around.
不 你没有 你没有啊 No, you haven't. No, you haven't.
因为真正的妓女从不自认淫荡 Because a real whore can't admit it to herself,
更不会向世人承认 相信我 much less others. Trust me.
给麦加打电话 Call Micah.
告诉他这个混蛋 现在欠我个大人情 Tell him he is an ass and he owes me so big for this, but also...
告诉他我承认是我传给他性病的 tell him I confessed to giving him chlamydia.
今天是拥抱日吧 Getting a lot of hugs today.
-去死吧 奥莉芙 -滚出去 - You're going to hell, Olive! - Get out of here!
看到大家想把我逐出校园而后快 I guess I shouldn't be too shocked these people...
倒也是意料之中了 wanted my diseased ass out of there.
拯救自己吧 奥莉芙 Save yourself, Olive.
有趣的是 在整个事情发展过程中 The funny thing is, the whole time this all was going down...
我总一厢情愿的以为 I couldn't help but think I
等待我的会是鲜花掌声 could've come up with better signs.
不过奎兹诺斯男孩挺不错 Although you gotta love the quiznos guy.
也就它能把宗教踩在脚底下了 That's the one thing that tramps religion.
资本主义 Capitalism.
你干嘛 Why are you doing this?
我只是想净化校园 I'm trying to make this school a better place.
向学校请愿除掉头号美女 Start a petition to get rid of the lead paint.
奎兹诺斯推出全新蜜汁鸡肉 New honey chicken at quiznos.
-现在不行 奎兹诺斯 -你个贱人 - Not now, quiznos. - You're a slut.
你堕落了 奥莉芙 You're going down, Olive.
如果是因为我比你更出名了 If this is because I'm more popular than you,
那我想你就 then I think what you're...
别把臭名远扬当出名 Let's not mistake popularity for infamy.
-你不想被烧死吧 -我会为你祈祷的 - You don't wanna burn, do you? - I'll be praying for you.
对不起 Sorry.
你还好吧 You okay?
是的 我棒极了 棒极了 Yeah. I'm awesome. I'm awesome.
干死他们 奥莉芙 Screw all these people, Olive.
你没听说吗 Haven't you heard?
任务完成了 I already did.
下地狱吧 奥莉芙 You're going to hell, Olive!
你做那些混账事 What you're doing is wrong.
你去死吧 You're going to hell!
他们信了莉亚农 So they got Rhiannon.
永远别低估玛丽安这种极端分子的能力 Never underestimate the power of ... extremists like Marianne.
他们能嗅出弱点 They sense any weakness,
然后像野猫一样猛扑过来 they pounce like jungle cats.
攻击联盟军也越来越壮大 And the whack pack just gets bigger and bigger.
但至少他们还有个组织 But at least they have a pack.
我却单打独斗 我感到了前所未有的孤独 I was used to being by myself, but I had never felt more alone.
我想我应该研究一下 I thought I should look into what they
是什么让他们如此虔诚膜拜 were running around thumping about.
-您这里有宗教图书吗 -在那边 - Do you have a religion section? - It's over there.
-你想要哪方面的 -圣经 - Can I help you with something? - The bible.
在畅销书区 就在《暮光之城》旁边 That's in bestsellers, right next to "twilight".
我没有时间整本阅读 I didn't have time to read the whole thing...
因为它有六百页 because it's, like, 600 pages.
还是单倍行距 Single-spaced.
就像历史上的每场战争 And as every war that's ever been fought can tell you...
都能用很多方法解释 there are many ways you can interpret it.
除了内战 那是纯粹的种族主义 Except the civil war. That was pure racism.
所以我去找个专家 So I went to find an expert.
但其实 我只是想找个人倾诉一下 But really, I just kind of wanted someone to talk to.
宽恕我吧 神父 因为我有罪 Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned.
我想开场白就是这样吧 I think that's how you start these things.
电影就是这么演的 I'm just going off what I've seen in movies.
从哪说起呢 Where do I even start?
我想假装成 I've been pretending to be...
形容这个最普遍的说法是什么 What is the catholic way of phrasing this?
妓女吗 A harlot?
一个妓女 但我实际上我没做那些... A harlot. It's not that I've actually been doing...
大家传言的肮脏事儿 the things that people have been saying I've been doing...
但我又 没有否认他们的话 but then again, I'm not denying them either.
所以我想知道 这错了吗 So I was just wondering, is that wrong?
只是有很多人 It's just that a lot of people have
让我帮忙做这些 been asking me to do things...
我觉得没问题啊 因为这都不是真的 and I thought it was okay because it wasn't real, you know?
虚张声势而已 It was make-believe.
没有人因此受伤害 And no one was getting hurt...
但是现在很多人都恨我 but a lot of people hate me now.
我也有点恨自己了 I kind of hate me too.
可能是我错了 I might be wrong...
但是您是不是应该说两句 but aren't you supposed to say something?
教我说万福玛丽亚 Tell me to say 10 hail marys,
给附近的铁路捐钱什么的 有人吗 pay a fine advance token to nearest railroad? Hello?
我早该料到 Should've seen that one coming.
幸运的是 镇上有很多宗教圣地 Luckily, I live in a town with many different places of worship.
所以我去找了个活人 So I went to find one with a real live human being.
有事吗 Can I help you?
是的 我想知道这里有没有教主 Yeah, I was just wondering if there's a minister around.
不是教主吗 Is it not a minister?
修道士 巫师 A reverend? A wizard?
那是牧师 他在这 It's a pastor, and he's here.
我能帮你什么吗 How can I help you today?
我想知道你们教会 I was wondering what your church's
关于谎言和通奸的立场 stance on lying and adultery was.
这可不是好事 It's not a good thing.
我同意 举双手 但是 告诉我 Oh, I agree, wholeheartedly. But, then... now, tell me this.
假如有地狱 Assuming there is a hell...
基督教确认了地狱的存在性 Oh, the christian church recognizes the existence of hell.
好吧 我们假设有个地狱 Okay, so we'll just say there's a "hell".
就是有 我们已经确定了 There is. Just so we're clear.
-好吧 为了避免争议 -不 - Okay. So for argument's sake... - No,
没有争议 就是有 there's no argument. It's there.
脚底之下 东方之上 就在那里 Right below our feet, right above the Orient. It's there.
那么哪个更严重 谎言还是通奸 Then what would be worse, lying or adultery?
或者说谎称通奸会罪加一等 对不起 Or is lying about adultery just like double whammy? Sorry.
没事 Come on.
抱歉 你说你叫什么来着 I'm sorry, what did you say your name was?
我没有 你知道吗 我得 I didn't. L... you know what? I'm just gonna...
我得再咨询一下犹太教 因为 I'm just gonna go check out judaism because...
-天啊 两个相框 不是吧 -对不起 - God. Two frames, really? - Sorry.
我跟犹太人有些共通处 The jews and I have a lot in common.
-时尚触觉之类的 -走吧 - Just fashion-wise and stuff. - Off you go.
是的 我竟无意间向恐怖组织首领的父亲 Yes, I had unwittingly sought advice from the father...
咨询建议 of the leader of my lynch mob.
哪个大白痴会说 What other complete and total idiot
自己干过这种事 can say that's happened to them?
好 我把范围缩小到《另一个波林女孩》 Okay, I've narrowed it down to "The other boleyn girl"...
或者《遗愿清单》 大制作 or the "Bucket List". Huge hit.
为什么我们不能看些儿童电影 总是你选 Why can't we watch a movie for kids? You always get to pick.
因为只有家庭之星才能挑选影片 Because the family member of the week gets to pick the movie.
是啊 但你总是家庭之星 Yeah, but you get family member of the week every week.
那是有原因的 And there's a reason for that.
对 是你挑的 Yeah. You pick family member of the week.
你是在指责我偏向吗 Are you accusing me of nepotism?
好吧 就选《遗愿清单》了 就是它 Okay, it's the "Bucket List". This is it.
这是最棒的决定 This is the greatest decision.
这个决定真令我开心 就该这样 I'm so happy with this decision. That's what it's going to be.
好了 亲爱的 看完《遗愿清单》后 All right, now, honey, after we watch the "Bucket List"...
记得从我们的遗愿清单里 remember to cross "watch the bucket list" ...
把看过《遗愿清单》这条划去 off our bucket list.
我说 Guys.
我想让你们知道 如果你们 I want you to know that if you hear I
听说我得了性病 那全是瞎话 have chlamydia, that is totally false.
奥莉芙 我们需要再提起这个话题吗 Olive, do we need to have the talk again?
不是 只是最近有些传闻 No. It's just a thing that's going around.
你知道吗 你说的话让我有些担心 You know, nothing you're saying is making me feel any better.
更别提最近你的打扮了 Not to mention how you've been dressing the last few days.
不是评论 但我觉得你看起来像个舞女 No judgment, but you look like a stripper.
-妈妈 -高级舞女 - Mom. - A high-end stripper.
服务政府官员和运动员的 For governors or athletes.
但还是舞女 But stripper, nonetheless.
天啊 我只是想声辩一下 Oh, my god. I'm just trying to mix it up a little.
而且我没有性病 我保证 And I have no STDS, I promise you.
太棒了 年度好女儿 Oh, that's great. Daughter of the year.
如果你听到什么相反的谣言 If you hear anything to the contrary...
反驳地漂亮点 然后就走开 come up with some funny retort and walk away.
亲爱的 你开始有点让我们担心了 Honey, you're kind of starting to worry us a little.
我们有必要担心你吗 Should we be kind of worried a little?
没必要 I don't think so.
-你确定 -是的 - You sure? - Yeah.
是的 一切都在我的掌握之中 Yeah. I got it all under control.
-好吧 -好吧 - Okay. - Okay.
那么让我们开始《遗愿清单》 Then let's "bucket list" this bitch.
《遗愿清单》 《遗愿清单》 The "bucket list", "the bucket list".
如果说这件事占据了我的生活 To say this whole thing had taken over my life...
就太轻描淡写了 would be a colossal understatement.
我又重温了《红字》 I actually reread "the scarlet letter"
看看赫丝特是怎么处理的 to see how Hester dealt with it.
结果发现她在谦卑和沉默中忍受惩罚 And it turns out she bore her punishment in humble silence...
这两个概念我可不喜欢 which are two concepts I am not comfortable with.
虽然陷入了这些虚构的绯闻中 With all the mythical play I was getting...
我却没有接到过任何真正的约会邀请 I still actually hadn't been asked out on a real date.
总有人跑出来说他们跟我上过床 People were jumping up and down to say they'd slept with me...
但却没一个人真想来找我上床 but no one bothered really trying to sleep with me.
说不定我下面确实有个地精 I was starting to think I actually did have a gnome down there.
-终于有一天...-你好 奥莉芙 - Until finally... - Hey, Olive.
嘿 安森 有事吗 Hey, Anson. What's up?
我想问问你今晚有没有空 I was wondering if you were busy tonight.
或者我们可以去约个会什么的 Maybe wanna go out or something?
你有什么打算呢 What did you have in mind?
我在考虑去弄个热气球来 I was thinking about getting a hot-air balloon, you know...
再带上点香槟 bringing along some champagne...
给你朗诵点西尔维娅·普拉斯的诗歌 and then possibly reading some Sylvia Plath.
或者我们直接去龙虾小屋 Or we could just go to the Lobster Shack...
这样安排更简单点 because it's, you know, a little easier.
-我超爱龙虾小屋 -这样最好 - I love the Lobster Shack. - Good.
那好 就这么约好了 Okay. It's a date, then.
-好的 -很好 - Okay. - Okay.
那我还要不要带普拉斯的诗集呢 So should I still bring the Sylvia Plath or?
不用了 如果我们俩找不到话说了 No, we could stick our heads in the oven...
就把我俩的头塞到烤箱里去 if we run out of things to talk about.
这可真是... That was...
-好吧 你带上吧 -好 - Cool. All right. Well... - Cool.
你看上去真美 You look really beautiful.
谢谢 Thank you.
-你很绅士 -没有 - You're a real gentleman. - No.
我只是与姑娘共进晚餐的男士而已 Just a guy having dinner with a girl.
你相信有这样一个说法 Do you believe this whole thing
龙虾能够催情壮阳吗 about lobster being an aphrodisiac?
我还不知道 I did not know it was.
医学还没有真正证实过这个说法 Medical science really has not substantiated claims...
还不知道有什么特有的食品 that any particular food increases
可以促进性欲和性能力 sexual desire or performance...
但是很多男人会不断进食一些 but guys just spend and spend to ply women with food...
他们以为会带来好运的食物 they think is gonna get them lucky.
这实在很好笑 Which is funny, because, it's like...
吸食牡蛎有什么性感之处吗 根本没有 what is sexy about slurping back oysters? Nothing.
你知道吗 还有一些人 Did you know some people actually
真的会吃碾成粉末的犀牛角 eat ground-up rhinoceros horn...
就因为他们以为这个 because it's thought to increase
可以使男性生殖器变大 the size of the male sex organ?
这根本就不是真的 That's not true at all.
西班牙苍蝇 西班牙苍蝇 你听说过吗 Spanish fly. Spanish fly. You've heard of this? Yes?
-听说过 -好的 就这个东西 - Yes. - Okay. That thing?
混合甲虫碾成粉末 会让人怎样 Pulverized blister beetle. What? You know?
在美国这是非法食物 And it's illegal in the U.S. Because if
如果你吃得稍微过量 you eat just a little bit too much...
就会产生小便灼痛 发烧和排出血色分泌物 it causes painful urination, fever and bloody discharge.
-我说得太多了吗 -没有 - Am I talking too much? - No.
你只是连环炮似地发出了很多话题 You're just burning through a lot of topics really fast.
三周前那杯咖啡我真不该喝的 Shouldn't have had coffee three weeks ago.
我只是开玩笑的 I'm just kidding.
-你们的龙虾配海鲜蟹肉上齐了 -真香 - Your maine lobster with crab and seafood stuffing. - Yum.
-真香 我真嫉妒你 -谢谢你 - Yum? I'm jealous. - Yhank you.
咱们开吃吧 如何 Let's dig in. Right?
祝你生日快乐 我们最真心的祝福 It's the happy happy birthday all you get, oh the happy happy birthday mean the best.
我还不知道土拨鼠陶德在这儿打工 I didn't know Woodchuck Todd worked here.
过生日这天本店为您提供的这块蛋糕是免费的 This piece of cake is free for the happy happy birthday you're the best.
他穿得像个龙虾似的 He's dressed like a lobster.
下次该叫他龙虾陶德 I should start calling him lobster Todd.
见鬼 Shit.
-见鬼 见鬼 -怎么 出什么事了 - Shit, shit, shit. - What? What's wrong?
-莉亚农在那边 -所以呢 - Rhiannon's over there. - So?
-她从一年级开始就爱上你了 -然后呢 - She's been in love with you since 1 st grade. - So?
-她是我的好朋友 -我以为你们俩绝交了 - She's my best friend. - I thought you two weren't speaking.
没错 但是这不代表她不是我的好朋友 We're not. But that doesn't mean she's not my best friend.
也不代表我可以跟你约会 Or that I should be out with you.
我跟她没有任何共同语言 Rhi and I don't have anything in common.
-我们俩有吗 -当然 - And you and I do? - Yeah.
-比如说 -比如我也很讨厌玛丽安·布莱恩特 - Like what? - Like I hate Marianne Bryant too.
如果这是我们的共同点 我可以和全校人约会了 If that's our magical connection, I should date the entire school.
你没有吗 Haven't you?
没有 我没有 No. No, I haven't.
祝你生日快乐 Happy birthday to you!
好吧 不能让她看到我们 买单 买单 Okay, she can't see us. Check. Check.
-你能不能...服务员 你好 -你好 - Can you just...? Excuse me? Hi. -Yum.
我突然想起我对贝壳类食物过敏 I just remembered I am so allergic to shellfish.
我忘了我的呼吸道会出问题的 I forget that my respiratory system will collapse.
-我有餐厅礼券 小费给你 -谢谢 - I have a gift certificate. Keep the tip. - thanks.
谢谢 很抱歉 我们必须得离开这儿 Thank you. I'm sorry, but we have to go.
-走 走吧 快点 -好吧 - Go. Go. Come on. Come on. - Okay.
走 走 走 Go, go, go.
刚才的事很抱歉 I'm sorry about that.
我有东西要给你 I've got something for you.
家庭百货的二百美元代金券 Two hundred dollars to the home depot.
-给你 -我没想到你竟然... - Bang. - I didn't realize this was a...
我知道听起来有些不靠谱 I know it sounds kind of lame, but they
不过那家店里确实有些很棒的东西 really do have some awesome stuff.
我在那儿买到了我的空气压缩机 I bought my air compressor there.
所以你和我约会是想得到什么 So, what did we do on this date?
200元能买得到什么 Whatever 200 bucks gets me.
-不是这样的 -没关系 - That's not really how it works. - It's okay.
住手 Stop.
我没有靠跟人做爱来赚钱 I'm not really having sex with people for money.
我虽然说我靠做爱赚钱 I'm saying I'm having sex for money,
但是我其实没有这么做 but I'm not having sex for money.
没事 没关系 来嘛 It's okay. It's all right. Come on.
-住手 住手 -搞什么 - Stop. No, no. - What?
住手 Stop!
你放轻松 来嘛宝贝 没事的 Come on, just relax. Come on, babe. It's all right.
天哪 混蛋 God. Asshole.
你搞什么啊 我付钱了的 What are you doing? I paid you.
现在你没有了 Now you didn't.
拜托 你他妈搞什么鬼 Come on, this is bullshit.
真他妈见鬼 Goddamn it.
嘿 奥莉芙 Hey, Olive.
陶德 你好 Todd, hi.
-你还好吗 -有什么东西进了眼睛而已 - Hey, you all right? - I just have something in my eye.
可能是眼睫毛或者隐形眼镜之类的 Like a twig, you know, or a branch, or a contact, or something.
-我不知道你戴隐形眼镜 -我不戴 - I didn't know you wore contacts. - I don't,
所以才哭来着 which is why I was tearing up.
奥莉芙 我载你回家吧 Olive, hey. Let me drive you home.
你想谈一谈发生了什么吗 Do you wanna talk about it?
谈什么 现在大家都以为我是妓女 What's to say? Everybody thinks I'm a whore...
如今连我自己也这么觉得了 and for the first time, I'm starting to believe it.
什么 What?
不要假装你不知道大家怎么说我的 Don't act like you don't know what people are saying about me.
我知道人们怎么说 但并不代表我相信他们 I know what people are saying. Doesn't mean I believe them.
-谁告诉你的 -没人告诉我 - Who told you? - No one.
没人告诉我 很久以前 No one had to tell me that once upon a time,
有一个很胆小的孩子 there was a scared kid...
在一场聚会的一个幽静房间里 at a party in a dark room who
还没准备好献出初吻 was not ready for his first kiss.
一个很好的姑娘为了他而对大家撒谎 And, you know, there was this amazing girl who lied for him.
我不敢相信你还记得这个 I still can't believe you remember that.
知道吗 有时我会假想你真的就是我的初吻 You know, sometimes I pretend you were my first real kiss.
-是吗 -是的 - Yeah? - Yeah.
-其实是谁呢 -是莉亚农 - Who was? - It was Rhiannon.
-什么 -她一定给你讲过吧 - What? - She must have told you.
发生在...我想大概是 Yeah, it was... I think it was, like,
你为我撒谎的一年之后了吧 a year after that or something.
那个贱人 That bitch.
我的天 她明知道我对你有过感觉 Oh, my god, she knew how I felt about you.
-你对我有什么感觉 -我却在这里内疚 - How do you feel about me? - And here I am feeling so bad.
太他妈讽刺 That's just perfect.
等等 你对我有感觉吗 Wait, hold on a second. How do you feel about me?
有过感觉 "felt."
我说的是"有过" I said "felt."
我以为我听到的是"有感觉" Because I thought l... I thought I heard "feel."
-不 是"有过感觉" -好吧 - No, it was "felt." - All right.
你怎么知道我住哪儿 How do you know where I live?
我们以前一起拼车 We used to carpool.
但那是二年级的事了 Yeah, in 2nd grade. What, are you
难道你特别喜欢留意别人的住址 like a savant for people's addresses?
只留意我觉得很不错的人的住址 Just for people who I think are cool.
-你觉得我很不错 -没错 - You think I'm cool? - I do.
我觉得你美丽又聪明 And I think you're pretty and smart.
你是在我改变之前就这么觉得的吗 Did you form this opinion prior to my little transformation?
早就这么觉得了 Way prior.
为什么这种好话不传播开呢 Why didn't that rumor spread?
我喜欢把自己的想法保留在心里 I like to keep my business to myself.
不管你是怎么出名的 Notoriety, for whatever reason...
遭殃的是名人 受益的是看官 ...never seems to benefit the noted, it's only the "notees."
你两周前怎么不出现呢 Where were you two weeks ago?
奥莉芙 Olive.
如果我保证不告诉别人 你能让我亲一下吗 If I promise not to tell anyone, could I kiss you right now?
不行 No.
-好吧 我很抱歉 -不是这个意思 - Okay. Okay. I'm sorry. I'm very sorry. - Oh, no.
我是说 不是现在这样 I just mean, not like this.
我不想自己哭得一脸睫毛膏的时候亲你 I don't wanna kiss you with mascara running down my face...
而且刚才还有个恶心的男人 and some horndog guy just having tried...
想把他的舌头伸到我嘴里 to stick his tongue down my throat.
自从小学八年级以来我就想亲你了 I've wanted to kiss you since 8th grade...
我希望是个完美的吻 but I want it to be perfect.
而现在 我的生活一团糟 And right now, my life is a mess.
现在这么一团糟 我不能再拖你下水 I need to get my business in order before I drag you into it.
如果我说我希望被你拉下水呢 What if I told you I wanna be dragged into it?
说不定还能帮你 I could help, maybe.
为什么是现在 Why now?
为什么你突然对我这么好 Why are you all of a sudden into me now?
我不知道 I don't know.
我没有想太多 你也别想得太多了 I haven't overanalyzed it, like you're about to.
-晚安 奥莉芙 -晚安 龙虾陶德 - Good night, Olive. - Good night, lobster Todd.
现在我知道真的存在着 Now that I knew there were decent
正经而又好心的人 and goodhearted people out there...
我决定停止谣言 the lies had to stop.
我只能期待一个人来扭转局面 布兰登 And there's only person I could count on and set the story straight: Brandon.
我帮助过他 尽管这意味着 I'd helped him, and even though it
他刚建起来的直男名声又要毁了 would destroy his new reputation as a straight stud,
但我知道他会帮我 I knew he'd help me.
天哪 你知道布兰登离家出走了吗 Oh, my god. Did you hear that Brandon ran away from home?
真的 他给爸妈留了张纸条 Yeah, totally. He left his parents a
上面写着 "我是同性恋 贱人们" note that said, "I'm gay, bitches"...
然后他就和一个大块头黑鬼私奔了 and then he skipped town with some big, hulking black guy.
抱歉我言之过早了 My apologies to Mark Twain.
-等等 什么 -怎么了 - Wait, huh? - What?
-你说了什么 -是你说了什么 - You said something. - You said something.
我听到你说了什么 所以跑回来问 You said something, so I came back.
-你真搞笑 -打我电话 - You're funny. Okay. - Call me.
我去找每一个我帮助过的人 I went to everyone I'd helped and
求他们澄清绯闻 begged them to say it wasn't true.
不行 我不是给你钱了吗 No way. I gave you money.
那是汽车销售处的代金券 我又没有车 You gave me a gift card to autozone. I don't even have a car.
这样可以激励你买车 I thought it'd be aspirational.
伊凡 拜托你帮帮我 好吗 Evan, please do this for me, all right?
我帮过你的忙 你也帮帮我 I did that for you. Do this for me.
我不想让别人知道 I don't want people to know
我没有上成你的二垒 I didn't go to second base with you.
你知道因为这我搞上了多少姑娘吗 Do you know how many girls I've hooked up with because of that?
姑娘们跟男人真是一样蠢 Girls are almost as dumb as boys.
没错 蠢驴 Oh, yes, they are.
还有更糟的 It gets worse.
"向你的父母致敬" "Honor your father and your mother."
考虑到他的情况 Due to his condition, Micah was sent
麦加被送回去祖父母家 on a visit to his grandparents...
远在弗罗里达的帕拉塔卡 in Palatka, Florida.
还有什么比性病更恶心 那就是弗罗里达 And if there's one thing worse than Chlamydia, it's Florida.
"为与人通奸而感到罪恶" "...be guilty of adultery."
把你的手从你蛋蛋上拿开 小伙子 Get your hands out of your berries, boy.
奥莉芙 生活充满了选择 Olive, life is full of choices.
我做了个糟糕的选择 你也是 I made a bad one. But then, so did you.
除了带着罪恶感继续生活 我们别无选择 But I see no other alternative than to just live with the guilt.
我罪在不检点 而你罪在说谎 My guilt stems from my indiscretion and yours for lying.
我们各自做了选择 现在只能由它去 We made our choices. Now, we just have to let it ride.
或者 我可以告诉其他人真相 Or I could just tell everyone the truth
让你被炒鱿鱼 再被扔进监狱 and get you fired and put in jail.
好吧 首先 他成年了 Okay, first of all, he is of age, okay?
在加利福尼亚州这完全是合法的 It's perfectly legal in the state of California.
我查过了 他还有八个月就满21岁了 I checked. He is 21 in eight months.
再说了 要试试大家会相信谁吗 And secondly, let's play the who would you believe game, okay?
你为什么不问问你自己 Why don't you ask yourself, if you
如果你是个成年人 你会相信谁的话 were an adult, who would you believe?
你会相信谁 你会相信谁 Who would you believe? Who would you believe?
你会相信谁 信谁 Who would you believe? Who?
谢谢你过来这一趟 Thank you for coming in.
没错 格里菲斯女士完全就是个恶魔 Yeah, Mrs. Griffith was pure evil, but I
但是我还是不该这么做 still shouldn't have done what I did.
你老婆有性病 她还跟学生上床 Your wife has chlamydia, and she's sleeping with a student...
她把病传给别人 还想把错怪到我头上 and she gave it to him, and she's trying to blame me.
什么 What?
对不起 I'm sorry.
格里菲斯老师 如果你能看到这个 Mr. Griffith, if you ever see this...
希望你能了解 just know that I was wrong to
我不该那么告诉你的 真不该这样 tell you that in that way. At all.
我不该这么做的 I shouldn't have done it.
我为你老婆撒谎都没让我心里难受 And I don't even feel bad for lying for your wife.
告诉你真相却让我惶惶不可终日 很抱歉 But I hate myself for telling you the truth. I am so sorry.
我说的这些话虽然是真的 With my words, even though they were true,
但却毁了你们的婚姻 I ended a marriage.
现在回想起来 这是我最后悔的事 Looking back, that's the thing I regret the most.
现在所有知道真相的人 So now everyone that knows the truth
要么就已经走了 要么就不肯说实话 is either gone or they won't fess up.
玛丽安·布莱恩特和狗腿子们控制了我的生活 And Marianne Bryant and her disciples are demanding my head.
最糟糕的在于如果我不解决这件事 The messed-up thing is I would not put
吉本斯校长就会开除我 it past principal Gibbons's going to expel me.
我在你这年纪也遇到了类似的情况 I had a similar situation when I was your age.
怎么 大家都叫你荡妇吗 What? Everyone called you a slut?
我的名声很差 I had a horrible reputation and
大家都说我坏话 people said awful things about me.
-为什么 -因为我是个荡妇 - Why? - Because I was a slut.
我和很多人上过床 I slept with a whole bunch of people. A slew,
一群 一堆 一大帮 大部分都是男人 a heap, a peck. Mostly guys.
-老妈 -抱歉 我一直回避这事 - Mom. - Sorry, I got around.
在我遇上你爸之前 我很是破烂 Before I met dad, I had incredibly low self-worth.
帮我个忙 把这个塞进我喉咙 Do me a favor and just stuff this down
捂死我算了 my throat until I asphyxiate to death.
-这些都是真的 真的 -我想去死 - It's true. It is. - I want to die.
是真的 我身体软得跟柔术演员似的 It's true. I was quite the contortionist.
我可以这么倒过来 还可以... I could do this thing. I could go...
我的大腿还可以别过来 I mean, my leg all the way...
停下 你能停下吗 别做给我看 Stop. Can you stop? Don't show me.
-看不出我现在一团糟吗 -不 你没有 奥莉芙 - Can you not see that I'm a mess? - No, you're not, Olive.
你一直很美好 You're wonderful.
你会像我当初那样去处理这一切 And you'll handle this the same way I did.
用毋庸置疑的幽默感来化解困难 With an incontrovertible sense of humor.
但你比我聪明多了 But you're much smarter than I am...
所以你会比我做得更好 so you'll come out of this much better than I did.
谢谢你 妈妈 Thank you, mom.
-我的腿可以抬到这里 -别 别 停下 - I could get my leg so far back. - No, no, no. Stop it.
是时候彻底结束这一切了 So it was time to put an end to all this once and for all...
让大家听听实话 by telling my side of the story.
这就是我做这个网络视频的原因 And that's why I decided to do this webcast.
那么我继续 So here we go.
第五部分 Part five.
不在沉默中失败 就在爆炸中成功 Not with a fizzle, but with a bang.
今天我们又参加了另一个全校动员会 Today we had yet another one of our ridiculous pep rallies.
陶德让乐队表演了 Todd convinced the band to play the
他们全部曲目中最性感的一首歌 sexiest song in their repertoire.
我必须激起所有人的好奇心 I needed to pique everyone's interest
让他们回家登陆网站看这个视频 to get them to go home and log on.
我就剩一套服装 必然要穿它了 I had one outfit left and I figured about 30 seconds to do it.
再说我真的想有次个人音乐剧表演 Plus I really wanted my own awesome musical number...
无所谓缘由 for no apparent reason.
那是奥莉芙吗 Is that Olive?
这只是个预告片 This was just a free preview.
更多精彩今晚六点登陆www.Freeolive.com For the main event, log on to www.Freeolive.Com tonight at 6 p.m.
我知道我打断了篮球比赛 但是拜托 And I know it interferes with the basketball game but, come on...
你们是愿意给土拨鼠队欢呼呢 would you rather cheer on the woodchucks...
还是看我表演呢 or watch me do one?
你在干什么 立刻去我办公室 What do you think you're doing? Get to my office right now.
不行 因为我和我喜欢的人 I can't, because I have a date with the
还有全校其他学生有个约会 guy I like and the rest of the school.
在你把我开除之前 I think before you expel me, you
你也许想和格里菲斯女士谈一谈 might wanna talk to Mrs. Griffith...
我想她会劝你留下我的 because I think she might talk you into letting me stay.
加油 土拨鼠队 Go, woodchucks!
现在你们都看到了 And here you all are...
在卧室门外等着我去亲陶德 waiting outside the bedroom door for me to kiss Todd...
听我撒谎说我和布兰登上过床 listening to me pretend to have sex with Brandon...
出钱让我为你们撒谎 paying me to lie for you...
肆意毁坏我的名声 and calling me every name in the book.
就像电影《红字》里面的赫丝特 You know what, it was just like Hester in The Scarlet Letter.
然而有一件事电影却没有说明 Except there's one thing the movie don't tell you.
被孤立的感觉很烂 不管活该与否 How shitty it feels to be an outcast. Warranted or not.
你怎么知道我喜欢这首歌 How did you know I love this song?
我猜的 I guessed.
我猜你已经看了我的网络视频吧 I see you've been watching my live webcast.
我还在继续拍呢 It's still going on, you know.
关了吧 他们已经看够了 我只是做个比喻 Screw them. They've had enough of you. Figuratively speaking.
我把邻居割草机借来 接着就过来 I borrowed my neighbor's mower. I came right over.
听上去挺押韵的 That almost rhymed.
我知道 我可是想了一下的 I know. I spent a minute on it.
我立马下来 I'll be right down.
说话的是陶德 That's Todd.
我不需要特别向你们坦白 Not that I owe you guys any more confessions,
不过我真的很喜欢他 but I really like this guy...
说不定会把我的处女之身献给他 and I might even lose my virginity to him.
我不知道是什么时候 I don't know when it'll happen.
可能是五分钟之后 或者今晚 You know, it might be five minutes from now or tonight...
也可能是六个月之后甚至是我们结婚之夜 or six months from now or maybe on our wedding night.
但真正重要的是 这事跟你们没半点关系 But the really amazing thing is, it is nobody's goddamn business.
等等 她要去哪儿 Come on, where's she going?
我还以为她要把衣服脱了呢 I thought she was going to take her clothes off.
黛米·摩尔都脱了衣服的 这太欺骗感情了 Demi Moore took her clothes off. This is bullshit.
拜托 开玩笑的吧 Come on. Are you kidding me?
-滚开 -你大爷的 混蛋 - Piss off. - Come here, you punk.
杰克 Jack?
莉亚 抱歉骗了你
这是个不错的避风港 哈克 That's a mighty snug little shelter, Huck.
我想应该没问题了 I judge it's all right.
过来吧 吉姆 轮到我来掌舵了 Here, Jim, I'll take my turn at steering now.
没关系的 哈克 我喜欢掌舵 No, that's all right, Huck. I like steering.
蓝魔 Blue devils!