Did you get a good look up there?
Uh...what?
You were checking out my ass.
Uh...I wasn't--
You're in my econ class, right?
I'm going to tell everyone what a creep you are.
No.
Dick.
No. No.
What the heck is wrong with you?
Aah! Dickhead!
[Cell phone rings]
Well, what's up, dickface?
Look, I’m headed into econ class.
I'm telling you, blow it off, you big nerd.
Spend the afternoon with me and Lori.
Lori is my mom, dude, and i can't miss econ again,
It's the only professor i have the takes attendance.
Dude, stop calling my mom Lori.
Relax. I'm almost there.
She's single. I'm allowed.
That's my mom.
What? We're in college now.
I am now officially one year older
Than she was when she birthed you.
You don't call adults you've known your entire life
By their first name.
It's that lack of sophistication
That's keeping you from getting laid, Brandon.
Look, dude, I’m headed into econ class now.
Just go get the booze and don't talk to Lor--To my mom.
Please, Anthony, I’m asking, just focus, man.
We need to get the booze for tonight's party.
Okay, I’m here.
I will tell Lori you said hello.
Ass. I'll talk to you later.
Later.
[Knock knock knock]
Hey, lo--
Hi, Anthony.
Mrs. Murphy.
Where's Brandon?
Brandon is at econ class,
And he wanted me
To pick up a few things in the garage.
Yeah, come in.
Okay. Cool.
So how's your mom? I heard what happened.
Is she all right?
Oh, yeah, yeah. She's fine.
She's cool.
She just moved into a new place.
And she's just enjoying her new freedom.
I bet.
Well, I’m going to be seeing holly tonight.
She just needs to get over that loneliness.
That's all.
Yeah.
You know where the garage is.
I'm taking off, Mrs. Murphy.
[Gasp]
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
My towel!
Um, Mrs. Murphy...
where is he?
The party started ages ago.
I don't know. He should be back by now, though.
This sucks.
We can't dominate this game properly
With three of us.
Yeah, well, if we had beer,
We could gain access to the party.
If we gain access to the party,
We gain access to the pussy. [Laughs]
Hey, contact right! Frag out!
Damn it!
Oh, come on. Like you guys
Are going to get anywhere at the party.
Returning fire!
Oh! Whatever.
Ross and i here read a book the other day.
Oh, yeah. It was pretty good stuff.
It was called the mystery method.
We are gonna get laid tonight, that's for sure.
Hey, skinny in the window. Take 'em out.
To the right.
Mystery method? Does that work?
Contact frag!
It's pretty despicable stuff.
Doesn't go with my game.
Hey, Brandon, cover my six!
Aah! Oh, damn it!
Whatever.
Tell you what. All i know is
It works a hell of a lot better if they are drunk.
Ha ha ha! Take that, newb!
It's about time, Mr. Slow.
What happened, man?
I was just--
I just--
Traffic.
Yes!
You already opened it?
What's in the box?
New camera gear.
Cameras? That'll be good later on tonight
When i land a freshman spinner on my dick.
Whoo! Ha ha ha.
No, you'll just break it.
Why didn't you just get it sent here?
Because of him.
Brent the douchebag next door would've taken it.
Okay nerds, enough tech talk.
Let's go get our sex on, eh?
A philosophy major, eh?
What are you going to do with that?
Contemplate for hours
About what a shitty idea it was
To become a philosophy major? Yeah?
He just broke up with you?
I'm so sorry to hear that.
I know. And he's so mean.
You're so sweet to listen to me.
Oh, thanks.
Randy?
Erica? I'm so glad i found you!
I'm so sorry i was such a jerk earlier.
Can you forgive me?
Oh, randy.
For, like, seven days. It was so gross.
So anyway i was, like, in the middle of the jungle,
Like, in Thailand,
And i was, like, riding an elephant.
I was just, like, so totally, like,
Scared and nervous, but, like, at the same time
I was, like, so in awe of the natural beauty
And i just couldn't believe
It was, like, actually happening, you know?
Hello?
Okay. I'm gonna go.
No luck, huh, buddy?
Yeah, that kind of night, i guess.
Well, I’m going to get a beer.
Nice chatting.
God, why is it at all these parties,
Everyone just drinks all the crappy domestic beer?
How's this?
That's a good start.
A fool sees not the same tree that a wise man sees.
Well, okay, there, Mr. Blake.
I'm impressed.
With your choice in microbrews, that is.
I'm Brandon.
Alex.
So, Alex, you're not from around here, are you?
Wow. Really?
I'm sorry. That was lame.
No, Brandon, I’m not from around here.
I'm from across campus.
That's a neat pattern. Wow, look at that.
Oh, thanks. I made it myself.
Really? That's awesome.
Hey!
Nothing but this gay microbrew crap!
Where's my bud?
Bud!
Must be tough to live life as a clichй.
God.
Yeah. Uh...
you might want to...
come on! That is such a weak move.
You can do better than that.
You know, you might--
So, Brandon,
How did you become such a connoisseur
Of beer and generic pick-Up lines?
Yeah, yeah. Uh...
i watch a lot of tits--Titles.
Movies, yeah.
Uh, more books than anything.
A lot of stuff in 'em. It helps.
It helps me.
Oh, cool.
So...do you go to school here?
Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah, you nailed it. I'm here.
Yeah, I’m an econ major.
Economics. Same thing.
You know, small word.
It's loud in here.
Yeah. Wow!
I was thinking that, too.
'Cause i can't-- Did you say some--
I hear you, but i don't know...
are you okay?
Yeah. I've got a credit card in my name. Of course.
What? Huh?
I said, are you okay?
Hey, Brando. How's it going?
Hey, your tit's hanging out.
Is that what you were looking at?
You dog, you. Come on, high five.
No, i wasn't--
Dick!
You're such an asshole.
God!
All right, bitches, party on the roof!
Whoooo!
Come one, come all. Single file line, ladies.
Don't push, don't shove, don't fight much.
Speak forever under.
Whoa-Ho. Not so fast there, broski.
We're having a little private soiree tonight, amigos.
Are you kidding me?
Well, i can check to see
If you gentleman are on the guest list.
Hey, Wyatt! Are our favorite freshman here on the guest list?
Oh, these knobheads?
Hell, no. People are trying to get laid tonight, guys.
Oh! Looks like you guys aren't on the list.
But you have fun night
Jerking off on each other!
Ha ha ha ha!
On your way out.
Awesome. That was just perfect.
Hey, guys, I’ve got an idea.
Why don't we all hang out together tonight
And talk about how much pussy we don't get, yeah?
Whoa. Brandon, you should check this out.
This guy's going to town.
Oh, really--Oh, look at that--Going to town.
Whoa-Ho!
Breaking news.
Loose freshman with shaved box
Getting railed by frat meathead.
Is that big red?
No, it's a blonde, a dirty, dirty blonde.
I'm pretty sure she's in my physics class.
I'm pretty sure
She's not walking to class tomorrow.
You know what? Screw it.
Let's just hang out tonight, guys.
We have three bottles of premium whiskey here,
And we can drink. We can do whatever.
All right, peckerheads.
We need booze.
We hear you faggots have a stash.
We don't have any.
Jackpot.
You can't take that.
What did you say, taint-Boy?
Uh...
i said--
Aah!
You know, i would have
Thrown you boys in the recycling bin,
But i don't think they recycle pussy weirdos.
Ha ha ha ha!
Oh! I'm god damned tired of this shit!
Fuck.
Let's go to my mom's guest house.
Hey, guys. I found a burger over here.
Anyone want some?
Oh, you're disgusting.
Let's go.
It's still warm.
I really hate
All those stupid guys at that party.
Silly frat jerks and their silly little girlfriends.
They don't know a real man when they see one.
The blonde in Brent’s room
Seemed to be enjoying herself.
Shit.
Oh, crap, man. I forgot.
It's ladies night tonight.
That sounds good.
That's fine. They're gonna be going out, right?
I think so.
Your mom is going to be showing my mom
What it's like to be single again.
This is gonna be awesome.
We're gonna get so much pussy!
What are you talking about?
MILFS!
Think about it, all right?
They're probably lonely,
Drinking a little wine,
Talking about how much men suck,
And that's when we'll roll in there
And satisfy their needs. Blblblblblbl.
Man, this is gonna be amazing.
Hey, standard bet?
Yeah.
You're not betting on my mom.
What are you guys betting on?
We're betting on who's going to bag the most MILFS
By the end of the year.
Yes.
Oh, yeah.
Anthony, i really wish you would have called.
Mom...
what the hell is going on here?
Nothing.
Oh, right. Nothing.
Nice whip. What is this, a lezbo sess?
What?
You're a lesbian.
No!
This is my fault.
Mom?
Nice. Nice whips.
Boys--
Boys, look...
this is a passion party.
No, no, no, no, no. This is awesome.
This is gross.
We can leave.
No. Anthony, this is my time.
Mom, you got blue stringy things on your boobies.
I know, okay? I know.
I know this looks bad, all right?
I'm not going to lie. But it's not--
Mm-Mmm. Mm-Mmm. No. No.
This is sick.
You guys-- Oh, Anthony, grow up.
Uh-Uh. Mm-Mmm.
Anthony! Baby, come--
Mm-Mmm.
We're staying in the guest house.
Dude, that was intense.
I'm so jealous, man.
I just feel dirty.
I just want that out of my head.
Like, i--Wow. No.
I saw your mom naked today.
What?
Cool.
When i went to get the hootch.
Bush and everything, huh?
Shut up, guys. Shut.
No, he's right.
Bush and everything.
But she shaves, though, kinda.
It was like a runway. Straight up--Never mind.
This isn't going to make things weird between us, is it?
I don't know.
Damn, man.
I'm just finding out all kinds of weird things
About my mom today. This is nuts.
Brandon, i will do anything you want
To make it up to you. Anything you want.
How do we even get past something like this?
I just want you to forget about it, please.
Just pretend like it never happened. Please.
Dude, don't you get it?
This is going to make things so weird between us.
It's not gonna seem like anything right now,
But eventually it's just going to eat at our friendship,
And all I’m going to have left is Nate and ross.
Hey, come on.
Dude, i will do anything you want, man.
I will be your non-Gay servant
For the rest of the year.
That just seems like it'll be weird.
Okay, okay, okay, fine.
Just pawn me off to the wondertwins.
It's for the best. Fair is fair.
It has to happen.
I just need some air, dude.
Don't go. I love you, man.
Hello?
Hi, Brandon.
Hi, Mrs. Reese.
Mrs. Reese?
You're a man now, Brandon.
[Gasp]
And boy, how you have grown.
Oh, my god.
Ohhh...
oh, my god.
Dude.
Yeah.
Amigo.
More tongue. Just like that.
Dude.
I'm right here.
You gotta do that on your own time.
I wasn't doing anything, man.
It's cool.
I rub one out when you're asleep, too.
Oh, god.
Oh...
what happened last night?
You got drunk and passed out.
That's what you did.
Who drove?
Uh...ross.
Yeah, he's the only one who didn't drink.
Thank god, 'cause we were all shithosed.
It was great.
Buddy, buddy.
Buddy...
you and me... bright spot.
Grubbin'. My treat.
I'm hungry. Sounds great.
Grubbin'.
Your treat?
Grubbin'.
I'm stoked.
¶ grubbin' ¶
I can't find it.
What?
My wallet and my phone, dude.
I feel naked without it.
Well, i don't have mine, either.
Dude, we have to go to my mom's house.
What? We don't need to do that. Why?
I think i left it there when i was wasted, man.
I looked everywhere else.
We can just go back to the room, man.
I'll grab my wallet.
It's much easier if we just do that.
No, fuck that.
I need my wallet and my phone.
Don't think i forgot about our deal, man.
Buying you breakfast is just the start.
Besides, even if my mom doesn't have my wallet,
She always has a nice spread.
What? Wha--
Food, guy. Breakfast.
You know my mom, man.
She always has the ripest melons,
Sticky buns.
It's amazing. She always brings it.
Fine, but just find it quick, please.
I forgot about how much of a bitch you turn into
When you’re hungry.
Oh! Hi, Brandon.
Hi, Mrs. Reese.
Holly.
You've seen me naked. You can call me holly.
No, i didn't--
Yes, you did.
Right. Yes, ma'am.
There's nothing wrong with that.
I know. I know that.
I, uh...
i was--
I should go--
I'm just waiting for Anthony--
So...okay.
You know, maybe i-- I'm gonna get going.
That was wrong.
That was nice.
Right. That was nice.
I just got divorced,
And my hormones are all over the place.
I'm probably not very stable right now.
Right. I understand.
I'm not crazy.
No, no. I didn't even think that.
Do you have a phone?
Uh, yeah, yeah.
You need to make a call?
Should i--
I got it.
Okay.
That's called sexting, right?
Oh, hey, mom.
Did you get your rocks off yet
From a cooter 'cause you're gay now?
What is wrong with you?
Sorry, mom.
Wouldn't want to disturb you from flicking your bead.
Hey, got the keys. Let's roll.
I'm sorry, man.
It's just...
i still can't get over it, man.
It's not normal, right?
I mean, she was sitting there
Just ready to take it with a whip.
That is weird. Am i right?
You know what I’m saying?
Are you having a seizure? What?
Stop being such a dick to your mom.
Dude, easy, all right?
She was totally lezzing with your mom, so--
Dude, they're just, you know, confused or something.
It's the divorce and everything.
Listen, dr. Phil,
I don't need the play by play, all right?
I'd appreciate it--
God damn it, dude. My phone.
Don't start siding with my mom, all right?
Ow! Dude, come on. Drive straight.
All right. All right.
Jesus Christ!
Dude, people are going to think
You're sucking my dick, dude.
Here, let me get it. I got it.
Grab the wheel.
Dude! Come on!
Grab the wheel! What are you doing?
Come on. Come on.
Got it.
All right, dude. Give it here.
Oh, my...
those are some nice titties, dude.
Whoop. Hold up.
Wow. Look at that ass!
Oh, my god, i would lick that ass clean!
Dude, i am an ass man.
It is official.
You like that? You like that?
Uhh!
How did you get such a good shot
Through that hole?
Uh...
i mean, 'cause that chow monkey Brent
Does not deserve tail like this.
Yes! Yeah. I know, right?
That's where i got it just a couple weeks ago.
[Cell phone rings]
Incoming call.
Give it. Dude, don't.
I got it. You, talk dirty to me.
Who is it?
Oh, okay. Excellent.
Multiple women? Yeah, we can do that.
Lesbians? Absolutely.
Um, send 'em over.
We'll be ready. Okay.
I'll talk to you soon. Later.
Nate and ross want us to play wingman
To their little MILF quest.
I told them you'd be cool with it.
Oh, my god. Seriously, though?
That is a hot little number.
Welcome to the motherlode, boys.
Hello, darling. Can i top you off?
Reeoowr!
Hey, you guys sure you don't want in on this bet?
Yeah, I’m sure.
I don't know, man.
I don't have a prescription for Viagra.
These chicks don't want anything to do with me.
Anyway, i still got to make up stuff to you.
Why? What'd he do, bang his mom?
Dude, come on.
Whatever, man. Let's just say i screwed up,
And i owe it to Brandon.
Whatever you need, man.
If you need a drink, it's on me.
Whatever you want, man.
Just how about... just wingman for ross.
Yeah, come on, man. Let's go.
Hi. How you doing?
You're here.
Is that a tom Collins?
You sure you don't want to trade up
To a newer model?
Yeah? Awesome.
Ooh. Reeowr.
Run away, little boy.
I dated guys older than you when i was in high school.
Bye.
All right.
What do these wrinkle dicks have that we don't?
Yeah, well, they have jobs
And cars and money.
Money.
I saw you out there on the dance floor.
Are you going to hurt me?
Now you say ahh.
Ahh.
Cough.
Haven't you ever been to the doctor? Cough.
Cough.
Okay.
You'll do.
Yeah.
All right. Shut up.
I told her, look,
You gotta just swallow that thing, you know?
Hey, do you wanna get out there and dance?
Do you wanna get out there? Like, look at that.
Oh, no, man. Wingmanning for ross is impossible.
Guys, guys, guys. I got one!
Got one.
I think she's a dude.
Guys, guys, guys, guys. Guys, come on.
I need one of you guys
To drive us home to her place, okay?
We've both had too many.
No way.
I'm on vacation.
You know what, I’ll drive you guys.
Let's go.
You and Nate can go back together.
Might be a while, by the looks of that.
But, yeah. It'll be fine, dude. I'm fine.
You sure?
Come on. Stop wasting time here.
Come on. Just drive us home.
All right. Good job.
Okay, man. I'm gonna go.
No! No, no, no. Don't go, man.
She scares the crap out of me, all right?
Real serial killer shit.
Then let's fucking leave.
No, man.
I'm getting laid.
Awesome!
Stay here.
You want a cookie, little boy?
'Cause I’d like a cock. Strip.
Strip!
Jesus Christ!
Did you know I’m a yogi?
Mmm. No, i did not, but that's awesome.
It's a very spiritual lifestyle.
I'm sure it is.
I take it very seriously.
So you should.
Like choosing partners to make love with.
Oh.
Oh! Give me a bigger load!
[Moaning]
Spank it! Make it squirt!
I'm squirting.
Make me squirt!
I'm squirting! I'm squirting!
I'm squirting. I'm squirting.
You like it?
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, suck it. Suck it.
Oh, suck it, suck it, suck it, suck it!
Oh, Santa Claus is coming to town.
Santa's gonna be here riding on his reindeer.
Oh, Santa!
I love Santa.
You love Santa?
You kidding me? Creamy?
Could you please knock off the fucking?
You're a new one.
Look here, bra,
Every damn night it's the same routine.
I can't sleep. My girl can't sleep.
The whole damn first floor tryin' to sleep,
And every night she's so damn loud
It sounds like somebody getting murdered.
[Speaking Spanish]
Somebody gots to tell that bitch
People can't sleep when you're always fucking.
I'll tell her.
Get down! I'm down!
Bitch, you got to shut the fuck up.
I'm in love with you. I love you.
Oh, my gosh.
Oh, snap!
Oh, my god. That was so fucking intense.
Dude, let's get out of here.
Mmm, yeah. That feels good.
It feels like you've got four hands.
Shh. Just go with it.
Feel the warmth fill you
As our three energies become entwined.
Oh, yeah. Mmm.
What the hell?
This is Amir, my yoga master and husband.
Amir.
I am Amir.
Husband?
You know, it's getting late.
Look at the time. Maybe i should--
Shh. Do not lose the energy of the moment.
This moment is special,
Like every moment.
Look, i really should be going, you know.
Get out of your hair and things, you know.
Shh. You are on a sexual journey, are you not?
Well, yeah.
And we are here to help you on your way.
Oh. Okay.
Well, how long does this send-Off take?
It depends.
Usually four or five hours.
What? Oh, shit!
[Cell phone buzzes]
[Buzz]
Dude!
Dude, ross sent a video of himself
Getting laid last night.
Yeah, right.
Check this out.
Let me see.
Oh, my god.
He did it. Ha ha ha ha!
Dude, if i didn't know ross,
I'd totally jerk off to this.
But, i mean, actually if i...
i mean, it could work.
That's gross, man.
Aw, come on.
Dude, if you didn't know either party,
This would totally be porn.
Oh, and don't think i forgot
About your secret lady.
I don't have a secret lady, dude.
I don't know what to tell you.
Okay, fine.
Honesty is not the most important thing to me
Of best friendship.
Okay.
Okay. All right. Fine.
You remember the other night at your mom's house?
Yeah.
This is funny.
Do you remember what you said to me about--
[Cell phone buzzes]
Hold on. I got it.
I got to take it.
Mom. Ahh.
No, i cannot go to lunch with you.
I have a class.
God. Do you ever wish
That we went to school further away from our moms?
Sure.
Well, i gotta go to women's lit
With Nate and ross.
I still can't believe you didn't take that class with us.
You two jerkoffs took the last free spots.
You know that.
Hey, no...
you...
check you later, man.
Yeah, later.
Okay, it's working.
Testing, 1, 2, 3.
Blblblblbl.
Let's see.
[Girl moaning]
[Knock on door]
[Knock knock knock]
Hello?
I just came to apologize.
That was... my therapist said
That i should do something impulsive,
But that was just...
weird.
Yeah. Definitely weird.
Like psycho.
Psycho. Ee-Ee-Ee-Ee.
So, um...that's it.
Oh, shit! Ow!
I'm so sorry, Mrs. Reese. Are you okay?
I'm fine.
No, i was going to have that done anyway,
So now i don't have to.
Um...you wanna try that again?
Oh, sorry. I meant holly.
No, i meant...
the kiss?
Yeah. Mm-Hmm.
Okay.
Dude, you're such a liar.
Dude, i totally nailed that yoga lady
Three ways to Sunday, okay?
And it was just her, right?
There wasn't anyone else there.
Not like another dude or anything, okay?
Just in case you're thinking.
Come on, what do you want, proof?
Hell, yes, i want proof!
What are you boners doing here?
Class was cancelled.
Oh, wicked.
Yeah. There was a note on the door.
Lepto-Something. Sounds gross.
Anthony, we need a ruling, okay?
Cockface over here won't give me credit
For nailing the yoga lady,
And only the yoga lady, last night.
No video, no credit.
How was i supposed to get a video?
I was between two bodies.
Okay, not her husband, all right?
You know what? Forget about it, okay?
Look, i lied, okay?
I lied. Yeah. I couldn't seal the deal.
Yeah. Nailed her, huh?
That's right.
With her friend or...
okay, all right, look, there was someone else there,
But it was a girl, all right?
Oh, my god.
Her husband got in on it too, didn't he?
That's why you're so damn embarrassed.
You had a devil's threeway. Homo.
No, okay? There was--
There was another girl there,
But she had boobs and not a penis.
She had a vagina, and it was warm and it was soft.
Stop laughing! I am not a homo, okay?
I did not have a devil's threeway.
I did not.
Not completely.
I'm going to give it to him.
Look, he's embarrassed, the poor sap.
Fine, whatever. That's only one, all right?
You don't get a bonus
'Cause you had some freaky dude in there with you.
Shut up, asshole!
You guys are morons.
I'm going to go to the dorm and crash.
Later, guys.
All right. See you, man. Rest up.
You're going to need it.
Why did you put me down like that?
Hold on. Hold on.
I think this will fit.
What--What is that?
It's a... it's for your...
it'll make you last longer. Hold still.
See? It's like a little inner tube.
Remember when we all went camping up at lake Hemet?
You and Anthony had inner tubes, and we had--
Okay, how about make a little deal.
I won't call you Mrs. Reese anymore
If you don't bring up stories of my childhood
While you're putting a cock ring on me. Deal?
Okay. Hey, thanks.
[Moaning]
Oh, no fucking way.
[Moaning]
I'm gonna cum. I'm gonna cum.
Don't cum, Brandon. Don't cum.
Don't cum. Don't cum.
Hold the cum.
Aah!
Oh, god.
Oh, no.
Aah! Oh, god!
This is when i need the morning after pill.
I'll never ask a girl to do it again.
Wow.
That's great.
So, uh...
what now?
Oh, don't worry.
You don't have to buy me breakfast afterwards.
I'm just gonna go. And thanks.
All right.
Dude, i think Brent is melting.
Cool. He finally set it up.
Okay.
Testing, 1, 2, 3. Blblblblbl.
Yes! Yes!
Brandon, you are the man.
You are the--Whoa. Whoa.
Brandon, you dog.
My dog. My dog.
She's hot...
and she's blonde.
Hmm, maybe a little privacy.
Okay. Don't mind me.
I will just be right here.
Okay.
She's know exactly what she's doing.
Whew. Whew.
[Speaking gibberish]
Ooh.
God.
I'm hungry.
Okay.
That is going to require much more therapy.
I'm going to have to drink a lot tonight
If I’m ever going to get that image out of my brain.
If it's even possible.
But that aside, thank you. It was wonderful.
I haven't felt that way since i was in college.
Alex.
Oh, Mr. Blake.
The perv poet.
Here to compliment my scarf again?
Actually, i came over here to apologize.
It was inappropriate of me
To let you stand there exposed.
I should have been more tactful
And controlled of the situation.
Really? And how would you have done that?
Something like that.
[Cell phone rings]
Excuse me.
Anyway, i gotta get going.
I'll see you around.
Okay.
Oh, yeah. Sure, guys. Help yourself.
Don't worry about it.
Thanks. Don't worry. If we break it,
We'll return it good as new.
The last time you said that,
I had to buy a new game console.
What do you need this for anyways? What are you doing?
We are taking things, my friend,
To the next level: MILFS!
Oh, yeah! Whoo!
Yeah, if we get footage
Of us partying with these MILFS,
We will be heroes. Uh-Uh-Uh.
It's okay, all right?
I know the ladies will want what I’ve got.
Him, on the other hand,
Video is the only way to make sure he's not making things up.
Yeah. You like that, don't you? Yeah!
No, no. Give me that.
Come on! That crotch--
Give me back my shit.
I'm calm. My cock is cool and ready.
Hey, when are we leaving?
Right now.
Actually, I’m not going with you guys tonight.
What?
He's got some new friend he's hanging out with.
Really?
Serious?
It's nothing serious.
Who is it, you dog? Who is it?
I bet she's that college girl.
You know. You know.
The one that likes to air out her nipples
While she's talking.
Come on. I wanna see some of it.
No. Don't worry about it.
Anyways, I’m out tonight, so just...
Anthony, can you just keep an eye on these guys?
I don't want 'em to break my stuff,
And i don't trust you two.
I want to. I just can't.
Come on.
Just keep an eye on 'em, please?
You're going to leave me with these deviants?
Hey, man.
I'll see you later.
You're--
Cheers.
I hunt big animals.
Yeah, great big animals like elephants.
I hunt bison.
You know, i ever used to hunt sabertooth tigers.
They sound something like this. Something like this.
Roarr, roarr, roarr.
Yeah, yeah, they're great.
Okay, what does that say?
Brandon, you better be getting laid.
Send to my best friend.
My boy.
This one was great.
You should have seen the size of her tits.
They were massive.
You could wrap your whole cock around them.
Apparently she stuck a whole pumpkin up there once
On Halloween.
Oh, Brandon.
It was like everything. She could shove,
Like, five different vegetables up there.
It was like she was having a shower with my jizz.
She was rubbing it all over.
Mom, where do you keep the detergent?
Honey.
Oh, hey. It's done.
Can you do this?
Awesome, 'cause i forget how to do it.
I had my cock up her ass. She's screaming for more,
I was just fucking pounding her away.
She wanted me to stick my balls in her mouth.
Whoa, whoa, that is nasty, man.
Oh!
Well, look who's here.
What?
Where you been?
I've just been out, you know?
We haven't seen you in, like, the past couple weeks.
Yeah, you've been kind of an asshole.
I know. I'm sorry, man. I've just been busy.
I knew it, man.
I knew this day was coming.
I knew you were going to ditch me
For some chick and leave me here with these two jackasses.
I didn't know it was gonna be this soon, though.
That's not what's happening, man. I promise.
And besides, you said you wanted
To do something for me, right?
Yeah.
Okay, man. Well, tonight,
That means i want you to hang out with these two.
Fine.
Whatever, man.
Nate says he found a brand new spot.
We're gonna go check it out.
Yeah. Prime MILF real estate.
Awesome.
This is it?
Yeah.
This is your secret spot?
Yeah.
The market?
Not the market.
MILF central. Check it out.
All right, let's do this.
Spread out. Let's go. Come on.
Hold on. Wait a minute.
I'm not in on your guys' stupid bet.
Who says? Come on.
For your information,
Maybe someone actually goes to the grocery store
To get groceries
And not have sex with a mom.
Hey, what about that one over there?
Come on, Anthony.
See that one bending over?
That one.
Right there. Do it. Do it. Do it.
This is it. All right.
For the non-Believers.
He's going to make such an idiot of himself.
He's doing all right.
Hey, is if MILFS or MILF?
For the plural.
You know, like, one sheep is a sheep,
And many sheep are sheep.
Yes.
Is it the same rules for MILF?
Like, a MILF is a MILF,
And then many MILF are MILF.
No, no, no. Remember your grammar.
Mom i like to fuck, right?
Yeah.
If it's plural, it can't be mom i like to fucks.
So it must be MILF.
It must be MILF. Moms i like to fuck.
I'm really glad you came tonight.
You know, these past few months
Have been really tough for me.
I mean, just with the divorce, moving,
And all this change.
But then you were there
To just make things sort of...nicer.
And I’m not trying to pressure you or anything,
But this has been so very, very special.
That's all I’m saying.
So thank you.
Oh, me, too.
Thanks for helping me with all those heavy groceries.
Oh, shit!
Shh! Can you keep it down?
Come on. Move it.
Do it hard.
Just give me five more minutes.
God, can you get me a water or something?
You are an animal.
Oh.
Are you my daddy?
Uh...no.
Are you my daddy? Are you my daddy?
Holy third world.
Are you my daddy? Are you my daddy?
Oh, my god!
Go! Please drive! Oh, god!
This isn't what it looks like.
Go, man, go!
Go! Go! Go!
Go, man! Come on!
Oh, my god!
Looks like you guys have been having some fun, huh?
Yeah, i guess.
Oh, hey, dude. Guess what.
What?
My dad's in town. He wants you to come to dinner.
Your dad's in town? Really?
Tonight.
I haven't seen your dad in forever.
Yeah, man. You should totally come.
I actually do have a lot of tests and stuff coming up.
Especially one tomorrow.
I got projects and stuff.
No, no, no. I said my dad's in town,
And he wants you to come to dinner.
Come on, man. You're like family.
My mom's cooking. You love my mom's meat.
Well, why don't you guys
Just hang out together or something.
With the divorce and everything,
It'd be nice, you know?
No, man. How weird would that be?
No, they wouldn't last one second with just them.
Trust me, dude. The divorce went really smooth.
All right, fine. Yeah. Okay. Cool.
Yeah, that's right. Dinner.
I'm there for you.
It'll be a blast in all dimensions.
I'm so glad everyone's here tonight.
I'm pretty sure my mom
Hasn't said three words to my dad.
Really? Don't worry about it, man. It'll be fine.
How are you, Mr. Reese?
Oh, I’m just wonderful.
And look at you.
A college man now.
I'm good and apparently so is my ex-Wife.
Is that right?
Well, look at this place.
It's fabulous,
Everything brand new.
I should have gotten one myself.
Oh, wait. I did pay for this.
She spared no expenses.
Perhaps you can get your nephew
To loan you a few dollars and fix up your place.
So, Brandon, how are you?
Anthony tells me you're really busy lately.
Oh. Yeah...kind of.
He's been seeing someone.
Really? Someone?
Well, you know, just...
I still don't know who it is. He won't tell me.
I'm sure he has a good reason for that.
[Nervous laugh]
Brandon, can i give you a little advice?
Sure.
You've got to make sure you enjoy college.
College is a time for discovering who you are.
Experimenting.
I regret i didn't do enough of that myself.
Uh, thank you, sir.
I'm sure a lot of people have that regret, Sheldon.
I'm being serious, Brandon.
You need to keep an open mind in college.
I'm sure that Brandon
Is being plenty adventurous in college.
Actually, Anthony over here,
He's got quite the funny story about that.
Don't you, Anthony?
Remember the time that we got all adventurous
At the--We did.
I have no idea what you're talking about.
Well, I’m sure you two
Will find exactly what you're looking for.
Maybe it's closer than you think.
Or maybe it's something
You never thought you'd consider.
But just, you know, take your time.
Don't rush into anything.
On the contrary.
It's never too late to change tack--
Enough!
God, can't you just go through one dinner
Without fighting?
You got divorced for a reason.
Brandon isn't even your son.
I get it. He's like a brother to me.
He's a good, loyal, true friend.
But that doesn't mean you have to fight over him
Like you do me.
Mom, i know you guys just got divorced,
But i want you to know
That i think it'd be good for you
To get out there, you know?
Find that special someone.
Thank you, dear.
Come on, mom. You're a catch.
You've got a great house,
A good job.
What guy wouldn't want you.
Am i right?
Yeah. What guy wouldn't want you?
So, Mr. Reese,
Anthony over here
Tells me you just got back from a trip? Wow.
Yes, that's right. I was in southeast Asia.
What part of southeast Asia?
Actually, i was in Bangkok.
[Stifles laugh] did you travel alone
Or with a partner?
Oh, yeah, yeah. You went with
Your new recent partner,
The guy who invested in the house with you.
Oh, you new business partner?
The guy you invested in the house with.
Would that be in palm springs?
That's correct.
It's really great in the springs now.
You guys would love it.
Feel free to come by anytime.
Someone pass me the salad.
Here you go, dad.
Night, boys.
Thanks. Night, dad.
Night.
Oh, dude, it's Nate.
He says he's got an emergency, man.
We got to go.
No way, man. I really do have a big econ test.
Can you just drop me off at campus?
Man, that's on the other side of town.
Man...I’ll take a cab then.
Nonsense. I'm going right by the campus.
I can take him.
Okay. I guess if that's okay with you.
You go take care of your friend.
He'll be safe with me.
All right. Thanks, dad.
Later.
Shall we?
Oh, here. That door always sticks.
Let me help you.
Mr. Reese, what are you doing?
Brandon, there's something i wanted to say to you.
You have to admit
There was some electricity in that room tonight.
Excuse me?
You know what I’m talking about. At the table?
Mr. Reese, look, I’m flattered--
Do you understand what I’m trying to ask you?
I don't know, man. What?
How long have you been fucking my ex-Wife?
What?
I'm not-- I haven't--
Oh, please. I see the way she's looking at you.
And that little game of crotch soccer,
That wasn't exactly her being magnanimous.
I'm gay, not stupid.
I'm sorry.
You don't have to apologize to me.
But you and Anthony have been friends for so long.
I want you to honestly think about
What this might do to your friendship.
You just promise me that?
Yeah, i will.
I know you will.
Now let's get you back to school.
Oh, that feels good.
It feels good doing that.
[Moaning]
[Cell phone rings]
Yeah?
Is this-- Where's Nate?
Are you Nate?
Yeah.
He's here.
Hello?
Hey, jerkoff, I’m in the lobby.
What's the emergency?
Dude, i am wasted.
You've got to give me a ride, yeah?
So call a cab.
He wants me to call a cab.
But, dude, you're here now.
Just come up and give me a ride.
Oh, yes.
Dude, i think I’m doing it
With our physic teacher's wife.
You know, Mrs. Hiller. How cool is that, dude?
Hey, buzz him up, will ya?
Anthony: Mr. Hiller! He's here! He's here!
My husband!
Hey, Mr. Hiller.
Yes? And who are you?
It's me, Anthony Reese.
I'm in your physics class in college.
How nice. Good to see you, Mr. Reese.
Hey, wait, wait, wait.
Hi, sweetie.
Oh, you're early.
Did you forget about the Anderson dinner party?
I must have.
I am so sorry, baby.
I'd better go clean up right now.
Wanna come with me?
Oh, indeed i do.
Come on, come on, cone on, jackass.
I'm sorry. I needed someone to post up for me.
[Laughs]
Did you get what you wanted at least?
Yeah, she was a straight up freak.
You should have seen the size of them, man.
And the best bit--
I got it all on video. Whoa!
I just need to dry it off.
Where's ross?
Last i saw, he was getting a MILF of his own.
[Both laugh]
That feels so good.
Mrs. Reagan?
Oh, shit! 911, there's an emergency! Thanks.
[Siren]
Morning.
Last night was incredible.
You were incredible.
You, too.
Who wants pancakes?
Anthony? What are you doing here?
I brought you strawberries, your favorite.
Thanks, Anthony.
Come on, dad, don't you want your pancakes?
What?
Strawberries, honey.
What is this?
Oh, god.
What the hell happened?
Okay, okay, look, it fell in the hot tub, all right?
But we can fix it.
Besides, if i don't,
I'm don't get credit for the last MILF.
So it'll be done. Don't worry.
Do you have any idea how much this equipment costs?
And what happened to the second button cam?
Okay, I’m not going to lie.
There was an incident.
You went for the crotch shot, didn't you?
No. Okay, yes.
But it wasn't my fault.
Do you know there's this suction thing--
That's it! Man, I’ve had it with you two and your crap.
All you do is take and take
And you don't even care about anyone else.
Why do you two jerkoffs keep looking at your phones?
MILFS. They keep texting us.
Me, too. It's like
They think we're dating or something.
Can you two focus, please?
I knew you were gonna break my stuff.
I knew it. I let you borrow it anyway.
Then really it's your fault.
That's what I’m talking about right there, man.
You never take responsibility.
You just get into all kinds of crap
And expect it's going to work out.
You should be embarrassed, man.
I'm out. This is ridiculous.
Are we assholes?
You are.
Hey, man. Thanks for being cool
About me digging out last night.
What happened with that?
Nate lied to me, man.
He needed someone to run interference.
I'm gonna ask you something about last night.
Sure.
There was a real weird vibe.
My parents fighting over you.
You don't think
They're getting back together, do you?
I mean, because i love my dad,
But I’ve just never, ever thought
That they were happy together,
And last night was just a reminder of all it.
[Cell phone rings]
Who is it?
No one.
Okay, guys, hear us out.
We're done. We're through.
Right. The bet's off. I won.
I did, but who cares?
Okay, right. These women...
they're crazy.
Yeah. Hormonally unbalanced.
Sexually frustrated.
Menopausal.
Fine. Congratulations.
Wait. There's more.
Look, we need to stop 'em.
They call us 24/7. They know where we live.
They just won't stop!
Yeah, i have finals in two weeks.
And?
Um...we need your mom's house.
Why's that?
This ought to be good.
Look, there's no way
The MILFS will come to a party at a dorm.
Yeah, and there's no way
That people will pay for a party in the dorms.
Hold on. Back it up.
Why do we need the MILFS to show up
At my mom's house?
Think about it, right.
What if they had other young guys to go after?
Right? Other young studs
To, like, tickle their fancy.
Then they'd finally stop calling us.
No.
Aw, come on! Aren't you supposed to wingman for us?
Come on. Brandon,
Didn't you bequeath your debt to us?
Sure.
Then technically,
You owe us.
Fine. I'll do it.
But this officially pays off my debt.
Okay, awesome, because we already started
Putting these up around campus.
And at the MILF bar.
Oh, my god.
Hey, stranger.
Hey, what's up?
I saw you guys are having a house party.
That's pretty awesome.
Yeah. Not me, but...
Oh. But are you going to go?
Yes, but...
i think I’m going to go, too.
I could use the opportunity
To blow off some steam after all these tests.
That is if you're going to be having
Some of that sweet, sweet
Microbrew action going on again.
No. I really think
It's just gonna be the regular kind of beer.
Oh.
You don't want me to come?
No, of course not.
Great. Then I’ll see you there in a few hours.
Great.
Okay. Good-Bye.
Good-Bye.
[Cell phone buzzes]
You haven't returned any of my calls.
I know.
We need to talk.
Okay. I've heard that tone before.
Look, it's been fun, all right? It has.
But we both knew this wasn't going to last forever.
I mean, i really don't want to hurt Anthony.
Well, what about me?
Don't you care what i think?
Of course, but--
Sheldon talked to you, didn't he?
What?
Asshole. He doesn't want me to be happy.
Holly--
Look, you are the first person
I've been attracted to since the divorce.
And what, now you're suddenly popular
And you're just gonna dump me like trash? No.
How's it looking?
So far so good.
Oh, thank god.
She's alive.
Best way to spend the rest of the year, you know?
Best buds hanging out.
Nice party, fellas.
It's not bad.
Oh, hey, man.
Um, hey, listen, you know,
It was really great living right next to you, you know?
I'm sorry we didn't get to hang out more.
Yeah. Sure. Whatever.
What happened to your eye?
Now he's captain asshole.
I'm gonna go wander around for a bit. You cool?
Oh, yeah, man. I'm cool. I'm cool.
Get out there, dude.
Cool.
Hey, you made it.
Yeah, i wouldn't miss it,
Especially since all the cool kids are here.
Yeah, yeah.
Look at that.
Isn't that just silly?
I mean, why would you bother
With someone with such a huge age gap?
Maybe...i don't know,
Maybe they've just got a real connection or something.
So do you have plans for summer?
Oh, actually, i have an internship,
So I’m going to be around here.
So what about you?
Yeah, i just live about 20 minutes away,
So i, too, I’ll be right here,
Right in this area.
Cool. Cool.
Most of my friends are going home for the summer,
So I’m going to need someone
To hang out with.
Oh, I’m gonna be here, so...
Okay. I'm going to take you up on that.
Okay. Thank you.
Can you just excuse me just for a moment?
Oh. Sure.
I just have to take care of something.
I'll be quick. I'll be quick.
I'll be here.
All right. Bye.
Bye.
Hey, stud.
You had me worried.
I thought you were leaving, but you didn't.
I was going to.
But you stayed. That must mean something.
No, it's over.
Seriously--
No, not yet.
Mom, we're all out of beer--
Aw, shit.
No. Uh...
dude! What?
Jesus, mom!
How long has this been going on?
Since after the dorm party.
What?
Brandon...
you made me feel so guilty, man,
And this whole time you've been screwing my mom?
I'm sorry.
Sorry, man.
It just...
Anthony!
Hey!
Aah! My other eye!
Aah!
Alex!
Alex, wait!
What's going on?
What's that noise? I still can't see--Aah!
What the hell kind of friend am i?
I, i...
you know, with your mom,
And i don't know why. I'm sorry, man.
It's not cool.
I'm sorry.
And i let you keep thinking it was okay to feel guilty
About just seeing my mom naked.
I don't know how we're going to fix this, man.
I want to. I really do.
I just don't know how.
And I’m really--
I'm willing to do whatever it takes.
Anything. I'll do anything.
Just say something, please.
Just say anything to me.
Well, i screwed your mom, too.
Huh?
Dude, it was, like--
I'm sorry! I thought you were gone.
I, uh... i can't believe...
I’m sorry.
Mrs. Murphy.
The moment i opened that door,
She was, like, possessed, man.
She wanted it.
Drop 'em.
What?
You heard me. You got to see me.
Now i get to see you.
Okay.
Um...yeah.
There was no stopping her, dude.
Oh, this is crazy.
I am so confused right now.
Stop!
Just...
call it even? I don't know.
Yeah?
Call it even.
Could you give us a second?
Look, about the party...
I’ll totally reimburse any damage we caused--
I just came here to apologize.
Really?
Look, Brandon, I’m not going to lie.
I think we had a really great thing going.
But...you're right.
This wasn't supposed to last forever,
And after seeing what it did
To you and Anthony’s friendship,
It's best that it end now
While you guys still have a chance to be friends.
And it would be really weird
If we had a real relationship.
What if we got together?
You'd be Anthony’s stepdad.
Yes, that would be weird.
See you around, kid.
Well, have a good summer, ladies.
You're going to be around, right?
Yeah. I got some units to make up.
I'll be here. You gonna be here?
Yeah.
Cool, cool, cool. All right.
Sweet. I'm taking off.
[Horn honks]
Hold on. Is that the chocolate syrup girl?
Is that her?
Hey, dude, check it out.
I can see straight down her shirt.
I can't believe you're still seeing her.
I guess I’m a romantic at heart.
Peace, guys. See you later.
Wow.
Hey, guys, I’m out, too, as well.
I have to see the ladies one last time
Before i head out of town.
They get one more round with the Nate-Man!
Whoo-Hoo!
See you next year.
Later, man.
Well, that's everything.
Yeah, guess so.
Are you going to come by the house later?
Or later on?
Yeah, probably.
Hey, man, i was thinking.
If anybody was going to be sleeping with my mom,
I'm glad it was you.
Dude, what the hell? Come on, man.
What, too soon?
Well, my dad wants to meet me for dinner,
So i got to go.
Said he's got something important to tell me.
Call you later?
Sure.
Cool.
So...
so...
how have you been?
Good. Good. I've been good.
I'm just packing.
I'm moving into my new apartment off-Campus,
So i just came by to pick up a few of my things.
I didn't think you'd want to see me
After the incident at the party.
Yeah, that was strange.
Yeah. But, you know--
That's okay. Anthony came to see me.
He told me everything.
He did?
Yeah, yeah.
He told me that he ended up dating your cousin
And he didn't tell you about it,
So it ended up being weird for you and your family.
So that's all right. Don't worry about it.
Yeah.
But it was my fault, too.
That's a nice pattern.
Thanks. I made it myself.
Brandon, is that a peephole?
Yeah.
It's a long story,
But our neighbor moved out already,
So it's fine.
We have this whole place to ourselves.
Good.