《生活大爆炸》前情提要 Previously on The Big Bang Theory...
我哥哥 深深地暗恋着伯纳黛特 My brother-- he's got a big crush on Bernadette.
你要回印度吗 You're moving back to India?
这是怎么回事 What's going on?
反正不是你们看上去的那样 It's-It's not what it looks like.
那到底看上去像怎么样 What does it look like?
"不是你们看上去的那样" It's not what it looks like.
你在碎碎念什么啊 What are you grinding about?
佩妮今早留下的头脑风暴悬念 Penny's brain teaser this morning.
她跟库萨帕里 She and Koothrappali
从你的卧室走出 emerge from your bedroom.
她衣衫不整 拉杰只裹了个床单 She is disheveled, and Raj is dressed only in a sheet.
唯一的线索只有"不是你们看上去的那样" The sole clue: "It's not what it looks like."
别纠结了 谢尔顿 Just let it go, Sheldon.
纠结不是我想停 想停就能停的 If I could, I would, but I can't, so I shan't.
目前的信息表明佩妮 Now, knowing Penny,
最明显的答案当然是两人交媾了 the obvious answer is, they engaged in coitus.
但是... But...
鉴于那是"看上去的那样" Since that's what it looked like,
我们可以排除这个可能性 we can rule that out.
智能帽子:澳大利亚思维中心研制的让人更聪明的帽子
让我们戴上智能帽子考虑一下吧 如何 Let's put on our thinking cap, shall we?
拉杰来自印度 一个热带国家 Raj is from India, a tropical country.
第三世界的卫生条件 Third World hygiene.
寄生病感染司空见惯 例如蛲虫病 Parasitic infections are common, such as pinworms.
诊断蛲虫病的步骤 就是等待 The procedure for diagnosing pinworms is to wait
直到宿主陷入沉睡状态 until the subject is asleep,
然后蛲虫从宿主的直肠爬出来透气 and the worms crawl out of the rectum for air.
没错 正像你刚才那样 Yes, just like that.
佩妮可能在观测寄生虫从拉杰的菊花爬出来呢 Penny could have been inspecting Raj's anal region for parasites.
天呐 Oh, boy.
真是位称职的蓝颜知己啊 That's a true blue friend.
他们上床了 大神探 They slept together, Sherlock.
不 你没认真听 No, you weren't listening.
她说了 "不是你们看上去的那样" She said it's not what it looks like.
她说谎了 She lied.
呃 Oh.
那我坐在这还戴着这东西岂不是弱爆了 Don't I look silly sitting here wearing this?
本字幕由 YYeTs人人影视 翻译制作 更多美剧原创翻译 请登陆 www.YYeTs.net
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翻译：米小勒 Tina 海因里希 Joanna YY
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后期：孤帆 时间轴：小e
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校对：Vin 总监：YY
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生活大爆炸 第五季第一集
莱纳德 现在对你而言 Leonard, is it awkward for you
看到你的挚友跟你曾经爱过的女人 knowing that one of your dear friends had sexual intercourse
就在你每天睡觉的地方交媾 with a woman you used to love
是否觉得很尴尬 in the very place you lay your head?
不 我能接受 No, I'm fine with it.
那听起来像讽刺啊 That sounds like sarcasm,
但是我决定无视它 but I'm going to disregard it,
因为我还有其他安排: 玩彩弹枪 because I have an agenda-- paintball.
本周来点特别的 搞个不同部门间的比赛 Specifically, the interdepartmental tournament this weekend.
为了变为更有效率的作战小队 In order to function better as a fighting unit,
我认为我们有必要建立一个领导机制 I thought we should establish a chain of command.
当然自不待言 Now, it goes without saying
我的地位理应高于你们三位 that I would outrank the three of you,
但问题在于 高多少呢 but the question remains, by how much?
我认为我不该充当那种在指挥部桌前发号施令 Now, I don't see me as some four-star general, back at HQ riding a desk
只会跟国防部打高尔夫的四星上将的角色 and playing golf with the Secretary of Defense.
但我也不能当库珀中士 But I also can't be Sergeant Cooper,
这可能会误导你们 because that might lead you
把我仅仅看成个小人物 to think of me as just a regular Joe.
这事儿可能需要动点脑筋 你们继续 This might take some thought. As you were.
as you were是军队里常出现的上级对下级说的 有继续 稍息 解散的意思
你到底有什么毛病啊 What the hell is wrong with you?
是啊 你怎么能这么做呢 Yeah, how could you do that?
-跟你有何关联 -我挺他啊 - What is it to you? - I got his back.
是啊 你嫉妒我因为事实证明 Yeah, right. You're just jealous because it turns out
我才是佩妮仅次于莱纳德的第二选择 I'm Penny's number two choice after Leonard.
拜托 如果我没跟伯纳黛特订婚 Hey, if I wasn't engaged to Bernadette,
二号选择完全可能是我 that totally could have been me.
拜托 谢尔顿都有可能在你之前 Please. Sheldon would have been before you,
他说不定连生殖器都没有呢 and he might not even have genitals!
你为何这么在意啊 Why do you care so much?
你还跟我妹妹约会呢 You're dating my sister,
况且佩妮和我还相恋了 and Penny and I are in love.
什么 What?!
先生们 容我插一句 Gentlemen, if I may interject,
我决定我的军阶为上尉了 I've decided my rank will be captain.
嘎嘣脆船长:麦片品牌 袋鼠船长:美国某儿童节目主持人的称呼
如果科克船长 嘎嘣脆船长和袋鼠船长都能胜任此职 If it's good enough for Kirk, Crunch and Kangaroo,
那对我而言也不错 it's good enough for me.
你没有跟佩妮相恋 You're not in love with Penny.
有 我有 Yes, I am.
伟大的天神迦摩天用他的爱之花箭射中了我们 The god Kamadeva has shot us with his flowery arrows of love.
谁 Who?
他是印度的丘比特 He's the Hindu version of Cupid,
但他帅多了 因为他骑着一只硕大的鹦鹉 but way better, because he rides a giant parrot.
拜托拉杰 哪个女孩子对你笑 你就会爱上谁 Raj, come on. You fall in love with any girl who smiles at you.
一个月前 你还给他未婚妻写情诗呢 A month ago, you were writing poems about his fiance.
什么 他啥意思 I'm sorry. What?!
胡说 他胡说八道 Rubbish. He's talking rubbish.
哦 伯纳黛特 请给我吹箫吧 "Oh, Bernadette, please play my clarinet."
那也可以是别人嘛 That could have been about anyone.
况且 你没必要担心 Besides, you have nothing to worry about,
我现在是库佩恋的主角之一 because now I'm the dusky half of Koothrapenny.
说明一下 我有生殖器 For the record, I do have genitals.
不但功能强劲 而且外形健美 They're functional and aesthetically pleasing.
来了 Oh. Coming.
说到底 Yup, that's good.
最好连红酒杯也有手柄 Wine glasses should have handles.
准确记录你的酒精摄入量 Keeping accurate track of your alcohol intake.
鉴于你的酒后乱性程度 Smart idea considering how trampy you get
这么做很聪明 when you've had a few.
你听说我干的事了 You heard what I did?
我听说你干了谁了 Well, I heard who you did.
老天呐 Oh, my God,
我全搞砸了 I screwed up everything.
我伤害了莱纳德 I hurt Leonard.
我伤害了拉杰 I hurt Raj.
我真是有毛病啊我 I mean, what is wrong with me?
我感觉自己完全是两个不同的人 I feel like two totally different people--
化娼博士 Dr. Jekyll and Mrs. Whore.
原电影名为Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde
别太自责了 Don't be so hard on yourself.
你知道凯萨琳大帝的故事吗 Do you know the story of Catherine the Great?
不知道 No.
她是俄罗斯 She ruled Russia
18世纪后期的统治者 in the late 1700s, and one night,
一天晚上 她感觉性欲特别强 when she was feeling particularly randy,
她用一个复杂的滑轮系统 she used an intricate system of pulleys
跟一匹马发生了亲密关系 to have intimate relations with a horse.
不好意思 I'm... I'm sorry.
这跟我有什么关系 What does this have to do with me?
她跟不同物种发生过关系 She engaged in interspecies hanky-panky,
但人们依然尊称她"大帝"啊 and people still call her "Great."
我相信你的名誉不会因为 I'm sure your reputation can survive
一个小印度男而毁掉的 you shagging a little Indian boy.
你个不要脸的东西 You jerk face!
你跟霍华德说什么了 What did you tell Howard?!
你跟他说我们之间有奸情是不是 Did you say there was something going on between us?
他现在就是这么想的 Because he thinks there is!
他整个人都抓狂了 He's completely freaking out!
请进 Please, come in.
你这人有毛病啊 What the hell is wrong with you?! Well...
你总是对我这么好 我以为你喜欢我嘛 You were always so nice to me, I thought maybe you liked me.
我对谁都这么好啊 I'm nice to everyone!
对不起 I'm sorry.
没错 你是对不起我 Damn right, you're sorry!
你去跟霍华德说我们之间 没有任何暧昧之情 And you tell Howard there's never been anything between us!
-我会的 伯纳黛特 -干嘛 - I will. Hey, Bernadette? - What?!
你觉得我和佩妮有机会吗 Do you think I have a shot with Penny?
当然啦 你那么可爱 Of course you do. You're a cutie pie!
哪个女孩子遇到你真是三生有幸啦 Any girl would be lucky to have you!
你知道吗 我以前就犯过这种错 You know, I've done this before.
在幼儿园的时候 In kindergarten,
我本来要在下课期间嫁给杰森·索伦森 I was supposed to marry Jason Sorensen at recess,
但等同学们都出来的时候 but by the time my class got out there,
他已经和切尔西·辛莫法订婚了 he was already engaged to Chelsea Himmelfarb.
知道我怎么做吗 So what did I do?
我倒吊在猴架上 Hung upside down from the monkey bars,
让全部男生看我的内裤 let all the boys see my underpants.
你不能责怪自己 You can't blame yourself.
当你的前额皮质无法使你开心时 When your prefrontal cortex fails to make you happy,
滥交能给你带来大量所需的多巴胺 promiscuity rewards you with the needed flood of dopamine.
我们神经生物学家称之为"下流反射" We neurobiologists refer to this as the "Skank reflex."
这样吧 You know what?
我们出去玩 Let's get out of here.
我们去哪玩 Where are we going?
去没有人看过我裸体的地方 Somewhere where no one's seen me naked.
可能得开一会车才行 We may have to drive awhile.
聪敏就不是她的强项 对吧 Subtlety isn't her strong suit, is it?
我能去你家睡几晚吗 Can I stay at your place for a few nights?
真的吗 Really?
闺蜜来过夜 好嘢 A best friend sleepover? Yay.
当然 好嘢 Yeah, sure. Yay!
我们弄点爆米花 玩他个通宵 We'll make popcorn, stay up all night
我会教你说我的密语 表嗷话 and I'll teach you my secret language, Op.
-听上去不错 -错 - Sounds great. - Nope.
应该是听上去"表嗷错噢" Sounds "Gop Rop E A Top."
-好吧 我去收个包 -不 错了 - Yeah, I'm gonna go pack a bag. - No, you're not.
你是去"收个表嗷噢" You're gonna "Pop A Cop Kop A Bop A Gop."
我们真要穿这蠢爆了的迷彩服 Do we really have to wear this camouflage crap
去打彩弹吗 to play paintball?
谁在说话 Who said that?
莱纳德 我能听到你 Leonard, I can hear your voice,
但看不到你 but I can't see you.
我没那心情 谢尔顿 I'm not in the mood, Sheldon.
哎呀 你在这啊 Oh, there you are!
莱纳德 Leonard,
我知道你为最近的事不开心 I know you're upset about recent events, and
所以我找了人来帮你 I have someone here to help.
我不想和艾米说话 I don't want to talk to Amy.
不 那不是艾米 No, it's not Amy.
你好 宝贝儿 Hello, dear.
你叫了我妈 You called my mother?
莱纳德 Oh, Leonard,
非要说得这么明显吗 is it really necessary to caption the obvious?
他还是小孩时就这样了 He's been like that since he was a toddler.
看呀 妈咪 一只蝴蝶 "Look, Mommy-- a butterfly."
真闹心 Maddening.
怎么了 你有什么事 What's going on? What do you want?
谢尔顿告诉我说 Sheldon informed me
你正在遭遇感情上的剧变 that you're experiencing an emotional upheaval,
所以我来帮忙 and I'm here to help.
你真贴心 That's so nice.
这不又是明摆着的么 And we're back to the obvious.
好吧 怎么了 Now, what's up?
那个 嗯 Well, uh... okay.
我不想和佩妮复合 I don't want to get back together with Penny.
我们尝试过 很疯狂 效果很糟糕 We tried it, it was crazy, it didn't work,
但我也不能接受 but I can't deal with the fact
她和我朋友拉杰上床了 that she slept with my friend Raj.
我还发现拉杰的妹妹普莉娅 And then I find out that Raj's sister Priya,
我和她交往了八个月 who I've been going out with for eight months,
而她现在要回印度 is moving back to India.
所以我完全迷茫和寂寞了 So I'm just completely confused and alone.
我理解 I understand.
有什么建议吗 Got any advice?
有 振作起来 Yes. Buck up.
啥 Excuse me.
你一个世界知名的 You're a world-renowned expert
育儿和儿童发展专家 in parenting and child development,
能给的建议就是"振作起来"吗 and all you've got is "Buck up"?
不好意思 Sorry.
振作起来 小娘炮 Buck up, sissy pants.
多谢 妈妈 我感觉好多了 Thanks, Mother. I feel much better.
你要是有什么要我帮忙 If you need any more help from me,
就去亚马逊上买我的书 my books are available on Amazon.
下了 Logging off.
九十九 一百 ...ninety-nine, one hundred.
秀发如金色瀑布一般倾泻而下 It's like a waterfall of liquid gold.
轮到我了 My turn.
我都不知道我干嘛 You know, I don't even know what the point
要住在洛杉矶 of me staying in L.A. Is.
我搬到这后连一次演员工作机会都没有 I haven't gotten a single acting job since I moved out here.
最接近的就是上个月 The closest I came was last month,
一个做痔疮广告的打了电话给我 I got a callback for a hemorrhoid commercial.
我觉得你那张脸演得了痔疮的会很传神 Oh, I could so see you being the face of hemorrhoids.
你也觉得吧 I know, right?
我是不是干脆搬回内布拉斯加得了 Maybe I should just move back to Nebraska.
不 你不能这么做 No, I can't let you do that.
为什么 Why not?
有史以来第一次 For the first time ever,
我的社交生活蒸蒸日上 I have a thriving social life.
不是给你压力 And no pressure,
但你要是走了 这一切都完了 but it kind of lives and dies with you.
你好 艾米 Hi, Amy.
我能和佩妮谈谈吗 Can I talk to Penny?
我的滚轮床有人来睡 还有男生来我家 A guest in my trundle bed and a boy at my door?
我真想穿越回去告诉十三岁的我 "真的会好起来的" I wish I could tell 13-year-old me "It does get better."
你怎么知道我在这里 How did you know I was here?
她的Facebook上都写了 It's all over her Facebook page.
我把你的东西搬去卧室 I'll take your stuff to the bedroom
-再把抽屉整理一下 -谢了 - and clear out a drawer. - Thanks.
没事 这次管好你的裤子 好吗 No problem. Try and keep it in your pants, okay?
你好 So, hi.
有事吗 What's up?
不知道你周五有没有空 I was wondering if you're free Friday.
周五在格里克有个八十年代之夜 They're having a Totally '80s Night at the Greek.
有霍尔与奥兹二重唱 卡特琳娜 Hall & Oates, Katrina and the Waves
还有卡加勾勾组合里的三个人 and three-fifths of Kajagoogoo.
均是八十年代的音乐人和组合
这真的很不错 但问题是... Gee, that's really sweet, but the thing is...
有问题了 Aw, there's a thing.
听着 亲爱的 我当时醉得很厉害 Look, honey, I was really drunk
昨晚犯了个严重的错误 and made a huge mistake last night.
我们绝不该发生这种关系 We should've never slept together.
这会毁了我们的友谊的 It's what ruins friendships.
做爱是毁不了友谊的 You can't ruin a friendship with sex.
就好像巧克力屑不会毁了冰淇淋一样 That's like trying to ruin ice cream with chocolate sprinkles.
来坐下来 Come here.
听我说 Just listen to me.
我想时光倒流 回到我们从前那样 I want to go back to the way we were before.
当朋友 You know, friends.
不放巧克力屑 No sprinkles.
好吧 All right.
谢谢你 Thank you.
作为朋友 我要告诉你 As your friend, you might like to know that, um...
传统意义上来说 我们没有做爱 we didn't have sex in the conventional sense.
天哪 Oh, God.
你对我做了什么怪异的印度花样吗 Did you pull some weird Indian crap on me?
不 不是的 No, no.
我们脱光衣服上床之后 After we got undressed and jumped in bed,
你问了我有没有带安全套 you-you asked if I had protection.
哦 你一定带了 是吧 Oh, you did, didn't you?
当然 我一向随身带着的 Of course. I'm always packing.
总之 Anyway,
当时我有点戴不上套子 um, I had trouble putting it on
你就想来帮我 and you tried to help and...
然后就没有然后了 that was all she wrote.
所以 我们其实没有... So, we didn't actually...
我射了 I did.
感觉很美妙 It was beautiful.
佩妮 求求你答应我 Penny, please, please promise me
不会告诉任何人 you won't tell anybody about this.
当然 一定不说 Of course I won't. No, I won't.
太好了 Oh, good.
我可不可以告诉别人 Um, can I tell people that our love
我们的爱燃烧太快 转瞬即逝 burned too bright and too quickly?
就像"风中之烛"那样 Kind of a "Candle in the Wind" deal?
当然可以 Sure.
酷 我可以说我们分手 Cool. Can I say it fell apart
是因为你一直嚷嚷着想要我孩子 because you were all "I want to have your babies""
而我觉得自己还要继续流浪不能安定下来吗 and I was like "I'm too rock and roll to be tied down"?
不行 No.
我可以说因为你是白种人 所以我甩了你吗 Can I say I ruined you for white men?
还是不行 Also no.
-好吧 就说风中烛那个吧 -对 - Okay, just the candle thing. - Yeah.
酷 Cool.
好吧 朋友 All right... friend.
回见 I'll see you around.
好的 Okay.
拉杰 等等 Raj, wait.
谢谢你当我朋友 Thank you for being my friend.
佩妮 Penny?
我又开始觉得美妙了 It's getting beautiful again.
好了 这是本战场的"谷歌地球"画面 All right, this is a Google Earth view of the field of battle.
我什么都没看见 I don't see anything.
等一会 在载入 Give it a second to load.
可以了吧 AT&T[美国电话电报公司] Whenever you're ready, AT&T!
好了 来吧 Okay, here we go.
我们在这 This is us here.
南面是卢米斯教授和地质系诸人 To the south is Professor Loomis and the Geology Department.
据其twitter记录 他们没防晒霜了 According to their twitter feed, they're out of sunblock,
就是说他们要不躲在林木线下 which means they'll have to hug the tree line
不然就有得黑色素瘤危险 or risk melanoma.
这就是我们的优势 That's our edge.
我们只需要快速穿过这个山脊 All we have to do is move quickly over this ridge,
就能把这帮崇拜石头 苍白脸色的混蛋 the rock-worshipping pasty-faced bastards
出其不意地击倒 won't know what hit them!
好了 出发吧 All right, let's move out.
等等 谢尔顿 Hang on, Sheldon.
你怎么能不告诉我 你妹妹要回印度 How could you not tell me your sister was moving back to India?
也许他当时正忙着 Maybe he was too busy
写关于我未婚妻的拙劣阴茎隐喻 writing clumsy penis metaphors about my fiance.
滚你的 Screw you.
那明明是绝妙的阴茎隐喻 That was a beautifully written penis metaphor.
各位 我实在没心情打彩弹球 You know what, guys, I'm not in the mood for paintball.
不如我们直接当逃兵吧 What do you say we just bag it?
-我同意 -好吧 随便 - Fine with me. - Sure, whatever.
不能当逃兵 You can't quit.
这样是要交军事法庭审判的罪行 That's a court-martial offense.
可被判处... That's punishable by...
反正不行 You can't quit.
抱歉谢尔顿 Sorry, Sheldon,
现在玩彩弹球游戏实在不是时候 it's just not a good time for playing games.
你以为这是游戏吗 This is a game to you?
美国南北战争时期的著名战役
安提耶坦之战也是游戏吗 Uh, was the Battle of Antietam a game?
历史上 罗马曾遭多次洗劫
罗马被洗劫也是游戏吗 Huh? Was the sack of Rome a game?
是 不是 不是 Yes, no and no.
慢着 Wait.
我只是想你们知道 我原谅你们了 I just want you all to know that I forgive you.
这次叛变不是你们的错 This mutiny isn't your fault,
是我的问题 it's mine.
我配不上这些两道杠[军衔] I haven't earned these bars.
显然我的领导才能的不足 Although what I lack in leadership,
全弥补在缝纫技术上了 apparently I more than make up for in sewing.
算了吧 谢尔顿 Let it go, Sheldon.
回家的路上我会给你买杯丈八果汁的 I'll get you a Jamba Juice on the way home.
原名坚宝果汁
不要 No.
丈八果汁是给英雄喝的 Jamba Juice is for heroes.
所以我们要当英雄 And that's what we're going to be.
你要干嘛 What are you doing?
步柯克船长和嘎嘣脆船长 以及袋鼠船长的后尘 Following in the footsteps of Kirk, Crunch and Kangaroo.
地质学不是真正的科学 Geology isn't a real science!
那帮混球太过分了 Damn those sons of bitches!
干掉他们 Let's get 'em!
尝尝老子的厉害 Eat paint!
如果将来有谢尔顿党的话 If there's ever a Church of Sheldon,
那应该就是从此时开始的 this will be when it started.
哎呦喂 Ow!
让我们为英雄举杯 I'd like to propose a toast
正是他悲壮的牺牲 我们才能赢得胜利 to the man whose noble sacrifice inspired our victory,
感谢谢尔顿·库珀上尉 Captain Sheldon Cooper.
-说得好 -说得妙 - Hear, hear. - Hear, hear.
抱歉 应该是谢尔顿·库珀少校 Excuse me. It's Major Sheldon Cooper.
为了犒赏在沙场上的英勇 With my last breath,
我用仅存的一口气 给自己升了一级官 I awarded myself a battlefield promotion.
这也算小有成就吧 It's kind of a big deal.
嗨 你们有时间吗 Hi. You guys have a minute?
当然有 Uh, yeah, sure.
好的 Okay.
我已经跟拉杰谈过了 Well, I already talked to Raj,
但是我想向你们其他几个道歉 but I wanted to apologize to the rest of you for,
为之前的一切 道个歉 you know, everything.
拜托 佩妮 让我来说吧 Please, Penny, let me.
我们决定让那晚既疯狂又美好的春宵 We've decided to let our crazy, wonderful night together
成为大家心里的美好回忆 be just one of those memories you have
当你们心情低落或洗澡时 and can call to mind when you're feeling blue
可以拿出来回味一下 or you're in the shower.
你这是干什么 三分钟先生[早泄王?] Hey, what you doing, Quick Draw?
抱歉 您请说 Sorry. Go on.
总之 我来是想告诉大家 Anyways, I wanted you guys all to know
我很认真地审视了一遍自己 that I've been taking a really hard look at things
于是得出一个结论 and come to the conclusion
我不能再自欺欺人了 I have to stop kidding myself.
我根本不会演戏 I suck at acting.
是时候卷铺盖回家了 It's time for me to move back to Nebraska.
你要走吗 You're leaving?
对 Yeah.
你准备回内布拉斯加做什么 What are you going to do in Nebraska?
不知道 或许教表演吧 I don't know, maybe teach acting.
抱歉 稍等 Oh, sorry. Hold on.
你好 Hello?
佩妮 听着 我不希望你是因为我才走的 Penny, listen, I hope you're not doing this 'cause of you and me,
因为我有女友相伴 而你只能孤芳自赏 because I have a girlfriend, and you're a single woman...
别吵 我经纪人打来的 Shh! It's my agent, it's my agent.
你开什么玩笑 You're kidding.
天啊 Oh, my gosh.
我简直不敢相信 真的吗 I can't believe it! Really?!
我太激动了 Oh, I'm so excited!
谢谢 Thank you!
非常感谢 Thank you so much.
好 再见 Okay, bye.
我接了个痔疮广告 I got the hemorrhoid commercial!
周一开拍 I start Monday!
那内布拉斯加呢 What about Nebraska?
鬼才回内布拉斯加 Oh, hell with Nebraska.
姐要当明星啦 I'm gonna be a star!
你有考虑过教物理吗 Have you ever thought of teaching physics?
准备要上马了吗 Ready to ride?
恐怕不行 妈 I don't think so, Mom.
今天不行 Not today.
小宝贝 Oh, sweetie.
痔疮又犯了吧 Hemorrhoids acting up again?
你不会明白我的痛 You don't know the half of it.
不 我懂 Oh, yes, I do.
只需轻抹痛处一点点 Try a dab of this.
"女性专用玫瑰香型白宫痔疮膏" "Rose-scented Preparation-H for women?"
现在白宫的大门是专为你而开 Now, the "H" Is for "Her."
我真为你感到骄傲 I'm proud of you.
别吵 到我抖包袱了 Shh! Here comes my joke.
感觉如何 How you doing?
爽快又自在 Sittin' pretty.
双关: 痔疮没问题+骑马很开心