V游网_纳米天痕原创翻译 请保留翻译者信息 尊重翻译者的艰辛劳动
到你了 Your turn.
哦，我去 Oh, fuck.
好啦，我醒了... Okay, I'm awake.
早上好 Good morning.
你们几个今天起得挺早啊~~~ You guys are up a little early today, huh.
做噩梦了吗？ Did we have some nightmares or something?
我来看看你为老爸做了什么 Let's see what you made for daddy.
让我来看看 Let's see.
我也不愿睡觉时裤子里有这东西 I wouldn't like to sleep with that in my pants, either.
但在大学这确实发生过一次 But it did happen once in college.
你能放下那个瓶子吗，宝贝？ Can you leave that bottle alone, honey?
你能放下它吗？ Can you put it down?
宝贝...Sarah... Honey... Sarah...
别，不！亲！ No, no! Sweetheart!
靠 Damn.
我知道了，我一秒之内就让你回到你温暖的小床里 I know. I'll have you back in your warm little bed in one second.
到啦，回到床上，宝贝 Here you go. Back to bed, sweetheart.
你有新鲜，干燥的DIAPY You got a fresh, dry diapy.
Peter... Peter...
Peter，求你！ Peter, please!
儿啊，我们聊过头的事了 Buddy, we talked about the head thing.
我来给你们换尿布 Let me get you all hooked up.
别动，别掉下来 Hang on, don't fall.
哦，别 Oh, no.
Peter...哦 Peter... Oh.
好的，那算是给老爸的小礼物 Okay. A little something for daddy.
Steel，Kuhbach，McCloud律师事务所 早上好 - Steel, Kuhbach, McCloud Law Firm. - Good morning.
早，Lockwood Good morning, Lockwood.
早，Steel先生 Good morning, Mr. Steel.
多谢 Thank you.
孩子们怎么样？ How are the kids?
哦，他们很可怕，很可怕 Oh, they're terrific. Just terrific.
孩子们多有意思啊 Children are such a joy.
是，绝对是，总是很有意思 Yes, absolutely. Always.
合并的事有什么要汇报的吗？ Any word on the Amalgamated merger?
没有什么 That's all but signed.
正好是合伙人评估的时候了 And just in time for your partner review, no less.
真的吗？哦，我没注意 Really? Oh, I hadn't noticed.
我期待着你滑稽的表演 I look forward to having your antic sense of humor
在报告间，Lockwood in the partner suite, Lockwood.
那能把你榨干 It can get a touch dry up there.
非常感谢，恩 Thank you so much. Hmm.
But a Double Windsor? Double Windsor？
加油，孩子，这不是 Come on, son. This is not the dog track.
对，不是 No. Yes.
恩 Yeah.
绝对不是，谢谢 Absolutely not. Thank you.
嗨 Hi.
别开玩笑，Dave，这不是 Seriously, Dave, this isn't the dog track.
是啊，早上好，Sabrina Yeah. Good morning, Sabrina.
上周他告诉我我的鞋差点就踩到意大利的土地了 Last week he told me my shoes were dangerously Italian.
什么？ what?
轮到我成混合航班了？ My turn with the Amalgamated files?
恩，我计算了新的月度计划成本 Yeah, I adjusted the WACC to reflect the new monthly projections,
而且我提前协商了23到29号条款 and I pre-negotiated articles 23 through 29.
好的 Okay.
还有，我喜欢你之前那样 I like the way you had it before, by the way.
恩，谢谢 Yeah. Thank you.
早上好，Patricia Good morning, Patricia.
老二，便便，伟哥，鸡鸡，阴户 Penis, shit, vagina, cock, wolf pussies.
Mitch，我在工作呢 Mitch. I'm at work.
我刚吓到你了哈？ 是的，当然 - Did I get you? - Yeah. You sure did.
用免提接的电话？是的 You got me on speakerphone? Yep.
你的秘书听见了？ Did the secretary hear?
是的，秘书听见了，她全听见了 Yes, the secretary heard. She heard it all.
太棒了 That's awesome.
我看未必，你现在是有多醉啊？ Not really. How stoned are you right now?
我磕了点药 I've taken some weed.
真的？恩啊 Have you? Mmm-hmm.
你知道现在几点了吗？恩啊 Do you know what time it is? Mmm-mmm.
差不多九点啦 It's like 9:00.
我勒个去啊 Holy fuck-knuckles.
猜我看到什么了。钟？ Guess what I'm looking at right now. A bong?
不，我昨晚在街上找到了一个垫子 No, I found a futon on the street last night.
他太薄了 I sort of had to fight a bum for it. He was so thin.
还有一个古老的印第安小毛毯 And it also came with this vintage Navajo pony blanket...
所以我认为我干的不错 So I think that's pretty much a win for me.
Mitch，你知道成年人在工作日更容易发火吗？ Mitch, you know the adults are about to fire up a work day.
我知道，我就是想你了，老弟，就这样 我也想你 I know, I just miss you, dude, that's all. I miss you, too.
我们从三年级就是最好的弟兄了 We've been super best buddies since third grade.
我好长时间都没见你了 I haven't seen you in forever.
噢，我太忙了 Oh, I've been swamped.
我们在训练双胞胎睡觉 We're sleep-training the twins,
我连呼吸的时间都没有了 and I just haven't had a moment to breathe.
抱歉，伙计，我只是太想见你了 I'm sorry, man. I'm just super-excited to see you.
还是今晚见，对不对？ We are still on for tonight, right?
David？是 David? Yep.
没错，没错，绝对的，不见不散 - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - For the thingy.
我勒个去，别告诉我你都忘了 Braves-Marlins. Please don't tell me that you forgot.
没忘 Didn't forget.
你什么时候接我来？ What time are you going to pick me up?
你是不是都把我忘了，David Don't you bail on me, David.
怎么会忘了你呢 I am not going to bail.
你要是忘了我，我会强奸你的眼睛 If you bail on me, I'm going to literally eye-rape you.
知道了 I got it.
我绝对会把我的老二放到你的眼睛里...噢！ I will actually place myself inside your ocular... Oh!
我爸来了 It's my dad.
Mitch Planko，很少光临先生 Mitch Planko, Sr. making a rare appearance.
这个人尼玛恨我 This guy fucking hates me.
我六点去找你 好的 - I'll pick you up at 6:00. - Got it.
挂了 Kirk out.
老爸 Dad.
你来干什么？ What are you doing here?
哦，我就是过来告诉你一声 Oh, I just came by to tell you
我是多么多么的为你骄傲，儿子 how incredibly proud of you I am, son.
我现在受宠若惊 I'm pretty baked right now,
但我怎么感觉你这是在挖苦我 but I think you're being sarcastic.
是不是？ Right?
没，高中退学 No, dropping out of high school
去做演员绝对是个好主意 to be an actor was a great decision.
我恰巧在那个肉类广告里看到你了 I saw you in that commercial for meat, incidentally.
那绝对是我看到的对傻逼最完美的诠释了 That was the most brilliant portrayal of baloney I have ever seen.
你到底来干什么？ Why are you here?
我顺便来看看你，一起吃个早餐神马的 Just came by to see if you'd like to have some breakfast.
不行，我十分钟后有个非常重要的会议 I can't. I got a super-duper important conference call in 10 minutes.
你没有工作 你没有头发 You don't have a job. You don't have any hair.
额 Right.
好吧，那我就直接在这说了 Well, then I'll just say it here.
我要结婚了 I'm getting married again,
我希望你能参加我的婚礼 and I'd like you to come to the wedding.
什么时候？下周六 When's the wedding? Next Saturday.
我的未婚妻，Pamela，想让你 My betrothed, Pamela, would like you
到时讲几句话 to be there to say a few words.
你下次结婚我再去 I'll catch the next one.
噢，恩，额，好吧...那我还是回家吧 Yeah, right. Okay, well, then I'd better get home
然后把我的鞋弄干 and boil my shoes.
见到你真好 我也是 Great visiting. You, too.
真好 Good.
这时吃宝宝的怪物 And the baby-eating monster
从深渊中出来！ rises from the deep!
嘿，老爸，你觉得哪个漂亮？ Hey, Daddy, which one do you like better?
南方帝王蝶还是斑点蝶？ The southern monarch or the many-spotted skipperling?
我一直都挺斑点蝶 I am a many-spotted skipperling man, all the way.
帝王蝶只是被美化的蛾子，你说是不是？ The monarch is just a glorified moth, don't you think?
恩，我同意 Yes. I tend to agree.
嗨，老妈！嗨！ Hi, Mom! Hi!
多糟的一天啊 What a bad, bad day.
你好 Hi.
分董事会第一千次否定了我们 The zoning board shut us down for the millionth time.
Klein医生把双胞胎的免疫记录弄丢了 Dr. Klein lost the twins' immunization records.
而且Cara在芭蕾课上又被欺负了 And Cara got bullied in ballet class again.
你跟老爸说了没？ Did you tell Daddy?
Nicolette Peters keeps knocking me over during the battement glissé. 我做滑步时，Nicolette Peters总是撞我
哦，怎么能这样呢，小美女，你没事吧？ Oh, I'm sorry, sugarbug. Are you okay?
我们要继续在口头上抗争 We just need to keep striving for verbal resolution.
对，对，要谈话解决，宝贝 Yeah, yeah. Verbal resolution, sweetheart.
还有我们今晚去哪？ So where do you want to do this tonight?
干什么去？ Do what?
对话之夜 Dialogue Night.
哦，我的天 Oh, my God.
亲爱的... Honey...
别这么说 Don't even say that.
抱歉，我忘了 I'm so sorry. I suck.
Tillman医生说每星期只要一小时 Dr. Tillman said just once a week, for one hour.
对不起 I'm sorry.
三个月前的事了 That was three months ago.
我知道，我记得 I know. I heard her.
而且我愿意坐下来还好和你聊一小时 And I want to sit and talk with you for an hour
一星期几次都可以，但是今晚不行 more than once a week, but tonight, I cannot.
为什么？你有什么事？ Why? What are you doing?
我答应Mitch我今晚要陪他 I promised Mitch I would sit and watch
看一场比赛，恩... a game with him tonight, and...
什么？ What?
我们能不能再推迟一次对话之夜？ Can we please just slide the Dialogue Night again?
我真的很抱歉 I'm so sorry.
周一再说吧 I can do Monday night.
谢谢 Thank you.
他来的挺早啊 He's early.
是啊，要是你整天手淫，吃着鹰嘴豆沙 Yeah, you'd be early, too,
你也会早来的 if all you did all day was eat hummus and masturbate.
鹰嘴豆沙是什么？ What's hummus?
一种地中海的食品，宝贝 That is a Mediterranean spread, honey.
什么事手...赢？ What's master-ate?
一种饼干 It's a cracker.
嘿，Mitch，头型不错 Oh, hey, Mitch. Your hair looks good.
谢啦 Thanks.
恩啊，我为那个该死的卫生棉广告特意剪的 Yeah, I had to cut it for a fucking tampon commercial.
Mitch叔叔 - Uncle Mitch!
我最爱的芭蕾明星在干什么？ How's my favorite ballerina doing?
嗨，Mitch叔叔 你好，喔！ Hi, Uncle Mitch. Hi! Wow!
天啊，你怎么这么轻，你减肥了吗？ Gosh, you're so light. Are you dieting?
你想来看我的舞蹈展演吗？ Do you want to come to my dance recital?
噢！ Oh!
不了，美女 No, honey.
你Mitch叔叔只爱看一种舞蹈 The only style of dancing that Uncle Mitch likes
要有大的闪光点，和一个被父亲问题缠身的心碎女人 involves a big, shiny pole, and a broken woman with daddy issues.
好啦，故事时间结束 Yeah, story time is over.
去整理下你的头发 Go fix your hair.
哦 Ow.
恩，闻起来不错，Jame Mmm, smells good in here, Jame.
恩 Mmm.
喔！这个好！ Ooh! Num-nums!
各种蔬菜！ Vegetable medley!
最近怎么样？很好 How are you? Good.
你很好？是啊 You're good? Yeah.
和谁在约会？ Are you dating anyone?
噢！你知道我碰到谁了吗？谁？ Ooh! You know who I ran into? Who?
在Druid Hills的星巴克遇到Hickham老师了 Mrs. Hickham at a Starbucks in Druid Hills.
我们社会实践课的老师？恩 Our social studies teacher? Yeah.
我请她出去玩，她不愿意 I asked her out and she wouldn't go out with me,
你说搞不搞笑，竟然因为我高中时惹了她 which is crazy, because I nailed her in high school.
你惹过她？我整个学期都在跟她顶嘴 You did? I dated her mouth for a full semester.
好啦，洗澡，换尿布，全部搞定 - Okay. - Bathed, diapered, and in the PJs.
Dave还能满足你吗，那方面？ Is Dave meeting your needs, sexually?
恩，可以吧 很好 - Yeah, I guess. - Good.
实际没有 Not really, mmm-mmm. Ahh.
我要用皮鞭抽你，让你背字母表 I would like to strap you to my face and say the alphabet.
太假了 That's going too far.
喔！ Oh!
看看这些小鬼！ Look at these little fuckers!
你叫什么？嘿 What's your name? Hey.
你叫什么？你叫什么？ What's your name? What's your name?
为什么他们还不能说话？是不是智力有问题啊？ Why can't they talk yet? Are they retarded or something?
别这么说...你不能这么说 Don't say... You can't say that.
是吗，但是这个看起来像是个小二逼 Well, this one right here looks a little Downsy.
我靠 逗你呢 - Or that. - I'm kidding.
有一点像，是不是？不 A little bit, though? No.
亲，我们看完比赛就回来，好吧？ Pumpkin, we'll see you right after the game, okay?
好好玩 Have fun.
真可爱，哦，别 I like it. Oh, God.
走啦。好的，再见 Let's go. Okay. Bye.
Mitch和Dave Mitch and Dave.
Mitch和Dave，出城啦 Mitch and Dave, out on the town.
哦，哥们儿，我还没告诉你！ Oh, dude, I didn't tell you!
我这周得到了一个电影主角 I booked a major movie role this week.
我去试演，我成功了 I auditioned for a movie role, I got it.
是啊，这可是第一次 嘿，干得不错，什么电影？ Yeah, first one. Hey, good for you. What is it called?
无名称爽爆电影 Untitled Awesome Movie.
真的？叫这个名字？ Truly? That's the name?
恩。是啊。干得不错 Yeah. Yeah. Good for you.
想来点大麻吗？不，不 Do you want to hotbox this nut sack? No, no.
明天对我很重要 把好方向盘，方向盘 I've got a big day tomorrow. Take the wheel. Steer. Steering wheel.
恩，帮我开一下 Oh, steer for me.
Mitch，好啦，老弟 Mitch, come on, buddy.
我们得毫发未损的去看比赛，是不是？ Let's make it to the game in one piece, don't you think?
想来口吗？这是菲罗，真不幸，没有安全气囊 Want to try that? This Fiero, unfortunately, is airbag-free.
明天可是工作日 It's a work day tomorrow.
来一口吧。 好吧，我来试一下 Come on. All right, I'll take one hit.
哦！我擦...你妹啊！ Oh! What the... You motherfucker!
你就好好开你的车吧 Let's just focus on the driving.
跟我说不，Reagan。天啊，你干吗扔了它？ Just say no, Reagan. God, why would you do that?
哈，我们在开车 天杀的！ Well, we're driving. God!
这是辆飞速行驶的车啊 太糟了 This is a car carrying a lot of speed. This is terrible.
握下方向盘，我要再来一根！ Hit the steering wheel. I'm going again!
喔！喝！ Whoo! Drink!
为这球要喝一杯。没问题！三振出局啊！ I'll drink to that. All right! That was a strikeout.
恩，这是怎么了？跟你出来就是高兴 Huh, what's going on? It is good to see you again.
我也是啊，Dave It's good to see you, too, Dave.
女人的事怎么样了，恩？ What's going on with the women, huh?
我见了很多非常非常漂亮的女生 I've been seeing a number of very, very nice ladies.
我这有点照片。喔 I got some pictures. Wow.
这个是Tatiana That is Tatiana.
Tatiana. Tatiana.
她姓什么？ What's her last name?
她全名是Tatiana 半夜三点叫我去干她 It's Tatiana Calls-me- at-three-in-the-morning- and-wants-to-fuck-stein.
是谁给她这个姓的？ Who gives a shit what her last name is?
Mitch。让我想起了Sabrina Mitch. Reminds me a little bit of Sabrina.
嘿！等下，谁是Sabrina？ Yeah! Wait, who's Sabrina?
Sabrina。她是... Sabrina. She's this...
她是我同事，新的法律助理 She's this new law associate at my work.
是个辣妹。嘿，Mitch，真的很辣。啊-哦~~~ She's so hot. Oh, Mitch, is she hot. Uh-oh.
她就像杂志里的女人，你懂的 She's like fall-out-of-a-magazine hot, you know?
我猜她在你的癌症名单中排名首位，是不是？ I bet she's number one on your cancer list, right?
什么？ What is that?
别不承认，你知道的 什么名单？ Come on, you know what that is. What is that?
每个结婚的男人都有个癌症名单 Every married guy has a cancer list.
那上面是你老婆死于癌症后 It's the first three women you'd have sex with
最先选择上床的三个女人 if your wife suddenly died of cancer.
这真他妈变态啊 That's fucking sick.
嘿，那可是我孩子的妈妈啊 Come on. That's the mother of my children.
哦，我懂 Oh, I know.
但我要玩一玩，是的，她排在我名单的首位 But I'll play. Yes, she'd be at the top of that list.
天赐的礼物啊。是的 It's like a gift. Yeah.
但我打断你了，接着跟我说那个Tatiana - But I interrupted you. - Tell me about this one again.
神啊，上周，Tatiana，她找我来了 God, last week, Tatiana, she comes over,
她喘着那种紧身黑色超短裙 she's wearing this tight black mini-dress,
你知道她跟我说什么吗？ and you know what she says to me?
慢慢跟我说。没，什么都没说 Tell me slow. No, nothing.
因为Tatiana只想着做爱 Because all Tatiana wants to do at 3:00 in the morning
操啊，操啊，我勒个去 is fucky, fucky, rubber ducky.
这个贱人根本没法被满足 This chick is insatiable!
她每个姿势都要试一下 She wants it in every position under the sun.
天啊，你真走运 God, you're so lucky.
我们试了老汉推车(...各种姿势，一共七种，我也不知道怎么翻译了，汗） We do the Wheelbarrow, the Arabian Goggles,
the Lonesome Dove, the Arsenio Hall,
the Jelly Donut, the Pastrami Sandwich, the Wolfgang Puck...
我跟你说，没有人会这么饥渴 And let me tell you something, no man is that hungry.
什么？我都不知道你说的是什么 What? I don't even know what these are.
你结婚了，你结婚了，Dave。是啊 You're married. You're married, Dave. That's true.
不管怎样，我这么说吧 Anyway, we start going at it
太激烈，搞得我都流鼻血了 and it gets so intense that my nose starts bleeding.
不是吧 Come on.
这种吸血鬼类型的尤物 This is Dracula, Anne Rice-type shit
就出现在我面前 happening right in front of me.
你可真走运 Good for you.
当一切都做过了，我们结束，收拾好残局 When all is said and done, when we finish up, and the dust settles,
她抬头看着我，然后说 she looks up at me, and she says,
Mitchell，下周二，我还会过来 "Mitchell, next Tuesday, I am coming back here,
我们还要做 "and we're really going to fuck."
操！ Yes!
操！Tatiana Yes! Tatiana.
操，Mitch，Mitch，Mitch Fuck. Mitch, Mitch, Mitch.
你也太... You're just...
我多想也这样啊？ How did I miss this?
我多想这样做爱，嗑药，我想念所有这些不良嗜好 I missed all the sex and the drugs and the bad choices,
我就是他妈的太着急了，是不是？我是不是太急了？ and I just fucking rushed it, didn't I? Wasn't I rushing?
你很忙 You were busy.
急着去念好的大学，是不是？ Rushing to get into a good college, right?
然后进入好的法律学校 And then into a good law school.
当我刚进入好的法律学校 Once I got into a good law school,
我又急着进一家好的律师事务所 I just wanted to get into a good law firm.
我遇到Jamie，我们结婚了，我们有了Cara，就这样了 I met Jamie, we got married, we had Cara, and that was it.
我错过了我20多岁的大好青春啊，是不是？现在一切都太迟了 I pissed away my 20s, right? Now it's too late.
嘿，老鸟，你值了！ Look, shitbird. You got it made!
你有个绝对性感的老婆 You have an extremely hot wife,
有个漂亮的房子 and you got a beautiful house
里面有家具，食物和孩子们 that's full of furniture and food and kids.
而且你赚的钱多的数不过来 And you make a ton of money.
每天工作后你都能回到家 And you come home at the end of the day
周围的人都围着你转 and you're surrounded by people who give a shit about you.
你从不寂寞 You're never lonely.
你还想怎么样？ What more do you want?
我告诉你我想怎么样，好吗？ I'll tell you what I want, okay?
我想有所改变 I want something different.
我想要过你的生活，你知道吗？ I want your life, you know?
我想要Sabrina，我想要Tatiana I want Sabrina. I want Tatiana.
和陌生人做爱，不同的女人 And sex with strange, new women.
你这就是做白日梦 You're living the dream.
做个演员多有趣啊，一年就工作一周 How much fun is it being an actor, working one week a year?
我也想整天抽着大麻 I want to smoke weed all day.
我想要写本书 I want to start a book that I actually finish.
我可以好好的倾诉 I would like to take a nice, solid dump
因为我并不每时每刻都紧张 because I'm not constantly stressed out.
我想去学如何滑旱冰 I want to learn how to rollerblade.
我想去尿尿了 And I'd like to take a piss.
我也是，喷泉，喷泉，喷泉 Me, too. Fountain, fountain, fountain.
真好 Perfect.
喔！ Whoo!
她看着不太高兴啊 This chick does not look happy.
我说真的，我很嫉妒你的生活 I was just saying that I really envy your life.
真的，我嫉妒你的 That's all. I envy yours.
不，你没有。你在照顾我的感受 No, you don't. You're just trying to be nice.
我没有，我说真的，我嫉妒你 I'm not. I do, I envy it.
不，我嫉妒你 No. I envy yours.
我想要你的生活 I wish I had your life.
灯火管制吗？ it's rolling blackouts or something?
我猜是吧 Yeah, I guess.
看你的水流，多好啊，流量很大 Look at your flow, it's so nice and thick.
充满自信 It's confident.
你的在冒气。多谢 Yours is very steamy. Thanks.
我的泌尿医生告诉我，我的尿有一点热 My urologist says I run a little hot.
好了没？恩，好了 Good to go? Oh, yeah.
你能开车吗？恩，没问题！ Can you drive? Oh, yeah!
我勒个去啊！ Holy fuck-knuckles!
我的闹钟呢？ Where is my bong?
尼玛是谁家的孩子啊？ Whose fucking kid is that?
这是什么破枕头？ What is with all these goddamn pillows?
Jamie！额滴神啊！ Jamie! Jesus!
什么？这太他妈恶心了！ What? That's fucking disgusting!
遮上一点，这又不是非洲！ Put those tits away, this isn't Africa!
我怎么会在这张床上？我昨晚睡在这了？ What am I doing in this bed? Did I sleep here last night?
我跟你睡了？ Did I fucking nail you?
你的酒还没醒吗？ Are you still drunk?
Dave! Dave！
Lockwood呢？ Where is Lockwood?
这尼玛怎么回事？ What the fuck?
喔，我操嘞 Oh, my God.
我是Dave？ I'm Dave?
喔，我的天啊！ Oh, my God!
快尼玛开门，Dave Open the goddamn door, Dave.
快点，开门，赶快 Come on, open up the door, right now.
靠 Fuck.
快点，老兄，快给我开门啊 Come on, buddy, open up the door immediately.
起来了 Let's do it.
Dave，快点，开门，快点！ Dave, come on. Open up the door, right now!
好啦，我醒了 快尼玛给我开门 - Okay, I'm awake. - Open up this fucking door!
快开门，Dave！ Open the goddamn door, Dave!
Mitch? Mitch？
我怎么在你的公寓里？ Why am I in your apartment?
Dave，快点，开门！ Dave, hurry up, open up the door!
发生了很严重的事情，看了我你就知道了 - Something very bad has happened. - Wait until you see me.
看了我你就知道了！我的天啊，放轻松 Wait until you see you! Jesus Christ, relax.
太他妈搞了，老兄 来吧 - Super freaky, dude. - Let's do it!
噢 Oh.
这尼玛是怎么回事？ What the hell is this?
我知道。哦，我的天 I knew it. Oh, my God.
我的天啊，这他妈是怎么回事？ Jesus Christ, what the fuck is this?
看看 Look at this.
没错，我是你 Yeah, it's you.
而且你是我，这身子全都是我的 And this is all me. All of this shit is mine.
不客气 You're welcome.
我给你带回来了 I got this.
你在对我干什么？ What are you doing to me?
嘿，停下来。我太强壮了 - Hey, stop it. - I'm so strong.
你在掐死你自己！ You're choking yourself!
快点醒过来 Must wake up.
醒过来！ Wake up!
我不能呼吸了，把我的手从你脖子上拿下来 I can't breathe. Take my hands off you.
快醒过来！放开我！ Wake up! Get the fuck off me!
好吧，好吧，好吧！ Okay, okay, okay!
看看镜子，在那！ Go look in the mirror. Right there!
你看 All right?
我是个讨厌鬼 I'm a douche bag.
我就是一个工具 I'm a fucking tool!
哦！你做了什么 Oh! What did you do?
我做了什么？你认为我想变成你？ What did I do? You think I want to be you?
谁说过我想变成你？ Who said I wanted to be you?
我勒个去，我们都说过 Holy shit, we did.
我们希望过对方的生活 We wished for each other's lives
我们昨晚在那个该死的喷泉撒尿时说的 when we were pissing in that fucking fountain last night.
我们希望过对方的生活 We wished we had each other's lives.
我当时只是在照顾你的感受！ I was just trying to be nice!
噢，我的天啊！ Oh, my God!
我知道一条去那喷泉的捷径 I know a shortcut to the fountain.
这边 Go this way.
小心！小心 Careful! Easy.
我看见了，我看见了 I got it. I got it.
我们到了喷泉该怎么办？ What are we going to do when we get to the fountain?
我们应该往里面撒尿，或者.... We're going to take a piss in it, or...
我不跟你扯淡，我们必须要回到我们原来的样子 I don't give a shit. We're gonna get our lives back.
不是吧 You've got to be kidding me.
嘿，那个喷泉呢？ Hey, where is the fountain?
迁走 It is getting restored.
你说什么，迁走？迁到哪去？ What are you talking about, restored? Where did you take it?
不知道，我只负责填平这里 I don't know, guy, I just fill the hole.
我不是喷泉的发言人 I'm not the fountain spokesman.
嘿，我操嘞... Hey, motherfucker...
谁知道它要迁到哪去？ Whoa, whoa, who could tell us where it is?
也许要去问下地区经理 Maybe ask the district manager.
没有，电脑里没有 Nope. It is not in the computer.
好吧，那什么时候电脑里会有？ Okay, when will it be in the computer?
也许明天，要等到Victor回来 Maybe tomorrow. That's when Victor gets back.
电脑里没有，公园里也没有 It's not in the computer, it's not in the park.
谁是Victor？ Who is Victor?
知道怎么用电脑找到那个垃圾的家伙 The guy that knows how to find shit in the computer.
你们怎么会弄丢一处喷泉呢？ How can you lose a fountain?
这对我们很重要，你懂不懂？你看，那是个喷泉啊！ This is a big deal to us, okay? I mean, it's a fountain!
你还能再冷漠点吗？这不可能 Can you look a little bit harder? That's incredible!
电脑里没有 It is not in the computer.
是，但你的态度可真好 Yeah, but your attitude is right on your shoulders.
别，别，别！ No, no, no!
没有身体接触 There was no physical contact.
我们很好，我们很好，我们没事 We're okay. We're fine. We're fine.
45分钟后我一生最重要的会议就要开始了，怎么会这样？ I have the biggest meeting in my life in 45 minutes. This isn't happening.
你今天有什么要做的吗？ Did you have something you wanted to do today?
我一个大电影有约 I've got day one of my big break movie.
如果我错过了这个会议，我就失去了合伙人 If I don't make this meeting, I don't make partner,
这样我过去的15年人生就完了，全完了！ and the last 15 years of my life, everything I've done, wasted!
别担心，没事，我去做 All right, fine, I'll do it.
我去，我来做 I've got it. I'll do it.
有我呢。做什么？ I got you. Do what?
我是个演员，变色龙 I'm an actor. Human chameleon.
我睡着觉都能做个律师，告诉我一些关键的事情 I can do lawyer in my fucking sleep. Give me the keys.
哦，你要在一个你制片的电影里扮演我？ Oh, you'll play me in one of your productions?
对，跟我讲一下要注意的。不行 Yeah, give me the keys. Okay, no.
为什么？因为你 Why? Because you're...
小心点 Careful.
因为做一名律师比你在电视里看到的难得多，Mitch Because there's more to being a lawyer than what you see on TV, Mitch.
真的吗？是的 Is there? Yeah.
我反对！哦，我的天 I object! Oh, my God.
可以吗？不行！ Okay? No!
错，我的朋友。你不知道做一名律师的先决条件 Wrong, my friend. You don't know the first thing about being a lawyer.
你不是个受训过的演员 You're not a trained actor.
你也不是 Neither are you.
别说了，好吗，Dave？ Save it, all right, Dave?
就这一天，我们是Mitch和Dave！ It's one day. We're Mitch and Dave!
我们今天要做不同的事。告诉我要注意什么 We can do one day of anything. Give me the keys.
开始吧，你有更好的主意吗？ Let's go. Do you have a better plan?
靠，好吧，只能如此了 Shit. Okay. All right.
你还有41分钟，恩？很好 You've got 41 minutes, okay? Great!
去我家，换上我的衣服 Go to my house, get dressed in my clothes.
然后赶到我的办公室，找我的法律助理，Sabrina Then you go to my office, find my legal associate, Sabrina.
从她那拿合并文件 Get the merger documents from her,
拿着它们去会议室，然后... take them to the conference room, and...
噢，我去，合伙人就快到了 Oh, God, the partners are going to be there.
听着，什么都别说 Listen, do not say a single word.
要是有人问我问题呢？ What if somebody asks me a question?
他们什么都不会问你的 They're not going to ask you a damn thing.
一旦会议开始 你就一定要什么都别说 Once the meeting starts, you will continue to say nothing.
就算合伙人找你要合并文件 When a partner asks you for the merger documents,
你也要安安静静地递给他 you will then silently hand them over.
我明白，我会很认真的去做的 I get it. Play it big, but maintain my reality.
这很简单。不！你要看轻它 It's pretty simple. No! You play it small.
我在这上已经花了九个月 I have spent the last nine months
然后做出了这个交易 banging out the terms of this deal.
你唯一要做的就是把文件给他，就这样 The only thing you have to do is hand over the documents, that's it.
老弟，轻松地就想做爱 Dude, easy as fuck.
你在会议上不要说这种话，Mitch You can't say things like that in the meeting, Mitch.
是，不错的提醒 True. Good note.
到我了，你回我家，恩？所有的计划都在我的冰箱上 For me, you go to my house, okay? All my info is on my fridge.
你到了地方，就去弄头发，化妆 When you get to the set, you go to hair and makeup,
然后被我的台词 and you learn your lines.
最重要的是，别给我搞砸了，好吗？ Most of all, do not fuck this up for me, all right?
这对我很重要，就像我的愤怒的公牛。明白了吗？ This is my big break, my Raging Bull. Do you hear me?
你尊重我的艺术，我尊重你的人生 You respect my art, you respect my life.
你尊重我的 You respect mine.
好的，我明白了，来个拥抱，来，恩，好的 Yeah, I got you. Power hug. Come on. Yeah, okay.
等下，你要去接Cara - Hold on. - You got to pick up Cara.
四点去接Cara，听到没？ Pick up Cara from ballet at 4:00, okay?
我尼玛会搞定这些的 I am fucking all over that shit.
我操啊 Holy shit.
早上去打高尔夫了，Lockwood？ Early morning on the golf course, Lockwood?
哈哈！好极了！ Ha-ha! Terrific!
恩~恩~ Num-nums!
看着不错！ Fucking score!
应该很好吃 Fucking grocery store.
看看这些小面包 Look at all of this for little Mitchie-poo.
不错 Nice!
哦，你在这啊 Oh, there you are.
我又核对了10到19条款，都一样，准备好没？ I redid the 10-19 variants, everything else is the same. Ready?
哦，你一定就是Sabrina，恩？ Oh, you must be Sabrina, huh?
你一定是Dave You must be Dave.
我们在玩过家家吗？我们要迟到了 Are we role-playing or something? Because we're late.
他没告诉我你是个又壮又胖的姑娘 He didn't tell me you were a big, fat, fucking boner.
抱歉，这不太职业，哈？ Sorry. That was unprofessional. Wasn't it?
你早餐吃的含羞草吗？有点紧张？ Dave have a mimosa for breakfast? A little nervous?
只是个玩笑，嘿... That was a joke. Hey...
走之前我有个很重要的问题 I've got one really important question before we go.
这里的食物，都是免费的吗？ All this food here, is it free?
给你这个 You got this.
恩，给我 Yeah, I got it.
我拿着，好的 I got it. Okay.
我们开始吧 Let's do this.
恩，你还记得路吧 All right. You remember though?
哦，对，在这边，想起来了 Oh, right. It's down there. Got it.
Lockwood，恩 Lockwood. Yep.
也许你该坐到桌子这边来 Perhaps you would like to sit on our side of the table.
谢谢 Thanks.
现在，在我们正式合并之前 Now, before we formalize this merger,
还有什么问题吗？ are there any outstanding questions we might address?
我们之前做了分析 Our back-of-the-envelope analysis
分析显示你们的P&L每个条款比预期的 shows your P&L to be 2% less than expected
要低两个百分点 as per the MAC clause.
我能确认一下 Can I get confirmation that the EBITDA
EBITDA还在与... still aligns with comfortable...
Dave? Dave？
Dave!这，Dave在这 Dave! Yes. Dave is here.
嘿，你好 Hey, man.
嘿 Hey.
哦，这是给你的 Oh, I've got your thing.
给 Boom!
不，Dave，额... No, Dave, uh...
Kinkabe先生有一个关于EBITDA的问题 Mr. Kinkabe had a question about the EBITDA.
好的 Okay.
额，是怎么样的？ Uh, how is it?
好的 Good.
好的？ Good?
我说什么了？ What am I saying?
EDITDA很糟 EBITDA is bad.
非常糟 Fucking terrible.
你的意思是保险费需要调整吗？ Are you saying the premium needs to be adjusted?
我没这么说 I didn't say that.
你听到我这么说了吗？没有 Did you hear me say it? Nope.
那我们的WACC怎么样？ What about our WACC?
恩？你们用的是哪种PPS？ Huh? What PPS multiple are you using?
什么？财务状况还稳定吗？ What's that? Is the financing still stable?
等下，朋友们 Hang on, guys.
这边有尼玛25个人，能冲别人发发火吗？ Fucking 25 guys on this side. Can you fire at somebody else?
有没有别人能回答这些该死的问题？ Can anybody else field the fucking question?
Dave？恩 Dave? Yep.
这些都是你的工作 It's your job to know this.
是的，这我知道 Yeah, and I know that.
你看，我们...一切... You know, we're... Everything is...
这么说吧 Here is the deal.
我们非常富有 We are very rich.
每个人都很富！ Everybody rich!
我们签了这个吧 So let's sign this.
能有什么坏事发生呢？是不是？ What's the worst that can happen? Right?
我们只需要去庆祝一下 We will just roll this party out
去吃寿司，喝点酒 to some sushi and some sake bombs.
Moustache请客，最后再来点卡拉OK Moustache is buying. And then a little karaoke for dessert?
我们能有什么损失？ What have we got to lose?
我们签了吧。恩？ Let's bones that. Huh, 'stache?
这是在开什么玩笑吗？ Is this some kind of joke?
你要毁掉这一切吗？ Are you trying to poison the well?
你正在接受非法调查，Kinkable You are the one on a fishing expedition, Kinkabe.
你从未对合并事宜认真过 You were never serious about this merger.
我？ Me?
这个傻瓜是你的人，是你搞砸了它 This moron works for you. You are the one sabotaging it.
草泥马嘞...“傻瓜”用在这里并不合适 Fuck you with that... "Moron" is a bad word here.
这个合并不可能了 This merger is over.
你刚犯下了你一生中最大的错误，先生 You have just made the biggest mistake of your career, mister.
我们在法庭上见。不，不 I will see you in court. No, no.
一群狗屎！ What a bunch of bullshit!
等下，别走啊 Hang on. Don't get up.
这是暂停吗？要休息一下？ Is this a break? Taking a break?
什么意思？ Quick fiver?
这到底是怎么回事？ What the hell was that?
放松，没什么啊 Relax. This is good.
看看这一切有多棒啊 Look at how great this is.
这都是我秘密计划的一部分啊 It's all part of my secret master plan.
是吗？是啊 It is? You bet.
你弄痛我的手臂了 You are hurting my arm a little bit.
这个交易对我们事务所的生存意义重大 This deal is critical to the very survival of this firm.
明白吗？我知道 Is that clear? I got it.
我知道我在做什么。我为这个... I know what I'm doing. I've been doing it for...
我在这里准备这项工作有多久了，恩？ How long have I been doing it here, huh?
我在这里工作多久了？这你都知道 How long have I worked here? You know that.
我不知道 I don't know.
9年，10年，对 Nine years, 10. Yeah.
是的，整整十年了 Yeah. Perfect. Exactly 10 years, that's exactly right.
我让你做错什么了吗？ And have I ever steered you wrong?
没有 No.
相信我，老兄 Trust me, bro.
老兄？ Bro?
很好 Fine.
但从现在开始，你都可是很危险啊 But from here on out, you are on an extremely short leash!
明白吗？ Understand?
现在，去，先去换身得体的衣服 Now, go. Put on some proper clothes.
你看起来像犹太人 You look like a Jew.
哦 Oh.
不好意思，你好，影星要把车停在哪？ - Excuse me, hello. - Where do the movie stars park?
你好。嘿，哥们，什么事？ Hello, there. Hey, man. What's up?
化妆间在哪？ Where the fuck is hair and makeup?
Mitch Planko，就是我 Mitch Planko. Fuck me.
那边 Right there.
我擦哦 Fuck me.
哦，看看这个，看上去挺有意思 Oh, look at that. That looks like fun.
片场准备好了 Ready for you on set.
给你拿点什么？维他命水？ Anything I can get you? Vitamin water or Pellegrino?
不，谢谢，我只是有几个问题 No, thank you. I just have a quick question.
这个是什么意思，这里“TS” What does that mean, there, "TS?"
乳头特写 Titty shot.
那“BTS”呢，这个？ And, "BTS," right there?
跳动乳头特写，跳动乳头特写 Bouncing titty shot. Bouncing titty shot.
Steve Driver，去摄影棚 Steve Driver, coming to the set.
我很好奇，这是个什么电影？ I'm just curious, what kind of movie is this?
是Iorno It's a Iorno.
我不太熟悉这个类型，是欧洲那边的吗？ I'm not familiar with that genre. Is that European?
意思是乳头和阴影 Lorno, "Light porno." Tits and shadows.
你听说过Skinemax没有？ You ever hear of Skinemax?
哦，不 Oh, no.
来吧，伙计 Come on, big guy.
不，不，不 再来点油 - No, no, no. - More oil.
让他亮的像鱼皮 Make him shiny like fish.
你是这里的管理者吗？ Are you the one in charge here?
Mitch，我是Valtan，导演 Mitch, I'm Valtan, the director.
哦，好的，这里面有一点小误会... Oh, good. There's been some kind of mistake...
Mona! Mona！
哪里是...我在这！ Where the fuck is... I'm here!
嘿！ Hey!
场景在这，好吧？你拿着枪进去 Here's the scene, okay? You going to enter with a gun...
枪呢？ Where the gun?
Mitch，你要进去时，守卫会阻止你 Mitch, you going to come in. Guard going to try to stop you.
你把他们一个个击倒，明白？ Line, line, line. You knock him the fuck out, okay?
之后你就见到了Mona，她躺在那张床上 You see Mona. She lying there in the bed.
然后你揉动乳房，揉动乳房，揉动乳房 Then we bounce titty, bounce titty, bounce titty,
慢慢地，揉动乳房 slow mo, bouncy titty, Iicky tip of nipple,
恒定速度，揉动乳房 regular speed, bouncy titty,
拍她的屁股，拍她的屁股，拍她的屁股 slap the ass, slap the ass, slap the ass,
这时一阵风吹过，吹灭了蜡烛。Finite，你觉得怎么样 and a wind come in, blow out a candle. Finite. What do you think?
哦，像一首诗！对，像一首诗！ Oh, it's like a poem! It's like a poem!
Mitch在我们的电影中会表现的很出色的 Mitch is gonna be great in our movie film.
准备！准备 - Lock it up! - Locking it up.
好好表演。各就各位 Have a good scene. Places, everyone.
安静，各部门注意 你想要... - Quiet on the set. This is heavy. - Do you want to take...
摄像机就位 The camera is rolling.
一个问题 开始 - Question. - And action!
嘿 Hey.
开始 Action!
禁止进入！ No entry!
Mitch，这里 Mitch, here.
如果你让... If you let...
如果你不让我进去，Taco，我就会让你死 If you let me don't in, Taco, I will fuck you dead.
我做不到 That can't be right.
好吧，加油！把他击倒就行了，然后进去 All right, come on! Just knock him the fuck out, go inside.
继续拍摄！继续拍摄 - Keep rolling! - Still rolling.
开始！ Action!
额...我就打了一下他 Come on. I barely hit him.
好吧，我们后期再修复，继续拍摄，继续拍摄 All right, we fix it in post. Just keep rolling, keep rolling.
继续拍摄 Keep rolling!
Lola，吃惊的醒来 Lola, wake up surprise.
我操！ Holy shit!
Steve Driver，你这个混蛋，你 Steve Driver, you perfect bastard, you.
脱掉 Rip it off.
天啊！ God!
哦，对，舔她的胸部，舔她的胸部 Oh, yeah, eat that titty, boy. Eat that titty.
对，对！舔她的胸部 Yeah, yeah! Eat that titty.
哦，操 Oh, Shit.
想小甜点，孩子，很美味！ Like Cheerio, boy. Delish!
没错！早餐冠军，孩子 - Yeah! - Breakfast champion, boys.
轮到做爱时刻了 Mount for sex time.
去！上床 Go! On bed.
给我，Steve！ Give it to me, Steve!
快！好吧，好吧，好吧 - Come on! - Okay, okay, okay.
对！ Yeah!
打她的屁股，兄弟 Pump that ass, boy.
快，兄弟 Go, boy!
慢点，慢点 Loosen hips, loosen hips.
加油！深一点！ - Go! - Deep thrusting!
好的！ Yeah!
把你大拇指放进她屁股 Put your thumb up her butt.
什么？ What?
把你大拇指放进她屁股 Stick your thumb up her butthole.
我保证，没问题，很干净 I promise you, it's nice, clean.
享受女人的菊花吧 You eat cake off lady's Starfish, okay?
啊... Ahhh...
不 No.
我杀过人 I have killed people.
大部分是男人 Mostly men.
我被禁止回到Eastern Bloc I'm not allowed back in Eastern Bloc.
现在，把你拇指伸到这个女人的屁股里 Now, you put your thumb up nice lady's butthole,
要不然，你很有可能在这里发生什么事故 or else, maybe you have an accident on set.
也许灯会砸中你的头，也许你会触电 Maybe light fall on your head, maybe you get electrocute.
也许你的脸会一团糟，我也不知道 Maybe goat fuck your mouth. I don't know.
片场总是充满了危险 Movie set be very dangerous place.
恩 Mmm-hmm.
好啦，享受这里吧 Okay. And have fun with it.
好啦，继续拍摄，继续拍摄 Okay. Keep rolling, keep rolling.
我要去屎了 I'm going to hell.
哦，Steve! Oh, Steve!
感觉就像我屁股的圣诞节 It's like Christmas in my ass!
动一动！转一转！ - Moving it around! - Moving it around!
就像一台iPhone Like iPhone.
没错 Yeah.
对，买点应用软件！ Hey, purchase some apps!
愤怒的小鸟！ Buy Angry Birds!
Dimitri进来 And enter Dimitri.
Dimitri? Dimitri？
嗨，Dimitri Hi, Dimitri.
你在跟我老婆干什么？ What are you doing with my wife, man?
插！别即兴创作，好吗？ - Thrust! - Don't improvise, okay?
继续抽插，继续抽插 Keep thrusting, keep thrusting.
加油 哦，嘿，嘿，嘿 - Pump it. - Oh, hey, hey, hey.
现在亲这个男孩 Now kiss that boy.
不不不，我很好，Dimitri No, no, no. I'm good, Dimitri.
你要亲这个男孩 You're going to kiss that boy.
快点 Come on.
别，别这样 Okay, we're good.
举起手，举起手 Tall arms. Tall arms.
保持微笑，女孩们 Remember to smile, girls.
很好 Very nice.
集中精神 Focus.
伸起手臂，举高一点 Arms up. Tall.
很好，女孩们 Excellent, girls.
微笑，集中精神 Smile. Focus.
Cara，抬起脚尖站稳 Cara, do try to stay on your toes.
我们再来一次 Let's start again.
我不该坐到我的座位上吗？ Shouldn't I be sitting in my car seat?
不，不用，这样很好 No, no. You're good.
嘿，跟我说说那个把你撞到的女生 Hey, tell me about the big girl who knocked you over.
是Nicolette Peters That's Nicolette Peters.
事实上，她经常这样 She does it a lot, actually.
她经常这样？为什么你不反击？ She does it a lot? Why don't you fight back?
额，你告诉我不要那样的 Uh, because you told me not to.
我？ I what?
你说我该用谈话解决问题 You said I should strive for verbal resolution.
额，你知道，老把我有时... Uh, you know, Daddy sometimes...
我怎么...你该这么做 How do I... Here's what you do.
你要做的口头解决方式是 What you do is you fuck verbal resolution, okay?
你从背后打那个贱人，然后踢她 You put that whore on her back, and you shank her.
你知道怎么报复吗？ You know how to make a shiv?
什么？听我说 What? Listen to me.
如果有人用刀威胁你 If somebody comes at you with a knife,
你就把她全家送到停尸房 you put her whole family in the morgue.
这才是尼玛的正义 That is jailyard justice.
因为要是你不反击那个贱人 Because if you don't come back hard on a bitch,
你就要以卖骆驼灯和果冻 you're going to end up getting sold
结束了 for a pack of Camel Lights and a Jell-O cup.
你明白我在跟你说什么吗？ Do you understand what I'm saying to you?
要用暴力解决问题 Always solve your problems with violence.
好的，老爸 Okay, Daddy.
很好 Great.
想要来点好吃的吗？ Want to get some Pinkberry?
嘿 Hey.
嘿，你过得怎么样？ Hey, how did it go?
你给我闭嘴！怎么了？ You shut up! What happened?
我正在赶拇指先生的疯狂旅程的场 We'll get into Mr. Thumb's wild ride in a minute.
你先告诉我，交易进行的如何？ First, you're going to tell me, how did the deal go?
很好，进行的很顺利 Awesome. The deal went awesome.
很好，那么，它关闭了？ Good. So, it's closed?
是的，当然关闭了，当然关闭了 Yeah, fucking closed. Basically closed.
有一点小插曲，但是... A little bit of a hiccup, but...
什么意思，什么插曲？ What do you mean, a hiccup?
一个小插曲 A little bit of a hiccup.
你的老板是个反犹分子，你知道吗？ Your fucking boss is an anti-Semite. Did you know that?
哦，我的天！你怎么了？ Oh, my God! What did you do?
我干的很好，就像我们早上说的 I was playing it nice and cool, just like we talked about,
然后那些可恶的小个子，那些日本人 and then these goddamn squids, these Japs,
那些神风特工队员冲我开火 these fucking Kamikaze pilots are coming at me,
问了我一堆尼玛不知所云的问题 riddling me with fucking questions.
我只好做了点即兴表演，他们好像有点激动 I had to do a little improv, and they got very emotional.
你能不能直接告诉我结果怎么样吗？ Will you just tell me how it ended?
你要上法庭了。不！我操！哦，我的天啊！ You're going to court. No! Fuck! Oh, my God!
你的老板有一点小生气 Your boss was a little pissed off.
我告诉他那是我秘密计划的一部分 I told him it was part of my secret master plan.
不，你没有 No, you didn't!
我说完了，轮到你告诉我我的工作进行的怎么样了 We'll work on one of those. You tell me how my shit went.
哦，谁管你的狗屁工作？我的工作怎么办？ Oh, your shit? How'd my stuff go?
Mitch，你他妈有什么毛病吧？ Mitch, what the hell is wrong with you?
那是部色情电影！ It was a porno movie!
是Lorno It's a Iorno, a light porn.
你的弟弟一直在裤子里，对吧？ The dick stays in the pants, right?
他们没让你露出来吧，没有吧？ They didn't pull it out, did they?
但是我的拇指插进了三个女孩的屁股 But my thumb went in three girls' assholes.
哦，我去，你不用这么吃惊 Oh, fuck, get the sand out of your vagina.
你完成了吗？ Did you finish the day?
我完成了，Mitchell I finished the day, Mitchell.
你干什么 What are you doing?
我完成了。很好 I finished the day. Good.
你活在梦里 You're living the dream.
你生活在他妈的梦里！你的工作糟透了 You're living the fucking dream! Your job sucks, too.
这不管用 This isn't going to work.
这当然不管用 This is not going to work. That's way too much.
嘿，老兄，等下，你要干什么？ Hey, man, hang on. What are you planning on telling her?
我要告诉她事实 I'm telling her the truth.
事实？，好的 The truth? Yeah.
这会管用的 That's going to work.
Jamie会知道怎么做的 Jamie will know what to do.
Jame. Jame. Jame，Jame
嘿，小美女 Hey, sugarbug.
嘿，老爸 Hi, Daddy!
嘿！ Hey!
你好，我早熟的小女儿 Hey, my precocious little daughter.
我不会这么说 I don't talk like that.
你会的。我真的不会，没人会这么说 You do. I really don't. No one does.
Jamie，嘿！Jamie，Jamie，Jamie Jamie, hey! Jamie, Jamie, Jamie.
很高兴你来啦。这太疯狂了 I'm so glad you're here. It's been so crazy.
哦，这很合适 Oh, that's appropriate.
嘿，Mitch。Jamie，我要和你谈一谈 Hey, Mitch. Jamie, we need to talk.
要和我们一起吃晚饭吗？ Are you going to stay for dinner?
不，我不能在这吃晚饭，但我想... No, I can't stay for dinner, but I would love to...
听着，我要告诉你一些事 Look, I got to tell you something.
现在可不行，Mitch。我都快忙疯了 I can't talk right now, Mitch. It's been so crazy here.
双胞胎该睡觉了 The twins are a half-hour past their bedtime.
你干什么？你怎么，像个动物一样？ What are you doing? What are you, some kind of animal?
Cara要做作业了 And Cara has to start her homework.
4分钟前我接到了一个紧急电话 I have an emergency phone call in four minutes.
你知道那栋建筑吗？ You know that building?
11层建筑？恩 The 11-story building? Yup.
我必须去迁出其中三层，是不是很疯狂 I have to remove three stories somehow. Isn't that crazy?
是啊 Yeah.
这太荒唐了，这么做根本就没有意义 It's so ridiculous. It makes no sense at all.
我不是Mitch I'm not Mitch.
什么？我是Mitch What? I'm Mitch.
他是Mitch。我是Mitch，我们互换了身体 He's Mitch. I'm Mitch. Somehow we switched bodies.
我是Dave。他是Dave，对 And I'm Dave. That's Dave. Yeah.
哦 Oh.
是这样的，我们在一个魔法喷泉前撒尿 What happened was, we pissed in a magic fountain...
额...第二天它就不见了 Uh-huh. ... and the next day it disappeared.
他们挪走了喷泉，现在我们正在找它 They moved the fountain, so now we're looking for it.
我们找到它，我们就能换回来了 And when they find it, we're going to switch back.
我们喝酒了，所以当时一定要撒尿 We had to pee because we were drinking.
我们喝酒了 We were drinking.
这听起来挺有意思。你能给双胞胎洗澡了吗？ That sounds like a plan. Can you start the bath for the twins?
好吧，亲爱的，这个... Okay, pumpkin, this is...
Mitch，不 Mitch, no.
不要叫我亲爱的，好吗？ Don't call me pumpkin, okay?
而你答应过我的你会把这清理干净... And you promised me that you would clean out...
你能让她停下吗？ Can you shut this off?
这问起来像个垃圾堆！Jamie，Jamie，Jamie，坐下 It smells like cabbage now! Jamie, Jamie, Jamie, sit down.
就一会，认真点，好吗？ One second. Just humor me, all right?
我想让你问我一件事... I want you to ask me one thing...
我不想玩你们的游戏 I don't want to play your games.
...只有Dave才知道答案的 ...That only Dave would be able to answer.
就一个问题，求你，求求你啦 Just one question. Please, I'm begging you.
好主意 Good idea.
好吧，我们的结婚纪念日是哪天，Dave？ Okay, when is our anniversary, Dave?
四月十七，下一问题 April 17th. Next question, please.
错 Wrong.
没有下一道了，是19号 So close. Nineteenth.
17号是你女儿的生日，19号才是你的结婚纪念日 Seventeenth's your daughter's birthday, 19th's your anniversary.
你怎么会知道的？你认为我是个怪兽吗？ - Why do you know that? - Do you think I'm a monster?
我每年都给你寄贺卡。Jamie，听我说 I send you a card every year. Jamie, listen to me.
问我其他问题 Ask me anything else.
哦，我的天！Mitch Oh, my gosh! Mitch,
我现在没有时间 I don't have time for this!
求你，再来一个，难一点的 Come on, one more. Just make it tough.
只有Dave才知道的，绝对的难题 Only Dave would know. A stumper.
好吧，我最爱的颜色是什么，Dave？ Fine. What is my favorite color, Dave?
红色。青色 Red. Celadon.
你难道不知道我们在这要说明什么吗？ Do you not understand what we're trying to accomplish here?
不是房间里的那一点红色 Not a drop of the red in the room.
全部在突出青色 All the accents are celadon.
这好像不起作用 It's like the opposite of help.
好吧，亲爱的，我知道了 Okay, honey, I got it.
我要跟你说一些 I'm going to tell you something
只有我，Dave，才知道的 that only I, Dave, would know.
三年前，你用振动器 Three years ago, you took your vibrator...
你用振动器... 早上！ - You took your vibrator... - Morning!
在浴缸里，它短路了 ...Into the bathtub and it short-circuited
然后它电到了你的阴道 and it electrocuted your vagina.
不是吧 Hang on.
现在那里还不会长毛呢 And there's now the cutest little bald spot right there.
是的 Yeah.
你好 Hi.
哦，我滴神啊 Oh, my God.
我知道，是我，这不好笑 I know. It's me. This hasn't been fun.
不错的故事 Good story.
我擦你妹啊！ You son of a bitch!
这你都敢告诉他？ How dare you tell him that?
天啊！ God!
你们两个有什么毛病？ What is wrong with you two?
我操！ God damn!
要是我告诉他你有一颗蛋蛋感觉起来像两颗 How would you like it if I told him
你会有什么感觉？ that you have a ball that feels like two balls?
就好像你有三颗蛋蛋 So it's like you have three balls.
Dave有三颗蛋蛋 Dave has three balls. A bouquet of balls.
我去！我勒个去！ Bad! Bad!
这个主意可真他妈逊啊 This idea fucking sucked.
听着，我不想让你担心那事 Listen, I don't want you to worry about anything.
我可以坚持住的 I'll be able to hold down the fort.
我们必须早点找到那喷泉 We got to find that fountain as soon as possible.
好像这里面有一罐乒乓球 It's like a can of tennis balls down here.
我看唯一的问题就是，我跟Jamie说什么？ The only problem I see is, what do I tell Jamie?
你跟Jamie什么，什么？ What do you tell Jamie, what?
当她今晚想做爱时 When she wants to have sex tonight?
想想吧 Think about that.
你不能跟我的老婆上床，Mitch You're not having sex with my wife, Mitch.
当然，老兄 Obviously, bro.
但如果她如果像疾风暴雨般袭来 But if she comes at me like a hurricane,
只有一个人可以抵挡 a guy can only withstand so much.
Mitch. Mitch
Dave。我们正式着搞定这事 Dave. We're trying to pull something off here, okay?
现在，我们必须提醒她，好吗？她会知道的 Now, I might have to hit that, okay? She'll know.
恩，你们两个一天做爱几次？ Now, how many times a day do you guys have sex?
我必须要搞清楚 I'll have to pace it out.
今天是周几？ What day is it today?
我不知道。周二？ I don't know. Is it Tuesday?
恩，好吧，这不关我事 Yeah. You know what? It's a non-issue.
什么意思？你们周二不做爱？ What does that mean? You guys don't have sex on Tuesdays?
放假一天？ Take the day off?
这很值的崇拜 That's adorable.
告诉你吧 Tell you what.
要是她像疾风骤雨般扑来... If she comes on like a hurricane...
上吧 Just drill it.
是啊，你能怎样呢？你是个正常人，把钥匙给我 Yeah, what can you do? You're only human. Give me the keys.
很好，是啊 Smart. Yeah.
好的，小心一点 Okay. Please be careful with her.
就好像我们交换了坐骑 It's like we're swapping rides.
就好像那样 It's just like that.
谢啦，老兄，你真好 Thanks, buddy, you're being very cool.
我滴神啊 Dear God.
哦，感谢上帝，看看这个，哈？ Oh, my goodness. Look at this, huh?
谢谢，妈妈 Bang. Thank you, Mommy.
为什么不跟老爸说说今天学校发生了什么？ Why don't you tell Daddy about what happened at school today?
我写了一首诗 I wrote a spring poem
Byers老师只把Angelica的诗贴到了墙上 and Miss Byers only put Angelica's poem up on the wall
却没把我的贴到墙上 and she didn't put my poem up on the wall.
她为什么这样？ And why would she do that?
我想她喜欢我的 I thought she liked me.
Dave。恩？ Dave. Yeah.
Cara's talking to you.、 Cara跟你说话呢
什么？她跟你说话呢 What? She's talking to you.
额，Cara，她的诗也许写的比你好很多呢 Well, Cara, her poem was probably much better than yours.
我们开动吧。Dave Let's eat. Dave.
我没有读那个小P孩儿的诗 I didn't read the bitch's poem,
但是也许写的真的不错，我们开吃吧 but maybe she can really turn a phrase. Let's eat.
跟Cara说她的诗也很好 Tell Cara that her poem was good.
你伤她的心了 You just hurt her feelings.
我也没读她的诗。你想让我对她撒谎吗？ I didn't read her poem, either. Do you want me to lie to her?
是要这样吗？好吧，我不在乎 Is that what this is? Fine, I don't care.
Cara，宝贝，你的诗，虽然我没有读过，但是我知道 Cara, honey, your poem, which I did not read,
它比其他女孩的诗好的不是一轻半点 was way, way better than the other girl's poem,
虽然我真的没有读过 which I also did not read.
我们开动吧 Let's eat.
是卡拉，不是塞拉 It's Cara. Not Cara.
什么？ It's what?
你是不是中风了？ Are you having a stroke right now or something?
我怎么叫她的？我们的晚饭歌曲呢？ What did I call her? What about the dinner song, Daddy?
什么东东？ What about the what?
她说什么？晚饭歌曲 What's she saying? The dinner song.
什么？晚饭歌曲 What's that? The dinner song?
你开玩笑呢？没，我认真的 Are you joking me? No, I'm not joking you.
是一首歌吗？唱晚饭歌吧，宝贝 There's a song? Sing the dinner song, honey.
当然，是一首歌。开始唱吧 Course, there's a song. Just sing the dinner song.
我今晚不想唱 I don't feel like singing it tonight.
不行，快唱 No, sing the dinner song.
快唱 You sing the dinner song.
你怎么不去唱？快唱 Maybe you need to sing the dinner song. Sing the dinner song.
我听腻这首歌了 I'm sick of that song.
唱晚饭歌，唱！ Sing the dinner song. Sing it!
我明白，我听见了 I got it. I heard you.
晚饭歌 Dinner song
豌豆，土豆，胡萝卜和西兰花 Beans, potatoes, carrots and broccoli
面包，沙拉和土豆和鸡肉 Buns and sa/ad and potatoes and chicken
舔舔手指 Needs a lickin'
晚饭歌 Dinner song.
这不是晚饭歌 That's so not the dinner song.
额，我跟你说 Well, I'm going to tell you what.
你要给我写一首晚饭诗 You're going to go ahead and write me a dinner poem,
我会读给你听的 and I'll belt that out after I choke this down.
我们快尼玛开始吧 Let's fucking go.
好吧，爸爸需要先去休息一下 - Okay. - Daddy needs a time-out.
好主意 Great idea.
晚饭歌 Dinner song
再见 Bye-bye.
喂，你好，Mitch，我是Tatiana Hello. Hi, Mitch. It's Tatiana.
Tatiana，你好，最近如何？ Tatiana. Hi, how are you?
我没几分钟就会到你那操你了 I'll be better in a minute after I fuck you raw.
哦 Oh.
你好 - Hello. - Mitch. Mitch
是Tatiana，她说她要来跟我上床了 That was Tatiana. She said she's going to fuck me raw.
Tatiana？靠，这就对了 Tatiana? Shit, that's right.
这是我周二晚的计划，这都是日程上的 That's my Tuesday night regular, right on schedule.
正好让你赶上了，Dave You fuck that right for me, Dave.
我期待了很长时间呢 Took me a long time to reel this one in.
我不认为我能做到 I don't think I can do this.
这他妈...嘿，Dave！ What the fuck does that... Hey, Dave!
你好，老哥！ Hey, man!
老爸，我好像闻到臭鼬了 Dad, I smell a skunk.
没，是这个，孩子 NO, it's this, kid.
这是什么意思，你不认为你能和Tatiana做爱？ What does that mean, you don't think you can fuck Tatiana?
因为... Because it...
我的天啊，她来了 Jesus Christ, she's here.
她已经在敲门了 She's already knocking on the door.
你正好替我享受下啦，Dave You nail that right for me, Dave.
感觉好像我在背着Jamie乱搞 It feels kind of like I'm cheating on Jamie.
你别他妈放屁 Are you fucking shitting me?
什么叫乱搞？ In what world is this cheating?
乱搞是你弟弟的任何一部分 Cheating is when any part of your dick
到了那些不是你妻子的女人身体里，懂吗？ gets up inside some woman that's not your wife, okay?
但是你的老二现在在我这里 And your dick is firmly planted
在这条都起皱的破运动裤里 inside these fucking lame, triple-pleated sports slacks.
但是我的思想在这里，这也算出轨对不对？ But my mind is over here. That should count for something, right?
天啊，你这个二逼 God, you big bitch.
你意淫过多少个女人？几千个？ How many women have you fucked in your mind, huh? Thousands?
上万个，Mitch，那算乱搞吗？ Millions, Mitch. Was that cheating?
不，这不算 No. It was not fucking cheating.
我认为你现在绝对是在这里 I think you're on very firm legal ground here, counselor.
你的理由貌似是他妈没有漏洞的 Your reasoning is oddly impeccable.
这就是你想要的，Dave This is what you wanted, Dave.
和不同的女人，新的女人做爱 Sex with strange, new women.
闭上你的嘴，过后再感谢我好吗？ You just thank me later and shut your mouth, all right?
再见，挂了 Goodbye. Kirk out.
我要做这个 I'm going to do this.
Tatiana. Tatiana
开始了 Game on.
我喜欢今晚你让我做的这些 I like how you made me work for it tonight.
我是干什么的？飞贼？ What am I? A burglar?
我操 Holy shit.
我操！ Holy shit!
为什么你还穿着衣服 Why the fuck are you still wearing clothes?
你预产期是什么时候？ When are you due?
随时都有可能 Any minute now,
我们赶快开始吧，省的一会儿变成三个人了 so let's get our fuck on before this becomes a threesome.
喔，这太变态了！ Oh, that's so gross!
喔，等一下，等一下 Whoa, stop for a second. Stop for a second.
你太重了！ You're so heavy!
我的乳头渴望着你 My tits are aching for you.
可能是初乳来了，可能有一点疼 That's probably the Colostrum coming, and it'll be very painful.
够了，够了，我不想要，别 Okay, okay. Just friends. Just friends.
哦，你今天晚上是怎么了 Okay, what's your deal tonight?
没什么 Nothing.
是因为我的新发型吗？ Is it my new haircut?
不 No.
The trenchcoat. Too cliché? 大衣太老土了？
不，跟大衣没关系 No, it's not the trenchcoat.
那是什么？ Then what is it?
你是个好人 You seem like a really nice person,
你是不是上周怀孕的？ but were you pregnant last week?
你开玩笑吧？ Are you kidding me?
你在单身母亲无痛分娩课上接走我的 You picked me up at a single mothers' Lamaze class.
太纠结了，哦，天呐 - That's so twisted. - Oh, God.
等下，等下，Tatiana，Tatiana，对不起好吗？ Wait, wait, Tatiana. Tatiana. I'm sorry, okay?
你很漂亮，你很漂亮 You're beautiful. You're beautiful.
你只是... You're just...
什么？我不性感？ What? I'm not sexy?
不，不，嘿，听着，我没这么说 No, no. Hey. Look, I did not say that, okay?
你...我的天啊！我都能看见你的孩子在动！ You are... Oh, my God! I can see it kicking!
你妹的，Mitch You know what, Mitch?
不要再打电话给我了 Don't ever call me again.
别，等下，等下，Tatiana，别走 No, hold on. Wait, Tatiana, don't go.
我是说，去吧，去医院 I mean, go, but just go to a hospital.
哦，Mitch，你都干了什么？ Oh, Mitch. What are you doing?
我的天 Oh, God.
我晕，做点俯卧撑嘛，Dave I mean, it is called a push-up, Dave.
真可怜 Pathetic.
哦，天啊，我今晚特别有感觉 Oh, God, I'm really feeling it tonight.
我勒个去 Holy shit.
开始了 Game on.
哦，天啊，来了，哦，Mitch！ Oh, my God, it's going down. Oh, Mitch!
我终于可以和Jamie上床了，我一生中最美妙的时刻 I finally get to fuck Jamie. This is my finest hour.
希望她喜欢奇怪一点的 I hope she likes it weird.
V游网_纳米天痕原创翻译 请保留翻译者信息 尊重翻译者的艰辛劳动
靠，我要让她欲仙欲死 God, I am going to ruin her!
噢！ Oh!
我真受不了泰国菜 I need to cool it on the Thai food.
哦，老天 Oh, my God.
说真的，老公，点根蜡烛 Seriously, dude, light a candle.
哦，天啊 Oh, my God.
别别别，别用那碰我 No, no, no. Don't back that thing up into me.
去处理一下 Go hose it out or something.
什么？ What?
不敢相信你来找我了，真倒霉？ I can't believe you'd come at me, guns hot.
倒霉？ Guns hot?
开玩笑啊？ Are you kidding me?
没，我没有，女士，今晚不会有什么，好吗？ No, I'm not, lady. It's not going to happen tonight, okay?
我又没向你示爱 I'm not attracted to you.
转过去各睡各的吧 Rotate your turret and go night-night.
轮到你了 It's your turn.
恩？ Hmm?
轮到你去为孩子奶了 It's your turn to feed the babies.
我不想去 I don't feel like it.
快点 Come on.
你现在他妈的在逗我玩啊？ Are you fucking kidding me right now?
现在是凌晨三点，你去喂啊，你是妈妈 It's 3:00 in the morning. You go do it, you're the mother.
我是妈妈，现在是凌晨三点！ I'm the mother! It's 3:00 in the morning!
在我干掉你之前赶快给老娘下床！ Get the fuck out of the bed right now before I fucking cut you!
我去！什么啊！ Jesus! What the fuck?
这不是真的，这太... Unreal. This is just...
哦... Oh, please.
嘿嘿！这是什么？ Hey, hey! What the fuck?
哦，我操！怎么这样啊 Oh, God! That did not just happen.
干什么？ What?
嘿，我一直觉得你老婆是个淑女 Hey. I always thought your wife was a nice lady,
但是她说话像个母老虎 but she talks like a dock worker
连拉屎都像 and she shits like one, too.
还有，我以前觉得你的孩子们很可爱，但他们不是 Plus, I used to think your kids were adorable, but they're not.
他们太烦人了 They're fucking bananas.
我能帮你吗？ Can I help you?
这样吧，我把这两个正在尖叫的... Here's the deal. I got two screaming...
等下，呼吸怎么这么重 Hold on. What's with all the heavy breathing?
你在打飞机？ Are you jerking off?
没，我没有 No, I'm not.
对对对，我是在打飞机 Yes, yes, yes, I am.
听着，我从没这么向人透露过隐私 Look, I never get this kind of privacy any more.
那你玩的还不是我的弟弟？ Isn't that kind of my dick, though?
长得是不是有点奇怪？ Is that weird?
问你自己吧 You ask yourself that.
看起来太偏向一边了 It sort of hooks to the side a bit.
用你的左手，你要多扭一扭 Use your left hand, you get a little bit more torque.
很好，谢谢 That's cool. Thank you, I think.
问题 Question.
你多久刮这里的毛一次？ How long have you been shaved down there?
我不确定...大概，六周 I don't... Like, sixth grade.
额...太不好了 Well, that's disturbing.
让我更长一点 Gets me an extra inch,
只有你们结过婚的才经常刮 and only you married dudes rock the dick-froes.
现在，我问你一个问题 Now, let me ask you a question.
要是Tatiana回来的早 If Tatiana was over earlier,
为什么你还要打飞机？ why do you still have the need to jerk off?
Tatiana，我不认为她不会回来了 Tatiana. I don't think that she's going to be back for at least...
她不会再回来了，Mitch She's never coming back, Mitch.
你做了什么？ What did you do?
那个女人都怀孕九个月了！ The woman is nine months pregnant!
我都可以看到那小孩的脸了 I could see the baby's face.
我跟你说过不要搞砸我的周二之夜 I told you not to screw up my Tuesday night.
你知道我在无痛分娩课外等待了多少个夜晚 Do you have any idea how many Lamaze classes
才钓到了这么一个女人 I had to sit through to get that lined up?
你凌晨三点打给我还有别的事吗？ Is there a reason that you're calling me at 3:00 in the morning?
对了，母老虎让我来喂宝宝，我该怎么做？ Yeah, the dock worker is making me feed the twins. What do I do?
带他们去厨房。好的，别挂 Get them to the kitchen. Yup, hold on.
别哭了，老天爷啊 Stop crying. Jesus Christ.
闭嘴！我他妈听见你们了 Shut up! I fucking hear you.
Mitch. Mitch
求求你们了，够了！ Please. Enough!
你，待在这 You, there. Stay.
别动 Stay.
好了，到厨房了 All right. In the kitchen.
去冰箱.好的 Go to the fridge. Okay.
哦 Oh.
Mitch，你还在吗？ Mitch. Are you there yet?
我在冰箱这了 I'm at the fridge.
拿出两袋母乳 Defrost two bags of breast milk
用微波炉除霜三分钟 in the microwave for three minutes.
然后准备两个瓶子 And then prepare two separate bottles.
母乳？ Breast milk?
首先，把过滤器装好 First, attach the filter to the seal.
用蓝的那个，别用粉色的 Use the blue ones, not the pink ones.
除霜好了。好了 Defrost two bags. Yup.
很好。除号霜后 Pretty intuitive. Then after the milk is defrosted,
从微波炉里拿出来 take it out of the microwave,
倒入瓶子里 pour it into the bottles, sea/ them.
然后你要加入大概八分之三茶匙的水... Then you need to put three-eighths of a teaspoon of water...
我操嘞！ Holy shit!
别啊，亲，上帝！ Come on, dude. Christ!
Mitch，嘿，你在听我说话吗？ Mitch. Hey, are you listening to me?
我操啊！ Holy fuck!
这很重要啊，别搞砸了 This is important stuff Do not screw this up.
嘿！ Hey!
怎么了？ What was that?
Mitch ? Mitch! Mitch？Mitch！
没事，老兄，然后干什么？ Everything's fine, dude. What's next?
然后你要放八分之三... Then you need to put three-eighths...
搞毛啊？ What the fuck?
我操！靠！ Holy shit! Fuck!
发生什么了？ What just happened?
没事，没事，老兄，继续，两个瓶子 Nothing. Nothing, dude. Go on. Two bottles...
按上奶嘴，额滴神啊 Then attach a number two nipple. Jesus Christ.
确保里面不要有气泡 Make sure you don't allow any air bubbles in.
然后你就可以为他们了... Then, after you're done feeding them...
这都太狗血了吧 This is so fucked up.
好了！ Yeah!
搞定了 All right.
这就是你们想要的，对吧？恩，待在这 This is what you get, okay? Yeah, right there.
Mitch。好了，老兄 Mitch. Okay, dude.
明天早上，当我坐在你的办公室 Tomorrow morning, when I am sitting in your office,
你要给我进城 you need to be downtown,
找到那天杀的喷泉 finding that fucking fountain.
我不知道这些该死的事... I do not know how much more of this shit...
...我还能忍受多久 ...I can take.
我是找那个从你电脑中消失的喷泉 I'm one of the guys looking for the fountain
的一个人 that you lost in the computer.
如果你能告诉我它在哪，我将十分十分感激你 I'd be very, very appreciative if you could tell me where that is.
当然，我能帮你 Yeah, I can do that.
好的，太棒了 Good. Great.
首先，你要填写一张常规信息登记表 First, you got to fill out a formal information request.
好的，我马上就填 Okay, I'm going to fill that out right now.
然后要送到洲里 Then it needs to go to State.
洲？是的，去等待批准 State? Yeah, to get approved.
你为什么不能批准它，Victor？ Why can't you approve it, Victor?
我没有这权利 I don't have that authority.
州政府批准要多久？ How long is it going to take State to approve it, then?
三天...哦，天呐！ Three days... Oh, God!
到三周。噢，不是吧！ ...To three weeks. Oh, come on!
Victor! Victor！
Mitch? Dave? Mitch？Dave？
有人吗？ Hello?
靠！ Fuck!
坏消息来了... Real bad news...
哦，嘿，那个... Oh, hey. Where's...
Dave在哪？ Where's Dave?
Dave在洗澡 Dave's in the shower.
你还好吗？ Are you okay?
嘿 Hey.
发生什么了？ What's going on?
Dave表现得真的很奇怪 Dave's just acting really weird.
怎么？ How?
他有着各种奇怪的表现， He's just doing weird stuff,
比如他今天穿着拖鞋就去上班了 like he wore his shower sandals to work yesterday.
他忘记去接双胞胎 He forgot to pick up the twins from daycare.
没，他没有。真的，他确实忘了 No, he didn't. Yeah, he did.
他们只好坐在那里等了一个半小时 They had to sit there for an hour and a half.
没事了 Okay.
还有昨晚他告诉我 And then last night he told me
我对他已经没有吸引力了 that he wasn't attracted to me any more.
我要去宰了这小子 I am going to kill him.
我要你告诉我是怎么回事，行不行？ I just want you to tell me something right now, okay?
你一定不能对我撒谎 And you have to be totally honest with me.
当然。你发誓？ Sure. You swear?
我发誓 Yeah.
他是不是有外遇了？ Is he having an affair?
没 No.
那你刚刚为什么犹豫了一下？ Why did you hesitate just then?
我没犹豫 I didn't hesitate.
他没有外遇 He's not having an affair.
Jamie, Jamie... Jamie，Jamie...
你们两个只是在经历 You guys are just going through
一个暂时的困难时期 a temporary rough patch right now.
暂时困难时期？你这是什么意思？ Temporary rough patch? What are you talking about?
我们在一起很多年了 We've been in this for years.
你有吗？ You have?
我爱他，你知道我全身心的爱着他 I love him. You know I love him with all of my heart.
但他... But he's...
你了解他的家庭，他的成长... You know his family, growing up...
他曾一无所有，所以他总是很上进 He had nothing, and so he was always looking over the fence
他想要更好的生活 because he wanted a better life.
这就是为什么一段时间他同时做四个工作 And that's why he worked four jobs at once,
这样他才可以让自己从学校毕业 so that he could put himself through school.
他很棒 And he's amazing.
我想，没有人做得到这些 I mean, nobody can do that.
但问题是 But the problem is,
现在他什么都有了，他还不能改变 now that he has everything, he can't turn it off.
他还想要更多更多 And he still wants more and more
第二栋房子，更多的孩子，更好的车 and a second house, and more kids, and a nicer car
任何他认为能让他高兴地东西，他都想要 and anything that he thinks is going to make him happy.
所以他不停地工作 And so he just keeps working
他已经对我失去兴趣了 and he's not paying any attention to me.
我真的很痛苦。哦，天啊 And I'm miserable. Oh, God.
应为...我又一双大脚 Because... I have huge feet.
他们有11号 They're size 11.
我的脚每生一个孩子就要长半号 My foot has grown a half a size with each baby.
我只能到网点去淘漂亮鞋子 I have to go to this weird online shoe store to get shoes.
我只是希望他能多关注我一点 And I just want him to pay attention to me.
我想让他像以前一样 And I want him to grab me
抱紧我，亲吻我 and kiss me like he used to.
就像你以前常说的 And it's like you always say,
Dave有一点小二逼 Dave is a little bit of a pussy.
我常说？ I always say that?
恩 Yeah.
我常说这个因为这是事实 I always say that because it's true.
Dave有一点小二逼 Dave is a little bit of a pussy.
我希望当他搞定合伙人 I hope that when he makes partner,
他终于可以停下脚步，休息一下... he can just finally stop and see...
然后享受快乐，你懂吗？ And be happy, you know?
因为你怎么能嫁给一个 Because how can you stay married to somebody
不能享受幸福的人呢？ who is incapable of being happy?
你说的什么？ What are you saying?
我勒个去啊，我弟弟上长雀斑了 Holy fuck-knuckles, I've got freckles on my taint.
这太酷了吧 How awesome is that?
嘿，老弟，你怎么来了？ Hey, fag, what are you doing here?
三天到三周？ Three days to three weeks?
你把宝宝留在护理中心了？ You left the kids at daycare?
嘿，Mitch！那是我的孩子 Come, on, Mitch! Those are my kids.
我做不了这些了 I can't do this shit any more.
不，不，不，你要把这些做完 No, no, no. You are going do this shit.
你不能这么随便就这么放弃了 You don't get off that easy.
我的婚姻就要破碎了，我的工作也命悬一线 My marriage is falling apart, my job is on the line.
只要你想，你一定可以成为我 You are going to be the best possible me you can be right now.
Dave，你不明白，我做不到 Dave, you don't understand. I cannot do this.
一个小时都不行了。你必须要做 Not even for another hour. You're gonna do it.
我不管！你必须待在这现在就继续做下去 I don't care! You're going to stay here and do this right!
别他妈挡着我的路，不然我把你丢进你自己的浴盆中淹死！ Get out of my fucking way, or I'll drown you in your own goddamn tub!
放松，你这个贱人 Easy, motherfucker!
要是你现在走了...把手松开 If you leave now... Get your hands off me.
我们就绝交！ ...This friendship is over!
马勒戈壁，谁在乎啊 Fuck you. Don't pull that shit on me.
我他妈要离开这了，我是认真地，Mitch。闭嘴！ I got to get the fuck out of here. I'm serious, Mitch. Shut up!
Jamie和孩子们就是我的全部 Jamie and the kids mean everything to me.
在这方面你没有出路 There's no walking out on this.
在你过去的生命中，有的事你可以选择逃避 For once in your life, you got to see something through.
你他妈说的这是神马？ What the fuck does that mean?
我认真地跟你讲，Mitch I'm going to be honest with you, Mitch,
我们大家都联系在一起 because there's a lot on the line here.
你选择逃避 You are a quitter.
但这件事的选项里没有逃避二字，明白吗？ But quitting is not an option on this one, okay?
你集中精神，你找到自我 You focus, you find it.
我不在乎它在哪，但你快些在你的内心深处找到它，恩？ I don't care where, but you find it inside of yourself, okay?
我知道它就在那 I know it's there.
我不是没有尝试 It's not like I'm not trying.
我只是不知道如何面对你生活中的这一切 I just don't know how to do all your grown-up crap.
你要去学习 You're going to learn.
这是西装，每天上班穿一件 This is called a suit. You wear one every day.
系一条领带。黑色袜子，不要白的 Along with a necktie. Black, not white, socks.
鞋子，不要拖鞋。拜托，难看死了 Dress shoes, not shower sandals. Please. These are awful.
哦，当然，还有内裤。哦，嘿 And, of course, underwear. Oh, come on.
别废话了，Mitch No more commando, Mitch,
你是个大好人，把它们穿上 you're a grown-ass man. Put them on.
这个是日程表 This is called a schedule.
上面有你每天要做的所有事情 It tells you everything you need to do each day.
接孩子，送孩子，各种活动 Pick-ups, drop-offs, activities,
约会，医生预约等等 play-dates, doctor's appointments, etc.
你要记住要把每天当做50个小时来过 You'll notice that there are approximately 50 hours' worth of obligations
好好干 on any given day. Make it work.
这里是超市 This is called a grocery store.
在这里买吃的，这也是你的责任 People buy food here. It's part of your responsibilities.
来这里之前， Before heading to the market,
通常献给Jamie打个电话，问她想要买点什么 always call Jamie and ask her if she needs anything first.
事实上，做出每个决定之前 In fact, before making any decision
不管是多小的事情 in your life, no matter how small,
都要先征求老婆的意见 call your wife first.
把自己想象成一只脑损伤的驴子 Think of yourself as a brain-damaged mule,
迷失在沙漠中，无助，不会说话 lost in the desert, helpless, dumb
而且十分迫切的需要一个方向 and in constant need of direction.
不要擅自做决定，不要采取主动 Never take the initiative, never strike out on your own,
不要脱离计划。为什么？ and never deviate from the plan. Why?
因为你是只脑损伤的驴子 Because you are a brain-damaged mule
而且你还在沙漠里迷路了！ and you are lost in the damn desert!
这些是孩子，或者叫吃货 These are called children, or dependants.
一定不要打击你的孩子 Never disparage your own child.
他们做的每件事都是上帝赐予的奇迹 Everything they do is a miracle from God.
当他们出错，都是因为 When they're bad, it's only because
他们累了 they're tired or going through a phase.
当别的孩子出错，那就是因为父母太宽容了 When other kids are bad, it's because of indulgent parenting
或者孩子天生固有的缺陷 or innate defects in the child's character.
每件事都提早15分钟 Be 15 minutes early for everything.
不管是什么事，会议，项目都是如此 It doesn't matter what it is. A meeting, an event.
你的压力小，我的压力就不会大... Less stress for me, less stress for you...
嘿，你现在已经结婚了，混蛋 Hey! You're married now, jackass.
你不能看别的女人 You can't look at other women.
你不能同别的女人说话 You can't talk to other women.
你甚至不能对周围的女人有兴趣 You can't even be interesting around other women.
用尽全力让自己对性不感兴趣 Do everything in your power to desexualize yourself.
系个腰包，开普锐斯 Wear a fanny pack, drive a Prius,
安全带上装上电子装置 不管怎么样 attach electronic devices to your belt, whatever it takes.
反正只要你发现自及被迫同一个女人讲话 And if you find yourself forced to talk to a woman,
马上找到一个方法提醒自己，我已经结婚了 quickly find a way to mention the fact that you're married.
这都不一定要有什么意义 It doesn't even have to make sense.
嗨，你好吗？今天天气不错啊，这个男人尼玛已经结婚了 Hi, how are you? Nice weather today. He's totally fucking married.
所以我不能跟我的老婆睡，也不能跟其他女人睡啦？ So I can't sleep with my wife, I can't sleep with other women?
这是他妈什么逻辑？ What the hell is that?
婚姻 Marriage.
我想我都说完了 I think that's everything.
你还有什么问题吗？ You got any more questions?
你有什么业余生活时间吗？ Do you ever have any free time?
你刚才难道没听我讲话？ Have you listened to a single word I've said?
没有业余生活 There is no free time.
忙完这一天，你知道你能得到什么？ And at the end of the day, do you know what you get?
一把装好子弹的手枪，用来打爆我的头？ A fucking gun with a bullet to blow my head off with?
有的时候你会这么想的 Sometimes you wish.
你好 Hi.
你听说好消息了吗？ Did you hear the good news?
Kinkabe和Amalgamated两天内将进行调停 Kinkabe and Amalgamated agreed to go into binding mediation in two days.
等下，你说什么？两天？ Hold up. What do you mean? Two days?
恩，午饭时我要过来做个简单的汇报 So, I'll have my briefs on your desk by lunch.
那让我把蛋蛋放到你的下巴上了 That puts my balls on your chin by dinner.
就在那，计划四性爱烦恼 That, right there, is Schedule IV sexual harassment.
不错 Awesome!
不好意，我们认识吗？ I'm sorry, have we met?
没，没有，我是Mitch Planko No, we haven't. I'm Mitch Planko.
你好，Sabrina Mckay Hi, Sabrina McKay.
嘿，Sabrina Hey, Sabrina.
等下 Hold on.
你们两个要出去一下。什么？ You two guys should go out. What?
对，对，对，哦，对啊！ Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, man!
别说了。 你们两个应该去约会 - Please stop. - You two guys need to go out.
绝对的，你们两个很配啊 Absolutely, you two should go out.
你是单身，Mitch，对吧？ You're so single, Mitch, right?
你呢，性感少妇，是吧？瞧这身材 And you're so fucking white-hot, right? This body.
你大学时常去游泳吧？ Did you do a lot of swimming in college?
别回答。我打赌她是的 Don't answer that. You bet she did.
哦，天啊，你们俩应该一起出去 Oh, my God, you guys need to go out,
好好吃顿晚餐，跳跳舞 have a nice steak dinner, do some dancing,
去韩国夜店，嗑满满一肚子药 go to a Korean nightclub, get a belly full of pills.
我不知道你对什么感兴趣，但出去享受吧 I don't know what you're into, but just have some fun.
Ecco第七大街，周六八点半怎么样？ What about Ecco on 7th Street, Saturday at 8:3O?
很棒吧？很好！ Great? Great!
他有空，他会在那等你的 He's totally free, so he's going to meet you there.
还有，别再屋顶做爱 Don't fuck on the roof, though.
那地方用的是那种没有用树脂处理过的沥青 That place has got this non-resin tar
太难洗掉了 that's a bastard to wash off.
所以，聊聊天就好了 So, just oral.
是的，你也是这么想的 Yes, you're thinking about it.
她同意啦 She's in.
很好 This is good.
你会让我被炒掉得！我发誓 You're going to get me fired! I swear to God.
闭嘴，就一秒，你听我说 Shut it down. For one second, you listen to me.
你有生以来第一次 For the first time in your life,
你长得这么帅，恩？ you're fucking good-looking, okay?
你单身，你裤子里蛋蛋的是两个 You're single, you got the right number of fucking balls in that bag,
而你有机会搞到你癌症名单上排名首位的女人 and you got the opportunity to nail number one on your cancer list.
我做不到。我不会做的 I can't do that. I'm not doing it.
你会的！跟她共进晚餐 You need this! This is fucking dinner with her!
这太棒了 This is so good.
我是说，我们两个之间发生的事 I mean, what's going on between us,
太疯狂了，太疯狂了 it's just crazy, crazy.
而你又不利用这件疯狂的事 Here's what's crazier, not using it.
不借这件事搞定她 Not using it on her.
你跟她出去，对她好，对你好 You use it for her, you use it for you,
也许对我也有一点好处，懂嘛？ and maybe a little bit for me, you know？
不断提醒你自己，提醒你自己 Remind yourself of that. Remind yourself
周二晚上在那里是你的重要时刻 of the big, fucking crater you created right there on Tuesday night.
哦，怎么又是周二晚上 Oh, the Tuesday night, again. I could use that.
反正她周二会去那，你想把她丢在那吗？ She'd fit perfectly in there. Will you please drop that?
每天都是周二晚上！恩，这尼玛很重要！ Every day with the Tuesday night! Well, it's a big goddamn deal!
你让我这样！你欠我的！尊重我的生活！ You fucked me! You owe me! Respect my life!
尊重我的 Respect mine.
对，你尊重你的生活 Yeah, you respect your life.
好吧！我为你骄傲 Fine! I am proud of you.
只要你想我保证，你要按我跟你说的去做 Just promise me, you listened to every word I said.
我记住了。每个音节都要记住了，好吗？ I heard everything. Every single syllable, you got it?
我说的每个字你都记住了吗？ Did you hear everything I said?
我知道要怎么做。恩，这就够了 Caught a few things. Yeah, just enough.
我跟你说，你会很享受的，跟那个女人 You betcha. You go have a good time, little girl.
我把你的生活处理得很得当，放心吧 I got your life all put away here, nice and safe.
接电话 Answer my phone.
你好 Hello.
嗨，Mitch Planko Hi, Mitch Planko.
喔！你他妈是谁？ Bingo! Who the fuck is this?
什么？ What?
老爸？喂？ Dad? Hello?
请问您是Mitch的父亲吗？是Mitch吗？ Is this Mitch's dad? Is this Mitch, Sr?
Dave？你好，我是Dave Lockwood Dave? Hi, this is Dave Lockwood.
你打给我干什么？ Why are you calling me?
我希望我们今天能出来待一会儿 I just wondered if we can get together for a little while today.
哦，今天是工作日啊。就半小时 Boy, it's a work day. Half an hour.
我今天有点不一样，我不喜欢我穿的外套 I look different. I don't like my outfit today.
Dave，就半小时 Dave, half an hour.
您想要和Dave Lockwood聊一聊 Mitch, Sr. wants to sit down with Dave Lockwood.
是的。为什么？ Yeah. Why?
我想要跟你聊聊Mitch I need to talk to you about Mitch.
你好 Hello.
Dave，你好吗？ Dave. How are you?
很好，谢谢 Good, thank you.
我们这是要干什么？我们两个上次见面是什么时候了？ What are we doing here? When was the last time the two of us saw each other?
我不管，听着 I don't care. Listen.
我要同一个漂亮的女人Pamela结婚了 I'm getting married to a very beautiful woman named Pamela.
她叫Pamela？是的 Her name's Pamela? Yes.
喔，这次你可以用英语说“我愿意了” Wow, you can say "I do" in English this time.
什么？Pamela是美国人吗？ What? Is Pamela from America?
对 Yes.
这么说吧... Anyway...
我没有什么亲人了 I'm not going to have anybody there.
我唯一的家人就是Mitch The only family I have is Mitch.
几天前我去过他的公寓 I went to his apartment a couple of days ago
跟他说Pamela想要他 and told him that Pamela would like him
在婚礼上讲几句话 to say a few words at the wedding
这其实是骗他的 and that wasn't true.
实际上是，如果他发现他内心也想去做这件事 Truth of the matter is, I would like him to say a few words,
我盼望着他能来 if he could find it in his heart to do so.
我不明白为什么你不自己跟他讲这些 I don't know why you don't tell him yourself.
孩子听了这话会多高兴啊 That is a very nice thing for a son to hear.
那么就是说，你想让我去跟Mitch说 So, you want me to go tell Mitch
你想让他去参加你的婚礼 that you would like him at the wedding.
他肯定会说，为什么他要让我去 He's going to say, "Why the hell does
他认为我就是个二逼 "he want me there? He thinks I'm an idiot."
恩，不是这样的 Well, that's not totally true.
他还是有很多优点的 I think he's got some nice qualities.
当然同时他也有不好的地方 I think he's got some problem areas, too.
说来听听 What are those?
你是他的挚友，你我同样的很了解他 You're his friend, you know him as well as I do.
你也许比我了解的还多，他是个半途而废的人 You probably know him better than I do. He's a quitter!
他活到现在都没有完成过什么事 He has never finished anything in his life.
做了一段时间，就一定会放弃 He picks up something, he puts it down.
每件事都只有五分钟的热情 He's good at it for five minutes, and it's gone.
他懒散，没有进取心，不能重新振作自己 He's flaccid. No gumption. No get-up-and-go.
他做成的事少得可怜 His accomplishments could rest comfortably on an eyelash.
哦，要是他听到你这么说，他可能跟你说“去屎吧” Oh, he'd probably say, "Fuck you ," if he heard you say that.
额，也许会，也许不会吧 Well, maybe he would and maybe he wouldn't.
但是我希望他成为我生活的一部分 But I want him to be part of my life.
Planko先生，我很负责的跟您讲，您并不了解Mitch With all due respect, Mr. Planko, you don't know Mitch.
知道我是怎么看他的吗 What you don't realize about him
他他妈是个绝地吗！ is that he's a fucking Jedi!
什么？他是个绝地武士，先生 A what? He's a Jedi Knight, sir.
下次你看到他，他会剜颈自杀的 And next time you see him, he's going to be slitting throats.
操！ Fuck!
我他妈不是个半途而废的人 I'm not a fucking quitter!
好吧，我要开始吧 All right, let's do this.
早上好，小朋友 Good morning, Patty-cakes.
老爸需要各种法规条例 Daddy needs a box set of Law & Order,
三个肉丸子和一把手持 three meatball subs and a hand-folded,
24英寸的日本剑，快~快 24-inch samurai sword, chop-chop.
干什么呢 What are you doing?
我来弄着个，我来弄 I got this one. I got it.
回去睡吧 Back to bed.
你陷入了严重的财政短缺！ You are in dire financial need!
反对！ Objection!
保持 Sustained.
不好意思 Excuse me.
嗨 Hi.
我操，她太可爱了 Fuck me, she's cute.
要开始巴特曼了 Here comes the battement.
太棒了，Cara！ Fucking nice, Cara!
好宝贝！ Sweet!
击倒她啦，漂亮！ That bitch bounced. Beautiful!
我的天！这才是我的女儿！ Man alive! That's my daughter, bitches!
老爸为你骄傲，继续 Dad's very proud. Keep going.
哦，我想问问，你从哪学来的？ Oh, I mean, what did we learn from this?
要用暴力解决问题 Always solve my problems with violence.
这就对了，宝贝！击掌 That's bingo, baby! Five, up high.
不对！没错！ No! Yes!
不，我们不能这么做，Cara No, that is not the lesson that we learned, Cara.
就要这样！ It is!
暴力很好 Violence is cool.
Dave。开玩笑呢 Dave. Kidding.
我没开玩笑 I'm not kidding.
她摔到地上时 She did make a pretty funny sound, though,
那声音还是很好听的哈。对，没错！ when she hit the ground like that. Yes, she did!
但是不要把这变成习惯，懂不懂？ But don't make a habit out of that, okay?
我知道。好吧 I know. All right.
我爱你，老爸 I love you, Daddy.
我爱你，小美女 I love you, little girl.
嘿 Hey.
你的屁股可真性感啊 That ass looks real hot, you know.
你爱我的屁股 You like my ass?
当然，像鼓一样 Yeah. Tight as a drum.
介不介意我把鼓棒放进去 Wouldn't mind putting my drumstick in it.
哦！真的？哈，那就来吧 Ooh! Really? Ha. Keep going.
我还喜欢你有大又挺的胸部 I like how big and fat those tits have gotten.
小牛想要把嘴放到那上面 This little calf wants to get her mouth on the udders.
我想要你操我就像你刚从监狱出来一样 And I think that I want you to fuck me like you just got out of jail.
明白 Roger that.
我们都不要前戏了，我已经等不及了 And you don't even have to go down on me because I know it's late.
多谢，很好，转过去 Appreciate it. All right, turn around.
哦！你干什么？我们开始吧 Oh! What are you doing? Here we go.
你什么意思？你不是说你想要做爱嘛 What do you mean? I thought you said you wanted to have some sex.
对，但不要像两个男人在休息站，好吗？ Yeah, but not like two dudes at a rest stop, okay?
好吧，我懂了 Okay, I got it. Want to go grab me three Q-tips?
我们就像我们之前一样做吧 How about we just do what we always do?
什么，你是说很多眼神交流和真正的肉体接触吗？ What, do you mean with a lot of eye-Contact and real personal?
额，过来，我爱你 Uh-huh. Come here. I love you.
恩，哦，先别说 Yeah. Oh, don't say that.
我们...我们不说话怎么样？ Let's not... How about no talking, okay?
我们来一次安静性爱，我很认真的 We can do some silent sex. Seriously.
亲吻我。别别别，别说话 Kiss me. No, no, no. No talking.
好吧，我先亲亲你的肩膀好吗？好的 All right, let me kiss a shoulder first. Okay? Okay.
随笔吧。你的手呢 There you go. Where's that hand going?
嘿！你刮毛了吗？ Hello! Did you shave your balls?
为什么不喜欢没毛的蛋蛋呢？ Who doesn't love a couple of smooth criminals?
我说下水道那全都是毛呢 Is that why there was all that pubic hair in the drain?
我猜是，恩。你怎么还软着？ I would bet, yeah. Why are you still soft?
我不知道，我们能不能先别说话，比如，三分钟？ I don't know. Can we try the no-talking for just, like, three minutes?
就这么一会儿，好吗？ That's all it's gonna take, okay?
我们像我们婚礼晚上那样吧 Let's do it like we did it on our wedding night.
不，不，不，Jamie，你说什么呢，我们那该死的婚礼之夜 No, no, no. Jamie, what are you talking about, our fucking wedding night?
天！不行！为什么？ God! I can't do this! Why not?
不敢相信我做不到 I cannot believe I can't do this!
怎么了？我操！ What the hell is happening? God damn it!
怎么了？ What?
你不想和我做爱吗？ You don't want to have sex with me?
不，我想 Yeah, I want to have sex with you.
我从六年级就想和你做爱了 I've wanted to have sex with you since the sixth grade!
现在，你本应被我搞得一团糟了 I mean, you should be a mess by now,
但没有这样...恩，我们开始吧！ but things are not... Well, let's do it!
这不对经 This is new.
对不起，Jamie Sorry, Jamie.
我混乱了 I think I'm in over my head.
我想我有点混乱了，我有了这个房子 I think I'm way in over my head. I got this fucking house,
一个工作，还有一个家庭 and a job, and a family.
我有了你，我有了孩子们，而且我还有了合伙汽车。还有那些规则！ I've got you, I've got the Kids, and I've got a fucking carpool. And rules!
那些规则，我他妈有一半都不明白 I've got these fucking rules, half of which I don't even understand.
这不可能，我不懂怎么会这样 This is impossible. I don't know how to be this man.
对不起 I'm sorry.
对不起。没事 Sorry. That's okay.
这没什么 That's okay.
到这来 Come here.
恩，在这里感觉太梦幻了 Yeah, it's fantastic in here.
很温暖，我想我会记住这感受 It's very warm. I think I remember this.
恩 Mmm-hmm.
Dave Lockwood. Dave Lockwood
Mitch！你他妈在哪？ Mitch! Where the hell are you?
亮天了，我想知道Jamie怎么样了 It's been two days. I gotta know what's going on with Jamie.
打给我 Call me back.
他尼玛在干什么 What the hell is he doing?
Mitch，你好 Mitch. Hi.
Jamie，你怎么在这？ Jamie. What are you doing here?
我每周六做完瑜伽都来这，你呢？ I come here every Saturday after yoga. What are you doing here?
我在拐角把一个贱人爆出屎来 I am plowing the crap out of this chick around the corner,
现在我们要吃晚饭了，我们想做点扇贝 and now we're gonna have dinner. We're gonna make some scallops,
那个贱人等着我呢 and then it's going to get ugly. This chick is a mess.
你为什么要这么说话呢？你有美好的一面 Why do you have to talk like that? You have such a sweet side.
你要让人们看到你美好的一面 You should let people into your sweet side.
恩，听着我想问你点事 Yeah. Listen, I wanted to ask you something.
那天晚上，你过的很糟糕 The other night, you were in a pretty dark place.
恩，是啊，我记得 Oh, yeah. I know.
跟Dave怎么样了 How's that going with Dave?
他对你好点没？ Is he treating you a little bit better?
是，他表现得很好 Yeah. He's been very sweet.
敞开了心胸和我交流...很好 Really open and communicative... Good.
我们昨晚睡觉时他一直抱紧我 He held my hand all night while we slept last night.
好小子！ Attaboy!
你跟Dave说要他挂那里的毛吗？ Did you tell Dave to shave his balls?
额... Uh...
别表现的好想你不知道一样，我知道就是你让他这么做的 Don't act like you didn't tell him. I know it came from you.
别对他有坏的影响 Don't be a bad influence on him.
我以为你们俩会喜欢的 I though you two might like that.
不，我不喜欢，那上面需要有点覆盖物 No, I don't like that. It needs some coverage.
恩，我会让他留起来的 Yeah, I'll tell him to grow it out.
见到你真高兴。你还好吗？ It was really great seeing you. You okay?
我很好，事实上，我...我比任何时候都好 I'm good. In fact, I'm much... Much better now.
好。恩 Good. Yeah.
好吧。恩 Okay. All right.
恩，我醒了 Okay, I'm awake.
我操 Fuck it.
你好，我想找...哦，别啊！ - Hello, I'm trying to find... - Oh, come on!
听着，把他放到我的办公室，我不管 Look, bring it to me in the office. I don't care.
别急，我会到的，好的，先生 Relax, I'll be there. Yes, sir.
这很重要。出租车！ Just look at... This is important. Taxi!
谢谢 Thank you.
谢谢你，美国 Thank you, America.
喔！ Whoa!
我看着你呢！ I've got my eye on you!
接Lockwood Go for Lockwood.
Mitch，我很紧张啊 Mitch, I'm panicking over here.
我有18年没有约会了 I haven't been on a date in 18 years.
我都快吓死了 I'm drowning in my own fear.
放松，冷静 Relax and calm down.
别跟我说冷静！你让我做这个的，我做不到，懂吗？ Don't tell me to relax! You did this to me. I can't do it, okay?
那也别去，我这就过去 Don't move, I'll be right there.
Mitch? Mitch？
嘿 Hey.
怎么样？ How do I look?
怎么不留起胡子然后诱骗孩子到你的车厢 Just grow a mustache and lure a child into your van.
你哪找的这些烂衣服？ Where did you find that shit?
你衣柜后面 The back of your closet.
脱了！ Put it back!
这些是牛仔裤 These are called jeans.
这些在美国年轻人中已经流行60年了 They've been popular with America's youth for over 60 years.
穿牛仔裤去饭店？没错，穿牛仔裤去 Jeans to a restaurant? Yeah, jeans to a restaurant.
看看谁还能想到 Look who else can hit.
为了感觉自信，你要看起来很帅，懂吗？ In order to feel confident, you got to look good, okay?
这是汗衫，穿上 This is a vest, put that on.
好的，这是发蜡 Okay, this is called gel or product.
用太少，你看起来会像恋童癖 Too little, you look like a pedophile,
用多了，你看起来会像波斯人 too much and you look Persian.
Mitch，你跟我说的我都做了 Mitch, I have done everything that you have asked of me.
我穿上了牛仔裤，我穿上了汗衫，也涂了发蜡 I got the jeans on, I got the vest, the gel in my hair...
你很帅...但我不会这么做 You look great. ... but I am not going to do this.
不，你要去做。为什么我一定要这么做？ Yes, you are going to do this. Why do I have to do this?
这样会让你显得很贴心 Because it shows that you're considerate,
显得你很讲卫生，显得你是美国人 that you're clean, that you're American.
你怎么管这么多？这是我的身体 Why do you even care? It's my body!
这现在是我的啦！ It's my body right now!
我害怕！ I'm scared!
这样说，是我们两个的 There, we have it.
没人知道发生了这些，Mitch Nobody ever needs to know that this happened, Mitch.
哦，真想亲亲我自己的鸡鸡啊 Boy, real tempting to kiss my own dick.
啊，很痒 Ah, that tickles.
你在抖蛋蛋 Shh, you're jiggling the sac.
你要回去了，恩？ Oh, you're going to go all the way back there, huh?
我们要去吃饭饭，不是里约热内卢 We're going to dinner, not Rio.
啊，是。你还有电池吗？ AH right. You got any extra batteries?
你好 Hi.
Mitch。你好吗？ Mitch. How are you?
好的 Okay.
额... So...
天气如何？ What the weather?
听着，我之所以来着 Listen, the only reason I'm here
都是因为我的老板让我来 is because my boss told me to be.
这不是个约会，这不是为了去了解你 This is not a date. This is not a "get to know you."
我只是要保住工作 This is just me trying to save my job.
我要走了 I'm going to go.
你给我坐下 Just sit the fuck back down.
我洗了澡，我过来，我很饿，我想要喝点酒 I showered, I showed up, I'm starving and I could use a drink.
你认识Dave多久了？ How long have you known Dave?
从小就认识 My whole life, actually.
你之前看过他有昨天那样的表现吗？ And have you ever seen him act like he did yesterday?
像一个超级灌洗器 Like a super-douche?
是 Yeah.
额，是的，有几次 Uh, I have, at times.
我希望他的话没有冒犯到你 But I'm really hoping that he didn't say anything to offend you.
他确实冒犯到我了 He totally did.
我喜欢被冒犯，但通常是在工作后 But I like being offended, just usually after work.
喔 Wow.
这是您点的酒，先生。很好 Here's the bottle you ordered, sir. Excellent.
恩...把这垃圾拿回去 Mmm-mmm, send that shit back.
拿一瓶25年马加兰 Bring us two Macallan 25s, neat.
马上，小姐，马上到 Right away, ma'am. Right away.
恩，我来问你几个问题吧 So, let me ask you something.
问题一 It's a question.
你喜欢跟Dave一起工作吗？ How do you like working with Dave?
他怎么样？ How is he?
我太爱了 I love it.
我觉得，他是个优秀的律师 I mean, he's a brilliant lawyer.
他是最棒的 He's the best.
事实上，告诉你 Actually, if you must know,
我之前有段时间迷上他了 I used to kind of have a crush on Dave.
哦，不是吧，不可能！ Oh, no, you didn't!
你真搞笑 You're funny.
我是说，显然，他已经结婚了，所以... I mean, obviously, he's married, so...
是，当然，当然，当然 Right, obviously, obviously, obviously.
结过婚了，你是干什么的，Mitch？ Super-married. What do you do, Mitch?
我？什么工作？恩 Me? For a living? Yeah.
恩，我... You know, I am...
我... I...
当我不吃人，不疯狂手淫时 When I'm not eating hummus and ferociously masturbating,
我演色情片 I dabble in light porn.
我听说这是个增长飞快的产业。对 I hear that's a growth industry. Yeah!
我来点一些甜品 I'm just going to get everything on the dessert menu.
我要点，差不多，六个甜点 I'm going to order, like, six desserts.
哦，老天 Oh, my God.
不，不，不！ No, no, no!
我牙上有东西吗？ Do I have anything in my teeth?
太甜了 That's a lot of sugar.
恩，很有意思！ Yeah. A lot of scotch!
是啊，刚过得很愉快 Yeah. That was a lot of fun, is what it really was.
刚？什么，这就完了？ Was? What, are we done?
才刚两点啊！ It's only 2:00!
没！我有点昏头了 No! I'm just messing with you.
不，我们... No, let's...
我们去狂吼，你想去狂吼吗？ We'll go to a rave or something. You want to get raving?
人们现在都去咆哮吗？ People raving right now?
我们去咆哮！耶 Let's rave! Yeah.
我忘了这些了！ I forgot about raves!
哦，我让你搞晕了 Man, I'm messing with you.
我们走？不 Go and do that? No.
我有个还注意 I do have an idea. Uh-huh.
我们去做件 What do you think about doing something
我们明早一定会后悔的事情 that we will really, really regret in the morning?
你想来吗？ You into it?
恩，我们当然要做 Yeah, we can definitely do that.
好的！ Okay!
好的，我们走 好的，出发 - Okay. Let's go. - All right, let's go.
操，操，操！ Fuck, fuck, fuck!
哦，天啊，我的天啊 Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
哦，天啊！ Oh, God!
哦，喔。是真的吗？ Oh. Wow. Really?
你真想要这个？ Are you sure that's what you want?
当然，我喜欢 Absolutely. I like that.
你确定你要这个在你身上一辈子？ You're okay with that being on your body for, like, forever?
我感觉很好 I feel pretty good about it.
你下面那个呢？ How is yours down there?
很好 It's good.
只是有一点痒 It tickles a little.
Rico。恩 Rico. Yo.
怎么转这个弯？ What do you think of this turn, man?
我不知道，伙计 I don't know, man.
问问Tommy。Tommy！ Ask Tommy. Tommy!
这了 Yeah, man.
来看看这个 Check this out, man.
你从跟我讲讲你的童年 You never did tell me about your childhood.
真的吗？现在？ Really? Now?
当这些人看着你... With the Sons of Anarchy between your...
额，我们看看这... Um, let's see here...
Tommy, Rico.嘿，伙计们 Tommy, Rico. Hey, guys.
你们在观光呢？ We are sightseeing now.
别看了，行吗，谢谢 Let's move it along, please. Come on.
你真是个绅士 You are such a gentleman.
现在你只有一个小混混在你两腿间了 Now you only have one ponytailed ex-convict between your legs,
一切都正常了 so everything is fine.
我开玩笑呢，我完全是开玩笑 I'm kidding. I was absolutely joking.
我爱你的马尾辫，还有海盗胡子 I love your ponytail. And that little pirate beard.
玩笑啦 Sun kidding.
这是我的家，这里 That's me, there.
你住这？是的 This is you. Mmm-hmm.
恩，看起来很棒。谢谢 Yeah, that is nice. Thanks.
恩 Yeah.
晚安 Well, good night.
晚安 Good night.
嘿，Mitch？ Hey, Mitch?
恩 Yeah.
你还会再打给我吗？ Are you going to call me?
你说过这不是个约会 I thought you said this wasn't a date.
事情总是在变嘛 Things change.
V游网_纳米天痕原创翻译 请保留翻译者信息 尊重翻译者的艰辛劳动
领带很漂亮。谢谢 That's a cute tie. Thank you.
Party时你应该系这条领带 You should wear that to the party.
什么Party？ What party?
我们的结婚纪念日？ Our anniversary party.
结婚纪念日？为什么我他妈... Our anniversary party? Why the fuck wasn't I...
What about Mitch? Mitch？
你说你不想让他来的 You said you didn't want him to come.
我有吗？你说过 I did? Yeah.
你说你真的不愿见他 You said you were really embarrassed of him.
所以我才没邀请他的 That's why I didn't invite him.
不敢相信我不记得了 I can't believe I don't remember that.
你还说过你觉得 You also said that you thought
他会打所有结过婚的朋友 that he would get hammered
对我的奶奶很小气 and hit on all of our married friends, be mean to my grandma
把Party搞乱 and turn the whole thing into a key party.
是发生过 Once, that happened.
你还说过他强迫每个人做自杀射击 And you said he would force everyone to do Kamikaze shots,
嗑摇头丸 spike the punch with ecstasy,
给每个女孩做胸部测试，还会... give all the girls breast exams and...
那都是同一次Party That was the same party.
恩，不可思议 Hmm. Weird.
也许我们该谈谈对话之夜的糟糕记忆 Maybe we should talk about your bad memory at Dialogue Night.
Stilton咖啡屋，别忘了 Stilton Coffee House tonight. Don't forget.
好的。好吗？ Okay. Okay?
再见 Bye.
喂 Hello.
这里是亚特拉大公寓公园 This is District Manager Carla Nelson
区域经理Carla Nelson from the Atlanta Department of Parks.
哦，你好 Oh, yeah.
恩，我们找到喷泉了 Well, we have found that fountain.
被迁到1100桃树大道 It's been moved to 1100 Peachtree Boulevard.
你们找到了，好的，额... You found it. Okay, well...
好的，我们知道了 Okay, we'll be there soon.
好的，那，祝你愉快 All righty, then. Have a good day.
谢谢 Thank you.
嗨，嗨 Hi. Hi.
你好吗？ How are you?
很好。我刚看到Dave了 Good. Just on my way to see Dave.
有件事， Actually,
所有高层明天都会去参加仲裁 all the senior staff is going to be at the mediation tomorrow.
所以，我在Flemming订了座位 So, I snagged Flemming's seats
还有Marlins同Braves的比赛 to the Marlins-Braves game.
你，我，啤酒，棒球 You, me, beer, baseball.
还能再完美点吗？ What more could a guy want?
别这样 Don't take this the wrong way.
我真的很想跟你去，但我... I would really love to go to that game with you, but I don't...
你要跟我分手吗？ Are you breaking up with me?
什么？逗你呢 What? I'm messing with you.
哦！ Oh!
听着，只是去看场比赛 Look, it is just a baseball game.
座位很好哦 They're dugout seats.
不管你有什么计划，取消 Whatever you have to do, cancel it.
嘿 Hey.
他们找到喷泉了 They found the fountain.
恩，是的，她也打给我了 Yeah, they did. She called me, too.
恩 Yeah.
那... So...
这是好消息啊 Good news.
恩，是个好消息 Yeah, it's good news.
真棒 Awesome.
我们是不是走，恩，去撒尿 We should probably go, you know, take a piss.
是，对，我们走 Yeah, yeah, let's do it.
恩 Yeah.
可是...可是？ Except... Except?
可是，仲裁在明天 Except, the mediation is tomorrow,
这些天我都为这个疯狂的工作 and I've been working my ass off on that.
是啊，你真的很努力 Yeah, you've been working real hard on that.
我想要证明我自己 And I want to prove to myself
向别人证明 and to people
我可以 that I can see that through.
是的，你应该去，是的 And you should. Yeah.
你应该去做 You deserve that.
你这是什么意思 What are you saying?
我们可以等一等 We could wait.
你想等？我们可以等上一天 You want to wait? We could wait a day.
推迟一天？一个星期？ Push it a day? Or a week?
我们不着急换回来，我们... We should wait to switch. We can do it...
保持一个月？恩 A month? Yeah.
只是时间问题嘛 It's time.
有什么不可以？ Really, what is time?
过来，Dave Come here, Dave.
加油，老弟 Come on, buddy.
太好啦。恩，是啊 This went so well. Yeah, it did.
这是个惊喜 It's kind of surprising.
太惊喜了 Very surprising.
要是他们给你一个7亿美金的红包 If they offer you one red cent over $700 million,
接着吧，懂吗？ you accept that. Got it?
对，当然，为什么不要？ Yes, of course. Why wouldn't I?
就是 Why wouldn't you?
很好！很好！ Great! Good!
还能有更坏的吗？不会发生什么了 What's the worst that can happen? Nothing can happen!
我觉得很好 I think it's fine.
Dave Lockwood. Dave Lockwood
你是不是忘了什么？ Did you forget something?
你是哪位？你老婆 Who is this? Your wife.
哦 Oh.
恩，我忘了什么吗？我不知道，什么？ Ummm. Did I forget something? I don't know. What?
算了 Never mind.
明天是仲裁会，我还在准备这个 It's the mediation tomorrow, so I'm under it.
我不跟你说了 I can't play.
那，怎么样了？多少钱？ So, how did it go? How much money is it?
就两个小时，14块 Just two hours, so, 14 bucks.
很好 Great.
抱歉你被放鸽子了 Sorry you got stood up.
他全忘了 He just forgot.
对，我就是说这个 Yeah, that's what I meant.
她让我在咖啡馆等着 He forgot me at the coffee shop
我不过是想跟他说说话 when all I wanted to do was go and talk to him.
你觉得，这要求过分吗？ Which isn't a lot to ask, do you think?
你想让我说什么？ What do you want me to say?
恩，你被男人放过鸽子吗？ Well, have you ever been stood up by a man?
没有，貌似 Not really. Uh-huh.
我父母总是给我直接送到地方，所以，你懂的... Our parents drive us places, though, so...
底线是，Katie Bottom line, Katie,
工作永远第一 is work always comes first,
我们永远是第二位的 and we always come second.
我认为这不会变 And I don't think that's ever going to change.
我现在要回家了 I've got to go home now
我要准备西班牙语考试，所以... because I have this Spanish test, so...
我可以给你写个证明 I can write you a note.
我真的觉得 I guess deep down,
我一直在让步 I'm afraid that I'll keep compromising
以至于这个男人觉得这都是我应该的 until getting the shit end feels normal.
我被打败了 And then I'll be so beaten down by life
当时，我就想让 that, just for a second, I will consider asking
洗车店那个长的像Kris Kristofferson的无家可归的家伙 the homeless guy at the car wash who looks like Kris Kristofferson
抚摸我的肩膀 to rub my shoulders.
我会那样的，他也会 And I will, and he will.
你懂吗？那会很美妙的 And you know what? It'll be wonderful.
而且我会很享受 And I'll love it.
为什么不呢？ Because why not?
你看，我在这什么都没有 I mean, I'm not getting anything here.
没有人满足我 Nobody's fucking me here.
你知道吗，Katie，这就是人们离婚的原因 You know, Katie, this is exactly why people get divorced.
真遗憾 I'm so sorry.
我真倒霉，我走到了这一步 I'm so sorry. That was way out of line.
你想来点冰激凌吗？ Do you want some ice cream?
我是不是还不能离开？ I'm not getting any closer to leaving, am I?
不能 No.
喔！ Wow!
这看得可真清楚 It's looking good out there.
Hudson就爱打下坠球，他全年都在练习 Hudson loves the sinker. He's been crushing them all year.
厉害，你是个棒球行家 Listen to you, you are a big baseball fan!
对，很专业 Yeah, huge.
我之前还真不知道 I didn't know that about you.
我还是孩子时，有三年万圣节我都扮成Phil Niekro I was Phil Niekro for Halloween three years in a row as a kid.
我靠！Phil Niekro一直是我最爱的球员了 No way! Phil Niekro is my number one favorite of all time!
为什么我说的这么激动？ Why is my voice so high?
谢谢你今天能来 Thank you for coming in today.
我是Erin Walsh My name is Erin Walsh,
我将负责仲裁你们的索赔 and I'll be mediating your claim.
仲裁期间做出的所有协议都是有执行效力的 Any and all agreements made during this mediation are binding
都是带有法律的所有权利 and carry with them the full rights
及义务 and responsibilities of the law
我们由联邦325A法案，第四部分开始 as stated in Federal Code 325 A, Section 4.
Kinkabe原则上认同你们公司销售额的条款 Kinkabe agrees in principle to the terms of the sale
以及对你们公司六亿两千五百万的估价 and valuates your company at $625 million.
这就是他们给出的最好条件了 This is their best and final offer.
我们不可能完成合并 There is no way we can make this deal.
6.25亿又不是世界末日 Six-twenty-five is not the end of the world.
你们要知道什么时候是退出的最佳时刻 You've just got to know when it's time to quit.
别你妈吵了，我们不会退出 Fuck that noise. We are not quitting.
我觉得你能做的更好，Ted I think you can do better, Ted.
你说什么 I beg your pardon.
我不想看见任何人离开这里 I don't see anybody headed for the door.
这就好像同一个 This is just like trying to fuck a Catholic girl who keeps saying,
一直喊着“不，我不要，我喝醉了，而且你也没有割包皮”的天主教女孩上床 "No, I don't want to. I'm really drunk and you're circumcised."
但是她却一直在挑逗你 But she keeps on making out with you,
她也不离开你 she's not leaving your Fiero...
这就说明她其实想要 It means she really wants to.
她只是想慢慢地推进 She just needs a little bit of a nudge.
这就需要一点哄骗，一点点搔痒 A little bit of a coax, little bit of a tickle.
帮她为她的上帝找个借口 Just to rationalize it to herself, to her God.
明白我的意思吗？ Do you know what I mean?
不，Dave，我们当然不懂你要说什么 No, Dave. We most definitely do not know what you mean.
好吧，我想说 Okay. What I mean is,
他们想要快点，但是他们却不知道，懂吗？ they want to spend more, they just don't know it, all right?
如果这是他们的最终条件 If this really was their final offer,
他们就走了，但是他们没有 they'd be leaving, but they're not.
他们在纠结中，他们想多得一点钱 They're sticking around. They've got more money to spend.
她想拿出她放在钱包底下的橡皮 She wants to unroll that rubber at the bottom of her purse
那是她三个学期前就放好的 that she put in there three semesters ago.
那你认为我们能得到多少呢 How much more do you think we can get out of them?
一千万？一千五？ Ten million? Fifteen?
别想这些小数目可以吗？ Pull those panties to the side, Ted, and take a hundred more.
什么？ What?
别听他的，Ted，他疯了 Do not listen to him, Ted. He is beyond reckless.
要是我们还价太多，我们就要吓跑他们了 If we make too large a counter offer, we risk driving them away.
Ted，问一下不会怎样的 Ted, it doesn't hurt to ask.
你不要相信这个傻逼 You would not believe the nasty shit
我们就问一下 I get these girls to do, just by asking.
说实话，这样是不按常理出牌 Honestly, it's revolting.
他们不走才怪 It does seem odd that they're not leaving.
把他们按在座位上 Punch her in the seat.
你跟Kinkabe说我们还要多要1亿 You can tell Kinkabe we want an extra 100 million.
这是我们的最终条件，不同意我们就离开了 And that is our final offer, because we're leaving.
收拾东西，我们走 Fuel the jet, let's go.
你要记住，我不支持这个决定 For the record, I did not support that decision.
先生 Sir!
先生，Kinkabe同意多加一亿了 Sir, Mr. Kinkabe has agreed to $725 million.
合并完成了！ The deal is closed!
哦，天啊！ Oh, my God!
我就跟你说嘛！ What did I tell you?
哦，天啊！ Oh, my God!
哦，我滴神啊！ Oh, my God!
喔 Wow.
到这来高兴吗？ Are you glad you came now?
到这来我高兴吗？这是我一辈子最好的一天 Am I glad I came? It's like the greatest day of my life!
怎么突然下雨了？ Where did that come from?
等下，等下，好了 Hang on, hang on, I got it.
哦，不，他们要取消比赛了 Oh, no, they are going to call it.
哦，真的太棒了，我不敢相信他们成了我的合伙人 - Man, this is amazing. - I can't believe they're making me partner.
我是最好的律师，有史以来 I'm the greatest lawyer, ever.
真完美的一天 What a day.
恩，现在你高兴了 So, now you can be happy.
你觉得他们会不会给我一块金牌？ Do you think they are going to give me a medal?
一把雕刻的剑？ Could you imagine an engraved sword?
真的，我喜欢任何雕刻的东西 Honestly, I'd be happy with anything engraved.
一把剑或矛 A sword or a spear.
盾牌也可以啊 Even a shield would be good.
鼓掌，Cara，Cara Slap it, Cara. Cara.
我们今晚齐聚一堂 We are gathered here tonight
来庆祝我们事务所全新的伙伴关系 to celebrate the newest partner in our esteemed firm.
David Andrew Lockwood David Andrew Lockwood
生于1974年3月25日 was born on March 25th, 1974.
大家都说，Dave是个很友善 By all accounts, Dave was a sweet,
勤奋，努力工作的小伙子 diligent, hardworking little boy.
喔 Wow.
恩，我知道 Yeah, I know.
我爱这里 I love it.
为什么 Why?
让我想起了高中 It reminds me of high school.
我感觉我就要破处了 I feel like I'm about to lose my virginity.
浴室在哪？ Bathroom?
恩，那边 Yeah, right there.
你想喝点什么吗？ Do you want a drink or something?
我给你找件干衣服还是给你弄点喝的 Or warm clothes or I can get you a drink?
不用，没事，我们做完再说 No, it's okay. We'll have one after.
好的，做完什么 Okay. After what?
放松，Mitch，你今晚要睡地上了 Relax, Mitch, you're going to get laid tonight.
在高中，Dave是班里第一个毕业的 In high school, Dave graduated first in his class.
之后取得普林斯顿大学的全额奖学金 After winning a full scholarship to Princeton,
Dave，令人吃惊的，在毕业仅仅三年后 Dave, amazingly, graduated in just three years.
在以优异成绩从耶鲁法学院毕业后 And after graduating from Yale Law School with honors,
来到了Justice Souter Dave clerked for Justice Souter
美国最高法院 on the United States Supreme Court.
工作是艰难的 Work is hard.
我要看棒球比赛 I like going to baseball games
喝很多酒，凌晨三点去纹纹身 and drinking too much, and getting tattoos at 3:00 in the morning.
恩 Yeah.
靴子，脱下 Boot. Take it off.
我们不是被生出来工作，养孩子，死亡的 We were not put on this earth to work, breed and die.
不，当然...别打断我，帅哥 No, we were not... Don't interrupt me, handsome.
我们是来享乐的 We are here to have fun.
对吗？恩 Right? Yeah.
靴子 Boot.
我认为这个世界有太多的规定了 I just think there's too many rules.
好好想想我们错过了多少精彩啊 Think about all the amazing experiences that we miss out on
都是因为我们太在意别人怎么看我们 because we're so worried about what other people will think.
为什么我不能成为成功的职业女性？ Why can't I be a professional, successful woman
和她刚刚碰面的人上床 who sleeps with someone she just met?
你知道吗？ You know?
从你脱了裤子 I haven't heard a word you said
我就一个字都没听见 since you took your pants off.
衣服 Shirt.
你闻起来想柠檬 You smell like lemons.
我闻起来就是想柠檬 I do smell like lemons.
哦，天啊，你很紧张，我喜欢 Oh, God, you're nervous. I like that.
你的退在抖 Your leg is shaking.
那不是我的腿 That's not my leg.
摘掉我的胸罩 Take off my bra.
全摘下？ All Of it?
遮住我乳房的那部分 Just the parts covering the breasts.
很好的开始 That's a good start.
哦，真棒 Oh, that's great.
每天工作完 At the end of the day...
我操！ Holy shit!
我都懒得脱掉我身上的衣服 ...I am just tired of over-thinking things.
我也懒得脱衣服 I'm tired of over-thinking things, too.
我们想做什么就做什么 We should just do what we want to do.
我们开始吧。我们开始吧 Let's do it. Let's just do it.
Jamie，Dave美丽的旗子 The only thing Dave loves more than the law
是唯一对Dave比法律更有吸引力的了 is his beautiful wife, Jamie.
他们的生活像童话一般 Their life is like a fairy tale
而三个可爱的孩子让他们的生活更显完美 made even more perfect by their three adorable children.
所以，当我们今晚庆祝伙伴关系... So, as we celebrate one partnership tonight...
看，老爸，是你和我 Look, Daddy, it's you and me.
...让大多数人放弃 ...would bring most men to their knees,
但Dave不会 but not Dave.
他胜于任何人 He excelled on all fronts,
大大超过我们大家 putting the rest of us to shame.
我不配这个 I didn't earn this.
法律也许是Dave思考的头等大事 The /aw may be the first thing on Dave's mind,
但他的家人才是他内心深处的真正眷恋 but his family has always been the first thing in his heart.
我们应该做什么，Mitch？ What should we do with each other, Mitch?
哦，天啊，什么都要 Oh, God, everything.
我们... We could...
那是不是... Is that a...
是不是斑点蝶 Is that a many-spotted skipperling?
是 Yeah.
恩 Mmm.
你想怎样都可以 You can have whatever you want.
你想做什么 What do you want to do?
我想回家 I want to go home.
什么？ What?
我想要回家 I want to go home.
什么？我... What? I don't...
我有一个会议，我要走了 I got a meeting. I got to go.
Lockwood住宅 Lockwood residence.
Dave呢 Where is Dave?
Dave在城郊俱乐部，他成了合伙人 Dave is at the country club. They made him partner.
一名优秀的律师 A brilliant attorney,
贴心的丈夫 loving husband,
无私的父亲 devoted father.
请允许由我 It is my distinct honor
向你们介绍 to introduce to you,
我们的新合伙人，Dave Lockwood our newest partner, David Lockwood.
去吧，Dave Way to go, Dave.
恭喜你，Dave Congratulations, Dave.
你应得的 You deserve it.
这不是我的生活 This is not my life.
她是不是亲错人了 ls she kissing the wrong guy?
我知道很奇怪，但是请继续吧 I know it's weird. Just go with it.
我们要告诉你 We tried to tell you.
你准备好去撒尿了？ You ready to take a piss?
当然 You bet your ass I am.
我爱你，小宝贝 I love you, pumpkin.
你确定是这里？ Are you sure this is the address?
对，是这里 Yeah, this is the place.
开玩笑吗？哦，喔 You got to be kidding me. Oh, wow.
我滴个神啊，全城的人都在这了 Jesus Christ, it's like the whole city is in here tonight.
没事，我们做我们的，来 Okay, let's just do this. Come on.
我们应该怎么做？ How are we supposed to get this done?
我们只要很淡定的... You just be super cool...
不要管别人 and don't draw attention to yourself.
你怎么还不尿？ Why aren't you peeing?
我周围全是人 I got a lot of people around me.
别冲我喊叫，我尿不出来了 Don't yell at me. I'm all locked up.
根本没人看到我们，没事 No one is even looking at us. We're fine.
妈妈，那个男的向喷泉尿尿 Mommy, that man is peeing in the fountain!
哦，天啊 Oh, my God.
没什么秘密了，老弟，你就尿你的吧 The cat is out of the bag, buddy. You got to go now.
你怎么不拍张照？Mitch！ Why don't you take a picture? Mitch!
我靠！ Come on!
It's snipped. Mitch! Mitch! Mitch！Mitch！
对了，你为什么不要请我去结婚纪念日的Party By the way, why didn't you invite me to your anniversary party?
好吧，听着 Okay, look...
我这的很抱歉 I feel really bad about that
但是我们能不嫩换个时间按在谈这事 but can we talk about that at another time?
那有个小女孩在看着我的弟弟 There is a girl scout staring at my penis.
我现在就要知道 I want to talk about it right now.
真的？ Really?
你是不是讨厌我？ Are you embarrassed of me?
对不起，是的，是，我之前是 I'm sorry. Yeah. Yeah, I was.
但我现在不这么想了 But I'm not any more.
我真的为你骄傲，Mitch I'm actually proud of you, Mitch.
真的？ Really?
这的 Really.
好吧 Attaboy!
这个问题让我没法尿出来 I think that's what had me all locked up.
嘿！ Hey!
操，我们被保安发现了 Shit, we got security on us.
我们要快点 We got to do this right now.
Three, two, one... 3,2,1
我们想要回到原来的生活 I wish I had my old life back!
他们在说什么？ What did they say?
你有什么感觉吗？没，再来一遍 Do you feel any different? No, go again.
我想要回到原来的生活！ I wish I had my old life back!
哦，靠！干什么呢，嘿！ Oh, shit! Come on, guy!
我们没多少时间了。3，2,1 We are running out of time here. Three, two, one...
我们要回到原来的生活！ I wish I had my old life back!
好了！很好！我们走，这边！ Bingo! Nice! Let's go, this way!
我们在那么多人面前撒尿，慢点 I'm peeing all over people, slow down!
小心！ Watch it!
不好意思，抱歉。什么 Excuse me, I'm sorry. Pardon me.
哦，天呐 Oh, my God.
哦，天呐。哦，天呐。哦，天呐 Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
哦，感谢上帝。哦，感谢上帝 Oh, thank God. Oh, thank God.
小宝贝！宝贝，我回来了 Pumpkin! Pumpkin, I'm back.
小宝贝，醒醒 Pumpkin, wake up.
醒醒，宝贝，我回来了，我回来了 Can you wake up, baby? I'm back, I'm back.
哦，天啊，我想死你啦，哦，亲爱的 Oh, my God, I missed you so much. Oh, honey.
好了，我昨晚欠你一个解释 Okay, I owe you an explanation for last night.
为这一周的事我要向你道歉 I owe you an apology for this week.
最重要的是，我要弥补这五年我的过错 And most importantly, I owe you a fix for the last five years.
亲爱的，我知道错了，我保证 Honey, things are changing, I promise.
你和孩子们是我的一切，没有更重要的了 You and the kids mean everything to me. Nothing is more important.
而且，我要辞掉我的工作 In fact, I'm going to quit my job.
我今天就去，我辞掉工作 I'm going to work today, I'm going to quit my job.
我去Kinko投简历，好吗？ I'm going to apply to Kinko's, all right?
Chick-fil-A或者Waffle House？停，停，停 Or maybe Chick-fil-A or Waffle House? Whoa, whoa, whoa!
等下，先等下。Foot Locker？ Hold on, just a second. Foot Locker?
现在是半夜，嘘 It is the middle of the night. Shh.
好了，我不知道你们两个傻瓜是怎么了 All right, I don't know what's going on with you two dorks.
够了 That's enough.
我不要你去辞职 I don't want you to quit your job.
什么意思？ What are you talking about?
你爱你的工作，你爱法律 You love your job and you love the law.
我爱你这样 I love that about you.
我只想你回家吃晚饭 I just want you to come home for dinner.
我懂。交流之夜 I know. And Dialogue Night.
照看孩子 And to see the kids.
我想让你待在家 And I want you to want to be here.
我会的 I do. You have no idea.
你用不着放弃一切，比如 You don't have to get all, like,
“我要辞职” "I'm going to quit my job."
到我了。不不不 It's my turn. No, no, no.
接着睡吧，我来搞定 Back to bed. They're mine.
我爱你 I love you.
嗨！ Hi!
看看谁醒了 Look who's up.
早上好 Good morning.
你好，我的小帅哥 Hi, my little man.
你好吗，小王子？ And how are you this morning, little princess?
早上好 Good morning.
睡得怎么样？ How was your sleep?
恩，我知道 Yeah, I know.
好的，她先来 Okay, she's first.
她的声音更大 She's a little bit more vocal.
好吗？ Right?
你有什么惊喜给我吗 Are you trying to tell me you've got a little surprise?
有什么特别的吗？ Did you make me something special?
老爸 Daddy.
嗨，小美女，过来 Hi, sugarbug, come here.
抱抱我，亲爱的 Give me a hug, sweetie.
早上好 Good morning.
枕头的味道 You smell like a pillow.
去那边，陪我聊聊，坐到那边 Stay here, talk to me. Sit on that chair.
跟我说说学校的事 Tell me about school.
今天学到什么了？ I want to know what you learned yesterday, okay?
我什么都想知道 And I want to hear everything.
你知道原子比一粒沙子还小吗？ Did you know that atoms are smaller than a grain of sand?
真的？ How amazing is that?
太惊人了！ So amazing!
地球上的每样东西都是原子构成的 And everything on this planet is made out of atoms.
怎么会这样 Which is kind of strange
因为我觉得这就是说我和一片水果没什么区别 because I think that means that I'm the same as a piece of fruit
或者是一条鱼 or a fish
一把椅子！ or this chair!
我又回来了，天啊。感谢上帝，感谢上帝 I'm me. God, I'm me. Thank you. Thank you.
上帝，看看，太棒了！ God, look at that. Gorgeous!
天啊，变回来真是太好了！ God, it's so good to be back!
哦，耶！ Oh, yeah.
欢迎回家，我想你了 Welcome home. I missed you.
看看这个，完美的两颗蛋蛋 Look at that, two perfectly shorn balls.
你们好 Hi.
我把钱包忘在这了，我本该打个电话的... I left my purse. I would have called but...
但是你的手机在钱包里 But you left your phone in your purse.
恩，是的 Yeah. Right.
我是想道歉，因为， I just wanted to apologize, because I know
我昨晚可能有一点太...主动了 that I probably came off a little aggressive last night,
我想要说声对不起 and I just wanted to say sorry.
不 No.
不用抱歉，是我的不好 Don't apologize. I apologize.
昨晚我可能刚从一个同性恋手中逃脱 I probably came off a little gay last night.
我希望你能再给我一次机会 I hope you will allow me the opportunity to straighten things out for you.
嘿，对了，该吃早餐了 Hey, guess what? It's breakfast time.
一起去吃点早餐 Do you want to get some breakfast?
好啊 Yeah.
敬爱的人们，我们在上帝的注视下齐聚一堂 Dearly beloved, we are gathered here in the sight of God
来见证这对新人在这里... to unite this man and this woman in the...
Mitch ,你来啦 Mitch, you came.
我很感动，真的很感动。谢谢 I'm very, very touched. Thank you.
没什么，老爸 You're welcome, Dad.
哦！ Ooh!
我操！你一定就是我的新妈妈了 Fuck me! This must be my new mom.
你好，我是Mitch Planko Hi, Mitch Planko.
很好。谢谢 Good. Thank you.
她握得太紧了 She's holding onto me.
很好，好的，松开 Okay, good, let go.
离这个人远点，他是个堕落的人 Keep away from him. The man's a pervert.
结婚纪念日快乐，Jamie Dave！ Happy anniversary, Jamie and Dave!
大家好，先自我介绍一下，我是Mitch Planko For those of you who don't know me, my name is Mitch Planko.
我和那个傻逼十年前就是最好的兄弟了 I was that nut sack's best man 10 years ago.
开始了 Here we go.
当我们还是孩子，我和Dave，我们有很多伟大的计划 When we were kids, Dave and I, we had a lot of big plans.
Dave，他要成为宇航员 Dave, he was going to be an astronaut,
而我要到黑市去贩卖海豚 and I was going to sell dolphins on the black market.
宇航员！ Astronaut!
我有理由没去贩卖海豚 There's a reason I'm not selling dolphins.
我们在亚特兰大，这里没有海豚 We live in Atlanta, they're tough to find.
而且海豚这东西，从不睡觉 And those things, they don't sleep,
很难抓到他们 which also makes it real hard to catch them.
但我想我们都知道 But I think that we all know
生活常常不按我们的计划进行 that life doesn't always turn out exactly how you plan it.
有时 Sometimes,
仅仅是有时 just sometimes,
它会变好 it turns out better.
Dave，想一个 Dave, /think there's a reason
你现在没在月球上漫步的借口吧 that you're not wa/king on the moon right now.
那是因为你属于这里 It's because you belong here,
这是你的生活 in your life,
同你身边这个不可思议的女人坐在一起 with that incredible woman sitting beside you.
我们能举起酒杯 Can we please raise our Kamikaze shots
向我们最好的朋友致敬，好吗？ to my two best friends, please?
敬Dave和Jamie！ To Dave and Jamie.
敬Dave和Jamie！ Dave and Jamie!
结婚纪念日快乐！ Happy anniversary.
结婚纪念日快乐！ Happy anniversary!
我讲的怎么样？你就是个诗人 How did I do? You're such a poet.
你简直就是Robert Frost。那是谁？ You're Robert Frost. Who?
无所谓啦，天啊，你长得可真帅 It doesn't matter. God, you're good looking.
恩 Yeah.
我五分钟后来找你。好的 I'm going to meet you in five minutes. All right.
恩 Okay.
我要来看看你们两个 I took care of you guys, huh?
我们爱你 We love you.
哦... Oh...
嘿，别这样 Come on. Really?
嘿，老兄，我爱你 Hey, buddy. I love you.
我爱你，老弟 I love you, man.
家里的事怎么样？不错吧 How are things going at home? Good?
恩，恩，那当然 Yeah. I mean, come on.
必须的，很棒，太好啦 Yeah. Yeah, it's great. It's fantastic.
恩，好 Good. Yeah.
你呢？跟Sabrina怎么样？ What about you? What about Sabrina?
很好，都很好， Good. It's good. We're taking things slow, but it's good.
好奇怪啊我居然想念你的JJ了 Is it weird that I miss your penis?
行了，你不想才奇怪呢 Come on. It would be weird if you didn't.
我们在做什么？ What are we doing here?
做这个 We're doing this.
恩？ Huh?
Mitch叔叔请的 A little treat from Uncle Mitch.
你还记得怎么抽吗？ Do you remember how to do this?
好的 okay.
哦 Oh.
我知道，恩 I know. Mmm.
还是很有意思的，是吧? it's fun, though, right?
是！我们去看看鱼 Yay! Let's go look at some fish.
好的 Okay.
哦我的神啊 Oh, God!
噢，额滴神啊！ Oh, my God!
哦！刚刚怎么了？ Ow! What the hell was that? Oh.
怎么了 Explain yourself!
你从没听说过Bryant Gumbel？ You've never heard of the Bryant Gumbel?
我们才来一次 Let's do that again.
为什么 Why?
Mitch给我们寄了个录像，恩？真奇怪 Mitch sent us a video. Yeah? That's weird.
禁止入内 No entry!
Steve Driver，你这个变态，你！ Steve Driver, you perfect bastard, you!
哦，不 Oh, no.
哦，Steve，搞得我好爽啊！ Oh, Steve, it's like Christmas in my ass!
你在对我的老婆干什么？ What are you doing with my wife, man?
Dimitri?嘿，加入性爱俱乐部吧 - Dimitri? - Hey, join the fuck party.
我们做一个女人三明治 Let's make lady sandwich. Okay.
哦，天啊，做的不是很好，恩？ Oh, my God. Not very well made, huh?
这是什么时候拍的？谁知道？几年前吧 When was that shot? Who Knows? Probably years ago.
感谢你上周救了我，谢谢你帮刮毛 "Thank you for covering me last week. Love what you did with my hair."
嘿！ Hey!
你被那个男人搞了？ You got with a man?
Dimitri很绅士的，我们什么都没做 Dimitri was surprisingly gentle, and we were very safe.
哈哈 Uh-huh.
他闻起来像一只小羊 He smelt a little like lamb, though.
这拍摄的还是挺真实的。别说了，上帝，求你了 That pooper shot looked real. No. God, please, don't!
真的是。哦，上帝 It did. Oh, God.
Dave？什么？ Dave? What?
你能让我那里爽爽吗？ Can you change my oil?
不，不能！ No, I can't!
我明天手指会断掉的，我发誓 I'm gonna cut my thumbs off tomorrow, I swear to God.
我们明早第一件事就是把那个毁掉 And we're gonna destroy that thing first thing in the morning. Okay?
我不想，我喜欢 I don't want you to. I like it.
嘿嘿！哦！不错 Hey, hey! Oh! It's growing in so nicely.
恩，是啊 Yeah. Real in-between phase.
好像Sonny Crockett在下面 It's like Sonny Crockett down there.
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