孩子们，你们的巴尼叔叔很多年来 Kids, for years, your Uncle Barney
一直嘲笑罗宾阿姨的加拿大人身份 had reveled in mocking Aunt Robin's Canadian heritage.
旁边就是美国 To have to grow up in Canada...
你非得在加拿大长大 with America right there.
你们全国就没一个像样的裁缝 It's like an entire country without a tailor.
为什么 为什么我们居然让你们成为一个国家？ Why? Why do we let you be a country?!
但这一切就要改变了 But all that was about to change.
伙计们，我有重要事情宣布 我上了Facebook Guys, I have a very important annoucement to make.I was on Facebook.
Facebook上没什么潮人了 Nobody cool's on Facebook anymore.
那么，你知道Facebook上还有谁吗 Well, you know who is on Facebook now?
你们每个人的爸妈 Everybody's parents.
我刚跟巴尼失散多年的老爸 And I just happen to be friends
杰若姆·惠特克先生 with Barney's long-lost father,
加了好友 -我也是 Mr. Jerome Whitaker. - Me, too.
他玩钻石迷情玩得真好 He's gotten really good at Bejeweled Blitz.
你们再猜猜是谁觉得我刚更新的关于曼尼托巴省状态 And guess who thought my status update about Manitoba was
很有意思 因为那个人的母亲正好生于曼尼托巴省？（在加拿大） so interesting because his mother was born in Manitoba?
啥？ What?
意思就是你的奶奶... Which means your grandmother...
不 No...
意思就是你... Which makes you...
别说啦 Don't say it!
是四分之一的加拿大人 ...one-quarter Canadian!
欢迎加入我们的族群 呆瓜 Welcome to the tribe, hoser!
不... No...
不可能是真的 it's not true!
绝对不可能 That's impossible!
HIMYM字幕组倾情奉献 翻译：加菲猪 47.4 Mr.Gao 园丁姐姐
校对：园丁姐姐 Andie 后期 霜之哀伤
很久之前在万圣节派对上 Once upon a time at a Halloween party,
我遇见了一个穿着南瓜服装的女孩 I met a girl dressed like a pumpkin...
一位浪荡的南瓜妹 a slutty pumpkin.
她牛逼呆了 And she was extraordinary.
可她在奇巧（一种零食）的包装纸上给了我她的电话 But she gave me her number on a Kit Kat bar,
悲剧的是我把那张写着电话的糖果当普通糖果送人了 which was tragically given away as Halloween candy.
我每年都去那个派对 So every year I return to that same party
希望能再一次见到她 hoping I'd see her again.
可每个十月匆匆而过 那份希冀变得越来越淡 But with every passing October,that hope grew a little dimmer.
追寻了十年后 有一天 Then one day, after ten years of searching...
我的天 Oh, my God.
浪荡南瓜妹 The slutty pumpkin.
这听起来可能有点诡异 This might sound creepy, but do you have a record
你有保存2001年租这套服装的记录吗 of who rented it in 2001?
喔 这小菜一碟 Wow, that was easy.
你不是踏入我这道门的 You're not the first lovelorn young man
第一个相思男 to walk through that door.
有三个女孩穿着我老婆的浪荡洋葱装 Three girls got proposals off
被人追到求婚 my wife's slutty artichoke costume.
还有两个失踪了 但我喜欢持乐观态度 Two others disappeared,but I focus on the positive.
我简直不敢相信 我拿到了她的地址 I couldn't believe it. I actually had her address.
我知道我不能错过这次机会 I knew I had to play this right.
我可不能找过去直接敲她门 It's not like I could just walk up and knock on her door.
嗨 你可能不记得我了 但 Hi, you probably don't remember me, but...
十年前的万圣节 Halloween, ten years ago.
这可真是个一个漫长的剧集啊 Now that's a slow play.
第二天 莉莉和马修去 The next day,Lily and Marshall headed out
莉莉的爷爷奶奶家吃晚饭 to Lily's grandparents for dinner.
马修特别喜欢郊区 Marshall loved it out in the 'burbs.
看看我捉到多少萤火虫 Look how many fireflies I caught!
这次别忘了在罐子上面戳几个洞哟 Don't forget to poke holes in the jar this time.
我们给你准备了一个超棒的惊喜 Now we have a nice surprise for you.
不管是什么 说不 Whatever it is, we're saying no.
-什么？ -你知道的 - What? - You know what.
我们每次来这儿 Every time we're here,
我祖父母总塞给咱们 my grandparents stick us with some big old piece of junk
一堆他们不想要的大破烂 they're getting rid of.
这简直是最糟糕的竞猜商品展示（参见巴尼参加the Price is Right那一集） It's like the world's worst Showcase Showdown.
超完美的能用的割草机 It's a perfectly usable lawnmower!
我们住在公寓里 We live in an apartment!
可能未来的一天 But maybe someday
我们会搬到郊区 when we move to the suburbs...
我们绝不搬到郊区去住 We're never moving to the suburbs!
而且你还能得到 And you also get...
这支鹅颈麦克风 this skinny microphone!
喔 Oh!
在我们搬去佛罗里达之前 Before we head out to our place in Florida,
我们想给我们的宝贝孙女 we wanted to give our favorite granddaughter
一个小东西 a little something.
噢 真小 我喜欢 Ooh, it's so small.I love it!
-一把钥匙？ -房子归你们啦 - A key? - We're giving you the house.
莉莉 我知道你一直都不喜欢郊区 Lily, I know you've always hated the suburbs...
我们要啦 We'll take it!
我第一次跟浪荡南瓜妹约会的时候 NARRATOR: For my first date with the slutty pumpkin,
我带她去了一个特别的地方 I took her someplace special.
泰德 这真浪漫呀 Ted, this is so romantic.
这是我们十年前 The spot where we first met
第一次相遇的地方 ten years ago.
你还记得那天晚上放的那首歌吗 Do you remember the song that was playing that night?
我只记得你当时是多么美丽动人 I remember how beautiful you looked.
?你都一周没有看我了? ? It's been one week since you looked at me ?
?你把头转向一边说“我很生气”? ? Cocked your head to the side and said, "I'm angry." ?
那是半裸女人乐队唱的吗 Is that, uh,the Barenaked Ladies, huh?
?你嘲笑了我五天? ? Five days since you laughedat me ?
?说“振作起来，回来见我”? ? Saying, "Get that together.Come back and see me." ?
孩子们 我花了十年的时间才吻到她的双唇 Kids, it took me ten years,but I finally kissed her.
感觉 糟糕透了 And it was... terrible.
莉莉 你讨厌郊区 Lily, you hate the suburbs.
我知道 可我的爷爷奶奶要给我这座房子 I know, but my grandparents giving us a house
正好是在孩子快要降生的时候 right when the baby's on the way?
这个时机太完美了 It's perfect timing.
确实很棒 我终于可以 This is great.I'm finally gonna be able
在空气流通的地方烤东西了 to barbecue with proper ventilation.
马修 Marshall! (coughing)
我们要搬到郊区去了 宝贝 We're moving to the suburbs, baby!
噢 Oh...
好吧 Okay.
宝贝 你们不能搬到郊区去 Baby, you're not moving to the suburbs.
为啥 Why not?
莉莉之所以同意 Lily is only agreeing
是因为孕妇大脑 to all this because of Pregnancy Brain.
孕妇大脑 哪有这种事 Pregnancy Brain? That's not a thing.
绝对有 It's totally a thing.
她的大脑里面灌满了由荷尔蒙 Her brain is marinating in a cocktail of hormones,
喜怒无常和筑巢天性组成的鸡尾酒 mood swings and jacked-up nesting instincts.
我的意思是 现在莉莉是个 I mean, yes, right now Lily is a goddess
孕育生命奇迹的女神 bestowing the miracle of life,
但是 她也是个笨蛋 but damn, she dumb!
好吧 我也注意到一些事情了 Well, I have noticed some stuff.
我找不到我的钥匙和钱包了 I can't find my keys or wallet anywhere!
我找到了 I found them...
在冰箱里 here in the freezer.
但是冰块格去哪了 Hey, but where are the ice cube trays?
不知道 No idea.
可怜的小冰块啊 Those poor ice cubes!
我觉得她最近有点不在状态 I guess she has been a little off lately.
只是有点吗 她刚刚给我发短信 A little? She just texted me
问要从洗手间回来的方向 wanting directions back from the bathroom.
噢 我们在这呢 Oh. We're over here!
你做的很好了 亲 You're doing great, sweetie!
那个小呆瓜现在不应该做任何重要的决定 That moron should not be making big life decisions right now.
要是你让她搬到了郊区 If you let her move to the suburbs,
那就像在占一个喝醉了的妞的便宜 it would be like taking advantage of a helpless drunk chick.
什么 在哪 What? Where?!
我已经有女朋友了 Oh, I got a girlfriend, right.
亲 我们得推迟搬家这事了 Baby, we should put off moving.
为什么 Why?
因为我觉得怀孕这事正在 Because I think the pregnancy is
影响你的判断力 affecting your judgment.
不是的 马修 这是多么难得的 No, Marshall, this is an amazing opportunity
大便宜啊 that we have to take advantage of!
我的身体里长了个菌子 Just because my body is growing a fungus...
孩子 Fetus.
并不意味着我的精神工厂 ...doesn't mean that my metal factories...
精神功能 Metal faculties.
有任何的绳子 ...are in any way funicular.
不知道她在说啥了 No idea.
挺好喝的 这是啥 This is nice.What is this?
加拿大威士忌 Canadian whiskey.
我要的是苏格兰威士忌 I want scotch!
来自苏格兰的美国威士忌 American scotch from Scotland!
把这个猪食拿远点 Get that swill away from me!
你为什么要这样对我 Why are you doing this to me?
从贾斯丁比伯才有除雪机的一半高的时候 You have been ripping on Canada
你就一直在挖苦加拿大 since Justin Bieber was knee-high to a snow blower.
所以现在 我这个加拿大人要像 So now this Canuck's gonna beat on you
尤康布兰登乐队的鼓手狂踩提姆毕滋牌甜甜圈一样狠狠打击你 （前者为加拿大乐队 后者为加拿大甜甜圈连锁店） like the drummer from Yukon Blonde hopped up on Timbits.
-嘿 -嘿 - Hey.- Hey!
你和浪浪南瓜妹的约会怎么样 How was your big date with the Snuffy Tuffkin?
荡荡南瓜妹 The Sniffy Napkin?
闷闷包皮妹 The Slouchy Foreskin?
莉莉困困鸟 Lily tie-tie.
很 一般 It was good... ish.
看 那是猎户座 Look, there's Orion's Belt.
噢 Oh.
为什么握个手感觉这么怪 Why does holding hands feel this weird?
我俩的手指不该绕在一起吗 Should our fingers not intertwine?
怎么会这么疼 What's causing that pinching feeling?
我还是握住她的手吧 I'll just cup her hand.
对 这样还 There. That's...
不是很好 not great.
她的头发堵住我鼻子了 Her hair's up my nose.
她的肩膀压到我的气管了 Her shoulder's jabbing into my windpipe.
也许我们应该换下位置 Maybe if we reposition.
我得说点什么 I have to say something.
她一定也觉得这样不舒服 She must be feeling it, too.
这种感觉太好了 This feels so right.
我们像两块拼图一样契合 We fit like two puzzle pieces.
对呀 Yeah.
泰德 我知道你等这个女孩等了十年 Ted, I know you've waited ten years for this girl,
但是有些人就是不适合 but some things just aren't meant to be.
别急着下定论哟 今晚结束的时候 Not so fast. At the end of the night,
当我靠着她 不小心亲到她的眼睛的时候 when I leaned in and somehow accidentally kissed
有一种微妙的感觉 her open eyeball, there was a slight flicker of something
我可以把它叫做 I might even call chemistry...
类似化学效应 adjacent.
谢谢 Thank you.
等等 Wait.
我的现金去哪里了 Where is my cash?
哦也 Oh, yeah,
我给你换了点小零钱 科纳克头儿 （一支加拿大冰球队） I did a little exchange for ya, Canucklehead.
这个一元硬币在加拿大 叫做“鲁尼” This Canadian dollar here is called a "loonie."
两元硬币呢 叫做“图尼” 真的哟 And this two-dollar coin? A "toonie." True story.
这是联邦货币 你们这些人居然把它叫得像 It's federal currency and you people talk about it
猫和老鼠里面的角色名称一样（Hannah- Barbera编导了猫和老鼠） like it's a Hannah- Barbera character.
不是你们 巴尼 Not you people, Barney.
是我们 Our people.
虽然我和娜奥米的第一次约会 NARRATOR: Even though my first date with Naomi was
有一点点怪异 a little awkward,
但我们的第二次约会 更怪异了 our second date was a lot awkward.
嗯 Mmm...!
这真是我有史以来最糟糕的吻了 This is the worst kissing of all time!
嗯 Mmm...
她怎么还能这样投入 How could she possibly be into this?
她的声音听起来就像是 She sounds like those cows in
电影《自闭历程》中在那些压缩机里备受煎熬的牛一样 Temple Grandin's hug machines.
想听点音乐么 Do you want to listen to some music?
嗯 Uh-huh!
泰德 这就是我们的歌 Ted, this is our song.
让我们在这歌声中爱爱吧 Let's make love to this song.
国界像公鸡的中国 中国小妞 ? Chickety China,the Chinese chicken ?
拿起鼓槌 让我们嗨翻天 ? Have a drumstick and your brain stops tickin' ?
额 我要先去下洗手间 Yeah, I just gotta run to the bathroom.
关上灯光 看着电视 因为我们在家 ? X-Files with no lights on,we're dans la maison. ?
嘿 白痴 Hey, doofus!
是我 15岁的你 It's me:you at age 15.
我们许下过诺言 And we made a deal
我们会和任何自愿的女人滚床单的 we would always boink any chick that wants to boink us!
是的 她很漂亮 Yes, she's beautiful,
只是我们没有任何感觉 it's just there's no connection there.
我对她没有任何欲望 I don't feel intimate with her.
欲望 让我来帮你回想一些 "Intimate"? Let me remind you of some things
你在15岁的时候感到过有欲望的东西 you did feel "intimate" with when you were 15:
棒球手套 a catcher's mitt,
烤炉手套 一杯热水 an oven mitt,a glass of warm water,
一个打开一半的沙发床 一台置顶录像机 a half-open hide-a-bed sofa,a top-loading VCR!
这不会再发生了 It's not gonna happen!
别这样啊 Come on!
就花30秒就好了啊 It'll take, like, 30 seconds!
娜奥米 听我说 Naomi, listen...
嘘 Shh...
你喜欢这样么 泰德 You like that, Ted?
嗯 Hmm.
你喜欢我摩挲你的秀发么 Do you like it when I caress your hair?
你的头发摩挲起来真舒服 Your hair is so nice to caress.
为什么她一定要说这个词 Why is she saying that word?
我喜欢摩挲你的头发 I like to caress your hair.
又来了 摩挲 为什么要说这个 There it is again! "Caress!" Who says that?
摩 挲 Caress.
事实是 我喜欢她 懂么 The thing is,I like her, okay?
我真的真的很喜欢她 I really, really like her.
我只是不喜欢她说的或做的一切 I just don't seem to like anything she says or does.
我得去和她分手不是么 I have to break up with her, don't I?
是的 All: Yes!
在你睡了她之后再分手 After you sleep with her, yes!
马修 我一直在想你说的话 Marshall, I've been thinking about what you said.
你是对的 我们不该搬去郊区 You're right, we shouldn't move to the suburbs.
我们现在不该做出任何重要的人生决定 Let's not make any huge life decisions right now.
是因为你今早想用笔记本电脑 Is this because you tried to make waffles
来做华夫饼么 with the laptop this morning?
不管怎么说 我马上准备去找个房屋中介 Anyway, I'm gonna call a real estate broker
明早来看看那房子 to come look at the house tomorrow.
哦 顺便说一句 Oh, by the way,
我预定了一些明尼苏达维京窗帘 I ordered those Minnesota Vikings drapes.
你是对的 他们绝对能装点我们的公寓 You're right, they're totally gonna class up our apartment.
你是对的 去搞一个醉酒的妹子是不道德的 Okay, yes. It's wrong to bang a drunk chick.
但如果你对她什么都不做的话 你就是个白痴 But you're an idiot if you don't get, like, a little something.
哟 加拿大人 Yo, Canada.
什么 擦嘞 What? Dammit!
哈哈 现在叫你加拿大人你都会有反应了 Ha, you answer to "Canada" now.
我跟你打个赌 I'll make you a deal.
如果你穿了这身打扮 You wear this costume
去了明晚的万圣节派对 to the Halloween party tomorrow night,
我从此以后都不耍你了 I'll drop it forever.
你开玩笑呢吧 You can't be serious.
哦 我很严肃 就像是在一场 在加拿大希库蒂米举办 Oh, I am as serious as a poutine shortage
的加拿大式冰球比赛中少了 加拿大式的肉汁乳酪薯条一样严肃 in Chicoutimi during a curling bonspiel.
你说的我一个字都听不懂 I don't know what any of those words mean.
不 你懂的 Yes. You do.
哦 一定是房屋中介 马修 你能去开个门么 Oh, that must be the broker. Marshall, will you get it?
当然 没问题 Sure. Of course.
不给糖就捣蛋 Trick or treat!
哦 我勒个去 好可爱的小盆友 Oh, my gosh. How cute!
对不起 我们没有糖果 I'm sorry, we don't have any candy.
额 我们忘了有不给糖就捣蛋这茬儿了 Um, we forgot about trick-or-treaters.
在我们住的地方不需要给糖果 We don't get any where we live.
是哎 只有在这种郊区 Yup. Only get this kind of cuteness
才会遇到你们这些小可爱 in the suburbs.
哦 看这些小孩子 多可爱多快乐而且无公害 Oh. Look at how sweet and happy and unarmed they all are!
你是想通过用这些可爱的小盆友 Are you using adorable little children in costumes
来操纵我么 -拜拜 to manipulate me? - Bye!
我想说 你到底有没有打电话给中介 I mean, did you even call a real estate broker?
没 No.
我现在有个狡诈的孕期大脑 I've got Pregnancy Brain like a fiddle
而且我像一只狐狸一样在耍你 and I've been playing you like a fox.
哦 加拿大 ? Oh, Canada... ?
我们的家乡和领土 ? Our home and native land... ?
我知道和娜奥米分手会很难 NARRATOR: I knew it would be tough to break up with Naomi.
但没有感觉的时候 你不能强求 But when it's just not there, you can't force it.
万圣节快乐 Happy Halloween.
就这样 我想起了十年前 And just like that, I was taken back ten years...
那个挂着选举牌的满怀希望的孩子 to the hopeful kid in the hanging chad costume,
完全拜倒在了淫荡南瓜妹的石榴裙下 falling head over heels for the Slutty Pumpkin.
我给你做了点东西 I made you something.
-噢 -我们初次见面的时候你的服装 - Oh. - Your costume from that first night.
虽然你知道即便是在十年前 Although you do realize that even ten years ago,
挂着这个选举牌也让你像个一岁大的小屁孩 the hanging chad reference was like almost a year old.
哇哦 (laughs) Wow...
难以置信你这么做了 I can't believe you made this.
难以置信你找到我了 I can't believe you found me.
hold住 泰迪熊 你可以的 TED: Stay strong, Teddy. We can do this.
我 I...
要和你分手 说就是了 "Have to break up with you," just say it.
爱 等等 神马 Love... Wait, what?
不不不 No, no, no, no, no, no, no!
说落日 薄煎饼 神马都行 Say sunsets! Pancakes! Anything!
就是不要说 Just don't say...
你 You.
不 No!
巴尼 你在哪呢 Barney? Where are you?
你比迪芬贝克在节礼日 You're moving slower than John Diefenbaker
爬汉戈比山还要慢 climbing Mount Hungabee on Boxing Day.
这些在我们共同的祖国确实经常被提到 Those are all real references to our shared homeland.
我马上来 BARNEY: I'll be right there.
迫不及待想看你穿节日礼服的样子，骑警先生 （Dudley Do-Right是美国动画片里的加拿大骑警） Can't wait to see you in your costume, Dudley Do-Right.
生活在美国 ? Living in America ?
噢 ? Ow! ?
一人又一人 ? Eye to eye ?
一站又一站 ? Station to station ?
生活在美国 ? Living in America ?
手牵手 ? Hand in hand ?
跨越国境 ? Across the nation ?
生活在美国 ? Living in America ?
必须庆祝一下 ? Got to have a celebration ?
震撼我的灵魂 ? Rock my soul ?
噢 ? Ow! ?
如果我们搬来这里 你生了孩子 If we move here, you're just going to have that baby,
然后你就会开始恨我 and then you're going to hate me
因为我让你这么做了 我会喜欢这的 for letting you do this. I'm going to love it here.
噢 在郊区我们会有很多的空间 Oh, we'd have so much room in the suburbs.
你可以得到你一直想要的弹球机 You can get that pinball machine you've always wanted.
你把它放在哪儿都行 You can put it anywhere you want.
行了 你根本不知道你在说什么 Stop it. You don't know what you're saying.
放哪儿都行 Anywhere.
楼上 楼下 Upstairs, downstairs...
你可以把它固定在后面 you can stick it in the back.
莉莉 我特别想住在这个房子里 Lily, I want to be inside this house so bad.
美利坚 美利坚 USA! USA!
美利坚 USA!
来吧 Come on!
好吧 那么比起穿上加拿大骑警的服装 Okay, so rather than wearing a Mountie costume
让我永远不提这事 and end this forever,
你宁愿光膀子参加一个露天派对 you show up shirtless to an outdoor party?
这可是十一月 It's practically November.
没什么大不了的 我不冷 No biggie. I ain't cold.
额 有意思 Huh. Interesting.
挺好玩的 It's fascinating.
就好像经过无数代的进化之后 Almost as if your body was accustomed to low temperatures
你的身体还是适应于低温 after generations of adapting.
加拿大 (whispering): Canada.
不 No.
伙计们 嘿 罗宾 巴尼 这是娜奥米 Guys, hey. Robin, Barney, this is Naomi.
-嘿 -嘿 - Hey.- Hey.
很高兴认识你们 Nice to meet you guys.
我要去做一些甜心酒 我发明的 I'm gonna go make some Tootsie Rolls. It's a drink I invented.
我还给它配了歌舞 There's a song and dance
但在表演之前 that goes along with it, but I have to
我必须喝上三杯 drink three of them before I can do it.
噢 好 你去吧 Oh. Okay. You go.
这边 This way.
理论上听起来不错 Sounds delicious. In theory.
但是你不尝尝是不会知道的 But you never know until you taste it.
泰德 你尝了她的甜心酒吗 Ted... have you tasted her Tootsie Roll?
当然没有 Of course not.
-噢 -等会 你尝了没 - Ow. - Wait. Have you?
你跟一个毫无感觉的人上床了 You had sex with someone you have zero feelings for!
美利坚 U-S-A!
美利 U-S...
够了 Stop it.
哪儿都感觉不对 Just no part of it felt right.
一开始眼神交流太多了 后来又不够了 At first there was too much eye contact, then not enough.
你俩做爱的时候你在看哪 Where do you look during sex?
额 在看一个藏起来的摄像机以后我可以看录像 Um, into the hidden camera at future me watching it.
好吧 等等 Okay. Wait. How does
“我想和你分手”这句话 是如何导致你俩上床的 saying "I want to break up with you" lead into sex?
其实我没有说 我想和你分手 I didn't say "I want to break up with you," exactly.
实际上你说什么了 What did you say, exactly?
我爱你 "I love you."
经典莫湿比 Classic Schmosby.
马修 这房子想你想疯了 Marshall, this house wants you so bad.
修剪我的草坪 "Mow my lawn.
打扫我的落叶 "Rake my leaves.
过冬之前检查我的管道 Winterize my pipes""
好 Yes!
好 我 Yes! I'm coming...
同意这个决定 to terms with this decision!
噢 (doorbell rings)Oh!
不给糖就捣蛋 Trick or treat!
耶 Yay!
好吧 Okay.
噢 Oh.
万圣节快乐 Happy Halloween.
-莉莉 -肿么了 - Lily. - Yeah?
你刚刚给了那些孩子 You just gave those children
一个订书机 一把锋利的剪刀 a stapler,a pair of sharp scissors,
以及一瓶超好的黑比诺葡萄酒 and a pretty decent Pinot Noir.
不是吧 I did?
噢 额滴神 Oh, my God.
我会非常想念那个订书机的 I'm going to miss that stapler so much.
我是不是不在状态 I'm not doing so great, am I?
有点 Maybe not.
我们是不是不应该在现在 We shouldn't make any huge life decisions
做任何重要的人生决定 对吧 right now, should we?
嘿 听着 我爱你 我也很想在有草坪和白色栅栏的地方 Hey, look, I love you and I-I love the idea of raising
抚养我们的孩子 our kids with a lawn and a white picket fence,
但是我们有一生的时间来决定 but we have our whole lives to decide when
什么时候以及我们是否要这样做 and if we want to do that.
做啥 Do what?
我们回家吧 Let's get you home.
噢 Ooh.
这是你给我们订书机的代价 That's for the stapler!
我讨厌郊区 I hate the suburbs.
娜奥米 Naomi...
我们得分手了 We have to end this.
啥 W-- huh?
抱歉 甜心酒让我 I'm sorry, Tootsie Rolls make me
想说实话 really honest.
泰德 我知道你超级喜欢我 Ted... I know you're super into me.
但是我们非常的不适合 But we are terrible together.
等等 什么 Wait, what?
我一直在试着说些让人感觉好的事情 但是并没有 I've been trying, saying things felt good that didn't just to...
我以为说感觉对了就会使我们真的感觉对了 但是 I thought saying it was good would make it feel good, but...
感觉还是不对 ...it always felt off.
为什么他总是在嗅我得头发 NAOMI: Why won't he stop sniffing my hair?
这个手怎么牵成这样了 And what's up with the hand holding?
就像他在比扳拇指大赛一样 It's like he's trying to win a thumb war.
泰德 这是我们的歌 Ted, this is our song.
噢 不 他该不会真以为我喜欢这首歌吧 Oh, no, he thinks I'm actually into this song.
他没能体会到反讽的意味吗 Does he not get sarcasm?
让我们来跟着这首歌爱爱吧 Let's make love to this song.
我要做得再过一点 I'll just be even more ridiculous
让他明白这是个玩笑 to make it clear it's a joke.
国界像公鸡的中国 中国小妞 ? Chickety-China, the Chinese chicken... ?
我 I...
啊噢 你打算干啥呢 哥们 Uh-oh, where you going with this, buddy?
爱 ...love...
不是吧 太快了点吧 Nope, too soon.
接着说 巴吉度猎犬 椒盐脆饼 只要不是 Say basset hounds,Pretzel Crisps, anything but...
你 ...you.
额滴神 赶紧用亲亲来阻止他求婚吧 Oh, God, just kiss him before he proposes.
泰德 我在过去的九个万圣节里 Ted, I've been looking for the Hot Hanging Chad
一直在找那个性感的选举牌 for the last nine Halloweens.
我费力的穿过 I've waded through a sweaty parade
由巨大的勒巴斯基、哈利波特 of Big Lebowskis, Harry Potters,
安东尼 都德森和那个总是打扮得 Antoine Dodsons, and that jackass
像个洗衣袋的呆瓜组成的游行队伍 who always dresses as laundry.
我讨厌那个人 Oh, I hate that guy.
那就是为什么一旦我找到了你 That's why,once I finally found you...
和你分手这件事就变得很困难了 ...it was hard to let you go.
再见了 泰德 Good-bye, Ted.
我们还是不要再有任何的肢体接触吧 Let's just not touch ever again.
可能是个好主意 Probably a good idea, yeah.
好的 Okay.
孩纸们 在用十年的时间幻想了一个错误的女孩之后 Kids, after spending a decade dreaming of the wrong girl,
我非常渴望遇到的下一个人 I wanted more than ever for the next woman I met
会是我的真命天女 to be the real thing.
我不知道 巴尼 她不太像是我喜欢的那一型 Yeah, I don't know, Barney,she doesn't seem like my type.
我要杀了你 I will kill you.
试试看吧 I'll see what I can do.
（加拿大口音）嗨 我是巴尼 你好吗 (Canadian accent): Oh, hey there, I'm Barney, how are you?
不 我才是巴尼 No, I'm Barney.
你下手还真狠 You pack quite a wallop there.
希望你没弄伤自个的手 Hope you didn't hurt your hand.
你为什么这么善良 Why are you so nice?
真抱歉 我的头太硬了点 Oh, sorry about my thick noodle there.
要不我们分摊这个花瓶的费用 How about we split the cost of the vase, eh?
妈妈个咪哟 Holy Zamboni.
哇 你真是用全力在打呀 Wow, you really put your weight behind that one.
真是太厉害了 That was a really good one.
亲娘咧 真是和之前一样厉害的一拳 Oh, heavens to Gretzky, that was a real Chiclet rattler.
== sync, corrected by elderman ==