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翻译：毛毛 Tina Holyzch YY
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时间轴：YY 校对：Holyzch 后期：孤帆 总监：YY
好汉两个半 第九季第九集
《好汉两个半》 前情提要 Previously on Two And Half A Men
查理 Oh, Charlie.
我愿意放弃一切变成你 I would have given anything to be like you.
就算一天也行 Even for a day.
我是梅勒妮 I'm Melanie.
很高兴认识你 梅勒妮 Nice to meet you, Melanie.
我是... I'm...
查理 Charlie.
查理·哈勃 Charlie Harper.
看看谁正忙着那 Whoa. Look who's getting busy.
他越来越像我的查理伯伯 He's acting like my Uncle Charlie.
他连穿着都模仿查理伯伯 He's even dressing like my Uncle Charlie.
大家都很担心你 People are really worried about you.
大家之所以会担心我是因为 The only reason people are worried about me
他们绞尽脑汁也想不到老子能如此牛掰 is 'cause they can't wrap their heads around how cool I am.
-我没问题 -那你叫什么 I'm fine. What's your name?
-查理·哈勃 -你问题大了 Charlie Harper. You're not fine.
这个主意真不错 I've got a great idea.
你和我 拉斯维加斯 You and me, Vegas.
这看起来不像是贝拉吉奥酒店呀 This doesn't look like the Bellagio.
这是后门 Uh, it's the, uh, back entrance.
你好 哈勃先生 Hello, Mr. Harper.
请跟我们来 If you could, just come with us.
别忘了帮我拿行李 Uh, don't forget my bags.
我们入住的可是总统套房哦 And we'll be going to the presidential suite?
是的 先生 Oh, yes, sir.
给我来一桶冰块 Uh, I'm going to need a bucket of ice,
一杯威士忌 两个亚洲妓女 a bottle of scotch and two Asian hookers.
对 谢啦 Yes. Thanks.
人生赢家 Winning.
28天后...
哈勃先生 Here you go, Mr. Harper.
现在你可以离开了 Now that you're leaving us,
你的皮带和鞋带还给你 you can have your belt and shoelaces back.
谢谢 Oh. Thank you.
但是请相信我 But believe me, there was never any possibility
绝对不会伤害我自己的 I was going to hurt myself.
但是一个疯子吊死在浴帘上 Yeah, well, it only takes one whack job
会给所有的人都添堵的 hanging from the shower curtain to ruin it for everybody.
也许吧 I... I suppose.
我住进来的时候确实有点糊涂哦 And I guess I did lose it for a little while there.
有点糊涂 Lose it?
我们为你要多久才能再学会上厕所 We had a pool on how long it would take
还开了赌局 to get you toilet trained again.
真的啊 Really?
我输了50块呢 Cost me 50 bucks.
还有一双漂亮的白鞋子 And a pair of nice white shoes.
不好意思啊 Sorry.
我有压力的时候会憋不住的 I tend to leak under pressure.
你觉得你现在可以 So you think you're ready
回到现实世界了吗 to go back out into the world?
是的 我可以了 Yeah. Yeah, I do.
我在过去那个月重新审视了我自己 I mean, I've, uh, learned a lot about myself
我已经可以靠自己 in the last month, and I... I now have the tools
去解决生活中的问题了 to deal with life on life's terms.
很多人都这样说 You know, a lot of people say that,
不过在这里再治疗几周 but you'd be surprised how another couple of weeks
你会发现世界更加美好 of treatment can make all the difference in the world.
你们是不是还开了个赌局啊 You have another pool, don't you?
别介意 Nothing personal.
只是想扳平 Just trying to get even.
不好意思 我也不能帮你什么 Sorry I couldn't be more help.
没事 That's okay.
我赌了100块圣诞节前你就会回来 Got $100 says you'll be back before Christmas.
谢谢你的支持 Thanks for your support.
你要是真想谢谢我 就别再吃药了 You really want to thank me, stop taking your medication.
要不就剂量加倍 Or double up.
这样的话 我的圣诞节都会很嗨皮 Either way, I'll have a happy holiday.
希望你在离开前别忘记 Hope you weren't planning on leaving
给你的老朋友盖瑞一个拥抱 before you give your old buddy Gary a hug.
当然不会忘记 Of course not.
我爱你 I love you.
谢谢你来接我 Thanks for picking me up.
不客气 No problem.
那你现在不是神经病了 So you're not crazy anymore?
我从来也不是神经病 I was never actually crazy.
那你为什么去精神病院 Then why were you in the nuthouse?
那不是精神病院 是减压诊所 It's not a nuthouse; it's a stress clinic.
有什么区别 What's the difference?
一个礼拜的价格差了2500块 About $2,500 a week.
好消息是 我学到了很多 But the good news is that I got a lot out of it.
我现在学会了如何处理 I mean, I am ready to deal
生活中的种种问题 with whatever life throws at me, you know.
我会不怕艰难一心向前 Full speed ahead.
不错 我现在有很多事情 Well, that's good, 'cause I've got something
想要和你说 I want to talk to you about.
是什么事情 老爸永远支持你 Oh, anything. Dad's here for you, pal.
太棒了 Cool.
你还记得梅根吗 So remember Megan?
记得 你的小女朋友 Oh, yeah, that was, uh, your little girlfriend.
她是一个好女孩 Uh, she's seems like a great gal.
很高兴你喜欢她 Well, I'm glad you like her
因为她貌似怀孕了 'cause she's kind of pregnant.
貌似 Kind of?
肚子还没起来 She's not showing yet.
她还在上第一学期的课 She's still in her first semester.
天啊 Oh, my God.
怎么回事啊 How-how... how did this happen?
当初怎么和你说的 I mean, what about our talks about, uh,
要学会承担责任 要用保护措施 sexual responsibility and-and using protection?
我可以解释的 I can explain that.
说说看 Go ahead.
我喝多了 I was drunk.
好吧 Okay. Okay.
我可以想办法 I have the tools.
你打算怎么对待这个孩子 And how do you propose to take care of this child?
我们这么想的 Oh, we got that figured out.
我会辍学然后找份工作 First, we're going to quit school and get jobs.
给我打住 Okay, stop right there.
什么工作 What jobs?
广告啊 我们要教宝宝说话 Advertising-- we're going to teach the baby to talk
然后让他演淘宝网的广告 and put him in E-Trade commercials.
你开玩笑吧 You're joking.
我们觉得现在广告里的那个孩子已经太大了 No. We figure the baby they got is probably getting pretty old.
你妈怎么打算的 What does your mother think about this?
-她不晓得 -什么 She doesn't know. What?
我们想让你告诉她 I was hoping you'd tell her.
为什么我告诉她 Why do I have to tell her?
因为她已经不待见你了 Because she already hates you
而且看见她我就吓得要尿裤子了 and she scares the crap out of me.
你回来了 Hey, there he is.
欢迎回家啊 伙计 Welcome home, buddy.
谢谢 很高兴回来 Thank you. I'm glad to be here.
你感觉怎么样 Yeah. How you feeling?
很好 干嘛说话这么小声 Fine. Why are you whispering?
我不想吓着你嘛 Oh, I don't want to startle you.
沃顿 我没事了 Walden, I'm okay.
当然 你没事了 Yeah, sure you are.
沃顿 你猜怎么着 Hey, Walden, guess what.
我要当爸爸了 I'm going to be a dad.
是嘛 Really?
这下你感觉怎么样 他爷爷 How you feel about that, Grandpa?
我当然不希望他这么早有孩子 Well, it's, uh, not something I would have chosen
他还这么年轻 for him at this stage of his life,
但我还是会爱他 支持他 but he will continue to have my love and support.
如果是男孩 就取名叫弗罗多吧(魔戒的角色) If it's a boy, we're going to name him Frodo.
别再打击我了 儿子 You're not making it easy for me, pal.
你当时就该戴个套套 You should have used a condom.
你也是 Or you should have.
哟 瞧瞧谁从疯人院回来了 Hey, look who's back from the loony bin.
那不是疯人院 是减压诊所 It wasn't a loony bin; it's a stress clinic.
他们没收了你的皮带吗 Did they let you keep your belt?
-这个嘛 -疯人院 - Uh, well... - Loony bin.
-这是你的信 -谢谢 - There's your mail. - Thank you.
波塔 我要当爸爸了 Hey, Berta, I'm going to be a dad.
有什么好笑的 What's funny?
就你的立场来看 没什么好笑的 From where you're standing, nothing.
你告诉他了吗 Did you tell him your news?
没 等等吧 Mmm, it'll keep.
拆你的信看看 Hey, open your mail.
好 看看 Okay. Let's see.
账单 账单 陪审员义务 Uh, bill, bill, jury duty,
账单 bill.
哦 救星来了 Ooh! Oh, here we go.
国税局的退税 My refund from the IRS.
这么多账单 正好救急啊 Just in time what with all these bills.
留点钱给弗罗多拍大头照啊 Might want to set some of that aside for Frodo's headshots.
原来不是退税 It's not a refund at all.
他们要查我的税 I'm being audited.
有什么好笑的 What's so funny?
就你的立场来看 没什么好笑的 From where you're standing, nothing.
估计大家都想知道 I guess you're probably wondering
我为什么叫你们过来 why I asked you guys to come over.
我们理解 艾伦 We understand, Alan.
精神病没什么可丢人的 Mental illness is nothing to be ashamed of.
我没得精神病 I'm not mentally ill.
那是减压诊所 It was a stress clinic.
那里的门是从里面还是从外面锁的 Did the door lock from the inside or the outside?
呃 这...这个嘛 Uh, uh, well, the... the...
不管怎样 我召集这个家庭会议 Nevertheless, the reason I called a family meeting
是为了说一下 is because, uh, Jake
杰克和梅根的事 and Megan have some news.
我的天哪 她怀孕了 Oh, my God. She's pregnant.
原来这么简单 Well, that was easy.
谁要吃蛋糕 Who wants cake?
你怎么能这样 How could you do this?
她逼我的 She made me.
什么 What?
拜托 Oh, come on.
你说 咱俩谁才是第一次 Between the two of us, who was a virgin?
行了行了 Okay, okay.
生米已经煮成熟饭 What's done is done,
只要一家人和和气气 but if we can come together as a family,
我们就能融洽地解决问题 we can deal with this without finger-pointing.
你爸爸说得对 Your father's right.
我们冷静下来谈谈 Let's just calm down and talk it through.
哎 你们觉不觉得赫伯和朱蒂丝的小孩 Is it just me, or does Herb and Judith's kid
长得很像艾伦 look a lot like Alan?
说起来 还真有点像 Well, you know, there is a slight resemblance.
该死 杰克 你脑子秀逗啦 Damn it, Jake! What the hell is wrong with you?
你怎么能这么不负责任 How could you be so irresponsible?
我真不明白 你当时是怎么想的 I mean, what were you thinking? What were you thinking?
我们是这么教你的吗 Did we raise you not to know any better than this?
你还有什么好说的 What do you have to say for yourself?
你打算什么时候告诉他 When are you going to tell him your news?
我不想把事情搞得更乱 Ah, I don't want to make things worse.
瞧 这就是我和你的最大区别 See, that's the big difference between you and me.
你现在要当爷爷了 And you're a grandpa now.
爷爷和奶奶 A grandpa and grandma...
税查得怎么样 How'd your audit go?
那其实不算查税 It wasn't so much an audit
基本上就是直接用2B铅笔强奸我 as a brutal prison rape with a number two pencil.
我没听懂 I'm confused.
你是喜欢呢 还是不喜欢 Did you like it or not?
他们说我欠他们八万 They say I owe them $80,000.
这么说是不喜欢 So not.
不过还好 如果他们 But the good news is, if they take
没收我的一切 他们也拿不到多少 everything I own, they'll only get four.
四千? $4,000?
四块 Four dollars.
不过我不担心 But I'm not worried.
因为我有能力面对生活的一切困难 Because I have the tools to cope with whatever life throws at me.
才怪 No, you don't.
艾伦 Alan?
林赛 Oh, Lyndsey.
心肝儿 我现在最想见的人就是你了 Sweetheart, are you a sight for sore eyes.
我也很高兴见到你 Yeah, it's good to see you, too.
艾伦 你回来啦 Alan, you're home.
沃顿 我觉得你该告诉他了 Hey, Walden, I think now's the time to tell him.
告诉我什么 Tell me what?
有什么好笑的 What's so funny?
就我的立场来看 什么都好笑啊 From where I'm standing, everything.
对不起 我不想这样告诉你的 I'm sorry you had to find out this way.
是吗 是吗 Oh. Really? Really?
那你打算怎么告诉我 How would you have liked me to hear about it?
微博 人人网 还是唱歌电报 Twitter? Facebook? A singing telegram?
爽歪歪叻 哥上了你的妞* * Ta-ra-ra boom-dee-ay, I banged your girl today
哥不仅年轻 还是个富豪* * 'Cause I'm a billionaire, I still have all my hair.
我明白你很生气 I-I understand that you're upset,
但你要从我们的角度去看这件事 but you have to see this from our viewpoint.
什么叫你们的角度 What's your viewpoint?
这床单滚得太爽了 The sex is awesome.
真的 It really is.
我没见过比他更厉害的 He's the best I've ever had.
你才是我见过最厉害的 No, you're the best I've ever had.
你才是呢 You're the best I've had.
-你才是 -你才是 - No, you. - No, you.
够了 打住 打住 Stop it! Stop it! Stop it!
怎么会搞成这样的 How did this happen?
说起来其实挺有爱的 It was actually kind of a meet cute.
林赛过来找你 Uh, Lyndsey came here to see where you were,
我告诉她你进了疯人院 and I told her where you were,
她就开始哭了 接着 and then she started to cry, and...
三下五除二 我们就滚床单了 bippity-boppity-boo, we're having sex.
三下五除二 Bippity-boppity-boo?
怎么一下就从哭到滚床单了 How do you go from crying to sex?
他一向都是滚了以后才哭的 With him, it was always the other way around.
算了 这哪里有爱了 Okay, okay, and-and-and what was the cute part?
瞧他的样子 Look at him.
不 瞧你的样子 No, look at you.
-不 你 -不 你 No, you. No, you.
嘿嘿 我还站在这儿呢 Hey! Hey! I'm still here!
你怎么能这么对我 I mean, how-how could you do this?
你怎么能趁我被关在精神病院里的时候 How-how could you have an affair
在外头拈花惹草呢 while I'm locked up in the booby hatch?
我以为那是减压诊所 I thought it was a stress clinic.
谁都明白那是什么地方好吧 Everybody knows what it was!
我他妈的失心疯了 I lost my freaking mind!
幸运的是 我现在病好了 所以我有能力 But luckily, now I'm better, so I have the tools
应付生活中的种种问题 to cope with whatever life throws at me!
那太好了 艾伦 因为还有个事情没说 That's great, Alan, 'cause there's one more thing.
太棒了 让我听听看 Oh, super. Let me have it.
-你得搬出去了 -什么? You need to move out. What?!
拜托 如果咱俩嘿咻的时候 Come on, it'd be creepy if you're
你住在楼下听着那未免也太诡异了 downstairs listening while we're having sex.
林赛做的时候又不会出声 Lyndsey doesn't make any noise.
我现在会了 I do now.
行啊 行啊 我去打包行李 Fine. Fine. Let me just get my things.
没那必要了 LYNDSEY: Uh, not necessary.
我们帮你打包好了 We packed your stuff.
是啊 全放在飞机场旁边的一个仓库里 Oh, yeah. It's all in a storage bin out by the airport.
不过别当心 头月的租金我付掉了 But don't worry, I took care of the first month's rent.
给你钥匙 Here's the key.
感激不尽 Why, thank you.
我希望未来某一天 咱们可以作为朋友 You know, I hope someday, we can look back
回顾这一切时能相视一笑 at this as friends and just laugh.
未来某天? Someday?
干吗要等那么久 咱们现在就笑好了 Why wait? Let's laugh now.
行 爷走了 Okay, I'll go.
够了 That's it!
我受够了被人当皮球踢 I am done being a doormat.
我要给他们瞧瞧 I'll show 'em.
我要让他们瞧瞧 I will show 'em all.
艾伦·哈勃不会再被人踢来踢去 They won't have Alan Harper to kick around anymore.
他们会内疚 And they will be sorry.
会向我道歉 Apologies will be made,
会痛哭流涕 tears will be wept,
不过一切都为时已晚 but it's all gonna be too late
因为爷不伺候了 'cause I am out of here!
爷要长眠不醒了 要黄土盖身了 Sleeping the big sleep, the ol' dirt nap.
拜拜 诸位 后会有期了 Adios, muchachos, it's the last roundup.
老天爷 该结账了 God, check, please.
太好了 Perfect.
嗨 妈 是我 Hi! Hi, Mom, it's me!
我得住一晚 I need a place to stay.
沃顿把我撵出来了 我的车挂掉了 Walden kicked me out and my car blew up
我是搭车过来的 and I had to hitchhike over here!
曾抱歉 [Asian accent]So, solly,
伊芙琳小姐不在家 Missy Everyn no home.
伊芙琳小姐 Missy Everyn?!
拜托 妈 Come on, Mom!
你干嘛呢 What are you doing?
让我进去 我都湿透了 Let me in! I'm soaking wet,
为了能来这儿我还得给卡车司机打飞机 and I had to give a truck driver a happy ending just to get here!
舟开 我要叫警擦了 Go away! I call po-rice!
你这算是哪国的口音啊 What kind of accent is that supposed to be?!
你好 警擦吗 Herro? Po-rice?
有疯纸在外面 Clazy man outside.
你快来啊 You come quick!
行 行 我走了 Fine, fine! I'm leaving!
多谢了 Thanks a lot!
猪你好运咯 Rots of ruck!
真不敢相信 Unbelievable.
被儿子突然袭击 Blindsided by my son...
被国税局抢劫 reamed by the IRS...
被爱人抛弃 rejected by my lover...
被朋友背叛 betrayed by my friend...
被卡车司机猥亵 molested by a truck driver...
被亲妈驱逐 cast out by my mother...
被老天爷淋成落汤鸡 and rained on by God.
这还算不上是我这辈子最糟的一周 And this isn't even the worst week of my life.
欢迎回家 艾伦
拜托 Oh, come on.
还是让自己舒坦舒坦 Might as well make myself comfortable.
反正无处可去 Nowhere to go from here.
穷途末路 End of the line.
人生低谷 Rock bottom.
还能再创新低不? Can a man sink any lower?
有求必应啊 Asked and answered.
请原谅 (Southern accent): Pardon me.
您有手电筒吗 Do you happen to have a flashlight?
什么 Uh, what?
我仓库的灯坏了 The light in my storage unit isn't working.
我需要个手电 I need a flashlight.
没问题 当然 Oh. Uh, yeah, sure. Um...
怎么搞的 Yeah, uh... what the hell?
给 Oh, here you go.
谢谢 Thank you.
皮草大衣在暗处看着都一样 My fur coats all feel alike in the dark.
丑男帅哥关了灯都是男人 Lot of things feel alike in the dark.
哦 你好淘气啊 Ooh, you rascal!
我叫艾伦·哈勃 Uh, I'm Alan Harper.
维罗尼卡·黑丝庭 Veronica Hastings.
经常来吗 Come here often?
不 不过夜还很漫长 No, but the night is young.
是暗喻吗 Ooh. Innuendo?
不算是 Not usually.
不过如果你识趣的话 But if you play your cards right...
听着 艾伦·哈勃 Listen, Alan Harper,
我仓库里藏了几瓶好酒 I keep some nice wines in my storage unit.
你有兴趣赏光吗 Can I interest you in a glass?
非常乐意 I would like that very much.
别走开 Don't go away.
绝对绝对不可能 There is no chance of that happening.
你都安排好了 对吧 老天爷 You had a plan all along, didn't you, God?
艾伦? MAN: Alan?
怎么了 老天爷 Yes, Lord?
这儿 Over here.
哦 赫伯 Oh! Oh, Herb.
你在干嘛呢 What are you doing here?
我给沃顿打电话了 I called Walden.
他告诉我能在这儿找到你 He told me this is where I might find you.
额 我很感激你路过来看我 Oh, well, I, uh, I appreciate you stopping by,
但我还没做好接客的准备呢 but I'm not really set up for entertaining yet.
我不是单纯的路过 I didn't just stop by.
我有个消息要告诉你 I have some news for you.
是吗 好消息吗 Really? Good news?
我带我女儿米莉去做亲子鉴定了 I had a DNA test done on my daughter Millie.
结果发现 她是你的女儿 Turns out she's your daughter.
看来是坏消息呀 Bad news.
而且事情还将更坏 And it's about to get worse.
今天是怎么了 Oh, come on!
再见了 艾伦 Good-bye, Alan.
不要 赫伯 求你了 Oh, no, Herb, please, please!
我马上要跟兔子杰西卡滚床单啦 I'm about get laid by Jessica Rabbit!
兔子杰西卡 美国最热辣卡通人物
不 赫伯 住手 No, Herb, no!
谢天谢地 我还在疯人院 Oh, thank God I'm still in the loony bin.
这里是减压诊所 It's a stress clinic.
谢谢你来接我 Thanks for picking me up.
不客气 No problem.
我纳闷沃顿居然让你开他的车来 I'm surprised Walden let you take his car.
就是 对吧 I know, right?
也不想想我那堆违规记录 With my driving record?
你现在好多了 我真的很开心 I'm really glad you're feeling better.
我当时真担心你 You had me worried.
抱歉 我也不想 I'm sorry. Didn't mean to.
但如今一切安好 But everything's fine now.
那就好 Good.
现在跟你谈一些重要的事 会不会太心急了 Hey, is it too soon to talk to you about something important?
我们可是无话不谈 You can talk to me about anything.
我自有办法应对 I have the tools to cope.
好 你还记得梅根吗 Cool. Remember Megan?
老天爷放过我吧 Oh, God...
我们约会有一段时间了 Well, we've been going out for a while now
突然之间 她跟我说 and all of a sudden, she's saying
她想跟其他人约会 she wants to see other people,
但是我想维持这段 怎么说呢 这潭死水 but I want to keep it, you know, monotonous.
就 就这样吗 她没怀孕吗 That, that's it? She's not pregnant?
没 当然没有 No, of course not.
我被拒之"门"外好几个月了 I've been stuck at third base for months.
真让我松了一大口气呀 That's a relief.
可我还憋着气呢 For you, maybe.
总之 我是想向你请教 Anyway, I was just wondering if you had
怎么样才能把女人留在身边 some advice on how to keep a woman from leaving you.
里面的食物味道如何 So how was the food in there?
回来的感觉真奇怪 It feels strange to be back here.
先给你提个醒 Just to warn you, things are
你离开之后 家里有了点小变化 a little bit different than you remember them.
这话什么意思 What do you mean?
我答应过沃顿不告诉你的 I promised Walden I wouldn't tell you.
-走啦 -你去哪里 - Bye. - Where you going?
我要开着沃顿的靓车去梅根家 I'm gonna take Walden's car over to Megan's,
看看能不能帮我来次全垒打 see if it helps me slide into home.
记得戴套 Wear protection!
现在就戴着呢 I'm wearing it now!
你好呀 伙计 Hey, buddy.
还好吧 How ya doing?
我很好 I'm okay.
那就好 我为你高兴 Good, good, I'm glad.
沃顿 你不需要用跟疯子说话的口吻跟我说话 Walden, you don't have to talk to me like a crazy person.
疯子才不这么说话呢 Oh, crazy people don't talk like this.
这是正常人 Regular people talk like this when
跟疯子说话的口吻 they're talking to crazy people.
好吧 无所谓了 Fine. Whatever.
我看你装修完毕了 I see you finished redecorating.
是啊 你觉得怎么样 Yeah. What do you think?
棒极了 Ah, it looks fantastic.
我演示给你看 Oh, hey, check this out.
电脑 关灯 Computer, lights off.
电脑 放音乐 Computer, music on.
太酷了 That's awesome.
对呀 这简直是未来的家居典范 Yeah, it's the home of tomorrow.
可惜我们还活在当下 Except it's today.
电脑 关音乐 Computer, music off.
好的 让我试试 Okay, let me try.
电脑 开灯 Uh, computer, lights on.
不 你说不管用 Oh, no, that won't work.
这程序绑定的是我的声音 It's keyed to my voice.
那我怎么开灯关灯呢 Oh, well, then how do I turn the lights on and off?
你做不到 You can't.
我让你去看看厨房吧 Hey, let me show you the kitchen.
神啊 希望马桶还能听我的 Boy, sure hope I can flush the toilet.
惊艳吧 Ta-da!
真心惊艳 Ta-da, indeed.
瞧这个 Oh, hey, check this out.
我把冰箱联网了 I connected the refrigerator to the Internet.
冰块 Ice.
等着瞧 Wait for it.
酷不酷 棒不棒呀 Is that cool or what?
那如果我想来点冰块呢 And if I want ice?
你可以打电话给我 然后我跟冰箱说 You just call me and then I'll call the refrigerator.
对了 还有这个 Oh, oh, check this out.
电脑 开电视 Computer, television on.
-赞 -就是 - Wow! - Yeah.
这台超级大电视是怎么回事 What is it about a giant TV?
对吧 看毛片的时候肯定更爽 Right? I mean, just looking at it gives me a chubby.
欢迎回家 伙计 Welcome home, buddy.
谢谢 沃顿 但你我都知道 Oh, thanks, Walden, but you and I both know
这不是我的家 this is not my home.
当然是你家啦 Oh, sure, it is.
不 让我把话说完 No, let me finish.
当我不在这个家时 我花了很多时间去思考 I had a lot of time to think while I was away.
至少不吃药的时间 我在思考 At least after I came off the thorazine.
我意识到靠我哥哥生活是一回事 And I realized that it's one thing to live off my brother,
但他已经不在了 but he's gone and...
如今连他的东西都不在了 now his stuff's gone, too.
我觉得我再也不属于这儿了 I really don't belong here anymore.
所以你打算搬走吗 So you're moving out?
不不不 当然不是啦 Oh, no, no! God, no!
我是说 瞧这台电视多霸气呀 I mean, look at the size of this thing.
不 我只是想告诉你 No, I just want you to know that
我清楚知道我们目前状况的荒谬性 I'm aware of the absurdity of our situation.
说到我心坎里了 Bring it in.
电脑 放音乐 Computer, music on.
我会永远爱你 * * And I will always love you...
如果想要冰块 记得告诉我哦 And let me know if you need ice.