孩子們起床了 Come on, boys!
今兒個可是閏日 不是困日 It's leap day, not sleep day!
我超愛閏日 I love leap day!
這在鄧菲家算是重大節日了 It's kind of a big deal in the Dunphy house.
今年我們甚至把曼尼都拉進來了 This year, we even got Manny involved.
你被賜予了這多出來的24小時 You're given this gift of 24 extra hours.
可不能浪費在工作或學習上 You can't waste it at work or school.
得用來做些非同尋常的事 You have to do something extraordinary,
令人震驚的事 something shocking.
今年 咱們全家要去學習玩"空中飛人" This year, the entire family is taking a trapeze class.
非同尋常吧 How extraordinary is that?
這是我的主意 It was my idea.
震驚吧 How shocking is that?
每隔四年我都會心血來潮一次 I can be spontaneous every four years.
我都等不及了 I can't wait.
閏日什么的傻爆了 Leap day is stupid.
你沒有理解這背后的因果關系 You're not understanding the logic behind it.
一年實際上有365.25天 A year is actually 365.25 days.
所以每隔四年 就會多出一天 Every four years, we gain one day.
如果不靠閏日來調整的話 大約40年后 If we didn't adjust the calendar in, say, 40 years,
二月就變成一月了 February would almost be January.
關我屁事 關你屁事 That's not my problem, and it's definitely not your problem.
看看 Look at this.
家政又把我的白衣服染成粉紅了 The housekeeper turned another one of my whites pink.
我不能穿著這個去運動酒吧 I can't wear this to a sports bar.
群眾的目光又不會在你身上 杰 Mm, they're not going to be looking at you, Jay.
某人自我感覺相當良好哦 Somebody's feeling pretty good about herself.
他們關注的是比賽 They're going to be watching the match.
你還是暗指了一下自己吧 You meant you a little bit.
好 插在這里 Okay, put it in there.
好了 悄悄的哦 All right, very quietly,
我們要去二爸的臥室 打開門 we're gonna go to daddy's bedroom, open the door,
祝我生日快樂 Happy birthday to me.
-我滿10歲了 -是40歲 - I'm 10! - 40!
我生在2月29日 I was born February 29th,
至今為止這日子出現過10次 and there have been ten of those... in my lifetime,
所以人家才10歲 therefore I'm 10!
太好玩了 It's fun.
相當好玩 It's so much fun.
總之 我這四年都在琢磨 Anyway, I-I've spent the last four years
為這家伙辦什么樣的派對 trying to figure to what kind of party to throw this one.
親愛的 你知道 Oh, honey, you know I'd be fine
能和你在家隨便過一晚我就很滿足了 with just a nice casual evening at home with you.
別 可別這么說 Don't--don't even.
他上次就來這一套 No. No! That's what he said last time.
好 小壽星 要看什么呢 Okay, birthday boy, what's it gonna be--
愛情喜劇片還是恐怖片 Rom com or horror?
或者是兼具這兩種風格的《女傭變鳳凰》 Or we can do both and watch "Maid in Manhattan."
你干嘛 Whatcha doing?
孩子我不要了 Canceling our baby.
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翻譯：繆二千 NANA 貓中之王 獨醉
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時間軸：菜六水 校對：獨醉 后期&總監：瓜瓜
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摩登家庭 第三季 第十七集
行 向爸爸問好 拜 Okay, love to dad. Bye! Mwah!
二爸 你在干嗎 Daddy, what are you doing?
是啊 二爸 你干什么呢 Yeah, daddy, what are you doing?
在偷找你生日派對的線索嗎 Snooping for hints about your birthday?
不 人家只是太興奮了 想幫幫忙嘛 No, I'm just excited, and I wanna be helpful.
我知道你不擅長策劃派對什么的 I know party planning isn't your thing.
你得對我有點信心 小卡 Y-you need to trust me, Cam.
我知道 我真的信任你 I know, and I do.
反正你也不會弄什么過時的東西 It's not like you're gonna do anything tired,
比如蘋果馬提尼啊 冰雕啊 like appletinis or ice sculptures.
或者是合成纖維餐巾 聚酯產品之類 Or synthetic napkins or anything mylar.
夠了 小卡 Cam, that's enough!
這四年來我都在為上次的派對贖罪 I've been paying for your last party for four years.
而且你不相信我能 And I find it a little insulting
辦好這派對 有點侮辱人呢 that you don't think I can pull this off.
好吧 You know what?
我相信你 我放手不管了 I trust you. I'm letting go.
-好吧 -好嗎 - Okay. - Okay?
你知道橘色已經不流行了 對吧 You know orange is over, right?
不過是個簡單的派對 我干得來 It's a simple party. I can do it.
簡單 Simple.
好極了 Perfect.
沒錯 只是一個"簡單的"派對 Yeah, just a simple party.
我簡單地選了小卡最愛的電影《綠野仙蹤》 I'm simply taking Cam's favorite movie, "The wizard of Oz,"
把咱們家變身為綠野仙蹤主題嘉年華 and turning our house into an oz-themed extravaganza--
黃磚圖案的地毯 身著戲裝的招待 Yellow brick carpet, waitstaff in full costume,
以及為小卡量身打造的紅寶石鞋 and custom-made ruby slippers for Cam.
帥吧 Whazzup?!
這活動安全嗎 So is this safe?
不過是個"空中飛人" It's a trapeze.
放輕松 "空中飛人"比被陌生人持刀殺害 Relax. More people are killed by knife-wielding strangers
死得少多了 than from trapezing.
我開始做回家的打算了 I'm thinking about going home now.
親愛的 你還好吧 Honey, are you okay?
我沒事 I'm fine.
我在看 I'm watching...
太催淚了 It's so sad.
天啊 可別在今天啊 Oh, no. Not today.
怎么了 What's wrong?
沒事 你媽只是 Nothing. No, your mom's just, uh...
情緒有點激動而已 feeling emotional.
她上個月這時候就這德行 上上個月也是 She was like this last month and the month before
上上上個月也是 and the month before.
啥 老娘要殺人了 What?! I could kill someone!
我聽不見你說話 No, I can't hear you!
這傻缺電話在這破房子里收不到信號 This stupid phone gets no reception in this stupid house! Aah!
蒼天啊 不會吧 Dear god, no.
我聽過傳言 I'd heard rumors.
沒錯 大家都聽說過 Yeah, we all had,
女人們在一起工作生活 that females living or working in close quarters
最后經期就會變得一致 could eventually get on the same... cycle.
不過我一直以為這說法是編來 But I always assumed that was a story designed
阻止女性加入潛艇部隊的 to keep women out of submarine corps.
這不是牛奶 我今天到底怎么了 This isn't milk. What's wrong with me today?
大腦都不正常運轉了 My brain's not working right.
不會吧 No.
我沒法集中 I can't focus...
三條腿 Three legs?
太不公平了 It's not fair.
我就說嘛 I know.
太催淚了 Oh, no! It's sad.
我的天 這下樂子全被她們毀了 Oh, my god. They're gonna ruin everything.
沒有的事 咱們多長點心眼就行 No. We--we just need to be extra sensitive.
菲爾 親愛的 什么時候出發 Phil, honey, when do we need to leave?
你準備好就行 親愛的 20分鐘后好嗎 Whenever's good for you, sweetie. Maybe 20 minutes?
-20分鐘 -給個準話好嗎 菲爾 - 20 minutes?! - Then which one is it, Phil?
是等我準備好還是20分鐘后 Is it whenever it's good for me or is it 20 minutes?!
你們準備好就行 Whenever you're ready!
該來的還是來了 那些年一起來的大姨媽 It happened-- Satan's trifecta.
我最恐懼的一天 降臨在了我最愛的這一天 The day I most dreaded had fallen on the day I most loved.
她們會毀了這次"空中飛人" They're gonna ruin trapezing.
我打賭她們已經有點錯亂了 I bet they don't even catch me.
你這么害怕干嘛 她們都是通情達理的人 Why are you so afraid of them? They're reasonable.
不如建議讓她們待在家里 Why don't we just suggest they stay home,
-好好招待大姨... -噓 - considering they're all on their menst-- - Shh!
對付大姨媽的第一要點是 The first rule of dealing with the cycle--
絕口不提那仨字 You never mention the cycle.
要旁敲側擊打埋伏 You tiptoe around it.
女人要承受異常的苦痛 The woman's actually taken great pains
來壓制身體里的魔鬼 to hide the monster she's become.
但要是說出真相 那魔鬼攔都攔不住了 But if you acknowledge it, that brings the monster forth.
老天 My god.
一來就是三只啊 And there's three of them.
沒事的 It's okay.
我有個計劃 I have a plan.
通常有人說"我有個計劃"時 It's kind of traditional for people to lean in
大家就應該前傾圍過來的 when somebody says, "I have a plan."
好的 Okay...
好 好 好 好 Ja! Ja! Ja! Ja!
不要啊 Ooh! No!
沖 沖 沖 沖 Si! Si! Si! Si!
進了 Goal!
你應該管你們國家叫"荷難" You should call your country "The Never-lands"
-因為你們難... -對 因為贏球很難 - Because you're never-- - Ja, because we are never going to win.
你都說了無數遍了 You said that a billion times.
回家洗洗睡吧 Just go home.
你這荷蘭佬干嘛不回家洗洗睡 Why don't you Dutch people go home?
閉上你的哥倫比亞大嘴巴吧 Someone should shut your Colombian mouth!
-有本事試試看 -有什么問題嗎 - Okay, I wanna see you try! - Uh, is there a problem over here?
沒錯 大問題 你還娶了這個大問題 Yes. There is a problem, and you're married to her.
是嗎 我倒是有個提議 Really? Well, let me make a suggestion.
你好好坐著 我請你喝杯啤酒 Why don't you sit down, I send you over a beer,
我和我妻子坐到那邊看 my wife and I watch from over there?
這樣就皆大歡喜了 That way, everybody enjoys the game--
除了我 因為我更喜歡看激烈點的比賽 Except me, 'cause I prefer a game where something happens.
歌洛莉亞 我們走 Gloria, let's go.
走吧 Let's go.
我還以為你剛剛要揍那家伙呢 I thought you were going to punch that guy back there.
我比那孩子壯60磅呢 Ah, I got 60 pounds on the kid.
也對 只是聽過很多關于你的英勇事跡 Yeah. It's just that I've heard so many stories about you fighting.
為這點小事沒必要的 And-- it's not worth the trouble.
對啊 他那兒還有一大幫朋友 Yeah, and he has all those friends and...
跟人多人少沒關系 Well, his friends had nothing to do with it.
有時候 得饒人處且饒人嘛 I mean, sometimes it's better to take the high road.
當縮頭烏龜是挺好的 Yeah, it's better that you walked away.
歌洛莉亞 我感覺你 Gloria, I get-- I get the impression
-對我沒出手有點失望 -哪有的事 - you're disappointed I didn't punch that guy. - Of course not.
誰在乎那些為媳婦不顧一切的爺們氣概啊 Who needs all that manly, protect-your-woman stuff?
不是 你看你又這樣 嘴上說一套 No, see, like, right there. You're saying one thing,
心里想的完全相反 but it feels like you mean the opposite.
-沒有 -那就是有 - No. - That's a "Yes."
聽著 杰 我就是來看球賽的 Look, Jay, I just came to watch the game.
-我可不想跟人吵 -同感 - I don't want to fight. - Neither do I.
我明白 I know.
為了與電影場景一致 So in keeping with the film,
這部分要變成黑白 this area will be in black and white,
然后這邊就是明快的彩色 and then an explosion of technicolor.
最棒的部分 賓客一進來 Best part--as the guests are coming in...
埃姆嬸嬸 埃姆嬸嬸[片中臺詞] Auntie Em! Auntie Em!
模擬龍卷風是也 A simulated tornado.
真好 他一定會愛死的 Yeah. Oh, he's gonna love that.
-蘋果馬提尼不要了 -沒錯 - So the appletinis are canceled... - Yes.
小狗托托也訂好了 還有 The little Toto dog is ordered, and...
別告訴我你穿著戲服還搗鼓潘趣酒呢 Please tell me that you are not mixing punch in costume!
不是吧 小卡回家干嘛 Oh, no! W-what is Cam doing home?
-你好 -你好 - Hey. - Hey.
我們來扮猴子的 We're the monkeys.
你們好 請進 快點 快點 Yes, hi. Hi. Come on inside. Quickly, quickly.
你好 等會就來 Hi. Okay, one second.
回來干嘛啊 Hey! Whatcha doing home?
你又不放心我 回來檢查派對情況嗎 Are you checking on me and the party again?
沒有 我把手機落你車里了 No, no. I left my cell phone in your car
一會兒還得跟我媽聯系呢 and I gotta be in touch with mama today.
她今天第一次跟保險公司談 She's talking to the insurance agency for the first time
看看他們能不能重建爺爺的農場 to see if they're gonna rebuild grandpa's farm.
重建 Rebuild the...
因為龍卷風 Because of the tornado.
我完全忘了這茬 I totally missed the connection.
就在有史以來最具毀滅性的龍卷風 A month after the most devastating twister
席卷小卡家鄉一個月后 that ever hit Cam's hometown,
我籌備了一個 I throw a party
以同志電影中最著名的龍卷風為主題的派對 based on gay cinema's most famous tornado.
是的 都過去一個月了 Yeah, you know, it's been a month,
保險方面還沒有任何消息 她都快發瘋了 and she hasn't heard anything, and she's just beside herself.
你知道還有什么很糟糕嗎 And then you know what else?
莉莉因傷去世了 Lily succumbed to her injuries.
-你莉莉姨媽去世了 -沒有 是我家的豬 - Your aunt Lily died? - No, the family pig.
莉莉姨媽是頭 Aunt Lily was a...
咱閨女是以頭豬起名的啊 We named our daughter after a pig?
你能不能看看我的傷痛 暫時別抱怨了 Could you just witness my pain instead of criticizing?
我今天只想跟家人聊聊 I just want to be in touch with my family today.
忘掉該死的龍卷風 這樣才能享受 Get all this tornado stuff behind me so I can enjoy...
你為我準備的超贊派對 the fabulous party you're planning for me!
沒錯 你趕緊走吧 Yeah! You gotta get outta here!
-好的 聽著小卡 -咋了 - Okay. Hey, listen. Hey, Cam? - Yeah?
你就跟家人敘敘吧 幫我問好 You just call your family, tell them I said "Hi."
也不用急著六點整準時回來啦 And don't worry about being back at 6:00 on the dot.
你可以先緩緩 There's a little breathing room.
什么 沒搞錯吧 Oh, what, are you kidding me?
派對一嗨起 The sooner I can start to party,
煩惱全忘掉 the sooner I can start to forget.
但再說一遍 But then again.
如果你逃避跟龍卷風有關的一切 Hey, if you keep running from every reminder of the tornado,
那不就敗給龍卷風了嗎 doesn't the tornado win?
米奇爾 我爺爺天天早上去看小貨車 Mitchell, my grandpa runs to his pickup truck every morning
因為他覺得車上的草耙隨時都會掉下來 because he thinks the pitchfork is gonna come back down.
龍卷風是不可戰勝的 The tornado always wins.
好了 今晚肯定會非常開心的 Okay, well, it's gonna be so much fun tonight!
我知道 10歲大關 I know! The big 1-0!
40大關啦 4-0!
注意點 米奇爾 Hey, Mitchell!
-我在這兒 -差點撞到你 - I'm over here! - I could've hit you!
但是沒撞到 我在跳愛意舞 But you didn't! I'm doing my "I love ya" dance.
好的 我在開愛意車 Okay, I'm doing my "I love you" car dance.
瞧你 Look at you!
別這樣 好了 回去吧 Stop that! Okay! Go!
太危險了 This is dangerous.
-我不跳了 -回去吧 - Okay, okay. - Go.
你快開車吧 Get out of here, you.
今天我過生日啦 It's my birthday!
好了各位 過來 咱們得談談 All right, guys, come here. We need to talk.
-終于來了 -別催我們 - There they are. - Stop rushing us!
小家伙 怎么了 Buddy, what's wrong?
是啊 你整個早上都不在狀態 Yes, you've been a little off all morning.
最近我感到特有壓力 I've been feeling a lot of stress lately.
腦袋昏沉沉的 而且有些情緒化 My head's all foggy, and I'm kind of emotional.
希望你能很快好起來 Oh. Well, I sure hope you feel better soon
玩"空中飛人"時 頭腦要相當的清醒 'cause you really need your wits about you when you're trapezing.
真奇怪 因為我們三個 This is weird because the three of us
今天也感覺非常不舒服 haven't exactly been feeling our best today either.
真的嗎 Really?
我找不到另一只襪子了 I can't find my other sock!
看看是不是穿一只腳上了 Try looking under the one you have one.
我不是你 不會這么蠢 看到沒 I am not you. I don't do that. See?
天哪 我和你一樣蠢 Oh, god, I am you.
我們不去玩"空中飛人"了 你不介意吧 Would you mind if we sat out trapezing?
-是嗎 -是啊 - Really? - Yeah.
你確定嗎 好的 Are you sure? Okay.
他為什么要這個樣子 Why does he do that?
每月如此 Every month.
沒錯 我是有點喜怒無常 Yeah, I get a little moody,
但身體不適的煩躁 but unrelentin physical discomfort
就會讓人這樣 will do that to a person.
他知不知道 Doesn't he know
他越是旁敲側擊 當我們瘋子一樣 that tiptoeing around someone like they're crazy
越是令我們抓狂 makes them crazy?
好的 你跟曼尼去吧 All right, you and Manny go ahead.
-盧克不舒服就留下來 -等等 什么情況 - Luke can just stay here with us. - Wait. What?
其實盧克看起來已經好多了 Luke's actually looking better.
-我好些了 -還是穩妥點好 - I am better. - Well, let's not take any chances.
-他在家休息 你們去吧 -爸 - He can stay here. You go ahead. - Dad?
爸爸 Daddy?
回見了 小家伙 See you later, buddy.
我們怎么辦 What are we going to do?
不能讓任何一個兄弟掉隊 We leave no man behind.
我看我還是回家吧 I think I'm just gonna go home.
還有時間 We have time.
撤掉這些布置 辦一場普通派對 Just take down the decorations and have a normal party.
在自家辦場悶死人派對 Yeah, and throw a boring party in our house
一看就知道是今天下午倉促準備的 that looks like I just threw it together this afternoon?
-動腦子 -有其它選擇 - Think! - Okay, we have a few options.
我可以在"阿米莉亞"餐廳給你弄到包間 I can get you the back room at Amelia's.
曾經把果汁灑在老板家白色地毯上 Spilled juice on the owner's white rug
還差點害死她的小孩 再想 and almost killed her toddler. Next.
保齡球場 Bowling alley?
不夠有檔次 你有什么想法 Not classy enough. What have you got?
真沒用 你說 You're no help. You.
上周末 我去船上參加了派對 Well, last weekend, I did a party on a boat.
你說你去看望爸媽了 You said you were visiting your parents.
我需要離開你透透氣 You're suffocating me.
什么樣的船 說清楚點 What's this boat? Tell me about the boat.
我們在豪華游艇上舉辦了一場別致晚宴 Okay, we did an elegant dinner party on a luxury yacht
參加人數大約25個 for about 25 people.
可以在海灣轉轉 在月光下起舞 It takes you around the harbor, dancing under the moonlight.
好的好的 也許可以想個主題 Okay, okay. Uh, maybe we can-- we can make a theme out of this.
小卡的人生就是一次遠航 You know, Cam's life is like a long voyage.
有時波濤洶涌 但永遠一往直前 Sometimes choppy but--but always forward, ever forward.
-只有兩小時 -快訂吧 - We have two hours. - Book it.
你居然挺過了"空中飛人" Hey, you survived trapeze class, huh?
沒去成 Didn't happen,
本著基本的做人道理 我還是不說原因了 and common decency prevents me from telling you why.
足球比賽怎么樣 How was the soccer match?
激動人心 一比一打平 Thrilling. 1-1 tie.
有個進球是個意外 One of the goals was an accident.
你去了我媽肯定很開心 I'm sure my mom was happy you went.
我不知道她今天是怎么了 I don't know what to make of her today.
她和一個家伙杠上了 She got into it with this guy,
我肯定她有慫恿我和那家伙打一架 and I swear she was pushing me into a fight with him.
她現在喜歡暴力嗎 Now is that something she'd want?
我不知道 I don't know.
我一直以為女人進化得比男人成熟 I always thought of women as the more evolved sex.
但是今天 我才真是大開眼界 杰 But after today... I've seen things, Jay.
我年輕時可不是省油的燈 'Cause, you know, I had my share of fights in my time.
知道不 You know that.
太燙了 It's too warm for me.
我記得有一次 我和迪迪過馬路 Yeah, I remember this time I was crossing the street with Dede,
有個混蛋差點開車撞到她 and some jackass almost clipped her.
我把他揍到地上 腳踩在他脖子上后 I had the guy on the ground, my foot on his neck,
他的車才停下來 before the car stopped moving.
你的光榮歷史大家都聽過 Yeah, we've heard all those stories.
也許一睹真漢子杰的風采 是我媽的期望 Maybe my mom wouldn't mind a glimpse of that Jay.
是我媽 That's her.
她要我幫忙去給小卡挑禮物 She wants me to help pick out Cam's gift.
我還是原來的真漢子 百分百的 I'm still that guy, you know. 100%.
見鬼 怎么弄個餅干都把手劃破了 What the hell? How do you cut your finger on a cracker?
總之 如果我認為值得一戰 Anyway, if I thought there was a fight worth fighting,
我絕對會挺身一戰 I'd fight it.
鹽進傷口了 痛死了 Ow! Now I got salt in this. That stings!
下次 別沖你老板大喊大叫 Next time, don't scream at your boss
這樣他就不會讓你周末工作了 so that he doesn't make you work during the weekends.
好了 再見 Si. Adios.
媽 你在罵誰呢 Hey, mom. Who were you yelling at?
你爸爸 寶貝 Your father, baby.
他這周末沒空 He cannot make it this weekend.
好吧 我承認 Okay, I admit it.
我希望杰在酒吧里猛揍那個荷蘭佬一頓 I wanted Jay to kick that little dutch man's ass at the bar.
可在電話里和哈維爾講了幾句后 But two seconds on the phone with Javier,
我意識到了沖動魯莽的下場 and I remember what that stupid hothead behavior gets you-
沒有好下場 Nothing.
像杰這樣冷靜其實更好 It's better to be calm like Jay.
像杰和我那樣 Like Jay and me.
像杰那樣 Like Jay.
我回來了 I'm back!
誰會想到 我把帥呆了的太陽眼鏡給忘了 Wouldn't you know, I forgot my ding-dang sunglasses.
盧克 來給我搭把手行嗎 Luke, could you give me a hand?
從來不奢望菲爾會回來 為他搞的那些花樣 What were the chances that Phil had come back to apologize
向我道歉 for all the game playing
然后跟我開誠布公地 and have an open conversation with me
談談我的感受 about what I was feeling?
我去萬圣節商店買了瓶假血 Okay, I got a bottle of fake blood out of the Halloween supplies.
在手指上抹一點 說你割到指頭了 Put a dab on your finger, say you cut it.
然后我說得帶你去看醫生 輕松當飛人 I say I need to run you by the doctor. Easy trapezy.
知道了不 Got it?
咱飛人天堂見 哥們 See ya on the other side, brother.
一次也好 我希望菲爾能表示一下同情 Just once, I would like Phil to have a little empathy,
向我表達一下他理解女性的痛苦 give me some sense that he understands what women go through.
你們感覺好點兒了沒 You feeling any better?
真不愿看見我家姑娘們都這么窩著 Hate to see the whole team on the D.L.
我的手指頭 Ow! My finger!
聽起來不妙啊 I don't like the sound of that.
我說的是一點兒 I said a little bit!
蓋子掉了 然后我決定將計就計 The cap fell off. I decided to just go with it.
好吧 得先把你弄出去 Okay, we gotta get you out the back.
-天啊 這是怎么了 -就一個小傷口 - God, what happened?! - Oh, it's just a little cut.
不過保險起見 我得帶他去看看醫生 But to be safe, I'll run him by the doctor.
你瘋了嗎 得打急救電話 No, are you crazy?! Call 9-1-1!
不不 他們忙著呢 No, no, they're so busy.
傷口在哪 我們得按住傷口吧 Where's the wound?! We need to put pressure on it, right?
-我要吐了 -在指頭上 - I'm gonna be sick! - My--my finger.
得給他上止血帶 該往哪綁 Oh, he needs a tourniquet! Where do I put it?!
-我指頭上 -住手 他什么事都沒有 - On my finger. - Stop! There is nothing wrong with him.
-盧克 這是怎么回事 -我割到手指了 - Luke, what's going on? - I cut my finger?
-老爸 -多神吶 - Dad? - How crazy is that?
原來眼鏡一直在我兜里 待會見 They were in my pocket the whole time. I'll see you.
菲爾 Phil!
這是怎么回事 盧克 What is going on, Luke?
這一切都是老爸導演的 Dad staged the whole thing
好讓我們去玩飛人 不帶你們仨 so we could go on the trapeze without you three.
為什么 Why?
因為 Because...
因為 B-because...
就因為這個 你們都跟魔鬼一樣 Because of this! You're all monster-ating!
-盧克別 -開什么玩笑 神啊 - Luke, no! - Are you kidding me?!Oh, my god! Oh, my lord.
抱歉 我知道你說過不能說出來 可我 Sorry! I know you told me not to say it, but I...
菲爾 Phil!
你就是這樣教兒子的嗎 Is this what you've been teaching our son?
女人都是不干凈的麻風病人 That--that women are some kind of unclean lepers
得在床單下隔離一周嗎 that should be hidden away under sheets for a week?
你知道這樣有多冒犯嗎 Do you have any idea how offensive that it?
我知道 親愛的 I do, honey.
我從內心深處表示 And from the bottom of my heart,
我感到非常 I am so...
害怕 s-s-scared.
不是吧 Ugh! Oh, no!
老天 Oh, my.
好了 Okay.
三 二 一 3, 2, 1!
驚喜 Surprise!
我的天 太不可思議了 Oh, my gosh! Oh, it's amazing!
-是船上派對 -這是因為 - Yeah, it's a boat party. - Oh! Because?
你的人生就像一次遠航 Your life is like a voyage.
每個人不都是嗎 不過我喜歡這個 Oh! Well, everyone's is, but I love it
我們的朋友都沒玩過這個 because none of our other friends have ever done it.
太貼心了 Aw. That's so sweet.
感情關系里沒有骯臟崩潰的女人一定很爽吧 Oh, it must be easy with no dirty, broken woman in the relationship.
你笑什么笑 What are you laughing at?
大家跟著生日旗幟走 Okay, everybody follow the birthday flag!
[flag也指同志]
你叫我什么 哦對 What'd you call me? Oh. Uh, oh, yes.
我的天 太優雅了 胡嬌肯定嫉妒死了 Oh, my gosh. It's so elegant. I'll bet Pepper is dying.
那個 實際上 胡嬌沒來 Oh, you know, actually, Pepper couldn't come.
因為他討厭船 參加過海軍的人 你懂的 Because he hates boats. You know, after the navy.
對 對 Yeah. Oh, yeah.
我猜朗吉納斯已經戰勝了怕水的問題吧 I guess Longinus got over his fear of--of water?
不 不 Mnh. No, no.
我們還是把注意力放在到場的30人吧 Why don't we just focus on the 30 people who are here,
好好玩 having a great time!
惡 聞著有股死人味道 Ew! It smells like somebody's dead.
那是什么味道 Ugh! What is that smell?
那淡淡的味道來自于 一只小小的藍鯨 That faint odor is-- is a tiny, tiny blue whale
倒確實是死在附近的 who apparently has indeed died, uh, nearby.
不過呢 But...
搞的我外套上全是這個味 Si, but it's getting all over my coat.
我什么也聞不到 I don't smell anything.
大概是因為你聞起來像是一捧花 Maybe that's because you smell like a bouquet of flowers.
對了 小心腳下 Oh, yeah. Watch out for that.
這味道好像是嘔吐物跟大便結婚 Ugh! It smells like puke married poop
然后在我鼻子里舉行婚禮 and had the ceremony in my nose.
畫面感太強了 You paint with words.
好 大家別著急 Okay, don't worry, everybody.
馬上我們就會遠在海上 乘風逐浪 Soon we'll be way, way out at sea, bouncing on the waves
聞到的都是藍鯨兄弟姐妹們的甜甜香氣 with all of his sweet-smelling brothers and sisters. Okay?
-米奇爾·普里契特 -是的 你好 - Mitchell Pritchett? - Oh, yes. Hi.
你好 我是今晚的船長 我們遇到點問題 Hi. I'm your captain tonight. We've got a problem.
我沒辦法讓這么多人上船 I can't fit this many people on my boat.
不要吧 之前告訴我能載30人的 No, no. I was--I was told you could take 30.
我剛好有30名客人 I have exactly 30 guests.
我有6名船員 你得留下幾個人 Plus six in help. You gotta drop a few people.
拜托 一定有點什么辦法的 Come on. There--there must be something that we can do here.
我們有大點的船 Well, we have bigger boats,
不過提前兩個小時訂 就只有這個了 But this is the best I could do on two hours' notice.
有什么問題嗎 What is the problem?
很明顯呢 Apparently,
米奇爾兩小時前才開始籌劃我的生日派對 Mitchell started planning my birthday party two hours ago.
不不 不是的 Mnh-mnh. No. No, I-I did not.
顯然 我們人太多不能上船 Uh, apparently, we have too many people for his boat.
-所以 -太扯了吧 - So... - That's crazy.
我見過抓在一塊門板上漂的人比這都多 I've seen more people clinging to a floating door.
抱歉女士 這涉及到安全問題 I'm sorry, lady. It's a safety issue.
不 你如果不把我們從這臭鯨旁送走 Oh, no. You're going to have a safety issue
你就會有安全問題 if you don't take me away from this whale.
不要指指點點 態度也不要這么惡劣 Okay, little too much finger, little too much attitude.
這是怎么了 What's all this?
米奇爾辛苦了兩小時的成果就要化為烏有了 Uh, two hours of Mitchell's hard work going down the drain.
這船上不能承載超過30個人 Look, I can't fit more than 30 people on the boat,
我在跟這位女士解釋 As I was just explaining to the lady here.
注意了 你說的"女士"可是我的兒子 Well, first of all, that "Lady" is my son.
他說的不是我 He wasn't talking about me.
我說的是她 I was talking about her.
她 又變成"她"了 Oh. Her. Oh, it's "Her" now.
而她是我的老婆 Well, "Her" happens to be my wife.
你跟她過不去 就是跟我過不去 You got a problem with her, you got a problem with me.
別這樣 杰 No, no, Jay...
-冷靜 -我之前沒跟誰過不去 - Calm down. - I didn't have a problem before,
可現在要過不去一下了 but now I'm starting to.
那咱們就好好地過不去一下吧 No, your problem's about to get a lot bigger.
杰 你以為這是我想要的 其實不是 No, Jay, I know you think this is what I want, but it's not.
-交給我處理 歌洛莉亞 -別這樣 杰 - I've got this, Gloria. - No, Jay.
今天是我犯傻了 我喜歡你那么冷靜 I was just being stupid today. I like that you're calm,
你總是三思而后行 that you think first, and you act second.
我的生活需要這樣的你 I need that in my life.
閃邊去吧 爺爺 Yeah, so walk away, grandpa.
說什么呢 You know what?
不準叫他"爺爺" Nobody call him "Grandpa"!
我叫啊 I do.
行了 夠了 Okay, that's it!
不許上船 所有人滾下去 否則我報警 No boat! Everybody off my dock, or I'm calling the cops!
現在連派對都沒了嗎 So no party now?
不是 當然有 拜托... No! No, of course! Just...
拜托給我一分鐘好嗎 Just... Just give me a minute okay?
兩小時做的都不過如此 Oh, after what you did with two hours,
-真等不及看你一分鐘的成果 -小卡 - I can't wait to see what you do with a minute. - Cam!
可憐的小卡 他好生氣啊 Poor Cam. He seems so upset.
你覺得難受嗎 菲爾 Oh, is that hard for you, Phil,
就因為有情緒的人出現在你身邊 That he's have a feeling around you?
-好抱歉哦 -好情緒化哦 - I'm so sorry. - Too many emotions?
好了 好了 我認輸了 Okay, okay, I give up!
是的 今天我錯了 Yeah, I made a mistake today.
那也是因為你們三個聯合起來對付我 But only because the three of you ganged up on me
就好像狼人 吸血鬼 科學怪人 like when the wolfman, Dracula, and Frankenstein
扎堆在一部電影里 show up in the same movie,
而且不是以很酷的方式扎堆 except this wasn't awesome!
我今天的情緒就跟翻江倒海似的 I have been on an emotional roller coaster all day today.
我害怕 我生氣 我生氣因為我害怕 I'm afraid. I'm mad. I'm mad because I'm afraid,
現在我腦袋都成漿糊了 and now I can't even think straight
因為剛剛絆的那一下讓我好痛 because I'm in so much pain from what just happened over there!
這一切讓我好傷心 我卻不知道為什么 And the whole thing makes me so sad, and I'm not even sure why,
這臭味令我惡心 但是我卻好餓 and I'm nauseous from that smell but I'm so hungry.
沒事的 Yeah.
小卡 當初的計劃里根本沒有船 Cam, the--the boat wasn't even part of the plan.
沒關系 No, it's fine.
期望太高是我的錯 It's my fault for letting my expectations get too high.
-這次我也不會計較的 -不不 - I'll get over this one, too. - No, no.
其實我早就計劃好了"綠野仙蹤"主題派對 I had this whole "Wizard of OZ" party planned,
只不過我今天才意識到可能 only today I realized that it might be
太過"龍卷風"風格了 a-a little too tornado-y.
-今天 -是的 - Today? - Yes!
抱歉我之前沒想到這點 I'm sorry I-I didn't make the connection, okay?
可能是因為我精心計劃了幾個月 Probably 'cause I've been planning for months
專注于你可以擁有完美的派對 可以開心 so that you could have the perfect party and be happy,
而現在我覺得根本沒可能了 which now I don't even think is possible.
我想擁有一個美好的 Oh, I'm sorry that I would like to have
10歲生日派對是我的錯 a nice 10th birthday party.
你不可能擁有 小卡 Well, you can't have it, Cam!
想知道原因嗎 因為你40歲了 You wanna know why?! Because you're 40!
你是個40歲的大男人 You're a 40-year-old man!
我40了 I am 40.
-我40了 -沒錯 - I'm 40. - Yes.
小卡 別這樣 Oh, Cam, stop it.
我40了 而我卻坐在這破...這什么東西 I'm 40 and I'm--I'm on this stupid--wait, what is that?!
這個 Oh, it's this...
東西 thing!
一下子 我開竅了 Suddenly, it all made sense.
小卡整天的抓狂表現不是因為派對 Cam's craziness all day wasn't about a party.
而是因為他40歲了 it was about turning 40.
一旦他意識到這點 情況變得更糟糕 And once he realized that, everything got much worse.
-我根本一事無成 -別這樣 - I've done nothing with my life! - Oh, w--stop it.
別這樣 怎么能這樣說呢 Come on. How--how can you say that?
你是個好父親 你... You're--you're a wonderful father. You...
你從小丑大學畢業了 You--you graduated from clown college.
你去過法國 You've been to France.
我不想要40歲啦 這不公平 I don't want to be 40. It's not fair!
-我了解 -世上本就沒公平可言 - I know. - Nothing's fair.
兩英里外就是個游樂園 2 miles from here is an amusement park
擠滿了玩"空中飛人"的歡樂家庭 full of happy families swgiging on a trapeze.
四年才多出的一天 我只有這個小小要求 That's all I wanted for my special bonus day.
什么 What?
我絞盡腦汁 I'd been trying so hard
想琢磨出小卡生日到底想要什么 to figure out what Cam wanted for his birthday.
其實他一直都在告訴我 He'd been telling me all along.
他只想要10歲 He wanted to be 10.
真的嗎 你沒有辦法嗎 Seriously? There's nothing you can do?
抱歉 到結束時間了 I'm sorry. You just missed the cutoff.
不如下次再來玩吧 How about we see you next time?
不如你破個例 讓他上去飛飛 How about you make an exception and strap him in there?
是啊 我們不就遲了10分鐘嘛 Yeah, we're, like,ten minutes past your deadline, anyway.
你今天最好別惹我們 And you don't want to make us angry today.
-女士們 沒法破例 -女士們 - Ladies, uh, I really can't make any exceptions. - "Ladies"?
這就是她們向我道歉的方式 And that was how they apologized to me.
加油 菲爾 Come on, Phil!
天啊 菲爾 Oh, god, Phil!
你成功了 You did it!
我想應該是道歉吧 我這輩子都沒法問 At least, I-I think it was. I could never ask them.
感覺太爽了 This is so satisfying!
今天就這時候感覺最爽 Best I've felt all day!
我可以每月租一次這個嗎 Can I rent one of these on a monthly basis?
太棒了 Yes!
好耶 Oh, yay!
最開心的40歲生日派對 Best 40th birthday party ever.
不不 10歲 No, no. 10th.
-可以嗎 -可以 - Really? - Yeah.
事實上 你還是那個我愛上的 In fact, you're still that sexy little 8 year old
性感8歲小男孩 I fell in love with.
算了 走吧 No, just go.