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翻译：猫王 威廉 Aaron NANA 独醉
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时间轴：菜六水 校对：苦逼加班Ethan-泽生 后期&总监：瓜瓜
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摩登家庭 第三季 第十八集
本周 地球上少了一位伟人 This week, the world lost a great man,
而我也失去了一位良师 and I lost a mentor.
近60年来 "马戏王"教授艾尔·尤兹利 For nearly 60 years, professor Ringmaster Al Uzielli
帮助像我一样有天赋的年轻人 找到自己的小丑形象 helped young hopefuls like me find their clown persona.
"马戏王"教授 "Professor ringmaster"?
那在小丑学校可是威望很高的头衔 It's a very prestigious title at clown college.
仅次于"派王"将军 One step below Piemaster General.
路易斯在哪儿 Where's Lewis?
谁知道呢 Who knows?
好了 各位 就咱们吧 Okay, guys, it's just us.
响三声一起抬 Lift on three.
你们怎么没接受我的好友请求呢 Hey, how come you guys haven't accepted my friend requests?
我都不知道你还玩Facebook I didn't know you were on facebook.
没错 你说只有青少年 Yeah. You said it was only for teenagers
或是想"约炮"的才玩那个 and people looking to have affairs.
我发觉要是你抵抗不了诱惑 Well, I figured if you can't fight it...
不是说"炮友"的诱惑 搞外遇是不对的 not the having the affair. That's still bad.
不 不是那个 可想和老朋友叙叙旧 No. Not that, but there's nothing wrong with catching up
也没有错 对吧 with a few old friends, right?
或者和至交好友社交网络一把 Or doing a little social networking with by B.F.F.S?
是社交网络还是社交无能啊 Social networking or social not-working?
咱们应该这么做 Oh! You know what we gotta do?
大家一起在船上拍张照 We gotta get a picture of us all together on a boat.
我觉得现在正流行这个 I think that's a thing now.
怎么样 接受我的好友请求吧 So what do you say? Accept my friend thingy.
抱歉了妈 我没收到你的好友请求 Sorry, mom, I-I didn't get a friend thingy from you.
那网站为了保护孩子不被变态骚扰 Yeah, you know, they have a lot of blocks on there
设置了很多屏障 to protect kids from weirdos.
好吧 好吧 我会再发一次的 Mm. Okay. Good, good. I'll send it again.
-好极了 -一定要发哦 - Great. - Please do.
千万别发啊 Please don't.
我们收到了她的请求 不过把它忽略了 We got her request the first time, but ignored it.
我可不能让她在网上探听 I can't have her on there snooping around
我在派对上的所作所为 seeing what I'm doing at parties.
或者上传我们全家穿着过时又傻气的衣服 Or posting pictures of us on family vacations
去度假的照片 wearing old, dorky clothes.
干嘛 我这件又怎么了 What? What's wrong with this?
老爸快看 我做了个巨无霸的奥利奥 Dad, check it out. I made one giant Oreo.
卢克 你这是干嘛啊 Luke, what are you doing?
你该像啃玉米棒子那么吃才对 You gotta eat it like it's an ear of corn.
太有才了 Genius.
-哇 新西装啊 -一切都是新的 - Wow. New suit? - New everything.
孩子们 都过来 人生讲座的时间到了 Kids, gather 'round. It's time for a life lesson.
我们不是都在这儿了吗 Aren't we already gathered?
让我来告诉你们 Let me tell you something.
努力 决心 坚持 就是成功三秘诀 Hard work, determination, and perseverance always win out.
好人也能成功 我就是活生生的证据 I am living proof that nice guys can finish first.
今天我将有机会接到我职业生涯中最大的一笔代理 Today I have a chance to get the biggest listing of my career.
我从未见过他如此全力以赴的样子 Oh, I have never seen this man so focused.
我就像是大赛前夕的拳击手 I'm like a boxer before the big fight.
所以我昨晚都没和克莱尔做爱 That's why I didn't have sex with Claire last night.
抱歉哦 亲爱的 Sorry, honey.
不 没关系 Mm. It's--it's okay.
不过只要我拿到了代理 马上就能 顶 But as soon as I get this listing--ding!
别说了 别说了 Let's just stop. Stop.
我都瞧见了 I see you.
啥 我挠痒痒而已 What? I'm scratching.
妈妈 Hey, mom?
我明天能让朋友来家里玩吗 Is it okay if I have a friend come over tomorrow?
谁 罗本吗 还是一紧张就流鼻血的那个 Who? Reuben? Or the nervous one that gets the nosebleed?
是格里芬·库普 It's Griffin Cooper.
格里芬·库普 Griffin cooper?
格里芬·库普是至今为止 Griffin Cooper is, by far,
曼尼年级中最酷的孩子 the coolest kid in Manny's grade.
他是个运动健将 充满自信 He's a terrific athlete, he's confident.
当然 曼尼也是个好孩子 可是他算不上酷 Manny's a great kid, sure, but he's not exactly cool.
他连开个门都酷不了 He can't even open a door cool.
您好啊 怀亚特 真高兴你能来和我共度 Salutations, Wyatt. I'm so glad you're joining me
一个充满欢乐的下午 for an afternoon of mirth.
晚安 罗本桑 Ah, good evening, Reuben-san.
请你脱鞋好吗 May I ask you to remove your shoes?
今晚我们走日系风 Tonight, we are going Japanese.
（）&……*……&……*（）* Ah! Hebalaboo ridabeley lai mubay rumboo.
我今早发明了一种新的语言 I invented a new language this morning.
你们什么时候变成好朋友的 When did you guys become buddies?
是在打橄榄球时 Was it a football game in the yard?
-你接了个好球吗 -不 没有那种事 - You made a great catch? - No, that didn't happen.
[Catch一词多意：接球/抢手货]
不过图书馆馆长说我以后会是抢手货的 But the librarian told me one day I'll be a great catch.
我真是没搞懂他们的关系 I'm really not getting that relationship.
你怎么就不能为曼尼交到新朋友而高兴呢 Why can't you just be happy that Manny's making new friends?
可这事根本说不通啊 No. 'cause it doesn't add up.
像格里芬·库普那样的酷小孩 Cool kids like Griffin Cooper--
可不会和曼尼这样的闷货玩在一起 They don't hang out with kids like Manny.
曼尼也很酷好不好 Manny's very cool.
也许那些孩子终于能理解曼尼那"高深的酷"了 Maybe those kids are finally catching up to him.
等等 我懂了 Wait a minute. I get it.
前几天 Couple of days last week,
我骑摩托车载曼尼去上学 I took Manny to school on my motorcycle.
格里芬肯定觉得我屌爆了 Griffin must think I'm pretty boss.
没错 杰 都是冲着你来的 Yes, Jay. It's all because of you.
小孩子就是在寻找偶像和榜样 Kids are looking for role models.
不然你觉得为啥方茨那么受欢迎 Why do you think Fonzie was so popular?
[美剧《Happy Days》中的热门角色]
他让人们觉得自己很有钱 He told people that they were rich,
其实却用计偷走了他们的钱 but really took their money with his scheme?
不 才不是那样 No, that's a...
你说得对 Yes.
那些人是"方氏骗局"的受害者 Those people were victims of a Fonzie scheme.
好戏即将开场 It's showtime.
嘿 邓菲 Hey, Dunphy.
准备好你的"独女戏"了吗 You gettin' ready for your one-woman show?
米茨 Mitzi.
米茨·罗斯 高档房地产世界中 Mitzi Roth-- a notorious poacher
臭名昭著的抢食者 in the world of high-end residential real estate.
我们叫她"榆树街的猛鬼" We call her the "Nightmare on Elm Street,"
[取自电影《A Nightmare on Elm Street猛鬼街]
因为她卖了许多榆树街上的房子 Because she sold a lot of houses on Elm Street.
米茨 你来干嘛 What are you doing here, Mitzi?
我约了人 此房归我代理了 I have an appointment. This is my listing.
我看这事还没准吧 小哥 Oh, I didn't think that was dotted line yet, jazz hands.
别担心 我可能有个客户有兴趣 No worries. I may have an interested buyer.
我会介绍给你的 I'll bring him to you.
真的吗 Really?
好吧 但你能不能待会再回来 Okay, but could you come back later?
我现在得去见他们了 I really need to have them to myself right now.
好的 没问题 我完全理解 Oh, yeah, okay. I completely understand.
-谢谢 -不客气 - Okay, thanks. - You're welcome.
慢着 搞毛 Wait. What?
你这是干什么 What are you doing?
看我的 Watch this.
-喂 -喂 我是米茨·罗斯 - Hello? - Oh, it's Mitzi Roth.
-还有菲尔·邓菲 -我有个买家 - And Phil Dunphy. - I may have a prospective buyer
有点想买你家房子 for your beautiful house.
-请问能否让我进屋 -嘿 斯坦 嘿 帕蒂 - I was wondering if maybe I could come in... - Hey, Stan! Hey, Patti!
能让我进屋参观一下吗 and just have a look for a little while.
-我们有很多事要谈 -请进吧 - We've got a lot to talk about. - Come on in.
喂 哥们 是我 Hey, guys. Yeah.
我想着多个人给点意见总是好的 I'm wondering if maybe we shouldn't be alone for this.
我进来了[我要搅局] I'm in.
邓菲 你继续在低端市场打拼吧 Go back to condos, Dunphy.
我的天呐 你们家房子太美了 Oh, my god! This place is absolutely gorgeous.
迷人 惊艳 Stunning. Stunning.
-菲尔帮你们干得不错嘛 -嘿 - You are in such good hands with Phil. - Hey.
你们好 How are you guys?
虽然我真心希望它们好 I mean, fingers crossed, though.
但我得告诉你 很多新公司都经营不善 You know, so many new companies go belly-up.
-糟透了 -好吧 米茨 你可以走了 - Terrible. - Well, good to-- good to see you, Mitzi.
-你们好 -没事没事 不用走 - Guys, how are you? - Oh, no. No, no, it's fine.It's fine.
进屋看看吧 Come and take a look.
谢谢你 Oh, thank you.
-谢谢 -米茨 别捣乱 - Thank you. - Mitzi, please!
米茨 求你了 求你了 Mitzi, please! Please!
-你这是干嘛 -老天啊 他推我 - What are you doing? - Oh, my god! He shoved me!
-什么 -他推我 - What?! - He shoved me!
-菲尔 你搞毛啊 -天啊 - For god sakes! Phil! - Oh, my god!
我还以为你能控制好脾气 I thought you had your anger problem under control!
我根本没脾气 I don't have an anger...
我没发脾气 I don't--anger problem.
我脾气可好了 I don't have an anger problem.
慢着 喂 就完了 搞什么啊 Whoa. Hey. It's over? What the hell?
你迟到一小时了 You're an hour late.
见到你真好 傻大个 Huh. Good to see you, too, chuckleberry.
快看 你那肥裤现在穿着也合身了嘛[发福] Look at that. Your oversized pants are starting to fit.
你好 路易斯 Hello, Lewis.
你好 菲兹宝 Hello, Fizbo.
有那么几年 For several years,
我俩组了个很有名的小丑二人组 I was one half of the renowned clown duo
叫"菲兹宝与路易斯" Fizbo & Lewis.
当时可有名了 We were huge.
儿童中的名人 In children's parties.
在认识米奇尔不久后 我就退出了 Anyway, I disbanded the group shortly after I met Mitchell.
同时谈恋爱和演小丑实在太难了 It's hard to have a relationship and a clown career.
所以许多小丑演员都是单身 That's the reason there are so many single clowns.
只是原因之一啦 Just one of the reasons.
从此 路易斯再没理过我 Anyway, um, Lewis hasn't spoken to me since.
他还生我的气 但我不怪他 He's still bitter, and I don't blame him.
就像是因我导致甲壳虫乐队解散 It's kind of like I broke up the Beatles.
儿童版的甲壳虫 Of children's parties.
要不一起去酒吧聚聚吧 What do you say we hit a bar?
缅怀一下艾尔 Tip a few back to Al, huh?
听说你坐牢了 I heard you were in jail.
是吗 我听说你仍在表演大剪刀的傻逼把戏 Yeah? I heard you're still doing that lame giant scissors bit,
你个蓝发傻帽 You blue-haired hack.
谁来 Who's in?
-我去 -我去 - I'll go. - I'll go.
等我一会儿 我去补补妆 Just give me a minute. I gotta redo my lips.
好的 萨维泽 All right. Cerveza.
你来吗 菲仔 What about you, Fizzy?
你是来呢 还是让大家都散伙呢 You gonna come or you gonna break up this party, too?
喂 上车吧 傻逼们 Hey, shotgun, bitches!
我还是 还是去吧 I should, you know, probably go.
-你懂的 为了艾尔 -当然 - You know, for--for Al. - Oh, yeah, no, of course.
不过 别让他为难你 好吗 But, hey, listen, don't let him get to you, all right?
没事儿 一切都已经过去了 只是喝杯酒 No. It's fine. It's all seltzer under the bridge.
就喝一杯 然后就回家 Just one drink, and then I'll be home.
好的 你先送我回家吗 Okay. Just drive me home first?
不不 你把车开走吧 No, you, uh, you--you take the car.
我跟他们一起走 I, uh, I'll go with the guys.
就那小车 怎么挤得下啊 In that tiny car? How are you all possibly gonna...
当我没说过 Forget I asked!
才早上五点啊 It's 5:00 in the morning.
爸爸在玩杂耍 Daddy's juggling!
莉莉 你在那上面干嘛 Lily, honey, what are you doing up?
你刚到家吗 Are you just getting home?
是的 情况有点失控了 Yeah, things got a little out of hand.
有人龙舌兰酒喝多了 Somebody had a flower that squirted tequila.
什么叫"有人" 请叫我大名 What do you mean "Somebody"? I want full credit.
有事吗 红毛 What up, red?
不是吧 Really?
教我玩杂耍 Teach me to juggle!
很简单 It's very simple.
诀窍在于 The key is to
时刻小心别撞到旁边的东西 be aware of where everything is at all times.
而且别忘了要保持平衡 And don't forget the importance of balance! Oh!
好了 好了 别闹了 Okay. Okay. Come on.
我的蛋蛋撞破了 I think I cracked my eggs.
我们没蛋了吗 We're out of eggs?
开什么玩笑 Are you yolking?
我五天没吃蛋了 And I haven't eaten in five days!
五天啦 你不是"片"我吧[麦片] Five days! Are you cereal?
莉莉 千万别学他 Lily, don't ever do that.
好啊 你俩是故意不加我好友的 Okay. You two are deliberately not confirming me.
其他人都接受我的好友请求了 Everybody else has accepted my facebook requests--
你们老爸 米奇尔舅舅 Your father, uncle mitchell...
阿黛尔 Adele.
没错 阿黛尔都接受我的好友申请了 That's right. Adele has agreed to be my friend,
我亲生闺女都不加我 And my own daughters haven't.
是啊 你大概只是一个阿黛尔的歌迷 Yeah, you may just be a fan of Adele, and--
到底是有多私密的东西不能让我看啊 What is so private that I can't possibly see it?
什么都没有 Nothing.
什么都没 所以就是打心底不想加我 Nothing. You just don't want to be my friend.
很好 我知道下一个状态该怎么更新了 Great. I can see my next status update--
"我家闺女是禽兽" "My daughters are monsters."
真是难以置信 You're not gonna believe this.
米茨抢到了那房的代理 Mitzi got the listing.
哦不亲爱的 太糟糕了 Oh, no, honey. That's awful.
她使阴招 说瞎话 无耻取胜 She cheated, she lied, and she won.
大家围过来 Kids, gather 'round.
再说一遍 我们也没离很远 Again, we are gathered.
想要出人头地 就别按规矩办事 You wanna get ahead? Don't play by the rules.
才发现好人一般没好报 Turns out nice guys finish last
冰冷无情 弱肉强食的世界啊 In this cold, dog-eat-dog world.
不公平啊 你为什么不也玩点阴的 It's not fair. Why don't you play dirty, too?
凭你拿下她还不容易 You could take her down.
宝贝 因为你家老爸不是那么卑鄙的人 Honey, 'cause your dad is a better man than that.
他有高尚的价值观 道德观.. He has values and morals and--
你 接着说 You. Keep talking.
好的 我首先能想到的就是 Well, just off the top of my head,
你可以用我的间谍笔录下她供认的罪状 You could take my spy pen and record her admitting what she did.
然后你再拿去播给那些人听 And then you could play it for those people
让他们知道她是多混蛋的一人 So they realize what a jerk she is.
你们老爸是绝对不会 Your dad is never gonna
-那样做的 -你今天真是个唠叨婆 - do that-- - you're a regular chatterbox today!
赶紧把那笔给我 Get me that pen!
-我来开门 -记住 小子 别太夸张 - I got it! - Remember, pal, keep it simple.
嘿 曼尼 Hey, manny.
格里芬 希腊神话里的传奇生物 Griffin--legendary creature of greek mythology
有着狮子的头颅和老鹰的翅膀 With the head of a lion and wings of an eagle.
这不夸张吧 杰 What'd you say, Jay?
当我没说 Never mind.
在下杰·普里契特 很高兴见到你 Jay pritchett. Nice to meet you.
我也很高兴见到你 Nice to meet you, too.
上周我去看了你们学校的篮球赛 You know, I, I saw a little of that basketball game of yours last week.
你小子可是闪亮全场啊 You were lightin' it up.
过奖 Thanks.
我当时也"闪亮"了全场 杰 I was lighting it up, too, Jay.
谁最闪亮 我最闪亮 Who's hot? We're hot!
野马队最闪亮 Mustangs are hot!
好啊 格里芬 最近可好 Hola, Griffin. How are you?
我13岁 13.
我挺好的 I'm fine.
你们俩小男子汉今天准备干些什么啊 So what do you boys have planned for today?
这个嘛 算是给格里芬的一个惊喜 Well, it's kind of a surprise for Griffin,
不过小小透露下和剪纸工艺有关 But let's just say it involves decoupage.
-哦 天啊 -来吧 咱们走 - Oh, jeez. - Come on. Let's go.
待会儿见 Good-bye.
不好 Oh, no.
-怎么了 -你说得对 - What? - You were right.
那个男孩来这儿不是为了见曼尼 This boy is not here to see manny.
早跟你说了 注意到他看我的眼神了不 I told you. You see the way he looks at me?
少来 方茨 注意到他看我的眼神了吗 No, Fonzie, the way he looks at me.
话都说不出来 俩眼直勾勾的 He couldn't talk. He kept staring.
他就像我上学那会儿班上的老师一样 He was just like my teachers back in school.
歌洛莉亚 我知道你很美 Gloria, you're very pretty.
但我才是那小子的偶像 But the kid idolizes me.
是吗 Really?
格里芬 曼尼 Griffin! Manny!
你们是想和杰一起去骑他的摩托车 Do you want to go with Jay to ride his motorcycle,
还是想和我一起去超市 Or you want to go with me to the supermarket
买点洋葱回来 And buy a couple of onions?
骑摩托车 Motorcycle rides!
洋葱听起来不错 Onions sound good.
我想他对你也有点意思吧 Guess he has a thing for you, too.
嘿 我们回来啦 Hey! We're back!
嘿 我...我可才把厨房收拾干净 Hey, I-I just finished cleaning the kitchen,
你们谁要是还想表演喷水的戏码 So if anyone has to do a spit take,
麻烦到水池那去 Please do it over the sink.
那天实在不好意思 这个礼物是给你的 We felt really bad about that, so we got you a present.
这...这又在耍什么花样呢 What--what's the deal with this?
我一打开就蹦出来一条蛇 还是一团火 I open it up and snakes fly out, or a fire?
不 我们只是觉得你热爱阅读 No, we just know that you like to read.
是啊 赶紧打开吧 Yeah. So open it.
哈 捉弄成功 Aah! Got him!
没有 这场景完全是在我的意料之内 No. No. That's exactly what I expected.
忘了吗 我刚说什么来着 'member, when I told you?
好了 时候不早要上路了 Okay. Look, it's almost go time,
我们该先去喝一杯 然后把脸白上 So we should have a shot and go white up.
我没听错吧 "把脸白上" I'm sor--excuse me. "White up"?
是啊 路易斯下午接到一个生日宴的活 Oh, yeah. Lewis got a call to do a birthday party this afternoon,
所以我们准备将老把戏都再耍起来 So we're gonna put the old act back together.
对 费兹波和路易斯 二丑归来 Yeah, Fizbo & Lewis, together again.
别人都说这是不可能的事情 And they said it would never happen.
说 且希望如此 Said. Hoped.
能和你单独聊一会儿吗 Could I talk to you for a second?
不妙 "基堂里的烦恼" Uh-oh. Trouble in queer-a-dise.
好吧 我去车里和香烟共享私密时间了 Okay, look, gonna go out to the car for smokes.
你别跟我你们车里有个小丑叫"香烟" Please tell me "Smokes" is not another clown,
再来一个他这样的我可受不了 'cause I don't think I could handle another one of him.
路易斯没那么讨人厌 Oh, Lewis is not that bad.
那你觉得他是个怎样的人 小卡 Well, what do you see in that guy, cam?
说不清 我只知道 I don't know. Maybe the fact that
每当我谈起小丑艺术时 他从不会对我翻白眼 he doesn't roll his eyes every time I talk about the art of clowning...
说的就是你 Like that.
过去他的确犯过错 He may have had his faults
不过我们搭档超棒的 but we were great together.
我们总能心有灵犀 We had an unspoken language.
我们互相帮助对方吹充气动物 We finished each other's balloon animals.
不过你怕是永远不懂 But you would never know,
因为我们的表演你可是一场也没去过 Because you have never been to one of our performances.
生日聚会罢了 Birthday parties.
你讨厌我的小丑身份 You hate my clown side.
不不 我并不是讨厌 No. No. No. I don't hate it.
就承认了吧 我基本已经确定了 Just admit it. I basically already know you do.
好吧 好吧 把话挑明了 Okay. Okay. Cards on the table.
-我确实不是太喜欢你... -你真无礼 - It's not my favorite thing that you-- -Oh, how dare you?
我是个小丑 那是我的身份之一 I am a clown. It's who I am!
你捏我的时候 我会不叫吗 If you squeeze me, do I not honk?
又翻白眼了 Eye roll!
我有得选吗 Oh, like I had a choice!
敲敲 敲敲 Knock, knock.
你来干嘛 What are you doing here?
我给你带了些 汤 Hey, um, I-I brought you some... soup.
那个 我想了想 可能我确实是推了你 You know, I thought about it, and maybe I did push you.
脚踝怎么样了 So... how's the ankle?
拜托 邓菲 你明知道我是假摔 Oh, come on, Dunphy. You know I flopped.
你是没看过NBA吗 Haven't you ever seen an NBA game?
抱歉 你看的该是女子NBA才对 Oh, I'm sorry. In your case, WNBA.
所以那只是个骗局 So that was all a ruse?
"诡计书"里最老的一招了 The oldest trick in the book.
你得提高"技术"啊 孩子 You need to step up your game, son.
你知道吗 我都要为你感到难过了 You know what? I almost feel sorry for you.
过来 好好拥抱一下 Come here. Give me a big hug.
好了 Oh, yeah. Yeah.
你没有很不爽吧 No hard feelings, huh?
-一点没有 -那好 - None at all. - Good.
因为我刚刚把你整个的招供 Because I just recorded your entire confession...
都录在了我的 right here on my...
间谍笔上 Spy pen?
"诡计书"里第二老的招数 Second-oldest trick in the book.
老天 你要是个爷们 就直接在汤里下毒了 Oh, god. A real man would have just poisoned the soup.
说完了吗 Are we... done here?
谢谢你 Ah. Thank you.
妈妈 告诉你 Hey, mom. Guess what?
格里芬邀请我们今晚都去他家 Griffin invited us all over to his house
参加泳池派对和烧烤 for a pool party and barbecue tonight.
泳池派对哈 Pool party, huh?
他说带上你们的泳衣 Yeah, and he said bring your swimsuits.
说的还很坚决 He was pretty adamant about it.
外面气温就10摄氏度 It's 50 degrees outside.
听起来不错 Sounds fun.
太好了 我去给他打电话 Great. I'll call him.
你这基本上是答应了跟一个13岁男孩约会 You know, you're basically agreeing to a date with a 13-year-old boy.
杰 靠我的大胸 我们得以在餐厅订到位置 Jay, we use this go get us tables at restaurants,
为什么就不能靠这个给曼尼搞个朋友呢 Why can't we use this to get Manny a friend?
因为他并不真的能得到一个朋友 Because he's not really getting a friend.
可当你之前以为 Oh, but when you thought that
他是想骑你的摩托车的时候 就没问题是吧 he was trying to ride your motorcycle, it was okay.
或许是他现在想"骑"的东西让我不爽 Maybe now I don't like what he's trying to ride.
曼尼喜欢格里芬 Manny likes Griffin.
可能哪天 如果他俩相处的时间够长 Maybe someday, if they spend enough time together,
格里芬会喜欢曼尼呢 Griffin will like manny.
什么 格里芬不喜欢我 What? Griffin doesn't like me?
不不 宝贝儿 他很喜欢你 No, no, no, papi. He loves you.
可你刚刚说有一天他会喜欢我的 But you just said someday Griffin will like me.
那就说明他现在不喜欢我 That means he doesn't like me now.
告诉你吧 孩子 You know what, kid?
我们在想格里芬跟你在一起玩 We think that Griffin might be hanging out with you
可能是因为他喜欢你妈妈和我 because he's got a little crush on your mother and me.
-还有你 -哇 我简直不敢相信 - On you? - Wow. I can't believe it.
-听着 这没什么 你会没事的 -真抱歉 - Listen, it's fine. You're gonna be fine. Okay? - I'm sorry.
开什么玩笑 简直太好了 Are you kidding? It's fantastic!
这怎么就太好了 How is it fantastic?
我跟他在一起玩 I'm only hanging out with him
只是因为我喜欢他妹妹克洛伊 because I have the hots for his sister chloe.
你们也见过格里芬了 那就是个蠢蛋 You've met Griffin. The kid's a doorknob.
所以你是在利用他 So you're just using him?
是啊 而且直到刚才 我还觉得挺愧疚的 Yeah, and I felt really guilty about it until now.
现在是双赢了 Now it's a win-win.
对我来说可不是 Not for me!
你就忍忍吧 妈妈 Just suck it up, mom.
多年来我为你做的够多了 I've done a lot for you over the years.
杰你也是 那女孩可能就是我的真命天女 Jay, you, too. This girl could be the one.
以后我再也不会烦你们了 Then I'm out of your hair forever.
泳池派对哦 妈妈 穿着适当点 Pool party, mom. Dress accordingly.
你能帮我拿一下那盒麦片吗 Can you help me reach that box of cereal?
嘿 你是米茨·罗斯 Hey. You're Mitzi Roth.
我看过你的广告 I recognize you from your ads.
是不是很性感 Smokin', right?
我是卢克·邓菲 I'm Luke Dunphy.
我爸是菲尔·邓菲 My dad's phil dunphy.
真抱歉 I'm sorry.
你为什么那么讨厌他 Why do you hate him so much?
生意场上无朋友 孩子 并不是针对你爸 It's just business, kid. It's not personal.
可你影响到我们家了 Well, it's personal to us.
我以前没见过我爸那么担心过 I've never seen my dad so worried before.
我用录音笔窃听 I have this spy pen,
听到他跟我妈谈话 and I heard him talking to my mom,
他很担心明年付不起我姐姐的大学学费 and he's scared about paying for my sister's college next year.
貌似他还在担心什么派对 And I guess he's nervous about some kind of party,
因为他说到有个什么气球付款 Because he said there's a big balloon payment.
[Balloon Payment贷款中的期末大笔还款]
总而言之吧 他简直就是最好的爸爸 Anyways, he's like the best dad ever,
所以你是不是能对他稍微好点 So maybe you could be a little nicer to him.
你在这呢 孩子 There you are, buddy.
看看 他们在派送免费糖豆 Check it out. They're giving away free jelly beans.
嗨 米茨 Hey, Mitzi.
邓菲 Dunphy.
你儿子可真乖 You have a very nice kid there.
他是我的 He's mine.
我在想 在演过小菲茨宝之后 Hey, so I was thinking after, uh, little Fizbo,
我们可以演梯子那个 We could do the ladder bit.
我去 我都忘了那梯子了 Ah, crap. I forgot the ladder.
下周末我会记得的 You know, I'll remember it next weekend.
下周末是什么 What's next weekend?
我们在千橡市有个演出 We got a town fair in Thousand Oaks
以及帕萨迪纳市有场生日会 and a birthday party in Pasadena.
说什么呢 我没法去 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. I-I can't do that.
你什么意思 W-what do you mean?
帕萨迪纳警方要抓的人可是我 I'm the one with outstanding warrants in Pasadena.
下周末我们要带莉莉去水族馆 We're taking Lily to the aquarium next weekend.
路易斯 你知道合作仅此一次 对吗 You know, Lewis, this was just a onetime thing, right?
不是说好"我们双丑合璧 再战江湖"吗 What happened to "We're putting the act back together"?
只是对今天而言 Well, that was just for today.
噢 当然了 Oh. Oh, sure.
-我很抱歉让你误会 -不用 - I'm--I'm sorry if you thought... - No, no, no.
我理解 I get it.
你现在是居家男人 You're a family man now.
我们出去让此次表演成为 Let's go out there and make this
菲茨宝 & 路易斯秀史上最精彩的一场 the best show fizbo & Lewis have ever done.
没问题 搭档 You got it, partner.
女士们细菌们 男生们女生们 Ladies and germs, boys and girls,
来见见我的好朋友 say hello to my good friend...
小菲茨宝 little Fizbo!
大家好 巨人们 Hello, big people!
你好 Hi!
派对开始啦 Let's get this party started!
跳舞让我觉得好饿啊 Wow, all this dancing sure has made me hungry!
要是有东西吃就好了 Wish I had something to eat!
忘了那边有条鱼 Oh, forgot I had that fish over there.
搞不懂他为何如此生我的气 Don't know why he's so mad at me!
刚才还好好的 He was fine just a minute ago.
噢 好吧 Ohh! Okay!
某人今天出拳很猛啊 Somebody's a little punchy today!
干什么 Oh. Hey.
怎么有煎锅在这里 What's the frying pan doing here?
什么时候表演需要煎锅的 When did we add a frying pan to the act?
不需要 不 不需要煎锅 We don't need-- nope! Don't need the frying pan!
你为什么要打我 别打了 Why are you doing that? Stop doing that.
去死吧 叛徒 Screw you, you traitor.
很疼好吧 Ow! That hurts!
说真的 住手 Seriously, stop it!
知道什么疼吗 被抛弃才疼 Know what hurts? Abandonment.
听听他们的笑声 我们本可以出名的 Listen to 'em laughing. We could have been something.
我们本可以红起来的 我一人可成不了笑星 We could have been some-- I can't do this bit by myself!
来人啊 来人啊 这不是表演 Somebody! Somebody! This isn't pretend!
快去找个大人来 快啊 Someone grab an adult, please!
米茨 Mitzi.
你儿子忘了拿麦片 Your kid forgot his cereal.
每盒都有意外小礼物 There's a surprise in every box.
剧透下 吃多得糖尿病 Spoiler alert-- it's diabetes.
你大老远开车来就为了送这个 You drove all the way over here for this?
好吧 听我说 Okay, look, here's the deal.
如果你想要 那家代理归你了 You can have that listing if you want it.
-什么 -那对夫妻很难应付 - What? - Yeah, the couple are a real pain.
我已经老得经不起这样的折腾 I'm too old for that kind of headache.
你别到处宣传就行 Just keep your mouth shut about it.
-太谢谢你了 -我刚说了闭嘴 - Thank you so much. - I just said "Zip it"!
-噢 是说过了 -真够白痴 - Oh. You did. - Unbelievable.
对不起 谢谢了 I'm so sorry. But thank you.
回见 Bye!
孩子们 集合了 Kids, gather 'round!
我们就在这里 We are right here!
我要告诉你们 人性本善 Let me tell you something-- people are fundamentally good.
关键是 要发现他们内心深处的善良 The key is, you find that goodness deep within 'em.
操纵之 Twist it,
为己所用 and turn it to your advantage.
你好 Hello.
好了 就是她 And... there she is.
要说些什么 What are you gonna hit?
大学 气球付款 最好的老爸 College, balloon payment, greatest dad ever.
很好 要挤点眼泪到你眼中吗 Nice. Do you want me to squirt some tears in your eyes?
爸 拜托 Dad, please.
我学走路前就会假哭了 I was fake crying before I could walk.
你以为我是怎么摆脱吃沙拉的 How do you think I got out of eating all those salads?
你能帮我拿一下那盒麦片吗 Can you help me reach that box of cereal?
嘿 你是米茨·罗斯 是吗 Oh, hey. You're Mitzi Roth, right?
我见过你的广告 I recognize you from your ads.
是不是很性感 Smokin', huh?
真不敢相信你把代理权拿回来了 I can't believe you got that listing back!
-宝贝 -亲爱的 - Sweetheart! - Honey!
-亲爱的 -什么事 - Honey? - Mm-hmm?
"顶" Ding?
你确定要"顶"一个唠叨婆吗 You sure you wanna ding a chatterbox?
亲爱的 Honey...
小家伙 快 Buddy, quick--
假哭的窍门是什么 What's the trick to those fake tears?
想着"活宝三人组"死绝了 The three stooges are all dead.
是啊 妙招啊 Yeah, that's good.
看来某人喜欢酷玩乐队 Well, it looks like somebody likes Coldplay.
是啊 你看见了 Mm. Right. You saw.
你们有看到我发的感恩节照片吗 Did you see the pictures I posted from thanksgiving?
灰常可耐 Totes adorbs.
我想死了算了 I'm going to kill myself.
你得看我的留言板 这里 You gotta check out my wall. Right there.
1990年春假 新奥尔良 "Spring break, 1990, New Orleans."
那是你吗 Is that you?
什么 What?
你大学同学在照片中把你圈了 Some guy from your college tagged you in a picture.
什么叫圈了 什么叫圈了 What is "Tagging"? What is "Tagging"?
你为什么用漏斗喝酒 Why are drinking out of a funnel?
为什么会有只手... Why there's a hand...
好了 取消圈人 Ok, untag it.
快取消 Untag it.
姑娘们 我说正经的 快取消圈人 Girls, I'm serious, untag it.
把留言板拆了 Turn down the wall.