孩子们 莉莉阿姨快生的时候 Kids, when Aunt Lily went into labor,
马修还和巴尼叔叔一起 Marshall was somewhere slightly inconvenient,
在有那么一点远的大西洋城 in Atlantic City with Uncle Barney,
尤达是《星球大战》中培养战士的大师 喜欢倒着说话
而且醉得说话像尤达一样 and drunk to the point of talking like Yoda.
宝宝生了 Baby come...
爸爸要当了我 Papa gonna be am I...
医院我们去现在 Hospital must we get now...
好吧 但是排队取车要四个小时 Okay, there's like a four-hour wait at the valet stand.
况且我们都醉了 所以开车这条路是行不通的 Plus, we're in no shape to drive. So, a car's out...
等等 别着急 我们可以打车去火车站 Wait, don't worry. We'll take a cab to the train station.
哦 除非你人品爆发才能打到车 Yeah, good luck getting a cab.
这里正在举办一场盛会 It's impossible because of the big thing.
孩子们 我无论如何都想不起 Kids, for the life of me, I can't remember
那个周末大西洋城到底有一场什么样的盛会 what the big thing was in Atlantic City that weekend.
是啦啦队节 Was it a cheerleading convention?
不对 是成人电影文化节 No, it was a porn convention.
还是科幻节 Sci-fi convention?
呃 我真的不记得了 Eh, I can't remember.
-我们被困在大西洋城了 -大西洋城被困了我们 -We're stuck in Atlantic City!-City of Atlantic stuck in are we.
老爸老妈浪漫史 第七季 第二十三二十四集
翻译: Andie Cathy 邵小庚 47.4 爪爪 Roy 数字哥 加菲猪 后期+统筹: Cathy 校对: Cathy Andie 数字哥
HIMYM字幕组倾情奉献
没事的 莉莉 一切都会好的 Okay, Lily, it's going to be fine.
我们才不会慌张 我们才不会慌张 We are not freaking out. We are not freaking out!
我已经淡定了 我们去医院吧 I feel calmer already. Let's get you to the hospital.
哦 我还不能去 我和桑亚医生谈过了 Oh, I can't go yet. I talked to Dr. Sonya.
他们要等到宫缩间隔小于四分钟的时候 They won't admit me until my contractions
才会收我入院 are four minutes apart.
这样 呃 如果你没法及时赶到 Okay, well, if you don't make it in time,
我可以解决 我13岁的时候被我爸抓到和男生接吻 I have got you covered. When I was 13, my father caught me
他罚我去家里的农场劳动 那正好是产仔的季节 kissing a boy, so he sent me to our family's ranch
马驹从产道里面挤出来的景象 for foaling season. Once you see a baby horse
可以让人性致全无 erupt through that birth canal, you stop even touching yourself.
总之 因为我胳膊细 所以我把手肘都埋了进去 Anyway, I had skinny arms, so I got up there elbow deep.
小黑出生的过程中我的手表不见了 I lost this watch birthing Blacky...
够了 别说了 我又不是农场上的动物 Okay, stop it. I am not a farm animal.
哦 又来了 放松姑娘 要方糖么 Oh, there we go. Easy girl. Sugar cube?
哦 好吧 Oh, okay.
啊 别担心 莉莉 Ah, don't worry, Lil.
我们中的某人知道在这样一个非常时期 Some of us know what a woman actually needs
女人真正需要的是什么 at a time like this.
一封爆强的生育通告 A kick-ass labor announcement e-mail.
一个男人 A man,
一个女人 a woman,
和他们最好的朋友 and their best friend,
踏上了一段精彩绝伦的旅程 embark on an incredible journey.
莉莉的宫颈正在扩张 我们希望所有人都 Lily's cervix is dilating, and we want you all
融入这一盛大的开场 to be part of its grand opening.
不许你发这封邮件 You are not sending that to anyone, ever.
我现在需要从疼痛中转移注意力 So what I need right now is distraction from the pain.
给我讲个故事就好 Just tell me a story.
-啊 什么故事 -无所谓 什么都行 -Uh, what story? -I don't care. Anything.
就讲最糟糕的打的经历好吗 How about the worst cab ride ever?
-擦窗服务 -不 -Clean your window for you? - No!
嘿 别动我的车 Hey, get off my cab!
哦 哦 神啊 Oh! Oh, God!
哦 啊 Oh! Ah!
我们才不要慌张 我们才不要慌张 We are not panicking! We are not panicking!
趴下 四肢着地 你的后腿会自然分开 Get on all fours; it widens your hind quarters.
别说了 我才不是农场上的动物 Stop it! I am not a farm animal!
还是把方糖给我吧 But give me that sugar cube.
好吧 听着 我会尽量送你去医院 Okay, listen, I am going to get you to that hospital
或者尝试至死 如果我办到了 or die trying. And if I succeed,
我只要求一件事作为回报 I ask only one thing in return.
让我来选孩子的中间名 Let me choose your child's middle name.
因为我已经想好了一个惊天地泣鬼神的名字 Because I have thought up the most awesome name of all time.
什么名字 What's the middle name?
慢着 Wait for it...
我等着呢 I'm waiting.
慢着 Wait for it...
我说了我等着呢 I said I'm waiting.
-慢着 -到底是中间名 -Wait for it. -What's the middle name?
"慢着"就是中间名 No, the middle name is "Wait For It."
比如说他的教名是 呃 巴尼 Let's say his first name is, oh, I don't know, Barney.
他的全名就叫 巴尼·慢着·埃里克森 He'd be Barney "Wait For It" Eriksen.
那样有多帅啊 How awesome is that?
那真是 That is...
世界上最酷的 中间名了 the coolest... middle name of all time.
我就说嘛 现在 听我说 I know! Okay, listen.
我有一个让我们回纽约的计划 I have a plan to get us to New York.
我们只要拿到那辆摩托车就可以了 All we have to do is get our hands on that motorcycle.
而且我已经想好该怎么办 And I know just the way to do it.
接着 Here.
哦 嗨 朱迪 Oh. Hi, Judy.
哦 真不错 你收到了泰德的邮件 Oh, good. You got the e-mail from Ted.
不 我不担心我城里产的窄臀 No, I am not worried my city hips are too narrow,
会卡住你的孙子 and-and your grandson's going to get stuck.
我先挂了 I got to go.
我以为你把那蠢邮件删了 I thought you deleted that stupid e-mail.
好吧 我不小心发出去了 Okay, I sent it by accident.
-她喜欢吗 -喜欢 -She like it? -Yes!
继续讲故事 Just keep telling me stories!
尼尔·杨是加拿大著名音乐人
好的 好的 我想到一个 和尼尔·杨上二垒 Okay, okay, I got one for you: second base with Neil Young.
呃 Um,
我一般不会 呃 到处宣传我的二垒事迹 I don't normally go to, um, second base and tell,
不过这可是和尼尔·杨的激情一夜 but I just spent a magical night with Neil Young.
他现在还在我房里 He's still in my room.
开什么玩笑 哦 天啊 Seriously? Oh, my God.
轻点 别把他吓跑了 Be quiet, don't scare him off.
嘿 He-Hey...
-罗宾 -恩 -Robin... -Yeah.
那不是尼尔 杨 That's not Neil Young.
天呐 Oh, God.
噢 我们在互相抖料么 我有料可抖啊 Oh, we're busting apple bags? I can bust apple bags.
泰德 记得我们约会时候办的那个派对吗 Ted, remember when we were dating and we threw that party
其中有道开胃菜不大对头 and one of those appetizers just didn't sit right?
呃 听上去没有印象 Ah... doesn't sound familiar.
我把这个故事叫做"泰德与古巴三明治危机" I call this story "Ted and the Cuban Sandwich Crisis."
泰德走出卫生间的时候 Ted came out of that bathroom looking like
马尼拉是拳击史上的重要比赛 乔弗雷泽输给了巅峰时期的拳王阿里
看起来像是乔弗雷泽输掉马尼拉大战之后的样子 Joe Frazier after the Thrilla in Manila.
喔 那是什么味道 Oh, what is that smell!?
啊 Ugh!
所以我 作为一名优秀的女友 试着帮他解围 So I, being a great girlfriend, tried to help him out.
你们都中什么邪了 我什么都没闻到 You guys are all crazy; I don't smell anything.
总之 谁想去屋顶 Anyway, uh, who wants to go up on the roof?
但是当时 But then...
她这是做贼心虚 She, who denied it, supplied it.
没错 肯定是那个古巴三明治 对吧宝贝儿 Yeah, must have been that Cuban sandwich, huh, babe?
那实在是很没劲啊 泰德 That was not cool, Ted.
也有变短的意思 所以后面robin把说法缩短了
子宫收缩 Contraction!
那实在没劲 泰德 That wasn't cool, Ted?
继续说故事啊 Just keep going with the stories.
我都不在乎我是不是已经听过 I don't even care if I've heard it before.
就说那个 呃 "那扇门通向哪"的故事 Just tell me, uh, "Where Does That Door Go?"
好的 Okay.
嗨 我以前从来没注意过那扇门 Hey, I've never noticed that door before.
很好奇它通向哪里 I wonder where it goes.
泰德 泰德 Ted. Ted.
不不不不不 让他去 让他去 No, no, no, let him... let him...
哇 Wow...
不要 不啊 Don't... No...
罗宾 Robi....
哦 Oh...
哇 Wow...
爸爸 哦 太好了 Dad, oh, good.
让我猜猜 你收到泰德的邮件了 Let me guess, you got Ted's e-mail.
-小公主 我这就上路 -爸爸 等一下 不 不要 -I'm on my way, Princess. -Dad, wait, no, not...
我了个去 泰德 Damn it, Ted.
你发邮件给我的阿姨 我的表兄妹们 你的表兄妹们 I was okay with you e-mailing my aunt, my cousins,
还有那个罗宾误认成尼尔杨的哥们 这都不算什么 and your cousins, and the guy that Robin thought was Neil Young.
但是我爸爸是任何医患状况下 But my father is the absolute worst person to have around
的绝对最差伴侣 in any sort of medical situation.
我七岁的时候 When I was seven, I needed
要做一个扁桃体切除手术 to have my tonsils out.
爸爸 我害怕 Daddy, I'm scared.
嗷 小公主 要是我也会怕 我对这个手术做了些研究 Aw, Princess, I would be too. I've researched this surgery.
什么都可能发生 你可能流血过多而死 Anything can happen. You could bleed to death...
你可能因为感染需要把下巴卸了 ...you could have your jaw removed due to infection,
而且麻醉可能会突然失效 and the anesthesia could suddenly just stop working,
就像你妈妈和我的婚姻一样 much like your mom's and my marriage.
你知道我们要离的吧 You do know that we're getting a divor...
先别担心这个 等做完手术我们再聊 Don't worry about it. We'll talk about it after the surgery.
淡定 丫头 Calm down, girl.
好的 最后再说一次 我不是一匹 Okay, for the last time, I am not...
其实吧 接着梳 Actually, keep going.
好的 我承认这套"赢辆摩托车计划"很蠢 Okay, I admit the whole "Win a motorcycle plan" Was stupid.
尤其是因为我们连该在哪台机器上玩都搞错了 Especially because we've been playing on the wrong machine.
五分钟之后在出口处等我 Meet me at the entrance in five minutes.
上来吧 马修 今晚出发 我们骑它 Hop on, Marshall. Tonight, we ride!
你赢来的 You won that?
还真不能这么说 你看啊 我 Not exactly. You see, I...
给我下来 Get off!
我希望马修快到了 给我块方糖 I hope Marshall's close. Cube me.
我正在赶路 小百合 I'm on my way, Lily Pad.
孩子们 你们的马修叔叔 Kids, your Uncle Marshall
一生中面对过很多挑战 has faced many challenges in his life.
但是他还是觉得在醉到这个程度的情况下 But he still considers getting up these two steps
上这两级台阶是最最难的一次挑战 when he was this drunk to be the hardest one of all.
给我说个马修的故事 我想他 Tell me a Marshall story. I miss him.
有了 "受诅咒裤子"的故事 Got it. "The Tale of the Cursed Pants."
嗨 哥几个 Hey, guys.
我现在开始担心我的裤子了 So, I'm starting worry about these pants.
现在才开始 Starting to?
不 自从我买了这裤子之后 No, ever since I got them, terrible things
可怕的厄运一直发生在我身上 我戳了脚趾头 have been happening to me: I stubbed my toe,
-错过了火车 -你穿上了这条裤子 -I missed my train... -You put on the pants.
而且旧货店的那位大姐告诉我 And then the lady at the thrift store said that for years,
多年来都没有人试穿过这裤子 你能相信么 no one so much as tried them on. Can you believe that?
能 Yes.
你知道这意味着什么吧 You know what this means?
这条裤子被诅咒了 These pants are cursed.
口袋里的是什么 What's this in the pocket?
一个线索 A clue.
马修找人翻译了纸条上的字 Marshall had the writing translated.
这让他深入到了中国城的内心地带 It led him deep into the heart of Chinatown.
是你 It is you.
那个人出现了 The One has arrived.
干洗费21.5刀 Dry cleaning, $21.50.
我记得那件西服 他看上去像 I remember that suit. He looked like
一个小小孩儿的假想朋友 a little kid's imaginary friend.
他在哪儿啊 Where is he?!
现在 马修叔叔知道他只有一个机会 Now, Uncle Marshall knew he had only one chance
离开大西洋城 of getting out of Atlantic City:
贿赂一个出租车司机 bribing a cab driver.
会吐钱的机器 Machine that gives money!
现在 马修是挺醉的 Now, Marshall was pretty drunk,
但是他发誓自动提款机变成了这样 but he swears the ATM started to do this.
别打我了 就凭这个 Stop hitting me. Just for that,
你就不能回家见证你儿子的出生 you're never getting home for the birth of your son.
不 No!!
咋了 哥们 What's up, bro?
等下 你是怎么 那些保安 Wait, how did you... with the security?
我会解释的 I'll explain.
你说说 我们是不是该通知主管部门呢 -Tell me why we shouldn't call the authorities...
就现在 你倒是去通知啊 -right now? -Go ahead, call 'em.
但是 你能先给我看看 But first, can you show me the rule that says you can't
禁止在赌场骑摩托的法规吗 drive a motorcycle on the casino floor?
里面没这条 It's not in here.
孩子们 直到今天 这个告示都一直贴在这 And, kids, that sign is still there to this day.
我出来的时候正好碰上这家伙 When I came out, I ran into this guy.
他开往纽约的巴士 Two seats just opened up
上面空了两个座位 on his bus to New York!
巴尼 你太有才了 Barney, you're a genius!
还有 最绝的是 Plus, here's the best part.
爷跟奎恩基本上玩完了 爷现在是单身 This Quinn thing is probably done, so I'm basically single.
Senior有老人的意思 也有大四(高三)学生的意思
他说车上全都是性感的在校大四生哦 He said the bus is full of hot college seniors.
好吧 也许他没说"学校" Okay, maybe he didn't say "College."
也没说"性感" Or "Hot."
我好想奎恩啊 I miss Quinn.
马修在搞毛啊 What is taking Marshall so long?
舔两口盐巴 Salt lick?
赶紧把门那故事说完 Just finish the door story!
哇哦 Oh, wow.
我不喜欢这样 I don't like this.
好了好了 到四分钟了 Okay, okay, that's four minutes!
我们这就去医院 We're going to the hospital.
等等 马修还没回来呢 W-Wait, but Marshall's not here yet.
没有马修 我不能去医院 I can't go to the hospital without Marshall!
放着我来 莉莉 腿张开 I'm on it. Lily, spread your legs.
我要看看蹄子露出来没 I'm gonna see if we can see the hooves--
额不 是猪鼻子 额不 是脑袋 uh, the-the snout-- uh, the head.
来吧 现在就带我去医院 Here we go. Take me to the hospital now.
好 走走走 Okay. Come on, come on.
不好意思 师傅 Excuse me, sir.
我老婆要生了 My wife is in labor, and I really need to
我得去圣马库斯医院 get to Saint Marcus Hospital.
这车在纽约哪儿停啊 So where exactly in New York does this bus drop off?
水牛城（在纽约州 不是纽约市） Buffalo.
我为什么不能用硬脊膜外麻醉啊 What do you mean I can't have an epidural?
已经过了麻醉时机了 You're too far along.
你这情况发展的比原先预料的快多了 Things are moving much faster than expected.
听着 你要是怕惹麻烦 Look, if your hands are tied medically,
就把麻醉剂放桌子上 我自个来 just leave the epidural on the table and walk away.
别担心 Don't worry.
宝宝一会就出来了哈 The baby slide right out, huh?
嗖一声就出来了 It's like a whoosh.
就像水滑梯一样哦 Like a waterslide.
稍稍有点疼的水滑梯 Slightly painful waterslide.
赶紧讲个故事 Tell me a story now!
额 额 Uh... Uh...
哦 你记得那回不 Oh! Remember the time Barney
巴尼搞成终结者那样 跟妞搭讪 tried to pick up girls as the Terminator?
嗯 Yes.
想爽就跟我来 Come with me if you want to bang.
换一个 Another.
啊 泰德和他那根那根巨长的臂毛 Oh, uh, Ted and the freakishly long arm hair!
我倒不这么想 我觉得肚子饱不饱 No, I disagree, because the filling--
还是取决于你吃了啥 对吧 It depends on what you're eating, right?
你要是吃了 If it's...
喔 这是毛啊 Whoa. What the...?
喔 Whoa.
那就讲那个巨长臂毛的穿帮故事 The debunking of the freakishly long arm hair.
等下 这就是根线而已 Wait, it's-it's just a thread.
我羡慕嫉妒恨 行不 I was jealous, okay?
今天巴尼那个终结者的噱头 Barney's getting all the attention today
实在出尽了风头 with this Terminator thing.
哼 这招儿居然没法儿把妞骗上床 Huh. Can't believe I'm not getting laid in this thing.
看来我得换一个电影桥段 Maybe I need to pick a different part of the movie.
再换一个故事 Tell me another story!
哦对了 那个门的故事还没讲完呢 Oh, hey, we never finished "Where does that door go""
来吧 Come on.
我们看看去 Let's check it out.
额亲爱的 他们都不见了 You know what, baby, they're gone.
咱俩也撤了吧 It's time for us to move on.
莉 L-Lil...
哦老天 Oh, my God.
新故事啊 New story!
额 那回我们做试验 Uh, the time we tested
看香蕉皮是不是真滑 if banana peels are really slippery.
对 Yes.
好了么 Ready?
这玩意根本不可能真滑 There's no way that's really slippery.
嗷嗷嗷 Ow! Ow! Ow!
额 那年万圣节 我们打算装扮成"早餐俱乐部" Uh, the Halloween we decided to go as The Breakfast Club,
但是没分派好角色 but failed to coordinate our costumes!
额 这 Uh... Does...
哦 Oh.
开玩笑吧 Really?
对 那次是很搞笑 Yeah, that was funny.
接着讲 Keep going!
额 额 Oh, uh, uh...
那回巴尼救了一个女人一命 the-the time Barney saved a woman's life.
好了么 Ready?
这玩意根本不可能真滑 There's no way that's really slippery.
额 那回莉莉生孩子 Uh, the time Lily went into labor!
就是这回啊 That's now!
抱歉 我没故事了 Sorry, I'm running out of stories.
算了 Forget it!
说这些反正也没用了 They're not working anymore!
好了 莉莉 我知道这肯定不是你想象中的样子 Okay, Lily, I know this isn't how you imagined it,
但我希望你知道 but I want you to know
我就在这里 我是你坚强的后盾 that I am here for you and I am rock solid!
哦 我看到宝宝的头了 Oh, I can see its head.
哦 感谢老天 桑亚医生 Oh, thank God, Dr. Sonya!
你 You!
把地上那摊东西从我的产房里弄出去 Get that thing out of my delivery room!
我受不了软弱的女人 Weak women disgust me.
好了 莉莉 把腿抬起来 All right, Lily, legs up!
我们现在开始 成么 We push now, yes?!
不行啊 马修还没来呢 I can't. Marshall's not here yet.
莉莉 Lily!
如果你不使劲儿的话 If you don't push, I will shove that baby
我就把孩子推进你的喉咙 然后从你嘴里拽出来 up your throat and pull it out of your mouth!
马修这个死人到底在哪里 Where the hell is Marshall?!
没有马修 我做不到的 I can't do this without Marshall!
孩子们 有时候上天会遂你所愿送来你需要的人 Kids, sometimes the universe sends exactly what you ask for.
也有时候 上天会送来莉莉的爸爸 Other times, it sends Lily's dad.
哦 Oh...
记得你那次做扁桃体手术的时候么 Remember the time you had your tonsils out?
当然 当然 Yeah, yeah.
你把我吓得七荤八素的 You scared the crap out of me.
是的哇 不是么 Yes, I did, didn't I?
哦 我的个天呐 Oh, my.
但你记得之后发生的事情么 But do you remember what happened next?
别担心 我的小公主 And don't worry, Princess,
如果你永久的失去了说话的能力 if you permanently lose the ability to speak,
我们就送你一块小黑板 we'll give you a chalkboard.
你可以找根小绳子把它挂在脖子上 You can hang it around your neck on a little string.
护士姐姐 我不认识这个陌生人 Nurse, I don't know who this strange man is.
保安 Security!
你说什么呐 我可是你爸爸 What are you talking about? I'm your daddy.
你这是干什么 What do you mean...
嘿 伙计们 别这样 Hey, fellas, come on!
当我在一堆医疗垃圾里醒来 I woke up in a Dumpster of medical waste,
感觉再自豪不过了 and I couldn't have been prouder.
因为你就像那堆垃圾一样 Because, much like that Dumpster,
guts既有勇气又有内脏的意思
很有勇气 you had a lot of guts.
而那种勇气伴着你度过每一天 And you've used that bravery every day of your life.
所以不论马修在不在 With or without Marshall.
你都要生下这个宝宝 You're having this baby.
谢谢 爸爸 Thanks, Dad.
这个故事还真帮上忙了 That story actually helped.
哦 很好 我很欣慰 Oh, good, I'm glad.
而且 你知道的 只有极少数人的的阴道会被撕裂 And, you know, few women have vaginal tearing severe enough
到需要手术修补的地步 to need surgical reconstruction...
-保安 -哦 别这样嘛 -Security! -Oh, come on.
不必这样吧 That's not necessary.
宝贝儿 别... Sweetheart, please...
哦 伙计们 别这样 Oh, fellas, come on.
求求你了 先生 Please, sir, all you have to do
您只要在下个出口离开高速公路去趟曼哈顿 is take the next exit to Manhattan.
20分钟之内您就可以重回这条高速公路 You'll be back on the road in 20 minutes.
我已经告诉你了 I already told you,
我没有权力停车 I'm not allowed to stop.
先生 这个人今晚就要当爸爸了 Sir, this man is having a baby tonight.
现在他应该去圣马克斯医院 And instead of going to Saint Marcus Hospital,
而不是水牛城 we're going to Buffalo.
我见过那儿的女人 她们市的市名真是恰如其分 And I've seen women from there; the city's aptly named.
你看 我是根废柴 Look, I'm a screwup.
我对一个叫奎恩的女孩儿认了真 I had something special with this girl Quinn,
但我却毁了这一切 and I ruined it.
但是这个人 他每件事都做的恰如其分 But this guy-- he's done everything right.
他18岁就开始用心经营这段感情 He's been loving and devoted since he was 18 years old.
这个世界上如此可敬的人仅有几个 There are only a few truly great people on this planet,
而他就是其中之一 and he is one of them.
亲眼看着孩子出生是他应得的报偿 He deserves to be at the birth of his son.
所以...你认为呢 So... what do you say?
除非发生紧急情况 不然我不能停车的 Unless there's an emergency, I'm not allowed to stop,
现在你给我坐下 so sit down,
闭上嘴乖乖地看天茧回归2(传说中的烂片) watch Cocoon 2 and shut up.
对不起哥们儿 我尽力了 I'm sorry, buddy, I tried.
之后 奇迹发生了 And then, something wonderful happened.
我心脏病发了 I'm having a heart attack!
我心脏病也发了 I'm having a heart attack!
我也犯心脏病了 I'm having a heart attack!
而且我的医生就在圣马克斯医院 And my doctor is at Saint Marcus Hospital!
我的也是 So is mine!
我也是 Mine, too.
我的儿子是心脏病科的主任 And my son is head of Cardiology.
我们知道了 We know!
使劲儿 Push!
要是马修在这儿就好了 I wish Marshall were here!
我就在这儿宝贝 I'm here, baby.
马修 Marshall!
我不知道我为什么昏过去了 I don't know why I passed out.
我接生过12个宝宝 个个完全健康 I have delivered 12 perfectly healthy babies,
其中甚至有个人类小孩儿 and one of them was even human.
这个 如果你爱着那个人 事情就不一样了 Well, it's different when it's someone you love.
当那个头从你最好的朋友身体里出来的时候 When that head was coming out of your best friend.
哦 停停停 我又晕乎了 Oh, stop. I'm feeling woozy again.
别介 Don't.
要舔盐巴不 Salt lick?
作为对巴尼送我过来的回报 我可能答应了他 In return for him getting me here, I may have promised Barney
把我们儿子的中间名定为 慢着等一下 that our son's middle name will be Wait For It.
我等不及了 告诉我 到底是什么 I can't wait, just-- what is the name?
名字就是 慢着等一下 The name is Wait For It.
这是有史以来最帅气的中间名了 That is the coolest middle name of all time!
听我说 嗯 Look, um,
我知道最近这几个月以来 我们俩的关系有点儿怪 I know things have been weird between us the last few months,
但是 but...
马修和莉莉就要有宝宝了 Marshall and Lily are having a baby.
是啊 Yeah.
你明白的 我希望这个宝宝生在一个 And, you know, I want this baby to be born
我俩能融洽相处的世界里 into a world where we're okay.
那 好朋友 So, friends?
我爱你 罗宾 I love you, Robin.
说着玩的 Kidding.
你 You...
-好朋友 -你 -Friends. -You...
同志们 走廊那边有好消息 Guys, great news from down the hall.
一块钱 两包小熊软糖 One dollar, two bags of gummy bears!
这真是好消息啊 It's like, I don't even care
今天别的事 我都不在乎了 what happens for the rest of the day.
我 I...
嘿 Hey.
额 伙计们 Well, guys, uh...
我当爹了 I'm a dad.
哦老天啊 Oh, my God!
朋友们 Everybody,
这是马文 this is Marvin.
我们让他用了我父亲的名字 We named him after my pop.
告诉他们全名 Tell them the full name.
马文·慢着等一下·埃里克森 Marvin Wait For It Eriksen.
这真是史上最牛的中间名啊 That is the coolest middle name of all-time.
绝对的 Totally.
你来到这个陌生的地方 ? You were born into a strange world ?
如烛光一般将它点亮 ? Like a candle, you were meant to share the fire ?
虽然我去来无方 不知所往 ? I don't know where we come from, I don't know where we go ?
可我会拥你在怀 ? But my arms were made to hold you ?
今生不放 ? So I will never let you go ?
因为你的降临 ? 'Cause you were born ?
改变了我人生的航向 ? To change this life, you were born. ?
噔噔！ Boo!
接下来的故事 Which brings us to the story
是一个完全搞砸了的婚礼 of a wedding day that went horribly wrong.
泰德 新娘要见你 Ted, the bride wants to see you.
巴尼叔叔要结婚了 Uncle Barney was getting married.
我们到底是怎么走到这一步的 How the hell did we get there?
我喜欢马文这名字 I love the name Marvin.
马尔夫 Marv.
听来像个中年小矮子 Sounds like a little middle-aged man.
下周末打高尔夫吧 马尔夫 Golf next weekend, Marv?
税报得怎么样了 马尔夫 How's that tax report coming, Marv?
在你这岁数 有性功能障碍 At your age, erectile dysfunction
没啥不好意思的 马尔夫 is nothing to be ashamed of, Marv.
美好的一刻啊 It was a beautiful moment.
但紧接着一个想法撞进我的脑袋里 孩子们 But then a thought popped into my head, kids.
等你们第一次看到你们挚友抱着宝宝 The same thought that will pop into your heads
这个想法也会撞进你们脑袋的 the first time you see your best friend holding their baby.
我很好奇这能有多疼 Wonder how much this would hurt.
这货居然当爹了 That guy's a dad.
哦 我猜他是饿了 Oh, I think he's hungry.
额 我们先回避一下 Oh, we'll give you some privacy.
哇哦 你看他们一家三口 Wow. Seeing them in there all together like that,
老婆孩子热炕头啊 they're a family, you know?
我就想要这样的生活 That's what I want.
泰德 我很高兴我们又是朋友了 Oh, Ted, I'm glad we're friends again.
我也是 Me, too.
因为作为你的朋友 我不得不告诉你 Because as your friend, I have to tell you:
你这是扯淡 You're full of crap!
你说你要成家 You say you want a family,
你要"真命天女" you say you want to meet "The One,"
可是你追的妞根本不是啊 but you are always chasing the wrong women.
不是这样的 That is not true.
瞅瞅你那些女朋友 Look at the women you date,
从我开始 starting with me:
我当时就说了 我不婚不要孩子 I told you right away I didn't want marriage or kids.
斯黛拉跟一个男人藕断丝连还有个孩子 Stella had a child with another man who she still loved.
佐伊已婚 还试图毁掉你的事业 Zoey was married and trying to sabotage your career
而且她还总戴着死丑的帽子 and wore a lot of stupid hats.
你要是真想成家 If you really wanted a family,
你就别追那些你自己都知道 you would stop pursuing women
根本没戏的女人 you know that there is no future with.
成 首先 帽子算是那年的时尚 Okay, first of all, hats were in that year, kind of.
其次 我也不能算是总在追 Secondly, I don't always choose women
完全没戏的女人 there's no future with, kind of.
请举反例 Name one exception.
维多利亚 Victoria.
维多利亚很好 Victoria was great.
没错 然后你就甩了她 Exactly, and you threw it all away
去追别的惹火尤物了 to chase after some hot piece of ass.
-你这是在说自己么 -谢谢咯 -You mean you? -Thank you!
维多利亚是你所有女友里 Victoria is the only woman you've dated
唯一可能成为"真命天女"的了 who could've been "The One."
你应该跟她联系 You should call her.
一个小障碍 上次我见她 她就要订婚了 Tiny thing, last time I saw her, she was getting engaged.
那是八个月前 That was eight months ago.
你怎么知道她现在不是单身啊 For all you know, she's single again.
万一她结婚了呢 What if she's married?
万一她没结呢 What if she's not?
你实际上本有机会 Then you would actually have a chance
过上你自称想要的生活 结果你却怕了 to get what you say you want, and it terrifies you.
为什么呢 因为要是我偷个解剖刀把你开膛破肚 Why? Because if I stole a scalpel and I cut you open,
就能看见里面根本是一团哆哆嗦嗦 吓坏了的的破烂 all I would find inside is a scared, trembling pile of crap.
你瞧 我就怀念这样的对话 See, I've missed these talks.
我也是 Oh, me, too.
-唉 -哇哦 -Yeah.-Whoa.
怎么啦 What's wrong?
我毁了和我奎恩的恋情 I ruined things with Quinn.
我坚决要求她不要再跳脱衣舞了 I insisted she stop stripping,
我们为此大吵了一架 we got in a huge fight about it,
然后我跑到大西洋城两天都不联系她 then I ran off to Atlantic City for two days without calling.
我简直不知道回家后会面对什么 What the hell am I coming home to?
让我们和我六个火辣的脱衣舞娘朋友一起玩8P吧 Let's have an eight-way with my six hottest stripper friends.
额 这哪里是惩罚 Um, how is that a punishment?
听我说完 Wait for it.
但是我要罚你不准你用 But I forbid you from filming it
那个会给叫床最大声的人特写镜头的 with your overhead camera
吊式摄像机录下这个过程 that zooms in on whoever's being the loudest.
天哪 不要 Nooooo!
不行 这太残忍了 No, that's too cruel.
或者 可能奎恩已经搬出去了 Or, you know, maybe Quinn's moved out.
我完全没想到这个 I didn't even think of that!
哎 Hi.
欢迎回家 Welcome home.
"美国杀人魔"是一部小说 曾改编为电影
我觉得这个地方有点儿过于"美国杀人魔"风格了 I decided the place was a bit too "American Psycho" For me,
所以你离开的时候 我雇了个装潢师 so while you were gone, I hired a decorator
然后问他 and I asked him,
奇妙仙子的阴道里面 "What would the inside
看起来会是怎样的呢 of Tinkerbell's vagina look like?"
然后那个小孩就开始自由发挥了 And the kid just ran with it!
那么..你觉得怎样 So... what do you think?
感谢老天你还在这里 Thank God you're still here!
欢迎回家 Welcome home.
莉莉和马修选择罗宾做他们的摄影师 Lily and Marshall asked Robin to be the photographer
来拍摄宝宝的生日通告卡相片 for Baby Marvin's Birth Announcement card
却没选择我 instead of me.
管他们呢 Whatever.
唯一的问题就是 The only problem?
这些都糟透了 罗宾 These are terrible, Robin!
嘿 在这小破公寓里 Hey, it is not easy getting a good shot
照张好照片可不容易 cooped up in this apartment!
看 这就是我和罗宾的不同 See, two different styles:
我寻找素材 罗宾寻找借口 I make compositions, Robin makes excuses.
咔嚓 Click!
耻辱照相啊 Photo burn!
好吧 要不这样 Okay. How about this?
明天我们在日落之时去中央公园 Tomorrow, we go to Central Park at sunset
我们就可以在最好的景色里照到最好的照片 and we get the perfect picture in the perfect setting.
噢 我喜欢这个主意 Oh, I like that.
这将是小马文第一次出门走向世界 It'll be Marvin's first outing into the world.
你会爱上那公园的 小家伙 You're gonna love the park, buddy.
那是个邂逅美女的好地方 It's a great place to meet chicks.
或者小伙子 Or-or dudes.
或者两者 Or both.
噢 无论如何我们都爱你 Oh, we love you no matter what!
孩子们 当我看着你们莉莉阿姨抱着她儿子的时候 And kids, as I watched your Aunt Lily hold her baby boy,
另一个想法窜入我脑中 another thought popped into my head.
虽然你什么都没买 Even though you didn't buy anything,
我想感谢你的到来 I want to thank you for coming in.
送你一个泰迪熊 Here's a free teddy bear.
你打算给这个小家伙起什么名字 What are you gonna name the little guy?
六瓶酒 Six Pack.
快发动 混蛋们 Gun it, bitches!
这丫头居然当妈了 That girl's a mom!
那啥 我在地铁上遇到一个女孩 Okay, so I met this girl on the train,
我短信她 "最近可好" and I texted her, "What's up""
她回复 "嘿" 加感叹号 She texted, "Hey," Exclamation point.
这是在说 "快约我" 还是 "就.." Does that mean, "Ask me out" Or "Just..."
泰德 我们现在要对另一个人的生命负责 Ted, we are responsible for a whole other human life now,
所以 新规矩是 你要是没有至少值八分的事情 so new rule: You can't come to us with any issue unless
就别来烦我们 it's an "8" Or higher.
明白 Got it.
所以我寻思着回复她一个眨眼的笑脸 So I'm thinking of texting back a winky smiley face.
至少八分 兄弟 Eight or higher, bro.
不是的 我是应该—— Well, no, what should I--
至少八分 兄弟 Eight or higher, bro.
不是的 我只是在想如果—— No, yeah, I'm just wondering if--
至少八分 兄弟 Eight or higher, bro.
那你说我这个事儿算几级 Well, where do you rate this?
这和现在小马文的裤子里的事件级别一样 This is the same as what's in little Marvin's pants right now:
二减 a soft two.
不好意思了 兄弟 Sorry, bro.
别再和那个女的短信了 快去打给维多利亚 Stop texting the bimbo and call Victoria.
我和她已经结束了 That chapter's over.
我们注定不能在一起的 W-We just weren't destined to be together.
注定 你难道还没有厌倦坐等命运么 泰德 "Destined." Aren't you tired of waiting for destiny, Ted?
现在不该是你自己主宰命运的时候么 Isn't it time to make your own destiny?
嘿 假警报 Hey, false alarm.
我闻到的只是上次的便便味 What I was smelling was the previous poop,
而且很明显上次的便便还残留在 which, apparently, is still somewhere on my
我衣服或者头发上的某处 clothes and/or in my hair.
-帮我抱一下 好么 -哦 好的 -Hold him, would you? -Oh. Here.
噢 对的 明智的选择 Ooh. Yeah, smart.
哼 这张照得倒很不错 哈 Oh, sure, that one turns out great. Ugh.
然后令一个想法窜了出来 And then another thought popped out
这个家伙离当爹还早着呢 That guy's nowhere near being a dad.
喂 Hello?
嘿 维多利亚 我是泰德 Hey, Victoria, it's Ted.
额 是这样的 我在想 Um, listen, I was just wondering
你愿不愿意出来聊聊 挺久没见了 if you wanted to catch up sometime; it's been a while.
听起来不错 That sounds nice.
我下午正好在附近 I'm actually around this afternoon.
噢 哇 嗯 真好 Oh, wow, uh, great.
要不就两点在麦凯伦酒吧见 MacLaren's at 2:00?
1点半可以么 Is 1.30 okay?
我之后有事 I might have a thing later.
好的 好的 一会儿见 Yeah. Yeah. See you then.
一会儿见 See you then.
与此同时 巴尼和奎恩第一次以情侣的身份 Meanwhile, Barney and Quinn were off to Hawaii
踏上了去夏威夷旅途 for their first getaway as a couple.
这位女士 我需要你开下箱子 Ma'am, I need you to open your suitcase.
这个是我的 It's mine.
你连我的行李箱都要换吗 Did you have to replace my luggage, too?
下次再逃的话 你得穿粉红细高跟咯 Run away on me again, you'll be wearing hot pink stilettos.
那是什么 What's that?
对啊 到底是什么呢 Yeah, what is that?
这是一个魔术 It's a magic trick.
听好了 我也算得上一个魔术师 You see, I'm something of a magician.
先生 把盒子打开 Open the box, sir.
哦 我不能打开 Oh, I can't do that.
先生 这里面有毒品么 Sir, are there drugs in that box?
哦 不是的 他叫大概是 Oh, no. He's probably just barking
因为有爆炸物吧 because of the explosives.
我的天啊 Oh, my God!
快告诉我们这盒子里装了什么 Tell us what's in the box right now!
我不能 I can't.
魔术师守则 Magician's Code.
好 我得知道维多利亚到底有没有订婚 Okay, I need to figure out if Victoria ever got engaged.
我得瞄一下看她有没有戴订婚戒指 I'll have to very subtly check for an engagement ring.
这个吗 左手怎么看不见 Hmm, can't see the left hand.
立刻打开箱子 Open the box now!
不行 I can't.
魔术师守则 Magician's Code.
到底什么是魔术师守则 What the hell is the Magician's Code?!
魔术师不得透露魔术之密 "A magician never reveals his tricks."
法兰纳甘先生 我的魔术导师 Mr. Flanagan, my magic mentor
来自神圣的史坦顿岛大商场的魔术道具店 from the hallowed Staten Island Mall Magic Shop,
告诉我这个守则的重要性 taught me the importance of the Code
那是1993年的一个历史性的秋夜 one fateful autumn night in 1993.
真不错啊 一边被人用枪指着 Always good to tell a long story while people
一边讲故事 are aiming guns at you.
那是个改变了我的一生的夜晚 'It was a night which would changed my life...
你好 法兰纳甘先生 Hello? Mr. Flanagan.
你 你在这里做什么 Wh-What are you doing here?
这个 我来看看你 Um... I'm checking up on you.
看看你有没有在好好练习你的技术 Just to make sure you're practicing your craft
还有那什么的 or whatever.
不胜荣幸 先生 That is an honor, sir.
而且我保证 我在刻苦训练 And yeah, I promise, I'm practicing.
不过等会儿 But wait.
你刚才去我妈妈房间干嘛的 Why were you, why were you going in my mom's room?
唔 你老妈现在正帮我完成一个新魔术 Uh... your mom's actually helping me with a new trick.
超级酷啊 That is so cool!
是什么魔术呢 What is this trick?
是把女人锯成两半吗 Is it sawing a lady in half?
唔 不是锯 Well, not sawing.
事实上呢 But actually,
魔术师守则不准我 the Magician's Code forbids me
告诉你这个魔术的任何细节 from telling you anything else about the trick.
韦恩桑 快回床上来 Wayne, come back to bed!
好吧 魔术和床有关 Okay, it involves a bed.
等一下 你能至少告诉 W-W-Wait. Can you at least
我这个魔术叫什么吧 tell me the name of this trick?
好的 孩子 Sure, kid.
它叫 It's called--
消失的意大利香肠 The Disappearing Salami.
在法兰纳甘的老婆射死他之前 Mr. Flanagan's wife shot him
我们仍未知道那天所听说的魔术是什么 before he could ever tell me what the trick was.
好吧 那男人在上你的老妈 Yeah, that guy was banging your mom.
是的 Yup.
绝对的 Totally.
法兰纳甘先生没有在上—— Mr. Flanagan was not ban--
额滴神 他还就真的 Oh, my God, he was.
等会儿 你为什么要把你的魔术带到夏威夷呢 Wait, why are you bringing a magic trick to Hawaii anyway?
我本来打算抽时间去火奴鲁鲁 I was hoping to shoot up to Honolulu
参加世界魔术大会的 for the Worldwide Magic Convention.
别担心 你不会发现我走了的 Don't worry. You'll never notice I was gone.
也就三天 一天14个小时吧 It's only three 14-hour days.
你是说在这次用来帮助我忘掉 So on our romantic getaway
你跑路事件的浪漫旅途中 to help me forget about you skipping town on me,
你要继续跑路 you're skipping town on me?!
听着奎恩 你对我来说真的很重要 Look Quinn, you're very important to me,
但我心里还有一位同样重要的女士 but you're sharing my heart with an equally important Miss.
那位 Miss...
方向小姐（女魔术师） Direction.
这个 What?
怎么(做到的) How...
射了他 Shoot him.
那 你要点些什么 So what did you order?
黑咖啡就可以了 Oh, just black coffee.
我也喜欢这样 I like it that way, too.
对 我觉得这样更好喝 Yeah, it just tastes better to me.
我发现如果咖啡豆足够好的话 I find that if the coffee beans are good enough,
真心不需要- 你为什么穿着婚纱 you really don't need-- Why are you in a wedding dress?!
嗯 我差不多应该在 Well, I'm sort of supposed to...
今天结婚的 get married today.
你所有的朋友和家人现在都在 All your friends and family are waiting for you
某个教堂等着你吧 in some church right now?
也不是所有人啦 有五个人翘掉了 Well, not all; we had five last-minute no-shows.
好吧 六个人 Well... six.
不错啊 泰德 Mazel tov, Ted.
我还以为这再也不可能了呢 I was starting to think this would never happen.
哦 不 马德森太太 Oh, no, Mrs. Madsen--
我告诉你他是直的了吧 I told you he wasn't gay.
等会儿 说啥呢 Wait, what?
去年秋天我差点就为了你离开克劳斯 I was tempted to leave Klaus for you last fall.
我唯一的顾虑是罗宾 The only thing holding me back was the Robin of it all.
我知道 而且你是对的 但是那些都已经过去了 I know, and you were right, but... but that's all over now.
她搬走了 我是说 我们仍是朋友 但不再纠结了 She moved out-- I mean, we're still friends, but that's over.
这些年我从来没有停止想念你 泰德 All these years, I never stopped thinking about you, Ted.
我的车在外面 I've got a car outside
如果你准备好了一起开向夕阳 if you're ready to drive off into the sunset together.
但是如果你对我没有同样的感觉 But if you don't feel the same way,
如果你已斩断我们之间的可能 if you've closed the door on us,
只要说出那个词 just say the word...
我自会离开 and I'll go.
巴尼 把你的魔术告诉他们 Barney, tell them the trick.
我只能把我的魔术告诉 The only person I could possibly reveal the trick to
另一个魔术师 is another magician.
那个 我是个魔术师 Well, I'm a magician.
空口无凭 Prove it.
喔喔 Whoo-hoo!
这是巴尼的版本 That's Barney's version.
奎恩说实际是个简单的纸牌小魔术 Quinn said it was a simple card trick.
谁知道哪个版本是真的 Who's to say which version was true?
奎恩的 奎恩的版本是真的 Quinn's. Quinn's version was true.
好吧 Okay.
我告诉你 I'll tell you.
哇 这真的很酷 Oh, that's really cool.
到底诀窍是什么 So what's the trick?
我不能说 魔术师守则 I can't say. Magician's Code.
塔哒 Ta-da...
哒哒哒哒哒哒 da-da-da-da-da-da.
喂 Hello.
你干嘛要我打给维多利亚 Why did you make me call Victoria?
她现在在这儿还穿着婚纱 She's here in a wedding dress.
我马上就要毁掉一个婚礼了 I'm the verge of ruining a wedding!
而且马德森太太的朋友以为我是同性恋 And Mrs. Madsen's friend thinks I'm gay,
但是这事儿以后再说 but let's put a pin in that till later.
哦天哪 维多利亚和在酒吧 正和泰德在一起 Oh, my God. Victoria's at the bar with Ted.
这事儿只够打个七分 That's a seven.
而且她正穿着婚纱 And she's in a wedding dress.
那就是十分了 That's a ten.
我们有个十分事件 We got a ten!
你要怎么办 她在哪里 What are you gonna do? Where is she right now?
那这件婚纱 是哪种类型 So this dress, what's the cut?
公主裙(拖地式) 晚礼服(蓬蓬裙) 还是直筒式 Are we talking princess, ball gown, column?
对了 因为喜欢婚纱是联邦罪行 Right, 'cause it's a federal crime to love weddings.
她在洗手间 我猜 She's in the bathroom, which I guess
穿着那么个宽大的蓬蓬裙一定要很久 takes forever with that giant poufy skirt thing.
那就是晚礼服 谢谢 Ball gown. Thank you.
四杯龙舌兰 Four shots of tequila.
泰德 冷静 Ted, calm down.
或者反过来 这是你得到落跑新娘的机会 Or not. This is your chance to get the one who got away.
你想要她 她想要你 You want her, she wants you,
还有什么问题 what's the problem?
问题就是维多利亚正处在巨大的慌乱之中 The problem is Victoria's in the middle of a giant freak-out.
要是她以后后悔了这个决定怎么办 What if she winds up regretting this decision?
她追的是泰德莫斯比 She's going after Ted Mosby.
这是她这辈子做的最英明的决定 That's the best decision she's ever made.
给你 There you go.
哦 你在干啥呢 怎么了 Whoa. What was that? What?
你不是说要张小马文首次出门的照片吗 You said you wanted a picture of Baby Marvin's first outing.
我们孩子第一次出门 Our baby's first outing
是去一个酒吧 was to a bar.
我把凯尔弗 (龙舌兰的一种)洒在马文的脑瓜上了 I dribble Cuervo on Marv's soft spot.
她来了 快 Here she comes! Quick!
哦 耶 Oh, yeah.
蛋壳白还是奶油白 Eggshell or cream?
到底是蛋壳白还是奶油白 Is it eggshell or cream?
那个 So.
你 我 开向夕阳 You... me... riding off into the sunset.
有异议吗 Any thoughts?
有个问题 One question:
罗斯福大道还是西区高速 FDR or Westside Highway,
哪条路到夕阳最快 what's the quickest way to the sunset?
我说 我还真是总跑到这种地方来啊 Man, I wind up in these rooms a lot.
如果我们因为这个错过了夏威夷 If we miss Hawaii because of this, guess who's not doing
某人就再也不要演"消失的意大利香肠"了 The Disappearing Salami anytime soon?
我需要问你们两人几个问题 I need to ask you both a few questions.
从你开始 Let's start with you.
姓名 Name?
奎恩·加唯 Quinn Garvey.
职业 Occupation?
无业 Unemployed.
瞧瞧 瞧瞧 瞧瞧 Well, well, well.
看看现在谁在掩饰 Look who's keeping secrets now.
先生 我来告诉你她的职业 脱衣舞娘 Sir, I'll tell you her occupation: stripper.
她坚持说她为此骄傲 She insists she's proud of it,
但是显然没有骄傲到能告诉你的地步 but apparently not proud enough to tell you.
巴尼 我本来打算在我们旅行途中给你惊喜的 Barney, I was going to surprise you with this on our trip,
但是 我辞职了 but... I quit.
你 为我辞的 You... did that for me?
是的 Yes.
现在你知道我为你做了什么 And now that you know what I did for you,
还有我有多在乎你 and how much I care for you,
拜托你告诉他魔术的真相吧 would you please show him the trick?
抱歉 魔术师守则 Sorry. Magician's Code.
我们要去哪儿 Where should we go?
你家 Your place?
我家 My place?
我们可以继续我的蜜月 We could go on my honeymoon.
开玩笑啦 Just kidding.
其实已经付过钱了 Although, it is paid for.
我知道我们应该去哪儿 哪儿 I know where we should go. Where?
你的婚礼 Your wedding.
我把你送回去 I'm taking you back.
我不明白 I don't understand.
我以为这是你想要的 I thought you wanted this.
我是想要这样 I do want this.
我时常想起你 I've thought about you so many times.
想起可能发生的那些事 What might have been...
但后来我在圣坛上被甩了 那心痛的感觉简直要人命 But I got left at the altar, and it nearly killed me.
你现在是别人的未婚妻 You're someone's fiancé,
我应当尊重这个事实 and I have to respect that.
这样吧 咱们找个汽车旅馆 打个快炮 So let's hit a motel, jam in a quickie,
然后把你送回你的婚礼 and get you back to your wedding.
这才是对的 It's the right thing to do.
我确实有一点点想听你说 Some part of me needed to hear you say
不要和你私奔 that running away together wasn't an option.
而现在我明白了 And now that I know that...
就好像刚醒酒了一样 it's like I'm sobering up.
有没有可能 Is there any way
我们假装这一切都没有发生过 that we can just pretend this never happened?
这一切没有发生过 This never happened.
法兰纳甘先生没有上我的老妈 Mr. Flanagan wasn't banging my mom.
好吧 Well.
你的航班起飞了 Your flight left.
我们要扣留斯丁森先生进行进一步问讯 We need to hold Mr. Stinson for further questioning.
但你可以走了 But you're free to go.
也许我真的该走了 Maybe I should.
等等 Wait!
我把魔术表演给你们看 I'll show you the trick.
先生 Sir!
能把那块丝绸手帕 May I please have the silk handkerchief
从你左胸的衣兜里拿出来吗 in your top left breast pocket?
呃 我没有 Well... I don't have...
天灵灵 地灵灵 Sim salabi ma... sim salabi ma...
放轻松点 没事儿 这是魔术的一部分 Relax, relax, it's part of the trick.
你怎么揣着它通过X光机的 How did you get that through the X-Ray machine?
不接受观众提问 谢谢 No questions from the audience, please!
那是什么 What is that?
这位女士 Madam, may I please have
噢 Oh!
那玩意是要爆炸吗 Is that gonna explode?
什么 What?
咳咳 Ahem.
啥 What?
你愿意嫁给我吗 Will you marry me?
我愿意 Yes.
快点 伙计们 Come on, guys.
待会儿外面就天黑了 We're losing the light
宝宝的第二次首次出门照就拍不了了 for Baby's Second First Outing.
虽然我不想承认 但罗宾干的太棒了 I hate to say it, but Robin nailed it.
-嘿 -伙计们 我们要宣布一件事 Hey. Guys, we've got something to tell you.
八分或者更高 兄弟 Eight or higher, bro.
我们订婚了 We're engaged.
那可是...十分 That's a... that's a ten.
又来一个十分的 We got another ten!
喔...真是个大日子啊 Oh... Wow, big day!
-恭喜你们 -谢谢 -Congratulations!- Thank you.
这怎么发生的 How did this happen?
喔...魔法 Oh... magic.
喔 Oh.
我不想破坏气氛 Uh, not to ruin the moment,
不过显然小马文也被这个消息震惊了 but apparently little Marvin is quite stunned by the news.
呃 Well...
-好吧 -喔啊 -嘢啊 Yeah. Wow. Yeah.
你们俩想对着这个尿布小神 Do you guys mind recounting this romantic tale
讲讲你们的爱情故事吗 next to a Diaper Genie?
喔 马文 这会是你听到的第一个爱情故事 Oh, Marvin, you're about to hear your first love story!
很久以前 Once upon a time,
有个恶心变态的魔法师上了巴尼的妈妈 this creepy magic dude was boning Barney's mom...
这是我们最后一次私奔的机会了 It's our last chance to run away together.
门就在那儿 Door's right there.
是的 我们会开始一段新生活 Yes, we'll start a new life.
-冲向国境 -加拿大 Head for the border! Canada!
呃 去墨西哥 加拿大算个屁 Eh, Mexico. Canada sucks.
好吧 你知道的 你是四分之一的加佬 Okay, well, you're one-quarter Canadian,
依此逻辑 你就是个四分之一个屁 so by that logic you one-quarter suck.
哥百分百的牛逼 I'm 100% awesome
你懂的 and you know it.
是的 没错 Yeah, I do.
听着 我希望 我们之间不要尴尬或者怎么样 因为 Look, I-I hope this isn't weird, or anything, because...
巴尼 Barney...
我 我真心为你高兴 I'm... I'm really happy for you.
真的 Really?
? 我侧耳倾听 ? ? I listen to the wind ?
真的 Really.
? 来自心之谷风声 ? ? To the wind of my soul ?
? 只有上天知道 ? ? Where I'll end up well I think ?
? 我未来的旅程 ? ? Only God really knows ?
? 我坐在 ? ? I've sat upon ?
? 夕阳之上 ? ? The setting sun ?
? 但永远永远永远 ? ? But never never never... ?
你刚刚开过了教堂 You just drove right by the church.
我知道 I know.
? 我永远不会感到焦灼 ? ? I never wanted water once ?
? 不 永远永远不会 ? ? No, never, never, never ?
? 我倾听我的心声 ? ? I listen to my words ?
? 而它们却离我而去 ? ? But they fall far below ?
看看我们走过的路 The road to this day has had
还真是兜兜转转啊 是吧 a few twists and turns, hasn't it?
对 其实也还好啦 Yeah. Just a few.
? 我心之所向 ? ? My heart wants to go ?
奇怪的是 这一切也在情理之中 是吧 In a weird way, it all makes sense, though, doesn't it?
嗯 Yeah.
是啊 还真没错 Yeah, it kind of does.
? 到魔鬼的死湖 ? ? ...the devil's lake ?
? 但 永远不会 ? ? But never never ?
? 永远不会 ? ? Never never ?
新娘想要见我吗 The bride wants to see me?
? 不 永远不会 不会 不会? ? No, never, never, never. ?
本季终 感谢大家的陪伴与支持 金秋九月再见