Hello! Hello, everybody! 大家好！大家好！
Yes, we're older, we're fatter, 是的，我们又老了一岁，啤酒肚也更大了一些，
we're greyer, but we're back! 头发更白了，但是我们回归了！！！
We're back! 新一季回归了！！！
And for the first time ever, we are being broadcast, simultaneously, 而且开天辟地头一回，
right around the world. 我们将要全球同步直播！
So, bonjour, g'day, 那么，你好（法语），你好（澳大利亚英语），
moshi moshi und wilkommen! 你好你好（日语）你好（德语）
And coming up now is a taste of what you can expect 接下来就先过个瘾
over the next ten - yes, ten - weeks. 看看你们接下来10周能看到啥！是的！10周！
Are you ready? 准备好了吗？
Now! 就是现在！
We are revolutionising the world of cowboying. 我们将要掀起一场牛仔革命！
This is all perfectly normal. 这还正常着呢。
Do not let American Top Gear 别让美国版TG
lap British Top Gear. 把英国版TG套圈了。
Hammond! 哈蒙德！
Coming to get you, Hammond. 马上就逮到你了,哈蒙德。
You need a new rear exhaust silencer. 你得搞个新的消声器了。
God's holy trousers! 我了个去，吓尿了！
Calm, controlled, smooth. 冷静，控制好，轻轻滴。
Good for the patient. 这样对病人好些。
Fuelled up. I'm amped up. I'm pumped up. 加油啊！点燃我的小宇宙！
But it is... The Stig's Australian cousin. 这是Stig的澳大利亚表兄。
Argh! Argh! Argh! 啊！啊！ 啊！！
May God have mercy. 上帝保佑啊！
What in God's name is happening?! 这究竟发生了神马？
That all looks very exciting, 看起来相当给力啊。
but we start tonight with our sensible hats on. 今晚，我们先理智点，
You see, a few years ago, we staged a race across London. 曾记否，几年前我们搞过一个穿越伦敦的比赛，
We used a car, public transport, bicycle and a speedboat down the River Thames. 用上了汽车，公共交通，自行车和泰晤士河上的快艇，
And it was one of our more genuinely interesting tests 这是我们最好玩的一次比赛
Yeah, it was, but it's always troubled us, 确实是，但是同时也困扰着我们
because the bicycle,ridden by me, won. 因为当时我骑着自行车赢了。
And the car, which is the whole point of this show, 至于我们这个节目的重点——车
~ came home stone-dead last. 沦为垫底。 ~ That's cos he was driving it. 那是因为龟速船长开车。
~ Well, yeah. 好吧，我认。 ~ It wasn't entirely fair, was it? 但其实这并不公平啊。
The car I had was a gigantic Mercedes off-roader. 我开的车是台硕大无比的奔驰GL越野车。
It's not really suitable for London traffic. 显然不适合伦敦这样的交通。
Yes, whatever, OK? We decided we would re-run the race, 是的，不管怎么样，我们决定再来一次同样的比赛，
only this time, we'd use a car that was a little more suitable 不过这次，我们得挑个适合城里开的车了。
for city centre work.
Absolutely, the question now, though, was, which city? 对的，问题是，去哪个城市比赛呢？
Because we'd already done London, obviously. 伦敦，我们已经比过了。
So, Jeremy got a map and a pin and because he's very tall 于是，大猩猩拿出了地图和大头针
and he has monkey's arms... 因为他又高，胳膊又跟猩猩的一样长
THAT is where we ended up. 我们就被决定去这儿。
This is St Petersburg, 圣彼得堡，
in Russia - the most northerly 远在俄罗斯，
big city in the world. 世界上最靠北的大城市。
And this is the car I'll be using. 这就是我用的车，
This is the two-seat Renault Twizy. 两座的雷诺 Twizy。
It costs just £7,000 售价7000英镑
and it's an all-electric car, 纯电动车哦，
designed specifically for the narrow streets of Europe's cities. 特别为欧洲城市的狭窄街道所设计。
With this, I can't really lose. 开着这个车，我不可能会输的。
Yes, he can, because I shall be using this... 不，他会输掉的，因为我将骑着这个
It's the same sort of bicycle that Chris Froome used 跟Chris Froome在今年环法大赛用的一样的自行车。
in this year's Tour de France.
Now, it is expensive. 这车相当贵，
£9,000. It's £2,000 more than James's car. 9000英镑，比船长的车还贵2000镑。
It's a lot for a bicycle, but it's made of special carbon fibre 对于自行车来说确实很贵，但这可是特殊的碳纤维材料制成的
so it weighs just 860 grams. 所以整车重量只有860克。
I love this thing. 我太喜欢这车了。
~ Every detail, it's just...Look at that, it's magnificent. 每一个细节，看，多牛B闪闪。 ~ Morning. 早！
~ Special. 很特别吧 ~ Nice. 不错 ~ Yeah, I'd say. 当然
~ Bloody hell! 我去 ~ I know! 我知道
~ That's amazing. 好牛B ~ Yeah. 是的
Yeah. Not good for you, I'm afraid, Hammond. 哈蒙德，这个对你可不好哦
I've got some medical research here. 我这有些医学上的研究结果
That racing saddle will put 这个赛用坐垫
between 25% and 40% of your body weight on your perineum, 会把你身体重量的25%到40%集中在你下面那里
which is the bit of you between your anus and your scrotum. 刚好在菊花和蛋蛋中间
And, as a result, blood oxygen levels in surrounding areas 然后，那个部位血液里的氧浓度会降低80%
~ will drop by 80%. ~ What are you saying? 你特么啥意思？
~ I just... Medical advice - cycling's good for you. It's healthy... 医生都说骑车有益身体健康。 ~ Wrong! 错的！
~ ..gets your lungs working, non-impact. 让肺得到锻炼 ~ Totally wrong. 大错特错。
~ Good for your cardiovascular system...确实对心血管功能好 ~ See. 看吧 ~ .. bad for your chap. 但是对小丁丁不好
~ My what? 啥？ ~ Your chap. Uh, honestly, listen to this. 你的小丁丁，听好了，
"Cyclists aged over 40 are considered 骑车的男人超过40岁后，
"at greater risk of erectile dysfunction." 会有相当大的可能勃起有障碍
Yes, thank you, Dr Clarkson. That's fascinating. 好的，我谢您了，猩猩医生。
What about The Stig? Stig呢？
Oh, he's just on public transport, as before, yeah. 他还是跟以前一样用公共交通啊。
~ And you? 那你呢？ ~ Well, now, you see, last time, as you know, I used 你记得的，上次我开着快艇横穿伦敦
a speedboat to go across London, but at the end, 但是最后冲刺的时候
it couldn't go on land, so I had to run, which cost me the race. 快艇不能上岸，我就得跑，然后毁了我的比赛
This time, however, I've chosen a boat 但是这次，我选了个能上岸的船。
that can.
Hang on a minute, isn't that a hover-van? 等等，那不就是“河里完”吗？（见S20E04）
~ It looks like a hover-van. 看起来就是咱们的“河里完” ~ Well, it is. 是啊！ ~ Well, listen, gentlemen, 哥们，
most people laughed at our idea, 当我们在Avon河上开我们的“河里完”时候，
when we went on the River Avon in ours, but the Russians have taken 大多数人都嘲笑我们的创新想法
~ our idea and put it into production! 但是老毛子却把我们的想法付诸现实了 ~ It's a hover-van. 这就是“河里完” ~ It's a hover-van! 这就是“河里完”！
~ Are you feeling proud? 自豪不？ ~ I... This is fantastic. 感觉相当良好！
Gull wing doors. We didn't think of that. 鸥翼门，我们没想到这样搞，
~ It's got a proper dashboard! 这还是个正儿八经的仪表盘 ~ I know. It's from a Lada. 是的，拉达上拆来的
~ It really does look like a van. 这看起来确实像个货车 ~ It is a van. It's got Lada engines, 这就是个货车，装了两台拉达的发动机
two of them, 72 horsepower, reliable. 可靠性很高，72马力
~ 72 horsepower? 一共72马力？ ~ Each. 每个72！ ~ 72?
~ How do you operate it? 那你怎么操作呢？ ~ Yeah, what do those two pedals do? 对啊，这两个踏板是干嘛的？
~ These? 这些？ ~ Yeah. 恩
~ Pitch. 螺旋桨 ~ What pitch? 干嘛的螺旋桨？ ~ Of? 恩？ ~ Propeller pitch. 推进的螺旋桨
How do you steer it, with the wheel? 你怎么拐弯呢？用方向盘？
~ Ah, no. Yes. 额，是，不是， ~ No, yes? 到底是不是？
When you're going quickly, this... 当速度起来后，这个方向盘，
~ As you can see, I'm turning the rudders, yes? 你看，我能用方向盘控制那个方向舵 ~ Yeah. 好吧
~ But that doesn't work at slow speed. 但是方向盘在低速时候没有用 ~ How do you steer it at slow speed? 那你低速时候怎么拐弯呢？
~ With pitch. 用这两个踏板控制螺旋桨 ~ So, if you're trying to turn tightly at low speed, 那就是说，如果在低速时候你想急转弯，
~ when your rudders aren't very effective... 方向舵又不管用的时候 ~ Yeah. 恩哼
.. do you use differential throttle or differential pitch? 你就得用这两个油门踏板来控制两个螺旋桨？
~ (He doesn't know.) ~ Yes, I...对的！ ~ So, which do you do?那你究竟怎么用呢？ ~ Both. 俩都用！
~ Are there instructions? 有说明书不？ ~ Yeah, all in Russian. 有啊，俄语写的
So, you're going to race us in a hovercraft, 所以说你要开着这个比起我们造的“河里完”只有一丁点儿动力的
with a fraction of the power, anyway, of the one we built,
plus, with controls you don't understand, 加上你不知道怎么控制油门的
and the instructions are in Russian which you don't speak. 说明书用你不会的俄语写的气垫船来跟我们比赛？
'With my confidence brimming, 信心倍增后，
'it was time to prepare for our important race.' 是时候开始比赛了
If I'd come out and my bike had been nicked, then, I'd have been furious. 要是我出来发现我的自行车被偷了，我肯定得气炸了。
We'd start at the Vostochny Yacht Club 我们从Vostochny游艇俱乐部开始比赛
and, from there, we'd race for 18 miles, 一路全长18英里
all the way across St Petersburg, 穿过整个圣彼得堡
to the finish line on Yelagin Island, 终点在Yelagin岛上
outside a palace called 一个叫Yelagin的宫殿外面
Yelagin... Ums-struss-struss-gids... 3，，2，1，出发
That's all in Russian. 全特么俄语。
Right, this is it. Goodbye, Stig. Forward into glory. 走起，拜拜，Stig，冲向胜利！
Here we go, defending the honour of the car, sort of. 黑喂狗，捍卫汽车的荣誉！
I don't know what any of that means! 我完全不知道这都啥意思
Right, junction. 好的，到路口了
I've got my feet clipped in the pedals, I simply cannot stop. 我把脚绑在脚蹬上，我不能停下来
Stupid boy. 小盆友
Wrong gear. 换错档了
More power. 给点力啊
Move! 动起来！
Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait. 别，停下来，停，停，停
Oh, Christ! 啊，我去
Oh, no. That's... 停，那是个石头！
a rock, a rock, a rock. 石头！
Well, we're just going into those reeds and this does nothing. 好吧，刚又一头扎进芦苇丛里了，不过没事儿
Back! 后退
~ It's ~ BLEEP BLEEP BLEEP. 这特么 BBBBBBBB
Forwards, again, on that. This is... I'm busy, I'm very busy. 终于前进了，真是手忙脚乱，乱成狗了
I think I saw a bump. 啊，减速带
Ow! 噢
That's probably ruined my sausage a bit more. 对小丁丁的伤害更大了
Bloomin' heck! Oh... da-da-da! 真见鬼了
Oh, God strewth! 哎哟！我去！
Now, it's just going round in circles. Pitch, pitch, pitch. 尽在原地打转了，控制好螺旋桨
Right, now, I want to go that way. 好的，我要往这个方向走
Christ on a bike! I'm stuck in my own wake! 哎哟我去，自己把自己搞歪了
'As my three opponents...' 当我的三个对手
~ Come on! 给点力啊！ ~ 'Well, two of them, 好吧，两个对手在适应比赛的时候
'settled into the race, I was getting to know my car.' 我可以给大家介绍下我的车
So, what is a Twizy, exactly? Well, it's a metal cage, Twizy到底是个啥车？其实就是个金属做的壳子
this frame, and there are plastic panels hung all over it. 然后把各种塑料的面板镶嵌上去
There are two seats, one behind the other, like a tandem. 两个座位，一个在我后面，跟双人自行车一样
Underneath me is the battery pack. That powers a 17-horsepower 在我屁股底下是电池模块，驱动着17马力的电动机
electric motor, driving the rear wheels. 后驱车哦
'Acceleration? 至于加速，
'Well, it can't actually go from 0-60, cos its top speed is 50. 额，这车只能跑到50英里每小时，所以没有百公里加速时间了
'But it does have a claimed range of 60 miles. 不过他的续航里程有100公里
'And, as an extra treat...' 而且，还有小惊喜哦
.. scissor doors. Have you got scissor doors, sir? 剪刀门，你的车有剪刀门么？
No! Nyet! 不！不！
However, the Twizy is stone age technology, compared to my bicycle. Twizy跟我的自行车比起来简直就是石器时代的产物
I actually have electronic gears on this, 我的自行车可是电动变速的
so when I hit the button on the handlebars, 只要我一按自行车把手上的按钮
the derailleur, the thing at the back that changes gear, 后轮上的变速器就会给我换档
moves across, with a Robocop-like noise. 变来变去，还带机器人一样的声音
'And to make the whole thing as streamlined as possible, 为了使整个车尽可能地流线型
'it's been shaped in Jaguar's wind tunnel.' 他们还在捷豹的风洞里测试过
It even directs the air around the front forks 这样就能引导空气流过前叉
and around the drinking bottle, so it doesn't hit the rider's shins, 然后绕过饮料瓶和骑车人的小腿
which are very unaerodynamic. 这些部位都很不符合空气动力学 Haha! There's May. Yes! 哈哈，前面就是船长了
Hammond, here's what 17 horsepower will do. 哈蒙德，给你看看17匹马力的效果
Yee-hah! Yeah！
Oh, God. 我擦嘞
On board the only petrol-powered vehicle in the race... 在比赛里唯一的汽油驱动的交通工具上
.. I'd discovered the solution to my problems, as ever, was more power. 我找到了解决转向问题的方案，和以往一样，POWER!动力！
If you go quite quickly, the steering works well 只要速度足够快，方向盘就能起作用了
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Now I'm heading for the wall! No! 喔！喔！喔！朝着墙撞过去了，不要啊！
I'm in a power slide! 我在漂移哦 I'm doing a skid! 正儿八经的漂移！
Out of the way, birds, I can't steer! 死鸟滚开，我控制不了方向，
Stig, meanwhile, had finished with his tram 与此同时，Stig已经从有轨电车上下车了
and was now heading for the underground station. 然后向地铁站进发
We're back in front. It's going to be like this all the way. 哈哈，反超了，整个比赛都是不停地反超来反超去
'On the river, I finally had HMS Awkward under control.' 在河上，我终于控制住了这个性格怪异的家伙
Come on, hover-van, catch the May! 加油啊！“河里完”，追上龟速船长
And there's another hover-van! My, they're popular! 又一辆“河里完”，还挺流行的嘛
22mph. Keeping a bit in reserve. 22英里每小时，给后面留点力
Long way yet to go. 路还远着呢
Oh, really? Really?! 喔，不能吧，真的么？
Overtakes a bicycle, with ease. 轻松超过自行车，太easy了
Get some speed on. 得加点速度了
Oh, hang on, I think that's him. Oh, no, there he is. 喔，等等，那就是船长吧
Come on, van! 加油啊
That, I believe, is James May. 我十分肯定那是龟速船长
Where is Hammond? I don't see... There he is! 哈蒙德呢？没看到啊，，，那就是！
Richard Hammond is in sight and he's behind me and slow! 逮到哈蒙德了，慢吞吞地被我超越了
Ah. 啊！
'Seconds later, I also took James.' 几秒钟后，我超过了船长
Cocking Nora. 他大爷的
Yes! Let's go win this race. 加油，赢下这次的比赛！
By this stage, Stig had found a metro station. 这会儿，Stig找到了地铁站了
And in this weird, subterranean world, 在这个稀奇古怪的地下世界，
he was distracted by many wondrous things. 他被各种奇怪的东西吸引了过去
Can I take him in that gap? 我能从这个缝里超过去么？
Making a lane... Yes! 自己占一个车道，Oh yeah
The interesting thing about the Twizy is, it is a genuinely Twizy的一大优点就是真的太小了，
small car. It's a genuine city car. 真正的城市小车
~ BLEEP BBBB ~ there's a tram. 有轨电车
I hate trams. They're trains running down the road. Trains can't stop. 我讨厌有轨电车，都是街上跑的火车，根本停不下来
Whoa! Oh-oh-oh! Chuffin' tramlines. 噢噢噢，电车轨道
'Still, it could be worse...' 还能更糟一些
Oh, no, don't want to go on the tram tracks! I'm on the tram tracks! 哦不，我可不想到电车的轨道上骑车，骑上去了
I don't want to... Argh! There's one coming in the way! 我可不想。。。啊！又一条轨道
~ BLEEP. ~ Oh! Argh! 啊！（好疼） ~ BLEEP.
BLEEP.
Ah. 啊
Oh. 哦
Argh! 啊！！
Oh. 哦
Oh. Ah.
How's my bike? 车怎么样了
Yeah. Oh, that's not good. 啊，情况不妙啊
The derailleur's come off. 变速器摔掉了
It's sheared. 彻底掉了
Do you know what? 你知道么？
I think St Petersburg has beaten me already. 我觉着我已经被圣彼得堡干废了
'When the news reached my colleagues, 当我的同事们听到这个我摔车的消息时
'they were suitably saddened.' 他们适时地表现了点悲伤
I mean, the one thing you have to avoid, on a bicycle, 你懂的，在一个有电车的城市里骑车的话一定得躲着电车轨道
in a city with trams, is tramlines.
So, the fruit and nut-powered Richard Hammond has not only ruined 所以说无脑的哈蒙德不过毁了他的
his testes, his penis and his anus, but he's fallen off! 蛋蛋、丁丁、菊花，还摔车了
This is a proper three-way race to the finish now. 现在就剩三个人比赛了
James, hang on. 詹姆斯，等等
James, how can you call this a car, 这也能算台车？
when it's got no heater, 既没有空调
the boot is the size of a ladybird's clutch bag 后备箱只有个女人的手袋那么大
and the doors and windows are optional extras? 车门车窗还是选配的
Yeah, but I like it cos it's simple. 是啊，但我就是喜欢，因为它简单
James, it can't even do 0-60. 詹姆斯，这都开不到100
~ Yeah, but it's better than his hovercraft. 是的，那也比他的“河里完”强 ~ It is not! 没有！
~ Well, it's less deadly. 至少这车不会那么容易撞墙死 ~ Hovercraft isn't deadly. “河里完”也没有啊
~ Yes, it is. 有的，都看到了 ~ Listen, Hammond, two points... 听好了，哈蒙德，我只说两点
Number one, I'm the only person in that race who is representing 首先，在这个比赛里，我是三个智者中
the Holy Trinity of oil, coal and gas. 唯一代表油、煤、气的
~ The Holy Trinity? 三智者？ ~ Yes, Holy Trinity. 是的，三智者
And number two, every single city in the world underuses its waterways. 其二，每个大城市都没有利用好他们城市中间的水道
They've all got jammed-up roads, congested trains, packed buses 每个城市的路都堵死了，地铁公交都挤成相片了
and, right in the middle, a river with nothing on it, 而在城中间的河上，除了几只鸭子，
apart from a couple of ducks. 啥都米有
That's because everyone's terrified that there might be 那是因为人家都害怕河上有个开“河里完”的二逼
~ somebody on it in a hovercraft. ~ Well, yes, 对的！
I agree waterways are underused, but the hovercraft is not the answer. 我同意这点，水道都没利用好，但是“河里完”并不是解决方案
~ It is!就是 ~ No, it isn't, so let's do the news. 不是！好的，现在来说说新闻吧
Um... 嗯。。。
~ How? 怎么说？ ~ How can we do the news, when it's over there 我们怎么说新闻？沙发茶几都在那头，
~ and we're, all three, over here? 然后我们三个都在这头 ~ See, normally, 正常情况下。
we say, "Let's do the news" and, well, two of us do 我们中的一个说来聊聊新闻吧，然后我们中的两个还在这头
and one's over there. He starts it and then we join. 但是有一个在那头，这样他就先开始，然后我们再走过去加入他
~ But if we're all here... No, we can't... 但现在我们三都在这头，就没法那样衔接了 ~ Um. 恩
I know. While we and the cameras move over there, 有办法了，在我们三个和摄像走过去的时候，
we'll show some footage of a squirrel. 放点小松鼠的片段拖时间吧
Right, the news... 好的，新闻时间！
Sh, sh, sh, sh. And first of all, bad news, I'm afraid, 嘘嘘嘘，首先，坏消息
because Britain's motorway network is going to get a new type 伦敦的高速上将要安装一种新的，灰色的，很难分辨出来的
of speed camera, which is grey and invisible. 测速摄像头
And unlike any other motorway speed camera we've seen in the past, 和我们以往见到的测速摄像头不同
this doesn't just come on when the limit is lowered for some reason, 这次装的不是在限速降低的情况下才开启
but it's on all the time, constantly. 而是一直那么开着
~ Really? 真的？ ~ Yeah, constantly. 是的，一直开着（天朝不都是么？）
That is funny, cos I seem to remember the Tory Party saying 这就有意思了，我可记得当初保守党说过
they were going to "end the war on the motorist." “我们将要结束和开车人的矛盾”
~ I remember that. 我也记得 ~ But you can end a war by brutally killing everyone. 那你也可以通过杀光所有人的方式来解决矛盾啊
Hertfordshire Police said, "It's not in the public interest 赫特福德郡的警察说了，
"to tell anyone where the cameras are." So, fair enough, 公众并没有知道测速摄像头装在哪里的权利
we'll pay the fine. "I paid it into a bank account, 合情合理是吧？那我付了超速罚款，
~ "but I'm not going to tell you which one." 我也不会告诉你付到那个帐号里去了 ~ Work it out, yeah. yeah 解决了
I'll tell you the really bad news is that they're already 真正的坏消息是这些摄像头已经在肯特郡投入使用了
up and running in Kent, by the way, these cameras.
Steve Harley, out of Cockney Rebel, has been busted by one of them. Cockney Rebel乐队的Steve Harley就被逮了
~ No! 不能够吧 ~ Yes, he's 63 years old. He's eking a meagre living out of, 他都63岁了，日子过得还不怎么样
let's be honest, only one hit single. 就那么一次
~ And now, they've nailed him. 警察就把他逮了 ~ How fast was he going? 他开多快 ~ 70. 70英里每小时（正常限速）
But somebody in a motorway control room, in polyester trousers, 但是高速公路监控室里一个腋下发臭，
with appallingly-smelly armpits, had decided that the speed limit 穿着脏兮兮裤子的家伙突然
at that particular moment, for no good reason, should be 40. 没个原因就把限速降成40了
~ 40?! 40？ ~ 40. 是的，40？ ~ 40mph on a motorway?! 高速上开40英里每小时？
Yes, that was the speed limit that was prevailing when he was caught. 是的，他就是这样被逮了超速的
~ How much did he get fined? 罚款多少？ ~ £1,000. 1000英镑！ ~ 1,000 quid, for that?! 就为这个？1000镑没了
~ But I have an idea. You know if you download a song? 但是我有个主意，你懂的，只要你在音乐商店里下载一首歌 ~ Yeah. 是的
The artist gets 49p. Now, why don't we download, 唱这歌的人就会得4毛9，
~ (Come Up And See Me) Make Me Smile? 那我们都去下载“让我微笑”~ I love that song. 我稀饭那首歌
Everybody loves that song. You can't trust someone who doesn't like it. 每个人都喜欢那首个，没个不喜欢的
What are you doing, James? 詹姆斯，你丫干嘛呢？
I've already got it, but I can delete it and download it again. 我已经下载了，我想先删了就能再下载一次
Imagine everybody did it! 假如每个人都照我们说的这么做
He'd wake up tomorrow and realise, "I'm number one! 明天早上他起来时候，他就是音乐商店排第一的下载了
~ "Where did that come from?!" 这下载都是哪儿来的呢？ ~ He wouldn't know, if he's not watching 如果他不看节目的话，他肯定不会知道
Top Gear. "Why am I number one, all of a sudden?!" 怎么我突然下载量就成第一了呢？
~ That would cheer him up. 这样不光让他高兴了 ~ And the great thing is if he does go
to number one, he'll have enough money to help other people 如果他真的下载量排到第一，他还能有足够的钱
out with their speeding fines. We could call it the 去帮助那些被开超速罚单的人
Make Me Smile Foundation. 这样就能成立一个“让我微笑”基金
Oh, that's a beautiful idea! 真是个好主意
He could take out a small ad in the papers. He could say, 他还能在报纸上登个小广告
"Caught speeding? Come up and see me." “被逮超速了？来找我吧”
It could work. Beautiful idea. 能行！好主意
Now, Boris Johnson, who is a mayor, has decided he wants to make London 最近，伦敦市长Boris Johnson决定把伦敦打造成一个零碳排放的城市
an ultra-low emission zone. That's easy, just get rid of all the buses. 这个太简单了，让所有公交车滚犊子就行了
~ And he's back on his high horse. 那样他就又能牛逼起来了？ ~ No, cos this time, I'm backed by fact. 这回我可是有事实依据支撑的哦
~ Are you, really? 真的么？ ~ Yes, I am, because the levels of nitrogen dioxide 是的，你知道的，他们一直在牛津街持续监测二氧化氮的浓度
pollution are measured constantly in Oxford Street,
right in the middle of London. I've got the graph here from the week 正好就在伦敦市中心，我刚好拿到上上周的数据
before last. You can see here. 7th, this is the peak. 你看，7号时候，污染浓度最高
Yes, that's the 7th of January. 8th, 9th, 10th, 11th, 12th - 是的，一月7、8、9、10、11、12号都在
the day of the bus strike. 公交车大罢工那天
~ Yeah. ~ So, there you are. You want to save the world, burn a bus. 看吧，要拯救世界，那就把公交车都烧了
~ Let us move on. 好的，继续了 ~ Yes, let's. 继续
I think we should talk about the cars that we're looking forward to 咱们来谈谈今年期待的新车吧
~ this coming year. ~ Good idea. 好主意 ~ Yes. 来吧
~ Tell you what I'm looking forward to this year, coming up? 你猜我今年最期待的是哪款车？ ~ What? 哪款？
Let's have a look at it. The Ariel Nomad. Look at that. Come on! 看看吧，Ariel Nomad,看看多屌
~ It's just scaffolding. 不就是些脚手架拼起来么？ ~ No, it is brilliant, is what it is. 不，这车相当牛的
It's from Ariel, the same people who made the Atom, Ariel造的，就是那伙造Atom原子车的人
~ the car that ripped his face off? 那辆把他的脸都撕开的Atom？ ~ I remember it. 我还记得呢 ~ It grew back, sadly, 那越造越差了
but this thing is, kind of, an off-road version of the same thing. 这车就相当于越野版本的Atom
It's got a 2.4 litre engine now and it's got all those body panels there. 2.4排量的发动机，所有的车身上的板材跟雪糕筒的一样
They're made out of the same material they use for traffic cones 车身上的所有板材的材质都跟雪糕筒的一样
and boat fenders, so that thing is indestructible. 所以这玩意儿是撞不坏的
~ Which is a pity. 那太遗憾了 ~ It's brilliant! I love it! Look at that! 这很好啊，我好喜欢的
Yes, but what are you going to do with it? 那你能开着它去干嘛呢？
Well, drive it about. You can drive it on the road. 开来开去呗，在路上开
~ That goes on the road. 是能在路上开 ~ Yeah, but you can drive a tractor on the road 那拖拉机不也能在路上开么？
~ or one of those massive cranes that do 8mph. 那些巨大的只能开到15公里每小时的起重机也能在路上开 ~ I like those, too. 那些我也喜欢啊
I want one. I'm going to have one. It's brilliant. 我想买一台，等它上市我要去买一台。
You are like a rural simpleton, you know that? 你就像个村子里的大老粗，你造不？
What do you mean, he's LIKE a rural simpleton? 你这话啥意思？怎么能说是像呢？
The car I'm looking forward to driving this year 今年我最期待，最想开的是
~ is a hybrid, actually. 混合动力的 ~ Is it? 是么？ ~ Da-da! 嗯嗯
There you go. Look at that. That's the new Honda NSX. 看吧，最新的本田NSX
Been waiting years for this. It's got three electric motors - 我都等了好多年了，车上有三个电动机
one for each of the front wheels and then one at the back, 两个前轮各有一个，一个驱动后轴
to supplement the twin-turbo V6 - 来作为双涡轮增压V6发动机的补充
550hp, weighs virtually nothing. £100,000. But if you think about it, 发动机有550匹马力，轻如鸿毛，售价10万英镑
that's a tenth of the price of a McLaren P1. That's just fabulous. 仅仅相当于迈凯轮P1的十分之一哦，太牛逼了
~ I don't like it. 我不喜欢这车 ~ That's cos you're a rural simpleton. 那是因为你是村里的大老粗
~ No, it doesn't look right. 看着就不好看 ~ It does look right! 好看啊 ~ Is it exciting enough? 够刺激够给力么？
No, I do like it. I think it looks great and sounds interesting, 我还挺喜欢的，看起来很棒，声音听起来也不错
but I thought you would be more interested in this, the new Ford GT. 但是我觉得你可能会对这个更有兴趣，全新福特GT
~ Oh, yeah. 是的 ~ That's more you. 这个更符合你的风格 ~ Nah. 不 ~ Why not? I'd have thought that was...为啥不？我觉得是啊
No, I know. I've been there and I've, sort of, 是的，曾经的我是那样
done that, with Ford GTs. 但是现在我受够福特GT了
~ Yeah. 愿闻其详 ~ They'll fit it with a burglar alarm that will go off every time 这车上装了个傻B报警器，
you fall asleep or when your child's doing some important solo work 只要你一睡着，或者在学校陪小孩干着什么重要的事儿时候就开始叫
in the school production - "Woo-woo-woo!" 呜呜呜呜地
This is weirdly specific. Stuff that happened to you. 这是你遇到最不正常的东西了？
I know what will happen 接下来呢？ and then you'll drive home 你开着车回家时候
and get a phone call from somebody, saying, "Your car's been stolen." 就会有人打电话来询问，“你的车被偷了？”
You'll say, "It hasn't, I'm driving it. “没有啊，我正在开着呢”
"We don't believe you. What's your mother's maiden name? “我们不相信你，你妈的名字是啥？”
"Did she like boiled eggs done for three minutes?" “你妈喜欢煮过三分钟的鸡蛋吗？”
"I don't know." "We're going to shut the engine down" “我不知道啊！”“那不好意思，我们要遥控熄火了”
and you're at the side of the road 然后你就沦落到路边冻得要死
and get hypothermia and then the alarm will go off again. No. 接着，防盗警报又开始响了
And I'm, sort of, done now, as you know, cos I'm mature and wise, 所以我受够了这车了，现在我对于中置引擎超跑更成熟理智了
with mid-engined cars. That does look great, but just not for me. 这车看起来不错，可惜不是我的菜了
Now, that's nearly the end of the news, but before we conclude, 新闻快说完了，但在那之前
I need to say something, actually. I'm sure a lot of you saw 我有话要说，相信不少观众都看了阿根廷特辑
the Patagonia Special and I want to admit, here and now, 此时此刻，在这里，当着所有人的面，
in front of everybody, I made a terrible, terrible mistake. 我承认我犯了一个非常非常严重的错
Nobody knows I'm going to do this- not the producers, nobody - 没人知道我要在这道歉，导播也不知道
but I want to get it off my chest. Right in the middle of the programme 但我还是要在节目里说出我的真心话，
I said that the condor is the largest flying bird in the world. 我在特辑里说了秃鹫是世界上最大的飞鸟，
It isn't. It's the wandering albatross 实际上不是，信天翁才是。
and I'm deeply, deeply sorry. 对于这样的错误，我非常非常抱歉。
Well done for getting that off your chest. Feel better? 好样的，终于说出心里话了，感觉好些没有？
No, if you make a mistake, own up to it and move on! 是的，既然犯错了，就要勇于承认，然后继续前行！
Fair enough. Right... 好的，那么
.. now, we must move on to this, 我们得开始下一部分了
the Lamborghini Gallardo. It is the company's best-selling car. 盖拉多，兰博基尼公司卖的最多的车
In fact, of all the Lamborghinis ever sold, over half of them 事实上，兰博基尼卖的车一半多都是盖拉多
have been Gallardos.
Now, though, sadly, it's gone and in its place, there is a new car. 可惜现在盖拉多停产了，这是它的接班人
Here it is. 这就是
It's called the Huracan, after a famous Spanish fighting bull. 得名于一头西班牙斗牛，叫Huracan（飓风？）
It costs £187,000. 售价18.7万英镑
And it's brand new, from the ground up. 从头到尾都是全新的设计
Oh, well, that's a problem right there. 这马上就有个问题了
I could've sworn this car was bright green, 我发誓这车是亮绿色的
but according to the options list, it's Verde Mantis. 但是根据配置单，这是Verde Mantis色
Other colours available include 其他的颜色还有
"Arancio Borealis, Grigio Nimbus and Marrone Alcestis."
How's a Premiership footballer going to get his head around that? 你觉着英超那些五大三粗的球员能认得出来这是啥意思么？
Anyway... to business. 不管了，干正事
Oh-ho! 吼吼吼
Besides having to take over the baton from the Gallardo... 这车不光要继承盖拉多的衣钵
.. the Huracan also needs to hold its own in a game of top trumps 飓风还得在跟法拉利458，迈凯轮650S的斗争中树立自己的地位
against the Ferrari 458 and the McLaren 650S.
To do that, there are some very big boxes to tick. 要做到这点，有几样东西是必不可少的
0-60 needs to be around three seconds... which it is. 0到100加速得在3秒上下，它做到了
Top speed needs to be around 200mph... which it is. 最高速度得到320公里左右，它做到了
And horsepower needs to be around the 600-mark, 马力需要有个600左右，
which it is. 它也做到了
All of that is thanks to a heavily-reworked version 这一切都归功于在盖拉多的5.2升排量V10基础上，
of the Gallardo's 5.2 litre V10. 重新打造的发动机
And as those revs climb, the jackhammer choir really kicks in. 一旦拉起转速来，引擎也开始合唱了一般
The Huracan also has a brand-new, state-of-the-art 飓风还配了一个全新的，艺术品般的，
twin-clutch gearbox, which is superb. 双离合变速器，超级赞
That's a good thing, because the one in the Gallardo was... 这是好事儿，盖拉多上唯一的缺陷就是变速器
Well, it was crap. It was awful! 非常差，烂得一逼
This, though, this is a joy. 这个就不一样了，很完美
And there's more hi-tech weaponry at this car's disposal. 除此之外，这车还有很多高科技装备
It has carbon ceramic brakes, as standard. 标配碳陶瓷刹车片
The back end is sculpted so it doesn't need 屁股轻微上翘，
a stuck-on rear spoiler for downforce. 这样就不用为了加大下压力装尾翼了
And, like most Lambos, it has a four-wheel drive system. 和大多数兰博一样，也是标配四轮驱动
But not just ANY four-wheel drive system. 但并不是普通的四轮驱动
It has three gyroscopes on board, like you get on a fighter jet, 跟战斗机一样，车上装了三个陀螺仪
and they're busy monitoring everything that's going on. 它们每时每刻都在关注着车的动态
They send all that information back to the four-wheel drive brain 然后把信息反馈给四驱系统的大脑
and it then decides how much power to send to each individual wheel. 由大脑决定给每个车轮分配多少动力
My head hurts just thinking about how all that works. 这么复杂，想想都头大了
The result is, you can corner at sensational speeds. 结果就是，你能以惊人的速度过弯
I'm glued down. The grip is astonishing. 我完全被胶水粘住了，抓地力太强了
It's almost undefeatable. 简直出乎想象
If slithering about is your thing, you can have fun in the Huracan... 如果你喜欢漂来漂去，那飓风能让你很爽
Ye gods! 我的天！
..but you need an enormous pair of gentleman balloons... 那意味这你需要胆够大
.. and your own personal airfield to play on. 还得有供你自己玩耍的私人机场
And, for me, this is where the problems begin. 这对我来说就是问题的所在了
This Huracan has been designed, on the road, to feel tame 飓风的设计是想在马路上给你被驯服的感觉，
and user friendly. 开起来很舒适
You don't get that special Lamborghini mentalist feeling, 结果就没了兰博那种特别的，疯狂的感觉
unless you are here, with an entire airfield under your wheels. 除非你把车开到机场上，整个机场都归你耍
And that's a bit of a heartbreaker, actually. 有点儿伤心是不是？
And while we're on it, there's another issue. 除此之外还有个问题
And it's a big thing. 一个严重的问题
Basically - bear with me on this - it's the looks. 听好了，那就是外观不行
I know it's bright green and low and there's a bull on the front, 我知道这个亮绿很骚气，车身低矮，还有个公牛在车头
but I just don't think that the Huracan is special enough 但是我真不觉得这台飓风能跟以往的兰博一样特别，一样牛逼
for a Lamborghini.
Lamborghinis should be jaw-dropping - 兰博的外观应该是让人惊得下巴脱臼的
that's why they make the best bedroom wall posters - 这也是为啥那么多兰博海报的原因
and I just don't see it with this. 但是在这个车上，我没那样的感觉
I think the problem is, this has been designed to sell many, many times 我想问题的根源应该是这车设计出来就是为了能卖很多辆
and to still look good in ten years' time. 卖很久，并且在未来十年都不过时
And I think, for that reason, they've played it safe. 为了达到这样的目的，他们选择了保险起见的方案
Lamborghini, like every car company, 兰博，跟其他车厂一样
has got to shift units to survive, but I think, with the Huracan, 也得为了盈利而经营，但是我觉得，就凭飓风
they have thrown the baby out with the bath water. 他们恐怕是把小孩连着洗澡水一块儿倒了
I've had some good times - no, great times - in Lamborghinis, on Top Gear. 曾经，我在TG上跟兰博有过许多快乐的时光
And if the producers got my e-mail... 如果制作人收到我的邮件的话
.. there shall now follow a montage showing that. 应该有个短片来回忆下那些快乐的时光
Whoa! 哇噢！！
This is just so exciting! 太特么刺激了！！！
Oh-ho-ho-ho! 吼吼吼吼！
That's absolutely brutal! 太特么凶残了！
Whaa-ha-ha! 喔哈哈哈
The most alive thing I've ever driven. It's beautiful. 这是我开过最牛逼的最有灵魂的车，太美了
Now, as a car, this Huracan is probably 作为一辆车来说
better than all those other Lamborghinis, 飓风可能比过去的兰博都好
but those cars are better Lamborghinis. 但那些兰博才是真正的兰博
The other Lamborghinis made you feel special, even in traffic. 哪怕在堵车的时候，那些兰博也能让你感到自己很特殊
This doesn't. And that's a loss. 这个就不行，那就等于是输了
What we have here is a Lamborghini that I respect for its engineering, 这台兰博，我很尊重它的工艺技术
but love it? Quiver at the very sight of it? 但是喜欢么？仔细看看
I'm afraid not. 我估计不喜欢
This is annoying. 好烦哦
~ This is really annoying. 真的好烦哦！ ~ Why? 烦啥？
~ Because I completely agree with you, for once. 因为这次我完全同意你的说法 ~ Do you?! 是么？ ~ Yeah. 是的
It's... Lamborghinis should be mad and stupid 既然是兰博就要又疯又傻
and have rockets coming out of their exhausts. 还能从排气管里喷火出来
And this, I don't know, it just doesn't float my boat. 这台？说不好，反正就不是我的菜
I know, it's almost as though they actually want to sell cars. 是啊，好像兰博真要开始造些好卖的车了
And that is idiotic. 这样的做法太蠢了
No, no, seriously, because you know James and I have always said that, 真的，你知道的，我跟詹姆斯一直说
~ one day, we'll open a pub? 以后我们一块儿开个酒吧 ~ Yes.嗯哼？
And it'll be the best pub in the world, specifically because 而且要成为世界上最好的酒吧
we won't allow anyone in it. 因为我们不会让任何人进去
~ Not anyone? 一个都不？ ~ No, nobody at all. Nobody. 对，一个都不让进
I know an accountant would say, "That's a ridiculous business plan", 会计肯定会说这样做生意简直是逗逼
but it will be good, because it won't be cluttered up 但这其实才是对的，
with people with smelly bottoms wanting scampi in a basket. 因为这样酒吧就不会被那些来吃东西的臭熏熏的醉汉搞得乱七八糟了
Yeah, but what's this got to do with Lamborghini? 好吧，那这又跟兰博有毛关系呢？
Because Lamborghini should be making cars that they want to make, 因为兰博应该造的是他们自己想造的车
not cars that their accountants think will make a few quid. 而不是会计认为造了能赚钱的车
Yeah, I think maybe the problem here is that Lamborghini 我想我知道问题根源的所在了
is owned by Audi. 兰博现在是奥迪旗下的公司了
And would you drink in a pub owned by Audi? 你觉得你会去个奥迪开的酒吧里喝酒么？
God, no. No! 我去，当然不啊
So, would you drive a car designed by Weatherspoons? 那你会开个Weatherspoons设计的车么？ （Weatherspoons是英国的连锁酒吧）
~ No. 不！ ~ No, I wouldn't do that, either. 我也不会的
Anyway, we've got to find out how fast this goes round our track. 好的，不管怎么样，都得看看这车在我们赛道上跑得多快
And that means handing it over to our tame racing driver. 那就意味着要交给我们的御用车手
Some say that his favourite football formation is 8-8-19. 有人说，他最喜欢的足球阵型是8-8-19
And while we were off air, his iCloud was hacked 在我们停播期间，他的icloud被盗了 （一众好莱坞明星躺枪）
and now everyone in the world has seen his helmet. 现在全世界的每个人都看过他的小丁丁了
All we know is, he's called The Stig! 我们只知道，他就是Stig！！
And he's off. Tiny bit of wheel spin and then the gyros 出发了，轮胎有一点打滑
and computers tell the four-wheel drive stuff to do its thing! 然后陀螺仪和车载电脑就会给四驱系统发出指令了
Flying through the first corner, Stig really working hard 飞过地过了第一个弯
at the wheel of Kermit's wash bag. Stig很努力地控制着方向
Mmm, Stig enjoying a smooth serving of The Carpenters, there. 嗯，Stig在听 The Carpenters 轻柔的音乐
No dramas through Chicago. 芝加哥弯，过得没什么特别的
Now, Hammerhead. 锤头弯
All-wheel drive cars can push wide here. 一般四驱的车在这里的走线都会宽一些
Stig using a very delicate steer. No whiff of understeer. Stig方向控制非常精准，没有一点儿转向不足的迹象
Just flying round there and out the other side. 飞快地从一头进去又从另一头出来了
♪ Sharing horizons that are new... ♪
OK, Follow Through. A chance to really get 好的，高速弯
the ten-cylinder hammer down. 发挥V10引擎的全部马力的地方
Wow! 哇噢！
Whatever Stig did during his holiday has made him extra committed. 不知道Stig假期干啥了，变这么快了
Just two corners left. Turning in, with precision. 只剩两个弯了，转进去，很精准
Ooh, he's gone a bit sideways up to Gambon. 喔，侧滑了一点儿来到甘邦
Skates it through there and across the line. 滑着转过来，然后冲线了
This is amazing. This is truly amazing, because it did it... 太惊人了，真的很惊人，时间是
It did it in 1.15.8, which means it goes 1分15.8秒，这就意味着
~ right the way up there. Look at it. 排到这里了 ~ Wow. 哇噢 ~ It's quicker than the McLaren 比迈凯轮12C还快
MP4-12C. It's quicker than its big brother, the Aventador. 也比兰博自家的老大哥Aventador快
(And that means everything we've been saying is completely wrong.) 所以我们刚才说的都等于放屁了
Well, no, because I still think... 没有啊，我还是觉得圈速固然重要
That IS good, but it would be better if it was slower, 但是如果慢一些
but had knives sticking out of the wheels. 然后在车轮上插几把刀会更好
No, you're right because this part of the board is where Ferraris 是的，我同意，圈速榜的这块是属于法拉利和别的狠货的
and serious stuff should live and Lamborghinis should be here, 兰博应该在下面这片
~ which, interestingly enough, is where the Gallardo is. 也就是前任盖拉多所在的地方 ~ Yeah. 是的
Anyway, we must now put a star in our reasonably-priced car.（采访嘉宾跳过没翻译）
Now there are many, many well-known Eds in the world these days.
There's Harris, Miliband, Balls.
There is. But... But my guest tonight is the best
and the newest Ed of them all. Ladies and gentlemen - hmm-hmm -
Ed Sheeran!
Ooh, upcoming star, how are you?
Ed Sheeran is here!
He's here.
Thank you so much for coming.
Now, obviously, you're a massive global megastar now,
but is it true, what, five years ago, you were busking
~ on the London Underground? ~ No.
No, I, eh...
Did you ever sleep on the London Underground?
~ Yeah, well... ~ Ah, I knew there was something you'd done
~ on the London Underground! ~ No, it was... Yeah, it was just...
I would, if there wasn't a place to stay, which, often,
it was too late for me to call anyone for a sofa, I would stay out till
about 5am and then get on the Circle Line and just, kind of, lean up,
and then get up around 12 and....
And just go round and round, cos it is warm down there and...
~ It's great. It's great. ~ There you go, there's a top tip.
~ And did you sleep in the heating duct at Buckingham Palace? ~ No, no.
~ There's another no. ~ It was outside of Buckingham Palace, not in it.
This is what I find fascinating, cos five years ago,
you were trying to find somewhere warm to sleep in London.
People have really taken it out of context. The Daily Mail
~ have taken the quote and been... ~ No(!)
No, I won't believe that the Daily Mail makes stuff up(!)
It wasn't, like, a massive hardship or anything.
I wasn't living anywhere in London. I was sleeping on people's sofas
and sometimes they didn't have sofas to sleep on. It wasn't common,
~ but it did happen, yeah. ~ Cos you were gigging a lot in those days,
~ working your bottom off. ~ I haven't stopped yet. It's still...
But you were travelling down to Exeter, to get...
~ How much for performing in Exeter? ~ That was the worst thing.
It was an 80 quid train ticket to Exeter and I was getting paid
£50 for the gig and I arrived and soundchecked with the sound engineer.
He was like, "Doors are at seven."
Got to seven, I was on at 7.30. It was empty.
He said, "Wait 15 minutes, see if people turn up." Empty.
15 minutes later, "Yeah, wait another ten minutes."
We ended up waiting an hour. No-one turned up, so I just played to him.
~ What did he say? ~ No, it was all right.
And then I was, like, "Cool, see you later, mate",
got my £50 and went and I'd missed the last train home.
But I'd just bought, from eBay, a Pokemon on the Game Boy Colour.
And I just got that. So, I sat at the train station, until the morning,
until the next train, playing Pokemon. It was great.
It's where you learn it all from.
So, now you've got to the point from playing Pokemon
on Exeter railway station, have you not just sold out Wembley for,
~ how many nights is it? ~ Three nights. ~ Just you? In front of a crowd
~ of 80,000-90,000? ~ Around that, yeah. ~ Does that make you nervous?
I was more nervous about today, doing the lap. Genuinely, genuinely.
Cos I mean your whole life is... Obviously, you've met De Niro now.
~ Clinton? ~ Yeah. ~ And then, today, you met James May. ~ Yeah.
So, you've completed the circle.
Can I talk a bit about your early life, before we get on to the cars,
if we may? Cos I was slightly staggered. You had a number
of illnesses when you were little. (Not just your hair.)
~ Glaucoma? ~ It probably could have led to that.
I had a big birthmark on the side of my face
~ that I had to get lasered off. And weird eyes. ~ Weird eyes.
And you had to play sports wearing some...
Well, my view on it is that I was a very weird kid in primary school
and I probably didn't have a lot of friends,
but, I think, God looked down and went, "You need some help"
~ and gave me a guitar and it worked out. ~ And here you are. ~ Yes.
~ Good old God. ~ The second half of my life is much more fun
than the first half and I'd rather that way round,
because half of the popular kids in school,
I mean, you know, are...
~ BLEEP ~ their lives up.
Now, we'd better get on, I'm afraid, to the elephant in the room.
~ Yes. ~ Um... Ed can't drive.
And I don't just mean you have no driving licence.
We've had that before, with Johnny Vegas
and Jack Whitehall, more recently. But how much can't you drive?
Or how much couldn't you drive before you got here today?
I'd never sat in the driver's seat or put my hand on a steering wheel.
The reason I said yes to Top Gear is that
I thought it would be funny, the first time that I drive.
It is... This must be the first-ever televised driving lesson.
I think so many 17-year-olds around the world would want The Stig
to teach them how to drive and that's what happened.
I think it is very, very ballsy to come here, saying,
"I don't mind being filmed for my first ever lap."
You have actually bought cars for people -
~ sound engineers and so on. ~ Yeah, I bought... Basically, every year
I give people who work for me a Christmas bonus and this guy
who works for me was, basically, every year, spending his Christmas
bonus on things you should spend your bonus on - his family.
But he would always go on about wanting a Porsche 911 Carrera.
"Oh, that's my dream car, but I'm doing up the bathroom next",
~ so this year, I just got him the Porsche. ~ You bought him a 911?
~ Yeah. ~ Didn't you buy another sound engineer a Smart car?
I bought my guitar tech a Smart car, but that was another...
What's he done wrong(?) How does he feel going, "Oh, brilliant"?
I see these people, day in and day out,
and they always talk about the thing that they want most.
He's got really low ambition. We need to have a word with him.
Are you sure he's doing your guitars properly? Cos if he thinks
a Smart's a good enough car, when he could have said a 911!
It's different strokes for different folks.
You're right. Now, moving on to your lap. How was it out there?
It was interesting. It was interesting.
I had some very funny bloopers, which I'm sure you're going to show.
We wouldn't do that.
Yes, we would.
Who'd like to see Ed's first-ever driving lesson on television?
Yes!
We've got one or two clips we'd like to show first
of a few slip-ups. Let's have a look at those.
So this is... Whoa, that's the second to last corner,
~ but you missed that by a long way there. ~ That looks great.
Oh, my God, is that the Follow...? They go through the tyres!
You're not going to hold it. You did!
Oh, wait, wait, wait! Argh!
Not again, not again at the Follow Through? The same!
What staggers me about that is, when the car is sliding,
particularly going through there, which is about 80mph.
So, it's sliding like that. Most people just give up,
but you, actually, were wrestling with the controls in there.
That wasn't planned.
I just didn't know to take my foot off the accelerator.
You just kept it on?
Yeah, I wasn't, like, "I'm going sort this out and show everyone
"that I'm really good at driving." It was, literally, just like "Ah!"
How do you actually walk about when they're that big?
Shall we have a look at the fastest lap? Everybody ready?
Yeah!
Play the tape. Come on. Here we go.
Yes, wheel spin from an automatic. Oh, it is wet, isn't it? Yeah.
Come on.
It will and here it comes. Down to the first corner
and around it. Still can't believe that you had never driven
a car before this morning.
And you're around at... Slightly wide, but never mind.
We're off towards Chicago now.
Come on, come on, come on, yeah. Yep, yep, yep.
Like it. Neat and tidy through there.
No real problems, at all, and with tyre...
Yes, the tyres are squealing.
Keep your hands on the wheel, that is important.
And this is the Hammerhead, designed to catch out the unwary and the new.
But it hasn't got you!
Right, now, this is it.
This is coming up to what we call the Follow Through,
cos if you get it wrong that's what happens.
Lifting? No, you're not lifting.
Nobody's ever had tyre squeal on their first-ever driving lesson.
Through the tyres, can he do this? Yes, looking good.
Oh, crikey, a little bit of brake action there
or that could be automatic, on the car's part.
Second to last corner, catches most people out,
but not you, not today.
Into Gambon...
And, oh, there was a burst of acceleration.
And there we are, across the line!
~ Right, now... ~ It looked slower than it felt. ~ It does.
It's not a fast car. There are faster ones available on the market.
Where do you think you've come on our...?
As long as I beat Jack Whitehall, I'm happy.
Two things... One - Jack had driven a car before he got here,
although he had no licence. And the track was mildly moist for him,
barely wet, but it was very wet for you, so it obviously slows you down.
So, he did a 1.54.5.
And you, Ed Sheeran...
you were...
1.50...
4...
Ooh!
..3.
And in wet. You've done it!
Yeah.
That is... Are you genuinely amazed by that? Cos I am.
I guess so, but, like, that one was the best time that I did it.
And the times before that were probably about 2.30.
~ So, um... ~ Well, with that level of improvement,
we should just give Ed a driving licence now.
~ Yes! ~ Ladies and gentlemen, Ed Sheeran!
Now, tonight, we are staging one of our important races, 今晚，我们在进行一个重要比赛
between the car, public transport, a bicycle 参赛的有汽车、公共交通、自行车
and Jeremy's rather fanciful belief that we should travel everywhere 以及只有大猩猩认为应该推广的河上交通方式
on rivers.
Yes, we are racing across St Petersburg in Russia. 比赛中我们要穿过俄国的圣彼得堡
And when we left the action, Jeremy was in the lead, 之前的片段中
in his uncontrollable hovercraft. 猩猩开着他那无法控制的“河里完”领先
James was second, in his tiny, electric Renault. 詹姆斯开着他的微型电动车第二
The Stig was somewhere or other on a metro train. Stig在某个地方或者某趟地铁上
And I had fallen off my bicycle and broken it. 至于我，从自行车上摔下来，还把车摔坏了
OK, this is good. 哎哟，不错哦
Flat out on water. 在水上全速前进！
Remaining range - it tells me it is 40 miles, that's plenty. 剩余的续航里程还有40英里，相当足够了
Bit of a jink round him. 躲开他
Ho-ho! 吼吼吼
You're probably thinking, "What's the point of that tiny little car? 看着这么宽阔的街道
"Look at the size ofthat road he's on." 你可能觉得这样的微型车毫无用处
Yes. But we're not in St Petersburg proper, yet. 是的，那是因为我们还没到圣彼得堡城中心
We're still on the outskirts. When we get near the middle, 我们还在城市的外环
there's going to be a small alleyway, 等我们进到城中心，肯定会有些狭窄的街道的
something built before cars were invented. 那些在汽车发明之前就修的街道
Things wide enough for a horse. 只够马匹走过的街道
And then, I shall sweep to victory. 那就是我拉开差距的时候了
The Stig, James and Jeremy were battling in what they thought Stig、船长、猩猩都以为他们还是三个人在比赛
was a three-horse race.
But I had other plans... 不过我有了新的计划
~ So, you speak English? 你会说英语吗？ ~ I do. 我会 ~ And you don't speak English? 你不会说英语？
~ A little bit. 会一点儿 ~ Can you interpret? 你能翻译一下么？
I've broken my bike. I fell off my bicycle. 我从我的自行车上摔下来了，然后车也摔坏了
Can I borrow your bike? 我能借你的自行车用下么？
~ No. 不行 ~ Oh, please. I'm in a race. 拜托啦，我在比赛啊
~ A hovercraft has gone past now. 气垫船已经超过我了 ~ I'm late, I have to go to my work. 我迟到了，我得去上班啊
If we give you a lift to work, can I borrow your bike? 如果我们开车送你去上班，那我能借你的自行车么？
~ OK. 好吧 ~ Really, can we? 真的么？ ~ Yes. 是的
Really? What a gentleman! 太棒啦，小伙好绅士哦
As a producer took the kind young man to work, 在制作人送小伙去上班的同时
I was getting to grips with his wheels. 我已经骑上了他的自行车了
OK, this isn't as fast as the other bicycle, I'll be honest. OK,说实话，这并没有我摔坏那辆自行车快
I'm doing 16mph, instead of 22, and it's killing me. 只能骑到16英里每小时，而不是22，还累成狗了
Hammond would have struggled to catch up with me on his £9,000 如果哈蒙德骑着他的9000镑的赛车，兴许还能追上我
Tour de France bike, but on some clunky old piece of Russian pig-iron 骑着这个借来的又老又笨的铁疙瘩就别想了
that he's borrowed from a local, he's got no chance, has he? 根本没机会，不是么？
Let's be honest. 说实话
On HMS Petrol, I wasn't worried about Hammond's recovery 开着气垫船，我根本不担心哈蒙德又开始比赛了
because my lead was immense! 我的领先优势巨大
And I was going like a bat out of hell. 开得就像从山洞里飞出来的蝙蝠一样快
Power. 给力啊！
Right through the middle. 从正中间穿过去
But then, I hit the city centre. 可是紧接着，我到城中心了
Got hydrofoils coming in at speed from the left and the right. 左右都有水翼船飞快向我开过来
Two ferries and a water taxi. 两个渡轮，还有个水上出租车
Oh, my giddy aunt, there's one over there. 喔，那头又一条船
~ Oh 噢噢 ~ BLEEP. BBBB
In traffic like this, the hover-van was a menace. 在这样的交通情况下，开气垫船太危险了
Turn! Turn! 转过去！转过去！
Good God, I'm totally out of control. 老天啊，完全失去控制了
Holy mother of God, turn! 你大爷的，赶紧转过去啊
Turn! Turn! 转！转！
No! 不要啊！
~ Oh 喔喔 ~ BLEEP. shit！ ~ Not very...还好没
I'm crashing into St Petersburg now. 差点撞上圣彼得堡的河堤了
Power! Come on, hover-van. 给力啊，加油！“河里完”
Oh, there's swimmers. Oh, please, turn. Please. 喔喔，那儿有人游泳，快转过去，求你了
I, too, had reached the city centre, where the tiny Twizy 我也到了城中心，那些狭窄的古老街道
would come into its own, in the ancient narrow streets. 正是让微小的Twizy发挥的地方
Oh, cock. 擦！
The main roads were eight lanes wide... 主道有8条车道宽
.. and the side roads weren't much thinner. 辅道也没窄多少
Small wonder there are no parking regulations in St Petersburg. 难怪圣彼得堡不管乱停车
There's no need. 根本没必要啊
Look at it. Could have done this in a stretch Lincoln Continental 你看看，开个加长林肯，加长悍马来也没问题啊
or a Hummer or something.
Worse, worse. Just worse. 越来越糟，越来越累
I will not give up, 但我不会放弃的 I will not give up. 我不会放弃的
22 miles an hour there. Oh. 终于提速到22英里每小时了
And I think I'm going to be sick. 都快骑吐了
Meanwhile, back on the river... 同时，在河上
Holy Moley! 我嘞个去
And another one! 又一条水翼船
'In order to avoid death by hydrofoil, 为了防止被水翼船撞死
'I decided to leave the river and use St Petersburg's canals.' 我决定离开主河道，去到小河道上
This is a canal, it's what I need. 这就是我要的小河道
They were much quieter, but there was now another problem. 船少了，安静多了，但是也带来另一个问题
No, don't... 别啊，不要
To get under the low bridges, I had to deflate the skirts. 为了穿过这些低矮的桥，我不得不把气垫里的气都放出来
That meant coming off the power and coasting, which went well(!) 这就得切断动力，然后靠惯性滑过去
Sinking. Sinking now. 下沉，一直在下沉
Oh, giddy aunt. 他妹的
Oh, Christ, this is lower, this is even lower. 我的天啊，这个桥更矮
Two and a half metres, 限高2.5米
that's pretty much the height of the props on the back. 差不多正好就是后面的风扇的高度了
No, no, no, don't rise up, don't rise up! 别！别！别浮起来啊！
Oh, my... No, no, no. 我去， 别啊 别啊
In the Twizy, I'd discovered that no matter how wide the streets 开着Twizy，我想明白了一个道理，不管街道多宽
may be, a jam is still a jam. 该堵车的还是特么得堵
See, look, small cars don't make any difference. 你看，车再小也没用啊
If I was on the bike, I'd be down there, but no car is narrow 如果我是骑着自行车，那我就能穿过去
enough for that. 但是再窄的车，都没法钻过去
While James sat motionless, I was now entering the city centre... 当船长堵死一动不动的时候，我也进入城中心了
I can still do this. Oh. 我还能坚持下去
.. where I discovered that cyclists are completely invisible. 然后我发现完全没人把骑车的当回事儿
Oh, you're not... You didn't... Honestly?! 喔不，你真没看到么？还是特么故意的？
Not even an attempt, was there? 都不示意我一下
Argh, wait for me, numb nuts. 啊！等我先过，傻屌
On the underground, Stig had noticed that many of his fellow passengers 在地铁上，Stig发现每个乘客都拿着点奇怪的东西
were holding on to strange things.
And so, at the next station, he decided he should have one, too. 于是，他打算他也要来一个
I'm on the tram lines and in a traffic jam. 我开到电车的轨道上了，还是被堵死了
Come on, come on, come on. 加油啊，加油啊，加油啊
Terrified that I'll see Richard Hammond turning up any second 要是我看到哈蒙德骑着他偷来的山地车超过我
on his stolen mountain bike. 我肯定会受惊的
Man stopped in the bus lane, looking under his car, 一个人把车停在公交车线上，趴在地上往车底看
probably for a cyclist he's run over. 多半是在看他刚轧到的骑车人
Don't worry about me, I'm just a cyclist. I'm just a pigeon. 不用为我担心，我只是个骑车的，跟鸽子一样无害
Don't you worry yourself, chum. 你就不为自己担心么
Like all cyclists, Hammond was becoming 跟所有的骑车的一样
~ full of rage and aggression. 哈蒙德充满了怒气和攻击性 ~ Come on, really?! 我去，急个毛线
Whereas, in my un-air-conditioned hover-van, I was becoming hot, 同时，在这个没空调的“河里完”里
bothered and stuck. 我越来越热，越来越烦
Sweating. Sweating a lot. 不停出汗，出了好多汗
Not certain this was a good idea. I really am not. 真不知道来小河道上还是不是个好主意
Oh, now, this one is tight. 喔喔，好窄哦
Lower. No, no, no, Christ. 更矮了，不要啊，我的天
Bloody hell. 他大爷的
Scary! No, no, no, no, no! 好怕怕，不要啊，不要啊
Oh... Not now, not now, not now! I'm in a big problem! 特么谁啊，别现在打给我啊
What? 啥？
~ Oh, 噢 ~ BLEEP, BBB ~ I should have actually gone to the right. 我应该右转的
Right, U-turn. 是的，那就只能掉头回去了
Concentrate, May. 龟速船长，集中注意力啊
Thanks to James's famously-poor sense of direction, 多亏了船长那可怜的方向感
I was now in with a shout, 我现在又回到比赛中了
especially as I could take a short-cut through the Winter Palace. 而且我还能直接穿过冬宫抄近道
Wow. 哇噢
Thank goodness James has got a Twizy to fit in this place(!) 谢天谢地，詹姆斯的小车太适合这里了
Little corner cut, that'll save me a minute or two. 抄个近道，又能节省一两分钟
Water coming up, over the bridge. 接下来就过河了
In the hover-van, I was finally free of the canals 我终于把“河里完”从小河道里开出来了
and back on the now traffic-free river. 重新回到没有交通堵塞的主河道
I've got a lot of time to make up now. Come on! Power! 接下来就得赶时间了，加油啊，给力啊
We were now entering the final stages of our race. 我们都进入了最后的冲刺阶段了
And at this point, 这会儿
because all of us were all over the place, any one of us could win it. 我们都差不多快到了，每个人都有可能成为最后的赢家
Coming past. I can have that, I'll have that. 超过来了，我还能超过它，一定要超过去
Whoa, heavy turn. 哇噢，好急的弯
Full thrust! 油门全开！
I will not give up, I will not give up. Come on! 我不会放弃的！加油啊！
Really giving this thing the electric berries here. 这车的续航能力真还不错哦
Buffeting! 颠颠颠
That is 144 horsepower, right there. Ha-ha! 我这可有144匹马力哦
~ What the ~ BLEEP 你大爷的 ~ hell, are you...? You great gangly ~ BLEEP ~ knuckle ~ BLEEP, （一堆脏话）
~ greasy-haired ~ BLEEP ~ bag. ~ BLEEP ~ you. （一堆脏话）
That's more like it. A narrow side street. 这才像话嘛，狭窄的街道
We can win this, van. 我要赢下来！
Come on. 加油啊
Come on, come on. 加油啊 加油啊
I'm very close. 很近了
Ah. 啊
There it is. There's the end point. 那就是终点了
Where is this unpronounceable palace? Where is James May? 那个不知道怎么念的地儿在哪儿啊？船长在哪儿呢？
Where is The Stig? Stig在哪儿呢？
There it is. Yes, there is the finish line! 那就是了，终点线就在那儿
Oh, wait a minute, have I got to get up that bloody thing? I have. 哦，等等，我得从这个东西上上岸
Somewhere around here, I'm looking for a big white palace. 就在这附近了，白色的宫殿
Right, here we go! 好的，加油！
No! No, no, no, no, no. 别别别别别别
Stopping. 快停下来
Oh, God! 我的天
It's Hammond. Bloody hell. Ha-ha! 那是哈蒙德，哈哈哈
Argh. Not again. Argh! 哦， 又一次， 啊
Please tell me, have I won? 告诉我，我是不是已经赢了
Oh, Christ, look behind you. 看你背后
Oh, Jesus. 哦，天啊
Well, there we are. Proof that the car is... 好吧，那我们也证明了
~ Is better. 车是更好的交通工具 ~ It's better. 更好 ~ Was worth it. 更值得
I'm afraid, even when it's comedically small, 哪怕这么小的电动车也是好的
~ French and electric, it's still better. ~ I've ruined my penis 小丁丁遭罪了
~ and £9,000-worth of bicycle. 那辆9000镑的自行车也遭罪了 ~ Yep. I've just realised something. 我刚意识到个问题
~ What? 啥？ ~ Three of us are here. 我们三到这了
~ Yeah, I completely forgot. 我完全都忘了 ~ Oh, hang on. 哦，对，等等 ~ Where is The Stig? Stig呢？
Where is he? 跑哪儿去了？
James May has restored the reputation of the car. 龟速船长挽回了汽车的声誉
~ Yes. 是的 ~ Thing is, though... The thing is, though, 问题是
if you don't want to drive around in a little Philishave, 如果你不想开个飞利浦剃须刀一样的小电动车
with optional doors, you'll have to buy what came second, 那你就应该去买第二到终点的
which, of course, was the hovercraft. 也就是“河里完”气垫船
Oh, no, hang on a minute. I would have won that by 20 minutes, 不对，等等，如果我没有摔车
~ if I hadn't fallen off. 我本来可以早到20分钟的 ~ Yes, but you did fall off. Twice, in fact. 是的，可问题是你摔了两次
~ Yeah. 好吧 ~ In an 18-mile journey, you consumed two bicycles. 才骑了18英里，你就报废了两辆自行车
~ I did, yeah. 是的。。。 ~ All we learned from you is that you're a spanner 我们都知道你是个傻屌了
and it's difficult to draw any meaningful conclusions 从Stig的角度看也没什么有意义的结论
from The Stig's journey. So, in that whole film, 所以整个比赛下来
we've learned absolutely nothing, at all. 我们啥都没学到
And on that bombshell, it is time to end. 丢下这个包袱，就到了结束的时候了
Thank you so much for watching. See you again next week. Good night! 感谢您的观看，下周见，晚安！ 东哥一个人字幕制作，时间仓促，水平有限,THX