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翻译：Mondo 麦克杜杜格 屯栗子 书书书书 宝宝
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后期：拉图 时间轴：今
学而不玩则呆
《恐怖树屋XXIV》
沮丧之地
万圣节之夜 孩子们走街串巷 'Twas Halloween night, with the kids door-to-dooring,
全城所有人 血糖都飙升 and all over town the blood sugar was soaring.
把糖交出来 Give me your candy!
辛普森一家 愁眉苦脸中 But the Simpson abode was deep down in the dumps,
大小孩子们 正为腮腺痛 'cause from little to bigger, the kids had the mumps.
我要去派对 身着时髦衣 Now, I'm off to a party, my outfit is chic.
化身为猫女 绝对很独一 It's a Catwoman costume, I'm sure is unique.
等下 这是万圣节吗 Wait a second-- it's Halloween?
耐心家中等 十点我就归 Just rest on the sofa, I'll be home by 10:00.
我们能吃糖吗 Can we have some candy?
最多一个巧克力豆 Just one M&M.
轰隆一声响 Then we heard a loud crash.
本想找处藏 We were tempted to scat.
但却看到他 And we looked and we saw him...
肥帽子先生 The Fat in the Hat!
肥帽子 方方面面全都搞
三个小屁孩 由我来拯救 I'll save Halloween for you three grumpy tots.
撅起小屁屁 注射来洗礼 Just stick out your rumps for some mump-stumping shots!
来与我共骑 没啥好畏惧 Now hop on my cycle, there's nothing to fear.
我们去拿糖 酒吧顺道去 And we shall have candy... and maybe some beer.
母亲出门去 干嘛都甭想 You should not be here when their mother's away!
瞧你一脸褶 快去上天堂 And you should be dead, you're so wrinkled and gray!
我来教训你 你这黄海象 I'll give you the business, you yellow sea cow!
强硬老年人 必将... This go-getting oldster will...
我这是在哪 Where am I now?
这里一团糟 两分即可平 We'll fix up this mix-up in two minutes flat,
礼帽藏帮手 他们肯定行 with the helpers I've hidden right under my hat.
是我记性差 有事忘了说 I... uh, I knew there was something I left off my list.
离了吃与喝 他们定不活 Without food, air and water, they cease to exist.
爆炸汽油
我是伯瑞斯 为森林说话 I am the Borax. I speak for the woods.
而现在的我 为产品代言 But I've plastered my likeness on consumer goods.
伯聊厌产品
恭喜卖光光 Sellout!
*肥帽子先生他不听妈妈话* *Oh, the Fat in the Hat doesn't care what moms say*
*父母前脚离他后脚接你走* *The minute they leave you, he'll take you away*
*他的早餐如宴会* *His breakfast is dinner*
*晚餐都是甜点* *His dinner's dessert*
*或许安珀警戒都有他的名* *You might see his name on an AMBER Alert*
安珀警戒: 美国儿童绑架案的警戒告知
不给糖就捣蛋 Trick or treat!
谁敲秃鹰门 莫烦富人心 Who buzzed the buzzard? Don't pester the rich.
零钱袋
我才不给糖 不速之来客 I don't hand out candy, you son of a Gritch.
搬出奇异盒 长枪短炮升 He pulled out bamfoozlers and side-winding gizzles.
老头房屋烧 他哈哈大笑 He laughed as he heard that old codger's house-sizzles.
谁人爱钞票 听我说几句 Let this be a lesson to those who love cash,
纵使保管好 付之于一炬 that your nice stash of cash could be gone in a flash.
如果你可怕 肮脏又残暴 And if you are awful and nasty and cruel...
闭上你的嘴 省着点口水 Enough with the lessons! This isn't a school!
流浪者救济所
*每年今日不挨饿* *Once a year we are not hungry*
*多亏基督福利赦* *Thanks to Christian charity*
这里没有糖 只能喝啤酒 I don't got no candy, I only serve beer.
谁又让你带 未成年饮酒 And who said that you could bring minors in here?
花生是剩菜 啤酒如臭鼬 Your peanuts are pawed through, your beer smells like skunk.
你不该惹我这醉酒毛绒汉 And you just pissed off the wrong fat, furry drunk!
这可是儿童故事 This is supposed to be a children's story!
拿光他的钱 伏特加琴酒 Go grab all his money and vodka and gin.
这等好皮毛 我要展身手 And I'll knit a nice thnord from his leathery skin.
肥帽子先生 不是我抱怨 Say, Mr. Hat, I don't mean to complain,
说好拿糖果 而非滋事端 but you promised us candy, not mayhem and pain.
无力书呆油
男人想了想 然后开口说 The dude thought a while, then said:
我认识个人 I know a man!
开着坑人店 满足你们愿 With an overpriced store, who'll give all that he can.
东西任你拿 麻烦别找我 Take whatever you want. I don't want any trouble.
拿走火腿肠 还有泡泡糖 Take Jims that are Slim, and gum of the bubble.
我还不杀你 惩罚办法多 I won't shoot you now, 'cause I've found something cruel-ah,
陪好曼纽拉 和她八个娃 an afternoon off with eight kids and Manjula.
营业中
关门 欢乐家庭时间
不要啊 No...!
车管所
*肥帽子先生* *Oh, the Fat in the Hat*
*他很容易生气* *Has some anger issues*
*政治主张也十分诡异* *And some highly unusual political views*
市政府 明日开始禁卖汽水
*听见他来了 你最好躲开* *If he comes a-calling, you'd better hide*
疯狂动物园
*因为他正大杀特杀* *'Cause he's committing aggravated floop-fluffle-cide*
别忘了我呀 Don't forget me!
*大杀特杀* *Floop-fluffle-cide*
我们得逃离这戴帽子奇葩 We had to escape from this behatted mammal.
于是我们搭乘了三峰驼 So we hitched us a ride on a three-hump gumbamel!
它是种更快更谦逊的骆驼 A gumbamel's a camel but faster and humbler.
它不收小费 也从不抱怨 It doesn't take tips and it's never a grumbler.
若你急着赶路 So if you must leave in a kind of a scramble,
不要大意地跳到谦逊的三峰驼上来吧 then jump on the hump of a humble gumbamel.
三峰驼走不动了 就会跌倒 But if the gumbamel should ramble, then stumble,
阿壳围场
到时跳到小丑阿牛的背上就行 then just hop atop a Krustiferous Krumbull.
万一小丑阿牛也不幸倒下 But then if that Krumbull should happen to tumble,
就找好朋友 嗡嗡响的蜜蜂男来帮忙 just call your amigo, the bee man of bumble.
我们本以为逃离了那疯胖子 We thought we'd escaped from our psychotic guide...
可当我们到家 他已等候多时 but when we got home, he was waiting inside!
我永远在这 I'm staying forever.
你们认命吧 You're all stuck with that.
我是你新爹 胖帽子... 'Cause I'm your new daddy, the Fat in the...
我无所畏惧 包括地狱火 I'm frightened of nothing, not even hellfires.
就是别让迈克·梅尔斯来演我 Just don't let me ever be played by Mike Myers.
加拿大演员 曾出演《戴帽子的猫》
你们不用担心 我们化险为夷 Now please do not worry, 'cause we did okay.
不管你怎么说 小孩终有糖吃 Yes, kids will get candy, whatever you say.
完
可是胖子还会回来的
肥帽子屁滚尿流
死亡与肩膀
注意
搞毛啊 What the hell?!
巴仔 在机场旁放风筝 Bart, isn't it dangerous to fly your kite
-熊孩子 -是不是太危险了 - Stupid kids! - By an airport?
既然他们选择坐飞机 Hey, if they get on an airbus,
就应该有这个准备了 they know they're taking their chances.
风筝 两点钟方向 Kite! It's 2:00!
啥意思 我只戴电子表 I don't know what that means, I have a digital watch!
我老婆的照片怎么会在你的控制屏上 What's my wife's picture doing on your control screen?
完毕 Over.
呃 那个 那什么 Homina, homina, homina.
完毕 Over.
没地方栓风筝 Nowhere to tie my kite...
围巾也忘了戴 and I forgot my scarf.
有了 Bingo!
我看到了12车追尾 I'm seeing a 12-car pileup,
屋顶裸宴 还有...天啊 a naked rooftop cookout, and... Oh, my God!
一个箱形风筝 A box kite!
至少这是个迷人的夜晚 Well, at least it's a beautiful night.
我还活着 I'm alive!
满血满状态复活 All patched up!
故事讲完了 End of story.
事实上 还没完 Actually, there's a little more.
哎呀 我的妈呀 Ay, caramba!
抱歉 这是唯一能让 I'm sorry. This was the only way to
巴仔再多活一年的方法了 lengthen Bart's life for a year
但你会折寿到到30岁 while shortening yours by 30.
我以为只是献个血 I thought I was donating blood.
没错啊 You are.
顺便献了淋巴 脊髓液和其他东西 Along with lymph, spinal fluid, and all the trimmings.
不过丽莎 你的大脑说了算 But, Lisa, your brain is still in complete control.
我能随心所欲地折腾巴仔的脑袋吗 I could do what I want to Bart's head?
天啊 Aw, geez.
快让我脱离苦海 肥仔 Strangle me out of this, Fatso.
你这个小... Why you little...!
老子把你载入医学史册 I'll teach you to make medical history!
好得很 Ah, all good.
小子 反正你也用不着卧室了 Hey, boy, since you don't need a bedroom anymore,
我总算有了我的男人空间 I finally get my man cave.
男人空间 Man cave!
欢迎来到我的男人空间 Everyone's welcome to my man cave!
女生免进
与女生连体的男生也免进
我向您保证 我们已竭尽全力 I assure you, we've spared no effort
照顾您家的特需生了 to accommodate your special-needs student.
好...了 And... done.
最后 我将展示给大家的是 So, in conclusion, my show-and-tell is...
这个 this!
非常好丽莎 你得了A+ Excellent, Lisa. A-plus.
巴仔 该你了 Bart, your turn.
我给大家展示的是我在丽莎的身体上 Well, my show-and-tell is that I'm on Lisa's body.
纯属雷同 Derivative and repetitive!
F- F-minus.
巴仔 你这四年级脑瓜还有别的创意吗 Bart, I expected more from a fourth-grade head.
转错方向了 You're rotating it in the wrong direction!
那是我要展示的主题啊 That was gonna be my show-and-tell!
舌舔地球仪 拉尔夫原创
巴仔 丽莎 不得不说 Bart, Lisa, I'm afraid you two
你们这种状态会持续很久 are going to be together for a long time.
不如想想对方有什么优点吧 Why don't you try to say something good about each other?
好吧 对与虱子为伍的人来说 Well, she's pretty healthy for someone
她非常健康 who's been living with cooties.
巴仔 丽莎的耳朵很干净吧 Bart, aren't Lisa's ears clean?
的确 Yeah.
简直像加拿大的隧道一样 It's like looking down a Canadian Tunnel.
丽莎 你呢 What else?
起码有人和我共进午餐了 Well... now I always have someone to eat lunch with.
很好 Great!
你爸妈也只能付得起这程度的费用了 That's as much therapy as your parents can afford.
他们的情况有所改善 I think we've made some progress here.
太棒了 Great...
对了 我有双头优惠券 Oh, and I have this "Two Heads for One" coupon.
这是买生菜用的 Well, that's for lettuce.
这一张呢 How about this one?
免费治疗精神分裂症患者任一障碍 "One random disorder free with every schizophrenia."
虽然是 但已经过期了 That's mine, but it's expired.
巴仔的头早就该砍下来了 Should've chopped off Bart's head long ago.
晚安 丽莎 Sleep well, Lis.
不管怎么说 我的脑袋缝在你肩上 Somehow, sewing my head on your shoulder
的确让我们更接近了 brought us closer together.
彩虹 Rainbow...
天哪 彩虹 Oh, rainbow...
别又是那个彩虹马的梦 Oh... not the pony dream again.
等等 我拿的枕头 Hey, I did that.
的确是我 Yep, that's me.
她睡着以后 When she's asleep,
这身体就是我的了 I'm in control.
丽莎 我要确保你 Lis, I'm gonna make sure
一直都睡着 you stay asleep.
安眠药
哇哈哈 有配酸奶吃的东东 Ooh, mix-ins!
你... Son of a...
你成不了家 也打不着火 You start a car as well as you start a family.
我去修跳电线 你在车里等我 You wait here while I go get the jumper cables.
哎呦 恐慌症又犯了啊 Oh, a panic attack, huh?
看我找点让你恐慌的事 Well, I'll give you something to panic about!
起来 Get up!
砍掉她烦人的脑袋 Now I'll just cut off her annoying head
这个身体就属于我了 and this body will be all mine.
也可能同归于尽 Or we both die.
还真说不准 Not really sure what the rules are.
巴仔 为什么 Why, Bart?
我们不是朋友吗 I thought we were friends.
当哥的是永远不会和妹妹做朋友的 A brother can never be friends with his sister.
你真要这么做吗 Are you really, really sure?
抱歉我一定要这么做 I'm afraid I am.
那我也别无选择了 Well, then, I guess I have no choice.
这跟说好的不一样啊 How could this go wrong?
两头相较 'Cause in a head-to-head battle,
智者胜 the one with the most brains wins!
春田镇最好的双向切削锯木厂
不管我在哪 Well, wherever I am,
都算有所改善了 it's gotta be an improvement.
那可不一定 Guess again.
现在我可以唱二重唱了 Now I can always sing karaoke duets.
-嘲 -耶 - Mock... - Yeah.
-弄 -耶 - Ing... - Yeah.
我感同身受 老哥 I feel your pain, brother.
下周之前 Now, I need you to memorize
你得记住这10000个小把戏 these 10,000 setups by next week.
救救我 医生 Help me, doctor.
变形成功的人就应该是这样嘛 So this is what successful post-op looks like.
要怪胎不要奇葩
瞧一瞧 Step right up.
伯恩森和贝利的马戏团
看一看 门票只要两毛五 Step right up, only two bits!
请看 Thrill as...
请看玛格丽特的惊险空中飞人 Thrill as Marguerite conquers the air!
小丑表演 包你大笑 Laugh at the clown's buffoonery!
快乐小丑
说正经的 伙计们 Seriously, folks,
我们必须得阻止希特勒 I really think we should stop this Hitler guy.
难以置信 猛男用舌头拉动四轮马车 Disbelieve, as the Strong Man pulls a wagon with his bare tongue!
猛男
*听听这首马戏团的歌* *This is the song that you hear at the circus*
*健硕的男人为你演唱* *Sung by a guy that you see at the circus*
或者瞪大你的双眼 Or gape in terror
赞叹万能的造物主 at Almighty God's whoopsy-daisies...
怪胎们 the Freaks!
怪胎秀
阿巴拉契亚裂谷 迷你奇迹 男人还是女人
人形驴 The Human Donkey.
惊悚的回声 The Terrifying Callback.
外星生物 Creatures from another galaxy!
事实上我们是球状星团 Actually, it's more of a globular cluster.
不要 不要啊 Not the dark, not the dark!
接下来 And now...
我必须要求小孩离场 I must ask that small children leave,
妇女转移视线 good women avert their eyes,
汉子们喝一点马戏团威士忌 and men take a stiff slug of circus whiskey.
快看 奇丑无比的生物来啦 Behold, the most hideous creature of all.
大家好 How ya doin'?
有来自新泽西的朋友吗 So, uh, anyone here from New Jersey?
我下周过去 I'm goin' there next week.
嘿 肉球儿 Hey, torso!
饼干怎么还没做好 Huh? What's with the cookies?
就算让蜗牛人做 现在也做好了 Even the human snail would've been done by now.
我受够了总有人 I am so sick and tired of people assuming
认为蜗牛人很慢 that the human snail is, in some way, slow.
去你的 Good day!
所有人 All of you!
麻利点儿 快回去工作 Get back out there with your flippers flapping,
四肢不全的身体也快动起来 and your stumps a-stumping!
外面那些正常人还指望从你们这儿找点儿乐子呢 Joe and Jane normal expect some entertainment for their nickel!
伯恩森先生 Mr. Burnsum!
你应该尊重这些可怜人 You should treat these poor people with respect!
马姬 离这群怪胎远一点 Marge! Get away from those freaks.
你是属于我的 You belong to me!
属于我这个口齿不清 头上没毛的怪兽 The dumb, hairless brute.
你已经算马戏团里最好的了 Well, you are the best this circus has to offer.
来感受一下你未婚夫的力大无穷 Taste the strength of your fiance.
上帝赐予你如此强大的舌头 With the mighty tongue God's given you,
你就不能为这些残缺的天使说点儿好话吗 why can't you speak kindly of these imperfect angels?
马姬 他们被父母卖给马戏团时 Marge, they knew what they were getting into
就知道自己会落入何种境地 when their parents sold them to the circus.
够了 把你们的高贵 Enough! You will comport yourself with the dignity expected
留到怪胎巡演秀上再用 of a traveling freak show.
打扰一下 女士 Excuse me, ma'am,
但我从未见过一个正常人为我们说话 but, uh, I ain't never seen a normal stand up for us.
我也是个怪胎 I, too, am a freak.
我有一只眼睛是蓝色的 One eye is blue,
另一只是浅褐色 and the other a pale brown.
我可不想变成你那样 女士 I wouldn't want to be you, lady.
千万不要放弃希望 朋友们 Never give up hope, my friends.
在我这一生得到的吻中 Of all the kisses I have ever gotten in my life,
这是第一个吻 that was the first.
你应该约她出去 老谋子 Hey, you should ask her out, Moe.
说什么呢 她喜欢那个猛男 Ah, but she's sweet on the strong man.
你也不赖 别让兔耳朵知道 他会告诉大嘴巴的 You're fine unless Rabbit Ears hears and tells Big Mouth.
我怎么能和猛男竞争 I ain't got no chance with the strong man's girl.
他一星期能赚十块钱 He makes ten dollars a week
再加上他能吃掉的所有锯末 plus all the sawdust he can eat.
你不是有一个绿宝石钻戒嘛 Well, you've got an emerald ring.
我妈妈的钻戒 My mother's ring.
她在临终时给我的 She gave it to me on her deathbed.
又在临终时想收回去 She also acquired it on her deathbed.
临终之时真忙 That was a very busy deathbed.
有这么大的绿宝石 我能买任何东西 With an emerald that big, I could buy anything.
二手车 冰箱 A jalopy, an icebox,
一整车遮住我秃顶的帽子 a steamer trunk full of fedoras!
但我该怎么拿到呢 But how do I get my hands on it?
我真是个蠢货 Oh, I'm an idiot!
可以这样 Of course!
我让马姬嫁给老谋子 I get Marge to marry Moe,
再把老谋子干掉 then I kill Moe,
马姬拿到钻戒 then she gets the ring,
我再娶马姬 钻戒就是我的了 then I marry her and the ring is mine.
我这计划的精明之处就是它的简单 And the brilliance of my plan is its simplicity.
你会为你刚刚讲的话后悔的 You're gonna be sorry you said that.
你才会为你刚刚讲的话后悔 You're gonna be sorry you said that.
我喊得都走调了 I just lost my keys!
你知道什么 我是在收集苔草 What do you know? I am gathering moss!
雏菊屋
马姬 你想嫁给老谋子吗 Hey, Marge, you want to marry Moe?
亲爱的 我已经和你订婚了 I'm engaged to you, my love.
那孤独的小可怜要死了 The poor, lonely fellow is about to die.
真的吗 怎么会 Really? How?
让我来烦恼这个吧 Well, let me worry about how.
但你能让他最后的日子充满快乐 But you know, you could make his last day a happy one.
那钻戒只是额外报酬啦 And the ring is just the icing on the cake.
什么钻戒 What ring?
那只钻戒能让我离开这个烂团 The ring that'll get me out of this lousy circus
去个好马戏团 and into a good circus.
现在先把你嫁出去 Now, let's get you married.
但你不会吃醋吗 亲爱的 But wouldn't you be jealous, my love?
宝贝 我又不是醋坛子 Dear, I am not the jealous type.
从你身上 我学到了 And from you, I have learned
要对这些恶心虫有怜悯之心 to feel compassion for these disgustos.
*她是个超级怪咖* * She's a superfreak*
*超级怪咖* *Superfreak*
*她是个超级大怪咖哟* *She's superfreaky yow.*
真心惊讶呀 "Yow" Indeed.
在唱完传统的结婚曲之后 And so, with the conclusion of our traditional wedding song,
我现在宣布你们 I now declare you
结为夫妻 husband and wife.
老谋子 我们在一起这短暂的时光 Moe, whatever small time together we have
一定会很美好 will be wonderful.
是非常短暂的时光哦 A very small time!
真是些奇怪的话 Those are strange things to say,
但结婚典礼可不是担心 but a wedding is no place to worry about threats
新娘前任男友恐怖威胁的时候 from the bride's former lover.
现在 敬酒 Now, the toast.
敬你 马姬 To you, Marge.
现在你是我们的一员了 Now you are one of us.
我们的一员 One of us!
恶心鬼 Gooble goo!
我们的一员 One of us!
恶心鬼 Gooble goo!
为什么每次公司派对都这么奇怪 Why is it company parties always get weird?
天啊 你穿这件睡衣真美腻 God, you are so beautiful in that peignoir there.
我 最好去洗一洗 I, uh, better freshen up a little bit.
调到按摩模式 金宝 Set it to "Massage," Jumbo.
毒药
你在做什么呢 Hmm? What are you doing?
杀老谋子啊 Oh! Trying to kill Moe
这样我们就能得到他那块绿宝石了 so we'll get his emerald!
说起来 我还没查证 By the way, I haven't checked,
绿宝石很值钱 对吧 but emeralds are valuable, right?
猛男 Strong man!
老谋子可能外表丑陋 Moe may be ugly on the outside,
但论内心 你才是真正的怪胎 but inside, you are the true monster.
永远不要再进我的车 Leave my trailer forever!
你在赶我走 You're rejecting me?
但我有20世纪30年代最好的体型啊 But I'm in the best shape anyone is in the 1930s.
我说你给我走 I said go!
我们的一员 One of us!
恶心鬼 Gooble goo!
我们的一员 One of us!
恶心鬼 Gooble goo!
"恶心鬼"到底是个啥意思 What the hell does "Gooble goo" mean?
不知道 We don't know!
恶心鬼 Gooble goo!
不知道 We don't know!
恶心鬼 Gooble goo!
你们杀了伯恩森 You killed Burnsum!
现在谁来说"瞧一瞧看一看"啊 Now who is gonna say, "Step right up"?
恶心鬼 恶心鬼 Gooble goo! Gooble goo!
给他涂柏油 粘羽毛 Tar and feather him!
扯掉他的腿 Tear off his drumsticks!
让他变成我们的一员 Make him... one of us!
我们的一员 One of us!
-我们的一员 -这就是 - One of us! - This is exactly why
马戏团观众减少的原因 circus attendance is plummeting!
孩子们 我就是这样遇到你们母亲的 And that, kids, is how I met your mother.
世界最壮鸭
波士顿大喇叭 世界最壮鸭震惊总统
好莱坞综艺 鸭子赢得电影奖
鸭子带兵前往奥马哈海滩
纽约世界 鸭子去世了 巴比·鲁斯[美国棒球运动员]也去世了 斯大林也也也去世了
我们的一员 One of us!