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翻译: 石佛/Geoff/Jimny99/顿顿/Oliver
校对:Natas/jinmy99/顿顿
特效/压制:最沉重的负担/清野过客 总监:顿顿
大家好 非常感谢 非常感谢 Hello. Hello, everybody, thank you very much. Thank you.
欢迎欢迎 A big welcome! Nice.
感谢您的收看 A big welcome. Thank you and welcome.
欢迎收看我们的这期很特别的特辑 Welcome to what is a very special show,
因为这是我们的圣诞特辑 because it is our Christmas special.
不过今年的确有点不同 Yeah, and this year it's a little bit different.
因为现在已经是3月中旬了 Yeah, because it's actually the middle of March. It is.
不过主要的不同还是因为制作人 The main reason it's a little bit different is because our producers
告诉我们应该亲自尝试一次长途卡车旅行 have told us that we should try our hands at long-distance lorry driving.
事实上 我真的很喜欢这个主意 Literally, my idea of heaven. Yeah.
他们让我们买一台卡车 They told us each to buy a truck and report with it
然后到被BBC称为缅甸联邦共和国 to what the BBC calls the Republic of the Union of Myanmar.
正常人称为缅甸的地方会合 But everybody else calls it Burma.
我们的碰头地点是在一个缅甸旧首都仰光 The meeting point was a giant parade ground
市中心的一个大广场 in the middle of the old capital city, Rangoon.
我是第一个到的 And I was the first to arrive.
我买了一套音响 I've bought a stereo.
我的车顶有一套扬声器 I have a speaker system here in the roof,
副驾驶的位置被换成了一个低音炮 the passenger seat has been replaced with a subwoofer,
还有两个功放累计可以输出2300W的功率 and there are two amps with a combined power of 2,300 watts.
最好的一件事就是 价格之中包括了这把梳子 The best thing is, included in the price was this comb
和...整台卡车 and...an entire lorry.
这货生产于1959年 It was built in 1959...
或者1976年 人们对于这件事有点糊涂 or 1976. People are a bit hazy on that.
我们可以很确定的是五十铃还生产过挡泥板 What we do know for sure is that Isuzu made the mud flaps,
但奇怪的是 车轮上挂的却是三菱的标志 which is odd, because it says Mitsubishi on the axles.
我了个去 Ooh!
那是詹姆斯么? 的确是他 Is that James? It is James.
这货也能叫卡车? Don't really call that a lorry.
-早上好 -台厢式车啊老兄 -什么? Morning. Van, mate. What?
-我们要开着卡车来 -这是台卡车 We had to bring lorries. That is a lorry.
-这是台厢式车 -严格来说是起重机 我买了台起重机 It's a van. Technically it's a crane, actually. I've bought a crane.
-那又是什么 -看啊 Oh, is that what that is? Look at that.
一台起重机 两个绞盘 液压油缸 支撑腿 A crane, two winches, hydraulic rams, legs...
还有最先进的高科技仪表盘 'And it had the latest in high-tech dashboards.'
实在是一团糟 That's a mess.
这会不会触发你的强迫症啊 Isn't this going to drive your OCD madness...
我已经把我认为的功能贴在了按钮旁边 Well, I've put labels on things corresponding to what I think they do.
危险按钮 那是个啥 我也有 Hazards... What's that? I've got one of those.
-我在上面标了一个问号 -我的是一台运动卡车 I've had to put a question mark on it. Mine is a sports lorry.
直列6缸发动机 后轮驱动 双排气管 Straight six, rear-wheel drive, twin exhausts.
这货跟宝马325i 没区别的 BMW 325i and this, almost identical.
-叼炸天音响 -真的么 Banging stereo. Really?
-真的啊 你想听么 -并不是很想 我感觉可能会很... Seriously. You want to hear it? Not really. I expect it's quite...
我相信它不会变的更烦人了 Anyway, I'm sure that won't become annoying at all.
-我想问你一个问题 -啥 -为啥你要系领带 I need to ask you a question. What? Why are you wearing a tie?
因为我是个时髦的卡车司机 Because I'm a modern lorry driver,
时髦的卡车司机总要保持自己犀利的形象 and modern lorry drivers are crisp and sharp.
那些卡车司机背心上粘着鸡蛋 The days are over when you simply turned up
手套箱里装满黄书的时代已经过去了 with a glove box full of strong pornography and egg on your vest.
这时候 哈蒙德到了 At this point, Hammond arrived
手套箱里装满了黄书 背心上还粘着鸡蛋 with a glove box full of strong pornography and egg on his vest.
咳咳 怎么样? What do you think?
那是个啥? 卡车还是印度教庙宇? What is it? A lorry or a Hindu temple?
-这车是经过了爆改的 -是么 This has been extensively modded. Has it?
不仅是外观的改装 Not just the visual improvements.
虽然很显眼 灯啊和这些小东西 但是注意看... They are significant, the lights and the little studdy things, but note...
偶滴神呀 Oh, God.
-车上的这些框架 说明这是一台农用卡车 -好吧 All of that frame arrangement, right, it's a farm truck. Yeah.
所以它可以满载松散的重物运行 And that's so it can accommodate those low-density big loads.
-满载什么 -农作物 Big loads of what? Crops.
缅甸有什么农作物? 这里可是金三角啊 What crop? Here? In Burma?Home of the Golden Triangle?
-干草 -不是 Hay. No.
-萝卜 -也不是 Or turnips. No.
-甘蓝 -不 是海洛因 Kale. No, heroin.
这才是他们在这里种的 你买了一台运毒卡车 That's all they really grow here. You've bought a heroin lorry.
能装很多海洛因啊 不是么 Fit a lot of heroine in there, wouldn't you?
-你这个座椅是从教堂里搬出来的吧 -是的 Hammond, this seat, well, let's be honest, it's a church pew. Yeah.
看上去就像"东方快车谋杀案"里的车厢啊 (阿加莎·克里斯蒂 东方快车谋杀案作者) It looks like the sort of railway carriage that Agatha Christie went about in.
詹姆斯买了一台厢货 James has bought a van.
他是把车停太远还是那台车很小 Has he parked it a long way away, or is it that small?
在我们羡慕杰里米车上涂装的时候 我们接到了挑战 'As we were admiring the paintwork on Jeremy's lorry, our challenge arrived.'
其实我挺激动的 想想吧 我们在这里开着这些车 I'm quite excited, actually, come to think of it! We're here with these.
1943年 日本人把英国 澳大利亚和荷兰战俘 "In 1943, British, Australian and Dutch prisoners of war
都派到这里修一条 "were forced by their Japanese captors to build the Burma Railway
横穿东南亚的铁路 "across South-East Asia.
他们的苦难在电影"桂河大桥"里有所体现 "Their efforts and their suffering were immortalised in the film"Bridge On The River Kwai".
那也就是你们接下来要做的 That's what you're going to do.
你们要在河上修一座桥 "You're going to build a river bridge which is strong enough
并且要能承受住你们卡车的重量 "to support the weight of your lorries."
-我根本不懂造桥啊 -修桥?! I don't know anything about bridge-building. Build a bridge?!
-我们要修一座多大的桥啊 -是啊 多大的 How big a bridge are we going to have to build... Yeah, how big?
-你的车有多重 -大概1000吨吧 -我想可能会更糟 How much does yours weigh? About 1,000 tonnes. Afraid it gets worse.
-你知道他们说要我们长途驾驶吧 -是的 You know they said long-distance lorry driving? Yes.
唯一的问题就是你需要架桥的河流 "The only trouble is that you have to drive to the river in question,
是在泰国的 "which is in Thailand."
-桂河并不在泰国 -非也 The River Kwai is not in Thailand. Yes, it is.
-桂河是在泰国 -是么 泰国在哪儿 -但是是在 The River Kwai is in Thailand. Is it? Where's Thailand? But it's in...
我跟你保证 桂河是的 I promise you, the River Kwai,
每个人都认为是在缅甸 但其实是在泰国 I know everyone thinks it's Burma, it isn't, it's Thailand. 我跟你保证 桂河是的 I promise you, the River Kwai,
每个人都认为是在缅甸 但其实是在泰国 I know everyone thinks it's Burma, it isn't, it's Thailand.
所以我们要在桂河上修一座桥 So we're going to go and build a bridge over the River Kwai.
-就像亚历克·吉尼斯那样 -我不知道怎么来修桥 (亚历克·吉尼斯 桂河大桥男主角) Like Alec Guinness. I don't know how to build a bridge.
大家情绪高涨地开始了旅程 'In high spirits, the journey began.'
出发了 哦耶 We are offOh, yeah.
我们认为最明智的路线 We worked out that the most sensible way of getting to the river
就是横穿缅甸 was to head right across Burma
然后到达与泰国相交最北的口岸 to its northernmost border crossing with Thailand.
在这次1900多公里的史诗级旅程当中 On this epic 1,200 mile journey,
我们将发现空无一人的新城市 we would find strange new cities with no-one in them,
穿越了"侏罗纪公园"里面的山脉 cross mountain ranges straight out of Jurassic Park,
充斥着病毒的河流 还要参加一个聚会 ford disease-filled rivers and attend a party which made
让"启示录"里的末日场景看起来像宅在家的夜晚 the scene at the end of Apocalypse Now look like a quiet night in.
而且这一切都要依靠的卡车 And we'd have to do it all in lorries which,
从一开始 运转就不是很好 right at the start, weren't really working properly.
这几个仪表 没一个能用 There are gauges. Nothing works.
一个也没有 都无法工作 Nothing at all. Not one of them.
没有油表 油压表 真空刹车表 Not fuel gauge, oil, oil pressure, charge, vacuum,
温度表 都没用 temperature, nothing works.
我滴天老爷 Oh, God above!
啊 挂的不对 Ah! That's not it.
这台变速箱没有同步器 There's no synchromesh on this gearbox,
所以当你想从3档变档时 需要- so when you go from third to second or whatever, you have to -
噢我次啊 踩两次离合器 oh, bloody Nora - double de-clutch.
就像这样 才能顺畅一些 Like that. Only smoother.
天啊 Oh, God.
我速度多少? 车速表不能用 How fast am I going? Speedo doesn't work.
我的亲娘四舅姥姥 这也太颠了 Oh, my giddy aunt! The ride is shocking.
方向盘还有些余量 Possibly a bit of play in the steering.
跟你说说我的刹车吧 其实不咋管用 Let me talk you through my brakes. They don't really work.
我把踏板踩下去了三厘米 车子没有任何反应 I've got three centimetres of pedal travel where nothing happens,
然后我再多踩一毫米 然后瞬间车轮就抱死了 and then a millimetre where it all happens and the wheels lock up.
没有手刹 我也不傻 我已经找了所有的地方 There's no handbrake, and I'm not being stupid. I've looked everywhere.
没扭动式的 也没手提式的 连个开关都没有 There isn't a puh-chh! one, there isn't hand one, there isn't a switch.
除了车辆的机械故障之外 And on top of the mechanical problems,
我们还要面对仰光的行人 we had to deal with Rangoon's pedestrians.
别在马路上闲逛啊 Stop wandering about in the road!
哇 一个带小孩的老头儿刚刚差点躺你车下 Whoa! A granddad's just walked by that child, right underneath your lorry.
哦哦 又有个人差点 Whoa! Somebody else just did it.
行人对于交通完全没有概念 完全没有 Pedestrians have no concept of traffic. None at all.
又出现了一个问题 And there was another issue.
另外一个驾驶困难的原因就是 One of the reasons that driving here is so difficult
这里的每个人开的都是右舵车 is because everybody, as you can see, has right-hand-drive cars,
但是他们却在右侧行驶 but they drive on the right.
因为有46年的时间 缅甸都是在一个 And this is because, for 46 years, Burma was run
吴奈温将军的统治之下 他绝对是个疯子 by a chap called General Ne Win, who was a proper lunatic.
他的决策都依靠他的梦或者他的占星师 He was guided mostly either by his dreams or by his astrologers.
有一天早上他起床之后想 One morning, he woke up and he thought,
我的国家在政治上可能有些偏左 "My country is slipping too far to the left politically,
所以我要改正一下 "so I shall correct this by forcing everybody
让我的人民们都靠右侧进行驾驶 "to drive on the right-hand side of the road."
不过这就给公交车乘客带来了很大的麻烦 This makes life particularly difficult for bus passengers.
等会儿你就看到公交车停在路边 In a minute, we'll see a bus pulled up at the side of the road,
但是人们下车后却直接走到了马路上 at a bus stop, but all the people will be getting out
因为车门在左边 而车停在... into the road, because the bus used to go on the left, so the doors...
完全是疯了! It's just complete madness!
你们会诧异为啥现在这里的人们 You may be wondering why today
不去买左舵车呢 people don't buy left-hand-drive cars...
说实话我也不明白 ..and if I'm honest, I'm wondering that as well.
不过我们最大的问题是詹姆斯在前面领路 Our worst problem, however, was that James was navigating.
詹姆斯 我能说这节奏不对吗 James, can I say, this can't be right.
抱歉抱歉 Sorry! Sorry!
詹姆斯是如何把飞机降落到正确的机场的 How does James ever land his aeroplane where he wants to be?
应该是走这边 Right, should be this way.
绝逼不是 我怎么开进去? 'It wasn't.' Will I even fit down there?
-哈蒙德 注意右边的牌子 -真是太窄了 Mind that sign on your right, Hammond. This is ridiculously tight!
我计算了一下要赔偿的水果的价值 'As I sorted out some compensation for the damaged fruit...'
谢谢你 不不 哦 原来是嫌钱不够啊 Thank you. No, no! Oh, I see, it was not enough.
哈蒙德 第一次体会到了 '..Hammond was discovering for the very first time
高度带来的问题 'the problems of being tall.'
等一下 这些电线太低了 Hold on a second, these wires... these are too low.
额滴神啊 Oh, God.
-我觉得可以把电线架起来 -就这一根有问题 对吧 I'm thinking if I crane out... It's only this one, isn't it?
嗯 把那根抬起来你从底下穿过 然后我再放下来 Yeah, lift that, you come underneath, I'll drop it on you,
然后你卡车的围栏就可以擦着线过去了 then it will just slide along your rails.
搞起 Do it.
崭新的5英镑钞票如何 How about five crisp English pounds?
继续继续 Keep coming. Keep coming.
目前还没被电死 Haven't been electrocuted yet.
求不被电到 Haven't been electrocuted yet. Still haven't been electrocuted.
这节奏不对 啊 要死了 I don't like it! Oh, everyone's going to die!
你在我车顶上搞出了个洞 You've ripped a hole in the top of my truck!
詹姆斯 为啥你的车在动 James... Why is your... Your lorry's moving, James!
你把你自己给绞 拉上手刹 You've winched yourself into... Put your handbrake on.
-这车没有手刹 -啥意思 It hasn't got a handbrake. What do you mean, it hasn't got a handbrake?
我说了这车没有手刹 It hasn't got a handbrake!
我们把这里搞得鸡犬不宁 'We were causing chaos.'
门关不上了 It's broken.
擦 我撞倒啥了 Whoa! What was that?!
詹姆斯 我头都疼了! James, I've got a headache!
我从没这样精神高度集中过 I've never concentrated this hard!
-抱歉 -伙计 我觉得开不过去 Sorry. I don't think it will go through there, mate.
抱歉抱歉 Sorry. Sorry.
不过好消息是我们已经开3.2公里了 Still, the good news is we've done two miles.
庆幸是我们终于了逃脱出了小胡同 'Mercifully, we eventually broke free from the narrow streets.'
左脚痛死了 真是换挡换到脚抽筋 I'm in agony. Left foot, endless gear changing...
神啊救救我吧 God above.
这是倒档 Reverse.
这是3档 天啊 Third... Oh, Christ!
哎 等一下 Hang on a minute.
如果我选择低速档齿箱的话 If I engage the low range then I can put it in third gear
这样我就可以一直挂着3档跑了 and basically leave it there all day.
哈哈 我真是太机智了 A-ha! How brilliant is this?
再也不用换档了 No more gear changing.
这不像是低速档啊 That doesn't feel very low range to me.
要不是低速档 它是什么 What is it if it isn't a low-range gearbox?
我的天啊 Oh, my God!
我的卡车裂成两半了 My truck has split in half.
当我告诉杰里米他买得是一辆自卸卡车后 'After I had explained to Jeremy that he'd bought a tipper lorry,
我开始应付车载电台上的CW McCall了 (CW McCall 擅长车与犯罪主题的乡村音乐) 'I then had to deal with CW McCall on the CB radio.'
嗨 詹姆斯 Hey, James. Hello.
-我想到了 -想到什么? I've got it. You've got it?
嗯 我的代号 Yeah, my handle.
我的代号是孔雀战斗鸡 I'm going to be called Fighting Peacock.
-能不能简称你鸡吧 -你是啥 Can I just abbreviate that to Cock? What are you going to be?
我觉得叫詹姆斯就好 因为这就是我的名字 I thought I'd be James, because that's my name.
孔雀战斗鸡 Fighting Peacock!
在仰光郊区 我们拜访了纪念 'On the outskirts of Rangoon, we came across a memorial
27,000名在二战期间 'to the 27,000 Commonwealth soldiers
牺牲在此的联邦士兵的博物馆 'who died here in the Second World War.
这也及时的提醒了我们在桂河上架桥 'It was a timely reminder that the Bridge On The River Kwai
绝不是周日午后电影那样简单 'was rather more than a Sunday afternoon movie.'
日本士兵就位后举起镐柄 "The Japanese sergeant moved into position, lifted his pick handle
使出九牛二虎之力朝史密斯背部挥去 "and delivered a blow across Smith's back that would have laid out a bull.
所有的敌人都杀红了眼 "All the thugs now set to in earnest.
不一会就只剩下 "Soon, little could be seen but the rise and fall
在士兵尸体上飞舞的苍蝇了 "of pick helves above the heads of the group,
还有些凶残的敌人当交战结束以后 "and there were sickening thuds as blows went home on the squirming, kicking body,
还时不时拉起尸体鞭尸解恨 "periodically pulled back onto its feet only to be knocked down again.
比尔史密斯不停的大声喊到他已经50岁了 "Bill Smith cried out repeatedly that he was 50 years of age,
来向敌人求情 但是失败了 "appealing for mercy, but to no avail..."
可悲的是这27000人为了缅甸的解放独立 The tragedy is that all of those 27,000 men
而牺牲在此 died fighting for the liberation of Burma,
而战争一结束英军就离开了这里 and straight after the war, Britain got rid of it
然后缅甸就落入了卑鄙独裁的占星巫师的魔爪 and then it fell into the hands of a tin-pot dictator and Mystic Meg.
当詹姆斯还在看地图的时候 我们驶向了乡村 'With James still map-reading, we headed out into the countryside,
我们想着在乡下驾车会更轻松一些 'where we hoped the driving would be less stressful.'
你妹啊 BLEEP Nora!
这是我第一次被人别停 完全被逼死了 That's my first lock-up, total lock-up.
我的2档跪了 没辙 I've lost second gear.There it is.
杰里米 那辆巴士要超你 他出离愤怒了 Jeremy, that bus overtaking you, he's mad.
臣妾做不到啊 换档太艰难了 Look, I can't, I'm trying to change gear.
时间和里程飞逝而过 'The miles and the hours rolled by.'
额滴神啊 这座椅舒适性和教堂的长凳差不多 I'm sitting on a church pew, for God's sake.
我的膝盖 My knee... Ah!
嗷嗷 我的膝盖 Ow! Ow! My knee! Ow!
看 太阳要下山了 That is the going down of the sun.
你看 那真是太漂亮了 It's fabulous. Look at that.
但是 天完全黑了以后 However, when the sun had finished going down,
一切 就不那么漂亮了 things weren't so fabulous.
那个骑车的女孩 完全看不见啊 That girl on that bike, she's just invisible.
那辆助动车也完全没有灯光 There's a moped there with no lights on
自行车也没有灯光 and a bicycle there with no lights on,
我真的是很难看到他们 and I can't really see them,
因为我的车灯和果酱瓶里面的萤火虫差不多 because my headlights are, well, they're glow-worms in jam jars.
哈蒙德 你看得清前面吗 Can you see anything, Hammond?
啥都看不见 Not a thing.
挡风玻璃上只看得见我傻乎乎的倒影 Literally, just my own stupid reflection in my windscreen.
天啊 我真心怕撞到路人 Jeez, I'm so frightened of running over a pedestrian,
连我的膝盖都顾不上了 I'm not even worried about my knee any more.
我擦 Whoa!
在这里开车的话 Well, if I had to dip the headlights,
要么完全不开灯 要么直接开远光灯 it would appear to be full beam or off.
这货车就一盏中间头灯 你本以为是摩托车 A lorry with one central headlamp, so you think it's a motorbike
直到最后一秒才发现这是大货车 until the last second, and then, no! It's a massive truck!
我累残了 已经开整整12个小时了 I'm bloody tired. I've been driving today for exactly 12 hours.
在英国这样是违法的 That would be illegal in Britain.
但我们马上就要到过夜的酒店了 But we are now very close to the overnight hotel.
两个惨绝人寰的小时后 我们终于到了 'Two agonising hours later, we reached it.'
你造吗 这看起来就像卡车司机休息站一样 Do you know what? This is like a trucker's place.
我们要在这过夜吗 Are we staying here?
制片人点了点头 我们的房间在楼上 'The producers said yes, and that our room was upstairs.'
-看起来还不错哦 -真不错吗 -恩 Oh, it's not so bad! Is it not so bad? Yeah.
额滴神啊 Oh, God.
-有史以来睡得最差的一次 -我就压根没睡 Worst night's sleep in history. It wasn't sleep.
就是这家 他们晚上都在干啥 This lot. What were they doing?
就是这噪声 That.
看看我的杰作 Look what I've done.
你这是干啥 What have you done?
这是一个腿部支架 这样我换档时膝盖也有支撑 It's a leg brace so I can change gear. So it supports my knee.
-我们上路吧 -可以解脱了 Let's go. Let's just move on, erase it...
你知道那些冬季卡车司机总是抱怨 You know those Ice Road Truckers, they're always going,
"我们的工作太艰苦了" 他们可以闭嘴了 "We got a real tough job..." They can shut up.
因为我觉得他们绝对不会 Cos I don't suspect that the Ice Road Truckers
像这位伙计这样睡觉 have to sleep like this chap here.
看看他 Look at him.
出发之前 我查看了一下地图看我们已经开了多远 'Before leaving, I checked the map to see how far we'd come.'
啊 才到这里 你确定？ No? Here? Are you sure?
就是这里 Here.
-给我看看 -哈蒙德 Show me. Hammond.
这是我们的起点 This is where we began.
我们的路线是这里 上面这 再转过去 We're heading for here, up here, around here.
你觉得我们在这条路上开了多远 So where do you think we are, then, on this road?
不对 我们才到这 No. We're here.
记得我们离开仰光时那个岔口?然后詹姆斯说左转 You know that fork when we left Rangoon and James went left?
昨天我们开了14，5个小时开到这里 All of yesterday we drove up here. What was it, 14, 15 hours?
但 这是开往孟加拉的路 Yeah, but... You're on the way to Bangladesh.
詹姆斯建议我们再开回仰光从头再来 'James suggested we go all the way back to Rangoon and start again,
我就把他给炒了 然后宣布 but I fired him as navigator and said
我们应该走这条山间小路回到正确的道路上 'we should take a small road over the hills to get back on course.
这意味着向树林深处驶去 'This would mean driving deep into the sticks.'
这里人们更喜欢坐在货车上而不是货车里 There seems to be a tradition here for riding on a lorry rather than necessarily in it.
我都看见3，4个人 I've just seen three or four blokes
坐在货车驾驶室的顶部 on the top of the cab of a lorry.
所以如果司机突然刹车 So if he brakes suddenly,
我觉得他们会死的很惨 they all get run over, I suppose.
还有更糟的 'Still, could be worse.'
说实话我不年轻了 身子也不够硬朗了 I'm not a young man and I'm not a fit man, I'll be honest.
我在这饱受折磨 毫无舒适性可言 And I am suffering in here. This ride is really brutal.
问题是这些货卡都是用来养家糊口的 The problem is that the sports lorry was designed to work for a living,
是按照载重5，6吨来设计的 was designed to have five or six tonnes of stuff in the back.
没有负重的话车开起来就太颠簸了 Without that weight, it's just bouncing all over the place.
很明显我不想向我的同事们坦白 'Obviously, I didn't want to admit this to my colleagues,
所以停下喝茶时 我想悄悄把问题解决掉 'so when we stopped for tea I tried discreetly to rectify the problem.'
他在往货车上搬砖增重来改善悬架舒适性 He's putting bricks in his truck to weigh it down to improve the ride.
我也看到了 这得搬不少砖啊 I can see. He's going to need a lot of bricks.
意见达成一致以后 'Having come to the same conclusion,
我决定借用詹姆斯车上那复杂的吊车 'I decided to borrow James's complicated crane.'
我真是看不下去了 I can't stand watching this.
好了 Right.
到底啥情况? What the hell's happening?
你个二货干啥呐! What have you done, you moron?
你把你自己的卡车给吊起来了 I think you've actually caught your own lorry.
停下来 帮个忙 我的膝盖 Stop! Help! My knee!
救命啊 Save the day!
哦 天呐 停下来 把车斗放下来 Oh, dear. Stop! Put it down!
你把起重机的吊臂和我的卡车都玩坏了 You'll break the jib off the crane. And you've knackered my lorry.
我把货车斗升了起来拯救世界 I've just saved the day by tipping my lorry up.
砖都掉下来了 手刹也没拉上 The bricks have fallen out, the handbrake's not on.
-你都干了些啥 -我拉上了 What have you done? It is on.
这时我决定使用一种更土的方法 'At this point, I opted for a less high-tech solution.
当装载了一吨的砖以后 'And after they'd loaded a tonne of bricks in the back,
乘坐舒适性有了明显个改善 'there was a noticeable difference.'
虽然不完美 但是比原来好太多了 It's not perfect, but it's a hell of a lot better.
估计负重更多的话效果会更好 If I put more weight in, it will be even more comfortable.
所以在下一个村庄 我买了一些当地特有的种子 'So at the next village, I bought some of the region's special seeds.'
他在干啥 What's he doing?
他觉得他自己买了一些海洛因 He thinks he's bought some heroin.
-我买了 -是吗 I have. Has he?
-我买了海洛因 -这是大米 I have bought heroin. It's rice.
-才不是呢 -就是的 It isn't rice. It is rice.
哈蒙德 请相信我 在伦敦的街头 Richard Hammond, trust me on this, on the streets of London,
这玩意价值高达一千二百万英镑 this has a value of £12 million.
鬼扯 在Tesco货架上这些差不多5英镑 No, mate, on the shelves of Tesco, that has a value of about a fiver.
-这才不是大米! -你要掺豆子卖吗? It's not rice! Are you going to cut it with peas?
把海洛因装上车后 'With the heroin loaded,
我又找到一个沉重的老树墩 'I found a heavy old tree stump
请詹姆斯把它也吊上车 'and asked James to crane it on board as well.'
他沉浸在自己欢乐的世界 He is so unbelievably happy.
大运卡满载货物后 它重生了 'With the sports lorry fully loaded, it was transformed.'
噢耶 Oh, yeah!
我都感觉不到颠簸了 驾乘感空前提升 First bump, I shan't even feel it,because the ride is sublime.
媲美劳斯莱斯幻影 The ride of a Rolls-Royce Phantom.
但是 在山路上 就有些不足之处 'However, on the hills,there was a bit of a downside.'
詹姆斯 理查德 Hello, James and Richard?
咋啦 What?
这是我目前的极速了 This is my new top speed.
天哪 我还以为你被助力车赌住了呢 Oh, God, I thought we were stuck behind a moped.
我看不见前面 真的吗 I couldn't see. Is this it?
是的 Yes.
猪一样的队友啊 You're a right dipstick.
是啊 Yes.
因为路太窄 我们又不能超车 'And because the road was so narrow,we couldn't get past him.'
很陡的坡 Steep gradient.
猛加油门 Foot hard down.
娘亲啊 要有麻烦了 Dearie me, we're in trouble here.
算什么事啊!几乎不前进了 This is ridiculous!We're hardly moving.
完蛋了 你们要向后倒车 No, we've had it. You're going to have to back up.
-我要助跑一段 -啥 -不然我上不去啊 I need a run-up for this bit. What?It won't go up this hill.
你们必须要倒车 You're going to have to back up.
不行 后面一英里全是发卡弯 No, this hill has gone on for about a mile through hairpins.
我才不倒车呢 I'm not reversing back down.
詹姆斯 你能给他解释一下吗 我无法前进了 James, could you explain the situation to him?I can't go forwards.
我也倒不回去 I can't back up either.
一 哈蒙德堵着我 二 我不想操这个心 A, Hammond's in the way, and B, I can't be bothered.
路途蜿蜒 还有人骑着自行车 不行 ..There's round bends, this people on bikes. No.
好吧 那我这有一个办法了 减重 Well, there's only one thing for it, then. I have to lose weight.
不 别 Oh, no.
不可以 杰里米 这 No! Jeremy, that's not...
你个熊孩子 任性的熊孩子 You are a complete child, a petulant child.
你们要我给你们让路 You wanted me to move out of your way.
我现在让出来了 I am now able to move out of your way.
看看 哈哈 Look at this. Yes!
这辆卡车蹦蹦跳跳上山了 This lorry is now scampering up these hills.
好吧 Right. Well...
一个 两个 One, two...
停下来修理我的后挡板 让他们赶上来 'Stopping to mend my tailgate allowed the others to catch up,
赶上来后 他们心情不咋地 'and when they did, they weren't in the best of moods.'
在电台上我又给你一个新代码 "自私的XX" I've got a new handle for you on the CB. It's called Selfish BLEEP.
当前进几英里后 情况更糟了 'And things didn't improve a few miles later
我选的路出了问题 'when the hill route I'd selected went a bit wrong.'
你这条路不算是路吧 说真的 Your road is sort of not a road,is it? Let's be honest.
克拉克森 你这个... Clarkson, you are a...
这完全不算是路 这是条浅滩 It's not really a road here at all. We've got a ford.
来吧 涉水而过 Here we go, into the water.
轮子一直在打滑 侧滑很严重 Lots of wheel spin, sliding badly.
好了 Oh, yes.
动感大货穿过来了 毫无压力 The sports lorry is clear,it's through.
可以装一下逼了 It's time for the smug face.
龟速船长开着小货车第二个过 'Mr Slowly went next...in his van.'
这车太笨重了 That's quite clunky.
这有东西卡住了 我感觉得到 It's... There's something stuck there, I can feel it.
它会扯坏前轴的 It'll break the front axle off.
哈蒙德立即冲上去帮忙 'Hammond immediately rushed to May's aid.'
撞 Ramming.
停! Stop!
接着詹姆斯试着用绞盘把自己拉出来 'James then tried to winch himself off
将哈蒙德的卡车当做地锚 'using Hammond's truck as a ground anchor.'
Ted Nugent和乔治·迈克尔正互相帮助 Ted Nugent and George Michael are helping one another out.
再次失败后 我试着把他拖出来 'After this failed,I tried to tow him clear.'
3 2 1 走 Three, two, one, now.
但那也无济于事 'But that didn't work either.'
停! Stop!
然后 他决定使用他的起重机 但立即夭折 'He then decided to use his crane,which immediately broke.
他真的被困住了 所以我们被迫采取强硬措施 'He really was stuck, so we were forced to take drastic action.'
我和哈蒙德商讨了一下后决定... Hammond and I have had a bit of a chat and we are...
我们离他而去 Well, we're leaving him.
他买了一辆没什么动力的小货车 He has bought a van that has no traction at all,
也不能越野 no ability to work off road
现在液压起重机也没了 所以他一无用处 and now no hydraulics so none of his tools work.
这种情境下 你只能翻脸不认人 You've got to be ruthless in these circumstances.
他有吊车时 还算有用 With his crane, he was useful.
没有了吊车 他就是个累赘 Without it, he's just another mouth to feed.
我静下心来 和世界上最给面子的变速箱打交道 I settled in for another stint with the world's most cooperative gearbox.
哦妈蛋 没挂上 Oh, bollocks, missed again.
没挂上 Nothing there.
没进去 进去了 Nothing there, there it is.
我明白 在这些曲折的路上 哈蒙德的日子更不好过 I knew, on these twisting roads, life was even worse for Hammond.
烦死人啦 This is really annoying.
好的是 我还在前进 Still, at least I was moving.
情况报告 The situation report.
我被一个非常热心的当地卡车司机救了 I've been rescued by a very helpful local man with his truck.
还不知道他叫什么 I still don't know his name.
他借给了我这个电弧焊 He's lent me this arc welder
用来修理驱动油泵的轴杆 这样就又能用了 to repair the shaft that drives the pump that makes the crane work.
修好后 我的公路骑士小伙伴拉着我 'With that done, my fellow knight of the road towed me
回到坚硬的地面 'back to firmer ground.'
我们又能前进了 And then we're free.
我必须记得对这个男人说一千遍"谢谢"(缅甸语) I must remember to say a thousand chei-zu-boos to this man.
很远的前方 头阵俱乐部的我们 开始真的上爬 'Miles ahead. in the advance party, we were really starting to climb.'
景色让人叹为观止 'The views were stunning.
在山顶 我们停车赏景 And at the top of the hill, we pulled over for a bit of a look.
我们常说 意大利是上帝的赛道 You know we always say that Italy is God's race track,
加拿大是他的食品储藏室 德国是他的工作室 Canada is his pantry, Germany is his workshop?
这里是他的花园 That's his garden.
山清水秀 分外妖娆 Absolutely staggering.
动力船长会很喜欢这里景色的 但... 'Captain Traction would have enjoyed this view very much, however...'
丫的 Bollocks.
那个开挖掘机的当地人推了我一把 The local bloke with a digger is giving me a little leg up there.
太好了 是吧 简直是活佛啊 It's great, isn't it? This must be Buddhism in action.
我可能该信佛 I might convert.
不管我以前信什么 From whatever I already am.
在很远很远的前面 我和哈蒙德终于找到了 'Very, very far ahead, Hammond and I finally found the road
我们起先就该走的路 'we should have been on in the first place.'
挂上最高档 Put it in top gear.
这就对了 噢 耶 There it is. Oh, yeah.
但声音不妙啊 That sounds terrible.
就像又到了西班牙 完全没车嘛 It's like being back in Spain. Nothing on it.
再度集合后 我们继续前进 'Regrouped, we continued onwards.
我们的目的地 缅甸的新首都 内比都 'Our destination, Burma's brand-new capital city, Naypyidaw.'
在这里 制作人又一次搭了茅给我们住 'Here, the producers had once again lined up a hovel for us to stay in.
但我们又热 又脏 又累 'But we were hot, filthy and worn out.
所以我们忽视他们 去了城里最好的酒店 'So we ignored them and headed for the best hotel in town.'
要有抽水马桶 A flushing lavatory.
我得让脑袋好好休息一下 Oh, rest my weary head.
像是装满了杜松子酒 Having first filled it with gin.
听听那雨声 Oh, listen to that rain.
淋上30秒 就会像洗了淋浴一样 It'll be like the shower or something. 30 seconds.
我们唯一的问题是 我们中的两个人 'Our only problem was that two of us
穿着配不上这样的地方 'weren't exactly dressed for a place like this.'
让我来说 Let me do the talking.
晚上好 先生 晚上好 Good evening, sir. Evening, sir.
三个房间 谢谢 Three rooms, please.
不好意思 没有房间了 Sorry, no more rooms, sir.
都订满了 Fully booked.
对不起 先生 Sorry, sir.
第二天早晨 又一个糟糕的夜晚后 'The next morning after another dreadful night,
我们觉得受够了 于是一致决定改装我们的卡车 'we decided enough was enough and agreed we should modify our lorries
来使它们更适于我们穿越缅甸 'to make them more suitable for our travels through Burma.
我们找到一个车间 雇佣几个当地的帮手 'So we found a workshop,hired some local help,
整整忙了一宿 'toiled through the night,
第二天早晨 改装完成 'and the next morning the job was done.'
我做的每项改装 Every modification I have made
都基于我不想出车祸的意愿 is inspired by my desire not to run over any of the locals.
所以 比如 它有佛像 向下看 So it has, for example, Buddha looking down,
幸运象 幸运猫头鹰 这个很重要 a lucky elephant, the lucky owl which is very important,
装了更好的后视镜 it has better mirrors,
更好的照明 并有一件高亮外套 better lights and it is wearing a high visibility jacket.
对 就像你一样 后面的储水罐是什么？ Yes, as are you. What is the boiler in the back? That...
-你在酿啤酒么 -不 让你失望了 Are you brewing beer?What? No, sadly.
那是刹车水冷系统的储水器 It's the water tank for the brake cooling system.
-难道像比赛用的卡车那样 -就是那样的 What, like racing lorries have? Exactly like that.
它会喷水 我有一个小开关 It sprays. I've got a little switch.
向刹鼓喷水 让刹车在下坡时更高效 It sprays water on the drums, makes them more efficient downhill.
-我可没想到这一点 -我也没有 -那个盒子是什么 I didn't think of that. No. What's the box?
-空调 -那和安全有什么关系 -让我保持警惕 Air conditioning. What's that got to do with safety? Keeps me alert.
-是吗 -对 -也让他保持警惕了 Does it? Yes. And keeps him alert as well.
-因为他想破坏它 -没错 Because he'll want to break it. Yes.
接着杰里米展示了他的杰作 'Jeremy then showed us his work.'
-为什么不用敞篷版? -因为下雨 -睁大眼看! Why would you not have a convertible lorry. Cos it's raining. Look at it!
其实...还不错啊 很拉风 特别棒的 It's... It's quite good actually. Smashing. It's very good.
谢尔比条纹 侧边镶着跑车标志 Shelby striping.Sports badging on the side.
后面还有住宿区 Living accommodation on the back.
-全部用铅和铑打造 -是么 This is fashioned from lead and rhodium. Is it?
没错 为了驾乘感而增重 到后面来 Yes, for extra weight to improve my ride. Come back.
简单利落的装修 谢尔比床单 黑檀木地板 Simple, crisp accommodation inside, Shelby bedding and ebony wood floor.
-更多重量 咋样! -看上去很厉害的样子 More weight. Come on! It looks brilliant.
不得不说 哈蒙德的车也很厉害 'As, it must be said,did Hammond's.'
-哈蒙德 你竟然有白壁轮胎 -欧耶 欧耶 Hammond, you've got white walls! Oh, yeah, yeah!
-丑小鸭变天鹅 -哇! -没错 The ugly duckling has become a swan. Wow! Yeah!
-快看我的烟囱 -不要告诉我它们是排气管 Check out my stacks. Please don't tell me they're exhausts.
就是 两边都有 Yeah. Both sides.
-能用么 -能 那是一个T形接头 What, actually func...? They are.Yeah, there's a T-junction.
-不对啊 你的车更高了 -没错 更宏伟了是不是 Hang on, you've made it even taller.I have. It's bigger, isn't it?
更大更好 但你来后面看看 说实话... It's better. But, come round the back, this... Honestly.
-他都蹦起来了 -是啊 太兴奋 他竟然蹦了 He did a little skip then.He's very excited. He did a skip.
我非常...你看 这是卫生间 淋浴间 I am very, very... What I have here,this is the bathroom area. Shower.
-竟然有淋浴 -水从哪来啊? 哈哈! -哈你妹 It's got a shower. Where's the water come from? Ha-ha! Ha-ha yourself.
上面有一个蓄水器 这么大 There is, up the top, a reservoir.About so big.
-就在观景台上 -哈蒙德那就是个桶 一个桶而已 On my viewing gallery. Hammond, it's a bucket. It's... It's a bucket.
遥控蓄水器 It's a remote reservoir.
而且就在此刻 And that is, right now,
收集着干净清凉的雨水 collecting beautiful crisp, clean,fresh, invigorating rainwater.
-厨房还有漆布衬底 -那是什么 This is the kitchen area with lino to reflect that. What's that?
衣柜 Over there is a wardrobe.
那边的吊床附带蚊帐 右面是球形酒柜 There is a hammock with mosquito net built-in. Drinks globe on the right.
哈蒙德还没讲完 'And Hammond wasn't finished.'
上面这儿 晴朗的晚上 我可以坐下来看夕阳 From up here, on a sunny evening,I can sit here as the sun goes down,
看星星 喝小酒 gaze at the stars and enjoy a drink from my drinks globe.
-你接客吗 -接 Do you take visitors? Yeah.
我觉得他必须接客 因为我刚想起来 I think he's going to have to because something has just occurred to me.
-什么? -你的车上没有地方住 What? You haven't got any living accommodation.
说的没错! 你竟然能忘了 你个蠢货 That's a very good point.You've forgotten it, you idiot!
不 我没忘 No, I haven't.
-你忘了啊 -难道你睡驾驶室吗 Well, you have. Are you sleeping in the cab?
-那样肯定不会舒服啊 -咱走着瞧 Because it's not going to be comparable. Let's... Let's see.
出发之前 我给小伙伴们发了礼物 'Before we set off,I gave the chaps some presents.'
-你给我们买了泰迪熊? -非也 熊是我的 -是么 You bought us a teddy bear? No, that's for me. Is it?
-是 我的引擎盖装饰 -你更年期了吗 你的啥? Yeah, that's my bonnet ornament. Are you feeling lonely? It's your what?
引擎盖装饰 增重的 这是缅甸最重的泰迪熊 Bonnet ornament for weight. It's the heaviest teddy bear in Burma.
我给哈蒙德也买了装饰 'I'd got Hammond a bonnet ornament too.'
哇 太美艳了 Wow, that's beautiful.
我知道你没表 所以装在引擎盖上 I know you don't have a clock so you'll have it on the bonnet,
你就能看时间了 -哦这太... you'll be able to tell the time.Oh, it really is...
-高质量礼物 -哦太棒了 谢谢 It's a high-quality gift.Oh, fantastic! Thank you.
我早就想要个天朝产的双麟牌锤子 I've always wanted a Shuanglin hammer.
这是我的私人收藏 It's from my own personal collection.
给我的"吉卜林"小熊受洗并把它绑了上去之后 我们出发了 (吉卜林 英国诺贝尔文学奖获得者) 'Having christened my bear Rudyard,and attached him to the sports lorry, we set off.'
嗷 感觉好多了已经 Oh, this feels better already.
噢 等等 Oh, hang on.
哈蒙德正在重现电影"海神号" Richard Hammond is doing a remake of The Poseidon Adventure.
路漫漫其修远兮 'We had many miles to cover
但首先 我们要经受内比都的早高峰 'but first we had to get through Naypyidaw's morning rush hour.'
这个高峰没我想象的那么严重啊 This rush hour traffic is not as bad as I thought.
道路不仅完全空旷 而且超宽敞 'The roads were completely empty.And massive.'
一二三四五六七八 嗯 十六车道了 One, two, three, four, five, six,seven, eight. Yep, 16 lanes now.
别急 更宽了 Wait, it's gone bigger.
五六七八九十 二十车道 Five, six, seven, eight,nine, ten. 20.
现在是20道了 It's 20 lanes now.
也许看起来蠢而无意义 但其实相反 'This may look stupid and pointless,but actually it really isn't.'
大多数城市的问题就在于 基础设施的发展 The problem with most cities is that the growth comes
跟不上城市的脚步 and the city simply can't accommodate it.
伦敦 罗马 巴黎 曼谷 到处都是 That happened in London, Rome,Paris, Bangkok, everywhere.
在这里就不会了 That is not going to happen here.
我认为这是第一座完全是 I think this must be the first city built
为未来而建造的城市 entirely in anticipation of the future.
但未来不是现在 'But the future hasn't arrived yet.
所以此时此地 几乎一片荒芜 'So, for now, the whole place is almost completely deserted.
甚至在国会大厦的门前 'Even here, in the shadow of the parliament building,
我们竟然能在马路中间踢起足球 'we were able to have a game of football in the middle of the road.'
长官 Officer.
-缅甸警察对战TG -哦不 -早班高峰 比赛结束 It's the Burmese police versus Top Gear. Oh, no. Rush hour, game over.
小心点 有车来了 Look at it, traffic.
但事实是 路面太湿不能踢球 Really though, it was too wet for football.
所以 尽管哈蒙德满肚牢骚 So, much to Hammond's annoyance,
我们还是组织了一场市中心直线赛 we organised a city centre drag race.
这不公平吧 This doesn't seem fair.
我跟杰里米都是铃木直六6.4升柴油引擎 I've got the same 6.4 litre Isuzu straight-six diesel as Jeremy's
而且估计詹姆斯也是 可这破车重多了 and probably James's, but the lumber bus is bigger.
我们这次估计是不能凯旋而归了 老妹 We're not going to cover ourselves in glory here, old girl.
-这起步太挫了 -走起 Disastrous start. There it is!
你受苦了 我只能把你往死里飙了 This is going to hurt, we're going to have to rev you hard.
-运卡要追上来了 -我追 Sports truck is gaining. Gaining.
-快追上了 -我追 我追 Gaining. Gaining, gaining.
不 No!
115km/h 115km an hour.
-不会吧 -耶 Come on! Yes!
哦 胜利果实真甜蜜 Oh, victory is sweet.
第二名 但别忘了我还背着个起重机呢 Second place. But I have got a crane.
得刹住啊 得刹住啊 Must brake, must brake.
哦 刹车踏板下边压了个足球 这可不好 Oh, got a football under the brake pedal. That's bad.
哈蒙德 你完事了吗 Hammond, have you finished yet?
还没 Still going.
等哈蒙德爬过终点线之后 我们驶出了内比都城 'After Hammond had lumbered across the line, we headed out of Naypyidaw
很快就发现我们的改装还是有些缺陷的 'and soon we started to discover some flaws with our modifications.'
哦 天呐 不会吧 等会 Oh, my... No...no, wait.
各位观众我正在商务雨伞下给您报道 I'm speaking to you now from underneath my businessman's umbrella.
我的顶棚就管用了15分钟 It has taken the water about 15 minutes to fathom it out
然后驾驶室就大雨如注了 but it's in here now and it's in in great quantities.
哦 我能听到我的排气管擦到树枝的声音 Oh, I can hear my exhaust hitting a tree.
哈蒙德 你这是帮市政干活了啊 Hammond, you're doing the council out of a job, mate.
就像是飓风过后开车出来一样 It's like I'm driving through the aftermath of a hurricane.
让我们叫他孔雀修枝匠吧 Let's rename him Pruning Peacock.
但很快 詹姆斯就因为嘲笑遭报应了 'Soon, though, James was punished for mocking.'
手工艺船长 Captain Workmanship.
是冷却器的软管坏了 那地方我没动过 It's a radiator hose. It's not a bit I've touched.
反正我们的传统你是知道的 Well, we have a tradition.
哦不 没了你俩我怎么活?! Oh, no, how am I going to do it without them?!
我们留下他给大家寓教于乐 'Leaving James to deliver an interesting lecture...'
电视机前的你如果在读工程师或者技校 If you're watching this from an engineering workshop or technical college,
就知道它并不是合适的工具 this is not the correct tool for the job.
我们俩继续上路了 '..we continued on our way.'
好像有很多毒气通过烟囱进入了驾驶室 I think a lot of the fumes are coming into the cab from under my new stack.
看起来不是所有的改进都是成功的 Not all of my improvements have turned out to be improvements.
在车前绑一只泰迪熊 The simple tradition of the British dustman,
这一英国垃圾工的简单传统 putting a teddy bear on the front of a lorry,
竟给遥远的缅甸儿童带来了欢乐 is bringing joy to the children of Burma.
他们都爱鲁德亚德! They love Rudyard!
到了午后我们三个又重新汇合了 'By mid-afternoon we were all reunited
詹姆斯享受了我的移动维修服务 'and James took advantage of my mobile maintenance service.'
这活一点也不危险啊 This isn't perilous at all
往里调大概一米左右 Oh, it's about three or four inches.
过了 Too far.
不久 又开始爬坡 而随着夜幕的降临 'Soon, the road started to climb, and as night fell,
我打开了新安装的车顶灯 'I turned on the roof lights that I'd fitted myself.'
爽 Oh, yes!
我现在就是移动演唱会 I'm driving a Pink Floyd gig right now.
爱死了! 这噪音 这混乱 这热浪 I love this! The noise, the chaos, the heat...
我觉得我刚才应该是掉了一个 I think I might have just lost one of my...
没错 我的确掉了一个排气管 Yeah, I did. I lost a stack.
我不能回头 I've got to carry on.
只能装作什么都没发生一样 I'm just going to pretend I didn't.
此刻在黑暗中 詹姆斯突然变成了虔诚的佛教徒 'Meanwhile, in the darkness, James was coming over all Buddhist.'
慢着 我前方有一条私人导航犬 Hang on, I've got a personal dog escort here.
快走啊 死狗 Shift your ass, dog.
上帝啊 赐予我力量吧 Oh, God, give me strength!
我觉得刚才那狗绝对是活佛转世 I think that dog was inhabited by a benign spirit.
真的 要不是刚才它挡在我前面 Seriously - if that dog hadn't done that,
我就在桥上跟巴士撞上了 I'd have gone onto the bridge and I'd have hit the bus.
可惜的是 当我在五公里后又一次抛锚的时候 'Sadly, Buddhist dog wasn't around when five miles later,
佛犬却不在我身边 'I had another breakdown.'
就是这玩意罢工了 原先那个把自己绞碎同时 That's what came off. That's the old one, which tore itself to shreds
还拽掉了温度仪的电线 and in the process, pulled the wire out of the sender
所以温度仪也没了 for the temperature gauge, so I don't have that any more.
这车太垃圾了 This lorry is crap.
而在前方 哈蒙德和我正期待着 'Up ahead, Richard and I were looking forward
在我们的车载住宿系统入住的第一夜 'to a night in our new on-board accommodation.
但多亏了大英帝国的余威 设备没派上用场 'But thanks to the British Empire, we didn't need it.'
就在此地 After a night here
缅甸中部海拔1200米的这座小山村中 '4,000 feet up a mountain in a small village in the middle of Burma,
这座怪异但又舒适的伯恩茅斯式的宾馆里过夜后 'at this strangely odd but comfortable Bournemouth hotel,
我们整个人都感觉焕然一新 'we were feeling refreshed.
鉴于这次哈蒙德领路 'And with Hammond leading,
我们没用"多久"就驶出了村子 ''we were out of the village in a mere couple of hours.'
慢着 呀 呀 呀 呀 呀 Hang on - whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
啊呀呀 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
哎呦 我的妈呀 Oh, God...
-慢点 -听见了吗 Go slowly. OK?
哦 太谢谢你了 Oh, thank you.
走 等会 Keep going, hang on...
我们难道要一整天都纠结于电话线吗 Are we going to spend the whole day tiptoeing under telephone wires?
不会的 因为很快你就崩溃了 No, because you'll break down eventually.
听着 会有一个骑摩托的从你旁边经过 OK, there's going to be a motorcyclist coming past you.
注意看他的头盔 Check out his helmet.
很强的政治诉求啊 That's quite a strong statement.
简单的看了下地图之后 'After a quick map check,
我觉得我们应该抄一条诱人的近路 'I decided we should take a tempting-looking short cut.'
都听好了 跟着我走 Right, follow me.
计划进行的很顺利 'Which went well.'
我的老天爷 Oh, dear God...
杰里米 你这近路上还有别的惊喜吗 Any other adventures lined up on your short cut, Jeremy?
山体滑坡?泥石流什么的... Landslides, or avalanche...?
在热带山区里这种暴雨很常见好吗 来得快去得快 It's just a tropical mountain shower. Gone in a jiffy.
或者去的慢 Or maybe not.
情况不是很乐观啊 No, this looks pretty terrible.
最终 我这条风景路线把我们带到了一个偏远村落 'Eventually, my scenic route brought us to a remote settlement -
甚至有点与世隔绝的感觉 'that was very much...off the grid.'
好的是这种小地方就不会有低矮的电线了 Good thing is in this little town there'll be no low wires.
但取而代之的是更大的麻烦 'Instead, there was something worse.'
哦 不 Oh, no!
不会吧 大事不好 Oh, no. Oh, this is bad.
我卡住了 卡住了 I'm stuck, I'm stuck.
稍等 我把车停下就去帮你 你先原地待命 Hang on, I'll park up and come back on foot. Stand by.
我实在是受够了哈蒙德和他的烟囱 'Bored with Hammond's chimney-related problems,
所以就自己一个人探路去了 'I went on an explore.
然后发现当地人玩的一种很像足球的游戏 'And found some locals playing something that was nearly football.'
这主意太绝了 他们用和尚做裁判 This is a brilliant idea. They're using a monk as a referee.
抽烟的和尚 And he's smoking.
而在桥上 村民们则是使出了浑身解数 'Back at the bridge, the villagers had broken out their tool box.'
当真 你可想好了 Really? If you're sure.
那好吧 OK.
他们要挪这块牌子 Move the entire sign.
-连我都没这么热心 -大家都知道 I wouldn't be this helpful. We know that.
同时 我偶然间发现了"夺宝奇兵"的场景 'Meanwhile, I'd stumbled on a scene from an Indiana Jones movie.'
成千上万啊 There's thousands of them!
-他们让你快点 沉着呢 -哦 不好意思 就好 That's "Hurry up. It's heavy." Oh, right. OK...
怎么样 詹姆斯 我看不见 How we doing? James, I can't see.
行了吗 Yeah...?
行了 你过去了 MAN: OK! Yes. You through?
随着我们驶离了村庄 情况也是一片大好 'With the town behind us, progress was good.
但是没多久就不行了 'And then...it wasn't.'
我的油表已经马上就要到红杠了 My fuel gauge is... just on the top of the red.
额 我没有油表 Um... I don't have one.
但我知道我的引擎跟你们是一样的 What I do have is the same engine as you
但是我的车却沉很多 所以肯定更费油 but a much heavier truck, so I must have used more.
而我选的这条近路上 'And out here on my short cut,
根本没有加油站 'there were no filling stations at all.'
现在我的指针 The needle is now
基本到警戒值了 nearly all in the red.
我现在尽量用最轻动作踩油 Trying to use the tiniest throttle movements,
只要车能溜就行 just to keep it ticking along.
下一个村时 我和詹姆斯决定停下车来 'In the next village, James and I decided to pull over
量一下油 'and dip our tanks.'
-我没油了 -没了? I've got no fuel. None?
就剩薄薄一层了 A smear on the end of the stick.
你的怎么样 What's the news?
没了 都干了 我都不知道我车怎么跑动 None. I mean, it's dry, I don't know what I'm running on.
一旦让柴油机缺油运转 If you actually run a diesel out
-就会很伤车 对吧 都这样好几个小时了 -是的 you've got to bleed the system, haven't you? And it's hours. BOTH: Yeah.
要不你去村子里看看能不能搞点油来 Well, look, why don't you just go and snout around the village and see if you can find some?
-为什么是我? -因为你最年轻 体格最好 Why me? You're the youngest and fittest.
-可我们沦落至此都是因为你 -但我又老又热 Well, it's your fault we're in this situation. But I'm old and hot.
是你选的近道 说真的 选谁都该你去 It's your short cut. Seriously. If anybody's got to go, it's you, mate.
行行 我去行了吧 Right, right, I'll go.
-油 柴油 -有多少弄多少 -知道了 Fuel. Diesel. And as much as you can. Yes.
柴油用缅甸话怎么说 What is Burmese for "diesel"?
-我怎么比划柴油 -先比划卡车 How do you mime "diesel"? Mime a lorry.
然后做这个 Brrr... And then do that.
那我就是患帕金森的管家 然后还带着枪 Right, so I'm a butler with Parkinson's, and I've got a gun.
杰里米就这么去了 'Jeremy headed off.
这一去就是半天 'And was gone for quite some time.'
还挺烫的呢 Still quite hot, that.
-我去试了试机油 -是吗 -你在读"桂河大桥"? Done the oil. Have you? Are you reading Bridge On The River Kwai?
-是 刚读到主人公回到工棚 -坏消息 -啥? Yeah, he's just gone into the hut... Bad news. What?
我没弄到柴油 I haven't been able to get any diesel.
但是 我却想到了机智的B方案 'However - I had come up with a clever alternative.'
不是吧你个半吊子 No, you halfwit.
这个村确实没油 There's no diesel in this village.
但是下个村有 But there is diesel in the next village.
所以我们可以骑马去下个村 So we use the horses to ride to the next village,
然后把油驮回来 get the diesel, bring it back to the trucks.
-我们又不是拍西部片 We're not in a Western.
-我不会骑马 -什么 I can't ride a horse. What?
好吧 我8岁时可能骑过小马 但... Well, I might have been pony trekking when I was eight, but...
马上回想起来是不是 Well, it'll be in there, won't it?
-那我也不会骑那匹马的 -我的天啊 Well, I wouldn't use that one there. Holy moly!
缅甸的马为什么有五条腿 Why do they have five legs in Burma?
说不定是为了自撸? Maybe so it can milk itself?
我们是要看上一天小马丁日还是赶紧上路 Shall we spend all day looking at a horse's willy, or shall we go?!
这下上错了 Oh, it's gone wrong...
作为三人当中最有经验的骑手 'Being the most experienced horseman,
我选了那匹活蹦乱跳的五条腿种马 'I took the frisky five-legged stallion.'
我上来了 We're on.
我的妈呀 Oh, Christ almighty!
你好 马儿 Hello, horse.
我就叫你乐购了 I shall call you Tesco.
预备 驾 Ready, steady, go.
我的是匹木马啊 它倒着走了 Well, I've bought a stalled horse. It's going backwards.
倒走马呀 I've bought a reversing horse.
我觉得要是我们先走你的马应该会跟上的吧 I think if we get moving, yours might follow more readily.
-詹姆斯 你能掉头走吗 -掉个头 James, can you turn right and go up there? Turn around.
怎么让它调头 有谁会骑缅甸马吗 How do you make it turn around? Anybody know how to start a Burmese horse
快 跟着你的小伙伴走 好 非常好 Go on, follow your mate. Yes. Very good.
-这方向都反了啊 -我起步了 The controls are reversed... I'm off!
哦耶 Oh, yeah.
很快詹姆斯就体会到我的运卡的驾乘感受 'Soon, James was getting a taste 'of what the ride was like in my sports lorry.'
我的蛋蛋被撞来撞去 My nadgers are getting a pummelling.
看把你屁股颠的 Look at the anal action going on here.
我的马冲着你的马的菊花就去了 My horse is going up your one's bottom.
-妈呀 出了点情况 -你先走 Oh, Christ, we've had an accident. You go ahead.
我害怕 I'm terrified!
我蛋蛋快疼死了 My nads are killing me!
天呐 住蹄 求别打架 Oh, stop that, please don't fight!
不要打了走吧 我保证不再叫你乐购了 Walk on. I'll stop calling you Tesco if you promise not to fight.
驾 Go!
走 这就对了 Walk. There you go.
哦 我的妈呀 没多远了 詹姆斯 Oh, God above! Not much further now, James.
上帝啊 不是 佛祖啊 Jesus! I mean - Buddha!
几百米之后 'A few hundred yards further on,
哈蒙德的公马想对船长的母马发情了 'Richard's stallion decided to get amorous with James's mare.'
他走了吗 Has he gone?
啥情况? What happened?
它把我顶下去 要上那匹母马 小心被踢 It reared and mounted that. Don't get kicked.
很快就乱成一锅粥了 'Things quickly went to pot.'
这是要去照料哈蒙德的医生 This is the doctor,going to attend to Richard
但是他的车被卡了 but the van is stuck.
我刚从我的倒走的马上下来 I've just dismounted my reversing horse,
它深深地伤着了我的蛋蛋 and actually genuinely have hurt my testes.
嗷 我明白为啥这畜牲活该做胶水了(马驴等动物死后会制成胶水) Oh! I can see why they should be glue, these things.
哈蒙德诊断结果是疑似手腕骨折 'Richard was diagnosed with a suspected broken wrist
所以要驱车4个小时去最近的医院 'and went on a four-hour journey to the nearest hospital.
所以我牵着马走向下个村子去打油 'So I walked my horse to the next village to get fuel,
然后我们找到了过夜的营地 'and then, we found a spot to camp for the night.'
在这儿 当我欣赏风景时 'Here, while I enjoyed the view,
詹姆斯展示了他的睡床 'James unveiled his sleeping accommodation.
可以挂在吊车上的登山帐篷 'A mountaineering tent he could suspend from his crane.'
我要让它靠着驾驶室的前端 So I'm going to rest it against the front of the cab.
这样咬人的蚂蚁就不会钻进来咬我了 Cos all these bitey ants, they don't get in your tent and eat you.
帐篷是能防虫 'It may have been insect-proof...
但不能防噪 '..but soundproof? No.'
我想去睡觉的 I want to go to bed.
那边这么吵 我睡不着 你听听这动静 But I can't, with that racket going on. Listen to it.
翌日早晨 我发现哈蒙德已经归队 'The next morning I discovered that Hammond was back.'
只是扭伤了? So that's just a sprain?
嗯 没断 小事 Yep. Not bust. Nothing exciting.
那你转向要怎样...? So what is it you have to do, basically steering...?
没事的 只要... Yeah, be all right. You just have to...
嗯 可以用方向盘 没事的 Yeah. Still do that. Right.
你在车里睡得怎样? And how was sleeping in your lorry?
-嗯还不错 你呢? -还好 Um, not bad. What about yours? Fine.
詹姆斯最后怎么睡得? 在哪睡? Where did James sleep in the end, what's he done?
哦 他在吊车上装了个高科技蠢帐篷 Oh, he's got some stupid high-tech mountaineering tent on his crane.
为啥那么高? Why is it up there?
那啥...你知道他打呼噜吧 Well... You know his snoring?
知道 Yeah...
太吵了 所以我把他移远点 Quite loud. So I moved him a bit further away.
老天啊 Jesus...
大猩猩! Clarkson!
-咋? -呵呵 有意思吗 What? Funny.
-真好笑 -嗯 -我恐高 Very funny. Yes. I don't like heights,
-我也讨厌露营 -但我讨厌打呼噜 I don't like camping...I don't like snoring.
不说了 咱出发吧? Anyway, shall we get on?
等两位神气粉小猪把我解救下来 'After Pinky and Perky had winched me down,
我们开始了长途卡车自驾游的第七天 'we set off on our seventh day of long-distance lorry driving.'
我不敢相信他们竟然给我加了油 I'm still staggered that they put diesel in my truck.
要我说 真是大方啊 除非加的不是油 I mean, that's a generous gesture. Assuming it IS diesel.
哦不 Oh, no.
-哈蒙德 啥情况? -另一个排气烟囱也掉了 Hammond... What's happened? I've lost my other stack.
你也懂的 我们不是美国海军陆战队 掉队的咱不管 Well, as you know, we're not the US Marines, we leave a man behind.
烫死了 Yeah, too hot.
额 好吧 Er, right... 烫死了 Yeah, too hot.
额 好吧 Er, right...
爬满蚂蚁...嗷 蚂蚁窝! It's covered in ants... Oh, it's an ants' nest!
失误了 嗷 That's a mistake. Ow!
这样看来 今天又将是 'This, then, looked like it was going to be
充满各种灾难和不测 'another day of calamities and mishaps.
但在缅甸的这片土地上 'But actually, here, in this part of Burma,
我们一定要严阵以待 'we had to get properly serious.'
今天很重要 因为我们要去掸邦 Today is a big day for us, because we are headed for the Shan.
TopGear这些年也去过各处天涯海角 Top Gear's been to a lot of remote places over the years
但从没到过这种地方 but we've never been anywhere quite like this.
掸邦之于缅甸 好比苏格兰之于英国 The Shan is to Burma what Scotland is to Britain,
虽然是一部分 但又是独立的 it's a part of it, and yet it's separate.
我们知道这刚打完内战 We know there's been a civil war in there,
据了解现在是停火期 we understand there's a cease-fire at the moment...
但只有很少一部分西方人来过此地 Only a handful of Westerners have ever been there,
当然更不用说电视节目了 and certainly, no TV show has ever been allowed in.
我们是有史来...第一位 We are the first...ever.
下周...
所有参与战争的人今晚都会过来 All of the people who've been fighting are coming together tonight
欢迎我们光临掸邦 to welcome us here to the Shan State.
有威士忌吗? 苏格兰威士忌? Who's got any whisky? Got any Scotch?
二档完蛋 现在发动机也歇了 BLEEP second gear failed and now the engine has BLEEP.
哈蒙德你个蠢货! 你顶到我的动感大货了! Hammond, you idiot! You've reversed into the sports lorry!
-"造桥工程明晨5点开始" -神马? "Work on the bridge starts at 0500"? What?
下水 下水! Get in! Get in.