前情提要...
我们的旅程始于缅甸旧都仰光 Our adventure began in the old Burmese capital Rangoon,
我们仨买了三台古老的卡车 where, having bought three ancient lorries...
哈蒙德 这个是教堂长椅吧 Hammond, this seat is a church pew.
然后我们被告知需要在桂河上修建一座桥 we were told we had to build a bridge over the River Kwai that was
来让我们的卡车通过 strong enough to support them.'
我们需要造一座多大的桥来支撑我们的卡车 How big a bridge are we going to have to build to support my truck?
-你的车多重 -大概1000吨 How much does yours weigh? About 1,000 tonnes.
为了到达那条在泰国的河流 我们需要完成一次1900多公里的旅程 Getting to the river in Thailand meant a 1,200 mile journey
开车穿越缅甸是一件危险的事情 across Burma on roads that were dangerous...
山峦起伏的 ..mountainous...
有的时候甚至完全没有路 ..and often not roads at all.
空转的厉害 开始侧滑了 Lots of the wheel spin. Sliding badly.
由于制片人总要我们住进缅甸当地的大车店 Since the producers insisted we stay in Burmese truck stops...
哦 还没那么糟啊 Oh, it's not so bad.
我们把自己的卡车改造成了房车 ..we turned our lorries into houses.
不是所有升级都起到了升级的效果 Not all of my improvements have turned out to be improvements.
在一个鸟不拉屎的地方 我们没油了 Way out in the middle of nowhere, we ran out of fuel,
在寻找柴油的路上 and whilst looking for diesel...
哈蒙德被一匹种马甩了下来 伤到了胳膊 Hammond was thrown by a stallion and injured his arm.'
更糟糕的是 詹姆斯的鼾声逼我们采取强硬措施 Worse still, James's snoring forced us to take drastic action.
克拉克森 Clarkson!
不管我们去到哪里 And everywhere we went,
哈蒙德那垂直的排气管都会引发混乱 Hammond's vertical exhausts were causing chaos.
另外一根也掉了 I've lost my other stack.
我们不是海军陆战队 我们会丢下队友 你懂的 As you know, we're not the US Marines, we leave a man behind.
视频资料来自网络 版权归BBC所有
仅供学习交流使用 禁止用于任何商业盈利行为
水平有限 难免有误 敬请谅解
翻译: 石佛/Geoff/Jimny99/Oliver
校对:最沉重的负担/顿顿
特效/压制:最沉重的负担/清野过客
不好意思 Sorry.
没啥事 不用围观 It's OK. Nothing to see.
在哈蒙德那台随时会解体的卡车前方 Far ahead of Hammond's disintegrating lorry,
詹姆斯和我即将进入缅甸一个神秘的地方 James and I were about to enter a secretive region of Burma
掸邦 known as the Shan state.
内战已经在这里持续了60年 A civil war has raged here for 60 years.
没有一个摄制组之前被允许进入这里 No television crew has ever been allowed in.
我们会是第一个 We would be the first.
那里保持神秘是有原因的 There is a very good reason why it's so secretive in there. You see
通常旅行社会告诉你 the travel companies would have you believe
金三角地区是一个有特色的旅游景点 that the Golden Triangle is, well, it's a tourist attraction,
那里是泰国 缅甸和老挝接壤的地方 at the point where Thailand, Burma and Laos all meet.
但是金三角和这个... But the golden triangle with the
我应该怎么说呢 how can I put this
这里的特色农产品 the special agriculture - that is in the Shan.
显然 有人称之为"马" Apparently, some of the special agriculture is known as horse,
这里种的"马"越来越多 我睁大眼找吧 they're obviously growing horses somehow. I shall look for those.
成片的"马"田 Fields of horses growing in them.
我们到了 热情欢迎您的到来 就是这里 Here we go. Warm and cordial welcome, this is it. This is it.
我们正在进入掸邦 We are entering the Shan.
事实上我们代表着西方世界 We genuinely are representing the Western world.
还好我系了领带 Good job I'm wearing a tie.
不幸的是 随着路面越来越陡 Unfortunately, as the roads started to climb,
詹姆斯和我就忘了怎么假正经 James and I rather forgot the significance of where we were.
-不 -加油啊老卡车 No! Come on, lorry.
欢迎收看掸邦卡车爬山赛 Welcome, then, to the inaugural Shan state lorry hill climb.
在这里一次糟糕的换档 A sport where a single botched gear change
就可以带来巨大的损失 can make all the difference.
尝试挤进内线 Attempt to squeeze in.
他过来了 He's coming.
不要啊 我被一台皮卡挡住了 No, no, no! I'm trapped by the pick-up.
吃灰吧 Eat my dirt.
守住内线 Got the inside line.
这绝对是世界上最好的赛事 This is the best race in the world.
我挡住了他 我挡住了他 I've blocked him, I blocked him.
在我们通过城镇的时候可以暂时停战么 Shall we call a temporary truce while we go through the town, yeah?
我们回去之后 如果军情六处来找我们谈话 When we get back, if we're interviewed by MI6
他们会问 掸邦到底是什么样子的 and they say, "What was it like in the Shan?"
然后我们就说 不知道啊 我们在进行卡车竞速 We'll have to go, "I don't know, we were racing lorries."
实在不好意思 作为第一批进入这里的西方人 I am embarrassed to be the first Westerner in here
我居然开了一台竞速卡车 车头还绑着粉色泰迪熊 and I'm driving a sports lorry with a pink teddy bear on the front.
为了装装样子 我把的的小熊拿回到了驾驶室 To make us look more dignified, I put Rudyard in the cab,
然后我们继续向未知的地方进发 and then we set off into the unknown.
俄滴神呀 God above.
我想我无意中走上了的捷径 I think I've accidentally taken a short cut
通向了"权力与游戏"的片场 into the set of Game Of Thrones.
这个区域要比英格兰和威尔士加在一起都大 Here, in a region that is bigger than England and Wales put together,
但是只有一条150年前由英国人修建的公路 there is just one road, built 150 years ago, by the British.
这里没有电 没有手机信号 没有电视 But there is no electricity, no mobile phone signal, no TV,
没有酒店 没有医院 no hotels, no hospitals.
天上也没有飞机 And in the skies, no planes.
这里实在是太大了 That is gigantic.
被这一切折服了 詹姆斯和我把车子停了下来 Bowled over by it all, James and I pulled over,
随后哈蒙德赶了上来 and after Hammond caught up...
好吧 上世纪20年代的老爷车来了 Oh, yes, the 1920s is arriving.
我们试着搞明白为什么我们是第一批 ..we tried to work out why us three had been the first ones
被允许进入这里的 allowed in here.
想想吧 Think about it.
如果你是金三胖 你想让你的人民看看 If you were North Korea, and you wanted to portray to your people
西方世界有多么邋遢和没用 how lumpen and useless the West was,
你一定会邀请我们三个的 不是么 you'd invite us three, wouldn't you?
因为我们四处逛时 朝鲜人民会想 Because we'd wander about and the North Koreans would go,
为什么要变成西方那样 看看这几个 他们太糟糕了 "Why would we want to be Western? Look at them. They're dreadful."
-你肩膀上有小鸟排泄物 -是的 You've got bird poo on your shoulder. I have.
所以政府的基本意思就是想告诉自己的人民 So what the government is essentially saying to these
为什么要活的像这几个洋鬼子那样 people is, why would you want to live like they do in the West?
-看看这几个货 -其实我们另外在做的一件事 Look at them. There's another thing that we're doing.
其实是很偶然的 This is just an incidental service.
这里不会总能见到西方人 They haven't seen many Westerners here.
至少我们的出现 不会让他们在最后想 We are at least showing... They're not going to end up saying,
其实洋人长得都一样 "They all look the same to me," are they? With us three.
你这是严重的种族主义 That's just blatantly racist.
他意思是所有缅甸人在他眼中都一样 What he's saying is all Burmese people look the same to him
-才没有 -显然你是这样的 No... Clearly. Yes, you are. You are.
你在假设他们认为我们长得都一样 You're assuming that they think we all look the same
因为我们认为他们长得都一样 because we think they all look the same.
你在偷换概念 我没有 Now you're making a leap, I didn't...
你在添油加醋 我没说过 You're completing something that I didn't put in.
是的 我俩承认 但就爱逗你玩 Yes, we are, but it's quite good fun.
为了继续欣赏掸邦美景 我们重新上路 Keen to see more of the Shan, we moved on.
看看这个三蹦子司机 Chaps, check out the driver of this tuk-tuk.
他干嘛了 What's he done?
我不知道具体做了些什么 但是他做了很多 I don't know what it was, but he's done a lot of it.
他毫无表情啊 He's off his face. Oh, dear.
天啊 我明白你的意思了 Oh, Lord, I see what you mean.
詹姆斯 你看到哪里有种"马"了么 James, do you see any fields where they are growing horses?
没有 我还没看见一个"马"田 No, I haven't seen a single horse plantation yet.
但是我们却看见了 What we did see, however, was evidence of what is officially
世界上最漫长内战的证据 the world's longest running civil war.
这是不小的一支部队啊 This is a big army presence, here.
然而詹姆斯却只顾别的小事 James, however, seemed to have less important things on his mind.
该试试我的自制水冷刹车系统了 Time to try out my water brake cooling system.
准备好了 这里有个小开关 I'm ready. A little switch.
我想它起作用了 I think it works.
但好戏没有维持多久 The elation however was short lived
我去 Cock.
我的方向盘锁死了 Chaps my steering has just locked up.
詹姆斯 我觉得挡住军车不是一个好主意啊 I'm not sure that's a good idea, James, is it? Blocking the Army?
问题很严重 The problem was a big one.
前轴断了 The front axle had broken.
我唯一想到的 There's only one thing I can think to
适合在这时候播放的歌曲 to play at a time like this.
♪抱歉是最难说出的一句话♪(艾尔·顿约翰的歌)
走吧走吧 再见 Well, off you go. Goodbye.
-这实在太惨了 不是么 -再见 That's a bad one, isn't it? See you.
♪真惨 太惨 简直惨绝人寰♪
哈蒙德和我继续深入掸邦 As Hammond and I travelled deeper into the Shan,
路况变得愈发糟糕 the road became worse.
原因也愈发清楚 'And the reason why soon became clear.'
那边真的有一个小孩子正在修路 That was an actual baby there, building the road.
这可不是什么好政策 因为路面实在太糟糕了 It's not a good policy, because the road surface is dreadful.
小孩子可不擅长修路 Babies are no good at building roads, look.
费雪牌土路是沿陡山修建的 (Fisher Price 费雪 美国儿童玩具品牌) Along with the Fisher Price road there's steep hills.
对哈蒙德那台笨重的卡车来说 是个问题 Which were a problem for Hammond's heavy lumber bus.
上帝啊 太折磨人了 God, it's torture.
我恨这里 我恨这里 我恨这里 I hate this, I hate this, I hate this.
换档 不对 Change gear... No.
不停地打齿 Grind, grind, grind.
等我们到达目的地了 And when we get to the end,
我们还要在桂河上修一座桥 we have to build a bridge over the River Kwai.
最终 我们不得不放松下疲惫的筋骨 Eventually, we had to rest our weary bones,
所以我们把车子停在了一个偏远山区的休息站 so we pulled over in a remote settlement.
也许这种地方的村民 You know, in a village like this,
压根就不知道西方世界的存在 it really is possible they don't know the West exists.
-他们也许从未见过我们这样的面孔 -是的 They will never have seen faces like ours. No.
我惊讶他们居然没有被吓到 I'm amazed they're not more amazed.
我想应该是文化代沟 表现出来可能很粗鲁 I think it's a cultural thing, it would be rude to show it. Yeah.
有点类似于... It's sort of...
我们绝对是他们见到的第一批白种人 Definitely the first white faces they've ever seen.
在距离他们身后很远的后方 Many miles further back,
我用了一个绑带 I had sorted my axle issue
解决了前轴错位的问题 by using a ratchet strap to hold it in place.
我恨我的卡车 I hate my lorry.
我现在驾驶的只是个大狗蛋 背上还有一个起重机 What I'm driving here is a massive dog's egg with a crane on the back.
上帝啊 赶快结束这一切吧 Oh, God, let this day end.
随着太阳的逐渐西下 我赶上了我的同事们 As the afternoon sun drew low, I was reunited with my colleagues,
我们决定在一座小镇露营 and we decided to make camp in a small town.
看那个地方 露天公共天然浴场 Look at that lot. Communal, open-air natural bathing.
你好 Hello.
我们身处掸邦 We're in the middle of the Shan.
我们本来应该怕的要死 We're supposed to be frightened to death.
但其实一点都不吓人 一切都很美好 It's not frightening though, is it? It's lovely.
我们搭帐篷的时候 当地人看上去也忙了起来 As we set up camp, the locals seemed to be busy as well.
杰里米找到了原因 And Jeremy had found out why.
-哈蒙德 梅 -干啥 Hammond, May. Yes? What?
看上去有人想请我们去参加聚会 It turns out we've been invited to a party.
-好吧 -哪里 -这里 就在镇上 Right. Where? Here, in the town.
你知道这里一直处于内战当中 You know there's been a civil war raging?
今晚所有参加过战争的人都会来到这里 All of the people who've been fighting are coming together tonight
欢迎我们来到掸邦 to welcome us here to the Shan state.
你知道签署北爱和平协议的时候 他们让 You know the Good Friday Agreement where they got Major,
Gerry Adams 和Paisley共处一室多么令人惊奇吗 Gerry Adams and Paisley all in one room and it was amazing?
显然 在缅甸咱仨同样让人感到惊奇 Well, apparently this is as amazing as that in Burma.
-他们认为我们是什么人 -我不清楚 Who do they think we are? What? Look I don't know.
也许是 Richard Dimbleby, James McNulty和Jeremy Paxman (均为英国政府高官) Probably Richard Dimbleby, James McNulty and Jeremy Paxman.
-他们没听说过TopGear吧 -显然没 They're not familiar with Top Gear, are they? Evidently not.
唯一让我疑惑的就是 The only thing I'm speculating on
我认为咱不应该穿成这样出席 is I don't think we should turn up looking like this.
-不要吧 我没带正装出来 No. I have no formal wear with me.
光着也比这强 Naked would be better than that.
由于哈蒙德不让我们使用他的浴室 As Hammond wouldn't let us use his shower,
詹姆斯和我开始寻求当地人的帮助 James and I had to go native.'
很棒的水利系统啊 This's a brilliant system they got here
女人去那边 男人来这边 Women go there, and men go here.
我们完成了沐浴之后 As we finished our ablutions...
各方代表开始抵达现场 the various factions started to arrive.
杰里米邀请我们去喝餐前鸡尾酒 And Jeremy invited us over for pre-dinner cocktails.
你们随意喝吧 因为我有一个想法 Listen, help yourselves to a drink, because I've had a thought.
很可能军情六处或者美国缉毒局什么的 It's possible MI6 or the DEA or some intelligence agency
-想要从我们口中得出一些关于这里的情报 -是的 will want to talk to us when we get back about here. Right.
所以我们要注意大英帝国的形象 我们代表着BBC So, manners - polite, British, representatives of the BBC,
但是要小心 but pay attention.
在你到处张望的时候 动作别太明显 自然点... But don't make it obvious that you're finding things out, just be...
最后一句给哈蒙德的警告就是 With a final word of warning to Hammond...
别喝大了 Don't get drunk.
-我走之前再来一杯 I'll just have one before I go.
-然后我们就去参加派对了 ..we headed off to the party.
来自大英帝国的BBC电视台 From Britain, BBC television.
派对上为我们提供了一些当地美食 'Where we were offered some local delicacies...'
这...是毛毛虫 Does it. Oh, it's a caterpillar?
对 就是传说中的毛毛虫 That's right, that's right, caterpillar. Caterpillar.
毛毛虫走好 Goodbye, caterpillar.
看来毛毛虫不对哈蒙德的胃口 'As caterpillars weren't to Hammond's taste,
他去找对胃口的了 'he went off to find something that was.'
你好你好 喝酒没问题 Hello, hello. Hello, yes. I can do that.
来 干杯 Yes, I could do that.
看起来不错哦 加一个 这节奏不错 This is all right. I'm coming in, I like this.
随着上的菜越来越多 'As the food kept coming...'
这是禅 这是蟋蟀 This is a cicada, a cricket.
我发现当地那特殊的作物 '..I was discovering that the region's special agriculture
也没有那么神秘 'didn't seem to be that special.'
-主要是葵花籽 大豆 就这些? -没别的了 So it's sunflower seeds, soya bean, nothing else. Nothing, nothing.
不过要比涨姿势 'Still, I was learning more than James...
我强多了 '..or Hammond.'
谁还有威士忌?苏格兰威士忌吗? -Who's got any Whiskey? -Have you got any Scotch?
到午夜时分 我已经熟悉了当地的每一种作物了 'By midnight, I'd been through every single crop in the area.'
芝麻种子 是的 还有玉米 Sesame seeds. Sesame seeds, yeah, yeah. Maize.
于是我也向哈蒙德学习 'So, I took a leaf out of Hammond's book...'
干杯 干杯 Cheers, cheers, cheers.
与詹姆斯以及剧组一半人 嗨起来了 '..and, along with May and half the film crew, joined the party.'
我穿着犀利 我表情炫酷 I'm dressing sharp and I'm acting cool,
啦啦队长就在此 Got a cheerleader here...
不过有一点是肯定的 Well, one thing is for sure.
缅甸的这个区域是绝对没有毒品的 There are absolutely no drugs in this part of Burma. No, none.
一点都没 我所有人都问过了 Absolutely no I talked to everybody and...
我问过那些那些卖文具的商贩 I talked to people involved in the sales and distribution of stationery,
我问过农民 军人和库尔茨上校 I talked to farmers, Army people, Colonel Kurtz.
我也问过库尔茨上校 他当时喝高了 I spoke to Colonel Kurtz, he was in vegetables.
如果回去后军情六处问话 So if MI6 talks to us when we get back
我们可以说 你们找错地方了 we can say, "You're looking in the wrong place."
看到没 哈蒙德同志不行了 Have you seen... Our colleague is not well.
等那二货完全清醒能开车 要很久啊 We've got a lot of time to kill this morning before that is capable of driving a lorry.
许多许多小时之后 我们重新上路了 'Many, many hours later, we were back on the road.'
昨晚玩脱了 Last night might got out of hand.
我好像把那个上校打了一拳 I think I punched a colonel.
或者是和他接吻了 Or kissed him.
-哈蒙德 -啥 Hammond? Yeah?
再说一遍你喝得威士忌叫啥名字 What was your whiskey called again?
亨基·巴尼斯特(苏格兰最好的威士忌) Hankey Bannister
亨基·巴尼斯特 缅北第三好的威士忌 "Hankie Banister. Third-best Whiskey in northern Burma."
然而不久 我们记忆中"现代启示录"结尾般那样的夜晚 'Soon, though, the memories of our night at the end of Apocalypse Now
被这世外桃源似的美景所取代了 'were eclipsed by the sheer beauty of this untouched paradise.'
我一生中从来没有照过这么多的风景照 I've never taken more landscape photographs in my entire life.
简直 It's just...
不看看这样的美景你们的人生就不完整 You've got to come here. You have got to come and see this.
詹姆斯也应该能欣赏这美景的 'James would have enjoyed the view, too,
但是预料之中的 他的车又跪了 'but predictably he'd had yet another breakdown.'
擦 Cock.
这次的问题是 好吧 其实我也不知道 The problem is - well, I don't know what the problem is,
但从爬坡开始没劲了 but I started losing power up the hill
然后挂不上三档 then it would not even drive in third
然后感觉只有俩气缸在工作 then it felt like has started running on two,
然后肯定就一个了 then it was definitely only running on one cylinder,
因为听起来就和夜用发电机一个德行 because it sounded like the sort of generator people put on in the night.
BBC2台禁词 Non-BBC Two word.
当我解决好喷油嘴的故障以后 'Once I'd fixed the problem, which was wonky fuel injectors,
我再次踏上了征程 'I was on the move again.'
这货车真是稀烂的够可以了 God, this lorry is appalling.
不一会儿我就赶上他们了 'And it didn't take long to catch the others,
因为山路太陡 'because the road was steep,
而哈蒙德又是在最前面 and Hammond was in front.'
一档 情况不妙 First gear. Bad.
有史以来开的最慢的一次 Literally the slowest I've ever been.
哈蒙德 再慢下去我就要憋熄火了 Hammond, I haven't got any more gears left.
我让不开啊 路太窄了 I can't get out the way, the road's too narrow,
开着货车我可快不起来 I can't go any faster, I'm in a lorry.
简直就是垂直爬坡啊 It's pretty much vertical.
天呐 这尾气 God, look at the smoke now.
我快得尘肺病了 I've got a mining lung disease.
我开始yy哈蒙德被剥了皮以后的样子 I'm starting to imagine what Hammond might look like without any skin on.
又是闹哪样 Now what?
我觉得我们都往后面倒一点 这辆车就过得去了 I think if we all back up, he can come in here.
哈蒙德 我们不能 这样解决不了问题 Hammond, we can't - there's nothing to be gained by...
哈蒙德 你个蠢货 你把我的动感大货给撞了! Hammond, you idiot, you've reversed into the sports lorry!
-你把它弄坏了 -我没看到 真的是意外 -You've broken it. -I didn't know. Genuinely, that was an accident.
有种你别走啊 哈蒙德 哈蒙德 Don't just drive off, Hammond. Hammond! Hammond!
-他撞坏了我的大灯 水箱和防撞杆 -我后视镜里看不到 -He's broken my headlights, radiator. My bull bar is broken. -I couldn't see in the mirror.
啥 你就凭意识流在倒车 What, you just reverse and hope?
那你认为我的车在哪里 一整天我都跟在你后面 Where did you think I was?! All day, I have been
我没想到这么近 behind you. I didn't think it was that close
我现在明白为啥卡车司机要安那些杆子了 I now know why they have those stickers for lorry drivers -
如果你看不到我的后视镜 我就看不见你 "If you can't see my mirrors, I can't see you."
虽然严格讲我该为这次事故负责 'Even though the incident had been technically my fault,
我还是遵循了标准的解决方案 'I still followed the standard procedure.'
他懂规矩的 常在河边走 哪有... What? He knows the rules. Live by the sword, you must...
我也记不起来了 反正就那意思 你们脑补一下 I can't remember. Whatever. Something to do with swords.
在我前面堵了一天 然后又倒车来撞我 He held me up all day, then he reversed into me,
所以我觉得他另一只手腕会在今晚骨折 so I think tonight Hammond's other wrist might break.
然而当我到达过夜点的时候 However, when I reached the overnight holds,
我又想出了一个更邪恶的点子 I came up with a more fiendish idea.
这个点子和哈蒙德车上用来收集雨水洗澡 An idea that involved the bucket Hammond had fitted to collect
的那个桶有关 rainwater for his shower.
我觉得足够报复他在路上把咱俩堵了一天的恶行 This does pay him back for holding us up all day long. Yep.
-还有 -第二趴There was more. Part two
随后我开始修理我卡车的冷却系统了 'I then began to work on my lorry's waterworks.'
这水箱的固定螺栓好粗 22毫米 是啊 Massive nuts holding the radiator on. 22 millimetres. Yeah.
哦 这水还是热的 新鲜的雨水 It's actually warm. So warm, fresh rainwater.
-黄金雨 -我能尝到上天的恩泽 在室外 Golden rain. I can taste the goodness. The outdoors.
你们两个都享受不了 And neither of you two thought of this.
吃完烤蚂蚱晚餐后 'After dining on roast grasshopper,
我们晚上决定玩一下孔明灯 'we spent the evening playing with my Chinese lanterns.'
你要在这放飞吗 为啥不行 Are you going to set them off here? Why not?
在这个国家大多数人住的房子都是 I should say in a country where a lot of people live in houses made of...
-都是啥 干草吗 -放心 没问题的 What is it, dried grass? Oh, relax. That's not going to be a problem.
你能放飞一个孔明灯的概率堪忧啊 The chances of you getting one of those things to work...
放手 飞起来吧 Let go, let it fly.
哦耶 哈蒙德 Yes. Hammond,
-你错了 -飞向谷仓或者干草房顶吧 Go find a barn or a thatched roof. ye of little faith.
我要去拿瓶啤酒 好好回味这美妙的一刻 Now, let's just... I'm going to get a beer and savour the moment.
-这就像是移动的篝火 -是的 -Is it just a... It's a mobile bonfire. -It is.
举个例子 如果这东西落到一片罂粟地里面 If it were to land in a field of poppies, for example,
那场面会多么恢弘啊 imagine how beautiful that would be.
心满意足后 我们睡觉去了 'Feeling content and happy, we went to bed.
好吧 其实只有我 Well, one of us did.'
你觉得有多大可能把他弄醒 What do you think the chances are of waking him?
弄不醒的 他睡得跟死猪似的 You won't wake him, he sleeps the sleep of the dead.
这是空挡 That's in neutral.
你大爷! Jesus Christ!
翌日早晨 尽管周围很宁静 the next morning despite the tranquility of our surroundings
杰瑞米骂骂咧咧的上路了 'Jeremy hit the road in a fractious mood.'
你们为啥要把我从货车里面倒出来 Why did you tip me out of my lorry?
因为你把我的帐篷吊起来了 Because you swung me around in my tent.
那你活该 因为你太烦了 我一向很可爱 Well you deserved that because you're irritating. I'm never irritating.
这个观点还真是有理有据令人信服啊 我好内疚哦 It's a good point Jeremy raises, I feel quite bad about it now,
他上次犯贱是啥时候来着 because when has he ever been irritating?
更糟糕的是 'To make my mood even worse,
持续高强度驾驶对我的刹车造成了严重的影响 'the endless hard going had had a catastrophic effect on my brakes.'
我觉得只有左边的刹车在工作 I think they're only working now on the left-hand side.
有还是没有 Nothing, everything.
只在那一瞬间 刹车突变太厉害了 You move your foot that much, that's the difference.
幸运的是 我们离缅泰边境只有80英里了 Fortunately, we were now only 80 miles from the border with Thailand.
但是不幸的是 这80英里一点都不舒服 But, unfortunately, none of those miles would be gentle.
哦 我这里很颠 杰瑞米那肯定更糟 Oh, it's bad in here and it will be worse in Jeremy's lorry.
又不舒服又热 简直要疯了 'It was desperately uncomfortable, and hot,
前面就是最大的山脉 'and ahead of us lay the biggest mountain range yet.'
开着水箱破损的卡车爬这种坡真是作死 This climb is exactly what you need in a lorry with a leaky radiator.
擦 这落差真是吓尿啊 Oh, that is a trouser-threatening drop.
詹姆斯梅是一个恐高的男人 James May is a man who does not like heights.
而且他的车前轴就是几根线固定的 He is also a man whose lorry has its front axle held on with a bit of string.
-梅 你觉得眩晕吗 -我没往下看 -How's your vertigo, May? -I'm not looking.
但真是谢谢提醒啊 But thanks for reminding me.
我们如龟速一般前行 'Progress was extremely slow
因为我必须不时停下来加水 'as I had to keep stopping to refill my radiator.'
就是从环氧胶那儿漏的 Pouring out from exactly where the araldite was.
我觉得这是一个很不靠谱的方法 但还是试试吧 Fairly convinced this is an old wives' tale, but we shall see.
与此同时 詹姆斯的车今天第一次罢工了 'Meanwhile, James was having his first breakdown of the day.'
不对 Nope.
这一次是分动器的问题 'This time, it was the transfer box,
分动器失去固定了 'which had burst free from its mountings.'
那是分动器 这是分动器固定的架子 That's the transfer box, that's the bracket where it's bolted on,
这两个螺栓被甩出来了 those two bolts have been shaken out.
我擦 Oh, cock.
还在爬升 绵延不绝 Still going on, still more mountains.
啥时候是个头啊 When will this end?
我的天 越来越陡了 Oh, my God, it gets steep.
我必须不断前进 I've got to keep moving,
一旦停车后再起步 离合器就跪了 if I stop, pulling away will kill the clutch, I'm sure of that.
现在 我的发动机温度快爆表了 OK, my temperature gauge is now really very high.
我得找条小溪 I am looking for a little stream.
然而 我们的情况要比 Still, at least the mood was more cheerful than it
后续部队好多了 was at the back of the convoy.
二挡没了 发动机... BLEEPING second gear failed, and now the engine has BLEEP BLEEP arse.
你个废物 You piece of BLEEP.
在精心养护之后 杰里米和我终于到达了山顶 With some careful nursing, Jeremy and I eventually
收获了累累硕果 reached the summit, where there was one hell of a reward.'
太美了 That is insane.
从未见过如此美景 Never seen views like it.
如此开阔 不可能同时见到这么多 Not as extensive. Not all at the same time.
你都能从中看到什么 喜马拉雅的山 What have we got here? Himalayas.
奥地利 Yeah. Austria.
隐约的苏格兰 一点点 还有这蓝天白云 Bit of Scotland going on there. Quite a bit of Scotland. And the sky.
一望无际啊 就像德克萨斯的天一样 Enormous. Like a sky from Texas.
德州的天 但比德州更大 大多了 Texas sky. But bigger. Much bigger.
美呆了 Absolutely staggering.
可惜 这美好的一颗很快被打破了 'Sadly, though, the piece of the moment was then shattered.'
梅的小拖车驾到 The A-MAY van has arrived.
感觉他还在气头上 He's in a rile.
我说 你的起重机修好了 Mate, you've got the crane here.
我擦勒 你个XX BLEEP! Heap of dog BLEEP!
你敢多说一句试试 Don't say anything.
你知道佛教的一句老话吗 You know the old Buddhist expression, don't you?
翻我下车之人必将抛锚无数 He who tips a man out of his lorry will suffer from many breakdowns.
从这里到缅泰边界 是一路下坡 From here to the border with Thailand it was downhill all the way.
这对于我来说 可谓是惊心动魄 Which for me, at least, was a bit alarming.
天呐 看这路 Oh, God. Look at that road now.
我没刹车 一点都没有 No brakes, no brakes.
如果你制动彻底报废 还怎么混 If your brakes went entirely would you stay with it
修车还是跳车 and hope you could sort it out or would you bail out?
不瞒你说 我现在正想这事 I'm actually sitting here planning that very thing.
我已经准备好跳车了 I've planned my bailout already.
我练了好几遍抓门把手的动作 I've even practised lunging for the door handle.
我现在都能想象出詹姆斯 I've got an image of James punching his lorry all
在坠崖时在车里挣扎的画面 the way down the slopes as they fell.
出乎意料的是 我们都安全下山 Amazingly, we all made it to the bottom of the mountain in one piece.
基本安全 Nearly.
现在我们离缅泰边境只剩下60多公里了 And now we were only 40 miles from the Thai border.
就是这里 我们正离开缅甸 Oh, this is it. We are about to leave Burma.
我会怀念她的 I'm gonna miss it.
不久我们跨过边境进入了泰国 Soon we cross the border into Thailand and this meant
这也意味着我们离终点桂河只有30公里了 we were now just 19 miles from our finishing line at the River Kwai.
30公里完好的铺装道路 19 miles of easy-going on smooth roads.
啊 哈蒙德 你的轮胎 Oh, it's hammered your tyre! Your tyre is...
你轮胎爆了 哥们 It's detonating, mate.
很难跟你解释 It's hard to explain to you...
我不会放弃 不会停车 少个轮子能怎样 I'm not giving up. I'm not stopping. How many wheels do I need?
幸运的是 我剩下的胎没爆 随着夜幕降临 Happily, the rest of my tyres stayed inflated and as darkness fell...
我们终于到达了终点 ..we finally reached our destination.
我们觉得桂河就在身边 I believe we are at the River Kwai.
各位 我的起重机还在 The crane is here, everybody.
虽然载着它的是一辆破车 随便啦 It's bolted onto a BLEEP lorry but never mind that.
我脑袋已经麻木了 My brain is frazzled.
现在满身是汗 Oh I'm sweating here
我再也不想听这卡车爬坡时发出各种怪声 and I don't wanna listen to the lorry struggling and screaming and straining to climb another hill.
我这个世纪都不想起床了 I am going to sleep for 1,000 years.
我脊椎有没有从头顶捅出来 Has my spine come out of the top of my head?
我都看不见 因为我的眼珠晃丢了 I can't see because my eyes have been shaken loose.
我觉得我的胯脱臼了 I think my pelvis has moved around in my body.
-不奇怪 就你那破车 -都不能动了 I'm not surprised in your lorry. It doesn't work.
你的踏板都是错位的 你的也是 Cause your pedals are all different. You've got that haven't you
松离合要这样 Releasing the clutch is that.
每次都搞得我跟入了共济会似的 It's like a Masonic dance thing that I have to do every time.
你知道健身房那种天杀的力量盘么 You know those power plates in gyms that make you stupid?
我现在有严重的心理阴影 There's also a psychological thing,
每次听到柴油机启动的声音就会神经过敏 every time I hear a diesel engine start I have a nervous twitch.
还有手动变速箱 什么 Manual gearboxes. What?
你已经让我痛不欲生了 You have ruined me and my life.
换挡杆离我太远 The gearbox is too far...
当年战犯是步行去桂河造桥 "The Prisoners Of War walked to their bridge site,
你们还开着车就别抱怨了 "you have driven here so shut up."
-造桥工作明早五点准时开始 -什么 "Work on the bridge starts at 0500." What?!
而且只有三辆卡车全部通过桥体 "0500 and you can't go home
你们才能回家 "until all three lorries have driven over it."
-早上五点 -有意义么 我们又不是在打仗 0500. What's the point? We're not actually still in the war.
-为什么非要那么早 -不就是一条小河嘛 What's the point of 0500? It will only be a little river.
第二天早上五点 过了十一分钟 The next morning at precisely 0500.. and 11,
我们发现了自己的无知 we discovered just how wrong we were.
它比我想象的宽多了 It is much wider than I thought it was going to be.
-我以为就一水沟 -我也是 -实际却宽一百倍 I thought it would be a comedic gully. I did. It's 100 times wider.
我们需要造一座60米长的桥 We were going to need a 60m bridge
所以詹姆斯负责去做计划 so James went off to make plans
而哈蒙德和我则决定去测水深 and Hammond and I decided to measure the depth of the water.
呃 我说的是我们俩 Well, when I say Hammond and I...
水已经很深了 I'm approaching plumb depth.
进入深水区 啊 Ah! Broach the plumb... Oh! Ah!
这水怎么这么凉 It's ever so cold.
我不想干这活 I hate my job!
你见过亚力克·基尼斯在桂河大桥里喊 In Bridge On The River Kwai did Alec Guinness go,
这水怎么这么凉么 "Oh, it's ever so cold!"
真下水的时候他肯定也这反应 I bet he did in reality. Oh! I bet he did in reality.
这时 我的同事不幸被水流冲走了 Oh! Sadly, at this point my colleague was carried away by the current.
慢慢游 Swim, man!
我游着呢 I am!
你是全世界最烂的泳将 You're the weakest swimmer in the world.
鉴于他提供不了任何有价值的信息 And since he was providing no useful feedback,
我只好去检查詹姆斯的计划 I went to check on James's plans.
我是这么想的 This is what I was thinking.
两边是河岸 The bank goes down at each side obviously,
我们用成筐的石头先做个平台 we build up the approach area with these baskets of stones,
然后用竹子来做些直立的桥墩 make vertical piles out of bamboo like this, these longerons
这些我管它叫桥面 是用竹子绑在一起的 I'm calling them, they are bamboo lashed together,
这样横在上面 these will go this way...
为车轮搭两溜 中间不用铺 Two tracks for the wheels, the rest is immaterial
然后上面再搞个这样的结构 and then a superstructure like this
增加承重 all adding strength.
你知道 就跟电影里面那个一样 You know the sort of thing so that it looks a bit like the film.
总而言之我们得先有石头 Basically we need to start with rocks
然后搞点铁丝网做盒子把它们装进去 and some wire mesh to make boxes to put them in.
上哪去弄石头 Where are we getting rocks from?
那归你管 你的是翻斗卡车 That's your job because you have the tipper lorry.
我开始着手做铁丝网盒子 I set about making the wire mesh baskets,
顺便清空了杰里米的翻斗 freed up the space in Jeremy's cargo bay...
梅 我跟你没完 May, you imbecile!
当哈蒙德回来的时候 And when Hammond finally returned,
我让他俩一块去附近的采石场拉石头 I sent them both off to a nearby quarry to get the rocks.
把石头往这车的前一放 You've put them in the front of this one.
对 尽量往前放 Yeah, stick them in the front.
剩下的放这边 Let's have these ones here.
杰里米 你能搭把手么 Jeremy... Are you going to do anything?
要干嘛 帮着装车啊 他不是在装嘛 What can I do? Load the trucks. He's loading them!
石头装好了以后 杰里米终于起床了 With the trucks loaded, Jeremy finally got off his backside
但随即就开始对我大吼 and immediately started to shout at me.
哈蒙德 你个白痴 Hammond! You idiot.
怎么了 What?
你给我装了400吨石头 车陷下去了 You put about 400 tonnes of rocks and it is stuck.
我专门把你叫醒 让你帮忙装车 I woke you to say are you going to help with the loading?
你的原话是 有人装就行了 Your words were, "There's the man doing!"
你不管我也没办法 That's exactly the kind of issue you should have been awake for.
我怎么知道你车载重多少 没概念 How do I know what your load is? I don't know.
现在唯一的办法就是倒一些石头出来 The only solution was to tip some of the rocks out.
哦 不 不 Oh, no, no, no!
天呐 这可有的瞧了 你看 Oh, my. That's a remarkable accident. Look...
不要啊 Oh, jeez, no.
你的挡风玻璃都掉下来了 Your windscreen has come out.
这简直就是灾难啊 This is a *** disaster now
开起来倒挺凉快 The breeze will be nice(!)
不出意料的是 Predictably, when we got back,
詹姆斯对我表达了满满的同情 James was overflowing with sympathy.
-你是用头撞的吗 -是这样的... Did you head-butt it? But look...
理查德和詹姆斯开始亲手动卸车 Richard and James began to load their basket by hand.
这石头可够沉的 Oh, that's a big rock.
但人和动物的区别在于 人会使用工具 But I'm allergic to manual labour so I used horsepower instead.
随后我就进城采购晚饭去了 And then I went into town to buy supper.
这是西葫芦吗 Is this a marrow?
啥 这是 A...? Name...
这是 这里居然这么叫 我原以为这是西葫芦 This is... Crikey, is it? I thought it was a marrow.
长见识了吧 在泰国西葫芦叫 对就叫那个 That's something you learn. In Thailand, the word for... Yes, that.
西葫芦就叫 那个 That's the word for marrow.
回工地的时候 我招募了一群当地民工随我一起 When I returned, I brought with me a gang of local labourers.
你都做了什么 What are you doing?
我们是不可能独立建成这座桥的好吗 There's no way we're going to be able to build this bridge by ourselves, let's be reasonable.
他说的没错 哈蒙德 He's right, Hammond.
单靠咱们俩是不可能完成的 You and I are not going to be able to build this bridge by ourselves.
-他要还这德行肯定没戏 -拜托 长官不干活好吗 I know. Which is the way is was go. Hello, officers won't work.
亚力克·基尼斯在"桂河大桥"里说的很清楚 Alec Guinness made that very plain in Bridge On The River Kwai in the film.
整部电影前提就是"长官不用干活" That was the whole premise of the story is that officers won't work.
-你长官? -当然了 You're an officer? Of course I'm an officer.
-谁说你是的 -我明显就是 我天生男主命 Who says you are an officer? I am, I am the Alec Guinness figure here. It's obvious.
-就因为你有根破棒子 -你可看好你的棒子了 Because you've got a stick. That stick may disappear quite soon.
有了当地人的帮助 我和詹姆斯也开始有了起色 With the local chaps helping, James and I started to make good progress.
但正当我们辛勤工作的时候 However, as we toiled away,
那位自封的长官却好像玩起了过家家 the self-appointed officer seemed to be setting up a children's tea party.
你这又是在干嘛 What are you doing now?
我跟19世纪在缅甸的英国人学了一招 Well, it's a trick I learnt actually from the British in Burma in the 19th century,
他们会雇一个当地小孩 给他涂满果酱 they would employ some local young chap, cover him in jam,
然后他整天跟在身边 来吸引昆虫 he would follow them around all day and he'd attract the insects.
他们管他叫小酱 They called him a jam boy.
-这是我的熊酱 -有点不人道吧 This is my jam bear. It doesn't seem very fair.
一点也不 因为果酱最后都归他了 It was, it was because at the end of the day he got to keep the jam.
劳累了一天以后 我为大家奉上了可口的晚餐 At the end of our long difficult day, I produced my delicious supper.
闻着蛮香的啊 用什么做的 It smells very good, Clarkson, what is it?
我得悄悄跟你说 Mm, I'll whisper it to you
因为不能让观众听到 because I can't say it in front of the viewers.
你再说一遍 她就盯着我说 What? She just looked at me and went...
你怎么说的 别激动 What did you say? Steady on!
我还为哈蒙德特意准备了点心 I'd even prepared a treat for Hammond.
-我还给你准备了特别的餐后点心 -什么 For after deserts I've got you something very special indeed. What?
-我知道你喜欢Black Cock -没错 I know you're partial to a bit of Black Cock. Oh, yes.
所以我给你搞来了 And so I've managed to find...
你太伟大了 Oh, you hero.
-厉害 -直接喝? -那必须的 Oh, well done. Black Cock. Stiff one? Yes, please.
-有本事就一口闷 -干杯 Get that down your neck. Cheers.
我干了 Bottoms up.
我跟你说 我今晚上要睡到死 I'll tell you what, I'm going to sleep tonight.
真的 累惨了 Absolutely. I am worn out.
第二天一早 等天亮了 The next morning, the dawn light reveals
我们才发现进度之慢 just how little we had achieved.
所以没等晨雾散去 大家就都忙活起来了 So, before the morning mist had cleared, everyone was hard at work.
当然了 大家并不包括 Well, when I say everyone...
-早啊 梅 -早 Morning, May. Good morning.
你今天到底打不打算干活 Are you actually going to do any work today?
我嘴皮都磨破了 你怎么还不懂 I have explained this to you until I'm blue in the face.
长官不用干活 Officers won't work.
喂! Guys!
梅 May?
你听什么了吗 Can you hear something?
我内急 I need a poo!
伙计们 我想清楚了 长官也可以干活 Guys, I've had a thought. It turns out officers will work.
释放了我之后 After they released me...
-好吧 干活 -不老实还关你 Right, work. Remains available.
我立即决定我们需要更多的机器来帮忙 I immediately decided we needed more labour-saving machinery
于是就租了台挖掘机给哈蒙德 so I rented a digger for Hammond
而我的选择会把船长虐出翔 and I went for something that would humiliate May.
恐怕詹姆斯把他的起重机开来是白费力了 I'm afraid James has totally wasted his time bringing that crane here.
大猩猩! Clarkson!
坏了 Oh, no!
-这都是啥 -它自己翻了詹姆斯 -你都干了什么 What was that? It fell over, James. What have you done?
你先等会 你看见你的悬臂砸哪了吗 Hold on a minute! Did you see where the end of your jib landed?
我是为了看桥墩在哪才撤了一步 I had only walked back to see where the pile was.
要是我还站那的话 我脑袋就被敲掉了 If I'd still been standing there, it would have taken my head off!
-它翻倒了 -差点弄死我 It fell over! It almost killed me!
翻倒了?起重机根本不可能自己翻好吗 What do you mean, "It fell over"? They don't fall over, crane lorries!
大马路上怎么没见倒啊 They don't fall over on the motorway!
什么叫不可能自己翻倒 What do you mean, it doesn't fall over?
-你故意弄翻的 -你的起重机太小了 You knocked it over! Your crane is too small,
所以我弄了辆更大的方便伸到河面上 so, I've got a bigger one to reach further into the river.
就算我起重机太小了 那也罪不至死吧 Right. My crane is too small. That's punishable by death, is it?
等詹姆斯冷静下来了以后 我们决定 After James had calmed down a bit, we decided to solve the problem
用理查德的挖掘机和梅的拖车 合力解决问题 by using the combined power of Richard's digger and the A-May Van.
三 二 一 In three, two, one...
起 Lift away!
噢 Oh!
好吧 Yeah!
换了更结实线缆后 很快就把我的起重机扳正了 But, with stronger cables, we soon had my crane the right way up.
很好 继续干活 Excellent. And back to work.
把这个当大锤子用 Just use this as an enormous hammer so...
精工细活 It's all just delicacy, this.
他一路拖拉来的那辆小破车 That little insect that he's dragged all the way here
根本就是碍我大事 is simply getting in our way.
好样的 哈蒙德 Oh, well done, Hammond.
怎么回事 Hang on.
-干得好! -哈蒙德 -拜托了詹姆斯 让一边去 That's the ticket! Hammond! Come on, James, out you come.
尖尖的东西 Spiky things!
尽管我们现在是团队合作 Even though we were now working as a team,
大桥也开始成形 and the bridge was starting to take shape,
还是远远落后于詹姆斯的计划 we were still way behind James' schedule.
这排蓝色柱子代表了我们现在应该达到的进度 This side, the blue pegs, represents how far we should have got by now.
红色代表着我们已经达到的 The red pegs show how fa we actually have got.
显然还不够 Obviously not far enough.
这比我想象的还慢 It's worse than I thought.
因此 我们三个人一起干到了半夜 So, the three of us worked on into the night.
-这么长? -这么长 This long? This is long.
递给哈蒙德 That's to go to Hammond.
喔 停 再来一点 我抓好了 Whoa, stop there. A bit further. I've got it, I've got it.
然而尽管我们上床时都已精疲力尽 And even though we went to bed exhausted...
杰里米和我却根本睡不着 ..Sleep for Jeremy and I was impossible.
大猩猩! Clarkson!
好玩哈 Funny!
我呵呵呵 You funny man!
我们把他弄上岸时则更好玩 We were even funnier getting him back in.
-应该是这个红的吧 你说呢 -不知道 I think it's the red one. Is it the red one? I don't know.
好吧你坚持一下 这有一个圆圈 Right, so, hang on, I've got one with, like, a circle.
这个像洋葱似的 This one looks like an onion.
转最底下那个 That bottom one swivels.
最底下那个! No, the bottom one!
你从帐篷里面掉出来啦 詹姆斯 James, you're falling out your tent!
他掉水里去了 He's fallen in!
救命 Help!
-这个是闹钟啊 -对不住了 詹姆斯 That's an alarm clock, isn't it?! Oh, sorry, James!
-这河底都是用便便堆起来的 -我知道 The bottom of this river's made out of turds. I know.
不要呛太多水了 Yeah. Try not to drink more than a pint.
当我随波逐流的时候 As I was carried away by the current,
我发现起重机现在已经够不到桥的末端了 I noticed that the end of the bridge was now beyond the reach of our cranes.
所以我上岸后 我们自制了一个打桩机 So when I returned, we built a home-made piledriver.
然后把它安在自制的竹排上 Mounted it to a home-made barge...
然后就开工了 And kept right on going.
哦不 Oh, no!
抓住 把它停下来 詹姆斯 Get it, stop it, stop it! James!
我够不着 I can't stop it!
下水 Get it, get it.
我的桥 Our bridge! Our bridge!
快点 别让它跑了 好几个小时的成果啊 Quickly, go! Let's get it. Took hours！
我抓住了 I've got it!
坚持住 Hold on!
不 不 No! No!
这一脚可够深的 我陷进屎里了 That was a deep bit! I'm drowning in BLEEP!
有人落水了 Man overboard!
我怎么可能完成 太崩溃了 How the hell are we ever going to...? This is hopeless.
这可糟了 This is worse!
弃桥! 我得把这玩意弄回去 Abandon bridge! I'm getting back...
上岸以后 我们召开了一个紧急会议 Once we were back ashore, we gathered for an emergency meeting.
我估计应该是这其中一个坏掉了 I presume it was one of these that gave way.
桥墩 但为什么呢 The piling. But why did it?
水流冲的呗 Current.
你说我们要是来一杯Hong Thong Would it help focus our minds more on the problem
会不会更加专注一点呢 if we had a shot of Hong Thong?
好主意 或者来点red cock也行 Yes. Or we could have a Red Cock.
我们还没试过Hong Thong We haven't had Hong Thong.
你有白酒吗 You got any white spirit?
有 Yes, I have.
我就不明白了 I just don't get it.
只要有一根桩子断了 就全完了 If one of the piers was wrong, that would do it.
如果 If we used...
我们要是用那些一袋子一袋子的 What if we used more of those whatever you call them, those bags of...
咳咳就好了 如果我们多弄点成袋的石头 It's not helping him cough. What if we use more of those bags of stones
来保护竹桩不被水流冲断呢 to protect the bamboo pillars from the current?
顺便说一句 那白酒是纯酒精吧 That White Spirit, by the way, actually IS white spirit!
-你开玩笑吧 什么? -洗东西的酒精啊 You're kidding?! What? It's for cleaning brushes.
我们继续着大桥的搭建 'We carried on with the build
随着漫长酷热一天天过去 'and as the long, hot days passed,
大桥也离对岸一天天近了 'the bridge inched closer to the opposite bank.'
搞定 There you go.
哦 他直接把陂轧穿了 Oh! He's gone through the ramp.
谁想要冰镇啤酒? Who here would like an ice cold beer?
求你了 给点吧 Oh, yes, please.
但就当我们完成了2/3的进度时 'But, as we passed the two thirds point,
我却被迫又召开了一次紧急会议 'I was forced to call another emergency meeting.'
怎么了 What's the matter?
你还记得我们都认为 Well, you know, we thought we were building a
在桂河上面搭桥很厉害 是吗? bridge over the River Kwai, which is noble?
-没错啊 -错了 We are. We're not.
这条河真正的名字 The name of that river...
攻河? The Kok?
Top Gear正在攻河上建一座桥 Top Gear is building a bridge over the River Kok.
其实很好记啊 It's actually memorable.
没错 这样网上订电影就不会订错了 It is, you wouldn't order the wrong film from an Internet website.
-你会非常小心 -BBC可该怎么介绍我们 You'd be very careful if you were. How is BBC presentation...
你还记得每个节目前面那个女的吧 You know the woman at the beginning of every programme.
今晚 杰里米 詹姆斯和理查德三人在攻河上 "And tonight, Jeremy, James and Richard build a bridge
造了一座桥 "over the River Kok"...
反正不能放弃啊 Well, we're not moving it!
此时此刻 我们的工作 'At this point we had been at the site
似乎变得漫无止境了 'for what seemed like an eternity
然而我们十分渴望回家 'and we were desperate to get home
于是我们夜以继日地干活 'so we were working round the clock.'
接住了？很沉的哦 Got it? Yeah. That's a heavy...
密度很高 That's a bit denser, that one.
我讨厌竹子 I hate bamboo.
讨厌竹子 I hate bamboo.
很讨厌 So much.
你知道么 You know,
穿越缅甸后 after that drive through Burma,
我心中获得的是对长途卡车司机的无限尊重 I was left with an enormous amount of respect for long-distance lorry drivers.
但是 此时此刻 But... Here, now,
我更敬重那些战俘们 I have even more respect for those prisoners of war...
是的 没错 Oh, yeah. Yeah.
严肃点 不开玩笑的说 I mean, let's be honest, shall we,
我们今晚要在这吃饭 -是的 we are eating here at night. Yeah.
我们没得痢疾 没有霍乱 We haven't got dysentery and we haven't got cholera. No.
-也没每天被拳打脚踢 -是这样的 And we're not been beaten, daily. No, no.
这就已经很难的 重活 累活 I mean this is difficult, hard, hot work...
但都完全不算什么 But nothing... No. ..at all...You know
-你知不知道那个金属箱子 -嗯 that metal box. Yeah.
有个叫Drauer船长的人 There was a guy called Captain Drauer
因为弄坏了营长的桌子 who broke the camp commandant's table.
被宣判在地下生活 He was sentenced to life underground and they buried him
他们把他关在一个金属箱子里暴露在阳光下 in one of those metal boxes with a metal roof exposed to the sun
-他被关了76天 -天啊 and he was in there for 76 days. Oh, God.
关进去的时候 他的手折了 He had a broken arm when they put him in and when they got him out
被放出来时 其中一只脚几乎被老鼠吃光 the rats had eaten most of one of his feet.
真的无法想象 It just beggars belief.
第十五天太阳升起的时候 'As the sun rose on the 15th day,
经历我们史上最艰难的任务 'after the hardest work any of us had ever done,
大桥落成了 'the bridge was finished.'
真是值得庆祝的一刻 That is a proud moment.
但是 But...
桥有一点歪 There's a slope on it.
你说的对 那一边肯定要高一点 You're right. It's definitely higher on that side.
我们决定不在意这些细节 'We decided to ignore the slope
直接开始进行通车仪式 'and move straight to the opening ceremony.'
三 二 一 In three, two, one...
我宣布 大桥通车啦 I declare... ..the bridge open.
伟大的时刻 What a moment.
船长 你应该第一个过 And James May, you shall cross it first.
为什么是我 Why am I crossing it first?
因为我说过了 “你应该第一个” Because I just said, "James May, you shall cross it first".
-他的确说了 -我说了 -是的 毋庸置疑 He did, he said that. I did, didn't I? You did, you said that. Definitely.
行吧 Right...
幸运象 幸运猫头鹰 Lucky elephant, lucky owl,
佛祖 出发 Buddha, here we go.
我行驶在横跨湄 攻 河的桥上 I on the bridge over the River Kok.
这绝对是我做过的最自虐的事了 This is genuinely the most nerve wracking thing I've ever done.
詹姆斯 你很危险 他知道吗 James, you are perilously... Does he realise?
他太靠右了 He's a long way over to the right.
冷静就好 Just keep calm,
冷静 keep calm.
天哪 桥叽叽嘎嘎地叫 Oh, my God! It's squirreling.
噢 桥面裂了 Oh! They're rending.
我已经走过半了 I'm more than halfway across.
我现在只需开下去就好 All I've got to do is get down here.
开下去就完事了 I just got to get down here.
快了 I've almost done it.
拜托了 Please...
自己造桥自己过! I'm over the River Kok on our own bridge!
来吧 Come on!
你下一个吧 Can you go next?
是的 我是下一个 Yes, I will go next. Yes?
因为你的车比我的重很多 Yes, because your lorry is a lot heavier than my lorry
会损坏桥的 and will weaken it.
万万没想到 I didn't think of that.
我的宗旨是 速度和动力 I have a policy here, speed and power.
因为在我心里 Because, in my mind,
速度可以让你变轻 speed makes you lighter.
看不见桥面 Can't see the bridge now.
来喽 Here we go.
在"桂"河大桥上第一次换挡 Change gear the first ever gear change on the bridge over the River Kok
一次成功的换挡 and I bolst it up!
太靠中间了 Getting too close to the middle.
听着快散架了 Oh, the splintering noises.
我在帮哈蒙德拆桥 I'm weakening it for Hammond!
加油 动感大卡! Yes! Come on sports lorry!
好样的 Yes!
我的动感大卡的门被搞坏了 Look that the sports lorry has broken its door
但它成功过桥 并为这一刻欢呼雀跃 but it is across and is bouncing to celebrate the moment.
太棒了 Yes!
现在 该轮到最重的车了 'Now it was the turn of the heaviest lorry of the lot.'
我的神啊 Oh, dear God.
这是我们自己造的桥 This is a bridge that we built.
其实我真的很想让他掉下去 I mean, obviously, I want him to fall into the Kok.
是的 Yes...
但如果掉下去 我们就回不了家了 But, if he does, we can't go home.
-挑战目标是三辆卡车都要成功 -没错 The challenge said all three lorries doing it. I know.
这辆卡车重达7.5吨 This struck is supposed to weigh 7.5 tonnes.
我不知道超载的那部分 I don't know if that takes into consideration
在不在桥的承受范围内 all the extra bits on top!
哦 天哪 Oh, my God!
噢 我可以听到它在被挤压 Oh, I can hear it crushing.
我能感觉到它的移动 I can feel it moving.
哦 不 怎么了 Oh, no, what's happened?
哦 不 Oh, no!
我做了什么 What have I done?
桥快撑不住了 It's going at this end, as well.
结构垮塌了 It's losing structure!
桥在分解 It's breaking apart!
千万不要莽撞 Don't rush to the end, Rich.
继续像这样走 Just go in your own...
轻轻地走 Just tiptoe.
正如轻轻地来 Just tread lightly.
不带走一根竹竿 Just tiptoe your way across.
对 就这样 That's it. That's it.
不要想太多 往这边 往这边 Light thoughts. This way, this way.
向这边打方向 This way a bit. This way a bit.
向我们这打方向 This way a bit.
这边啊 你要掉下去了 This way, this way, you're going to fall off.
你要掉了 You're going to fall in!
哈蒙德 理查德·哈蒙德 Hammond Richard Hammond!
过去 我巴不得你挂掉 I've never been glad to see you alive before
但现在我不这么想了 but I am now.
差一点就掉下去了 You were so close.
我们做到了 We did it. We did it.
喔 对不起 Ow! Sorry.
朋友 Mate...
你知道你最后几乎就要掉沟里了吗 Do you know how close you were to falling into the middle at the end?
半个轮胎 Half a tyre.
半个轮胎挂在外面 Half a tyre over the edge.
但是结果是 The fact is, though...
我们三个都完成任务了 All three of us have done it.
开着卡车过河 With our trucks, over the river.
站在这里 Here we are.
1920公里 造一座桥 1,200 miles, built a bridge... Yeah.
开三辆卡车穿过来 ..drove all three lorries across it. Yeah.
而且成功了 It worked.
和电影"桂河大桥"不同 Unlike the real film, Bridge On The River Kwai...
没有爆炸性新闻 ..there is no bombshell.
没有 No. No.
但也结束了 But there is an ending.
感谢收看 Thanks very much for watching. Thanks for watching.
多棒的旅程 What a journey!
天啊 你真的就差一点 You were. You were close.
亚力克·克拉克森 爵士
亚力克·梅 爵士
亚力克·哈蒙德 爵士
本季终
祝迈克尔舒马赫早日康复