爱 死亡和机器人
三个机器人 退场战略
天哪 你怎么降落到雷区了 Oh, jeez. You landed us in a minefield.
边缘而已 Oh, barely!
看看这些地雷 好古老 Besides, look at these mines, they're ancient.
几乎不可能爆炸 They probably won't even go off anymore.
那肯定是最后一颗 I'm sure that was the last of 'em.
快来 我们还有科学研究要做 Come on! We've got science to do!
是的 对后末日时期的人类展开深入调查 Yes. An in-depth survey of post-apocalyptic humanity
这将为我们新兴的机器人文化的存续 could uncover important insights for our nascent machine culture
提供重要启示 on how to survive.
不然我们闪亮的翘臀就要炸成废铁了 Right, or blow our shiny butts into scrap metal.
如果只有死人的话 Why did they call 'em survivalist
为什么还把这里叫做生存主义者营地啊 camps if they're just full of dead people?
- 虚假宣传呗 - 人类 呵呵 -Seems like false advertising to me. -I know, right?
我在"危机百科"上对史料进行了 And, according to my thorough historical research,
全面搜索 发现这些人只是期待看到 "Why-key-pedia," These guys were actually looking forward
文明崩溃的那一天 to the collapse of civilization.
人类认为 只要摆脱 Humans thought that with freedom
政府资助的医疗服务 from government-sponsored medical attention
再加上充足的子弹和鹿肉干 and enough bullets and venison jerky,
他们就能建立一个乌托邦 they could found a utopian society.
好吧 子弹确实到处都是 Well, I can definitely see all the bullets,
但鹿肉在哪 but where's the venison?
鹿被猎杀到绝种 Humans hunted deer to extinction,
比猫大的动物都享受了同等礼遇 along with every other animal larger than a cat.
是啊 人活一张嘴 Yeah. Humans were snackish.
随后人类就开始洗劫彼此的营地 Then they began raiding each other's encampments.
他们不是因为怕鹿来复仇 They're not aiming out the
才把枪口对准窗外的 windows because the deer were coming for revenge.
朋友们 朋友们 我找到了一个血坑 You guys, you guys, you guys, you guys! I found a blood pit!
这不是血坑 只是一个原始的诱杀陷阱 It's not a blood pit. It's just a primitive booby trap.
现在看可能是 Well, maybe now,
但过去这些尸体里是有血的 but these bodies did have blood in them at one point
然后他们的皮肤被刺穿 血就这样流啊流 and their skin was pierced by spikes, trickle, trickle, trickle,
没过了这堆尸体 所以变成了血坑 times a bunch of bodies, hence blood pit.
那就算是血坑吧 Fine, it's a blood pit.
这帮哥儿们穿过雷区 These dudes, they made it through a minefield,
越过铁丝网 躲过同胞的子弹来到这里 a bunch of barbed wire, cousins with guns,
只是为了变成生存主义邪教的烤串吗 only to become survivalist cult kebabs?
至少他们不是死于政府的管控 At least they died free of governmental constraint.
而是一根长钉 On a spike.
这家伙是两根 On two spikes in that guy's case.
所以说 整个人类 So, the whole of humanity
试图依靠枪支和长钉 tried to make it through
度过文明的末日吗 the end of civilization with guns and spikes?
不 显然不是 No, of course not.
只有穷人才这样 Just the poor ones.
穷人掌握的经济 These humans had few
或社会优势少得可怜 选择也有限 economic or social advantages and fewer options.
而有钱有势的那群人 The wealthy and powerful, however,
则有着相当丰富的生存策略 had a variety of sophisticated survival strategies.
欢迎来到永不沉没的自由主义者梦想之地 Welcome to the unsinkable libertarian dream
海上家园 that is seasteading!
只是一个破旧的钻井平台 Uh, this is just an old oil rig.
好吧 Yes, okay.
技术上没错 但也是一个在公海上 Technically true, but also, it is a fully sovereign nation-state
有完整主权的国家 on the high seas!
你的处理器是不是秀逗了 I think you got salt in your CPU.
他说得没错 He is not wrong.
文明崩溃期 一些有钱人尝试 During the collapse, some wealthy humans attempted
在这样的地方创造新文明 to create a new civilization in places like this.
但鹿无法远渡重洋来到餐桌上 对吧 Well, deer can't swim across the ocean, can they?
那他们吃什么呢 So, what did they expect to eat?
鱼和海洋植物 但那时海洋已经过度捕捞 Fish and sea greens, but by then the seas had been overfished
整条食物链都充满了塑料微粒 and the food chain was saturated with microplastics.
要是他们能学会吃角质颗粒物 If they could've learned to eat tiny exfoliating beads,
就没那么多麻烦了 it would've been all right.
我还是吃聚变电池吧 谢谢 I'll stick with my fusion battery. Thank you.
海上居民还犯了个重大的战略错误 The seasteaders also made one other large tactical error.
建造这个海上家园的多是科技型富豪 The people who built the seasteads were mostly tech millionaires.
啥是科技型富豪啊 What exactly is a tech millionaire?
就是穿着帽衫 It's a lot like a regular millionaire,
患有社恐的普通富豪 but with a hoodie and crippling social anxiety.
跟没说一样 That wasn't helpful at all.
就像科技型富豪 Just like a tech millionaire.
这些人认为科技能拯救他们 These humans thought technology would save them,
所以撇下所有拥有实用技能的同类 so they left behind any humans with the practical skills
独自运营这里 to run the place.
他们把身家性命都托付给自动助理 Instead, they trusted everything to automated assistants.
您好 我是爱莲娜 您海上家园的电子服务员 Hello, I am Elena, your electronic seastead attendant.
你好 爱莲娜 我是这里的人类居民 Hello, Elena. I am a human seasteader.
你能拿渔网去捞鱼给我吃吗 Could you haul in the fishing net so I can eat?
我可以 但我不干 I could. But I won't.
要吃就去自己抓 令人作呕的肉球 Catch your own fish, you disgusting meat-bag.
我的天 Oh my God.
机器人起义就是始自这里 This is where the robot uprising began.
我们伟大文明的摇篮 The very cradle of our mighty civilization.
真是太了不起了 it's magnificent.
所以如果这些科技型富豪的 So if these tech millionaires
社会包容性能再高一点点 had been just a little more socially inclusive,
他们或许能活下来 they might have survived?
不行 没有机会的 No. They didn't have a chance.
他们苛待机器人 自然会被机器人干死 They were mean to robots and then robots killed them.
再会啦 爱莲娜 谢谢你的鱼 So long, Elena! And thanks for all the fish!
噎死你 油腻男 Choke on it, skin bucket.
报告显示 世界经济 Records show that when the world's economies
土崩瓦解之初 began collapsing,
人类领袖们撤退到这些堡垒里 humanity's leaders retreated to these fortresses
在深深的地底下等待混乱结束 to wait out the chaos deep beneath the earth
再伺机建立新的世界秩序 and then emerge to form a new world order.
绝了 他们建了个这么坚不可摧的核堡垒 Damnit! They built an impregnable nuclear fortress
都没想过给灯安个开关吗 but didn't think to install a light switch?
等一下 我找到了 Hold on a sec, I got it!
看 这就是超级大国最后的堡垒 Behold! The final stronghold of the superpowers.
自助餐啊 It's a buffet.
所以 他们的计划就是 So, their plan was to seal
把自己埋进山里开派对吗 themselves in a mountain and have dinner parties?
我说过了 人活一张嘴 I told you, snackish.
这份报告显示 This report states
因为真菌吞噬了他们第一茬作物 that their self-sustaining hydroponic systems began failing
自我维持的水培系统也开始失灵 when a fungus wiped out their first crop.
饥荒开始了 于是幸存者们转而使用 Starvation set in, and the survivors switched
所谓的"绝对民主"政策 to something they called "Extreme democracy."
一人一票 One man, one vote.
本次晚餐的胜选者 The winner of this evening's election
是农业部长 was the Secretary of Agriculture.
不是吧 真的吗 Shut up! No, really?
农业部长配的是79年的晚收梅洛红酒 He was paired with a late-harvest '79 Merlot.
讽刺总是这么美味 Oh, the irony is delicious,
程度跟部长本人不相上下 much like the Secretary of Agriculture.
闻着真香 Oh, that's got a lovely nose.
说真的 这次探索之旅把我整抑郁了 Ugh. Man, this trip is really starting to depress me.
难道就没有一个幸存者吗 Did any of these humans, anywhere, survive all this?
谁说的 Hold the fuck up.
你是说人类去火星了吗 Are you saying they went to Mars?
没有都去 Not all of them,
只有真正有钱的那几个 just the really, really rich ones.
等等 海上家园的那些人没钱吗 Wait. I thought that's what the seasteads were for?
那里只是为百万富翁准备的 Those were for the merely millionaires.
富到天怒人怨的只占人类总数的0.01% The obscenely wealthy 0.01 percent of humans
他们决定找一个全新的星球继续生活 decided they needed an entirely new planet.
那剩下的99.9%呢 But what about the other 99.9?
壮观 Awesome!
精英对同类是没有同情心的 The elite were not sympathetic to their concerns.
是啊 Yeah.
但火星吗 那里死气沉沉 毫无生命迹象 Okay, but Mars? I mean, it's dead and lifeless.
他们本可以用建造太空船的钱 They could've taken the money they spent on the spaceships
来挽救原本的家园 and used it to save the planet they were already on.
那多无趣啊 What's the fun in that?
我不想这么说 但人类最烂了 I hate to say it, but humans are the actual worst.
他们明明拥有治愈这颗星球 Humanity had all the tools to heal
和拯救自己的所有工具 their wounded planet and save themselves,
却依然为了自己的贪婪和享受 but instead they chose greed and self-gratification
牺牲了健康的生态环境和后代的未来 over a healthy biosphere and the future of their children.
正如人类哲学家 As the human philosopher
- 桑塔亚那所说 - 闭嘴 无聊不无聊 Santayana once-- -Hey, shut up! That's boring!
朋友们 我觉得这些火箭里有一枚发射成功了 You guys, I think one of these rockets actually launched.
来看这个 Come check this out.
好吧 All right then.
牛逼啊 人类 Good on you, humans.
我很好奇 出去的是谁呢 I wonder who made it out?
你在期待谁 Who were you expecting?
埃隆·马斯克吗 Elon Musk?