- Brock? Bro, can you hear me, bro?
布洛克? 兄弟 能听见我说话不 兄弟?
Come on, baby. Come on, Brock.
加油 挺住 布洛克
Brock! - Can't get 911.
-布洛克! -911打不通
No fucking recep-- [screams]
没有他妈的信...
Shit! - [raspy voice] Is it that bad?
-见鬼! -有这么糟糕吗?
- What? No. No, just, uh, you look great.
什么? 不不 只是额 你看起来很好
Got your standard number of eyeballs.
眼球数有点不标准
- [raspy voice] Hey.
嘿
- Hey!
嘿
We're taking you to the hospital.
我们正在送你去医院
We couldn't get an ambulance, but this is just as good.
我们叫不到救护车 但这个也不错
I'm basically an EMT since I took a CPR course
七年前我在水上乐园工作的时候
seven years ago when I worked at the water park.
上过心肺复苏课程 基本上也算个急救员了
- [groans] - No seatbelt.
没有安全带
I'm not normally back here when it's moving.
我通常不会再它移动的时候待在这里
I'll just--
我一般...
- Oh, sorry, sorry, sorry.
哦 对不起对不起对不起
Oh, I guess you'll just have to get used to women
哦 我想你要习惯起来女人们
throwing themselves at you
对你投怀送抱
what with how normal your face looks now.
现在你的脸看起来正常多了
- Sorry, sorry, sorry.
对不起 对不起 对不起
- Okay. There you are.
好了 听得见吗
Brock, right? Nod if you can hear me.
布洛克 对吧? 能听见我说话就点点头
I'm Dr. Mandril.
我是曼德里尔医生
I'm going to be operating on you today.
今天由我给你做手术
You're going to be fine.
你会没事的
Your friends got you here in time.
你的朋友送你来的很及时
They saved your life. You're in good hands
他们救了你的命 你会得到妥善照顾的
You know, I really hate lying like that,
你知道 我真的讨厌这样说谎
but his last thought shouldn't be, "I'm going to die."
但他最后想到的不应该是 "我就要死了"
This way, he croaks on a high note.
这样 他就能死的体面一点
- What?
什么?
- You didn't give him the gas yet?
你还没给他麻醉?
- No, sorry. - What the fuck, Ryan?
-还没 抱歉 -搞什么飞机 瑞安?
Jesus fucking Christ!
妈的老天爷啊!
Would you knock him out already?
你能把他打晕吗?
- Yes, Doctor.
可以 医生
- You are going to be just fine.
你会没事的
Don't worry about a thing, okay?
别担心 好吗?
- Okay.
好吧
Undeadelf 个人译制
本作品仅供学习交流使用，禁止商业用途
一周后
- Welcome back to our coverage of Hurricane Annie
欢迎回到我们由松布雷罗的墨西哥烤肉店赞助的
brought to you by Sombrero's Mexican Grill,
对飓风安妮的新闻报道
home of the original cheeseburger quesadilla.
提供原汁原味的芝士汉堡炸玉米饼
Cheesy, beefy, caliente!
芝士 牛肉 热量!
- Use Sombrero's online ordering for curbside delivery,
使用松布雷罗的在线订购的路边自提功能
路边自提就是相当于国内送到菜鸟驿站之类然后自己去拿的那种方式
the perfect option if you're on the road this week
如果你本周还在路上 这将是你
fleeing the storm.
避开风暴的最佳选择
- Which may be a lot of you.
看来会有很多人这么做
It looks like Annie is going to make landfall
看上去安妮已经登陆了
as a category four,
登陆时为四级飓风
相当于17级超强台风，2006年桑美差不多就是这个级数
prompting talks of mandatory evacuations.
为此引发了对强制撤离进行讨论
Well, thanks for coming back in, guys.
嗯 感谢你们回来 伙计们
I wanted to let you know we caught Carlos Ramirez,
我想告诉你们 我们抓住了卡洛斯.拉米雷斯
AKA "Condom Carl."
又名"安全套.卡尔"
- Did he say what happened?
他有交代发生了什么吗?
- He won't talk, but it's all on video.
他什么都不肯说 但都被录下来了
So it's open and shut.
所以事实很清楚
The D.A. said I can return your personal items.
地检说我可以归还你们的私人物品了
So we got a set of keys and a couple of phones
所以我们这有一串钥匙和几部电话
and I believe this is yours.
我相信这是你的
- Thank God. It's been so hard to sleep without a pillow.
谢天谢地 没有枕头我都睡不着觉
What? I'll flip it over.
怎么啦? 我会反过来用的
- Um, what about the grack sack?
嗯 那个麻袋呢?
The big bag with the python eggs.
那么大一个装满蟒蛇蛋的袋子
That was Jillian's too.
那也是吉莉安的
- No, those were Brock's.
不 那些是布洛克的
That's why he got shot, isn't it?
他就是因为这才被枪击的 不是吗?
What's the story there?
这里边有什么故事吗?
- No stories. They were--they were Brock's.
没有 它们...它们就是布洛克的
- Well, if you can get Brock to sign for them,
好了 如果你们能让布洛克签收的话
I can release the eggs and you can sort it out yourselves.
我可以把蛋提出来 然后你们自己处理
- Yeah, but he's in a coma.
好的 但他还在昏迷中
I don't think he's gonna be signing anything.
我不觉得他能在什么东西上签字
- And the python hunt ends in six days.
猎蛇大赛还有六天就结束了
After that, they're useless.
那之后 它们就没有用了
- Well, if he's incapacitated,
好吧 如果他丧失行为能力
a family member could always sign for him.
家属可以代签
- The fuck? - Ugh.
-这什么玩意? -啊
That's Pete. Pete the pig.
那是皮特 警猪皮特
We borrowed him from the DEA.
我们从缉毒局借来的
美国缉毒局（Drug Enforcement Administration，简称DEA） 是美国司法部下属的执法机构，主要任务是打击美国境内的非法毒品交易和使用。
- He's so cute.
他好可爱
- Yeah, he's cute.
没错 是挺可爱的
He's also a huge fucking asshole!
他还是个大混蛋
- Can pigs be assholes?
猪也能混蛋?
- He swallowed my Bluetooth, so you tell me.
他吞了我的蓝牙 你觉得呢
- What does Pete the pig do? - He's a super sniffer.
-所以这警猪皮特能干啥? -他是个超级嗅探者
We actually got him to locate Condom Carl's gun.
实际上我们让他来找安全套.卡尔的枪
He dropped it at the scene. It vanished.
他把枪扔在了现场 但现在不见了
The chief seems to think it's in the grass somewhere.
局长觉得它可能掉在草丛里
So now we all have to put up
所以我们不得不忍受
with Pete's fucking bullshit, all fucking week!
这个狗屁皮特 整整一星期!
It's so dumb because the gun's long gone.
这太傻逼了 因为枪早就不在那了
- Long gone? Gone where?
不在了? 那去哪了?
- I have a theory about that.
关于这我有个理论
I believe it was eaten by a snake.
我相信它被蛇吃了
- Can snakes eat handguns?
蛇还能吃手枪吗?
- Oh, yeah. Looked it up. They eat everything.
哦 是啊 我查了一下 它们什么都吃
License plates, alligators-- heck, even people.
车牌 鳄鱼...见鬼 甚至人都吃
- People? That's--that's crazy.
吃人? 这...听起来很假啊
- So what I did was I contacted
所以我所作的就是联系
the Department of Water Management.
水务管理部门
Every dead snake that comes through there,
他们会剖开每一条
they're gonna cut it open,
经过那里的死蛇
examine the stomach contents, and let me know.
检查胃容物 然后告知我们
I bet we'd find that gun in one of them.
我打赌我们会在其中一条的胃里找到那把枪
- Fuck. They're cutting open snakes now?
妈的 他们现在要剖蛇?
What happens when someone catches the one that ate Noah?
要是有人抓到吃了诺亚的那条蛇会怎么样?
- Aww, I didn't know his name was Noah.
啊 我都不知道他叫做诺亚
I'd rather not humanize him.
我还是不要把他当人看吧
Can we please call him "the body"?
我们能就叫他"那具尸体"吗?
- Well, they'll find the body,
好吧 他们会找到那具尸体
all the body's bones, all the body's wallet,
找到它的每一块骨头 所有的钱包
or pictures of the body's nieces in it.
或者那具尸体侄女的照片还在里边
- La, la, la, the body had no one who loved it.
安啦安啦 没人爱那具尸体
The body was all alone.
那具尸体孤零零的一个人
- Then Rodney Lamonca's gonna kill me.
然后罗德尼.拉蒙卡就会杀了我
Oh, it's not gonna be a regular death though.
哦 不会让我死的那么舒服
He's gonna probably hang me from a building
他也许会把我吊死在大楼上
or make me lick poison off some money.
或者让我舔钱上的毒药
- What? - I don't know. He's fucked up.
-什么? -我也不知道 他想一出是一出
- Relax, okay?
放松点 好吗?
I read online it only takes three weeks
我在网上看到一条蛇完全
for a snake to fully digest a deer.
消化一整只鹿只需要三周
Humans are basically deers.
人基本和鹿差不多
- But it hasn't been a few weeks.
但现在没有几个星期
It's been one week, Cregory.
只有一周 克雷格
- There's over 100,000 pythons in the Everglades.
在大沼地里有超过10万条蟒蛇
What are the odds someone's gonna catch that one?
有人能抓住那一条的的几率有多大?
- That snake was 20 feet long and white with red eyes.
那条蛇有20英尺长 白色的 眼睛是红的
Fucking biblical motherfucker
妈的混蛋
couldn't be more conspicuous if he tried.
简直是太显眼了
- Nobody's going out to the swamps this week anyway,
反正这周也没人去沼泽了
not with this storm coming.
毕竟风暴要来了
- Thank God for global fucking warming.
感谢老天让他妈的全球变暖
- That's the spirit.
这样就对了
- [sighs] Too bad about the grack sack.
只可惜了那个麻袋
- Yeah.
是啊
Guess it's all over then. No more saw palmetto farm.
看来一切都完了 没有什么锯棕榈农场了
- Yeah.
是啊
Fuck!
妈的!
Unless...
除非...
we could maybe ask Corby to get the eggs
我们可以让科比从警察局里
from the police station for us?
把那些蛋提出来给我们?
- He's a nice kid.
他是个好孩子
He might feel kind of bad
他可能会觉得不太好
that his dad basically stole them from us.
因为这基本就是他爸爸从我们这偷去的
- Totally.
确实
- I mean, it feels a little ghoulish.
我说 这有点吓人啊
- Seeing his dad is in a coma.
他爸爸还昏迷不醒
- And we were sort of responsible.
而且我们也有点责任
- True, true, true. Good point. Good point.
没错没错 说得好 说得好
Except we're also responsible for saving Brock's life.
不过我们也救了布洛克一命
- Yeah. We drove him to the hospital.
是啊 我们开车送他去了医院
- Got him there before he lost consciousness.
在他失去意识前把他送到了医院
- If you think about it, we're kind of heroes.
仔细想想 我们也算英雄了
- Corby's gonna be so grateful.
科比会很感激我们的
- Of course he's gonna give us those snake eggs.
他理所当然会把那些蛇蛋给我们
- "Anything for you guys because you saved my dad's--"
"为你们做什么都可以 因为你们救了我爸爸的...“
- He died this morning.
他今天早上走了
- I'm so sorry, Corby.
很抱歉听到这消息 科比
- If you need anything at all, we're here for you.
如果你有什么需要 我们都会帮忙的
- Thanks.
谢谢
But didn't you guys say you needed a favor?
但刚你们不是说需要我帮个忙吗?
- What? Definitely not. - Us?
-什么? 绝对没有 -我们吗?
We're here for you, champ. - We're not heroes.
-我们是来帮你的 小兄弟 -我们不是英雄
- We're just friends. - Friends without motives.
-我们都是朋友 -朋友之间帮忙不需要理由
四天后
- And we definitely see the potential
而我们预计在暴风雨之后
of up to 6 million customers losing power in the wake of the storm.
可能会有六百万用户断电
These outages may outlast emergency generator capacity,
这种规模可能超出紧急发电机的发电能力
so we're recommending hospitals transfer
所以我们建议医院将
all high-risk patients out of state
所有高危病人转移至州外
to avoid mass casualties.
以避免大规模伤亡
- This emergency update was brought to you
这条紧急讯息由
by the all new bacon crammers from Burger Load.
超大汉堡推出的全新培根脆饼赞助播出
- Now you're crammed with knowledge!
现在你满脑子都是知识!
Crammed deep up in there! [radio turns off]
被塞得满满的!
- Can't believe Brock's dead. - Yeah.
-不敢相信布洛克死了 -是啊
But I've been around so much death, nothing's shocking.
但我已经经历过太多死亡 没什么好惊讶的
You know, I've won this dress to 17 funerals?
你知道吗 我已经穿着这件衣服参加过17次葬礼了吗?
- 17 funerals is too many funerals.
17场葬礼也太多了
- Well, there was my dad. That was a heart attack.
嗯 有我爸爸的 死于心脏病发作
And then my friend Amy. Overdose.
然后是我朋友艾米 用药过量
But then the other 15 was when I was hired to be a mourner.
但剩下的15次都是被雇当送葬者
- That's a job? - Uh-huh.
-这也是工作? -嗯嗯
It's so unpopular people don't seem like they died friendless.
一些不太受欢迎的人不想他们死了也没朋友悼念
And I was great at it. I can start sobbing on demand.
我很擅长这个 我能随时按要求哭出来
- Really? - Yeah.
-真的? -没错
It's just a skill I've always had.
这算是我的天赋
Don't know why.
也不知道为什么
[softly] Probably because of my deep well of sadness.
可能时因为我深藏着悲伤吧
- Hey, about the eggs.
嘿 关于那些蛋
I think we should tell Corby to pick them up
我觉得我们应该告诉科比在比赛结束前
before the contest ends so he can claim the prize money.
把它们取出来 这样他就能领到奖金了
- Feels like the right thing to do.
感觉这样做是对的
- He lost his dad. We both know how tough that is.
他失去了他的爸爸 我们都知道这有多艰难
- Yeah. God.
是啊 老天保佑
- Of course, my dad didn't steal someone else's
当然我爸爸在死之前
bag of snake eggs before he died.
没有偷其他人的一袋蛇蛋
- Neither did mine.
我把也没有
- Seems like a relevant distinction.
似乎还是有区别的
- Very relevant. - I mean, that was our dream.
-区别大了 -我是说 那是我们的梦想
- And Brock took it from us.
而布洛克夺走了它
- We'll be--
我们要...
- We're giving Corby the eggs and that's that.
我们要把蛋给科比 就这么定了
- Guys, I feel like God sent us Brock
伙计们 我觉得布洛克像是上帝派来
to remind us that life is precious
提醒我们生命的宝贵
and to make as much content as you can while you can.
以及在你还能做到的时候尽可能的享受生活
- Yo, I'd be lying if I said I wasn't a little jealous though.
哟 如果我说我没有一点嫉妒那是骗人的
The kingdom sounds sick. [laughs]
王国听起来真恶心
译者：不明白什么说法，字面番的，有知道的可以微博评论告诉我
- Hey.
嘿
We met at the DMV. Matt, Brock's friend.
我们在车辆管理局见过 我是马特 布洛克的朋友
- Yeah. I remember you.
是啊 我记得你
You were having an affair with his wife.
你和他老婆有一腿
- Yeah.
是啊
I don't know why it's necessary
我不知道为什么要在
to be bringing up old shit at a funeral.
葬礼上提以前的破事
- I'm just saying that's how I know you.
我只是想说我怎么认识你的
You were sleeping with his wife.
你睡了他老婆
That's the only context I have to put you in.
我是我唯一记得你的一点
- Okay, cool. So what?
好吧 酷 那又怎样?
You just sit around talking about old shit all day?
你就准备一整天坐这讲这些陈年破事?
- You started talking to me. - Okay--
-是你先和我搭话的 -好吧...
- Did I say anything to you? No.
我和你说什么吗? 没有
- I'm done now. I'm done.
我没话说了 闭嘴吧
- All right. Well, good job, homewrecker.
好吧 嗯 干得好 偷家贼
- What the-- - Excuse me.
-你妈... -各位
Hi. I'd, uh...
嗨 我要 额...
I'd like to thank everyone for coming.
我要感谢各位的到来
I know my dad was a lot.
我知道我爸爸是个很极端的人
A lot of anger, a lot of yelling,
脾气暴躁 经常大吼大叫
a lot of saying the word fuck or shit.
常常出口就带着"你妈""操"这些脏字
Or when he was really mad,
或者当他真正生气时
he loved to call people dickless skunks.
他喜欢骂人是没卵子的东西
[soft laughter] - He called you that.
他就是这么叫你的
- But you know, there was a lot of good
但是你要知道 我爸爸也有
that came with my dad as well.
很多好的方面
A lot of laughter,
保持乐观
a lot of learning,
不断学习
and most importantly,
而最重要的是
there were always a lot...
总会带来很多...
of surprises!
惊喜!
- Oh! That's right, motherfuckers!
哦! 就是这样 混蛋们!
You can't get rid of me that easy.
你们别想这么容易摆脱我
- We did it again! - We prayed him back to life!
-我们又一次成功了! -我们的祈祷让他复活了!
- [laughs] - Let's go!
我们走!
["Highway to Hell" playing] - What is happening?
发生了什么?
both: Jesus!
老天啊!
- Brock is alive! He has risen!
布洛克还活着! 他复活了!
- Thank you for coming.
感谢你能来
布洛克.泰拉耶尔 深切缅怀
Thank you. Thanks for coming, man.
谢谢你 感谢你能来 伙计
Whoa!
喔哦!
Whoa.
喔哦!
Oh, bring it in.
哦 来抱一个
- You guys saved my life. [smooches]
你们救了我的命
- That was crazy. Are you all right?
这太疯狂了 你没事吧？
- Fuck no. No. My eyeball got vaporized.
妈的有事 我的眼球蒸发了
Just, pfft, yeah.
就这样 噗的一下
But that bullet gave me some other powers.
但那个子弹也给了我其他能力
You know, I'm like a fucking superhero now.
你懂的 我现在就他妈像个超级英雄
- What kind of powers? Do you have enhanced hearing?
什么能力? 是听力增强了吗?
- What? Fuck that shit.
什么? 当然他妈的不是
I'm rich now, which is the greatest fucking superpower
是钞能力 那就是他妈的最大的超能力
DC梗 小闪"What are your superpowers?" 蝙蝠侠”I'm rich"
of all, you know what I'm saying?
你明白我在说什么吗?
I made tens of thousands of dollars
当我上传了我被枪击的视频之后
when I uploaded that video of me getting shot.
我赚了几万美元
It's been viewed over 15 million times.
观看次数超过1500万
- Damn. - Yeah. I don't know.
-活见鬼 -是啊 我也不知道为啥
People just love to see all that blood spraying
人们就是喜欢看
out the back of my head-- I'm a worldwide sensation.
-血从我脑壳后边飙出来...我现在是个世界级网红了
In fact, some chick in Indonesia, she DM'd me.
事实上 有个印度尼西亚小妞 她私信我
She asked me to get married.
她向我求婚了
- And what did you tell her? - I said, "Fuck no."
-那你怎么回她的? -我说"他妈的不行"
You know, it's probably some dude
你知道的 这可能是一些
living in his mom's basement in Toronto,
在多伦多住在他妈妈地下室的人
jerking it to the idea of sticking his cock in my socket.
想方设法要用他的大鸡巴肛了我
- Oh, God. - And I told him
-哦 天哪 -我和他说
that, you know, I'm already taken.
那个你知道的 我已经结婚了
Got my little strawberry shortcake here.
我的小可爱就在这
American dream, guys. American dream.
美国梦 伙计们 美国梦
- Getting shot in the face. - Getting shot in the face.
-被射了一脸(梦想成真) -被射了一脸(梦想成真)
这里是个双关语，本意是被枪直接打脸上爆头， 这里也引申为好运当头梦想成真，正好也是说布洛克被枪打脸
That's right. I cracked the code.
就是这样 我破解了财富密码
Oh, hey, guess who was in the hospital when I woke up?
哦 嘿 猜猜我醒过来的时候谁在医院里?
The guys from Rawboned.com. I got a sponsor.
是Rawboned.com的人 我有赞助商了
They're these pills you take to dehydrate yourself
他们的那些药片可以让你脱水
so you look hot for selfies. Yeah.
使你看起来更性感 没错
In fact, the whole fake funeral was their idea.
事实上 这场假死也都是他们的主意
- Brock, we so stoked for this vid, baby.
布洛克 我们太期待这个视频了 宝贝
It's gonna pull some huge numbers!
这一定会带来一大波流量的
- That's what I'm talking about.
这就是我说的
That's my guy. That's my guy now.
这就是我要找的人 我这就我要的人
- Hey, since the snake hunt is ending in two days...
嘿 离猎蛇比赛结束只有两天了
- We wanted you to know
我们要告诉你
the police have those python eggs for you.
那些蟒蛇蛋在警察那里要你去领
- Yeah, um, let me guess. You want 'em for yourself.
是啊 嗯 让我猜猜 你们想把它们占为己有
- Well, we actually came to make sure Corby got them
事实上 我们来是确保科比拿到它们
when we thought you were dead. - Yeah.
-当时我们以为你死了 -没错
- But since you're not...
但既然你没...
- And since you're doing so well financially...
而你的经济状况也这么好了...
- Hey, I blackmailed you for those eggs fair and square.
嘿 我可是大大方方的敲诈了你们的那些蛋
Okay? So I'ma drive down to the police station.
对吧? 所以我要自己开车去警局
I'ma take 'em for myself.
把它们拿出来
But I can't drive because I have no depth perception.
但是我不能开车了 因为我没有深度视觉了
So will you guys take me?
所以 伙计你们能载我去不?
- Cheesy, beefy, caliente.
芝士味 牛肉味 热呼呼的
- Cheesy, beefy, caliente. [laughs]
芝士味 牛肉味 热呼呼的
- If you want your python eggs, follow me.
如果你们是要那些蟒蛇蛋 跟我来
Sorry about the chaos. We're worried about flooding,
对不起有点乱 我们担心发洪水
so we gotta empty the evidence room,
所以我们清空了证物室
make sure nothing gets destroyed.
确保东西不被毁坏
Your eggs though should be right--
你们的蛋应该没...
Oh, shit. He ate 'em.
哦 见鬼 他把它们吃了
- Who the fuck is this?
这他妈是谁？
- Pete the pig!
警猪皮特!
- You asshole.
混蛋
- Told you.
我和你说过的
- That little pig fuck! He ate all but six of them.
那头该死的猪! 除了这六个他把它们都吃了
- Maybe it's karma.
也许这就是报应
Maybe you shouldn't have tried to steal our prize money.
也许你就不该想要偷我们的奖金
- Hey, you know what? Fuck off, okay?
嘿 你知道怎么? 滚边去 知道不?
I wasn't gonna actually keep the eggs from you.
我没打算真从你们那抢蛋
I was gonna give 'em to you as a surprise on camera.
我只是想在镜头前还你们给你们个惊喜
Check this out. [whistles]
看看这个
Hey, boys! Come out, come on.
嘿 伙计们! 出来 快出来
This is my crew. [laughs]
这是我的团队
Viral philanthropy. It's huge on YouTube.
病毒式慈善 这在油管上很火
You know, you give cash to strangers
你知道的 把现金给陌生人
or Yeezys to teachers.
或者把椰子鞋给老师
Yeezy品牌产品在国内被称为“椰子鞋”，原adidas旗下品牌， 由美国说唱歌手、时装设计师Kanye West设计。在全球， 椰子鞋都有着极高的人气。2022年Kanye因反犹言论， 阿迪达斯终止了与这一品牌的合作
See the one with the homeless guy
看过那个他们给流浪汉
where they're giving him the Apple Watch?
发苹果手表的视频没?
- No.
没有
- He didn't actually want it. Got pretty violent.
他其实不想要 太暴力了
But look, the point is this.
但是听着 重点在这里
This video was gonna be life-affirming as shit.
这个视频本来会很有活力的
A creator finally makes it, giving back.
一个创作者终于成功了 开始回馈社会
Yeah, fuck it.
没错 去他妈的
Just 'cause I don't have the eggs
就算我没有蛇蛋
doesn't mean I can't give you this.
也不意味着我不能给你这个
- That's $20,000.
这是2万美金
- What? - Yeah.
-什么? -没错
From the Rawboned guys, for the funeral.
从Rawboned那群人那拿的 葬礼的钱
We were gonna get a fire rig for the casket
我们本来准备给棺材配一套火焰设备
to make it look like I was literally coming up from hell,
这能让我看起来像从地狱里归来一样
but couldn't get it shipped out in time.
但它没能按时运来
- Wait. Are you serious right now?
等等 你现在是认真的?
- This is fake, right? This is for a video.
这也假的吧 是吗? 也是为了拍视频
- Fuck no, it's not for a video.
去他妈的假的 这不是在拍视频
伙计们 就在上周 我...我还以为我就要死了
Guys, last week, I-- I thought I was gonna die.
I mean, I was on that table.
我是说 我都只剩最后口气了
All I could think about was my son, you know?
我那时候满脑子想到的都是我儿子 你明白吗?
And just how much I--
我是多么...
I didn't want Corby to grow up to be like me.
我不想科比长大后和我一样
I've walked this Earth for 42 years.
我来到世上42年了
I can't think of a single person whose life is better
我想象不出有谁因为遇到我
because they met me.
而使生活变得更好
This is my chance to make that right.
这是我纠正错误的机会
- I, uh... [laughs]
我...
I don't know what to say.
我也不知道该怎么说
Thank you doesn't seem like enough.
光说谢谢很难表达我现在的感受
- Thank you is all I need.
有你一句谢就足够了
Fucking love you, man.
认识你太好了 兄弟
- Love you, brother.
我也是 兄弟
- Definitely gonna need to go again.
绝对要再来一次
- What?
什么?
- I said we're definitely gonna need to go again.
我是说我们必须得再来一次
Guys, I want you to bring it in a little closer.
伙计们 我要你们在靠近一点
Okay? Get the intimacy here.
明白吗? 再亲近一点
Okay, hey, I need the envelope back.
好了 嘿 我得把信封拿回来
- I thought you said this wasn't a video.
我记得你说这不是要拍视频
- Of course it's for a video. Okay?
当然是要拍视频 好吗?
I mean, I meant everything I said,
我是说 我说的都是真心话
and of course you can keep the money,
你们最后可以把钱留下
but I gotta do numbers on this one
但我也得计算下成本
'cause, you know, I'm losing a lot of cash.
因为 你懂的 我拿了这一大笔钱出来
And hey, not just a thank you. You know, like, come on.
然后 当然不止要谢谢这么简单 你懂的 来吧 就比如说
I need you, like, crazy and yelling, screaming.
我要你 这样疯狂的大喊大叫
You know, maybe somebody throws up.
你懂的 还有些人可能会吐出来
- I can start sobbing on demand.
我随时随地都能哭出来
- I can scream real loud. - Let do it.
-我可以叫喊的非常非常大声 -那我们开始吧
Boom! - What?
-嘭! -什么?
- Oh, my God! Oh, my God! - This is crazy!
-哦 我的天! 哦 我的天啊! -这太疯狂了!
- Oh, my God! - This is crazy!
-哦 我的天! -这太疯狂了!
- I don't know how to thank you enough!
我都不知道要怎么感谢你!
I wanna thank Rawboned.com.
我要感谢Rawboned.com
Thank you so much.
实在太感谢了
- Oh! - Oh, my God.
-哦! -哦 我的天啊
- Oh, my God.
哦 我的天啊
both: Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
哦 我的天啊 哦 我的天啊
Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
哦 我的天啊 哦 我的天啊
Holy shit!
太棒了!
- Craig! - Jillian!
-克雷格! -吉莉安!
- The bank. We gotta go to the bank right now.
去银行 我们要马上去银行
- I think they might have closed early
我想他们可能因为暴风雨
because of the storm.
提前关门了
- I will deposit this in the ATM
如果有必要 我可以用ATM
120 at a time if I have to.
一次存120美元
Come on, come on, come on.
快点快点快点
Hey.
嘿
I know this isn't happening 'cause of Brock or Condom Carl
我知道能有这一切不是因为布洛克或者安全套卡尔
or Rawboned.com or any of that.
或者Rawboned.com还是其他什么
This is happening 'cause of you, Jillian Glopp.
这一切都是因为你 吉莉安.格罗普
You found the eggs. You...
你找到了蛇蛋 你...
You saved me.
你拯救了我
We should deposit this in your account.
我们要把这钱存到你的账户里
You should have control over it.
你有权控制这笔钱
- Cool. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
酷 是啊是啊是啊
But it should probably go in your account since I'm not sure
但是还是放在你账户里吧 我不确定我能不能
I'm gonna be able to partner with you on the farm.
和你合伙开农场了
- What? What you talking about?
什么? 你这么说什么意思?
- I might lose my green card
我可能会失去我的绿卡
and get deported in a couple weeks.
并在几周内被驱逐出境
- Jillian?
吉莉安?
- It's because I stole Silas' pill bottle,
因为我投了塞拉的药瓶
which was a drug-related offense.
而这涉及毒品犯罪
- Do you have a lawyer? What's your lawyer say?
你有没有找律师? 你的律师怎么说?
- Yep. She says she can take care of this no problem.
找了 她说她能搞定 这不成问题
- Okay, great. That's great. Very great.
很好 太好了 非常好
- Except I can't afford her. - [sighs]
除了我雇不起她
- But don't worry. I'm gonna represent myself.
但不用担心 我会代表自己辩护
To prepare, I've been watching a lot of that show "Suits"
为了准备辩护 我把车停在别人房子前
through the window of a house I park my car in front of.
透过窗户看了很多集"金装律师"
”Suits“金装律师，2011起开播的美国热门律政剧，共九季
I can't hear the dialogue,
我听不见对话
but I've picked up some very powerful hand gestures.
但我学会了一些强而有力的手势
I am pointing. I am pointing.
我点 我再点
Now I am crossing my arms.
然后我双手环抱
- Jesus. Why didn't you tell me?
老天啊 你怎么不告诉我?
- You've been busy. And I don't know.
你已经很忙了 而且我也说不清
Maybe I'll be happier. I mean, I live in a billboard.
也许我会更快乐 我是说 我都住广告牌里了
How much worse can my life get?
我的生活还能更坏到哪里去?
At least in Australia, they have free health care.
至少在澳洲 他们有免费医疗
- But you wanna stay, right?
但你想要留下来 对吗?
- I mean,
我的意思是
it was my father's dream to make it in America.
这是我父亲在美国的梦想
And being here and trying to follow in his footsteps,
我来到这里 并且努力追随他的脚步
it's really the only thing that lets me still feel
这真的是唯一还能让我觉得
connected to him,
和他联系在一起的事
or connected to anything.
或者和其他什么联系在一起
Without that,
除了这个
I really think I'd just be floating in space.
我真的觉得自己的内心一片空虚
- Damn.
见鬼
- No.
不行
- Yeah. This is more important.
收下 这事更重要
- I can't. - Yes, you can, Jillian.
-我不能收 -你该得的 吉莉安
Okay? It's yours.
明白吗? 这是你的
Take it, pay the lawyer, and come to Camille's after.
拿着 付律师费 然后来卡密尔家
I'm not letting you ride out a hurricane in a billboard.
我不会在飓风来的时候让你在广告牌里过夜的
You okay? What are you doing?
你没事吧? 你这是在干什么?
- I'm trying to give you a hug, but the seatbelt's locked up.
我想要给你个拥抱 但安全带锁住了
It'll release in a second.
一会儿就好了
- You know, you can just unbuckle it.
你知道你可以松开它吧
- Oh, right. [seatbelt clicks]
哦 对哦
- Man, that shit is foolish.
伙计 这他妈的太蠢了
- She's a friend, plus it's her money, Zay.
她是我朋友 而且这本就是她的钱 扎伊
- I mean, dude handed the envelope to you.
我是说 那哥们的信封是给你的
That's your problem.
那就是你的了
You're always trying to look out for everybody else.
你总是在为别人着想
You know, what you even doing here
你知道吗 你来这帮我
helping me put up plywood, anyway?
钉木板是为了什么对吧?
- You called and asked me to come.
是你打电话让我来的
- Yeah, well, it's fucked up that you said yes.
是啊 没错 你他妈竟然答应了
I mean, don't get me wrong. [drill whirs]
我是说 别误会我的意思
I love that your dumb ass is the way it is.
我喜欢你这蠢驴脾气
but ain't nothing in this for you.
但这样对你没好处
You know I ordered delivery
你知道我点了外卖
and didn't even ask you if you wanted anything?
却甚至没问你要点什么吗?
- What kind of delivery? - Islas Canarias.
-什么外卖? -加那利群岛
加那利群岛餐厅是一家位于迈阿密的较为有名的家族餐厅， 已经为有30多年历史了。它专门提供拉丁风味的菜肴。
- What?
什么?
- While you was working, I got croquetas.
你还在干活的时候 我点了丸子
- Damn! - Mm-hmm.
-该死的! -嗯哼
- Doing the right thing is never a mistake.
做正确的事不是什么错误
I believe in karma. - Karma.
-我相信因果循环 -因果循环
- All I know is the one time I was gonna break the rules,
我只知道我有一次打算打破底线
the one time,
就一次
the fucking putt putt immediately went up in flames.
那个他妈的推杆场就那么一下子起火了
Lake on fire and everything. Bible shit.
一片火海 所有东西都烧着了 真是有鬼了
So if that's not the universe sending me a message,
所以这不是老天向我给出了警示
what is it?
又是什么呢?
- Just a random fucking event, Craig.
这只是他妈的随机事件 克雷格
I mean, thousands of folks
我的意思是 成千上万人
gonna lose they homes in this hurricane.
会在这场飓风里失去他们的家园
You think they did anything to deserve this shit?
你觉得他们是罪有应得吗?
- No. - What about every other person
-没有 -那其他那些参加了
who entered the python challenge and didn't win?
爬虫竞赛却没有获胜的人呢?
Are they bad people? - No.
-他们是坏人吗? -不是
- What about Nemo's mom in "Finding Nemo"?
那"海底总动员"里尼莫的妈妈呢?
You think she got what was coming to her?
你觉得她是自作自受?
- We don't know what Nemo's mom did before the movie started.
我们不知道尼莫的妈妈在电影开始前做了什么
We don't know how she was.
我们也不知道她为人怎样
- If that's what you got to tell yourself.
你开心就好
- Nemo's mom was a computer fish.
尼莫的妈妈是电脑合成的
What are we even talking about?
我们到底在讨论什么玩意?
- Why you think the pythons take over, hm?
为什么你觉得蟒蛇会在这泛滥 嗯?
It's because they-- they're good,
因为它们...它们很厉害
or it's God's will,
或者这是上帝的旨意
or it's because they big and they mean,
又或者是因为它们大而凶狠
and they don't give a fuck about anyone else?
而且根本不在于其他人？
- I think there are complex biological factors at play--
我觉得这里边又复杂的生物学因素在...
- It's because they don't give a fuck about anyone.
是因为它们根本不在乎任何人
That's who wins. That's how the world works.
这就是赢家 世界就是这么运作的
- That's not how the world works.
世界才不是这样的
The world is not all snakes.
世界上并不都是蛇
- Yes. Yes, it is.
是的 全都是
Ain't nothing but snakes all the way down.
除了蛇别无其它
- Or maybe that's just something you made up
又或者这都是你编出来的
so you can have an excuse to act like a selfish asshole.
这样你就有借口像那些自私的混球一样行事了
At the end of the day, I have Nessa.
说到底 我还有妮莎
I have Camille. I have Jillian.
我还有卡密尔 我还有吉莉安
None of them are snakes, by the way.
顺便说一下 她们都不是像蛇一样的人
But who do you have? Let's play a little game.
但你有谁? 让我们来玩个小游戏
Who does Isaiah have on his squad?
谁和以赛亚是一边的?
Uh, Dame? Rodney Lamonca?
额 达姆？ 罗德尼.拉蒙卡?
You have nobody. [thunder booms]
你一无所有
You all alone out here, Isaiah.
你孤孤单单的住在这 以赛亚
So please don't tell me about your grand theory
所以请不要和我说你关于
of how the world works because--
世界如何运作的伟大理论了 因为...
- Camille's moving, you know. To Oakland.
卡密尔要搬家了 你知道的 去奥克兰
- What?
什么?
- She's taking Vanessa.
她还要带走妮莎
- [scoffs] No, she's not. That's bullshit.
不 她不会的 你在放什么屁
- She texted me because my boy Drew ships cars
她发信息给我了 因为我兄弟德鲁
all across the country and she wanted his number.
向全国拖运汽车 她想要他的号码
I promised her that I wouldn't say anything to you,
我向她保证我不会向你透露一个字
but then it really helped me win this argument.
但这是我赢得这场争论的最好助力
- What the fuck?
这他妈什么情况?
你要搬去奥克兰了?
见鬼!
以赛亚还是告诉你了
他想赢某场争论 对吧?
- I don't understand what's happening.
我不明白到底发生了什么
我已经投简历有一段时间了 一直没有回音
但这次有家非营利性机构接纳了我
- We already went through this two weeks ago,
我们两周前已经讨论过这个事了
with dumbfuck Marco and dumbfuck Columbus, Ohio.
和傻逼马可还有傻逼俄亥俄哥伦布
Remember? You chose me over him.
记得吗? 你选了我而不是他
我也没选你
我只是不想要去俄亥俄 因为那里没有任何吸引我的地方
我气的的是马可一点都不愿听下我的想法 就像你现在做的一样
- So you want to move to California?
所以你就想要搬去加利福尼亚?
这是很大的提升
- You wanna take my daughter 14,000 miles away from me?
你想把我女儿带到离我1万4千英里员的地方去?
Or a thousand miles, or--
或者一千英里 或者...
I don't know the distance. How far is Oakland?
我也不知道是多少 奥克兰离这多远?
我只是想要能给妮莎更好的生活
- A good life involves her dad.
好生活得有她爸爸在身边
I can help you.
我可以帮你
克雷格 你是个梦想家 我很喜欢你这点
但你所作的都一事无成
- That's not true.
不是这样的
我不是想要伤害你 我只是要面对现实
你没有赢得猎蛇大赛
也就没有什么锯棕榈农场了
- Yes, there is. I almost had it today.
没错 就是这个 我今天差点就拿到奖金了
差点?
- I promise you. I can do this.
我向你保证 我能做到的
克雷格...
- I can fucking do this!
我他妈能做到的!
- Dad?
爸爸?
- It's okay, baby.
没事的 宝贝
It's just the power.
就是停电了
到这来 我给你去点蜡烛
- I gave the money to the lawyer.
我把钱给律师了
They were closed, but they sent someone
他们关门了 但还是派了个人
through the storm to take my deposit.
顶风冒雨来拿我的订金
Lawyers love money. "Suits" was right.
律师都爱钱 "金装律师"是对的
- Yeah, okay. Good.
是啊 好吧 很好
- Are you okay?
你没事吧?
- I'm fine.
我没事
Can I borrow your car?
我能借你的车用下吗?
- Right now? Why?
现在? 为什么?
- 'Cause.
因为
I'm going snake hunting.
我要去猎蛇
- I mean, you said that very dramatically,
我想说 你这话很戏剧性
and it was definitely cool,
而且绝对很酷
but there's a hurricane right now.
但飓风就要来了
I really don't think you should be going out there.
我真觉得你不应该在这时候外出去那里
Craig!
克雷格!
If you're going, I'm going.
如果你要去的话 我也去
- It's okay. You don't have to.
没事的 你没有必要跟去
- Craig, we're partners.
克雷格 我们是搭档
Now, as someone who's often winging it,
现在 作为一个放飞自我的人
I find the lack of forethought here exhilarating.
我觉得这种突发奇想的主意让我兴奋起来了
But also, what is the plan?
但话说回来 你到底怎么想的?
- We're at fifth place, 25 feet of snake out of first.
我们现在排第五 离第一有25英尺（约8米）差距
The six eggs from the grack sack gets us 12,
袋子里剩下的6个蛋我们可以折算12尺
so we just need to find a 13 footer before the contest ends.
所以我们只需要在比赛结束前找到一条13英尺长的蛇
- Right. That makes sense.
没错 说的有理
Smart.
聪明
The only tiny little problem I see
但我觉得这里边有个小问题
is the life-threatening winds and rain.
就是这致命的大风大雨
- It's actually great because it means
这其实是件好事 我的意思是
nobody else will be out hunting in this weather.
没有其他人会在这种天气里狩猎
- Right. Totally.
完全正确
This is great.
太棒了
[screams] Craig, slow down! - Oh, it's fuckin'--
-克雷格 开慢点! -哦 真他妈...
- Look out! [screams]
小心!
The billboard keeps catching the wind.
广告牌被风吹受力很大
It's gonna pull us off the road.
它会把我们拖出路面的
- I mean,
我想说
I guess we could always just turn around and go home.
我觉得我们可以掉头回家
- We're not turning around!
我们不能回头!
This is gonna work out.
我们会成功的
The universe will provide. I promise.
老天爷会保佑我们的 我保证
Fuck it. I'm going out there.
他妈的 我要出去了
- Oh, my God!
哦 我的天啊!
This is crazy! It's pitch black!
这太疯狂了! 什么也看不见啊!
We're never gonna find anything out here!
我们在这边什么都找不到!
- We'll find something, Jillian!
我们会找到的 吉莉安!
We have to!
我们必须找到!
- I can't see anything! Can you see anything?
我什么都看不见! 你能看到什么吗?
It's so fucking dark, Craig!
克雷格 这他妈太黑了!
Well, we gave it a go, and that's what matters!
好吧 我们试过了 这才是最重要的!
We can probably go home now!
我们现在也许应该回去了！
Oh, my God!
哦 我的天啊!
There's nothing out here!
这里什么都没有!
Craig, I wanna believe in you,
克雷格 我想相信你
but I don't think the universe is gonna send us a--
但我不相信老天爷会给我们送来一条...
oh, shit.
哦 见鬼
Is that the snake that ate Noah?
那是吃了诺亚的那条蛇吗?
- Yep, that's him.
没错 就是他
What you think?
你觉得怎样?
16 footer?
有16英尺吗?
- You don't have to do this. What about Isaiah?
你不必这么做 以赛亚怎么办?
- Nothing but snakes, all the way down.
除了蛇 现在顾不了其它了
两天后
- What is this?
这是什么?
- That, my friend, is $20,000.
我的朋友 这是2万美金
- Zay, it's me. Listen.
扎伊 是我 听着
- You gonna want to run.
你得马上逃跑