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诺拉真体贴 把我东西全放在仓库里 So thoughtful of Nora to put all my stuff into storage.
给你10英镑全部卖给我 Give you ten quid for all of it.
里面不可能有什么值钱的东西 There's not going to be anything expensive inside to flip.
100英镑 我的最高价 100 and that's my best offer.
卡什 Kash.
300英镑 300?
好吧 来看看里面都有啥 AII right. Let's find out what kind of man I was.
我出400 400.
天哪 卡什 Oh, my God, Kash.
怎么 这些很贵的 What? They're expensive.
我觉得二手价格没那么高 I don't think the resale value's very high.
69号仓库 屌啊 And unit 69. Nice.
等等 我们是65号 Wait, we're unit 65.
抱歉 65号在这边 Oh, sorry. Unit 65's this way.
不知道这是谁的 Wonder who does own it.
生日快乐 罗伯 "Happy birthday, Rob.
你的好兄弟 克里斯 Your best mate always, Chris. "
我有过好兄弟 I had a best mate.
谁寄的 Who's sending us post?
诺拉邀请我们去她的新书发行会 Nora's invited us to her book launch.
她真好 我不知道那是什么活动 That's so nice of her. Wow. I mean, I- I have no idea what that is,
不过 but, um, wow!
天哪 她人真好 对吧 Gosh, she's great, isn't she?
是的 有时候有些人可能表面上看起来很不错 Yeah, well. Sometimes people may seem nice on the outside,
其实内心深处阴暗 肮脏 所以 but in the inside they're a churning hot tub of venom and shit, so...
我看人一向很准的 I'm a pretty good judge of character when it comes to people.
像是动物本能 It's like animal instinct, so...
是吗 你觉得这个男人怎么样 Really? What do you think of this man?
笑得慈祥 应该是个好人 Nice smile. He seems like a good lad.
那是奥萨马·本拉登 That's Osama bin Laden.
你是说诺拉跟本拉登一样吗 So, you're saying Nora's like Osama bin Laden.
当然不是 我只是说 她可能没有表面上那么好 No, no, no, no. Ijust- - She may not be as nice as she seems.
诺拉 Nora?
不好的人我干嘛要娶她 想想吧 珍 Why would I marry someone who isn't nice? Think about it, Jen.
我跟她说那天晚上我们没空 I'll tell her we're busy that night,
不不不 我们必须去 说不定我的好兄弟在呢 Oh, no, no, no, no. We have to go. My best mate might be there.
克里斯 我想他了 珍 Chris. I long for him, Jen.
好吧 Okay.
谁的着装要求是穿米色 Whose dress code is beige?
你我一起打发时间 你我一起 ♪Let's pass the time Me and you, you and me ♪
你我一起打发时间 只有你我 ♪ Let's pass the time Just you and me ♪
再也没有两人像我们一样的友谊 ♪There's never ever been two friends Quite like we ♪
你我一起打发时间 只有你我 ♪Let's pass the time Just you and me ♪
你是我最好的朋友 ♪`You're my best friend ♪
我也是你最好的朋友 ♪ And I'm yours too ♪
抱歉 Sorry.
只剩一个了 Oh, there's only one left.
你拿吧 Uh, you have it.
真的 Absolutely.
不行 No, I- I couldn't.
你拿吧 我请 I insist. My treat.
真的是感激不尽 I'm really grateful that you let me have it
-因为我不能摄入咖啡因 -不能碰 because I can't have caffeine...- It's an absolute no- no.
-因为我有肠易激综合征 -因为我的肠易激综合征 ...because I have IBS. - Cause of my IBS.
找到你了 你会弹贝斯吗 - Found you. Can you play bass?
教皇是穿着人皮的蜥蜴人吗 Is the pope a lizard wearing human skin?
我知道他不是 我只是心血来潮 I know he's not. I'm just being whimsical.
希望是个新方案 Oh, I hope it's a new scheme.
-他可以 -耶 ·He can do it. - Yes!
-你知道音调对吧 -知道 - You know the notes, right? - Got them.
好 Yeah.
-好吧 -你应该把2003到2005年的 All right- - You're supposed to be digitising
唱片数字化 case records from 2003 to 2005
对 与其做那个 Okay, but what if, instead of doing that,
我开发了一个东西能让公司利润一夜之间涨两倍 I develop something that will triple the company's profits overnight?
天 好厉害 怎么做 - Oh, my God. That is amazing. How? -
原创来电等待音乐 Original hold music.
克拉克 Clarks!
1 2 3 4 A one, two, three, four.
我们现在不能来接电话 ♪We can't come to the phone right now ♪
你可能会问原因 我来告诉你们 ♪You might ask why Well, I'll tell you why ♪
原因数不胜数 比如我们在乡下 ♪There's a million reasons Like we're out of town ♪
正在打电话 或者正在拉粑粑 ♪Or we're on a call Maybe we're having a poo ♪
也可能正好遇到有人开枪 ♪ Or an active shooter situation ♪
他把我们关在厨房当人质 ♪And he's holding us hostage In the kitchen ♪
苏珊在哭泣 她有三个娃 ♪Susan's crying, she's got three kids ♪
有人在争抢手枪 ♪There's a struggle for the gun ♪
突然手枪走火 持枪人中枪倒地 ♪But then it goes off And the gunman goes down ♪
可是理查德也腹部中枪 ♪But Richard's been hit in the gut ♪
地上好多血迹 不过他挺了过来 ♪And then there's so much blood But he makes it through ♪
我们都要历经创伤 ♪We're all bonded through our trauma ♪
或者主持慈善晨间咖啡 ♪Or hosting a charity coffee morning ♪
噢耶 ♪`Oh, yeah ♪
目前只创作了这么多 Well, it's all we got so far.
这 It's.
你不喜欢 You hate it.
我就知道 I knew it.
太糟糕了 It's terrible.
天哪 都是这该死的办公室 这朝九晚五的生活 God! It's this office. This soul- sucking nine- to- five.
扼杀了我的创造力 嘉莉 I'm creatively stifled here, Carrie.
我必须表达自己的心声 Now, I need to express myself,
可是却把灵魂卖来做这些毫无意义的工作 but I'm selling my soul completing these mindless tasks.
为了啥 就为了一周区区1500英镑 And for what? A measly £1, 500 a week.
卡什 那是一个月的薪水 Kash, that is for the whole month.
-一个月 -是一个月的 - Amonth. - It's a month. Yeah.
那么 Well, then,
看来下午要请假去把这些音乐会级别的乐器还了 I guess I need the afternoon off to return a dozen concert- grade instruments.
克拉克们 跟我一起 Clarks! With me.
我想开始新恋情了 可是卡什总是阴魂不散 I want to start dating again, but Kash is always just there.
我不想在他面前跟别人约会 感觉有点太快了 I feel bad coming onto someone in front of him. It's a bit soon.
不如你来参加诺拉的新书发布会 Why don't you come to Nora's stupid book launch?
-应该有大堆的单身狗 -太好了 Should be loads of stupid bachelors. - That's perfect.
我可以随便找人撩 I can flirt in total anonymity.
我都想看你撩人的样子了 超可爱 Oh, I've missed watching you flirt. It's adorable.
别这么说 Don't say that.
我可不想可爱 I don't want to be adorable.
我想要 I want to be.
嘉莉 你突然惊慌 Carrie, you instantly panic
然后问他们一些具体的假设性问题 and start asking them elaborate hypothetical questions.
万一只有女生上钩了呢 What if I just get the ladies out?
嗯 那也行 Yeah, that would work.
不过你只能穿半色衣服去 You'll have to wear beige though.
我没有米色系衣服 我他妈又不走法棍面包风 I don't have anything beige because my style icon isn't a fucking baguette.
天哪 我讨厌她 Oh, God. I hate her.
你干嘛不直接告诉吉兹诺拉的真实面目 Why don't you just tell Jizz what Nora's actually like?
他简直被她迷得五迷三道的 He totally buys her butter wouldn't melt routine.
必须让他自己看到 亲眼看看她是哪种人 He needs to see it for himself. He needs to see her real side come out.
不如我来刺激一下她 What if I goad it out of her?
让她展示出令人讨厌的嘴脸 Push all her little bitch buttons.
-你不会的 -我会 ·You wouldn't. - I would.
我就知道你会 我是故意这么说的 I knew you would. I was just saying that for effect.
我要给她点好看 I'm going to be a little fucking nightmare.
-你们有在宾客名单上吗 -在 Are you on the guest list? - We're on there.
感觉内心反叛 ♪I'm feeling like a riot ♪
如果治标不治本 那就只有见真招 ♪If it's a cure to the cause, Then we have to get violent ♪
我不喜欢煽风点火 ♪ I'm not into starting fires ♪
谁划了火柴 打破了永恒的宁静 ♪Whoever sparked the match Broke perpetual silence ♪
电闪雷鸣 ♪Thunder and lightning ♪
聆听亡灵合唱团的咆哮依然继续 ♪Hear the sound of the dead choir's roar Still fighting ♪
不 我无所畏惧 ♪And no, I'm not frightened ♪
珍 罗伯 你们能来真是太好了 Jen, Rob, so glad you could make it! -
这种场合我和吉兹洛德怎么会错过 Me and Jizzlord wouldn't miss it for the world.
克里斯在哪儿 Where's Chris?
哦 我看错了着装要求了吗 Oh, did I misread the dress code?
天哪 希望你千万千万不要生气 Oh, God. I hope you're not really, really, really annoyed. Are you?
完全没有 你这身让人耳目一新 Not at all. It's refreshing.
你看起来就像打扮成少女妓女的帕特·布彻在河间岛拉客 You look like Pat Butcher shat out the teen whore section of River Island.
罗伯 你这一身真好看 Rob, you look very smart.
-肯定会和大家打成一片的 -克里斯在哪儿呢 - You're going to fit right in. - Chris. Is he here?
-希望他在这里 -这本书是讲啥来着 Oh, I hope he's here. - So, what is this book about then?
是关于走出可怜的自我这种心态 It's about getting out of the"poor me" mentality
积极生活的故事 and just filling your life with positivity.
我们每人每天都是24小时 Now, we all have the same 24 hours in a day.
哇 18.99英镑 真贵 Ooh, £18. 99. That's my girl.
绝望的人只要认为这鸡汤能治愈他们 天价他们都愿意花 Desperate people will pay out the nose for any old trash they think will fix them.
为了让你有超能力 你给超能诊所那家伙的钱比这多多了 Yeah, I mean you're paying way more for that guy at The Clinic to get you a power.
你没有超能力吗 You don't have a power?
现在侮辱你可就不好玩了 像是仇恨犯罪 Oh, it's not fun insulting you now. Feels like a hate crime.
-真的没什么大不了 -你太励志了 真的 - It's really not a big deal. - You're so inspiring. Really.
你一定过得很艰难 Must be so hard for you.
不管怎么样 事实上 你非常自信 The fact that you're so confident, despite everything.
哦 别哭啊 Aw, oh, no. Don't cry.
你太善良了 还为珍考虑 Oh, you're so sweet worrying about Jen. -
-太惨了 知道吗 -是有一点儿惨 It's just so tragic, you know. - It is tragic. A bit. Yeah, it is.
-抱抱就好了 -好 ·Aw, always so good at cuddles. - Okay.
在丧尸大末日 你会用宜家的哪个区域作为防御基地 What section of IKEA would you use as a defensive base in a zombie apocalypse?
你来这里干嘛 What are you doing here?
我陷入了创作瓶颈 I'm in a creative rut.
需要新体验来激发灵感 I need to fill the well with new experiences
-如果我还要创作音乐剧的话 -你啥时候开始写音乐剧了 － if I'm ever going to write my musical. - Since when are you writing a musical?
我找不到乐器的收据了 Well, I couldn't find the receipts for the instruments.
我必须把这钱挣回来 不然只能再打一份工了 I've got to make my money back, or I'll have to get another job.
你干嘛不直接卖了它们 Why don't you just sell them?
我已经把灵魂卖给了公司 I'm already selling my soul to the Man.
我需要个项目 不然就完蛋了 I need a project, or I'll wither.
那么 Well- -
-你今晚一直都要在这里吗 -对 我需要寻找灵感 ·Are you going to be here all night? - Yeah. I need to find inspiration.
我需要找个灵感 I need to find a muse.
现在我已经亏了4千镑了 嘉莉 我这次必须成功 Now, I'm 4k in the hole, Carrie. It needs to be a hit.
戴眼镜的男人走过 ♪ Man with glasses walking past ♪
是的 你有故事吗 ♪Yes, you Have you got a story? ♪
别跑 Don't run!
真是浪费 What a waste.
克里斯 Chris.
克里斯 Chris!
-罗伯 -克里斯 Rob! - Chris!
朋友 Buddy! -
-耶 -克里斯 Yay! - Chris.
-克里斯 -我们都以为你死了 Chris. - We thought you were dead.
我当时就想 这样真的很罗伯 直接死了 I- I was like, that's such a Rob thing to do, just bloody die.
真的我 That's so mel
诺拉一看到你就给我打电话了 我真是*** Nora called me soon as she saw you. myself.
我的耳朵坏了吗 Are my ears broken?
是啊 她说你得了失忆症什么的 Oh, yeah, she said you- you've got amnesia or something.
-是啊 -噢 我的超能力是屏蔽词 Yeah. - Power of censorship.
来吧 说一句坏话 Come on. Say a bad word.
强奸犯 Rapist.
不 我是指脏话 No, like a swear word.
哦 我不知道什么脏话 Oh, I don't know any swear words.
-没关系 -恋童癖 That's fine. - Paedophile.
-不 那还是个 -对 No, that's still a- - - Right.
头发正常的女孩 ♪ Girl with the normal hair ♪
她需要新头发 ♪ She needs new hair ♪
但是从哪里来呢 ♪But from where? ♪
抢劫假发 ♪Wig heist♪1
我们要去抢假发 我们 ♪Weire going on a wig heist We- - ♪
太蠢了 卡什 Stupid, Kash.
这个不行啊 It's already been done.
钟表男 Clock Man?
-磁铁女孩 -你还在当义警吗 Magnet Girl? - Are you still vigilante- ing?
-在你两次可耻地逃跑之后 -为了爱英勇地放弃 - After you ran away in disgrace twice. - Heroically relinquished power for love?
嗯 呃 不 我不会再那样做了 Yeah- Uh- - No, I'm not doing that anymore.
嗯 我想如果你能拥有爱 放弃梦想是值得的 Well, I guess giving up your dreams is worth it if you have love.
是啊 其实 那之后她就甩了我 Yeah, actually, she, uh, dumped me pretty much immediately after that.
-哦 不 -不 我过得很好 ·Oh, no. - No, I'm doing really well though.
现在你在干什么呢 What are you up to now?
给人递餐具 Silver service.
我拿着不会掉 看 Can't drop it. Look.
哦 不 Oh, no.
四年 那是一段很***长的时间了 Four years. That's a long time, that.
-我们有很多话要聊 -太多了 We got so much to talk about. - So much!
那你又和诺拉复合了吗 Uh, you're- you're back with Nora then?
不 她和我女朋友分享我 No, uh, she shares me with my girlfriend.
你是说你***有两个女朋友吗 like you get two women?
这年头女孩子都喜欢小奶猫***吗 Do girls like tiny now?
我以为好朋友之间会互相支持的 I- I thought friends supported each others' penises.
我只是在跟你开玩笑 开***玩笑的 I'mjust ribbing you, mate. Uh, joshing, taking the.
我们以前经常这么开玩笑 这是感情好的象征 We used to do it all the time. It's a sign of affection.
哦 对 Oh, right.
所以 如果你喜欢某人 你会深深地侮辱他们 So, if you like someone, you deeply insult them.
是的 Yeah.
如果我是你 哪怕就一秒钟 我也会自杀的 If I had to be you even for a second, I'd kill myself.
嗷 这里有人的 - Ouch! Uh, there's someone sitting here. -
好吧 我很抱歉 Oh, well, I- I- I'm so sorry.
不 是我的错 你不能一直隐形着到处跑 No, it's my fault. You can't go around being invisible
还指望别人不会时不时地坐在你身上 and expect people not to sit on you now and again.
你可以隐身吗 You can turn invisible?
就像别人完全看不到你一样 Like no one here can see you.
-是的 -连不请自来的前男友 Yeah. - Not even ex- boyfriends
也看不到吗 who weren't even invited?
这是一个非常具体的例子 但是没错 ·That's a very specific example, but yes. -
这是一种更诚实的认识新朋友的方式 你知道吗 It's just a more honest way to meet new people, you know?
你赤手空拳能杀死的最大动物是什么 What's the biggest animal you could kill with your bare hands?
嗯 什么 Um, what?
不 那是真的 这是我整晚听到的最好笑的事了 No, that's so true. That's the funniest thing I've heard all night.
真好笑 So funny!
看看我找到谁了 嘿 Look who I found. Hey.
珍 我找到他了 Jen! Ifound him!
这是你的女朋友吗 Is this the girlfriend then?
幸会啊 Enchantee.
是的 我就是那个年轻 没有负担 没有孩子的年轻女友 Yes, I am the young, unburdened, child- free, young girlfriend.
那我不客气了 Oh, don't mind if I do.
今晚我可能会晕头晕脑 I might get smashed out of my mind tonight,
因为我早上不用起床 'cause I don't have to get up in the morning.
是吗 诺拉 你早上必须早起吗 Do you, Nora? Do you have to get up in the morning?
我很庆幸我的日程排得很满 I'm very blessed to have a full schedule.
因为我为社会创造了价值 Because I actually add value to society.
让我们像朋友一样一起狂饮吧 Let's binge- drink together, like friends do.
我把我们的啤酒带来了 I brought our beer.
很自觉 太好了 Spontaneity. That's the best bit.
如果我想在周二去俱乐部嗨 我可以直接去 If I want to go clubbing on a Tuesday, I can.
我和吉兹经常出去玩 Me and Jizz, we're out all the time just having loads of fun.
你上次享乐是什么时候 诺拉 When did you last have fun, Nora?
我猜是坐在你男朋友身上的时候吧 On top of your boyfriend, I suppose?
我觉得那东西应该已经过期了 朋友 I think that's maybe out of date, mate.
友谊不会过期 Friendship doesn't go off.
其实我在大学已经好好玩过了 所以 I was actually a lot of fun at university, so...
天啊 我敢打赌你的大学生活应该是很久以前的事儿了 God, I bet your uni days seem like so long ago now.
等我和你一样老的时候 我肯定会有同样的感觉 I'm sure I'll feel the same when I'm as old as you are.
我的皮肤年龄才25岁 My skin age is 25
但是现在 我想干什么都可以 But for now, I can do whatever I want!
干杯 Bottoms upl
珍 你没事吧 Jen, are you okay?
你看起来很苍白 You look pale.
就像干狗屎一样白 Like dry dog shit.
我正在享受人生中最美好的时光 I'm having the time of my life.
我带她去洗手间 I'll take her to the ladies.
你真是个邪恶的天才 珍 You're a real evil genius, Jen.
整个晚上都待在卫生间里呕吐 Spending the rest of the evening in the bathroom puking your guts up
真是惹到我了呢 is really sticking it to me.
-我可不想在卫生间里吐 -你敢 - I'm not gonna get sick in the bathroom. Don't you fucking dare.
-我要吐了 -不要这样 - I'm gonna do it. - Don't do it.
-我要去吐了 -别这样 你这个油腻的*** I'm gonna do it. - Don't you do it, you greasy slut!
珍 你这 Jen, you
可怜的东西 ...poor thing.
你还好吗 Are you okay?
哦 天哪 Oh, dear.
你不生气我吐你书上了吗 你那些恶心的书 Aren't you mad about your books? Your sicky books?
你的健康更重要 Your health is much more important.
别说了 好吗 你不能毁了我今晚的兴致 Stop it, all right? You are not going to ruin this evening for me.
你知道我为这本书花了多少心血吗 Do you know how much work I put into this book?
-哼 谁都能写书 -你就没有写 Pfft, anyone can write a book. - Well, you haven't.
-你怎么知道 -狗不会写书 How do you know? - Um, dogs can't write books.
-我写了一本书 -好吧 那就读一读吧 - I've written a book. - All right. Read it then.
在我们读书环节之后 读一段你的书的节选 After our reading, read an extract of your book.
-我会的 -好 I will. Fine.
-好 -等不及看你什么都不读了 Good. Can't wait for you to read nothing.
等不及看你的讣告了 Can't wait to read your obituary.
你 You- -
天啊 快亲 Oh, my God. Kiss.
加文 问题是 对我来说 我是那种喜欢用凝胶笔的女孩 So, Gavin, the thing is, for me, I'm a gel pen kind of girl.
但我真正想知道的是你喜欢铅笔还是钢笔 But what I really need to know is pencils or pens for you?
铅笔 我喜欢好质量的4B铅笔 Pencils. I love a good 4B.
-真的 不是吧 -嗯 Really? Stop it. - Mm- hmm.
我知道 我知道 我是戏剧之王 I know, I know. I'm a drama queen.
嗯 天呐 Yeah. Oh, man.
嘉莉 Carrie?
-嘉莉 -嗯 Carrie? Hmm?
噢 嗨 对不起 你有点走神了 Oh, hi. Sorry. You spaced out a bit.
就好像你看穿了我 It was like you were looking right through me.
对不起 Sorry.
该死的卡什 真不敢相信他居然在大庭广众之下和她调情 Bloody Kash. I can't believe he's just flirting with her out in the open,
现在我看起来像个完全不合群的精神病 and now I look like a total loner.
我该让加文显形吗 Should I ask Gavin to turn visible?
这很冒险 It's risky.
每次分手都有赢家和输家 Every break- up has a winner and a loser.
这是由一个非常复杂的社会价值等级矩阵决定的 And that is decided by a very complex hierarchical matrix of social values.
所以 你要认真考虑的是 So, what you have to seriously consider is. ...
如果他太丑了怎么办 What if he's an uggo?
珍妮弗·里根 你真的那么肤浅吗 Jennifer Regan. Are you really that shallow?
这世上总得有人肤浅吧 Someone has to be.
你能想象一个人人都和自已内核一样的世界吗 Can you imagine a world where everyone loved who they are on the inside?
-我们都会看起来像坨屎的 -我要冒这个险 - We would all look like shit. - I'm gonna take the risk.
你是个比我更勇敢的女人 You're a braver woman than I.
好吧 没隐形的调情 你能做到的 Okay, visible flirting. You can do this.
好了 来吧 Okay, come on.
专注 写点东西 不要拖延 Focus. Write something. No procrastinating.
我的天啊 都告诉我 怎么样了 Oh, my God! Tell me everything. How's it going?
克里斯是什么样的人 你们又是好朋友了吗 What's Chris like? Are you best mates again?
我觉得我和他相处的方式不对 I don't think I'm mating with him correctly.
一切都感觉不对劲 Everything feels off.
你为什么不试着通过干你俩都喜欢的蠢事和他重新建立联系呢 Why don't you try to reconnect with him over the dumb shit you both love?
比如摔角 男人用爱好来证明彼此交谈的正当性 Like the wrestling. Men use hobbies to justify speaking to each other.
摔角 是的 这说得通 The wrestling. Yeah, that makes sense.
你好聪明我好喜欢 I love your big brain.
快去找他 Go get him.
卡什 帮帮我 Kash, help me.
我要在15分钟内写一本书 I need to write a book in the next 15 minutes.
你的想象力很丰富 给我点建议 You've got a vivid imagination. Give me some ideas.
你是想伤害我吗 Are you trying to hurt me?
他遇到了艺术家危机 我以前见过这种事 He's having an artist crisis. I've seen this before.
我没有灵感 I have no muse.
你为什么不根据我的同人小说改编音乐剧呢 Why don't you base your musical on some of my fan fiction?
你写同人小说吗 You write fan fiction?
对 Uh, yeah.
你是说全是肉的那种吗 Like gross sex fan fiction?
不 有人物发展和主题的 哦不 就是肉 No, there's character development and themes and- - Yeah, no, it's gross.
那会毁了整个晚上的 不是吗 That would really ruin the evening, wouldn't it?
梅根 你希望你的作品在一屋子 Megan, how would you like for your work to be read out
出版行业的专业人士面前被宣读出来吗 to a room full of publishing industry professionals?
是的 但是会员制度最酷的地方在于 Yes, but the cool thing about the membership
它的现金奖励体系 is that it has the best points to cash value
是四大中最好的 rewards system out of any of the Big 4.
我想见见你 I want to see you.
为什么 Why?
只是 呃 你知道的 为了好玩 Just, uh, you know, fun.
只是为了好玩 Just for fun.
是啊 我一直觉得让女孩爱上 Yeah, I always think it's a good idea to let girls
我的个性是个好主意 就是在我 fall in love with my personality before I, um- -
加文 我已经知道你有多么美丽的灵魂了 Gavin, I- I already know what a beautiful soul you have.
好吧 为了你 嘉莉 我会显形 Okay. For you, Carrie. I'll do it for you.
-嗯 好吧 -真的吗 Hmm. AlI right Wow. - Really?
-等等 等等 呃 -呃 什么 Wait, wait. Uh- - Um, what?
-只是 -怎么了 - Just, um- - What's wrong?
要不我们先找个安静点的地方 What if we go somewhere a little quieter first,
你再显形给我看 and you show me there?
天啊 你担心我长得丑 Oh, my God. You're worried I'm ugly.
什么 不是啊 什么不是啊 什么 What? No. What? No. What?
你知道吗 我真的以为你和别人不一样 You know, I really thought you were different.
-我确实不一样 -为什么总是这样 - I am. Why does this always happen?
-不 这真的不是 -我太傻了 No. That's really not- - - I'm so stupid.
请小声点 Please keep your voice down.
我总是上当 I'm always falling for it.
我会孤独终老的 加文不会找到真爱的 I'm gonna die alone. There's no true love for Gavin.
-嘘 好了好了 -因为他太天真了 最重要的是外表 Shh. There, there. - Cause he's naive. It's all about looks!
-好了好了 -嗯 就是这样 Shh. Shh, shh, shh. - Well, that's it.
加文 加文 你没事的 加文 没事 Gavin, Gavin, you're all right, Gavin. You are all right.
-你要崩溃了吗 -不 没事 · You having a breakdown? - Uh, no. It's fine.
你现在可以走了 You can go now.
如果一个女孩问你长什么样 If a girl asks to see what you look like,
-是因为她担心你长得丑吗 -是的 百分之百 - is it because she's worried you're ugly? - Yeah, a hundred per cent.
嗯 我就知道 Yeah, I knew it.
-不 不 其实不是这样的 -你太肤浅了 No, no. That's really not it. - You know, you're shallow.
你和其他人一样自恋 And you're self- obsessed just like everybody else.
-嘿 -我在这里呢 - Hey! I'm over here.
嘿 那女人可是我见过的最不自恋的人 Hey! That woman is the least self- obsessed person I've ever met.
我们在一起的时候 她不得不忍受我所有疯狂的计划 When we were together, she had to put up with all my crazy schemes,
还有我现在才知道是非法的那些 法外打击犯罪的行为 and what I now know to be highly illegal, extra- judicial crime fighting.
我得说 我一直是戏剧的源泉 I mean, I've been a constant source of drama.
哦 我的灵感啊 Oh, my muse!
我找到了我的灵感 I've found my musel
当然是她了 你整晚都在和她调情 Of course, it's her. You have been flirting with her all night.
什么 不 我是说我 What? No, it's me.
我是我自己的没事 I am my own muse.
而且如果我是在调情的话 相信我 你会知道的 Yeah, if I was flirting, believe me, you'd know it.
-噢 -义务警员音乐剧 Oh. Vigilante The Musical.
由卡什·瓦尔玛编剧 制片 导演并主演 Written, produced, directed by and starring Kash Varma.
加文 Well, uh, Gavin?
我们还是可以约会的 加文 We could still go out. Gavin?
我不在乎你长得丑不丑 加文 Uh, I don't care if you're ugly. Gavin?
我想他走了 I think he left.
可怜的家伙 长得那么丑可真不容易 Poor guy. It cannot be easy being so hideously ugly.
-妈 -加文 － Gavin?
-嗯 又是这样 -总有一天你会找到一个女孩 - Yeah, it happened again. - Aw, one day you'll find
她爱你不仅仅是因为你的外表 a girl who will love you for more than just your looks.
我又不是一块肉 I'm not a piece of meat.
我知道 宝贝 I know, pet.
我知道 I know.
-谢谢 妈妈 -再见 亲爱的 Thanks, Mum. - Bye, love.
在那一刻 我意识到 And I realised in that moment,
我们都要为自己的幸福负责 we are all responsible for our own happiness.
你不能把你的失败归咎于任何人 You can t blame anyone else for your failings
不能归咎于老板 父母 失踪的丈夫 ·Not bosses, parents, missing hus...-
天啊 我总不能念这个吧 Oh, Jesus. I don't think I can read this.
有那么多的孔 还有 There's so many orifices and- -
老天 还有怎么用那些孔 God, the things that are happening to them.
记住 这一切都是为了吉兹 Remember, it is all for Jizz.
让他看到诺拉的真面目 He's got to see Nora's true colours.
如果你的目标没有吓到你 那么意味着你的梦想还不够大 If your goals don't scare you, then you're not dreaming big enough.
你每天醒来时都应该思考 You should be waking up every day thinking,
-今天我该如何挑战自己 -准备好了吗 - "How can I challenge myself today? "- Are you ready to rumble?
-因为当你 -什么 Because when you...- What?
准备好了吗 Are you ready to rumble?
我不知道你在干 - I don't know what you're- -
你在干什么 What're you doing?
焦虑不是 一种失调 Anxiety isnlta disorder
这是你的心在告诉你 It's your heart's way of telling you...
拥抱恐惧吧 Embrace the fear.
-我以前会很害怕 -配合我的打击 - I used to be afraid. Co- operate with my smack down!
你感觉到这份火热了吗 ·Do you feel the heat? -
对不起 对不起 Sorry, sorry.
请继续 Continue.
-这是我要求的环节 -我来了 Idemanded jt From the ropes!
我 - I- - -
你为什么要这么做 Why are you doing this?
为了旧时光 摔跤伙伴 Old times! Wrestling buddies. -
放开我 你这个怪人 Get off me, you weirdo!
你明天想出去玩吗 Do you wanna hang out tomorrow?
我想我明天很忙 I think I'm busy tomorrow.
好吧 那再等一天 Okay. Day after then.
我想我还是很忙 I think I'm still busy.
大后天怎么样 How'bout the day after that?
也许我们不该再做最好的朋友了 Maybe we shouldn't be best friends anymore.
嘿 嘿 Hey, hey.
天啊 诺拉 你一定很尴尬吧 Oh, God, Nora. This must be so embarrassing for you.
请告诉他 他把你的重要夜晚毁得多惨 Please do tell him how much he's ruined your big night.
好吗 不要憋着 Yeah? Don't hold back.
一点也没有 他经历了很多 Not at all. He has been through a lot.
他在适应 我会一直支持他 He's adjusting, and I will always support him.
你想现在开始读吗 珍 Um, would you like to do your reading now, Jen?
还是说你是个小骗子 Or are you a tubby little liar?
嗯嗯 马上念 Yes. Yes, I would.
大家好 我是珍·里根 Jen Regan, everyone.
我这篇文叫《盐水之合》 This is called Bonded in Brine.
海浪拍打着阴暗的岩石 "The waves crashed on the sullen rocks.
又在海边度过了一天 Another day by the sea',
灯塔看守人在脑子里咆哮着 growled the lighthouse keeper in his brain.
可是 看哪 那石头上是什么一个男人 还是一条鱼 But, lo! What's that on the rocks? A man? A fish?
不 是个鱼人 No. A fishman. "
很遗憾听说你和克里斯没能重归于好 I'm sorry you and Chris didn't reconnect.
是我的错 我毁了一切 I ruined it. I ruin everything.
我不认为那是你的错 那是 I don't think that was your fault. It's- -
你是什么意思 Hmm. What do you mean?
哦 别理我 没什么 Oh, ignore me. It- It's nothing.
不 告诉我吧 我想融入 No, tell me. I want to fit in.
腰部以上 是个漂亮的男孩 "From the waist up, a beautiful boy.
但腰部以下 是一块覆盖着鳞片的肌肉 But the waist down, a slab of scaly muscle.
一条人鱼 A merman.
啪 Crash!
潮湿而绝望的潮水涌了进来 The wet and desperate tide was rushing in. "
我很感激她收留了你 I'm so grateful for her taking you in.
她很妤地帮你恢复了元气 She did a great job getting you back on your feet.
但也许她不是最好的榜样 But maybe she isn't the best role model.
他唯一能找到的避难所 是一个多岩石的海湾 "The only shelter he could find, a rocky cove.
“一个洞”渔夫想 'A hole', thought the fisherman. "
我是说 看看你周围 I mean, look around you.
到底是谁在惹祸 Who's causing a scene?
当一只湿漉漉的手掌 "The lighthouse keeper groaned
碰到灯塔看守人裸露的前臂时 他呻吟了一声 when a clammy palm touched his exposed forearm. "
你们在一起的时候总是这样吗 Is it always Iike this when you're together?
不 不是 No, no.
我的意思是 其实差不多 I mean, actually, yeah, it kind of is.
但不是每个人都有奇怪的计划 比如去偷狗什么的吗 But isn't everyone getting into weird schemes and stealing dogs?
灯塔看守人看了看他身上的鳞片 "The lighthouse keeper took in his scaly length. "
大多数人只是和他们的家人和朋友过着美好 安静的生活 Most people just have a nice, quiet life with their families and their friends.
没有混乱 不会感觉就像个局外人 No chaos. No feeling like an outsider.
你救了我 ™You saved me.
我该怎么报答你呢 How can I repay you? "
你认为珍是我不能拥有这一切的原因 And you think Jen's the reason I can't have that.
我只能想到一个办法 ™There's only one way I can think of...
我都没这样想过 Oh, I didn't even think about that.
不过这是你需要考虑的 不是吗 It's something to consider, isn't it?
人鱼翻了个身 回到 "The merman flipped onto his briny belly and reached back to"...
**我 波塞冬 me, Poseidon!
把你的鱼***塞进我的*** Stick your filthy fish hole.
用你的卵填满我 我就是你的*** Fill me up with your eggs like the salty I am! "
珍是个坏孩子吗 Is Jen a bad influence?
什么也比不上那咸咸的美人鱼老二的诱惑力 "And nothing ever compared to the allure of that briny fish cockl"
那个屏蔽词男一定是走了 Oh, that guy must have left then.
但是大海得到了它想要的 "But the sea gets what the sea wants.
结束 The end".
哦 珍 你就写的这东西吗 Oh, Jen. Is that all you've got?
太棒了 珍 That was great, Jen.
前卫 有积极的性爱 我很喜欢 Avant- garde, sex- positive. I loved it.
这句话她听不到 但她没有超能力可怜的东西 She can't hear this, but she hasn't got a power, poor thing.
让我们可怜可怜她 为她鼓鼓掌吧 So let's give hera pity clap.
那是浪费时间 That was a waste of time.
真是奇耻大辱 Absolutely mortified.
你随时都可以回家 罗伯 You can always come home, Rob.
加文 Gavin.