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妈咪 Mummy?
现在不行哦 宝贝 Not now, sweetie.
妈咪正在幻想她对手失败的场景 Mummy's visualising the downfall of her enemy.
这些混蛋破杏仁饼 Stupid little bastard almonds.
它们看起来挺好的呀 They look fine to me.
它们必须得完美无缺 They have to be perfect.
诺拉让吉兹洛德看我像个咋乎的妖精 Nora has Jizzlord thinking I'm some sort of chaos goblin,
所以我得在她给她那小屁孩办的蠢得要死的生日派对上 so I have to pretend to be a polite and well- adjusted young lady
装的像个礼貌有教养的年轻女士 at her little fucker's dumb shit birthday party.
那你就确保大家都玩得开心就行了呗 So, you're just gonna make sure everyone has a lovely time then.
是啊 这能狠狠证明给她看了 Yeah. That'll fuckin'show her.
我讨厌又睡在浴缸里了 I hate sleeping in the bath again.
等下 你为啥睡在浴缸里 Wait, why you sleeping in the bath?
真的 她干了 Yes, she did.
-不可能 -真的 她干了 No. - Yes, she did.
我发誓 我发誓 - I swear to you. I swear to you.
-真的 -你肯定在撒谎 Honest. - You're lying.
-他现在还在这儿过夜了 -嘉莉 He's staying the night now? - Carrie.
噢天啊 不不 Oh, God. No, no.
我 我不是那个意思 不是说他竟然还过夜了 真恶心 I- I didn't mean it, like, he's staying the night now. Gross.
为什么会恶心 是因为他们都是男孩儿吗 Why would it be gross? Is it because they're both boys?
不 不不不 这 No. No, no, no. That's, um...
我爱男孩儿们 也爱他们爱的男孩儿 I love boys. And their boys in turn.
我觉得这完全没问题 真的 I'm totally fine with this. Absolutely.
我是说 我和很多同性恋灵魂都沟通过 I mean, ...I channel gay people all the time.
不是说我不能 Not that that means I couldn't be- -
找到把尊重人放第一位的办法 Look, I think we could all self- examine and find ways to prioritise respect.
你俩是同性恋 你们知道怎么做马卡龙吗 You're gays. Do you know how to make macarons?
是的 我还真知道 Yeah. I do, actually.
关键都在于空气 It's all about air.
-你只需要快速搅拌 -好的 Now, you're gonna whisk it up...- Okay.
让它起泡泡 ...get those bubbles going.
真不敢信诺拉居然觉得我拖了你后腿 Can't believe Nora thinks I'm holding you back.
我是个很好的主人 我是说女朋友 我不能再用主人这个词了 I'm a very good owner. I mean, girlfriend. I've gotta stop saying that
我知道 你今天会证明给诺拉看的 I know. And Nora's gonna see that today.
-我有个计划 -哦是吗 I have a plan. - Oh, yeah?
-是的 你知道火 -我们不会这么干的 Yeah. So you know fire- - We're not doing that.
不不不 听着听着 No, no, no. Wait, wait, wait.
-是这样 我把这房子点着 -不行 So, I set the house on fire. - No.
-然后你英勇冲进来灭火 -不行 ...then you swoop in and put it out...No.
然后诺拉就会认可你了 大家就能和睦相处了 then Nora has to accept you, and we can live in harmony.
别在小孩的生日派对上说什么纵火行吗 Please do not set anything on fire at this children's birthday party.
那 这汽油怎么办 So, what am I gonna do with all this petrol?
-我以为这是礼物啊 -正是 所以没人会起一丁点儿疑心的 I thought that was a gift. - Exactly. No one will suspect a thing.
-把这给我 -不 计划会成功的 Give it to me. - No, it'll work.
罗伯 珍 Rob, Jen.
你们能来真好 你已经错过好多次生日派对了 So glad you could make it. You've missed so many of these.
-这是给阿尔菲的吗 -是的 - Is that for Alfie? - Yes.
是汽油 It's petrol
-噢 我喜欢这米色 -你明明讨厌米色 Oh, I love the beige. - You hate beige.
我给你拿了褶皱的纸 发圈 瓶盖 能玩好几个小时了 I got you crinkly paper, hair ties, caps of bottles. Hours of fun.
-我其他的生日派对你都没来 -抱歉 You weren't at my other birthdays. - I'm sorry.
我逃跑了 因为我现在还搞不懂的理由抛弃了你和你妈妈 I ran away, abandoning you and your mother for reasons I still don't understand.
妈咪说你是个间谍 离开是为了拯救世界 Mummy said you were a spy and had to leave to help save the world.
噢 是的 没错 Oh. Right. Yeah.
我都忘了能直接跟小孩撒谎了 是啊 就是因为这个 I forgot you can just lie to children. Yeah, that's what happened.
我其他朋友的生日派对上 都有爸爸在 AlI my other friends had their dads at their birthdays.
让我很难过 It made me sad.
不不不 呃 我现在陪着你了 No, no, no, no. Um, I'm here now,
我哪儿也不会去 我还可以给你再买点礼物 and I'm not going anywhere, and I can get you more gifts.
-你想玩什么 -钱 - What'd you like to play with? - Money.
随机数 随机数 ♪Nonces, nonces ♪
你觉得随机数是唱C大调还是G大调好听 Do you think nonces sounds better in a C or a G?
噢 升F大调 Oh, F- sharp.
你只谈过女孩儿 对吧 You've only ever dated girls, right?
只是 It's just.
下周我要去我朋友的派对 我想让你一起去 I'm going to a friend's party next week, and I want you to come.
但以往每次我和你这样的人开始约会 But in the past when I've started seeing someone like you,
嗯 也不知道他们是否准备好亮相了 well, you don't know if they're ready to make their debut.
不 不想去没关系的 Um...No, it's fine.
我进展太快了 我跳步了 It's too soon. I'm jumping ahead.
冷静点克拉克 你这个疯子 我去买点咖啡吧 Chill out Clark, you bloody maniac. Uh, I'll do a coffee run.
-一杯小拿铁 燕麦小拿铁 -别别别 A piccolo. Oat Piccolo. - No. No, no. No.
别别 ·No, no- -
不 我真的 真的挺喜欢这主意的 只是 No. I really, really like this. I just, um- -
只是我还没法想象这会是什么样的 Well, I guess I can't picture what it looks like yet.
我是说我们俩 一起参加社交活动 要是一切都变了呢 Like us, uh, socially. Like, what if everything's different?
-抱歉 这是个很蠢的理由 我没有 -不 我们不着急的 Sorry. That's a stupid reason. I didn't- - - No, there's no rush.
我们可以先低调点的 We can fly under the radar for a bit.
谢谢 - Thank you.
嗨嗨 Hello
我这是犯LGBTQ+中风了 Am I having an LGBTQ+stroke?
我想让你俩在这间公寓呆的超级超级舒适 I just want you guys to be super, super comfortable in this flat
这里有不同口味的伏特加 小旗子 I got some flavoured vodka, little flags.
我还烤了金·彼特拉斯外形的饼干 I baked some cookies in the shape of Kim Petras.
-迷你咸派 -迷你咸派和同性恋有件么关系 Mini quiches. What's gay about mini quiches?
噢 没关系 我 我只是觉得它们很有意思 Oh, nothing. I- I just think they re fun.
噢 我还有礼花呢 Ooh! I even got some poppers.
呃 这不是 Oh, uh, that's not- -
好吧 谢谢你 嘉莉 Hmm. Okay. Thank you, Carrie.
咋啦 Yas!
噢好 太好了 上来吧 Oh, okay, great. Yeah. Come up.
-谁啊 -你的那帮义警朋友 - Who's that? - Your vigilante friends.
我想着请他们过来庆祝一下 I thought I'd invite them over to celebrate.
你还没告诉他们 你还没告诉他们啊 You haven't told them? You haven't told them.
天啊 超级抱歉 Oh, my God, I'm so sorry.
天啊 把礼花藏起来 Oh, God, hide the poppers!
好了 分级处理 哪些东西看起来最基 Okay, triagel What's gayest?
直的人听什么歌 波尔卡吗 What's straight music? Polka?
手机给我 Give me the phonel
兰道尔立体打印出了一把钥匙 Randall 3D printed a key.
不好意思直接进来了哈 Sorry for barging in.
-噢 你们好 -嗨 Ooh. Hello -Hi.
太酷了 这才是我最爱的嘛 -Oh, sick! This is my jam.
嘿 卡什 最近咋样 Hey, Kash. How are you doing?
你为什么邀请我们来 卡什 So, why exactly are we here, Kash?
是啊 嘉莉说我们都应该过来散发爱的气息 Yeah. Carrie said we should all come over to"radiate love".
说什么关于 呃 蛹和一只美丽的蝴蝶 Something about, uh, a cocoon and a beautiful butterfly.
说的挺含糊的 - It was pretty vague. -
他可能有什么新的可悲的项目 想让我们也参与吧 He's probably got some new pathetic project he wants us to be a part of.
我过来只是想嘲一下的 I only came over here to make fun of it.
没错 Yes.
我在编一部音乐剧 想让你们每个都参演 I am writing a musical, and I want all of you to star in it.
那好 Well then.
我超爱音乐剧 算我一个 I really like musicals, so I'm in.
听上去挺有意思的 It sounds really fun.
噢 我能 我能看下新自行车吗 Oh, can I just- Can I see the new bike?
我能看下铃铛吗 Can I see the bell?
不行 别碰它 No, don't touch itl
噢 克里斯 - - Oh, Chris.
放宽心 Oh, don't worry.
-我不会再和你摔跤了 -好 行 - I'm not going to wrestle you again. Good. Yeah.
-你来这干嘛呢 -噢 ·What are you doing here? - Oh.
我只是来小家伙送点礼物的 没啥 Just dropped off the little soldier his presents. It's nothing big.
只是一辆自行车 一个新平板 It's just a bike, a new tablet,
还有一些储蓄债券 他去上大学可以用上 and some saving bonds when he's off to university.
不错啊 你作为朋友人真好 That's so nice. You're such a good friend.
是啊 嗯 我前几年也时不时来看看他 Yeah, well...Been checking in on him the last few years.
小孩可少不了爸爸 对吧 Kid needs a dad, you know?
有差不多12份半的礼物 It's about 12- and- a- half presents- -
他来啦 Here he is!
生日快乐 宝贝 Hey! Happy birthday, Son.
你回家了真好 爸比 I'm glad you're home, Daddy.
喔 这看起来真不错啊 诺拉 Ooh, what a lovely spread, Nora.
这是玛德琳蛋糕吗 Are those madeleines?
我从泰德利街上一家 Yes. They're from the organic bakery...- Ooh.
有机面包房买的 ...on Titheley Street.
噢 所以不是手作的咯 Oh. Then not home- made?
-不是 但 -只是 呃 No, but- - It's just that, um,
买的那种里面有亚硫酸盐添加 the shop- bought ones have sulphites in them.
有点可惜了 Hmm. It's a shame
我烤了马卡龙 I made macarons.
亲手制作的 Ooh. - They're home- made.
没人想吃你的杏仁鬼蛋糕 No one wants your almond shit- cakes.
好好吃啊 ·Oh! They're amazing. Oh!
好轻盈的口感 Mmm. So airy. Mmm.
-真好吃 -吃上去像獾的屁眼儿一样 · They're delicious. They taste like a badger's arsehole.
抱歉 我感冒了 Sorry. Uh, I have a cold.
所以尝不太出味道了 So my taste is off,
-你这是在千什么 -表示友好而已 What are you doing? - Just being nice.
我喜欢你那样的行事方式 ♪I love it how you do that thing, yeah ♪
向我展示你怎么做的 你怎么做的 ♪Show my how you do that thing How you do that thing ♪
别用胸压我的马卡龙了 Stop titting my macarons.
来呀 Come on.
吼我 让大家都看看 Yell at me. Make a scene.
你做什么都没法惹恼我的 诺拉 There is nothing that you can do that will get under my skin, Nora.
我坚不可摧 I'm impenetrable. - Hmm.
嗯 罗伯好像也这么想 Well, Rob seems to think so.
让它嘣嘣嘣 直到它爆炸 ♪Make it boom, boom, boom Till it pop ♪
我是对的 不是吗 你们俩还是没干那件事吧 对吧 I'm right, aren't I? You still haven't done it, right?
-我和罗伯第一次约会就做爱了 -你俩都没靠近过质吧 Rob and I fucked on the first date. Didn't even make it to the bed.
如果我是你 我会想他是不是真的喜欢我 If I was you, I'd be wondering if he even liked me.
如果你有 你就能得到它 ♪You can get it if you got it ♪
不 你才穷 No! You're poor!
嘿 珍 我知道怎么当一名爸爸了 Hey, Jen! I've cracked the dad thing.
阿尔菲喜欢我 Alfie likes me,
我有这种感觉 要是有人想伤害他 我会用锤子杀了他的 and I've got this feeling that if anyone hurts him, I'll kill them with a hammer.
所以 都解决啦 So, it's all good.
不错啊 我们要做爱 就现在 That's great. We're having sex. Now.
我今天状态很好哟 I'm on a roll today!
这会是个对我们当义警时光的戏剧性重述 It's a dramatic retelling of our time as vigilantes.
所以你得找个人来演英雄 So you need someone to play the hero.
-我心存感激接受了 -不 I graciously accept. No.
我会来演英雄 符合真事很重要 I'll be playing the hero. It's important to stay faithful to the true story.
好吧 那也就是说结局是你逃跑了 Right. So, does that mean it will end with you running away
然后被你女朋友甩了吗 and getting dumped by your girlfriend? -
这 不 That's No
嗯 不 艺术家总会在原来基础上加点个人创作 对吧 Um, well, no, obviously the artist has to take some creative licence, right?
所以 So...
我得走了 伙计们 还有个活儿等着我 I have to shoot off, lads. I've got a gig.
但只要能让我放烟花 也算我一个 But as long as I can do the pyrotechnics, I'm in.
我有一堆塑胶炸药得赶紧消耗掉 I've got a bunch of Semtex I need to shift.
完全没问题 I can't see why that would be a problem.
-回见 -回见 See ya. - See ya.
我演什么 Who would I play?
你来演英雄的爱人 You would play the love interest of the hero.
那必须得让格雷戈来演嘛 Surely Gregor would be playing your love interest.
-啥 为什么 -难道都忘了 What, why? - Uh, are we forgetting
这两人之间的那么明显的性张力火花了吗 about the frankly electric sexual tension between these two?
-得了 典型的敌人成恋人嘛 -什么玩意 Come on. It's classic enemies to lovers. - Excuse me?
梅根 你可以跟我来一下吗 Megan. Could you come with me for a moment?
-为什么 -女孩间的事 Why? - Girl stuff.
是啊 但你说的是哪种类型 男孩 怀孕 有趣的鞋 Yeah, but what kind of girl stuff? Boys, pregnancy, fun shoes,
子宫内膜异位症 宠物 小的 endometriosis, pets, small ones- -
好吧 Okay.
我可以来演爱人的 I could play the love interest.
我们找个空房间就行 Just need a room,
我在拉便便 I'm having a poo!
我知道这是个小孩的生日派对 I know this is a kid's birthday party,
但怎么到处都爬满了小孩啊 but how are there kids literally everywhere?
我要用魔法让这个小孩消失 I will make this child disappear using magic.
不是魔法 Ooh! - It's not magic.
你只是会传送东西 You can just teleport things.
呃 闭嘴 你毁了这气氛了 Uh, shut up. You're ruining it.
他可以传送人诶 He can teleport people.
阿啦吧啦 把你变消失 Alakazoo, be rid of you!
传送到没有小孩的地方 To places without children in them.
呜哩嘛哩 大变活人 Hesto, presto, reappearo.
呃 这 这不是我儿子 Um, that- that's not my child.
汤米去哪里了 Where did Tommy go?
-他是的 -不 他不是 Yeah, it is. - No, it's not.
-我就知道 -他还没准备好公开给所有人 - I knew it. - He's not ready for everyone to know.
他正在说服他们一起参演音乐剧 He's currently convincing them to star in a musical with him.
所以 我不好说你还期望 So, I don't know how much longer you expect
这同性恋的事还能瞒多久 the gay cat to stay in its fruity little bag.
我感觉好对不起他 I feel so bad.
我让他的处境很难堪 I put him in this terrible position.
他肯定不知道怎么办了 I can only imagine how much he must be struggling.
屁眼 ♪ Bumhole ♪
屁眼 屁 屁 屁眼 ♪Bumhole, bum- bum- bumhole ♪
等下 Wait.
我有个好主意 I've got an idea.
嘿 你能让两个成年人消失去个没人的地方吗 Hey. Can you make two adults disappear somewhere private
消失个 我不知道 大概六到九分钟吧 for, I don't know, like, six to nine minutes?
明白了 好 I see. Nice.
快点的 我给你十镑 Ew! Just do it. I'll give you a tenner.
你是凯文对吧 Kevin, is it?
我们聊几句 Let s have a chat.
好安静啊 It's so quiet.
没有小孩 And child- free.
没有嘉莉 And Carrie- free.
没有卡什 And Kash- free.
解决这事儿是我的责任 It's my responsibility to fix this.
你们在走廊里偷偷摸摸的干嘛 Why are you skulking in the hallway?
我们得说服那些家伙卡什绝对是直的 We have to convince the guys that Kash is totally straight.
我可以说他指交了我 会有帮助吗 I could say that he fingered me. Would that help?
-没有 -但我们可以让他们产生点误解 No. But we could throw them off the scent.
跟他们说我俩在约会 Say that we're dating.
可以 太好了 Yeah. Yes.
复制克拉克 你真是个天才 Duplicate Clark, you are a genius.
我还是会说的 又不会怎么样 I'll say it anyway. Can't hurt.
屁眼 屁眼 ♪Bumhole, bumhole ♪
屁眼 屁眼 屁眼 屁眼 ♪ Bumhole, bumhole Bumhole, bumhole ♪
屁眼 屁眼 ♪Bumhole, bumhole ♪
我知道你们都注意到了我们之间难以忍受的性张力 I know you've all noticed the unbearable tension between us.
是的 没错 And yes, mm- hmm.
传闻是真的 克拉克是我的男朋友 The rumours are true. Clark is my boyfriend.
不不不 挺好的 Oh, no, no, no. It's fine. Hmm.
我已经告诉他们了 他们很淡定 I told them already. They're chill.
出柜之后我们作了一段挺酷的词儿 Mm- hmm. It actually made a really cool preset.
我在和一个男人约会 屁眼 ♪ I'm dating a man Bumhole ♪
男人 屁眼 屁眼 ♪Man Bumhole, bumhole ♪
男人 ♪ Man ♪
我在和一个男人约会 ♪ Bumhole I'm dating a man ♪
我还以为我真的 真的搞砸了 - - I thought I'd really, really messed up.
-你确定你没事吗 -嗯哼 Are you sure that you're okay? Mm- hmm. Yeah.
-你确定你没事吗 -嗯哼 - Are you sure that you're okay? - Mm- hmm. Yeah.
-我俩挺好的 -我也不觉得惊讶 We're good. I'm not really surprised.
我觉得他这算高攀了 但是 I mean, he's punching, but...
好了 咱俩合并吧 Okay. Time to re- merge.
不 也许我想和嘉莉约会 No. Maybe I want to date Carrie.
-啊 -什么 Huh? What?
-啊 -什么 Huh? ·What?
我从来都没说过 但嘉莉给了我一个绝佳的机会 I've never said anything, but Carrie's given me the perfect opportunity.
我是直的 I'm straight.
卡什指交过我 Kash fingered me.
真不敢相信我们花了这么长时间才在一起 I can't believe it's taken us this long.
终于只剩我们俩了 It's finally just the two of us.
还有爱爱 And sex. -
那张床是哪里来的 Where did that bed come from?
天啊 Oh, my Godl
这怎么可能啊 How could this possibly have happened?
太不合适了 How inappropriatel
我想为珍的行为道歉 I want to apologise for Jen's behaviour.
-那是爸爸吗 爸爸在做什么 -他只是想躺一会儿 - Is that Daddy? What's Daddy doing? - He's just having a little lie- down.
我试了又试 想挽回我们之间的关系 I have tried and tried to make this work,
但我觉得珍已经证明了我们一直在思考的事实 but I think Jen has just proven what we've all been thinking.
我俩不能共存 We can't coexist.
-罗伯 你必须做出选择 -选择什么 Rob, you're gonna have to choose. - Choose what?
看到了吗 See that?
做你该做的 选我和阿尔菲 It's me and Alfie
-或者选珍 -你终于说出来了 我都累了 ...or Jen. Oh, finally. I'm so tired.
-说啊 吉兹 告诉她 -说得好像他还需要考虑似的 - Go on, Jizz. Tell her. - Like he even has to think about it.
我得考虑一下 I have to think about it.
-什么 -什么 What? What?
我不直 I'm not straight.
好吧 也许 你的百万分之一是直的 Well, maybe, one in a million of you is.
他还爱上了嘉莉 And he's in love with Carrie.
天啊 呃 Oh, God. Uh
我该怎么 What do I, uh- -
如果我和你约会 那你就 但那你就算 克拉克 If I date you, then you'll be- But then you'll be s Clark.
抱歉 克拉克们 对不起 So sorry. Clarks. Sorry.
卡什 我已经 对不起 对不起 对不起 Kash, oh, uh- And I've already- - Sorry. Sorry. Sorry.
谁来告诉我该怎么做 卡什 怎么做对你来说是最好的 Uh, someone tell me what to do. Kash, what's best for you?
嘉莉 你是我见过最不自私的人 Carrie, you are the least selfish person I've ever met.
-谢谢 -这不是赞美 Thank you. That's not a compliment.
-不是 -哦 No. Oh.
你不能为别人而活 You can't live your life for other people.
你今天所做的一切 I mean, everything you've done today
都是因为你担心别人会怎么想 is'cause you were terrified what someone else was gonna think.
你得更自私一点 Got to be more selfish.
告诉我们嘉莉的感受 Tell us how Carrie feels!
-对这一切的感受 -对 About all of this. Yeah.
你来拿话筒吧 Why don't you take the mic?
用你的声音说话 活出真实 Use your voice. Live your truth.
哦 不 等等 Oh, no, wait- -
别 别闻 Don't- - Don't smell it.
老实说 井 Honestly- -
-哦 -有时候会像这样卡住 Ooh. - Uh, sometimes it gets stuck like that.
无视它就好 Just ignore it.
我们分手了 但我们还住在一起 We broke up, but we still live together.
一起工作 不过我不是 And work together, which I don't- -
我不是特别喜欢 I don't particularly love,
然后我让你帮我助攻我的办公室心动对象 and then I asked you to set me up with my work crush.
结果你和他在一起了 And you end up dating him instead.
这也太过分了吧 我并不能接受 That's a bit effed up, actually. And I'm not okay with it.
不是因为你们都是男的 Not because you're both boys,
-而是因为我们刚刚分手 -不 不 ·but because we've only just broken up- No, no.
你就已经和别人认真交往了 ...and you're already getting serious with someone else
就好像我们对彼此毫无意义一样 like we didn't even mean anything to each other,
就好像对你来说这很容易 而我不喜欢这样 like it's easy, and I don't like it,
就好像对你来说这很容易 而我不喜欢这样 like it's easy, and I don't like it.
- 我就是 我就是不喜欢 -是的 IjustIjust don't like it, - Yes.
我还想让你把我们一起搬进来后的房租还给我 And I want you to pay me back for rent since we moved in.
今天就到这里吧 That's enough for one day.
谢谢 谢谢 Thank you. Thank you.
那个 你想和我约会吗 Well, uh, do you want to go out?
不想 No.
我很抱歉 I'm sorry.
我需要专注于我自己 I need to focus on myself.
那我们该拿直男克拉克怎么办 - What are we gonna do with straight Clark?
哦 我不是直男 不是 咦惹 Oh, I'm not straight. No. Ew.
哦 我不是直男 不是 咦惹 Oh, Im not straight. No. Ew.
我只是想去个好点的餐厅什么的 I just wanted to go to a nice restaurant or something.
你只让我做家务 上班 和妈妈视频 或者 You only ever get me to do chores or take shifts or FaceTime Mum or- -
真是抓马 Drama queen.
根本没什么好考虑的 听着 我来帮你做决定 There's nothing to even think about. Look, I'll make the decision for you.
选我 好了 好了 我们走吧 Me. There, done, now let's go.
如果只有你和诺拉 就很简单 但孩子需要爸爸 Look, if it was just you or Nora, it'd be simple, but a kid needs their dad.
你不也需要吗 你这么大了也是一样的 You do, and you're big.
但到目前为止 我一直盲目地相信你 不也挺好的 But I've blindly trusted you so far, and it's worked out.
所以 如果你让我选你 我会的 So, if you tell me to pick you, I will.
你是个好主人 You're a good owner.
你已经不是我的宠物了 You're not my pet anymore.
这事儿由你决定 It's up to you.
由我决定 It's up to me.
哦不 由我决定啊 Oh, no. It's up to me.
我怎么决定 我决定不了 好难哦 How do I decide? I can't decide. Oh, it's too hard.
我讨厌主权 我不想要 收回去吧 I hate agency. I don't want it. Take it back.
该死的自由意志 Fucking free will.
-真是气死了 不是吗 -你这是干啥来着 Does your nut in, doesn't it? - What are you?
人类纸糖马 Human pinata.
孩子们很喜欢的 Kids love it.
我们正在进行非常私人谈话呢 We're kind of in the middle of a private conversation here.
几年前我分手那会儿 我和前任也有同样的问题 We had the same problem, me and the ex, when we broke up a few years back.
我们不知道该把狗留给谁 We couldn't figure out who should take the dog.
所以我们让狗来决定 然后 So we let the dog decide, and, um...
狗选对了 ...they pick right.
动物的本能 一向可靠 Animal instinct. Fucking infallible.
我们没什么可失去的 我们没什么可失去的 ♪We got nothing to lose We got nothing to lose ♪
不管结果如何 Whatever happens,
我得承认我已经把你当成一个值得尊敬的对手了 I have to admit I've come to respect you as a worthy adversary.
-真的吗 -假的 - Really? - No.
想到我会被你打败 The idea of being beaten by you
是我能想到的最丢脸的事 is the most humiliating thing I could imagine.
-嘬嘬嘬 -嘿 别啊 这是作弊 Psst, psst, psst. Psst, psst, psst. - Hey, don't. That's cheating.
嘬嘬嘬 Psst, psst, psst, psst, psst, psst.
嘬嘬嘬 Psst, psst, psst, psst, psst.
嘬嘬嘬 · - Psst, psst, psst, psst, psst.
你回家了 You're home.
这可能就是我害死我自己的原因 ♪This is probably How I get myself killed ♪
我知道我们没有预约但是 I know we don't have a session, but...
进来吧 Come in.
妈妈不喜欢我是红头发 Mummy doesn't like that I'm ginger.
她说那不符合她的“麻醉” She says it doesn't fit her"anaesthetic".
如果做正确的事得不到回报 那又有什么意义呢 What's the point in doing the right thing if you don't get rewarded for it?
都是扯淡 It's bullshit.
做正确的事本身就是一种回报 The act of doing the right thing is, in and of itself, the reward.
不 我做不到 这其实就是扯淡 不是吗 No, I can't do it. It is bullshit actually, isn't it?
我真以为他会选我 I really thought he'd pick me.
你能想象一些非常好的苏格兰威士忌出来吗 Can you imagine some really nice Scotch?
嗯 耶 Yeah, yay.
振作起来 傻瓜 Cheer up, silly.
-我们又是一家人了 -我想珍了 - We're a family again. - I miss Jen.
这样吧 我们可以假装她死了 If it helps, we can pretend that she's died
对不起 你又高又闪闪发光 Sorry. Um, you're very tall and shiny,
但除了珍我谁都不喜欢 but I don't really like anyone but Jen.
哦 他在开玩笑的 Oh, he's joking.
太可爱了 So cute.
你确实喜欢我 你选我是因为你喜欢我 You do like me. You picked me because you like me.
呃 好吧 我 我说得不够清楚 Uh, okay. Um, I wa- - I wasn't clear enough.
你对我没有那种吸引力 I'm not attracted to you.
我想他只是有点迷糊 Oh, I think he's just disorientated.
别让我难堪 Don't ing embarrass me.
你还好吗 诺拉 Are you all right, Nora?
对不起 Sorry.
我在开玩笑的 I'mjoking.
我们真是爱开玩笑的人 We are such jokers.
我不明白 - I don't get it. -
我确实需要这个 I actually needed this.
我一天的大部分时间都和一个客户在一起 I spent most of the day with this one client,
他是世界上最无聊的人 我不是在安慰你 the most boring man in the world. I'm not shitting you.
他的内心世界是《疯狂汽车秀》演播室的100%复制品 The inside of his head is a perfect replica of the set of the Top Gear studio.
至少没那么乱吧 At least not so messy though.
凌乱总比无聊好 Oh, better messy than boring.
我觉得你是第一个我会自愿 I think you're the first client
在外面的世界里与之共度时光的客户 I'd willingly spend time with in the outside world.
再说也没有那么混乱吧 It's not that chaotic.
看 我们有进展了 Look, we're making progress.
给 Here.
这是我的私人电话号码 Here's my personal number.
如果你想聊点什么 打电话给我 If you ever wanna talk about anything, just call me.
-我可能会发短信吧 -天呐 Probably just text. Jesus Christ.
你们这些人为什么就不能打电话 - Why can't you people speak on a phone? -
我 我糊涂了 你们俩又在一起了吗 会上床那种 I'm- I'm confused. Are you two back together sexwise?
-是的 -没有 嗯 Yes. - No. Huh?
我只是来找阿尔菲的 I'm only here for Alfie.
-孩子需要爸爸 -我一直都这么说 A kid needs his dad. - That's what I've always said.
但我想 等他18岁了 我就可以回到珍身边了 But Iguess, when he's 18, I can go back to Jen.
他现在七岁了 所以 - He's seven now, so that's- -
哦 不 Oh, no.
闭嘴 克里斯 Shut up, Chrisl
他什么也没说啊 He didn't say anything.
我们应该告诉他 We should tell him. -
你失踪的那晚 你抓到了我们 The night you disappeared, you caught us.
在你床上翻云覆雨 *** *** ·In your bed. -
我们以为那是你离开的原因 We thought that's why you left,
但我猜那一定激发了你的超能力 but I- I- I guess it must've, like, triggered your power.
你没有抛弃任何人只是 You didn't abandon anyone, but you just.
你被戴了绿帽子 打击太大 变成了一只猫 ...you got cucked so hard, you turned into a cat.
真是自古以来就有的情节 It's a tale as old as time.
所以阿尔菲 So Alfie is...
不是我的 not mine.
他在撒谎 He's lying.
-阿尔菲不是他的 -他是 Alfie isn't his- He is!
-证明给我看 -你给他染了发 Prove it. You dye his hair!
-你染了 他真的是红发 -那证明不了什么 You do. He's really ginger. That proves nothing.
克里斯不是红毛啊 Chris isn't ginger.
我不是吗 Aren't I? -
我从大学就开始染头发 I started dyeing it at uni
这样我就不会被霸凌了 so the horrific bullying would stop.
哎呀 男孩子们 Silly boys.
我们来做蛋糕吧 Let's do the cakel
这可是有机黑香豆的 It's organic tonka beanl
她知道他的老二还露在外面吗 Does she know his penis is still out?
大家快来 Come on, everybodyl
你们都在看什么呢 傻乎乎的*** Oh, what are you all looking at, you gawking?
哦 不 她并不完美 Oh, no. She's not perfect.
她****完美 perfect!
好吧 闭*** 你们*** Well, no ing morons!
你想要玛德琳蛋糕吗 You want madeleines?
我这就给你点**** I'lI give you madeleines!
我早上4点就起床 I get up at 4: 00 a. m,
我十五年没吃过甜食了 I haven't eaten sugar in 15 years,
你就这么感谢我吗 and this is the thanks I get?
别扎蛋糕啊 诺拉 Oh, not the cake, Nora.
我的*** 那也太好吃了 Oh, ing Christ. That's good.
这个 你可能很难接受 This, um, might be a lot to take in,
但我一直想告诉你这个来着 but I've wanted to tell you this for so long.
天啊 Oh, my God.
来吧 嘴我啊 你个神金*** Oh, go on, judge me, you uptight.
我一直都很讨厌你 - - I've always hated you.
诺拉 Nora.
我一直讨厌你们所有人 I've always hated all of you.
我是你的亲生父亲 I'm your real dad.
我非常非常爱你 And I love you so, so much. - !
滚 Get out.
滚出我家 你们*** Get out of my house, .
滚 Get out!
你手机上有游戏吗 Do you have any games on your phone?
来啊 手机拿出来拍照啊 Someone take your phones out and take a picture.
老娘会把老娘最好看的侧脸给你们拍 I'll give you my best anglel
-有的 -你们*** 真的*** Yes. !
嗯 Yeah.
她来了 She's here.
珍 我自由了 Jen, I'm freel
孩子不是他的 - The kid isn't his.
我最好的朋友和我的妻子有外遇 My best friend and my wife are having an affair,
我非常 非常不开心 and I was deeply, deeply unhappy.
这不是很棒吗 Isn't that great?
现在没有什么能把我们分开了 Now there's nothing that can come between us.
你做了什么 What did you do?
当你的生活出了问题 你就会全力以赴 Is it normal that when things go wrong in your life,
把一切都毁了 这正常吗 you just wanna go all in and ruin everything?
差不多 Pretty much.
我愿意出点力 In for a penny.
随波而行 那是你渴望的幸运 Riding on any wave That is the luck you crave ♪
他们现在不相信了 ♪ They don t believe it now ♪
妈 Mum?
我现在可以回去参加派对了吗 Can I go back to the party now?
随便随什么而行都可以 ♪Riding on anything Anything's good enough ♪
谁会想到是像你这样的人呢 ♪Who would've thought it of Someone like you? ♪
就像他们把我击倒 现在他们又把你打倒了 ♪♪ust as they brought me round Now that they brought you down ♪
转来转去 谁还想要生活呢 ♪Roundabout and roundabout Who wants a life anyway? ♪