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怀亚特说他要迟到了他在约会 Wyatt said he's running late e's on a date.
噢 真可爱 他们也是 Aww, cute o are they.
你能打住吗 Would you stop that, please?
我们只是两个精明世故的人 We are just two sophisticates
碰巧有着共同的兴趣 who happen to have common interests,
在进行高层次的讨论 and we engage in elevated discourse.
这些是我在男厕所 I warmed up these bad boys under the hand dryer
干手器下加热的 in the men's room.
嘿 你知道吗 Hey, you know what?
我买了一个汉堡 我们可以平分 I got us a burger we could split.
-面饼是油炸玉米饼 -来吧 The bun is a quesadilla Come on.
你俩真可爱 You guys are adorable.
吃得像一对要上电椅的青少年 Eating like a couple teenagers headed to the electric chair.
嘿 大家好 Hey, everyone.
你有自己的溜冰鞋吗 You have your own roller skates?
-有 -我们明白了 - Yep- We get it.
你现在是有趣的人了 You're the fun one now.
我在溜冰场约会后溜冰过来的 I skated here from a date at the roller rink.
我意识到我上班迟到了 当我穿没轮子的鞋的时候 I realized I was late for work, and as I was putting on my shoes
我想 你在干什么 笨蛋 without wheels, I thought, "What are you doing, dummy? "
那是个打包袋 里面有什么 That a doggy bag? What's in it?
你不会感兴趣的 这是溜冰场奶酪 You wouldn't be interested t's roller- rink cheese
汉堡 蘸酱 还是芝士喷泉 Burger, dip, or fountain?
中奖了 芝士蛋糕 Jackpot heesecake.
今天要拼桌了 This is turning into a two- table day.
听着 明白了 Get it et it.
你永远猜不到谁在这里 You will never guess who is here.
是卡恩斯&佩里诺律所的佩里诺 It's Pellino from Pellino &Carnes.
有各种广告的律师 The lawyer's with all the commercials.
我喜欢他们的歌 I love their jingle.
佩里诺&卡恩斯 我们会帮你要到现金 Pellino&Carnes, we'll get you the cash*
跌倒 滑倒或撞车都不是你的错 *It's never your fault when you fall, slip, or crash*
那首歌朗朗上口到可怕 That song is dangerously catchy.
他们起诉了写这首歌的人 They sued the guy who wrote it.
因为歌词囊括了所有 They sound like the stereotype
已知无良律师的刻板印象 of what everyone thinks a horrible lawyer is- -
跟在救护车后面揽客 道德破产 ambulance chasing, morally bankrupt.
是啊 但不是真破产 Yeah, but not bankruptbankrupt,
这就是我感兴趣的地方 and that's what intrigues me.
我在这座城市里到处滑倒 I've been slipping and falling all over this city
就为了见他一面 他正朝这边走 trying to meet him And he's heading this way.
麦克·佩里诺 Mikey Pellino.
你们继续这么吃下去 You guys keep doing what you're doing,
就等心脏爆炸吧 and when your hearts explode,
我要让你的钱包爆炸 I'm going to make your wallets explode.
让我问你一个问题 Let me ask you a question.
如果他的心爆炸了 我还能得到报酬吗 If just hisheart explodes, do I still get paid?
哦 吃了那么多食物 Oh, after all that food,
我的胃像一艘旧船一样吱嘎作响 my stomach is creaking like an old ship.
喝杯苏打水会好一点 但是我讨厌那种味道 I could use an Alka- Seltzer, but I hate the taste.
拜托 你得照顾好自己 Come on, man, you got to take care of yourself.
-对 -把苏打水倒奶昔里嘛 Yeah Drop them in a milkshake.
是个好主意 That's a good idea.
你俩一起吃饭是个好事 I think it's great the two of you have a thing,
但偶尔也吃个沙拉吧 but maybe bond over a salad once in a while
免得灵车放不下你 so you don't go halfsies on a hearse.
谢谢你的关心 但我们很好 Thank you for your concern, but we're fine.
我就是这个样子 弗洛伯特像马一样健康 fm, well, of course, me, and Flobert is healthy as a horse.
他确实气喘吁吁 就像刚跑完肯塔基赛马会一样 Well, he is panting like he just ran the Kentucky Derby.
这个法庭是在上坡吗 Whew! Is this courtroom uphill?
任何医生都会告诉你 Any doctor will tell you
他不应该吃那些东西 he shouldn't be eating all that stuff.
拜托 医生只会告诉你 Oh, please octors ll they tell you
你喜欢的一切都会害死你 is that everything you like will kill you.
与此同时呢 史上最长寿的女人 Meanwhile, the oldest woman in the world
从没进过医院 跳伏特加里洗澡 has never seen a hospital bathes in vodka
把香烟当早饭吃 and eats cigarettes every morning for breakfast.
我不相信那些操弄手术刀的 And I don't trust those scalpel jockeys.
总是想让我捐出我的器官 Always trying to get me to donate my organs.
我就算死了 屁股也要跟着我入土 When I die, my butt's coming with me.
Executive Producer Flobert, don't nobody want a butt with that many miles on it. 弗洛伯特 没人想要那么老旧的屁股
等你真死那天 When you do die,
答应我你会死在政府财产上 promise me you'll do it on government property.
奥利维亚·摩尔 5英尺6英寸 双子座 Olivia Moore'6” emini.
我为检察官增添了一丝可爱 I put the cute in prosecutor.
麦克·佩里诺佩里诺&卡恩斯律所 Mikey Pellino ellino&Carnes.
麦克·佩里诺 佩里诺&卡恩斯律所 Mikey Pellino ellino&Carnes.
要是想起诉你父母把你生的太漂亮 If you ever want to sue your parents
请联系我 for making you too beautiful.
Executive Producer DANRUBIN When I was 9, I threatened legal action 我9岁时 威胁过要采取法律行动
When I was 9, I threatened legal action
因为他们给我理残忍和不寻常的锅盖头 on grounds of cruel and unusual bowl cut.
女孩我想我爱上（跌倒）你了 我应该知道（我是意外伤害的专家） Girl, I think I'm falling for you nd I ought to know.
我一般只跟倒在地上的人讲话 Most of the people that I talk to are on the ground.
我听到婚礼警笛声 I hear wedding sirens.
对了 怀亚特 你有过 Hey, Wyatt, you're a guy
溜冰场约会的经验 who's been around the roller rink a few times.
我刚在看我前未婚夫的lns I was just looking at my ex- fiance's Instagram
如果一个男人发了张跟别的女人扫树叶的照片 If a guy posts a picture raking leaves with a woman,
这并不意味着他们在约会 对吗 that doesn't mean they're dating, right?
不 这没有任何意义 No, it doesn't mean anything.
只不过他不擅长lns Except he's bad at Instagram.
这张他们在床上的照片呢 And this one where they're in bed?
我收回那句话 他很擅长lns I take that back e's good at Instagram.
太棒了 兰德有新女友了 So great and found someone.
我是说 一点也不惊讶 他是个很棒的人 I mean, not surprised e's a wonderful guy.
比我想象的要快一点 但我为他高兴 Little faster than I thought, but I'm happy for him.
我为人们高兴时 眼睛就会抽搐 My eye just twitches when I'm happy for people.
你不为他们高兴也没关系 It's fine if you're not.
我前妻有新男友时 我也很抓狂 I didn't handle it great when my ex- wife moved on.
咖啡师说 “唉怀亚特的馥郁白” A barista said, "Flat white for Wyatt, "
都能被我听成“我从没在床上满足过她” but I heard, "I never satisfied her in bed. "
我真的没意见 BBY STONE JUDGE I really am fine with it.
提出分手的人是我 因为这些年来 ABBY STONE JUDGE I was the one who broke it off"cause over the years,
我变了 开始觉得自己安定下来了 I changed, and it started to feel like I was settling.
她看起来很乐意跟他安定下来 ABBY STONE She looks like she's happy to settle with him
在我做的被子下面 ABBY STONE under the quilt I made.
我不擅长转移话题 I'm not great at changing the subject,
但是首先 but first up
罗斯科·维尔马公诉案 the people versus Roscoe Verma.
被告在联合广场农贸市场 The defendant was involved in an altercation
因为一罐泡菜引发口角 over a jar of pickles at the Union Square Farmers Market.
维尔马先生挑起了一场打斗 Mr erma instigated a melee
这导致他被扔进阿米什葫芦展览 that led to him being tossed into a display of Amish gourds.
指控是破坏财产和玷污南瓜 The charges are destruction of property and defiling a pumpkin.
不是故意的 我落错了地方了 Not on purpose landed on it wrong.
法官大人 我的当事人唯一有罪之处 Your honor, the only thing my client is guilty of
就是热情 is enthusiasm.
特雷弗尼克泡菜是这个城市最好的 Trevnick Pickles are the city's finest.
这是农贸市场的最后一罐 And this was the last jar at the farmer's market.
我认为泡菜供应商 I posit that perhaps the pickle purveyor
是造成这种困境的原因 prompted this predicament by producing
他们生产并推广这种绝世泡菜 and promoting this peerless pickle
却无法满足市场空前绝后的热情 despite a paucity of product for the pumped pickle public.
请享用 Proceed.
这定是相当好吃的泡菜 This must be some pickle.
必须对证据进行取样 Got to sample the evidence.
这泡菜不好吃 This pickle is not great.
其实很难吃 ABBY STONE In fact, it's bad.
可怜的黄瓜 他们对你做了什么 ABBY STON Poor cucumber, what did they do to you?
恕我直言 这是完美的泡菜 With all due respect, that is the perfect pickle.
很明显 好东西就在你眼皮底下 Clearly, you don't know when you have something fantastic
你都不识货 right under your nose.
不好意思 Excuse me?
哇 你的眼睛抽得真厉害 Whoa, your eye is going nuts.
我能分辨得出好东西 I know a good thing when it's in front of me.
你真是在告诉我 你这一辈了都愿意 Are you telling me that you would really choose this pickle,
抛弃所有其他泡菜就吃这个 forsaking all others for as long as you shall live?
我愿意 I do.
我总爱在婚礼上哭 I always cry at weddings.
你能相信那家伙吗 Can you believe that guy?
说好东西在我眼前 Saying I don't know something's great
我都不识货 when it's right under my nose?
那泡菜简直是垃圾 That pickle was straight- up junk.
有没有可能这不是泡菜的问题 Is there a chance this isn't about pickles?
也许你觉得有点奇怪 Maybe you're feeling a little weird
因为你的前任在和某人约会 而你没有 because your ex is seeing someone and you're not.
你在用什么约会软件吗 Are you on any dating apps?
快了 我还在微调我的个人资料 Almost'm still fine- tuning my profile.
比如 我该配什么照片 Like, what picture do I go with?
强壮性感的 Strong and sexy?
邻家女孩的 Girl next door?
还是表亲但是值得 Or cousin but worth it?
别管应用程序了 Forget the apps.
这是一个充满可能性的城市 This is a city full of possibilities.
走出去 找一个让你开心的人 Get out there and find one that makes you happy.
你说的太对了 You're absolutely right.
坐在这里胡思乱想是没有意义的 There's no point in sitting here and over this.
我就是这个意思 That's what I'm saying.
我得出去冒点险 I got to get out there, take some risks,
把我的心放出去 put my heart on the line.
是的 法官 我百分之百支持你 Yes, Judge m with you 1, 000%.
太好了 这就解决了 Great hat settles it.
我们要找到纽约最好的泡菜 We're gonna find the best damn pickle in New York City.
很高兴我们能谈一谈 So glad we sort of had this talk.
我猜你那张黑卡是是黑冰帮你赚的 I'm assuming that black card was paid for by black ice.
说到打破僵局 你明晚有空吗 Speaking of breaking the ice, are you free tomorrow night?
我知道一家意大利小餐馆 I know this little Italian place.
它俯瞰着苏荷区最危险的十字路口 It overlooks the most dangerous intersection in SoHo.
听起来不错 没有什么比烛光更好的了 That sounds lovely othing like candlelight,
享受着葡萄酒 聆听着行人的尖叫声 a little vino, and the sound of pedestrians screaming,
等等 不要 "Wait, don't! "
我是说 丘比特刚才是不是用箭射中了我们 I mean, did Cupid just hit us with an arrow?
希望如此 因为我一直想 I certainly hope so, cause I've always wanted
起诉一个婴儿 to sue a baby.
奥利维亚 见见招牌上的另一人 Olivia, meet the man behind the ampersand.
这是我的搭档卡尔文·卡恩斯 This is my partner, Calvin Carnes.
我刚跟她说了迪维特洛餐厅 I was just telling her about DiVitello's.
佩里诺明晚带我去 Pellino's taking me there tomorrow night.
明晚 Tomorrow night?
兄弟 我们不是要吃工作晚餐吗 Garsh, bud, don't we have that working dinner
来谈厕所鳄鱼案 to talk about the toilet- alligator case?
我们是鳄鱼诉讼律师 We're alligator litigators.
我们要起诉下水道 And we're suing the sewers.
-谢谢 佩里诺&卡恩斯 -谢谢 佩里诺反卡恩斯 · Thanks, Pellino&Carnes Thanks, Pellino&Carnes.
好吧 也许我能帮上忙 Well, maybe I could help with the case.
短吻鳄 是粗鼻子还是细鼻子 Alligators- - thick snout or thin?
粗 细的是长吻鳄 Thick hin is crocodiles.
她很棒 卡恩斯你怎么说 Ooh, she's go od, Carnes hat do you say?
我不知道 但我不想让你觉得 I don't know just don't want you to feel
自己像个电灯泡 说到这个 like a third wheel oh, speaking or which,
我看见一辆校车停在外面前轮不稳 I saw a school bus out front with a wobbly front tire.
我们让学生发起集体诉讼吧 Let's go put the class in class action.
男人要去起诉男人要起诉的事了 A man's got to sue what a man's got to sue.
至少我还有他的号码 Well, at least I still have his number.
我需要那个 I'm going to need that.
拜托 丹 他都吃上吃油炸玉米饼了 Come on, Dan, he's eating Fritos now?
他的蛋糕还没到 His cakes aren't here yet.
我就知道你不会放手的 I knew you wouldn't let this go.
所以我让医生给他做了一次全面的体检 That's why I'm having a doctor give him a full medical workup.
就是那个医生吗 That's the doctor?
我采集了他的指纹 I fingerprinted him.
他被指控渎职 He's being charged with malpractice.
还有 他是兽医 Also, he's a veterinarian.
-放松 格吉 我们很好一好吗 Relax, Gurgs e're fine Fine?
弗洛伯特甚至爬不上一段楼梯 Flobert couldn't even make it up a flight of stairs.
上次电梯坏了 他付钱给擦窗工 Last time the elevator broke, he paid the window washers
让他坐擦窗户的升降机 to give him a ride up from the street.
那又怎么了 呼吸新鲜空气又不违法 So, what, now it's against the law to want fresh air?
弗洛伯特完全可以爬楼梯 Flobert could totally climb a flight of stairs.
证明给我看 如果他能 我就闭嘴 Prove it f he can, I'll shut up.
如果他不能 你们两个都去看医生 If he can't, you both go see a doctor.
赌一把 丹 我经常爬楼梯 Take that bet, Dan go up stairs all the time.
在机场 商场 At the airport he mall.
机场和商场 会自己动的那种楼梯吗 Airport and mall? These stairs happen to move?
你想说什么 What's your point?
我想他说的是自动扶梯 I think he's talking about an escala- -
我知道他说的是自动扶梯 I know he's talking about an escalator.
带着64罐泡菜乘地铁 Here's something you learn riding the subway
你会懂得一个知识 with 64 jars of pickles- -
老鼠喜欢它们 rats love"'em.
老鼠当然喜欢它们 这些都是垃圾 Of course rats love them hese are all garbage.
如果他们在驳船上 船沉了 If they were on a barge and it sank,
他们就得关闭海滩了 they'd have to close the beaches.
她来了 我最喜欢的女性朋友 There she is y favorite gal pal.
你看上去这周末没啥安排 You look like someone with no plans this weekend.
你会把品尝37种不同的类型的泡菜 You call tasting and ranking 37 different types
按照可靠性 可弯曲性 of pickles on dependability,
和可搭配性进行排序叫做没啥安排吗 bendability, and blendability no plans?
每个人都会 Everybody does.
那你和我一起去吃饭吧 So why don't you and I go to dinner? Hm?
我刚听说了一家很棒的意大利餐厅 迪维特洛餐厅 I just heard about this great Italian place, DiVitello's.
人们都渴望进去 Oh, people are dying to get in there.
或是死在附近 And dying nearby.
法官 你最好在事情变得很奇怪之前 Judge, it might be good for you to get out
出去转转 before things get really weird.
分手后 我迷上了动物标本 After my breakup, I got so into taxidermy
现在我在三只摆出霹雳娇娃姿势的 and now I eat breakfast across from three skunks
臭鼬面前吃早餐 posed like "Charlie's Angels. "
我们俩出来吃饭真是个好主意 This is a great idea he two of us out for a meal.
没压力 无需重大决定 No stress, no big decisions.
只是朋友一起出去玩 Just friends hanging out.
等等 你为什么假装听我说话 Wait, why are you pretending to listen to me?
原来如此 Ah, there it is. C
这也太巧了 佩里诺如他所言 What are the odds that Pellino would be
出现在了这所餐厅 in the restaurant he said he'd be at?
反正来都来了 Well, as long as we're here,
我想你应该去分散卡恩斯的注意力 I guess you should go distract Carnes
好让我跟佩里诺一起聊聊 so I can be with Pellino.
我跟兰德分手后的第一次约会不该是这样 This isn't how I pictured my first date after Rand.
你可以用这句话作为我婚礼上的 That'd be a great start to your maid- of- honor speech
-伴娘致辞 -我可以做你的伴娘吗 - at my wedding - I get to be your maid of honor?
如果你跟我来 佩里诺 在这里 If you come with me ellino! Over here.
我是法庭的奥利维亚 It's Olivia, from court.
这太好了 我喜欢惊喜 This is so nice love a surprise.
无论是可爱的女士 还是有缺陷的脚手架 Be it lovely ladies or faulty scaffolding.
我唯一喜欢的一样结构结实的东西 The only thing I like structurally sound
是我约会的男人 are the men I date.
这里的香辣茄酱通心粉很棒 你喜欢辣吗 The arrabbiata is great here o you like spicy?
我确实喜欢辣的 I do like spicy.
这是我可以肯定的一件事 That is one thing I know for sure.
那你就 Well, then you are in for a
我要让你知道你要面对的是什么 Just so you know what you're getting into,
我现在喜欢辣 但未来可能会变 I like spicy now, but that could change.
所以现在答案是肯定的和不 也许吧 So the answer is yes now nd no aybe.
我目前喜欢辣 除非最终我不喜欢 I currently like spicy unless eventually I do not.
最后的回答 我不想被困住 Final answer- - I don't want to be boxed in.
你知道 被困住 Well, you know, being boxed ih
实际上是导致魔术师的助手死亡 is actually the number- one cause of death
的头号原因 for magician's assistants.
-第二 -真锯子 Number two real saws.
-要气泡水还是白开水 -我喜欢汽水 Flat or sparkling? - I'd love sparkling.
实际上 不 白开水 Actually, no, uh, flat.
都要 Um, the － the splatling.
很难知道 Um, it's just so hard to know.
我是说 如果我一开始就喝白开水 I mean, what if I start off drinking flat
然后突然想要一些泡泡 and then all of a sudden want some bubbles?
或者如果我要气泡水怎么办 Or what if I get bubbles,
这顿晚餐进行了三年后 and then three years into this dinner,
发觉气泡就是不适合我 bubbles just aren't doing it for me?
来拿我这杯 你可以两个都喝 然后结束这一切 Here, take my glass, and you can have both and end this.
这样吧 我去看看他们有没有奶 You know what? I'm just going to go see if they have milk.
奶很简单 等等 Milk's simple ait o.
牛奶 燕麦 杏仁 Cow? Oat? Almond?
你们点菜吧 别等我 You guys just order without me.
佩利诺 你和我想的一样吗 Pellino, are you thinking what Im thinking?
她有 She's had a
-脑损伤 -脑损伤 head injury - Head injury.
对不起 我必须接这个电话 I'm sorry have to take this
顺便说一句 你想得美 Nice try, by the way.
你以为你是第一个打扮得漂漂亮亮 You think you're the first gussied- up law- bird
试图离间我和佩里诺的女律师吗 to try to weasel their way between me and Pellino?
我绝不会让这种事发生 I'm never going to let that happen.
广告歌唱的不是“佩里诺反卡恩斯 The jingle isn't*Pellino&Carnes*
和一个会毁了一切的女人” *And some woman who will ruin everything*
你有没有想过我比金钱 Did it ever occur to you that I could make him happier
更能让他快乐吗 than money ever could?
我知道 这很疯狂 但我不得不说点什么 Yeah, I know, that's insane, but I had to say something
因为我觉得你准备了一整篇演讲和一首歌 'causeIfelt like you had a whole speech and a song.
一辆出租车撞破了灵魂单车的窗户 A cab just crashed through the window of SoulCycle.
他们脚下的踏板踩到飞快了 They were pedaling as fast as they could,
却还是没躲开 but they just couldn't get out of the way.
很抱歉让你个人呆着 但我的搭档需要我 Sorry to Ieave you all alone, but my partner needs me.
所以你把一辆热狗车扔进了中央公园的水库 So you dumped a hot- dog cart into the Central Park Reservoir
想要抓到尼斯湖水怪 to try and catch the Loch Ness Monster?
大块的肉是让尼斯水怪 Great gobs of meat are the only way
浮出水面的唯一办法 to get Nessie to the surface.
乱扔垃圾罚款50美元 $50 fine for littering.
你很幸运 我没有因为你在公共场合引诱怪物而指控你 You're lucky I'm not booking you for public monster baiting.
晚餐怎么样 How was your dinner?
那不是晚餐 那是一次四人约会 ABBY STONE It wasn't a dinner t was a double date.
投扎进泡菜业不是个好主意 ABBY STONE And jumping right in was not a good idea.
至少你解脱出来了 At least it got you out.
品尝泡菜并不成功 It's not like tasting pickles was a huge success.
-我完全同意 -感谢上帝一切都结束了 - I couldn't agree more Thank God that's over.
这就是为什么我们要做出完美的泡菜 And that's why we're going to makethe perfect pickle.
看来交流不是我们的长项 So communicating is not our thing.
怀亚特 如果我们成功了 Wyatt, if we pull this off,
大家都会讨论我们的成就 people will talk about what we did here.
明天早上9点见 我会告诉我的心理医生 Tomorrow morning at 9: 00 A, I'll be telling my therapist.
所以你就随便用送双人约会突袭别人 So you're just springing double dates on people?
我会尽我所能让佩里诺独处 I'll do whatever I have to to get Pellino alone.
但他和卡恩斯形影不离 But he and Carnes are inseparable,
好像卡恩斯总是比我领先一步 It's like Carnes is just always one step ahead of me.
但不知何故也总在你身后 But also somehow one step behind you.
面对现实吧 你的任何招数 Face it, there's not a move you can make
都逃不过我的法眼 that I don't know about.
你确定吗 You sure about that?
因为今晚我要用布兰妮·斯皮尔斯的新表演的门票 Cause tonight I'm surprising Pellino with tickets
给佩里诺一个惊喜 to the new Britney Spears show.
我们刚看完日场 We just got out of the matinee.
哎呀 我又做了一次 Oops, I did it again.
下周六我们要去看扬基队的比赛 Well, next Saturday we're going to the Yankees game.
星期六是纽约广告奖 Saturday is the New York Advertising Awards
我们准备好了最响亮的广告 We're up for loudest commercial.
我们肯定会得奖 And we're a lock!
我认识一个私人厨师 Well, I know a private chef.
那是以前的事情了 You knewa private chef.
请节哀顺变 So sorry for your loss.
这是明天的讣告 This obituary is from tomorrow.
好吧 弗洛伯特 这是小菜一碟 Alright, Flobert, this is going to be a piece of cake.
我是认真的 And I mean that literally.
现在 去吧 Now, go get it.
我准备好了 热身活动也做了 水分也补充了 I'm ready stretched, I hydrated- -
你做过身体移植了吗 Did you get a body transplant?
好 开始吧 我要你像风一样攀上去 Alright, let's go want you to stagger like the wind.
是的 Yeah.
我做到了 我正在上楼 I'm doing it 'm walking up the stairs.
看你怎么说 Uh- huh n your caring face, Gurgs.
我利坚 Me! "S"! "A"!
我利坚 Me! "S"I"A"I
我利坚 Me S"A. "
弗洛伯特 醒醒 醒醒 Flobert, wake up, wake up.
-醒醒 醒醒 -哦 啊 - Wake up, wake up Oh ah!
-对不起 对不起 抱歉 -发生什么事了 Sorry 'm sorry orry What happened?
当你看着台阶的时候 昏过去了 When you looked at the steps, you passed out.
在下来的路上不知怎么要了点零食 And somehow asked for a snack on the way down.
你们两个去看医生好吗 Would you two just go see a doctor?
人类 女巫 德雷 我不在乎 Human, witch, Dre I don't care,
只要不是兽医 just as long as it isn't a veterinarian.
绝对不行 我们要爬上楼梯 Absolutely not e're gonna make it up these stairs
就算这会害死他 和我 if it kills him and me.
来吧 我们走吧 我 们走吧 Come on et's go et's go.
-上去 上去 One et it, get it
我脚踝扭伤了 I popped my ankle.
这是看足球时的老伤 It's an old football- watching injury.
老葛 不要只是站在那里 Oh, Gurgs, don't just stand there.
带我去看医生 Get me to a doctor.
这就是我一直想告诉你的 That's what I've been trying to tell you.
来吧 好吧 听着 Come on lright, listen,
-我会回来找你的 -谢谢你 丹 - I'lI come back for you Thank you, Dan.
我在和蛋糕说话 Yeah, I was talking to the cake.
怀亚特 你有没有放盐进去并浸泡45分钟 Wyatt, did you put the salt in, let it steep for 45 minutes,
然后逆时针搅拌桶 then stir the barrel counterclockwise
因为我们在赤道以北 because we're north of the equator?
搞混了 There was a mix- up
我也不是故意的 and I didn't want to.
好吧 我去拿一桶新的 Alright, I'll go get a fresh barrel.
也许你能说服她 Maybe you can get through to her.
我今天已经帮过一个人了 I've already tried to help one person today.
差点让我损失了一条腿 It almost cost me a limb.
你怎么了 What happened to you?
救孤儿时扭伤了脚踝 Sprained my ankle saving an orphan.
弗洛伯特的父母都死了 Flobert's parents are dead.
算数 It counts.
喜欢你对这个地方所做的改装 Love what you've done with the place.
这就像泡菜冰毒实验室加上 It's like a pickle meth lab meets
不 就这样 Nope, that's it.
好长时间的搅拌 腌制 It's been a lot tirring, salting,
平行停放一辆装满黄瓜的卡车 parallel parking a truck full of cucumbers.
这就是一罐完美泡菜的代价 But if you want the perfect pickle
值得称赞 这是很棒的泡菜 Well, kudos his is a great pickle.
你看起来不开心 因为我说了值得称赞 You don't look happy t's because I said"kudos"?
那是一个我们不能再用的词吗 Is that a word we can't use anymore?
不 那是从法庭案件里恶心的 No, that's the lousy Trevnick Pickle
特雷维尼克泡菜 from the court case.
你认为这是我的吗 这个味道 You think these are one of mine? These taste
还不错 not bad.
也许是真的 Maybe it's true.
好东西在我眼前 我却看不出来 I don't know a good thing when I have it.
对 这泡菜不错 Well, yeah, this is a great pickle.
你是说我应该和兰德在一起 So you're saying I should have stayed with Rand?
这种时候真希望我能跑掉 It's times like this I wish I could run.
我和兰德在一起很开心 I was happy with Rand
直到我不再开心 until I wasn't.
要是我更像泡菜就好了 If only I was more like a pickle.
泡菜做好了 A pickle is set.
就知道它们是什么 Know what they are.
一旦你成了泡菜 你就不回不去了 Once you're a pickle, you don't go back.
你不用往前走 You don't go forward.
永远保持不变 Stay the same forever.
不去寻找接下来怎么做 Not searching for what's next.
艾比 人的心意是会变的 Abby, people can change their minds.
就像现在 我真后悔走进来 Like, right now, I'm regretting ever coming in here.
如遇不上比兰德更好的人呢 What if Rand was as good as it gets?
他很棒 He was pretty great.
也许很棒是可以接受的 Maybe"pretty great's"an okay thing to settle for.
不 安顿下来绝对是正确的选择 No, settling is definitely the way to go.
对大多数人来说 For most people.
但你不是大多数人 But you're not most people.
有一个完美的人在那里等着你 There is a perfect person out there for you
他会和你一起改变 who will change with you,
你会找到他的 and you will find them:
或者在桶里做出来 Or make them in a barrel.
谢谢 丹 Thanks, Dan.
但桶我已经受够了 I think I'm done with barrels.
我之前掉进去了 I fell in earlier.
对不起 桶子在震动吗 Sorry, is that barrel vibrating?
是的 我在里面的时候把手机掉了 Yeah, I dropped my phone when I. was ir theres
抓住我的脚 我要进去拿 Hold my feet 'm going in
丹·菲尔丁在吃沙拉 Dan Fielding eating a salad.
蛋糕都能被他变成莎拉 Wow hey can make cake look like anything.
弗洛伯特和我同意 我们偶尔要吃得健康些 Flobert and I agreed, on occasion, we will eat healthy,
这样我们才会有更多寿命享受垃圾食品 so we may prolong our years of being able to eat terribly.
别担心 丹 Don't worry, Dan ny second,
我们随时会在楼梯的底部醒来 we're going to wake up at the bottom of those stairs.
还有 我们新的沙拉式生活方式 Also, our new salad- forward lifestyle
就意味着花更多的时间 will mean spending more time with,
与我不讨厌的人待在一起 well, people Idon't actually mind being around.
我们更喜欢被称为朋友 戴夫 We prefer to be called friends, Dave.
承认吧 你心胸宽广 Admit it, you have a big heart.
没错 他们说我 Oh, yeah hey said I have
长着膨犬得最厉害的心脏 the biggest heart they've ever seen.
你知道吗 这玩意需要一点点缀 You know what? This needs a little something, though.
就在这里 Got the thing right here.
所以 事实证明 这一切并不只跟泡菜有关 So, turns out, my whole thing was about more than pickles.
丹帮你弄明白的 And Danhelped you figure that out?
只有丹吗 Just Dan?
不 No.
我还记得奥利维亚说过些什么 I also recall Olivia saying something.
我做到了 I did it.
我终于设法跟佩里诺独处了 I finally managed to get Pellino alone.
太好了 对吗 That's great ight?
本以为会是这样 You'd think so.
我们接吻了 和我预想中的 We kissed, and it was everything
一模一样 I thought it would be.
然后我意识到卡恩斯会一直在那里 And then I realized Carnes would always be there.
邪恶 囗是心非 十足的怪物 Evil uplicitous, a total monster.
总之 那就是在男人身上寻找的一切 In short, everything I'm looking for in a man.
我在吻王子 但我想要青蛙 I was kissing the prince, but I wanted the frog.
我对你也有同样的感觉 I feel the same way about you.
卡恩斯 你对我也有感觉 Carnes? You have feelings for me, too?
我摔倒在你石榴裙下的伤势比要 I've fallen for you harder
皮斯卡塔韦的安吉拉·马丁 than Angela Martin of Piscataway,
在潘纳拉面包店摔碎骨盆得到了3万美元赔偿时 who got 30 grand when she slipped in a Panera
还要厉害 and shattered her pelvis.
谢谢 佩里诺反卡恩斯 Thanks, Pellino&Carnes.
这是 阎王给做的媒 Aww, this is a match made in hell.
不幸的是 你和我永远不会在一起 Unfortunately, you and I could never be.
我已经有了一个搭档 我们被一首广告歌 I already have a partner, and we're bonded by a jingle,
四个空壳公司和一个&符号联系在一起了 four shell corporations, and an ampersand.
也许我有一天会被班车撞伤 Maybe I'll get winged by a shuttle bus
然后去找你 and look you up someday.
我喜欢 I'd like that.
现在感觉会很难过 奥利维亚 It seems hard now, Olivia,
但是你有很多优点 but you've got a lot going for you.
你会没事的 You're going to be fine.
-是的 -噢 Yep Aww.
谢谢 艾比 Thanks, Abby.
这其实是为一个客户葬礼准备的 These are, uh, actually for a client's funeral.